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Welcome to the Unfuck Your 
Relationships podcast. 

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I'm Michelle Panning, your host 
intimacy alchemist, Trigger 

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Queen and founder of The 
Connected Woman AKA your new go 

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to bestie for all things love, 
sex and relationships that won't

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blow total smoke up your ass. 
I believe you deserve to have it

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all, to feel worthy, confident, 
and have a fulfilling as fuck 

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love life. 
In this podcast, we're dropping 

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the insecurity and doubt so that
you can transform into the 

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powerful, confident, and secure 
woman you know you're destined 

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to be. 
So grab your favorite glass of 

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wine and let's get to work, 
because it's time to reclaim 

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yourself worth, baby. 
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome

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back to another episode of the 
Unfuck Your Relationships 

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podcast. 
If you're new here, I'm 

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Michelle. 
I'm so excited to have you here.

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I have been through a journey 
over the past couple of weeks 

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and I'm still journeying it 
myself. 

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But I kind of wanted to share 
with you a little bit about 

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what's going on and the level of
trust and truth that I am 

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dropping into. 
Because I really see this as 

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being valuable for not only just
your dating and your 

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relationship and your love life,
but your entire life. 

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And it's this piece of like, I 
know I've said this before on 

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the podcast, but it's actually 
landing on a whole new level. 

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And it's this piece of you can't
fuck it up. 

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You cannot fuck it up if you 
just take a second right now and

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you close your eyes, if that's 
available to you right now. 

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Otherwise, just imagine like, 
close your eyes, take a couple 

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deep breaths. 
And feel the level of freedom 

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that happens that has created 
the spaciousness in your body 

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when you feel that you actually 
cannot mess anything up. 

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That every decision you make is 
right and perfect and holy and 

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good, even if it seems like the 
wrong decision in the moment, 

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right? 
And what I'm tapping into at the

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moment is complete fearlessness.
Now, am I at the point where I 

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have No Fear about anything? 
No, I definitely still have 

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fear. 
But it's this journey of not 

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caring, not caring about the 
fear because so often right? 

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Like I remember being on dates 
and just being like, I hope he 

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likes me. 
I hope I say the right thing. 

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I'm sure you can resonate, 
right? 

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If you're actively dating at the
moment or you remember back to 

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when you were dating, like God, 
it could be anxiety inducing. 

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You know, it can be really scary
and sitting on the other end of 

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that table if you're going for 
drinks or dinner or whatever and

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feeling fear around it or, you 
know, things aren't going well 

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in a relationship and you're 
afraid to say the thing. 

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You're afraid to say I need 
this. 

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Or, you know, even deeper than 
that, it's I'm afraid to know 

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the truth. 
And yes, sometimes we're afraid.

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You know, a lot of times we're 
afraid to know the truth from 

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someone else, right? 
It's like we actually don't want

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to ask, do you like me? 
Do you want to be in a 

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relationship with me? 
What are we? 

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Do you see us getting married? 
Do you see us having children? 

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Right. 
We don't want to ask those 

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questions because we're afraid 
of the truth, you know, in 

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whatever that means, the obvious
answer, right? 

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Yeah, We, we can be afraid of 
the truth of like, no, I don't 

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want to get married to you, 
right? 

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That's that can be a scary 
truth. 

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But on the other end of that, 
you know what if they say 

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actually, I do what comes up for
you around that? 

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Is there a truth there? 
And I think that can be the 

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scarier truth that we avoid is 
when we lie to ourselves and we 

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don't tell ourselves the truth, 
right? 

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When we go, I don't think I want
to get married or I don't think 

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I want children, or we're with 
someone who doesn't want 

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children and we go, actually, I 
think I do want children. 

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But I'm going to ignore that 
that truth because that scares 

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me, right? 
And for anyone who doesn't know,

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I studied under Layla Martin and
she recently posted a video on 

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her YouTube channel about her 
and her partner who are going 

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through a conscious uncoupling 
right now. 

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They've been together for eight 
years. 

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And like, I don't know them 
personally. 

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Like she was, she was my 
teacher, but that was the 

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capacity that I knew her in. 
She was, I didn't really know 

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her personally, but I really 
admired their relationship. 

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And so it was, it came as to me 
quite a shock that they were 

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ending things. 
And I think they're, you know, 

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handling it really beautifully. 
But something that she said in 

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that video really stood out to 
me, which was, you know, she, 

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she said that her and her 
partner had done so much work, 

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so many coaches, so many healing
modalities and therapies. 

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And, you know, all the things 
she's a, she's a Tantra teacher,

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right? 
Like, I studied under her for 

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Tantra and she has all these 
ways of dealing with things her 

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and her partner do. 
And she said there was just, we 

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have a great relationship, it's 
wonderful. 

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We love each other so much, we 
get along so well, we have so 

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much fun together, the sex is 
great, whatever. 

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But there was just something 
that wasn't true. 

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And there's no tool in the world
that can make the untrue true. 

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And that sentence really stood 
out to me because I was like, 

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you are so right. 
Where are you lying to yourself 

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about what is true? 
So this could look a bunch of 

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different ways, right? 
This could look like you're in a

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relationship and you know that 
even though it's great that 

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something's missing, that you 
actually have a taste, you 

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actually have a desire for 
something else. 

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Maybe it's not even for 
something more, but it's for 

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something else, right? 
You're stuck in a job that 

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you're like, it pays so well. 
I'm doing so well, but this 

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isn't what I want to do. 
You're living in a country or a 

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state that you don't want to 
live in, right? 

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Or it can look like, you know, 
denying someone, you've gone on 

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a couple dates with someone and 
you're like, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah.

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It's not a good fit. 
Not a good fit when like 

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actually, the truth of you knows
that it actually is a good fit. 

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But you don't want to admit that
to yourself because they might 

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not be the picture of the person
that you had always desired, you

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know, like the Disney Princess 
kind of fairy tale. 

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And I think what makes 
relationships so beautiful and 

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messy and chaotic and perfect is
the capacity to actually say the

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thing, to say the truth. 
And I'm working with one of my 

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mentors, Alejandra, right now. 
She's been my, I mean, I've 

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worked with her off and on since
we started this, you know, since

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I started getting into this 
maybe three years ago. 

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And it's like sometimes your 
truth is silence, which is what 

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she said. 
You know, sometimes your truth 

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is silence and deciphering that 
for yourself when having these 

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conversations with with partners
or with people you're dating or 

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whoever even, you know, 
friendships, whatever. 

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It's like sometimes you need to 
just shut up. 

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I know for me it's like, yeah, 
sometimes I need to shut up. 

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But I thought I would share an 
experience and I actually asked 

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my partner Joel, if I could 
share this because I just, I 

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wanted to check in to see if if 
he was OK with this. 

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But you know, we had a 
conversation. 

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And this is like, I, I share 
this because this is the fucking

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reality of life and 
relationships. 

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And I feel that no one shares 
this part, especially on 

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podcasts and Instagrams. 
And if you are any sort of 

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dating, love, manifestation, 
relationship coach, mentor, 

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whatever you want to call it, 
like this part is not shared. 

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OK, so Joel and I had a 
conversation a few weeks ago 

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where I don't even know how it 
got brought up, but I said 

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something or he said something. 
And then I think one of us said,

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I think I said, well, maybe 
we're not right for each other. 

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And it wasn't in the past. 
Full transparency. 

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In the past, I have said things 
like that to partners as a way 

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of like, oh, well, maybe we're 
not right for each other as a 

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test of like, you know, prove me
wrong, fight for me, tell, tell 

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me why we are meant for each 
other. 

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And this wasn't that. 
This was a full surrender 

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actually, to the moment of well,
maybe we are genuinely not right

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for each other. 
And his response was maybe we're

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not. 
And there was no kicking or 

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screaming or tantruming or 
begging or pleading from anyone.

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It was actually just the full 
acceptance of the truth of that 

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moment. 
And in all honesty, as much as I

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say, and you know, if you've 
done any of my programs or you, 

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you are familiar with my work. 
Like I love men so deeply. 

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And I still have my own shit. 
I still have my own wounds. 

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And I spent a lot of my 
relationship with Joel Wolf with

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any partner actually trying to 
control them and trying to make 

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them into someone other than 
they are. 

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Like I spent the the majority of
my relationship with Joel trying

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to get him to be what I wanted 
him to be, which was, you know, 

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spiritual and doing all this 
earth work and doing personal 

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development. 
And you know, the perfect idea 

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of what I see on couples on 
Instagram. 

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And the more I felt into it, 
right? 

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Because we had that conversation
of like, OK, well, maybe we 

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aren't right for each other, but
both of us, it wasn't even a 

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conscious decision. 
We just kind of left it as well.

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Let's just be present. 
Let's actually not make a 

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decision. 
Let's not make a decision to 

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stay and work on it, quote, UN 
quote, work on it. 

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And let's not make a decision to
call it quits and leave. 

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Let's just actually make a 
decision to be in the truth, in 

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the truth of every moment. 
And it's only been a few weeks 

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since then, but I can say 
something incredible has opened 

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in our relationship of saying 
the truth in every moment. 

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Because love is not control. 
Love is not control. 

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Love is allowing someone to be 
who they are in every moment. 

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And you can also have impeccable
standards and have boundaries 

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and know what you want and what 
you don't want. 

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And if someone does not want to 
provide that or meet that 

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standard, then it's your 
decision to be to to know that 

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truth, to recognize that truth 
and to walk away from that. 

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But for me right now, it feels 
like a choice every day of like,

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what's my truth right now? 
And it's been, yes, I want to be

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here. 
And I invite the same for him. 

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You know, it's like, whoa, hey, 
baby, what's your truth? 

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It's like, yeah, I want to be 
here today. 

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And, you know, in the past, that
has felt like the most 

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terrifying place to be. 
And you may be listening to this

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going. 
What the fuck? 

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I don't want to do that because 
a lot of us get into committed 

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relationships and marriage 
because we want the safety of 

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you're never leaving. 
I want you to commit and stay 

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committed. 
And often times, if you're 

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really honest with yourself, and
I know this is how I was, it was

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like, I actually don't even give
a shit if you want to be here. 

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I don't care if this is your 
truth because my truth is I want

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to be in a relationship and 
that's not love, right? 

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Love is like the the freedom for
us to just be in every moment 

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without trying to force or 
control. 

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And the amount of freedom that I
personally feel in the past 

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couple of weeks in this like you
do you and I'm going to do me. 

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And it's not in a way, it's not 
in a passive way. 

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If I don't give a shit about 
you, It's actually the complete 

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opposite. 
It's I care about you so deeply 

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that I don't want you to ever do
anything that you don't want to 

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do. 
I want you to be in your truth. 

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I want you to do what makes you 
happy. 

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Yeah. 
And so when you come from that 

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place, you know that it's always
this or something better, right?

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It's always this or something 
better. 

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And so scarcity just dissolves. 
It's not a, you know, OK, do all

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the mindset work and do all the 
healing. 

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It's like it just dissolves 
because it's not a thing 

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anymore. 
It's like, well, I know that 

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it's always this. 
There's something better. 

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And when I follow my truth, my 
truth and my desires will never,

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ever, ever lead me astray. 
Yeah, take a deep breath if 

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you're listening to this, like I
invite you to be in your truth, 

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right? 
And that means for everything, 

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if it's something I'm saying or 
another coach is saying or 

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00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:42,360
another mentor or a guru or your
mother or your partner or your 

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child or a teacher, whoever, 
take what they're saying, try it

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on and ask yourself, does this 
feel true for me? 

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And if it doesn't feel true, 
then leave it. 

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Yeah. 
Just because someone says 

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something doesn't mean it's the 
truth. 

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Like you get to play in the 
realm of making your own rules, 

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which is so exciting. 
So. 

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Yeah, I feel this immense 
freedom in my body and I, and I 

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know that for me personally, I'm
at the edge, you know, like the 

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tip of the iceberg. 
So I invite you to just feel 

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into this and feel what that 
could feel like if you lived in 

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your truth and start to ask 
yourself, what is my truth? 

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Because a lot of us don't even 
know, right? 

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Because it's clouded and shadow 
and conditioning and patriarchal

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society views like all of these 
things. 

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And it's like, what's what's the
truth? 

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You know, what's the truth? 
What does a successful 

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relationship mean to me? 
What does love mean to me? 

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Maybe I'll talk about that in 
the next episode, but for now, I

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feel complete with that. 
So I'm going to leave that 

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there. 
I hope you've enjoyed this. 

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If you have, take a screenshot 
of it, tag me on Instagram, post

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00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,880
it on your stories. 
I'd love to hear from you. 

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I'd love to connect for it with 
you. 

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Just feel the freedom of being 
in truth in every moment. 

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I love you lots and I'll see you
in the next episode. 

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Thank you so much for tuning in 
to the UN Fuck Your 

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00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,120
Relationships podcast. 
I hope that this episode has 

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helped you regain yourself worth
and reclaim your power. 

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Remember, you deserve to feel 
safe and secure in your 

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relationships. 
If you love what you learned, be

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00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,160
sure to hit that follow button 
so you never miss a future 

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00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,440
episode and leave a review to 
help me reach more passionate 

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00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,360
women just like you who want to 
heal their relationship patterns

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00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,120
so they can have real intimacy 
with men. 

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00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,800
Don't forget to take a 
screenshot, share it in your 

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00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,280
Instagram stories and tag me at 
Michelle Panning. 

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00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,000
See you back here in the next 
episode.