Welcome to Never Nowhere, a fantasy comedy narrative
presented by the Legend Lark Podcast by way of the tabletop
game Blades in the Dark. We come to this new podcast to
tell stories. To be inspired.
To listen to. Voice.
Here, stories are power. And power is.
Dice, and dice is the essence of water.
And what is the ocean but a multitude?
Of Dice of Dice, this podcast that you're about to listen to.
Holds special meaning for the future of humanity.
We will save the world with our voices and our personalities.
You will leave. This podcast changed and
unrecognizable to your peers and family.
You will be an outcast with immense strength.
The power that you are about to gain, it will change the world.
But at a terrible cost. When you look in the mirror, you
will no longer see the man, woman or person or rodent or
dice you once were. Thank you for coming to a
theatre of the mind the way podcasts were meant to be
listened to. Because here, magic is audio,
and audio is all that matters. And podcasts are dice, and here
they are. The Flyers for the circus start
appearing before it arrives, though no one sees who posts
them. They're simply there one day,
pasted onto buildings and light posts tacked up on community
Billiton boards. The Flyers say very little.
They're printed on soft, thick paper with colorful words in a
looping font declaring that the circus is coming.
It lists no day, no time, no location.
It doesn't need to. When the colorful striped peak
appears on the edge of town a few days later, the news travels
fast. There's only the one tent, an
enormous, colorfully striped thing that is held in place by
heavy wooden stakes and thick, cream colored ropes.
The stripes are all of different hues, A chaotic eyesore that
towers up in what was once an empty lot or a field and is now
a beacon of mystery. But no one sees it being set up.
No one sees the circus train pull into the station.
No one sees the cargo unloaded. No one sees the stakes pounded
into the ground. No one sees the ropes uncoil.
No one sees the fabric soar high into the air, hoisted by the
tent pole in the center. No one sees it, but it happens
anyway. In front of the circus tent,
there's a puppet theater blocking the way in.
Inside, carved wooden puppets dance to a hurdy gurdy tune
playing out in miniature. What will happen later that
night? Acrobats tumble on their
strings, Amanda's tricks with tigers and lions.
A clown with a painted face juggles first 3, then five, then
a dozen marbles, and in the center, the ringmaster dances.
There's a sign hung on the front of the puppet theater which
reads The Miracles Begin at Dusk.
Eager and rude patrons attempt to catch a glimpse of the
tireless puppeteer who keeps the little wooden dolls moving all
day long. However, there's no one behind
the curtain. Mechanical, someone says.
It must be a very sophisticated bit of machinery Miracle,
another person says as they watch the clown juggle the tiny
glass spheres. It could only be a miracle.
As the sun prepares to set, the puppets exit their stage 1 by 1,
each putting a little show on of hurrying off to prepare for
their performance. The acrobats fly up and out of
the frame. The lion tamer is chased by his
cats. The clown's marbles vanish 1 by
1 to the last one is dropped and rolls off the puppet stage, and
the clown runs after it. Then all is left is the
ringmaster, and his little wooden form turns towards the
gathered audience. A voice rings out over the din
of the crowd. Are you ready for the most
magical night of your life? The puppet theater bursts apart
and where it's at, the ringmaster now stands on a
wooden box. He is tall, with a black
moustache and ice Gray eyes that seem to look directly at you no
matter where you stand. His coat is a brilliant Crimson
trimmed in sparkling gold, and his tall black boots are
polished to a shine. He holds a silver baton, which
he tosses up into the air, and fireworks shoot above the tent,
bathing the crowd in bright colors.
As the flaps of the tent open behind him, he catches the baton
and points towards the entrance. Welcome to the Never Nowhere.
Friedrich Vice, I'm pronouncing that right, yes.
Yes. Friedrich, in your world the
city is awash with smoke and the sounds of engines.
These new automobiles putter and sputter through the streets,
spooking the horses that still pull carts coming in from the
country. People hurry through the busy
metropolitan scene. It is the turn of the century
and this is your city. And it has electric lights which
illuminate the many stone statues, carved freezes, artful
pediments that adorn the buildings and streets.
The people, too, are illuminated as they bustle in cafes and
salons, drinking imported coffee and listening to lectures on new
sciences, new philosophies from university men with bright
ideas. You could have been one of these
men, Friedrich, if many things had been very different.
But now everything is in flames, and the smoke that surrounds you
is not the smoke of a city of progress.
It is personal, it is chemical, and in your hands a brick, and
on your hands blood of Friedrich.
How did this happen? It wouldn't have happened if
Katarina's damnable father hadn't forced her into the
engagement and I. The engagement, is that what
caused this? Well, I, I had to prepare.
I, I had to offer her an alternative and I was on a
timeline. So of course I, I took matters
into my own hands. I I I accelerated my research.
Your research to do what? To cure my affliction.
Your affliction. That's right.
Because Katarina, She hates smoke.
Yes, she's. Afraid.
Terribly afraid. And you?
Are you a smoker? Well, I I I quit, but I suppose
that's not what you're trying to say.
No, Friedrich. And now all of this has
happened, and your affliction, it's worse than ever.
And on your hands, the blood of the Dean of the university, your
employer, and as you mentioned, tragically, the father of the
girl you claim to love. Somewhere in the distance, you
hear the bell of the trolley as it rolls through the street, and
then a scream, and through the smoke you see her.
Like a golden Angel descending down to the depths of hell.
Katerina runs through the smoke toward the crumpled body of her
father. You have time.
You could run to her, hold her in your arms, turn her eyes from
this tragedy. But well, the blood from your
hands would mar her perfect face, and she would see
Friedrich. What would she see?
She can't see me like this. And what is like this?
Friedrich is short. I suppose he might cut a dapper
little figure, but he exudes an energy of bitterness that
suffuses his small frame. His hair is wild composer like,
with a stripe of white that's always been there.
He has well defined cheekbones giving him a sort of skeletal
look and a little parted pencil mustache.
He's dressed in shades of dark green.
His manner of dress is a bit outdated and old fashioned.
He looks professorial at the moment.
Silvery smoke is streaming out of his mouth and his delicately
rotten nose. Ah, yes, your affliction.
And yet she runs towards you. What do you do?
There's got to be a place I can hide in here.
Everything is a flame, no place to hide, but well, the walls
aren't what they used to be. Plenty of places to run.
I run. You flee.
You flee the scene of this horrible accident, this crime.
Your feet carry you through the smoke and the rubble and out
onto the street. You need to get away, to
distance yourself from all of this.
Who knew you were at the university tonight?
Well, I suppose he won't be a problem anymore.
So just the Dean then? Yes.
That is good. Easier to get away, Friedrich.
As you find your way down to the square out front of the
university, you see him. Strong, dark, handsome.
Farzan, your oldest friend. But what is he doing here?
And do you trust him? Will he keep your secret?
Fucking Fars on. I can't deal with this guy.
I love this. OK, so good.
No, I take my scarf and I wrap it around my face the best I can
to conceal smoke that's pouring out of me, and I keep running.
All right, I am going to start a four count clock with one
segment filled in as Farzan hears a noise as you take off
and flee. To clarify, like the clock means
if three things go wrong, Farzan will catch him, right?
Yes. Got it.
Your actions here will decide whether Farzan catches up to you
or not. Friedrich, you flee as fast as
you can. You know Farzan, he is stronger
and quicker than you. The cobblestones are slick and
the light misting Rain Halos the electric lights as you run.
Fog mingles with the smoke that Bill is forced from you as you
flee from the man you have loved as a brother.
I wouldn't say loved. All right, the man that you have
spent many years with, who you don't love as a brother, but
perhaps hate as a brother. That would be more accurate of.
Course, Friedrich, whatever you say.
Shut up anyway. How are you going to get away?
I'm going to head to the crowded Central St. to try and lose him.
OK, this is going to be an action role.
Friedrich. How do you want to get lost in
this crowd? Take a look at the actions that
are available to you. What fits best?
Yeah, Prabal's probably the one. OK, so I'm going to set the
position here as controlled. It is going to be controlled
with standard effect. All right, what does that mean,
Cat? So controlled means you have a
good opportunity, you are exploiting a advantage, you're
set up for success. So if you fail a controlled
role, you can take it again, but when you take it again, the
position will be risky. With the standard effect, that
just means that if you succeed, it does what it says it does.
The other options are reduced effect or greater effect.
So what you will do is roll the dice pool and judge the outcome.
So the number of dots, how many dice you get to roll?
Right, so our character sheets we have like an amount of dots
for each skill and then if we don't have any dots in a skill
we roll 2 dice and take the lower roll.
That's a pain in the ass cuz I don't have prowl.
Or you can push yourself to get a dice in Prowl.
Or you can take a Devil's Bargain in which you can get an
extra dice. But there will be a consequence
which I will present to you. So I think this time I'm just
going to take to stress so that I can roll the dice.
OK. OK.
So that's a three. That does not succeed, so I'm
going to fill in another count on your clock.
Shit. You are running through the
streets, your footballs clattering on the pavement, and
like I said, the street is wet. Your steps, they slip.
You don't go down, but it slows you down just enough that Farzon
catches sight of you as you enter the crowd, this Press of
bodies. But it's not on the Main Street
that you were heading to. This area.
It's supposed to be pretty dead at this time of night.
You're up near the train yard. A crowd has formed in this area
that used to just be an empty lot.
All that there was here was some burned out remains of grain
storage beside the rail yard. And now there's this excited and
babbling crowd, and they're all filtering towards the open flap
of a tent, and behind you, you hear Farzan's clear, booming
voice calling your name. He sounds worried, maybe even
frantic. I have to keep going.
I let's see. I'm looking at the skills that I
do have. So my skills are hunt, study,
tinker, wreck and sway. So I'm just thinking if there's
like something I see that I could, you know, like some sort
of machinery or set up for the circus that I could sabotage or
push over or create some sort of distraction.
Yeah. At the edges of this crowd there
are waving fluttering banners attracting people towards this
tent, and they're held in place just by some sandbags, so if you
want to do a rec roll on those you could try and push one over
to make yourself an opening in the crowd.
OK. All right.
So you've got 1D in that? Yes, one dice for that.
And maybe I'd better push myself.
OK, push yourself, Friedrich. I am going to say that this is
risky because somebody in the crowd would stop you if they see
you going for this, but it is going to have great effect.
Once you push this down, you will have a hole right towards
the front of this line to get into the tent.
OK, I rolled 2 sixes. Excellent.
You do it with increased effect, so it was already great, but
it's even greater. You push down this sign, this
flag, and it just causes chaos as these beautiful fluttering
banners just cover people over and they're pushing at each
other. They're trying to get themselves
untangled. And that leaves you the perfect
opening to just zoom through this crowd and get to the front
of the line. You get yourself through the
tent flap and it is dim in here, with only a few twinkling lights
that seem suspended in the air. And in front of you there are
three identical passageways in black cloth.
People in pairs or small groups choose one path or another,
laughing and oohing as they make their choice.
Which paths do you choose? Fuck, I'm trying to find a place
that's quiet I. If you're looking for a place
that's quiet, you observe groups go down the middle and the left
path ahead of you then. I'll go down the right path.
Down the right path, all right. The passageway twists and turns
subtly, and the sounds of the city fade away as you lose
yourself in yards and yards of fabric.
The lights wink in and out above you, illuminating just enough so
that you can see your foot falls.
When you look back, the darkness is complete.
Eventually you spill out into a small, quiet vestibule with a
ticket booth. The glass is opaque black, and
there is a sign on the front that says, in looping
calligraphic letters, Admission 1.
Secret A black gloved hand slides out a pen and paper and
taps it, drawing your attention. OK, so the price of admission is
a secret. Yes.
You don't have to say what the secret is.
You can keep that to yourself if you'd like.
I look bewildered and I say what?
The hand reaches over and taps the sign.
Admission 1. Secret.
I look around furiously and I say, this is ridiculous,
Friedrich. You hear Farzan's voice coming
from a great distance, but it is still coming.
I fumble furiously in my coat and I'm I'm digging through and
I pull out a worn and folded scrap of paper and I press it
furiously under the slot. Is this enough?
The hand takes your folded piece of paper and then the fabric
behind the ticket booth lifts away as if an invisible stage
hand has lifted the curtain on the play.
And oh. Oh.
The colors are dazzling. You find yourself inside a
circus. The colorful striped fabric of
the tent soars up and away above you to meet at the center tent
pole, which seems so far away, further away than the center of
this abandoned lot that the circus took up residence in.
All around you are smaller tents and booths advertising delights
and diversions, performances, food, trinkets.
Music like you've never heard floats through the air, catching
your ear and tugging like an insistent lover.
The smells of caramel and popcorn envelope you, and a man
spitting fire crosses your path. A chorus of delight and fear
wails around you. Friedrich, do you think you're
safe now? No.
Very well, what do you do next? I have familiarity with
circuses. I'd like to find a place that is
maybe where they keep the animals, where there won't be
people. Oh, you duck through this crowd,
pushing your way through, But like you said, you have a
familiarity with circuses. Friedrich, why are you familiar
with circuses? Don't think we need to get into
that. Very well.
So you duck into what looks like a fairly unused tent, and you
find the animals. But these are not the circus
animals that you were expecting. They're made of clockwork, and
the movements are so lifelike that they could almost be real.
There are some children in here who seem to have snuck away from
wherever they're supposed to be, and when the tiger roars, the
children scream. I pull the scarf up closer to my
mouth and clutch my hand over it, trying to slow my breathing
so that the smoke is is less noticeable to them.
Is smoke still coming out of your mouth and nose like this
whole time? I believe so, yeah.
But. The children aren't screaming at
you, they're screaming because this clockwork animal has
terrified them and they run past you, not even giving you a
second glance. When you try and find in this
place a way to get to the backstage, you are unable to
pull apart the curtain flaps the the tent flaps here.
They simply will not budget for you.
What is this? I suppose you'll have to find
out, Friedrich. You hear Farzan's voice again.
Somehow he has managed to track you here.
Brilliant, persistent gnat that he is.
Friedrich, where are you? Fuck I'll, I'll leave this tent
and keep pressing forward. I want to get farther away.
As you push out of this tent, you are greeted by a living
statue who is offering flowers to each person who passes by.
But everyone who's taken one seems to stand still, transfixed
by something you can't see. There's a woman a little ways
away on a platform with a crowd around her, who is packing
herself into a clear glass container no larger than a hat
box. And then, a little beyond that,
there is a sign in front of a small purple tent that reads
Fortunes Told Admit One. Where do you turn?
The fortune teller tent. All right.
You push your way through the fortune teller's tent, and as
the flap of the tent closes behind you, you hear one last
call of Friedrich and it is cut off as the tent closes and you
are in a quiet room. The inside of this tent is lit
by small colored globes that hang from the ceiling.
There's a low table and cushions laid out on the floor, and on
the other side of it is a man. He is as insubstantial as a wisp
and as delicate as a waif. His skin is so pale that it's
nearly translucent, and the colored lamps give it an almost
bluish hue. His hair is nearly the same
color and so long that it puddles on the floor around him.
He's dressed in loose silk robes with heaps of bracelets and a
pair of sparkling gold ear cuffs and a scarf tied around his
head. He smiles at you.
A bit mad out there, isn't it? I'm trying not to speak I, I nod
silently. Yes, I think a bit of quiet is
always good. Please sit, Sit down.
I look around suspiciously. You said it's very quiet in
here. Yes, very quiet.
OK, I sit. On the fortune teller's table
there is a deck of cards with gilt edges, the backs painted in
a swirling purple and gold foil design.
He taps the deck twice with one long index finger.
Pick 5 cards. We will look at your past, your
present, your future, and the possible fates that may be in
store. Choose wisely.
My readings are very accurate. Yes.
So Vice is is still unsettled and looking around trying to
gauge how secure and secret this location is.
A fortune teller smiles a little bit, and Harris's sort of
uncanny look in his eyes, like he knows what you're thinking.
He says don't worry, once that tent flap is closed, no one can
come in until the reading is complete.
I value my client's privacy very highly, Sir.
I nod solemnly. So I meant to draw a card from
the deck. Yep, we'll start with your past
first, says the fortune teller. Draw a card.
I do. It's the Eight of Swords.
Ah. The 8 of Swords.
It is a well, there's no way to put this lightly.
This is a troubling card to pull.
It seems that perhaps in your past you have believed yourself
to be a prisoner, a prisoner of fate, a prisoner of
circumstance. And yet these prisons are of
your own creation, escaped as easily as you could think of the
answers. But those answers are not always
so obvious. We are in the middle of them,
are they? Vice rolls his eyes and gives
the fortune teller an extremely withering look.
The fortune teller holds his hands up.
I only read the cards. Draw again.
Let us see what is in your present.
The card I pull is the Wheel of Fortune reversed.
Wheel of Fortune, Fate that we cannot escape.
And when it is reversed, that is when we run into trouble, when
we resist our fate, when we cling to that control, ah,
nothing but bad luck will follow.
Is there something you are trying to control?
Something that you are resisting.
Clutching the scarf over his mouth as as smoke continues to
escape, Friedrich says impressive.
Do your cards. Tell me what I should do next.
I suppose we'll see. Draw another card.
In fact, draw three. We will look at your future and
the fates that may come to pass in it.
I pull judgement. Very interesting.
Let us see what the fates have in store.
I pull the 10 of wands and the three of coins.
And the fortune teller leans back a bit and looks at the
cards and says, we cannot walk through this world without
incurring judgment. And perhaps there are things
that we must reckon with, or they will reckon with us.
Here in the 10 of wands we see a great burden, but that great
burden will lead to an accomplishment or perhaps to an
undoing. And here we see the three of
coins. There may be in your future
collaboration, A-Team to help build something.
But what? Well, I suppose that will depend
on your judgement. And then the fortune teller
pauses and he says, indulge me, draw once more.
OK, I pull one more card. The card in your hand is
strange. You may not know much about the
fortune telling arts, but you don't think that any of the
traditions include a card depicting a train.
The illustration seems to flash in the dim light of the tent,
and the fortune teller's expression goes pensive.
As I suspected, this is an invitation, but not one that I
will extend without sharing with you the truth of what it is.
This circus is not what it seems.
These tents, these performers, they're only a sliver of the
world carried by our train. Our train, which is not really a
train. I understand that.
I can only reveal this to you because the train has extended
this invitation. It's the kind of train that
extends its own invitations. You see, I'm not from this
world. No one in this circus is out
there. There is an infinite number of
worlds beyond this one. And you?
He points to the card. You are invited to see them all.
And then he surges forward and grabs your hands.
But you must know, you must. Once you board the train, you
will never return to this world. You will never be able to stay
in any other world either. You will travel with us for all
of your days, however long they may be.
And there's a price, too. His grip on your hands tightens,
and then he releases them and slumps back onto his cushions.
The train will extract A fare from you, whether you wish to
pay it or not, but it only wants one thing.
Us people, their thoughts, their feelings, their memories, their
secrets. You pay the train to enter here
tonight, and you'll pay more if you join us.
Knowing all of this, would you like to come aboard?
When can we leave? And the fortune teller smiles,
and you almost miss it, but for a moment he looks so
heartbreakingly sad. But then he unfolds himself from
behind the tables and gestures for you to wait a moment while
he leaves out the front. He returns a moment later with
his sign, which he lays across the top of his table, and he
pockets his deck of cards. Then he steps around the table
again and pushes aside the fabric of the tent to reveal a
Warren of passageways where performers lounge in their
costumes, half done, and hurry along with their hair in
curlers. Finally, you found the
backstage. We'll be closing soon and
departing this place. This is our last night in town.
Come on, I'll get you settled aboard the train.
You can call me. Nod.
I follow. Nod leads you through this
network of backstage passages and at some point you don't
quite register, you realize that you are moving through something
like a narrow St. The canvas sides of tents have
turned into wooden walls and the hurrying performers have been
replaced by strange looking people in stranger clothes
loitering all about, smoking odd smelling cigarettes and playing
card games you don't recognize in small open cafes.
This isn't your city. You're not even sure you would
call it a city, but there are archways and shop fronts and
windows, signs advertising businesses you can't harse.
Above you is a low ceiling draped with patterned fabric,
just high enough that if you reach up, your fingers would
touch the. Top.
Nod brings you to a small doorway a little ways into all
of this, which has been left ajar, and he toes it open.
Come in. You can stay with me until we're
underway, and then a Porter will find you a room.
He takes you into a cozy space just a bit larger than a
sleeping car on the trains you've been on.
There's a table with some mismatched chairs, a low sofa,
and a chest of drawers. There are bunks for more people,
but the belongings of only one scattered around this little
dwelling. Nod begins preparing tea at a
brightly painted wood stove in the corner.
By the time you've finished your second cup, you feel a lurch
under your feet and the distant sound of a train whistle.
Then there is a knock on the door and Nod takes a deep
breath. He gets up from the table and
opens the door to greet a woman dressed in a smart Navy and blue
uniform with gold trim. She wears A bellboy hat with the
strap firmly secured under her chin and a pair of white gloves
on her hands, which she holds out in front of her with the
palms up. You have been selected to pay
the fare. What will you be using as a form
of payment tonight? Nod looks back at you.
Friedrich and you catch a complicated expression cross his
face. There and gone.
He opens his mouth to say something, and then he squares
his shoulders, resolving, and removes the cuffs from his ears.
He puts them into the Porter's hands and then shuts the door in
her face without a word. He sits down across from you,
Friedrich, and he looks a bit shaken.
You don't need to pay every time.
It's supposedly randomly selected each time we heart, but
well, he touches his ear and swallows hard.
You pay in mementos things with great sentimental value or
history. Or.
If you don't have that, you'll pay with your own memories from
your time before the train. That was the last thing I had of
my home world. It should tide me over for a
while. He stands up again.
I have some things to attend to, some rest.
And Friedrich, you are finally, finally alone.
The blood under your fingernails has dried.
Your problems have been left behind in the curling smoke of
the train's engine as it pulls out of the station and out of
your world. Well, hello there, beautiful
listener and welcome to the mid roll.
I hope you're enjoying this first episode of our new
campaign, Never nowhere. We wanted to just stop here in
the in the mid roll to introduce ourselves because as much as our
Nicole Kidman impression is, I think evocative and it says a
lot about us as a group. You might want to know who we
are and what our names are and things.
So hi, my name is Kat. I am your game master and I like
to party. Hi, I'm Noel.
I'm also on the podcast. You haven't heard my my part of
this episode yet, but I play a character who you're about to be
introduced to and I manage a lot of the music and and sound for
the podcast and I like to party. OK, well, I'm, I'm Juniper.
You also haven't been introduced to my character yet.
I forgot what happened in the first episode until Noel said
that. And I thought she was foolish
for saying that at first, but then I was like, Oh no, I'm the
fool and all you need to know about me is what I just said.
And I like to party. Yeah.
I guess that leaves me. Hi, you will have heard me in
this episode. Hey, Aaron, what's with this
seductive? Tone Yeah.
Hey, Aaron, can you? Can you turn the sex appeal down
for a whoa? Shit, honestly.
It must be the noise cancelling because it's me, Aaron.
Literally. Yeah.
You're still doing. You were.
Like honestly it must be the noise cancelling.
I literally thought that. I was talking normally I can
what if this is? Like what if this is is what
noise cancelling frequency like does to me.
Like, yeah, like what if you're? Like this from now on, forever.
I mean, my God, you're stuck. That way I would assume it's.
Only when I'm wearing the noise. Cancelling headphones with the
noise cancelling on. Yeah anyway.
Anyway. No, that's great.
Now, now, now, all, all of the listeners know how sexy I am.
It's the most important thing about you.
Yep. And.
I play Friedrich Weiss and I do stuff with the mail.
I'm the mail, the mailman, the postmaster.
That's me and you like and you like.
I don't what the. Fuck like to party?
Hey, what are you? Who's this?
Who's this party? Party hating like sexy man Yeah.
I just. I didn't want to say.
This, I feel like I don't know, you didn't want to be part of
the group, guys, it's rule of. No, listen, it's rule of.
Threes not rule of fours. I needed to.
I needed to change up the pattern also also.
You said that you did something for the podcast, and that means
that now I'm the only person who didn't say that they do anything
for the podcast. I didn't say anything.
I didn't say they're the. GM Cat, you're the GM.
You don't have to say anything that's already.
I. Always forget the best.
Word Decide what you could or couldn't say.
You made me chime you. Made me hold my tongue.
You looked at me with your sultry eyes.
Yeah, you heard my. You heard me projecting my
hypnotic voice into your mind, and you just yeah, I did.
Couldn't speak. You were like, hold your tongue.
So what do you like your tongue and what do you do?
Jennifer Oh, I I. I do the finances.
That's great. We.
We also do art. Oh yeah, we and Errol both.
Do art. They're beautiful artists.
And we for have made this podcast.
We did it, and you better. Watch out.
We've done it with the help of our beautiful editor, Ray Van
Winkle. Thank.
Shout out to Ray. Shout out to Ray, and we'll do.
It again. We'll do it again.
If if this is the. 1st, if this is your first episode of Legend
Lark, welcome, welcome to this. We are so happy to have you.
Just if you're jonesing for a little bit more after the end of
this episode, go back and listen to our first campaign.
We played Dungeons and Dragons. It was a fantasy epic that
spanned 8 years. It sounds intimidating when I
put it like that, but trust me, it's a very fun listen.
And it's I've read people in the discord saying they've listened
to the whole thing multiple times.
So I think you can do it once. You can do it at least.
Once. Get it together.
This is how you drive them in. You first, you first you seduce
them with your sexy voice and then you neg them about how they
can't listen to 8 year long podcasts.
Yeah. And then they have to.
Then they feel they have to rise to the challenge and they feel
weirdly. Horny at the.
Same time, yeah. So it's like a Pavlovian
response, and that's how you. Get them.
Yep, that's how you get them. Have you been got, listener?
Have you been got? Did we get you?
I hope you've been got. Just a a note of explanation, I
suppose. So we usually do our
announcements, our ads, if we have them, our thank you's kind
of in the middle of the episode. And then we have our second-half
after. So this is like this is like our
little intermission. We have one, one per episode.
And after this you will, you will be taken away back to the
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and galumph what are they doing? Don't worry about it.
I galumph, I came up with AG.
Word. I couldn't come up with AG word
you lump across the. Beach of our podcast and you
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It's pretty fun. Yeah, on Spotify on.
Spotify on Spotify. I'm going to say.
Let's do a shout out to Vortex Who?
This is a comment on our last episode, the How to Play Blades
in the Dark. That Thank you Vortex.
They say that. This is so excellent.
You're all so lovely. I like how it's just as chaotic
as the intro for Dames and Dragons.
Oh how I remember it fondly. How I loved Juniper referencing
Sophia punching the sun. Yes.
So thank you for that. Lovely comment, Vortex.
Thank you Vortex. Thank you, Vortex.
Thank you Vortex, many thank. And the other thing that we
always do on the mid roll, it's very important, is we leave a
message to our friend Chantelle. This is arguably the most
important part, yes. Arguably the most important.
Thing. Actually, it's not arguable.
Factually. It's factually.
The most important thing objectively the most important,
Errol, take it away and now. A message to Chantelle.
Chantelle. The code word is Shoodles.
The sleeper agent is active. Go go.
Go. Go.
All right. Pepper Pendergrass For the the
past few days, the train has been stopped in a city by the
sea. Well, it's always stopped in a
city by the sea. It's just that the sea isn't
always a sea. Sometimes it's a very large
lake, or a river, or a rippling ocean of sand, or a frozen sheep
device, or the void of space. But as often as not, it is the
sea. What was the?
Sea like in the world? You came from Pepper.
Oh well, it. Now what did it look like?
Wet. That's right.
It must have been like that. It must have been wet.
I mean, it must have been. Right.
It must have been 9 out of 10. Places we go.
It's wet. It must have been.
Like that, yeah, and like. Moving, Moving.
Not all of them are moving, I think.
Mine was moving. Well, that's not important,
really. Is it now?
This is a. Very picturesque sea in front of
you with cheerful fishing boats bobbing in the bright blue water
and calling seagulls Wheeling above.
Big fluffy clouds drift across the sky as it is painted gold
and orange and pink by the quickly setting sun.
It has been a good day, a very good day, which is always nice
when the train will be pulling out of the station soon.
It's always nice to end your time in a new world on a high
note. What was?
Your good day like Pepper. Well.
I woke up and I didn't fall off the train with any of my arms or
feet. All the same people I remember
from yesterday are still here, I think.
And. I.
Went into the city. What'd you do in the city?
Well, I played a show, of course.
That's right, but not a circus. Show a what?
No, I, I I'm a singer. A singer Did you make?
A lot of tips today. Yes, extra.
Tips and the people at the bar were not bad looking if I do say
so myself. Very good.
You've had a great day when you. Arrive at the top of the hill.
You see that the circus is just beginning.
It's slow Hemming in. The last of the patrons are
being ushered out, dazed and starry eyes while the performers
pack up their acts in preparation for this strange and
magical train. Pack up the circus in the last
hours before dawn. Night in this world is very
short, and you found that out on your first day here.
The sun stretched out, long and languorous, and then dropped
from the sky all at once, only to re emerge a mere hour later.
It's a bit funny, but you've seen stranger, you've been with
the train for some time now, right?
How long? Oh.
Yeah, I've. I've been here.
For. Well, weeks.
Months. Has to be years.
Yeah, years and years and. Years and years and years, years
and. How did it all?
Start. How?
Did it all. Start.
It started the the way. Most things start with a song
with a song. Do.
You remember how it goes. Oh, you know, a.
Little. Bit of and you know there's a.
Melody missing. Maybe.
A. Harmony, Yeah.
For sure. Yeah, yeah.
And that melody or? Harmony has been gone a long
time now. Years and years one might.
Say years and years. And years.
But that's not important right now.
While the rest of the circus is packing in, you head towards the
side of the train. There's a group of six people,
all of whom you know, you remember, and they're loitering,
keeping an eye on the circus as it packs up.
They're dressed in a variety of mismatched and threadbare
clothes. One.
Of them raises her hand in. Greeting to you calling out.
Hey girl, any luck today? Pepper pulls.
Out a sack of coins and jingles jangles it and goes.
You know it. And she laughs.
And claps. The woman's name is Sally, and
she hopped aboard just a little while ago.
Pepper, What does Sally see as you come towards her?
She. Sees a beautiful.
Woman, but what peppered looks like kind of medium.
Height. Red hair, a buxom lady.
She has like long hair but it's kind of like pinned up on the
sides like a faux mullet because the sides are pinned back and
the top is like curly and crazy. She's wearing like patched up
clothes that are mostly blue but with like some white and on her
back she has a loot. But the back of it is like.
Reinforced with steel and there's like spikes on the
bottom so she can play it, but it's also her weapon.
Sally waves you over happily. As I said, she joined the train
recently, but she didn't join the circus.
She wasn't invited. None of.
You were. Invited and.
Get you hopped on the train. Anyway, some of you.
Knew the train was. Going to another world, and some
of you came aboard expecting just to get to the next town
without an invitation. There are parts of the train
that you can't get into, the places where the circus people
reside, but there's plenty of places you can hide.
Unused compartments and box cars still shelter you from the place
between the worlds, and as long as you're careful and lucky, you
can ride the train forever. There are some who haven't.
Gotten so lucky some who go strange and don't come back from
it Some. Who get taken?
Up by the a. Whistle sounds.
Not a train whistle, but a small, shrill whistle wielded by
the train's security. You've heard the circus people
call them porters, and a strong, tall man in a Navy and gold
uniform comes charging down the tracks.
In one white gloved hand he holds a black truncheon, which
he raises up as he runs towards you.
Shit. Sally yells and takes.
Off running, the others scatter, all running in different
directions. What do you do, Pepper?
Pepper kind of Yanks. At her collar and says oh, got
to go. This.
Time you're the unlucky 1. Or maybe you just reacted a hair
slower than everyone else because the Porter picked you to
follow. He charges after you, still
blowing his whistle. And I'm going to start clock.
There's a four. Count clock.
You've got one filled in so far. As the Porter chases after you,
where will you run? If you flee to the train yard,
you might miss the train's departure.
If you head into the circus, who knows who you'll run into?
I want to try and climb. Up the train you want to climb
onto the train. Yeah, all right, climb up.
To the top, let's make an action role so.
My special. Ability as a rail Jack is that I
have a goat footed, which basically means I'm entirely at
ease at the top of a speeding rail car and I get a point in
prowl. OK, for this reason your
position is. Risky effect is standard OK
also. Just FYI, no matter the
circumstance, I can spend one stress to avoid any consequences
from falling, tumbling, or loss of balance.
Hey, so if I fail, I'll probably use that.
OK. All right.
I got it too. OK, that doesn't do it.
So you try to climb the train, but your, your hands are kind of
slippery and you weren't expecting to do this.
And you, your foot slips on the ladder on the side of the train
and you start to wheel off of it.
Your your arms sort of windmilling behind you.
So I will. Use my special ability goat
footed and I'm going to spend a stress yes and clamber up the
ladder. OK, so.
You do not take the harm, but a count has been added to the
clock absolutely all. Right.
And so. You managed to make it up the
ladder and you are now on top of the train.
The Porter climbs up after you and you see that there's another
one now, another reporter. And oh, it's always so scary
when they chase you because they are perfectly In Sync, like
clockwork dolls. Moving on the same programming,
they blow their whistles in unison and begin to chase after
you. Which way do you go?
You head away towards the front of the train or back towards the
circus? I'm going.
To run towards the. Circus, all right and as.
I'm running. It's kind of like, it's almost
like a dance. So Pepper steps like really
easily over and around any hatches or exhaust pipes or
ladders that are, you know, strewn across the top of this
train, almost like she doesn't even notice them.
And she always wears this really long coat.
And as she's twirling between the obstacles to get away from
the porters, the coat whirls around her and flashes a strange
lining. You look so cool.
I know I. Look really cool.
Do you look? Cool.
Yeah, I look cool. Thank you for.
Asking, you know. Wow, that's really cool.
You charge across the top of the.
Train towards the circus tent. The train itself extends into
the tent and you are able to wiggle under the fabric to get
into the circus. And inside you see the circus is
getting packed up, the clowns are picking up their juggling
balls, and the contortionist is packing away her progressively
smaller boxes into larger boxes which she has just finished
getting herself out of. And there.
Are more. Porters everywhere.
They're helping people with their packing, they're grabbing
tents and taking them down. You have a moment here where you
can pick which way you want to go, where you want to try and
hide. What do you do?
I'm like in the middle of a bunch of people.
Yeah, you're on top of the train.
So nobody spotted you yet You've got a.
Second, because you've got porters.
Coming along the back pepper will.
Whistle a strange little note and she would be looking around
for signs of magic. You whistle.
Your strange. Little note and you feel a chill
run up the back of your spine. Just behind you, a ghostly hand
reaches up through the bottom of the train.
I'm going to have you roll an action roll for a tune.
I do have a tune. This is going to be risky
standard. That is a four.
A4 that. Is a partial success, so you do
it, but there is a consequence. OK so this ghostly.
Hand. Reaches up out of the train,
hauled by your call and at first it just grasps around blindly
and it does grab your ankle for just a moment and you feel
yourself get very cold all the sudden but.
Then the Porter is coming. Through and it is arrested for a
moment by this ghost, which uses your foot to claw its way up out
of the train. And that buys you to the moment
that you need to slip away unseen by the rest of the
circus. Thank you my dear.
Oh, and as a consequence, the. Consequence there is that I am
going to add another tick to this clock as your partial
success you got away but it slowed you down for just a
second there, but you are able to get away and you dive into
this massive tents and packing and boxes, but this.
Isn't the first time you've? Experienced this.
Some tents just won't open, no matter how hard you tug at the
lacing or try and pull them up from the bottom, they just don't
open to you. So you keep crashing through
trying to find somewhere that you can escape to.
And finally, your steps carry you into the path of a wisp of a
man smoking a sweet smelling cigarette outside of a small
purple tent. He's in the process of taking in
an A-frame sign, which he drops as you come close to careening
into him. I'm sorry.
I just got to get past you there.
I'll just slip on by. His eyes fix behind.
You towards the commotion in your way and then his gaze
shifts to you. His touch is light, but his long
fingers snag your arm and he gestures with his cigarette
towards his tent. Come, come in.
Oh, is this? One of the tents that I've never
been able to get into. Yeah, I don't think you've ever
tried. This is the fortune teller's
tent. Oh yeah, I wouldn't want.
To go in there you. Know oh that's so.
Nice of you and I do love your hole vibe but I I really have to
go. They won't bother us in.
There. Pepper looks back.
Towards the commotion, and then he was a sigh.
OK, well now mind if I do? When you come into the fortune
teller's. Tent you find it is a bit
untidy. There are many Mystic looking
trinkets that are piled haphazardly into a box and the
floor cushions are stacked up together.
The fortune teller kicks over the cushions to scatter them
across the floor again and moves to the other side of the low
table to sit. He takes.
A long drag. From his cigarette and looks at
you and you get the sense that he's seeing more than what's on
the surface. You've been riding in the box.
Cars, right? No.
Have you been? Riding in the box.
Cars. Why am I doing that?
No, I, I. Never have luckily.
I mean what are the box? Cars, the places.
In the train that. You've been riding, not
connected to the rest of any gestures around him.
This Pepper looks around. What train and the fortune
teller? Gives you kind of a
long-suffering look. Says you don't need to lie to
me. I'm not going to get you in
trouble. In fact, I I'd like to.
Help you. Oh, I don't need.
Help SO. That's.
Great. I'll just you know which way is
like back to the other parts of. The.
Circus that are long and on a track.
He gives you a. Flat look and he stubs out his
cigarette in the mouth of an iron frog that's on top of his
box of trinkets. Cool frog.
Thank you. Why don't you sit down I.
How will I put? This I know that you've been
stowing away on this train. I know that there are a lot of
people who still away on this train, no?
That doesn't sound familiar. Well.
You never. Received an invitation, did you
those? Pesky things.
I think they're overrated. Anyways, you can make a
perfectly good living, you know. At the.
Circus. If you were working in the
circus. You wouldn't be well-being.
Chased by the. Porters.
I hate those guys. Yes, well.
The porters are the train. They don't like people uninvited
living among it. Do you see they?
Are the train. Yes.
Please will you sit?
Down this train has an attitude. Problem.
But Pepper does sit down, and he takes.
Out a deck of cards from the inside pocket of his loose robes
and he unfolds the velvet black cloth from around them and sets
them down in the center of the table.
What is your name? I'm Pepper Pendergrass.
Very good. You can call me Nod.
Pepper nods. Somebody had to, she nods.
Like really big. Yes.
Well. Just because you were never
invited on the train doesn't mean you haven't paid your fare.
That's why it. Gets so.
Ornery. It doesn't have a way to ask you
to pay your fare. It just has to make you.
Oh, I haven't. Paid.
Anything. Not that I've been on the train,
not that there is a train, but I haven't paid you.
Don't think you've. Paid.
But what was the color of your mother's eyes?
Oh, I think it was like. I mean like a grayish, bluish,
greenish brownish color. And what was your favorite food
growing up? I'm sure it was a delicious. 1
Probably. Something really.
Oh. Had.
Textures. Tastes and.
All that and. Did you have any pets?
Pepper. Kind of frowns and she says I.
Don't think so. And did you have any friends 1.
And nod seems a. Bit excited?
By this he says, yes, you had a friend, you remember that Good,
that's good. You don't.
You haven't forgotten everything.
Then you see forgotten. Yes, it hasn't been.
Taken from you. You see?
That's what the train takes as a payment for riding on it.
It takes you, your memories, your thoughts, your feelings
from before you boarded the train and it it doesn't care if
you've been invited or not by coming.
Aboard the train. You began paying that fare and
you didn't. Even know.
It and there are. Some on this.
Train who are fine with that they're fine to let you all in
the box cars take your turn without knowing what you're
paying, but I. I think you deserve.
A choice. Not that you really have one
anymore because you can't ever get off the train.
I've been off the. Train lots of.
Times, I mean, what train have you?
Ever been off the train? When it left the station.
Why would I? Do that.
Oh, that's good. That's good because.
If you. Had the train would have.
Dragged you along. Anyway, unprotected, unknowing,
until we reached our next stop and you ended up somewhere else,
somewhere far from the train, maybe, unable to find it.
And that would. Happen every.
Time the train would leave until.
Well, I don't. Really know what happens?
To people who have been off the train for too long, they don't,
they don't come. Back.
You see. Oh.
But if you. Still remember some things about
your life before the train. That's good.
That's very good. I'm a fortune teller, you see,
and with my cards, perhaps we can uncover a bit more, a bit
more about your past, a bit about your present and and we
can take a look at what your future has in store.
Would that be all right, Pepper? Looks very serious now as she's
thinking about people. She's known.
Or, she thinks she knew them who haven't.
Gotten on the train. Again.
And she says. Yeah.
Maybe that would. Be good.
Very good, very good. All right, and.
He shuffles his deck. Of cards and lays them back on
the table. Please, we'll take a look at.
Your past first. Since this is in fact draw 2
cards, we'll use two cards to look at your past and maybe we
can fill in some holes. Pepper draws the first.
Card and she looks extremely offended and she says the Fool.
What is this supposed to mean? The Fool.
Innocence New beginnings. You've pulled it in reverse.
Oh, because I'm not a. Fool.
You're not a fool. I would never.
Well, I don't know you will. Why the hesitation?
I don't know you will enough today.
If you were a fools or not. But I think of it not as an
insult. The fool is full of innocence.
The fool starts out on a journey, not necessarily knowing
what the destination would be. And when we see him in reverse
like this, perhaps that. Journey was.
Not such a good decision made in haste, made recklessly.
Pepper is getting. Paler and.
Paler and perhaps. This journey was begun when
somebody you trusted took advantage of that trust.
Oh, next card, OK. What's this one?
She has pulled the lovers. Ah.
Yes, there was someone. Wasn't there?
The Lovers is about unity partnerships.
There was somebody in your life with whom you were in unity?
Yes. Yeah.
Someone who was. Constant.
Sure, sure. Right, right, right.
I I mean, I know all this already, so I don't know why we
need to talk about it. Good, good.
If you know all this already, that means that things are
better than I thought. We'll move.
On to your present. Please draw another.
Card. And she draws the.
Tower ah oh. I see.
A tower portends. Disaster, a sudden upheaval, or
perhaps being taken down a notch.
A pride that you carry, which may be your downfall that.
Doesn't sound like me of. Course.
Now. Three cards for your future and
the fates it may have in store. Yeah, yeah, OK.
She draws the 10 of. Wands the page of cups and the
Knight of Wands and puts them out on the table.
Very interesting the page of cups we see here.
She is a dreamer full of happy surprises, but.
Sensitive. We see.
Her here. Next to the Knight of Wands and
he is full of action and adventure, fearlessness, riding
into the great unknown without hesitation.
Ah, but on the pages. Other side we have the 10 of
wands a burden, responsibility, but also.
With that. Something that you may
accomplish yet should you take on these burdens?
And then nod. He picks up the deck again, the
remaining cards, and he shuffles them with a thoughtful look on
his face when he sets. Them down again.
He taps the top of the deck. Humor me, take one more card.
OK, if you insist and she flips one over and the card.
Has a picture of the train on it.
And nod smiles a bit. Ruefully, I think your deck is.
Broken. It's.
An invitation. Pepper, it is an.
Invitation to. Step fully into the life that
you've been living by halves. If you would like, you can.
Come aboard and we can help find other ways for you to pay the
fare. The citizens of our strange city
are resourceful, and they'll help you if you pull your
weight. That being said.
You won't stop paying the fare, you'll just have other options
on how to pay it. What kind of options?
Well. You see, the train won't just
take from you, it can take from anyone else you bring it or
anything that they have imbued with significant memories.
It's something that holds a lot of.
Sentimental value, a memento, historical object, All of these
the train will take as payment. It wants us, you see, not us in
the train, but us as people. And it wants to.
Understand us. And this is the way that it's
chosen to go about that. OK.
So. What do I do?
Yes, I say to the card and the corners of.
Nod's eyes crinkle when he smiles, and he gestures.
Grab that box, will you? The train will pack everything
away when it departs, but when I can, I prefer to bring these
things back to my compartment. I grab the box.
Excellent. And he?
Picks up some of the pillows. And takes them with him as he
heads out the back of the tent and into a Warren of backstage
pathways. Have I ever been here before?
You have not this. Is the part of the train the
part of the circus you have never been able to access?
And just as you step. Out into this Warren, another
figure steps into your path almost immediately.
He is tall and broad, with an artful quaff of jet black hair
and a well oiled moustache. He.
Smiles with all of his. Teeth, but his ice colored eyes
don't look friendly. I see you found.
Someone to bring? Aboard, he says, and he looks at
Nod, who looks away. The man claps.
Nod. Hard on the shoulder and pushes
past him to stand in front of you.
Pepper, I'm Charles Rex, I'm the ringmaster of this circus.
I'm sure Nod could use your help.
I'm glad to see he's bringing you aboard.
Yeah. Nice to meet you.
It's wonderful to meet such a charming man such as yourself
and and Pepper like tries to shake his hand.
Oh, he shakes your hand and she shakes.
It like a really, really big. Yes, his grip is firm.
And and very strong. Ouch.
Very good you have. Strong hands, Sir.
You'll find I have a lot. Of strength.
Wow. Don't make promises you can't
keep. His gaze focuses.
On nod and dismisses you, you're all set, right?
Not like last time. Oh, what happened last time?
Nod. Sort of waves.
To you just sort of like a later later and he he sucks in his
breath and bobs his head once his expression.
Is. Carefully neutral as he excuses
you both from the ringmaster's presence.
His posture is tight and stiff as he leads you through the
backstage. I don't miss me too.
Much and the the ringmaster. Gives you a very hard to read
expression, friendly and not as he gives you a wave.
Man, that guy seemed bad. Our ringmaster is.
A forceful. Presence.
Yes, a forceful presence. Nod leads you.
Through the backstage, past all of the performers as they pack
up their belongings, and through it the invisible boundary that
brings you inside the world and into the train.
You've been used to. The ways that space doesn't make
sense or add up in the box Cars where your hidey holes would
regularly shrink or expand overnight and doors you couldn't
open would appear and disappear according to their winds.
The space. In here makes.
No sense in a different way. It's too large to be inside a
train. That's because it's made-up of
several box cars nailed together with their doors open, creating
a wide Plaza made-up of cars on the train.
From the outside, the train is just single cars all in a line,
but in here, the cars are arranged however they need to be
in order to create the space people need.
The ceiling is. Draped with patterned.
Fabric and all sorts of storefronts, bars and
restaurants have their doors open and ready for business
performers still. Half in their.
Costumes are just sitting down for a drink, and groups who
don't look like they're part of the circus at all are huddled
close examining valuables and discussing their worth.
This. Is Mop.
Light, it's the center of life here on the train.
It's kind of our hub. Has she ever been?
To any of. These she's never seen this.
Nope, she has never seen this to her.
The train has just been like the inside of a normal train.
That seems a little bit weird. Wow, it's so amazing.
She's like turning around and looking around at everything and
everyone and like randomly making eye contact with people
and smiling at them like she knows them.
And she's like, so like, do the doors ever just close?
And then you just never see those people again?
Well. We try to keep the doors open
where we can. You can keep the doors open.
Yes. Do you?
Ever. Open a door.
And. Behind it is a door beyond your
wildest comprehensions. No, no that.
Doesn't happen here. Does that happen in the box
cars? I told.
You I don't know about the box. Cars, right?
Of course. Well.
No, it is very, very safe here in the train.
Well, we're safe at least from what's outside the train.
I can't speak for everybody who lives here.
We're a bit of a rough bunch, but keep your wits about you and
you'll be fine. You see the the train?
Well, you can request a door to be moved and they just do it.
Well, you have to pay. It's an.
Extra fee, but they'll do it come I'm.
Lucky my cabin. Isn't far from here.
You can stay with me for the night and then we'll find you
your own place, taking me back to your cabin.
Nod. I'm not that kind of girl.
And then she whispers. I am that kind of girl.
Well, I am. Not that kind of boy, but I'm
happy to help. No, come on, I'll make you a cup
of tea and maybe you can sing me a song.
Are you trying to charm? Me, you naughty boy.
And Pepper breaks out the loot. It's about an hour later.
You guys have settled into Nod's compartment, he has made you a
cup of tea and there is a knock on the door just after the train
lurches into motion. Nod.
Puts his cup down on the saucer and it clatters.
And he looks at you for. Too long, his face running
through a complicated number of emotions and it's too fast to
parse. Yes, not it's nothing, nothing.
He. Stands up.
And he goes to the door and opens it to an elderly Porter
with a wispy white beard. He holds out his hands, palms
up. You've been.
Selected to pay the. Fare What will you be using as a
form of payment tonight? Nod squares his.
Shoulders and looks back at you. Pepper, don't worry, I'll pay
tonight, you get some rest. And before you can object he
steps out the door and closes it behind.
Oh. Pepper.
This is the beginning of a new chapter for you, and Nod does
not come back that evening. Emperor.
Valerian In this version of the city, the towers of the castle
cast a long shadow across the houses and the quiet streets
from the very. Tops of those.
Towers. One can look out and see deep
craters in the Earth, the lasting scars of an awful war
which still haunts the population as they hurry through
the dark and shadowed avenues there.
Are some who say. Whisper, really, that goodness
died on the day the emperor won the war, that all hope died when
the Prince was struck down. There are many who have given up
hope of ever lifting the boot from their throats and live
their lives with their heads down, wishing only that they
will get through each day unnoticed by the cruel tyrant
who has taken their Kingdom. And yet new graffiti has been
popping up a splash. Of yellow paint.
And the words written in a hurried scrawl.
The dawn will come. Emperor Valerian, you.
Stand in front of this graffiti. How do you feel about it?
There is a sense. Of loss, but also I.
Knew this day would. Come.
Tonight you have left behind. Your scepter, your crown, and
your fine furs. You, the dark emperor of these
choked lands, have slipped from the castle walls in disguise.
Tell me, how have you hidden yourself from your own guards?
What have you disguised yourself as?
Valerian. Is in a peasant's tunic and he
is wearing more of a hood. He has very, very bright, like
salmon pink hair that's extremely noticeable.
He has his hair. Braided back behind his head and
he has a hood over his head to hide the hair away.
But he's dressed as a rat catcher.
So he he has friends among the rat catchers.
Like he makes sure that he is always kind of well acquainted
with at least one person in every profession that works in
the palace. And so he has procured a rat
catcher uniform, which has a little basket on the hip for
rats. I am.
Alive rats. Whatever.
I. Almost hate.
To ask, is there a rat in the basket now?
Do I look close? I am.
There's a rat.
He did not catch it himself. That's what he had his friend
for. And the rat is alive and it's
squealing and squeaking and he's in a stoop, faked, and he's kind
of limping around. And every few minutes he bangs
on the cage and he says hush to the rat.
Whenever somebody looks at him. Weird, there's so many
questions. Emperor Valerian, Why?
Have you done this? Why have you come out of your
palace? Well, I've seen the writing.
On the wall, I mean. There is very little that I can
do to stop it. I know how these cycles
manifest. I manifest them myself.
And. I'm bored with this.
The people, they hate me, which is fine.
They hate me. The people's ire has been long
building against me and my regime and I'm ready for
something different, something new.
I. Have no.
Ties binding me to this place. Well.
No ties but your. Throne and your government, but
they're meaningless. I can.
Rebuild my throne. I can rebuild government easy
what I need. Is.
Stimulation. I don't have that here anymore.
Oh, but. Stimulation.
Has come to you in the form of a circus.
A circus. That arrived very.
Suddenly, and which none of your spies or advisors could give you
any information on, each day your agents have returned, more
confused and frustrated than the last, unable to even accurately
describe to you what goes on inside the colorful tent that
stands defiant against the darkness of this city.
They could tell. You nothing.
About the people who run the show or where they had come
from, all that they can say is that they came in on a strange
train which they haven't been able to find a way to board.
And. So you've come to see for.
Yourself. Inside the tent all.
Of the noises that should have echoed on the silent streets
burst forth all at once your citizens oh, and ah, and laugh
in delight as they watch a small dog do backflips.
They drink concoctions. That smell divine, familiar and
otherworldly all at once. They watch as two men run across
a contraption of spinning wheels, jumping and flipping,
always moving in tandem to keep the wheels in motion.
And so Emperor. What shall you do on your night
in the circus? I'd like to watch the.
Dog for a little while. The rat in my.
Cage hates him. That'll grow bored I'll.
Move on. Just does the same flip.
Over and over again. The dog does other tricks.
He has a little tightrope that he I did not see the other.
Tricks. I saw only the flip all right.
You've moved on from the dog then?
Yes, there are many other delights to see in this circus
besides the dog. Are you nervous?
I'm not nervous. No, OK, I'm.
I'm a narrator. I don't.
Get nervous. Sorry, sorry that doesn't.
Mean to continue, of course. Your.
Imperial. Majesty.
Now. As you move through the circus,
there are many other delights. You see the clockwork animals
pacing around in their cages. You.
See a mock. Fight aboard 2 sailing vessels
that are set in real water in a tank that boggles.
The mind to think How? They must have gotten all of the
water here. Let the captains on the two
ships fight fiercely madical, but the.
Curtain closes. Before 1 kills the other.
Cowardly. You spend the evening.
Wandering around the circus until you see ahead of you there
are two men, one as frail and insubstantial as a puff of smoke
and the other as solid and sharp as a fire axe they seem.
To be in. An argument, although it's not
much of a fight. The tall, solid man wears a
bright red coat and shiny black boots, and he is gesturing
emphatically at the smaller man, who retreats a step back towards
the purple tent behind him, pushed back by the other man's
sheer presence. Then the.
Fire axe of a man. Turns his gaze toward you and a
shiver runs down your spine. There's something in his Gray,
icy eyes that puts you in the mind of lenses magnifying every
detail, inspecting and seeing through not only this disguise,
but every piece. Of.
Armor you have ever worn. My good man.
Come, come here. And he gestures you over with a
broad white grin. Have we met?
Before. We have not, but I hope.
You are enjoying our circus. Yes, Yes, you seem.
To be having a. Fine time you saw the dog,
right? I've seen dogs.
Before on the street I've seen magic with water and I've seen
worse battles than that was on the ship.
I've it's all right. I expected more from the set you
have put out of the colors. It's seems I don't know the
mechanical animals. I'm interested in those.
Wow. Oh, those are very fine.
Yes, those are some of my favorites too.
But have you ever had your fortune read, Sir?
Yes. I'm sure you have.
But never quite like this, I promise you.
Our fortune teller, all of his predictions are 100% accurate.
What is the time? Man, the ringmaster.
He takes a pocket watch out of his coat and he looks at it and
says, well, it is just a bit past midnight, Sir.
Yeah, I have time. Let's go.
And the. Fortune Teller looks a bit
apprehensive as he takes you inside the tent and.
He gives you a. Apologetic smile as he moves to
the other side of his low table. The Ringmaster.
Can be a bit. Forceful, I hope this isn't too
much of A diversion from your intentions here tonight.
No intentions. Well, very good then.
Very, very good. We'll do 5 cards.
Your past, your present, your future, and the possible fates
that future may bring. Please draw your first card.
Take a look at the past. Let me see here.
The Devil. From your expression I see.
That perhaps this card is quite apartment the.
Devil is a card that. Shows excess, the material world
that is so alluring and all of the joy that that can bring.
And yet, well, there is the downsides too, isn't there?
No. Let's see what your present
looks like. Draw.
Another card the Emperor reversed.
I see the Emperor. I think I know what this one.
Means yes, the. Emperor, he is a.
Figure of. Authority.
But when we see. Him.
Turned and reversed, we see him fall from his throne to a regime
of tyranny. Rigidity oldness even does that.
Sound familiar? Well, it I.
Think this started that way and then just stayed that way but.
Yes. Yeah, it sounds familiar then.
Let us look. Into your future, Pull 3 cards
now. The 10 of wands.
The Page of Wands reversed and the Three of Swords I see.
Here in the 10. Of wands we.
See burden, accomplishment, and the responsibility that comes
with that. The page of wands.
She is a creature of exploration, excitement, and
freedom. And yet reversed all.
Of that can fall. Away and we find her lacking
direction. Which I suppose makes sense.
When we see here are the Three of Swords a tragic card I see
in. Your future there.
Is a possibility for suffering and grief and heartbreak, but
these? Futures may not yet come.
To pass. They may not pass at all.
I only offer you. Visions and.
Warnings and and. His hand hovers over the top.
Of the deck and he looks hard at you Valerian and he seems.
To come to some. Conclusion and he taps the top
of the deck. 11 more card. I don't know why I'd want.
To draw another after those three, that's OK, and he draws
another card. And he excels.
Slowly when he sees the train card in your hand.
Sir, I. I get.
The feeling that you are. A very powerful man in this
world. You have no reason to leave and
yet. Yet you have received.
An invitation. Leave all of this behind and
start anew. You will never return to this
world and you will never be able to leave the train for long.
And there is a price that you will pay again and again.
This train will take all of. You if you let it so.
Please. Think carefully before you
answer if you wish to leave there.
Is shouting outside. Interrupting the fortune teller.
And it is not shouts of delight he stands.
Up abruptly and steps. Around the table to look out the
front of the tent flap. There there's the captain of the
City Watch, an irritating and ambitious man who has taken
great pains to make himself known to you.
And he's being terribly proactive.
He has marched a. Battalion.
Into the circus and is ordering all citizens to return to their
homes immediately. This is a den of vice.
These performances are not sanctioned by your emperor.
Return to your homes at once or face the full force of the
watch. He's not wrong.
I will go on the train. Yes.
Let's go. What?
Happens next seems. To happen in slow motion.
You see a young woman stuffing her handkerchief into the bottle
she was drinking from, and she grabs a lamp and uses it to
light the cloth. Her arm pulls back.
Her arm moves forward. Her hand releases the bottle.
Sails through. The air turning end over end.
The Lick. Cloth.
Streaks like a firework. The bottle.
Hits the. Captain of the Guard.
And then everything is a flame. The dawn will.
Come. Someone screams amid the sudden
chaos. The fortune teller looks back.
To you, as if you could stop this.
Then he dashes back to the back of the tent.
He grabs his cards from the table, stashes them in his
robes, and then opens up the back of the tent flap, only to
drop it immediately as a roar of flames rises up from the other
side of the tent. The fire.
Is spreading too. Quickly, this place is a
tinderbox. He looks back at you again.
If you're coming, let's go. I'm coming.
Sorry. For my people, it's so difficult
sometimes. Don't know why they're like
this. The fortune.
Teller leads. You out the front of the tent,
and when you glance over your shoulder, the edge of the great
circus tent seems closer than it was when you arrived.
The fortune teller. His lip curls and he says the
circus is packing itself in. He coughs.
The air has gone oily and thick. We need to get to the train, so
I am. Going to start.
A6 count clock. OK, six.
Yeah, we've. Got a lot of I see.
How it is? Some people get 6.
We will start again. With one filled in as the smoke
and flames hem you guys in. Wow, so you only have 3?
Chances to get to the train, oops, I mean fine.
It's more difficult. For me, I mean a burning circus
in front of you. The panic crowd and guards are
fighting, pushing against each other.
The guards have their weapons out, their swords slashing down.
Indiscriminate. All right, when?
This clock. Is filled, you will succumb to
the flames and the smoke valerian.
So what would you like to do? OK, so the guards are just
killing people. In front of me.
Yep. OK.
I take my hood off and I reveal my very long, very bright salmon
hair and I say guards. So what are you trying?
To do command them, you want to command them OK.
My intention is to use them as. Meat Shields to get me to the
train. Oh, I see, I see.
Yeah, I am going to say. That this is going to be risky
with limited effect because you are trying to call out into this
absolute madness. Probably not a.
Lot of them are. Going to hear you.
That's a six and. A5 OK, then you are?
Successful. Hell yeah.
So what do you say? Describe this to me?
I call out for my guard. There's a.
Guards. And they turn and I say to me,
and then they come to me. Yes, a few of them do.
Not, not very many, I think. Three of them.
Three of them hear you. And they, they come towards you.
You go, my Emperor. What are you doing here?
I was. Taken in the night, they
weren't. Taken.
We must get you back to the palace.
No. No.
The palace is not safe for me anymore.
There are traitors amongst our. Rat catchers.
There is a. Train we must.
Get on it, it will take us to safety.
Or wishes are command. Emperor.
And they begin to push through the crowd for you, using their
swords to cut a path. And the fortune teller trails
along behind you, and he looks a little, a little bit green.
I want to turn back and smile. At him and beckon that he comes,
come, follows behind, and the fortune teller comes.
With you. He follows along behind as your
guards are cutting a path through you are pushed from all
sides. They're shoving citizens off of
you. Someone comes at you with a
knife and the guard catches them, throws them aside.
Then a burning tent collapses across the path.
The guards push you back behind them to protect you from the
flames. One of them gets burned very
badly across the arm. He screams and falls down,
clutching, clutching at the burn, trying to put it out.
What do you do? I just like.
Really have nothing if you don't have any.
Dice Troll. You can push yourself to gain a
dice, that's right, and you'll take two stress or do a devil's
bargain. Or take a devil's bargain.
Yeah, actually, nobody's taking a devil's bargain yet.
What would a devil's bargain look like?
In this situation, I would say a devil's bargain you can.
Get an extra dice on whatever you want to roll, but I think
you would take one level of harm from a citizen catching you.
OK, it would just be a level 1. Harm.
OK. And what would that look?
Just like a cut or something? Yeah, you take a cut like a.
Level 1 harm is oh, you get a cut in the arm and ouchy it
hurts and if you try and use that arm for something you'll be
at disadvantage. OK, OK, then I'm going to take
a. Devil's Bargain and basically I
think the only thing I can do is try to push through the crowd.
I will say this is. Going to be risky standard.
Pray for me you guys, I might die.
That's a five. OK, you are successful.
So as part of the devil's bargain, you will still take
that cut on your arm. As you are shoving through this
crowd, you and your two guards, they are working hard to protect
their emperor. And yet still a man surges out
of the crowd with a knife and he is bringing it down towards you.
But you are able to bring your arm up and deflect that knife
away from your vital parts. OK, but you are able to make it
through the crowd and and carve away around this burning tent to
continue to make your way towards the train.
The flames though, they are so hot now.
Sweat is pouring down your face, your back, and as you pass by a
tent full of potions, they all start to explode, popping off 1
by 1, releasing noxious gases into the air and sending flying
glass everywhere. What do you do?
I mean, I think I would just like put a cloth.
Over my mouth. I just, I just take my my little
shirt. I have to take my shirt off.
Oh. No, I have to take.
My shirt off No. Take my shirt off my.
Fucking shirt off. I'm going to tie.
It around my mouth and my face. I don't help my guards or
anything though. Just so you know, they can.
Take their own shirts off. Without doing anything.
Else your guards are, they're going to be toast from this.
OK, that's fine. OK, you're fine with.
That I mean, it's their job to. Protect me, of course.
Wow, of course. Your Majesty, Yes.
Is the nod still? Behind me, yes, the fortune
teller is. Still behind you, you put your
shirt over your mouth, and you do not help your guards, and
they take the full force of these explosions, shielding you
with their body. When my guards fall.
And we keep going. I want to turn back and look at
the fortune teller. I don't say anything, but I'm
smiling behind my mask and I'm looking like, oh, no.
And and you can see there's like, delight in my eyes, this
extremely dangerous situation that's happening.
And the fortune teller looks. Grim and sort of like he's
resolved to do something. Like there's, there's resolve in
his face, but he leads you into a space between two tents that
are not yet on fire. And through this dark, winding
passageway, as people run on all sides of you, circus performers,
you see the little dog he is running along with, with a
little bucket of water in his mouth.
And then? Just like you have crossed a
threshold, the heat and the smoke all vanish and you are in
a cool. Dark.
Space. Circus folks.
Stand. Or sit in small knots, coughing
and singed. Those who are already on the
train are tending to the wounded, bringing them cups of
water and applying salves to their burns.
The Fortune. Teller takes you.
Past all of this to his cabin where he pours you each a glass
of water from a frosty silver jug that is waiting on his small
table. Well, that was.
Eventful. It was exciting.
You know. Yeah, sure, sure.
I haven't had such a good. Time in I don't know how long,
there's a knock on the door and. Nod jumps.
The door opens and the. Ringmaster is there.
He ducks his head in and grins at you with all of his very
white teeth. I see you.
Decided to join us after all. I thought you might have been
lost in all that commotion. That's good.
You you wait here with Nod.
He's our fortune teller. Don't know if he told you his
name. He's not always good about that.
You wait here with Nod and at least till we're underway.
Our departures aren't usually so eventful, I assure you.
But we'll, there's plenty of fun to be had.
All right. We're going all good in here.
Yep. Excellent.
And then he shuts the door. Larian.
Turns to nod. And says your name is nod in
the. World I come from that's a very.
Common name, the fortune teller Nod says and he opens the door
again and wedges it open with a door stop just to keep it from
closing all the way. After that, he.
Sits back. Down in his chair and he looks
very pensive, very lost in his own thoughts.
Blair and says. What do you look like?
You've seen a ghost? Do you not have that kind of
excitement in your circus often? No, not.
So often, though, we do have ghosts.
Be wary. Of them they.
Tend to linger for a very long time.
Tell me. About the.
Ghosts. Well.
It's too late for you to back out now, so there's no harm in
telling you as soon as you step foot on this train.
All versions. Of you from any.
Other world where you might have existed vanished.
They went missing. Perhaps they died in that fire,
or something else happened, and so now you are the only you who
exists, and you are when we get. On the train, we.
Become the most concentrated possible version of ourselves.
Every version of us is smushed down into just one instance and
when we die all the other versions of ourselves that are
contained in there spring loose and they make the ghosts that
are a bit common here on the train they're.
Useful they're. A Nexus of power for things that
you might want to try magic and such there's.
Not a lot of native. Magic here on the train, but the
most potent ghosts bring it with them.
As Nod finishes his explanation, he sort of lapses back into
silence, looking at you very thoughtfully.
Have you ever done anything good in?
Your life? Many things, yes.
Quite a few good things I've done like.
Like what just. Built that.
Entire empire from the ground up.
I destroyed the previous one because it was built on lies and
if there's one thing I don't like, it is lies and liars.
And I think it's. Better for the people to know
the truth of the world, even if it leaves them deeply unhappy.
And I built my. Empire on that ideal that lies
should not exist. And I made it very clear to
everyone around me, on my council, in my guard, my rat
catchers do not lie. That's the good thing that I
did. They do.
They fucking lie still. But I told them not to.
I think I. Think I made a better world for
it? They can't see it yet, but they
will. They will.
And. What do you think will happen to
that world? You.
I don't care. I'm bored.
With it. OK, I'm sure.
They will. Dismantle everything that I did,
everything I built. And they will think, oh, we have
built this new wonderful city in the light, and it will be so
happy. And we'll all be happy.
And then they'll realize that not everybody gets to be happy.
Some people have to be sad. And they'll realize when they
chase the happiness for everybody, more people will be
sad than not. Tell you that is the truth.
I've learned in my life, but I. Don't care about them.
That's I will never go back there.
I have new prospects here on the train, yeah.
God help. US.
Right. Right.
Of course, yes. Good.
That's good. That's.
That's good. You seem really.
Happy to have me here. Can't.
Help but notice. You don't seem like you're being
truthful. The.
Train jerks. Into motion and there is another
knock on the door. Nod presses his lips together
and he gets up to answer the door.
A young. Man with floppy.
Blonde hair wearing a golden Navy uniform holds out his white
gloved hands. You've been selected to pay the
fare. What will you be using as your
form of payment tonight? And nod.
Stares. At the Porter for a very long
held bra and he looks. Back at you.
Valerian. He opens his.
Mouth to say. Something but.
He thinks better of. It he is.
Shaking and. He opens his mouth again and
casts a desperate look to the Porter.
Finally. He steps out.
Into the hallway and shuts the door firmly behind him.
He leaves. You alone.
The next morning. Valerian, after your exciting
night, the knocking at the door is polite but insistent.
Outside there's a messenger, but something is very.
Wrong. With him and.
Pepper the same messenger. Finds you a little while later
coming to the place where you've been settling into life.
On the train, he brings the same message.
And Friedrich, it has. Been a little while now since
you joined the train. You've found a little berth
somewhere, and this is the first time you've received a knock at
your door. One after.
The other nod comes to knock at each of your doors.
But this isn't. The quiet fortune teller
anymore? It has his face, but his long
pale hair has been tied back in a neat braid and tucked under a
smart bellboy hat. He wears the Navy and gold of
the porters, and he holds an invitation in his white gloved
hands. The ringmaster has asked that I.
Deliver this summons and bring you to his private cars and the.
Voice doesn't sound like. Nod.
He wears the cheerful, polite smile of all of the porters, and
it stretches his face all wrong. There's nothing behind his eyes
anymore, just a vacant, empty stair through which something
else is looking out. He escorts each of you.
Through the twisting corridors of the train, through doors and
archways, joining one car to the next, one by one, you arrive in
front of a plush velvet door with a small barred window set
into it. When all three of you are
gathered, the Porter that used to be gnawed opens the door and
ushers you through. The inside is beautifully.
Appointed. It's another area where the cars
have been pushed together to create something like a Plaza
with a carved fountain in the middle depicting a mermaid and
leaping fishes, a few clowns and the contortionist.
Their makeup and costumes in various stages of removal, are
lounging exhausted in front of a small private dining car with
one side open to this Plaza. There are private.
Residences. And a few more exclusive looking
shops that dot this square. But the Porter that was once
gnawed ushers you past all of this to a gilt doorway at the
very back of the Plaza. He knocks once and the door
swings open inside. Is Charles.
Rex, the ringmaster of the circus.
The Ringmaster. Is sitting at a.
Beautifully carved wooden desk, leaning his elbows on the
surface, his fingers steepled in front of him.
The carvings on the desk show a train, and from the smoke that
springs forth, people on horseback with bows and arrows
are being pursued by vicious men with uniforms and rifles.
On the desktop is nod. 'S death of Tarot cards, which
the ringmaster is staring at with murderous focus.
Can any of you read these? Is Nod still here?
The Porter that was Nod. Yes.
Pepper says Oh well, I know that this handsome man can and
gestures to the Porter that was once nod and the Porter does
not. Respond, but the ringmaster
rolls his eyes. Oh, that thing can't read
fortunes anymore. Nothing's left to the fortune
teller now. What?
Pepper's like waving her hands in front of Nod's face.
What's become of him? All his fair.
And honesty stuff. He didn't tell you the most
important thing. Well, that.
Is what? Happens when you've given all of
yourself to the train, don't care about anything you did on
the train, it's seen all of that.
But once you give everything of yourself from the time before
the train, that's what happens to you.
You become a part of it, one of its, and he raggles his fingers,
hands, hair of its eyes. Well, they're harmless, but
that's it. That's the price we are all
paying. And he was supposed to make you
3 pay it for him. You see, he was in debt to the
train. I was holding it off as long as
I could and I did a great job of it.
But I can't hold it back forever.
I'm not really in charge of all of it.
We're just friends and. Each of you.
I told him each of you were supposed to pay in his place but
oh that sentimental soft hearted fucking fool went and sacrificed
himself each damn time and now I don't have a fortune teller and
I need a fortune teller and I don't need you. 3 Good for
nothing, whatever you are, excuse.
Me, and even you and he. Gestures to you, Valerian.
I found him the perfect pile of human garbage and he wouldn't
even sacrifice you. I just don't get it.
I was surprised by that. As well, now that I know the
truth. Interesting.
Valerian wants to go look at the little what's what?
Bellboy. Yeah, he's it's a Porter.
Porter. Yeah, he wants to look at the.
Porter, he wants to investigate. This doesn't make any sense.
Why? Would Nod want to do something
for me because he was an. Idiot and a sentimental asshole,
and he wouldn't sacrifice anyone else.
I just wanted him to bend his morals just a little bit.
There's a little bit. Wouldn't it killed any of you?
Well, maybe you. Any gestures at you?
Pepper. Pepper has.
Been like, kind of sadly like fixing all of nods like uniform
and brushing back his hair and stuff.
Every time you do that, Valerian messes it up, if ever.
Just like pretends that's not happening.
And as you're investigating, he does.
Not respond to anything you guys are doing.
He just lets you fast. He lets you look at him,
Valerian. You can examine him.
You can look in his ears. Yeah, I know I'm.
I'm like. Pulling his arms up and like
checking under his fingernails and gentle with him come.
On can't feel anything anymore. He's like a doll.
You don't know that I'm pretty. Sure.
I look at. Charles Rex and I say, did he
want this to happen? None of us want.
This to happen? But he chose to let it happen,
you know? He couldn't flex his morals, not
even a little bit. A bastard.
So now I'm stuck with you. That rigid moral.
Said it's a precarious element to have.
Well, at least you're. Smart even though you are.
Kind of human. Garbage.
Absolutely terrible job with that Kingdom.
By the way, What's for a human? Oh, I always love when we end
up. In worlds that don't have humans
or the you don't call yourselves humans.
Don't worry about it. Doesn't matter.
What does matter is you three are fucked.
I don't like you right off the bat.
Gotta say that don't like you. You don't even know us.
Yet I don't need to know you all I.
Know is none of you can read fortunes and I'm down Fortune
try I. Flip over a card.
I see. Look, see, that's the.
The card you flip over is. Death.
It's death. That means we that I don't.
This is all superstitious. Nonsense.
Anyway, I don't know why you're wasting my time with this.
I have research to do. If there's something you need
results on, I can help with that.
Results. Yes, that.
That is what I want. I'll write you 3.
Frankly, my inclination is just to throw you off the train, but
I'm going to give you a chance. A chance to prove that you're
not a bunch of useless good for nothings.
So here's what it is our currency here.
Mementos. Things that are valuable not for
cash reasons, but for personal reasons.
Historical artifacts, those work well and treasure sometimes
things that contain memories. You bring me 3 mementos, one for
each of you, 2 stops to do it, and hope you don't get pulled to
pay the fare in the meantime because that'll set you back.
But you pay me 3 objects, I'll let you stay.
Got it. 3 mementos. What happens if we get 2?
Mementos. Who gets to keep the mementos?
Well, I'm going to keep all the. Mementos but if only two
mementos 2 of you get to stay got it, it shouldn't be a
problem. I like.
That. Attitude.
All right, get the hell out of here.
Pepper is like looking. At nod and like kind of like
tugs on his sleeve and he just give you a very.
Vacant smile. OK, well.
Don't do anything weird with Nod and I guess we'll just go.
That's right, go and don't. Come back till you prove you are
not worthless sacks of garbage out out.
Oh, and welcome, by the way. Welcome.
To never. Nowhere.
I'm just someone who I think we could all.
Agree always brings like a really normal, really hinge,
really sedate energy, which is exactly what you want on a
comedy podcast and so. As usual, like.
That's that's exactly what I'm going to bring this character is
going to be really well adjusted.
They're not going to have any major problems with their
personality, their body or so the so the vibe that.
You're bringing is lying. I don't know if you're bringing
is. Dishonesty.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's going to be really mainstream and it's not going to
be referential to anything that is at all esoteric, and in no
way will it be niche or alienating to a mainstream
audience. Oh wow.
I love to hear that because if it was going to be esoteric and
niche and alienating to the audience, like I might be
worried, but. Yeah, it's not like I'm feeling,
really. Happy and really.