1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,560 Hey everybody, good morning. How we doing? 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,440 It's good to see you. Welcome back. 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,720 I'm enjoying the snow outside. It's January. 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,640 It feels like it. We got some playoff football 5 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,520 going on. It's a good time to be alive. 6 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,560 It's a good time to be in New England, Good time to be here 7 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,880 together with you all. And I'm, I'm really excited 8 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,280 about the series that we're in currently. 9 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:27,440 If you are a nerd, I hope you are relishing it as deeply as I 10 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,120 am getting to play at the intersection of scripture and 11 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:34,840 theology and spiritual formation, attachment theory and 12 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,440 neuroscience. And, and really, this all feels 13 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,920 so important to me because I long for us to be a community 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,440 that is shaped by the love of Jesus and that shares that love 15 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,320 with our neighbors who people who don't just stop at 16 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,560 information, but go on to to formation, to transformation to 17 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,640 becoming people who love like Jesus. 18 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,040 And in the series, we're, we're delving into some of the 19 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,160 mechanics of what that actually looks like, how that occurs, 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,040 questions that I think are deeply important. 21 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:08,720 I hope that you'll walk away from this morning not only with 22 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:13,200 more understanding, but also a path to follow as we continue to 23 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,760 pursue our relationship with Jesus and our growth in his 24 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,320 likeness. Well, last week we talked about 25 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,920 the gap between what we know and how we live and we got super 26 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,120 nerdy. We delved into some brain 27 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,080 science. We talked about the difference 28 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,640 between knowing that and knowing how different brain systems that 29 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,720 support different ways of knowing and and explain that 30 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,440 sometimes we can have a great kind of explicit knowledge on 31 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:42,280 one level, a great theology, a great image of God at one level, 32 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,360 and yet that can fail to translate into our lives. 33 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:50,280 We looked at at Jesus great commandment and talked about how 34 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,640 the way of Jesus invites us not only into into right thinking, 35 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:59,440 but into right relating as we're transformed from the very center 36 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:04,600 of ourselves, mind, body and soul to love God and love our 37 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,200 neighbors. Well, this morning I want to 38 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,720 continue to build on this. I want to take things a step 39 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:14,760 further and ask so OK, if, if transformation doesn't just 40 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:19,840 happen by getting more information, then how are these 41 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,120 defaults, this implicit knowing this, knowing how that we talked 42 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,040 about last week, how is that actually formed? 43 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,000 How do we get these these filters, these expectations of 44 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,800 God and others in the first place, in our text today, we see 45 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:37,960 God's people struggling to trust God. 46 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,840 They have been in the passages that precede our text today in 47 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,920 Exodus 17, rescued dramatically from Egypt, but things have not 48 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,200 gotten easy for them. In fact, it's been a bit of a 49 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:52,680 like out of the frying pan into the fire situation. 50 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:57,040 Here in Exodus 17 we find that they are in the wilderness and 51 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,560 in verse one we read that as they camped at Refidim, there 52 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,400 was no water for the people to drink. 53 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,040 I don't know if you know this. Water is kind of important, 54 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,640 especially if you're in a desert. 55 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,480 It's pretty essential to human survival. 56 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,600 It is something that we need. This is not a made-up concern. 57 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,520 This was a real concern that the people had. 58 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,480 They had no water. They were thirsty. 59 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:23,320 And from this distressing situation we observe a reaction 60 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,480 in verse 3. We see that first they accuse 61 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,160 Moses and man, do they come at their leader? 62 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,560 They say, why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and 63 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,000 our children and livestock die of thirst? 64 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,280 Moses, why are you trying to kill us? 65 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,600 It's not a very generous story about the motives at play. 66 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,560 And then a little bit later on in the passage in verse 7, the 67 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,040 question beneath the question emerges. 68 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,960 They ask, is the Lord among us or not? 69 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:57,200 And I'd suggest to you this morning that this is a beautiful 70 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:01,080 encapsulation of really one of the most important questions 71 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,200 that we could be asking, one of the most important questions 72 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:07,000 that we are asking. I think some sometimes we, we 73 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,080 spend so much time asking about like, well, does God exist or, 74 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,080 or how does God's sovereignty and human agency relate? 75 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,839 Or how does Revelation predict the end of the world? 76 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:21,880 And nothing against any of those questions, but under them, 77 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:25,240 sometimes there's a deeper question, a more profound 78 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,840 question, the question that is central to the spiritual life. 79 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,280 When I am in distress, will you be with me? 80 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,720 When I'm afraid, will you show up? 81 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,760 When I don't have what I need, can I trust you? 82 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:44,040 God is the Lord among us or not? And this is not just a 83 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:48,440 theological question, it is an interpersonal question, a 84 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,120 question at the level of implicit knowing. 85 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:56,520 And Israel's answer to this question is very clearly no, we 86 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,440 can't trust him. We can't trust Moses. 87 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,440 We can't trust God. Things are out of control. 88 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,240 Time to panic. A couple of years ago, I was 89 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:10,480 almost hit by a car, and it was 100% my fault. 90 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,040 I walked like right in front of the thing. 91 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,720 And I was stunned because in the moment I felt like I had done 92 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,200 exactly what I was supposed to do. 93 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:23,080 I, I'd done the same thing that I had done crossing a street 94 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,000 basically my entire life. As I stepped out into the 95 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,720 street, I looked to my left to make sure there were no cars 96 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,680 coming. But there was a problem. 97 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,720 I was in London. And in London, the cars come 98 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,760 from the wrong direction, from, you know, said from my 99 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,640 perspective as an American, right, the car, the things were 100 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,520 clear from the left, but there was a car approaching rapidly 101 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,680 from the right. And, and in my head, at an 102 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,840 explicit knowledge level, I was aware that in England people 103 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,720 drive on the other side of the road. 104 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,040 These were facts that I had in my brain. 105 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,520 But my nervous system, my implicit system, when I went to 106 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:06,680 check to see if things were safe, I looked left because over 107 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,800 thousands of experiences, that was always where cars came from. 108 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,840 That was the place to look to see if things were safe, to take 109 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:19,000 that first step. I was in a new environment and 110 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,160 and so the system that I had developed over a long period of 111 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,480 time for evaluating what was happening around me was broken. 112 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,400 It didn't work for the situation that I found myself in. 113 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,800 And this kind of default is exactly what we're talking about 114 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,720 when we describe this implicit system, this this way of knowing 115 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,880 how that we talked about last week. 116 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,840 It's the the brain system that houses our reflexes, our 117 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:51,120 reactions, our assumptions, the area of our knowing that so 118 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,000 often in the church we we miss, we don't pay attention to, as we 119 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,000 talked about last week in attachment theory, these 120 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,480 patterns of implicit memory have a name. 121 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,320 They're described as an internal working model. 122 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,680 And these internal working models or these kind of filters 123 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:14,040 through which we see the world are formed just like my filter 124 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:17,960 was formed when I stepped out into the street looking left By 125 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:22,000 lots and lots of experience, by training of attention, by by 126 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,600 seeing how things show up in our life. 127 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,640 In attachment theory, we, we see that basically these, these 128 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,480 patterns of assumptions have to do with our relationships. 129 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:38,280 And will stress be alleviated? We're our distress be attuned 130 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,880 to, will somebody be there to help us? 131 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,840 When I'm in distress, can I reach out and get my needs met? 132 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,640 Some of you know the history, especially if you're a 133 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,000 psychology nerd like me. John Bolby and then Mary 134 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,080 Ainsworth developed this pioneering field in psychology 135 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,720 called attachment theory. And it was really explanation 136 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,200 for how it was that that individuals, initially kids and 137 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,720 later it moved out to encompass adults as well, would 138 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,760 essentially move under distress, how their relationships were 139 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,560 formed and then how these internal working models would 140 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,480 developed based on the reactions that they saw. 141 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,240 Mary Ainsworth, over the course of of many, many different 142 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,440 experiments, observing and and watching how people would 143 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:29,640 respond, came to describe a couple of patterns or or typical 144 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,120 ways that people would relate based on how the world occurred 145 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,960 to them. One of these was described as an 146 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:40,000 anxious attachment strategy. In this strategy, kids would 147 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,480 essentially amplify their bids for connection. 148 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,720 When they were in distress. They might cry or COO. 149 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,600 They might make faces or or try to touch the face of a 150 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,080 caregiver. Essentially, when they were 151 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,400 upset, when they weren't getting what they needed, whether they 152 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,960 were hungry or or needed to fart, whether they were looking 153 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,120 for attention or connection, they would reach out and they 154 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,360 would try to amplify these signals to get their caregiver 155 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,960 to pay attention to them, to come close, to connect. 156 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,000 They would pursue and press and protest. 157 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:15,080 Of course, this isn't just a kid strategy. 158 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,120 Many of us as adults have slightly more refined but 159 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,680 similar ways of reaching out. We think that when we're in 160 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:25,400 distress, when something is wrong, I need others to help me 161 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,760 feel better. And so we reach out in 162 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,000 relationships for others. We try to bring them in close. 163 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,640 Maybe we complain about the project that our boss just 164 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,200 dropped on us at the last minute to our Co workers, we're making 165 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,120 a bid for connection. We're saying, hey, be with me in 166 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:45,320 this experience. But there's not just an ancient 167 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,960 attachment system. There's also an avoidant 168 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,720 attachment system. And this system typically formed 169 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:56,280 and aims with observations among kids whose caregivers were 170 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,280 unavailable or uninterested, right? 171 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,760 If there was a a chronic system, a persistent experience, that 172 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,280 even when they escalated, even when they made these bids for 173 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:10,440 connection, if the person who was there to support them, to 174 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,440 care for them, didn't show up, if they didn't connect, if they 175 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,920 didn't respond, over time, these kids would start to turn away. 176 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,360 They would go silent. They would quiet down. 177 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,920 They would learn to manage things on their own. 178 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,640 Of course, in adults we see this pattern as well, right? 179 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:32,760 Many of us have have have come to learn by way of a lot of 180 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,880 little micro experiments in the world, or perhaps some traumatic 181 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,280 experiences that we've had, that when we reach for others, when 182 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,760 we try to get help in our distress, that other people are 183 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,920 not trustworthy, that their help comes with strings attached, 184 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,720 that we can't count on them reliably to have our back. 185 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,320 Maybe you attempted to reach out and, and your experience was 186 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,800 minimized. Maybe you attempted to reach out 187 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,280 and, and, and Pete, you were actually met with shame. 188 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,640 This is something you should have been able to sort out on 189 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,800 your own. And so over time, these 190 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,360 patterns, not from one instance or two, but just like looking 191 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:14,640 left, our patterns of behavior began to form in us, an internal 192 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,680 working model, assumptions about how the world works and whether 193 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,840 we can trust people when we're in distress. 194 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,240 If we do reach out, what will happen? 195 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,360 We begin to develop assumptions about these things in attachment 196 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,640 theory. Now, why do I name all of this 197 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,840 and go to the trouble of explaining something that 198 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,360 probably some of you already learned from talking to your 199 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,840 therapist or going to a site class in undergrad? 200 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,920 Well, the reason that I name this for the spiritual life, why 201 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,560 I think this is important for us as Christians, or at least 202 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:51,960 helpful, is that many of these implicit beliefs, these internal 203 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:56,480 working models, these are things that don't just live 204 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,560 independently of our life with God. 205 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,280 In fact, the the formal term is that they correspond to our 206 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,560 spiritual life. Very often we take these same 207 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:10,160 mental models of how the world works, these filters of what we 208 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,880 assume is going to happen next, and we project those same 209 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:17,840 filters right onto God, right. If we grew up in in a system 210 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:22,400 that was anxious, where we learned anxious strategies, we 211 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:26,480 might assume that man God is, is always just just right around 212 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,280 the corner. He might be disappointed with me 213 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:33,640 like I, I need to do a lot of things to intensify these bids 214 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,680 for connections. I need to make sure that I never 215 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,880 miss devotions in the morning. I need to make sure that I show 216 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,000 up every week and I serve and I, I do all of these things 217 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,120 because, because I, I need God to stay connected with me. 218 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,240 If I don't feel his presence in the same way, I need to double 219 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,320 down on my efforts. I've got to go harder and, and 220 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:56,480 make up to perform to please in order that God would stay close, 221 00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:01,080 that he would stay connected. Others of us have grown up with 222 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,000 kind of more avoidance systems, right? 223 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,560 We've learned these strategies by the ways that we've related 224 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,960 with caregivers and others, and we bring those same assumptions 225 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,040 into our relationship with God as well. 226 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,080 We say, I can't really count on God if, if, if this is going to 227 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,800 happen the way I need it to happen, it's on me. 228 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,800 You know God helps those who help themselves, right? 229 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,720 We might believe that the prayer is nice, but in the real world, 230 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:33,720 the community isn't trustworthy, that God can't really help that 231 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,440 ultimately I've got to take things on and handle things in 232 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,880 myself. So often as a pastor in 233 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:43,200 community, I watch people begin to, to go through something, the 234 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,840 death of a family member, difficulty paying the rent, 235 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,160 right? A breakup or a loss and quickly 236 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,520 they began to step back from community. 237 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,640 They haven't learned how to handle those things in 238 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,000 relationship with other people because they have an avoidant 239 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:03,080 attachment strategy that tells them that when I'm in distress, 240 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,000 I'm non palatable, I'm not acceptable. 241 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,840 I need to to dip back and only show up in community when 242 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:13,720 everything is OK. Friends, these are not just 243 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,200 ideas. I can tell you that I'm a pretty 244 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,400 good case study in these things. Personally, I've watched this 245 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,920 play out in my own life with God. 246 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,520 As some of you know that in my 20s I went through a really 247 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,640 painful situation. I was rocked by the death of a 248 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,200 very serious romantic relationship that I'd had over 249 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,840 several years. In this relationship, I was 250 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,680 absolutely convinced that we were going to be together 251 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,200 forever, that we were partners and that nothing could change 252 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,040 that. And then she cheated and left me 253 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,360 and I left absolutely blindsided. 254 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,880 I was devastated. My whole world was turned upside 255 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,760 down and I honestly, I just didn't know how to make sense of 256 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,000 things anymore. And it didn't just mess with me 257 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,680 relationally, it messed with me spiritually as well. 258 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,760 I didn't blame God for what happened. 259 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,440 I, I saw things that I contributed and things that she 260 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:09,880 contributed. But I, I did stop trusting him, 261 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,840 like relationally, I, I began to live in and from a story that if 262 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:19,200 God could allow such a painful thing to happen to me, me 263 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,960 somebody who is reading my Bible and going to church and serving 264 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,960 in church and doing all the right things. 265 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,960 If God could allow such such pain and devastation to come 266 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,480 into my life, how can I trust him to take care of me? 267 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:37,600 I started to live from a story of suspicion and doubt where I 268 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,480 kind of trusted God with some things. 269 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,040 But but I always had to make sure that I had a plan. 270 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,720 I had a strategy. I was hyper vigilant looking 271 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:49,600 around me, making sure that I handled things in case I might 272 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:54,040 get blindsided again. I had a great explicit theology 273 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,240 in my head, but my implicit theology, my relational system, 274 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,560 my attachment system was wack because I hadn't healed from 275 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,680 this trauma that I had experienced. 276 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,120 And I think here in Exodus chapter 17, this is part of 277 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,840 what's going on. Like God's people do not respond 278 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,480 to their need, to their distress, which is real in a 279 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,000 healthy way. They move from distress to 280 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,440 complaint to accusation. The, the place that they're at 281 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,840 ends up getting renamed Merida and and Masaba. 282 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:31,080 Like basically it's, it's, it's it's complaint, it's arguing, 283 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,040 it's distressed. This is a place that becomes 284 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,800 representative of tension in the relationship. 285 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,400 And I'm not trying to justify that or, or say that there was 286 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:45,200 no agency involved. These people had a choice, but 287 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,600 they also had some filters. They had an internal working 288 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,480 model of the world. And in their internal working 289 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,560 model, people were not safe, right? 290 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,760 These are folks who had grown up under Egyptian slavery. 291 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:03,320 They had been in a joyful conversation with one of their 292 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,599 neighbors when the taskmaster came screaming with his whip. 293 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,480 They had gone to bed hungry and thirsty, without their basic 294 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,000 needs being taken care of. Their nervous systems were 295 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,760 rocked, and their bodies bore the Marks and the scars of the 296 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:23,319 pain that they had endured. The body kept the score. 297 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,160 And so they get out into this space, into this wilderness 298 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,840 space where once again their needs are not being met. 299 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:34,080 And their first reaction, their first instinct is distrust, 300 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,720 disbelief, to blame God, to blame their leadership. 301 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,000 They don't believe that they are held. 302 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,960 And this is even though God has done literally everything to 303 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:50,200 demonstrate his trustworthiness, like God has rescued them from 304 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,840 Egypt. He, he, he provided turn by turn 305 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,840 navigation with this whole pillar of fire and cloud thing. 306 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,880 Like he parted the Red Sea, like he's been dropping baked goods 307 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,200 from the heavens. Like God has been showing up for 308 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,360 these guys. They have a lot of reasons to 309 00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:10,200 believe and to trust him, but it hasn't yet healed their implicit 310 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:14,080 working model of the world. They're still moving and showing 311 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,880 up in a way that that doubts, that suspects, that's hyper 312 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,760 vigilant, that's on guard because they still haven't 313 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:25,440 healed from these wounds. Friends, I think this is so 314 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,160 important for us because what I'm trying to say is that in the 315 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:33,680 church, too often we don't address this deeper level of 316 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,200 change. See, God wants you to have a 317 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,640 right understanding of things. He wants you to have the right 318 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:43,400 awareness of things. But he also, like we talked 319 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:47,960 about last week, wants you to be healed and changed in the depths 320 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,320 of who you are. And there's good news. 321 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,280 There's really good news about this. 322 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,960 And that is that we are not only harmed in relationships, but 323 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,720 we're also healed in relationships. 324 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,040 This is one of the things that's really encouraging. 325 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,720 Sometimes pop culture gets wrong about attachment theory where it 326 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,400 starts to be talked about as though it's like your attachment 327 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,320 style is like a personality type. 328 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:15,400 No, your internal working models are are strategies that you've 329 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,720 learned to cope with the world based on a bunch of experiences 330 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,280 that you have had. And honestly, those strategies 331 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,960 probably make sense based on the experiences that you had. 332 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,760 You got them from somewhere. You are showing up in the world 333 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:34,760 in trust or in distrust, in faith or in fear based on the 334 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,200 experiences that you've had and what and what you've learned 335 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:41,240 from others. But the good news is that just 336 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,520 as those patterns, those strategies were formed by 337 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:48,880 experience, so too can they be changed by new experience. 338 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,960 Like you can be repatterned, you can be rewired, not necessarily 339 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,240 by the stuff that you know, but by the relational experiences 340 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,680 that you have. And this is God's heart for us. 341 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,360 This is what we see here in this story. 342 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:10,840 If we were to go on and read beyond Exodus chapter 17 or even 343 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,840 here in this text today, we see that that what does God do in 344 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,520 response to all of their complaint, all of their protest? 345 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,520 He takes it very generously as a bid for connection. 346 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,360 He takes care of their need. He shows up with water. 347 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,920 He says, hey, I get that you don't trust me. 348 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,040 I get that you have reasons for not trusting. 349 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,160 I'm not like them. Let let me take care of you. 350 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,880 Let me provide for your needs. You know, I started to wonder as 351 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,880 I reflected on this text this week, if if maybe the reason 352 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:46,520 that it takes so long to get to from Egypt to the promised land 353 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,120 is there was like a bunch of stuff that needed to get re 354 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,520 patterned right? These people needed some time 355 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:58,320 following God faithfully, day after day after day after day, 356 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:02,800 experiencing His provision, experiencing His care, the manna 357 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,240 from heaven, the cloud that led them, the protection from 358 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,560 enemies, His provision over and over again. 359 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,760 Friends, we do have agency, we have the ability to make 360 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,760 choices, but our defaults, the way things show up to us, those 361 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:24,160 get formed in relationship by our experiences and friends, The 362 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,240 good news is, is what the Bible tells us an attachment theory 363 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:32,560 confirms is that we can be reattached to God. 364 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,840 Like, I don't know what happened for you in childhood. 365 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,120 Some of us in here have great parents that we're really close 366 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:41,400 to. Some of us parents are a 367 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:45,640 disaster and they're not in our life and all of our parents have 368 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,880 issues because they're people just like us, right? 369 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,400 None of us have like perfect magical situations where we 370 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,320 never experienced anything off. That's just not how the world 371 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,320 works. That's not how flawed and fallen 372 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:04,080 humans work, but for for all of us, whatever kind of internal 373 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,960 working models we developed, however we assume or or or 374 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:13,440 imagine things will be about the world, God invites us into 375 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:17,480 intimacy and independence with Him to be healed. 376 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,200 In attachment theory, they talk about this attachment figure, 377 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,840 this primary caregiver, often times a parent, but sometimes 378 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,040 not. Sometimes there's somebody else 379 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:32,160 you're really close to as being both a safe haven and a secure 380 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,480 base. And these are kind of technical 381 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,080 terms, but they're pretty simple to understand. 382 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,560 The safe haven basically means that this is a person that when 383 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:44,360 I am in distress, I can come to this person and they take care 384 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,200 of me. They provide safety, they 385 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,960 provide comfort, they provide help. 386 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,200 They might not be able to fix the problem, but they're at 387 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,600 least with me in it, right? Ava fell down yesterday and 388 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,000 scraped her knee. I couldn't fix the scraped knee 389 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,480 necessarily. But mostly Ali, honestly, mostly 390 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,200 Ali. But but me and Ali, like we 391 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,320 showed up and like, we just gave comfort, gave affirmation, gave 392 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,520 support, like, hey, we're here, you're OK. 393 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,080 Let me look at it. Let me give it a kiss. 394 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,520 Right? The safe haven. 395 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:17,480 But, but we're not only supposed to be connected, attached to God 396 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,520 in intimacy, we're also made for independence. 397 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:25,440 We're often intended to develop, to grow to to flex our 398 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,160 relational muscles, to do things in the world. 399 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,480 I love how Jesus named this with his disciples. 400 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:38,600 He, as he called his disciples, we read in in the book of Mark 401 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,200 that they talked about both the invitation to be with him, but 402 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:47,840 then also to be sent out to be with Jesus, but also to do what 403 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,400 he did. And in the healthy relationship, 404 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,840 this is what we see developing. Ava is a great example of this. 405 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,720 I'm using my daughter for a lot of examples here, but I just see 406 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,040 this dynamic in her all the time. 407 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,680 We go to the park. We live just a couple blocks 408 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,680 away from this big park on a hill. 409 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,400 There's a lot of grass. There's like fences around, so 410 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,520 cars aren't too big of a worry. And she'll just like take off 411 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,520 with her friends, you know, She'll be a hundred, 200 yards 412 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,560 away. I can kind of see her, but she's 413 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,000 over there. She's collecting acorns, she's 414 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,720 picking up sticks, she's chasing the rabbits and the squirrels. 415 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,680 She's exploring. She's flexing her muscles of 416 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,160 independence, but then, you know, a big kid with a bike will 417 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,160 go whizzing by and she'll get all panicked. 418 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,200 And what does she do? As soon as she gets triggered, 419 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,600 as soon as she is afraid, she returns. 420 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,160 She comes back to that safe haven. 421 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,520 She comes running to me or to Allie and, and she says mommy, 422 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,200 mommy, daddy, daddy. I got scared. 423 00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,200 And we'll take her and, and just comfort her, just reassure her. 424 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,880 She'll cling to the leg for a minute, and then she works up 425 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,840 her courage and she's back out exploring, playing, adventuring, 426 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,760 chasing the world and friends. I think this is so important 427 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,640 because it gives us a model not only of what's important for 428 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,440 childhood development, but what we see in Scripture about God's 429 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:11,040 relationship with us as well. See, God is that caregiver, 430 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,040 regardless of how your parents showed up with you, regardless 431 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,920 of how that romantic partner that made such a mark on you 432 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,920 was. God is that caregiver in our 433 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:25,760 lives who reliably, consistently is available. 434 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,480 He wants to be with us in our distress. 435 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:34,920 We see this all over Scripture. Jesus describes Himself as as as 436 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,080 a hen that gathers her chicks under her wings. 437 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,120 The Psalms declare that God is our refuge, a very present help 438 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:45,320 in time of trouble. The Lord is near to the broken 439 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:50,560 hearted we read in Psalm 34 and Jesus invites all of us to come 440 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,240 to him. He says I will give you rest. 441 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,560 This is what we would call a safe haven. 442 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,760 Jesus is saying cast your anxieties on me. 443 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,200 Bring your cares and concerns to me. 444 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,880 When you go out and and you get your knee skin. 445 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,000 When you get beat up, when you get broken up with, when your 446 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,200 bank account doesn't work for the bills. 447 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,960 When you run into a situation of anxiety, when the world is on 448 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,240 fire, when you open up the news and the people are getting shot 449 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:22,040 and snatched off the street, when things are not OK, God is a 450 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,760 safe haven. And he says, come back to me 451 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,640 like bring what's real for you to me. 452 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,440 I want to meet you in it. I want to be with you in it. 453 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,040 And we don't just stay there forever. 454 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:41,600 Then he says, great, now go like be with me. 455 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,560 And then take that. And now I send you, I send you 456 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:51,320 back out as my hands and feet and friends, depending on where 457 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,560 our filters are at, depending on where our kind of internal 458 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:58,480 working models are at the very often one side of this is like 459 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:02,440 easy for us and the other side is terrifying, right? 460 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,560 Because some of us have learned to be really close, to cling on 461 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,440 for dear life because that's the only way we know we're safe. 462 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,800 Others of us are like great with being by ourselves, right? 463 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,200 Because people can't be trusted. So we're all about that 464 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,560 independence. And God says no. 465 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,400 I want you to develop along both axes. 466 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,080 I want you to move deeper into intimacy, deeper into 467 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,560 independence. I want you to learn how to, to 468 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:32,720 bring the pains of your life to me and allow me to restore and 469 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,600 to to rebuild, to encourage and to comfort you. 470 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,800 But I also want you then to have the courage to go out in your 471 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,960 life, to go out in your neighborhood, in your workplace, 472 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,840 in your relationships and your families, and to be my hands and 473 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:50,200 feet. It's a both and intimacy and 474 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:55,120 independence. So for some of us, the challenge 475 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:59,200 this morning might be we're good at like attaching to God, but we 476 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,080 just want to stay in the prayer room all the time. 477 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,320 Great, that's good. We need that intimacy that is 478 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:14,040 there so that you can go and do, right, Enjoy God, be with him, 479 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,400 be present with him, allow him to change you and shape you, and 480 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:21,400 then go and do like Jesus did for others of us. 481 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,080 We are really good at like doing for God. 482 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,720 We're out here and we want to do like this missional project and 483 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:30,360 we want to do a book study and we want to do this and we want 484 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:32,600 to do that. And our faith is all about the 485 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,800 intellectual. It's all about the behavioral. 486 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,000 It's all about how we show up and what we do. 487 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,120 And Jesus just says like, hey, would you share some of that 488 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,480 with me? You know how like how many times 489 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,280 I get that most people in this room do not have children at the 490 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,680 same age as my child. And everything in my life is 491 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,920 about my child right now. But again, Ava, like I cannot 492 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,160 tell you how many times, like every time she is doing 493 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,320 something fun in her life. Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, 494 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:03,960 come, look, come, look, come, look, come, look, come, look. 495 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:09,280 This is, it's exhausting, like every, every two minutes. 496 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,800 Like she wants to bring me into it. 497 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,720 Like she wants me to experience the thing that she is 498 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,800 experiencing, not just for comfort, but as she flexes her 499 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,800 independence. She also wants me to to see what 500 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,760 she's doing. The sticks that she found, the 501 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,360 acorns that she found, the squirrel that she discovered, 502 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,720 the way she climbed the tree. Come look, come, look, come look 503 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,160 friends. Some of us need more of that in 504 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:34,120 our relationship with God too. Like we're out doing, we're 505 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,680 outgoing, We're we're, we're, we're performing, we're 506 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,600 pleasing, we're, we're doing all of these things, but we've left 507 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,680 kind of our relationship with God back there. 508 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,840 And God says, Hey, like, can I be with you in it? 509 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:51,920 Can we stay connected even as you go out and flex your 510 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:56,200 independence, intimacy and independence? 511 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,880 Friends, for all of us, this is an invitation. 512 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:08,200 See Israel in this story. Under distress, they protest, 513 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,960 right? They complain, they get panicked 514 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,760 and that they push into kind of avoidance. 515 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,040 They run from God like they attack and then they avoid. 516 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:22,000 But there is another way to do this. 517 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,440 It's a way pointed to us throughout Scripture, but 518 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,520 especially by the Psalm. Some of you know what I'm about 519 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:31,240 to say, right? The Bible paints a picture in 520 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:35,080 which we are invited to be in our reality, to feel our 521 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,800 emotions, to be grieved by the things in the world, and then 522 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,000 take that and run to God to bring it to his feet. 523 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:46,400 It's called lament, right? All over the Psalms we see this 524 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:52,360 practice, this invitation, as we are invited to, to take our 525 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:56,320 experience and bring it into our relationship with Goddess. 526 00:30:56,320 --> 00:31:00,280 As David says in Psalm 142, I pour out my complaint before 527 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:02,880 him. I tell him my trouble. 528 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,960 I don't know about your parents. They may not have wanted to hear 529 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,040 what was going on for you, what was real for you. 530 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,880 They may not have been able to hold space for it. 531 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,160 They may not have shown up in the way that you need it. 532 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,800 But God wants to re pattern your attachment style as you develop 533 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:25,160 how to be with Him in distress, how to be in community with 534 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,560 distress friends. We are hurt in relationship, but 535 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:30,760 we are also healed in relationship. 536 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,720 So much of transformation goes beyond the information in the 537 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,840 explicit system and it goes on to this implicit relational 538 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,120 patterns, assumptions, defaults, filters. 539 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:45,680 God wants to change all of it by His love and for His love, so 540 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,840 that we can be people who are shaped by Him and who share His 541 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,560 love with the world.