welcome to game master Monday, the podcast replay a Different
tabletop RPG with a rotating cast.
Today, we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, 5th edition, and my
players are Jenny nordine playing as this is gonna be a
doozy. Oh, goody.
Oh, yes. X x underscore.
I'll Faria Dash blood, moon underscore capital x, a
lowercase x, the dark elf. G&K.
I am your friendly neighborhood K and it tonight, I am believe
Lane, Valerian barrault. Yeah, Marcus Shadow elf.
What am I in for today, we are playing the 5th edition of
Dungeons and Dragons. Everyone knows what Dungeons &
Dragons is, we rolled dice Shenanigans ensue today.
We're playing a wholly Original Adventure, written by Yours.
Truly, we've got our two Elves here and what class are both of
you playing today? Oh, we're lucky.
Yeah, I am also a warlock. We got to warlocks.
We got two elves. Was it on purpose?
I'll never tell, but we're gonna give you both a moment to shine
here in your own Fields. You are both well-established,
warlocks, you both have, you know your own Patron, you've
been doing things for and currently, you're both on
separate planes, doing your own thing.
Thing for your own Patron. So we'll start with you, okay?
What are you currently up to? You see Valerian, it has
recently run into a bit of trouble because you know he's
always you guys eye on the mission.
He's gonna accomplish the goals that his great Patron.
Gives him whatever that goal is but he needs help doing it
because you know you can't do it alone.
He's just one old old guy like he's couple hundred years old.
So he's always on the lookout for some more new potential
recruits to join the great cause.
Are you currently recruiting? Yes, currently are creating for
some new members to join my? Well, it's not called really,
it's a collective like-minded individuals, okay?
You're currently talking to a dwarf and he's kind of like
sharpening a little tiny stick like Cloud.
Looking very raptured lie into your eyes.
What are you pitching to him? All right, my dear companion.
Here's here's the deal. You join us.
Not only do you get these really cool and super comfortable.
Wardrobes Are like the warmest things you'll ever wear.
You become a rake five member of our community community.
Here, you get the greatest hat. You'll ever see it instantly
washes, your beard for you. He keeps it clean and shiny as
possible. It's amazing.
It's actually magic. I swear the dwarf.
Huge beard. And no hat is just looking with,
Wonder, in his eyes and he was, how do I I become level 5.
What would that entail for me? Well, first you gotta time.
Time is contact here. I just live it up, blood on that
align and then you just have to listen to the commands of oh
buddy the Great and Powerful one who rules our Tom, you know, I
mean who sponsors are calm and just work your way through the
ranks, maybe pay a few hundred golden put in the process over
the next couple months and just don't drink anything that you
have done for yourself at the password.
Point was an accident. I like the way you think.
No, that's not for your blood, but can't be mine.
Either sick. He like puts a stick into the
ground and you hear a tiny shriek and he, he holds up a
fairy. Oh, no.
Oh shoot. I thought this was a squirrel.
Oh, well, he like dips his pinky with a little wound is, and then
signs the contract. Excellent, excellent takes
contracts to get my ropes. Then just pull out another set
of robes and a member. All right here, your robes are
you Hall is going to be three blocks to the left.
Down the side, street into the alley, and the password.
When you knock on the door, underneath the stairs is a
buddy, greatness. I can't wait.
I'm so looking forward to this? I'm gonna go tell all my friends
right now. We're gonna come and party with
you and I miss you. I can't wait, like runs off into
the the other direction. Yes, yes, bring all your friends
just, you know, be white. Bring your own drinks.
Bring me a beer, Valerian behind you, as soon as that dwarf.
Runs away a large purple, swirling, screaming void opens
behind you, and you hear a voice beckoning.
That's the, are we still doing phrasing?
Shut up it might take me a second here.
Okay just bear with me. The voice gets louder.
Oh yes. Hi.
Okay, I'll try this that through the portal.
Perfect. As you do that.
We make a quick cut over to Jenny's character.
What are you in the middle of? Well, first I would be like, I
just be kind of surprised because I just felt a fairy die
somewhere. It's like I just lost a
subscriber. Oh right.
You're a fag, a kind of, I have a PHA lost and we have just lost
a PHA and I am lost in The Fray wild so it's appropriate.
What are you doing in the face a while?
Just kind of streaming my Consciousness to all the fake
creatures here? Killing some shit.
You know, warlock tough girls night.
Can you walk me through bug like the sure?
Right now, I am just finishing up the slaying the giant tree
creature, so that's already dead and I'm just kind of like doing
my message spell that they like and that's how you kill a nest
everybody now. Be sure to like, comment, and
subscribe. And follow with the scrying,
Scrolls that we can do more videos like this and have
tutorials, but how to kill magical creatures would be
great. Like so I'm Jake.
Amazing you You Feel The Messengers fell coming through
into into your mouth like several hundreds of Messengers
Fells coming through into your mind and they're and they're
saying things like all, therea rules out there, yuge rules and
then at that's not how you kill a nest.
Actually my family is a family of s hunters and I'm here to
tell you that you're wrong. I misspoke.
You you you there are there is one particular commenter that
that's like really trying to get your goat right now and they're
saying something to look at the fact of like I know what you are
and you're not gonna get away with it.
Well, I can't bring myself to harm any of my fake creature
subscriber friends because I am one, like, on all levels except
spiritual, I am a PHA so jot that down, you get another
message that comes through and as I can, I get prayers for my
sister. She was just brutally murdered
by Edge work. Absolutely.
I'd I'd send a prayer out for the poor Faith who got killed by
and I had nothing to do this. I don't know me at all.
Are you ending your stream as it were ever even Consciousness?
Yeah, we're closing out the stream of Consciousness and just
taking a breather for now, stick the S, you were fighting stands
up and goes was that good? Yeah, same time next week.
Yeah, yeah. For sure, for sure.
When do I get my payment? Oh yeah.
Hang on. I gotta do.
Sign this contract here and then I'll pay you tomorrow when I
have the gold for it. Okay.
All right. Sure, fine.
Whatever, you've, I'm hard up, I can't really be picky.
Okay? He signs it and tree sap.
Awesome. Behind you all a fairy.
A giant purple swirling. Screaming void opens up in the
FAE wild and it says Oh my God. Okay.
Wasn't planning for this but I could open my schedule.
So give me a minute and I step through the portal and I step
through the portal just like okay, okay, jeez, perfect.
So you both appear at the same time.
In what looks to be a dark poorly lit.
Flickering. Light like a flick alert for the
bickering. Fluorescent life.
Like when you were in school detention and it gave you a
headache that kind of quality room.
It's like completely, like metallic and gray and depressing
in here. And you both is a appear in
front of each other. Similarly dressed.
And just never having encountered each other, what the
hell is this place? What was he was here?
What's going on? Where does it come from?
Who are you? Hey, I haven't seen you before.
Probably not, but you're totally my type.
Well they're here anyway. Let me explain the great Virtues
Of nobody done to you so I'm G like, no way.
I was about to just do the same thing to you like oh my God, you
should totally join my cult and be like one of my Fountains of
followers, all right? Yeah.
Yeah yeah. Yeah.
Like in the wild and stuff man like totally hold on.
Now you just on I called everybody I have starts rocking
through roads like hold on that. I am like 12 new followers,
these ones. Actually still alive.
Let's see how good Improvement there so I'm Jay that's like a
lot so God every word out of your mouth as triggers me may
not be thousands but at least they're you know not fairies.
I was totally random and I love it.
Keep doing her doing buddy. As you two were talking a tiny
like ratkin creature walks up to both of you and says oh buddy
will see you now. Adore appears behind him.
Magically okay, wait, nobody's here.
Whoo, buddy is here. I hope I have my ribs.
If I'd started like, you know, Pat himself down, probably by
some crumbs quickly. Runs hands back to really
thinning hair because again couple hundred years old Glory,
right ancient it's like hair toss and get myself ready to
meet. Oh buddy.
Great vanity projects. Anyway, he like opens the door
for you and he escort's you in at a like a comically large desk
with an office chair and a little like placard that says oh
buddy the great old one Destroyer evolved long.
Be his name all on one plaque and you you see you see a
creature. You've never had any Iota being
able to perceive before he's Almost in perceivable, too many
limbs, not enough limbs, all sorts of different things you
want on there. I is bickering in and out, like,
they were like flickering Christmas tree bulbs, and, and a
voice where you can't be quite sure what, part of the body,
it's coming out of, and it just speaks to you saying, and to
uncomfortable looking chairs appear before you That's I think
that's kind of your butt. Right?
Are talking to us to your bride, okay?
Just want to be clear. That's I'm sorry, Master.
Sorry, I just I feel like 10 different mouths I just wasn't.
I was just concerned. None of them are moving.
Let's get none. Mines.
I sit in the chair, just too small for me.
I try and sit in the chair and probably fall out over there.
Sorry. Sorry, it's just the chairs.
Like design. Not for me, it's weird.
I just have just one leg. Only have one leg.
Yes, panics here, I've heard of this thing.
So, it's really powerful. Be easy to obtain in bulk.
For my next cold cup that the house.
Okay. Sorry.
So, damn, fine.
I've called you all together, because I have to share news of
the mission with you both as you know, I've chosen you to be my
warlocks on the Mortal plane. However, I feel that it's
necessary for us to make a change.
Okay. All right.
Yeah. Let's what on what do you need
from us faster? As you know the economy is kind
of fucking us over here in the far end like a machine mortar
rounds to. You may have noted that my
presence has been to waning in your lives.
As of late, you've both been teetering at level 4 for quite
some time. Haven't quite learned.
The beard cleaning hat of you will.
Now, I keep promising it and I no one ever gets it and I think
that's why it my last economic man.
Poison to the entire group. It is intentionally difficult to
obtain. Now, that being said, I have to
share some of the volatility news.
And those of you, I am hosted downsize, my stable of warlocks
due to the economy. And also, I have a sister who's
Nephew just graduated from Conjuring school.
So I really only afford to keep one Warlock and annoyed and if I
don't hire David and Joseph coming to Thanksgiving and
whatnot. So I have to keep her family
together. Essentially, what I'm saying is
you're fired but wait hear me out here.
Well, if we go kill David well that I'm really fucked me over.
He's my nephew and my warlocks killed, my nephew of and it's
just going to be awkward Grandma's house.
So evident in the end of it from the family, So like fired fired.
Like how do we not be fired? How do you not have me fired?
You become my nephew. Well, that's a little
complicated there. Yeah.
Yes. What.
What if I go and become your, I guess brother-in-law.
Instead, you want to marry my sister?
Well, I mean, I don't really want to like, not be a warlock.
It, this is like, my whole being.
This is why I'm exist. This is an incredibly
inappropriate question to ask your boss.
Yeah. Like like I can't.
Fucking weird. I know you must have lots of
questions for what you do next. Quite frankly I don't have we
don't have a great severance package for you but I will tell
you what happens, your wondrous Powers anything that I am giving
you and your Patron, Magics your, your stands, our
abilities, anything to snow to you by me, return unto me lose
them. Hey like six hours a whole bunch
of tentacles. They all go deep into your
body's. You feel a painful sucking out
of your bones, your soul your muscles.
It doesn't do any damage. But boy is it exhausting and
he's just vibrates a bright green yellowish color and he was
now that is essentially what happens when you adopt becoming
a warlock, you are now left with only your natural abilities and
whatever you currently have on your being.
We're now that's out there so like we're classless now like
classless. Oh my God.
What the fuck is going on?
You've gone back to elves now. Listen, he like hands you to
both of you a pamphlet. Now, some wonderful employment
opportunities in the fall Realms and since I'm no longer your
Patron, I have no obligation to return you from whence.
You came. So I only say to you, best of
luck. Currently in high office, which
is located in the far Ells. I truly apologize.
The economy, whatnot. So what are you gonna do?
Good luck. You like snacks a horrible sound
from all of his appendages. The office vanishes you are now
currently trapped in a dark. Desolate terrifying.
Wasteland known only as the far Realms classless and Let's well
thank fucking God that I'm still touched by the PHA because
otherwise I would be fucked Absol Shadow touches, that's
have something. Hey, is there moonlight?
Just asking for a friend? Is there Moonlight?
Yes in the far Realms? Yes there is none light, no
white okay and you look in the sky.
There is no sun. No moon is a swirling purple
Abyss. Okay?
I look over continue to my companion here and say, say can
you see in the dark? What the fuck does it look like
a human? Of course, I can see the dark.
Okay, good, perfect. No need.
I, you should have no problem seeing here.
What the hell's gonna happen? You can't do that.
We signed a contract, hit her belly contact like that?
Well, I guess he just like fucking did, like, what an
asshole serious at all. The people have murdered in his
name. How dare you do this to me?
Tell you a little bit about the far realm that you find yourself
trapped in, what the hell even is the far realm.
Here's what you can see. There's Black Lightning crashing
and swirling in a dark purple, sky everything around.
You fills your heart, mind, and soul with Dread.
You've heard tales of the far realm, but of never truly
wandered and its domain. It's every bit as terrible as
they said, tentacles, and T Thrive out of the ground as if
the Era itself, hungers dilapidated buildings that are
still somehow. Bustling fact, tivity sprawl out
in front of you, a hallway style City ever seen Dubai, it's like
Dubai, but more evil. It seems to be where you have
wound up. There's a floating sign covered
in eyeballs. That reads something in an
infernal, the city has an agonizing busyness to it.
And there's loud City. Sounds mix of upsetting
squelches and lurches Behind you.
However, maybe more terrifying and endless Black Desert
underneath a horrible, black sky, dark lightning, flashes and
connected. The Wasteland you can see
wiggling and driving gnashing body parts scattered as far as
your eyes can see some you're familiar with some you are very
unfamiliar with This sucks cuz I even lost my invocation that can
say I can read all writing. So now, I'm just stuck with
whatever the fuck I've got with my basic brain.
That sign is definitely an infernal.
What is what is this a cuz you know I learned to speak Inferno
an Abyssal in my years of worship of oh buddy.
You learn to speak and how convenient?
So I'm on the sign since you can read it, I won't make your role
for of there's three different Arrows pointing in different
directions to year. Right.
It's pointing to something called the D FR T in
parentheses. Does the division of far realm
travel, pointing down is something called the employment
center and pointing to the north, the dust has bus.
Okay, so there's a bus. Stop to the north, there's an
employment center down and what was the third one?
Again, it says the drf T, the division of far realm travel, so
a division of fire realm of travels.
I've met other direction, I guess I'm in the bus ride to be
cheaper than what this potentially transdimensional to
transport a teleportation, right?
Probably. And I don't know about you, but
like, I've only got like eight gold on me right now.
Oh, so it's not looking great for getting.
You mean to tell me streaming isn't lucrative.
It's a meta-commentary. All of my appliances are handled
by my secretary and my finance officer back home so I don't
never carry money on me. I just have anything.
Just pulling out like a good half dozen just purple.
Robes. I just a bunch of days.
Rhodopes with me the really warm and comfortable.
I mean, yeah. That's why we bought them.
That's why I drive. You will join the call to that
asshole with these. I don't want to say his name
anymore. Why do I know that fear?
So you wanted to think the bus she said, yeah, probably
cheapest. I mean nothing employment
center. Yeah, I guess we could go.
And you know what? Now, I'm not, I'm not leaving
this place. I'm gonna go find a new Patron,
become a strong, as I got back there and kick everybody's ass.
Yeah, I think that's probably the best course of action.
Like, it kind of sucks, not being a warlock, not gonna lie.
I know I had some really cool spells, I didn't cast and I
can't, I can do is like a real sickness.
That's just because I'm check out touched.
Yeah, best I got is like lights and fire.
So I'm a little bit out of luck here, while your exam I will
rather do anything realize what brilliant for Saturday?
Can you make a perception check? Sure, both of us.
Yes, both of you. The 13 Chief.
Yeah, that's gonna be 13 and 11. Okay.
So you both see a being kind of walking towards you.
As you're heading towards the employment center.
It looks like they may have been human at one point, but it's a
now, a slumping Black Mass just slowly crawling its way toward
you. Great.
Hula 13. Hey, so you would recognize what
that creature is from your travels, it's called a k or t.i.
k or t. You know that a k or t is
something is a creature that indeed once was human but became
trapped in the far realms for far too long.
So like that's what happens if you're stuck in the far realms
for too long. So like we should totally get
the fuck out of here before we light and turn it into that.
It's getting faster and heading towards you.
Oh, shit. Like I'm more likely to die,
then turn it down to exciting, I'm safe.
But that coming towards us know, she doesn't like reaches out to
touch something and it goes. Excuse me, excuse me.
Yeah. Hello.
With what? Now we're getting going away
from here. You smell funny.
It sure. Does he kind of like looks down
at himself. He was well, what do you want me
to do about all this? Gosh, I don't know, but let the
should probably shower is somewhere.
Maybe how you like gestures of the everything around you?
Like do you think this is a clean Society?
I mean, I'm sure there's an acid pool Samurai.
And you can jump in. I wish is dumping an acid pool.
Everyone's it does the acid pools.
Listen. All I'm saying it's your fault.
Okay. It's not my fault.
I was abandoned great for cleansing your pores.
Yeah. And your skin and your face.
I mean in your defense. It's not like you have that
anymore. Yeah.
But as I near X-Men, you might get your real skin and face that
can go jump in an asset for yeah that's not how acid Works.
Are you sure about that? Pretty sure you were warlocks.
I am chaotic evil. It's My Life.
Yes, I just need to be transported to the bus stop.
Does it look like I have magical powers?
He looks at your robe. I mean, yeah, no, I wear these
things because they're comfortable and stylish.
Hmm. Well, I apologize then.
Well, I guess I'll just keep slinking in the city.
How about this for someone? What will you give us if we take
you to the bus stop? Huh?
What are you looking to obtain? That is exciting really vague.
Like what do you got on you like I don't want to have to rob
somebody today. So I what do you got?
I mean I'm I know the far Realms pretty well after being trapped
here from Millennia. So if there's something you want
information on or need somewhere to eat information about a
location object, I have no money, no one here uses money
but I can, I don't know I could help you in some capacity was
asked why do I have to come with a healthy?
You're the one who wanted me. I don't need you.
Wait. It's like we're on our way to
the employment office because, you know, we need find some
work. Do you have the proper
documentation to use the employment office?
It's one about the proper documentation to use environment
office. No, I don't qualify well then,
where that, where do you go? How do you qualify?
There's a form, you have to fill
out your to bring to the employment office.
I think it's offered a different office building but you have to
go to the office building, fill the form out properly, go to the
employment office and then they will determine if you are if you
qualify to get whatever you're looking to get, I think with the
employment office is essentially a place for potential Patron,
he's to be patronized. Goddamn bureaucracy.
Yes. So I mean I need help filling
out the forms. I mean, I've done it.
All right, fine. Thanks to place where I had to
fill out the forms that will take you to the bus.
Stop. Sure.
Fine. That sounds fair.
I'm hoping the bus stop, is this going out of town for once?
It goes around in circles in town, what's the department for
trains far round transportation thing?
Yeah, the division of far realm travel.
It's further down to the, it's a short walk from here, and then
it's a long flight of stairs. And it's in a building that
looks like a God's thumb, but that's the, The place where you
can get the majority of your paperwork.
Okay, okay, so yeah, let's head there.
We can fill out that paperwork and then we can get to the bus
stop. Yeah.
Thank you. So he like Vicki kind of like
zombie walks you towards this. This division.
It's like you said, very short walk away and boy that building
sure does look like a God's Thumb, whatever that is in your
mind. That's what it is.
So you get there and I need you both through all purse.
Option again. Okay.
If there's a thumb, where's the forefinger and his scaly?
It's over there somewhere. That's going to be an 84
filarial. It is a 918 and I can see.
Okay, sofa larian you keep your eyes on the, so your you, both
go into the building. You're walking up the stairs
Valerian. Your variable, just like that.
You're goal-oriented here. You keep your eyes on the prize,
you only head into the direction of the D FR, t, as the person
who can read the signs, you're just doing that.
At Jenni, you notice that there are several offices and doors
leading up to the DF. RT.
This building is clearly running all that needs to be run in the
far Realms. Room doors include a meeting
room, a patron call center five ominous doors oozing with dark
and terrible. Power of that have no name of is
a break room, a kitchen etcetera.
You notice all of these as you're walking up Larry, and
You're just like got to get to the room, that's where I'm
going. So, whatever you want to do with
that info Jenny, but that's powerful Aryans going.
Well, I'll be following him but don't mind me.
I'm just like, aah gurgling everything.
Just kind of soak it all in. At call centers kind of
interesting. Like what's with nickels in it?
You said you stopped at the call center to her.
I'm just take a peek in. Yeah, okay, I make it
constitutional for me. Oh my God.
What are the two things? I have a very bad score and 18.
Oh wow. Okay.
Oh, fuck your bad score. I guess, I guess it was worth it
with an 18, I guess the the far realm isn't as bad as you
thought it would be. But you look in there and you
see a variety of, you know, monstrous looking beings.
They all have little headsets on It seems that they're like
answering prayers from Patron. He's or they're like
transferring calls between a patron e and a patron trying to
like it connected to people you hear one personal please hold
for the concealed. Oh God damn it.
I want I played D&D to get away from real life.
Okay, I keep marching along this.
I have lost interest in this room, so you Follow for Larry.
You are now at the drf T this there so you walk in there and
there's a long line filled with an assortment of Otherworldly
monstrosity he's and people who look like they were or are in a
cult. I'm at the head of the line as a
small glass window with a very bored old-looking.
Beholder sitting in a spinny chair and it's just the one
Boulder, just one beholder. How long is this gonna take a
monster? Like turns around and faces?
You and says, I got in line yesterday.
Great hasn't moved since then a little bit.
I think one guy, maybe got finished up.
Oh, Christ, look, look over at our formerly human friend.
Hello. So okay, so we had to fill out
forms here is that we have to fill them out with the bill
Haller or can we just like grab the papers and fill it out and
turn it in somewhere else ourselves?
He like, ominously points towards the front of the line
and goes the book. Holder is The Keeper of the
forms. Are there any other you have
picked the worst campaign for an ADHD elf?
Imagine writing it. Elf area is so incredibly bored.
So you see actually make a perception role for me since
want to ask about doors. Huh, color?
Oh, that's a 19. All right, I guess you.
You can see all the fucking doors.
So, there's the door behind you that you came in, from
obviously. And you see two other doors to
the left and infernal. It says employees only.
And that's like, towards the front of the line, kind of
thoughts of the holder, is to the right of the beholder is
door. You see another one.
Also written an inferno, which you can read, how convenient and
it says security. Look, I had noticed coming left
picked a Bissell and of her nose on bonus languages.
I have a feeling. Listen I just had a very good
lesson. I can talk to elves and rabbits
so security or employees, only All right.
After you mean. Yeah, he hates that testing is
all right. I need you.
I need you to cause a distraction.
I'm good at those. Okay.
I am going to cast my one use of Faerie fire that I can use to
create a 20-foot cube of violet light that everyone in this
room. I assume this is a 20 foot room
or so right. Sure.
Why not? Wait, I don't mean this well you
can turn invisible. Well, sorry.
If you if you fail your deck save you can't be invisible
during during a Faerie fire. Well maybe dexterity roll.
All right everybody we're casting Jerry.
Fire boom. Cuba purple light.
Yeah. I took a feet visibility once a
day, it's gonna be a 13. Okay.
I also have to make it - actually I think estate investor
deck. Save it doesn't my dick savings
exactly 13. Yes you want me to beat it.
You did it and you did it. Yep.
Good job has made it. So you're successfully turn
invisible and you're casting your pretty much Illuminating
the entire room right? Essentially.
Yeah I'm putting a large purple light.
The in the entirety of the room here which also allows me to
gain advantage, on a tack roles of people fail, their deck save
but you know, oh my God, secondary effect, okay?
So you cast that light, all the infernal, horrible retching
monsters, they live in a dark place.
What the fuck are you doing there?
Like covering there are multiple eyeballs?
Some of them start to like little smoke, comes off through
skin, the beholder ducks behind a window, the security door,
bursts open. Open and you see two creatures
that you've never seen before, but this for the players are
there called star spawn. They run out of the room and
they're like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my
God, they were running towards the light, like trying to punch
at it and sad, that it nothing happening.
And like what do we do? Do we do with light, never
happens. So while that's happening
credible, want to go and try and sneak into the employees room.
Sure. I'm trying to get the parties.
Hell yes, love it when a plan comes together.
You're going to the employees only door?
Yes, the employees. Only door that door is locked
from the outside shit shit, and I can't cast out which blast
anymore, fuck. Alright, finally got the
security room. All right.
You go through the security room.
I'm assuming you go with a mild area, he's invisible, so I have
to concentrate on this Ferry. Fire thing, too.
Okay, well we'll just follow you so you go into the security
room, give it been through airport security if they suspect
you having like a bomb or some shit, it kind of looks like that
room. It's great, it's like a
see-through talking window. It has another door that is
currently open because the security guards bursted through
it in that also, says, employees only.
All right, watch it out of the door.
Great. So you're into the employee is
only room that you see you, you see the cells, the more horrible
creature to see some more star spawn.
You see another KRT, you see one of those fucking flying guys of
what I called you know the ones. Oh the ahriman, that's the one.
Yeah. The one of those are in there
and you know, they're looking, they don't see you because
you're currently invisible. But they look like this.
This out of it. The seems to be like a
glorified, a break room. Umm, there's like some cubicles
of documents in them, you know, you get a pretty good easy see
of what's in here, you see like whatever the far realm version
of a coffee maker is black. Sludge comes out of it.
There's a poster on the wall with with an incomprehensible
Elder. One on it that says keep working
slaves. I love this room.
I need to take a sip of that sludge make a constitution roll.
It's going to be that's going to be, that's going to be.
Can you roll a d8 for me? I got a hug.
Sure, three take three, poison damage, your fingers and happen.
All right. Well, you got to take a sippy.
So, some some creature, like sees the coffee mug, like float
up, and then like, sludge come out, if it's go down, you and
they're like, huh, this is weird.
Meet anybody need a new pot? Hey, this is poison who made
this has been sitting here a couple of eons, maybe seems out
of it. You gotta change the filter.
It's gone bad. Yes, of the coffee maker.
Like I said, the break room also has like a big handful of little
Cubbies that have various colored forms in them.
All right. Are they conveniently labeled?
Well, they are different colors shit, so I can tell you what
colors you have here. Okay, what color do I have?
You have a? So there are three different
colors. One is purple one is dark purple
and one is white. All right, all right.
Jenni what you think I'm feeling dark purple.
I mean what is also really tense.
I'm very biased towards purple's of any variety and there's two
of them. How can I choose check with the
dark purple? One says, yeah, let's go with
that one. All right, looks like the dark
purple. One, the dark purple one
conveniently you can read infernal.
It's really this cuts, the challenge of this campaign,
right in half. You saw this sheet beforehand.
You can told me. No.
So this this is what's called Frf form, it doesn't explain
what F 4 F stands for anywhere on the form, but like, it's,
it's several. And I mean, several pages long,
we're we're talking like 20 plus that there's a lot of legalese
in it, it has like places for photos.
It has places for like, history. It has places to Mark like what
you're doing, what you're gonna be doing it later on like all
that kind of stuff. It sounds like a permission to
travel forum. All right, just get one of
these. All right, now, it's the purple.
Ones are the ones that look like.
This is a PDF. It's a PDF.
Wait again, does not explain what a PDF stands for, but I'm
under PDF folder. You can see the following
written on like on my kind of bad, the header form for it.
And this is formal request for Patron.
Needs to be assigned to a patron or cult leader.
Two of those two events. This is just one is this form is
19 pages, long pocket, three of them.
Can you pocket three? I took my pockets.
I got plenty of space in there now.
What's the white ones? What's the white one?
You pick up the white form. Again people just like watch it.
I yeah you would think they can all see me doing this but they
don't give a shit. They don't get paid enough to
deal with the hovering forms. This white form is called an
fos. The 0 is lower case.
This one is a one-page form and it just has one sentence written
on it and two check boxes in the sentence reads.
Can we sacrifice you? Yes or no?
It's a form of sacrifice. Good job.
Hey. All right.
We gotta make our new friend fucking sign this immediately.
Yes, we sacrifice. You think about those three of
each form and so you walk out and the security guards are
currently talking to you out there yet and they're like and
you swear, you have no idea what caused the big light.
No fucking clue, man. Like I have dark mission to.
I don't need to see anything there, like, writing notes down
on their hands and they look at you and Their hands over the
light and they go. Are you?
Where are you? An elf?
Maybe those don't really show up here.
What are you? What's up, tan?
Oh my Patron. Kicked me out.
And now I'm looking for work. They look at each other
knowingly. It's not like, yeah, that
happens. Okay.
Okay, so no clue what happens to the light.
No clue. How to stop the light.
Yeah, because here's the thing, if this light keeps going on,
you know, that's a safety, hazard present, shut the
building down or something. So, you know, it's, you know
that Beholder back there, they points at.
That's the ethnic Glass and my she has a prescription.
That doesn't let her, you know, perceive light.
Oh, shit. So, you know, she can't work and
she's the only one Whose license to do the forms.
So this if you can make a statement for us that you just
saw it happen. You're the only one here.
Who seems to be able to stomach those thing besides us.
Yeah. Sure totally.
So he like hands you a yellow slip at the sign.
Your name here saying you saw this happen.
You know what happened? This is science form.
All right. Great, cool.
Okay, I got to go make a phone call to one of the Elder ones
off, you're gonna be so fucking pissed.
The last time, something happened down here, like legit
security guard, started, losing jobs, and head.
So, you know, whatever. So they just go back into the
security room, right? As are our good friend for Larry
and walks out, it's done as well.
Last night, our yeah, you see waste like, but like it looks
like hundreds of reams of paper floating towards you.
So like, hmm, I got the forms, I'll turn the visibility, I'll
turn it off. Cool.
You have the funds as ah yes yes I'll start.
First and foremost, I need you to sign this white one, what's
this? Oh fuck.
You never mind. Just sacrifice someone.
You agree sickness of persuasion roll.
That's a maybe thing that's gonna be an 11.
Oh jeez. It's not gonna hold it in his
hand. He goes.
No, I'm not doing that. You like dislike shreds it and
throws. I'm not, that's for people who
are looking to start cults. Yes, I do.
Start calling sounds like you're feeling out there.
Anyone try to talk him round into this?
Here, I have another one. I like to look at the Forum like
this bewildered. You can't read it.
Sounds like What's okay? To me is white, she sure is I
think you should do it. All right?
I mean to kill you we just need it there in case we need a
sacrifice, just trying to leave. Okay.
We know what the other ones you pocket the for could come in
handy. All right.
You now have a form of sacrifice.
Can we leave? Let's go.
We had these box. We have to write.
So come on I'm running out of like things to do.
You just leave? There's a faith fire going in
the background. Wait I got a pen a pen.
You might need a bed shit. Does anyone have a writing
utensil in their equipment? Oh I have a Scholars pack.
All right ice which I I'm comes with an ink and quill.
See you have a bottle of ink in any pain.
What up Gamemaster Monday earners but monster monsters
fans of the show. We're working on it.
Welcome to the middle of the episode where I get to talk to
you about our wonderful sponsors for today's episode, the high
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And now, without further Ado, the rest of our episodes, once
my concentration ends, the FAE fire will go away.
Way. So are you still concentrating?
I do you ending it. I can concentrate on it for a
little bit just because it's funny.
You tell me? Yeah, once we get to our next
place I'll be done concentrating on it.
Okay, well you know, out of the building and you now know your
remaining options are the employment center and the bus
stop. I will take this get rid of the
bus, stop. I think it only one.
Take the cute animal sacrifice himself.
Need help with the Farms. Oh, I mean, I can, I can so like
I could do it. I guess.
How about the villain out. Okay, so as usual, I guess I
knew of the three forms one of which is very easy to understand
the other two have varying difficulty.
So you have the PDF of course, which as you read, as a formal
request to be assigned, a A patron or cult leader and the r
Fe F which is huge overly. Complicated, lots of forms lines
and boxes. He'll give a theme, yet the PDF
right here Patron discourse form, I put that in my my files
folder on my Hills fold. Yeah, on my computer, it's a few
days little bad. What's your name?
Yeah, you never asked me. My name is Steve.
Just silent. This is from the group just,
like, done it just like, it's not funny.
Pick a different name. Like okay, they're looser last
name. Steve.
Okay, thanks. You're gonna get hurt Patron,
employment form filled out that way.
Okay, don't take the bus. Stop, that's fair.
I will do that then. So the Lutheran looks over the
form like points of the few different check marks and says,
okay, you want to sign here initial bad.
So this is a, this is given to To you by the government after
determining your need for a patron and level of Devotion, to
a hypothetical Patron. So I I can help you.
But you're gonna need to fill out some of these things on your
own, okay? Okay.
Oh God. So, so I need you to roll an
intelligence check that I'm giving you an advantage with you
have Uther to help you. Okay.
So roll to keep the better one. Yep.
Well, good and great. So the hat is a 16.
Okay, cool. So you yeah, 16 Luther
incredibly helpful, is it? I've done this fall.
I'm a few times, I know what they're looking for.
It's not me, but I can help just so you know, upon approval of
said form. It's it's a wait time from
anywhere between my two weeks to 200 years.
Oh God, okay. Sure that's it.
It says, the last page approval can be anywhere from two weeks.
200 years depending on Patron, availability?
Okay, so now that you've completed it, you have to take
it to the employment office, right?
Right. Now, what did you have?
What did I have? No.
No, your friend. He has another form.
Oh yeah. He had the dark purple one,
right? Yeah, the ESR.
What was it? The FR at art that the F.
The f? Are you f?
I think you might need this one. If you want to get a bust out of
here. Yeah.
And it's in about I've been trying to get that form
traveling from traveling out of the four Realms.
Sure. So he grabs the purple form and
he's like, can I Looking through it and filtering through it and
goes. Okay, so there's two different
versions of this form. I just need to figure out which
one I need to fill out. I'm going to make an
intelligence tool for you sir. Oh no, it was theirs fucked.
Did I do it? Boy?
Is he boy, is it Uther old his a plus-one and intelligence to
April 26 shit? He's smarter than I am.
Okay. So, you've heard of me, it was
there, like, kind of like separates the two forms, ones,
dark purple ones, darker purple. And he goes, I'm gonna fill out
the darker purple one. I have a feeling that this might
be the one that applies to me, is it real quick.
So he hands you. The darker purple one and
infernal. You can see very clearly written
out for Gods, only know. All right.
Yes. Yeah.
There's the correct. I'm gonna film this one.
You like Heather like like lays down on the ground in search of
writing on the sidewalk. Now on the other, the dark
purple form that he handed to you to fill out.
You can see that this one is intended for visitors.
Prisoners and protégées of those.
Yeah, here I thought this one out.
Okay, just extra film this extra paperwork for the employment
office. That's all exactly.
So you also need to make an intelligence role for me.
That's going to be a 12 a 12. Okay.
And you fill it out. I'll let you know how that goes
later. It's wonderful.
For my friends, to build out her film is filled out your forms
filled out. I think we've got what we need.
I'm gonna go take my form with you to the employment office and
they should be able to Grant my exit out of the far Realms.
I'm really excited. Wait, don't you two go to the
bus stop to? Look at all the Firearms?
Well yeah. But I gotta do this stamped
first. Oh okay.
Hey, the employment office doesn't have the really long
line like that. Place to die.
God, I hope not. I guess it depends on how many
patrons have lost their their jobs.
Shit. So he's like like he's like
looking at the sign and he's like looking at the town and he
goes actually I think we might need to take the bus to the
employment center. It's been a while since I've
been there. I like whenever the last Big
World War happened. I wouldn't know he's taking the
FAE Wilds for a while. He's a little unsure of where to
go. Basically, either you can walk
to the employment center or you can take the bus to the
employment center. I leave it up to you.
I can do it again. Let's take the bus.
Okay, my mother, all my bones are old.
He go. See you go to the bus, stop.
You've all Seen My Neighbor, Totoro, right?
That lovely cat. Bus that shows up and takes
those kids on a magical journey. Imagine the evil version of
that. It's it looks like it could have
been a slug or a snail, or a centipede or it's all kinds of
like I'm gonna be horrible. Amalgamation of what those
terrible slimy. Insects it comes to a screeching
halt, not a slimy halt, a screeching halt.
Like I said yep. And it arrives at the bus stop
and it opens and there is what looks to be an Eric okra, maybe
not so much anymore. Just driving the bus kind of
hunched over looks like it. It looks like a crow or a raven
but it doesn't look like it was always a crow or a raven if you
get my drift. When Corvette racing Better
Days. Where are you going with office
the employment office? He like reaches up and pulls the
lever down on the bus and it says employment office and
infernal on the top of it. Yep, that's nice.
Perfect please deposit your fair into the slot here.
Horrible, pulsing slot that asks for two gold pieces I have two
gold pieces permit? Yes, yeah.
If they're attached your shoulder.
I have no money. All right over there.
I have one more of these forms here.
You have to sign it. I will not bite your finger.
They're like looks at it. He doesn't really have like a
perceptible face but you kind of get the vibe that he would cry
if he could, if I don't sign this, I can't go to the
employment office with you and you won't pay for me.
I'm going to get it there. He likes sighs.
It looks at the bus driver. Looks at the form.
Looks at you and goes, you like borrows the ink pen and Mark,
say yes on there, and hands it back to you.
All right, steps away for later, the things I'll do for
convenience because you were told not, right?
So the bus, you know, it starts its it makes train noises
Chugga-chugga Choo-Choo. There's a horrible black smoke
coming out of the top of it. It's a gross experience.
The seats are sticky but like like, you know, you know what,
you normally sit in something sticky.
I bet I know what happened here. You don't with this one and
incomprehensible stickiness. And it's just like slowly
marching its way towards the employment office and you're
always on the bus sitting together, worst slug or
centipede or something. Worst inside ever.
I think any one of these ones, okay, there's a lot of smaller
than the bus driver looks behind you and go strange weather.
We're having isn't it? It's strange that we're having
weather at all, to be honest with you.
That's risen. Like, internal Eternal Twilight
and Damnation. I mean, isn't just the normal
weather, yes. But sometimes there's lightning
Like right now there's lightning.
Isn't it isn't dangerous? Is it?
I would imagine if you had struck by it.
As his most lightning, I assume. Why would you say something like
that? Oh, you have.
I'll Faria is like board. And is imagining, like, medieval
Evanescence in her head, as she looks at the streetlights passed
by wake me up, Heather. All right, so the bus arrives at
the employment center, the bus driver.
Opens the door, it gets stuck. He pulls the lever again.
He was sorry, if I was one second, just keeps pulling at
it. It's still stuck.
Uh-huh. He stands up.
He pries. It open himself and just kind of
holding it for you as you walk out.
Okay. Thanks appreciate it.
No problem. Did you both think the bus
driver? Yeah.
You get you both get +1 and inspiration die.
Hey hey, I wrote that in there. They think the bus driver.
They get an inspiration time. Do ya think that's awesome.
Thank you. We teach good morals here in the
far Realm. You arrived or even?
If your chaotic evil, you gotta. Thank your bus.
Try to thank the bus driver. So you actually gotta have some
manners is having a good talk about manners, as you walk into
the employment center. So you walk into the employment
center. There's a statue in front of the
employment center. That looks like, you know and
any another incomprehensible old one like patting, a smaller more
comprehensible but not totally comprehensible child's on the
head and it says Where The Wretched go to get tasks.
So as as you walk into the employment center, it's you are
very very quickly greeted by a creature known as a Novack.
A Norfolk has four fingers all razor-sharp.
One big glowing green eye of a center of its head.
It's kind of shaped like a goblin mix of the porcupine.
That's a Norfolk, my. And he runs right up.
He's wearing no clothing except for a name tag.
The name tag says, Campbell and infernal and Campbell's.
Hi welcome. Good to see you.
Welcome to the employment center, whatwhat's.
You look all crestfallen what's befallen you friends.
So we got fired today. Oh, I'm sorry to hear.
Who was your Patron? Was that guy.
Oh buddy, he's like got this whole like downsizing thing.
He's doing. It's a whole thing.
I don't want to get into it. It's been tough for a lot of us
here. Yeah.
I'm you know I feel very fortunate to work with
Employment center, people are always in need employment.
So I'll always have employment. You know what?
I thought I'd tell my eyes. It's probably insensitive to say
that to you right now. What can I do for you?
So, like we filled out like these forms so that we get in
like a new Patron and stuff. So like maybe we could George,
we do get asked you to start on that.
Great goodness Lee. Yeah.
Okay, so you okay, you're both elves.
Is it all throughout the real Thief.
How I say your it's Al's Aria. Faria.
Beautiful name. Is that what is that?
Or caixa, drow? Yeah.
I always.
Am. I racist mixed up?
I'm so sorry. It's a little.
Let's take a look here. Wow, this is perfectly filled
out. You got everything.
Oh, you even got the secret page written in invisible ink.
No one ever gets that. It's a hard one.
Okay, perfect. Yeah, this is great.
I'll be happy. I'll be happy to approve this
for you. He like reaches, like, behind
his name. Tag and pulls out a stamp rub.
The A raving he likes most, is it into the paper and hands it
back to you but okay. Which one do you like point to a
door? You that Ironclad door with all
the locks on it? Uh, you press the seal that I
just put on there against the door.
It will magically open for you and you'll be given an exam
where will determine you know the best possible Patron for
you. It'll make sense will be
assigned a patron by the government and we should be able
to get you back to Warlock. And within the next two weeks or
two hundred years great because this has been Sucky for the
past, like, five hours that we've been showing warlock
though. It's lots of funds, lots of
uncertainties there. I can get it now.
Of course, this isn't your only option if the wait time.
That's too much for you, you are so welcome to check the
classifieds, go to help sessions employment fairs in the far
Realms. Now there's faster ways to get
hired but this one, the government will take care of you
with Okay. Alright, now you also an elf.
Yes, what form did you fill out? Okay, so he like grabs it.
Like okay, so this is an F ref. So this is what's called, the
far, realm, exit form. So you are applying to leave the
far rounds. I thought both of them.
Okay. Well, do you have your filled
out PDF form? Yes here.
Okay, perfect. So he's easily.
I'm looking at both of the forms, you know, give a f--- ref
not totally filled out correctly, unfortunately.
So we won't be able to get you out of here, but let me take a
look, your PDF form. Can you make an intelligence
role for me? That's going to be 19.
Nice 19. Wow, even more perfectly filled
out. Wow, this is great.
Perfect, penmanship written in an infernal.
That's a nice touch, you know? So okay.
Perfect. Yeah, I appreciate the need to
go sign these night. I might have before him, I kind
of like nudging. Like, hey, can I get one of them
F reps to just in case. Thanks.
And then he looks at who throws out and what did you fill out?
Well II have he like, kind of like sheepishly like I filled
out a form to be sacrificed, but I also have the F4F Campbell
looks over. The effing goes, this is the one
for God's, you're not one of those can't accept this.
No. Can I at least follow them into
the back room? I am technically bound to This
one and he points to you flare. Yep.
Hmm. Sorry that that's that's only
for people who've crappy, father, Pete.
You can wait here and fill out a new PDF or an F for you.
We have some experts here. Who can walk you through it but
no you have to wait here with the form author.
So it was, there goes in very sad.
Least it's on like an office, like looking like a waiting room
chair kind of slumped over filling out a new form.
This is, and that's a human I've ever seen Campbell point of the
right. All right.
You can go through that door. Okay, cool.
All right, both of us are running out of time.
You can both go in. It's fine.
I'm sure. Okay.
So we scan our Badge of stamp - mmm and stamp.
So so you you walk into that room.
Wow. Darker than ever.
And there is a incomprehensible being chained to the wall.
The staring down upon you and goes welcome.
Completers of the form, my name is Faris done the chain, the god
I understand you are looking for patronage.
Yeah. You got any openings first?
You must answer my questions. 30.
There's always questions. Three.
I'm good at questions. Three, if you've done it
westerns 3 before. It's not too dissimilar from
previous questions. Three.
Excellent question 1, feel free to answer separately or
together. Why do you seek employment?
The start a new coal really great started called you want to
create a cold for your Patron? Yes, absolutely.
Fair enough. And your answer well for me,
just looking for a change, you know need some good work oh
buddy wasn't working out because you know, got fired there.
But yeah just just needing some good old-fashioned work.
Excellent question to have you sought employment Ointment this
week, no. I mean, I did offer to kill
nobody's nephew and take his place so you wanna fire me but
he said no. Well you are still employed 20,
buddy. Now got fired this morning.
Okay, the third and final question.
Are you willing to give your mind soul heart and body to any
Patron that you are assigned to for a minimum 60 years, failure
to complete 60 years will disqualify you from further
employment. I kind of like Lena was like
hate it. I hate to be bothered.
Nobody, give us back our souls. I mean I assume it's kind of
like Shaq you can both make a religion check which is a check
to see, I guess is back. That'll be a 17.
Okay, it's a 13 for me. Okay, so you're often really,
you're not sure, but I'll give you the information packed.
Yes, you can feel your soul back in your body.
Oh good. Yeah, I think we're clear on
that one. All right, ok.
Nice. Except for a minimum of 60 years
though, minimum 60 years of the government standard for
employment. It's fine elves.
Let's for like fucking ever. So it's fine.
Yeah, that's right. To be fun.
Yeah, the the chain, God opens his mouth.
That becomes the size of a door and a large yellow portal.
Years before you owe and it's going to take a certain a
patron, his mouth is currently adore.
I go through the mouth door. Excellent.
Let's get him. So you enter the door and you
see a Beholder, different Beholder, than the one of them
in the employment center. And this one greets you and says
how Godly step forward. Hi.
How's it going? Same as ever.
Oh, that bad, huh? My name is Ross.
I'll be the one designating your government assigned.
Patron. First of all, please raise your
hand. Raise my hand and repeat after
me. Yeah aye, aye, aye your name,
your name. I'm sorry.
Wow, every fucking day, someone thinks they're a comedian.
Start over. Aye aye, your name, I'll fairy
your blood Maria Monroe. Do solemnly, swear do solemnly,
swear, do solemnly swear my heart mind, soul and body, my
heart mind soul, and body my mind, heart soul, and body to
the patron, the government. Assigns, to me to the patron
that government decides to me like to my government, assigns
Patron for a minimum of 60 years for a minimum of 60 years for a
minimum of 60 years. I recognize I recognize I
recognize that failure to uphold this contract, that failure to
uphold this contract failing to uphold the contract can result
in further. Keishon can resolve resolve
further disqualification for employment or life for
employment for life for employment or life.
But she closes her hand. You both feel a burning feeling
in your hand, kind of smarts, and then you like wave it off.
It's fine. And that just very well.
You will be contacted through a burning in your hand and a
patron has been assigned to you. Good day.
She closes the pores. And your back outside the
employment center. Oh hey, that was fast.
All right, it's not even to wait for God knows how long two weeks
to two hundred years. Yeah, you you, you see a monster
floating above you, with one, giant eyeball just kind of
staring at you. Oh, that's a dude, hi-yah.
You want to lose track of time? This is just an excuse for you
to do. Funny voices, isn't it?
That's what the aiming is. Well, I mean, depends, what do
y'all want to go forward in time?
What's the catch fight me? That's the cat is fighting.
You fight me? All right.
Wait wait. Hear me out here.
How unsatisfying you? We give you a sacrifice that I
can find. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Okay, pull out your form of sacrifice that he sighed.
All right. For me, flurry of all of the
support of sacrifice. They signed at the very bottom
of the sinuses to summon your sacrifice.
Repeat, their full name is there Steven your Steven with Steven?
He appears before you and goes ah, shit.
The monster descends upon Luther and just as beating The shit out
of it. Sir looks up at you with like,
doesn't have eyes, but if it could, you could probably see a
logging and a, and a life lost and dreams being extinguished as
he whispers to you, why? And he vanishes from the far
realm into tiny particles. All right, perfect.
We'll have a patron. That was the the monsters
monster stairs. You both in the eyes and a
bright light gets shot. Into them you're disoriented for
a little bit but when you wake up, your hands are burning.
Hey, all right. Okay, a swirling poor people,
poor people a swirling purple Vortex appears behind both of
you two different portals. Wait, is this the same color
purple as the one that nobody some doesn't the little
different but it is Okay, okay, so two different portals.
Are they the same color? You can make a perception check.
I like those so great for me. And that's a five of the die for
a total of eight. Hey, that is a 23 for me.
Oh my God. Okay, well that you have seen so
much purple Flareon that you can't really tell the difference
between the colors anymore there.
You can very quickly tell the the purple's are different
shades, okay? So I'm going to go through my
purple and you go through your purple and see ya.
I thought that's really nice meeting you.
Well, we'll start with you. I'll bury.
So, you walk in and you are surrounded in a world of
boiling, mud grades. As, you know, imagine, like, a
pot boiling on the stove, but instead of water and ramen,
that's mud and you, you see a dark brown, like all sorts of my
gross thing is dripping off of him and incomprehensible elder
god and he was like, he's reading something here.
Looks Over Heels. Excellent.
You're my new Patron. Yeah, that's that's me the new
Patron who greetings? My name is boram.
Good to meet. You borrow.
I oversee the lake of boiling mud.
He like Jesters to the mud at Pops in front of you.
Okay. Wipes are load off my cheek.
I was reading on your form that you have an expertise in the
face a while. I wish to conquer it.
If I grant you, incredible abilities.
Can you do this for me? Yeah.
Like easy. Like the say already.
Like love me. So it'll be like a piece of
cake. He likes suits.
Boiling mud into your mouth, okay?
That grossed me out for real. Make a constitution in real
life. Most that's a 19-4 constitution
on Altaria. It's gross at first, but you
feel the familiar warmth of Patron.
E magic return to your body. Huzzah, excellent Absalom.
I can tell, we're going to be great Pals.
He likes not snaps per se but he does rub his fingers together.
And you reappear back in the face a while.
I'll tell ya, I'm gonna get straight to fucking work back to
what I was doing before, which would be the exact same thing.
Except now, we're doing it for conquering reasons the end that
you were talking to before he goes.
Hey, where were you last week? So like I got fired from my
warlock, Joe. So I was stuck in the far realms
for a bit, but I do have your payment.
And I would give them the three gold that I promised them.
Thank you. Yeah.
Totally. Well I guess I'll see you later.
Yeah, absolutely. You have you have a good weekend
or whatever day it is. What day is it?
By the way? I've been trapped for like an
incomprehensibly long time. A tree has leaves.
Cool. See you later.
Alright. Balerion, you also appear in a
different realm. Not boiling mud, though.
Yours is surrounded by flames. It's hot as hell in there.
And you also see an incomprehensible God.
Made of a different varieties of color flame.
You see, you know, your standards, your Reds, your
oranges, your Blues, there's some green.
And there's like a rainbow of flaming colors and he goes,
greetings! My name is Taryn, faxes.
I am the flamed one. I understand you're looking for
employment. Yes, indeed.
I'm looking to get back to the main round so I can great Colts
in your name, and get lots of wealth.
And you know, if I know it's really hot, this this room is
really heavy. Let me tell you how I know
right, Hood terms of Up higher like, Isn't it nice?
Oh, hold on a second. If Larry just takes the robots,
we just think I'm just a loincloth, feel better.
The Raptor isn't that? What the hell is?
This guy's name to rent? The racks is nods and goes.
Alright. Alright sick.
I like it or like a loose environment here.
It's hard to keep the here. Some other ones, you know,
they're like, I gotta keep the whole workplace night that if
they not me baby were the new Elder ones.
Ha. Ha anyway to that, you're going
to want man. So cold.
It's Colts, you know, big in, they called, you know, that big
foundation of what we did historically are you open to
trying something different? Oh, what, what what buddy?
Got mind, so I, you know, I want to like, you know what, we don't
do Cults. We want to make Cults like new
and exciting like, you know, culture usual stuff.
The Pollyanna, the polygamy, the sacrificing, the poison punch,
bowls, old hat, you've done it. What's our, what is Our new and
exciting, take on Cults with you have for me.
All right, here, we got here. We're gonna base it out of a
volcano. Whoo.
You know, anyone, we don't like anyone has a problem with drunk
throw into it. See now now we're talking
because if you're not, if you're not with it, you might as well
be out of there, right? If you have the volcano,
actually, absolutely. I like, I'm picking up.
What? You're putting down and, like,
go in here. I'm gonna give you this, he
shoots a fireball into your psyche stomach.
Oh, make it constitutional for me.
Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, that was a natural one.
That's what you got. Another natural one?
No! Yes!
Oh my God. So, so apparently you lied at
some point during the initiation ceremony you are not willing to
give your heart mind and soul into this.
The the fire like consumes you and the the loincloth you were
wearing is all that is left of each.
Oh my God, people just are so hard to let go of old ways, I
guess. I'm had depressing that is a
very bureaucratic version of and Dragons Jenny case.
Thank you for playing k. Sorry you died on my dice, just
don't like me. Do you really want this honor?
Roll of the whole game and then at the very end we dramatic note
to end on Recent, I know you love to see it.
Great. I love it happens.
Thank you both for playing. Thank you all for listening.
Like I said, this was an original adventure for Dungeons
& Dragons, K as our special guest.
Please tell us about your show, what you've got going on.
Where can people hear more of you and you're alive?
Yeah, absolutely. So I am the GM for the
Starfighter actual plate. Dude, where's my drift?
It's we're playing a drift. Crashers Adventure path.
For granted by paizo. We stream on YouTube.
Youtube.com slash at has the a Every other Monday and released
new episodes. Every Monday you can find set.
Dude, where's my drift.com on Twitter and Instagram at the wmd
podcast? And we're just here to have a
good time as I torment my players as much as possible.
I throwing them in all sorts of weird situations.
I hope your players got a lot of catharsis by listening to you.
Get frustrated by the biggest evil.
I could think of capitalism the TMV.
You're not, you're not wrong about one.
I'm sure they'd get a kick out of this folks.
Definitely Check out dude, was my drift.
One of my favorite actual play podcast, honored to have K on
the show. And again, thank you both for
playing with me, you no problem. Check out dude, was my drift.
One of my favorite actual play podcast, honored to have K on
the show. And again, thank you both for
playing with me, you no problem.