1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,960 Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast, the 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:06,200 podcast where we are not just unfucking your love life, but 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:10,040 unfucking your relationship to yourself and your entire life. 4 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:12,360 Around here. We raise your standards, we 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,280 break patterns, we upgrade yourself concept. 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,800 We are talking about boundaries, money, shadow work, your 7 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,880 relationship to your body, sex, all of it. 8 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,680 We are covering your entire life baby. 9 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,800 Think of this podcast as like Big Sister Energy where I am no 10 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:33,360 fluff, no bullshit, but I am also very open with my heart and 11 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,840 I'm going to share all of me with you and that will be able 12 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,240 to transform your entire life through you listening to this 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,080 podcast. So if you are ready to stop 14 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:47,280 settling for the bare minimum and actually be the woman that 15 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,840 you can wake up in the morning and be proud of, you are in the 16 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,280 right place. Let's get into today's episode. 17 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,560 Hello, my loves. Welcome back to the Unfucky 18 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,920 Relationships podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Panning, 19 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,200 and this is episode 228. And today we're going to be 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,560 talking about how to enter your dark feminine era. 21 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,880 People get very, very confused by this because there is a lot 22 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,520 of talk on TikTok, especially around black cat energy, dark 23 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,720 femme energy, all of these things. 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:22,800 And it's actually very much a lot of myths and it's very like, 25 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,880 oh, it's about dark lipstick and, you know, dressing quite 26 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,920 vampy. And this is how you manipulate 27 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,400 men and, and all of the things. And so we're going to be 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:39,000 breaking down a lot of that and for you to actually enter your 29 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,480 authentic dark feminine era. So to break it down, your 30 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,200 feminine energy is essentially your internal world. 31 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,520 This is everything that happens when your eyes are closed, 32 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,920 right? So your emotions, your feelings, 33 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:57,400 your intuition, all of it. But then, and we also have 34 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,920 masculine energy. That's a different conversation. 35 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:04,560 So within those within feminine and masculine, we have the light 36 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,360 masculine and the dark masculine and the light feminine and the 37 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,000 dark feminine. And so the light feminine 38 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,760 typically has characteristics that this is really what people 39 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,560 think when they think like, oh, feminine energy. 40 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:23,360 They think light and flowing and soft, nurturing, maybe a bit 41 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:32,600 maternal, playful, open, a lot of heart, energy, a lot of in a 42 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,400 sense there's it feels quite youthful and quite light and 43 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:41,240 airy and bright. And then the dark feminine is a 44 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:47,960 lot about intuition and bold and being assertive and power and 45 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:53,320 sensual and sexuality lives in like, I mean, you could 46 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,040 sexuality could be in both, right? 47 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,800 It could be, well, you could have your sexuality in the 48 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,320 masculine. You could have your sexuality in 49 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,080 the light femme. You could have your sexuality in 50 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:05,080 the dark femme, but it's really that like seductress type energy 51 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,680 in the dark feminine. And your dark feminine can be 52 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,520 such a portal to your power as a woman. 53 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,200 And people get very threatened by this because women hold this 54 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,520 this internal power within them. But we've been taught that it is 55 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,240 scary. We've been taught that that is 56 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,480 too much. It's too bold. 57 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,680 It's you're too loud. It's you know, you're, you're 58 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:36,680 too emotional, you're too bossy. You're too, too, too, too, too, 59 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,520 too, too, too, too all of the things right. 60 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,000 Even I think, you know, during sex and getting like really like 61 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,520 animalistic and wild and primal and passionate. 62 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,240 It's like, whoa, turn it, turn it down right. 63 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,920 No go into your porn star archetype or, you know, just 64 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:57,440 like, yeah, no, it's nice versus actually being in your your 65 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,240 animal body, which is essentially like what this is 66 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,120 like. I think we forget that we are at 67 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,120 our core. We are animals, right? 68 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,440 As humans, we are animals at our core. 69 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:11,320 And so we have this animalistic primal nature, but we've been 70 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,640 taught to disconnect from that because we've been taught and 71 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:15,800 conditioned that that is not safe to do. 72 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,959 And this is one of the archetypes that we actually 73 00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:19,839 explore at the awakening her retreat. 74 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,000 I'm not going to tell you what it is, but we really get into 75 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:31,320 this dark femme this, this primal wild sexual energy in a 76 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,760 really safe and contained way, which is really cool. 77 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:41,280 So again, what we see on social media is a very diluted surface 78 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:48,520 level way of looking at the dark feminine, which is again, ten 79 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:53,040 ways to manipulate a man you know, or your dark feminine 80 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:58,200 energy by doing the triangle method or here's a dark feminine 81 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,680 makeup tutorial. I love a dark feminine makeup 82 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,680 tutorial that is not going to help me access my dark feminine. 83 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,760 That might be an expression of my dark feminine. 84 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:12,000 So there is a difference and the reality of the dark feminine, 85 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,760 it's like it's earthy, it's in the body, it's very womb energy. 86 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:20,320 Even, you know, our this is the thing as women, it's like, oh, I 87 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,160 want to connect to my feminine energy. 88 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:25,320 And you just think that is about receiving part of your feminine 89 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,720 energy is like learning to love like your, your womb, your you 90 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,120 know, if you have a womb or even the energy of your womb and your 91 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,280 bleed like your, your menstrual blood, like connecting with it. 92 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:37,240 And I'm not saying that you need to put it on your face or you 93 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,000 need to fucking do anything with it, but just like it's not some 94 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,240 massive inconvenience. It's like, you know, it's like, 95 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,360 wow, what a beautiful thing. I remember actually when I was 96 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:50,120 getting off birth control years ago, I was like, yeah, I want to 97 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,600 get off birth control. I, you know, and she asked me 98 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,000 why. The doctor asked me why. 99 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,800 And I said, well, I really want to get my period back and I want 100 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,120 to connect with my cycle again. She was like, that's the best 101 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,920 part of being on birth control is that you don't have a period. 102 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,400 I'm like, I don't think that's healthy to not have a period for 103 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,760 three years. You know, like that's, so that's 104 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,960 part of it. It's like parting part of 105 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:14,280 recognizing our natural cycles as as women, right? 106 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,080 And connecting with our womb, with our blood, with our sex, 107 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,400 with our, with our carts, all of it. 108 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:23,880 And that is so much of the work this is, I'm laughing because 109 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,560 I'm like, this is actually such a different texture than a lot 110 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,840 of the podcast episodes that I have done. 111 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,400 This is, yeah, this is a lot of work that I'm very passionate 112 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,520 about. This is a lot of work that we do 113 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,640 inside the experience. And obviously at the retreats, 114 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,800 these will be the last ones that I run. 115 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:42,120 But this, this work I'm so passionate about, of helping 116 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:46,920 connect women to their feminine, their feminine essence of them 117 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,520 being woman, which is so beautiful. 118 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:52,200 So when we're thinking about myths of the feminine and like I 119 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,680 said, you know, those TikTok trends of, you know, 120 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,640 manipulation, sure, that is part of the dark femme, but that's 121 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,080 actually from the wounded feminine, right? 122 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:05,120 That is the part that is not clear because actually when 123 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,880 you're coming from an integrated dark feminine, you have clarity, 124 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,880 you have precision with your words, you are able to stay 125 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:17,400 calm, cool and collected. And this is one of the things 126 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:22,080 that is so beautiful in terms of the communication, the 127 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:27,360 communication of when you're communicating from, from the 128 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,920 feminine, there's no we, we think that because the feminine 129 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:35,360 is your internal world and it's your emotions. 130 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,480 You're running around screaming like a banshee and being 131 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,280 destructive and you're like a tornado and you leave a path of 132 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:44,720 destruction where you were. That's not necessarily the case. 133 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:49,480 You can actually be deeply integrated and grounded in your 134 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,040 emotions and you can feel anger and shame and guilt and sadness 135 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:57,360 and grief and betrayal and all of these things without spewing 136 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,240 it on to another person. You can share. 137 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,560 I'm really angry right now. I'm, I feel deeply betrayed. 138 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:12,200 I am pissed off without right and the dark femme that like I 139 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,520 said, there's a precision and there's a clarity. 140 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:18,080 There's self respect. I think self respect is such a 141 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,920 quality of the dark feminine. She's not willing to tolerate 142 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:28,760 shit from anyone and not from a space of superiority of thinking 143 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,159 that she's better than anyone or having these standards that are 144 00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:37,440 so high that they become walls. No, there's still a softness. 145 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,799 One of the archetypes that we explore is the archetype of the 146 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,480 queen. And I say soft front, strong 147 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,120 back. You have a strong erect spine 148 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:49,240 where you can set boundaries and say no and have authority and 149 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,280 clarity. But you also have a soft open 150 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,760 heart. And there's compassion and 151 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,240 there's empathy. And this is where we get the 152 00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:00,720 mixing of the, the, the light and the dark feminine, right? 153 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:06,440 So part of that though, is women are scared to be in their dark 154 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,600 femme because they don't want to be the villain. 155 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,960 And like I shared, we are conditioned that this is too 156 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,160 much. Women were burned at the stake 157 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,800 for this energy, right? We were called a witch if we 158 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:25,040 were direct and clear and in embodying our sexuality and our 159 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:29,320 sensuality and being playful and singing and dancing and 160 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,800 expressing, we were burned at the stake. 161 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:36,760 And that lives in our cells, that lives in our DNA. 162 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:40,520 That doesn't just go away. Even though that was, you know, 163 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,200 ages and ages and ages ago, it still lives in US, right? 164 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:47,000 These things get passed down through generation to generation 165 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,680 to generation. So there are things that it's 166 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:54,080 like I'm as a woman, as a as women, we have these collective 167 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:58,920 experiences and I don't have to have directly experienced it to 168 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,600 still feel the effects of it. Right. 169 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:06,440 So you may not have ever experienced a significant, you 170 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,840 know, quote UN quote, capital T trauma with a man, but you still 171 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:14,160 have that general maybe sense of fear of men. 172 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,680 OK, well, where does that come from? 173 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,680 Or let's take something actually, that's not really a 174 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:21,600 good example because I'm sure you could be like, well, here, 175 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,800 here, here, here, here. OK, cool. 176 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:28,560 Why does it feel so fucking scary to speak up in a meeting? 177 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,760 Why? You're not going to get punished 178 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,320 for it. No one's going to be mad at you. 179 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,720 Why does that feel so scary? Or to share your opinion with a 180 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:44,560 partner or a friend or speak up at A at a party. 181 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,400 Why? Because we have these collective 182 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:54,280 experiences that happened where we were punished, taken, 183 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,400 abducted, kidnapped for speaking up, for being bold. 184 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,000 And I know this might feel like a heavy episode, but it really 185 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,160 it, it's, it's that it's like, Oh my God, this like this. 186 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,760 It feels irrational. And I hear that from women all 187 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:07,960 the time. Like I don't know why I can't 188 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,760 just do it. So it's it's recognizing that 189 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,680 people pleasing is a fond response, right? 190 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,120 And people pleasers will crumble when they meet the dark femme. 191 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:24,640 And that is her beauty. She has the ability to slice 192 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,720 through all of the bullshit. And I think, well, yeah, I know 193 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,040 This is why people hire me. I had a session with a one to 194 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,480 one client the other day and she said it, you know, it was our 195 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,560 first session. And she said I was really 196 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:41,000 nervous for our session because I know that you, you are a seer 197 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,920 and you have the ability to see beyond the masks and facades 198 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,880 that I present. And I'm like, Yep, that is me. 199 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,120 I'm deeply intuitive and I can see beyond the bullshit. 200 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,960 That's what makes me so good at my job. 201 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:59,400 That is what helps you 10X your results, collapse time very, 202 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,200 very, very quickly and get results very, very, very, very 203 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,080 quickly. Rather than me sitting there and 204 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,920 justice coddling you and validating you. 205 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,720 I can see what's going on and This is why I've been able to 206 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,000 have what I have in my life because I can see through the 207 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,920 stuff and I'm willing to be the villain in someone's story. 208 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,160 And if you're going to enter your dark feminine era, then you 209 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,920 need to be willing to be the villain in someone else's story. 210 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,320 You need to have be willing to let people talk. 211 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,840 Let people say what they're going to say. 212 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,960 Let people think what they what they want to think. 213 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,240 You know your intentions. I'm sure I have pissed off some 214 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,720 clients with the reflections that I've given, but I'll tell 215 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,720 you what, 90% of them come around, whether it's the next 216 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,920 day, 2 weeks later, six months later, a year later, three years 217 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,040 later, and they go, you know what? 218 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,720 That thing that you fucking said to me, I was so triggered by it 219 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,920 and I hated you in the moment for saying that, but you were 220 00:12:53,920 --> 00:13:00,320 right and it changed my life. And I'm like, right, because we 221 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,560 need that. So I was willing to wear the 222 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:07,120 label of being the villain in someone's story. 223 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,520 And I just have to trust that they're going to get exactly 224 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,840 what they need. And that's part of it is deep, 225 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,240 deep, deep trust. And being willing to be the 226 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,480 villain in someone's story can look a million different ways. 227 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,120 It doesn't have to just look like delivering an uncomfortable 228 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,520 truth to someone. It could be walking out of a 229 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,520 date where someone is being disrespectful. 230 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:30,680 It could look like saying no to plans that you want to do. 231 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,560 It could look like ending a friendship because it's no 232 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,120 longer aligned. It could look like leaving a 233 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:40,280 relationship that is unhealthy and toxic, or even just where 234 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,560 your needs are not being met. And the reality is, is that to 235 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,720 the wrong people, your boundaries will look like 236 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,840 aggression. And this is what I've said to I 237 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,360 was speaking to a client inside the experience a couple weeks 238 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:57,360 ago and she was unpacking her last relationship and how she 239 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,160 was showing up. And she's like, you know, I just 240 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,520 want to make sure that I do things differently in my next 241 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,520 relationship, right? And so we were unpacking, you 242 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,360 know, how because I had helped her through this relationship 243 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,560 and through then, you know, the, the ending of it as well. 244 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,240 And she was talking about, you know, he said this and I said 245 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,520 this. And here's how I communicated. 246 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,760 And I was communicating my needs and I was communicating my 247 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,200 boundaries. And here's how I said it. 248 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:24,040 And, and I was like, at the end of the day, you can communicate 249 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,440 something perfectly. I could give you a literal 250 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:29,360 script. You could read the book 251 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,080 Nonviolent Communication. You could communicate perfectly 252 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,800 and someone could still receive it as a personal attack. 253 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,080 So it's letting go of that, of knowing I know that I'm not 254 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,840 being aggressive, but you're reading it as that, and that is 255 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,000 not my work to do. And detaching and letting go. 256 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,400 The Dark Femme is very good at detachment. 257 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,880 If you're the woman who has consumed all of my podcast 258 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:58,400 episodes and other podcasts, and you've read the self help books 259 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,680 and you have done little master classes and you've dabbled here 260 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,760 and there, but you still keep repeating the same patterns in 261 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,440 your love life and in friendships and in money and all 262 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,480 of the things. And you're like, fuck, why do I 263 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,480 keep doing this? I need to put you on to 264 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,440 something that is the awakening retreats. 265 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:23,240 They're happening in January 2026, and they are the place 266 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,480 where you get to actually transcend this behavior and 267 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,720 finally get to do something different. 268 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,360 So your first retreat is going to be awakening her. 269 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:35,080 And this is where you are connecting to your feminine 270 00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:39,320 energy, your pleasure, your devotion, your joy, your 271 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,120 ecstasy, your rage, your grief, all of these pieces. 272 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,480 So you get to live in totality of the woman that you are. 273 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,280 And also where you're going to have an opportunity to heal your 274 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,840 relationship with women. Because the more I work with 275 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:56,200 women, the more I realize how many women have felt betrayed by 276 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,440 other women almost more than they have felt betrayed by men. 277 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,240 And you're really focusing on healing your relationship to 278 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:07,280 yourself, to your body, to your sexuality, to your joy, to your 279 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:09,840 confidence, to your insecurities, all of the things. 280 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,400 And then your second retreat is awakening him. 281 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,520 And this is where we're anchoring into your masculine 282 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,720 energy. So your relationship to 283 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,560 responsibility and integrity, following through on the things 284 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,360 that you say that you're going to do, discipline, discernment, 285 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,800 direction, all of these things, and healing your relationship 286 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,800 with men, as well as then bringing this into a focus of 287 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,120 how do you then bring this into relationships? 288 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,280 So everything that you learned at awakening her and about 289 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,720 expansion and emotional expression and all of these 290 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,240 things, how do you then hold that containment and bring that 291 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,360 into your romantic relationships and your friendships? 292 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,640 And that is really the focus of awakening him. 293 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,320 You can choose to do either or, but I've designed them to go 294 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,360 together as a pair and that is what most women who have decided 295 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,760 to do the retreats are have chosen to do. 296 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,640 I do want to say these are the last retreats that I'm going to 297 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,079 be running. If you've been saying I'll go to 298 00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:07,599 the next one or when you come to the States, I'll do it. 299 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,040 I'm never running one of the states. 300 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,119 I can tell you that right now and I'm not running more 301 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,280 retreats in the future. This is your time. 302 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,800 Make a fucking holiday out of it, come to Australia. 303 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,839 Most of the women who have signed up are coming from the US 304 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:23,000 which is very cool. DM me on Instagram if you have 305 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,720 any questions, otherwise the link will be at the description. 306 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:28,520 I cannot wait to see you there. Let's get back to the episode. 307 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:33,240 The next step to entering your dark feminine era is to raise 308 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,920 your standards. And I know we have talked about 309 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,800 this a lot around raising your standards but truly like I'm 310 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,560 just going to say it until the fucking cows come home. 311 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,840 You do not get your wants met. Get your standards met. 312 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:49,720 So for instance, I got this all the time where women would say 313 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,920 men only want me for sex. That's a pretty common 314 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,360 experience that I hear from women. 315 00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,320 I have been on so many dates. Obviously I'm in a queer 316 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:05,360 relationship now, but I've been on so many dates with men since 317 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:10,400 I was 1617, eighteen years old. I'm now 36. 318 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:16,120 That has never ever been my experience. 319 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:22,720 Why? Because it is my standard that 320 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,360 people want to get to know me for me. 321 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,840 Do men want to sleep with me? Yes. 322 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,920 Do men find me attractive? Yes. 323 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:34,960 Men are men. Like, I hope that they find you 324 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,000 attractive and they want to sleep with you if you're on a 325 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,960 date with them. So I wouldn't be worried if 326 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,040 you're like, oh, my God. Like, I could tell that he, 327 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,560 like, wanted to have sex with. Yeah, probably you're an 328 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,880 attractive woman. So there's that. 329 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,760 But also, is he being respectful? 330 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,400 So I never experienced the man who just wanted to sleep with 331 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,440 me, and that was that. You know, I think that happened 332 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,000 maybe one time. Actually. 333 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:03,920 I remember this, Yeah, one time I slept with a guy and he fed me 334 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,040 all of this stuff about how he wanted me to go to his Christmas 335 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:11,160 party and all of the things. And I was like, OK, whatever. 336 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,960 And we ended up sleeping together and then I never heard 337 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:19,280 from him again. That was probably, I want to say 338 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,920 2019 or 2020. That man still watches every 339 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,280 single one of my Instagram Stories. 340 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,760 He does not follow me. So shout out to you. 341 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,360 You know who you are. So that was an isolated 342 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:35,600 incident, right? But we get what we accept. 343 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:41,640 So if you are constantly getting people who lie, people who don't 344 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,880 do not communicate, do you actually have standards? 345 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:49,760 Because The thing is, if you say that you have a standard, but 346 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,280 you go, oh, and you need to repeat it and repeat it and 347 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,240 repeat it and repeat it to someone, it's not a standard 348 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,720 because you would have actually just walked away by then. 349 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,120 And you can apply this to anything, dating, relationships, 350 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:06,840 sexuality, friendships, work, career, business, money. 351 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,160 What are your standards is, are your standards that you let your 352 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,680 bills always like default before you pay them, right? 353 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,800 Is your standard that you have you never go below having 354 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,840 $100,000 in the bank? Is your standard that you when 355 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,880 you're making an investment, you pay in full? 356 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,800 Is your standard that. You don't have debt. 357 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,920 Is your standard that your friends are honest with you or 358 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,400 is your standard that your relationships are reciprocal? 359 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,800 Is it your standard that your if you're going to pursue a 360 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,480 relationship with someone that your feelings are reciprocated? 361 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:46,000 Is it a standard that people follow through on what they say 362 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,800 they're going to do? Is it a standard that trust is a 363 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960 non negotiable in your relationships so you can 364 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,560 actually look at, well, are these things happening? 365 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,200 You want to know how your what your standards are? 366 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,000 Look at what's actually happening in your world. 367 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,120 That's what your standards are because you're going to get what 368 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,120 your standards are. Your standards will always be 369 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,360 met. Your wants may not be. 370 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,360 So it's one thing for you to say, well, I really want a 371 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:12,960 person who who you know is romantic and goes out of his way 372 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,240 and is thoughtful and all of the things. 373 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,080 But if that's not showing up and you're continuing to entertain 374 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:22,880 that relationship, that's not a standard and high value self 375 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,720 respect, right? You, when you respect yourself, 376 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,320 you are a woman of high value and you know that your energy is 377 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,480 a currency and you are willing to withdraw your energy when 378 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,920 your standards are not being met. 379 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,320 That is part of the dark feminine, right? 380 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,240 I value myself. I value how I show up. 381 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,120 This is not meeting my standards. 382 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,560 I don't hate you. I have no ill will towards you. 383 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,080 I'm just removing myself from the situation. 384 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,560 The other thing that's really cool about being in your dark 385 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:58,320 feminine era is the dark feminine has a lot of mystery. 386 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,480 Like when I see the dark feminine, I just think of like 387 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:08,520 deep Violet tones and Blues and purples and deep Reds and very 388 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:12,640 vampy colors and, and smoke and fog and Moss and just like, oh, 389 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,160 it's like so earthy and beautiful and there's so much 390 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:20,960 mystery and intrigue. And I'm telling you that is so, 391 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:25,440 so, so magnetic. But what happens when people 392 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,320 tend typically do this work? They're like, OK, I'm going to 393 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,080 lean into vulnerability. And then they start sharing 394 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,040 every thought, every feeling, every trauma they've ever 395 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,640 experienced with people who have not earned the right to those 396 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,160 things. And they become an over sharer. 397 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,600 And I know you think that you're being vulnerable and that is 398 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,000 going to create connection. It may create temporary 399 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,600 connection. But I'm telling you, you will 400 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,600 kill all mystery, intrigue and polarity. 401 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,840 Like that's actually just not attractive. 402 00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:02,360 And the dark feminine that is deeply selective, intentional 403 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,760 and discerning about who gets what parts of her, not from a 404 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:11,640 space of being like, oh, you know, it's not safe for me to 405 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:16,200 share that or having walls up. It's nothing to that effect. 406 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:24,680 It's actually about, I know my value and I'm discerning about 407 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,240 who gets what, who gets to hear what. 408 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:37,960 So she's actually quite calm, grounded, moves in silence, does 409 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,600 not need to announce her every move to the world. 410 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,880 She just does what she needs to do. 411 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,360 And there's a lot of silence as well. 412 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,160 And I remember this experience of being on a date with a guy 413 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,640 because this is a very leaned back energy, right? 414 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,800 And I was on a date with a guy and what typically happens is 415 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,280 you're uncomfortable with silence. 416 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,080 And so you'll fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, fill, 417 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:10,160 fill all of the silence with with words. 418 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,320 And I remember there was like a lull in the conversation. 419 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:20,880 And typically I would have literally leaned forward in my 420 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,840 seat and asked another question. But what I did was I just leaned 421 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:31,000 back in my seat and I maintained eye contact with him and just 422 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,840 kind of smirked. And I don't know, maybe I bit my 423 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:35,520 lip. I don't know. 424 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:39,680 I wasn't trying to do anything. I was just like, interesting. 425 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,200 Like I don't have anything to say right now. 426 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,960 So I'm comfortable in silence when I tell you that man 427 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,880 immediately leaned forward in his seat and started getting 428 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,680 really curious about me and that man. 429 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:55,320 I was like catnip to that man. He could not get enough. 430 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:01,400 And I was like, oh wow. Because there's such a like the 431 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:07,000 feminine pulls that her energy pulls in, right? 432 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,480 The masculine is penetrative energy, whereas the feminine 433 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,520 pulls and sucks in. And that was like such an 434 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,920 example of seeing that in real time of how cool that was of 435 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,760 just like literally when you are just kind of moving in silence 436 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,720 and you're OK with silence and you lean back and you just let 437 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,920 the let the energy do what it will. 438 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:32,560 That is incredibly magnetic. You know that person in the room 439 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,960 that they don't say much, but when they say something, it is 440 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,560 so potent. Be that girl. 441 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,240 And finally, to enter your dark feminine era, you need to be 442 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,480 self focused. You are not looking to every 443 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,440 Tom, Dick and Harry to give you advice about what to do. 444 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,280 You are not asking people for your next move. 445 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,920 It's OK for you to get reflections and have input, of 446 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,960 course, but you are making moves. 447 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:02,240 You are making moves in silence. You are choosing to prioritize 448 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,400 yourself from a space of self worth, self love, and self 449 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:11,680 respect and self-care. And so you're OK with saying no 450 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,320 to going to whatever event because you need to prioritize 451 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,680 your rest. You're OK with saying no to 452 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,200 after work drinks on a Wednesday because you're prioritizing your 453 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,520 health. You're OK with saying no to a 454 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,520 sleepover at this guy's house who you haven't even fucking met 455 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,520 because you have self respect. And that's fucking weird, right? 456 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,960 Like you are self focused. You know what you want out of 457 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,600 life, you are going for it and that's part of the masculine 458 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,960 energy. But you are using your intuition 459 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,800 to really feel out situations and people pleasing is deceased. 460 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,800 And when you are in your dark feminine era, there is no room 461 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,000 for people pleasing. So that part of you that is 462 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,520 overextending yourself and going beyond your boundaries, beyond 463 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,240 your limits, that just does not exist in this. 464 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:01,160 And truly the biggest gift that I have received from the dark 465 00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,880 feminine has been through embodiment, through actually 466 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,960 feeling this in my body. People ask me, what books do you 467 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,280 have on feminine energy? What the fuck? 468 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,520 Like I, I, I hear you. I do. 469 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,600 But also the feminine is a felt experience. 470 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:22,960 It is literally an experience. Like that's why I called my year 471 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,000 long container the experience because this is what we do. 472 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:32,280 We embody the feminine and you can't just intellectualize this. 473 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:33,680 You can't just get it from a book. 474 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,240 This is why I have these retreats, awakening her and 475 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,320 awakening him for you to experience the feminine, for you 476 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,760 to experience the masculine so you can actually integrate it. 477 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,720 Because right now, if you're just accumulating knowledge, 478 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,480 like great. I've worked with multiple 479 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:54,360 coaches, therapists, teachers, all of these people who have 480 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,520 very, very, very high intellect. They know all of the things 481 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,840 about attachment and feminine energy and polarity and all the 482 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,880 things, but that's not making any difference in their life. 483 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:05,680 Why? Because embodiment is the 484 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,120 missing piece. They haven't actually landed it 485 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,240 in the body. And right now, like we're going 486 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,120 through the connected woman and we've done some embodiments and 487 00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:15,760 they're like, Oh my God, these are the most incredible things 488 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,480 I've ever done. Like I when you explained it, I 489 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,760 was like, that sounds really stupid and that sounds silly. 490 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,640 But now that I've done it, that unlocked something in me that I 491 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,440 didn't even know that was there. And I tend to attract a lot of 492 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:29,880 people who, you know, you're very self aware, you 493 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,080 intellectualize your feelings. You can tell me all of your 494 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,040 traumas, where they came from, how old you were, how it plays 495 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,320 out in your relationships now, all of your patterns, all your 496 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:39,920 things, yet you keep doing the same thing. 497 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,280 Why? Because you have not discovered 498 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:48,240 embodiment yet, which is where you actually get to be in your 499 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,920 body and start to shift through these parts and you get to 500 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,880 activate your healthy feminine energy, not your wounded 501 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,800 feminine energy or your wounded masculine energy that wants to 502 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,000 go into control and contorting and needing everything to be a 503 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,000 certain way for you to feel safe in the world. 504 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,760 So these are the things that we work on at the retreats and 505 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,120 inside the experience and the connected woman. 506 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,080 So all the links will be in the description for you in the show 507 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:15,400 notes. I love you guys. 508 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:16,760 This has been a beautiful episode. 509 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,080 I will talk to you guys next week. 510 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,920 Bye, all right, my love. Thank you so much for listening 511 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,360 today's podcast episode. Take what resonates and leave 512 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,080 the rest. There is no obligation, but you 513 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,480 do have a responsibility to yourself to actually do the 514 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,920 work. So implement what you have 515 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,920 learned here. Let this episode be a reminder 516 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,720 that you are built for more. You are not built for the bare 517 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,600 minimum. You are not built for mediocre. 518 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:44,280 You are meant to live a big, beautiful old life. 519 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,440 And if you want to go deeper, come follow me over on Instagram 520 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,440 at Michelle Panning. The link will be in the 521 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,320 description, that is where I share all the behind the scenes 522 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,720 content and you will get to follow me and my journey as I 523 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,600 raise my standards alongside you. 524 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:02,400 So I love you, I believe in your next level and I will see you in 525 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,760 the next episode. Now go unbuck your life, babe.