I've been receiving text messages because somebody gave
their on campus Catholic recruiters a fake number.
So I deleted some of them, I guess, but I have some of them.
So somebody named Ella gave my number to these Catholic people,
I think out of college because they kept texting me being like,
hey, I met you at the quad. Like Oh my God.
And like you gave me this number.
And like, I'm wondering if you want to come to our, like,
Catholic ice cream social. And I've continually gotten
texts from people being like, hey, this is Becca.
Stay tuned for Bible study details.
Hey, Ella. Tonight, the Catholic Student
Center is having Mass at 6:30 and a bonfire at 7:15 at the
Newman Center. And you haven't jumped.
On it. I would love to have you there.
Do you want to come? So my question for you guys is,
what should I say back? Oh yeah.
Here's what you need to do. You need to find the most fucked
up looking Jim Henson puppet. I don't know.
I don't know which one it. Is they could be into that the
skexis? OK.
Errol had that on lock. It is the Skexis.
Yeah, I love Jim Henson puppets. That's fair.
Hold on. Wait.
I need to. Find you need to find the most
fucked up Jim Henson puppet. Muppet, as you might call them,
even. A Muppet.
How do you spell the skexis? Skexis is SKEKSIS.
Thank you you. Have that, Absolutely.
I'm not going to love. That.
Literally spelled. Literally so scared of you.
Anyway, so I. Need to send them a picture for
skexis. Find like a number of different
pictures you can use as reactions.
You should use the scene in The Dark Crystal.
They're all. This baby bird and it says rare
baby skexes. That's horrible.
It doesn't, I mean. You could always just sound like
a Hail Satan gift. No.
No, no, no, that's not. That's not fun.
Yeah, we we need to do something avant-garde.
Right, that's why I'm thinking you need to find a number of
these pictures of the of the skexes you.
Should find gifts of them eating at the feast because it's
insane. I'm so glad that you had have
this knowledge like I was. It's like we're going to have to
search for the most fucked. Up.
It's really easy. I know not only the most fucked
up Jim Henson puppet. The scene but.
I know the most fucked up scene with Jim Henson puppet, So what
I'm trying to say is find a bunch of reaction images to send
every time you get a text from them.
Yeah, and it'll be like of the skeksis like eating like a weird
little wriggly, not mouse creature and.
I don't know, Judiper. 'S watching it right now I.
Have no concept. Because I want to see it.
Yeah, it's really, it's really disgusting and fucked up, right?
You guys look at their little hands.
It's nice. I know they're skexes.
That one I think maybe is too fucked up.
I'm I was thinking maybe a little less.
Fucked. No, I think this is just right.
You think this is just right for the Catholic?
I think the children this one is too fucked up.
OK, I will say this, I found a gift the.
Sound is doing a lot. Of work too yeah, the sounds
doing a lot of work. I think it's not as fucked up
I'm I'm sending. Which one do you do I want to
see? Anyways, anyway, I think this is
the right call. ASMR skeksis face.
You might think that this is like a depiction of devils.
Actually, devils, that might be the best possible situation
because they're like someone sending me pictures of fucked up
devils and then someone else will look at it and go, no,
that's a Jim Henson puppet. Well if one of them has secret
forbidden knowledge of Dark Crystal, there's like a non 0%
chance that that is actually a queer person who needs to.
Be they need help. Saved.
Yeah, I'm trying to find Skeksis gifts on like the little
searchable thing. And literally like Roxus came up
and I think I'm going to send Roxus.
Yeah, this is a very religious gift.
This is him like when his friend like, disappears and turns into
a pedal. Yeah.
Oh my God. Wait, can you show me the gift
after you send it? Sent it pass it around you.
Pass it around, I want another one.
Oh my God, this is really moving.
There's a lot of social anxiety in this room right now.
I know I'm full of joy because I'm not involved in this like
this person doesn't know. I'm sitting over here giving you
advice on how to respond to them.
You're right. Dude I can't wait for them to.
I'm glad you enjoyed. It all Kingdom Hearts reaction
gifts I think. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think that's the. Way to go for me.
I don't know why that came up when I searched Dark Crystal.
Just because it knows you, you probably sent that gift to
somebody. Before right, it was like a
dark. Crystal really, it's it's rocks.
It's rocks. It's from Kingdom Hearts, it's
from like 360. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 'cause
she, it's, it's she. On.
Yeah. And it's she on, like, dying.
Yeah, she's always doing that. She's like turning into a light
seashell. A seashell, of course,
obviously. Yeah, obviously of.
Course, as we all do when we die.
As all of you did when you died. Hey, let's play DND.
Oh yeah, Kat, we did. Die.
Good. Segue.
I I found the segue and I had to take it.
Before we moved, yo no, because we would have kept going.
We would have kept going, yeah. In a loop.
Hi, I'm Kat, and I hope that you'll come to my Bible study.
Hi Kat. Wow.
Hi, I'm Noel and I will update you guys if I get a response.
Thank God. And I play Fran and Fran has
died. RIP Fran.
So sad you're really fucking too excited about that shit.
Hi, I'm Juniper and tonight I'm going to be attending the Bible
study and I will be eating 2 cans of raw spam during the
intermission and I invite one of you young boys to come up here
and challenge me to eat two more cans of raw spam faster than I
can. We'll see which of us wins, and
whoever wins gets a free Bible. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Sorry to interrupt this introduction.
I'm not actually happy this. Is a lived experience of mine.
I literally thought you were doing improv.
No, that's a lived experience. That's a lived.
Experience. I knew that couldn't be improv
because it was so oh. My God.
Yeah, that's one of my lived experiences.
And the men did vomit the spam. Afterwards, that is.
That is classic summer camp. No, actually it was.
It was just actually Bible study.
They they did it at Bible study. But it was the same Bible study
from the church that I went to summer camp with.
Is this the church where they put you all in the forest with
knives? Yes.
Oh my God, yeah, it wasn't. We didn't have knives though,
but we were in the forest. And someone lost an eye.
And somebody lose an eye. Somebody ran into a tree because
they were so dark they couldn't see and and cope their eye they.
Were being chased like prey. Yes.
Yeah. OK, got it.
Honestly, I'm Miss Christian. I miss.
Christian camp. Honestly, those are these are
good times. I Remember, Remember we need to
start out like a, like a, like an atheist camp.
Dude, we really do. Where we just.
Do that and we challenge the young boys.
Yes, we. Do.
Oh man. Who else is sitting at this
table? I wish I wasn't.
Hi everybody, I feel like I'm at the Skeksis feast right now and
I'm just really confused and scared and I play Slake who is
dead. Yep, you're all dead.
Oh yeah, we all die. You're all dead.
We all fucking die if. You are dead and the campaign is
over. You all died.
And. You lost.
So last time, Fran, your chickens came home to roost.
Except for the chickens. We're demons, and the Roosting
was carrying you all in an inescapable tide towards a
confrontation with the forces. Correct, As Fran had promised
Baal Gura that in exchange for the demon's help with killing
the forces, she would allow them to feast upon their corpses.
Of course, this was a plan born of hubris.
And no, is a plan born of extreme intelligence Because I'm
really smart, Even smarter than the gods, right?
Perhaps. That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, you know what actually that correct.
I think you should change the story, Cat.
Well, no, I mean I will say maybe friend is smarter than the
gods, but she did not bank on the fact that the forces are not
gods. They're not just some guy the
way the the gods are. They are in fact unknowable and
extremely powerful entities who live out in the void.
And that's why I needed the demons and.
That's why you needed the demons.
And I'm sure that once the demons have consumed the forces.
And absorbed. Their powers, That's gonna be
really. Good.
There'll be no repercussions. It's gonna be really good for
the world, for the planet, for the holes, everything.
Yeah. No, no.
No. Repropose, no repercussions at
all. No.
Rammys. No Rammys.
No. Rammys, do you Not even Rami
Malek? No Ram, no Rammys, no Repropose,
nothing like that. The demons bore you towards the
forces, Fran. You went blind for a minute,
unable to comprehend what you were seeing.
Your fragile mind simply couldn't Corbin and Slake.
You were able to comprehend the metaphorical vision of the
forces while still knowing that is not what you are actually
seeing, because the actual true form of the forces is just
something you cannot comprehend. As you were pushed into the tide
of the metaphorical sea that surrounds the metaphorical
island that houses the forces, you all were whisked away into a
separate little bubble worlds that are being held by Mary to
keep you safe against this inescapable, all powerful forces
that you have put yourselves up against.
Well, I wouldn't say that we put ourselves up against them so.
Much. I would say like maybe that we
were betrayed into. Or perhaps, yeah, coerced.
Or like, you know what happened? Manipulated.
Yeah, manipulated. However you want to put it, you
were all separated into your own little bubble worlds and you had
to face the scariest monsters you've ever had to face.
And that was your own selves, yes.
Or, you know, the forces disguising themselves as our own
selves to psychologically torture us.
Anyway, you all died, Each and every one of you.
Rather than always, rather than work through our issues, well,
that's. What always happens when I go
to? Therapy at the end.
That's true. That's so true.
That is so true. That's so true.
They do physically attack me. Yeah, and kill you.
So that is where we are now. You are all dead.
Yeah. All right, great show everybody
makes. Sense it makes.
Sense. Good job.
Cat, I love the end of dames and Dragons.
It's really good. It's really good.
It's really satisfying. Dead.
No, no, no. Each of you is down and out, the
cold cloak of death folding over your eyes.
You are too far into the void, into that which is not for even
the gods of death to help you. Each of you can feel as your
souls are pulled away from your bodies, toward that distant,
twisted tree on the mountain, until you hear Mary scream with
effort and feel a tremor rock through this illusory landscape.
Please, Mary calls. Don't give up.
You've all been so strong for such a long time.
None of us should have ever been put in this position.
We stepped up to do what we had to do in order to save the
world, and we did it. We did it together.
Even when things were dark, even when all hope was lost, we
pulled each other through. We've all made mistakes.
We've all hurt each other or been selfish or held back when
we should have said how we felt. You're all mortal.
We're all mortal. Making mistakes is.
That's the whole point, isn't it?
To make mistakes, to forgive, to be forgiven.
But no matter what, there's a golden flash and you find
yourselves now in a tumbled landscape of trees, sky and
caves. The ground where you stood alone
has been smashed up against the ground contained in the other
bubbles. Trees of the forest are tumbled
down among the caves of Slakes Home, which is carved open by
the dry riverbed and open sky of the floating island of Estra.
No matter what Mary calls to you, we need each other.
I need all of you. So get up and fight and all of
you are fully healed and your spell slots are restored.
Holy shit. That's what you get for having
the survivor on your side. Just jot that down.
All right, so you guys are now all together in one bubble that
Mary is holding together and she.
Has you're in a bubble. You're in a bubble.
You were in separate bubbles before, but now you are in one
singular. You're a singular bubble.
So. Fran like lifts her head and
gets up on her elbows and looks around.
What do I see when I look around?
Fran, you still see your shadow self is standing there looking
just as scary as before. But you can also see across this
tumbled landscape, the shadow Corbin standing over him, and
the shadow Slake standing over them.
So all of your shadow selves are here, as well as your normal,
real yourselves. You're just yourselves.
You are separated by difficult terrain, but you can't all see
each other from where you are. OK?
You're in this sort of jumbled, tumbled landscape, just crumpled
together into this band of turned churned earth and fallen
trees. And on the other side, the
plains of the island of Estra have jutted up against the
forest and created again as this tumbled earth, these like jagged
rocks sticking out everywhere. So basically it's like our three
worlds that we were in when we were fighting all smashed
together, and then where they smashed together.
It's difficult terrain, correct? And then Mary made a bubble
around us. Yes, you were all in bubbles
before. Can we tell?
Like when I look at Franz Shadow doppelganger, can I tell which
one's the real Franz? Yes, absolutely, because your
shadow versions are all very like pale, washed out versions
of yourself. OK, so you very distinctly look
different. Well, that's good.
Yeah. So we are going to do a new
initiative role for this. OK, I got a four.
OK. I got a 18.
OK. I got an 8.
OK, I don't like what's happening over there, Cat.
No, what's really fucking funny is Shadow Fran rolled a 19,
Shadow Corbin rolled A5 and sorry Shadow Slick were rolled
the one. Nice.
Get fucked, shadow slick. Yeah, no, that would have been
really good though, if Shadow Slick had gotten a nine.
That would have been fantastic. One more funny.
So Shadow Fran is up first, and Shadow Fran.
Dies in selling. Wouldn't you like that?
It explodes? Wouldn't you just like that?
Boils up like the South district, like a crawdad.
She boils in like a crawdad in a pot in a pot.
OK. OK.
It's like a crawdad. In a pot.
All right, Shadow Fran is going to go after Slake.
Oh, all right. And so.
She's over by me, but we're not like, engaged yet, correct?
No, yeah, you've all been jumbled up, shaken up and you're
not engaged in each other so. So does she have to come very
far to she has to go over the difficult terrain she.
Does, but also she has lots of range spells so.
No, that doesn't sound right. Shadow Fran turns and looks over
the tumble of earth in the dry riverbed that cuts through to
the mountainous terrain where Slake is standing.
And it's like you are just getting up to your feet and kind
of, you know, getting your bearings when you feel something
very familiar. And that is one of Fran's spells
hitting you. Oh man.
So it's like make a Dexterity saving throw.
OK, see you. So that's 4.
Thoran, don't do it. Thoran is going to do it.
That is going to be 35 points of damage to you.
Slake as you are hit in the face with this ice spear as soon as
you stand up. A little on the nose, I see.
All right, so that is Shadow Fran.
Now it is real. Franz Turn.
OK. Fran, I need you to kill your
double. All right, so Fran is going to
cast Crown of Stars so 7 star like modes of light appear and
are orbiting my head. How far is Boran from me?
Boran is about, we'll say, 20 feet from you.
All right. So we're not very far apart, no,
no doubt. All of you right now are located
very close to your shadow selves.
OK, I'm going to use my bonus action to attack her with one of
these modes of light. So as I make a gesture, it flies
out from orbiting my head and flies towards her.
So that would be 19. 19 to hit? Yeah, that hits you.
That hits Fran. Yeah, you know.
That again. So yeah.
And then she is gonna take God damn 30 damage as this mode of
light strikes through her and then I'm going to run away from.
Her Okay bravely ran away. I'm going to bravely run away.
Bravely run away. OK, so that is Franz turn.
She did a nice chunk of damage against Shadow Fran and now it's
like it is your turn. OK, so let's see.
So Shadow Fran I assume is not near me.
She is on the other side of the difficult terrain, so she is 20
feet away from you, but across difficult terrain.
OK, I think I am going to call out to the others.
So let's talk strategy. How do we want to figure this
out? Hit them really hard.
I think we should kill each other.
Thanks guys. I mean like, is one of us more
suited to fighting the others double?
Slakes easy to kill. Yeah, I think me and Frank.
Can kill you, Slake. All right, you're really pissing
me off. But for real though, OK, you
could probably take Brad if you get close.
Yeah, if you get close to me, you can like just punch me to
death in like one shot. I think I'll do that.
Blow on her, she'll fall right over.
All right, Slate. I'll take Corbin.
Good luck. All right, so slake, what are
you doing? So yeah, I think I want to try
to get over to Fran. Perhaps she's.
Trying to get to you too so. Yeah, I mean, she's weapon
ranged attack. But she's she's getting you.
She's well, I know. She's getting you, buddy.
She'll get you no matter how close you are, so you might as
well get close. Yeah, yeah.
Well, if I want to run up to Fran to attack her like those
difficult terrain, my movement speed is 30 feet.
There's yeah, 20 feet of terrain between you, so if your movement
speed is 30, you can make it 15 feet across the difficult
terrain. OK, so I can get part of the way
there. Yes.
So I think what I'd like to do is I want to first of all take
the Dash action so that I can get all the way up to Shadow
Fran, and then I want to use my action Surge so that I can still
do my attacks. All right.
So I'm going to attack Shadow Fran with my picks.
OK, roll the hit. OK.
Oh my gosh, yeah, that's way over 20.
Yeah. Yeah, that hits.
That hits Fran. Yeah, fuck her up.
Also way over 20. Yeah, that also hits, yeah.
That's only 13. That one does not hit no.
And then I do have a bonus action with my two have been
fighting to get one more hit in OK 13.
Dang, not quite. For one of the attacks that
didn't hit, I want to use a maneuver.
OK. So that's going to be an
additional 6. That will hit.
Sweet. OK, so All in all, that's 30
damage. Yikes.
OK, you guys are beating up on Shadow Fran.
How do you How do you do it? Yeah, how do you do it?
I mean, you know, I'm just attacking Fran with my picks as
I would a human combatant, and I'm just screaming.
Shadow Fran staggers back from your hits like she looks at you
and she looks so hurt and betrayed.
She says I thought you were my friend.
You're not real. Now it is Shadow Corbin's turn.
So Shadow Corbin, what are you going to do?
Shadow Corbin is going to cast Wrath of Nature again and re
invoke the wrath of this varied landscape.
The 60 foot cube is going to be centered along that seam between
the planes, his forest and mountain regions, so that you
guys will have to pass through it to get to Shadow Corbin.
And that is gonna be his turn. Yeah, now it is regular Corbin.
So I'm going to cast Drafin's curse of incompetence.
What, so Shadow Slick has to make a Intelligence saving
throw? OK, Please God.
So that is an 18. You underestimated my
intelligence. I didn't.
I underestimated cats dice rolling ability.
How dare you? It's a meets it beats it
situation which stings extra worse does fucking nothing it.
Does fucking nothing. All right, there's.
That's your turn, Corbin. It does fucking nothing.
Sorry guys. It's like someone casts some
sort of spell with incompetence. All right, so it is Shadow
Slakes turn now. Oh boy.
So I think that shadow Slake is going to cross the difficult
terrain. It's just going to be a question
of they cross towards Fran and real Slake.
No, they're going to go towards Corbin.
No, they certainly shouldn't, because clearly I'm not a
threat. So that's it.
That's a grave miscalculation on their part.
They are going to move into the difficult terrain so that they
are in the center of the wrath of nature, and then they are
going to use their Longbow to attack Corbin.
Let's. Scroll to hit.
Like. To miss no that is a 20 on the
first one, non natural. Darn, my AC is 68.
I mean, I mean 69. Nice.
OK, so that was the first
attack. Second attack is that's only
going to be a 12, so that's like going to hit.
Good. And then third attack that is
1/1. 1111. 11 what? No, it's a 17.
That does not hit. OK, so then you only get hit by
the Longbow once. That's right, I stand there and
I flex. With an arrow in you.
No, as it hits me so that it's extra painful with all of my
muscle. Sense, yeah.
Good job. You feel really good about that
decision. Right after good.
Job. I'm in excruciating pain.
Oh. Nice.
OK, that is Max damage of. 12 Why would you say nice about
that? That's not that bad.
OK, I go when it's to. Me.
All right, that's the end of Shadow Slake's turn.
Now we're back up to Shadow Fran.
Fran is actually going to move away from you, Slake and take
your attack of take the attack of opportunity.
Oh, all right, hope she enjoys it.
Roll your attack of opportunity. Oh fuck yeah.
OK. That's well over 20.
Except illusory self. What the fuck?
When you make an attack, she uses her reaction to impose an
illusory duplicate between the attacker and herself.
The attack automatically misses and the illusion dissipates.
She can do that. Yeah, I've done it before.
When Shadow Fran runs away, I yell after her.
Come back here and face the consequences of your actions.
And Shadow Fran sticks her tongue out at you as she runs
into the Wrath of Nature cube in the difficult terrain.
And then she is going to. Cast.
Fireball. Typical.
Typical Fran, I know. So actually that is gonna be
Fran and Slake. You will both need to make
Dexterity saving throws. I got a 15.
OK, you tell me if that. It doesn't pass.
OK, doesn't pass. OK, 15 doesn't pass.
I am going to use indomitable to re roll.
OK, 13 No that doesn't. You are both going to take a big
face full of fireball. I don't like to take that that.
Was a lot of chosen ones good? So that is only 30 damage.
Fuck off. Not very good.
I mean. Max damage was 5430 is not bad.
I don't like it. And that is the end of our turn.
All right, I'm going to use my turn to summon a water
elemental. Oh, good.
I'm going to. Just like she did in the Last
battle. Correct.
And I'm going to summon it, I don't know, as close to like the
middle of these three as possible, I guess.
Sure. So in the center of the
landscapes, Yeah. Right next to, like, where
Shadow Slake and Shadow Fran are hanging out.
Yeah. If I'm large, how much?
How much? How much space do I take up if
I'm large? I think you take up a 10 by 10
cube and send. 10 by 10. OK, all right, so it can take
its turn after me, but before that, I'm going to use my bonus
action to throw another crown boy at shadow Fran, I think,
even though I said I was going to go after Corbin.
I'll do that next. I think we need to kill Fran.
Real. Fast.
Yeah, we should focus on taking one down.
Great. That's over 20 spell attack.
OK, so she's gonna take 28 damage as another mode of light
strikes through her body. Damn.
That's it for my turn and then for my beautiful water
elementals turn. OK, she's gonna do a multi
attack, so she's gonna slam on. Is she by Fran?
She by Corbin and Slake. She's by Shadow Slake and Shadow
Fran in the middle of this triangle.
All right, she's gonna slam on Fran then.
OK, come on and slam and. Welcome into the.
Fran, that is a 15 and an over 20.
Those both hit as you know. So she is going to do 26 damage
as she slams her beautiful this beautiful bean footage arms.
OK, that Shadow Fran is down. Got her, but how down?
She is in death saving throws now.
She is at zero hit points. Do we need to finish the job or
like? If Shadow Corbin decides to heal
her. Yeah, she could potentially
come. She could.
Potentially do it. I'll kill her.
All right, Yeah. Come kill her.
All right, it's like, do it. It's your turn.
All right, cool. I mean, I just don't think we
should take any chances. So you don't have.
To justify yourself. Yeah, so I am going to go use my
movement to approach Shadow Fran and attack her with the pics.
OK? I assume she's like fucking
unconscious and prone or whatever.
Yeah, she's on the ground. All right, Well over 20.
That hits 17. Yep.
OK. Yeah, way over 20.
All right, then you hit three times and Shadow Fran is out.
Like out, out, dead and dead. And I say back to the hell from
whence you came. How do you feel as you are
beating the corpse of your friend?
I feel insane. I think I just have like a lot
of adrenaline. I did just fucking die.
Yeah, yeah, that's very true. You also did just die.
Yeah, so, you know, I just, I'm not going to think about how I
feel right now. It's all normal and that's
always a good thing to do. Yeah, honestly recommend.
Yeah, OK. As your hit lands, Shadow Fran
looks up at you. She says why even bother?
This was never your fight. You're just an intern.
And then her eyes roll back and she is gone.
And it's like grits their teeth. All right, so that is the end of
Shadow Fran. You have defeated her.
Hell yes, Slake. She seemed a lot tougher when I
was by myself. You like, look over at Slake and
you see something in their face that you don't like.
I was just wondering if it like felt cathartic for you like
we're. Not going to talk about it, OK.
It probably does. It's like, doesn't want to face
that. It's like Fran.
'S blood like dripping down your face from all the splats?
That's for. The fan artist to decide.
I think yes. And then for my bonus action I
want to use Second Wind so that I can regain some hit points.
OK, now it is Shadow Corbin's turn.
And because regular slake, you came into the zone, you came
into the zone, the AutoZone. To kill your friend zone.
Wrath of nature. Oh yeah, I didn't even think
about that shit. Yeah, no, you didn't.
So it was already difficult terrain, the trees that are near
you, because there are a couple of trees tumbled in among this,
you need to make a Dexterity saving throw.
OK. That's fifteen.
Yeah, that's not enough. Damn it.
OK, spicy, that is going to be 17 points of damage from the
whipping branches of the trees in the Wrath of Nature zone that
you were in. So that's a cool 17.
And now it is Shadow Corbin's turn to actually do an action.
Shadow Corbin is going to cast Whirlwind.
That is 1/7 level spell. Whirlwind howls down on a point
within range. The whirlwind is 10 feet in
radius, a 30 foot high cylinder. Until the spell ends, you can
use your action to move the whirlwind.
A creature in the whirlwind must make a Dexterity saving throw
the first time it enters the whirlwind or the whirlwind
enters its space. The creature takes 10D6
budgeting damage on a failed save and half as much on a
successful one. In addition, larger, smaller
creature that fails its save must succeed on a Strength
saving throw or become restrained in the whirlwind
until the spell ends. When a creature starts his turn
restrained by the world wounds, the creature is pulled 5 feet
higher inside it unless the creature is at the top.
Restrained creature can use its Strength or Dexterity check to
make a spell save against the DC.
Then you're no longer restrained.
So it is going to cast this beautiful whirlwind.
Now where? Where do I want to put it?
Just like away. On himself.
It's going to cast it centered on Fran.
No, Yeah, that doesn't sound right.
Yeah, it does. Corbin wouldn't do that, all
right. Right.
So, Fran, please make a Dexterity saving throw.
OK, well, famously dexterous Fran is going to be fine.
Yeah. You guys just relax, Don't
panic. I got and 11:00.
That's not going to do it, no. So you are going to take 10D6
bludgeoning damage. Shit.
Damn. Sorry, Fran.
Except not really. Kind of Oh my God, does Fran get
like, pulled up into the whirlwind?
Yes, you do. You get pulled up, Fran.
A whirlwind descends from this illusory sky down upon you, and
you are buffeted. You are going to take 25 damage,
which is you're getting off. So fucking light there.
Fran, I call up as she's sucked into a whirlwind.
And you are pulled 5 feet into the air and.
That's. Actually fine, yeah.
I mean, it's not good, but it is funny.
I know. I was like, well.
You are you are pulled 5 feet higher for every turn that you
remained inside the whirlwind. So in the 1st 6 seconds, in the
1st 6 seconds you go out five feet and then another 5 feet if
you do not get out of it. And when when do I roll to get?
Out of it, on your turn you can make a Strength or Dexterity
check so as you can use your action to make a Strength or
Dexterity. Oh yeah.
So that is going to end the wrath of nature once Shadow
Corbin cast Whirlwind because those are both concentration
spells. So you are no longer being
puddled by nature. I mean, you are being puddled by
nature. It's just a different nature.
It's the nature of the wind instead of the nature of the
earth now. OK, now it is regular Corbin.
OK, so I am going to cast Feast of Flesh.
Gary, I'm. Going to cast it on evil Slick.
OK. Don't like it?
We'll need a Charisma saving throw cat.
OK. I don't think that's going to do
it. That is a 17.
Oh fuck. Yes.
So faux slake fake. Suddenly Bros needle like teeth.
What? And is filled with the desire to
eat the flesh of their own kind. What the Why do you have this?
I have it. I just have it brother.
The creature must move towards the nearest creature of its
type. If it is within 5 feet of a
creature of its type, it must use its bonus action to make a
bite attack against it. If a creature of its type is not
present, it must attack the closest living creature to it.
Your target deals damage equal to 1D6 plus its Strength
modifier, so it doesn't actually do that much damage.
So it's using up its bonus action.
It's forcing it to move in a specific direction.
How? Long does this last it?
It lasts up to one minute, but it can roll again at the end of
its turn to like, break away. OK.
Oh, and each time it takes damage, the target can make a
new saving throw. On a success, the spell ends and
the target is poisoned. Unless it is an actual cannibal.
Or this? Spell animalistic culture.
OK Corbin, you cast this spell upon Shadows Lake and it wreaks
this change and you expect, right?
You expect that it is going to start charging after Shadow
Corbin, but it does not. Instead, it turns towards
regular Slake, which is the closest target to it at this
time. When I see that happening,
Corbin starts yelling and he's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
wait, no, no. It's you're supposed to go to
that Corbin. You're supposed to go to me.
Stop. Stop.
Corbin, what did you do? I'm sorry.
Corbin, I'm going to have you make an insight check.
OK. Oh yeah, that's 23.
OK, you realize too late, just a second too late, you realize you
made an incorrect assumption here.
You thought you were fighting 3 separate creatures, but when you
see it not turn towards the shadow Corbin, there's two
possibilities there. 1 is that these are not creatures of the
same type, but that doesn't really make sense because you
know they're doing the same things right now.
The other is that these are not two or three separate creatures.
This is one creature that is presenting itself to you in
three pieces. Shadows slake in its pointy
teeth, grins at you and says typical Corbin.
You didn't think it all the way through, did you?
Just charged in with a spell and it didn't even work.
To think I ever respected you. Stupid.
You respected me. So it turns towards regular
Slake instead, and it is going to do its three beautiful
attacks against Slake. You have a moment of Deja vu.
Hand picks. It's 2316, 25.
Two of those hit. OK.
Oh, and the bite attack that doesn't do it?
That's only a 15, so you only get hit by two pick attacks.
Yes, and I do want to parry one of them.
OK, parry it. So I reduced the damage by 5 hit
points. OK.
So then that's going to be 17 -, 5.
So that is only going to be 12 points of damage to you real
slake. Cool, I say.
Corbin, why do you have a spell like this?
It was cool when I was looking at the.
Spells I don't know. All right, Fran, you are up.
You just watch your shadow self be killed by your friend Slake.
How do? You.
I don't, I don't think I'm paying very much attention to
that because I am inside a world.
That's right, you are inside a world.
I'm just. Continuously screaming.
You will need to make a Strength or Dexterity check.
Don't do strength. Well, my strength is -1 so I
guess I'll do Dexterity, and that is 15.
It does not work. That does not work, No.
You are still restrained inside the world.
Winds and I go five more feet up.
Yep, and you are 10 feet in the air now.
Well, am I like under some kind of status effect?
You're restrained is the restrained.
Your speed is 0. Attack rolls against you have
advantage. Your attack rolls have
disadvantage. OK, I'm still gonna as I'm
screaming, I'm sending out one of my crown stars.
I'm gonna attack shadows like with all those see a little
needle teeth and I have I have a disadvantage yes OK so that's OK
because I still rolled fairly well not natural 20 all.
Right, that will hit. It flies out from the whirlwind
and I I'm assuming gets extra speed.
Yeah, you use it to like, slingshot your star.
Correct and my star flies out and hits Schlake flake fake in
the teeth for 24/10. I just, I just don't like those
needle teeth and. I find them out 24 teeth lost.
24 needle teeth fall out, Yeah. Fran, when you hit Shadow Slake,
they look at you and sort of smile a bit and lean forward
almost, and say just like always, right?
You're always trying to kill me. That is not what I'm doing.
And does it have to make an advantage saving through it?
Does. Yeah, because you hit it.
What? What is it?
That is A2 and A8. The one time that we want Cat to
be rolling good. I'm sorry how it goes rolling
like shit. I know, I know.
All right, Fran, that is your turn, except for you also have
an elemental. Yes, my elemental is going to
slam and welcome to the jam. So she gets 2 slams.
Who is she close to? She is close to Shadow Slake.
All right, I think those both hits, they are both over 20,
okay, And Shadow Slake is gonna take 26 more damage.
Okay, shadow Slick. As Shadow Slick is slammed into
the ground by huge torrents of watery arms.
That's another role. Okay, yeah, so that is A17 and
A10. Psychotic.
This is a great. Spell an insane spell.
It's it's too good. I never should have passed.
This that's how I would describe it.
All right, all right, Slakey. So I think I'll just try and
keep fighting shadows like. OK. 21.
OK, that hits. The next one wouldn't hit 'cause
it's a one. OK.
Third one is gonna not hit. That fourth one will also not
hit. So it's just the one that hits.
OK. 8 damage. OK.
Oh, but you know what I want to do what I want to use my
maneuver trip attack. So when you hit a creature with
a weapon attack, you can expend 1 superiority guy to attempt to
knock it down, and if the target is large or smaller, it must
make a strength saving throw. On a failed save, you knock the
target prone. So that is. 15 OK so then you
wouldn't pass, so on the failed save you are knocked prone.
OK, they're prone. OK.
So that was eight damage and then with the remover that's
three more. So that's a total of 11.
Okey dokey. It's another roll.
That is a 19 and a 12. Oh my God.
So Shadow Slake's curse is going to be broken and it goes into
poisoning. So it becomes poisoned.
They have now disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks.
Sounds good. All right, so that is big Slick
and now? On the ground.
Yes, now it is Shadow Corbin's turn.
It is going to move its whirlwind so that it is going to
be over the elemental and slate real slake.
Do I move with it? Yeah.
My God damn it. Feet near you.
Pen all. Right, make a Dexterity saving
throw for the elemental and for slake.
The elemental got 18. That meets and beats it.
So the elemental is not sucked up.
But slake. Yeah.
Yeah, you are. I'm sorry.
So I'm really sorry. And Fran is continually
screaming as she is whipped across this battleground.
I'll. Join Fran and screaming.
It's a beautiful chorus. Corbin's doing fine.
You are going to take 34 points of damage for you slake and then
the elemental takes half that. Well I've six hit points left so
if anyone knows how to heal people like let's say.
Someone I can heal you? Who Maybe set a zombie on
someone else? I don't.
Know zombie. It's cannibal.
Very different. Very different.
You are pulled 5 feet into the air slake and you are
restrained. Hate this.
And the hit lands and you make eye contact with Shadow Corbin
and he smiles and says you thought I didn't know what I was
doing. I've always known exactly what
I'm doing. And Slake flinches and swallows
hard. Now it's real Corbin's turn.
OK, guess I'm going to heal Slake.
I'm going to cast healing word at the fifth level in the word
that I'm going to say is friend, Yeah.
Meaning slake. And slake is gonna gain 29 + 10
hit points for you. So 39 hit points of of health,
not me. Thank you.
I'm still just like, screaming and being whipped around in this
whirlwind. But now you're doing it while
not bleeding freely. Yeah, you're.
Breathing bleeding less. So like, yeah, your scabs down,
your blood is also not whipping around the world, I mean.
It's my old blood is your. Old blood in dealing my new.
Blood. You made new blood.
Yeah, yeah. Corbin, well done.
Now is Shadow Slake's turn. So they are going to get up
because they are prone. That is all in their movement.
And that's too bad, because I really would have liked to
attack Corbin this term, but I can't unless I use the Longbow.
Yeah, just remember you have disadvantage.
Yeah, I'm going to use the Longbow.
OK, First attack at disadvantage.
That's not going to hit. All right.
Second attack. Cat.
I rolled 2 natural 20s. Catherine.
Cat Cat Corbin, I'm so sorry, but when Slake rolls a natural
20 you do get savage attacks, so you can roll one of the weapons
damaged ice one additional time and add it to the extra damage
of the critical hit. Love it.
The third attack lowest is 24, so you're going to get hit
twice, once critically. OK. 26 damage total.
Okay, Corbin has three. Arrows sticking out of him now,
just all. Right, yeah, you get 3 arrows
sticking out of you, Corbin, and before the end of the turn
actually is going to use Second Wind.
All right, so that's just going to be 15, but hey, anything
helps. And now it is Fran.
You are in the whirlwind. Why don't you make me a Strength
or Dexterity check? I could also just make my peace
with being in the whirlwind. Yeah, yeah, you could just give
up. You could just give up.
Yeah, you could just give up. I'm just saying like, like I
have like what? I have like disadvantage on
attack roles right? Yeah, I feel like.
I just, I'm going to make my peace and I'm going to take
disadvantage on my spell attack role that I'm not fucking making
because most of mine are not spell attacks.
Nice. Hell yeah.
All right, I'm gonna get Corbin, Shorbin, Shorbin with with an
ice beer, OK. And so that is a deck save OK
from Shorbin. 12. Nice.
OK Fran just is screaming continuously and she's like I'll
take that. And an ice fear flies out and
stabs at Corbin for 28 damage. OK.
Ouchy Shorbin. Shorbin takes 28 damage.
OK, Fran, when you hit Shadow Corbin, he looks at you and
says, you know, this doesn't even hurt as much as when you
betrayed us. Fran looks very affected by
that, but she said you are not the one I betrayed.
How's he looking? Oh fine, that's the first damage
he's taken and. Then I'm going to use my bonus
action to do a spell attack with my star crown thingy.
OK? And that's a disadvantage which
my highest is going to be 17, so that just flies off.
Yeah, it just gets like it just gets sucked up into the
whirlwind. Yeah, all right.
And then it is Miss Waters turn. Oh, Yep, Yep.
Yes, and she is going to keep attacking Schlake.
OK. So hits once, that's going to do
13 damage. OK.
As she slams down on Schlike and says no more regaining hit
points. Let me take those back, yeah.
How's Schlake looking? Schlake is actually looking not
great, not like falling down, not Schlate.
Yeah, not doing, not doing. That's nothing.
I think it was. Something for sure.
It was something, I don't know what, but it was something not
looking great, but not like on death's doorstep yet.
It's now your turn. It's like.
Yes. OK, so to get out of this thing
you said that would use my. Your action your.
Action, so it wouldn't use my movement, but it would use my
action. If you get out of this, there
will be an effect. 'Cause you'll fall.
Oh, right. How high up am I you're.
Only 5 feet up at this point. OK, I'm 15 feet.
Yeah. Fran is now 15 feet.
Up. I'm going up and up and up,
baby. Yeah, Fran's, Fran's making it
to the top. Straight up till top who?
So I am going to try to escape. OK.
So 15 + 8. You managed to get out of the
whirlwind, however. Oh boy, here we go.
This is so fucking funny. You are no longer restrained by
the whirlwind. You are hurled 18 feet away from
this, from the center of the whirlwind.
And because I rolled AD 4 to see which direction you were hurled,
you are going to be hurled off to the right and you are now
prone. And I'm prone, okay, I don't.
I still have my movement. You can use your movement to get
out. Which I will do.
Yes, I say I'll come back for you, Fran.
All right. Fran's voice is getting more and
more distant, and she fades into the sky.
She's literally. 15 feet up. You can barely we literally I
can barely hear her. I can barely hear her anymore.
It's just like this, faded like prive desperation.
That's really sad. It's really slab.
Yeah, and you are. You are flung outside of the
difficult terrain too, Slakes. Interesting.
So that is your turn Slake. And what a turn it was.
And you went round and round and round.
OK, now it is Shadow Corbin's turn.
Shadow Corbin moves the Whirlwind back onto Slate.
Oh my gosh, I'm so mad. Fuck.
Oh, OK, make a Dexterity saving throw.
You bet I will. That's 11.
Nope. God fucking damn it.
OK, that is going to be 40 damage.
Jesus. As you are sucked right back up
into that whirlwind. God damn it.
OK, I'm down to five hit points. OK, now it is regular Corbin.
Cat, I think I know what I'm gonna do.
OK, You know, I've been sitting on the spell for a while.
Pretty good one. I think I'm gonna cast
Whirlwind. I.
Think I'm gonna cast it on Schlake.
OK, you will also catch up the water elemental in that Schlake
is going to make a Dexterity saving throw.
So is elemental. Elemental failed.
Elemental is sucked up into the into the whirlwind like a river
into a tornado. I just laughed and I'm really
scared that it's like. That was an 18, so they take
half damage. OK, that is going to be 35.
Crisp, windy damage. OK, that will apply to the
elemental. And so that is going to be half
that for Slake Slake. So as you cast this Corbin and
you see through the whirlwind that Shadow Slake holds.
Their ground. Right now it is shadows like who
did not get taken up by the whirlwind and is going.
To. Advance on Corbin now.
Doesn't want to come join us in the whirlwind?
No. And now that the elemental, the
whirlwind, the elemental is up in the whirlwind, so.
Enter the whirlwind. You'll have a whirl wind.
All right, Corbin, you see a slake advancing through the
trees towards you and they are going to hit you with their
picks. That is a 19 to hit.
Perhaps it does so. That's a 27, all right.
That is a 2624 and also a bonus attack.
That's a that one doesn't hit. Lowest one on that was a 17, so
you get absolutely pummeled. There's a total of 33 damage.
OK, well, I'm not dead. You're not.
Dead. I'm dead.
You're not dead as. I don't look good.
Hits you hard, Fran. It is your turn.
You are 15 feet up in the air, being hooked around like you're
in a little blender. Like you are a strawberry in a
blender. I'm just going to attach like
kept with a beautiful ice beer. They need to make decks safe.
OK, All right. That's not great.
That is only 11. OK.
All right, that's 44 damage. OK.
You can't retain one hit point unless that killed you out
right? So this sphere of ice like
punches through shadow Slake's chest and it looks down and just
breaks it off. Not looking good, looking quite
bad, but it's. Still looking indomitable.
And relentlessly, enduringly alive.
So I'm gonna use my bonus action to once again attack Schlake.
Okay, yes, little star. With your little star.
See if I can actually do it. Do it, yeah.
Okay, so my lowest role is a 20. That hurt, all righty, and it's
gonna do more than one damage. Okay, you have taken.
You have taken slake to 0. Eat shit, slake we.
Can't hear you? You're up in the world.
With yeah, I'm really far away. I'm like 20 feet away now.
All right, Shadow Corbin is going to cast Healing Word I
knew at 4th. Level.
Called that shit dad. John.
I don't know.
Call me John. Yeah, anyway, that is going to
be a quick little 22 hit points and they are back up on their
feet. But you know, the bonus is
Corbin didn't get sucked into a Whirlwind this turn, which would
have been so good if I'd gotten all three of you, wouldn't it?
It would have been really fun. It would.
Have been really funny. Really fun.
It's my turn. Right cat.
Yeah, it is your cat. It's my turn.
OK. It's your turn now.
Oh, yeah. OK, so then I'm going to move
the whirlwind. OK.
And I want to move it across Slake, shadow, slake, shadow
slake. It's a path.
You'll kit both of them. Let's see if you suck them both
up. Oh yeah, all.
Right. So this first one is slake.
That is a 19 for Slake. But still, they'll take damage.
They'll still take half damage. Yeah.
And let's see about Corbin. I think Corbin gets sucked up.
Thank God, because Corbin's honestly the one I want to get
sucked up the most. Lorbin is a bitch because he.
Deserves it. Lorbin is an absolute bitch and
Corbin hates him. Yeah, that's only that's only
going to nine. That does not do it.
So OK, Shadow Corbin's going to take full damage, and Shadow
Slick will only take half damage.
Shit fucked idiot. All right.
So that's 25 damage total, which doesn't unfortunately kill
Schlake. No, it doesn't again but.
Shadow Corbin. Just before it is sucked up into
the whirlwind, it looks at you and says what?
Can't even think of what to do on your own?
Monkey see, monkey do, right? And then it is sucked up away
into the whirlwind. Corbin probably doesn't know
what to say to that. He doesn't have a witty
response, which is probably the first telltale sign that he is
affected by it honestly. But I think he just kind of like
goes a little slack. He loses his battle ready
stance. So Shadow Slake was not sucked
up by your Whirlwind and is still right up on you and is
going to hit you with the picks. Again, will you die?
I literally might die. So the whirlwind thing might
have been for nothing, you guys. First one did not hit OK.
Second one won't hit either OK Third one will hit.
I rolled 216, so that's 27, so that is going to hit you for 9
damage and then. Wait, I'm waiting.
I have taken damage. Yes.
So now I may use a reaction called Fade Away.
So basically immediately after I take damage, I can use my
reaction to become invisible and then I can basically I can
leave. OK, so I do like peace.
Yeah, I can become invisible and then I can like disengage,
disengage, okay. I'm gonna cast fireball at
Schlake, I believe, as long as I can do so without hitting my
friend. Nope, I can't.
Wait, I left. You're right.
You're left. Yeah, that's.
Fine, you can. I ran away.
Then I'm gonna use a fireball, okay?
And so Schlake needs to make a deck save as a firewall comes
flying out of the whirlwind. They got a 19 plus whatever.
So they're still going to take 10 damage.
They fall to the ground and they are singed badly by your
fireball. They are down for the count.
So that is my action, and then for my bonus action, I'm going
to do my little crown once again.
OK, I'm going to do it at Shalorben.
I do hit with my crown of stars, little star as it flies out of
my whirlwind into another whirlwind, like a spaceship
slingshotting between the moon and the Earth.
Hell yeah. Absolutely.
That's so fucking funny. 20 damage to Shlorebin.
OK, he's still up, but he's not looking great.
OK, so that was Fran. And now it is Slake's turn.
Real Slake. OK so if I was to try to attack
evil Corbin, that's a non natural 20 that.
Hits. That is 17.
It does not hit. Nope.
Well, I'm going to use a maneuver to make it hit, so I'm
going to use precision attack and then third attack.
That third attack's only going to be 11.
That does not hit OK. But I'll take the two.
OK, so 18 damage total. Tell me what it looks like when
you strike down Shadow Corbin. Yes.
Oh. Yes, baby.
In time for real. Yes.
So I, so yes, I'm in a whirlwind that is rotating in the opposite
direction from Corbin's whirlwind and I take aim with my
Longbow. Time slows down because I'm
doing, you know, a. Yeah.
Exactly, and I quickly fire 1 arrow after another with deft
precision to take out this shadow doppelganger of my dear
friend Corbin who has never hurt me in any way.
And as you do, the shadow doppelganger makes eye contact
with you, and you can hear its voice like it was standing right
next to you and says, did that feel good?
Isn't that what you always wanted to do?
And then its eyes close and its head lulls back, and the
whirlwind that you are currently being held in collapses, and you
and Fran both fall. Fran falls 25 feet to the
ground. Yeah, I use Featherfall.
Do you catch Slake too? I.
Yeah, I'll catch Slake too. Thanks, Fran.
No problem. Sorry I killed your shadow
doppelganger. Or you're welcome, I guess.
Yeah, thank you for killing my shadow doppelganger, obviously.
Yes. And I guess you're welcome for
killing yours. Question mark fan looks between
Corbin and Slake. And she says those things that
they were saying. Like, you guys know, I don't
think any of that about you really.
Right? Obviously, like you're, you're
not an intern. You're one of my best friends.
I just wish you'd have, you know, I want you to trust me,
Fran. And sometimes I just don't know.
I I feel like with this whole thing like.
I think, Fran, we don't necessarily think that you think
those things, but we don't know what you think because you don't
tell us. But on that line of things, man,
that that evil Corbin was kind of a bitch, you guys, I didn't
catch everything he said, but. He wasn't even mean to you,
Corbin. No, I know.
I don't care about that though. Well, I cared about it.
Well. You have original ideas all the
time. Like maybe too much.
Yeah, I know. I basically single handedly
defeated. Torva, so I'm aware.
Me and Big drill. You and Big Drill and I you
know, I I don't think you're stupid, Corbin.
Yeah. Why can't you?
You are truly an original thinker and I'm glad that you're
part of my team. Thanks Slick.
We couldn't have done it without you, Corbin.
Or are you slick? Thanks, Fran.
Well, for what it's worth, Fran, we couldn't have done it without
you either. We also wouldn't be here.
We wouldn't be here without you, but we couldn't have done it
without you either. So you're a beautiful mixed bag
of sparkling ocean rocks. And some of them are really
sharp and they cut our feet open.
But some of them are really pretty and nice.
But I wanted to say it's like, I know sometimes you do get caught
in the crossfire and it's never that I that that happens on
purpose. I just sometimes really get
focused on doing as much damage as I can to the people that are
trying to hurt us and I don't always keep track of where my
friends are in battle, which is a problem that I have.
Personally, that I need to deal with.
I know Corbin. I, I'm sorry about that too,
slick. I, I think I get really, really,
really focused on all of us surviving.
I don't think about what it costs to get there, Not just me,
but everyone else. And I guess trust is kind of an
issue in general for me, but of anyone in the world, I trust you
to the most. Hello, hello, hello.
We hope you're enjoying a crazy second to last episode of the
Dames and Dragons campaign. Yes, this is almost the last
one. The next one is going to be the
last one. But on that note, I did want to
tell you guys real quick what our upcoming schedule is going
to be. So this is the second to last
episode. The next episode that comes out
is actually not going to be a Dames and Dragons episode.
It's going to be a teaser episode for our new campaign,
which we are so, so excited about.
It's gonna have a little bit of this, a little bit of that.
You'll get to meet our new characters and be briefly
introduced to the world that we're gonna be in.
It'll probably be a little bit mysterious, but I hope you guys
are intrigued and excited by it. Then after that, we're going to
have the very last episode of the Games and Dragons campaign.
So that'll be like 4 weeks from now.
And we're really excited for you guys to hear the epilogue
essentially of what we've been working on for eight years.
It's it's crazy, it's overwhelming.
So after the last episode of Games and Dragons comes out,
we're going to do our very last Games and Dragons Q&A.
So we will be live streaming the Q&A on Patreon.
So if you're not already a video tier patron, it's a great time
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starting when you're listening to this.
So if you want to send us questions on Tumblr, on Blue
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be able to add us or ask us or whatever.
We will be compiling questions and we will be answering them at
the Q&A after the Q&A. If you're a patron who gets
bonus episodes, you're going to not have any kind of
interruption because there will be a Danger Dive episode coming
out. If you're not a patron, there'll
be a little bit of a break in episode releases as we will be
releasing our Danger Dive finale.
So Danger Dive is our bonus campaign that we've been doing
on Patreon. It's really, really fun.
We have a little weird family of characters.
We got the Seeker, we got Mickey, and we got Mr. Wentle,
and we're going to see where they end up as insane stuff
happens in this campaign. So we're really excited.
We actually haven't recorded it yet as I'm recording this, so
I'm also excited to see what happens to them.
And then after that Danger Dive episode, after the Q&A, after
the end of Dames and Dragons, we're going to start our new
campaign proper. We're so, so excited to share it
with you guys. We are diligently working on our
writing, on our art, on our recording, on our music, and
we're really, really excited to bring you guys something fresh
and new. This new campaign is planned to
not be as long as this 1. And in fact, we plan to never
make a 151 episode campaign probably ever again.
But thank you guys so much for sticking with us through this
one because we're really glad we did it.
It's just, you know, it's eight years, which is crazy, but we're
so, so excited to start something new.
And with all that said, I would love to thank some of the people
who have been supporting us and not only as listeners, but also
as patrons. Thank you so much to Pigeon,
Kotomi, Jeff, and Tired Cleric. Thank you guys for joining our
Patreon. We are so, so excited to
continue on this little journey with you.
I also have a couple of exciting messages from our store at
Legend Lark dot Store. This one is from Zoe and it's
for Greg. This is a birthday message for
Greg O, or Dylan as he's known at our table.
Hey dude, Sup, it's your birthday.
Thank you for many years of friendship shenanigans, being a
great DND player, constantly healing the party from Perry's
fire damage, and keeping our little family calm, cool and
collected. We're looking forward to hearing
you perform sea shanties when we get our Tavern running.
Happy birthday and lots of love from Letta Nishka, Harry Keeks
and Dungeon Master Zoe AKA The Bard.
News Bears. Your guys's game sounds so, so,
so fun. I'm sorry if I mispronounce
anyone's name. I love you all and happy happy
birthday Greg. We've also got a message today
from the Devon Rich European Martial Arts School.
Are you perhaps a queer nerd who loves fantasy, history,
creativity, community and the height of 15th and 16th century
fashion? Would you also like swords With
that. Celebrating its 25th anniversary
this year, the Devon Rich European Martial Arts School
located in San Jose, CA is the oldest and largest dedicated
Western martial arts school in the United States with a focus
on English and Italian traditions.
We have regular classes in long sword, rapier, side sword, and
quarterstaff, as well as medieval grappling, modern and
medieval knife and light Saber. Sun sword, definitely not light
Saber. All right, join us any night of
the week to trial up to three free classes or attend our
anniversary celebration on May 17th for our biggest open house
yet again, They're located in San Jose, CA, so if you're local
to San Jose, please, please check them out.
Find us at YouTube and Instagram at Sword Fighting School or at
www.swordfightingschool.com. You can also poke tomorrow at
the Legend Lark Discord. Free Discord Plug again
legendlark.com/discord with any questions.
Once again, that's the Devon Rich European martial arts
school at swordfightingschool.com.
Make sure to check them out. And last of all, we have a
message to Chantelle. Chantelle.
Our journey draws to a close soon and the code word is Starry
Ocean. The sleeper agent is active Go
Fran like looks around and she says, where's Mary?
How do we get out of here? Perception check.
OK. Should we all?
Yeah. I.
Hope you can do it, I did. Bad.
I got a 5. 15. OK, 20 non natural.
OK, Corbin, you are the one who spots Mary.
She is above you on the outside of this bubble.
She is holding all of you in one hand and then with the other.
She is fighting off these lashes of flame, these forks of
lightning, and then the demons as well that are coming at her,
both trying to help and hurt her.
Corbin points up to where Mary is and yells slash praise Mary
we killed our double S can we come help you now?
Mary does not seem to be able to hear you fuck.
Shit. OK.
If we look around, is there seem to be any like center to this
place? Any indication of why it's still
here? Yeah, actually, as you look
around, you see a figure sitting in the center of this terrain.
And at first you think they have their back to you, but then you
realize they don't seem to actually have a face.
They tilt their head at you and you see it's a creature made of
pure bright white light with a silver sun for a head, and it
beckons you over. It doesn't seem threatening.
Hello. Fran walks towards it.
Well done, well done. Come sit.
You've faced yourself, so now you may face me.
I am Yovia, the force of light. And it looks sort of out and
above towards the battle. And Mary says you've created
something extraordinary we have never seen.
It's like. Oh, we didn't create Mary.
She's our friend. And we and I look over at Corbin
and I look over meaningfully at Fran.
Didn't mean to come here. Well.
I mean, Fran steps forward and she says they didn't mean to
come here, but I did. And I grabbed Fran's hand and I
grabbed Corbin's hand too. And I say we didn't mean to come
here, but we're here together now and I think we'd like to
take our friend and leave. And Yovia puts a hand against
his head and rests its elbow on its knee and says, but you've
come all this way and you've fought so very hard.
And I think it is a little disingenuous to say you did not
create her and glances up towards Mary.
And you have helped her along every step of this path,
including. And Jovia looks at you, Fran
leading her to her mother to reclaim the last of that power.
Fran nods and she says I, I don't know what needs to happen,
but I can't go back with the way things were.
Things need to change one way or another.
And you think that you child another one to decide how they
should change, what should change, what gives you the
right? What gives you the right?
Age time is different here, but it is also the same.
I have seen the world and I have seen it again, and I have seen
other worlds. I've seen them end.
I do not think it is wise for you to compare yourselves to me,
to us. I think you're right about that.
I think to compare yourself to mortals is pointless.
You don't know what we need. How could you?
Corbin raises his hand. Yes, child.
I have a question. So if you're like super, super
old, you've been alive for a bazillion years and lived
through a bunch of planets and stuff, how come you don't go
crazy but the gods do? Because I am not and have never
been mortal. What are you then, and what were
you? There are no words for it.
Does a rock have a name for the dirt?
A rock doesn't have sentience, so I think there's inherent.
That's a good point, Corbin. Get his ass, Corbin, wait.
How do you know that? Iraq can't talk to me.
And only things that can talk to you have sentience.
Well, in my experience, and you are talking to me right now,
I'm, I mean, I'm not going to definitively say anything, OK,
because I, I know I've been proved wrong about a lot of
things, but I would just like to say that if you're comparing
yourself to a rock right now, I'm not seeing how that helps.
Believe that you know what you're doing, I.
Am I don't want to have our world end?
So if that could be taken into account I would love that.
And I look over at France. Your arrogance is staggering for
Nika. He's right about that.
Yeah, you're not. We're not going to have any
arguments over here. And Fran just stands there with
her arms crossed. And you slake of the red
caverns. Your capacity for forgiveness is
staggering. And yet is it true forgiveness?
And Corbin, you choose not to feel, but does that mean you
don't feel it? Hard to say what.
And Yovio leans back on their hands in a very casual posture
and kicks their legs out in front of them.
You're not wrong, any of you. The world we made is imperfect,
flawed. And despite your many flaws,
there are mortal flaws, flaws that we gave you.
So can I blame you for being that which we made?
In fact, no. I congratulate you.
Your fortitude has brought you this far.
Your love for each other has brought you to victory over the
darkest parts of yourselves. So congratulations, let us have
a conversation and the world around you shifts and changes
and you are now sitting in an office, a well appointed office
and Yovia is sitting behind the desk.
And there is a map spread out on the table which you immediately
recognize as a map of Avalis. But the edges of the map bleed
away into a darkness, the void that which is not and lies
beyond that which is. And you can see the rivers of
stars that flow toward and away with Avalis in the center.
There is your world, just as we made it.
Do you see the rivers? Yeah.
They're there and there's a river.
Very good. Have you ever wondered what they
are? I no, I'm sure I know what a
river is. I I wondered I'm.
Sorry, no, not those rivers. And Yovia points with one bright
white finger towards the rivers of stars.
Those that and it taps the map. It's magic.
I was going to say that. Slake new slake already new
idiot. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I have nothing against you. I'm.
Sorry, I'm just naturally combative.
Corbin. Yes, well, I know who you are.
But yes, these are the rivers of magic which flow in and out of
Avalis. Each soul, and it highlights 1
spark of light as it travels away from Avilus.
Each soul is a creature of magic.
Each mortal thing, each blade of grass, each rock, each speck of
dirt has magic in it. It is the magic of the things
that we defeated very long ago and imbued into the land of
Avilus. When there's a death, or many
deaths, that magic is returned to us to sustain us, and then we
send it back to the gods. The gods use the magic to do as
they will, to create conflicts and cataclysms that keep the
balance of magic in check. But as you said.
And Yovia leans back in their chair, this is a flawed system,
one I never endorsed. That is why there are no gods of
light. It was a foolish choice, but one
the others felt very passionate about.
Where are the others? Why is it only you?
In fact, there are two of us here, but we are all one.
Fran looks around. Wait, wait.
Two like gods. Wait, you're all one, but
there's only two here now. Yes.
Well, without Certus's presence, the force of mind, of will, of
knowledge, we would not be able to understand one another.
So I have suborned them from all of that.
Yovia gestures to the outside of the sphere, and you can still
see above you, even in this new space, Mary fighting the other
forces. And you and Certus are in here,
and then the other forces are out there.
Wailing on our friend. We need to go help.
Trying to kill our friend. You cannot help her.
Can you what do? You mean by that?
Well, I think, Fran, I think it's fairly obvious what, and we
would go out there and we would die instantly.
I wouldn't. I don't know you would against
the full power of all of us together.
You would be vaporized instantly.
And I gesture like with a hand at Yovia, and I look over at
Fran meaningfully and I gesture with my hand again.
But your friend, I won't say she has no chance against us.
It is remarkable what her parents were able to engineer
and you were able to shepherd to completion.
We don't want to shepherd anything to completion.
We want to keep our friend Mary safe.
Then we must make an agreement. The other forces, they bowed to
me. I am our leader, though I
allowed myself to be overruled. But I was tired and we had
fought hard. So then it gestures again to the
map. In an ideal world, what would it
look like? We can as you wished, and Yovia
looks at you. Fran cut ourselves off from
Avalis. I will not permit you to destroy
us, but we can leave it alone. And the magic and the gods.
It will wither away and die. You will be in a world it is
mundane, though. You, with your blood of spirits
from elsewhere, will still retain a smidgen of your power.
You'll still be able to create a glass of water when you wish to.
Fran shakes her head and she says, I don't really care about
any of that. I just, I don't think that
having gods the way that they are, can keep going.
But what will happen to Mary? You said the gods will wither
away. She will be mortal.
She will die eventually, as they all will.
Eventually, like a person. I have a question.
You said you fought against some stuff earlier.
Is that the giants that that make up the world?
Is that what you did? You kill the giants or did you
kill something else? That is what you call them, yes.
Why were they so strong? They were demons, or that is
what you call them. They were big ass demons, yes,
and the demons that Fran summoned.
Looking at you Fran fighting you guys.
May I explain? Yeah.
Demons, the giants included. They eat magic, they consume it
to survive, and it is not given back to the universe as we do.
These giants consumed so much from so many worlds that when we
defeated them for, they tried to consume us too.
Their defeat released such a font of magic upon this universe
that we had to shape it into something.
Had we absorbed it ourselves, we would have become immaterial,
disperse, diffuse among the cosmos.
Nor could we simply allow it to pool, for it would attract other
demons who would gain that power.
Follow up. Question if we got rid of magic
and you just stopped having any kind of influence over the
world. You said that when creatures
die, the magic in them leaves, and so does that mean that
everybody left alive afterwards be the last people that could
ever be alive? No.
Everything in your world has magic because it has magic, but
it is not alive because it has magic.
Do you understand? It would live on, but it would
have no wonder. It would have no wonder, yes.
So like. Be boring and suck so.
Like no whimsy. I believe mortals create whimsy,
but it would have no magic, no feats of miraculous healing or
strength, no gods, no blessings of the gods.
Well, I know a group of people who would really like that.
Fran frowns and she says I don't understand why there has to be
gods to be magic. That isn't good question, and a
fair one. We cannot interact with your
world at all. It's simply impossible for us.
We are too large. And it is too small.
We don't want you to. Yeah, a friend.
We we know that. The gods were put in place as a
series of checks and balances for magic will always pool in
One Direction or another, and we thought we could control where
it pooled and ensure that it never pooled for too long in one
place. Those massive cataclysms that
Torva was so adept at creating? They were no accident.
It was at the time what we believed to be the most
efficient way of ensuring the healthy cycle of magic.
However, as you have said, the world has changed and we cannot
interact with it or see it or know it.
The mortals we created no longer exist.
Your world is nothing like the one we created, and so I am here
to negotiate a new possibility. As I said, we can cut off Atlas.
The magic will go, gods will eventually die, or we can leave
things as they are. We could take the magic from
your friend, make her mortal, allow any gods who feel the same
way to be granted mortality. We will select new gods.
Perhaps they can renounce it. But is that really the only way
to cycle magic? Couldn't we think of something
different, something new? An excellent question.
Perhaps you are right. Gods are a bygone solution to a
problem that no longer exists or has changed, I suppose.
What if you give magic to everybody?
That. Would be another way to solve
the problem. Because I mean, it worked on
Estra and if all of the magic was dispersed amongst all of the
people, nobody would be that powerful.
Instead of having like, you know, 20 people who are crazy
strong. We'd have like AOE spells, Yeah,
Yes, yes. I'm not one of the 20 that
refers to the gods. That does refer to the gods, but
it does refer to us too, I think, because we also have
magic from the gods. So if everybody had magic, we'd
all be like. Blessed.
Blessed, but not that strong. Like I probably couldn't do as
much as I could do now. And neither could you, Fran.
Neither could Mary. But we would still have magic
and so. Would the dwarfs?
That is interesting to. Think basically our choice here
I think is do we want to make the best world for the dwarves
or the worst world for the dwarves?
I don't think we can think about it from that perspective.
I'm just saying it is a perspective that is there.
Why are you willing then, to just give all this up?
It just took us showing up here for the forces to decide that
they'd completely change the system that's been going on for
millennia. Who?
Are the first ones to ever show up.
I don't know that the forces are as benevolent as our friend here
is pretending they are, Fran. Kind of like side eyes Yovia.
And then she tries to like huddle up with Corbin and Slake,
even though she like knows that's basically pointless.
And she's like, can we can we have a team?
Team meeting anyone? Team meeting guys.
All of you to ask. Well.
I guess we better at this point, yeah.
Don't listen. Francis Yovia.
Yeah, sure, I'm sure Yovia is not going to listen just because
you asked. Fran look fan like puts her arms
around both of you guys and like pulls your heads in and she says
Yovia said that between Mary's new power and the demons
attacking Mary has a real chance at defeating them.
Not that it's guaranteed, but that's why Yovia is offering all
this. So, so you're saying, so I'm
saying I, you know, you don't agree with what I did and I
think I understand why. I just, that's why I set it up
this way. If you can understand that part.
Aside from the risks, it's up to us to decide what happens next.
And I guess like I do mean us. I don't expect you to forgive me
for bringing us here. I really don't.
But maybe we can make the choice together.
Yeah, I'd like that, Fran. I actually didn't want to have
to make this choice. Well.
But I understand. I mean, if you have to have a
vote, you don't get a choice. No, I'm.
Not going to abstain. OK.
Just me like, all right, a lot of pressure.
Yeah, it is. Thank you.
Did I make you feel like you couldn't say what you really
think it's like? I don't think the problem in
this friend group is that you're not nice enough.
Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do I.
I, I don't know, I'm, I just wanted to save everyone and I
didn't think that you guys would let me do it in an effective
way. And so I made that choice.
And if you hate me for it, that's OK.
I. Don't hate you, I just like do
you think we're really stupid like I?
I've been told that before I. Don't think you're stupid.
I think you're kind and careful and I felt like I couldn't
afford that. Yovia cuts in here and says, and
This is why I am talking to all of you.
I have seen countless battles, countless adventurers, groups of
adventurers who hurt and betray, who don't tell each other how
they feel and make rash decisions, who deny their own
feelings and do not face them. I have seen this again and again
from so far of a distance. And here I see you all still
love one another despite it. And that is what I wish to
preserve. Not only in you, not only in the
magical thing you have between you, but I wish to preserve that
capacity in all mortals. And that means admitting that we
were wrong. And I admit it, we were wrong.
So however you came to be here, look at one another, I begged
you and remember. Fran looks, but she's like
looking like really fast and then like looking away and then
looking again. Corbin maintains eye contact.
Fran is like she tries to avoid eye contact and sustain eye
contact at the same time. Fran, you look crazy right now.
You'll be talking about how much we all love each other, so stop.
Simply remember that there is no force greater in the world than
the love that you all have for one another.
Mortality in general and you three with me in this room.
Gran's crying. Yobius says.
Now let us decide together how things will be.
If I can assure you of one thing, know that no change will
be overnight. You will not return to a changed
world when you go back. Anything that we can do will
only affect things slowly. Should we cut off the world from
magic? The gods will not die tomorrow,
but they will fade away. If we allow the whole world to
have magic, then it will accumulate slowly as the magic
is no longer cycled through us and instead is returned to the
world itself. If we create new gods, then
there shall be a process of choosing new ones.
We're. Not going to do that.
Yeah, I think that's not going to.
That's not. Going to happen.
That's not in the cards. That's all right.
I simply wish you to know as much information as I am able to
give. I mean, personally, I vote for
magic for everybody. Yeah, yeah, it'd be.
I mean, be cool if everybody. That means you too slick.
Slick. Like that means you too.
That'd be pretty neat. Like what would you do with your
magic? Who would you kill first?
Don't. Ask that.
Don't ask that, Corbin. Blake, put that question out of
your mind. I.
Mean, I think I've demonstrated pretty clearly that I don't need
magic to kill people. No, I know, but like man, true,
That's so crazy. You're you're crazy for that.
Slake is about to, like, be by far the most powerful one of the
four of us, yeah. That's that's scary.
Yes, you guys better. But you know though, it's.
Slow, right? So we'll be like old probably by
the time. Yeah, yeah, or we'll have like
time to hide all slakes weapons. So Sovia takes a finger and
begins to draw the rivers of magic that flow into and out of
Avalis starts to simply collect them on this finger and swirl
them around this island of life in the void.
It gets about halfway through the circle and it says Are you
sure of your choice? Once it is done, it cannot be
undone. Last chance.
And begins to move its finger slowly through these rivers of
magic. Gran is like gritting her teeth
and like clenching her fists and she's like, you guys, I don't
know, like, is there any monkey's paw situation that
we're not thinking of? It would probably.
How do we get Mary out of the the here?
And where's Phelan? Ah, and Yovia takes their finger
away. That's right, I had almost
forgotten about our earlier visitor.
And there is a burst of white light and Phelan's unconscious
form falls at your feet. Fran.
Oh. Fran jumps down to grab at him.
He seems fine, but he is unconscious.
And Yovia says. Yes, the.
God. Chi.
Though God is perhaps the wrong word, she has been a thorn in
her side for a very long time. She said to me here as your
lure. I preserved him, for he is
innocent and it seems it is a good thing that I have.
You may take him with you when you leave.
Fran says thank you. Kai did a terribly irresponsible
thing by sending him here before none truly understand it is not
important. I'm curious.
I want to know what I don't understand.
All right. Yo VS stands up from their desk
and comes over to you, Corbin, and they put one finger against
your forehead and make me a wisdom save.
That was a Nat 20 joking brothers.
All right, Corbin, you understand, though I don't know
that you could verbalize it after you understand, but you
understand this area, this island that you have been
seeing. You knew it was a metaphor.
You knew that wasn't what you were looking at, and now you
understand what you were looking at.
Oh. You were looking at a maelstrom
of pure magic, that Yovia, that the other forces, that all of
this is just a construct of highly concentrated magical
power that has been interwoven with a spirit of consciousness,
and that also the forces themselves are not separate
entities. They're all part of this wrapped
up maelstrom. And Yovia is more like the brain
than a leader. And you understand that when Kai
sent Phelan here, he had absolutely no fucking chance of
surviving this without their intervention.
Because anything that enters this area, this sphere, this
island of pure raw magic in the void, anything that gets close
is immediately ripped apart unless it has a significant
amount of power to protect itself.
Like Mary? Yes, you understand that what
Kai and what Torva did to Mary was put so much magic into her
that she became more akin to the Forces.
Than to the gods and that. She's been able to use this
power to fend off this attack, this force, but that should she
have defeated it, if she had managed somehow to become
victorious, she would have taken all of that into herself.
You wouldn't understand that. She would have supplanted the
forces and become one with this creature of magic that lives out
here in the void. So you understand that, OK?
And then Yovia walks away from you.
OK. Corbin sits.
Down on the ground. Yes, as I said, that is a lot.
No, I was good talk. Yovia puts their finger back
where it had been in their process of wrapping up all of
these. Streams of magic.
When you return to Avalis, all of you heard included, she will
be a God still, for some time, they all will.
And as she uses her power, it will be dispersed among the
world, among the people, but also among the rocks and the
trees, the oceans, the rivers, the animals, even the fish.
Damn and. In the end, your world will be
so over full of wonder that you will have made something
entirely new, and by the time it finishes saying that, it has
completed its circle of the world of Avalis on its map, and
all those rivers of stars are bundled up tightly around this
island. It has been enlightening
speaking to you. I will not forget this now.
Let this be done. Our lives are very long, but my
patience is not infinite. Farewell, and may our paths
never cross again. And then your vision goes white,
and when it clears, you are back in the blackness of the void,
Mary floating in a golden. Bubble above you, she drifts
down and you see her face is wild, feral, her eyes golden,
her mouth full of golden teeth that are bared.
But when she sees you, she blinks and seems to come back to
herself. Fran Corbin's like what?
What happened? What's the demons, the forces?
What? What's going on?
Mary Fran reaches out. Can I like, touch her hand?
She grasps onto your hand as you touch her, and you feel her
golden warmth envelope the three of you, protecting you from the
blackness of the void. Fran hugs her.
Yeah, yeah, we're all. Yeah, yeah, Corbin too.
It's OK, Mary. You don't have to take care of
people anymore. You don't have to have the
responsibility anymore. We can do it together.
We took care of it for you. We can't go home.
I think I'd like to go home. Let's go.
You actually probably could kill Corbin pretty easy.
I mean, we could all kill each other in theory.
It's true. We've all.
Already been killed by ourselves, so I'm just, yeah.
That's what I'm I just didn't know that like.
It's almost like you guys are almost starting to learn the
lesson that I'm trying to teach. Which is that we're codependent.
That you can't fight yourselves. You have to fight each other.
Yeah, you can't kill yourself. You can only kill your friends.
Yeah, that's true. That's exactly the lesson I'm
trying to teach you. We're.
Learning it, Cat. We're learning it, yeah.
It's certainly not that you're, you know, stronger together or.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You can. It's all killing your friends
is. Good.
No. Yeah.
No, not not that. Our friends are our power.
Our friends are our enemy, and we have to kill them.
Yes, yes, yeah, of course. Got it, Got it.
Locked. In got it in the can.