Everybody, I want you to think of a crab.
Oh, a crab. Yeah, think about a crab.
Done. You're not always thinking about
that. Done.
Nice. I'm glad we all went to a happy
place. There.
That was it. I just wanted you all.
That's the intro. Let's play.
Blades in the Dark. Yeah, amazing.
Yeah. What is you think was going to
happen Cat? Well OK, genuinely what I have
been thinking about lately because I have a lot of.
Time. We don't need to discuss it
anymore, no. Listen, there is a theory I
learned about in literary theory class way back in college.
Carsonization. Yeah, but no.
But basically, like, listen, when I think about a crab, I'm
not going to think about the same thing that you're going to
think about. Oh yeah.
Right. So I just wanted us all to think
about our own ideal crab. OK?
Like what is your platonic ideal of a crab?
What if it's our romantic ideal? I mean, that's fine too if you
have a romantic ideal of a crab. Because like my ideal, if I
think about a crab, I'm thinking thinking about like a little
guy, but not like a a little guy, but like like maybe the
size of like AI don't know, like a a saucer like.
A a cheese saucer you have a very specific crab in.
Yeah. Yeah.
And he's like, and he's red, Yeah.
No, you guys, why? Oh oh geez, what I thought about
a cooked crab ready to eat. I mean, that's what.
That's a loud book. I mean, OK, if I'm, if I'm being
honest, no. If I'm being honest, my first
thought was crab cakes. What?
Yeah, yeah, my. First thought was crab.
Platonic ideal of a crab for dinner then, but.
Then I thought about the little crabs from Pirates of the
Caribbean World in Kingdom Hearts 3, and that was my main,
my final crab. Amazing your final.
Crab is the crab from. Kingdom, my final mixed crab,
yeah. And honestly, listen, I said,
honestly, this is what my platonic ideal of a crab was,
but I was lying to you. Wow.
Because I was trying to describe it, and those were the words
that came out of my mouth, but I was actually thinking about it
was one of those fucked up deep sea crabs.
But I can't describe that out loud.
So I described a crab that I could describe.
Do you mean like a big comes out the Japanese spider crab?
Maybe like they have. Long, long legs and they love at
the bottom. Yeah, like really things that
are the bottom pale and they have really long legs and
they're huge and scary. That's the Japanese spider crab.
OK, that's what I was that what was the crab that I thought of
when I thought. Can you imagine the butter dip
on that? And he's sliding in like a
snake. It has to be really tall.
Speaking of crabs, let's let's play Blades in the Dark.
2 claws, 2 pinchers, 2 plates. Two blades. 2 blades.
Blades, crabs, crab have knife knife.
Crab. Yeah, Crab, Crab.
Crab. Hi, my name is Kat and I am your
knife crab. My name is Noel.
I play Pepper, she's a rail Jack and I want to eat delicious crab
meat. Really angry that you didn't say
I'm your wife, Crab. I'm your wife, Crab.
Thanks. Oh, because it rhymes with
knife. Hi, I'm Juniper.
I play Valerian, he is a slide and I'm your life crab.
Wow. Good luck.
Yeah, well, guess what?
You don't even know Borther. Oh shit.
Hey. Hey, everybody.
My name's Errol and I play Friedrich Vice and I'm your
Cloud Strife. I couldn't.
Even say. Crab, I said.
Crab. Damn brother.
Crab. You fucking got.
A crab. Holy shit.
This is my strife, crab. Take back my life, crab.
I've got a knife crab. Okay, so last time you guys went
to strike a deal with the Piper Lords, or rather Valerian did on
behalf of everybody else, and you met Basil Ratnesy, the
leader of the Piper Lords, and you learned that he is a man
shaped collection of rats. Swarm of rats all the way down.
And he is rats. He is rats through and through.
He is just a swarm of rats. He's just rats.
He's. Just rats that all share one
consciousness that belongs to a man.
Cat boy meets Rat boy. Cat boy meets Rat boy.
Oh my God. Worlds collide and you struck a
deal with him that you would let him use your house, your base in
Moth light, as a storefront for their illicit drugs in exchange
for him not forcibly taking it from you.
And to prove your loyalty, he has asked that you go steal the
Daricetum, which was a hallucinogenic drug that the
Brightwater Collective stole in Afetreya, and the Piper Lords
want this so that they can undercut the Brightwater
Collective. You have been tasked with
procuring a sample of it for the hyper Lords who you do
ultimately plan to betray. So to do that you guys went to
go gather some information. Friedrich, you looked into there
was a study done by a scholar and you went and met with
Archivist Chorp. Who is chorp Chorp, Chorp,
Chorp, Chorp, chorp, chorp. Who is a a Crane woman?
Hell yeah she is, brother. And you are all like,
inexplicably very attracted to this crane.
You're all so. Horny for this crates fucking
sense. She has a scarf.
She sure does. Have a scarf and.
Tumblr sexy crane. Very erotic.
Extremely erotic. So Friedrich, you met with Chorp
who shared a paper with you that had some interesting information
about Basil and his and his weakness.
Colony. His Yeah, the racks that make up
his body and then you guys went to check out the headquarters of
the Brightwater Collective, which is the Star Song Lounge
and you met Ratu Watan, who is a Lieutenant in the organization
and like just an all around super nice guy that.
Was me and Friedrich went. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Friedrich and Pepper, you guys went and Pepper, you had a great
time. You partied.
You partied hard. Friedrich, you were had.
You had some queer panic about me meeting a out and proud queer
person and Raju did ask you on a date and I believe you did say
yes, but in a sort of panicked deer in the headlights way.
I. Can't even remember what he
said. Friedrich.
Like, I don't know that. I think he just malfunctioned.
I don't have any response. Yeah.
That's right.
But we did get some information about like where they keep the
stuff that we want to steal. Yeah, yeah.
So you learned that there's some in the backroom and you did
scout out that there is like a porthole window that looks like
it might lead into that backroom, as well as there's a
door behind the bar. So you guys have gathered all of
your information and you are back at your hideout, your room,
really your horse. Room.
Our horse room. Your horse room?
Yeah, full of horse stuff. And Friedrich is like, furious
that Valerian has agreed to allow others to use the space.
Pepper loves it. Pepper's like Valerian.
I think you might be a genius. Thank you, I feel that way
sometimes in. What way?
I mean, think about it like they'll be here, we'll be here,
we'll be part of the Piper Lords.
Yeah, free drugs, whatever we want.
Free and free drugs, maybe, depending on the kind of drugs
that they are. Within reason, obviously.
Within reason. Free drugs, Friedrich.
And then we get the thing and we have them right where we want
them. We also have no privacy.
Why do you need that? Quick question Kat, are there
any are the Piper Lords in the room?
Not. Not currently.
Right now you still have the use of your.
Room OK well I say yes so the so the people that we're trying to
scam are going to be here every time we want to plot against
them. We're not going to be plotting
against them here. We can plot in my room.
Yeah, we can plot in paper. This room which is adjacent to
this room. But there's there's a door.
Valerian is so smart, Friedrich. I just think we need to trust
each other because we're in this together now.
Well, you're going farther than perhaps I would, but I think
working relationship. We're like a family.
What? Is that noise?
What noise? When we get my laboratory, I
don't want them in there. That's all I'm saying.
When we get your laboratory in like 3 years, OK, I'll be Lord
of the Pipers by then buddy, don't worry.
Well, if that's your outlook on the situation, I can hardly see
why we should continue working together once this is finished.
You guys start fighting. We're not fighting.
This guy's just being dramatic. I'm going to accomplish great
things and you're going to feel really stupid that you missed
out on the opportunity to be. Part of it.
Friedrich, I promise that we'll get you a lock for your door.
Thank you, Pepper. Is that all you wanted?
No Valerian. What I wanted was for someone to
not enter enemy territory and freely offer them up.
The only advantage we have on this madhouse betray.
I think you're vastly overestimating the advantage
that the horse apartment gives us.
Pepper smiling really big and she's like, Speaking of things
that Friedrich wants. I forgot to share some hot
gossip with you. What have we got?
What happened? My personal affairs are none of
your concern. I think they're very much up.
We have somebody else who wants to know, yes, yes, come in, come
in. Yes, invite them in.
It's my house. You open the door and a young
man is standing there. This is MO.
Is he the cow herd? Yeah, MO is a dark skinned man
wearing a mutakare, which is a long, loose black kaftan
decorated in brightly colored geometric embroidery.
He has short black dreadlocks and wears A napire, which is a
pointed hat that tapers off at 3 angular tips.
He has tattoos down the bridge of his nose, along his
cheekbones and down his temples. And he has, there's a very like
long, lean face. He's very tall and very lean.
And he looks down at you, Friedrich, as he comes into the
room. And he goes, Is this who I am
supposed to be stealing from the Brightwater Collective with?
OK. Excuse.
Me, don't worry, he's just a lot of nerves and talk, but he can
do stuff sometimes I. Like your hat?
We'll have you bad mouthing me he.
Was complimenting you. MO sort of touches his hat and
nods to you, Pepper. Pepper nods back and gives
thumbs up. Very good.
I'm MO MO Diallo, and you're the Emperor and he points to you,
Valerian. Valerian is.
It's fine. OK, he's not an emperor anymore.
Ex emperor. I got bored.
I still have my doubts about the veracity of your.
You can doubt all you want. And this is Friedrich, and I'm
Pepper. Professor vice to you.
Thank you very much. I heard that you weren't the
professor technically speaking anymore because you don't have.
AI have several degrees from from my home.
World from your home world, but not from here.
Can hardly see how that matters. It's a semantics at best.
Anyways, well, it's lovely to have you here.
We're the cows. They are back with the Piper
Lords. How many do you have?
And he looks a bit sad at that question.
He says only three left. I had a much bigger herd.
But it's a long story. You have cows on the train,
That's awesome. 2 cows and a bull.
So there is potential you could breed and make more cows.
We will see. It is not easy to keep cows on a
train, as you might imagine. I I don't have space of my own,
so I only have as much space as the Piper Lords have given me
and that is just enough for me to squeeze in.
Or you could stay with us more. You could share room with
Friedrich. And Friedrich tries to bite you.
Oh. Chew away, little man.
He's Fritzky. Mode sort of smiles.
I'll be honest, that is the first generous thing anyone has
said to me on this train. The cows can stay with me.
Don't get confused because I will drop you as soon as I don't
think you're useful to me. But I like that you have cows,
so I'll offer you part of a room.
Valerian's funny, huh? Thank you.
Yes, I I think that all of the people on this train are right a
bit funny. So MO, how exactly did you get
suckered into working for the Piper Lords?
Like I said, there's not a lot of places just to keep cows on
the train. The Piper Lords, Yovis, he
offered me a space where I could keep them and myself as long as
I, you know, joined the organization and recruited
somebody. But I didn't have much luck.
I've never been much of A recruiting kind of guy.
My people were nomads, herdsmen. We wandered the planes.
Well, Wander makes it sound like we walked around not knowing
where we were going. We avoided the wars that were
happening in our world and made the best life we could out in
the lands that everyone else thought were worthless.
But well, things happened and I wasn't able to stay with my
people anymore. So it's me and my cattle now and
they are my family, so I have to take care of them.
I understand, I feel similarly about my rat.
I didn't get him too long ago, but you know, attachments, They
can form out of nothing. It's so amazing how our little
minds work. We can form a family and it
feels like the blink of an eye. Sometimes, yes.
Well, I suppose I've raised these cows from their birth,
though the cows are Star and compass in the bull is named
Poker. Because he pokes them.
He is dead. And it was horrified.
Oh no, I like you. I guess that's funny.
You guys. Don't think that's funny?
It's hilarious. If you'd like to come see them,
I'm sure, well, we should get our business done 1st and then
we will. Pepper was already like she had
her coat on and she's gathering her loot.
She sadly puts it down. I'm going to serenade the cows.
The cattle, I should say. So MO, you trust the Piper Lords
to take care of your cattle that you're so attached to?
Well, I trust them to. As long as I do the things that
they want me to do for them, they will take care of me in
turn. That is what Yovis said.
And how much luck have you had doing the things that they ask
you to do? It hasn't been very long yet.
I I wasn't able to recruit anyone in Afetrea like I said
so. Was that your first world?
My second, my first was a kind of bad, you know, it sort of
seemed like an evil presence roomed over the whole place and
there was a revolution that was just starting.
It. Seemed pretty awful honestly.
Crazy. Wow, so strange.
Yeah, I didn't have any. Wonder what could have been
happening in that world? Larry, and why did you give up
your position as emperor to join this train?
I got bored. Really.
Yes. You seem like you'd be easily
bored. Thank I I am, to be honest with
you, the way that it goes is you become emperor, you give the
people everything that they want within reason.
You keep the government running and the then your time kind of
just ends. My species lives a long time, so
I think normally you die and then someone else comes to take
your place. But on my world you don't die.
They'll kill you, so you know. It was just kind of coming to
its. End.
I'd done everything that I wanted.
I'd killed the traitorous previous Kingston emperors and
their families. I sort of reorganized the
magical system into one that was better for me.
And yeah, and then they didn't. And then now that it was over
and it's time to move on. So you thought they were going
to kill you and that made you bored.
So you. Are tyrannical despot, and you
were violently deposed. I wasn't deposed.
I left before that could happen. You always have to be one step
ahead. They didn't get to kill me, did
they? Not yet.
They won't get to. We're not going back there.
Shame. OK, calm down.
Well, do you have a plan? And so you all make your plan,
but this is plays in the dark. So we will figure out what that
plan was on the fly and now we are going to be entering the
score phase. All right, so first thing we are
going to do is we're going to choose a type of plan.
So is this going to be an assault, a deception, A stealth
and a cult social or transport? So this job, there's like a job
within a job. Yeah, because we're supposed to
steal the drugs from the Brightwater Collective, but what
we really want to do is steal the mementos.
From the Piper Lord. We only need one memento to.
And we specifically want it to seem like we were not the ones
who stole. Now, we want it, I mean, like,
it is the Piper Lords doing it, but we want it to be
specifically the Piper Lords as an organization.
Well, because we want to turn them against each other.
Yes. And what we also like, the most
important thing for us is to get the the momentum.
It doesn't matter if we actually steal the stuff or not.
But yeah, but we need to make sure that when we get the
memento that it's blamed on either the Brightwater
Collective or anyone else who isn't us.
Maybe another Piper Lord even, right?
You do have MO. Yeah, we're not using MO as a
Patsy. No, no, no, no.
You're not doing that. Valerian will do it if it comes
down, so you guys better fine. We'll never let that happen.
You better. Listen, I will have Friedrich
develop a homoerotic interest in MO just to keep him out of your.
Question Valerian will still do it.
Anyways, Anyways, anyways, So what we're what we're.
According to K Kaku. What we're doing is lying and
conning our way to our goal, to our goal.
There's going to be like stealth as part of it, but like.
So probably deception. I think deception last time.
And that's your crew type. I was about.
To say like that kind of place to having a slide basically,
yeah. Right.
If you guys had a cutter, you'd be doing a lot more assaults.
Yeah. OK, so you guys are going to do
a deception then. So next is what is your missing
detail method of deception? Method of deception.
OK, well, so we need to figure out.
This is interesting though, right?
Because we can't plan it. We have to do it.
But how much detail do we need to go into?
Because we do. I mean, I think for method of
deception, it would be like, at least part of it is that
Valerian is pretending to join the Piper Lords under false
pretenses. I think part of it is going to
have to be like what you and I decide to do.
Yeah. Are we going to join, join us
ourselves? Are we going to just try to like
Help from the shadows? I will say this, I think that it
is assumed at this point that you guys are a nascent gang, so.
It's assumed that we'd all be together.
You know what? I mean so right?
Yeah, that's true. So I think probably Pepper and I
will have to join the Piper Lords and pretend to be kind of
like under Valerian. I'd say you're missing detail of
your method of deception is that you are going to pin stealing
the Darisetum on the Piper Lords and you were going to pin
stealing the scroll memento on the Brightwater Collective.
Yeah, put these. Two OK, yeah, we're.
Trying. We're trying to put them at odds
without being seen as being in the middle of it.
Yes. All right, that's your missing
detail. So next we choose your loadouts.
A pepper? What is your loadout going to
be? So light means that if I get
caught people will be like you just have normal shit.
Yeah, you have normal shit that's like you.
Sneak better, right? Yeah.
You are faster, less conspicuous, you blend in.
OK. And then normal is what?
You look like a scoundrel and ready for trouble.
Which, like, to be fair, we should, because we're part of
this gang, yeah. But if you're trying to sneak in
to Bright water Collective, you. Shouldn't.
Or you could have 6 load a heavy load, you're slower and you look
like an operative on a mission. Or you can be encumbered and you
are overburdened. Can't do anything except move
very slowly. Seems like a good choice.
OK, judging from how things went last time and the fact that
we're not like out in the wilderness or something, I think
I'm going to choose a light load because I think the main thing I
need is my weapon, OK? Fair.
Friedrich. Let's see, last time I did a
light load and I honestly didn't feel like I had a big shortage
of objects that I needed. But at the same time maybe as a
Leech it plays more to your strengths to do a normal load
since you're the gadgets person I.
Don't know if I'm doing light you.
Could do normal, I'll do normal. Fuck it, I'm normal.
Normal the. Only time this can ever be said
about free trade. So light means that like I have
three things that I can choose to use over the course of this.
Normal means you have 5 things you can choose to use.
Heavy means you have 6. 6 And we don't choose what we're bringing
until we need it. Correct.
OK. Valerian, what's your load up
going to be? I'm also going to do a light
load. OK.
And now we will do our engagement role.
How's everybody feeling? You're feeling good, feeling
confident. Scared.
Not feeling confident at all. I'm feeling frightened, Valerian
sighted. Valerian's feeling confident.
OK, let me take out some D sixes here.
So. Peppers feeling uncomplicated
joy What's your. Feeling paranoia?
All right, so everybody's feeling normal, it sounds like,
Yeah. All right, our baselines.
So we start with 1D for sheer luck.
Let's see is the operation particularly bold or daring?
Take one DI would say it is. You guys are trying to turn 2
gangs that are pretty they. Already dislike each other.
But they do already dislike each other.
True, but they are both many tears above you, Yeah.
Yeah. This is pretty daring.
Does the plans detail expose the vulnerability of a target or hit
them where they're weakest? I wouldn't say so.
Are they strongest against this approach or do they have a
particular defenses or special preparations?
Do they have special preparations against US?
Against just Yeah, I. Mean probably in general they do
a normal amount. They are beefing with.
These two are beefing. But I would argue that they're
beefing against each other, but they're not expecting for us to
be fueling that. That's true.
I think I'm not going to add or
take away any D for that. That is neutral.
OK OK. Can any of your friends or
contacts provide aid or insight for this operation?
I wouldn't count him as a friend or contact, yet he is
technically. I mean our.
Enemies. What's her?
Name is considered a friend, but I don't know that she would
actually help. Us.
No, I wouldn't say you guys are friends with her yet.
Our enemies or rivals interfering in the operation
take one less deed. We don't technically have those.
Not yet. So I think you're OK.
I think you're OK. Any other elements you want to
consider? Maybe low tier target will give
you 1D, higher tier target will give you less.
The thing is these guys. Are.
Both higher tier than so I'm going to take away 1D.
So you guys are just, it's just going to be one straight D All
right, let's see how you roll. Hey.
Why we get? I roll the six.
What does that mean? That means you guys are going to
start in a controlled position when the next action starts.
You guys are not. No disadvantages, No
disadvantage? No.
Risk no. Complication.
No. Complications yet you're not
starting with any complications. So you guys are planning to pit
these two gangs against each other.
Tell me, where are you guys going to start this deception?
Are you going to start with stealing the daricetum or is
this going to be concurrent? Well, we need to.
Scope out my gut would be that we would want to not be
concurrent because if we. Would want to establish trust by
stealing the darracetum well. I think we would want to
establish a reason for the Brightwater Collective to.
Steal something from right? So you'll start with the
Brightwater Collective? OK, Yeah.
So you're going to head back to the Star Song Lounge the next
day to see if you can steal that daracetum.
And I want to throw in, I think we need to be like decked out in
such a way where we're all thiefed up.
And if we do get caught, we need to have like fucking Piper Lords
like logos and shit. Oh yeah, for sure.
So we have rat shit all over us. OK, so all right, so when you
guys come back to the Star Song Lounge, they are hosting a Dead
World party. So this is a great time for you
guys to be sneaking in. You guys got a six on your
engagement roll. There is a party going on when
you get there. You've heard about a couple of
these going on tonight. This is apparently a tradition
in the circus that whenever they land in a dead world like this,
they just have parties because nobody has anything to do.
When you arrive, the lounge is packed.
There are performers dancing and growing steadily more inebriated
as a singer performs on stage. She has a huge wispy Afro of
blue hair and sparkling silver scales that cover her neck and
shoulders, and when she opens her mouth to belt a long
sustained note you can see her teeth are very pointy and sharp.
Next to her is another scaled woman playing a lap harp which
is laid across her snake like lower body.
Rachu is behind the bar again. He's preparing lots of different
concoctions for the party guests.
There's a contortionist on one of the tables showing off a new
trick which involves bending her foot backwards to throw a dagger
behind her back. There's some actors who are
playing an improv game. There's a group of clowns
huddled in the back passing a pink bottle around and burping
rainbow colored bubbles. And there's a group of dour
looking academics that are sitting nearby taking notes on
that phenomenon. Overall, it is a raucous scene
and the noise in here is deafening.
You guys are outside on the canal looking at the barge,
which, once again, Star Song Lounge is located on a barge in
the Dark Lamp Canal. And just to remind you guys
something that you found out last time, there are guards
posted on top of the barge on the upper deck.
That's right. Yeah.
Because there are monsters in the canal.
So these guards are on the lookout.
They are armed. What do you guys want to do?
Well, I think Valerian has his face that he's going to be
wearing for the night. His face.
His face, because he's like a face man.
It just means that like every heist or everything, you have a
different character that you're playing, he swaggers in.
He is putting on the affect of someone who might be already a
little bit inebriated. And what's he wearing?
Well, he doesn't have very many clothes, so.
He has red linen cloak. And he is wearing his fine red
linen cloak and then like his ratcatcher's uniform underneath
that, and then maybe a little something else underneath the
ratcatcher's uniform. But he looks, he looks, he looks
like a man. I know what you're trying to say
a little, but. It.
Really sounds like you're saying he's.
Wearing sexy lingerie? He's OK.
Let me let me clarify, let me clarify.
He's got, he's got his Ratcatcher uniform on.
He's got a little something else underneath his Ratcatcher
uniform, and underneath that he's got a little something out.
You're wearing the panties over. Your Piper?
No, I'm turning the panties under the Piper Lord costume.
He's a lair to hell and he he has the look of someone who's a
little bit inebriated already and who just won something big
at a gambling den and immediately bought a fine cloak
and has nothing else to his name besides that.
Which is not an inaccurate description technically.
Right. But he looks impressionable.
He's swinging into people, he's yelling, he's having a good
time. OK, All right.
What are you going to do? I want to go over those clowns.
OK, so the clowns, as you go over to them, there are three of
them. One of them is about four feet
tall, and he's clothed mostly in a beard.
And then there is another one who is about 3 feet tall and he
has like curly purple mustache. And then the third clown is a
guy who's probably about 6 feet tall, and he looks like just the
platonic ideal of a clown. You know, he's got the painted
face, he's got the Red Nose, he's got the blue hair and the
he's got pronouns. He's got the striped shirt and
the, and the big red pants and the suspenders.
And this clown looks at you up and down and he says, hey, move
along. This is a.
This is a private group. What the hell?
I just came over to say hello and I like your stuff that
you're drinking or smoking or what is that?
And the the littlest of the clowns, he says.
And this is something that are all friends gave us and it's got
bubblers and the. What?
It's got bubble. You don't.
Understand that I understood it perfectly.
And Bubba says, Jerry, don't talk to this guy.
And Valerian walks away, and he's muttering that name under
his breath. He's walking around the.
Crowd All right, What is your approach here?
How are you getting into the party?
What are you doing? Or are you getting into?
Are you getting? Into, Yeah.
You're still outside. Yeah, you don't have to be in
here. That's right, there is a
porthole window you know that leads into the backroom.
Yeah, but it's too small for me to fit through.
I mean, I can go through and let you in maybe.
Yeah, we got the twink. I mean, I'm going to squirm into
the room. Yeah, we got the squirm twink.
Don't call me that. I think I'm not going to go in
the party right away, at least I am dressed like semi for a party
but like not too flashy, not too noticeable.
Are there people like on the outside of the barge partying at
all? Yes.
So all the guards who are up there, they're not partying, but
they are talking to someone in the water who seems to be
partying. I want to well, this, this, this
isn't what I was going to do. I want to know, I want to know
what's going on there. I I'm also going to, I guess,
pretend to be drunk and I wander up to them and I say, who are
you guys talking to? Get me another drink.
You look down at where the guards have all been looking and
there is a mermaid in the water. She is big, bald and beautiful.
She's got like a flat face, a very wide mouth and a ton of
teeth. Divine.
And she had an unworked bottle in one hand and she's like
pouring it out and it's like there's nothing coming out.
She's and she. Goes Is it like a wine bottle or
like a beer bottle? It is a green bottle of
Unidentified Origins. She is swimming on her back and
going yoohoo, yoohoo give me another drink.
And the guard looks at you Pepper and he said, don't worry
about her that's just Josie. She's she can't go in so.
Wow, Josie. Hey.
Girl. Hi girl.
Girl, girl, girl, give me a drink.
OK. Do you want me to come down in
the water with you? Yeah, come in the water, party
with me. Sounds amazing, Pepper's going
to go get her a drink. OK, Yeah.
Pepper's been fully derailed. She's not part of the planet
derailed. Jack, Pepper and Pepper
pretended to be drunk and then immediately got drunk off of
this duck drunk ass mermaid. Yeah, you know, makes sense.
Love Drunk? OK, well, just jump over to
Friedrich here. Friedrich.
OK, yeah, so I am going to stealthily be, you know, heading
towards the porthole. I'm sticking to the shadows and
I'm prowling around. I think it's prowling, you might
say. I think sounds like you're going
to make an action role my friend.
More than Prowl. You, I think we've already
established you are prowling. I think Pepper's already kind of
like, my intention being out there was to kind of play it by
ear, but either distract or protect Friedrich.
Yeah. So I think since it doesn't seem
like Friedrich needs protection right this minute, she would be
trying to, like, distract the guards, assuming that he's
sneaking in. So as she's, you know,
interacting with this mermaid, asking questions of the guards,
she's doing it with the intent. Of.
Helping. Of help.
All right. And so she will take Wen's
trace. All right, take a second dice
and take the highest of the two. OK.
That thing you got that second, that's a one and a six.
Scary. So you take one stress,
Friedrich gets a six. All right, Friedrich, you are
prowling with such stealth, you are a shadow while all these
guards are distracted by Pepper and the.
Mermaid, my favorite band. Pepper and the Mermaid.
So yeah, I'm heading towards,
you know, the porthole that we scouted out earlier, you know,
towards where the Darussetum is being stored.
OK, you take a look at this window you are peeking in.
What are you going to do next? Are you going to just try and
open the window? Well, yeah, before I do that, I
do want to kind of try and see if there are any guards around.
So I'm going to go ahead and do a survey role just to see like
if I can hear anyone in that room.
Yeah, you are in a controlled position.
Standard effect for a survey here.
Oh. You, Friedrich, you are peering
in there and it is, you know, it's a barge.
Yeah, it's a barge in a dirty canal.
And there is gunk all over this window.
It is very cloudy and you cannot see anything.
And over the noise of the party, you can't hear anything.
OK, so I think then what I want to do, because I, I do need to
in theory get in through that window, maybe what I'll do is I
will, you know, in my bandolier I have standstill poison.
So maybe what I want to do is just kind of prepare that in
case when I'm getting into the window I need to like throw it
in anyone's face or. Anything for sure, OK.
So I'll do that, yeah. So I've I've got my like prepped
little satchel full of standstill poison powder and I
look around to make sure the coast is clear at least on the
outside, and I want to try and get in through the window all
right, which must be locked, right?
Yeah, Friedrich, you shove hard on this window with your tiny
little elbow, with your tiny little elbow, and it does not
budget. It is firmly locked from the
inside. OK, OK, that's not even going to
be a problem for me, I bet. OK, not even going to be a
problem for you, I bet. Yeah, I bet it's.
Not I bet it's not even going to be an issue.
I bet it's going to be not a problem so.
I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to use an item slot
for burglary gear and I want to then use my skill of Tinker to
try and get this window open. And what I'm thinking is maybe
if you'll allow it, maybe my burglary gear, I have like some
acid that I could use to like dissolve the lock.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. OK, Make an action roll.
Oh boy. Tank that dink. 3.
No, Frederick, Oh, no, Frederick, you are.
You are tinkering with this lock.
You are using your little acid, I think.
Like since this is a tinker rule, maybe you're like mixing
up a little potion here, a little acid on the fly to get.
It is. It's chemistry.
Yeah, you're doing a little chemistry and you pour your
little mixture onto the window and you're waiting for it.
You're waiting for it and you realize you just absolutely
fucking missed the lock. You like have burned a hole
through the window, but the lock is still in place and you hear
an alarm begin to go off. Time to leave.
And this, this alarm is loud and Valerian Pepper, you can both
hear it. And Radu behind the bar, he
looks up and he looks around and he motions to somebody out in
the crowd and they run up to the top and one of the armed guards
leaves Pepper. You see them head off and they
start heading towards the backroom.
Oh, and I want to quick say something.
So I'm going to fill out a little segment of my vape clock.
I want to point out I didn't fill out vape clock segments
during downtime. And the reason for that?
During downtime, I could always like, go and just, like, scream
it out, yeah. You can so.
Disengage and I don't want to like do that every time we have
downtime because that's repetitive and boring.
But I will fill out vape clock segments during the heist.
That sounds perfect. I love this vape clock mechanic
that you just come up. With thank you so much that's so
good. I'm a vape genius.
So Radu sent his little guy to go check on the room,
ostensibly. So there's an armed guard making
his way through to go check on the backroom.
OK. I think as this alarm is going
off, Radu is like, and another round for everybody on the
House. Oh, it's like trying to kind of
keep the party going so people don't worry about this alarm
going off. OK, so I want to have a really
crazy flashback. OK.
All right. Because this is all according to
plan all. According to Kekaku.
All according to Kekaku. Kekaku means plan.
Friedrich was always supposed to set off the alarm, yes.
Yeah. It was all supposed to happen
like this. I as we were concocting our
plan, I went up and met up with our bartender friend Radu.
And I brought Friedrich with me to distract him with his Wiles.
And I sat down at the bar and I said, Radu, you're about to be
robbed by the Piper Lords. Hello hello hello beautiful
listeners. Hope you are enjoying this crazy
episode. I am here to do a few things,
the first of which is say hi and look into your eyes and thank
you for listening to our podcast.
Thank you so much for listening to Never know where we love you
so much. And 2nd, I would love to thank
our new patrons. I got a couple new patrons to
thank. That goes out to Sage and Sesame
oil and also oh very good name, Queen of the Little Wormies.
Thank you guys so much. Your support means everything to
us and it is truly, truly what keeps us going.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I also want to shout out a
comment we got on Spotify. This one was from Clara and it
said how can a man with no rizz attract so much top, which I'm
assuming has to be referencing our beautiful Friedrich.
And I don't have an answer for you.
I just wanted to read the comment aloud on the podcast so
everyone could would do that together.
We also have a store message today from our store over at
legend lark dot store where you can purchase your own message
personal or for a business. Again, that's legend lark dot
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Ashley. Ashley says on May 5th, 2023,
Cat Cat, our beloved daughter Terror in Dingleberry Queen
succumbed to cancer after heroic 2 year battle.
Buried under the weight of grief, her human servant sought
a way to honor her memory in life.
Cat Cat was a beautiful fluffy terror.
Grown men and women trembled in the face of her wrath that's
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dignity. Cat Cat was larger than life, so
her human servant created a Dungeons and Dragons campaign
where a Cat Cat could eternally reign supreme as an Aldrich
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the perfect pun. The eternal legend of Cat Cat.
A4 part Unofficial Dungeons and Dragons campaign available on
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Again, that's the eternal legend of Cat Cat.
It's on Kickstarter, make sure to go check it out.
Cat Cat sounds amazing. Thank you Ashley for your
message. We also want to prompt you if
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And last of all, we have a message to Chantel Gentile.
The code word is half shark alligator, half bitch.
The sleeper agent is active Go. So let's get back to this
flashback. Pepper.
You told Radu that he was going to get robbed by the Piper
Lords. Or.
Rather by the three of you working for the Piper Lords.
And in response Radu says Oh well, this is interesting
information. Tell me more.
Well, we have a proposal for you.
OK, a proposal to be robbed by the Piper Lords.
Yeah, well, no. Well, yes, I.
Didn't mean sort of I I mean, well, the, the, the plan is and
I look at Pepper. The plan is like this.
Basically, they hired us to steal your drugs from that room
over there and we want to bring you in.
I see. Well in the long term we we have
a plan to take down the Piper Lords who we understand are are
your rivals and have been giving you trouble.
And so you're going to do that by stealing from.
Well, yes and no. Now I guess that kind of depends
on you. So there's, there's, there's a
few things we could do, right? Like it depends on what you
want. So if you want a reason to go
after the Piper Lords, we can really take it.
Or if you want a reason to poison the Piper Lords, we could
take something else. I'm going to have you roll
something for this. I think it's going to be Sway or
Consort. I think consort is what Pepper
has. I mean consort because you guys
are currently on friendly terms with this guy.
I I can see you consorting. Yeah.
What's your consort level? I have one.
I only have to burn one stress to help you, right?
Yeah, yeah. Although I don't want to use.
I have so little stress left. Yeah, you're all kind of coming
into this with a lot of stress already, so.
Actually, Cat, could you offer me a devil's bargain?
A devil's bargain for this. OK, so 1st I'm going to set a
position here. This is, I'd say it's standard
effect because you're offering him something he wants.
I think this is going to be risky.
So we can either trade position here and make this controlled
instead of risky so you have a second shot at it if you want,
or I can give you another D and in exchange you are establishing
A reputation for yourselves as double dealers.
That's. Fair that you are establishing
yourself as someone who is not trustworthy.
Yeah, like basically this is the last time we can do something
like this. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Because.
Nobody's ever going to trust us to do it ever again.
Yep, right, exactly that makes sense.
I feel like. I think it's worth it.
I mean, that's what we. Are I think it's worth it?
And then I have to decide if I want to either have another shot
to do something else or get another DI.
Think mathematically I should try to get another shot.
I got a six. All right.
Awesome. OK.
Yeah, so Radu. He strokes his pink beard and he
says, Interesting. Not very honorable, but.
But you'll have all the information you want on the
Piper Lords, what they're doing, when they're doing it, before
they're doing it. I don't like those guys and I
will say Bal has quite next to grind against that rat fucker.
Bal is the leader of the collective.
Fucks rats. Yes, Bal is brilliant.
He is off in Kendall Hall I think, doing a lecture right
now. Or yes, he's our leader.
And no, I don't think he fucks the rats, but I do think the
rats fuck each other. Dreadful.
God, I wish I was here. That makes a lot of sense.
Otherwise I don't understand where the rats are coming from.
It doesn't bear thinking about. But I'm still thinking about it.
Yes, you'll think about it forever.
Now that I've said it, it's. Like a whole ecosystem in there.
Yes. Anyways, you have a deal.
I hold out my hand to shake. He.
Shakes it. He has a firm, soft, warm
handshake. I pull Friedrich's hand into the
handshake. Wow.
All right. I look uncomfortable.
Deal, deal. All right, so you have made your
flashback and take too stress for that, that is?
A work worth stress and a bad reputation?
Well. I don't give a damn about a bad
reputation. We're going to die of stress for
sure. I'm getting a trauma on this
one. Definitely.
How much stress do you? Have I still have 4:00 left?
Yeah, OK, Me too. All right, flash forward.
Back in the present. The alarm is going off.
Radu has signaled a guard. Friedrich, you are outside, but
you know this is all part of the plan.
Yes. Valerian, I want to go over to
you. What are you doing?
The alarm is going off. Where are you in this plan?
And so Raju's still behind the counter.
He's still behind the counter. Yeah, and the guards.
The guard is making his way through.
Is making his way through OK 'cause I think for me, I would
want this to look as realistic as possible, like there really
was a robbery, right? And I am the guy who they talked
to, so it should look like I am the one doing most of the
robbing, right? So I think one of the things
that I can bring is a Lantern and I am in a bar.
Yeah. I might literally start a fire.
Can't start a fire without a spark.
It's. True, this gun's for hire.
You know what? Nancy Amadar.
So Valerian wanders over to where they're playing music,
They're playing a soulful ballad, and I walk over there
and I'm swaying. People around me are not sure if
I'm swaying because I'm drunk or because I'm so into the soulful
ballad. And I'm humming along.
I don't know the tune. I'm off key.
And I pull out of my cloak my little pocket Lantern that I
carry around, and I hold it above my head and I, swinging
back and forth, light up the crowd.
And I look around me to like the four or five other people
listening, and I say, take out your candles.
Candles in the wind. Yes.
Oh, I'm deeply moved by this lyrical masterpiece.
And then the alarm goes off. And then I start and I'm like,
oh, my God, what this date? And I grab my Lantern on the
ground. You need to roll something.
This is a whole ass that's performing.
What are you going to roll? OK, let.
Me take a. Look, Sway.
Because I'm fucking swaying. It could actually be wrecked
too. I have two.
Total in Sway. OK position for this.
This is going to be controlled and standard.
What? Well.
That's a three and A2 cat. Oh no, Nope.
Everybody looks at you and in fact somebody like sees the
Lantern fall and they just immediately dump their like
drink on it and it goes out their drink.
Alcohol no. Valeria looks down and the alarm
starts to go off. But this was controlled so you
can. I can try it you.
Can try again, but now it is going to be risky.
Risky. OK.
Yeah, it's going to be risky. Now cat, did anybody else take
out their small Lander? No, everybody is.
Not vibing. They are not vibing with you,
Valerian. Everybody in fact, has sort of
recoiled from you like they are turning away from you.
It's it's that meme of like it's the party and all the girls are
giving you like this dirty look. And turn their faces away at the
sight of me. Fish fear me.
OK, the The thing is, is I want to lean into it, but I don't
want to get kicked out. I want everybody else to like
go. Crazy, maybe you could make the
vibe so bad everyone wants to leave.
OK, Oh, I mean, I could do something because Pepper has to
run in still. She's she's been coming in this
whole time. Running in slow motion.
OK, in slow motion, what do you, what do you do then?
Pepper Cat would I know? Like what is the general
attitude towards the monsters in the canal?
Are people real scared of them? Oh yeah, the monsters regularly
eat. People OK, cool, perfect.
Great. All right, well, Pepper runs in
and she can really project her voice.
She's she's a singer. She's got some pipes.
I assume she comes in and she sees that nothing's on fire.
Yeah, it's not. It's not going according to
plan. I mean, I'm going to be honest,
I think Pepper comes in, doesn't notice, but she's doing this
anyways through no intention, sure, no thought in her head.
She runs up to the bar and she says I need a full bottle of
wine for my sea monster friend outside please.
All right, what are you gonna roll for this?
Fucking I think this might be. Sway.
I think this is Sway I. Like you, Sway.
Can I assist by freaking out about the sea monster?
Sure. Yeah.
OK, OK, take one. Stress.
Take a stress. Take a stress you can take an
extra. How much stress do you have?
I have the same amount as you I hope.
Everybody is. Already so stressed.
Stressed. Out.
Therapy. It's rough for us right now, but
that's OK. And we're if we get trauma, then
that's then that's kind of happens.
That's. Exciting.
That's exciting. Yeah, so Valerian immediately
hears that, and then he falls to the ground and he says monster,
monster outside. And Pepper's looking over at you
like I had no idea Valerian was so scared of monsters and Oh my
God I got another 6 did. You roll it, roll your second
one, see if you get a second six.
What the fuck? What's happening over here?
Oh. My God, Pepper.
Is that's by the yes baby. Yeah, I think critical success.
Everybody hears you yell Sea monster.
And they're scared of Valerian. And Valerian is freaking out.
Yeah, the singer looks annoyed. And she's like, that's just, but
nobody's listening to her. Yeah, nobody's listening to her.
That that's just Josie outside and everybody is freaking out
about the monster and this is. Like SpongeBob.
Yeah, Valerian yells, going up to the doors and windows.
They're coming in. And I think with that critical
success, Radu like looks at you and yeah, you guys, she knows
he. Knows this party, gives me the
wine for my friend. And her doesn't even know we're
doing. It she's forgotten a lot.
You guys she has. Memory problem.
Pepper. And he goes lobsters in the
canal guards and he like waves off the guard who is coming to
the room to go investigate the backroom.
Nice. This is extra funny too, because
from Valerian's point of view, he's like, wow, Pepper is really
on top of it today You. Know.
And so everybody else, remain calm.
We have this under control. Valerian's wailing his way
towards the backroom. Right, right.
And then he had an under Tony like says to you, Pepper, is
that are you just talking about Josie outside?
Yeah, Josie. OK, give.
Me the wine. And as everybody else is
panicking, he pants you a bottle of wine.
Thank you. And she gives a little wink and
she runs back outside. Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm basically
like on my hands and knees. Okay, crawling behind the.
Balling behind the bar. And Radu is in on it, as we've
established. Anytime somebody comes near me
or is like what are you doing? I like fall to the side.
I pretend to be like shaking and uncontrollably in fear.
Nobody is even looking at you took everybody.
Everybody used to do that. You are not the hottest bitch at
the grocery store or your death will be mad with a tidal wave of
the. Difference.
That's the coolest thing you could say to Valerian.
So, Valerian, you are crawling around on the ground like a
worm. Yeah, and you are trying to get
into the backroom? Yeah, I get to the door and I
kind of like look to the side, and I assume Roddy's still
behind the bar. Yeah, Roddy's behind the bar.
He is pretending not to notice you.
OK, cool. And I just like very, very I, I
just. Kind of push my way in, yeah,
except for that the door is locked.
Locked. Oh, OK.
Then I talk on his pants. Literally.
I crawl back. I crawl over to Rodu and I start
patting him down for kids behind the.
Bar. And I don't move.
Don't act like anything's happening.
I think. You act like you know what's
going on. This would be for nothing.
I think you are still going to have to make an action role here
Valerian, to remain unnoticed by other people as you do this
insane thing. I'm not, I'm not getting up.
I'm crouched. But I think.
So like imagine a man kneeling in front of another.
Roll badly, someone's going to look over the bar.
So you sucking? His Dick.
OK, and that's what I'm going to default to pretending I was
doing if anybody. You're going to lay down I.
Always do this in panic scenarios.
No, this is controlled. OK, good.
Because I have a risky position that I can take if needed, Yeah.
This is this is controlled because the audio is on your
side. It's a real risky.
Radu is on your side and is controlled, but Radu does not
want to seem like he is in on it.
No, no. So.
I think this is going to be controlled standard, Controlled
standard. OK, this is controlled and.
This is going to be God. What would you say, Prowl?
Let's do a prowl. You're sneaking, you're
sneaking. You're.
Sneaking. You're sneaking into his
pockets. You're sneaking.
I mean, this is really sneaking behind the bar.
It's. His fault for not leaving the
door unlocked. It's a 2.
That's OK. That is not somebody like looks
over the bar and he goes what are you doing?
OK, I then I stop patting him down and I start clinging to his
leg in fear and I say, oh Lord of this establishment, please,
you'll have to keep us safe from the monster out there.
I don't like monster. I'm so afraid.
Oh monster in bed for me and myself.
So that person who saw you over the bar, the reason they saw you
over the bar is what do you you look up at this person is
because they are 12 inches tall and they are standing on top.
Of the bar on top of the little. Tiny person.
And they have like, this dandelion fluff hair and their
lower jaw is painted in like, bright brass paint.
And they have like a swirly sippy straw stuck into a bottle.
They were the hottest bitch at the grocery.
They. Were literally the hottest bitch
in the. Grocery store and they look down
at you and go yeah, this guy's kind of a fucking coward.
A little wilting flower. There's no.
Need for these harsh words. There's nothing wrong with
having self preservation from scary monsters.
Why don't you roll again? It is risky because now this guy
that's a little 12 inch tall asshole is looking at you.
Now Cat, would you allow me to do a sway for this one because
I'm trying to convince this little man of my.
Yeah, it's going to. Be like acting this time.
Yeah, this is a sway. This is a risky, risky sway.
That's good though 'cause that means I get to roll two guys.
So scared I got 2 threes. Okay.
So. Yeah, that's a failure, my
friend. You.
I could create an explosion if
that would help. I think anything would help at
this point. So this little. 12 inch tall Oh
guy. We got to kill this guy.
I. Literally that was my next
thought is I was like, I got to kill this guy.
I'm going to kill this guy. He is like this guy's bothering
you, I'm going to take care of him.
And he rolls up his sleeve and you see this 12 inch tall bugger
is jacked. Oh shit. 12 inches tall, but
with forearms proportionally the size of tree trunks like.
They're going to beat your ass. They are beat your ass.
They are about to engage in violence against skirmish.
They are going to jump down. On a bar fight.
And they are going to just fucking like, like a wrestler
jumping off the top rope, just drive their tiny elbow into your
solar plexus. Does that do actual damage to
me? That is going to do harm to you,
my friend. That is going to be all going to
go easy on you. This is a level 1 harm and it is
going to be wind knocked out of you.
You are absolutely nailed by this little guy.
And just so I can give a name to him, Rod, who says Overlock.
You don't need to do that. Oh, you're much heavier than you
look. You bet me a little bitch I'm
the best fighter in the brass jaws, and I'm not going to let
you forget it. I'm so sad Frederick is in here
for this. And he is going to, like, raise
his little fists over his head to bring them down on you.
I think, Valerian, I think that we're going to have to roll
here. He wants to continue to fight
you. So I would say let's roll
Skirmish, unless there's some other way you want to do another
action. Valerian's going to start openly
crying. Yeah, he starts openly crying.
Like genuine waterworks tears coming out.
OK, So what action are you? Using I'm going to use sway.
Basically I would. I just want to look so sad and
pathetic that there's like, for him to beat me up, somebody else
would have to step in because it's so ridiculous that he would
try to fight this sad cat man who's crying on the ground
already rolling in agony from being kicked in the solar plexus
by a tree drunk. I'll put in the solar light now,
a tiny. Tiny a small tree drop a jacked
little guy. Jacked little.
Guy that's that's his. Name once again is overlock.
Whose name is Overlock? Yes.
This is desperate standard. So that's two twos.
Oh my God, I'm so worried. I I'm.
Going to I need help. I need.
Help. Yeah, as a consequence of that
failing here, he strikes you in the throat and you are going to
take. Another harm?
Take another level of harm and you are going to now be a
disadvantage when you speak. That sucks, that's my whole
thing. Yeah, you are.
Yeah. Throat clopped.
All right, so I'm just on the ground.
I really I stopped moving. God, I wish Friedrich was here
to see this. When knocked out of you, Yeah,
Throat struck. I'm doing that.
I'm I'm doing, I'm doing Opossum.
I'm pretending to be dead. I hope everybody thinks this
person killed me. I'm gonna let's go check in on
Friedrich, who has been dating. Yeah.
So I think we probably would have had a kind of a time limit
of like, you know, if this amount of time passes, something
has gone wrong. And Friedrich, like, knows that
something has gone wrong. He seals it in his blood.
So I think what I'd like to do is I would like to kind of
stealthily creep around so that I can see into the main area of
the bar. Okay, it sounds like you're
going to be prowling. Okay, I'm prowling.
That is going to be risky standard.
OK. So that's a four.
OK, that is a success, but with a consequence.
Higher than I've ever rolled in my life.
Sorry brother. So you got a four success with a
consequence. So you prowl successfully.
The consequence here is that one of these guards, his head snaps
to the side like something like shifts.
You like, kick a an empty bottle off the side into the water and
Josephine down at the bottom goes, oh, booze.
No, not booze, it's empty booze, booze.
Somebody up there threw a bottle and it was empty.
And so now all of these guards are alert and all further
prowling is going to be harder. And I think Pepper has also
remembered what's going on now because of that.
And so she's going to really quick drop the booth down to
Josie and be like, we'll talk later.
And then she runs off and see what's going on because, like,
something's wrong, yeah. Yeah, yeah, something is wrong
and. Then something is wrong.
Easily spotted because the panic of the sea monster has now worn
off as everybody is focused on this bar fight that is
happening. It's really.
Bold, sad bar fight. Static cat boy, I think Valeria
you are being dragged out from behind the bar by Overlock and
they are like fixing like beat you up more.
I'm literally playing dead. I'm not moving, I'm not making
any noise. I'm limp.
You know, I think that pepper would be like, this is a lost
cause. We need to get in from the
outside. Friedrich, are you like also
looking in? Yeah, but I did have a thought.
I was. Thinking.
I was thinking I was going to throw in a smoke bomb to create,
you know, cover. Pepper looks between you guys
and she said you so you didn't get in the window.
Something went wrong. And I guess Valerian didn't open
the door. OK, come with me and she grabs
you. Yeah, OK.
I I'll come with you. So no smoke bomb for Valerian?
No Valerian, you are now. He's at the mercy of the crowd.
You're just there to be seen. No, Yeah.
Piper Lord right now. No, that's so true.
That's so true. In fact, I think as I'm being
dragged, I maneuver a little bit so that my cloak comes off and
you can see my Piper Lord underneath.
And let's just make things a little more interesting here.
I think things are interesting I.
Know they are interesting, they are interesting.
So Valerian, as you are down on the ground you hear someone
shout hey get off of him and you turn your head to see MO MO.
MO No. I forgot about.
MO Valerian says. And MO is your Piper Lord ally
who thinks this is all real. And I mean.
It's at this point it's. Israel.
And he is going to rush in. We will deal with that in a
moment here. Pepper Friedrich, what are you
doing? OK, so I think I want to do a
similar thing to what we did back in Apatrea.
I'm going to pull out my spirit lure, which in my case is a
intricately carved whistle that I wear around my neck.
And instead of going through this fucking window or the
fucking door, Pepper is going to try and summon some ghosts to
faze us through the wall. OK, this is going to be risky
and it is going to be standard. OK, so she grabs onto Friedrich,
she keeps him really close, and she brings the whistle to her
lips and she tries to summon as many spirits as she can.
OK, which I don't have one in a tune but.
I can roll to help you. Or I mean I can suspend one
stress. What are you going to do to help
me? I could either try and like hum
along with you, or like the interesting thing about
Quicksilver you should. Try to hum along with me.
OK, so I start whistling and then you start humming and.
I imagine Friedrich is not very comfortable with that.
No, he looks really uncomfortable and panicked and
he sees you starting to try and do.
This and I'm kind of struggling. And he remembers earlier when we
were in the dead world and how we were able to assist you.
So he starts trying to kind of hum a tune along with you and
it's very like stilted and awkward.
And he's doing his best. Pepper gets like huge anime
eyes, like fill with tears, and then we're going to see if it
actually works, OK? God willing, God.
You're not going to believe. This two sixes.
I think I think that Noel has Hey Noel of Junipers.
I think I'm literally getting it off of you.
You got to stick with. That's crazy.
Dude that is crazy. Hell yeah, boy.
Now all right, well, I guess it goes awesome.
It goes awesome, Pepper. You feel the cold hands of
ghosts reach out and just gently embrace you and pull you through
to the other side of the wall. And Friedrich, I feel.
Friedrich you feel those hands sort of like touch you a little
more tentatively. Like they're like, I don't know
about this guy, but OK, I guess. And then they pull you through
as well. And I try not to think about it.
So you are in the backroom of the Star Song Lounge and back
here there's like, I mean, there's lots of like supplies
and stuff. There's crates and boxes.
And then there is one long table with a bunch of alchemical
equipment on it. And you see a vial with a like
bunch of crushed up plant matter in it that is labeled the
Daracetum. And next to it there is a
beautiful like a mortar and pestle sort of bowl.
And this is clearly something that came from Afetrea and there
is a sheet of notes on the table next to all of this which you
can read if you would like. Sounds good.
Environmental storytelling. I'd love to read it, yeah.
Let's read it. Yeah, you read it and these are
Bao's notes on the effects of Daracita.
And he notes that this bowl, it was taken from the ship and it
was explained to them that this is the ceremonial bowl that is
used by the priests to prepare the daricetum to create the most
potent hallucinogenic effects with it.
So this is a memento. Yes, it is.
So we could steal the memento and get a memento.
Yeah. But we would obviously then be
violating our contract with the Brightwater Collective.
Yeah, but it would but. But we already have the
reputation of being a double double timing evil.
Yeah, but the Piper Lawrence suck.
Yeah. I mean, it seems so nice.
I mean, Pepper cares about that. Maybe it's good that Valerian
got beat up because he would just.
Yeah, no. Friedrich also does not really
want to be in line with the Piper Lords.
They're horrifying and would much rather ally with the
Brightwater Collective, so he wouldn't want to steal it.
But do the Piper Lords expect us to bring that bowl?
They did not say anything about that bowl.
They just want the Daracetum. Well hell yeah.
And they just want a sample of it too.
You don't need to bring them a ton.
So this vial would absolutely fulfill your contract.
Pepper looks down at the bowl and she says, man, they really
shouldn't just leave that thing around for scallywags who they
made deals with to steal. Well, it's a good thing that we
are people of morals, right Pepper?
Yeah, it is, Pepper. Like looks at you like you just
were like we're best friends and I'm your dad.
OK, so you guys grab the Daricetum and now all you have
to do is get out of here. Right, all we got to do.
OK, so now that we're in here, we can unlock the window, right?
Yeah, but Pepper can't get through the window.
Nope. But we got in through the wall
wall. Oh, when we don't, Well, we
could just leave through the wall too, if we want.
If. We can have to roll again.
Yeah, let's try. Let's try.
Because there's nothing wrong with trying.
That would be controlled, right? I am going to say it is risky
only because you are dealing with these ghosts, and I think
just dealing with the ghosts inherently is risky.
OK, OK, OK. Yeah.
I mean, I think like, let's just try.
Give it a shot, you've had such good luck tonight.
Honestly might as well push. I mean, I know, but like that
means that your luck is about to run out that.
Could be. That's true.
I'm just going to use my A tune, I'm going to whistle again and
try to phase us back out. I got a one.
So the consequence of this is you whistle again and a ghostly
pepper. You can see them pretty clearly
Friedrich. You kind of just see a vague
outlining wisp. But this ghost looks so annoyed
with you and rolls their eyes and just sort of like shakes
their head and throws their hands up and then walks away
from you without taking you through the.
Wall. The consequence here is that you
have pissed off the ghosts in this area by asking for their
help too much, and they're not going to help you.
OK, so like what in like the dark lamp canal?
Yeah, at least for right now, the ghosts and Dark Lamp Canal
are like, we helped you once and you're like.
You just want help right away again.
We're not a taxi service. Yeah, we're not a taxi service.
God damn it, OK, I'm going to have to heal my relationship
with the ghosts. In Dark Lamp, yeah.
All right. I say to Pepper.
You've done well, Pepper. I'll take care of this.
Wow, thanks. You've done well too.
Yes, I know. I fumble in my coat and I pull
out a smoke bomb and I approach the door and I peek out to kind
of survey the scene. What do I see Cat?
All right, So what you see is MO has reached Valerian and he sees
this as like oh shit, everything is just going wrong.
So what he's doing is he's going to be trying to reach down at
you Valerian to try and remove your Piper Lords Insignia so
that like you don't get fingered as a Piper Lord.
I. He's trying to help Valerian,
who is playing dead, playing Bassam and is actually quite.
I'm quite injured, but I'm also very much not dead and I am
capable of flailing. When he does that, I'll pretend
to come back to life. I'll gasp back to life and I
start just kicking in every direction.
Just kicking. Yeah, OK, so I go ahead and I
look in disgust at Valerian driving on the ground.
He gives you a thumbs up. And I they throw the smoke bomb
out into the room to try and give us some cover so we can
escape. OK.
What sort of action role do you think this?
Is. Well, I have two in Tinker, so
that's pretty good. All right, roll.
OK, highest is A5. OK, you succeed with a
complication. So the smoke bomb goes off and
everybody is is suddenly engulfed in this smoke.
Everyone is coughing Overlock is is pulled off by Moe in the
confusion. Like Moe is able to get overlock
off. And the complication, I think,
is that you're in your Piper Lords outfit.
I'm serving. Con.
You're serving con. I think the complication is that
MO sees you and he is going to try and like cover up your Piper
lordsiness. Oh my God.
And be yelling Oh, it's a dirty trick by the blast jaws, this
dastardly brass. Jaws can be you, fool.
I'm trying, I'm trying to help you.
This is the opposite of what is helping.
We can't let them know that it was it was.
Just shut up. Pepper goes and like grabs
Valerian and she's like Oh my God, are you OK?
Come on, let's go. I'm.
Doing great. Thank you.
And that's right. Friedrich is standing smugly
above you and he looks down at you and says you're welcome.
Why did you do something? Let's go.
And she motions for you to grab MO.
So I think the only thing left to do is get the hell out of
here, yeah. Hell yeah, let's get back to our
horse apartment. Yeah, I don't.
I don't think I'm not. I'm not going to make you guys
roll to get out because there is so much confusion.
There's so much snow. There's so much.
You're welcome, Borders. Yeah, as you guys are limping
out of there, MO says. Why didn't you tell me that you
guys were going to be here? I just found out that you were
here and I ran all the way to help you.
We're protecting you. MO.
We just didn't want you to get hurt, MO.
You're so cute. You're precious to us.
I wouldn't go that far. You're like one of our best
friends. Is hot for you.
What? He always is saying that stuff
about people he's hot for. They're very fluttered, but I
didn't I? Didn't go there for the reason.
It was fucking. Well, you'll still tell Yovis
that I helped, right? I didn't.
Care. Yes, of course you did help.
It was literally help. Yes, great job.
MO Wow. I think we all did equally well.
Good job you guys. Don't make me laugh.
Or you have magic dice. Or I have.
Magic weighted dice. Like, I don't fucking know dude,
this is quite crazy. You should let Juniper use
those. Honestly, I was just going to
say that they're. Going to get cursed at Juniper
uses. Yeah, which is why you should
let me fucking use them. Even the playing field.