1 00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,360 What's up guys? My name is Alexis Brown, your 2 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:09,720 host of Praises in the Pod, and I am so excited to have Brittany 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,640 Tate here today. We are going to be talking about 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,640 her testimony and her ministry and so much more. 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,760 We're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,040 jump right in. So here we go. 7 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,520 Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you for today. 8 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,080 Thank you for all your many blessings. 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,360 Dear God, thank you for all the people that come on here and 10 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,479 talk about your goodness and your faithfulness. 11 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,800 But thank you for allowing Brittany to come on and talk 12 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,200 about this. Lord, we just pray that this 13 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:42,600 story glorifies you and that you speak to us and through us. 14 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,880 In Jesus name I pray. Amen, Amen, Amen. 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:47,680 All right girl, let's jump right in. 16 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,040 Let's talk a little bit maybe about your childhood and growing 17 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,000 up and what that looked like for you. 18 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:56,200 Yeah, so, so growing up, I grew up in South Carolina. 19 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:02,120 I was the youngest of four kids. So I was the baby by the long 20 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,840 shots. And my older brother's eight 21 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,800 years older than me. And then my sisters are 16 and 22 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:11,440 17 years older than me and 16. And 17 years older Wow, that's a 23 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,960 big age guy I. Was definitely the baby in the 24 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:19,040 family and part of my life really grew up like as the only 25 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,520 child too. But I had a lot of siblings that 26 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,640 loved me and took care of me and my oldest sister. 27 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,800 I think people actually thought that I was hers because she was 28 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,760 in college and living with us at the time so I was spending most 29 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,360 of my time with her as a toddler. 30 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:42,240 But no, my childhood like it. It was, I say like there was 31 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,320 some great times and then there was some not great times. 32 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,680 Both of my parents stayed together. 33 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:56,840 They were married my entire life that I knew and we went to 34 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,280 church. My parents were like marijuana 35 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,040 leaders. I went to GA, went to youth 36 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:06,920 group, did all the things, loved being at church for the most 37 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:11,760 part. And then I had just sent things 38 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,000 that happened, you know, in childhood that we struggled 39 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:20,880 with, like my, my dad who raised me and he wasn't my biological 40 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,720 father. He, he took the role as my 41 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,320 biological father, but my biological father was never in 42 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,240 my life. And so I never had a 43 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:34,000 relationship with him. I actually found out when I was 44 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,920 18. Things got a little bit messy 45 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,000 because I found out that guy I thought was my biological father 46 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,600 actually wasn't. Oh, wow. 47 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,800 And so that was kind of like a radical moment in my life. 48 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,560 And I spent probably about the next 10-15 years just trying to 49 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,680 wrap my mind around that and trying to get the whole story. 50 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:58,000 But yeah, I mean, things childhood, I mean, it was great. 51 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,680 But then again, like there were things that I really struggled 52 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,440 with. My mom is an amazing woman. 53 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:10,400 She loves the Lord and but she also dealt with depression and 54 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,440 anxiety. And so I saw a lot of that 55 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,600 growing up. My dad had, he grew up, he was 56 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:20,760 an orphan growing up and so lived in an orphanage all of his 57 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,640 life until he could leave the orphanage at 18. 58 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,760 And so he dealt with a lot of unresolved trauma and that came 59 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,560 across in like extreme anxiety and anger. 60 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,240 And so those are some of the things that I was exposed to a 61 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,200 little bit of infidelity on both of my parents parts. 62 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,040 And so I, I only say those things because those kind of 63 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,800 really shaped the foundation of my beliefs. 64 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,920 And it really changed kind of the trajectory of my life as I 65 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,920 became an adult because those are some of the things that I 66 00:03:55,920 --> 00:04:00,760 grew up with that I had to really unlearn that I never knew 67 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,080 was not. Healthy. 68 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:08,640 Yeah, well, a lot of times, you know those a few weeks ago I had 69 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,360 Lisa on and she was talking about there's root to the fruit. 70 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:15,520 And like, so your childhood has a lot of how you are when you're 71 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,000 older, right? So you grow in thinking like 72 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,040 this is how it's okay, you know, to be a marriage, this is how it 73 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:25,680 is like in life, like it's okay. But then stuff starts building 74 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,640 and you learn things completely wrong and you have to teach 75 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,600 yourself to break those generational curses and habits 76 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,240 and everything that comes along with that. 77 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,760 So I'm sure because that's a lot like all, all mental health 78 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,160 issues are really hard. And especially like having to 79 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,840 watch your mom, which is someone that you look up to when you 80 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,480 look for guidance and her struggling in that way. 81 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,600 Like that's tough. And then your dad, I'm sure 82 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,360 that's a lot, you know, to grow up in an orphanage, Like you 83 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,240 just don't really hear that too often. 84 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,080 And you know, like, in my personal opinion, like I haven't 85 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,960 heard someone grow up through it. 86 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,640 So that's really. Tough, yeah. 87 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:04,920 And it was, I mean, you could tell like when you said general 88 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,480 generational curses, like the things that they were exposed to 89 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:12,320 as children, like they had improved so much from what they 90 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,400 came from. And I think that that's kind of 91 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,040 what life is, is just you take what you've been given and you 92 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,600 try to improve the best way that you know how. 93 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,520 And I totally see that in my parents, like they did the best 94 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,120 that they could and I love them and I honor them. 95 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,520 And I really look up to both of them. 96 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:35,320 My mom, she even, you know, she was, she was pregnant at 14. 97 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:40,440 And so she when I was growing up, I watched her go back to 98 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,240 college. She finished her, you know, GED 99 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,280 in high school and went to college. 100 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,000 I watched her get her master's degree and then become an 101 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:51,280 educator in the school system. Same for my dad. 102 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,760 He was an author. He wrote about his story and his 103 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,080 testimony. And he spoke those words over me 104 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,800 like he was like, Brittany, you're gonna write one day, 105 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,760 Brittany, you're gonna speak to crowds one day. 106 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,880 And I was always like, Dad, whatever, OK, You know? 107 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,880 Look at you now, girl. I know. 108 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,360 So it was like a a full prophecy come, you know, full circle. 109 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:16,120 But but I but, you know, it just speaks to volumes of like people 110 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,320 aren't perfect, you know, and what you see on the outside, 111 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,440 it's not always what's, you know, really happening. 112 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,160 And so don't judge a book by its cover. 113 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,320 Amen, Amen. Where where do things a little 114 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,400 bit start taking a turn for? You OK? 115 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,520 Yeah. So I would say high school for 116 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,520 me really, because, you know, I said I kind of grew up with like 117 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:41,800 those foundational beliefs of that were not as healthy. 118 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,720 And so high school came pressures with like peer 119 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:51,000 pressure, things like that. Loved going to church at that 120 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,520 time. I was like involved in in youth 121 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,040 ministries. I was going on mission trips. 122 00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:00,520 But then at the same time, I got around with this wrong crowd of 123 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:06,160 friends at school. And so I started dating a guy in 124 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:13,240 high school that I knew like to party and I hadn't been there 125 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,200 yet, like I hadn't partied yet. But I started dating him. 126 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:21,960 And one night I did decide to drink alcohol for the first time 127 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:27,400 and blacked out. That night, I was 14, I blacked 128 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,400 out and I woke up later and realized that I had lost my 129 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,560 virginity. Oh, wow. 130 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:37,480 And so I really struggled with that because my first 131 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:44,280 inclination really was how do I protect him in this situation in 132 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:50,680 that it was like something that I had done, you know, that I'd 133 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:58,200 put myself in that situation. And it really, honestly like 134 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,360 that happening really became my identity. 135 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:08,960 Like I really thought, hey, I need to be whatever anybody else 136 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:13,040 needs me to be. And so that kind of took a 137 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,960 drastic turn in my life because of course, like it, you know, 138 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,840 everyone at around school as a 14 year old, you think like, oh, 139 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,840 that's what everyone knows about you. 140 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:26,920 That's who you become. And that that is who I became. 141 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,480 Like I stopped going to church to stop hanging out with my 142 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,600 friends that were at church. I began to go to parties a lot. 143 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:40,400 I drank a lot high school. I struggled with anorexia and 144 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:45,560 bulimia. I would like self harm myself 145 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:52,000 and cut myself and just because, I mean, I really couldn't, I 146 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,360 never knew who my like my real identity was. 147 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,240 And so it was kind of like just being tossed in the wind. 148 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,960 Like I was just whatever this person needs me to be in the 149 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,960 moment, I'm going to be that for them. 150 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:10,840 And I think the pressure of that was something I could never 151 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:16,240 handle, you know? And so 14/15/16, that was my 152 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:21,200 life, 17 years old, I was a senior in high school and I 153 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:27,160 found out I was pregnant and I had, you know, every intention 154 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:31,080 of, you know, having a baby and being a senior in high school. 155 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,880 And then my older sisters, like I had mentioned earlier, they 156 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:41,000 kind of came in and talked to me and my oldest sister really kind 157 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:46,040 of mentioned the idea of abortion and, and it was kind of 158 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,400 framed and like, hey, everything will go away. 159 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,160 You know, everything will be better. 160 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:57,240 You can go on with your life. And so at 17, I decided to have 161 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:01,400 an abortion. I will say that things did not 162 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,320 go away, right. And so you look at the 163 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:08,560 statistics of women who've had abortion and percentages of them 164 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:12,480 having anxiety and depression almost quadruple. 165 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:19,320 The chances of them abusing alcohol and substances go up 166 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:22,320 40%. And the chances of them getting 167 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,200 pregnant again within the first year after their abortion is 168 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:30,520 75%. And so I kind of met all of 169 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:38,160 those within that next year. I moved out of my, my house 170 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,960 before I graduated high school, moved in with a boyfriend and we 171 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:47,400 got pregnant and I was like, we're getting married right now. 172 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:54,400 And so by 18, we did, we got married, we had our daughter, my 173 00:10:54,400 --> 00:11:01,440 oldest daughter now she's 18. And and so like, that was kind 174 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:06,960 of my trajectory of my life of like, again, those moments that 175 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,960 it kind of built me was like, this is all that life is 176 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:15,880 supposed to be, you know, just covering up from shame or trying 177 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:20,960 to run from shame or trying to create a different narrative on 178 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,280 the outside, but never really dealing with anything on the 179 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:29,280 inside. And so we did. 180 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:34,600 We I got married at 18. That marriage lasted for maybe 181 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,600 three years. That time our daughter was 182 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:41,880 three, we were divorced. And so at that point, like, God 183 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,320 was not in the picture at all in my life. 184 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:48,680 And it was literally like, we had like, no Bible. 185 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,720 We didn't talk about God. There was no, you know, mention 186 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,680 about God. Like, I had a lot of anxiety 187 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,960 growing up. And so panic attacks that 188 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,480 started, like, when I was about eight or nine years old. 189 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,080 And so that's young. Yeah. 190 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,680 And at the time, I didn't know what it was like. 191 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,120 I would just get out of bed and I would be like, I don't know, 192 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,880 Like, I just can't. Like, I just feel like I need to 193 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,600 escape. Like, I, I can't breathe. 194 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,160 I can't, you know, And I remember, you know, sometimes my 195 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,520 parents would fix me oatmeal, but then other times, like, I 196 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,920 just would lay in the bed. I'm like, well this is it. 197 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,920 I'm going right now. Yeah, yeah. 198 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,840 But, but it was around that, that time in my life, though, 199 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,280 panic attacks started getting really heavy. 200 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:36,480 And so I would pray during panic, panic attacks like that 201 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,360 would be about the only time that I would go to God. 202 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,800 We didn't have a Bible in the house. 203 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:45,560 And, and so, but my prayers are more like God. 204 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:50,160 Will you change him? Will you make him love me so 205 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:55,760 that everything can be OK? Will you change my situation? 206 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,280 Just those naive like God I don't know what I'm doing wrong. 207 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,200 I'm trying to cover up all this stuff. 208 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,760 While you only pray like one time a week while you have a 209 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,920 panic attack, that's it. Yes, yes. 210 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:13,960 I thought that was totally in getting control and that in 211 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,800 that, you know, I just needed God's help a little bit. 212 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,280 But everything's fine, everything's fine. 213 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,160 I just need you to help me out right here. 214 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,920 Yes, this would make it all better if you just do this one 215 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,120 thing. Yeah, God, why can't? 216 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,640 You see that? Why can't you see that? 217 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,840 Yes. But so there did come a point 218 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,760 after my daughter was born, I really realized I'm like, this 219 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,440 is not the life that I want my daughter to grow up in. 220 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,840 This is not the things that I want her exposed to. 221 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,440 And so I would start visiting churches and go to churches here 222 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,880 and there. And one Sunday they just 223 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,040 happened to have, they were the church that we were visiting was 224 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,200 it opened up a new sanctuary. And so they gave every member in 225 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:59,360 the congregation a Bible. And so Fast forward a couple 226 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:05,440 months later, my husband at the time and I, we just decided we 227 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,760 are going to split up. There was a lot of heartache in 228 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,440 that marriage. We were all, you know, 229 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,040 obviously, we were 18 years old. We weren't ready to get married. 230 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,200 We are both dealing with things in our past that we had no 231 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,080 business, you know, at the time bringing to each other. 232 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,760 And we never knew either one of us how to deal with it 233 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:28,440 ourselves. So as you can imagine, like that 234 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:34,760 was a lot of turmoil in those three years, a lot of the same 235 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,320 things that like I had experienced as a child, I was 236 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:44,640 living out then. And so we got divorced. 237 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:52,560 And that was, I say, my rock bottom that time because, again, 238 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,880 I had no firm foundation of my identity and who I was. 239 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,160 And so I had wrapped it up and all these things and how I 240 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,480 wanted people to see me and perceive me and all that was 241 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,840 kind of like taken out from underneath me because now I'm 21 242 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,760 years old, you know, a single mom. 243 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,080 Yeah. With a three-year old. 244 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:16,520 There was a night that came that I really just had to make a 245 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,400 decision like, am I going to keep living this life that I'm 246 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:24,040 living and trying to cover up all the things that I had been 247 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:28,440 trying to run from my whole life, or am I going to turn it 248 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,400 over to God? And I literally just fell on my 249 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,760 knees and I just cried out to God and I was like, I mean, my 250 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,960 prayer was God changed me. Like instead of change him. 251 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,760 Yeah, you've redirected it to change. 252 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:46,840 Him change me, change my heart, change my ways, open up my eyes. 253 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,760 Lord, just change me. Yeah, that's good. 254 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:55,040 And I looked over and there was that one Bible that was in our 255 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,120 house. Oh wow. 256 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,560 Yeah, and I just picked it up and I just started reading it. 257 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,160 I'm like, I have no idea what I'm reading, but I'm going to 258 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,560 start reading it. And I'll say this. 259 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,040 Like I said, I grew up in church. 260 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,120 Like I was baptized at six. And so like I had made a 261 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:16,040 profession of faith as a kid, but that was never like I would 262 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:20,440 say like that moment though, in my life, I was 21 years old. 263 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,840 Like, I really made a decision just to start chasing after 264 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:27,560 Jesus. And so I had a friend that I'd 265 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,200 gone to high school with, and I knew that she did Bible studies. 266 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,680 And so I just called her up and I'm like, hey girl, can I come 267 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,360 to your Bible study? I thought she's like, what in 268 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,320 the world? She was like, yeah, sure, you 269 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,960 know, come. On and I would just sit in the 270 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,680 car and I would read you know in between classes I'd be reading 271 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:48,800 my Bible and and I started going to church after that more 272 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:54,240 regularly looking for a church. The divorce went through we went 273 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:58,280 to court everything got split up. 274 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:03,320 I had custody of our daughter and it really wasn't long after 275 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,200 that that I met Daniel, my husband now. 276 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,680 What a blessing. Yeah, you didn't have that long 277 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,560 waiting period like most people it. 278 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,760 Wasn't it wasn't. And with Daniel, like we met and 279 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:19,280 and I told him I was like, I'm not into having a relationship 280 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:23,720 be like, I'm not there yet, you know, and he was like, OK, he 281 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:28,920 was just so patient and just so kind and and he was like, we 282 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:33,080 don't have to rush anything. And but I will tell you this, 283 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,040 there was we were going to church together. 284 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,760 So like our our first day, we well, first day we met, we like 285 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,680 we bumped into each other, strangers in public, we bumped 286 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,600 into each other literally have been together ever since. 287 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:49,480 Wow, yes. Oh my gosh, that is amazing what 288 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,480 a fairy tale it is. It really is. 289 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,080 I always say, like the stars align. 290 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:56,480 The day that we met, you know, like God was just like, this is 291 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,920 what you've been waiting. For literally like bumped into 292 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,720 you, Yeah, that is. Crazy. 293 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,920 Yeah, it's, he was, you know, and we talked on the phone and 294 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:09,040 we were going to church together, but we were in church 295 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:13,520 one Sunday and we had talked like he had had talked to me 296 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,640 about like, hey, I'm, you know, I would really like to be in a, 297 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,680 you know, relationship, like marriage one day, you know, 298 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,720 kids. And I was like no thank you, no 299 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,600 thank you cuz. You're just coming out of 300 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,240 something that was very, very tough, heavy on your life, that 301 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,880 was toxic. Really. 302 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,920 Yeah. And so now I'm sure you are 303 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,920 scared to, like, jump into something else, knowing that 304 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,720 there's a possibility that it could, you know, be destructive. 305 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,120 Yeah, and not even like mention like I had seen that same 306 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,320 relationship played out, you know, in my parents relationship 307 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,360 at time. And so I don't want to get back 308 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,720 into, you know, all of the things. 309 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:55,760 And so but we were in church one Sunday and it was just like 310 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,560 after the service, Daniel and I looked at each other and I was 311 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,960 and we both were like, can we go talk to a pastor about like 312 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,440 premarital counseling? We weren't even engaged, but we 313 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,360 were like both on the same page of like, hey, I feel like we 314 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,600 need to go talk to a pastor. And so we did and we both 315 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:17,800 started premarital counseling. And it was in that premarital 316 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,080 counseling that the pastor had asked me like, what's your 317 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,520 hesitancy and like getting into a relationship? 318 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,160 And I was like, because I've been in it before, like, and he 319 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,640 had asked me, he's like, what would you have changed the 320 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,960 previously before you got married? 321 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,800 What would you have changed about the other person? 322 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,120 I was like, oh, all the red flags were there, you know. 323 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,160 So let me tell you this, this, this and the pastors like, OK, 324 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,080 OK, so let me, let me ask you this about Daniel. 325 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:47,360 What would you change about him? And I was like nothing. 326 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,920 Wow, how long had y'all been dating? 327 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,880 We met in April and then by February of the next year we 328 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,680 were engaged. Nice, I know if he wanted to he 329 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,000 would. Wow. 330 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,880 So when did y'all start like premarital counseling? 331 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:07,960 So this was in January and so here's the caveat to we had 332 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:14,120 found out we were pregnant that fall and so we were faced with 333 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:19,960 like this unplanned pregnancy. Daniel and I were in October and 334 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,040 that's when I was just like, Nope, Nope. 335 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,600 We can raise this baby and we can live separate lives. 336 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:33,400 And and then so January is when we went to church and we just 337 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,240 felt like the Holy Spirit was just like, no, like, let's get 338 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,760 this thing going. So we went and talked to the 339 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,600 pastor. February, we got engaged and 340 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,480 then we were married by May. That's. 341 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,080 Something that happened in your previous relationship. 342 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,200 So now there's red flags. So you are thinking like, oh, 343 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,280 no, like we don't have to be together. 344 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,880 Like we are going to have this baby. 345 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,960 But I'm not jumping into it just because we're pregnant like I 346 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,000 did when I was 18. I'm trying to get the timeline 347 00:20:59,000 --> 00:20:59,840 right. OK. 348 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,760 You get start dating in about April. 349 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,360 You start marriage counseling or pre marriage counseling. 350 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,680 January. February is when you get engaged 351 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,040 and you're married by May. You have a baby in June. 352 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,000 Girl, that's a heavy year. I know that's a quick year. 353 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,560 I know. And then that June that we, 354 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:25,760 because he was football staff, Daniel was and with football, 355 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,800 like in a year, if you're not doing great, if you don't have a 356 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,960 great season, that staff is like, oh, and so that was our 357 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:37,120 reality is November came that past November and the whole 358 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:40,760 staff was like, oh, and so he is without a job. 359 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,320 Newborn. Yeah. 360 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,840 We're pregnant. We were three on four. 361 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,880 Yeah. So, yeah, so she is. 362 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:52,360 She's 4 at this time. And so yeah, no job, baby on the 363 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,480 way. Have a baby already. 364 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:59,680 We decided to get married, but then doors open up for him to 365 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,680 come to Mercer and so he got the job at Mercer. 366 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:08,280 He had moved down here that February when we had gotten 367 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,360 engaged. And then after we got married, 368 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:16,120 we got married on a Friday night and we took like one night for a 369 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,520 honeymoon. And then we moved all of our 370 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:24,320 stuff to Macon, GA that weekend and we started our life here in 371 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,960 Georgia. And that was 2011. 372 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,200 And then, a month later, Ellie Grace was born. 373 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,520 You know, first had your baby and came to Mercer. 374 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,920 I'm sure like this is a big adjustment because you don't 375 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,480 have family here. You don't have anything like 376 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,080 you're having to start completely over. 377 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,360 Yes. How does that look? 378 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,000 Well, I think, I don't know if you maybe asked me and Daniel 379 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,080 separately, we would probably have two different perspectives 380 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:53,160 on that, but I did. I stayed at home with their two 381 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,760 girls. And he at the time when he moved 382 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,920 here, he did leadership making and he got his master's degree. 383 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:04,640 And so he was working and that was just a lot of time away from 384 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,040 home. And I still was dealing with 385 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,240 things that were from my past, you know. 386 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:15,520 And so like I say, I use this a lot like like the smallest 387 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,640 things I would just be so irritable over. 388 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,880 Like, he left one of our first fights. 389 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,880 Like he left his laundry like out on the floor in our 390 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,240 bedrooms. Like would not put it in the 391 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,400 hamper, would not put in the hamper. 392 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,280 So I called him from work one morning and I was like, hey, I'm 393 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,040 bagging up all your clothes and I'm putting them out on the 394 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,800 street because like, to me, like, that's normal, right? 395 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,520 Like, hey, I'm going to go to the extreme. 396 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,320 Yeah, you're going to learn to that. 397 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:46,960 Yes, you're going to learn. And like also there was 398 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,960 something in the back of my mind that says like a disagreement 399 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:54,120 meant abandonment. And so like, I'm gonna leave you 400 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,760 before you can leave me, so. Fight or flight? 401 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,560 Yes. That's exactly what it was. 402 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,680 I called him and I told him that, and our house was 20 403 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,040 minutes from Mercer. And he shows up on the doorstep 404 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,640 20 minutes later and I'm like, what are you doing here? 405 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,880 Like, what in the world? He's like, well, when my wife 406 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,280 calls and says she's bagging up my stuff, I'm coming home to see 407 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,160 how I can fix it. Oh, wow. 408 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,840 And that was like kind of the first glimpse that I had of 409 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,560 like, Oh my gosh, this is real. This is real. 410 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,000 Like, not only that is like, this is love that I've never 411 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,040 experienced. Like this is an unconditional 412 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:34,080 like I can, if I'm going to say to you like I'm bagging up your 413 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:37,280 stuff, but you're going to say to me, I'm right here next to 414 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,760 you. Like I've never had experienced 415 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:41,880 that before. Yeah. 416 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,200 And so I do. I joke. 417 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:49,120 I'm like, I literally thought he was crazy that day, but it turns 418 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,240 out like he's crazy for me. Oh. 419 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:53,240 My gosh, that is that is so weird. 420 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,120 But yeah, so like that was this kind of narratives that you just 421 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:03,120 get stuck in your mind of like it is like you were on point, 422 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:06,360 like fight or flight. What can I do to stay ahead of 423 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:10,520 the game, to stay protected? Yeah, cuz I thought that I was 424 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,560 really protecting myself. He shows you this, you know, 425 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,920 it's kind of hard because you've never experienced this. 426 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:20,840 So now you're having to really learn, you know how to be a wife 427 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,520 in this capacity because you've never had to be a wife to 428 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,520 someone you know that really loved you in a way that made you 429 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,600 feel safe, made you feel comforted and everything else 430 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,000 are. When y'all moved here, were 431 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,800 y'all trying to find a church like right off the bat or were 432 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,080 y'all trying to adjust or? Yeah, so crazy story. 433 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,600 Like when we moved here, Mercer was just like just random place 434 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,240 on a map that, you know, he had gotten a job offer too. 435 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,040 And we were supposed to, he'd actually on a job offer in North 436 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,320 Carolina too. And so we are kind of going back 437 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,360 and forth and I kept telling him, I'm like, I really feel 438 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:58,240 like God's putting it on our heart to move to Macon. 439 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,720 Like, I know that, you know, we were so set on North Carolina in 440 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,600 Charlotte area and I was like, I really feel like this is where 441 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,400 God's going to have us. And so we, we prayed. 442 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,600 We got down on our knees one night and we prayed and we were 443 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,120 like, all right, Lord, like open doors where doors supposed to be 444 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,880 open and shut them where they're we're supposed to be shut. 445 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,800 Literally, he gets a phone call within 24 hours from this school 446 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,520 in North Carolina saying, hey, we're on a hiring freeze for six 447 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,520 months. And thank you, God, I know. 448 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,400 Well, here, sweet little Daniel, he can be stubborn sometimes 449 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,680 because he was like, that just means we're gonna wait for six 450 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,120 more months. Yeah, before we make any move. 451 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,120 I'll figure something out for the next six months. 452 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:45,000 Well within an hour or two after getting that phone call, the his 453 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,680 boss in Macon calls him and says hey, I own a few rental houses. 454 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,360 You and your wife can, you know, rent this house $300.00 a month. 455 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,040 Wow, Yeah, wow. So I, I was like, all right, 456 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,520 Daniel, like we prayed and now God's got this big billboard 457 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,960 that says you are here and we're kind of like wondering, you 458 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,960 know? You're still looking on here and 459 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,480 God sounds right, Yeah. Where is this on the map? 460 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,880 So when we decided to move here, we found out Daniel's best 461 00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:17,360 friend from high school lived in Warner Robins. 462 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,680 Oh, wow. And so he just happened to live 463 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,760 a mile from where we ended up buying our house. 464 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,800 He was going to Central. Him and his wife were. 465 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,800 And so we were at Central Baptist for a couple of years. 466 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,800 That's where our kids went to preschool. 467 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:35,120 And I did Bible study there every Thursday for many, many 468 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,360 years, you know, during that time and even after. 469 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,600 But I was in mops. Yeah, yeah. 470 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,560 And so. Mothers of preschoolers. 471 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:47,200 Yes, yeah, and they've originally changed it, the Momco 472 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,440 now. Which is super cute yes and they 473 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,520 have cute shirts and stuff too. Well, I don't know if like it's 474 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:56,160 universal. It is that shirt is Universal or 475 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:58,040 Momco. The momco is OK the. 476 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,560 Shirt Southside has a Momco shirt and it is adorable. 477 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,800 I'm like, yeah, I'm a bonus mom. Can I have a shirt? 478 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,160 Yes, Mom and all seasons. So yeah, I was on the leadership 479 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:15,760 team at MOPS and so I was at Southside and I told Daniel I 480 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,680 was like, hey, there's a lot of, you know, a lot of my friends 481 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,760 are at Southside. Can we just try it out? 482 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,720 And we did. That was 2013. 483 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,000 I was pregnant with Landry at the time, our oldest son, and 484 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,040 and we both fell in love with it. 485 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,640 And so we've been at Southside. Ever. 486 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:36,320 Since so in this time period, are you still trying to work on 487 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,840 past traumas? What does that look like trying 488 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,520 to work through all of that? Yeah, that's a great question. 489 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:48,080 So this time, I'm honestly now looking back, I was completely 490 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:49,840 oblivious to it. OK? 491 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:54,240 So like it was still like that was normal, but I knew that I 492 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:59,440 was in an environment that was different, but also like I was 493 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,800 chasing after God the best way that I knew how. 494 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:05,840 And so for me at that time was showing up Sunday school and, 495 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:10,600 you know, Sunday and Bible study on Thursday morning and the mom, 496 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:15,800 you know, doing those things. And so it was more of like, what 497 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:22,080 can my efforts get me with God? You know, like, hey, if if I'm 498 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,120 in this Bible study, then I'm all right. 499 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,880 I'm in a good standing with God. Right, I'm doing what I need to 500 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,200 do. Yes, but everything internally 501 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,800 was still in the same place that it had been, you know, when I 502 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:39,760 was 141516. And so it was kind of like 503 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,040 living this, like conflicting life. 504 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,840 Like I knew that I was in a different environment, but it I 505 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,600 never fully felt it. Yeah. 506 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,160 Exactly. Mentally maybe you were still 507 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,440 there, but physically you're in a whole different environment. 508 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,960 Everything but mentally like you're still trapped in. 509 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,880 Yes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. 510 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,760 Did you take a 12 step? Have you taken a 12 step? 511 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:02,760 Yeah. So that leads. 512 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,920 OK, So this is where it all gets good. 513 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:09,000 So I was in that, in that phase of life, going to Bible study, 514 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:14,800 all the things, and I was in church one Sunday morning and I 515 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,560 just, I knew I felt the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to 516 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:23,480 share my testimony. And I was kind of like, no, I'm 517 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,640 running from it. You know, like I'm not sharing 518 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:26,680 it. I'm running from it. 519 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:31,000 I'm not sharing it with anyone. And so next Sunday came and I'm 520 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,840 in church and same thing. Just that feeling, you know, I 521 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,440 don't know if you've ever had this, like palms are sweaty, 522 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,360 like I'm like, my heart's pounding. 523 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,280 I'm like, if I don't get out of my chair and walk down this, you 524 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,120 know, to the front, to the altar, like something's going to 525 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:48,160 strike me down. And so I did. 526 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,680 And I'm on the altar and I'm praying and I'm like, God, I 527 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,200 just need you to be clear to with me. 528 00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:00,840 If I'm supposed to share my testimony, God make it so 529 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,760 obviously clear to me that I'm not having to second guess 530 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,480 anything. And Sandy Henson put her hand on 531 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,600 my back and was like, honey, how can I pray for you? 532 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,040 And I was like, I don't know. But God's, I feel like God's 533 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:17,400 calling me to tell my testimony and I just don't know how and 534 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,960 what way she's like, well, let me tell you about Celebrate 535 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,000 Recovery. Yeah, Oh my God. 536 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,960 And so at that point, I was like, OK, this is it. 537 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,800 Like God's calling me to share my testimony and Celebrate 538 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,640 Recovery. And so I told Sandy that I'm 539 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,800 like, I got to get a testimony to you. 540 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,680 I got to get a testimony to you. And every time I would try to 541 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,320 write it, I'm like, I just can't do it. 542 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,520 Like I just can't. There's just so much pain there. 543 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:49,120 Like I just can't do it. And So what actually happened 544 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:54,400 during that time is we got pregnant again with our 4th baby 545 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,920 and then a couple months later we had a miscarriage. 546 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:05,560 And that miscarriage, I will say, is what really catapulted 547 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:10,000 my faith. So like, I'm going through this 548 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,560 miscarriage. It had, it was, I don't know all 549 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,200 the terms for it, but it was a prolonged like 2 weeks like they 550 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,640 were saying. And everything checked out 551 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,320 medically like, hey, everything's growing right on 552 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,320 schedule, your numbers are rising. 553 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,960 But all the signs for miscarriage were there. 554 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,200 And so it was kind of like this conflict of like for two weeks, 555 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,720 like, OK, I've, I'm losing this baby. 556 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,800 And then I go to the appointment and they're like, well, 557 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,480 everything looks good. It just looks like you're just a 558 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,280 couple weeks behind, but everything looks good. 559 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,120 Oh wow, so you're being tossed around. 560 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,520 At this point, so, yeah. And so I'm sitting here praying. 561 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:55,320 I'd called my mother-in-law and I was like, hey, I need you to 562 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:59,280 pray for me because I'm, I physically, mentally cannot pray 563 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,920 for God's will for this situation. 564 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:07,160 Like I'm praying for mine. Yeah, and so I was I was praying 565 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,120 like God save my baby. I know you can just save my 566 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,640 baby. And my mother-in-law had got me 567 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:17,400 a book experiencing God Blackaby. 568 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,240 I don't forget the first name, maybe John, but anyway, last 569 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,160 name Blackaby. And I started reading that 570 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,000 devotion. The day came like without a 571 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:30,560 doubt I knew it was a miscarriage and it was the the 572 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,280 Thursday before Easter and we were at Easter egg hunt with the 573 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,080 kids. I told Daniel I was like, can 574 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,200 you just drop me off at home? I don't think that I can go out 575 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,080 to dinner or for the lunch with y'all. 576 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,920 I need to just go home. And I walked through the door 577 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:48,320 and I literally like fell to my face like crying out because the 578 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:53,320 grief was just so heavy. And I, I just cried out to God 579 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,040 and I was like, God, why? Why have you not? 580 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,000 Why couldn't you save my baby? Why did you not save my baby? 581 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,480 I need an answer from you. Like I want a clear answer from 582 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:03,320 you. I don't want to have to read 583 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,200 through the lines. And I pick up my Bible and the 584 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:10,960 very first verse that I read is in Luke and it says failing is 585 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:12,679 talking about Jesus. And he said it's going a little 586 00:34:12,679 --> 00:34:14,840 bit further. He fell to his face and he cried 587 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,960 out, Father, take this cup from me. 588 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,040 Wow, but not my will. But your will be done. 589 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,880 That is powerful, girl. That is powerful. 590 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,520 I just like there's so many times that people say like, oh, 591 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:35,199 that's a coincidence and stuff, but no, like not when you just 592 00:34:35,199 --> 00:34:38,120 walked in, you fell to your face crying out to the Lord and now 593 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,800 you're reading the Bible and instantly he says that same 594 00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,800 exact thing. And you know, I was saying this 595 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,840 more recently, like sometimes he gives us these problems so that 596 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,600 we can turn around and give it back to him. 597 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,520 And that's basically what he did. 598 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:54,000 He said, you know, I hate to take, you know, and the baby 599 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,280 from you, which it's I don't know if that's correct to say it 600 00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,240 that way or whatever. I don't act like I know 601 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:02,280 everything. But like for him to let you 602 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,040 experience a miscarriage, for you to ultimately run to him and 603 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:10,440 completely surrender and start to work on how to break free 604 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:15,360 from that past trauma because that is what got you to really, 605 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,920 you know, surrender, right? That's what you said. 606 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,520 Like this is where you had a like a new epiphany on life 607 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,240 basically. Yes, and that's what and and not 608 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:27,640 even like this was this was the Thursday before Easter. 609 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,320 So it would have been like around the same timeline of 610 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,800 Jesus in the garden. Like and I'm like, who am I? 611 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:40,280 Like when my Savior went to the cross and he didn't ask God for 612 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:43,960 another way, like who am I to say God? 613 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:45,920 I want to be taken out of this suffering. 614 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:51,880 You know, it was after that that I really had to work on my 615 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:56,320 mental health because I had a lot of anxiety around that time. 616 00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:01,040 And so I went to see a counselor for the first time and I sat in 617 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:05,880 the therapist room and I remember they, they, she asked 618 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:10,160 me about some of the things about my past and childhood, 619 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,200 past marriage. And she looked at me in the eye 620 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,160 and she said, Brittany, you have been abused. 621 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:19,080 She said the things that you've just shared with me is abuse. 622 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,520 And it just like hit me like a ton of bricks. 623 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:25,880 I'm like, what do you mean like that? 624 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,080 It's all normal. Like I don't understand. 625 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,000 And she said, no, that's abuse. And so like, those are the 626 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,000 things that I had to come to grips with. 627 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,200 And she ended up diagnosing me with PTSD. 628 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,600 Oh, wow. Just from the things that like 629 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,640 the things that I had experienced from my past that 630 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:50,280 were coming up in various ways. And so there was a lot of 631 00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,560 therapy work that I went through. 632 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,600 And then that's when I got into 12 Step. 633 00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:56,400 Yeah. After that. 634 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:02,800 I'm telling you 12 stuff is so like it truly does open your 635 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,280 eyes to a whole different level and helps you process the things 636 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:07,960 that you really have went through. 637 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,720 And I told Abby this recently, I'm like Celebrate Recovery 638 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:15,600 always get such a stigma like you have to be on drugs and all 639 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,000 this stuff to go to Celebrate Recovery. 640 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,600 And I'm like, we're really, this isn't like just a real raw 641 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:25,680 church service, like just raw. And then 12 step is just an 642 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,720 appendix of that basically like just being able to be raw and 643 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:32,840 transparent with people that have went through some similar 644 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,680 things, something completely different than what? 645 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:37,680 But you're all healing together. Absolutely. 646 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:42,160 And leaning on God to really bring that healing to your life. 647 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,640 I feel like I learned more about myself through that class then 648 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,520 anything you know? Yeah, I agree. 649 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,120 And I will tell you this like I put it off for months, like 650 00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:55,920 going to 12 step because I didn't do drugs and alcohol. 651 00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:00,160 Yeah, And I thought, no one here is going to take me seriously. 652 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,280 Like, I can't relate, you know, like I'm, I'm going to be like 653 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:08,320 this sore thumb, you know, like. And that kept me from going for 654 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,560 for a couple of months. And then when I walked in those 655 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,880 doors and just felt that like unconditional, like love and 656 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,040 acceptance from the women around that table, like we all still 657 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:22,120 talk. And that was 2000 and 18 that I 658 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:23,880 went through that 12 step grade. Yeah. 659 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,080 And like we're still. Close, that's amazing. 660 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,040 Well too I'm like y'all know some deep dark secrets about me. 661 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,680 OK, so we got to stay friends. I'm keeping you close. 662 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,840 Yeah, because you weren't going to tell my business. 663 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,040 No, but really in these classes, you know, we do have that 664 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,920 understanding that and we make it like an oath, you know, that 665 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:42,440 we're going to keep it in that room. 666 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:45,440 It's just such a great class that I try to tell everybody 667 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,440 like I've really, I've been talking to these three girls and 668 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:49,840 I'm like, y'all need to take a 12 step. 669 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,240 Yeah. And I know it sounds funny, but 670 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:55,720 just do it and you will be appreciative in the long run. 671 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,480 So is that so you take a 12 step and then right after you're 672 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,920 like, I'm ready to share. Yeah, so I did take the 12 step 673 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,000 and it and it brought a lot of things together for me. 674 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,360 And I did, I was like, OK, I'm, I think this is it, God. 675 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,360 And so I wrote out my testimony and I'm like, if this is for 676 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,280 you, for, I mean, this is for you. 677 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,400 So if this is what you want me to share, like, you know, you 678 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,880 have the timeline, Lord. And so I did. 679 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:27,840 I put it out there. It was also that had, you know, 680 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,040 I had living truth at the time. Oh, you already had it? 681 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:37,840 So the living truth started at in 2013 and really like, that 682 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,960 was all before my miscarriage. That was before, you know, in 683 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,440 that time of just like going to Bible study, doing all that, I 684 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:47,320 had decided to read through the Bible for the very first time in 685 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:51,840 2013. And so I started reading it and 686 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,480 there was so many things in the Bible that I was like, Oh my 687 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,320 gosh, like we don't talk about these things. 688 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,320 Like we don't talk about this verse and we don't, you know. 689 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,360 And so it was like my eyes were opened and I was like, I want to 690 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,760 get this information out to anybody I can. 691 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:08,320 And so I was. Again, stay at home, Mom. 692 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:12,640 I was actually over the craft. Like my job for mops was like 693 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,560 over the crafts and stuff. And so like I was making 694 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,240 jewelry. I love doing that. 695 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:22,080 And I was like, I'm gonna stamp verses on these bracelets and 696 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:23,560 I'm gonna give them out to friends. 697 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:28,280 And that's how Living Truth started as just jewelry and like 698 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,280 random verses. Wow. 699 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,680 It's just a little seed was planted. 700 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,640 Like, I love making jewelry and I love reading the Bible, so 701 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,960 let's get this out there. Yeah, it's amazing. 702 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,200 Yeah, My hope was always that, like, people would just find, 703 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:44,080 see the verse and then want to look it up to see what it was. 704 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:48,240 When 2020 came around and everything shut down and all the 705 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,960 kind of chaos started around the world, I realized like it wasn't 706 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,680 enough for people just to have truth in their hand. 707 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,120 Like you. Just instead of like, trying to 708 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,160 read truth, like you need to know truth and have it implanted 709 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:06,880 in your heart, you know? And so I decided to to kind of 710 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:09,440 restructure everything and I started making these first 711 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,200 memorization cards that came with each bracelet. 712 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,200 And so you have the verse on it, you've got the truth that's 713 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,720 highlighted in that verse, and then you've got the scripture 714 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:21,640 that's on your bracelet too. And so that was kind of my hopes 715 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,680 of like, hey, I want to encourage you with this truth, 716 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,560 not only to like read it and see it and then wear it, but you 717 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:30,560 know it. Yeah, absolutely. 718 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,560 And then like you started writing, right? 719 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,480 Is that when does that come about? 720 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:39,080 Have you always been a writer, or did it kind of just come? 721 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,880 No, so that was so that was the trajectory. 722 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:43,760 Like I was happy with living truth. 723 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:49,200 I loved, you know, making bracelets and stuff. 2020 also, 724 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:53,960 my dad had been telling me that was he'd come around. 725 00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,400 He was like, Brittany, I keep getting these visions of you 726 00:41:56,400 --> 00:42:00,480 speaking to groups of women and for your writing. 727 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,320 And I was like, dad, I'm not either one of those. 728 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,800 Like, I don't speak to people like, you know, And I just kind 729 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,120 of like laughed it off, OK, OK, dad. 730 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,960 And at the end of 2020, he passed away. 731 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:15,520 And it was from a heart attack. It was sudden. 732 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:20,000 And the night before his funeral, I'm sitting in the 733 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,280 living room and again, like I feel at my sister's house and I 734 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,560 feel like the Lord's just putting on my heart, like, hey, 735 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,360 you need to speak at your dad's funeral. 736 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,320 And so I just kind of put it out there and I'm like, hey, mom, 737 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,080 you know, I think that there's something I may want to say. 738 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,760 And I woke up the next morning. I was like, Holy Spirit, like 739 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,320 you've got to put, you know, give me the words, give me the 740 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,200 strength. It was the first time I'd ever 741 00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,440 spoken in front of a crowd, anything. 742 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,240 And I got up there and I delivered his eulogy. 743 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:49,880 And afterwards, people at his funeral were like, hey, have you 744 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,520 ever thought about speaking for a living? 745 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,520 Have you ever thought about doing women's events? 746 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,520 Have you ever? And it was like, all the things 747 00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:59,400 that my dad had been putting, you know, in my ear and in 748 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:03,000 China, kind of like, I say, prophesying over, like, people 749 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,440 were confirming there at his funeral. 750 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:07,760 And I was like, well, no, I haven't thought about it. 751 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,400 But, you know, I may start thinking about it now. 752 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:15,720 And it was so funny because that was December of 2020. 753 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:20,520 Fast forward the next November, my sister dies suddenly. 754 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,760 Oh wow. And she had died of breast 755 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,880 cancer. We called, they had called us on 756 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:32,880 a Thursday to tell us. And Saturday she is she had 757 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,000 passed away. She found out on Thursday. 758 00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,760 Wow. She had been sick. 759 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,480 I think, looking back now, like I think that she had known all 760 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:48,000 along, but I don't know that she, I think that was her choice 761 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,440 not to do anything. Yeah. 762 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,040 And so I think that she just went to the hospital when it got 763 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,880 bad enough for her to go because it had spread to the her entire 764 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,480 body. And she had only lived 48 hours 765 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,160 after that. Wow. 766 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:08,080 Or 72 hours, Yeah. So that's two big losses, yeah. 767 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:12,360 Back-to-back. Since so then that's when yeah, 768 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:16,040 you're like, all right, yeah, I'm ready to yeah, kind of dive 769 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,520 into this. Yeah, yeah. 770 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,440 Like I had done a number on my heart. 771 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:23,800 I'd gone through like my shaking season during that 2021, 772 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:30,320 2020-2021 time to where I was just like mentally I could not. 773 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:37,040 I was mentally, I was not like stable like I was like fasting 774 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,440 that whole year. I was crying out to God like I 775 00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:43,160 was in my office for and I was just like God. 776 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:47,800 I wanted to be the woman with a bleeding disorder that they talk 777 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,960 about in the gospel. Like I was just like, can I not 778 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,480 just touch your him, Jesus? Can I not just touch your him? 779 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,480 Yes, just be healed from all of this. 780 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:03,360 But then that's what brought on writing like I was just like, 781 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,640 I'm just going to, I'm just going to use this as an outlet 782 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,800 and write. And so I did. 783 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:15,080 And then 2022 started the blog through Living Truth Collective. 784 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:20,840 And then that started with the Bible study groups. 785 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:25,840 And so at the table is a part of Living Truth Collective that is 786 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:30,480 strictly like equipping women to lead Bible study in their home. 787 00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:36,120 And so we started that in 2022. So we have and part of that's 788 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,240 telling your story. Like we have all the girls that 789 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,520 are in those Bible studies, like tell their stories with each 790 00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,240 other, kind of start on level grounds of like, hey, these are 791 00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:47,440 all the truths that I have believed, you know, and like, 792 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:51,960 let's grow in Christ together so that we can learn his truths and 793 00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:55,440 who he is and who he says we are too. 794 00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:01,120 And so that was kind of all of the stuff that had had gone 795 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,640 through an experience in life was kind of wrapped up in that. 796 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,080 Yeah, it was all starting to make sense. 797 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,640 Yes, it was coming together. Yes, yes, yes. 798 00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:14,320 When you did your first at the table event, was that the first 799 00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,760 one a few like? Last year April, yeah. 800 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,280 With the women's night, that was amazing. 801 00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,040 So was that just something that, like, you really have been 802 00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:23,920 praying about? God put it on your heart and 803 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:25,160 you. Yeah, let's do it. 804 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:26,040 Yeah. I bet. 805 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,760 Stuff like that, when you step out, there's so much fear, like, 806 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,200 how's it going to go or whatever? 807 00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,800 But it was incredible. That place was packed. 808 00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,400 It was packed. Like, you know, like that was 809 00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,160 like that was an Instagram post like two or three weeks before 810 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,080 the event. Like, you know that that's God, 811 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,120 Yeah. You know, and just the people 812 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,080 that he put into place and like meeting you through. 813 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:47,880 That I know. Oh my. 814 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:52,720 God, that was so amazing. Like his hand is like all over 815 00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:54,720 it. So it just gets me so excited. 816 00:46:54,720 --> 00:46:56,640 But yeah, it is. It's just stuff that I know. 817 00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:01,840 Like I have prayer journals of like 2020-2021 of like, God, 818 00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:03,240 what do you want me to do with this? 819 00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:04,440 God, what do you want me to do with this? 820 00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,920 And then I would, then I'd have my prayers would change. 821 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,360 Be like God, I feel like you're calling women together. 822 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,400 God, I feel like you're, you're creating a community. 823 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,320 God, where do I fit into this? God, what do you want me to do? 824 00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:18,520 God let me lean into this. And, and he's done it all. 825 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,960 Like he's worked it all out, you know, Like it's just so amazing 826 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:24,920 to see. When I think about, you know, we 827 00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,880 kind of jumped a little bit. Is there anything that you think 828 00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:30,840 that's prominent that you really want to share that we haven't 829 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:34,480 hit because I kind of just was like living truth writing, you 830 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:35,760 know, and I just took you away from. 831 00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:39,920 This story, no, no, I will. I'll say it's like, this is a 832 00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:43,200 moment like I always share, like it was during my time in 833 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:47,720 therapy, you know, really deep. And there was still a lot of 834 00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:52,160 shame that I was caring and Daniel and I had gone through 835 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:57,680 something in the moment where tensions were a little high. 836 00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,960 And so like, I'm, I'm sitting here in a room with him. 837 00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,560 We're out of town. We're having to leave town 838 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,240 early. We're packing up our suitcases 839 00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:10,200 and looking at him. And, and again, like those 840 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:14,320 narratives of my identity, it's gone through my mind of like I'm 841 00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,080 trash. I am nothing. 842 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,800 I, you know, look, with the things that I calls, you know, I 843 00:48:20,800 --> 00:48:23,640 bet he's wondering that he's, you know, why is he married to 844 00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,080 me? I better he's wondering, you 845 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,360 know, he, he needs to leave like all these things. 846 00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:32,080 And, and like, I see him get up across the room and he comes 847 00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:36,080 over to me and he gets down on his knees in front of me and 848 00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:39,520 like I'm so covered in shame. Like physically I couldn't open 849 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,840 my eyes. And so I had my eyes closed and 850 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:45,240 he was like Brittany, just, he's like, look at me, open your 851 00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:46,680 eyes, look at me. And I was like, I can't, I 852 00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,840 can't, I can't. He just repeated those words 853 00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:52,440 over and over again. And when I did, like I just 854 00:48:54,080 --> 00:49:01,400 looked at him and I felt so vulnerable and so seen, and I 855 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:05,600 just started crying and everything came out of me and he 856 00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:09,000 met me with this. I love you, I love you, I love 857 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,000 you, I love you. And he just repeated it and 858 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,720 repeated it and repeated it until I heard it. 859 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:18,360 And I never knew like how powerful that moment was until 860 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,920 later when I look back at it. Like what I see there is God's 861 00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,960 love. Like this unconditional 862 00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:28,440 acceptance of me. Yeah. 863 00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:33,160 And it's not anything that I had experienced, you know, growing 864 00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:34,320 up. It was not. 865 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:38,200 And and it wasn't anything that like I had done to earn it. 866 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:43,240 Like I just think of like all the things that I had try to run 867 00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:47,640 from, all the things that I had tried to like cover up all the 868 00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:51,400 things that like I had to try to, I tried to like write a new 869 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:55,320 narrative over. And it was like moment in that 870 00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:59,000 moment, it was like none of those mattered because all that 871 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:04,520 my husband saw was me. And like, that's how God sees 872 00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:04,920 this. Yeah. 873 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:11,640 One thing you said was he said it until you heard it and like, 874 00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:15,760 that kind of just like sparked something to me thinking how 875 00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:19,720 many times is God saying it, You know, and, and, but until you 876 00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:23,320 hear it, until you're willing to receive it. 877 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,000 I mean, but he is just standing at that door knocking. 878 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:27,480 He's saying it over and over again. 879 00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:31,000 I love you, I love you. You know, we need to be open to 880 00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,000 receive that. And that was just such a good 881 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,320 visual of like your husband, you know, saying that. 882 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:39,240 And then that's, you know what what you're saying is like God, 883 00:50:39,240 --> 00:50:41,320 That's God. That's God's love for you. 884 00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:46,200 It's just constant and reassuring, stable. 885 00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,960 You know, it doesn't have to be that toxic that the world makes 886 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,960 us think love is. That is far from it. 887 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,520 That's good, girl. Or whatever you think he wants 888 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:57,960 you to be like. It's just. 889 00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:01,840 Yeah, because it sounds like you, you've really faced a lot 890 00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:06,240 of identity crisis and, you know, unsure of who you are or 891 00:51:06,240 --> 00:51:09,320 anything all the way through your childhood all the way up 892 00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:12,680 through, you know, more recently, you know, we're not 893 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:13,880 more recent. But you know what? 894 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:14,800 I'm. Saying, yeah. 895 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,840 And even when you think you have like a solid footing, like I had 896 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,640 gone to therapy for years, like I don't, I don't know. 897 00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:22,920 You know, this. I'm I'm going to school now to 898 00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:24,840 become a therapist. I actually did see that 899 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:28,400 recently, yeah. I'm in like the last leg and I'm 900 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:31,680 seeing clients now, but like when he even when you have like 901 00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:33,840 a good footing. I want to share this with you. 902 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:40,360 But the day that we decided to launch Living Truth Collective, 903 00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:41,840 it was Living Truth Jewelry before. 904 00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,840 But the day that we decided to launch Living Truth Collective 905 00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:50,040 at his as a ministry and we and the website went live, the blogs 906 00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:54,360 went live, everything went live. That day I got arrested. 907 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:56,160 Oh my goodness. Yeah. 908 00:51:56,160 --> 00:52:00,160 What? Yes, So what? 909 00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:04,000 Happened girl. I had gotten a speeding ticket 910 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:10,480 in Savannah the year before and paid the speeding ticket, but I 911 00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:14,200 also had moved to Bonaire two years prior to that. 912 00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,480 We were living in Centerville. We bought a house or built a 913 00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:19,480 house in Bonaire. And so I never changed my 914 00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:23,600 license over for a new address. And when I got the speeding 915 00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,680 ticket in Savannah, I also got like a super speeder. 916 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,680 So you need to slow down on the road. 917 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,120 Is anyone listening? It's slow down. 918 00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:36,440 Wants to go over 80 on the Interstate they sent me a super 919 00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,360 speeder but they would they sent it to the old address so it was 920 00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:43,120 never sent to me and my new address and so there was a 921 00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:47,640 speeding ticket out there that was never paid and so when I got 922 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,960 pulled over that one that day that. 923 00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:54,080 I was speeding. For speeding, yeah, we're not 924 00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:56,760 perfect and. You know what girl? 925 00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:58,640 I do it too. I got to slow down. 926 00:52:58,640 --> 00:52:59,240 I. Know we. 927 00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:00,640 I know, dude. I know. 928 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:02,640 Well, I'll tell you. That was the last time, Yeah. 929 00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,600 That's a wake up call, right? There that was a wake up call. 930 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,480 And so the police officer, he did, he took me in and I was 931 00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:12,040 like, is there anything I can do? 932 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,400 Is there anything I can do? And the time he was like, no, 933 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,080 like, you go, you know. Sit down. 934 00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,720 Get booked and all that and I'm and I'm hit I'm sitting here 935 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:24,360 thinking like I'm launching a ministry today and you're. 936 00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,960 About to be on 411. Yes, and I'm about to have a rap 937 00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:32,800 sheet. Yeah, and and. 938 00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:35,280 I'm sure that was tough. It was so scary. 939 00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,160 It was and and not to mention like I was still in school, like 940 00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,080 I'm like, I want to be a therapist one day. 941 00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:44,560 Like how is this going to look? And anyway, we got there and 942 00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,520 shout out to our our amazing sheriff now, Matt Moulton. 943 00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:52,040 He was like, oh, wait, this is just a what you pay online. 944 00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,960 Like it doesn't have to be, you know, booked and everything. 945 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,400 Yeah, once you pay it online, then your license is reinstated. 946 00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,280 And I was like, Oh my goodness. I'll just, you know, I'll take 947 00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:06,960 care of it right now. But but that messed with me so 948 00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,680 much. Like it was a couple of months 949 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:13,160 and where I was like, I have no business doing this. 950 00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:15,240 I have no business leading the ministry. 951 00:54:15,240 --> 00:54:20,480 When like he saw me as like of that police officer in my mind, 952 00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:23,440 I was like, he saw me as a criminal, you know, And like, 953 00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:24,760 that's all that I'll ever be. Like. 954 00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,560 I'll never come out of the pile of shame. 955 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:31,800 Like I'll always be seen as something that is not worthy of, 956 00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:35,640 you know, But it was, it was just. 957 00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,720 Yeah, that's heavy because that's that enemy attacking and 958 00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:42,840 thinking, no, don't share God's word because you're a criminal 959 00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,640 now. Like you've been arrested and 960 00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,840 all this stuff the day that you're launching to. 961 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:50,720 Like who are you to think that you can go do this when you 962 00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:52,880 know? Is there anything else you would 963 00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:54,720 like to share? Maybe something that God's 964 00:54:54,720 --> 00:54:57,840 revealed to you more recently or something that you're studying 965 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,120 that God really just threw at you? 966 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,520 Like what? How would you like to close 967 00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:03,320 this? Yeah. 968 00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:07,040 I mean, I would just say like, I mean, on the topic of identity, 969 00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:11,240 like I know know who you are in Christ. 970 00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,440 And I think that that really begins with knowing God. 971 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:19,200 And when you're starting to seek after his character, you realize 972 00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:23,840 he's, he's gifted you some of those characteristics too, in 973 00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:28,240 the way that he sees you. It's all been done for you. 974 00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,920 Like his Jesus's life, death and resurrection has all been done 975 00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,440 for you, not for what you could do for him, but just who you 976 00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,560 are. And to move forward in that I've 977 00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:43,040 recently just heard something great about an acronym on fear 978 00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:46,960 and I'm, and I'm making it my mantra, but fear can either 979 00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:51,840 stand for forget everything and run or face everything and rise. 980 00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:54,480 Wow. And I think that that's so 981 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:59,240 powerful because you see, like Jesus in the gospels when he 982 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:03,640 speaks to the little girl who was dead, she he says to Lisa 983 00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:08,400 Talitha Kaloom, that little girl, get up and rise, like 984 00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,240 arise for me. Like you are not who you once 985 00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:12,960 were. You are not dead anymore. 986 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,800 You are a new person. Go out and live. 987 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:20,160 And so that's what I would encourage anyone else that's 988 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,560 listening to do. Amen. 989 00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:24,840 That's good. I love the acronym. 990 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:28,440 So face anything, everything, Face everything and rise. 991 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:30,600 Yep, I love that. I think that's going to be the 992 00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,680 title. Of this I love that. 993 00:56:33,440 --> 00:56:35,240 I love that. This has been absolutely 994 00:56:35,240 --> 00:56:37,360 incredible. I'd really encourage you to go 995 00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:40,360 check out Living Truth Collective, follow them on 996 00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:44,160 social media and next time she has A at the table event you 997 00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,640 definitely need to be there because it is amazing. 998 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,960 April 14th, Yay. It's going to be great y'all, so 999 00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:53,200 make sure you check that out. So stay tuned, stay blessed and 1000 00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:54,560 we'll see you guys later. Bye.