I thought this was an interesting question.
I saw it on the whiteboard in the library and.
Kind of, yes, yes. Strong start.
If aliens came to planet Earth, what's the first thing that you
would show them? The door.
That's actually not true. I love aliens but I would want
them to leave for their own safety.
Well, OK, yeah. So my question is changed
radically by what kind of aliens.
I mean, that's. True.
Well, yeah, but that's not part of it.
So you just have to extract. I mean, I feel like we're
getting to show them something. So I think the assumption behind
this whole question is that they're the type of aliens that
come and are like, oh, a human. Show us around.
OK, and then decide whether or not we want to fucking
obliterate your asses. My, my deprecation is that we
don't know the aliens intentions.
Well, yeah. So when are we going to show
them? That's what I'm saying, to bring
out the best intentions. I know.
Well, this depends entirely on if they land in the spring,
summer, or fall. If they land in the winter, this
won't work. But I would take them to the
sandwich shop at Minnehaha Falls and I would get them a sandwich.
And then they would know that there is truly peace and love on
the planet Earth, because that's the best sandwich on the planet.
Interesting. Yeah.
I think I would take them to the dog park.
Oh so they could see all the doggies so they be torn to.
Shreds. No.
So they could see the dogs and then be torn to shreds.
But and then they would be like this is what we can do with you
guys. And I'd be OK with that.
I'd be OK with, I mean. As long as they bring me to the
dog as. Long as they take me to the dog
park that's. Fine, well, This is why I want
to give them the really good sandwich, because then they know
that like humans have an intrinsic value and it is our
sandwich maker. Sandwich and they're not too
hungry. And they're not too hot.
Looking at us. Exactly.
They're like, oh, we shouldn't eat the humans, we should have
the humans make us these amazing What if sandwiches.
What if it's like a Garris vicarian situation and.
They're really hot. And then they're really hot, but
then they eat our sandwiches and they fucking die.
Well then, we've learned a valuable lesson, all of us.
Yeah, yeah, I'm assuming if they made it all the way here, they
have some kind of ability to eat or adapt to eat sandwiches.
Yeah, to eat sandwiches. That's what I meant.
Yeah. I'm.
Sorry, no, I knew what you meant.
Anyway, if aliens came to Earth, the thing that I would show them
is our podcast. Hey.
Speaking of our podcast, let's play Blades in the Dark.
Hello, my name is Kat and I am your GM.
Hello, my name is Joelle. I play a character who is named
Pepper. Pepper Pendergrass.
Yeah, it is. Catchy name.
Way too cool for 7th grade. Yes, and I am a rail Jack and
I'm ready to rail and Jack. Wow.
We're railing, we're jacking. Thank you.
Jennifer yes. I'm Junior Bird, I believe
Illyriant, who's a slide and he likes to slip and.
Slide I don't like. Harold.
I can't. I can't even save myself.
I play my name. My name is Errol.
I play Friedrich Weiss. He's a Leech and I don't have
any euphemisms to say about that.
He likes to suck. Oh nice.
OK all right. Well last time you all landed in
your first new world after you have boarded the world hopping
City train of Never Nowhere. You guys were assigned the task
by the ringmaster Charles Rex, who told you that to earn your
keep you must find 3 mementos which are currency in Never
Nowhere. You must find three of them in
the next two stops that the train makes, so we have landed
at our first stop, where the city that you have landed in is
called Afetreya. Our cultural touchstone for this
is Disney's Hercules. They are having a Sun Queen
Festival, which the three of you have decided to rob.
Specifically, your target is the Sun Queen's Diadem, which is
awarded to the winner of a contest, and you have put forth
the idea that Pepper will enter the contest and win it.
So last time you all gathered information about this contest,
Friedrich researched all the locations and venues Valerian
post as a clergyman to find out that the competitions will be in
the areas of music, tactics, charioteering, poetry and
archery. Pepper snuck around the High
Temple and gathered some information about the
contestants. In particular, there is a
Princess who is competing as well as a lower caste helot girl
and a girl with a bee sting allergy.
The contestants were all chosen a long time ago, but one of them
is replacing another girl who fell I'll which may give you
your in. And that brings us to now
Pepper, Friedrich, and Valerian. The three of you have huddled
together in this strange new world to make your plans and
preparations. You've used the information to
get gathered, and you've done all sorts of things, I assume.
But we are not going to do any of that planning.
We are going to find out about it all through flashbacks later
if it comes up, because this is Blades in the Dark, baby.
So we're going to start right in the middle of things.
Which brings us right to our next stage of gameplay, the
score. Let's get started.
So we are at the beginning of a heist.
So the first thing we are going to do is decide what kind of
engagement this is. What type of plan is it?
So is this going to be an assault, a deception, A stealth,
A cult, social or transport? So.
It seems like it's going to be like a deception disgrace.
Evil as plain as the scar. And it's like evils.
Yeah, OK. That's a good.
Well, because we're trying to basically sabotage this
competition. Right, so to lure, trick or
manipulate. Sabotaging so that Pepper can
win, or at least be close to the person who does win.
OK, so this is a deception. The next thing that we're going
to choose is the detail. So 1 missing detail.
So for the deception plan, you're missing detail is your
method of deception. Basically, what is your
deceptive point of entry to get into this contest?
I think our missing detail would be focusing in on that girl with
the bee sting allergy, because I think getting rid of her is
going to be the thing we have to do before anything else.
And then Pepper is going to take her place in the competition,
hopefully. And Valerian, you're like a
clergy. That's fine.
And Friedrich, you can be my dad.
Oh my. God now.
OK, next you guys each need to choose your item loadouts.
You do not choose what items you're bringing in now, just how
heavy, just how many items you will be bringing.
And then you'll decide on the fly when you need them, what you
actually have. So your choices are a light
loadout, which is 3 items. And so a light loadout is like
if you are caught, no one would even like know that you are
pulling a heist. You know, you're not really
carrying a ton. You're a medium loadout or a
normal loadout is you look like a scoundrel.
You look ready for trouble, heavy.
You're slower. You look like an operative on a
mission or a 7 to 9 load is encumbered.
You are overburdened and can't do anything except move very
slowly. I think Valerian would choose
light because I think in general he's a light.
A light boy. Yeah.
I mean, I feel like for this particular type of heist, it
would kind of make sense for everyone to be light since we're
lending in. Yep, Yep.
OK, OK. So last thing before we get
started is the engagement. Roles.
And what is this deciding? This is your engagement role, so
this will decide what position you guys start in.
Are you guys starting in a good position or a risky position or
a desperate position? And do we want it high or do we
want it low? You want it high.
A six was a good result. A one to three is a bad result.
We'll start with 1D6 for sheer luck.
Is this operation particularly bold or daring?
I wouldn't say this is particularly bold or daring.
Does the role determine that or? This is how many D that I am.
You get one if it is particularly bold or daring.
Is this operation overly complex or contingent on many factors?
And we'll take away one if that is the case.
I don't think either of those are true.
Does the plans detail explosive vulnerability of the target or
hit them where they're weakest? Is the target strongest against
this approach, or do they have particular defenses or special
precautions? No, I wouldn't say either of
those are true. Any friends or contacts, or any
enemies or rivals? Friends.
Like that are involved. Yeah, that are.
Involved you? Have any?
Yeah, you don't know at this point.
You don't have friends or rivals, Yeah.
Yeah, you don't have any of those yet.
OK, so I think this is going to be 1D.
OK, All right. The action will start in a fuck.
What? What is that?
That is A2. You guys are starting in a
desperate position. Nice.
Here is where you start. The three of you have managed to
get yourselves into the High Temple where these women are
being cloistered before the contests begin.
The part of the High Temple of Afitrae where the contestants
are kept is a beautiful open air courtyard with fountains draped
in silks and garlanded in flowers.
You guys have acquired bees. However, not a single goddamn
one of you knows how to manage bees and direct them to do what
you want them to do. So as you guys are standing
outside of the the room where these women are cloistered.
Trying to exert our will over the bees.
You are trying to exert your will over the bees and the bees
have flown into the room and it is this causing chaos among
these women. It is also causing chaos among
the three of you as you are all being repeatedly harassed by
bees. Great.
There's bees. Pepper pulls her like, you know
how like Greek clothes have like many layers.
Yeah, she pulls the top layer over like her head and arms as
if a beekeepers. Yeah, though I think Valerian is
just standing completely still because I think he's he's at
least familiar with bees enough to know that when you swat at
them and you and you flail around, they are more likely to
sting you. So he is like, you could mistake
him for like a statue of a priest.
He's not. Good.
I think Friedrich is like immediately furious with this
situation and he's he's fishing around in his bandolier and he
says. Damn it all.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't have to do that.
And he pulls out a smoke bomb. And as you are pulling out the
smoke bomb, Friedrich, you hear a voice down the hall that says
stop, who's there? And there are screaming in this
room. And a girl bursts out past you
and yells, help, help. Nicotaria got stung by a bee.
She can't breathe. Shit.
Thank God. Oh, wait, Valerian wants to step
in because he's dressed as a priest.
Yeah. I think me and Pepper should
hide. Yeah, you guys should get the
fuck out of here. We run away as they put away
from the bees, OK, And Pepper is trying to bodily shove that
smoke bomb away, so. The smoke bomb.
Is actually on bees. That's not what's important
right now. So it has not gone off though,
correct? No.
OK, Good. Good.
Good, good, good. OK, I.
Think me and Pepper are like wrestling with like the matches.
OK, I am going to start a clock here.
Right off the fucking bat, I'm starting a clock here.
I am going to take an emotional distress box on.
All right, we're starting off strong here.
I'm making a six clock here for suspicion, temple suspicion that
something weird is going on and we're filling in one section of
that clock. Certainly not.
Since they just saw. What's suspicious about?
They just saw people running. They just suddenly be something
fucking weird going on. So that is happening.
But Valerian, you stayed. What are you going to do?
Do I recognize which girl it is that came out?
You don't know who any of these girls are.
No, you have no idea. Isn't the thing with blades and
dark that you can kind of say, well I researched.
If you want to spend stress to do a flashback.
Oh, you have to spend stress, right?
And I can take, oh, I can take quite a bit of stress before I
have to die. If you fill up your stress bar
entirely, you will take a trauma and you will be out of the
score. OK then I can come back later
but then my trauma affects me for the rest of my.
Life. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. OK, I am going to take stress to
recall a flashback, OK, During which I'm going to say that when
Pepper did her reconnaissance, she drew like wonderful,
beautiful, gorgeous pictures of all the girls and they were like
really sexual. What?
I just assumed that Pepper's a pervert.
I don't know. I mean she is, but like.
Correct, but they were very, very accurate and they had the
names. Accurate and sexual.
OK, everyone's like check these out and they're like, they're
literally like anime drawings. Like titty anime drawings?
That's what I was imagining. It's.
Like good Lord put that away, but.
They but they include like very like specific details, like each
person has a birthmark, their blood type.
Their blood type, the other names and everything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
You know, I'm actually, I'm not going to charge stress for that
because that is something that absolutely, absolutely could
have happened before this. Like, OK, cool.
If it's plausible, I won't charge you stress.
Oh. I see so it's like flashback to
do like a not a day or sex machina but to be like I.
Set this up. Yeah.
So the more the more complex or unlikely the thing that you are
saying you did was the more stress.
Is too crazy. OK, OK.
So this is something that absolutely could have happened
and did happen. So no stress for that.
That is totally fine. OK, cool.
All right, so you know from Pepper's beautiful anime drive.
Yes. The woman who is in the hallway
crying about Nekataria's bee sting is the Princess Olympia.
OK, great. So I'm going to go up to her and
I'm going to say, your Highness, take me to the girl.
And she looks at you and and goes, oh come, come with me.
And she grabs you by the arm and drags you into the room full of
bees. Oh, I regret my choices.
And she is going to take you over to the girl who is a dark
haired woman and she is on the floor, her face is swelling up,
her throat is swelling up. She can't breathe.
She's been stung by like 12 days she's and she goes please, Sir.
Girls grief. Get in a circle and pray.
Pray as hard as you have ever prayed.
Believe and cat do they fucking do it.
Yeah. Oh God, yeah.
They they get the circle. A priest is telling them to pray
and they are in a holy temple. They get together and pray.
Close your eyes. There's What is it the Spirit?
Aloysia is the goddess OK of this temple and this is her holy
day. Aloysia serves best her students
that are blinded by light. Close your eyes.
What action do you want to use to get them to do this?
I would say Sway is good because I have pretty good.
OK, I'm going to say this is going to be risky standard.
Oh, that's a six. Oh, thank God.
Absolute success. That is great.
Yes. These girls, they are in your
sway. They are panicked by bees.
There are bees everywhere. They close their eyes against
the bees. And to be blinded by Aloisia's
light. What do you do?
So I'm gonna take stress to remember an incident so.
You're gonna do a flashback. Yeah, I'm gonna do a flashback.
When we were planning, I decided after much persuasion from
Pepper and frankly threats, that we should get a device that she
called an EpiPen and the only place to procure.
Such a device would be Nurse Debbie, your enemy.
Your enemy, your enemy. Nurse Debbie.
OK, Nurse Debbie. She was happy to provide you an
EpiPen. Yeah.
That I was extraordinarily traumatized though, from the
interaction. Yeah.
So you were very stressed out by the interaction.
So yeah, go ahead and take a stress for that.
You take your stress and you have an EpiPen.
An EpiPen and I pulled this EpiPen out.
I was instructed to remove the cap and jam it in a thigh, and I
was given no further instructions.
Do you have to press a button on top?
Is there a button to press? OK, and then I was instructed to
press a button on top. Yes, I do that.
Valerian does that. Yep, orange to thigh, blue to
the sky. And he presses it, and then he
takes it away and quickly puts it back under his robes and kind
of just like weights. Yes.
And Nekataria begins to breathe again, taking in shallow, reedy
gasps there. And as she does Olympia, the
Princess, she opens her eyes and goes, oh, Nekataria, it is a
miracle. Alicia has blessed us on this,
her holy day. And she collapses down and
gathers the girl up on her arms and strokes her hair.
And one of the other girls, actually a girl with Auburn
hair, so that you know that this is Pavlina, she does a hair
toss. And she says, oh, well, at least
we know she won't be in the running for winner this year.
Look at that face. I think Valerian would just be
panting, pretending to pant, as though a great spirit has moved
through him and done an amazing deed.
And then I think he would turn to Pavlina and say Aloisia does
not reward those without sympathy for the broken.
She looks chided. Good, good, good.
And Olympia says, oh, great learning, Sir, I'm so glad that
you were here. This must be a sign.
I will pray on it, but tell me,
will you be one of those judging us in the contest tomorrow?
A. Judge, I would greatly hope to
be. I have entered my name into the
running. I've confidently entered my name
into the running and I believe I will be selected from the priest
Judges, Aloysia willing. Aloysia willing, but I will
speak to my father and see what may be done, for I believe that
this is the will of Aloysia, that you were here now at this
time, to save poor Nekataria from this vicious attack by
bees. You're too kind, Your Highness.
It is simply Aloysius Will that moves through me, her humble
servant. Olympia calls to serving women
who are around, and she goes, please, please get Nekataria
somewhere where she can rest and apply cool clothes to her and
all such healing things. I will speak with my father.
And Oh dear. She looks around.
This won't do. There's only four of us now, and
that is not the holy number of Aloysia.
And she looks at another woman, Fotini, who has a sort of gauzy
veil wrapped around her head. And she says, Fotini, what shall
we do? And Fotini gently lowers the
veil from her head and says, we will pray, and I will speak to
the priestesses about where we may find another lady to take
Nekataria's place tomorrow. It is certainly not an
auspicious start to these games. Perhaps this is what we get for
accepting royalty into the contest, and Olympia does not
look happy about that. There is drama in the villa.
Can we just review who these
five, now four women are sure Olympia is the Princess?
Yep, Olympia is the Princess. Negataria is out of the running.
Negataria is bee stung. Yep, there's Pavlina Pavlina.
And she's the bitch. She's.
Mean. And Fotini Fotini Fotini is a
competitor. She is also a acolyte of the
temple. OK.
So she's like a religious bitch.
She is destined for a life of pious servitude in the Lucius
Temple. And then there is Dora.
She is the servant girl who has been raised up for this contest.
OK, yeah. So let's jump cut here.
It has been a few hours. Word has spread that the
beautiful Nekataria, famed throughout the land for her
beauty, has been felled by a terrible bee.
Multiple multiple terrible bees. They have stung her face.
Her beautiful face is now swollen and puffy.
And she will not be able to participate in the contest.
The temple is all in a flurry. Valerian, you have positioned
yourself well here to be in such a position that you are a
miracle worker and are being recommended as one of the judges
for tomorrow's contests. Where do Pepper and Friedrich
put themselves as all this is happening?
I think maybe we should like, go into the temple and like, make a
sacrifice so we can like be seen.
Oh. That's a good idea.
OK, great. Which we have to watch other
people, how they act in the temple so we don't fuck up.
Yeah. Right, and that is very easy for
you to do. So as you enter this temple, and
it is this beautiful golden temple, there is a statue of
gold of this goddess Aloysia with her starburst diadem.
People are coming in, they're filing in in a long line because
this is her holy festival. People are coming in, they're
making offerings all day and night.
And you see, as you are in the high temple, this is all the
aristos who are making offerings of pouches of gold, incense,
other rich materials, some small jewelry, things like that are
being piled high on Aloysius altar.
Would we be able to have gotten something like that from like
the costume department? Oh absolutely, I will make.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Costume jewelry.
Yeah, you guys definitely could get some that I won't make you
spend any stress on that, OK. So then we would follow exactly
what everybody else is doing, and Pepper is just like
strutting her stuff, trying to look as hot as possible.
It's kind of awkward. Doing some bend and snap.
Well, I'm looking around, like everywhere, trying to see, you
know, where I assume valerian is.
I've been on temple duty. Exactly.
So I'm looking for Valerians and kind of like, I'm eager to get
this part of the plan through with.
So I'm trying to get his attention so we can, you know,
get Pepper introduced to the right people.
Yeah, So Valerian, where are you right now?
I, having established myself as a miracle man, would probably
also be placing myself in the public eye as much as I can.
So I'd probably, if there's a lot of like commotion of the
like comings and goings and and whatever, I'd probably be in
that room like overseeing donations to the temple and like
giving prayers to people and like anointing babies and stuff.
You maybe see me in the corner offering a kiss to a baby's head
and whispering a revered prayer over the baby.
OK. I'm going to elbow Friedrich and
be like, Father, look, it's that miracle worker guy.
We should go check him out. Oh yes, the amazing, illustrious
miracle worker. An admirable sort, certainly.
Yes, and people around you have all been abuzz about this
miracle that has happened and Valerian, you have been swarmed
by babies that need blessing and.
Sick children sick. Children and other people who
have been stung by bees. Lots of bee stings a.
Lot of people who've been stung by bees who are coming at you
being like, I got this bee sting and you're like.
Are you dying? Yeah.
Are you dying? OK.
I see it does not the waste of miracles and those not in need,
and I turn them away. Turn them away, all right?
I flag down Valerian and I say you Sir, there, would you care
to assess my objectively very attractive daughter?
But not again. If she is not dying asphyxiating
from the bee, then Aloisia will not waste her time.
Oh, you're going to want to look at my cool and hot daughter so.
I. Can say that you.
Shut up. Get over here.
Come here. However, has like been to
striking poses the whole time and.
Friedrich is just so uncomfortable.
Yeah, you're terrible at this. Listen, I I know.
I'm having a wonderful time. Pepper, your effort is
admirable, but you're just a little bit going too much.
What do you mean? Like you just take it back like
1 to 200. Per coworker, Priest Valerian,
tell us, who are these charming people you're speaking and
coming over? Valerian, you have been
introduced now to this man. This is High Priest Gavriel.
Give real. Yeah, give real.
Would I call him Father? No, this is not Catholicism.
You could. Papa.
Master. Actually I think master would be
good. OK, Valerian opens his arms and
welcome and says. Ah, Master Gavriel, so good to
see you today on this most holy and auspicious day.
This is my good friend from before I joined the priesthood.
We grew up together. His name is.
What's the Greek equivalent of Friedrich Friedrich Elise?
His name is Frederick Elise. Yes, that's my name.
And his beautiful daughter. Yes, she's made of my genetic
material. Talking.
OK, I need you guys to roll some sort of action here.
I would actually even say this is a group action.
To do to. Deceive this man.
So let's talk a little bit about group actions.
So in a group action, you can choose one person to lead the
group action. When you lead a group action,
you coordinate multiple members of the team to tackle a problem
together. Describe how your character
leads the team in a coordinated effort.
Each PC who's involved makes an action role using the same
action. The team counts the single best
result as the overall effort for everybody who rolled.
However, leading a group action takes one stress for each PC
that rolls one to three as their best result.
So anybody who fails Valerian will take additional stress if
he is the one leading this group.
Definitely I am the one leading. Unfortunate, yes.
Yeah. So Valerian, what action would
you like to to use here? It's got to be.
Sway, Yeah, OK. It's got to be Sway.
And I think this is also going to be risky standard.
This isn't going to be, I mean, it's a risk.
If you guys fuck this up, you're going to be in a worse position.
But it's definitely not desperate yet.
So great. I got a six.
Oh, I also got a six. OK.
Oh well, got a six. Oh shit.
OK so there is a crew skill that you can get to make multiple
sixes count as criticals across a group action.
You don't have that one, so it is not critical, despite the
fact that you all rolled sixes. Damn it, we're doing awesome,
but. You're doing really good.
Hold hands. OK, so he is convinced, he says.
Ah, aristo Fredricolis, an honor to make your acquaintance.
I do not believe we've seen you in temple before.
Yes, well, I was, I was out of town on a prolonged sojourn, but
I of course had to return for the festival.
Yes, but my, my daughter Pepper was of course very eager to
observe the festival. And now that there's been an
unexpected drop out. Well, I Pepper is very modest,
but I believe that she she'd be a shoo in.
When you say that Pepper covers up her like cleavage, that's
just been out. OK, I think I am going to call
for another action role on this one.
The first one was just to convince this guy that you guys
are not all fucking freaks. And now it's to convince him he
should, actually. And now it's to convince him.
So. So what action would you like to
take for this Friedrich? I don't feel like any of the
skills make sense except for like consort sway.
And sway or consort. Yeah, it's very social.
To remind us all, you can push yourself.
You can spend stress to push yourself.
Can I get help from my special little guy?
You can get help and they can take stress to help you.
Well, they have to take stress to help me.
Position on this this is going to be controlled standard effect
pepper you want to assist Friedrich and take a point of
stress, so that gives you an extra dice Friedrich.
OK, I think what Pepper will do then is she always has her lute
with her. She's going to swing her lute
around to the front and like, strum a few notes.
OK. All right.
Yes, to show off your prowess in music.
She's going to say. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
OK, Wonderwall is.
Oh, hey, OK, there's two sixes in there.
So dice are a with you. There are two sets.
That is a critical. That is a critical.
And my hot daughter. Yeah, you and your hot daughter.
He looks at Pepper as she is strumming these beautiful chords
on her lute. He says yes, yes, I believe this
can work. And with hair like like the
rising sun, yes, it could be a sign from Aloysia herself that
you are here this day. However, we will have to move
very quickly. The contest will begin at dawn
tomorrow, and you must begin your confinement.
It will not be ideal her. Eyes get really wide and she
looks at her for her companions. Confinement.
A valerian just smiles. Well, yes, of course.
Our contestants are confined here in the temple before their
contest says they must be purified and spend the evening
in prayer and song to praise Aloysia.
You know this my friend, this is what always is done.
Yes, of course, of course. I, you know, silly me, I'm so
forgetful. I love to be confined.
Yes, very pious, very pious of you.
She's incredibly pious. Always since she was little
girl, she's been so devoted to Aloysia.
Pepper is nodding. All right, I believe that this
is a sign from the gods. Our miracle worker has found
another miracle. Come, come, my dear.
And he offers his arm to you. I will take you back to the
women's quarters and introduce you to the other girls.
Pepper smiles and gives kind of like a wide eyed look back at
the companions that goes along with it.
Valerian gives you like a little nod and a prey and says Aloisia
go with you Pepper. Hello listeners, I hope you're
enjoying the episode. If memory serves me, we're
getting to the part where things really start to pop off, so I'm
very excited to hear what y'all think.
Welcome to the mid roll. I'll be your host and sleepy
little guy Errol. OK, so news updates Riverdale
Roulette If for some reason you didn't listen to our previous
mid role. Riverdale Roulette is a live
streaming experience we are bringing to you every other
Monday where we the larks, watch an episode of Riverdale in
random order and then come together on stream to try to
piece together what the hell the show is about.
None of us have ever watched it before.
We did release an episode 0 where we talked about what we
already knew about the show and made our predictions of what
kind of insane bullshit we anticipate will happen in the
story. So for you listeners, I believe
the next episode, which will be our third entry will be live
streamed on Monday, July 28th at 6:30 Central time.
As I record this, we are just about to do our second video in
the series where we actually talk about what we watched.
And boy am I ready. In other Legend Lark news, we
recently sent out some beautiful prints to male tier patrons.
Juniper did an incredible digital painting of Alden and
Varahara from our Dames and Dragons campaign.
If you are not a male tier patron, you can still grab one
for yourself at Legend Lark dot Store.
The next piece of mail will be Never Nowhere related, so if you
want to get in on our male tier, check us out at
patreon.com/legendlark. And for those of you who already
support us on Patreon, thank you so much.
It's so exciting to be starting a new campaign, but it's a
little scary too, so we're so grateful for your support as we
try something new. Shout out to new patron NIA
QEDI. Can't wait for all of you to
hear all the insane adventures we've recorded.
Thank you for coming with us aboard this interdimensional
train. Another person I want to thank
is Cinda who sent us the most amazing piece of embroidered
artwork. It's so beautiful.
I will post pictures to our social media so y'all can check
it out. It is truly a treasure.
Thank you also for your kind words and your card.
Wishing you the best of luck on all your quests.
If you want to send us an e-mail Safe Delights, you can find our
PO Box number on legendlurk.com if you click on Contact Us.
Thank you also to everyone who left a comment on Spotify.
We love reading them and it helps boost the show, so we're
thankful for your compliments, questions and goof em UPS.
Thank you to Emma, who said that being reminded Valerian is still
just carrying around a caged rat was great and that they hope
Valerian is feeding the rat. Given our track record with
remembering the existence of fictional animals while
role-playing, I can only say that it's a good thing that rats
are known for being resourceful. Lastly, I want to remind folks
that they can check us out on social media.
We are on Tumblr, Blue Sky, Instagram, and Reddit, and
there's also an amazing fan run Discord.
You can find links to all these places on legendlark.com.
The Discord and Tumblr already have some awesome Never Know
Where fan art on them, so be sure to take a look and give
those artists some love. Special shout out to Pirate on
Tumblr and Discord who's just been zipping out incredible
Never Know Where fan art at lightspeed.
And now I must zip out at lightspeed.
An incredible message to Chantel.
The code word is a canvas of a
billion Suns. The sleeper agent is active.
Go. Just remember that you know I'm
very high status, so I expect my daughter to be treated well.
She will be treated with the utmost care, of course.
Of course. Now come, dear, come.
And the high priest takes you back through the winding
catacombs of the temple to a backroom, the one that you've
already been at because you unleashed bees upon it.
That old thing. This is a room that has been
beautifully appointed with perfumed silks and there is a
fountain with the herb scented water that burbles in the
center. And the women are all lounging
on couches, occasionally swatting away a stray bee that's
still hanging around as you arrive in the room.
The high priest says, ladies, ladies, Aloysia has granted us
another gift, another boon tonight.
While Nekataria's sad, sad fall has certainly cast a pall upon
these festive traditions, we are blessed with a new rising sun
here in the Lady Peppera, daughter of Frederick Elise.
Cover waves. Hi, everybody.
Olympia who is this golden haired use with like big curly
like ringlets of golden hair that are piled up on her head
and she's wearing a beautiful jewel toned like dark green
peplos rises from her couch. And Lady Pepper, it is so good
to meet you. It must truly be a divine
blessing that we have found a replacement so quickly.
I cannot believe how many miracles have been bestowed upon
us this day. And Fotini coolly looks at you
from her couch. She does not get up, and she
goes. Hepera, daughter of Fredricolos.
I've never heard of you. It's actually Frederick Elise,
but you know, he's just my dad who raised me and stuff, so he's
not like that important. Frederick Elise.
I haven't heard of that either. Oh, well, we spend a lot of time
out in the countryside, so we're not really integrated into
society in the city. But we moved here recently and
I'm so excited to get to know everyone.
And she goes to hold hands with the Princess, and she's like, I
think it was fate that brought us together.
Great indeed. And she squeezes your hand and
says, come, come, you may take this sofa.
And now let us all raise our voices in song.
And she is looking directly at the high priestess.
She says this we'll all raise our voices in song and prayer.
Come, let us sing the Hymn of Aloysia's ascension.
Which of course I know. Which of course, I have learned
all the songs and prayers of Aloysia in training and
advancement. I see, would you like to do a
flashback to have spent some time learning some songs?
Indeed, and some. Songs and poetry, perhaps, as
that will be another contest later.
Correct, correct. So Pepper, as we were planning
all this, had like a training montage where she was like
lifting weights and like running up steps and like singing songs
about Aloysia and desperately saying poetry.
Al Friedrich on one side and Valerian on the other were like.
Now remember the four tenants of.
I'm assuming we stole a hymnal, yeah.
OK, actually, you know what, that's great because I want to
call for an action role with this flashback because this is
pretty specific. So I would say it's stealing.
The hymnal is probably the action here, unless you want
something else to have been your action here.
Let me look. So yeah, tell me what action
you're taking to. Incur the stress.
Finesse in general cuz I'm like. We're having learned the.
Yeah, Finesse in general. Yeah.
So finesse to have stolen this hymnal and memorized them.
Yeah, I think that works. OK.
I think I'm going to charge you just one stress for that.
OK, and I also have to succeed. Yes, and succeed.
This is going to be risky standard.
All right, luck be a lady a three.
Oh, that means you stole a hymnal, but it was not the right
hymnal. You've been memorizing funeral
rites. Fuck Alloy funeral.
Rites. You've memorized all of those
and they are not at all appropriate for this situation.
So I'll know that for when they kill me.
So how are you going to handle this?
So this is a song I do not know. You do not know this song, no.
I think I'm gonna just try to mouth along vaguely with the
words. What action are you going to use
to do this? I think I'll call it finesse.
OK yeah cuz you are trying to fake something here, trying to
slip it by them. So hopefully I don't fucking
fail again. OK.
Killed again. Highest was a 2.
Your highest was a 2. Okay so as you are trying to
mumble along with the words, Fotini gives you a sharp look
and she says Lady Peppera, you aren't singing with us.
Raise your voice to Aloisia. Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.
I just have been trying to save my voice, you know?
I am going to, as a consequence to this, start another clock
here. First one was temple suspicion.
This is the contestant's suspicion.
Pepper, we'll call it. Another 6 clock and she is
filled one section of this, as Fotini goes.
Uh huh. I see Saving Your Voice an
interesting choice to praise Aloysia in that way.
Well, I think interrupting the song is also an interesting
choice to praise Alicia. And Olympia jumps in here and
says, now, now, let's not fight. All of us can perhaps pray.
Instead, let us all engage in silent prayer away from each
other. And she gives Fotini a really
bitchy look. I think we are just going to
flash forward here to the next day.
You have a sort of, I don't know how restful your night is, Lady
Pepper. A Pepper doesn't get that
nervous. Yeah, she's fine all.
Right, all right. She sleeps great.
All right, so it is the next day, and you, Pepper, have been
loaded into a litter with the other women, and you are carried
from the High Temple to the Coliseum for the first contest
of the day. The sun overhead is bright and
warm, the sky is a perfect cerulean blue.
The crowded streets are thronged with festival goers who couldn't
get seats inside and are instead lining the road to cheer these
women on. All of the women have been
dressed in spotless white peplos with their hair done up in
elaborate coils and accented in gold, except for Dora, who is
dressed in undyed linen with accessories made from painted
wood. Princess Olympia heads up the
litter. She's sitting at the front,
waving and blowing kisses to the crowd.
The rest of the women, you have all been given flower petals,
yellow flower petals to throw into the crowd, which elicits
more cheers and hollering as you pass underneath the archway that
leads you into the Colosseum. Guards in a bright red tunics
and dyed red Leathers cross their Spears in front of the
archway, letting none of the enchanted onlookers go any
further after this company of ladies.
Friedrich, where are you putting yourself during this day?
Let's see. So this first contest, do we
know which one it is? Yes, the first contest of the
day is archery. Archery.
OK, cool, cool, cool. Maybe it'd be good for me to be,
yeah, close up, like near the front 2nd row or something. 2nd
row, OK, Second row, you've positioned yourself kind of
right at the front. Friedrich, this is a walking
miserable experience for you. It is hot.
It is sweaty. You are being pressed in on all
sides by people who are just like jockeying to get as close
to the front as they can. There is somebody above you who
is shelling nuts and eating them and spitting the shells down
like right on you. Oh.
My God. Well, I think too, I want to be
close to maybe the aisle in case I need to run out quickly.
Oh yeah, and because you're close to the aisle, people keep
stepping over you to get in and out of the row.
No. Awesome.
Love that. Yes, yes.
So, Friedrich, you're having a great time.
Friedrich Elise's best day ever, twink.
Elise yes. So as the contest begins, a man
in the rich robes of an aristo scholar takes to the center of
the arena and projects his voice, which booms across the
crowd due to the acoustics of this Coliseum.
Welcome all to our annual Festival of the Sun Queen.
Today you will be delighted by our ladies accomplishments in
the five gifts of Aloysia, archery, music, tactics,
charioteering and poetry. Our esteemed judges shall
measure their talent, their bravery, their wit and their
charm. And at the end they shall crown
one worthy lady, the Sun Queen. And as he says this, another
person comes out with a golden sunburst diadem carried high
above their heads so that everyone can see.
The crown drips with Topaz droplets that sparkle in the sun
as it moves back and forth across the arena.
Today we have one very special judge joining our panel of holy
men. I'm sure he needs no
introductions, for his great deeds are sung in the streets.
Surely the gods do smile on us this day by gracing us with
their champion. It is our hero, Androstus.
And and valerian, I can only assume that you were starting to
pop up a. Little bit I was ready to go.
You were popping up. You were ready.
But then a tall, muscular man strides out into the center of
the arena, dressed in a dark blue tunic embroidered in gold.
He wears a crown of Laurel leaves and is carrying a sword
at his hip that catches the light as he walks.
The scabbard is inlaid with enough mother of Pearl that it
glows in the sunlight, but the hilt of the sword is plain and
practical. The announcer says Adrasis,
please introduce our first event.
And the hero waves to the crowd, and he comes to stand next to
the announcer. As is tradition, we shall begin
with the loethiest feat of accuracy as she flew the three
monsters and pierced the apple of the gods to win their favor.
May the Goddess be with our beautiful contestants.
And then he goes to the judges box where Valerian you are
seated and he kind of scoots past you to get to the seat in
the center where like previously you had kind of been centered in
the judges. And he shoves you over on the
bench and he takes the center seat.
He. Shoves me he.
Doesn't gently shoves. He very gently shoves.
Valerian's eyes burn, but he says all.
Pardoned me, Sir. I'm so sorry to have been in the
other way. Now it is all right, Masters, I
understand that you have performed some miracles, and I
deserve your place of prominence here today.
It is not I who performed the miracles, but the Loisia herself
through me. Ha, very true, good Sir, very
true. And he unfastens the sword from
his hip and lays it across his knees.
OK Pepper, you are paraded out from the staging room where you
guys were stashed after you were brought into the Colosseum.
And you are paraded out and handed a golden bow.
All of the women are given these beautiful golden bows, except
again, Dora, who is given a wooden bow.
Fuck. They're such a Dick heads to
her. Wait, all right.
Because I'm assuming people aren't bringing it's like their
their own bows from a home like. No, no, they're just eating her
shit. I have AI already have a place.
I already have thoughts, yeah. You both have thoughts.
I love your thoughts. I don't have any thoughts, I'm
just okay. You just do your best out there,
honey. Pepper has no thoughts.
She is holding a bow. Which Pepper?
Do you know how to shoot a bow? I I can figure it out.
I feel like I can fight. I'm coordinated.
Yeah. We, we, we practiced.
Also like flashback, I can have tinkered with your bow and arrow
and hell the targets I could maybe charge them with
electrostatic energy that attracts your arrow to it.
I love that. Friedrich, do you want to do a
flashback to do that? Certainly, and I think too,
Friedrich actually will have tinkered with Dora's bow as well
for personal reasons. All right, why don't you roll me
tinker then and I'm going to charge you.
This is not a likely thing that you would you would not have had
opportunity to do this. You would had to make
opportunity. I'm going to charge you too.
Stress. Looks like my highest is 5.
OK, great. So you succeed, but there is a
complication. I think the complication for
this is going to be Friedrich, that you are able to only
complete one of the bows seamlessly.
But Peppers is a little bit, yeah, there's a little bit
something funky with it. I think maybe I incorrectly
identified whose bow was going to be whose because I would have
wanted to put more effort into Peppers, but.
Yes, you just sort of assumed like, oh, they must have gotten
Pepper the shitty bow because she's the new contestant, rather
than assuming that they're just. Classist as fuck.
Classist as fuck yeah. I think maybe Dora is able to
shoot her arrow and it doesn't look suspicious.
Nobody notices, but when Pepper shoots hers, there's a little
bit of a spark that draws the eye of people in the audience,
and people wonder, is something weird going on with that
contestant? OK, so the archery contest.
There are 4 targets. The first one is trotted out and
it is painted to look like a minotaur with the bullseye mark
the ring in the minotaur's nose. I am going to roll just a
fortune roll to see how each of these women do.
So Olympia, she does shit, she girl, she hits the minotaur in
the groin. And.
The whole stadium starts laughing at her whole stadium
starts laughing. At her like us.
Yeah, Pavlina. Oh.
Buoyed by Olympia's absolute failure, she gets very close to
the target. She hits the Minotaur between
the eyes. Not quite a bullseye, but very
good. Botini, but Tina does OK, she
hits the Minotaur in his chest a little bit further away from the
target than Pavlina did. And then Dora, due to your
influence, Friedrich, her target hits home right through the
bulls ring. And now Pepper, how about you
roll a fortune? Roll here to see how you do.
Even though we cheated. You did cheat, add another die
to it. I think this is less going to be
about how well she does and more about how obvious it is.
OK, that makes sense. Yeah, highest is A5.
Highest is A5. OK, then.
Yeah, you hit the bullseye as well.
Everybody goes fucking wild. But people in the front row,
they're kind of looking at it going like, hey, that what was
that weird spark? Like that's kind of weird.
And and it's weird that it hit exactly the same place, the
Doris arrow. Seems normal to me.
And I'm going to, I am going to fill in another section of the
clock here about the suspicion. After she hits the bullseye,
Pepper does the same pose as the minotaur and then she poses
really femininely right after and then winks.
OK, the next target is the Gorgon, who has a bullseye on
each of her 5 snake heads and the archery rolls that we had
before, they're going to roll forward.
So Olympia, she's just not very good at archery, unfortunately,
and she whips it pretty hard. Nepho baby.
Yeah, she whips it pretty hard. Pavlina is doing really good and
you can see Pepper from your vantage point that she is
looking at Olympia every time. Like she is not competing with
the rest of you. She is competing with Olympia
only. Toxic Yuri.
Also like girl, chill out, she's terrible.
Right. Who's your?
Dad competing with anybody. Right.
And again, Dora inexplicably does so well, and she actually
looks kind of like down at her bow and then up at the sun in
the sky and blows a kiss to the sky.
And Friedrich gives a little smirk.
And yeah, Pepper, you do your showy little bow tricks, you get
your bullseye, and the next one is a wooden hydra, which men
Crouch behind the model and turn to cranks so that the three
heads undulate and move. Down.
The last target is a golden apple placed on a high platform
so that the apple lines up with the sun as it moves across the
sky of the Coliseum. You each take your shots,
Pepper. When you shoot your bow, it
slices the apple in half. Hell yeah.
And there's a big gasp around the whole Coliseum, and
everybody is very impressed. The crowd goes fucking wild.
I'm I'm taking a saucy bite out of an apple.
All right, right, so after all of this pepper, you and the
other women are ushered back to the staging area, and Friedrich,
from your place in the stands, vendors begin to pour down the
aisles, serving olives, nuts, small confections, and you are
jostled. Yeah, I assume people are
spilling things on me. People are just spilling so many
things on you. Open your mouth.
You might catch some of those nuts though.
Yeah, get some nuts in your mouth.
It is funny though, I think he was really, you know, like on a
little high, feeling very proud of himself.
He's like a drip of olive oil going, yeah, it's bad.
He was. Like just wine and.
Yeah, this. Is why I don't go to fucking
sports events. Literally.
Right? So as the Colosseum is being
reset, with a large stage being assembled in the center, the
hero Adrastis elbows you. Valerian, he says.
How about that? The goddess certainly was with
some of our contestants there, which is a pity about the
Princess. She's very fair, but it seems
her archery skills are not blessed.
I too was surprised by that. But you know what they say,
sometimes when you live a life of luxury, you forget to learn
the more practical skills you know.
This is very true, though I cannot relate, for though my
father has the blood of heroes in him and passed it on to me, I
was trained every day and have worked hard to master the skills
necessary to wield this holy weapon.
And he Pats the sword in his lap.
And you are the exception that proves the rule, my friend.
Yes, it is a great honor to be chosen to carry this, the holy
sword of Sophocles. I'm not familiar with that, I
don't think am I? No fucking clue Valerian, but I
am going to just point out that he has just told you that he in
his lap. Oh I know is away from you.
Oh, I'm aware. Yeah, yeah, I'm aware, Cat.
This warrior Adrostis is holding.
She did an elaborately filigreed scabbard within reach, should
you choose to reach for it. A holy sword with generations of
history and legend and myth and memory attached to it, and all
of that makes it a very, very valuable memento.
It is a great honor to be chosen to carry the Holy Sword of.
I forgot what it was of. No, this is.