Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast, the
podcast where we are not just unfucking your love life, but
unfucking your relationship to yourself and your entire life.
Around here. We raise your standards, we
break patterns, we upgrade yourself concept.
We are talking about boundaries, money, shadow work, your
relationship to your body, sex, all of it.
We are covering your entire life baby.
Think of this podcast as like Big Sister Energy where I am no
fluff, no bullshit, but I am also very open with my heart and
I'm going to share all of me with you and that will be able
to transform your entire life through you listening to this
podcast. So if you are ready to stop
settling for the bare minimum and actually be the woman that
you can wake up in the morning and be proud of, you are in the
right place. Let's get into today's episode.
Hello my loves, welcome back to the Unfuck Your Relationships
podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Panning,
and this is episode 232. And happy motherfucking new
year. It is 2026.
I'm so excited. OK, well technically at the time
of recording this, this is the 17th of December 2025, but I am
anchoring into the vibes of 2026.
I'm anchoring into all the juicy yumminess that is the year 1.
So I said in a couple of episodes back, one or two
episodes ago, I was talking about how 2025 was year nine in
numerology. So that is the year of
completion, which is what, the last year of last week's.
Well, I guess it was also last year, but last week's episode
was about was around this energy of like, let's complete 2025.
Let's talk about the energy of completion.
Now we're talking about like the energy of like newness and
aliveness, which is a year one, which is rebirth and fresh and
new and you know, creation. And I'm just very, very, very
excited about this year because so much has happened in the last
nine years. I'm sure you can look back, like
look back at where you were nine years ago, eight years ago,
7654321. Like all of those things have
led you to this point, which is very cool.
So today I want to talk about 26 lessons for 2026.
These are the things that I'm going to like, live by, swear
by. So I want to take you through
them 1 by 1. So let's get into it.
And I've kind of broken them up into categories so you'll see
little themes. So the first one is that
discipline beats motivation every single time.
I'm not relying on motivation to get me to do shit because
otherwise I will sit on my couch and watch Netflix for all of
eternity. I really will.
Between Netflix, Disney, and
HBO, your girl's set and now Real Housewives is out of
Beverly Hills. Like your girl will never leave
the couch if I was relying on motivation.
OK, so discipline beats motivation every single time.
And that means doing shit that you don't want to do, when you
don't want to do it when you're tired, when it's hard, when it's
raining, when you would rather like, cross your arms and just
shut up and shut down and like, or you want to throw a tantrum.
Discipline beats motivation. You're not going to feel
motivated to do the difficult things.
You're not going to feel motivated to do an embodiment
practice. You're not going to feel
motivated to actually implement the things that I talked about
on the podcast. But if you are dead serious
about changing your life, you'll be disciplined enough to do it
#2 if it is not sustainable, it's not aligned.
So for instance, if you and I talk a lot about health and you
might be like, bitch, this is a relationship podcast.
Can you please talk about relationships?
Yes, I'm talking about, right, my relationship to my health
because this is like the number one thing that I want to work on
in 2026. So if I'm going from not that I
wasn't working out at all, but let's just say I, let's just say
I got 500 steps a day and didn't work out ever and I was eating
4000 calories a day of junk food.
Let's just say that that was my starting point.
OK, it's not, but let's just say that it was.
If I'm like, great, now I'm going to eat 1200 calories, I'm
going to get 20,000 steps a day and I'm going to work out seven
days a week. Do you think that I would
fucking keep that up? No.
So if it's not sustainable, it's not aligned.
And I think this is also where a lot of people get tripped up in
relationships because they give their absolute best in the
relationship, but they're over giving.
They completely abandoned their own personal individuality and
their own life. And then they're over giving and
then 2346 months in, they're like, fuck, I can't keep that
up. And it's because it wasn't
sustainable in the 1st place. It's not sustainable to give,
give, give, give, give, give, give, give, give without
actually taking time to replenish.
So if it's not sustainable, it's not aligned #3 I don't negotiate
with my standards when I'm tired or PMS ING or on my period or
hungry or whatever. And this is something I'm still
like still implementing because fuck me, food noise is real.
But it's like we negotiate with our standards.
We say that we're going to do something.
We say that we're going to have a difficult conversation.
We say that we're going to do the embodiment practice.
We say that we're going to do the coursework.
We say that we're going to implement from the podcast.
We say that we're going to go for a walk.
We say that we're going to go to the gym.
And then the second that we're like, I'm tired, we don't do it.
And that is where you are going to get tripped up because if you
skip it one time, that's not the make or break.
But if you skip that multiple times a week over the course of
a year, you fucked it. You fucked the whole year.
And then you've just, you've just cemented the idea that you
actually can't trust yourself. And that is what I actually want
to save you from. Because self trust means I don't
care if I'm tired, PMS ING on my period, hungry, whatever.
I'm following through with the things that I said that I'm
going to do now in saying that, you get to adjust, right?
So for instance, I'm day one of my bleed today.
Guess who's here recording 4 episodes for the podcast for you
guys. I wasn't like, I can't, I just
need to be in bed resting. Guess who's also going to
Reformer Pilates later today? Me.
I want you guys to build self trust and that is how we build
that over time of being unwilling to negotiate with our
standards no matter what is going on.
So like I was saying with, you know, reformer Pilates, but like
day 2 tomorrow when I'm doing glutes and quads, I think I'm
just going to go a little bit lighter on my on my weights,
right? So like, I'm not going to push
myself. I'm, I'm still going to push
myself, but like, it might not be at the same intensity of when
I'm, you know, in my follicular phase or I'm ovulating, but I'm
still fucking going #4. Consistency is sexier than
intensity. OK.
So it is tempting to, especially in the new year, be like, go,
go, go all guns blazing. I'm going to like, I'm going to
heal my relationships and I'm going to heal my relationship
with my body. And I'm going to start a
business and I'm going to make 7 figures and I'm going to do this
and I'm going to do that. And no, no, no, no, no, no.
And it's like firing on all cylinders.
Fucking awesome, but also probably not sustainable.
So be pick something that you can actually be consistent with.
So last year when I was, well, no, sorry, 2024, I went through
a very, very, very intense depression and I could barely
get out of bed. And so rather than me saying,
OK, OK, I know that getting outside and getting my steps is
going to be so healthy for me and it's going to help.
Rather than saying I'm going to go get 10,000 steps, I was like,
I'm just going to walk to the end of the fucking driveway.
And then if I want to walk back, I can.
And every time I would end up going for like 20-30, forty
minutes an hour. But I just gave myself like, all
you have to do is just get out of the house and go walk.
That's it. Just be consistent with that.
So consistency is sexier than intensity.
And even think about that in a relationship context as well,
where a guy could show up for you in the beginning and it's
like love bombing and it's Super Nintendo and like, Oh my God,
I've never met anyone like you. And then it dies off really,
really quickly. It's like if you were to add
gasoline onto a fire, it's going to like really intensely have
this massive fire, but it's going to die down very quickly,
right? Versus when you actually can
like have consistency with a man that is fucking sexy and that
slow burn is going to make all the difference #5 keeping
promises to yourself before anyone else.
This is not a license to be a shit partner, a shit friend.
I see this all the time in the personal development industry
where people are like, you get a boundary, you get a boundary,
you get a boundary, you get a boundary.
Like everything's about, oh, no, sorry.
Like I just, I really need to take time to recharge.
Like I'm not going to be able to make it to your birthday.
Like, oh, no, I know that this is going on for you, but like,
I'm just really needing like a time and don't be a fucking
Dick. But I do want you to keep your
promises to yourself versus overextending yourself for other
people just to be a people pleaser so you can paint,
maintain your image that you are likable, OK?
Because keeping your promises to yourself is how you are going to
build this muscle of self trust and self respect over a long
period of time. Number six, your triggers are
showing you where you still abandoned yourself.
The things where you get defensive or you feel like you
want to shut down or you want to run away or you want to blame or
you want to play the victim or you want to take all the
responsibility. The things that you were
triggered about, that's like, Oh my God, I just have this like
disproportionate response or reaction to what's happening in
front of me. These are the spaces where you
still abandon yourself, where you.
And what I mean by abandon yourself is there's something
within you that has not been healed.
And rather than looking at it and taking a really honest
reflection, which can be difficult, it's projecting onto
the other person. You made me mad, you made me
upset. You need to change your
behavior. And we've all been guilty of
this, but it's like we need to actually take self
responsibility for our triggers. And when we stop abandoning
ourselves, we can then it's not that we don't ever get
triggered, but we can actually maintain that connection with
another person so that we're not overriding ourselves or
completely dismissing the other person #7 your patterns are not
character flaws. They actually make perfect
sense. Here's the thing, since we were
little children, all we are looking for besides like
shelter, food, water, you know, being fed, all the things, all
we're looking for is love, safety and belonging.
OK, So at some point you decided the things that would get you
acceptance and the things that took acceptance away and you
decided to create personas around that.
And this is something I go very deep into, into the in the
connected woman. So I'm not going to go into it
here. But through that you develop
patterns, right? So if you have a pattern of
going for avoidant partners over and over and over, there is a
reason for that because you are recreating that same dynamic
that you had as a child. And there's some reason that you
benefit from that pattern. There is no pattern in your
entire life, not one that you don't benefit from in some way,
shape or form. OK, you are not a passive victim
in this life. You are directly benefiting.
It's just about excavating. How do I benefit from this
pattern? So your patterns make sense,
whether it's protecting you from a nervous system since you
believe it's going to create safety or it brings you comfort
or it brings you, you don't have to be responsible or you know,
like if you know whatever it is, there's all of these reasons.
So your patterns make complete sense.
I remember when I was doing my coaching certification back in
2019 for sex 11 relationships, we had to do these self pleasure
practices five days a week for nearly a year.
And I was still stripping at the time.
And so I would have these massive openings during these
self pleasure practices and then I would go strip.
And obviously I wasn't in like a very safe environment or at
least my body felt like I wasn't in a safe environment.
So my nervous is more like collapse and I would fully
close. And I was this like open, close,
open, close, open, close dynamic.
And my teacher at the time was like, I actually want you to
stop doing the practices. And like it was a year long
program, but we had two years to finish.
And I'm so glad that she said that because she was like, I
want you to stop doing the practices because it's actually
doing more harm than good. And I was like, I'm just so
frustrated with the fact that my nervous system keeps like
shutting down on me and I keep closing when I'm doing all this
work to open. And she was like, your nervous
system is doing exactly what it's designed to do.
You're in an unsafe environment. You're going to literally
campsites in the middle of nowhere with like 30 dudes and
you have no reception. And there's, you're the only
woman there, of course you're going to be closed.
It would be silly if your nervous system would be like La
La la, open, open, open. So your patterns make complete
sense. They're not character flaws #8
avoidance is. Information avoidance can be the
things that we're like, I'm actually not a full yes to this.
And so I'm procrastinating. I'm avoiding, I'm whatever
because it's actually not in alignment.
But more often than not it is in alignment and we're actually
just scared to take action because we don't know what's on
the other side of that. So that could be starting a
business where you're like, I don't know who I'm going to have
to become, how responsible I'm going to have to become to be
responsible for an entire business.
That could be I am avoiding doing the work in the connected
or in the experience, or I'm avoiding even joining because
I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my relationship right now.
Just a little side note, if that's you, don't let that get
in the way because either yes, your relationship does end, but
you find something so much more impactful, which is a connection
to yourself or your relationship does a complete 180.
So either way, it's a win win. The amount of women that I have
had come through my world over the years and we've had over
1000 women in the program of like, I was so scared and I sat
on this decision to join for years because I was so scared
that my relationship was going to end.
And now it's done a 180 or I was scared that it would end and it
did. And I'm so much happier and I
didn't know that I could do that.
So avoidance is information. What is your avoidance actually
telling you? Is your avoidance?
Like there's actually a deeper, more vulnerable part that you're
not looking at. So let your avoidance be data
rather than judging yourself for being avoidant, actually look at
it from an objective sense. 9 Your nervous system needs
safety, not pressure. Yes, we can be disciplined.
Yes we can stick to things. Yes we can give tough love.
You guys know that I am all about tough love here.
I'm not about coddling people and being like Oh my God I know
it's so hard and blah blah blah blah.
But you do need to be gentle with your nervous system.
You being a fucking drill Sergeant and berating yourself
through shame into change is never going to work.
I asked this question the other day in one of my containers
where I was like, if shame worked, I was like, OK, who
shames themselves here? Every single person puts their
hand up. Great.
Has that ever worked for you in terms of getting you to change
your behavior or a pattern? No.
If shame worked to make you change, it would have worked by
now. So berating yourself and calling
yourself unlovable, unworthy, undeserving, you're not good
enough, you're too much, all of these things.
If those shame based narratives would have worked, it would have
worked by now. And it doesn't.
So can you actually actually give yourself grace to just be a
little bit more gentle with yourself and trust that you will
still follow through with the things that you say you were
going to do #10 Healing doesn't mean you never get triggered.
It means you respond differently to your triggers.
It's such a misconception where people are like, but I'm still
getting triggered. I'm not healed.
I'm like 1. Why don't we ever fucking like
fully healed, but also like we're not broken?
So that's a different conversation.
But it's not when you do shadow work, it's not the sense that
you're never going to to get triggered.
The way I see shadow work, it's like kind of like whack A mole
where you might heal something in your relationships and then
it comes up in your relationship with money or it comes up in
your relationship with your body or it comes up in friendships
or, you know, career or whatever it is.
And it's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
So it's going to keep coming up until it is fully looked at and
fully resolved, right. So your triggers might become
more infrequent where you're not having them as often.
But you, you respond differently.
You don't continue to respond in the way it's like getting
defensive, shutting down, running away, blaming,
deflecting, you know, using humor as a defense mechanism.
Whatever it is, you respond differently and you're able to
build your capacity to be in the moment and stay in connection
with someone and you can be with yourself throughout a trigger
versus like, Oh my God, I need to go have a glass of wine or I
need to go do this or I need to go do that.
You can actually, you actually have the ability to stay with
yourself. So it's not about never being
triggered. It's about responding
differently #11 I don't listen to words, I watch behavior.
So if I'm starting a new relationship in a romantic
relationship or I'm starting a friendship with someone or
whatever, I don't listen to what they're saying.
I watch what they're doing, OK? Because people will reveal
themselves over time. No one can stay in this facade
forever, which is why you know when people have been through
narcissistic relationships or abusive relationships.
I was having this conversation with my partner the other day.
I'm like, no one, No one gets into an abusive relationship and
that their partner's abusive right off the bat.
Like they fall in love with this person because this person is
probably charming and fun and loving and charismatic or, you
know, whatever characteristics that you find attractive.
And then over time it starts to to shift behind closed doors
because they can't keep up the charade forever.
So when you're dating, don't listen to people's words or even
if you're in a relationship and they just say, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.
I'm gonna change, I'm gonna change.
Are they changing? Are they doing things
differently? Are they showing up differently?
Are they taking accountability? Are they taking responsibility?
Because if not, it's just a bunch of fucking yap.
They're just yapping. Their mouth is moving but
nothing's actually fucking changing.
So don't listen to people's words.
Watch people's behaviours that will reveal who they actually
are #12 over explaining is self abandonment.
OK when you feel the need to like justify and over explain
it. Oh but here's what I meant And
and this and that. It's an inability to actually
back yourself and stay with yourself.
So. Of course, in a relationship,
you can give context, you can, you can, you can let people into
your internal world and share. This is where I was coming from
and this is my intention and this is what I meant.
But when you're like justifying and going overboard and Oh my
God and no, please don't be mad at me.
And here's what I that's just abandoning yourself rather than
standing in your truth because like I've said a million times
before, you can communicate in the best way possible.
I could literally give you a fucking word for word script of
what to say to someone and they would still potentially receive
it the the wrong way. They could still receive it as a
personal attack on them. So that has nothing to do with
you. You don't need to over explain.
You need to stay with yourself and stay with the discomfort of
someone being upset with you or angry or hurt or jealous or
whatever it is, and not from a place of arrogance, but from a
place of not abandoning yourself. 13 And this is for me.
This is from a human design perspective.
If anyone's into human design and you're curious about my
design, I am a 63 sacral authority generator.
So there you go. So this is kind of for me, but
if you're a generator or a many Gen. you will resonate with
this. If you're a projector, a
reflector or a manifester, you will have a different authority
or you will have a different not authority strategy.
Sorry. Oh my God, I can't think of what
not self theme is what it's called a not self theme.
Anyways, if I feel constantly frustrated, something is out of
alignment. OK.
Because in my human design, my self theme, I think this is what
it's called, right? Like when, when I'm in
alignment, when everything is like, Oh my God, yes, I feel
satisfaction. I feel like yes, I feel
satisfied. I feel good when I'm feeling
frustrated. That is my sign something is out
of alignment. So in 2026, I'm really looking
at what are the things that frustrate me consistently.
Of course, we're human. We get frustrated, right?
But I'm talking about this one thing is consistently
frustrating, or this one friendship is consistently
frustrating, or my relationship is consistently frustrating me.
Or, you know, whatever it is for you.
Looking at those things, whether it's a relationship, a
friendship, could even be a fucking client, could be
whatever. If that thing is frustrating you
over and over and over again, it might be time to walk away from
said thing. 14 secure love feels calm, not intoxicating.
Don't get me wrong, it's exciting.
It feels good. You're excited to see this
person. You miss them when they're not
around like but it's not this like Oh my God, I can't be
without you like it's been 24 hours.
I'm going to die if I don't see you like I'm living my life.
I'm happy, you know, like yes, I miss you and and also I've
really enjoyed my time by myself or catching up with friends or
whatever it is. So it's not this all consuming
love, secure love feels calm. It feels grounded, like I'm not
questioning whether my partner it wants to leave me or not.
So that is the sign of security. If you are having to put into
ChatGPT, what does this mean that he said what are we doing?
I love you with all due respect, what are we doing?
OK, secure love is like grounded.
You're not playing guessing games.
You know where you stand and you're not consumed by the love,
you're just excited about it. 15 I would rather be alone than
betray myself. That was a 2024 lesson for me,
not so much 2025 because I did spend quite a bit of time by
myself. It was like what, 8 months?
Eight, yeah, 8-9 months that I spent on my own.
And honestly, if it came to it, you know, my relationship is
wonderful. But if it came to it of like if
I have to consistently betray myself, would I rather stay just
to be in a relationship or would I rather be alone?
I will choose being alone every single time.
Every single time. I fucking love my own company.
I could spend endless amounts of time by myself.
I really could. So that's the thing, people are
so afraid of being alone that they're like, I will rather
betray myself, abandoned myself, go against what I know to be
true, just to stay in a relationship so that I don't
have to be alone with my feelings.
That is no way to live, my girl. That really is no way to live.
We need to build the capacity to be with ourselves and fall in
love with our lives. Like fucking romanticize your
life. Like if you, if you don't want
to spend time with you, why the fuck would anyone else want to
spend time with you? Create a life that you love so
that you want to spend time with you.
OK #16 Your body knows before your mind does.
So when we are triggered, our body has a response milliseconds
before our brain does. So we think that someone says
something and we are triggered. Oh my God, I can't believe they
said that. That's so rude.
Why would they say that? They they think that I'm lazy.
They think that I'm this and that.
But before that story happens, the body happens.
So you'll recognize you get triggered and you're like body
tenses, or you feel heat, or you feel like a lump in your throat,
or you feel like you want to cry or whatever.
That actually happens milliseconds before the thoughts
ring in. OK, now the same as the
opposite, when someone when like an opportunity is presented to
you or there's some something, it could be a relationship,
you're on a date, who cares, whatever it is.
And you feel a yes, you'll feel that in your body.
So it's about building the skill of recognizing the language of
the body. And people struggle with this in
the beginning when I'm talking about embodiment because like, I
feel nothing, I feel nothing. I'm like, OK, but that's like if
you were, you know, born in whatever in Canada and you've
only ever spoken English and I'm like, OK, great, I want you to
be fluent in Japanese. Now go.
You'd be like, I don't know how to speak Japanese.
I don't know, right. So it's the same thing.
You're learning the language of the body.
And that takes time to understand what sensations are,
where you feel them, what sensations you feel when, what a
yes feels like, what a no feels like, what, what anger feels
like, what sadness feels like, what anxiety feels like.
Not just like, Oh my God, I feel anxious, but like actually in
the body. What does that feel like?
So your body knows before your mind does.
And what we want to do is build that relationship so that you
can actually start to trust your body, so you're not just coming
from your logical mind all of the time. 17 Rest is productive
when it is intentional. So you know, we talk about the
soft girl life and I love a soft girl life, right?
I really do. I am meant to be on a pool
floaty sip in a cocktail. That is the life that has been
made for me. But we can take the rest thing
too far when we're like, oh, I'm just tired.
I need to rest. I don't feel like doing that.
I need to rest. Oh, I need to rest.
I need to rest. I need to rest.
When it's like actually, if you are intentional about your rest,
then you can be intentional about the times where you're on
and you can be intentional about the times that you're focused.
So look at when you are resting, what are you actually doing?
Are you reading a book? Are you in a hammock?
Are you just zoning out and watching Netflix?
Sometimes that is restful and sometimes it's actually just you
numbing out and checking out of your life.
So. Make your rest intentional.
If you're the woman who has consumed all of my podcast
episodes and other podcasts, and you've read the self help books
and you have done little master classes and you've dabbled here
and there. But you still keep repeating the
same patterns in your love life and in friendships and in money
and all of the things. And you're like, fuck, why do I
keep doing this? I need to put you on to
something that is the awakening retreats.
They're happening in January 2026, and they are the place
where you get to actually transcend this behavior and
finally get to do something different.
So your first retreat is going to be awakening her.
And this is where you are connecting to your feminine
energy, your pleasure, your devotion, your joy, your
ecstasy, your rage, your grief. All of these pieces so you get
to live. In totality of the woman that
you are. And also we're going to have an
opportunity to heal your relationship with women.
Because the more I work with women, the more I realize how
many women have felt betrayed by other women almost more than
they have felt betrayed by men. And you're really focusing on
healing your relationship to yourself, to your body, to your
sexuality, to your joy, to your confidence, to your
insecurities, all of the things. And then your second retreat is
awakening him. And this is where we're
anchoring into your masculine energy.
So your relationship to responsibility and integrity,
following through on the things that you say that you're going
to do, discipline, discernment, direction, all of these things,
and healing your relationship with men, as well as then
bringing this into a focus of how do you then bring this into
relationships? So everything that you learned
at awakening her and about expansion and emotional
expression and all of these things, how do you then hold
that containment and bring that into your romantic relationships
and your friendships? And that is really the focus of
awakening him. You can choose to do either or,
but I've designed them to go together as a pair and that is
what most women who have decided to do the retreats are have
chosen to do. I do want to say these are the
last retreats that I'm going to be running.
If you've been saying I'll go to the next one or when you come to
the States, I'll do it. I'm never running one of the
states. I can tell you that right now
and I'm not running more retreats in the future.
This is your time. Make a fucking holiday out of
it, come to Australia. Most of the women who have
signed up are coming from the US, which is very cool.
DM me on Instagram if you have any questions, otherwise the
link will be at the description. I cannot wait to see you there.
Let's get back to the episode #18 your environment affects
your mood. If you are anything like me, I'm
a Virgo, my environment really effects my mood.
So if there is shit everywhere and it's cluttered and there's
like mess and all the things, my internal mind, I'm like, Oh my
God, Oh my God, Oh my God, I can't focus.
I can't focus. So something that has been a
priority for me for years was to hire a cleaner.
So she used to come fortnightly, Now she comes weekly.
And it's like that to me is such a good investment for my for my
money. Like if you have the funds to be
able to do that, I understand that I'm coming from a place of
privilege, but like if you have the funds to be able to do that,
I fucking highly recommend that you do because it just takes
such a weight off. And I know like Tuesdays are my
favorite day because I'm like, it's so clean.
Everything is so sparkling. It just feels so fucking good.
So that you know, and me making sure that I'm doing a tidy every
day or whatever. And on the days that I miss it,
I feel it. I'm like, Oh my God, I don't
like, I don't feel good. You know, I need to keep my
environment clean. And my environment also means my
car, keeping my car clean. My environment also means my
friendship circle. It means the places that I am
visiting, right? So like I love the gym that I go
to. It has a recovery center.
So it has like a sauna steam room, like spa pools and and
cold plunge pools. And like I love that because
that is so viby to me. That's like, I love that
environment. I make sure that I take myself
to even though I have that I take myself to like this really
nice bath house and I go and I go by myself and then I have
lunch and a cocktail and like all the things and I do that
regularly. So my environment effects my
mood so much. So put yourself in environments
or take care of your environment so that you can stay in a high
vibration in a high frequency. Number 19, pleasure is medicine.
OK. So pleasure is a regulation
tool. And now when people hear the
word pleasure, they think masturbating.
And I'm like, yeah, cool. That is, you know, that is
helpful like absolutely. But pleasure is that warm cup of
coffee in the morning or feeling the sun on your skin or getting
out and seeing, you know, the beautiful trees or hearing the
birds chirping or listening to your favorite song or cuddling
up with your cat or your dog. Like that is pleasure as well.
Or even just, you know, stroking your your legs or just like
stroking your arms or whatever, giving yourself a hug, like just
doing something to give yourself pleasure.
That is a regulation tool in and of itself.
We're like, Oh my God, I don't want to do that.
That's weird. That takes too much effort.
If it's too much fucking effort for you to put your hands on
your body and like literally squeeze your arms or for you to
like run your fingers over your legs, like I don't know what to
fucking tell you. You do not care about your
healing if you cannot even be fucked to do that.
And I'd say that with so much love, because it's like, are we
actually doing the bare minimum, right?
So pleasure is medicine and pleasure can be the greatest
regulation tool of all time to build your nervous system
capacity #20 if you are disconnected from your body,
you're disconnected from your truth.
Your truth lies inside of your body.
And I don't just mean the impulses of like, I feel angry,
I feel shame. Oh my God, this, this must mean
I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't be with this person.
You know, like I said, I was getting like regular panic
attacks when I first started dating, dating my partner,
right? Because it was like, Oh my God,
this is so overwhelming. Like overwhelming in the sense
of like, I don't have to caretake you.
I don't have to look after you. I don't, you're not making me
responsible for your emotions. I don't have to do all these
things. What do I do?
And I had to really regulate through that, you know, through
safety with her, through, you know, like just being with her
and being open and being vulnerable.
But your body knows the truth. My body knew this like, oh, this
is new. It's actually funny because it's
like if I had no response to being with her.
It's almost a sense of like I'm in a pattern again, because this
feels so familiar. So your body knows the answer.
You can and, and again, if you're a sacral authority for
human design, you're going to listen to your and those like
initial yes or initial no. You can trust that, right?
If you're an emotional authority, you're going to ride
your wave, you're going to give yourself 24 hours, you're going
to sleep on it, right? Splenic authority, something
different since like there's a whole thing.
I'm not a human design expert, so you can go do that for
yourself. But yeah, it's like your body
knows best. Number 21, doing less but doing
it better creates more momentum. So we have this epidemic and I
so have been guilty of this. We have this epidemic of people
being super busy, right? Where it's like, Oh my God, I'm
so busy. I'm so busy, I'm so busy.
OK, but what have you actually achieved?
I'll wait. Like what have you actually
achieved? Because we just stay stuck in
shit that doesn't actually move the needle.
OK, great, you're watching the course modules, but have you
implemented them? Have you done the embodiment
practices? You've listened to what, 232
episodes of this podcast? Are you still repeating the same
patterns? It's about implementation, so
it's not about having 1,000,001 courses or having 17 different
tasks on your plate. It's like take your three top
things for the day and get them done.
Like honestly, when I take myself to the Cafe and I just
work for two hours straight because people talk about like,
I think it's the Pomodoro method where it's like you work for 25
minutes and then you take a 5 minute break.
I cannot do that because I'm like at 25 minutes.
I'm just getting into it. So I would prefer to work for
like 2 to 3 that were straight and then I'm done.
I'm like, OK, cool, I'm I'm good.
I'm tapped out because I'm focused.
So this is the thing. It's like, rather than having
your energy scattered amongst a bunch of different things, it's
can you dial in and be laser focused on the things that are
actually going to move the needle.
So that might be an embodiment practice every single day.
And that could be literally one song of central movement.
It could be you having a difficult conversation.
It could be you setting a boundary.
It could be you posting a piece of content.
It could be you recording an episode of a podcast, whatever
it is. But it's like, do the thing
that's going to actually move the needle versus and I'm just
going to take business as an example where people are like,
I'm starting a business. So I'm like picking my brand
colors and I'm doing my logo. Nobody gives a fuck about your
logo. No one cares about your fucking
brand colors. No one cares about your website.
I didn't have a website for years.
Like nobody cares. Nobody cares.
Do something that's gonna move the needle.
Get a fucking client. That's what you need to be
doing. I love you, 22.
Clarity comes after action, not before.
And this is something I've really learned from my partner
because like I've said, she's in Aries.
She just moves, moves, moves, moves.
And I'm like, wow, versus for me, I'm like, I got a case of
like, I need to know the whole game plan before I get started.
That's how I've like traditionally been.
And she's like, no, just start, just start, just do it.
And I'm like, OK. And then as I get going, I'm
like, oh, I have more clarity. So even, you know, even when
women come into the connected woman and they're doing the
modules, it'll be like module one or module 2 and they're
like, OK, but how do I change the pattern?
And I'm like, just witness yourself in the pattern.
Trust that you've got 13 more modules that are going to give
you the answers, but just trust that it's like right now I'm
just going to stay in taking action and I'm going to trust
that clarity is going to come. I remember this from The Secret.
When you guys remember that that book in that movie came out with
it when I was in high school. So it must been like maybe 2006
ish and I remember this guy talking about how imagine
yourself on the freeway and there's no lights at all but
you've got your your headlights on right?
So you can only see 200 meters in front of you.
You don't stop driving because you're like, Oh my God, I can
only see 200 meters in front of me.
Like what if there's no Rd. You keep driving and you trust
that as you travel further, the next 200 meters will be shown
and then the next 200 meters, and then the next 200 meters and
then the next 200 meters. And you could go all the way
from New York to California doing that, right?
So that's what I mean by clarity comes through taking action, not
waiting for clarity to come first 23, you don't need to be
ready. You need to be honest.
And again, I know I'm talking about the connected woman a lot,
but this is just like, it just like relates to so many patterns
that I see in there, which is again, like I like I've shared,
you know, a few times that people wait 2-3 years to to join
because they're like, Oh my God, what is how am I going to
change? How am I going to need to show
up differently to get the thing that I say that I want?
And here's the thing. If you really, really, really
want something, truly, almost nothing will stop you.
If you actually don't really want that thing, almost
everything will stop you. Money, time, the time zone.
I need it to be live. I need it to be self-paced.
I I've got kids, now's not a good time.
I'm I'm busy, I am going to wait for the next round.
Almost anything will stop you. Whereas if you really want to
change your patterns, almost nothing will fucking get in your
way. And that is really the
difference, that it's where it's not about being ready, it's
about being fucking honest. Do you want it or not?
If the answer is no, that's OK, but be honest with yourself.
Stop waiting for the perfect time on whatever that is.
Getting back into the dating scene, having a baby, you know,
quitting your job, starting a business, starting a podcast,
breaking up it you're, you know, getting a divorce, breaking up
in your relationship, moving to another country, whatever your
thing is, it's not about being ready.
It's about being honest. 24 structure actually gives your
feminine room to breathe. This is something people
overlook all the time when they come into feminine embodiment
and they're like, I'm just in my feelings and I just, I want to
feel and I just want to all I can know I need to rest and I'm
just going to go with the float. Do you know how much fucking
chaos that creates if you don't have a healthy masculine?
This is why I decided to do 2 retreats by the way, because I
saw I was like OK cool, I'm connecting women to their
feminine. But like what about the
masculine? You need structure, you need
containment, you need direction. That is what helps the feminine
to feel safe, to flow, right? If we're with a man who has no
fucking direction and it's just like La La la, I'll go with the
flow. What do we usually do?
Great, I'll be the one to fucking plan everything.
I'll be the one to figure things out.
Versus we're with a man who or a partner who has masculine energy
who leads and takes takes the lead is like driving the ship.
We're like, oh, I feel like I can fully relax now.
And so that's the same thing with ourselves where when we
have direction and we have structure, that helps us to
relax. Like I'm being so much more
intentional and organized in my business in 2026 because that
allows me to then be in my creativity, allows me to be more
present with my partner. It allows me to like be present
with my friends because I'm not worried about like a fuck, Like
I've got to get this e-mail out. I've got to do this thing like,
no, I am. I'm going to be laser focused on
getting things done that are required and then I can fully
relax and be in my flow. So the structure actually allows
your feminine to flow more more easy.
That's not the right word. It allows your feminine to flow
easier. 25 The life you desire requires a different version of
you. The version you currently are
has given you the life you currently have, the
relationships you have, what's in your bank account, the
business or the career that you have, the friendships that you
have, the relationship to your body that you currently have,
your home, your environment. Everything has been because of
the version that you currently are and the versions of you that
you have been. If you want something else, you
have to evolve your identity and yourself concept.
You have to evolve how you show up in the world.
You have to evolve who you are. You have to evolve your
behaviors, your thoughts, your mindset, your connection to your
body, your connection to yourself.
It's going to require a different version of you.
And that's not to scare you, that's to excite you.
And this is the thing, this is the difference.
I'm going to be so honest and you can, if you feel triggered
by this, well, I love you. The people who succeed in life,
whatever, however you want to take that.
They are the people who are not scared of stepping into a
different version of themselves. They are the people who are
willing to evolve. The people who stay stuck and
stay in victim mode are the people who become intimidated by
the next version of themselves and they back away and they're
like, Nope, I'm not willing to do what's required.
And if that's you, cool, but get comfy where you are.
If you want something different, you have to evolve your
identity. And finally, lesson 26 and this
is something for me and hopefully for you.
I am no longer available for a life that looks good but feels
wrong. Let that land.
I'm not available for a life that looks good but feels wrong.
I want to live my life in alignment and if that means I am
fucking ruthless with what needs to go and ruthless in the
pursuit of my desires and my goals, then so fucking be it.
Because I am no longer willing to stay in relationships or
business ideas or containers or something out of obligation or
out of feeling guilty or out of shame or feeling some sort of
loyalty. I'm like, cool.
When I feel complete, I'm complete.
And that doesn't mean that I'm like, I don't love you.
We can love someone and still know this isn't right for me.
So welcome to 2026. I'm so excited to spend another
year with you guys. If you are ready to take that
next step. If you're like I fucking hear
you and this whole episode landed for me, it's time to join
the connected woman. It's time to get your ass in the
room. Enough talking, enough yapping,
enough listening to the podcast or reading books or whatever it
is. It's time to actually step into
the identity of a woman who is secure within herself in her
relationships. Whether you're single or you're
in a relationship or you're married or you're going through
a divorce, it is irrelevant because it's about your
connection to yourself. So if you know that I'm speaking
to you and all your fucking excuses are coming up right now
and your ego is like but, but, but, but, but who are you going
to decide to be in this moment? I cannot wait for this next
round of the Connected Woman. I'm so excited to get into it.
I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to this
and I will see you guys next week.
Happy 2026. Happy new year, my love.
Bye. All right, my love, thank you so
much for listening today's podcast episode.
Take what resonates and leave the rest.
There is no obligation, but you do have a responsibility to
yourself to actually do the work.
So implement what you have learned here.
Let this episode be a reminder that you are built for more.
You are not built for the bare minimum.
You are not built for mediocre. You are meant to live a big,
beautiful old life. And if you want to go deeper,
come follow me over on Instagram at Michelle Panning.
The link will be in the description, that is where I
share all the behind the scenes content and you will get to
follow me and my journey as I raise my standards alongside
you. So I love you, I believe in your
next level and I will see you in the next episode.
Now go unbuck your life, babe.