1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,560 Welcome to the Unfuck Your Relationships podcast. 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:08,039 I'm Michelle Panning, your host intimacy alchemist, Trigger 3 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,040 Queen and founder of The Connected Woman AKA your new go 4 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:16,200 to bestie for all things love, sex and relationships that won't 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,600 blow total smoke up your ass. I believe you deserve to have it 6 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:25,400 all, to feel worthy, confident, and have a fulfilling as fuck 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,880 love life. In this podcast, we're dropping 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,159 the insecurity in doubt so that you can transform into the 9 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:36,160 powerful, confident, and secure woman you know you're destined 10 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,040 to be. So grab your favorite glass of 11 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,240 wine and let's get to work, because it's time to reclaim 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:51,720 yourself worth, baby. Hello and welcome back to the 13 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,680 Unfuck Your Relationships podcast. 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:59,280 This is episode 56 and this episode's going to be a real 15 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:03,280 kick up the ass for people. I feel I have been feeling kind 16 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,080 of sassy as of late and I'm going to bring that to the 17 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,960 podcast because why the fuck not? 18 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:14,200 Before I get into this sass pants rant, I would love if you 19 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,360 could take the time to rate and review the podcast. 20 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:22,640 Yeah, I want to be a top ten podcast. 21 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,600 Yes, please help me get there. I cannot do this without you. 22 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,880 Don't make me beg now. But for real, I genuinely feel 23 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,360 like I have a lot of good shit to say. 24 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,880 I want to keep this going. Guys, we're fucking blowing up. 25 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,320 We're actually blowing up. At the time of recording this, I 26 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,800 hit like 100,000 downloads. What? 27 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,200 Like, I don't know, three weeks ago, something like that. 28 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,960 Maybe 3 weeks ago, we're nearly at 150,000 downloads. 29 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,720 What? Sorry, what? 30 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,720 So this is really blowing up. So let's keep the momentum. 31 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,560 Let's go. Let's fucking pop some champagne 32 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,280 because the better I do, the better you do. 33 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,360 We're all in this together. And so I thought that that would 34 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:04,960 be just. Yeah. 35 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,080 I would be forever grateful. Thank you in advance. 36 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,680 Love you so much. Let's get into this sass pants 37 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,080 rant where I kick you up the little booty. 38 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,120 And I do this with love, OK? I don't do this because I hate 39 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:23,120 you or I think that you are, you know, not caring about what's 40 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,360 happening in your life. Not at all. 41 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,480 I say this because I believe that you are capable. 42 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,760 So do you remember that real that? 43 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,560 I think it's Mel Robbins. I think that's her name. 44 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,440 And she's like, no one is coming to save you. 45 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,160 No one's going to get you up in the morning, blah, blah, blah, 46 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,360 blah. No one is coming to save you. 47 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:48,040 I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but stop waiting for a man 48 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:52,040 to be your Prince Charming. Yeah, because I, too, have this 49 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,400 Disney Princess. That was like, once I meet the 50 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,040 man, I will be happy and everything in my life will be 51 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,720 great. No, Drew is amazing. 52 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,400 We love him. And I still have problems. 53 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,680 I still have times where I'm like, I am unhappy. 54 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,160 And no, he has not saved me. How dare he? 55 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,520 But this thing of, like, waiting for someone to save you. 56 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,360 And I'm, you know, right now I'm talking about a man saving you. 57 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,840 But this could be fucking anyone. 58 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:20,960 It's immature. It's actually immature and is a 59 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,280 sign of, like, low emotional intelligence. 60 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:28,080 Yeah. You are in control of your 61 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,600 healing. You are. 62 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,400 You can find practitioners to hold you in what's coming up for 63 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,560 you, but it's up to you to actually do the work, right? 64 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:41,040 And so, do I call people out? Do I call people out right now? 65 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,200 Fuck it, yes. Here's the thing. 66 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:50,120 If you are sliding into my DMS asking for advice and my advice 67 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:54,640 is to work with me, right? Or work with a therapist or work 68 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,360 with someone regardless of if it's me. 69 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:02,160 And it's like, no, I don't have the time, bitch, don't complain 70 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,640 then. Sorry. 71 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,000 Yeah. And a lot of us want to blame 72 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:11,120 others around us for our lack of results, you know, or why we're 73 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,600 stuck or why our lives are the way that they are. 74 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,079 So we blame our parents. You know, if only I had had 75 00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:19,320 different parents or my, my parents were so fucked. 76 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,600 They gave me so much trauma that like, you know, this is just how 77 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,800 I am. We blame our partners. 78 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,960 Well, my partner's emotionally unavailable. 79 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,520 So what the fuck am I supposed to do? 80 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,280 You blame your attachment style. It's because I'm anxious. 81 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,440 It's because I'm avoidant. It's because I'm anxious 82 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,760 avoidant. You blame your home environment. 83 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,120 Oh, I, I can't do the calls because my roommates are home. 84 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,040 If we blame others, we can deflect responsibility. 85 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,320 And if we deflect responsibility, then we don't 86 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,520 need to change anything because it's not our fault in the 1st 87 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,360 place, right? Because if it's someone else's 88 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,280 fault, if it's your parents fault, your partner's fault, 89 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,560 it's the attachment style, it's because of your home, it's 90 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,960 because you can't afford it. It's because you can't, you 91 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,280 don't have time. It's because the the calls are 92 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:04,440 at 3:00 in the morning for you. Then it's out of your control. 93 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,000 What are you supposed to do? It's everyone else. 94 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,240 It's everything else. Sure. 95 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,080 OK. I will never argue with you. 96 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:16,200 If you want to stay attached to your story, be my guest. 97 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,480 Be my guest. But I promise you that nothing 98 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,000 will change. And if you choose to not take 99 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,920 any action, that's on you. Yeah. 100 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,880 If you don't have the love that you want, that's on you. 101 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,160 And I say this with so much love because I am fully aware that 102 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:36,320 trauma plays a big part in this. I get it. 103 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,400 I get it. I have a lot of trauma. 104 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:43,160 So deal with it. Deal with the trauma, hire a 105 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:48,160 trauma therapist, go to EMDR, see a somatic experiencer. 106 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,200 Right. And if you genuinely like I, I 107 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,560 understand. I'm not, you know, totally 108 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,720 fucking tone deaf to the fact that people struggle financially 109 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:00,120 in this world. Like I understand, I understand. 110 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,200 And I've been in that position before as well. 111 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,360 So I get it. Like sometimes it's not a 112 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,360 limiting belief. You're like, I, no, I genuinely 113 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,360 have $4.00 on my bank account. Great. 114 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:13,120 So like, take the free resources that are available to you and 115 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,480 fucking implement them. Implement them. 116 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:21,000 Take what I'm saying on this podcast and do something with 117 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,480 it. Yeah, if you read a book, go to 118 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:29,160 the library and you get a book you read attached, do what it 119 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,840 says, right? Don't just read half the book 120 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,760 and then put it back on your bookshelf and say, well, 121 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,440 nothing's changing. Yeah, bitch, you can't just 122 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,120 fucking think it into existence. You have to actually take 123 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,880 action. We cannot control what happens 124 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,880 to us, but we can control how we respond. 125 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:51,040 Now I'll say it again, we cannot control what happens to us, but 126 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:56,560 we can control how we respond. So again, when you are in a 127 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:01,920 place of like, not taking action or blaming everyone around you, 128 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,760 it's so disempowering. And I get it. 129 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,880 Like I was speaking to a friend of mine and she's going through 130 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,400 a tough time with her partner right now. 131 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,120 Every time that we would start talking about her role in it, 132 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,560 she'd go yeah, bot and start shitting on him again. 133 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,440 Now, I'm not saying that. Oh, no, no, no, he's perfect. 134 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:25,880 Like this is all you, babe. No, honestly, he's acting fucked 135 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,840 in this situation. But we can control how we 136 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,720 respond to that behavior, how to someone else's behavior, right? 137 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,200 If your parents were not emotionally there for you, it's 138 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,000 going to be tough for you to be there emotionally for yourself, 139 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,360 right? Or to allow others to be there 140 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,280 for you, right? OK, got it. 141 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,000 This is what we're working with. Let's do something different. 142 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,520 What tools and practices can you implement? 143 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,160 Right? Which is exactly what the 144 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,000 connected woman is all about. It's literally for this. 145 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,280 But even if you do that program and you invest the money and the 146 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,320 time, if you just come to the calls and you don't do any of 147 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,400 the homework, like, you're really not going to see that 148 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:11,680 much of an impact. It's designed to help you change 149 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,600 your fucking life. Yeah. 150 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,480 And often this is what I see. And this is like a very sneaky 151 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,440 thing. And this is what happens to me 152 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,640 as well. My coach called me out on this 153 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,160 the other day. We were talking about where I'm 154 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,560 doing shadow work with her and she's like asking me a question. 155 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,400 I said I don't know. And she was like, fuck off. 156 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,960 You don't know. Yeah. 157 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,480 If you're saying I don't know all the time, this is what she 158 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,960 said. If you're saying I don't know 159 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,120 all the time, you need to be willing to sit with it for 160 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,039 longer than two fucking minutes to figure it out. 161 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,880 Yeah. If you don't know what steps to 162 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,560 take, find someone who does. If you're saying like, well, I 163 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,760 don't know. Like, I don't know where to 164 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,120 start, Bitch. If you're in my DMS, you've 165 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,680 started. I've told you. 166 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,920 Join the program or work with me one-on-one, or go work with a 167 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:58,240 trauma therapist. Find an expert in the area 168 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,800 you're looking to improve in and do what you need to do. 169 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,080 Yeah. Because I don't know, it's just 170 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,880 your ego's way of keeping you the fuck out of your shadows and 171 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,640 the fuck out of the truth. Genuinely. 172 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,600 I know that's harsh. We don't like to talk about the 173 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,040 ego. But like, I had a realization 174 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,720 that, like, I am an ego a lot. If you're getting triggered, 175 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,360 you're an ego. Yeah, and this is something else 176 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,680 that my coach said. If you're committed to fucking 177 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:28,040 up your growth, you will run with the story that your ego is 178 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,080 telling you. You will believe it. 179 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,520 I can't do this course because, you know, the the calls are at 180 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,200 3:00 AM, so it's not convenient for me. 181 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,520 I don't have the time to do this. 182 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,640 I just can't afford it. I'll do the next round. 183 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,160 It's too expensive. I never finished programs. 184 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:49,680 Yeah, it'll all come up. I'm not. 185 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:53,160 I'm never surprised when someone throws any of those things at 186 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,320 me. I'm like, OK, And again, I'm not 187 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,720 going to argue with you. I'll reflect it back to you, OK? 188 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,480 Is that really true? Because how many times have I 189 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,640 seen someone say I can't afford it and then turn around four 190 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,080 days later and pay in full? And I'm like, of course, because 191 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,400 I don't believe your stories. And again, like I that caveat 192 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,480 there is like, I understand there are genuinely cases where 193 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,040 you literally cannot afford it. Yeah, I got you. 194 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,840 And, and if that's the case, cool. 195 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,320 I have absolutely no issue with that being true. 196 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,800 You know, I'm never, ever, ever going to force you to do 197 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,320 something that you don't want to do. 198 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,480 And you should not force yourself to do something that 199 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,640 you don't want to do. If something's not a good fit 200 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,200 for you, my program or anything, don't do it. 201 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,240 Don't do it. I wouldn't want you in there and 202 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,040 you know the people that who are in your life like again, that's 203 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,200 a people pleasing right. So if that's like the truth, but 204 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,200 fucking be honest with yourself, girl, about the things that you 205 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,640 tell yourself you can't do. Oh, I just I can't have a 206 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,680 healthy relationship because I have anxious attachment. 207 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,560 I always attract emotionally unavailable men. 208 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:04,680 Here's how you know you are in a fucking story is when you say 209 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,160 always or never when you generalize. 210 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:12,880 So here's why joining a program like connected woman or doing 211 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:17,840 one-on-one or going to a breath work class or hiring a therapist 212 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,800 or whatever. Here's why it feels absolutely 213 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,680 or even finding a healthy relationship. 214 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,240 Let's go with that. Finding a healthy relationship 215 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,360 feels so fucking scary, like let's say a quote UN quote 216 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:32,800 conscious man, because that is going to require you to let go 217 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:41,480 of your story of victimhood. All right, my loves, this is it. 218 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:46,640 These are the final few hours. It's the final countdown until 219 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,920 the doors close to connected woman. 220 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,600 Not just for this round, but forever for good. 221 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,160 If you've been listening to previous episodes, you'll know 222 00:11:56,320 --> 00:12:00,080 or you follow me on Instagram. Then you'll know that this is 223 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,120 the last round of connected woman. 224 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,680 We are moving on into what, I don't know. 225 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,400 We're going to see what is birthed in this space. 226 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,200 But I'm fully leaning into trusting myself and trusting 227 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,680 that whatever is meant to come through is going to come 228 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,160 through. So, yeah, these are the last 24 229 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:25,000 hours before the doors shut to connect to women for good. 230 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:29,400 And so if you have been feeling that pull, feeling the nudge and 231 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,600 that kind of, I don't know, I really want to do this, but I'm 232 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,720 nervous. Or maybe I'll do the next round. 233 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,680 There won't be a next round. And I really invite you to trust 234 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,560 yourself. And I understand that that can 235 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,920 be really fucking scary, especially if you resonate with 236 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,560 being a caretaker and you're used to putting yourself at the 237 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,680 bottom of the barrel, that investing in yourself will seem 238 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,560 fucking terrifying. And nothing changes if nothing 239 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,120 changes. And so we have to, at some 240 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,280 point, be willing to put our money where our mouth is. 241 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,240 Yeah, we can have all the self-awareness in the world, but 242 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,160 if we're not willing to take action, it's for nothing. 243 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,000 So you can listen to the podcast. 244 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,880 You can listen to my Instagram Stories. 245 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,360 You can listen to or read my posts on Instagram. 246 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:18,400 But if you do not decide to take the leap of faith and invest in 247 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,560 yourself with your time, your money and your energy, and 248 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,080 nothing will shift. So the invitation is there for 249 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,560 you to take that leap of faith and trust yourself and put 250 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:33,360 yourself first for once. Let this be the beginning of you 251 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,200 doing something different. And I hope that I will see you 252 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,040 inside for this very special round, this last round of 253 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,920 Connected Women. And if you've already done 254 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,040 Connected Woman and you're coming back as an alumni, DM me 255 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:49,720 on Instagram for the alumni link or you can e-mail contact at 256 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,600 michellepanning.com and we'll get you in there. 257 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,560 There are women who have done it 234 times, which is really 258 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,600 fucking cool. So the invitation is there. 259 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,080 We do live embodiments on the calls. 260 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,760 We have a guest speaker coming in. 261 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,880 The place that I am at in my life, the relationship that I 262 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,000 have with myself and the relationship that I have with 263 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,960 Drew is unlike anything that has been brought to Connected Woman 264 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,400 before. So it's going to be a very, 265 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,080 very, very potent journey. And I hope that you will join 266 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,920 me. All right, let's get back to the 267 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,520 episode. I said something on the last 268 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,400 connected woman call in the last round, and I said don't settle 269 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,840 for your story. Don't settle for your story. 270 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,280 The story that you've been telling yourself that you can't 271 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:39,400 have what you want because of XYZ, because your parents fucked 272 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:43,480 you up, because your partner is emotionally unavailable, because 273 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:46,760 you'll never be able to afford that, because you work too much, 274 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,920 because you have avoided attachment. 275 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,440 Don't fucking settle for that bullshit. 276 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,120 And I will call you out every damn day because I see you 277 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,760 settling for your story that you can't do it. 278 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,440 I, I fucking get it. I get it. 279 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:07,800 And I would not be a good coach if I just let you if I just went 280 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,880 OK. Like if you're paying me to work 281 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,040 with you, right? If you're a client of mine, I 282 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,040 will call you the fuck out with so much love. 283 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,840 I say it with love because I know that you're capable. 284 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,520 Because I see the piece of you that is made for more. 285 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,080 Because I see how many times I myself have settled for my story 286 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,840 that I would never have the love that I want. 287 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,880 The relationship that I have withdrew. 288 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,320 I did not even know was possible. 289 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,120 I didn't even know it was possible. 290 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,040 The money that I have, I was like, fucking wow. 291 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,080 If I could just replace my stripping income, that would be 292 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,880 like, I would be over the moon. Now I've like tripled what I 293 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,160 made stripping more. Yeah. 294 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:52,200 The clients that I have, the life that I live, I never 295 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,440 thought this was possible. And it's only possible because I 296 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,880 had people reflecting to me when I would go, oh, I just don't 297 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,800 think it's going to happen. Fuck that. 298 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:03,680 Nope. And people being like, I'm not 299 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,480 even willing to have this conversation until you're 300 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,880 willing to get your head out your ass. 301 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,040 And so I'd used to do something. I still kind of do it sometimes, 302 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,640 but there's something called schema therapy. 303 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,520 It's like a form of therapy and my biggest schema. 304 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:18,400 So like my biggest, I don't know, characteristic, I guess 305 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,400 thing that we all have schemas. I don't even know how to explain 306 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,520 it. We all have schemas that some of 307 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,520 them get to like a clinical level and that's when they need 308 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,160 to be kind of dealt with. My biggest one is entitlement. 309 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,560 So there's part of me that feels like I should just have results, 310 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:33,360 right? And So what happens is I would 311 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,520 just throw money at the problem. And so rather than expecting a 312 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:39,040 man to save me, I expect my coach to save me. 313 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,880 Well, I've come to the calls. I shouldn't have to do anything 314 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,640 outside of that, right? I don't need to do my fucking 315 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,040 sexuality practices. I don't need to have hard 316 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,160 conversations. I don't need to set boundaries 317 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,280 in my life. I've come to the calls. 318 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,200 I've paid you fucking $30,000. What else do I need to do? 319 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,880 And let me tell you, nothing changed. 320 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,520 I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and nothing was changing 321 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,400 until I was like, wow, I guess no one's coming. 322 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,920 I guess it's on me. And so I'm here to tell you that 323 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:07,720 it's on you. It's on you. 324 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,680 Yeah. So look at what is showing up in 325 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,000 your life. One of my favorite quotes from 326 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,760 Caroline Elliott, who wrote the book Existential Kink, says 327 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,720 having is evidence of wanting. Yeah, having is evidence of 328 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,440 wanting. If you have something in your 329 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,359 life, ask yourself, what do I get from this? 330 00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:27,800 And your first instinct is probably to go nothing. 331 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:29,600 I don't get anything from this, right? 332 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,960 My toxic relationship with an emotionally mature, immature 333 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,520 man. I get nothing from this but 334 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,600 grief and stress, lies, bullshit. 335 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,480 Look harder. Sit with yourself for more than 336 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,960 two minutes. I would pick emotionally 337 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,000 immature men. I would pick them. 338 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,400 I had a radar. Do you know why? 339 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,240 So I could feel superior. So I could feel like the 340 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,000 emotionally mature one. And here's the thing, I could, I 341 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,040 would go to the level of emotional intimacy that I felt 342 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,200 comfortable with because I knew they'd never challenge me on it. 343 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,720 I knew they would never want more intimacy than I was ready 344 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,560 to give. So I felt safe. 345 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,520 And then I could just sit in my victimhood and complain about 346 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,600 how immature these men were and how emotionally unavailable they 347 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,960 were. They didn't want to do the work 348 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,880 and blah, blah, blah. Bitch, I wasn't doing the work. 349 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:21,520 Not really. Yeah, being withdrew requires a 350 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:26,160 lot from me. It's super easy, super easy to 351 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,120 be in a relationship with him. And it's a great responsibility 352 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:35,080 because he requires a level of intimacy that feels new for me. 353 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,800 And I fucking love it. But I wasn't ready until I did 354 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,960 the work. And so there's also an element 355 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:44,400 of like, stop looking at the people online, at me, at 356 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,640 whoever, these influencers or these coaches or whoever, and 357 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,760 thinking that they have it easy, that they're born that way. 358 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,000 Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. 359 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,800 But I can guarantee that we all have our own shit. 360 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,080 Yeah, they have their trauma. I have trauma. 361 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:02,960 And the difference is I've chosen to face it. 362 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,720 They've chosen to face it rather than run from it. 363 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,560 Most people won't do that because it's fucking hard. 364 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,080 It's really hard. The hardest thing for me is just 365 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,960 to sit with myself and feel. Even though I teach it, I'm 366 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,400 like, oh, God again. Feel more. 367 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,000 Really. Yes. 368 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,960 Feel more. It's hard. 369 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,840 It's scary. You can face judgement. 370 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,360 You will outgrow people. You will outgrow situations. 371 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,520 You don't know what's on the other end of it. 372 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,920 Yeah. Who am I without this story? 373 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,360 You don't know. And the brain loves familiarity, 374 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,160 right? Better the devil you know. 375 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,280 So the brain is like, look, I know this is shit, but like that 376 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,320 healthy relationship or that like level of money, we don't 377 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,160 know what's going to happen. That could be worse, that could 378 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,520 be worse, that could kill us. So better not right. 379 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,360 It's it's what the brain does. It's nothing to be ashamed of or 380 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,480 anything, but you have to be willing to step outside of that 381 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,760 to do the opposite of what you normally do, right. 382 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:08,320 And I attract in my work a lot of women who caretake. 383 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,320 Right, a lot of women who caretake and people, please, 384 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,360 meaning that you put yourself at the bottom of the barrel. 385 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,480 So it makes sense that like when I'm asking you to invest in 386 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,880 yourself, your time, your money, your energy, you're like, no, 387 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,360 and you will go spend money on dumb shit. 388 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,520 Going out on the weekends. Well, I don't know if it's dumb, 389 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,400 but like on on other shit, that's that puts other people 390 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,120 first, right? Going out on the weekends and 391 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,280 getting drunk so you can have connection with people? 392 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,880 Buying clothes so you can impress people that you actually 393 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,760 don't give a fuck about? Yeah. 394 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,400 Spending all your money on fucking Uber Eats so you don't 395 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,480 have to get up and cook a meal? I get it. 396 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,560 Same. Yeah, but if you don't want to 397 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,200 commit to yourself and to your growth, fine, fine, fine, fine. 398 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,400 I will never challenge you on that. 399 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,920 But stop lying to yourself and saying that you want it if you 400 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:02,240 are not ready to have meaningful conversations with people on 401 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,120 dating apps. Stop saying that you want a 402 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:08,960 relationship if you are not willing to open your heart to a 403 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,480 man. Stop saying that you want it if 404 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,520 you are not willing to fucking sit with yourself and feel your 405 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,720 emotions or pick up a fucking journal or put down Netflix or 406 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,600 put down TikTok. Stop saying that you want a deep 407 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,480 relationship with yourself. You don't, Which there's no 408 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,920 shame in that. It's totally fine to not want 409 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,960 that. But be honest. 410 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,480 Be honest with yourself, Right? I could say that I want to be 411 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,600 the healthiest version of myself, but the reality is I 412 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,200 still eat pizza on the regular and I fucking eat Uber Eats all 413 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,840 the time. I really don't want it that bad. 414 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,960 What I want is comfort. OK, cool. 415 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:49,200 So be that. But what happens is you lose 416 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:53,120 respect and trust in yourself when you say you want something 417 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,240 but never follow through with it. 418 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,280 Yeah, if you keep saying that you're sick of the same shit 419 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,880 with the guy that you're seeing but you refuse to take action 420 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,320 and leave, or at the very least have a conversation around it, 421 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,240 don't complain. Don't complain. 422 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:10,040 If you're not willing to work on it with yourself, then cool. 423 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,120 Just acknowledge that that's the situation, right? 424 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,400 What builds trust and respect for yourself is honoring your 425 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,600 word, staying true to yourselves, taking risks. 426 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,880 And risks are scary, I get it. But if you don't take the risk, 427 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,200 you won't get the reward. If you don't take the risk, you 428 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,880 won't get the reward. But don't complain about never 429 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,560 getting the reward when you are completely unwilling to take the 430 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,720 risk. And that could be a risk of your 431 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:42,240 time, a risk of your energy. You may have a belief that 432 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,720 you're going to sign up to a program and then not follow 433 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,480 through with anything. Well, I guess that's a risk. 434 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,600 I called myself out in one of the containers I'm in. 435 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,880 I have a habit of joining containers and then hiding 436 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,840 because I go. I have enough connection in my 437 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:56,960 life. I don't need to engage in the 438 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,640 Facebook group. Nah, I'm beyond that. 439 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,360 I'm above that. So I called myself out and I was 440 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,120 like, I'm going to fucking engage in here on a on a regular 441 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,480 basis. I'm going to support other women 442 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,640 and I'm going to lean in and ask to be supported. 443 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:16,160 I'm going to build connection in here because I'm willing to do 444 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,840 something different than I normally fucking do because I 445 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,280 want the reward. And so I'm willing to take the 446 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,160 risk. And so ask yourself, am I 447 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,400 wanting the reward with none of the fucking work? 448 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,520 Because that's an immature, entitled way of moving through 449 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:35,200 life, and that will never get you the dream relationship that 450 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,120 you desire. So I know this was really 451 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:41,720 fucking intense, really harsh. You may be triggered. 452 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,200 That's OK. I am the trigger queen after 453 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,440 all. So, yeah, I, like, don't, like, 454 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,240 I want to ask for a rating and review, but I feel a little 455 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,320 hesitant to do it because it's probably going to be like, 456 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:57,120 Michelle's a fucking bitch. True. 457 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,720 I am. And I'm OK with that. 458 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,640 I am OK with that. And there's a part of me which 459 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,360 loves being fucking bossy and direct and telling it like it 460 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,360 is. It's one of my greatest 461 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,400 superpowers. So straight from me to you, 462 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,520 straight from my heart. And again, I say this because I 463 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,200 fucking love you and I'm sick of seeing you settle for absolute 464 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,560 mediocre bullshit in your life. I'm over it. 465 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,680 I'm over it. Stop settling for crumbs when 466 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,080 you can be in the fucking bakery with me and the other women. 467 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,600 All right? I'm going to leave it here. 468 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,200 I've got to go wash this fake tan off. 469 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,040 I wash. I did fake tan for the first 470 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,840 time in like, fucking years. So I'm going on a date with my 471 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,360 man's this weekend. So I'm wearing a backless dress 472 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,320 and I'm trying to look like a fucking 10 out of 10. 473 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:44,840 So yeah, just before we wrap up, you have another day to join the 474 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,920 connected woman. I've just handed your ass to you 475 00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:51,000 and now I'm like, what? You fucking want the dream 476 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:55,360 relationship with a man, yes, but like with yourself is 477 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:58,080 available to you if you want to stop tolerating bullshit. 478 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,680 And you want to be like fuck I love myself. 479 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,040 And not not a surface level way of like you look in the mirror 480 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,200 into your eyes and go I deeply love and accept myself but you 481 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,160 actually feel like I fucking love myself and you take the 482 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,880 action that is in accordance with that. 483 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,920 You don't just say you're worthy of love, you actually act like a 484 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,440 woman who is worthy of love. Then the connected woman is for 485 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,640 you. I don't know if and when I'm 486 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:24,040 running this again. I've had, you know, some shifts 487 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,320 in my life and so if I am running it, it could be 488 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,040 changing. I'm really not sure. 489 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:31,440 So now could be the time for you to do it. 490 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,400 And if you're an alumni, you've already done this, then DM me on 491 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:39,600 Instagram and I can send you the alumni link because you get it 492 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,200 for $666.00. And if I do it again, run this 493 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,000 again, then it's going to be well over $1000. 494 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,480 So yeah, if you want to come do Connected Woman for a second or 495 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,200 third time, that is available to you as well. 496 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,200 But yeah, I just really invite you to like, if you are feeling 497 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,120 the pull, fucking trust yourself. 498 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,960 Trust yourself that you follow through with what you say you're 499 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,560 going to do. I have heard from some of you of 500 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:04,800 like, I'm going to do next round. 501 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,360 And we've heard that for two years now. 502 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:09,520 I'm like, shit or get off the pot, you know? 503 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:13,080 So the invitation is there. The link will be in the show 504 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,200 notes. If you have questions, DM me on 505 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,760 Instagram. I love you. 506 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:26,640 See you in the next episode 1. Thank you so much for tuning in 507 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,760 to the Unpuck Your Relationships podcast. 508 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,800 I hope that this episode has helped you regain yourself worth 509 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,080 and reclaim your power. Remember, you deserve to feel 510 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,960 safe and secure in your relationships. 511 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,040 If you love what you learned, be sure to hit that follow button 512 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,360 so you never miss a future episode and leave a review to 513 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,280 help me reach more passionate women just like you who want to 514 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,840 heal their relationship patterns so they can have real intimacy 515 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,920 with men. Don't forget to take a 516 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:55,680 screenshot, share it in your Instagram stories, and tag me at 517 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,640 Michelle Panning. See you back here in the next 518 00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,200 episode.