As you guys know, I live next to a God.
It doesn't matter if I say it or not 'cause people can look it
up. So I live close to a fart fart
fart. Oh, OK.
God damn it, that's gonna go in if it.
Did Noel Cat lives next to a fart?
Just say something. Why are you hearing?
This are you hearing this Noah's deeply moved by your by your
house. Looking.
Can I please just tell my story? I've been trying for so long to
tell this story. Thank you.
OK. I live near a park, Minnehaha
Falls. And so we walk down there all
the time 'cause it's a beautiful park and there's a beautiful
waterfall. It's great.
I'm gonna keep moving on and I'm not gonna acknowledge it 'cause
that's the only way you can deal with the typo in the group chat.
Even when it's verbal. Anyway, so my husband and I
walked down there for a little date night.
There's a really good sandwich room that opened up there.
Top tier, best sandwiches I've ever had in my life.
So we went down to get a sandwich and we ended up at
Pagan Pride Fest that. Sounds fun it.
Was very fun but it was absolutely not what I was
expecting. In my day I walked around many
stalls and I was proffered many crystals.
Oh yeah, I was proffered crystals that will heal all
sorts. I think there was a certified
Reiki master there. Were there any crystals that
could harm? You know, there were actually
some crystals. People were like you.
Can cast curses with these crystals.
There were actually there was a really cool, there's a guy
selling hand crafted bows. That was very cool.
Had you guys? Seen those posts that are
basically like you know what some crystals like do?
Do things like they do have auras like radioactive shit.
It's just that the auras all are.
Cancer. Yeah, it's.
All cancer. They were on to something.
They. Were they were?
There's a lot of bones, too. A lot.
Of people. Love bones?
Was the Tumblr bone witch there? I don't know, she might have
been 'cause there was somebody selling a lot of bones.
I I hope she went to jail though.
I hope so, but you know. I hope she is still selling
bones. Me too.
Because I have some purchases that I'd like to make you do
not. So it was a magical experience.
I bought a tarot deck, which I've been wanting to buy a tarot
deck for a while now and I've just like, you know, it feels
like a tarot deck feels like something, but you know.
You gotta buy at a festival. You gotta like, hold it in your
hands and have it say like, hello, I am your tarot deck.
Like I was a visitor at Pagan Pride Fest, let's put it like
that. But I still feel like a tarot
deck is something you're supposed to like, supposed to
have a vibe from it, you know? And the man who sold me this
tarot deck was wild. He was like a little old elf.
He he was wearing a tasseled cap.
He spoke in rhyme. He.
Did literally yes he did. Or was attempting to speak in
rhyme the entire. Time.
Yeah, he was there. He was literally, he was like
the lady, you know, like, oh, you would like to purchase the
tarot deck? I.
Shall bequeath upon you this this great.
And then he like turned around to this woman who was the most
brusque business like person in the world.
It was so wild because he was like, ah, we shall sell you the
mystical tarot set. And then this one was like, do
you want a bag? Yes.
Yeah. And he was like cash your card
and she was like, give me your card.
Yes. I love that.
I love. That.
It was so really good. And then at the end I was like,
OK, thank you so much, you have a nice day.
And then he stops me. He goes, my lady, and I'm like,
oh, what? And then he hands me his card
and he's like, the charge will come from Crystal Shop
Creations. I was just like, oh, OK, he
thinks. I'm jealous.
That's amazing. That's.
A wild it was, you know, it's just one of those things where
you're like, I'm going to go buy a sandwich instead.
You see many other witches. Yes, that.
That was my day yesterday. That's.
So beautiful. It was incredible.
It was very magical. I haven't met a wizard in so
long. Oh, there was also a woman doing
rhythmic poetry. I don't know how to describe it.
It was like she was doing. Tantric poetry.
She was doing like a recitation and clapping along with her
recitation of poetry. She.
Was casting spells. She was casting spells.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Obviously there was also a workshop going on that we did
not stop into, but it was about summoning.
Should have gone. I know we came in the middle of
it, so we didn't really want to summoning.
We didn't want to like, learn half of how to sell.
That's true, we didn't get the basic.
Right. We didn't get the, we weren't
there for the first half hour of the workshop.
We didn't want to learn, you know, just the advance.
That's the beginning of a lot of stories, that's true.
A lot of movies I. Wouldn't want to learn, like not
have learned all of the basic beginner stuff and then just
jump in and be like hey demon, what's up, it's you girl, come
give me a chicken sandwich. Yeah, you got to summon
responsibly. You can't just summon demons to
get you a chicken sandwich, even though that's.
Brand. Maybe you could summon a demon.
What would you use it for? Me.
Yeah, Every. All of you.
I. Can't answer that on the
podcast. I can, I'll use it to have sex
with. All right, straight to the
point. You're such a Chad.
I would use it to clean my house.
Why not both? Well, I mean, like, I would try
to become friends with it, but then if it was like, really
evil, then I would use it to clean my house.
Yeah, I. Want to I want to be clear I
would I would summon the demon to be to.
Fall in love with. No, no, I would summon the demon
to be a sex demon. But then.
But then we would accidentally get close and then we would
start to share more intimate details about our lives with
each other. And then we would form a bond
unintentionally. And then when it was time for
the demon to go back to hell, we would have a climax in our story
where I was like no, stay with me.
And then I would allow it to be my personal demon forever, for
the rest of my life, and we would live happily ever after.
That's beautiful. I'm.
Really glad you put so much thought into this.
And it would start out with sex. I'm imagining burl girl in all
these situations. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, obviously the only demon. Wait, Errol, what would you
summon your demon for? I mean basically your thing, but
like in reverse because I really enjoyed the tension, you know
like I would I would summon the demon and the demon would be my
valet. Oh my God, be my valet and it
would like it would help me put together outfits and it would
like tie my little bow tie and button my little buttons and
we're. Just gonna unbutton your little
buttons. Later there have it.
It has to be like a like a slow burn.
It's very drawn out and you know, I mean, we shouldn't get.
I've got it. I've got to be deep into Mind I.
Don't want to be here all day. We we've got a podcast and I do
want to be here all day, but I'll tell you about my fan
fiction later. Kat wait, what would you summon
a demon for? I would summon a demon to play
D&D. Actually, I would summon a demon
to get me a chicken. Sandwich all so good.
All so good. Anyway, hi, my name is Kat and I
have drawn the summoning circle on the living room floor here at
Noel's. Oh no, Kat, that was only the
first half of the instructions. Hi, my name is Noel.
I was laying on the ground when Kat was drawing the summoning
circle and now I have lines on me.
Nice and I play Fran. Hi my name is Juniper.
You're still in the demon thoughts, aren't you?
No. Are you laying out the
sacrifices for the summoning I? Well, here's what came to mind
honestly, and I just think it's not good, but I'm going to say
it anyways. I'm licking the chalk up off
the. Floor, See.
No, I think that's really good. As as cat licks like, but
unfortunately because Noel went before me, that also means I'm
licking the chalk off of Noel, so that's uncomfortable for me.
Not for me. Anyways, I play Corbin.
Hi, I'm Errol, in case you were wondering like if you wanted
more details about my demon fantasy, it's basically like if
you've watched, if you've watched Jeeves and Wooster, it's
exactly like that. And I'm Wooster and Jesus is a
demon. So last time everything went
wrong. How so?
Why would you say that? Having defeated a tour about you
guys were settling in to get some much well deserved rest,
Fran opened up her Kai journal to find all the pages, all inky
black and creepy and a portal to the void.
And in her investigation of that, some things happened, some
checks were failed, and all three of you fell unprepared
into the void and then got to fight Kai.
And it went. Well.
In that you did it you. You defeated Kai, so yeah, it
went fine. I mean, it's like died.
I mean, it's like died, but or he's unconscious.
And so that maybe is a little less than fine.
And in Kai's final death throes, she transferred the last of her
power to Mary, and she's undergone another
transformation. And that doesn't seem to be
agreeing with her. And then the consequences of
Fran's actions caught up to you all.
A horde of demons descended upon you and said, now it is time to
pay back your debt, Fran, let's go kill the forces.
So yeah, that's where we are now.
You are swept down the river of stars on a tide of demons.
They are everywhere. Demons like Baal, Gura and Latto
and things stranger and more horrible than either.
Little demons that slip under your feet to speed you along,
enormous ancient demons that make you sick to look upon,
beautiful demons that try to catch your eye, and other demons
that look just like people. Mary seems dazed and maybe in
pain as she is carried along with this tide.
Unresisting, she looks back towards you, Fran, confused.
Why did they what that? Fran?
Where are they taking us? Fran is kind of like shaking and
wide eyed and she says we we need them for what's coming
next. Mary, are you OK?
Hey, Fran. Hey.
Fran looks at you. Hey.
Fran, why do we need them? Well.
How are we supposed? To contend with forces without
any force on our side. Who are you?
I'm your friend. Corbin reclines back against the
demons that are carrying him, as though he is crowd surfing
through a follower boy concert hall, and he looks relaxed, but
he turns his head away from you, Fran.
Does anyone see Slake? Corbin you spot slake their arm
sort of surface out of this tide of demons.
How far away are they from me? Pretty close.
You're all pretty close together.
Corbin sees Slake's arm and says Slake buddy and turns and starts
doing a forward stroke as though swimming to try to get to
Slake's hand and and pull them out of the crowd.
Yeah, you're able to do that. And like, as you're swimming
through the tide of demons, some of them really do feel liquid
under your touch, and it is a deeply unsettling feeling.
I like that, yes, But you are able to grab Slake, and as you
bring them out of this demon tide, Mary is able to make her
way over to you and she is going to heal you a bit, Slake.
She's going to heal you for Cure Wounds at the 4th level.
So that is going to be 34 points of healing to you, Slake.
Slake gasps awake and splutters and looks around, confused and
trying to get their bearings. Mary.
And Mary smiles at you, but you can see it, a lot of worry in
her face, and she looks back. Fran, why are we going to fight
the forces? What else are we going to do?
We can't leave you like this, Mary.
And Mary looks down at herself, and she looks down at her hands
and feels the collar at her throat, and she looks horrified.
What happened, Mary? You.
You have wings now. She absorbed Kai's power.
I Mary looks down at herself and she shakes her head and she
looks at Fran and says, can't what will happen to everyone
else? I don't care about everyone
else, Thanks. Fran.
I didn't mean you, Slake. Slake, just like, narrows their
mouth into a little line and they look away.
Corbin pulls Slake over to him. Oh shit, you're fucked it out.
Keith, you're so fucked. Fran They're like holding on to
each other, like in a bed, like with their legs, faces really
close. Yeah, and they're like, but
then. But then we turn over and we
look at you and we give you the stink eye.
Corbin pulls Slake closer to him and he says, It's like, I can't
process what's going on right now in regards to Fran and the
choices that she has been making without our knowledge or
consent. But I don't think this is the
right thing. To do.
Kill the forces you made. I don't know but.
Yeah. No, I mean, all of this woke up.
Yeah. I mean, yeah.
With the demons, I, I just don't listen.
I I don't want to treat friend like an enemy, but she's making
it really hard not to treat her like an enemy right now.
So these demons are taking us to the forces.
Yeah, to kill Fran did something.
She owes these demons some kind of debt, I guess, and that's
apparently killing the forces or something.
I don't know what she fucking did but like, this just doesn't
seem like the way to do it. Fran, have you considered not
killing the forces? Obviously I've considered
everything. Oh that's so great that you took
the time to consider everything and not fucking talk to us about
it once. Fran, no, we're not talking to
you right now, Fran, It's like. Fran throws her hands up and
like looks away and crosses. I'm so serious right now.
Do we need to restrain Fran? Well.
There's no fucking point in restraining Fran because we're
being carried by a the horde of demons to the forces so.
And Mary waves her hands and signs.
What are we going to do when we get there?
Can we just tell the forces that we don't want to be there and
then leave? And then we go back to Avalis
and then Mary goes crazy and becomes something we don't even
know and she basically dies and Phelan goes crazy for the rest
of his life, which is for fucking ever.
And then we all die with with nothing changed.
You don't fucking know what Mary Mary's going to do.
That Mary just got these powers. You haven't even given her any
fucking time to acclimate. And Mary looks at you, Fran, and
she's clearly hurt and she signs, but isn't that my choice?
Thank you, Mary. Yeah, if Mary wants to go crazy
and kill us all, I personally support her.
I. Don't care if she kills us, I
care if she gets to be a person. Fran, that's not your choice to
make. And also, maybe it's insensitive
for me to say this. I love Mary, but sometimes
people die, and that's not always a bad thing.
Sometimes it's just a thing that happens.
And I don't think that any of us have the right to choose whether
or not that happens for other people.
But Mary didn't fucking die. She's fine.
She's right there. We're.
Working off of a hypothetical where she's going to go crazy
and functionally die. I don't think you should be
saying this. Mary's aware of the situation.
For Anna's kind of like looking over at Mary like.
We're all going to die before Mary dies anyway.
I just think all of these other gods has spent their whole lives
trying to change the way that things are, and it doesn't do
anything but hurt other people. You all keep talking about
choice, but the world we're in doesn't have any choice for
people like Mary. You're trying to make a choice
for her. You guys are interrupted by the
voice of Balgura that emerges from the horde.
My dear mortal idiots, the time to choose has long passed.
We are here. And in the distance, a shape
begins to coalesce, going closer and further in a nauseating
rhythm. Time and space move differently
here, and the distance is not linear.
The shape fades in and out of focus and changes places on your
horizon. The demons steer you this way
and that, and slowly but surely, the faraway smudge reveals
itself to be an island with a mountain in the center.
Except it's not that, and your eyes fight against that image
because that's not what's actually there.
You all make me a Wisdom saving throw, please.
Oh. Come on smarty boy, don't fail
me now. I got a nap 20 hey.
Shit, Oh my God. Slake damn.
Holy fuck yeah, Fran got like a 13.
Let me see 19. OK Fran, you are the only one
who did not pass. Fran, your mind just shuts down
your vision. It cannot comprehend what you
are looking at. You are going to take three
points of wisdom damage, so please lower your wisdom by
three points. OK, yes, Fran is just like
completely like hyperventilating and kind of like hunches over.
As you hunch over Fran, you feel soft for underneath your
fingers, and you are hoisted onto the back of what is left of
Bay, and your companion carries you onward towards the mountain.
She clutches onto his neck and she just can't.
She she can't even make words. No, you cannot, Corbin and
Slake. The shape of the island resolves
in your vision. It is a green island, with sheer
cliffs and a mountain at the center.
There's a twisted tree standing proud at the top of the
mountain, and a silver sun shining down on all.
It is wreathed by storms and fire, which lash out at the
incoming horde of demons. A shadow dashes over the ruling
foothills, blending with the greater darkness beyond the
island. This, your mind tells you, is
not really there either. However, your mind has
reconciled that which it cannot comprehend with the metaphorical
vision based on the stories of the forces you have heard.
Slate got Natural 20. Did they get to see anything
extra? No.
Well, I think I noticed that Fran is there's something wrong.
And I say, Fran, what's going on with you?
What is that? I don't know what that was.
What? What do you mean?
I can't see. OK, just stay calm and we're
going to figure. This out calm, I feel good.
The lash of fire flicks out and draws in an armful of demons.
They dissolve in the raging sea of storms that rings the island.
The black water churns with the I core of their essence.
And still the tide of demon pushes onward, bearing you
closer to the fray as they seize upon this one chance to best
their eternal enemies. Flames soar overhead and you are
pulled forward with the mass of demons.
No godly, No. Strike them down.
Is that the Are we at the forces?
Yes. For Anna, we're at the Forces.
OK, good. No, Fran, it's not good.
There is a flash of lightning and suddenly you are on the
shore of that black water. Fran.
You can hear the waves lapping at this spectral beach, and then
Corbin and Slate. You see a wave rolls up,
towering 10 stories above you, capped with sparkling white foam
that bears down upon you. Fran falls to her knees in the
sand, and she presses her forehead against it, and she's
like, somebody do something I can't see.
Fran, I'm sorry, you're going to have to deal with it for a
second. I go over to Fran and I'd like
to tie a rope around myself and her.
Yeah. And I, I say, Fran, I'm really
fucking angry at you right now, but we're going to figure this
out. And I'm going to cut you off
right there. As the wave crashes down towards
you in a sudden torrent, Mary rushes forward and grabs the
three of you in a tight embrace, pulling you close.
And then you are swallowed by the blackness.
Hi guys, hope you're staying safe and staying sane out there,
and I hope you enjoyed our little podcast episode so far.
So this episode, which you're listening to right now, is
coming up on some of the last episodes.
We have two more episodes of the Dames and Dragons campaign.
After this one, I think we might be releasing a little spicy
something else between the next two episodes, so stay tuned for
our posting schedule. We'll get you updated on that
when we have it all sorted out. But yeah, I hope you're enjoying
the Curry Easy happenings. I also wanted to thank our
newest patron, John, If you want to hop over to our Patreon and
see what's going on over there, we're posting outtakes and live
streams and extras. And I think our next live stream
might be Hold on, let me just check.
OK, so not our next live stream, but the April live stream is
going to be us like doing our literal like end of campaign
Q&A. So I would seriously consider if
you have a little extra spending money checking out our Patreon
at the live stream or excuse me, the video content level if you
would like to check that out coming soon.
I also want to thank our Apple podcast reviewers.
That goes out to Sunflower boy, Vermilion, Vertigo and person
dude, guy. Yup, Yup.
Once again, as ever, thank you guys so much for taking the time
to rate our show and review. And thanks to everybody who's
been commenting on Spotify. If you are a Spotify user, I
would recommend you check out the comments section over there.
It's popping off. And I wanted to do a little
special thanks to the people that have commented on our most
recent episode. So that goes out to Kieran and
Alyssa, Georgia, Paranormals, Luna, Lynx, Violet and Kitty
Kavlam. We love you guys.
Thank you so much. Last of all, a message to
Chantal. Chantal, we were supposed to
hang out today, but I'm still fucking sick, so I want to see
you this weekend. Chantal.
The code word is lilac Chimera. The sleeper agent is active.
Go. Bright light pierces your closed
eyes and you are assaulted with noise.
The roar of flames, the crash of lightning, the churning and
grinding of the earth. When you manage to crack your
eyes open, each of you find that you are completely alone in a
realm of pure white light, and that this noise is coming from
everywhere. Now make me a Constitution safe.
I got a 16. OK, I got. 18 I also got a 16.
All right, all of you succeed. Slowly, the sounds resolve into
words and voices, although they are unlike anything you have
ever heard. You can't understand exactly
what they're saying. You can understand their tone.
The fire, the sea, the earth. They are angry, they howl for
the blood of these impudent intruders.
The shadow whispers. See what they want.
Can we use them? Then?
A feeling like fingers rifling through your brain.
Flashes of memory appear and vanish in your mind's eye.
There's a pain in your gut, and that is speaking too.
It is telling you that death is the only reward for those who
face the forces. The light grows brighter, and
the light is a voice too. It says, clear as day.
Enough, Corbin, we're going to start with you, OK?
When the light fades again and your eyes adjust, you are inside
a sphere. You can see the metaphorical
island outside and an oncoming tide of demons below you.
You can also see Mary floating high above you, holding two more
spheres of light. With a look of pained
determination, she brings up one hand to deflect a tongue of
flame and another to grab a lightning bolt and throw it away
from the four of you. From above, a Snow White crow
swoops down and lands on the branch of a tree.
You look around yourself and see that you are sitting high in the
treetops of an all white forest, the same forest on Estra where
you grew up. The crow lands next to you and
cocks its head. Is this how you see yourself?
It asks. In your own voice, or my best
approximation of your own voice? The crow takes off again and
when it lands on a higher branch it is transformed into a monkey.
Or is it this anything but the human sack you were born into
do? We admit it to answer Oh my God.
The monkey looks down at you expectedly.
Well, I guess I don't really know anymore.
Usually the fur is black, so that's wrong.
Why do you hide in these shapes? Is it easier to pretend that you
don't feel when you leave behind your human heart?
Uh huh. I don't.
I don't know. Hmm.
And again, you deflect. You always deflect.
You joke and you jest and you writhe and you fight, but you
never, you never accept the gazes of those who look to you,
who look to see inside you. People look at me.
Do you think that you deflect because there's nothing there
inside? That's mean.
Am I right? No.
Then what is it? I don't think this is how
therapy is supposed to work. You came to fight the gods of
gods. Not me, not me, no.
I was dragged here against my will by a bunch of demons and my
friend who's acting really weird.
I'm really mad at her right now. I'm sorry.
I'll leave. Literally, I will go.
I'm just saying this isn't supposed to be therapy.
Cora says, well, what is it supposed to be then?
What purpose do you have here? I want to see who you are.
If you're the forces, can't you just do that?
Why do you have to ask me? Because you don't know.
Not true. Then tell me the monkey drops
down and sits next to you on the branch, and when it lands it is
you, a pale shadow version of yourself.
Tell me. Tell me what's inside you.
Tell me what you don't want to feel.
Why would I do that if I don't want to feel it stupid?
Question Deflect, deflect, deflect.
And then it this shadow version of yourself reaches out and puts
a hand on your chest and pushes you off the branch, and we're
going to roll initiative. I have to fight because I refuse
to be vulnerable. Wow so typical.
It's a non natural 20. OK, you are going to go first.
OK, who? What am I fighting yourself?
Yourself, I told you I just wanted your character sheets,
which is like fun and flirty. Yeah.
Does Corbin have like in this spiritual realm?
Do we still have all of our spell slots missing and shit?
Yeah, so Corbin, you have been pushed out of a tree.
You land on the ground, your shadow self is still up in the
tree. And I'm expected to attack it.
It has made its intentions clear that it is attacking you.
What? Happens if I don't want to fight
myself. Give my little keys.
You can try. Give my keys if you.
Want you can try and roll a persuasion check, you can try
and persuade this thing. OK, I'm going to try that.
OK. OK.
Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, that's good enough.
It's a what's a 19 base, but I have to come up with an argument
for why I'm not. And also this is, I'm going to
say, this is a very hard check. Yeah, this is not.
This is an above 20 check. So that does not surprise me.
I don't have good charisma. It's the 20.
That that is not, that does not do it, no.
So it pushes you out of the tree.
As you land on the ground, it jumps down after you, and as it
does it shifts into the shape of a direwolf and faces off against
you, growling. This is so fucked.
But I'm fighting myself and I know what I am, and it's called
a glass cannon. Yeah.
So I need to just strike first and strike hard, OK?
Corbin says. Listen, listen, listen, listen.
I just want you to know this is not personal.
And if I had a choice, I wouldn't do this.
But you force my hand. So Corbin casts Blight at the
seventh level. OK.
All right, That's fine. You have to.
I literally have to. I have no hot.
Hit rolls to resist right. It gets constitution saving
through and I don't have good constitution.
Yeah, as we've just established, I don't have your character
sheet up right now. What is your constitution?
+3 OK. Yeah, it was a natural one.
Thank God 11 D 8 44 blight damage.
So the stream of blight hits the wolf form and rots away the fur.
You see a brief moment of you see the wolf's skull as flesh
and fur hang off of it, and then it rears up and turns back into
the boy. All right, so it is the thing's
turn, and it is going to whatever bounces off me sticks
to you. Yeah.
And it is going to cast Blight at the seventh level.
I had a feeling that was coming. Yeah, what was that, 8D8?
11 D 8. 11 D 8 Let's roll those again, or actually roll the
Constitution, say first. That's a 2, so I got five.
I did better than it did. All right, it does 63 damage.
So. Way better than yours.
Fuck, fuck you. So Corbin's skin begins to
Slough off. All right, Everybody loves it
when I say that, so I'm saying it.
I heard you guys cry out in jubilation and joy.
It's. Your turn.
OK, Corbin's skin fucking sloughs off.
I'm gonna die like I am. I just feel like I'm gonna die
no matter what I do. Oh wait, actually how?
How close is the nearest tree to me?
Close. You're in a forest.
Like, within 10 feet. OK, How close is the nearest
tree to my doppelganger? 10 feet, OK Corbin looks around
for trees. They're all over, and he finds
the thickest tree that's the closest to him.
And he says fuck this actually. And then he runs for the tree
and casts tree stride. What does tree stride do?
It allows me to basically teleport myself via.
Tree. Is this what we use to teleport?
Yes, yeah, except without Mary's help.
It can only be within 500 feet of the tree that I use, but it's
still at least will get me away from myself.
I gear up like I'm going to attack.
Essentially, I'm going to run towards myself and then just as
I get close enough to hit, I'm going to pivot and just run into
a fucking tree. All right, you run into the tree
and are teleported away into another part of this forest, and
you have a second here to catch your breath.
I'm gonna give you just a turn here.
Okay, Well, the other Corbin. Corbin.
Corbin, Corbin, Corbin, you've just gained a turn while Forbin
is looking for you. Okay, yeah, I just jump out of a
tree. The leaves above me shake with
the effort of me squeezing my little body between the bark.
And I look around, make sure that I'm alone, and I use my
wild shape to turn into a technically a giant bore.
Yeah, very nice. And I become that, and I'm a
black bore. All black, the tiny little white
spot on my chest. Oh so cute and cute.
So through the trees you see your shadow self emerge and he
points at the ground where you stand and is going to cast Wrath
of nature. The trees, rocks, grasses in the
60 foot cube around you become animated.
It is then as a bonus action going to use the rocks feature
of this spell and it is going to launch a boulder from the forest
floor at you and that is going to roll to hit.
So that is a 13 to hit. Yeah, that that hits.
That hits OK, that's a bore. As a bore that does hit you.
So that is going to be 19 damage.
It is also going to choose a creature of its choice and that
is you. Please make a strength saving
throw as a boar. It's the roots and vines shoot
from the earth. Oh, that's a Nat 20.
All right, you are not restrained.
Yeah, No, I'm not. All right, that is the end of
its turn. I'm gonna charge, I think charge
it. So actually, wait, maybe I
can't. How far away am I from myself?
You are 20 feet from yourself. Oh yeah, baby, I'm going to use
this then, because I have to be able to move at least 20 feet
straight toward a. Target all right.
So I'm going to charge. Oh fuck God, I don't know if
that's going to do it. What's 8 + 5?
8 + 5 is not your armor class, I'll tell you that at 13.
Well then I don't hit. You do not.
No. You effortlessly sidestep your
own attack, almost as if you knew just what you were going to
do. Stupid.
Is that the end of your turn? Yeah, that's the only action I
can take. Okay then, Shadow Corbin.
Well, at the start of its turn, please make a dexterity saving
through as the trees bend to crush you.
That's 15. 15 does not I think. Yeah, that does not hit your
spell save DC Corbin. So you are going to take 4D6 of
slashing damage as the tree limbs whip out towards you.
I'm. Really strong, huh?
Yeah. You are.
This sucks. All right, that's gonna be 13.
13 I'm still a bore. You're still a bore.
Still a bore. And now he is going to do a
spell with the rest of his action.
You are going to cast Sunbeam at yourself?
No, I don't. Think I would do that.
All right, you need to make a Constitution saving throw,
please. Yo, oh that's a Nat 20.
Fuck yeah, Stice is giving it for me.
All right, that is gonna be 20 damage since you resisted half
of it. So yes, you are.
You are popped back into a boy and you take the rest of that
damage to your. Normal.
OK so that would be you said it was 20 so I would take 10 more
damage to my boy self. All right, how you doing?
Corbin Well, let's just say that I have 10 hit points left.
All right, let's say that. That's amazing that you even
have that. Oh.
Actually we're not done yet because you are going to use a
bonus action to launch another rocket you that is a non natural
20 to hit. So that will hit you Yep and you
are going to take 11 damage. So I think that does it for.
You that does that does kill me yes All right so.
Corbett, the last thing you see is a rock hurtling towards you.
And what is your last thought before it hits?
Fuck me. Slake When your eyes adjust to
the light, you find yourself in The Cave where you kept your
art. The darkness of these caves is
washed away into shades of white, and there's light
everywhere. However, the sculptures on
display aren't the ones you left when you departed from your home
all those many long months ago. Instead, there are dioramas
depicting your battles, the monsters and the gods that you
have fought and bested with your friends by your side.
However, as you look closer, you notice that each of these
dioramas captures not a moment of triumph, but a moment of
collateral damage. You see yourself scorched,
tossed, frozen by magic. The magic your friends wield,
all of the injuries you have endured in the name of victory.
Why do you let them do it? You step out of the doorway,
setting a bundle of art materials next to your
workspace. This washed out version of
yourself leans against the desk and crosses their arms.
Are they really your friends if they would do this to you again
and again? And they've done worse, haven't
they? Much worse now.
Who are you? You see one of the dioramas
change to show the tide of demons, and the four of you
dragged towards this moment. I'm you.
What do you mean you're me? Where are we?
We're in your head, I'm just a light shining deep into your
thoughts to try and illuminate what's there.
So tell me, are they your friends?
Why should I trust you? How do you explain this?
And they point towards one of the dioramas, the one that shows
Corbin throwing a flaming melon. You said you're a light.
They just look at you, waiting for your answer.
What do you know about Corbin and Fran?
Oh. I guess we'll see, huh?
And they look up, and you follow their gaze, and you can see in
this translucence of the Dome above you, you can see Mary
holding back the tide of the forces and holding two other
spheres of light close to her. I need to get out there.
I need to help Mary. I don't have time for whatever
fucked up game you're playing. This isn't a game I want to
know. Why do you want to know?
Because it's important, isn't it?
Or do you only want to deflect away from facing that question?
Because if you acknowledge that it's important, then you'd have
to have a reaction to it. I'm not going to have a reaction
here with whatever you are. Then when are you going to slake
or are you going to forgive them?
Do you forgive them? Can you?
You're pissing me off. Seriously, how do I get out of
here? Your shadow draws its 2 picks
and let's roll initiative. OK, that's only.
Two, OK, they rolled a 19, so they're going to go first.
They are going to attack you with their 2 weapon fighting
with the two picks. So that is going to be, oh,
first one's a natural 20 and then next one is going to be a
21 and the next one is going to be a 23.
So I think all three of those hit you.
Yeah, my armor class is. 19 yeah.
So all three of those hit and they are going to then do 39
damage as you attack yourself with your classic hand picks.
OK, I am going to use. I actually realized I haven't
used it yet. I have relentless endurance.
OK, so when I'm reduced to zero hit points but not killed at
right, I can drop to one hit point instead?
OK, I didn't realize you had that few hit points left.
That's right. Yeah, you died.
Yeah, it's been a day. So I parry the attack so that at
least I can prevent myself from taking some damage.
And I say, you know, it really fucking sucks because I could
actually really use someone to talk to about all this this
right now, but I'm guessing you're just another fucking
cosmic entity that wants to play with me and manipulate me,
right? No.
That's exactly what a cosmic entity who wants to play and
manipulate me would say. Maybe, but I want to know why
because it's important. If I talk to you, will you let
me go? Talk to me.
Fine, if you're just going to kill me anyway.
The stupidest thing is, yeah, I'm really mad at Fran.
But part of me feels like if I could just talk to her, she
could explain it and she'd have some really good reasons so I
wouldn't have to be this fucking mad.
Why do you want to forgive her? Because I'm a dumb ass.
That's deflection. Why do you want to forgive her?
Because I love her. That's true.
They hold out a hand to help you regain your footing after that
attack. It's like it's tearing up and
they say, am I just going to keep doing this again and again?
Do what? Trusting people when they don't
trust me. I think you've cut to the quick
of it. Finally.
It's good. You have to shine a light on
these questions like you have to because it's important.
They sort of sit back and they look at the dioramas again and
they say, do you think it's a bad thing to trust people even
if they don't trust you? Sometimes.
Do you think you're going to stop doing it?
Their expressions change a couple times and they roll their
eyes and they say no. That's too bad and they're going
to just punch you in the gut. That's so fucked up gut.
Punch. Dale.
I'm just going to roll the hit on arm strike that is a yeah, it
is a 19 to hit. So it's like, yeah, it punches
you in the gut and your world fades out into a dizzying array
of white. They're tearing up, but they
start laughing and they say, really?
Fran You find yourself sitting on the edge of the island of
Estra, staring down at the clouds.
It is a vast white sea that stretches out below you.
When you look up, you see a pale version of yourself has come to
sit beside you. Fran sighs.
Oh, and you can see again by the way.
Oh yeah. Good.
Yeah, Fran sighs and she says, well, here we are again, and
looks out at the what would be the world below, underneath the
clouds? Do you think you ever left?
Fran's eyes well up with tears and she said no.
So what was all this for, really?
All of this? And she gestures out, and you
can see in the transparency of the Dome the same thing that
Corbin and Slake saw, Mary fighting the forces pushed by
the tide of demons holding spheres of light close to her.
All of this you marched your friends here to Vanquish us.
So why? Guys, I just wanted to have a
choice in all this. What choice do you want to make?
I wanted choose to not be alone and it's all over.
Or at least I want to choose that they survive.
Was it worth it the hurt you caused them to get here?
I don't know if Mary could live the way she wants to, if Alan
could live the way he wants to, if it wasn't just a cycle
anymore, then it'll be worth it. Do you think they'll forgive
you? Do you want them to?
I don't know. Don't all mortals want
forgiveness? Why don't you think you deserve
that? Fran's tears spill and she
hastily wipes at them and shakes her head and she says they look
at it objectively. I I don't think I've really been
any good from the beginning and. What have you done to change
that? Fran looks up and she says
everything. I've Yeah.
And I, I've been trying to change it, but I don't know,
maybe be the best of intentions when they come from a rotten
apple. Maybe they're just rotten, too.
Is that what you think of yourself?
A rotten apple. I don't know why wouldn't I be?
Why would you be? Because every person who has
chosen me did it because they had to.
Did Mary? Have to I?
Don't know what choices Mary's had in her whole life really.
Was this Mary's choice? And she looks up through the
Dome to where Mary is fighting. Fran shrugs.
I guess not so. Let me get this straight.
You're trying to save everybody, to save the world, to redeem
yourself for what? Let's say her to redeem.
Fran's posture kind of crumples inward, and she shrugs again,
and she says, because it's. Me.
Are you that inherently broken? Fran sniffs and nods up to the
scene unfolding. And she says you tell me.
No, I don't tell you anything. I'm just a light shining on the
parts of you you don't want to look at.
Fran frowns and she says why? Because.
It's important. Why is it important?
Shadow Fran stands up from the edge of the island and holds out
a hand to help you up. Fran takes it.
Because you marched your friends here to kill my friends.
So it's important I know why. And then she pushes you off the
island. Roll Initiative.
All right. I roll the 13.
I roll the 17. OK, you go first.
I mean as you're falling. As I'm falling, yeah, great.
My instinct is to cast Feather fall in this situation.
All righty. So I cast Feather Fall and the
rate at which I'm falling slows down, but I'm still falling.
OK, and actually you don't fall for very long before you land
and you are right back where you started, at the edge of the
island with Fo Ran standing in front of you.
And now it is her turn and she is going to cast Investiture of
Ice all of like your water. Hair spreads out over her skin
and turns into an armor of ice that juts out from like the
shoulder pauldrons and gauntlets.
Fran rolls her eyes and she starts running towards kind of
sideways. OK, what is the part of the
island that we're at? Like what's around us?
Is it forest? Is it city?
You're sitting by like one of the rivers that went off the
edge of the island, so it's kind of a large, open plain.
OK, how near my to the river? You're sitting like next to it,
I'll say so you were like 5 feet from the river.
OK, Fran's going to jump in the river and she's going to cast.
I don't have many spell slots. I don't have high level spell
slots left, I should say after our ordeal.
So she's going to cast Phantasmal Killer, which means
that Phoran needs to make a Wisdom saving thrill.
OK. All right.
That is going to be a 15. OK, that doesn't pass.
So she will be frightened, OK. And it creates a manifestation
of the target's deepest fears. Now, is the target Fran or is
the target? Target is Fran.
So tell me, what does this manifestation of you see?
I think she sees, you know how in a dream you can know things.
She knows that she's tried her best and she's tried to be as
good as she can and she hasn't pushed anyone away and she sees
them leaving anyway. I think you also, Fran, you also
see that it is your own fear that you have unlocked.
I'm not going to make you frightened, but you see the
shadow self. See that fear?
And Fran says that is so typical.
And then she hides in the river. All right, well, she is
frightened, so she has got to run her full movement as far
away as she can and so she is going to run and use the dash
action to run. And she also takes 4D10 psychic
damage. Okay, so that's gonna be 28
damage, OK? At the end of each of the
target's turns before the spell ends, the target must succeed on
a Wisdom saving throw or take 4010 psychic damage.
On a successful save, the spell ends.
OK. So that's at the end.
This time she didn't succeed, so she took the damage.
At the end of her next turn, she'll try again.
OK, All right. Yeah, She just runs your full
movement plus your dash action. So she's run pretty far away
from you now, 60 feet from you. All right.
And then that spell is concentrated I believe, so that
limits what I can do next. Yes.
I think Fran is gonna, well, how far away?
That would be 60 feet away and I'm probably like at least 1020
more feet away. Okay, so I'm within range.
Okay, I'm gonna cast ice beer at her.
Okay, so she needs to make a deck save.
That is a natural 20. Okay, so she's gonna take half
damage as I pop up out of the water like Aerial with all the
waves coming up around me and hurl a spear before disappearing
back under the water and swimming away.
Okay, and. Let me see how much damage
that's gonna be, all right? It's going to be half of 36,
which would be 18. Actually it's no damage because
of adventiture of Ice makes her immune to cold damage.
That makes sense. Yep.
So your ice spear shatters harmlessly against her ice
armor, and in fact her ice armor gets like bigger.
Interesting. All right.
Fran hides again. OK, that's what she can do on
her bonus action. She can.
She can hide. Oh, I could have hidden.
That's OK. OK, So it is her turn and you
said it's at the end of the turn.
Yes. So she can do stuff before, but
yeah, she can't solve it before. Yeah, that's action.
That's actually fine because she is going to summon an elemental,
of course. Yes, I think she's going to
summon an ice elemental and it is going to appear close to you,
Fran, and it just rises up out of the river where you are
hiding, and it has its own initiative.
OK, That is going to go in between the two of you.
Yeah, so it'll go before her chart.
But it does get a free action this turn, and it is going to
use that action to reach into the river and make a multi
attack on you. We will roll to hit.
That is a natural 20 and that is so it has this advantage because
you are hidden. So you didn't take the natural
20, but the second one is a it's over 20.
OK, so it still hits me. Yeah, it's over 20 still hits
you and then the second one that was a 17 and the second one is a
9 + 7 is still hits me, still hits you, Yes.
So it is going to hit you with both of its slam attacks and it
is going to do, it's going to do 18 damage all together.
All all together. Yep.
And now Shadow Fran is going to try and get out of the fright.
What was it? It was a Wisdom saving throw.
Correct. Yeah.
OK, that is going to be a 19. All right, that passes.
That will do it. She is no longer frightened of
you. OK, Fran was hit whilst under
the water, yes, by this elemental.
OK so Fran is going to summon a demon.
So the water of the river starts to glow in a vaguely circular
pattern as she attempts to summon.
I think she's going to try and summon Lado.
OK. Oh, that's me.
Yeah, but the only thing that Lado is able to say as this
demon of pure shadow is summoned into this world of pure light,
is screaming, Screaming and more screaming.
Oh no. So Lotto is summoned into this
world but is going to take damage every turn?
Oh. Yeah, Franika, What the fuck?
I don't know. I just thought you're ready.
Why? What are you doing there?
Well, let's see, it is going to take must get to say flat 10
damage per turn. OK but on that note I am going
to make you do some things so I'm gonna have my beautiful lato
will screaming is going to fight okay using its beautiful claws
and also latos attacks are on disadvantage.
Okay, so roll two hit. Okay, Lado rolled 14.
That does not hit, no. OK, so Lado swipes meaninglessly
but is engaging the elemental which is my main concern here,
and Fran is going to try and swim as far out of the way as
possible and still hide. Yes.
So you swim 30 feet down the river.
So first the elemental is going to go.
It is going to use its ability. Whelm.
Wow, you're going to be whelmed. Oh damn, just like Rob Open.
Lado and you, Fran, please, both of you make ADC 15 Strength
saving throw. Strength, Yeah, please make a
Strength sound. Yeah.
Fran and Lado, please make Strength saving throws.
Fran got 12. OK, that does not make it.
Oh, Lado has to do it. Sorry I'm I figured I forgot.
No OK Lado got like A5. You are going to take two D 8 +
4 bludgeoning damage. Both of you are.
So that is going to be 14 damage and you are both grappled.
It whelms, it pounds down into the water of the river and all
of the water comes back up and is frozen in ice.
So you, Fran, are frozen in place in the ice as well as
Latto. You are restrained and unable to
breathe unless you can breathe water, which means you can
breathe but Latto can't. Latto screams out.
The Union Rep is going to hear about this, Fran.
OK, now it is FO Ran's turn and she is going to now go ahead and
cast fireball. And so please make me a
Dexterity saving throw. Fran at disadvantage because you
are grappled. OK, yeah, I failed.
You failed, OK. And Lado.
Laddo got 15, but that fails too.
Yes, that fails. OK, so that is going to be
fireball at the 6th level, which is going to be 11 D 6 damage 42.
42 damage. 42 damage, Yes to you and Laddo, but not to the ice
elemental. That takes out laddo by laddo,
not to the ice elemental. No, because this Tran has taken
an ability that you did not take which is spell shape where you
can bend your spells around your allies and not hit them.
I don't think that's a thing that I could take.
Excuse me? Yeah, no, I don't think the
illusion wizard can't take it. But this isn't necessarily an
illusion wizard. It's an illusion of an illusion
wizard. All righty.
Fran's not looking great. I'm assuming we're not frozen.
No, you're not actually, and you are not grappled anymore.
OK, so like it melts and we fall down or well, I fall down and
Latto fucking disappears. He's dead.
Latto is burnt up in the purifying white fire that faux
ran rained down upon you and you are melted out of the ice.
You are no longer grappled, but you are prone.
Fran pulls herself up out of the riverbank, coughing and burnt,
and she is going to cast Resilience Sphere on herself.
A sphere of force encloses her, and nothing, not physical
objects, energy or spell effects can pass through.
But I can breathe. What is it called again?
Resilience Sphere. OK.
Otilukis resilience sphere. That's right.
It only lasts for one minute. Let me do a just a quick roll
here 'cause Fran's gonna cast Counterspell.
Oh, OK. What level spell is that?
This is a level 4 spell. OK, Yep, that works.
She rolled a 19. God damn it.
So that is a counterspell, but you did spend your action.
OK yeah, Fran stomps her foot and just says just kill me then.
Now it is actually the elemental's turn.
Elemental is going to attack you.
That is going to be over 20. It is just going to do it's
multi slam attack and that is going to be to hit.
That is going to be a 23 and a 19.
So both those hit and it is going to do that is going to be
15 and another 15. All right, that is going to
bring Fran down to 0. The ice elemental slams you and
your fission fades to white. What is your last thought?
I think Fran's last thought is, I guess sort of formless, but
feeling like she's experiencing that greatest fear in a way, and
it was all for nothing. And then your vision fades to
white. This isn't supposed to be
therapy. I love this.
I love this voice. Being like this is psychological
torture. I love this bitchy antique
orbit. Yeah, it's pretty funny.