Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast.
I'm Michelle Panning, your host intimacy alchemist, Trigger
Queen and founder of The Connected Woman AKA your new go
to bestie for all things love, sex and relationships that won't
blow total smoke up your ass. I believe you deserve to have it
all, to feel worthy, confident, and have a fulfilling as fuck
love life. In this podcast, we're dropping
the insecurity and doubt so that you can transform into the
powerful, confident, and secure woman you know you're destined
to be. So grab your favorite glass of
wine and let's get to work because it's time to reclaim
yourself worth, baby. Hello, my loves, welcome back to
the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast.
This is episode 84. We're on episode 84 now.
Wild. So please like and review and
share this podcast. If you got something out of it,
I'd love that. So listen closely because this
is going to be a juicy one. I'm sharing some personal stuff
and just, you know, my take on things, which I always do.
I've actually been reflected on what I want this podcast to be
and I'm going to be coming out with like new branding soon,
which is so fucking exciting. And I'm basically redoing this
podcast. And so I've been thinking about
what I want it to be. And I really want it to be a
space where it's less about me teaching in the traditional
sense of the word and more so about me sharing my experiences,
what's happening in my world, how I'm evolving, and having
that be a teaching in and of itself, if that makes sense.
So I guess this is a good time to kind of lead into what I want
to speak about today, which is about holding projections.
OK, so you'll know that a few episodes ago if you listen to
the one about, I can't remember what it was titled, but
something about like not settling for the in between guy.
And I was basically talking about how, you know, we end up
in these situation ships or these relationships that aren't
ultimately what we really want, but we think this is all I'm
ever going to get. This is good enough.
I'll take something's better than nothing, right?
And I kind of led into that episode by talking about my
experience with buying a car and how I almost bought one that was
really nice, but not ultimately what I wanted.
And so that was an example of me sharing, you know, like my own
experience about something and then relating it to, you know,
how that applies to relationships or how that could
apply to you. So the other day after that
episode was released, I received a comment on one of my posts
about how my podcast was like, complete shit.
And it's full of nonsense and I'm obnoxious as fuck.
And what's really cool about that is I didn't respond to it
because I was like, I actually, yeah, I have better things to do
with my time than respond to things like that because I'm not
going to play into that dynamic. It actually just is not the
frequency that I play in. But it ended up being like a
really cool teaching moment. And what was really cool for me
to reflect on was I had a similar experience maybe like
7-8 months ago and when someone messaged me 8 months ago, I was
so dysregulated. I was like, Oh my God.
I remember speaking to my mentor about it and being like, what do
I say? What do I do?
Like do you think I was in the wrong?
Blah blah, blah, blah blah. And this time I was so
regulated. Like I saw the message and I was
like, interesting. Like I actually felt no charge
around it in my body. And I was like, I'm actually
going to take this and make content out of it because it's a
really important conversation. And it's this conversation
around holding people's projections, right?
So as you guys know, I've been running this course main
character energy, right? Which is all about stepping into
delusional confidence, right? And actually playing into
obnoxious energy of like, I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Like not from a space of being entitled and walking all over
people, but actually knowing that the dreams that you have
for yourself are there for a fucking reason, right?
Like you wouldn't want something if it wasn't for you.
So I'm doing this course right? And so I basically these stories
about how this is the reason why so many women, you know, and
men, but I predominantly speak to women in this podcast.
This is why so many women don't step into their main character.
They don't take risks in their lives.
They don't go for the job that they want.
They don't ever talk about money.
They don't ask for a raise. They don't ask for what they
want in their relationships. They don't say their needs.
They don't wear the clothes that they want to where whatever it
is because they're so scared of how other people are going to
perceive that. And when you're constantly in a
state of being afraid of if I do this, then other people are
going to think XYZ about me, You're never going to grow.
You're never going to evolve because you're constantly
pedestaling the opinions of others over your opinion over
yourself. Right.
So what was interesting is, you know, she in this episode said
you're very obnoxious. And I was like, yeah, like in
the stories that I did, I was like, yes, I am.
I'm playing into obnoxious energy.
You know, that's my point because I'm here to do big shit.
I'm not here to. If you're Australian, you'll get
this. And if you're not, Google it.
This saying, but I'm not here to fuck spiders.
Yeah, you know, I'm not here to just fuck around and live this
like mediocre life. Like, I really want to do big
shit in this world. And I know that if you guys are
listening to this, it's because you don't want a mediocre
relationship. You want a relationship or yeah,
you want a relationship and a life and a potentially a
business that is extraordinary, that is bigger than you could
have possibly imagined. But The thing is, is that when
you step into that, you're going to piss some people off.
That's just part of it, right? And I remember, like years ago,
when I first started my business, I had this one woman
who would not fucking leave me alone on all of my posts.
She would just, like, come for me.
And I remember thinking like, fuck yeah, I'm doing something
right because I'm not here to blow smoke up your ass and just
make you feel really good about yourself and all the things that
you're doing and the relationships that you're
choosing for your life and the low standards that you may be
entertaining. You know, I'm not here to be
like, it's fine, babe, like it's all good.
Just love yourself. Just look in the mirror and say
you love yourself. Like there's a time and a place
for that. But I'm here to actually agitate
you into transcending your shit, right?
Because the, the only way that we can see our shadows is to be
agitated to have them reflected, right?
Whether that's a reflect, an external reflection or an
internal reflection, but for us to actually see our shadows.
So I'm not here to hold your hand and make nice.
And I'm also not here to dilute my own life and my own truth,
right? If you want to say that, go
start your own podcast. Do you know what I mean?
So The thing is, is that when you grow, when you evolve, when
you move to a higher frequency, people are going to project
their unhealed wounds onto you. And that is part of it.
And I think on some level we all know that, which is why we're so
scared of taking up space. We're scared of doing the thing.
We're scared of saying the thing because we're so afraid that
someone is going to come for us. Someone is going to say you
shouldn't have done that. Someone's going to say you're
arrogant, you're self absorbed, you're so full of yourself,
you're this, you're that, you're this, you're that, and that.
We won't be able to hold that because here's the thing, people
are going to project one way or another, OK?
You're going to always receive projections, whether that's
conscious or unconscious projections.
And So what we need to do is be able to hold more and build our
capacity to hold that, right. So this is where we want to
become really aware of our own reactivity body patterns,
because here's how it could have played out, right, If I wasn't
aware of my reactivity patterns. And if you don't know what I'm
talking about with projections and you know, like unhealed
wounds and reactivity patterns and ego and all of that stuff,
you definitely want to be in connected woman.
If you're not understanding that language, connected woman is the
space that you definitely want to be because that's what we're
talking about specifically in the context of relationships,
right? We've done a lot of stuff around
projections and ego and taking up space in main character
energy. So if you're wanting more like
confidence kind of stuff, then definitely that's where you want
to be in main character energy. So we want to be aware of our
own reactivity patterns, right? Because it could have played out
like this. If I was not aware of my
reactivity patterns, I could have read that message, been
extremely triggered and then like fired back at her with
something of like, well, that this says more about you than it
does about me. And you should really check
yourself. Like do you know what I mean?
Like be argumentative or the opposite end.
Like people, please. Like, I'm so sorry that you felt
that way. And like, you know, how could I
make this up to you? Like, do you want to have a
conversation in the DMS about this so we can really unpack
this? Like, that's not my fucking job.
Like when I'm not being paid, do you know what I mean?
I'm not being paid to do that. And so it's not my job.
And really like the way that I responded because I didn't
react. I responded right?
And there's a difference, which again, we're going to be
speaking to in connected women. And I responded from a place of
like, I'm actually not even going to engage because one, I
value my time more than that and I'd rather be doing something
else. But also I want to lean back and
allow people to observe themselves, right?
Because here's the thing. We could have had a conversation
around, you know, like maybe what was coming up for her
projections, her ego, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And main character energy could have been a great fit for her
potentially. But like, if someone doesn't
have the level of self-awareness to witness themselves in an
interaction, they're not someone that I personally want in my
world, whether that's my partner, a friend, someone in my
business or a client, right? I don't want people in my world
who do not have any sort of self-awareness, right?
And I'm not saying that she doesn't, it's not about her.
It's just so you can apply this to your own life, right?
So we want to be aware of our own reactivity patterns because
here's the thing, the people in your world, you're in a dance
with them, right? And so you take like, let's use
a very basic example of being in an anxious avoidant
relationship, right? And so if you, let's say you're
the anxious 1 and your partner is the avoidant, let's just go
with a very classic kind of heteronormative example, right?
And so if you stop playing into anxious energy, the other
person, like there's nowhere for them to be avoided because
you're not doing the anxious thing, right?
And so when you stop playing into someone's game, right, you
stop dancing with them, they have no one to dance with, so
they can't actually play into that same game, right?
And so This Is Us being aware of our own reactivity patterns.
And when we understand our own reactivity patterns, when we
understand our ego projections, triggers reactivity, our inner
child, our relationship blueprint, our traumas, our
wounds, literally every single thing that I'm going to be
breaking down in Connected woman.
When we understand this, we can understand other people more,
right? So I could have read that and
made it mean something about me, right?
That I've done a bad job or maybe I am too obnoxious or, you
know, whatever. Or I could have made it about
her, like she's a bitch or she's, you know, like super
wounded or whatever it is. But when I understand how I can
be reactive at times, then I can also hold someone else in their
reactivity, right? And so I don't make it mean
anything about me. I don't take it personally
because I'm like, yeah, I could see where that could come from,
right? And so there's empathy, there's
compassion, there's understanding.
Doesn't mean I want it in my world, doesn't mean I'm going to
engage with it, doesn't mean I'm going to be argumentative or
defensive or have no backbone and give into it.
But I can also hold the duality of standing my ground and also
being of holding my ground and also not bending over backwards
and having compassion and empathy.
Here, officially, the Connected Woman is open officially.
Officially officially. This is my signature 12 week
shadow work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious
as fuck about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and
having unbuckwithable self worth.
This has been completely revamped from the last round.
I have evolved so so so much. This is so much deeper.
It's like nervous system where ego work projections, triggers
inner child men boundaries. Like everything that you could
possibly want about your connection with yourself and
having healthy relationships is in this course.
Like if you're going to do 1 course, let it be this because
this will change your entire fucking life.
And I just want to say this isn't just for women who fall on
anxious scale. This is for my women who are
avoided. This is for women who are
single, married, divorced, in a relationship, open relationship,
queer relationships, like whatever, whatever, whatever,
whatever. This is for you because this is
going to change the way you relate not only with other
people in romantic relationships, but first and
foremost the way that you relate with yourself, which is fucking
priceless. Yeah.
So we start beginning of February.
This is so big, the price, as you guys know, as per usual, the
price increases the closer we get to the start date, which I
believe is like the 7th of February, something like that.
So you definitely want to check in, sign up as soon as you can
be on the e-mail list, check my stories, all the things.
This round is going to be unlike anything that I have ever put
out and I don't think the next one will be until nearly the end
of the year. So if you know you want in, get
amongst it. Payment plans are available.
I cannot wait to see you there. Yay.
So here's the thing. Here's an example, right?
Like if you tend to fall more people pleaser E, people pleaser
E, if you tend to fall more on the people pleaser scale, and
then you maybe, let's say you do connected women, and then you
stop playing into that behavior. What most likely happens is a
lot of people will be like, you've changed.
You're not who you used to be. I feel like I don't even know
you. Right.
And that's because you're evolving.
Yeah. And so it's like we need to be
really aware of who we have in our world because when people
can't hold you in your evolution, that's when you're
going to stagnate. That's when you're going to
stagnate, right? So people being able to hold you
in your evolution. But here's the thing, you first
you have to be able to hold yourself in your evolution,
right? Because if you're constantly
getting stuck in, who am I going to have to leave behind?
What belief systems am I going to have to leave behind?
What thought patterns, what behaviors, right?
Who can I, you know, what standards can I no longer
entertain, right? What like what low standards can
I no longer entertain? If you're getting stuck in that,
then you're not actually evolving, right?
If you're getting stuck in, oh, but I don't want to say this
thing because I'm going to piss my boyfriend off, right?
And that's not coming from a space of like, say whatever the
fuck you want and however it lands, that's on them.
No, there's an element of like, you know, understanding people's
patterns and you can deliver things with grace and tact and
compassion and empathy, but that doesn't mean you hold back on
your actual truth, right? And so this was a really big
learning piece for me because I was like, OK, well, how do I
want to respond to this? And for me, silence is a
response also, right? Because what's happening in that
moment is I'm actually telling you subtly and subconsciously
what I'm willing to entertain in my world.
And that ain't it. That ain't it.
And right, I could go in and I could delete the comment and I
didn't. It's on a pinned post.
You could literally go read it now.
I don't care because I can hold the frequency of duality in my
life, so I don't need people in my world to just blow smoke up
my ass all the time. I'm OK with feeling contrast.
I'm OK with feeling conflict, right?
Because I can hold myself in that because I've built the
capacity to hold sensation in my body of like, oh, wow, OK, this
one didn't really trigger me, but I've had things in the past
that have triggered me, right? And it's like, oh, OK, noticing
that. Great.
And now I have a choice in how I want to respond or how I want to
react. So even just a quick example on
how we evolve and being able to hold ourselves in our evolution,
right? My branding has changed so many
times. And like I said at the beginning
of this, like my podcast is going to be changing.
We're going to be changing the cover.
We're going to be changing like my intro and outro, which I
already know. My intro and outro are fucking
horrific. Like I know I had someone come
into my DMS that was like, I really hope you don't take this
personally and like, I hope I have permission to say this, but
like, I just feel like your intro and outro is so
incongruent to the rest of the episode.
And I was like, girl, thank you for saying it because I already
fucking knew it and it's coming. It's in the pipeline.
So give me like a month or two and it's going to be done.
So essentially I'm changing my branding, We're doing a whole
new photo shoot. We're doing like everything.
It's just the next evolution of me, right?
And I had a moment where I was like, but like, if I change the
cover of my podcast and if I start changing what I'm talking
about in this podcast, are people still going to want to
listen, right? Will they be like, Oh my God,
you can't stick to one thing? Well, if that's the frequency
that you're playing in, I probably don't want you
listening to my podcast anyways because you're not going to get
it. You're not going to understand
me. My stuff isn't going to land for
you. And you're definitely not going
to want to join any of my stuff because it's just it's not
resonant with you, right? So for me, I want people in my
world that can hold my evolution, right?
Of like, oh fuck yeah, she's changing her branding because
she's changed and evolved as a human, right?
And that's exactly it. And I think so many of us, you
know, talked a lot about identity in the past couple of
months on this podcast. So many of us get attached to a
certain identity that we don't want to let go.
And so we actually cock block our evolution because we're
like, this is who I am, right? Because that's your concept of
self, which again, I'm going to be going into in Connected
Woman. Like if you've done Connected
Woman before, just know that this is like a completely new
fucking program. And if you have done it and
you're wanting to do it again, just DM me on Instagram or
e-mail me contact@michellepanning.com and
we can give you the alumni rate. But that's only if you've done
it before. Otherwise you have to pay like
the regular price anyways. Oh, by the way, Connect to Woman
starts tonight. I don't know like what time
you're going to be listening to this or whenever, but it's the
7th of February, February Australian time.
So that's so exciting. You can join whenever throughout
the program, but I just wanted to say if you're wanting to
start from like the very beginning, then tonight is the
night that we start. So with my branding, right?
It's like I am evolving even what I want to talk about on
this podcast. I do not want to play in the
frequency of like, Oh my God, I just keep attracting like
emotionally unavailable men and it's so hard for me.
I did that and that's kind of, you know, like I built a decent
following on here and on Instagram because of that.
But that's not the frequency that I play in anymore.
You know, I don't want to talk about that really anymore.
I want to talk about how we can expand, how we can transcend.
And I want to talk about, you know, having high fucking
standards in not only love, but our businesses with money and in
our lives, like friendships, family, all of that, and just
having really high standards for ourselves.
So what started off as like, Oh, I want to help women connect to
themselves and like self love has just evolved in this, this
deeper thing of like, I don't want you to just have a baseline
of love for yourself. I want you to be at the point
where you have such fucking high standards for your life that
someone saying some shit to you on the Internet doesn't even
touch the sides because you're like, I actually just don't care
because this does not meet the level of communication that I
desire for my life, for my world, right?
And so I'm actually not even going to entertain this.
I'm not even going to play into it.
And it actually, you get to the point where it actually just
doesn't bother you. It actually just doesn't bother
you, right? Because you can hold so much
more because you've done the work, you've actually gone into
it. You've been able to sit with
yourself, right? And our capacity to hold is so
much more than holding other people's projections.
It's how much can you hold seeing yourself, actually
fucking seeing yourself right? And your reactivity patterns and
the way you play in relationships because that's
really important because if you're trying to do shadow work
and you do not have any capacity to hold, you're not going to get
anywhere because you're fucking going to give up after 2
seconds, right? So it's actually really, really
important that we build this capacity to whole, which is
nervous system work. Also in the connected woman.
I just can't speak highly enough about the connected woman.
It really is like the fucking ultimate shadow work course for
relationships, for self love, for self connection, for
relationships with men. Like if you want to go into the
fucking depths and you actually wanna change shit, you've done
the personal development right. You've done course after course
after course around like self love and whatever, and you keep
doing the same fucking thing. Connect to Woman is the place
you wanna be because there's doing the work and then there's
shadow work. Two different things, right?
Shadow work is like the deepest kind of work that you could
possibly do in my opinion. And I just, yeah, it's just so
fucking good. So it gets to the place where
like, you know, if you're dating and you're rejected 17,000,000
times, you actually don't even care.
You actually don't even care because you can hold yourself
through so much and you just know you're so anchored into
your bigger vision. So yeah, this is a really big
conversation and I love that we've been able, well, I have
been able to have this conversation conversation and it
feels so normal. It feels so regular.
And like these are the kinds of conversations that I'm having
with my girlfriends on a regular basis.
You know, this is just the standard and the frequency that
I hold for communication around my life.
So yeah, I hope you got a lot out of this episode.
And if you didn't, that's so fine also.
So yes, what I want to finish on is join the Connective Woman
because it literally is the best course on the entire fucking
planet. Planet.
It's literally going to be famous.
I already fucking know it. It's going to be famous.
And so this is really, really, really exciting.
So again, we start tonight, so the 7th of Feb.
And if you want in, the link will be in the description.
Other than that, I love you so much.
Until next time, thank you so much for tuning in to the UN
Fuck Your Relationships podcast. I hope that this episode has
helped you regain yourself worth and reclaim your power.
Remember, you deserve to feel safe and secure in your
relationships. If you love what you learned, be
sure to hit that follow button so you never miss a future
episode and leave a review to help me reach more passionate
women just like you who want to heal their relationship patterns
so they can have real intimacy with men.
Don't forget to take a screenshot, share it in your
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See you back here in the next episode.