Anyone listen to any good podcasts lately?
Yeah, I've been listening to this really good one.
It's called Ansley and the Gaps Rose Camp.
Adventure listening to I've been listening to.
That too, you guys. I is it.
Wow. What are the odds?
What? Are the odds.
My favorite part is how likable the main characters are.
The same, but we can't don't talk about anything after the
first episode because I haven't gotten past.
You don't want her. Spoilers.
No spoilers. Spoilers.
I'm like halfway through the second episode right now.
Oh man, you got like. You're slow Ainsley and the Gap
are on the carriage with Post Minjer man so far behind.
Such a like a mysterious figure. Yeah, I know, I know.
Post Minjer is really. Yeah, what an original character
like I. Just feel like they're not based
on any previous. Me too, me too.
You like there? There could never have been like
a pre minjer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I want to live in the bit with
you guys, but I just really love the fact that we all started
listening to Ainsley and the Gap Pros Camp Adventures again, more
or less independently of one another.
Yeah, I did not start listening independently.
You guys were all listening to it and talking about it and I
got jealous. It's interesting, like I had the
thought actually, like before you, before we talked about it
as a group, I had the thought of like, you know what, right now,
at this moment, I think I might go ahead and re listen to this.
And then I did talk to you guys and you were like, we're already
doing that. And I was like, Oh my God.
And so then I started it again. Man, so you know what,
listeners, if you're just ever in need of some insane fucking
vibes, some really, really likable main character if.
You, for some reason feel that you desperately need a
distraction. And then maybe you would like.
To re. Listen.
Listen honestly. Like when PB.
There's people who have skipped it.
That's true. Which is insane because it's
literally better than our actually.
The best. That's the best thing we've ever
made it. Absolutely.
It is actually like when people who I don't think will actually
enjoy our podcast are like, oh, I want to listen to your
podcast. I recommend for them to listen
to pros camp adventures. Yeah, there you go.
Because it's a nice little stand alone.
It's fucking insane. It's fucking insane.
I think it's some of our best work.
I agree and also if they don't like pros camp adventures
ventures, they won't venture into the rest of the podcast
which actually contains sincere creative expression, which I
cannot. I can't let anybody be in my
real life be exposed to. That I would argue that my
sincere creative expression is in Rose camp.
It's my my darkest and most evil sincere expression.
Yeah, yeah. It's like it's a different form,
but it's very like for me, it's like it's very free.
It's very. Loose it's a it's a dark outlet.
It's like it's something that was always inside.
Of me. I just feel like you're the only
one saying it's dark, Juniper. It's a really thing.
It's a really dark. I'm just noticing that you are
feeling like. Rim like demonic.
Yeah, it's actually, it's an actually, it's a fantasy grim
dart. It's a grim dart.
It's. Pretty edgy, Yeah, it's pretty
edgy. I mean, there's some edgy stuff
in there, like when we were on the edge of the Canyon.
Sorry for the spoilers. No.
Wow, that was pretty. Oh my gosh.
Pretty edgy. There's a Canyon.
I'm so sorry. Oh my.
God, it's ruined now I'm. Sorry.
I'm really sorry. So anyway, if any of you guys
would love to listen to a beautiful Ainsley and the Gap
adventure, please join us in our Re Listen to Ross Camp.
It's genuinely been a healing experience.
And so healing. And make your posts on
Chariathon Tumblr. That's currently the only social
media. Yeah, we are.
We are actively checking our Tumblr and our Patreon if.
You are Patreon. And so like, that's where we
would love to be contacted about you listening to host camp.
Yeah, tell us your favorite host camp bits.
Yeah, if anybody wants to live blog re listening to host camp.
We wanna, yeah, we wanna hear that.
We would love to hear that. Speaking of being insane about
our own podcast, Yeah, let's play D&D.
Hello, my name is Kat and I am your DM.
Hi, I'm Noel and I play the gap. Literally stole the joke I was
going to do. I mean, that was the joke we
were all going to do. Hi, I'm Jennifer and I play
korban. Nice.
Hello, I'm a arrow and I of course play slick.
Great. Oh yes.
OK, OK, OK, OK. I love Ainsley's laugh.
Yeah, it's brutal. So what happened last time you
guys fought a dragon? That's right.
That's what happened last time you fought the dragon.
You killed the dragon, and then you had to fight Weah because
she was possessed by the spirit of Rayel, the force of war, and
compelled to try and stop you. So you guys mostly ran from
Weah. You didn't really try and fight
her or harm her. You mostly just ran now.
We don't want to hurt Weah. Yeah, Weah didn't want to fight
her. We don't want to hurt Weah.
Yes, and Weah didn't want to fight you, you either, but she
was compelled so you guys got on the back of her beautiful fox
and ran like hell as she pursued you.
You were, at the end of it, able to find a bottleneck.
Against all odds. You were able to use your eyes
and look to find a bottleneck. Yeah, that was really something.
You did do that. Bottleneck is the smallest part
of the bottle. Yeah.
And so after finding the
bottleneck and collapsing it so that Weah was trapped on the
other side, maybe she was trapped, maybe it was worse.
We don't know. Very she's.
Fine. She's fine.
You're right, she's fine. So then Phelan found you on the
other side of the bottleneck. He has been scouting ahead in
order to try and find a path for you guys to get through to the
tie to Cairns. So after he found you and he let
you know kind of what was going on, that Torva had cleared out
the whole tie to Cairn and turned it into a dragon factory,
he went out through these abandoned warehouse streets.
You saw the dragon looming overhead, mostly complete, an
absolute horror. You saw at the workshops where
Torva and his minions have been, rendering the dwarves down for
parts. It was truly horrific.
But the most horrific thing of all was that wasn't failing, and
you were. You were betrayed by the
betrayer. And they all.
Switcheroo. They all switcheroo and you were
led into a trap. That is where you are now,
surrounded by zombies and Taida Karen soldiers and we are gonna
roll initiative. Well, I got a four.
OK, Corbin, what'd you roll? 4 Sweet baby.
I got 12. OK.
I got 10. And Mary got, she got 11, OK?
Can wait, wait, wait before we start with an attack?
Can you give us like a just like description of the battlefield
'cause I don't know what's happening?
OK, yeah, we we took a break between when I described it and
now. Yeah.
So you were I just remembered we're.
Surrounded. You are surrounded.
So where are we? We're in the middle of an open.
Big open Plaza. Above you is Dragon, ahead of
you is Tita Cairn. All around you are zombies and
guys with cold iron. That's right.
But yeah, so you're basically just in a big open area.
It looks like that like Torva just flattened a bunch of
buildings to make a big Plaza. And how far above us is the
dragon? Far.
Like hundreds of. Feet.
Hundreds of feet. And how far ahead of us is the
TYTA Karen? That's where we're trying to get
to, right? You are the TYTA Karen is, I'll
say like 60 feet in front of you.
The gates are shut. So let's get started with the
zombies. All right, Zombies are going
first in the Initiative. So this is our first block of
four zombies, and we'll say two of them are going to go after
Fran and two are going to go for Corbin.
Don't like that? Don't like that at.
All I know, thumbs down. All right, they are going to
each. They're gonna.
DNI. Slam and welcome to the slam.
So first roll against Fran, that is A5 that's not going to hit
and second one's A1, so that's also not going to hit.
Damn. And against Corbin.
Not 20s both, that is no. First one is a six that doesn't
hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're rolling really, really bad.
OK, that one is a 16. Does that hit your own?
Class Hell no, bitch. Try.
All right, so the the zombies just claw at you.
And we're just dancing away. From We're like doing ballet,
we're doing ballet. We're.
Doing ballet. You're Yeah, you're your ballet
together. Pretty mom.
All right, Next in the order is Fran.
So I'm going to cast magic circle with my anus levels hot.
OK What that means in this case is that for a 10 foot radius
around us, undead can't come in. OK, so they cannot enter by non
magical means. They have disadvantage on attack
rolls against us if they can attack from 10 feet away.
So Fran, immediately after her amazing ballet dance aways from
the zombos, drops down onto one knee and has one leg out like a
matrix pose or something. And she puts she puts her hand
on the ground, and a magic circle of glowing ruins expands
around it as if it was water, filling cracks, and the zombos
are blasted. They're blasted.
Oh.
Friend, it looks so cool. Thanks and I stand up.
OK, sounds. Good, I seem really cool.
All right, so Next up is a Teta Karen soldier who is wielding a
great axe and a javelin and he is going to rush towards you.
He is not undead, so he is gonna pass through that circle with
Wild abandoned and he is going to smash his great axe into
Fran. Why do they target me?
Well, maybe because you just put down a cool magic circle that's.
Cool. It's not my fault that that's
cool. Like.
Oh my God, it is. OK, So he is what?
Does he want? That is going to be an 18 to
hit. Well I just got my mega armor so
it doesn't. Hit.
Really. No.
Oh, I I was ready to believe you.
Second. Really.
Wow. I really sorry you actually said
it. You said it really confidently.
I also was like, oh, when did Noel?
Cast that, I thought that I thought no one was bullshitting,
but Cat wasn't reacting, so I thought it was real.
I was like 100% on board. I just.
I'm sorry, I just trust and love my friends and that they're
going to. Lie.
And that was your first fucking. Thing and I just can't assess
reality so I rely on looking at how cat is it.
Anyways, no, my armor class is like 15.
Okay, so the 18 hits as does the 17th.
Yeah, so that is going to be boop and boop 500.
No, don't worry, he actually didn't roll super good, so it's
only going to be 14 damage. Next up is another tie to Cairn
Soldier. He's wielding a cold iron chain,
but he's not going to use it this turn.
Instead, he is just going to charge up and try and shove you
out of the magic circle for him. All right, So that's going to be
a strength contest. OK, well, that's good because
I'm really good at strength. Yeah, I know you're really good
at strength. Good.
I'm glad. I'm so glad that this is going
to happen. What?
You roll, don't. You roll through, you don't.
Want to talk about? Oh, oh, did you get pushed?
I'm about to get pushed you guys.
I rolled A1. And I rolled a 23.
So. Dude, he pushes you to the
ground. He.
Pushes me into the sky. Yep, so he has to.
He is going to shove you out of the circle.
Oh. God damn, I believe the circle
stays where it is and does not come with me.
Fran All right. Yo, you can't push people like
that. Now it is Mary's turn, and Mary,
oh boy, does she need to heal. You guys doesn't.
She, yeah, she really does. She really?
She really does. You guys would really love a
little bit of that, wouldn't you?
Yeah, I would. I'm not doing horrible, I'm not
awful. I only have.
I'm never going to turn it down. I mean, I'm not going to turn it
down either, OK? I need it.
You guys are like, it's fine, we don't need to be healed and
Corbin's like please. I think the Corbin bleeding out
of consensus that no one needs any healing so we can just move
forward. Mary is going to cast Mass Heal
Wounds, Mass Cure Wounds and that is going to be oh gosh, she
rolled 3 threes, so that will be 9 + 9.
That is 18 healing for everybody.
Thank you. Thank you, Mary.
Thanks, Mary. Thanks, Mary, Fran says.
Like from the ground 50 feet away.
We're coming for you, Fran. Actually, wait cat, how far can
you shove someone? I think you only shove them like
5 feet. 5 feet, yeah. OK, I just got pushed barely out
of the circle, but I'm feeling really dramatic about it, Yeah.
My maneuvers are coming. I made a Ding sound and I
disappeared. So now it is going to be one of
the other chain wielding tidal Cairn soldiers.
And I think, yeah, he is gonna sweep the chain.
He's gonna sweep the legs and use his chain sweep.
And Corbin and Slake and Mary will all need to make Dexterity
saving throws. 10. What was the modifier?
It's a Dexterity. Dexterity saving OK, so bad 5.
Mary, meanwhile, got a 19. Acrobatic.
Yeah, Mary manages to jump out of the way.
Meanwhile, Corbin and Slake, you are both knocked prone.
Oh. My God.
So that is going to be 8 damage to each of you.
Next, from one of the nearby workshops, a swarm of.
At first you think it's another zombified dwarf, but no, no, you
realize it's it's not. It's just limbs, just a swarm of
discarded pieces that have been reanimated and now swarmed
together and toward you. A.
Shambling Mass. Yeah, a swarm of zombie limbs,
you might say. What the fuck?
Oh God. It is followed closely from
another workshop by another swarm of limbs, and they are
going to converge on, we'll say one of them is going to go for
Fran and one of them is going to go for Slake.
Why would they even make these? You know you got to use all
parts of the animal when you're to do ethical.
Butchering. That's true.
Really concerned about ethical butchering Torvas.
So they are going to swarm over you.
I'll say, Fran, you are going to get swarmed over and it is going
to occupy your space. I'm just lost in a shambling
mass of limbs. You are, yeah.
And let's see, it is going to damage you.
That is going to be 15 to hit. Yeah, that hits.
Okay. And then it is going to just be
a little for damage to to you, not much, not much.
They're not trying to like, stomp on me, they just happen to
step on my little hand. Yeah, well, more that they are
currently all up on you. You are covered.
I also have limbs. I'm part of it.
Yeah, you're part of it now. You're drowning in limbs and the
second swarm is going to go after you slake.
So it actually it runs at you slake and then it parts around
the magic circle like a sea. And converges on me from both
sides. And converges on friends from
both sides. So Fran, this is going to go for
the grasping limb attack. Going to try to pull your limbs
into its arriving mat. To hit that is going to be an
18, so that'll hit you. Yeah.
Please make it strength saving throws.
Strength. If I'm not strong enough, does
it pull off my limbs? No.
Hey I got a 17. You got a 17?
OK, You did not get restrained this round, but I also realized
that actually they get a multi attack and they both get to try
this on you. Okay.
So the first ones just got to try again here.
Let me see if it hits. It was 3 damaged the first time,
second was a 14 to hit. And that doesn't hit.
OK, so the second one does not hit you, it's just swarmed on
top of. You Fran's starting to get her
bearings inside of the swarm. Yeah, you're, you're not
restrained. Like dragging herself across the
ground. Yeah, you're not restrained, but
you are covered in disembodied limbs.
And now it is another tie to Karen Soldiers turn.
It is going to. It's going to go after one of
our prone boys and we'll see Corbin.
It's going to attack you with a Grade X and it gets advantage
because you are currently prone. Which is great because it only
rolled a nine the first time. Yep, didn't roll great the
second time either. That was a 13 on its first
attack. That doesn't hit you?
No, on its second attack, yeah on the second attack it does
roll a non natural 20 so that is going to hit you for a cool 15
damage. He clopped me in half.
Yeah, you are getting clopped in half.
All right. Now it is Slake's turn.
OK, so I'm not prone. If I wanted to get up, would I
have to use my whole like turn to do that?
You just have to use all of your movement.
Oh, so Slake. They're on the ground and they
see this terrible mass that's converging around Fran, and then
they remember the tattoo that Fran gave them.
And seeing as this is a pretty fucking desperate situation,
it's like touches their wrist where Fran made the mark and
concentrates. Fran, tell me what happens.
Your symbol starts glowing and a weird little protrusion starts
coming out of it, also glowing, and then it continues to rise up
and it suddenly looks like a huge hand, and then the rest of
it rushes out of you like so many junks out of a river
spirit. And what is?
It and it pours out, oily but still glowing and when it stands
up it's barrel girl. Go get Fran.
Who are you? What?
Why am I here again? God.
Barrel Girl, you've seen me around.
You need to. Go.
Lost, Fran cannot hear. She does not know what's
happened. You need to go help Fran right
now. I.
Would rather do anything but and then he goes and he helps Fern.
OK, so we're going to pop you into the initiative, my friend.
OK, cool. I want Barrel Gara to go and I
guess let's probably just attack the shambling mound that's on
top of you. Are there one or two shambling
mounds on 2? So he has multi attack, he has
one bite and two punches. OK perfect.
So Carl Gur is going to use multi attack then to try and get
this stuff off of Fran. One with its bite and two with
its fists. Rolled in.
OK, yeah, let's let's bite. Fuck yes.
OK for that first attack you said it's +7 so that's like way
over 20. Yep, that we.
Can't roll the other two. Oh nice, that is 22.
OK, that hits. Oh, and that third one's just
11. That also hits.
Oh, OK. I mean, they're shambling mass
that make kind of makes sense. Yeah, they're easy to hit.
Awesome. OK, so that's going to be a
total of of 29 damage if all three multi attacks hit.
It does all right. Barl Gura just tears apart one
of these mounds off of you. Fran just rips it apart limb
from limb. Literally limbs that he is
ripping from other limbs. And Fran like laying on the
ground, like sees like the limbs parting above her head and then
sees like Barl Gura's horrible drooling face.
Beautiful visit. But if he is out with Fran, oh
boy, that means he's exposed. He's exposed.
He's. Exposed to another mass of
shambling zombies that are going to RIP at him and 1st zombie is
going to attack him and that's going to be a 24 to hit and a 12
to hit. So one will hit.
Yep. OK, so that's going to be 6
damage on the 1st zombie. Second zombie's going to go for
him. Same thing, multi attack.
First one's a 13 that doesn't hit.
Second one is a nine, which also doesn't hit.
That's OK. Third zombies attacking him,
that is a 12 and a 18. So that one is gonna hit and
that will be a sweet little 4 damage to him.
And then the next zombie, and that is gonna be 22 to hit on
the first one. Yep.
And 2nd 1 is a 19, so that is gonna be 5 damage and another
six damage. So let's see, that's 21 damage
total. Yeah, OK, well, glad it's him
and not me. All right, Corbin, you're up.
You're Oh no, you're down. I'm down, OK.
You're on, you are on the ground.
I and it's just movement to get up right Yep OK well I'm I'm a
get up dust myself off blood comes out and then.
Corbin. I'm going to cast my old
faithful Moonbeam. OK, Moonbeam at the fifth level
specifically. All right.
Are you sure you don't want to do an AOE Do.
You want to. Actually, I do have wall of
fire. Oh really?
So I'm going to make the firewall go around all of us,
and I want it to cut through the zombies as many as I can on its
way around. So like the front zombie of
each, you know what I mean? Oh yeah, I get you, I get you.
Yeah, and but the shambling mass will still will be inside of the
firewall because it's on top of France.
As well like the Torva. Soldiers as well, the Torva
soldiers get their asses. But then I want there to be like
a little opening, like behind us or to the side, not behind us,
to the side of us. You could also make there be no
opening. You know what?
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
We're trapped in here. Nobody's getting.
In They're trapped in here with us, yeah.
OK, then you have to do Dexterity saving throws.
OK, all the zombies, I'm rolling for all of them at once.
I roll the six. They all, they all failed.
They all failed. Great.
OK, so that's going to be, you said it's the lead zombie of
each group. So you're hitting 4 zombies
actually. Well, you're hitting 4 zombies.
You're going to hit the four zombies that are around
Barlgura, really, because they're all the ones who are
like, closely around you right now.
OK, OK. Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah. Are all the all the Torva
soldiers already like betwixt us?
So you've. Got are there more on the
outside when it hit them too? Well, no, actually all the Torva
soldiers are within are within your magic circle. 6D8 fire
damage. Roll it for me. 24 fire damage
cat. Alright, they don't like it.
Good. They're not like none of them.
None of them dead though, huh? Nope, they'll have to take more
damage if they want to come near us, Yeah.
That's OK, they're zombies. Do you think they care?
Well, they're going to care. They're going to care when
they're dead again, just be little pile of dust and we start
eating them. OK, well now it is another group
of zombies turns. So there are 8 zombies coming up
in the initiative right now and none of them are going to attack
this round. Instead, they are just going to
space themselves out all around the perimeter of this firewall.
But scary. I don't like that.
Yeah, so they're just all going to wait.
So now we're back to the up the order now with another 4
zombies. And these 4 zombies are also
still outside the circle. They are the ones that, Oh no,
they would be inside the circle but would have been pushed out
by the magic circle. So they're inside the fire ring,
but outside the magic circle. Yeah, it's really.
It's very simple. Very simple.
So they're like there's a barrel gura pocket.
It's a doughnut. Yeah, so there's a barrel Gura
pocket that's basically full of eight zombies and Barrel Guru.
And. Fran.
I'm coming for you, Fran. So.
Right. I forgot you're there, Fran.
OK. I mean, I'm like I'm lost under
the zombie limbs. In a pile.
You are, and two of the zombies are just going to slam into that
pile of limbs. Do they do damage to the limbs
and me? Yeah, I don't care about these
limbs. You don't care about the limbs.
Fran, you are still prone, so this is an advantage.
Fran So all right, first one is neither of those are going to
hit you. That was a 5 out of 10.
You're OK, You're insulated by right that it also does not hit
the limbs. So and then the second zombie is
going to attack again. OK, that is going to be a 14 on
its first attack. It doesn't hit me, but does hit
the limbs. It does hit the limbs.
Nice. Well, that's 14 on its first
roll to attack on its first attack, because it's attacking
with advantage anyway, 17. My Lord.
And then the second one that is its highest roll is a 17 hit.
And that hits. OK so then you are going to take
a not much just for bludgeoning damage on each attack.
So that is 8 bludgeoning damage to you, Fran and now the other
zombies are going to attack Baal Gura, a 19 that will hit Baal
Gura. Yeah.
And 17, which will also hit. Yeah.
OK. So that is just going to be
rolled. Not very good.
Good. Just going to be another 4
damage total. Ouchy.
So, Fran, you are. Well, you're down.
Laying on the ground, you're under the.
Zombies. Underneath the zombies, we're
all girls on the other side of the zombies.
I don't know if that's good or bad cat.
Are there like particular rules about me getting away from these
shambos on top of me? Or do I just can I just?
Leave. You can leave because you did
not get restrained by the. True.
Yeah, I didn't get restrained. Yeah.
So I think I want to do a barrel roll or a barrel roll as the
case may be. And honestly, like even if I am
taking a tax of opportunity, I mean, what who's engaged with
me? Just the shambos.
The shambling limbs and 2 zombies.
OK, it's fine. Whatever.
I'll take a tax of opportunity to get.
I want to roll into the circle. OK, into the magic circle where
they can't come in. The thing is, you have to use
all of your movements to stand up.
I'm not standing up, I'm a barrel rolling.
If, if, if, if. You do have a movement option.
You cannot roll, but you can crawl.
OK, that's the same ass thing. OK, I'll let you roll.
I want to do my barrel roll. OK, do a barrel roll.
Do you? Do you like it to crawl like?
Is your like movement speed as a crawler like way less?
Just is that the distinction? Yeah, I think reasonably your
movement speed would be halved. But that's enough.
At a crawl and you can't attack. Yeah, crawling.
True. OK so I'm going to just barrel
roll into the circle and can I attack from the ground?
You can. You'll attack a disadvantage and
you are also going to take 3 attacks of opportunity.
OK, Yeah. All right, so first attack to
hit was only an 11, so you're doing OK there.
Second one is 15, but don't worry that's just an enemy to
four damage. OK.
Then you are also going to take an attack of opportunity from
the limbs. Yeah, that's a seventeen hits
and that will hit you and they are going to do 8 damage to you.
OK so Fran just like tucks in her arms with her like forearms
in front of her face and rolls as fast as she can going and
it's just being attacked and buffeted by all sides until she
lands in the. In the magic circle.
Safety question mark of the Magic circle, Yeah.
That's a big question, Mark. Yeah, but.
There's lots of, there's lots of stuff a.
Friend, are you okay? No, all right, I think what I'm
going to do is I'm going to target one of the biggie
baddies. OK.
Do you mean one of the Torvilla? Yeah, one of the.
Torvilla So are you casting a spell on them?
Yes, and they need to make an intelligence saving throws.
No they don't. They simply absorb the magic as
they are if they're. Holding it.
No, they're all wearing glowing badges pin to their cloaks,
which you realize as those badges absorb.
The magic that you cast upon them are made from bone.
Your spell instead is absorbed entirely by the badge pin to the
Tedekaran soldiers. Club.
So basically magic won't work on them at all.
Cool. Fran slams her fist into the
ground and goes fuck. And now it is the Tedekaran
Warriors turn and I think it is going to attack Corbin.
He's going. To die, you guys.
Corbin. And he's going to push you.
What the fuck? He's going to.
This isn't allowed. He's.
Going to push me. He's going to push you, he's
going to try and push you out of of the circle.
These are sent. To the fire.
This is psycho. This is psycho.
Thought that Torba's army had such advanced battle.
Tactics. This is Corray.
We supposed to prepare for this. All right, that is going to be a
strength contest here, Corbin. Yeah, I got a natural one, baby.
What the fuck? Sorry.
Corbin Yeah, it Well, well, well above a one.
You get shoved out and into the fire.
And why don't you roll some fire damage for yourself?
OK, can I choose to break concentration instead of being
killed by my own fire? You know what you can you can
break concentration. OK, so achieves the aim that I
wanted it to, which was get rid of fire.
Yeah. So Corbin, you are knocked out
of the circle, shoved by this 1st warrior and his buddy is
going to follow it up with his cold iron chain and he's got a
chain smash you. Corbin.
That is going to be a 17 to hit. No bitch.
Bitch, you won too low.
Dodge it just like. Fighting the Witch King.
Yeah, I, I, I do a cool role like he tries to smack me with
the chain and I like roll out of the way.
Yeah, OK. Like Ewan McGregor when that
mantis is trying to kill him in the second Star Wars prequel
movie. And I remember that well enough
to agree with you. But.
I it's in my. Mind.
I believe you, beautiful. It's in my mind.
So now it is Mary's turn again. How?
How's everybody feeling? I'd love to be healed again.
Bad. All right, Mary is going to cast
Mass Cure Wounds again and she is going to just go ahead, dude.
And she's going to roll really big this time.
She's going to roll crazy big all.
Right, Big healing, big healing, big healing 23.
You all get 23 healings. Thank you, Mary.
Thank. God.
And Mary is like looking around wildly, like trying to figure
out, like a way out of this. But you are surrounded on all
sides. And above you, as all this is
happening, you keep seeing just brief flashes of the Phalins
zipping between platforms and rooftops above you.
You see them trading blows, knives flying in every direction
as they each attempt to hit each other.
But they know each other's moves, They're the same person
and they seem to be at a stalemate.
So moving on, we have another chain wielding tie to Cairn
Batty. He says the word Batty on his
jacket. Batty, Batty.
Batty fatty daddy and all, right, Well, it's going to go
for Fran anyway. I know nothing but punishment.
He's going to smash and that is a 15.
OK, that's going to be 18 damage and make a Constitution saving
throw please. OK, so that's 15 Constitution.
15 Constitution. OK, so that is going to pass.
You are not stunned. Now make me a wisdom saving
throw. Fuck.
Or or intelligence because you're a wizard.
Make me intelligence. OK, that makes sense.
That's 14. That one is not going to make
it. You are unable to cast magic for
the next turn. Fuck.
Cran crumbles as the chain smashes into her and like curls
into a ball and she's crying and shaking.
What the fuck? How?
Dare you all. Right.
So Corbin zombie limbs are going after you now and they swarm a
zombie limbs. They are going to grasp at you
and that is going to be a 11 to hit, so that does not hit.
You. No it doesn't.
OK. And then it is going to undead
mass at you. It's.
Going to what? Me.
That's the attack, so it's going to it.
It does not ensnare you, but it is going to.
That is, oops, that's a natural 20 that is happening and it
rolls Max damage. What the fuck?
I don't even know what's going on.
So that is going to be an 18 damage from this shambling mass
of limbs that rolls over you, Corbin. 18 damage.
Yeah, that that's supposed to be.
They stomp on you with their little dogs and then they pull
on your hairs with their little hands.
Don't say that. Okay.
Corbin, we're coming. Not their dog.
All right and now it is another one of the axe wielding
Tidakiran soldiers turn and this one is going to go after Slake.
The warrior is going to attack you with his axe and that is
going to be first attack is only a 12 that does not hit you and
second attack is a natural 20 again.
What the fuck? OK OK, I'm just going to throw
out there that I am going to fucking carry that so that when
it does hit me I can use my reaction to reduce the damage by
my superiority died number in my dex modifier.
OK, great, 26 damage to you. OK, cool.
So I'm going to use my Perry. So that's going to be reduced by
7 damage. OK, great.
But it's your turn. OK, the first thing I want to do
is use my maneuvering attack. So if I hit the creature with my
weapon attack, I can expend a superiority die to maneuver
Comrade to a more advantageous position.
So I'm going to get up, I'm going to do that, and hopefully
I'll be able to use that to get Fran up off the ground as well.
OK. OK, so that is going to be 22 to
hit? That'll hit.
Awesome, and then I get to add my superiority die to the damage
roll. That's 16 damage. 16 damage OK.
After I hit him, I turn to Fran, who's crying I guess on the
ground. Rolled up and I grab her by the
forearm and I say Stand by me Fran.
Fran unfurls and wipes at her dirty, tear streaked face with
her arm and nods shakily. That was my first attack and I
as a fighter, I get the three attacks and the one bonus
action. First is going to be 20 to hit
that hits, second's going to be 24 to hit that hits, and 3rd is
going to be 14 to hit. That also hits.
OK, Hell yeah. All right.
I'm going to fuck this guy up. Real damage.
OK, so that is 12/8. OK, 9. 29 damage, OK, you fuck
them up. Hell yeah.
So I have my picks out. I make sure that Fran is behind
me and I'm slashing at this guy furiously to push him away.
All right, you you like holds up his his axe to try and block
your blows, but the sharp ends of your picks drive into him.
He is not looking great, but he's still standing.
Fuck you, I shot. Yeah, get him.
Now, Corbin, it's not your turn, Barel Gura.
He's also outside the magic circle.
And I want to use Barel Gura's turn to yeah try and help
Corbin. OK, he can attack a zombie.
Yeah, So Corbin, he's outside the magic circle, but he's not
knocked prone. Nope.
And then is he like, flanked or anything?
Like how's? Yeah, he's surrounded by
zombies. So what I think I'm going to
have Barelgura do is go over to Corbin and throw him back into
the magic circle. He will take 4 attacks of
opportunity. But they're pretty weak.
Right. Yeah, they'll be fine.
He'll survive long enough to do his task.
Yeah, I mean, I just like having him around, honestly, he's
pretty useful. OK, so zombies are gonna attack
him. Opportunity attacks.
That is going to be a 14 to hit. That will not hit.
OK, a 14. Nope. 15. 15 hits.
OK, 15 hits, that second one is our third one's also 15 and the
last one's A5. So he takes 2 attacks of
opportunity, OK. And that is going to be a total
of nine damage. All right.
And then he's going to pick up Corbin and throw him in.
Just pick him up, eat him into the circle.
I want exactly. Empty.
OK, feet first, right buddy? So if he's going to throw Corbin
Corbin gently, I don't think you can gently throw some.
Toss. I don't.
Think I think that if you're going to toss, I think Corbin's
going to just take a little D4 I'm.
Unfortunately with cat on this. One, yeah, you're going to have
to. It's not going to be much, just
AD 4. Like he's not like trying to
hurt. Well, I mean, he wants to, but.
Yeah, but he he can't. Corbin that's for damage.
Nice toss. Barl girl.
And now let's roll to see if he gets out of your control.
OK, now is it France control or mine?
Because it's against. Yours it's.
Yours, but you don't have a spell save DC.
You're right, it was a magic item.
So. Oh actually wait, it was a magic
item. That's hold on.
Your spell save DC is 15 because the 4th it's a fourth level
spell. OK, so it's your save is it's
15. He rolls a charisma and his
charisma's up. Here, well, it's gotta be really
high -1. Yeah, so he rolls AD 20 and a -1
to. His charisma's -1.
We and I can't. Be ugly.
Yeah, we make how much? More say that about my boy all.
Right roll. What's that?
That's an 18. All right, well.
No, man, he's. Not yours, cow.
According to the rules of some and greater demon, he attacks
whoever is closest to him. Yeah, but he's mine.
Yeah, I get to be. I get to be the one year old Oh
I have waited so long for this to happen.
Has. This never happened.
No, it's not the first time it's ever happened, but like,
usually, I mean, he attacks whatever is closest to him.
So like, if we're far away from him, basically he serves the
same purpose, yeah. Yeah, Oh my God.
Well, you're at 34 points, just so you know.
Oh God. Oh Franika, you may be safe from
me, but your friends are soon to die as soon as these little
zombies get their little heads popped off by my giant monkey
hands. Fran is like wavering on her
feet, but she just like stares at Bar Al Gura from under her
eyebrows and goes. We'll see about that.
He snorts at you like a horse, his little monkey lips.
Flap in the wind crate the wind that is blowing through this
underground. Cavern.
Yeah, the underground wind. Yummo.
Good morning sunshine. Welcome to the mid roll.
It's me. It's Kat.
You're beautiful DM. You're just to hope that you
guys are having a great time listening to this episode.
I hope you like camping because we're getting intense.
I know you loved that joke and so I'm going to proceed among
the many laughs and the thought that I know are happening
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You guys keep the lights on. You keep the jokes rolling.
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And let's see, what else do we need to talk about today?
I think that's everything. Well, it was lovely visiting
with you, Lister. I always love just having a
having a sit down, having a jaw here in the middle of the
episode. Last thing, I guess is our
message to Chantelle. Chantelle, I hope you have a
really lovely holiday season. I hope we get enough snow that
it's Christmas Eve, but not so much snow that we get snowed in.
The code word is Lily pads are neat.
The sleeper agent is active. Go.
OK so now it's a bunch of zombies turns and they've only
got moral girl to attack so unfortunately I got to attack my
boy. Your boy, Your boy that you just
got to kill. I.
Just got him. So all four of those zombies in
this group are going to attack Moral Girl.
Only one of them hits, Yeah. I hate you, cat.
Damn. Oh.
Shit. You do.
I know, Corbin. It's your turn now, though.
Fuck. OK, well my wall is broken and
I've been tossed into a circle. I've just really been moving.
I've been moving around. Throw that ass in a circle.
You got tossed out of the circle.
You're getting tossed into the. Circle.
Can I just stay in one place? OK, I'm going to cast Flaming
Sphere. OK, and I'm going to cast it
over how many zombos are left there are.
Like so many, there are, however, four groups of zombies.
I want to cast it on the zombies that are not close to Barlgur
because I want those bitches to just take each other out.
OK, great. And it's 5 foot diameter sphere
of fire, and any creature that ends its turn within 5 feet of
the sphere must take a Dexterity saving throw.
So basically. If it lands in the middle of
this group of zombies, all of them.
OK, Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that.
So only one of them passes?
How much damage do they take? 10 fire damage.
It also ignites any flammable objects that happen to be within
it. I don't know if there's
anything. Well, clothes.
Clothes, yeah. Everyone is naked.
Yeah, these these zombies are now all like naked.
And it's kind of uncomfortable, obviously.
They're on fire and they're taking hella fire.
Clothes damaged, They're outfires.
Fits are fire. Yeah, fits are so fire.
Too fire. All those zombies take some
damage now. This guy's crazy.
I know next it is two groups of zombies turns and they can't
attack any of you except Raul Gura.
Die moral Gura. Sorry buddy.
Get out of our control at your own fucking risk, dude.
Yeah, so he is attacked by, well, he can't be attacked by
too many zombies because he can only be surrounded by.
So many. So we'll actually he they're
just kind of all going to move to surround Barl Guru, but he is
already surrounded. So he is now just.
He is now just three zombies deep on every.
Oh my God. He's the real MVP of the party.
One Barl Guru 3 zombies. He's the tank.
I mean he truly is. So they do a nice seven mortgage
to him. OK, now it is France turn again.
All right, I can't do magic this round.
No. So I might just try to perceive
an escape route. I think Fran is fucked.
So wait, this is a industrial area?
Yeah, exactly. There's fucking sewers.
Yeah. Oh, you're right.
Unless they What if they make the poop go up?
Their sewers poop go up. What if they have poop tubes?
Poop tubes that get. Suffers has to go down, like
with the bed. I'm not even thinking about
poop. I'm thinking about chemicals.
Yeah, and waste and shit. That could also go up the.
Question is, does that go underneath this square?
Yes, or how nearby? Or how nearby is it?
Yep. Can I do like a perception check
to like? Are we going to go to a fucking
sewer again? We'll see.
Would you rather say here's like?
Sure, do a perception check then.
Is 17. 17 Looking around you, you're trying to figure out
like, is there, is there a sewage line?
Is there any of these? And you see 20 feet away from
you, Corbin's favorite thing in the world, a great.
You see a great, but it is it is again, it's 20 feet away from
you. It's beyond all of the zombies,
beyond the magic circle, beyond all of these guys.
So maybe you can make a break for it, but you will have to
fight your way over to it. OK, Fran immediately screams.
Make for the great and point. I'm sorry.
You heard? Me bitch, can we pick up the
magic circle and move it towards the Great No, OK.
And then Fran is going to take a lot of attacks on opportunity.
She's going to start running. Oh, Fran I.
Don't care. Scared I.
Don't think we can kill all these people, I think.
I mean those zombies. Are weak as fuck though.
Yeah, but we've killed literally 0 of them.
You've killed 1 Shambling Mound. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, OK, fuck. OK, now we have to think about.
Who am I running past? Yeah, you're running.
Past Fran would try to strategically dodge as many as
possible. Yeah, she's not just going to
like run into the heavy hitters. All right.
So you were going to take and talk an opportunity firm one of
the Axe guys and one of the chain guys.
OK. Oh God.
OK, so great axe guy is going to attack you first I.
Don't think his axe is accurate. Got it, Savage.
That's right. Yeah, we'll do the great.
You're right, it's not that great.
Yeah, you're right. It's not that great, you know,
it's really great a great and that's where I'm going.
That is going to be a 15 to hit. That hits.
OK, So that's seven damage from
first attack of opportunity. OK.
And then from the chain boy gonna first.
Let me see. I don't like that chain boy.
I hate that fucking. Chain boy yes Oh yes and his
chain smash has recharged so it's going to attack of
opportunity with a chain smash. Shit, that's a 25 to hit.
OK, well, that hits. And please make a Constitution
saving throw. That is not good.
I got an 8. OK shit, so you are going to
take 10 damage and you are stunned for one minute.
I yell at Fran. What happened to staying close
to me? And you are also unable to do
magic the next turn. So being stunned.
Being stunned because a stunned creature is incapacitated, can't
move, can speak, only falteringly, automatically fails
Strength and Dexterity saving throws, and attacks against this
creature have advantage. I'm picking.
You up. Fran kind of stumbles to her
knees, but she keeps trying to crawl towards the great.
OK, that's fucked. That is really fucked.
Oh God. So the two warriors that
attacked you are also now have a turn.
Great, X guy is going to hack at you and he's got advantage now.
But he rolled up one on his first attack.
So you know, then he rolled a 23 in his second.
OK, OK. That's going to be 10 damage.
Right. And now it is chain Man's turn.
What are you going to do, stun me twice?
No, he can't because his chain smashed in a charge this time.
Stunned me once. Shame on you.
Actually, you know what, he is not going to attack you.
He's going to turn around and he's going to chain main sweep
Corbin and Slake. He's going to chain what?
Up and Mary so make a Dexterity saving throw.
Mary, Corbin and slake. Mary is rolling so good right
now. Not me bitch, that was a four
all. Right.
OK, that was a 11. Neither of you make it.
You are both going to take 8 bludgeoning damage and be
knocked prone. Damn it.
All right, now it is Mary's turn and Mary is she's got only one
option and that is to try and and keep her friends alive.
Mask your wounds. Okay, that is going to be 20.
All right, so she heals you for 20 points and she is also going
to start moving towards the great.
But because Fran, you took those attacks of opportunity, they
don't have a tax of opportunity on her, so.
She oh right, 'cause they only have one per round.
Yep, it's a reaction. Yeah.
So they are, they are going to not be able to hit Mary as she
she's actually, you know what? She's got to run towards you and
she's got to stop next to you, Fran, so that next turn she can
help you up. OK, so that's that.
And now it's the other chain boy who is going to.
Oh, first let's see if he can smash.
He can smash, smash. All right, He's gonna smash you,
Corbin. Targeting the magic users.
That's a natural 20. I'm gonna fucking die, dude.
I'm gonna keep getting. That. 20 I'm gonna be fucking
dead. As hell D beyond.
D&D beyond fucking hates. Corbin It really does.
OK, that is gonna be 28 damage. Corbin.
Well, unconscious. Oh, I'm alive.
Are you so? Glad Mary just gave you another
20 hit points. And.
Immediately got eaten by chain boy. 28 you said?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to turn into a crow.
I have a hot, sexy six hit points.
Like God. OK, now it is the swarm of
zombie limbs that I've utterly lost track of.
I I think it's probably around Bar Ogura.
Yeah, it's definitely around Bar
Ogura. Yeah, that's definitely where it
was. Yeah, I think.
It's that is where it was. Yeah.
Genuinely, it is. A lie.
You are saying it like it's a lie, but I believe.
In case, yeah. Just in case.
All right, so it is going to swarm him.
That is a 13 to hit on the 1st but it I don't think that hits
him and then it is going to grasp at him but that also
doesn't hit so Baal Gura's fine. Baal Gura survives, thank God,
despite everything. Despite everything all.
Right. The strong ones, truly.
He's an inspiration. Now it is the warrior that you
have been fighting, Slake. It is his turn with his being.
And I'm on the ground. So he gets advantage.
Why don't you lie about that? Climb cuts off your head.
I'm so honest. All right, so that is an 18 on
his first attack. Actually does not hit.
I forgot I have great armor. Great second attacks of 24.
Well, that will hit. That will hit OK and that is
going to be 8 damage to you. OK.
All right. And now it is your turn, Slake.
OK, so I obviously I have to get up, so that's the first thing.
And then let's see whose turn is right after mine.
Bunch of zombies and then Corbin God.
Corbin, you could use your turn to try and push the guy you're
engaged with like way. Yeah, that's true.
That is true, otherwise he will get an attack of opportunity.
On you, Yeah, that's a great. Time to use catch tricks
against. You know what?
It's time to push back. I'm going to push back.
So I am going to, I'm going to push him around.
Well, I will. Well, strength contest.
Yep. Oh yes.
OK so with my strength modifier that is going to be 24.
Hero the one. I push him to the ground.
You. Push him to the ground.
Lamb his head into the bricks, Yes.
All right, and now you have advantage on your next two
attacks. And I yell, How does it feel?
And actually you haven't been shoved at all.
It's like. I know, but he's been.
My friends have been pushing. My friends have been.
Pushed Slake is an empath, so. Really, it's like you're
pushing. Me.
It's actually worse for Slake when you push, yeah.
It hurts me more than anyone else.
Roll to attack. OK, so first half advantage.
OK, he's crown. OK, so first attack that's 22
to. Hit.
That'll hit. All right, second attack that is
also 22 to hit. That'll hit 17.
OK, so that is 27 to hit. That also hits.
All right, so that means I got three hits on him, right?
Yep. All right, that's a 10.
OK. Eight, OK and 9:00.
Tell me how he's dead. OK, I am just viciously slashing
at him with the pics now that he's prone on the ground.
I slam 1 into the badge and it just shatters and it goes right
through him into his chest. It is so gross.
Yeah. It's just like, it's just like
an explosion of gore from his chest.
Yeah. And it flatters your face and it
gets in your mouth. You.
Punished. Good.
Like that's lake just. Tarva's not the only one who's
going to do cannibalism. Just trying to fucking do my DND
job. All right, well now it's
Barlgra's turn, so Barlgra is going to try and bite but miss,
and then he's just going to like take his two fists and just
smash the zombies head between his two fists.
Into a paste. Into a paste that is going to be
a sweet 18 which does in fact knock down one of these zombos,
but he gets back up again. They never going to keep them
down. It gets back down and he gets up
again Yeah anyway, so the zombo he has undead fortitude now it's
the zombies trying it's going to attack bar al Gura.
He only gets hit by one for another for damage.
It rolled minimum damage. They're gonna get him
eventually. Gonna get him eventually.
They'll never get him death. By paper cuts, that's the zombie
way and. He's 3 zombies deep.
He's 3 zombies. He's fully surrounded by zombies
now, so he's in trouble, but that's fine.
So that's all those zombies. Now it is Corbin's turn.
OK, I'm gonna turn my ass right on into a bird.
Good. And I'm gonna flip, flap, plop,
OK, up, up, away. Up and away, off goes Corbin.
Farewell, Corbin. Hi bitches.
That's your turn. I say that as I leave.
Got speed? OK, but Fran and Mary are
together, so the zombies are going to go after them.
They are going to move off of Baal Gura now that they have
another target to attack. And so we're just going to have
4 zombies go after Mary, 4 go after Fran.
Fran You get hit twice for a total of six damage.
OK, Fran flinches, but keeps crawling.
Yep, you are just getting battered by them.
Meanwhile, Mary is like she's trying to keep more zombies off
of you and in the process she is going to take four of those hits
for you. So Mary only gets hit once for
seven damage. And now we are back at the top
of the order with more zombies, and as they are beginning to
shamble towards you, you feel the ground beneath your feet
rumble and heave, and dust begins to shake loose from the
ceiling. Then an enormous delver, What
are those rock creatures that you fought last time you were
in? Esadel bursts forth from The
Cave wall off to your left, leaving a huge hole behind it.
Oh. The creature has spear hafts
buried in the rubble of its body, and it careens through the
battle, low roaring moans emitting from it.
Everyone please, please make me a deck saving throw.
Oh. Boy, what?
About me You're fine cropping your burn.
OK, sweet. That hurts.
I got 15 OK. I had a crit fail.
Fran, Slake, and Mary are each going to take 12 damage as they
fail to dodge the huge chunks of earth that are churned up by
this creature as it careens through this battle.
As it charges past you, though, you see that there are harpoons
buried in its back, still attached to thick black cables
that stretch into the hole the delver came from.
The dust and dirt kicked up in its wake sting your eyes and
lungs, and with your ears ringing from battle and
destruction, you almost don't hear the energetic singing
coming from the tunnel. Then three enormous sledges, the
holes of boats, you realize, come plowing into the middle of
the battle. The Orcs of Chikal Chahar
hurried into the center of the fighting, having made their way
here from Onya. And the nick of tie the sweet
Orcs. When they see the battle around
them, a cry goes out and the cable lines are cut.
The boat hull skidged through the dirt and the orcs leaped
from them, diving into the fray with swords, axes, hammers and
Spears falling upon the zombies and the Tito Cairn soldiers in a
frenzy. Before they have a chance to
regroup, there's another rumble, this time coming from up and
above and behind you, and when you look back, a huge chunk of
the ceiling dislodges and lowers down on it.
You see your troops, bloody and victorious from their fight
through the streets of Esadel. They've picked up the dwarven
resistance along the way, who bristle with guns and piston
weapons. At the front stand Sam, her face
streaked with dirt and blood, holding Minutine's spear.
Oh damn, holy shit. Night.
Blade. We'll take care of this.
Go get Torba, she yells. And then your troops descend,
the Estrin's casting feather fall on fighters as they jump
down on top of the horde. Those who remain on the platform
shoot with bows that glitter gold, your weapons from Dawson
held in reserve until this crucial moment.
The arrows hit some in the hip, some in the chest, each striking
wherever the target keeps their coin purse.
By the time the fighters are hitting the ground, the arcs are
already crashing into Torva's horde from the other side.
Mary grabs your hand, Fran, and pulls you to your feet.
She points towards the titicare and signs.
Let's go. She's crying and shaking.
What the fuck so. I hope you're happy, Cat.
Hey, you dropped your lip chat. I don't need it and it's not
called that. Don't step into my crosshairs
right now. I need that.
I need to put on my lip, chap. Lip chap, what do you fucking
call it? Chapstick, you freak.
Chopstick. Chapstick.
Why lip balm at the most generic?
Called Lip chap. I don't know what's wrong with.
You. It doesn't make your lips
chapped. It makes them unchapped.
I didn't say chopstick, I said chopstick.
You. Said.
Chopstick. You said chopstick.
Don't let them guess like you.
Yeah, we do. Get time will vindicate one of
us. Go back to bed.
He's like, why is there a fight? Oh, there's a fight.
There is a. Fight Goggy so cute very he show
his ears. Hello, we all love you.
We all love you, but I now need to kill.
I need to kill your mother.