Welcome back to Sherwood. Kill the Round table.
Now we're going to give our friends a little opportunity
here to do something that we've been meeting to do for the past
session and a half. They need to rest.
And by that I mean they have all been arrested.
You did not want to fuck with MI 6, so you become arrested by
James Bond and his band of guys that have guns who will
absolutely kill you if you try something funny.
So you've all been arrested and taken to individual cells.
But this is where we're going to have a little bit of down time
to recover. You recover your luck to your
Max, and then you roll 2D6 to gain those back to your other
attributes up to their maximum value.
If you go over, you may teach yourself a skill, meaning you
can make a skill check. If you succeed, you can improve
it by 1. If you critical fail, you cannot
try to learn this one until you try to learn another one.
You can teach a skill and learn a skill.
If two outlaws happen to have a skill that you want, you can
spend all your downtime teaching that skill to that person who
wants it. Teachers must have a higher
skill value than the learner. Guaranteed success plus one to
the learner. You can talk to the GM and ask
them a big question about something you want to research.
You can ask me 3 big questions about it.
If you get nothing new out of this, you can ask a different
question. I don't think highway robbery is
going to be super easy here, but I am going to still allow for an
option. For Hwy. robbery.
You'll be able to add one D6 to your pool of resources than mega
wits role. If you fail, you gain a new
enemy of some kind. You can also take this time to
completely rest if you still are missing some values.
To basically restore everything back to the start, you can do an
act of kindness by spending 1D3 or rolling a D6 and dividing it
in half resources to gain 1D6 legend.
We're all in cells, right? So like, are we just in each
individual cells? Do we?
You are kind of like in this one big group, communal holding.
Area so you. Can still talk to each other,
but you're not like individually separated.
Okay so Hypatia does not set this up at all.
She picks up just like, I don't know, a discarded stick or
something on the ground and just leaps up on that communal bench
that's in the middle of the room and just sticks it into
Penwick's chest and goes. How?
About the. Oh, OK.
I see. Yes, the famous British prison
stick. Everyone has one.
Penwick stands up, takes the stick out of your hand and just.
I could show you a proper sword fighting technique if you would
find that. Helpful I I dueled a dozen men
in one night and I won every single.
One I trip you at the stick sentence.
That's what I'm monologuing. You waste a lot of time in the
monologue. You could learn a thing or two
about the dramatic presence, I think.
I actually agree, I my attack has gotten me in a lot of
trouble so far today. Oh.
Well, shall we perform some kind of tutoring exchange?
Certainly I'd trip you again all.
Right, I'm not going to get me again with that one.
And she'll leap up and start Karate Kid waxing on waxing.
Off I'd like to imagine it's a lot of like sword fighting
techniques while you like teach them how to do quips in one
liners. Exactly.
It's like, yeah, it's we're having, we're having our our
like sword fighting, you know, Perry and Ripost And then I'm
also teaching how to you how to verbally Perry and Ripost and
we're doing like, it's basically she's just trying to teach you
how to do this scene from Princess Bride.
Perfect. And just back and forth and we
are very loud and obnoxious in the cell and no one else can get
a moment of quiet. Or at least Hypatia is loud and
obnoxious. I don't know.
About it I think I learned how to be loud and obnoxious and
start doing like hero quotes and stuff and puffing my chest out
like take that bandit fiend. Excellent repartee.
Merit What are you up to in your downtime?
I was actually just thinking about this, I think, and I'm
trying to decide if this is in character for marriage because
it's definitely a very rosy choice.
Do we have access to like, newspaper?
Wait, do I know how to read modern English?
I guess that's the. First question, you know how to?
Read so so you're you're doing big question.
Yeah, I'm doing big question and I think the big question is like
Merritt wants to try to figure out current events wise, who's
the king, flash queen, where do what we think Merlin and Arthur
are going to show up next. That way I can plan our escape
appropriately. OK, I think that's basically all
three questions in one big question.
So first of all, yeah, they have some newspapers for you to
bruise through. Wallace, you're here.
That would be easy to do. How convenient.
Number two, yeah #2 yes. Somehow you can read modern
script because it hasn't changed entirely much since you were a a
a a child. Totally not, alas.
Don't worry about it. Yeah, no, don't worry about it.
There's some differences in spelling and the way that
grammar and sentence structure have evolved over time, but you
know, you get the gist. A lot less illumination than
we're really used to, but this, this heart is just hyper
realistic. That's a photograph, and you
will see a big, what is it called headline at the top of
the page that says Queen Elizabeth holds up in Buckingham
Palace for fear of life upon recent assassination attempts.
And then a whole bunch of small text detailing what had
happened. There apparently been a couple
of folks trying to snipe her from a parade.
You know, that doesn't sound familiar at all.
But they failed and the perpetrators have been
apprehended and she's now hiding out in Buckingham Palace.
What date is in the newspaper? What?
What decade are we in? The current date is March 17th,
1985. Oh, OK, OK, OK.
So if it's the 80s, I'm guessing that we have ATV that could play
like. So I'm just like watching the
news this whole time and I'm like, I, I get a little obsessed
with celebrities. I think during this however many
24 hours, however long we're in jail.
Yeah, but. I some posh celebrity is like
yeah, on the TV like explaining events and sort of like a like a
clip show fashion sort of like equals 3.
But like for a British celebrity.
Wow. I'm.
Definitely like getting really into Rosie.
Doesn't know enough about music from this era.
Grant just got offended in the background.
No, I was getting offended at Jenny referencing equals. 3.
Equals three, yeah. But yeah, Merit is mostly
looking. Merit is kind of.
I'm a bit of a blunt hound at this point, chasing after
Merlin. She's pissed off at Merlin, and
she shall have her vengeance because how dare you.
I lost a knife throwing it at you guys, and now I'm in jail.
How fucking? Dare you, It's in time
somewhere. Salvador Antonio Delerosa is
just trying to get away from all this fucking noise.
Helps ever. I'm stuck.
I think I would like to do the teaching yourself a skill and I,
I would like to, I guess it would be more forestry or
sorcery. I, I wanna like go to like a
corner and try to get away from the sound and maybe there is
like like a weed or something. Not like the fun weed, the like
invasive species weed growing through the ground and I want to
try to like use magic to make it blossom instead of using fire
for everything. I want to learn to use like
druidry but I don't think there's a druidry skill.
This could be necromancy. Possibly like if you say like,
oh, it doesn't work, but you're doing an illusion.
Like you're imagining it so hard you think you made it work, but
it's actually an illusion and I'm looking there.
Is weather working under just the general sorcery?
There's something so sad about the idea of I'm trying to make a
plant grow and I make an illusion that tricks me into
thinking that I helped create. Life.
Of the two, I think illusion magic is funnier, so we're going
to go with that one. That is funnier.
I do have the Jack of all trades.
I don't have any like negatives for not being trained.
Nice. There you go.
So just two D6? Yeah.
Sick. Well, that's a three.
I know. I think, I think I in the back
something just burning it. You melt the piece of linoleum
in this room. That's a very strange flower.
Does Salvador set off the fire alarm?
Are there fire alarms? I think it's funny enough to set
up the fire alarm and like some sprinklers overhead to start
dousing it and then once the smoke is gone it just like
dissipates. Perfect, because I would like to
do the highway robbery. Well, a guard would show up to
check up on the on the fire alarm be like, hey, what the
hell is going on in here? Yeah, when they come over to
like check on that, I want to just try and pickpocket the
guard. All right, All right, so in
order make a 1D6 roll and then make a wits roll.
I'm kind of roll under my wits, which is 9.
OK, great. It's a 7 that's under 9.
So I did it. You are able to steal the 1D6
amount that you rolled of British pounds.
Five, 5 lbs. So let's say that's £50.
Oh shit, we'll call those. We'll call those tenors.
Regardless packing she's. Like holding up a bill.
She's like, who's this lady? And shows everybody the face of
the Queen. I think that's the queen.
I saw her photo on the news. They call this the news.
The box with the light, yes. I think it's illusion.
It's like, it's like a, it's like a town crier in the box.
This Reagan guy, just his voice is grating at me though.
I wish they would take him out-of-the-box.
I would like to use my connections.
They said I'd get to automatically connections with
folks. OK.
So I would like to talk to the guard be like because I do have
wolf head that like my connections can help me even if
they get in trouble for it. Hell yeah, So I'll be late.
So Teddy's going to like walk up to the garden acting like they
know their whole life story and EJ energy and be like, Hey, we
got this special connection. I'll help you out, Help me out.
They're like in like, it's Samuel, right?
The name of his badge does read Samuel.
I was like, yeah, yeah, Samuel. I was like, we go ways back and
I'll help you out if you just let us out and I'll make it
worth your while. I'll let you keep one of my
guns. You know how much that gun will
cost. You know how low that is?
Being bribed to get a gun for releasing 6 potentially
extraordinarily dangerous medieval prisoners.
So you'll be rich. It's a really old gun, Jenny.
It's a really you can sell that and you'll be gone before anyone
whoever noticed you can become just Sam.
You know, you drive a hard bargain and he just kind of
drops the keys and he goes up to the evidence locker.
Guys, we're getting out. Fantastic.
Something tells me that Sam was perhaps already on the Fritz
with this establishment. Around this time, after you've
all rested for a solid let's say like 8 hours at this point, a
man in a sharp suit shows up with a bow tie and he's just,
God, he's handsome. I can't even describe how
handsome this guy is. He's just really dapper and he
kind of clicks his heels together as he approaches you.
He's got 2 armed guards behind him just in case.
Oh, is this, is this our escort? They're going to help us leave
wherever we are. Well, yes.
And now I like the yes but not the no part.
What's the no part? No part is.
I have a few questions for you and.
Then what we get in return? Well, that remains machine.
The first of my questions is where did you come from?
The sky next. France.
Getting some conflicting information, he kind of like
snapped at two of his guards to like open the gate and like try
to let one of you out at a time. Let's start with.
Teddy, why not? Teddy gives them a thumbs up
that she saw in the news. The High 1.
Does that be like, yeah, yeah. I give you a thumbs up back that
it looks wrong somehow. Teddy's going to like you going
to cut off my head. No, no, I I'm.
I'm new to expressing cool gestures.
I believe in you. Hold my.
Thumbs up, Teddy. What follows?
I'm, I'm massaging Penwick's shoulders.
Like, good. Yeah, that was good.
That was. Good.
Yeah, Yeah. James Bond takes you into a
little side room. It's very sterile looking.
There's a big mirror on one side and he just kind of takes out a
cigarette and offers you one. What's that?
Make a cigarette. Have you never smoked before?
No. More for me.
Is it good? Jury is still out on that.
We don't know. It makes you look really damn
cool. Though.
Now, just a couple questions #1 where did you come from?
The sky. West where?
OK, look, you're going to have to assume that I have no idea
how you got in the sky in the first place.
Yeah, I don't know either, but the sky.
All right, so correct me if I'm wrong, but you were not in
England yesterday. Correct.
What's England? You can't be serious.
I see that I'm getting know with you.
I'm trying my best, I'm answering your questions, I
don't know what the problem is. The problem is there's been an
attempt on the life of Queen Elizabeth and then show all of
you up out of the blue at MI Six headquarters, and we have no
idea where or why you came from. The automatic make some suspects
just because we came and visit your in you're in your England.
We have no verification of what you came from.
You have no papers, you have no documents, you have nothing.
So that makes you a suspect because we can't figure out
exactly who these people are are either.
And they tried to attack her with lightning.
Lightning. Now, if you want to fess up to
anything like perhaps practicing new technology from the United
States, then we'll be certainly glad to.
I'm from Sherwood. I don't know what united of what
of what states. All right, I'm going to question
the rest of your compatriots, but for now in front of
yourself. I was like, I feel like
everyone's going to give you the same answer.
I'm just going to give you that fair warning as I think if you
need our help and so we, you need to spice up this problem,
we're just not going to just answer to you, just the answer
to you. We need something in return.
One of the guards points a gun at you.
Listen here. I also had one of those, but
the. We know we confiscated.
It. Yeah, it's very antique.
I really need at least one of those back.
But the queen got struck by lightning.
We don't know what a queen, well, we don't know your queen
at this moment in time is. So why would we have motivation
to hurt your queen if we don't know anything about this area?
Do you happen to know anything about the killer at all
otherwise? No.
All right then. She says well the question.
Mark used to make. Well, we can help like we're a
bunch of bandits. Yeah, that doesn't exactly help
your. Case.
Well, that means we're smart of doing some things.
And apparently not very smart in other other.
Ways we can help you because you need our expertise.
Because I I don't even know what your name is.
What's your name? Bond Bond.
James Bond. OK Bond.
Like I feel like you got, you know, you got reputation here
and all this stuff. There's some stuff that you
can't do, but there's some stuff that we can do.
We don't care if we get in trouble or whatever for it, but
like we can easily get away. So I think we can easily work
together that. Could be a skilled check of some
sort. Do you have silver tongue?
No, well, doesn't matter. I have all three sexes.
Let's. Go holy shit.
Well, that is still a success, and that's really good.
That's a crit success. That's a crit.
It's a critical. Success.
A crit with disadvantage, which in this game is really.
Hard. That's very crazy game.
Look at Bond. You need us.
James Bond is genuinely considering your offer,
considering what he knows about the lot of you and about recent,
Well, not recent, but like events that have happened in
history up to this point, he might know a little bit more
than he's letting off. He is still a master spy, after
all. He does his homework, he sends
you back to your cell, but he doesn't really say much more
after this. Guys, I think we're in.
Oh, excellent. Trying to get out.
You just said that we were out because you traded the gun for
the keys. Yeah, we're going to get out,
but we're going to get in some trouble.
That's. Fun.
Yeah, we're going to have some fun with Bond, James Bond.
That's how apparently how you supposed to say the name where.
But we're we're going to help Bond, James Bond, how to figure
out who's trying to kill the queen with lightning.
Well, it's Merlin and Moriarty, isn't it?
Yeah. I feel like we have that locked
down pretty much. So what do we need him for?
We probably need to convince him that the Merlin is an actual
threat. Yeah, I didn't know how much to
say. So I was playing dumb for a
while, so I didn't know how much we should trust.
But we made it inside and we could take their weapons and.
I just feel like we haven't made it this far by like, thinking
about our actions beyond their immediate consequences.
So why don't we just go with it? That's a good point, Ayubisa,
when you think and you make a plan.
Doesn't happen that way anyways. James comes back alone.
No guards, no muss, no fuss. He kind of politely holds his
hand out. Look, I know you took the gauge.
Passion. No.
How do you know that he? Just kind of like points to a
security camera over. There.
What's that? What is that?
Yeah, what does the box have to do with it?
It looks like a bird it. Is what's called a security
camera. It allows us to see the eyes and
ears of this room 0. It's a scrying.
Yeah, scrying. You sure?
But what please the keys I needed to let you out.
You only have one set of keys in this entire building.
No, this is mostly a formality because you stole keys from the
last guy. He wants us to make the morally
correct choice. Those keys weren't stolen.
Those keys were freely given. Yeah, that was a present.
It was a present. Teddy hands them over.
It was. We didn't steal nothing.
I hold out a hand to the Salvador and like it.
It seems we're allowed to leave now, Sal.
I guess no talk too much. Staring at us, at your little
pile of fire in the corner of the room.
Just like sad. You, you, you like to really
talk a lot. Was it distressing?
It wasn't like this earlier, yes.
I apologize. Incredibly.
We will find a way for you to educate yourself in the ways of
magic. We are in the future.
Who knows, perhaps it's more sophisticated now.
Maybe they have better guns. I was able to use magic with
them. They they're like a conduit.
Mr. Bond, how much have you learned about us at this point
from your scrying devices? How much do we need to go over
with you? Did you hear us talk about
Merlin? Yes, actually, that's the first
thing that I was kind of tipped off about, which was
interesting. We had a few of my men run a few
reports on a story about a few 100 years ago.
There was something similar that happened when, you know, one of
the more ancient, well, ancient times, Queen Victoria was
assassinated. Yes, beheaded so.
Indeed, we. Were we weren't there for that,
but we were there after the fact.
Like immediately after we we talked to her after she was
killed. Yeah, what struck me as
interesting because the story does mention a Sherlock Holmes
working with a group of 6 ragtag adventurers who claim to not be
from that point in time. Ragtag.
Wouldn't say ragtag. I'm insulted by being described
as ragtag. I'm dressed quite honestly,
thank you. As is Salvador, for certain.
No, it's OK. I don't mind.
You can keep going, Mr. Bond. Yes, you can keep.
Going I'm a woman of God. Sarah Bond We were there with So
Sir Holmes and there was a thing with Moriarty and Merlin and the
King were on the roof and I threw a knife at them and it
didn't work. And I'm still pissed about that
and I really want to just steal that guy's power again.
Henwick. Yes, can we?
Please steal the power. Steal the power of time.
We were gonna, we weren't going to steal Merlin's power again.
But like, I feel like we have a reef anyway.
Sir. Bond.
I feel like you're getting trying to get me to tell you to
do something. I don't know what you're asking
me to do. I'm how much of this do you need
us to catch you up on? And it sounds like not much.
It's really not hard to understand.
We're chasing an all powerful wizard who served King Arthur in
ancient times. The wizard has gone mad with
power, is trying to seize global domination through.
All of time. The wizard went to hell.
Fine, he went to hell. He's back now.
He has Imps, allegedly, and he's trying to conquer the world
throughout all of time. We encountered him in Sherwood
Forest. We encountered him with the
assistance of Sir Sherlock Holmes and now Mr. James Bond.
We are in your time and another attempt on your sovereign and
we're trying to stop again an all powerful time wizard from
doing it again. And Queen Victoria liked hair
pulling. Good job on not letting him kill
your queen though. The last guy didn't manage to
prevent that. How?
Did you prevent the lightning
from hitting her? They missed.
I hate this anyway, as you show it's.
Your. Show I know Rosie and I hate
him. What is the last known location
of the assailants? Do you know?
Did you reckon at the your, your, your, whatever these
things in the corner are called here?
These fucking devices? Did they catch anyone using
lightning? Did you see a wizard?
Did he team up with some notorious villain of your era?
He how apartment he pulls out a photograph from his inside of
his suit pocket and he kind of hands it over to Sir Penwick.
This is the photograph that one of my men captured of the
outside of Windsor Castle. The raid was now I don't know
about you. That is an exceptionally tall
hat. So your wizard claim holds a
little bit of water, although it is a little bit far fetched.
Does has Bond James Bond been smoking a cigarette or anything
this whole time? Yeah, absolutely.
I'm gonna like to the far fetched and just do you have
another one of those fiery sticks?
He kind of hands you a a fire stick shirt.
And just like you don't believe in magic, right?
And I'm going to snap and light the cigarette on and just This
is real and whoever is trying to kill your queen can do more
than. This.
His eyebrows go all the way up. What the fuck is this?
I'm going to sniff him like. My friend, just shake it around.
What do you do with it? You inhale it.
Man, you smoke it? No, Kind of like a pipe.
Put it on the ground and stomp it.
No, it smells like shit. Well, as of today, you're on Her
Majesty's Secret Service. What about you gold fingers out
there? It's me, your sound designer
Grant, and I'm here to give you some cool things to ponder and
consider, perhaps even listen to starting with our friends over
at 5 GM's in a Trench Coat. Starting April 21st, the heavy
smell of dew fills the inside of your nose as you walk through
the streets of Doshire. The road ahead of you is hard to
see, partly because of the dense fog and partly because the only
light that exists is man made. A new season from 5 GM's and
trench coat. You're dwarfed by skyscrapers,
surrounded by automobiles and protected by a large spirit
esque bubble. 5 GM season 4 beyond the Barrier uses blades
in the dark by evil hat productions.
It is currently the mayoral election season.
There are these posters to vote hanging from these buildings and
plaster on the walls. 5 GM Season 4 Episode 1 will release
April 21st forever. Get your podcasts.
Whoa, April 21st, Isn't that today?
Yeah, the new season of five GMs in a trench coat just got
started today. I've already heard the first
episode and it's really good. Oh, I've heard the first episode
because I have a key to Kim's house.
Don't tell Kim. And hey, while we have someone
on one Time, You and me, dear listener, I would like to
implore you to nominate us for a Crit Award.
Their Crit Awards are an annual event that honor the
achievements of the indie TTRPG scene.
That's a game creators, dice makers, Twitch producers, and
yes, even podcasters we're getting for a few awards this
year. Most importantly, best legacy
podcast, best one shot for Reifenheim, best series for Hell
Wailers, and best Game Master indie for me.
Grant, may I talking to you? In addition, since our show is
so reliant on guests and friends, we'd also like you to
consider be following people for nominations as well.
Sadie Pasley for best player, Indy for her work on Bunnies and
Burrows. Best villain in an actual play
for our friend Ross, who played Deacon.
Ernesto Alon on Hell Wailers, who's a fucking ass.
Best Character Artist for Tanlin AKA Gremlin Frog Art who made
all of our art for Bunnies and Burrows.
Ross again for best cover art for making the art for The
Longing for Another Strange Land and best makeup and costume for
our very own spunky Taylor, who's on this series and was
also doing incredible things with her makeup and costumes on
Camp Meadow View. If you've seen that series, she
made the fucking Camp Meadow View T-shirt.
We would greatly appreciate it if you considered these
potential awards for our podcast.
If you're more of a fan of our Twitch channels, you can also
nominate us for Best Upcoming Twitch Channel and also Best
TTRPG related Charity Community Event for Castaway the Island.
And while you're at it, why don't you nominate our Twitch
producer GN Burb for Best Tech Producer and Best Overlay on a
TTRPG stream? That is all I have for you this
week. Let me get you back to the James
Bond action of Sherwood Hill, the Round Table.
James does take you up to an Armory, notably where all of
your gear has been sitting, so you're able to go ahead and grab
all that back. Guns.
Can I put a silencer on my gun? I don't know if it'll fit, but
you can try. Yeah I have.
I have some some questions about this armor, you know, in like a
traditional James Bond situation, there's like a lot of
cool gadgets and things for instance, like a pen that takes
pictures or something like that. Is there is there anyone around
that could get them to give those capabilities to my wine
bottle? There will be a number of guns
that do you know your usual 2 D 63646 damage per the per the per
the rules, but there are also some gadgets that emulate spells
but those are going to be worth a lot.
Interesting, what can I get with 50 lbs?
For £50 you can get anyone spell in the sorcery list.
Interesting. OK.
What can I get for the singular gold piece that I have?
For one gold piece, James Bond would hand you a a small
syringe. He says, look, if you stab this
into the chest of any person who has recently died, they will be
live long enough for you to question them.
Oh, I could already do that. I just tell them to come back
from the dead. What do you mean?
Yeah. We have that covered.
I put it in my pot pouch anyway. I pull out the head of Sir
Galahad and just drop it on the table.
You know what can I get for this?
Oh, right. Yeah, that.
A search warrant, mostly. Well, he was a former knight,
and he was evil. I'm exchanging.
See where I come from. The head of an enemy can get a
lot of goodwill. I'm trying to help my friend
here harness fire. Is there anything that a head is
worth that could give me the power of flame?
He gives you a flamethrower. I headed to Salvador.
There you are, my friend. Holy shit.
Great. I'll take.
This We're gonna say that the flamethrower basically works in
tandem with all your current pyromancy skills.
You can use them both at the same time to effectively double
your output. OK, hear me out.
I would like somewhere to deck out my wine bottle as a
projector. A nerdy little man in glasses
comes up to you. Here's all this weird paper.
Jesus, how'd you get all this? None of your business.
You never asked a lady where she gets a paycheck.
That's you know what, that's on me.
He gives you a tiny pocket watch projector.
It's a watch that fits in your pocket that you flip open and
you project through a glass surface, like perhaps a wine
bottle or glass. And it can produce illusions,
sounds, maybe phantasms. But the only thing it cannot do
is make you invisible. Got it?
James Bond is giving her merit a new knife and it is going to be
a Swiss Army knife. I would like to have a blow
dart. You want a blow dart?
How much resources are you willing to spend to get a blow
dart? I have 30 gold if that helps.
Let's say half that, like 15 gold and passes you over a a
blow dart gun. Essentially it is a 3D6 damage
weapon that has the range of a Longbow.
Now, Mr. Bond, now that we've been equipped, if I know
anything about Merlin and his current tendencies of aiming at
people that parades, we're going to need to know where the
tallest tower in all of your city is.
I would bet anything that's where he's hiding.
He does really like. Tower loves the tower.
Rich Big Ben. No, we're looking for Merlin,
not Ben, No. No, no, it's a clock.
A large clock tower. Ben is a man's name.
A clock tower would be called something like.
Bing bong. This.
Is true slow head turn. They suggest just to Salvador's
like Salvador, we're not from England.
They have. They have much more sensible
names for these things in other countries.
What tower in France is called Bing Bong?
The big one? We call it Bing Bong Grand.
Help. Every day I spend in this group,
I question my decision to leave King Arthur.
I swear to God it. Wouldn't be too bad of a place
to start. How do we get to Big Ben?
Don't worry, I have a Paddy wagon.
Paddy Wagon. Have we downgraded back to
wagons? No, it's an armored vehicle.
What? Eco pudging armor on the car.
Yes, cars is what the cars. Times have been changing, things
have become more and more threatening, so you need to have
greater and greater security for these.
Now, when you say security, not only is it like you have armor,
but you also have like surveillance, right?
You have a bunch of these scrying devices.
I gesture at a security camera in the Armory that we're in.
We have our men working around the clock to find out exactly
what these people are up to and where they're hiding.
So there hasn't been a young man on the horse following.
US. Sir, a horse not.
Following us at all? What do you what do you think's
following us? Don't worry about it.
I'm worried about it now. If you have a lead, I would like
to know what the lead is. Don't.
Worry about it? Let's go to Big Ben.
So James Bond settles you all up in the back of a Paddy wagon and
he has a driver getting the driver's seat.
He is going to go ahead and follow along in his super cool
spy car because that's just how he rolls.
Teddy sneaks into that car with Bond.
James Bond. What is this button?
A digital convertible? OK, sure.
I'll go for it. This is how Teddy.
Becomes a Bond girl. Yes.
I think this is how Bond becomes a teddy bear.
I think like she's in the car, like her presence is known and
kind of energy, and she just start pressing a button, a
martini pops up and she's like, whoa, what's this?
Hey. Oh yeah.
You get one martini for your inventory.
This is nice, very nice. Yeah, it's a pressing button and
then the AC kicks in for her. It's like, oh, that's too cold.
Really, I thought it was nice I should reach the.
Humidity. Yeah.
What it's like, it feels like the end of the Arctic as it's
just blowing her face. A voice would come through James
Bond's radio. Now that Teddy is there that you
can actually hear that God Bond, we've got our man.
We've recently seen a man in an extraordinarily tall hat scaling
Big Ben. It looks like your folks had the
right idea. See, I thought you were smart.
Like you, money, money. Then he turns off the radio and
it turns into a martini dispenser a second time.
There's so many of these. So many martinis.
Checking up step so you all start driving towards Big Ben.
Would any of you like to do anything unorthodox during your
ride? Like maybe right on the roof of
the car for example. Oh yeah, you know I'm surfing.
Car surfing? Hell yeah.
Can I have you give me an endurance save?
Oh. That's a success.
That's a 708. Oh hell yeah.
If you hear a gunshot go whizzing by your ear, that's.
Not what I expected at all. Behind your vehicle you see a
cop car, but instead of the word police in the side it is labeled
Spectre. They're not exactly hiding in
this universe. Or whatever we're going to say.
Great, great secret society. OK, Yeah, cool.
OK, so the bullet whizzes past me.
I use that like it flips my hair for me as I turn and lift a
dainty finger and point toward the car and say aha, a ghost
sister Augusta, your specialty. There is a spectre chasing us.
Could you do some necromancy on? It it is a it is a car full of
four men. Might I remind you?
4 Spectres are pursuing us. In short, Suits, Ties and AK-40
Sevens I. None of them are dead though, I
don't think. Necromancy.
Is going to help situations. OK, well my patient's going to
dive off onto their car if someone doesn't.
Stop. Whoa.
Oh my God. I think before you do that you
see Salvatore taking out the flame throwers like.
Yeah. I mean, if necromancy won't
work, we can make it work. Here, come up here, I'll help
you up on top of the Paddy wagon so you have a good a good shot.
Excellent. And wait, I wait.
Before you do that, I have an idea.
One second I empty some of the growler out the window so it
hits the car. It's questions.
Here. OK, I guess make a range attack.
Sure. OK, let me let me tell you what
I got. I got thievery, I got such high
thievery. I got foreign thievery.
We got sorcery with followed up with A3, Forestry, herbalism,
divination, alchemy, necromancy. So many skills.
Like alchemy. Alchemy could be.
AI would argue alchemy that pitch.
Yeah. I could also argue alchemy
because I have a very funny idea for if you do alchemy.
Alchemy, Alcohol. Let's.
Let's do some alchemy. Yeah.
Oh, that's real good. That's real good.
That's 11 + 112. That's a great that is real
good. That is in fact a critical
success. What happens is as you're
pouring out the alcohol from your growler, it turns into an
oil slick coating floor underneath the Spectre vehicle,
causing it to call, turn around and spin into a tailspin and
crash into a boat. Oh fine, Salvador, now hit it
with the with the fire. Don't have to tell me twice.
So I I have to make a pyromancy skill check since this clearly
works with my sorcery, right? Yeah, so the, the, the, the
flamethrower is not technically a weapon.
All it would really do is double the out it'll it'll double the
output of damage for create flame and for consume.
So basically all you need to do is roll ME3D6 damage for create
flame and then double it, but it is a cost of three.
Now knowing that now that the Spectre car is coated in
alcohol, I. Would argue the cost should go
down by something since it is coated in alcohols.
You know what, since you have a bit of a, a bit of a help here,
since you have like some, some some fuel for the fire, so to
speak, we're going to go ahead and boost that cost to 1.
Yeah. Because you're also using a
flamethrower and not your own magical abilities.
Well, kind of sort. Kind of, sort of.
It's a conduit. Please tell me a big number.
We love seeing big number. That's three fives.
That's fucking holy. Fuck.
So that's 30 damage to the Spectre vehicle and the men
inside of it. So I don't think you intended to
do this much damage in general. But the car erupts into a ball
of flame, a raging inferno on the side of the road, somewhere
in the middle of jolly old London, England.
I could get used to this. Wow, that was that was very
effective. We should do that again.
I look at Merritt and I'm just like.
This era is dangerous. I don't even know anymore.
I don't think anybody knows who my parents are around here
though, so I'm I'm considering sticking around.
Like. Timothy is not around.
Apparently nobody's seen him. The Magic Box is pretty cool.
This, this, this music is nice that's coming out of this
device. I take a moment with merit and
I'm just. I understand the temptation to
remain in times that aren't your own, to avoid the problems of
home, to escape, but I need you to understand that we are put in
the times we are put in so that we may endure those challenges
and make that time a better place.
We're currently on a mission to make it so anyone can exist in
the proper time, the way they're meant to, and I need you to
resist the temptation of the modern world.
You do realize I spent three years flirting with other women
in Camelot? Right, I I understand that.
I'm just saying it wasn't good to do that.
The Camelot part, the flirting with the women thing.
Outlaws, Penwick, you're an outlaw.
Now come. On I'm an outlaw in the sense of
the law. Button dots.
Oh God. You push a random button,
somehow a martini comes from James Bond's vehicle into yours.
What is this? The gusto immediately takes it.
Just slams it back like a shot. I'm like rubbing my forehead and
I'm just like This is why I don't work with teenagers or
rather teenagers who are suddenly 20 somethings.
I don't know, time is fucked. My patient's head swings down
from above. She goes.
I heard something about flirting.
Go back up there or I'll heat you.
Alive, I swear to God. OK, OK, OK.
I come in from the other window on the other side, Pedwick, and
just that's enough excitement I think, for me today.
I'm I'm glad it worked. Terrifying, but it worked.
Yeah, it's really it did not even take that much.
You know, usually I feel more drained when using spoke testing
that much, but dangerous. Imagine if they could use
lightning with this. It seems that as time
progresses, our capacity for death and murder and violence
only evolves. I only do this because you know
where our lives are in danger. I don't.
Know. Oh, I understand.
I'm not condemning your actions. It's just terrifying to see that
we're this far in the future and things like that can exist.
And we haven't even found Arthur yet, so who knows what he has
his hands on. What the fuck knows can.
We see Big Ben from here. Oh yeah, absolutely.
It's huge. Can we see the drape of Merlin's
beard as he scales Big Ben? So no, So while you don't see
anybody like climbing the tower or on the roof, you do get an
Intelligence Report from one of the folks at the front here.
He has James bought a piece of paper and says, we think we have
a sniper on the on the top of the the clock tower here.
I think they've got eyes on on Buckingham, but we don't know
how or why they're able to do from there.
But we've been seeing lightning bolts land at Buckingham Hat
Palace pretty much all day, which is like, and James like
very well, we'll take my squad in and we'll get this all
settled. Feel like this is going to take
us all day to walk up there. There's an elevator.
What? Think of it as a box that goes
up like a really big dumb waiter.
Hey, now, what do we do in the box?
James Bond pushes a button. OK, just pushes another button.
He hits the cancel button and pushes the first button.
Stop that. Well, why do you get?
What do you mean? I push another?
This. This button goes to the top of
the tower. If he's going to be anywhere,
he's going to be up there. All these other buttons go to,
well, other floors where he may not be.
OK, I thought this was like the speed multiple goes faster.
It's a very slow tedious ride up the elevator.
Kind of awkward when suddenly you feel the elevator start to
careen a little bit, as if a rope had been cut.
Hey, Paisa. No, no, it wasn't me.
It wasn't me. Sorry for the habit are.
You supposed to do this? The roof of the elevator comes
off and you see a knight in armor.
Sir Lancelot. You recognize that bastard?
Oh. Pulling up my handbags.
Pulling out a knife. You thought you could make it
that easy, could you? We we are here to do a Wellness
check on Merlin Do. You think I'm dumb enough to
fall for the same thing twice? Yes, it was worth a try.
You kind of just frowns. Augusta pulls out her rifle,
aims at Lancelot, and fires just, like, immediately.
All right, let's. Yeah, let's go for that.
Give me an archery. The dog just immediately lifts
up the gun. Boom.
Give me a give me an archery check, then.
OK, that's A1A5 and A6, so that's 6 total.
Oh God. But you could spend.
OK, our endurance is down to three.
So that brings me up to a total of 9.
Perfect. So you are able to blast or
Lancelot then you are able to roll damage?
Yeah, great. So that's me 46.
I. Don't even have that much on my.
Oh, OK, A5A4 and A3 and then another 3.
I think that's more help than I gave Lancelot.
So the visual is he opens up the top of the elevator.
We we try and convince him it's a Wellness check.
And then immediately Augusta's like, OK, well then we'll try
this. And then shoots.
Just wear the fucking forehead and he falls off the hill.
And we are all driven immediately deaf by the echoing
gunshot in the small metal box. Yeah, it's, it's it's very loud.
James Bond and his quick thinking is going to be using a
grappling hook to kind of like try to tie to the mechanism that
drives the elevator. So I'm gonna go ahead and do a
check for him really quick. He got exactly an 8.
So that does succeed. So grappling hook is able to
secure itself to the elevator. The elevator stops careening
downward so it jolts a little bit and the doors open a set of
stairs. Once you ascend the stairs, you
can see the massive face of a clock facing the streets of
London. Inside this little clock tower,
you see a a large thing that you don't think you've ever seen
before. Kind of like a lots of coils
lightning zapping off of it. It's a little hard to describe,
but it looks like Merlin is channeling this device to try to
shoot at Buckingham Palace. Also, you see Merlin behind it
next. Standing next to Merlin appears
to be a a a villainous figure, a portly man in a red tie and
khaki suit with a finger made of gold.
Ah, red tie. No one named for his most
distinguishing feature, the red tie in the khaki suit.
Should I use the flame for it now?
Oh, let me throw. Wait a second.
Let's do that combo thing again. Augusta's going to start
throwing alcohol everywhere. I'm very nonchalantly, like just
waddling forward and pouring the alcohol around their platform.
Can you do that without being noticed?
Is the question. Could I persuade you with
thievery? Could I?
Yeah. You could persuade.
You could persuade me with thievery.
Great. Thank God I have a + 4 because
that's I rolled a 6 + 4 so 10. Beautiful.
You were able to just douse this entire area in 40 proof or in in
very high proof alcohol just dousing everything in wine like.
I wouldn't allow look at them with the flamethrower.
So like what are you give? A thumbs up do.
You need to do you want to talk or anything?
Goldfinger kind of looks at the the lot of you is like, ah, my
old enemy James Bond and what appeared to be Renaissance Fair
people. OK, fuck off.
You're already too late. We've been frying Buckingham
ballast for the past hour. A thunderstorm of magnanimous
proportions has been raining havoc upon the ballast, and
she's very, very certainly dead by now.
Oh, so could we kill? You anyways.
Yeah, that means that we don't have any reason not to kill.
You sounds like you're guilty of treason.
And murder at. Least.
Of a lot of fashion. Sense.
Oh shit. I think that hurts him the most.
That also offends Hypatia the most.
Bad fashion sensed you idiot. I love gold you.
Know I think gold melts pretty easily.
That is a 6A4 and A5. I don't need to tell you how
overkill this is. You're in a wooden building.
You're in a wooden building with a lot of metal things to melt.
Too late to think about it now, Janelle.
Yeah, a little. Bit we're here we.
Just processed what we just did. We agreed we don't think about
our actions beyond the immediate consequences.
That was you and me. That was our thing.
The entire clock face area of Big Ben erupts into flame.
You can hear you can hear Wilhelm screams pretty much ring
out across the clock as henchman left and right fall from
extraordinarily high up. The face of the clock bursts
forth out into the street. Glass and metal shatter and rain
down on the streets of London. It is chaos as the explosion is
taking place. However, Merlin once again gets
up to his old stupid tricks. God damn it, no.
I'm. Throwing my axe at him.
OK, OK, give me an archery check, you know, give you throw
your axe buddy. Hell yeah.
I have archery, fuck you. Somewhat different throwing the
final attack. Can I help?
Yeah. An assistant somewhere, I would
love if you would. I want to use my blow dart.
OK I feel like we make eye contact and we're both reaching
for the same thing and I like nod at you to blow dart him
first if I have an easier time axing him.
Yep, period. Yep, Yep, 10.
Awesome. So first thing you see, a blow
dart is coming extraordinarily, dangerously close to Merlin's
neck and does actually end up embedding itself in there, but
it does go slower as he's trying to recalibrate himself through
time. Again, you have a small window
here. Pinwick now.
Go back. To hell you fucking freak.
Can I just throw my axe as hard as I?
Can all righty. Dog, I rolled an 11.
Sick roll for Damage 8. Oh.
That's wild. You watch your axe sail through
the air, and almost in slow motion, you watch it in bed into
Merlin's chest. The spell, however, has already
begun to be cast. But with Merlin being attacked
like this, the spell wildly goes out of control.
Time itself no longer starts making sense to you in any sort
of way. You watch the corpse of
Goldfinger slowly turn into a baby and then turn into an old
man and then back into Goldfinger.
Oh no. You watch James Bond go through
15 different iterations of the same man with different faces.
You watch Big Ben sort of reform itself and destroy itself and
change and look different. A man in a mask shows up.
You watch in awe and terror as time begins to devolve into
sand. You land in what appears to be a
massive desert. You see this cosmos pouring out
before you in ways that simply don't make any sense to you
anymore. You watch in terror as sand
begins to turn into glass and back into sand and into stone
and into mountains. The world around you no longer
is beholden to time because of what you have currently done.
Merlin has tampered way too far with the fabric of our own
reality. You watch in terror as Knights
and bandits and cops and secret servicemen and things from a
far-flung future. You don't even understand what
you're looking at. Aliens, machines, robots, bears
with hats. You don't understand anything of
what you're looking at. England as a concept no longer
makes sense. God probably no longer exists in
a way that matters. And yet, standing at the foot of
a mountain stands King Arthur, his blade in the sand of time.
Do you guys know what what you say is?
You say? Yeah, you say.
That's how I would typically address a fellow knight.
You, Sir. You, Sir.
If I haven't said it before today, I love you, motherfucker.
I'm a woman of God. As are we, as are we all.
We are all women of God. Nope, We are all women of God.
That's. Happy Trends Day of visibility,
everybody. Where's?
The post credit scene. Hey.
Sorry them. Them.