1 00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:13,070 What's up, guys? My name's Alexis, your host of 2 00:00:13,070 --> 00:00:16,270 Praises in the Pot, and I'm so excited to have Jessica Coleman 3 00:00:16,270 --> 00:00:18,710 here today. We are going to talk about all 4 00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:22,910 things ministry, her testimony, her marriage, everything. 5 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,070 But we're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:27,480 jump right in. So here we go, Lord Heavenly 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:31,080 Father, we just thank you for who you are and what you've done 8 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,720 in our lives. Lord God, we just pray that 9 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,680 today we glorify you, that you speak to us and through us. 10 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:42,800 And this podcast just allow others to see you and reveal 11 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,240 yourself to them. Lord God, we just pray that 12 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,480 ultimately this just glorifies you and just brings people 13 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,440 closer to you. In Jesus name I pray Amen, Amen. 14 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,840 Amen, girl. So let's jump right in. 15 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:59,920 Let's talk a little bit about maybe you, your childhood, what 16 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,800 you experienced growing up, and just all those things like maybe 17 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,120 if you had a relationship with God growing up. 18 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:09,280 Let's talk about that. So growing up, I did not have a 19 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,720 relationship with God. My family, we didn't go to 20 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,640 church. It was my mom, my dad, me and my 21 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,920 older brother. My dad was in the military, 22 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,200 pretty strict parents. We traveled around a lot, or not 23 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,560 traveled, but we moved a lot. And I mean, life was pretty 24 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,880 good. My parents loved me very well. 25 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,480 They let me know they loved me, they were proud of me, things 26 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,640 like that. When I was 9, though, things 27 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,720 kind of shifted a little bit. I just asked my mom one day what 28 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,400 I thought was just like a really random question. 29 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,120 Why is Aunt Christy so young and Mother and Granddaddy are so 30 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,360 old? And she sat me down to tell me 31 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,480 that my Aunt Christy was actually my sister and not my 32 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:50,360 aunt. Why? 33 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,760 And that my dad was not my biological father. 34 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:57,560 That he was my stepdad but I've never seen him. 35 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,680 That he's my dad, you know, but that my birth father was 36 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:06,320 actually a raging alcoholic that used to just beat her 37 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,639 relentlessly until she finally left him. 38 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,640 And up until that point she thought that I had had memory of 39 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:17,120 it, but I was too young to have any recollection so. 40 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,960 This is at age 9, yeah. Wow, I know and. 41 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,080 What made you like kind of ask that? 42 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,480 Well, I mean, because Christy was so young and my grandmother 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,800 and granddaddy were so old, you know, but so Christy is my older 44 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:34,040 sister and my grandparents. My mom was so young and she was 45 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,520 with this man. It was just real chaotic and so 46 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:43,120 she signed custody of my sister over to my grandparents and it 47 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,680 was just a random. I mean, I'd had the thought 48 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:49,160 before but just never asked. Yeah, that's just such a like a 49 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,680 you were so observant. Maybe because I feel like 9, you 50 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,400 don't notice things like that. Yeah, I guess I don't know. 51 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,960 I don't really have remember a whole lot from 9:00, but that's 52 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,600 just something big to. It is. 53 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,040 And I think we were fresh off of a visit with them. 54 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:06,120 Maybe that were something, I don't know. 55 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,000 You know, social media wasn't around the back in the 1900s, 56 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,280 you know, gosh, don't say in the 90s. 57 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:16,880 So I'm not really sure why, but that was a very pivotal moment 58 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,120 in my life just because like, everything I knew to be true was 59 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:26,560 not, you know, And like, I think the enemy took advantage of that 60 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:32,920 to like insert identity issues and trust issues, stuff like 61 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,960 that. Not that, not that my mom kept 62 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,280 that hidden from me, you know, that was never her intention, 63 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:42,480 I'm sure. But it was just, I don't know, 64 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:47,320 some things stirred and I began acting out. 65 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,880 I began shoplifting. I was arrested, you know, at 9 66 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:55,280 for shoplifting, which is crazy. But I don't know. 67 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,320 I just, I became very rebellious. 68 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,400 And I don't know if it's a direct result of that or if I 69 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:05,240 would have rebelled anyway, but I just went off. 70 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,680 The rails, well, you know, so before we jump in, so she also 71 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,400 has a correlation with the Potter's house and we'll 72 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,600 probably get there soon. But Lisa says, you know, there's 73 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,920 root to the fruit and like that is a good correlation. 74 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,640 You know, that you that's a prominent thing that stands out 75 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,640 in your memory. And then all of a sudden stuff 76 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,840 starts changing and you, the enemy starts attacking your 77 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,200 identity where you don't know what's true and what's false and 78 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,760 just really, you know, attacking that. 79 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,680 So that could very well be the root to the fruit. 80 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,240 Well, and I didn't have a foundation in Jesus. 81 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,840 I didn't have a foundation. My identity was not set in him. 82 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,000 I didn't know the truth of the word and what God says, you 83 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,680 know. So of course it was just like a 84 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,560 a free for all up there for Satan to just have his way. 85 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,480 Yeah, you know. So you say you're arrested 86 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:56,000 around age 9 already for shoplifting and his? 87 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,200 Nails girl I saw. I know, so embarrassing. 88 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:04,840 Also sad look it up on housing, county crime or whatever. 89 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,760 Jessica Cole, well, your maiden name, but fake nails. 90 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,720 It's terrible shoplifting embarrassing. 91 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,240 So that just starts, you know, ugly future or, you know, starts 92 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,160 that path. Tell us a little bit about that. 93 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,280 Like maybe in high school. Does it get worse? 94 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:19,560 Does. You know, sure. 95 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:25,240 I mean, of course it always does, but the behaviors I was 96 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:29,440 shoplifting, press on nails, OK, but by the time I graduated high 97 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,960 school, I was very promiscuous. I was smoking weed, drinking. 98 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,280 Every time I've drank I've I've blacked out pretty much. 99 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,920 I've never the you know, when you at work, people are like, 100 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,320 hey, y'all want to go have a drink after work? 101 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,400 And I'm like, no, I'll probably go get like wasted. 102 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,840 But yeah, I'm, I'm down. You know, that was me. 103 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:51,120 It was everything that I did was to the extreme. 104 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,800 And so shortly after I graduated high school, my brother was in a 105 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,880 car accident within probably 5 or 6 months later. 106 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,480 And that was super traumatic, like he suffered A traumatic 107 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,760 brain injury, almost died. He was in the hospital for 108 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:12,080 months on end and my parents were suddenly gone because they 109 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,080 had to be by his bedside. At the same time, my grandpa was 110 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,400 terminally ill, dying of cancer. And so I was a little bit on 111 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,640 shift with caring for him at home when the nurses, home 112 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,160 health nurses were off or whatever. 113 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:28,120 And I just, when I look back at that, it was really dark and I 114 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:31,480 was very depressed. We were new to middle Georgia 115 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,680 fairly, we've been here for like 2 years, my junior and senior 116 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,880 year of high school. So I didn't have like a lot of 117 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,640 friends and the ones I'd met were not the best. 118 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:45,240 Yes, say that. And so it was shortly after that 119 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,640 that I, I got into the hard drugs. 120 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:52,200 I started doing meth and cocaine and then I had my wisdom teeth 121 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:56,800 pulled maybe about a year or so later, two years later, and they 122 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:01,920 gave me Percocets and that was like, I remember like, oh man, 123 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,160 this is what I have been looking for. 124 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,360 Like just the feeling that those pills gave me. 125 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,400 And so it was easy to put the uppers down. 126 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,840 Like those were not really my thing, but the opiates were 127 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:20,040 doing my jam and it wrecked me. I mean, you're only, what, 20? 128 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,720 Maybe about 9:00. 1920 wow, like that is so young. 129 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,480 Well, one, I'm in like high school ministry. 130 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,560 I help with that ministry at our church. 131 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,440 And you know, I just look at those kids and I'm like the 132 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:36,360 things that I was doing at that age, like they are kids, you 133 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,360 know, and they even listen to this podcast. 134 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,000 So I'm sorry for calling you kids, but really like it's just 135 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,200 they're just so young and just to think like you're already 136 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,640 doing meth and cocaine and, you know, now you're doing pills 137 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,120 like regularly. Oh man, I know. 138 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,920 My daughter, well, we'll talk about this later too, but she's 139 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,760 16. And so I've, I praise God all 140 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:00,960 the time for who she is because she is so polar opposite from 141 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,440 who I was at that age. And I'm just so grateful. 142 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:09,040 Yes, I'm just so grateful. So how long does this go on? 143 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:14,800 So let's see the cycle of addiction from, I guess when I 144 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,800 picked up the pills when I was 19 and I didn't get sober for 145 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,640 another probably 1110, ten years. 146 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,720 Wow. And by that time, within that 10 147 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,640 years, as I said earlier, it always just gets worse, you 148 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,440 know? So there were three things that 149 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,679 I would never do. I'd never smoke crack, I'd never 150 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,240 do heroin, and I'd never use needles. 151 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,000 And by the time that 10 years was over, I had done all three 152 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,840 of them, and heroin and needles had become my regular everyday 153 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,800 existence at one point. So tell me a little bit about 154 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,360 your husband, Tillman. Yes, yes. 155 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,640 So. I Tillman was the manager of 156 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,800 Journey's shoe store in Macon at the mall and when I was 15 I saw 157 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,640 him for the first time and that dude did not stand a chance. 158 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,400 I was madly in love the moment I laid eyes on him. 159 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,360 I told my little friend I was like, oh I'm going to marry that 160 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:07,680 man one day and here we are. I did end up marrying him. 161 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:13,520 Like when we started dating, he was fresh off of his dad had 162 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,720 just been in a really bad car accident too, and similar like 163 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,720 traumatic brain injury, things like that. 164 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,160 And so that kind of bonded us a little bit. 165 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,000 Like, you know, if if you've been through something that 166 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,480 somebody else has been through, you can understand that person 167 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,000 at a deeper level. And but it was not only that, it 168 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,320 was the drugs and the drinking. He was the same. 169 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,560 Yeah. Personality type or just set off 170 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,120 of that as one another. And that became life. 171 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,720 We just partied and we were together for. 172 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,920 Let's see, three years, 3 1/2 years. 173 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:52,000 And our daughter was born Abby, in 2008. 174 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,680 And, you know, she's precious. She was everything we thought 175 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,920 that would keep us straight and narrow. 176 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,960 And unfortunately, that's not the case. 177 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:06,400 You know, she didn't fill the void that is meant for Jesus. 178 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,520 And so we ended up back out doing the same things that we 179 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,080 had been doing. And, you know, a few years down 180 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,320 the road, we're like, hey, this time we should have a baby and 181 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:19,360 it'll fix it. OK. 182 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,040 This time it will fix it. So we got pregnant again. 183 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,280 And come to find out, we were having twins this time and boys. 184 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,000 And they were born almost four years to the day after Abby. 185 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,840 Their birthday is December 2nd, and hers is December 3rd. 186 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:37,520 And wow, yeah, that was fun. It's still month then month what 187 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,760 like December? Y'all are broke yes Amen. 188 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,160 But you know, and then my birthday is in December too now 189 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,640 that that's a big deal, but it's like boom boom, boom yes So 190 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:53,000 anyway, I was like obviously getting pregnant didn't fix it. 191 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,440 It didn't do it the first time getting pregnant again, didn't 192 00:10:55,440 --> 00:11:00,960 do it the second time. And it it just got tremendously 193 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,680 worse, terribly, terribly worse. Like I was six months pregnant 194 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,680 with the twins whenever we tried heroin for the first time and I 195 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,760 could not shake it, man. I could not. 196 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,360 I considered methadone, but nothing. 197 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,840 There were so many times that we were like, all right, this is 198 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:20,760 the last time, right? And then three days later the 199 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,400 DTS are so bad. Like, I mean, it's just, it was 200 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,000 awful. And so they were born opiate 201 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,160 dependent, but like God's grace, I look back and I'm like, how 202 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,680 did defects never get involved? They never, not once drug tested 203 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,440 me at any of my doctor's appointments. 204 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,680 The boys were born perfectly healthy. 205 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,200 Like there's literally no explanation for it. 206 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:47,640 But God had his hand on them and for so long I was like, it's 207 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,760 because he knew that we'd come out and, you know, live for him. 208 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:54,760 But the further I walk with him, the more I realized, like, he's 209 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,080 got plans for them, Yes, you know, I mean, like, he wasn't 210 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:03,600 just saving them because for me, he was saving them for them 211 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,800 because he's got amazing things in store for their lives. 212 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,520 Absolutely. I hear people, you know, say, 213 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,120 you know, you can't stop your children from having testimony 214 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,200 and I'm like, wow, what a testimony they already have from 215 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,400 day one to say like I'm a miracle. 216 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,560 Not that they all babies aren't miracles, but just to say that 217 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,880 you're, you know, your mom used while you were pregnant and 218 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,080 everything else and but God had his hand on top of them where 219 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,400 they, you know, beat the odds already. 220 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,200 I know. Wow, that is so amazing. 221 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,080 He's so good. Like, I mean, I'm just so 222 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,280 grateful. And no, don't get me wrong, like 223 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:41,320 them boys are knuckleheads. You know, I could say that, but 224 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,360 they're. They got other problems but. 225 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,200 It's girl yes like that's so good and I know that he'll use 226 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,680 those if they'll surrender to him, absolutely mend their 227 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,640 hearts and lives to him. He'll do great, great thing, 228 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,200 yes, so. You're talking about, you know, 229 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,520 being an active addiction for those four years between the 230 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,520 twins and your daughter, too. Do you have a good support 231 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,400 system? Like who's taking care of the 232 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,440 kids? At this Oh yes, my mom and my 233 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,840 mother-in-law absolutely like my kids never went without. 234 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,440 We were never granted, we were homeless at some point, so. 235 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,360 But we always had a roof over our head because, you know, one 236 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,320 of our parents or families would let us live with them. 237 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:22,000 Yeah. And Tillman and three kids, 238 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000 like, wow. I know they're Saints, you know? 239 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,640 Yeah. But at the same time, my mom, 240 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,080 and she'll tell you this, she's got her own testimony, but she 241 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:36,680 was a very codependent and almost loved us to death. 242 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,600 Yeah. You know, like I'm not paying my 243 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,200 bills and she would, you know, and I need to do, I wouldn't 244 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,000 even have to ask her. Like, mom, I need my car 245 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,320 payment. Like I was such a master 246 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,760 manipulator, such a liar. Like I could just say what I 247 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,320 knew would work to get her to, you know, do it, you know, And 248 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,800 it's so like looking back, I'm like so disgusted by it. 249 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:00,760 But you know, I'm grateful that she was there, and I'm grateful 250 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,760 that she was able and willing to help as much as she did. 251 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,120 Such a blessing. Yeah. 252 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,880 So you have the twins. Gets worse after that, too. 253 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:14,800 Let's walk up until maybe like that breaking point or anything 254 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,000 that's prominent in those years that you like, feel like God's 255 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,120 leading you to talk about. Let's let's talk about that. 256 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:26,920 OK, so after the boys were born, I OK, all right, I'm going to 257 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,560 jump back just a little bit. Absolutely. 258 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,400 OK When I was growing up, we lived in North Carolina back in 259 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,040 the 90s and I had this friend down the road. 260 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,760 Her name was Brittany and her family was really involved in 261 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,800 church. And I've always like my whole 262 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,120 life I've, I've never had a problem believing in Jesus. 263 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:48,040 He's always been real. He's always like, yes, he was is 264 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,600 the son of God. He died on the cross for my 265 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,840 sins, for my forgiveness, resurrected, ascended, all that. 266 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,120 And this friend Brittany, like, would take me to church. 267 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,760 And so I had a little bit of experience. 268 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,200 There was a time I went down to the altar, I think, and raised 269 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,840 my hand for salvation, stuff like that. 270 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,520 However, there was no heart change, right? 271 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:13,000 So after the boys were born, like this God of my 272 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:16,040 understanding, not the God of the Bible because I hadn't read 273 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,960 it, but this God that I had made-up in my mind. 274 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:23,040 Like I knew that there was no way that I could have done what 275 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,960 I did with the boys using drugs, living the life that I was 276 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,920 living and him be OK with that. Like I wasn't going to get away 277 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,040 with it. He had to, he had to make it 278 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,840 right somehow. I had to pay for that. 279 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,520 And so I lived in fear that he was going to kill them boys 280 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,920 every day. Like when they got sick, when 281 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,120 there was a whimper or whine or whatever, like I was like, OK, 282 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,240 this is the moment. Then he's going to do it, you 283 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,040 know? And so it was about, I think 284 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:55,320 they were like 18 months old. We went to the beach and we're 285 00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,320 out on the beach and little the boys are Tillman and Tristan. 286 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,880 And little Tillman just kept trying to go back to the condo. 287 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,840 And so I would, I like, grabbed him by the arm and he was hot, 288 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,240 like on fire. And I was like, oh, man, let me 289 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,680 check him in and see if he'll cool down. 290 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,680 And by the time we got upstairs, he was just real lethargic. 291 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,360 His temperature wasn't coming down. 292 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,520 I didn't have a thermometer because we're not at home. 293 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,520 And so we ended up taking him to a Med stop and they took his 294 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,480 temperature, it was like 103.8. And they were like, his fever's 295 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,520 too high. We can't do anything. 296 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,760 You have to take him to the hospital. 297 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,840 And so I was like, the hospital was 45 minutes away. 298 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,600 I was like, I cannot drive 45 minutes, you know, like he's 299 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,240 going to die. And so we called an ambulance, 300 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,080 so on and so forth. But he ended up just having like 301 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,200 an inner ear infection, whatever double ear infection. 302 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:46,440 But it was that instance that was enough to just throw me into 303 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,160 like a full blown panic attack for days. 304 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,560 I mean, and at that point we were off of the opiates, we were 305 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,800 doing Suboxone. So we're kind of. 306 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,680 Trying. We're coming. 307 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,960 Together a little bit but I went to the doctor about the anxiety 308 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,600 and it was the same one giving me the Suboxone knowing I have a 309 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:09,040 drug addiction problem and he gave me Xanax for the anxiety 310 00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:17,200 and Xanax bout killed us. Tillman was never really into 311 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,319 the Xanax thing but there was only so many times he could see 312 00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:26,800 me like out of my mind, you know just nodded off on the couch 313 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,000 that he was like well let me get some of those so we ended up it 314 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,880 was only probably eight or nine months on those before it just 315 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:41,560 we were done you know I had the same doctor diagnosed me as 316 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,960 bipolar. I was depressed I had an anxiety 317 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,200 disorder a sleep disorder and he I had a gallon bag of medication 318 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,360 that I carried around with me because I have my pills to take 319 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,640 All in all day every day. Yeah, none of it helped. 320 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,440 I was suicidal. And I, like, the only thing that 321 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,760 kept me from killing myself was my kids. 322 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:06,520 Like I could not, I could not stand the thought of them 323 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,640 growing up. Like, I couldn't do that to 324 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,200 them, right? I'd already done enough. 325 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,360 I'd already tried to ruin them enough. 326 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,520 Like that would be the tipping point. 327 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,960 So then my thoughts transferred to, OK, well, I'll just take 328 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,200 them out first and then I'll, I'll kill myself. 329 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,120 Like that was the only answer. But fortunately, I didn't stay 330 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,720 there very long before the Lord stepped in. 331 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:34,560 And it was actually Tillman went to Celebrate Recovery at 332 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,360 Southside one Thursday night. And he came home and he was 333 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,360 like, I got saved. And I was like, good, you know, 334 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,240 for you, whatever. Because I didn't understand what 335 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,080 that meant. But he legit gave his heart to 336 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,320 Jesus. So he couldn't go back to doing 337 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,760 the same things and get away with it. 338 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,880 And not only that, his heart had been changed. 339 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,560 He didn't have that desire. Granted, we did because it was 340 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,200 all that we knew, but it was just different. 341 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:01,880 Yeah. You know. 342 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,160 And so two weeks later, he got a DUI. 343 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,760 And then about two weeks after that, he was at the rescue 344 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,440 mission. We were being evicted from our 345 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,480 house. And I was like, I really had no 346 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,120 other choice. My parents at this point, we're 347 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:18,160 done. Like, we're not doing this 348 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,600 anymore. I'm taking the kids. 349 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,800 You got to figure this out. And so I checked into a detox 350 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:30,200 facility and I was there for seven days before I gave my life 351 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,680 to Jesus. Why in a detox? 352 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,440 In the detox. Why No, I love to say that 353 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,400 because I'm like if like the lowest point of my life, you 354 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,480 know, if ever there were a time for Jesus to come, it's when I 355 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,760 got it all together, right? When I'm working, when I'm 356 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:47,120 clean, making money. Like, no, I was homeless, I was 357 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,440 unemployed. I was at my lowest, suicidal, 358 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,680 homicidal, in a detox facility, a Christ stabilization unit, 359 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,960 when he met me there through a precious woman named Brenda, who 360 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,440 I have so many times thought about just. 361 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,640 Hunting down and being like, thank you, yeah, for being you 362 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,320 and for just sharing the love of Jesus with me because it changed 363 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,160 my life. And that is so impactful, you 364 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,840 know, when we think about those people that planted those seeds 365 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,720 and then, you know, that comes into fruition and then we, our 366 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:23,080 whole lives changed just because that one person showed the love 367 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,560 of Jesus, spread the gospel and just had that loved on us. 368 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,600 You know, that's all it takes. We don't have to know 369 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,760 everything. We don't have to have our lives 370 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,400 together. I'm sure Brenda was going 371 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,360 through some things, you know, and but she still decided to 372 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,640 show the love and then look at you now, you know, just because 373 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,720 she was willing to be obedient to God's call and to share it 374 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,200 with you. Absolutely. 375 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,640 And then like then just the way she loved me, like she shared 376 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,200 the gospel with me, she prayed the prayer of salvation with me. 377 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,240 And I'm just so emotional. Like, I went back into my room 378 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,880 and sat on my bed and she just came in there and read like 379 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,080 they're, they were. It was like love letters from 380 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,640 God or something. And she just read it over me 381 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,320 while I just wept. Like the truth of who he is. 382 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,000 Not the God that I had made-up in my mind that was going to 383 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,760 punish me and kill my children like that. 384 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:15,240 So not his character, you know? And it was just so sweet. 385 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,440 And I'm so grateful. Yeah. 386 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,320 She loved me that way to do that and took the time, you know, to 387 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,880 meet me. Yes, so you're in there seven 388 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,160 days. The full T talks is 7 days or 389 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,000 like on the 7th day you I was yeah seven days I got saved. 390 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:36,120 I was there for like 11 OK, yes and so it was what what happens 391 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:39,360 after that? Do you leave and go back to what 392 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,880 you knew or kind of is your automatic heart change like and 393 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,040 you're like, I'm done. OK, so some things changed 394 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,680 immediately. Yeah, like it was easy to not 395 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,520 cuss anymore, right? Like that was pretty gone. 396 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,440 But there were some other things that had a little tighter grip 397 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,800 on me. But from the detox facility, I 398 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:03,640 went to a secular program in Warner Robins and they were more 399 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:08,520 like Aana type stuff, weren't big on like Celebrate Recovery, 400 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,640 things like that. And so now remember Tillman's at 401 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:16,520 his, he's at the rescue mission and he's like just inundated 402 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,160 with Jesus and the word and all that. 403 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,920 And I was trying to read my Bible and do some things that I 404 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,720 knew, you know, the God was pulling me to. 405 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:32,040 And anyway, it none of none of the secular stuff was sustaining 406 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,640 for me. So I ended up being kicked out 407 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,160 after three months because I couldn't follow the rules. 408 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,920 Surprise, surprise. But I do remember the first time 409 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,400 that I saw Tillman, like, I mean, my goodness, he was 410 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,120 glowing like the lights in this room and just kind of floating 411 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:50,600 around everywhere. And I could tell like he was 412 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,200 different. And I wanted what he had, you 413 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,240 know? And I knew it was a result of 414 00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:00,960 Jesus, right? So anyway, after I left, I ended 415 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,200 up I stayed clean for like 3 more months. 416 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:05,320 So whatever. Anyway, I picked. 417 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,920 Up doing good though. Doing good like that's good. 418 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,200 Yeah, but I was still just so dark. 419 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:14,520 Yeah, I needed like I needed Potter's house, needed to be sat 420 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,680 down for seven months and just submerge. 421 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:23,160 And so I did end up picking back up and using again and it was 422 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,600 another three months stint. But God knew that our plan was 423 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,760 for told me to come home from the mission and I was going to 424 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,360 fall in line and do everything he told me to do, right? 425 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:36,760 That was our plan, but God knows way better than we do. 426 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,480 And now looking back, like I kind of laugh at it because I'm 427 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,360 like, there's no way I would have fallen in line. 428 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,000 Like, I have had to learn how to submit as a wife and it's been, 429 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,480 you know, challenge him. But I know it's God's design and 430 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,280 I want to be obedient and honor Him, right? 431 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:57,560 Yeah, which when I think of that, because, you know, I feel 432 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,360 like a lot of wives struggle with the whole submit, right? 433 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:03,160 The whole scripture about submitting, even though we're 434 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,280 called to do it. Like it's just like, but you 435 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,840 know, like when your husband is leading in a godly sense, like 436 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,280 that's what God's calling. He's not saying if your 437 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,080 husband's beating you or you're in these situations, like to 438 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:20,280 stay in them and submit to him. He's saying if you're your man, 439 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:26,480 your husband is aligned with him and truly being led by him in 440 00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,200 that fashion, that's when you submit. 441 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,480 And that's easy, right? When when you're in that that 442 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,560 triangle with God and he's center and then y'all, it's easy 443 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:39,080 to to submit to your husband. So but in this point, like 444 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:43,040 you're not really, you know, having that relationship with 445 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:46,000 God to see that how to learn how to submit at that point. 446 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:46,640 Yeah. Sure. 447 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:51,120 And I'm grateful, I could say I'm grateful for, for this 448 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:56,400 season that I was in because I needed it to happen this way for 449 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:57,920 things to pan out the way that they did. 450 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,520 I ended up being, I was drugged and raped by my drug dealer. 451 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,440 And that was kind of like the moment that God used to like 452 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,400 really bring me to my knees and for me to be like, I really, I 453 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,400 can't do this, like I cannot continue to live this way, you 454 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,240 know? And so it was within that time 455 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,760 that I decided I needed some help. 456 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,400 And so I reached out to the Potter's house and Tillman came 457 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:27,400 home January 1st of 2016. And then January 11th, I checked 458 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,920 myself into the Potter's house for women. 459 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,280 How did you hear about the Potter's House? 460 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,360 Because really, there's no like advertisement or anything. 461 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,440 It's really just all. Word of mouth, 25 years word of 462 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,280 mouth. You know God's hands in that 463 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:38,280 ministry. That's right. 464 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:40,520 And I know his hand was in revealing it to me because I 465 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,000 googled. Like oh wow. 466 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,720 Recovery homes near me and it was that one, like there were 467 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,680 several that came up, but that was the one that just really, I 468 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,320 read everything on that website and it's not like a real 469 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,960 extensive website, you know, but every word I read and I was 470 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,640 like, oh man, how nice does that sound? 471 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,320 And so I called and nobody answered and I was like, OK, I 472 00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,160 did my duty for the day, check the docs. 473 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:07,400 But she did end up Denise called me back and, you know, ended up 474 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:08,280 going. Yes. 475 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,120 So tell us a little bit about your experience at the Potter's 476 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,760 house, because you know of Jesus, you've already got saved, 477 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,240 but now you're about to experience him in an intimate 478 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,640 level for the next seven months. So tell us a little bit about. 479 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,120 That yes, and it's so it's really hard to explain it, you 480 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:24,960 know, unless you've experienced it. 481 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:30,680 But he just, man, he just loved me like the way he his love just 482 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,400 washed over me and the way that he showed me the truth of who he 483 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,400 is like his character. He's not OK. 484 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,240 He is just Yes. And he does balance the scales. 485 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,320 However, Jesus bore the weight of my my sin. 486 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,920 You know, I don't. I will not be punished for what 487 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:45,960 I did. Jesus. 488 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,360 What? Yeah, Jesus, what is, you know, 489 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,720 and just the way that he ministered to me and lifted the 490 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,360 burdens of all that I've done, You know, I'm still wretched 491 00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:57,920 today. I'm just not as wretched as I 492 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,800 was, you know? And it was just really through 493 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,560 quiet time with him, through reading his word, through 494 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,080 understanding, like sitting under mysteries teaching, 495 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:12,240 because she is so gifted. And I'm so grateful that he took 496 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,640 me there. I'm so grateful. 497 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,400 I owe everything that I have to him. 498 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,440 And I'm. So it was hard. 499 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:22,840 Seven months is a long time to be away and knowing that Tillman 500 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,480 was home taking care of the kids alone. 501 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:29,520 But I mean, if I could go back and do it again, I would, yeah. 502 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,440 So I was talking to someone more recently and they were kind of 503 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:37,000 like on the teeter of going right, of like, should I go to 504 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,520 the Potter's house or should I stay home? 505 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,520 I don't want to miss the next seven months with my kids. 506 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,000 And I'm like, if you stay home, you're going to miss it any day. 507 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,200 Just in a different. Way, in a different way. 508 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,160 You're mentally not there. You know you're not being doing 509 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,840 right by your kids. Like what if you go and the 510 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,480 Potter's House too? Like it's not like you're 511 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:57,280 completely like it's, I don't know how to say it, like 512 00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,600 isolated from your kids, Like they can still come to church, 513 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,720 they can still do these things. You still get phone calls, you 514 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,680 get passes, like all this stuff. But like do this for you so that 515 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,360 you can break those generational curses with your family so that 516 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:13,000 your kids have the better hope. Like don't continue to live the 517 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,720 next seven months. That's wasteful. 518 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,320 You know, So that's what I've tried to tell people anytime 519 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,400 they're like, I've had people reach out to me. 520 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,160 I'm like, I haven't even been to the Potter's house, but I'm an 521 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:26,640 advocate honey go. And so you know, cuz that's 522 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,280 where seeds started planting with me because just like 523 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,560 Tillman, I saw my mom have that glow. 524 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,400 I saw her literally walk different, talk different, glow 525 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,320 different. I'm like, what you got girl? 526 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,160 I want it. So I completely understand. 527 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,920 So yeah, you. You graduate and what's that 528 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,840 look like? So graduation was beautiful. 529 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,760 You know, the way that they have their little ceremony and God 530 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,800 blessed us with a home. Like the day that I graduated, 531 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,840 there was a house ready for us to move into. 532 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:02,120 And Caitlin's promise helped get us in because Tillman was not in 533 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,920 the best situation with the kids where he was, so he wasn't able 534 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,960 to save a whole lot of money. But anyway, God worked it all 535 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,360 out. And so we moved into our own 536 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,120 little house whenever I graduated. 537 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,240 And you know, I was a new creation. 538 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:19,200 Tillman was a new creation and we'd never we hadn't had time 539 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,400 together has the new Jessica and the new Tillman. 540 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,160 So we had a really sweet season of just getting to fall in love 541 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,600 all over again. Like I mentioned earlier, 542 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:34,680 learning to submit has been a not challenge, but just it's 543 00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,520 been new. You know, I, I was the leader, 544 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:42,160 if you want to follow that, really I was his God basically. 545 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,880 He would tell you that. But it's just, it was beautiful. 546 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,360 It was so sweet. The kids, they could see a 547 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,960 change, especially Abby. The boys were about four, 3 1/2, 548 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:58,200 four years old at this time. So they don't really fully know, 549 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,360 you know, mom and dad would ask mom and dad after, but Abby 550 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:04,720 certainly does. And it was just really, it was a 551 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,240 sweet, sweet season. I was able to stay home and that 552 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:13,040 time and just grow together, get to know each other, me and 553 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,600 Tillman and the kids. Well, it's a completely 554 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,000 different relationship, right, like you're living completely in 555 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,040 the world. You're getting high together, 556 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:25,840 drunk together, just partying that scenes taking over and now 557 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,720 you truly are new creations and trying to figure out how to how 558 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:35,280 to come together as one. My episode more recently, which 559 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:39,480 is it's so hard when we record way in advance. 560 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,440 But last week my husband, I released an episode about my 561 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,960 husband just now surrendering to God and getting saved and all 562 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,040 this stuff. And like I told everybody, I'm 563 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,840 like, man, it just feels different. 564 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,960 Our marriage truly feels different. 565 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,920 Like we have been having so many burdens on our marriage and 566 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,720 struggles and challenges, and now it just feels so different. 567 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,000 Like we're learning each other now we're trying to come 568 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,000 together and just, you know, glorify and honor God in our 569 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,960 marriage. And so I can only imagine now 570 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,200 you have a family too, with three kids, and now you're 571 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,200 trying to pour Jesus into them too. 572 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,960 Oh, I bet it's just such a like just a surreal moment time. 573 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,880 Period. Yeah, well and you know, they 574 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:25,440 could really run amok. They so not anymore, you know 575 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:28,920 and so we had to learn like what does discipline look like? 576 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:35,840 What does structure for them and and I don't know God just he 577 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,600 it's by design, you know, he says that we need to be they 578 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:44,320 need that. And so it was I mean, I say it 579 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,400 was all fun and good and great, but they might tell you this is 580 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,960 no, but I know that they're great for the work that God has 581 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:52,840 done and continues to do for sure. 582 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,200 Absolutely. So tell me a little bit about 583 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:59,000 how y'all getting into ministry because y'all start ministry at 584 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,240 some point. So how did you get there? 585 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:06,600 OK, well when we were reunited in our home, we were out in 586 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,360 Lizella and we were coming to Warner Robins every day of the 587 00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,400 week for recovery. So Monday night they had 12 588 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,160 steps. Tuesday night they had Celebrate 589 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:16,120 Recovery at then. At that time it was at Shady 590 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,720 Grove, now it's at the Assembly. Wednesday night was Bible study 591 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:21,400 at church. Thursday was Celebrate Recovery 592 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:22,840 at Southside. Friday was one way. 593 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,240 Saturday the kids had sports, so we were in Warner Robins doing 594 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:27,400 that. And then Sunday we were coming 595 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,040 to church. So it was a lot of running, I 596 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,200 mean 45 minutes one way. But you know, the way we 597 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,320 justified that was we were running like that for the drugs. 598 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:41,280 Like, how in the world would it not be OK to do it for God, for 599 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,240 ministry, for recovery? And so for two years that was 600 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:49,800 life every day and it was crazy, but it kept us, you know, God 601 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,920 used it. And so we just plugged in and 602 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,360 got rooted. Serving is I have a heart for 603 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,840 service. I love to serve. 604 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:01,480 I love, love, love to serve. And I think that's really what 605 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,920 opened the door for ministry for us. 606 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,120 There was a one way at Second Baptist and it kind of dissolved 607 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,080 or whatever disbanded. And we love one way. 608 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,640 There's, you know, Celebrate Recovery is a little bit 609 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,400 different than one way. But when we started attending at 610 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,000 the Grove Church, Pastor Gabe came up to Tillman and was like, 611 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:26,840 hey, I really God's put on my heart that to start a recovery 612 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,600 ministry at the Grove. And you know, I've been praying 613 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,160 about it. I want you to pray about it. 614 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,640 And as we all prayed about it, it was clear that this was the 615 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,160 path that God wanted Tillman to take. 616 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,960 And so the Lord just flung that door wide open and they brought 617 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,760 him on staff at the Grove Church to be the one way pastor. 618 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:45,840 Wow. I know. 619 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,640 That is so amazing. He's Pastor Tillman. 620 00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,920 My goodness, God, won't he do it? 621 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:52,880 Won't. He do it. 622 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,920 So you get plugged in too, I mean, yeah. 623 00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,680 So tell us, tell us about that. At that time, I was working at 624 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,520 the Rescue Mission, OK, as the women's program director, which 625 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,200 I loved. I loved that job. 626 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,000 I loved that place. I love those people. 627 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:13,679 However, it was like a lot and just my kids were. 628 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,840 I think Abby was 14 at the time and the boys were 10. 629 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:21,560 And with sports and just all kinds of stuff, it was just a 630 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,639 lot. And I really poured everything I 631 00:34:23,639 --> 00:34:27,960 had into the mission and my family got what was leftover, 632 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:34,320 which was not much or very good. And so the Lord put it on Pastor 633 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,920 Gabe and his wife's heart to approach me for a job at the 634 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,360 church, to do like secretary admin stuff. 635 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:45,320 And so I took it. It was, you know, bittersweet 636 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,040 because I loved what I did at the Mission. 637 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,600 I love the ladies, I love the staff. 638 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,760 But this brought me closer to home. 639 00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:55,840 It's less like I have a 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM job and I can leave 640 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,240 it there. I go home and my family today 641 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,480 gets the best of me. Absolutely. 642 00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,480 Yeah, that's good. I know that probably is like a 643 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,440 very bittersweet like you, you love what you do, but at the 644 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,560 same time you got to put your family first. 645 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,440 Then when you go home, you want to be 100% mentally there. 646 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:17,280 And there's how many times that we experience things in ministry 647 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,320 that's heavy for other people. And then we carry those burdens, 648 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,720 which God does call us, you know, to pray for those people 649 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:26,480 and everything. But it's hard to be fully there 650 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,760 when you're there, you know? So. 651 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,960 Yeah. So tell us a little bit about, 652 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,880 you know, what that look like, Right. 653 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,280 Because I know that you just had a baby more recently. 654 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,120 So there's an age gap between your kids. 655 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,560 Oh, yeah. So how does how does that look? 656 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,240 Yeah. Well, it's so cool too. 657 00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:48,880 Like, so after we got saved, I was already, I was done. 658 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,840 I'd resolved in my heart, we're done having kids. 659 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,520 Like we got three, we got a 2 for one, like let's go, we're 660 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,560 good. And when we got saved, the boys 661 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,200 were fresh out of diapers and things like that. 662 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,920 So that season was over for me anyway. 663 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:06,960 And so Tillman, however, was like, man, wouldn't it be cool 664 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,200 if we had a baby with Jesus? Like, could you imagine how 665 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,920 loved that baby would be? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. 666 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,480 But we're not. We're done and it. 667 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,760 Sounds right. But like, I love the idea, but 668 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,480 just not for us. So as time would go on, I just 669 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:26,520 kind of stood firm in that. And then a couple years ago, God 670 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,120 just really started like stirring in my heart. 671 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,320 It was weird. Like I'd see babies and I'd get 672 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,040 all weepy and be like, what if, you know? 673 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,360 And then I'd be like, Oh no, we're not. 674 00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:40,080 Like I've shut it down, but as this would go on, like God just 675 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,480 so tenderly was like, as I'm praying about it because, you 676 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,160 know, when things come up, it's like, OK, I bit my husband's 677 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,440 head off like, God, what is that about? 678 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,880 Help me understand where that's coming from. 679 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:53,800 So as this thing's coming up in my heart about babies, I'm like, 680 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,280 OK, God, help me understand where this is coming from. 681 00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:01,200 And he just so tenderly was like, you've never asked me what 682 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:05,080 I want for y'all. You've never asked me if I want 683 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:08,520 y'all to have any more children. And I was like, oh, no, because 684 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,080 I knew what that meant, you know? 685 00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:14,600 And so I don't know, man. Like he, it was October, 686 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:20,240 November, maybe of 2023. And I just felt like he wanted 687 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,280 me to trust him with that area of my life. 688 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,120 And so I put, I quit taking my birth control. 689 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:30,000 And then in March, we had a positive pregnancy test. 690 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:34,120 Wow, so quick, quick. But God's like Nope, here we go 691 00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:35,400 and then boom. Which I was. 692 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:37,600 Like in the meantime I was like, maybe that's not what that 693 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,360 means. Well, because we hear from God, 694 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,520 we hear what he says, our flesh knows what he said, but then our 695 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,480 or not our flesh, our Spirit knows what he says, but our 696 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,080 flesh wants to go against. No, he didn't say that. 697 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:55,320 And like he's revealed himself to me like April of 2023 and 698 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,880 then days, weeks, months after, I'm like, well, did I make that 699 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,960 up? You know, and he'll just do like 700 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,480 the enemy wants you to doubt it, then think that you made that up 701 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,440 yourself. But for you, you know, you were 702 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,720 like, let's trust the trust what he's saying. 703 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,040 Like even if you started doubting at one point, you're 704 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,080 still like, well, I'm going to stand. 705 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:15,840 Firm. That's right. 706 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,680 So you get pregnant girl, girl and how is that? 707 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,200 Because I know that's got to be an adjustment. 708 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:25,160 Your kids are self-sufficient. Yes, girl and then and I'm 709 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:30,800 older, old, old, older or not old girl don't even. 710 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,440 Well, I was. So I was 38 when I got pregnant 711 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,680 and the last time I had been pregnant I was 27. 712 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,560 And so it was quite different. The pregnancy was hard on my 713 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,920 body mentally, emotionally, it was just hard. 714 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:46,840 And remember my first two pregnancies, I was on drugs both 715 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,680 for both of them. So it was just a different 716 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:53,520 experience. But we all like quickly, soon 717 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,560 after that positive came up on the pregnancy test. 718 00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:00,720 I was very excited, you know, I think even in the months before 719 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:03,640 when I would take the pregnancy test, like there was an element 720 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:07,080 of excitement, you know, and an element of disappointment when 721 00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:11,160 it was late. So the pregnancy was, was rough. 722 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:15,680 But I went 39 weeks out. She was born the day before my 723 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,480 due date. I was about to say December. 724 00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,720 Girl November 19th OH. My gosh, so close. 725 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:28,280 Yes, I know he's so God's, so funny, but she just is 726 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,520 everything that we had hoped for and more. 727 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,320 She's so Millie. Grace is her name. 728 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,040 We didn't find out what we were having until she was born. 729 00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,560 Yes. I literally just recorded with 730 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,920 someone else and they said their first pregnancy they did that 731 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,800 and I said, do you know how much self-control you would have to 732 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:48,400 have? Well, once you get past that, 733 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,720 the anatomy scan appointment, then it's, you know, it's just 734 00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:53,240 making it through that appointment, which I almost 735 00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:55,640 caved, but Tillman was like, you'd be so mad. 736 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,000 And I was like, you're right. So we didn't. 737 00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,800 And then after that you don't really have another. 738 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:04,280 Opportunity. Wow, you just kind of yeah, that 739 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,760 is so amazing. So you have your baby and does 740 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:09,440 that feel like you feel like now your family's complete? 741 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,240 Obviously we know that God could say. 742 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,400 I know. Have another, but like, was she 743 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,280 just that like ceiling kind of feeling where you're like, man, 744 00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:22,440 this is what my old yearning for for my family. 745 00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,400 She is precious. We all love her so much. 746 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,920 And I don't really know how to answer that question because I 747 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,640 don't know if God's, like, have another one. 748 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,920 Oh, my gosh. You know, Yeah, I, you don't 749 00:40:35,720 --> 00:40:39,080 because I'm like, Lord, if I would have said no, yes, you 750 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,560 know, and that makes me want to cry because, like, we wouldn't 751 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,840 have her. She's so amazing. 752 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,640 Like, and she's only four months old. 753 00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,120 She's like, not even talking or anything. 754 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,680 She's just rolling over. But she is like, my heart aches 755 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:55,040 with love for this baby. I my heart aches for love with 756 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,640 love for my, all my children. It's just different. 757 00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,240 Yeah. It's really I'm here for her. 758 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:04,520 They're here for her. Watching them love her is like 759 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,560 one of the sweetest moments of my day. 760 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,480 You know that they get to come home after school and they're 761 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,320 kissing on her and talking to her and she's just smiling is so 762 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,160 sweet. That is rightful. 763 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,000 That is so precious. I love it. 764 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,200 Oh, so I guess as we begin to close, we're going to go ahead 765 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:24,920 and close pretty much on that. Is there anything that God's 766 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,840 really revealed to you more recently or maybe that he's 767 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,200 placed on your heart? And maybe as you were thinking 768 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,000 about coming here, you're like me, and I really want to talk 769 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,080 about this, and I haven't really gave you the chance to. 770 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,000 I don't know how do you want to close it? 771 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:40,600 Let's go with that. Well, one thing that I was kind 772 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:45,880 of thinking about wanting to talk about today was what it's 773 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:51,480 been like since having Millie. And so I told you that when I 774 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,520 had the twins, I had really bad anxiety that God was going to 775 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:56,600 kill them, right? For what I had done. 776 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:01,360 Well, since having Millie, I have had like anxiety. 777 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:05,160 The Lord delivered me from that. OK, I'll just say that like He 778 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,680 100% delivered me from that fear and anxiety. 779 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:12,160 However, since having Millie, it has resurfaced to like, I guess, 780 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,840 I don't know, I gave the enemy an open door, whatnot, to come 781 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:21,040 back in and it's just been, I'm feel like I'm back at square one 782 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:26,120 in that, you know, and I just, I, I get to a place where I want 783 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,960 to like beat myself up. Like you've already been around 784 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,080 this mountain. What are you doing back here? 785 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:34,000 You know, But at the same time, I know I'm reminded that God's 786 00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:38,520 grace is sufficient. And what this, what this season 787 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:42,440 that I'm in is causing me to do is, is to have to draw nearer to 788 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,720 him because I can't live life like that. 789 00:42:44,720 --> 00:42:49,040 You know, it's, it can be all consuming and paralyzing and I 790 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,520 don't want to live like that anymore. 791 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,760 And I know that he's delivered me from it before and he'll do 792 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,360 it for me again. Absolutely. 793 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,320 So, So I just, I don't know, I wanted to, to say that I don't 794 00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,080 know if it's for you. I don't know if it's for me. 795 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,560 Like just he's done it for me before. 796 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,080 He will do it again because he is faithful. 797 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,840 Amen. You know, when I think about 798 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,120 that, I just love how raw and transparent that is. 799 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,400 OK, cuz that's all this is about being raw and transparent and 800 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,800 showing people we ain't got it all together. 801 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:20,000 So just being able to say like, hey, I'm, I'm in ministry, I 802 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,440 follow God. I have this relationship, but I 803 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,440 still have struggles. Like I know that he's delivered 804 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:29,200 me from this anxiety and all of this before and he's going to do 805 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,320 it again. But I am in a season where I'm 806 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,000 struggling again with it. But I'm going to give it to him 807 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,240 and I know that he's got me. I just love that. 808 00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:39,200 That's a great, great, strong thing to take from that. 809 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,880 He'll do it again. Amen and. 810 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,800 We sang that last night at Celebrate Recovery. 811 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,800 I love that. But yeah, so that. 812 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,800 Thank you so much for coming on. This is so awesome. 813 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,840 Thank you guys for tuning in. I pray that this episode just 814 00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:57,440 makes you draw closer with him and he revealed himself even 815 00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,600 more to you and spoke directly to your heart and your spirit 816 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,760 and your soul. So stay tuned, stay blessed, and 817 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,640 we'll see you guys next week. Bye.