1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,560 Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:08,039 I'm Michelle Panning, your host intimacy alchemist, Trigger 3 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,040 Queen and founder of The Connected Woman AKA your new go 4 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:16,200 to bestie for all things love, sex and relationships that won't 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,600 blow total smoke up your ass. I believe you deserve to have it 6 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,400 all, to feel worthy, confident, and have a fulfilling as fuck 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,880 love life. In this podcast, we're dropping 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,159 the insecurity and doubt so that you can transform into the 9 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:36,160 powerful, confident, and secure woman you know you're destined 10 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,040 to be. So grab your favorite glass of 11 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,240 wine and let's get to work because it's time to reclaim 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:49,760 yourself worth, baby. Hello, my loves, welcome back to 13 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,720 the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast. 14 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:56,960 This is episode 84. We're on episode 84 now. 15 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:02,600 Wild. So please like and review and 16 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,280 share this podcast. If you got something out of it, 17 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,280 I'd love that. So listen closely because this 18 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,320 is going to be a juicy one. I'm sharing some personal stuff 19 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,160 and just, you know, my take on things, which I always do. 20 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,040 I've actually been reflected on what I want this podcast to be 21 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,240 and I'm going to be coming out with like new branding soon, 22 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,120 which is so fucking exciting. And I'm basically redoing this 23 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,760 podcast. And so I've been thinking about 24 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,640 what I want it to be. And I really want it to be a 25 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:35,480 space where it's less about me teaching in the traditional 26 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:40,280 sense of the word and more so about me sharing my experiences, 27 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:44,400 what's happening in my world, how I'm evolving, and having 28 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,600 that be a teaching in and of itself, if that makes sense. 29 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,800 So I guess this is a good time to kind of lead into what I want 30 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,680 to speak about today, which is about holding projections. 31 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,440 OK, so you'll know that a few episodes ago if you listen to 32 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,360 the one about, I can't remember what it was titled, but 33 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,040 something about like not settling for the in between guy. 34 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,080 And I was basically talking about how, you know, we end up 35 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,720 in these situation ships or these relationships that aren't 36 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,280 ultimately what we really want, but we think this is all I'm 37 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,360 ever going to get. This is good enough. 38 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,280 I'll take something's better than nothing, right? 39 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,480 And I kind of led into that episode by talking about my 40 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,200 experience with buying a car and how I almost bought one that was 41 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,440 really nice, but not ultimately what I wanted. 42 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,760 And so that was an example of me sharing, you know, like my own 43 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:38,000 experience about something and then relating it to, you know, 44 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,360 how that applies to relationships or how that could 45 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,680 apply to you. So the other day after that 46 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:48,560 episode was released, I received a comment on one of my posts 47 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,160 about how my podcast was like, complete shit. 48 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:56,280 And it's full of nonsense and I'm obnoxious as fuck. 49 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,200 And what's really cool about that is I didn't respond to it 50 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,440 because I was like, I actually, yeah, I have better things to do 51 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,320 with my time than respond to things like that because I'm not 52 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:09,280 going to play into that dynamic. It actually just is not the 53 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,960 frequency that I play in. But it ended up being like a 54 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,400 really cool teaching moment. And what was really cool for me 55 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:19,520 to reflect on was I had a similar experience maybe like 56 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:24,920 7-8 months ago and when someone messaged me 8 months ago, I was 57 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,600 so dysregulated. I was like, Oh my God. 58 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,280 I remember speaking to my mentor about it and being like, what do 59 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,880 I say? What do I do? 60 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,760 Like do you think I was in the wrong? 61 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,160 Blah blah, blah, blah blah. And this time I was so 62 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,440 regulated. Like I saw the message and I was 63 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,480 like, interesting. Like I actually felt no charge 64 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,800 around it in my body. And I was like, I'm actually 65 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,320 going to take this and make content out of it because it's a 66 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,320 really important conversation. And it's this conversation 67 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,680 around holding people's projections, right? 68 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,760 So as you guys know, I've been running this course main 69 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,360 character energy, right? Which is all about stepping into 70 00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,640 delusional confidence, right? And actually playing into 71 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,560 obnoxious energy of like, I can do whatever the fuck I want. 72 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:07,360 Like not from a space of being entitled and walking all over 73 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,400 people, but actually knowing that the dreams that you have 74 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,760 for yourself are there for a fucking reason, right? 75 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,040 Like you wouldn't want something if it wasn't for you. 76 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,480 So I'm doing this course right? And so I basically these stories 77 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:24,280 about how this is the reason why so many women, you know, and 78 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,320 men, but I predominantly speak to women in this podcast. 79 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:32,040 This is why so many women don't step into their main character. 80 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,600 They don't take risks in their lives. 81 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,600 They don't go for the job that they want. 82 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,240 They don't ever talk about money. 83 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,520 They don't ask for a raise. They don't ask for what they 84 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,920 want in their relationships. They don't say their needs. 85 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,040 They don't wear the clothes that they want to where whatever it 86 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:53,200 is because they're so scared of how other people are going to 87 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,400 perceive that. And when you're constantly in a 88 00:04:56,400 --> 00:05:02,640 state of being afraid of if I do this, then other people are 89 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,520 going to think XYZ about me, You're never going to grow. 90 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,200 You're never going to evolve because you're constantly 91 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,800 pedestaling the opinions of others over your opinion over 92 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:13,680 yourself. Right. 93 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:17,400 So what was interesting is, you know, she in this episode said 94 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:21,760 you're very obnoxious. And I was like, yeah, like in 95 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,960 the stories that I did, I was like, yes, I am. 96 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,800 I'm playing into obnoxious energy. 97 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,960 You know, that's my point because I'm here to do big shit. 98 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,880 I'm not here to. If you're Australian, you'll get 99 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,480 this. And if you're not, Google it. 100 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,840 This saying, but I'm not here to fuck spiders. 101 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,080 Yeah, you know, I'm not here to just fuck around and live this 102 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,080 like mediocre life. Like, I really want to do big 103 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,400 shit in this world. And I know that if you guys are 104 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,520 listening to this, it's because you don't want a mediocre 105 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,600 relationship. You want a relationship or yeah, 106 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,160 you want a relationship and a life and a potentially a 107 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:57,480 business that is extraordinary, that is bigger than you could 108 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,560 have possibly imagined. But The thing is, is that when 109 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,720 you step into that, you're going to piss some people off. 110 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,840 That's just part of it, right? And I remember, like years ago, 111 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,680 when I first started my business, I had this one woman 112 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:14,720 who would not fucking leave me alone on all of my posts. 113 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,400 She would just, like, come for me. 114 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,120 And I remember thinking like, fuck yeah, I'm doing something 115 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:24,440 right because I'm not here to blow smoke up your ass and just 116 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,160 make you feel really good about yourself and all the things that 117 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,120 you're doing and the relationships that you're 118 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,840 choosing for your life and the low standards that you may be 119 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,880 entertaining. You know, I'm not here to be 120 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,000 like, it's fine, babe, like it's all good. 121 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,200 Just love yourself. Just look in the mirror and say 122 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,600 you love yourself. Like there's a time and a place 123 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,840 for that. But I'm here to actually agitate 124 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,400 you into transcending your shit, right? 125 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:52,080 Because the, the only way that we can see our shadows is to be 126 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,760 agitated to have them reflected, right? 127 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,800 Whether that's a reflect, an external reflection or an 128 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:01,120 internal reflection, but for us to actually see our shadows. 129 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:05,360 So I'm not here to hold your hand and make nice. 130 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,560 And I'm also not here to dilute my own life and my own truth, 131 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,760 right? If you want to say that, go 132 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,480 start your own podcast. Do you know what I mean? 133 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:19,120 So The thing is, is that when you grow, when you evolve, when 134 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:23,240 you move to a higher frequency, people are going to project 135 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:27,080 their unhealed wounds onto you. And that is part of it. 136 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,880 And I think on some level we all know that, which is why we're so 137 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:34,080 scared of taking up space. We're scared of doing the thing. 138 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,760 We're scared of saying the thing because we're so afraid that 139 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,360 someone is going to come for us. Someone is going to say you 140 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,000 shouldn't have done that. Someone's going to say you're 141 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,600 arrogant, you're self absorbed, you're so full of yourself, 142 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,480 you're this, you're that, you're this, you're that, and that. 143 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,280 We won't be able to hold that because here's the thing, people 144 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,560 are going to project one way or another, OK? 145 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,840 You're going to always receive projections, whether that's 146 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,840 conscious or unconscious projections. 147 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:07,200 And So what we need to do is be able to hold more and build our 148 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:11,200 capacity to hold that, right. So this is where we want to 149 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,400 become really aware of our own reactivity body patterns, 150 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,560 because here's how it could have played out, right, If I wasn't 151 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:21,080 aware of my reactivity patterns. And if you don't know what I'm 152 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:24,240 talking about with projections and you know, like unhealed 153 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,160 wounds and reactivity patterns and ego and all of that stuff, 154 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,560 you definitely want to be in connected woman. 155 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,240 If you're not understanding that language, connected woman is the 156 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,559 space that you definitely want to be because that's what we're 157 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:39,919 talking about specifically in the context of relationships, 158 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,960 right? We've done a lot of stuff around 159 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,840 projections and ego and taking up space in main character 160 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,600 energy. So if you're wanting more like 161 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,760 confidence kind of stuff, then definitely that's where you want 162 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:54,040 to be in main character energy. So we want to be aware of our 163 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,760 own reactivity patterns, right? Because it could have played out 164 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,040 like this. If I was not aware of my 165 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:03,400 reactivity patterns, I could have read that message, been 166 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,440 extremely triggered and then like fired back at her with 167 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,480 something of like, well, that this says more about you than it 168 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,800 does about me. And you should really check 169 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,920 yourself. Like do you know what I mean? 170 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,000 Like be argumentative or the opposite end. 171 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,440 Like people, please. Like, I'm so sorry that you felt 172 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,040 that way. And like, you know, how could I 173 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,240 make this up to you? Like, do you want to have a 174 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,240 conversation in the DMS about this so we can really unpack 175 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,080 this? Like, that's not my fucking job. 176 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,720 Like when I'm not being paid, do you know what I mean? 177 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,640 I'm not being paid to do that. And so it's not my job. 178 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,960 And really like the way that I responded because I didn't 179 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,840 react. I responded right? 180 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:40,840 And there's a difference, which again, we're going to be 181 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,360 speaking to in connected women. And I responded from a place of 182 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,640 like, I'm actually not even going to engage because one, I 183 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,600 value my time more than that and I'd rather be doing something 184 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,720 else. But also I want to lean back and 185 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,080 allow people to observe themselves, right? 186 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,840 Because here's the thing. We could have had a conversation 187 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,800 around, you know, like maybe what was coming up for her 188 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,920 projections, her ego, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 189 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,160 And main character energy could have been a great fit for her 190 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,200 potentially. But like, if someone doesn't 191 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,640 have the level of self-awareness to witness themselves in an 192 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,720 interaction, they're not someone that I personally want in my 193 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,040 world, whether that's my partner, a friend, someone in my 194 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:29,600 business or a client, right? I don't want people in my world 195 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,400 who do not have any sort of self-awareness, right? 196 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,680 And I'm not saying that she doesn't, it's not about her. 197 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:38,160 It's just so you can apply this to your own life, right? 198 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:42,000 So we want to be aware of our own reactivity patterns because 199 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,080 here's the thing, the people in your world, you're in a dance 200 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,760 with them, right? And so you take like, let's use 201 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:50,520 a very basic example of being in an anxious avoidant 202 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,040 relationship, right? And so if you, let's say you're 203 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,480 the anxious 1 and your partner is the avoidant, let's just go 204 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:59,400 with a very classic kind of heteronormative example, right? 205 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,920 And so if you stop playing into anxious energy, the other 206 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:07,360 person, like there's nowhere for them to be avoided because 207 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,880 you're not doing the anxious thing, right? 208 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:15,000 And so when you stop playing into someone's game, right, you 209 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,360 stop dancing with them, they have no one to dance with, so 210 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,440 they can't actually play into that same game, right? 211 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:25,480 And so This Is Us being aware of our own reactivity patterns. 212 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,600 And when we understand our own reactivity patterns, when we 213 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:33,600 understand our ego projections, triggers reactivity, our inner 214 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,000 child, our relationship blueprint, our traumas, our 215 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:40,000 wounds, literally every single thing that I'm going to be 216 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,600 breaking down in Connected woman. 217 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:46,320 When we understand this, we can understand other people more, 218 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,200 right? So I could have read that and 219 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,160 made it mean something about me, right? 220 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:57,280 That I've done a bad job or maybe I am too obnoxious or, you 221 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,720 know, whatever. Or I could have made it about 222 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:04,000 her, like she's a bitch or she's, you know, like super 223 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,840 wounded or whatever it is. But when I understand how I can 224 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:12,920 be reactive at times, then I can also hold someone else in their 225 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,840 reactivity, right? And so I don't make it mean 226 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,880 anything about me. I don't take it personally 227 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,120 because I'm like, yeah, I could see where that could come from, 228 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,120 right? And so there's empathy, there's 229 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,640 compassion, there's understanding. 230 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,880 Doesn't mean I want it in my world, doesn't mean I'm going to 231 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,440 engage with it, doesn't mean I'm going to be argumentative or 232 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,160 defensive or have no backbone and give into it. 233 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:42,240 But I can also hold the duality of standing my ground and also 234 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:47,080 being of holding my ground and also not bending over backwards 235 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,280 and having compassion and empathy. 236 00:12:54,240 --> 00:13:01,240 Here, officially, the Connected Woman is open officially. 237 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,480 Officially officially. This is my signature 12 week 238 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,160 shadow work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious 239 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,280 as fuck about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and 240 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,200 having unbuckwithable self worth. 241 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,200 This has been completely revamped from the last round. 242 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:21,160 I have evolved so so so much. This is so much deeper. 243 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:26,080 It's like nervous system where ego work projections, triggers 244 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,560 inner child men boundaries. Like everything that you could 245 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,960 possibly want about your connection with yourself and 246 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,320 having healthy relationships is in this course. 247 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,160 Like if you're going to do 1 course, let it be this because 248 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,080 this will change your entire fucking life. 249 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,960 And I just want to say this isn't just for women who fall on 250 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,440 anxious scale. This is for my women who are 251 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,960 avoided. This is for women who are 252 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:53,080 single, married, divorced, in a relationship, open relationship, 253 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,840 queer relationships, like whatever, whatever, whatever, 254 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,320 whatever. This is for you because this is 255 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,640 going to change the way you relate not only with other 256 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,320 people in romantic relationships, but first and 257 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,760 foremost the way that you relate with yourself, which is fucking 258 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,840 priceless. Yeah. 259 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,800 So we start beginning of February. 260 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,360 This is so big, the price, as you guys know, as per usual, the 261 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,800 price increases the closer we get to the start date, which I 262 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,520 believe is like the 7th of February, something like that. 263 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,880 So you definitely want to check in, sign up as soon as you can 264 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:32,880 be on the e-mail list, check my stories, all the things. 265 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,920 This round is going to be unlike anything that I have ever put 266 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,040 out and I don't think the next one will be until nearly the end 267 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,360 of the year. So if you know you want in, get 268 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,400 amongst it. Payment plans are available. 269 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,520 I cannot wait to see you there. Yay. 270 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,600 So here's the thing. Here's an example, right? 271 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,040 Like if you tend to fall more people pleaser E, people pleaser 272 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,440 E, if you tend to fall more on the people pleaser scale, and 273 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,360 then you maybe, let's say you do connected women, and then you 274 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,680 stop playing into that behavior. What most likely happens is a 275 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,760 lot of people will be like, you've changed. 276 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,240 You're not who you used to be. I feel like I don't even know 277 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:15,360 you. Right. 278 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,520 And that's because you're evolving. 279 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:20,080 Yeah. And so it's like we need to be 280 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,760 really aware of who we have in our world because when people 281 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,560 can't hold you in your evolution, that's when you're 282 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,960 going to stagnate. That's when you're going to 283 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,240 stagnate, right? So people being able to hold you 284 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,600 in your evolution. But here's the thing, you first 285 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,520 you have to be able to hold yourself in your evolution, 286 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,600 right? Because if you're constantly 287 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,640 getting stuck in, who am I going to have to leave behind? 288 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,240 What belief systems am I going to have to leave behind? 289 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,440 What thought patterns, what behaviors, right? 290 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,400 Who can I, you know, what standards can I no longer 291 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,080 entertain, right? What like what low standards can 292 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,560 I no longer entertain? If you're getting stuck in that, 293 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,000 then you're not actually evolving, right? 294 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,720 If you're getting stuck in, oh, but I don't want to say this 295 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,240 thing because I'm going to piss my boyfriend off, right? 296 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,200 And that's not coming from a space of like, say whatever the 297 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,680 fuck you want and however it lands, that's on them. 298 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,200 No, there's an element of like, you know, understanding people's 299 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,360 patterns and you can deliver things with grace and tact and 300 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,480 compassion and empathy, but that doesn't mean you hold back on 301 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,920 your actual truth, right? And so this was a really big 302 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,120 learning piece for me because I was like, OK, well, how do I 303 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,400 want to respond to this? And for me, silence is a 304 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:35,000 response also, right? Because what's happening in that 305 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:39,320 moment is I'm actually telling you subtly and subconsciously 306 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,480 what I'm willing to entertain in my world. 307 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,760 And that ain't it. That ain't it. 308 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,000 And right, I could go in and I could delete the comment and I 309 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,800 didn't. It's on a pinned post. 310 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,240 You could literally go read it now. 311 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:54,600 I don't care because I can hold the frequency of duality in my 312 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,200 life, so I don't need people in my world to just blow smoke up 313 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,840 my ass all the time. I'm OK with feeling contrast. 314 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,040 I'm OK with feeling conflict, right? 315 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,560 Because I can hold myself in that because I've built the 316 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,800 capacity to hold sensation in my body of like, oh, wow, OK, this 317 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,720 one didn't really trigger me, but I've had things in the past 318 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,560 that have triggered me, right? And it's like, oh, OK, noticing 319 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,400 that. Great. 320 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,599 And now I have a choice in how I want to respond or how I want to 321 00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:23,800 react. So even just a quick example on 322 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,200 how we evolve and being able to hold ourselves in our evolution, 323 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,120 right? My branding has changed so many 324 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:32,480 times. And like I said at the beginning 325 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,960 of this, like my podcast is going to be changing. 326 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,480 We're going to be changing the cover. 327 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,920 We're going to be changing like my intro and outro, which I 328 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,360 already know. My intro and outro are fucking 329 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,880 horrific. Like I know I had someone come 330 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,680 into my DMS that was like, I really hope you don't take this 331 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,600 personally and like, I hope I have permission to say this, but 332 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,800 like, I just feel like your intro and outro is so 333 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,400 incongruent to the rest of the episode. 334 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,960 And I was like, girl, thank you for saying it because I already 335 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,360 fucking knew it and it's coming. It's in the pipeline. 336 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,160 So give me like a month or two and it's going to be done. 337 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,040 So essentially I'm changing my branding, We're doing a whole 338 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,080 new photo shoot. We're doing like everything. 339 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,840 It's just the next evolution of me, right? 340 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,480 And I had a moment where I was like, but like, if I change the 341 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,680 cover of my podcast and if I start changing what I'm talking 342 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,160 about in this podcast, are people still going to want to 343 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,160 listen, right? Will they be like, Oh my God, 344 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,440 you can't stick to one thing? Well, if that's the frequency 345 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,080 that you're playing in, I probably don't want you 346 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,240 listening to my podcast anyways because you're not going to get 347 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,840 it. You're not going to understand 348 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,080 me. My stuff isn't going to land for 349 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,840 you. And you're definitely not going 350 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,800 to want to join any of my stuff because it's just it's not 351 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:42,680 resonant with you, right? So for me, I want people in my 352 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,160 world that can hold my evolution, right? 353 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,000 Of like, oh fuck yeah, she's changing her branding because 354 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,480 she's changed and evolved as a human, right? 355 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,160 And that's exactly it. And I think so many of us, you 356 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,520 know, talked a lot about identity in the past couple of 357 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,720 months on this podcast. So many of us get attached to a 358 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,440 certain identity that we don't want to let go. 359 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,680 And so we actually cock block our evolution because we're 360 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,960 like, this is who I am, right? Because that's your concept of 361 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,400 self, which again, I'm going to be going into in Connected 362 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,200 Woman. Like if you've done Connected 363 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,440 Woman before, just know that this is like a completely new 364 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,600 fucking program. And if you have done it and 365 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,680 you're wanting to do it again, just DM me on Instagram or 366 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,920 e-mail me contact@michellepanning.com and 367 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,800 we can give you the alumni rate. But that's only if you've done 368 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,360 it before. Otherwise you have to pay like 369 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,560 the regular price anyways. Oh, by the way, Connect to Woman 370 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,320 starts tonight. I don't know like what time 371 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,000 you're going to be listening to this or whenever, but it's the 372 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,120 7th of February, February Australian time. 373 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,040 So that's so exciting. You can join whenever throughout 374 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,120 the program, but I just wanted to say if you're wanting to 375 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,840 start from like the very beginning, then tonight is the 376 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,920 night that we start. So with my branding, right? 377 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,560 It's like I am evolving even what I want to talk about on 378 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,280 this podcast. I do not want to play in the 379 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,480 frequency of like, Oh my God, I just keep attracting like 380 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,920 emotionally unavailable men and it's so hard for me. 381 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,360 I did that and that's kind of, you know, like I built a decent 382 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,720 following on here and on Instagram because of that. 383 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,440 But that's not the frequency that I play in anymore. 384 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,520 You know, I don't want to talk about that really anymore. 385 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,240 I want to talk about how we can expand, how we can transcend. 386 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,440 And I want to talk about, you know, having high fucking 387 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:28,760 standards in not only love, but our businesses with money and in 388 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:32,640 our lives, like friendships, family, all of that, and just 389 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,720 having really high standards for ourselves. 390 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,520 So what started off as like, Oh, I want to help women connect to 391 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,200 themselves and like self love has just evolved in this, this 392 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,880 deeper thing of like, I don't want you to just have a baseline 393 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,280 of love for yourself. I want you to be at the point 394 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,600 where you have such fucking high standards for your life that 395 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,240 someone saying some shit to you on the Internet doesn't even 396 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,440 touch the sides because you're like, I actually just don't care 397 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,360 because this does not meet the level of communication that I 398 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,920 desire for my life, for my world, right? 399 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,080 And so I'm actually not even going to entertain this. 400 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,480 I'm not even going to play into it. 401 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,520 And it actually, you get to the point where it actually just 402 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,000 doesn't bother you. It actually just doesn't bother 403 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,880 you, right? Because you can hold so much 404 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,360 more because you've done the work, you've actually gone into 405 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,080 it. You've been able to sit with 406 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,240 yourself, right? And our capacity to hold is so 407 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,640 much more than holding other people's projections. 408 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,160 It's how much can you hold seeing yourself, actually 409 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,400 fucking seeing yourself right? And your reactivity patterns and 410 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,000 the way you play in relationships because that's 411 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,000 really important because if you're trying to do shadow work 412 00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:45,040 and you do not have any capacity to hold, you're not going to get 413 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,600 anywhere because you're fucking going to give up after 2 414 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,240 seconds, right? So it's actually really, really 415 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,440 important that we build this capacity to whole, which is 416 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,920 nervous system work. Also in the connected woman. 417 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,640 I just can't speak highly enough about the connected woman. 418 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,480 It really is like the fucking ultimate shadow work course for 419 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,600 relationships, for self love, for self connection, for 420 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,400 relationships with men. Like if you want to go into the 421 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,600 fucking depths and you actually wanna change shit, you've done 422 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,880 the personal development right. You've done course after course 423 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,480 after course around like self love and whatever, and you keep 424 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,360 doing the same fucking thing. Connect to Woman is the place 425 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:25,480 you wanna be because there's doing the work and then there's 426 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,760 shadow work. Two different things, right? 427 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,960 Shadow work is like the deepest kind of work that you could 428 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,600 possibly do in my opinion. And I just, yeah, it's just so 429 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,720 fucking good. So it gets to the place where 430 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,960 like, you know, if you're dating and you're rejected 17,000,000 431 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,800 times, you actually don't even care. 432 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,040 You actually don't even care because you can hold yourself 433 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,720 through so much and you just know you're so anchored into 434 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,520 your bigger vision. So yeah, this is a really big 435 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,720 conversation and I love that we've been able, well, I have 436 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,960 been able to have this conversation conversation and it 437 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,200 feels so normal. It feels so regular. 438 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,280 And like these are the kinds of conversations that I'm having 439 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,000 with my girlfriends on a regular basis. 440 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,680 You know, this is just the standard and the frequency that 441 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,800 I hold for communication around my life. 442 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,640 So yeah, I hope you got a lot out of this episode. 443 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,400 And if you didn't, that's so fine also. 444 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,600 So yes, what I want to finish on is join the Connective Woman 445 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,640 because it literally is the best course on the entire fucking 446 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,440 planet. Planet. 447 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,920 It's literally going to be famous. 448 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,680 I already fucking know it. It's going to be famous. 449 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,720 And so this is really, really, really exciting. 450 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:34,000 So again, we start tonight, so the 7th of Feb. 451 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,440 And if you want in, the link will be in the description. 452 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,520 Other than that, I love you so much. 453 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:48,040 Until next time, thank you so much for tuning in to the UN 454 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,240 Fuck Your Relationships podcast. I hope that this episode has 455 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,240 helped you regain yourself worth and reclaim your power. 456 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,120 Remember, you deserve to feel safe and secure in your 457 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,840 relationships. If you love what you learned, be 458 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,280 sure to hit that follow button so you never miss a future 459 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,560 episode and leave a review to help me reach more passionate 460 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,480 women just like you who want to heal their relationship patterns 461 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,240 so they can have real intimacy with men. 462 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,920 Don't forget to take a screenshot, share it in your 463 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,440 Instagram stories and tag me at Michelle Panning. 464 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,120 See you back here in the next episode.