Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast.
I'm Michelle Panning, your host. Mindset.
And embodiment coach and mentor trigger queen and founder of the
Connected Woman program. Think of me as your new.
Ride or die. That's going to help you unfuck
your relationships with love, sex, business, and money.
And just so you know, I absolutely will not be blowing
smoke up your ass just to make you feel better.
I just wanted to let you in on that.
So this is a space where I'm going to be helping you have
high as fuck standards for the way that you lead your life and
business. I'm going to.
Be sharing, thought provoking. Conversations potent and direct
truth bombs and I'm going to take you behind the scenes of my
life and the lessons that I'm learning so you don't have to I
genuinely want the women who come into my world through
listening to this podcast to have it all because I don't
believe in settling for mediocrity because.
That's just not a reality in my world.
And I don't think it has to be a.
Reality in your world either, so strap.
Yourself in, get comfy and. Let's fucking go.
Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the Unfuck Your
Relationships podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Panning,
and this is episode 199. I was just speaking to my team
member and I was saying I can't believe that next week will be
200 episodes. I have never missed a week.
I have never missed an episode. The only times where we do not
put out an episode is American Thanksgiving and Christmas only
because my team is in America and they take those two weeks
off. That's been the only reason why
there are no episodes at American Thanksgiving.
I'm not even American, I'm Canadian, but I live in
Australia and Christmas, so yay go me for being so fucking
consistent. This has been literal years of
my life. And yeah, I'll get more into it
next week because I'm sure it'll be a very sentimental episode.
I have something really, really, really fucking excited, exciting
plan for you guys for next week, which is it's going to be a
whole vibe. So make sure you listen to next
week's episode, but also listen to this episode.
Yeah, I have some really cool things planned for you guys,
which is exciting. So thanks for being here and
thanks for listening to 199 episodes.
I love seeing your comments on Spotify.
I love seeing your reviews on Apple Podcasts.
And please, I know people say this, but like truly, please
take 2 seconds out of your day to leave a five star review, a
rating on Spotify, leave a comment, leave a review on Apple
podcast because it does help get the word out there to more
people. And like, I'm trying to heal
some fucking relationships, guys.
Like the more women we help heal, the more men we help heal
and the more people we help heal and the less trauma there is.
So let's all work together to make that happen to UN fuck
everyone's relationships. Yeah.
OK, so I want to get into today's episode, which is really
about when you feel like you're doing all the things and not
getting anywhere. You're still self sabotaging.
You're still, you know, overthinking every text.
You're still afraid of conflict. You're still going into, you
know, autopilot or shutting down or feeling stuck in your life or
in your relationships. And it's like, what?
Why? I've read all the books, I've
journaled, I've done the EFT tapping, I've done breath work.
I can quote Gaboormate and the wizard Liz, you know, like, it's
like my life depends on it. So why?
Why am I still and love? Why am I unclear in my purpose?
Why am I burnt out even though I've done all the work?
And this is really what we're going to be diving into today.
This is really for the woman who is a high achiever.
And you can look at that in the very literal sense of you're a
high achiever in your career and you know, maybe you're climbing
the corporate ladder or you're an entrepreneur and you own your
own business, whatever it is, or just a high achiever.
And like you have high standards for your life.
You're very on top of your fitness and your nutrition, and
you have high standards in your relationships and all of the
things. And you're very self aware.
Maybe you've been in therapy for a long time, but you're still
self abandoning. This is for the woman who's done
all the right things, quote UN quote, the right things, but
still feels like something's off.
And so we're going to talk about why mindset work and therapy
isn't just isn't enough and what you actually need to do to feel
that juicy aliveness again and be able to actually open your
heart, right. So again, this is some this is
this archetype of the woman who's self aware but stuck is
something I see all the time. So at the time of recording this
that we had our first call for the connected Woman's Day.
And this is something that I get everyone to do an intro video,
like a welcome video in the Telegram group.
And a theme that was coming up so much was perfectionism,
right? Of I've recorded this five times
or I was putting this off. I didn't want to do it.
I was rehearsing what I was going to say.
I have notes so that I don't forget what I'm going to say.
And there's there's this fear of getting things wrong.
There's this fear of not being enough.
There's this fear of, you know, being seen a certain way.
And that plays out in relationships all the time
because we don't want to share the truth of how we're actually
feeling because we're so especially, you know, you're
into personal development. You're trying to be more quote
UN quote conscious. So you're reading all the books.
You're maybe you maybe done a coaching program or two.
You can give great advice to your friends, but can't fucking
take it yourself, right? You're maybe you're not a hot
mess anymore, but you're certainly not thriving, right?
You know your patterns, but you're still repeating them.
Why, why, why, why? It's because you're
intellectually aware of your wounds and your patterns, but
you're still emotionally reacting from them.
So they haven't actually been healed at the root.
And This is why people will loop in therapy for years and years
and years, because they're just talking about their problems.
They're talking about their patterns.
Oh and my anxious attachment is because when I was 4 these
things happened and my mom did this and my dad wasn't present
and all those things and those things matter 100%.
You could be right on the money that that is where you're
anxious attachment stemmed from. Or This is why I'm avoided
because I felt engulfed and smothered by my caretaker when I
was a child. That could be 100% true.
I don't doubt that it is, but you're still doing it because
you're intellectualizing the wound.
You're intellectualizing the pattern rather than actually
going into what you feel around it.
It's like people can talk about like trauma with no.
Like, what am I trying to say? Like, no, it feels like there's
like no emotion there. Now, sometimes it's because
you've actually integrated the trauma, but more often than not
it's because you've actually had to disconnect from the feeling
of it and you've gone into your logical.
Mind. And tried to make sense of it or
tried to disassociate from it. And so you can talk about, oh,
and this is where that came from, but you're not actually
feeling the somatic, somatic meaning from the body, right of
the body. You're not actually feeling the
wound. And so then it keeps coming up
over and over and over. And this is where you get into
relationships and you're like, what the fuck?
I don't get it. I'm an intelligent, high
achieving, you know, got her shit together woman.
And yet when it comes to relationships, I fall apart.
I see it all the time. This has been a theme of the
women of the videos that I was watching.
I was like, again, a theme of perfectionism.
And also this theme that people kept saying, I'm so good when
I'm single, but as soon as I get into a relationship, I spiral.
Like I lose myself. I'm an entirely different
person. Why is that?
Because when you get into a relationship, all your shit
comes up when you're single. I fell into this trap in I think
2020, you know, we were on lockdown.
I lived in Melbourne, which had some of the harshest lockdowns
in the world. We were in lockdown.
I was single. I wasn't dating guys.
I was thriving. They were like, how are you
doing living alone? And I was like, this is ideal
for me. I love this.
And so I really thought, you know, and I during that time,
like I ended up moving to QLD, still single, lived in my own
place and I was like, I am thriving, like I'm so happy.
Then I got into a relationship and slowly things started to
fall apart. Why?
Why was I thriving when I was single?
One, because I was taking good care of myself for sure, but
also there was nothing triggering me.
I'm in my house by myself, where, you know, if there's
mess, it's because of me. But my house is like always
clean. Everything's exactly the way
that I want it. No one's making noise, no one's
bothering me when I don't want to be bothered.
So nothing was triggering my wounds, my abandonment wounds,
rejection, you name it, right? This thing of like needing to be
in control. I was sweet.
Then when you get into a relationship.
Your wounds are triggered. And so then your inner child
starts to run the show while your adult self is trying to
mindset your way out of it. You're trying to do positive
thinking and affirmations and journaling and a million fucking
journal prompts on how to get to the root of the thing and what's
where did this come from? It doesn't actually matter,
right? And what happens is it's like
you know your worth, but you still shrink when a man pulls
away. Or you know your boundaries, but
every time you go to go speak, your boundary feels like your
throat is closing, right? Get that lump in your throat and
it's like, like, I can't actually say the thing, right?
Or you say that you want more. You may even get the courage to
say to your partner, you know, this isn't good enough.
I want more. I want this.
I want, this is my desire. Those are my needs.
But your actions still show that you don't believe that you're
worthy of it, right? And so we want to kind of
honestly agitate the pain. And this is what I said in this
first call was over these next 8 weeks or whatever the however
long the course is, I'm like, I'm purposely agitating you so
that more shadows come to the surface, right?
It's that famous quote by Carl Jung, which is until you make
the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will
continue to call it fate. So This is why in shadow work we
want to agitate all your shit to come to the surface so that we
can make it conscious and you can actually start to then work
at it. All right, my loves.
I want to talk to you for a quick second before we get back
to the episode. I want to talk to you about the
experience formerly known as the Connected Woman Experience.
So this is a 12 month group mentoring experience where you
dial in on all things love, confidence, sex, money,
embodiment, sexuality, sensuality, pleasure, just
fucking loving yourself. This is a space where you really
get to fall in love with yourself at the deepest levels.
I want you to think how much Kanye West loves Kanye West.
Like that kind of vibe minus all the narcissism.
And for an entire year you will have access to me as your
mentor. And every month.
We'll have three calls together, so we'll have.
A group coaching call where you can get my direct feedback on
your personal situation. I do not do that anywhere
outside of my one to one coaching.
We will also have an embodiment call where you can actually
embody the shit that you're learning, not just have it sit
in that noggin of yours. And we will also have a mystery
call where we will have guest speakers and other fun and spicy
shit. Because I just cannot help
myself. Truly I cannot.
And not only that, you get instant access to the vault
which includes basically my entire product suite, so you can
instantly binge all the content and Start learning from day one.
Like fucking buy Netflix. You get access to the connected
woman awakening her for at school, main character energy
swipe right, savage men, money, magnetism, like everything
everything OK, and you'll also get access to anything that I
decide to run live within your year inside the experience.
You will also have a Telegram group chat.
Where you can connect. With the other women you can
brag and take up space. That is like my favorite chat.
Thread to. Be in where the women are just
celebrating each other and celebrating themselves.
You can ask me questions as they arise in real time.
All the things. This really is a container where
we're focused on movement, momentum and actually moving the
needle. In your life.
And I totally get that it can be scary to invest in yourself like
this, especially if you're used to putting the focus on other
motherfucker. But you but at what point are
you planning on shifting that? Like are you going to be 79?
Being like one day I will invest in the experience, one day I
will invest in myself. Like no.
At what point do you decide that you are worthy and deserving of
investing into yourself? So if you are ready, come join
us. And if you are shitting your
pants and all of the stories are coming up, I can't afford it.
Maybe next year. A year is a long time.
I don't know if I can commit. What if I don't get results?
What if it's too much? What if I'm overwhelmed?
What if I don't like it? That's an even bigger sign to
come join us. So I would love to see you
inside the experience. The link will be in the
description. If you have any questions at
all, you can always e-mail us at contact@michellepanning.com or
just DM me on Instagram at Michelle Panning and I am.
Happy to answer any. Questions we can go back and
forth and voice notes let me know.
And I cannot wait to see you inside the experience.
Let's get back to the episode Now here's the thing, right?
So many of you listening have incredible awareness.
So many women who come into my world are like, and this and
this and this and that and they're so self aware, right?
But mindset without embodiment or awareness without embodiment
is mental fucking gymnastics, OK?
It will not work. And it is honestly mental
masturbation. And I see it all the time where
people are just getting off on their wounds over and over and
over. And you may become actually
addicted to your own wounds because you find comfort in
chaos. You find comfort in discomfort.
And if a part of you is going, Michelle, you don't know what
the fuck you talk about. You don't know me.
Settle down. Tell your ego to just for a
second, OK, You can come back to her in a SEC.
Try that on. Am I actually comfortable with
chaos? Am I comfortable with
discomfort? Right.
And are you comfortable? Maybe not consciously, but are
you unconsciously comfortable with being dysregulated all the
time? Right.
Nervous system dysregulation is why you keep freezing in a hard
conversation or you get really defensive if someone offers you
a piece of feedback, you're like, why are you criticizing
me? Right?
Or nervous system dysregulation is also why you sabotage when
love gets good, right? You're like, I'm bored.
I'm going to pick a fight. And that might not be a
conscious decision, but you're like, I'm this is feeling too
safe. This is feeling boring.
I'm a stir some shit up. This is nervous system
regulation is why you feel you can't receive without feeling
like you're now indebted to this person.
It's why you feel off when life looks good on paper because you
can't out think trauma. I'll say that again.
You cannot out think trauma. Trauma lives in the body and
trauma is just undigested life experience.
OK, yes, we have big tea traumas, you know, assault,
poverty, homelessness, war, you know, any type of abuse that
you've experienced. Those are all big tea traumas.
But you have little tea traumas that for someone else to, to me
could be actually really dysregulating.
And for somebody else, they could take it in their stride.
So don't trauma compare me like, oh, people have it so much
worse. Like that's not actually helpful
if you've experienced trauma, but it does.
It lives in the body, which is why embodiment is so important.
It's not just about writing affirmations or journaling on it
or or understanding why you are in the way that you are.
It's not. Yes, mindset work is important.
This is why I would, you know, if I had to sum up what I do, I
would say a mindset, an embodiment mentor in love, sex,
and relationships because mindset is important as well.
Right. So there's top down.
Which is from the mind into the body.
I'm really like simplifying it. And then there's bottom up,
which is like body to the mind. OK, so it's for the purpose of
this podcast, it's not your thinking that's the problem,
it's your wiring. It's the actual relationship
blueprint that is in your cellular DNA.
And This is why those embodiment practices are so key and so
crucial. I can't tell you, I'd say
honestly, maybe 60% of the women who joined the Connected Woman
were like, I've been listening to you since 2021, since 2022,
like years, years. And they're like, and I keep
doing the same thing. Why?
Because there's no embodiment and what can happen, He's
getting stuck in this trap of a quote UN quote healing
aesthetic. OK, so you've got, you know,
you're going on your hot girl walks, you've perfected your
routine. You're asking ChatGPT for its
reflections and all of the things.
And you know what? Help me decode this guy's texts
and help me understand my anxious or avoidant or
disorganized attachment style. You know, maybe you're making
good money. Whatever it is, you're doing the
things, but your nervous system is still waiting for the other
shoe to drop because you're, you know, you've heard me talk about
clock it, own it, clean it up. And if you haven't before, I'll
explain it briefly. Clock it.
So have the awareness. See the pattern.
Oh, wow, I'm doing this thing. OK, cool.
Clock it, own it. So take responsibility for that
pattern. I am choosing to continue to do
this pattern and then clean it up.
And this is where people get stuck is the cleaning it up and
choosing differently, right? So you can say and tell me all
the live long day about how you're self worthy and deserving
of a great relationship, but if you continue to go back to that
emotionally unavailable fuck wit, sorry, that's not in
alignment with someone who believes that they're worthy and
deserving of love. It simply is not.
And I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
I actually don't. I thrive on it.
It's a it's a kink of mine. But like truly, you have to
think, is this in alignment with the woman that I say that I want
to be? Right.
Oh, I'm going to go on this healing journey.
OK, Well, you're going to actually have to do things
differently. You're going to have to actually
embody the woman that you want to become.
Are you prepared to do that? And this is where people get
stuck. Because if you got really
fucking honest with yourself, the answer is no for the
majority of people. Because there's this fear of,
well, who am I going to be on the other side of that?
If I actually choose to do an embodiment practice, whatever,
what's going to happen that looks, it's going to feel
stupid. It's going to feel silly.
I'm not going to know what to say.
What if other people get it more than I do?
Or what if I can't feel anything?
Or what if I feel too much and then I shut down, right?
And embodied transformation looks like, you know, doing
things differently. So that could, that could look
like not needing quote UN quote closure from your ex to move on
or feeling safe in your body when someone disagrees with you.
Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean that you
are going to die, right? You're not going to die.
Even though it can feel like that in our nervous system, it's
building our capacity to be with big sensations, to be with big
things. This is this is where people get
stuck in their healing journey is that they think that once I
do enough healing work, I will never feel angry or sad or
guilty or shameful or any of those feelings ever again.
And I'm going to be like happiness level 10 out of 1024
seven. That's not what happens.
You're still going to experience anger and frustration and shame
and guilt and sadness and grief and all of the things, but you
will have the capacity to deal with that.
So those things don't spin you out.
Someone cuts you off in traffic and you're not giving them the
finger. You're like, OK, cool, right,
You know you can start to embody transformation looks like
staying in your aliveness and your turn on even when things
are uncertain. You don't get totally freaked
out in spiral because things are changing.
You actually welcome change and you can regulate after rejection
or perceived abandonment and you stop taking people leaving your
life or people quote UN quote rejecting you as there's
something wrong with me. I'm not good enough or I'm too
much right. And this is the shadow, the part
of you that thinks that love is earned, that if love is taken
away, it's because you did something wrong, that you are
always the problem. And I get two types of women
that I see in my world. And so you'll know which one you
are. You either take no
responsibility and everything is everyone else's fault.
It's your mom's fault, your dad's fault, your cousin's
fault, your boyfriend's fault, your dog's fault, traffic, the
government, God, you name it. Everything is everybody else's
fault and you take no responsibility.
Or you're the complete opposite and everything is your fault.
And you believe that if you can just fix yourself that
everything would be hunky Dory in your life, that you would
never encounter discomfort ever again.
You know who you are, and neither one of those are bad or
wrong. It's just about doing the
embodiment to come into equilibrium or that middle
ground. So if you're the person who
takes no responsibility, it's about helping you to start to
take some responsibility for your life.
That's actually a very powerful position to be in when you start
to take responsibility. If you've listened to my first
podcast episode, you'll know my crying on the kitchen floor
moment where I had my come to Jesus moment and was like, is it
possible that I am contributing to the demise of my
relationships? Because that had never crossed
my mind, because I was the person who blamed every Tom,
Dick and Harry for the way my life was.
Yeah. So if you're that person and
it's about learning to take responsibility for your life,
because if you take responsibility, you're now in a
position of power because you can change.
If you're the person who overly takes responsibility for every
other motherfucker, well, it's about learning to take
responsibility for yourself and give responsibility back to
other people. And again, you can't mindset
your way through this. You have to feel this.
Yeah. And so it's not about becoming
someone new. It's about remembering who you
were before the world told you who to be.
Small, soft, silent. More feminine.
Less feminine, High achieving. Relax.
Whatever the fuck. It's about you coming home to
you and actually feeling that and building the capacity to
make those decisions to, to make different decisions, right?
Because otherwise, if I, if I'm having a conversation with you
and you're in an obviously terrible relationship and it's
just, let's just say it's very clear that you guys should break
up. You guys tried and tried and
tried for six years and it's not working.
Whatever. If you come to that conclusion
and you're like, OK, I'm going to leave.
If you have not done the embodiment, it is going to take
every bit of willpower within you to leave because you're
still stuck in the trap of believing what I just said
previously. Love is earned.
I don't deserve it. I'm not worthy.
What if I never find someone ever again?
What if I'm alone? What?
What if this is so common? What if he ends up being the
perfect partner for the next girl he's with?
I can assure you he won't be. He won't be OK.
You know, I've even had those thoughts.
I've had those thoughts. But if you are not embodying it,
you're going to rely on sheer willpower to overcome all those
that that mind shatter all of those stories.
If you're embodying worthiness and deservingness, yes, it's
still going to require willpower because leaving a relationship
is never easy, right or or completely transforming your
relationship dynamic isn't the easiest thing in the world
either. But when it's coming from a
space of embodied worthiness and and deservingness, it is so much
easier to make different choices.
So to give you an example from my own life, when I went through
a breakup a few years ago, back in 2021, I think maybe like
January 2022, I don't know. It doesn't matter.
I, I was not fully embodied and there's always room to embody
more, right? But when we split up, it took
everything in me not to reach out until I started to actually
believe that I was worthy and deserving of more.
And then he we he would reach out to me and it felt like I was
Teflon, like it wouldn't. I was like, no, and it wasn't
required of like no, Oh God, I want to respond, but I know this
isn't good for me. It was just like, absolutely
not. No, you know, And so it's a very
different energy and it makes the whole experience so, so, so
different. And everything starts to shift.
When I started to embody real, a real sense of worthiness and
deservingness, my business took off, my love life took off, my
friendships took off, my relationship with my body took
off. Like everything started to
really, really fall into place. And that was what, four years
ago, three years ago. And now I feel like that times
100 * 100, you know, I just feel so content in the woman that I
am, in the woman that I'm becoming.
And I know that that is available for you as well.
But that did not happen until I started doing embodiment, right?
And so this is where the experience comes in.
OK, so if you don't know, the experience is my 12 month group
mentoring program. And this is not another
information dump, OK? This is not another course that
you forget to log into whilst you have all the courses and all
the education that you could possibly want.
Everything on feminine energy, emotional intelligence,
relationships, self worth, sexuality, sensuality,
everything that you could possibly want, right?
This is a mentorship. This is a full body identity
recalibration calibration, OK? It's the integration that you
have been fucking craving. It is my highest touch level
container. I don't know if that sentence
made sense, but you know what I mean right?
So we have 3 calls a month where we do an embodiment session, OK,
we have a group coaching call and then we have a mystery call.
So it could be a guest speaker, it could be a workshop, it could
be whatever I'm sensing the group is is meeting.
Yeah. And this is where we're doing
deep nervous system rewiring and not shadow integration.
And you're getting real time support.
You're getting real time reflections, truth bones and
embodiment practices to rewire who you are at your core, to
come home to yourself to remember, right?
And the women in the experience show up.
Show the fuck up. They walk into rooms like they
fucking own them, right? They attract secure, loving
partners without having to chase.
They lead in life and business without burning out or bending
over backwards. And they're women who feel sexy
and clear and calm and powerful in their bodies, right?
So if you're listening to this and thinking, holy fuck, she's
in my head as per usual, I am. I am because I was you.
And This is why I created the experience, because I've coached
hundreds and hundreds of women just like you, and I built the
experience for you. So if you're ready to actually
feel the confidence that you've been pretending to have, join us
inside the experience, OK? Self-awareness is step one and
the experience is what you do when you're ready for the real
thing. And you can take that and sit on
it for another two years or you can choose to do something
different. So the link will be in the
description and I will see you next week for episode 200.
I love you. Have a beautiful day or night
wherever you are, and I will talk to you next week.
Bye, guys. Thank you so much for tuning
into the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast.
I hope this episode has sparked something for you and has helped
you to unfuck your relationships just a little bit more.
Please remember that you actually do get to have it.
All in life in. Love and in business, if you
love what you learned, be sure to hit that follow button so you
never miss a future episode and leave a review to help me reach
more badass and bitches just like yourself who want to unfuck
their relationships so they too can have it all.
Don't forget to take a screenshot, share it on your
Instagram stories and tag me at Michelle Panning and I will see
you back here in the next. Episode see ya.