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What's up guys? 
My name's Alexis, your host with

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praises in the pod and I'm so 
excited to be here with Amber 

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Daniel. 
We are going to be talking about

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her testimony and it's going to 
be a wild ride. 

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It is. 
It's going to be a wild ride. 

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So y'all just buckle up and get 
ready. 

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We we cannot wait to hear what 
the Lord has done in your life 

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and just the way that he has 
moved and had his hand on top of

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your life through it all. 
So we are going to start off in 

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prayer and then we're going to 
jump right in. 

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So here we go, Lord Heavenly 
Father, just thank you for all 

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of your many blessings. 
Lord God, thank you for bringing

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us to this point in our lives 
where we can talk about your 

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goodness and your faithfulness 
and you just having your hand on

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top of us. 
We are so grateful for our 

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testimonies. 
Lord God, it's ugly, it's dirty.

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You know, we don't really want 
to talk about it, Lord, but we 

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want to give you the glory when 
we want to show people how far 

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you have pulled us out of the 
pit. 

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Lord God, You didn't leave us 
there to rot. 

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You did not leave us there to 
just sit there and be by 

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ourselves. 
Lord God, You pulled us out and 

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we just want to praise your 
name. 

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We are so thankful for all that 
you do in our lives, all the 

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things that we don't even know 
about, Lord God, that You're 

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just preparing and working 
behind the scenes. 

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We just thank you for that. 
Lord, we pray that you speak to 

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us and through US today and let 
this episode glorify you. 

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In Jesus name I pray Amen, Amen,
Amen girl. 

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All right, so little back story.
Amber is one of our worship 

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leaders at church and y'all I'm 
telling you the first night you 

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sang at the church, they 
probably are like how many 

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worship leaders? 
Y'all got one because we do have

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a lot of worship leaders. 
So we are a big church. 

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But I'm telling you, the first 
night you sit on stage, I was 

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like, now where's she come from,
honey? 

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Because you got some vocals. 
OK. 

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Oh, that's some. 
Oh, oh, my gosh, girl, it is 

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good. 
Anyway, we ain't going to be 

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talking about too much of 
worship tonight, but I want you 

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to tell us a little bit about 
yourself. 

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Tell us a little bit about your 
childhood more so, and we'll 

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work our way up. 
OK well I was raised as a child 

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in Istilo, Georgia and my mom, I
live with my mom. 

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My parents divorced when I was 
like, 3 years old. 

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It was a wild, wild ride there. 
This is where it gets rocky. 

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So when they divorced and most 
kids like back in the 80s 

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because I was born at 86. 
So we'll just go ahead and give 

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that away. 
Yeah, It's all right. 

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I'll. 
I'll own it. 

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Yeah. 
But back then, you know, I mean,

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the mama's always got the baby, 
you know, didn't matter the 

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circumstances. 
So we lived with my nanny 

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Goodman and my Papa, and I don't
have many memories of my 

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childhood there. 
I've seen stuff on paper and so 

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I. 
Just didn't know. 

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I didn't know. 
You don't know what you don't 

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know you know. 
And sometimes it's best. 

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It is best. 
Because after the conversations 

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we've had and the things that 
I've learned, it's like, God 

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really does save you from some 
of those memories. 

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Absolutely. 
He really does. 

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I mean, be earlier you kind of 
said you can't. 

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It's hard to heal from things 
that you don't know about, 

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right? 
And in those settings, it's 

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like, man. 
But just think about how bad the

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trauma probably even would be if
you do remember it. 

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The thing is a kid cannot 
process that kind of stuff and 

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like I'm I'm going to try to say
this without giving away too 

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much but I had a very abusive 
mom that was not only physical 

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abusive or physically but also 
emotionally and mentally. 

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Like nothing we ever did was 
good. 

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Though the, the memories I do 
have, nothing was ever good 

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enough. 
And she would push us to and 

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especially pushed me to sing and
things like that. 

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I remember when I was like 12 or
13, you know, she would make me 

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run outside and sing and run at 
the same time. 

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It's like she wanted me to do 
something great so she could get

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the credit for it, you know, And
it I actually despised music for

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a while. 
While that there's a guy 11 to 

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death, he'll probably watch this
too. 

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Neat. 
McClellan. 

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He was always a great father 
figure, a kind person. 

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And I remember she took me to 
his studio and they put together

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this whole like, concert thing 
and we did a benefit and, and 

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things like that. 
But it's like she, it was a 

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perfection thing. 
She made me like I had to be 

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perfect. 
And if I wasn't, I paid the 

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price. 
And then when I become a 

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teenager, I was about 15 years 
old, she'd always been abusive. 

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But that night, my sister, she 
was in the next room and she was

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counting how many times my Mama 
hit me. 

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And that same night, my Mama put
a gun to my head and she told 

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me, I pitch in this world, I'll 
take you out. 

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And was IA perfect kid? 
Absolutely not. 

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But I'm talking about what we 
got and especially me if the 

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house was not perfectly clean. 
I'm talking about toothbrushes 

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on with the baseboards clean. 
If things weren't perfect. 

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I mean, we caught the wrath 
anyways. 

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I was always too scared to tell.
But my sister, my sister is a 

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very tender hearted, loving 
person. 

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I mean, I know that she's come 
to Southside and come and 

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visited. 
She loves y'all, but she told 

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the guy that was cancer. 
The next morning they called me 

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and I'm shaking in my boots, 
shaking in my boots. 

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And they're like, well, your 
sister's come and you know, she 

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has said that you've got bruises
that you know, your your Mama 

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hit you last night. 
And I was like she did because I

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don't, I didn't want to agree. 
And then like I was so afraid my

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mom was going to come to the 
school. 

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So it took her a minute to get 
it out of me and I finally she's

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like, well, can I see them? 
And so they took pictures and 

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all that stuff. 
And they, there was a defects 

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woman that came and picked me up
from the school and they 

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immediately took me to, it was 
like a foster, like a in 

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between, an in between thing. 
And then they took me on to this

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lady named Miss Mary, which was 
absolutely amazing. 

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She's a little old lady living 
in Irvingville. 

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So sweet. 
And I was still scared. 

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I was because I just knew it at 
some point I was going to have 

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to get back home. 
And I was, I was going to pay 

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for that. 
And so anyways, it ended up 

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going to court and the judge, 
Holly Martin, she said, you 

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know, if my Mama would go to 
parenting classes, anger 

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management and supervise 
visitation work back into, you 

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know, having a stable home where
he should have been, then she 

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could get custody back of me. 
So she didn't want that. 

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She's like, no, I'm not doing 
that. 

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And a, and a part of me, Alexis 
was relieved. 

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I was like, oh, I don't got to 
go home because that as a little

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girl, I mean, I say a teenager, 
but I mean, you're. 

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You're a little. 
In mental, you can't process 

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things like adults do. 
I was terrified. 

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So I was relieved that I wasn't 
going home, terrified that I 

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went, that I'd have to go back. 
So then I was like, well, I 

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don't, I guess I don't have a 
home, 'cause I mean you, you 

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don't have no. 
Stability. 

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Yeah. 
You know you don't know where. 

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Yeah, you don't know where 
tomorrow leaks or so. 

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Let's take a pause right there 
real quick. 

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So your sister did tell, you 
know, tell for you. 

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And just such a blessing, you 
know, that she stepped up. 

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Is she an older sister or 
younger? 

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She's younger. 
Than oh wow. 

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OK. 
And then she wasn't dealing with

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this type of abuse that. 
Do you think that that kind of 

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put a strain on y'all's 
relationships as sisters? 

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Because maybe like you were 
like, why is this happening to 

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me and not you? 
Or like how take it like if you 

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think about yourself in that 
position or you don't even 

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really notice honestly back 
then. 

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I didn't really notice that then
because Amelia was always so 

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kind. 
I if anything, I took out my 

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anger from what was happening to
me on her. 

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I mean, I was, I bullied her, 
but now she is my best friend. 

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And even when they put me in 
foster care, like we went to the

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same school still. 
So she would like sneak me notes

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and things like that. 
And she wouldn't allow, you 

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know, to tell Mama because Mama 
she knew what would happen. 

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So, but she, we still kept in 
touch and she loved me, you 

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know, and I loved her, still do.
But yeah, so she, she didn't 

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receive. 
There's a reason, though. 

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We did not find out the reason 
she did not receive that kind of

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treatment. 
My Mama made it to her through 

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her cancer journey that it's 
because I look like my Nana and 

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my my dad's side of the family. 
And she hated my Nana and 

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because I act like Nana, which 
Nana was a God loving, kind 

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woman. 
But we can get spiritual into 

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that. 
Like, you know, when, when, when

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the authority walks in the room.
It hurt their spirits. 

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Hurt Job, right? 
Yeah. 

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Right. 
So as an adult, I realized 

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that's what it was. 
Now. 

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Absolutely. 
Yeah. 

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Did not know that as a 15 year 
old. 

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Yeah. 
No, yeah. 

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I mean, you can't. 
You don't understand one. 

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You don't understand the 
spiritual realm, right. 

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And I know that you grew like 
we're about to get into your 

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grandparents and stuff like 
that. 

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So at that point, of course you 
don't understand spiritual 

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warfare and the the the dark 
forces and stuff like that. 

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So you know, you just don't get 
it. 

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But now looking back, you can 
see and. 

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I see how God has his hand and 
all of it it, it came full 

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circle. 
Even up to my mama's Zion day, 

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it all came full circle. 
And so I am not ashamed of my 

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past. 
I am not held down in bondage by

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my past. 
The the stuff that I did not 

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have control over and the stuff 
that I did have control over 

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that I got myself into because I
mean, I've done some of that 

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too, OK. 
And I had so girl. 

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I was no Angel. 
I mean, then I was. 

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The thing is, I was a kid, you 
know, I was a kid and and I had 

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to try to figure out life and 
figure out how to be a good 

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person because of what I 
thought, what I thought was not.

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Yeah, kind. 
And you know what? 

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Those things kind of going in 
spiritual again, generational 

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curses is real. 
They are real because I have had

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to have deliverance from them. 
Same things and same behaviors 

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of my Mama throughout my my 
early motherhood and and 

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adulthood. 
And I know that. 

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I know that without a shadow of 
a doubt, girl, because I mean, 

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you just like you talking about 
how you started taking stuff out

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on your sister like it was like 
the things that happened to you.

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If you do not break those 
generational curses, they will 

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continue. 
They will continue to keep 

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going. 
And the only way to break them 

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is to meet Jesus Christ and have
an intimate relationship with 

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him. 
You can try to do it on your own

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or you won't, but that's just 
putting a Band-Aid on it. 

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That's just and, and eventually 
it's not going to work until you

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truly meet him. 
Now this is something that I've 

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always heard and we're going to,
we're going to jump ahead. 

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I don't want to stay here too 
long, but I've always heard this

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and I and I feel like this the 
same way. 

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Like your parents and the way 
that they talk to you and the 

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way that they treat you is your 
inner voice. 

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Growing up, do you feel like 
that was kind of your inner 

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00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,680
voice? 
Like because your mom always 

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spoke down to you, always held 
you in that kind of like 

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probably had a identity crisis 
kind. 

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Of absolutely even after I start
I truly surrendered my life to 

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Jesus by breaking point. 
I had such a idea identity 

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00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:00,280
crisis going on in my head. 
It really it took me a good year

226
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:07,720
to unlearn thinking processes 
coming your first my or it my 

227
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,560
first go to was and why was Why 
are all these doors opening up 

228
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,840
for me out this I'm not good 
enough for this. 

229
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:19,600
I'm not worthy of this that I 
fought that so hard and thank 

230
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:24,400
God for my pastors and my loving
church family at Covenant Church

231
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:29,720
because not only did they help 
love me and teach me how to love

232
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,040
like Jesus, how to and to know 
God's love because you cannot 

233
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,880
love yourself until you know how
God loves you. 

234
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:42,520
And then also they had a like a 
counsellor that's on staff or 

235
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,800
with them or whatever. 
And we would meet every week for

236
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,680
about 12 weeks to help unlearn 
some of them behaviors and go 

237
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,880
through the word. 
And, and I needed that because 

238
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,080
sometimes you take it takes a 
little bit more than just 

239
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,960
sitting down and reading your 
Bible. 

240
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,400
That is amazing. 
Yes, that is absolutely great. 

241
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,520
That's a great way to start. 
But you need to deep dive and 

242
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,640
sometimes you need people and 
God will send you people that to

243
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,320
help you with your journey and 
to help you heal. 

244
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,920
And, and it's almost like I can 
visualize somebody that's got a 

245
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,880
bunch of just chains on it and 
then somebody just coming around

246
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,840
on that one, on that one, 
picking them off, unlocking some

247
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,880
more stuff and picking it off 
because it's in layers. 

248
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,120
It's not all at one time. 
I believe if God healed us all 

249
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,880
at one time it would be like. 
Oh, we don't need God anymore. 

250
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:32,720
Yeah, we're good, right? 
He wants us to depend on him 

251
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:38,200
from move and to to see him. 
Yes, to him to reveal himself to

252
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,960
us. 
All right, so you go to court, 

253
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,960
all this stuff, you don't, you 
go and live with your 

254
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,400
grandparents, right? 
So tell us a little bit about 

255
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,800
that, because I know that's 
where your spiritual walk 

256
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,800
starts. 
Yes, OK, So Nana and Papa, they 

257
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,240
got me out of foster care as 
they decided to go to court. 

258
00:14:55,240 --> 00:15:00,320
They got granted custody and I 
was still going to school at at 

259
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,800
Irwin County at the time. 
But then I switched over to 

260
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,640
Coffee County, the West Ford 
Church of God. 

261
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,680
It is where my Nana had always 
went to church, where my uncle 

262
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,440
preached at. 
It's just wherever all the 

263
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,800
family went. 
I got involved with youth group 

264
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:20,880
and I say I was saved and I gave
my life to Jesus. 

265
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:25,440
But honestly, looking back on it
now, I knew Jesus like I knew 

266
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,600
George Washington. 
Like I went to school and I 

267
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:32,960
learned about who Jesus was. 
I did not have a personal 

268
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:38,120
relationship. 
I wasn't taught how to to, to 

269
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,960
have that, how to even develop 
that. 

270
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,640
And it is, yeah. 
It's just like going to school. 

271
00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,720
I mean, you can know him. 
You can know of him, right? 

272
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,000
You can know of him. 
There's a difference in that 

273
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,280
knowing of him and knowing him, 
right? 

274
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,200
So you just knew the fun facts. 
You know, you knew. 

275
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,120
OK, I go to church on Sunday. 
I read my Bible, I do these 

276
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,080
little things, I pray. 
But. 

277
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,720
Chicken boxes. 
I take all my boxes. 

278
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:11,800
So in that I mean, but at that 
point you think you're saved and

279
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,760
what does life look like? 
Is it on the uphill climb or 

280
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,200
idiot? 
Because you're living with your 

281
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,120
grandparents, you're out of that
toxic household when you're 

282
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,200
around 1516 when you're living 
with your own parents. 

283
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:26,440
Y'all have any relationship? 
No, OK, no, I tried when I had 

284
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,160
my first child. 
I tried that, yeah. 

285
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,400
Probably because you knew what 
that felt like to have a child 

286
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,760
now. 
So you're like. 

287
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,720
I did not understand how my Mama
did not love me like I loved my 

288
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,760
kids. 
That's all. 

289
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:48,320
I'm like, I could never, I'm not
going to cry. 

290
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:53,280
I will never forget the feeling 
when I first held my child. 

291
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,640
And like, I cannot imagine doing
the things that my Mama did to 

292
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:04,760
me, you know, but anyways, so 
everything was great. 

293
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,880
I did teen talent, placed third 
in teen talent, started singing 

294
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:13,800
again, just doing, enjoying life
as a child, right, Enjoying 

295
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,280
things and then got married 
because I thought that's what 

296
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,760
you supposed to do, supposed to 
have a family. 

297
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:24,119
Several down, all out. 
Was this your son's? 

298
00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:30,760
OK, no, OK, OK, so well let's 
get back a little bit because I 

299
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,840
went off to college and I 
thought well, I got some 

300
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,160
freedom. 
So I went off to college, ended 

301
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:42,680
up praying that he was crazy and
I don't care if he hears this, 

302
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:49,960
he was crazy. 
So I moved back home and had 

303
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,680
Austin and went to cosmetology 
school. 

304
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:59,800
OK, I did that for a few years, 
but and then I met Doug and I 

305
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,720
thought that Oh well, this is 
what I'm supposed to do, this 

306
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,880
place to settle down, get 
married. 

307
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:09,000
I got babies, then we get 
married, then I have Josie type 

308
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,880
a little family, then find out 
he's cheating. 

309
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,680
We're going to do it because 
this could this podcast could go

310
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,520
along. 
So I'm going to do like the the 

311
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,360
the shorter version we're going 
to have. 

312
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,600
Pinpoint because we got a good 
bit, a little bit, so yeah. 

313
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:25,240
We we got pinpoints. 
So have Josie find out he's 

314
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,000
cheating. 
Believe me, when I'm nine months

315
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,320
pregnant. 
Yeah. 

316
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:34,560
And comes back, right. 
I mean, like right after I had 

317
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,440
Josie, he's told me at the the 
hospital, he says I'm only here 

318
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,760
because of Josie. 
So I mean, that's not something 

319
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,760
of of Wilson send me. 
Mom won't see her. 

320
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:49,280
So anyways, I always jump from 
man to man. 

321
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,520
I would. 
OK, so that was one of my things

322
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,960
that God had to heal me from. 
And it's also, wow, I'm baby 

323
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,120
Jesus. 
But too, when you look at your 

324
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,360
childhood and you see 
abandonment issues and you see 

325
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,760
things like that, you want to be
loved. 

326
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,600
You have attachment because you 
want that. 

327
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,200
Yeah. 
What I figured out later on was 

328
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,760
I was feeling voids come on with
me, and that was one of the 

329
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,480
things I need a deliverance 
from. 

330
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,440
Some people are addicted to 
alcohol. 

331
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,960
I mean, I drink too, but I mean,
have different things. 

332
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,600
But food can be an addiction, 
you know, gluttony. 

333
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,600
But mine was, I was filling 
voids and I was addicted to 

334
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,640
having somebody. 
I needed somebody. 

335
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,080
I've never felt like I was good 
enough on my own. 

336
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:41,360
So anyways, let's see. 
After Josie was born, we tried 

337
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,320
to make it work. 
But when she was a few years 

338
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:50,680
old, we, I, I did not love him. 
Yeah, you know, I think we got, 

339
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,720
we got married because I thought
that's what he says and and 

340
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,800
everything. 
And he was fun hanging out with.

341
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,040
And then I meet Lance. 
Now actually I I did love Lance.

342
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,440
So our Hawkinsville people, 
we're not talking. 

343
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:11,000
About no guys, no when my but 
and that was probably the most 

344
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:16,240
family oriented I've ever been. 
And that's Jude's dad, which you

345
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,880
hit for his birthday. 
Yes, we got married. 

346
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:24,400
He played in a band, but he also
worked and we had a nice house, 

347
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,760
the whole picket fence thing, 
everything was great. 

348
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:35,240
Then I found out he's cheating. 
Oh, and I just, that was that. 

349
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,960
That's always been my my, my 
deal breaker. 

350
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:46,880
And so I find out he's cheating,
we divorce, and I meet there. 

351
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:53,040
Jesus. 
Oh, Lord. 8 years. 

352
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,080
Never got married. 
He's a lot older than me. 

353
00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,520
And he wasn't abusive until 
about two years in. 

354
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:06,600
When when I tell you abusive, 
I'm talking about like, broken 

355
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,360
nose, broken cheekbone, sliced 
legs. 

356
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,960
I'm bad. 
Yeah. 

357
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,920
And he kept saying, well, it 
won't happen again. 

358
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,600
It won't happen again. 
Then it was almost like a this 

359
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:27,480
is how narcissism works. 
They hook you where you think 

360
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,280
they'll change because you love 
them. 

361
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:34,640
And then when they know they got
you hooked, they flip the script

362
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,880
so everything is your fault. 
Well, if you would have done 

363
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,960
this right, If you would have 
done this right. 

364
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,400
I wouldn't have done that, yeah.
Yeah, right. 

365
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:49,200
So I really, truly believe that 
it was my fault most of the time

366
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,120
I went towards the end. 
Eight years is a long time. 

367
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,440
I look back on. 
I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's a 

368
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:59,000
long time wasted. 
But I know that God's got a 

369
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,360
purpose, a purpose for it, 
because it's going to hit 

370
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,680
somebody else. 
My stubbornness is going to hit 

371
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,440
somebody else. 
I mean, eight years is a long 

372
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,920
time to live in an abusive 
relationship. 

373
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,720
I mean, I've seen some of the 
stuff that you showed me and 

374
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:18,240
it's just like you don't realize
one. 

375
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,520
We've already talked about the 
identity problems, the 

376
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:25,040
attachment and just seeking and 
craving men's attention. 

377
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,840
And so it's hard to walk away 
from something and then you feel

378
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,120
like you're not worthy. 
You've said that like you were 

379
00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,320
like, why is these good things 
happening to me? 

380
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,760
So you probably thought, well, I
deserve these things. 

381
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,200
Like this is just what? 
I mean, he had me totally 

382
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,560
believe and nobody would ever 
want to. 

383
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,000
Two kids, you got 3 kids, 
Nobody. 

384
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:47,840
This is the best you're going to
get until it wouldn't. 

385
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:53,800
The night that I broke, I was 
asleep. 

386
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,080
He came in, he'd been drinking 
with some of his buddies. 

387
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,560
He came in, flip the light 
switch on and we had this fan 

388
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,440
that let those rotating fans 
that stands up. 

389
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,560
And when he turned the light on,
I sat up in the bed. 

390
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:12,000
When I sat up, that fan met my 
my face. 

391
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,120
Not I mean, broke the fan on my 
face. 

392
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:22,160
And I mean, we're getting up. 
I'm like, what in the world? 

393
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,400
And he comes around my side of 
the bed. 

394
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,840
And I mean, it is I'm trying to 
get him away from me, off of me.

395
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,320
It's almost like just more of a 
pushing. 

396
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,080
Well, finally I did get he also 
made to the point because he 

397
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,120
every time I push him off, he 
can always come back. 

398
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,920
And I got him pinned down where 
he could and I was like, I'll 

399
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,760
let you out, but you, you've got
to stop. 

400
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:48,280
As soon as I moved my hand, he 
took there was this like little 

401
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,640
succulent porcelain thing or 
whatever on my coffee table. 

402
00:23:52,960 --> 00:24:00,280
He busted it up against my head.
So anyways, I got away from him.

403
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,360
I mean, the living room was 
destroyed. 

404
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:09,200
I locked myself in the room. 
He he called Brooke and the law 

405
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,160
came and I was like, please 
don't let him get away with this

406
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,840
because it it pretty much always
got swept to burn the rug. 

407
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:25,160
And we both went to jail that 
night because they yes, this is 

408
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,840
small town. 
This is how small towns work. 

409
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,040
Oh. 
Yeah, this is crazy. 

410
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:36,560
And so anyways, there's a 
there's a God story of this, 

411
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,120
though. 
You're going to keep it. 

412
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:42,760
OK, All right, So I, OK, we both
had charge. 

413
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,920
I think it was like battery 
charges. 

414
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,240
And I'm like, look at me, hey. 
Look. 

415
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,240
But anyways, I'm just like, 
whatever, I'm just, I'm thankful

416
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,240
to be out. 
OK, So I go to my papa's house 

417
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,560
and I'm like, you know what? 
I don't know what I'm going to 

418
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,840
do yet, but we'll we'll figure 
out something. 

419
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,760
And I thought that was going to 
be just temporary. 

420
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:13,320
Well, I end up my aunt called me
and I had I'd still went to 

421
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:17,880
work, glasses and all. 
She called me. 

422
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:21,000
She said I need to talk to you. 
Will you please come by when you

423
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,280
get off work? 
I was like, yeah, sure, I get 

424
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,000
there. 
She says. 

425
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:29,400
Amber, I had never seen you like
this to a point where you don't 

426
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,600
take care of yourself. 
You've let yourself just get to 

427
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:33,720
this point. 
You're broken. 

428
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:41,520
I know how there was. 
I knew that he would wait a few 

429
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,560
days and he was going to try to 
come after me again. 

430
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,520
We I mean, if this was the 
cycle, you know, she said if I 

431
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,200
could get you away where nobody 
knew where you are and you could

432
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,240
get yourself together, will you 
do it? 

433
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:55,480
And I just started bawling and I
said please. 

434
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:06,280
So I went to this place and that
it was mandatory to go to like 

435
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,240
Celebrate Recovery and things 
like that. 

436
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,280
I went to Kevin and this is not 
how I got to be with Covenant 

437
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,320
too. 
Covenant that night, it was a 

438
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:22,400
Monday night one week. 
July 18th was the night that 

439
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:27,040
everything broke. 
So what, the 21st, 22nd that 

440
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,160
followed Monday? 
I went with them. 

441
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,760
There was like, it's mandatory. 
I was like, please, I mean, I'm 

442
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,440
black and blue. 
My face is swollen. 

443
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,000
Please. 
Can I just stay here? 

444
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:44,520
I was like, no, everybody goes, 
OK, I get there and before they 

445
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,880
even start speaking, they were 
just doing worship. 

446
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,720
I go by myself to the left in 
this little old corner because I

447
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:56,120
know who Jesus he is. 
I didn't know what that meant, 

448
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,560
but I knelt down. 
I was like, God, you can have it

449
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:06,000
all because I felt like 
everything that I had worked 

450
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,640
for, everything was just taken. 
And so good thing you got those.

451
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:18,400
But I was like, I can't, I can't
carry this anymore. 

452
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,880
I don't know what to do. 
I don't know how to come out of 

453
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,200
this. 
I am physically broken. 

454
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,880
I am mentally broken. 
I don't know what to do. 

455
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,720
And I had the biggest peace, 
like it's all going to be OK. 

456
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,520
And so I, I got up, I went to 
there, I started taking notes 

457
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,600
while I was at this place. 
I started opening that bottle 

458
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,280
and reading. 
And I remember he had me in the 

459
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:51,480
book of Jude. 
I did this thing where because I

460
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,440
didn't know where to start. 
I was like, God, you're just 

461
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,080
going to show me everything. 
You want to show me where to 

462
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,840
start, where to, where to go, 
what to read? 

463
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,240
So wherever my Bible opened up, 
girl. 

464
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,920
Is where episode, every episode 
I talk about what God does for 

465
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,440
me. 
I'm like, I open up my Bible and

466
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,680
let him speak. 
Yeah. 

467
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,680
Come on Amber, So that's how it 
started. 

468
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:13,520
And I'm telling you for a good 
two week solid dude, the book of

469
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,680
Jude is short. 
You can read it 30 minutes or 

470
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,240
less if you're a quick reader. 
Now me 3045. 

471
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:24,680
You know it's slow, but it's OK.
But he hadn't and it was like a 

472
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,080
feeling like you didn't get it, 
read it again, you didn't get 

473
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,800
it, read it again. 
And I still did not understand 

474
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:35,040
why I he had me reading it over 
and over until this past year. 

475
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:40,840
God will do stuff, prepares you 
for what is to come. 

476
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:46,480
And so that's what he was doing.
And there's a lot of spiritual 

477
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,360
warfare stuff too, that I did 
not understand at this point 

478
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:51,800
because, I mean, I was still 
like a baby. 

479
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,680
I was being bottle fed, you know
what I mean? 

480
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:58,160
And but I, I did start 
understanding the difference 

481
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,520
that I was not saved before. 
Yeah, but I was saved now. 

482
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,320
And it matter. 
And it, it will make you feel 

483
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:09,680
like there no matter what comes 
next, no matter what somebody 

484
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:15,280
tries to hit you with, you're 
not alone because God's got you 

485
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:16,200
back. 
That's good. 

486
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:23,440
So God said it started opening 
doors for me that I did not feel

487
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,040
qualified, I did not feel 
worthy. 

488
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:30,880
I didn't feel good enough. 
I don't know how I'm going to do

489
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,760
this. 
I haven't sang in years. 

490
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:39,600
I haven't. 
I got asked to start leading 

491
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,400
worship for the Unchained. 
They call it Unchained there at 

492
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,400
Covenant and it was around 
October. 

493
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:51,160
So when I tell you God does 
stuff quick and a real. 

494
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,160
Like I did Quicken in a. 
Fiery July 18th was my breaking 

495
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:59,520
night. 
October is when I started 

496
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,400
leading worship for Unchained. 
Wow, that's quick. 

497
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,600
Yeah, suddenly. 
Yeah, suddenly. 

498
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,560
And then it was like a week or 
two after that, pastors call me 

499
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,640
and hey, can you help us with 
some graphics and and stuff like

500
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,040
that? 
Because of when we were talking,

501
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:16,600
you know, at at services and 
all. 

502
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,680
I mean, that's what I did for 
Darren's business. 

503
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,520
I ran his website. 
I did all that stuff. 

504
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,920
So come on. 
And they had me on full time 

505
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,160
staff. 
Wow at that. 

506
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,600
Right. 
Right off the RIP. 

507
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:35,840
Yeah, right off the RIP. 
And so within the next year, 

508
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,200
like it took a good year of just
being rooted. 

509
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,960
I feel like I was an incubator. 
Does that make sense? 

510
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,600
I was an incubator. 
I was protected like my job 

511
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,400
every my daily duties was 
helping pasture. 

512
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,680
You know, if he was going to be 
preaching on forgiveness, you 

513
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:56,240
know, how can you do some 
research and like, I'll help 

514
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,640
prepare stuff for him and, and 
said that was having me in the 

515
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,720
work every day, you know, or if 
he want to do a real or 

516
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:10,000
something and for Facebook or, 
or social media, and I would 

517
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,800
research, you know, the, the 
scriptures for it. 

518
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,200
So God had me in the word 
without me having to sit down. 

519
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,280
OK, tonight, right now is my 
word time. 

520
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,120
But it got to be where I got so 
hungry. 

521
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,240
I would wake up in the middle of
the night and I'd read, I'd wake

522
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,160
up in the morning and I'd read 
because I wanted to know more. 

523
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,640
I wanted to know more. 
And I'm so thankful for that 

524
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,120
hunger. 
And any time I feel that like 

525
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,280
business start to creep in and 
things get put on the back 

526
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:41,040
burner, I'm like, God, I need 
you to ignite that hunger again.

527
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,720
You know, because you'll make 
time for the things that is 

528
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:47,080
important to you. 
Sure will say it louder for the 

529
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,080
people in the back. 
You will make time for the 

530
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,760
things that is important to you.
Amen. 

531
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,080
Let's go back for just a second.
OK, So when you're in this 

532
00:31:57,080 --> 00:32:01,120
relationship with Darren and 
this is 8 years and you have 

533
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,040
your kids and stuff like that. 
So are they in the home with 

534
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,320
y'all or where did they see all 
of this or? 

535
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:15,760
OK so with my mom, and I do 
believe this was all bottom 

536
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,760
bottom core of it all was all 
spiritual because they knew even

537
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:21,800
loves nothing more but to kill, 
seek and destroy. 

538
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:27,240
And she had tried to take my 
motherhood multiple times. 

539
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,240
She tried to take my sister's 
motherhood. 

540
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:36,240
And what I mean by that is she 
legally would try to take her 

541
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,720
kids. 
She tried it with Austin. 

542
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,040
She can't do it. 
She didn't have the funds to do 

543
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,880
it. 
She didn't have the proof to do 

544
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,840
it. 
She didn't have the any grounds.

545
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:52,960
So she got Austin's daddy to 
fight for it. 

546
00:32:54,600 --> 00:33:02,760
And now this is I told you 
earlier, crazy still is that 

547
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:07,720
still is. 
But I would say Austin was about

548
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,280
3 years old when it all started 
and it rocked on. 

549
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,760
They did. 
They had allegations of neglect 

550
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,640
and I'll just be blunt, they to 
the point that they didn't think

551
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:23,080
his pediatrician circumcised him
properly and had him re 

552
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,920
circumcised. 
Yes, and I'm talking about if it

553
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:31,720
hadn't been for me taking him to
the doctor on a regular basis. 

554
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:40,120
He he, the doctors had my back. 
He kept fighting me in court 

555
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:44,520
until I ran out of money. 
And then he had my Mama right 

556
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,840
there with him. 
She couldn't financially do it. 

557
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:53,800
So and he, he had it. 
So Josie, Josie's always been 

558
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:57,600
with me. 
She's she's my one. 

559
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:59,440
They all, you always had that 
one. 

560
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:06,760
She's my 1:00 and she was the 
one that also showed me that I 

561
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,120
had traits by my Mama because 
she would push every blood. 

562
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:18,159
My we've had family therapy at 
the therapy tree that I, I see 

563
00:34:18,159 --> 00:34:23,960
now some of her behaviors was 
because of my behaviour and then

564
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:28,000
Jude. 
So Jude, my Mama, when she moved

565
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,400
to Hawkinsville, she would have 
never been able to do that in 

566
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,760
Coffee County or Irwin County 
because they knew her and they 

567
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,440
knew how she was and they knew 
how she lied. 

568
00:34:37,679 --> 00:34:41,960
They all know her. 
And not counting her track 

569
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,400
defects record was like the CVS 
receipt. 

570
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:48,480
Nope, you and this CVS receipt 
don't Take Me Out. 

571
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,199
And this seat is a bigger it is.
It's a keep going. 

572
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:58,600
Yes, I mean the pile is high, 
but so anyway, she waited until 

573
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:04,280
me one of the times that me and 
Darren split, I moved up here in

574
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:11,680
Hawkinsville and I technically 
was only here maybe six months 

575
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,400
and she filed a ex parte order. 
What was that? 

576
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,680
Where you really ain't got to 
have no proof or nothing like 

577
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,680
they will come get your child 
right then you go to court to 

578
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,480
prove your innocence. 
Oh my gosh. 

579
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:24,360
Yes, ma'am. 
Crazy. 

580
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:25,640
It is crazy. 
Go look it up. 

581
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,160
It's crazy. 
Well, I mean, it is, it's great 

582
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,440
in in circumstances where it 
needs to happen. 

583
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,240
But yeah, no, it was not in a 
situation that it needed to 

584
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:37,760
happen. 
She just didn't like Darren. 

585
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:41,160
She did not like, which I mean, 
of course, but you know what, 

586
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,080
out of everything, the little 
valid off that is our. 

587
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,240
But, you know, out of 
everything, Depop was what dude 

588
00:35:48,240 --> 00:35:51,800
always called Darren. 
He I can never fault him on how 

589
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,440
he treated my kids. 
He was great to them. 

590
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:57,960
And they never like with their 
eyes. 

591
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:03,280
They never saw that. 
Yeah, doesn't make it right. 

592
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,960
So let's go into a little bit 
more recently. 

593
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,320
So you find Christ, you start 
leading worship, you're in there

594
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:11,680
for a year. 
What? 

595
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,440
So that was only, what, three 
years ago, right? 

596
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:17,960
So okay, we're walking this out.
The other girl, we're on the 

597
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,440
same path. 
OK. 

598
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,000
Is that your? 
Is that your Year 2? 

599
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:26,200
2023 was mine, but I started 
like kind of growing closer to 

600
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,200
Christ. 
He got my attention actually 

601
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:33,360
three years ago this week, but I
fell busting my lip open because

602
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,320
I was so belligerently drunk and
he got my attention because I 

603
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,480
was scared, blah blah blah. 
Y'all can go listen to that 

604
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,880
episode 27. 
But anyway, so tell us a little 

605
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,320
bit about like after that, like 
what life looks like, because we

606
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,320
know you already said the 
enemy's out to steal, kill and 

607
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:50,800
destroy. 
We know that without a shadow of

608
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,880
a doubt when we come to Christ 
and we become even more of a 

609
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,560
threat to Him and we're not 
following him. 

610
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,680
Tell us a little bit about like 
that part of your life, like 

611
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,800
maybe you didn't feel that, you 
know, but tell us a little bit 

612
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,400
about what it looked like. 
Listen. 

613
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:09,520
Everything God was opening 
doors. 

614
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,640
All of that was great. 
My church man, I was growing in 

615
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:17,400
Christ and but when you say that
the enemy will try to like, 

616
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,160
that's when he goes hard when 
you're putting points on the 

617
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,160
scoreboard for Jesus, That's 
when you feel that you know 

618
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,200
those attacks because he doesn't
want you to. 

619
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:33,840
But it was more or less in my 
mind and my family, like my Mama

620
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:38,840
told me I was in a cult of a 
church, tried to tell everybody,

621
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,080
you know, that I've done went 
off the DPN. 

622
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,720
But I think it's I may have been
too much at first. 

623
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,720
Maybe I was, you know, I was 
bold for Jesus. 

624
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:55,160
I mean, I was proud and and 
excited for, you know, this, 

625
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:59,520
this father I did not know loved
me like that. 

626
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,560
And it's like the best red 
velvet cake you've ever had. 

627
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,480
And you want to share it with 
everybody and you're like, just 

628
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:10,200
please shrap peace, you know, 
but I had somebody Dean Sykes. 

629
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,760
He was praying for me one time 
at covenant and he said, and I 

630
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,800
was I asked him, I was like, 
please, I need you to help me 

631
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:18,800
pray for my Mama. 
He said, invite her to the 

632
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,640
table, not the buffet. 
Don't force feed her the buffet.

633
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,560
That's what he said, don't force
feed her to the buffet. 

634
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:28,640
Invite her to the table. 
And I was like, oh, oh, OK. 

635
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,800
Yeah, that's good. 
That's good. 

636
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,120
Because sometimes when we are on
fire at the very beginning, like

637
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:39,560
you just are Bible thumping 
people, like you are knocking 

638
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:41,600
the crap out of them. 
And I'm like, you're 

639
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,200
overbearing. 
And I already have an 

640
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,040
overbearing personality as it 
is. 

641
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,760
Like I'm very direct, like 
whatever. 

642
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,520
So when I came across, I'm like,
you have got to taste this, like

643
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:52,600
you have got this like, and I 
wouldn't let up. 

644
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,120
And then people don't want to be
around you. 

645
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:56,560
They don't even want to hear it 
because they're like, babe, 

646
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,400
chill, you know? 
So girl, we just like, OK? 

647
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,480
Next. 
Next. 

648
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,720
OK, so tell us now you're going 
through all that, you obviously 

649
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:08,960
you're having to retrain your 
mind. 

650
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,200
You're having to retrain the way
that you see yourself because, I

651
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,280
mean, there's a lot of trauma, 
there's a lot of damage has been

652
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:16,640
done. 
There's so much. 

653
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,720
And so you're at this church, 
but somehow you've ended up at 

654
00:39:20,720 --> 00:39:22,640
Southside. 
OK, guys. 

655
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:23,960
So tell us a little bit about 
that. 

656
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,800
OK, so that's where the the the 
cancer journey starts. 

657
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:34,960
So my mom got diagnosed with 
stage 4 lung cancer and. 

658
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,160
Was she a smoker? 
She was all the way up until the

659
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,360
day we took her to Noonan. 
Oh yes ma'am. 

660
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:44,640
We tried to get herself, we 
tried everything. 

661
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,400
She would not quit. 
But anyway. 

662
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:52,040
So she actually finally reached 
out to let me know what's going 

663
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,240
on with me and I cuz we didn't 
know for a long time. 

664
00:39:54,240 --> 00:39:59,160
I think she held on to the news 
for months and so last it 

665
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,680
actually happened twice he had 
come back. 

666
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:06,800
So in 2023 she reached out and 
she said she had to have 

667
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,880
radiation done there. 
We'll just do like 5 little 

668
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:15,400
rounds of radiation and she had 
to have like another. 

669
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,440
I don't know if it was a 
resection. 

670
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,720
Anyway, she wanted me to go with
her, so I did. 

671
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,200
Now I won't tell you. 
So I prepared me in those times,

672
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,960
those those years where I told 
you it took me about a year, 

673
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:33,560
year to heal because Amber that 
hadn't forgave before, wouldn't 

674
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:40,120
be able to do that. 
So I go and things are great for

675
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:43,200
probably about a month and then 
she don't want to. 

676
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,560
It's like she she's got as a 
vending machine. 

677
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,680
She got what she wanted. 
She got healed and she wanted me

678
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,480
to pray for her and stuff while 
we were up there. 

679
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:55,040
And so we did. 
It's like she's got as a vending

680
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,760
machine. 
Girl, did you stay for the 

681
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,440
message last night? 
No. 

682
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,400
Oh. 
Because Catherine was talking 

683
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,600
about the nine, the the 10 
lepers and 11 lepers, and then 

684
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,560
they got healed and nine of them
never came back. 

685
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,680
And then the one did. 
But that's what it made me think

686
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,320
of because that's basically 
like, you get your healing or 

687
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,440
you get what you need from God 
and you're like, OK. 

688
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:14,640
I'm good. 
I'm going off. 

689
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:20,560
Yeah, that's how it was. 
And so she really didn't have 

690
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,920
much to do with this up until 
she got diagnosed again. 

691
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:32,400
She I think it happened around 
Thanksgiving of 2024 when it 

692
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:38,880
come back and in December is 
when she told us about it. 

693
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:43,400
So in January she she had let me
know she had to be back up there

694
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,720
in their center to city of hope 
and hold. 

695
00:41:45,720 --> 00:41:49,880
This had to be a whole another 
podcast, but there's a there's a

696
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:55,480
story in that too, because in 
the city of Hope stuff, short 

697
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,480
version, God had me pray for 
somebody that I saw on Facebook 

698
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,680
and he said, no, you need to go 
pray for them in person. 

699
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,280
So the short version, so a guy, 
even though I feel like I don't 

700
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,960
feel like an idiot because I 
don't even know who this person 

701
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,360
is, don't even know if he knows 
me. 

702
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,400
Anyways, he had cancer. 
And then it got to be in like a 

703
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:16,240
about 6 or 8 month thing where I
was going back and forth to Noon

704
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:18,360
in the city of Hope. 
This is before Mama got 

705
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,120
diagnosed. 
So this now she's being sent to 

706
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,280
the same place I was helping 
hair tape with somebody else. 

707
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:31,920
So we go to Noonan and they 
pretty much tell her she's got 

708
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,280
four to six months to live. 
They were trying to do 

709
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:39,160
treatments. 
We were not allowed to tell 

710
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:42,000
anybody what the doctor said. 
She didn't want me telling Mia. 

711
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,320
She didn't want me telling her 
husband. 

712
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:44,720
She didn't want me telling 
nobody. 

713
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,080
And nobody needed to know I'm 
doing treatments. 

714
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:53,640
That's all they need to know. 
So they put her on this first 

715
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:58,640
regimen of chemo and how this 
chemo works. 

716
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,600
And like you do a few treatments
and then they do another scan to

717
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:06,920
see if it's working. 
So we did the, the scan, it 

718
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,400
showed that it was still 
progressing. 

719
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:13,160
And girl, it was, it was in her 
hip, her femur, her spine. 

720
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,000
There was a spot on her spine 
that did like a procedure to 

721
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,960
because it was breaking her 
bones. 

722
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,040
It was the masses were growing 
so large. 

723
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:25,640
It was breaking her bones in her
lymph nodes where else there 

724
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,360
was. 
It was all over, hadn't gotten 

725
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:28,600
to her brain yet. 
That's what they were waiting 

726
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,880
on. 
They would keep doing brain 

727
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,320
scans to see if it went to her 
brain. 

728
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:35,520
Well, so they're like, OK, this 
is this isn't working. 

729
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,440
We've got another one we can 
try. 

730
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:43,520
Statistic wise, it's it's your 
best chance to give you a little

731
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,360
more time. 
It's not called cure it, but it 

732
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:47,680
may give you a little bit more 
time. 

733
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:51,240
So she's all for it. 
This one made her really, 

734
00:43:51,240 --> 00:43:57,360
really, really, really sick, but
it did help keep it at Bay. 

735
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:01,280
Like it didn't go away, didn't 
get didn't get smaller, but it 

736
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,320
did not get bigger and didn't 
keep spreading. 

737
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,800
But the problem is you can only 
do 4 doses. 

738
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,160
Because it's so. 
It's so toxic to your body. 

739
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:15,160
And it and it was, she lost her 
hair and, and everything, you 

740
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,960
know, her, her pride started 
going out the window because she

741
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,680
was a woman who always took care
of herself. 

742
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,840
Like she was a very Pretty Woman
and never went anywhere without 

743
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,920
being dressed to a tee. 
I mean, she could just be going 

744
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,120
to get a pack of cigarettes and 
she's going to look like, yeah, 

745
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:30,680
she dolled up. 
She dolled up. 

746
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:37,560
So when they come back and I was
like, you know, this is working,

747
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:41,920
but you got to take a break and 
we'll rescan, you know, in a few

748
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:45,240
weeks. 
At this point is when she 

749
00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:49,000
started getting back to being 
super hateful. 

750
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:55,080
Now, during this this time, this
start in January, by March or 

751
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,640
April, things started getting 
her, her moods. 

752
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:05,520
And I I didn't know if it was 
just medications or what, 

753
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,880
because all throughout this 
time, I'm planting seeds, and 

754
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,400
I'm remembering what Dean said. 
Don't force fear of the buffet. 

755
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:16,720
Invite her to the table. 
So I would watch sermons and 

756
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:19,120
stuff on my phone. 
I would do my devotions every 

757
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:20,480
day. 
I'd do it in front of her. 

758
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,800
But I wouldn't like if I read 
this. 

759
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,880
Yeah. 
I mean, she she could save my 

760
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:26,440
walk. 
Yeah. 

761
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,400
Come on. 
And then she started getting 

762
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,000
curious. 
So we would talk about the Bible

763
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,360
and we would talk about my 
devotions when she asked. 

764
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:39,480
And then she she went to CR1 
time at Southside. 

765
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,360
Now me being at Southside, all 
coming about through this time, 

766
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,800
she had talked to Lance. 
Lance was one of Jude's 

767
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,800
teachers. 
Now this time we're talking 

768
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,680
about Pastor Lance. 
Yes, now we are now talk pastor.

769
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,840
She had talked to him. 
He I think he'd been checking on

770
00:45:55,840 --> 00:46:00,440
her through her her cancer 
journey and she told him, you 

771
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,760
know, I was staying with her. 
Now at this point, y'all this is

772
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,360
this is walking out true 
forgiveness. 

773
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:09,520
I quit my job, I quit everything
and did everything remotely that

774
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,760
I do for the church. 
I quit the daycare quit. 

775
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,720
I'll have to come up here and 
take care of her where we 

776
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:19,040
realize how serious it was. 
So I was there every day and 

777
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,600
there is nothing that will show 
you the places you ain't healed 

778
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:26,360
when God puts you back in the 
same environment that 

779
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:31,200
traumatized you like he's he, he
will show you OK, this you ain't

780
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:35,400
all the way healed from yet that
I thought I was. 

781
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:40,120
So anyway, she was talking to 
Lance and she, she said, my 

782
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:45,360
daughter's come to stay with me 
and help me out and that she she

783
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,560
leads worship and she travels 
and things. 

784
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,840
And he was like, oh, well, 
that's awesome. 

785
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,560
Let me let me get her 
information and I'll send it 

786
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,440
over to to will. 
And so that's how that come 

787
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:00,920
about. 
We all brought me in then and I 

788
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,920
had like through not just 
leading worship with covenant, 

789
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,440
but 2024 was the year of open 
doors. 

790
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:12,440
I mean, I went to Ohio, 
Chattanooga twice, Orlando 

791
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:15,400
twice, leading worship at 
different events with bigger all

792
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:19,400
bigger name period. 
And I did. 

793
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,040
I never applied. 
I never submitted nothing. 

794
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:27,280
Blake Reynolds, great person, 
great friend of mine I met 

795
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:29,560
through TikTok through 
recapture. 

796
00:47:29,720 --> 00:47:33,720
I know, and I actually got my 
ministry license through his 

797
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:35,200
dad. 
Like it's everything just kind 

798
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:40,840
of just fell into place. 
But so I'd already had some 

799
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:44,040
experience because so I felt I 
felt good about, you know, 

800
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,640
branching out. 
Anyways, I meet will Will is 

801
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:51,920
freaking awesome. 
I mean, I'm like, dude is 

802
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,880
awesome and I get there. 
I'm like, man, their worship 

803
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:59,520
team's great. 
They're on point and the 

804
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:06,400
structure was awesome, but I 
still felt like Covenant was 

805
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,880
home. 
And I when you, when a place is 

806
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:14,120
your incubator and when you have
a fate family that pours into 

807
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:17,240
you, they become more than just 
that. 

808
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,160
I mean, they're closer than 
blood family really. 

809
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:27,320
And I felt heartbroken to leave,
like I was afraid. 

810
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,280
And God really showed me that 
was some of the things I needed 

811
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:36,480
healing from because I felt like
I was going to hurt them, you 

812
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:40,800
know? 
But I that is not how they they 

813
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,160
saw it all. 
She said, Honey, you just like 

814
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,560
off at college. 
She's like you off. 

815
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:50,040
At college, come home. 
You come visit God's got plans 

816
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:51,920
for you. 
You're an extension of our hand 

817
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:55,720
and I love my Mama Jackie. 
She's a spiritual mom that God 

818
00:48:55,720 --> 00:48:59,080
knew I needed That's good. 
But yeah. 

819
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:05,680
So I for two months Will and 
Lance so texts and have you made

820
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,240
a decision yet? 
So now I'm still praying about 

821
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:12,440
it. 
But finally, after really 

822
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:15,680
sitting down and, and praying 
about it and, and talking to 

823
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,040
Mama Jackie and having her pray 
about it too, I felt that 

824
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:22,240
release that yes. 
It's that peace. 

825
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:28,960
Yes this is and now I know God 
had it all planned out so rock 

826
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:36,280
on with with mom in July. 
I was already starting to do CR 

827
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:39,640
and stuff like that. 
I started that in May, the end 

828
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:44,560
of May, 1st of June in July Mama
starts pushing me in Amelia way 

829
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:51,480
so I go back home and but I'm 
still schedule us outside and I 

830
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,280
know that God's got purpose in 
it. 

831
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:56,040
And you going to drive? 
And I'm on drive and I was 

832
00:49:56,040 --> 00:50:00,440
driving from Douglas, yes, 
Douglas to Warner Robins 

833
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,440
Douglas. 
That drive an hour and 

834
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,240
something. 
No, ma'am, not to Robins. 

835
00:50:04,240 --> 00:50:07,200
Two hours. 
Yes, ma'am. 

836
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,440
One way you go, girl. 
Yeah. 

837
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:13,160
And then but Uncle John, we had 
to keep it under wraps. 

838
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:16,640
Like he, he's like, just don't 
let your Mama find out on the 

839
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:20,480
Sunday mornings when that 
started because you had to be 

840
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,720
there so early. 
John's like, come and stay with 

841
00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:25,200
me. 
That's my mama's husband's 

842
00:50:25,240 --> 00:50:29,880
brother, which was also great 
because guess who is coming to 

843
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,400
church now? 
Your mom's brother. 

844
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,520
Mom's brother-in-law. 
Yeah, yeah. 

845
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:39,080
Uncle John's been at church and 
sister-in-law and and it's it's 

846
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,240
gotten that side of the family 
too in church. 

847
00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:48,280
So driving back and forth and 
then let's say it was October 

848
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:54,880
second or whatever that that 
first Saturday in October. 

849
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,280
John calls me the one I was just
telling you about. 

850
00:50:59,880 --> 00:51:04,400
He's like, I know your Mama 
ain't speaking to you and she's 

851
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,320
going to hateful. 
She he was like that. 

852
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,720
Your mama's dying. 
You need to go over there. 

853
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,160
If she runs you off, she runs 
you off. 

854
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:12,440
But you need to go. 
Just show up. 

855
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:20,760
Don't call, just show up. 
So I did, I get there and she 

856
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:28,640
had just got out of the hospital
and Amelia's there and she's 

857
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,280
like, I really want to take a 
shower. 

858
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:34,400
To me and my sister. 
We have her take a shower and 

859
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,920
she's not talking very much. 
She is very feeble. 

860
00:51:36,920 --> 00:51:43,120
Like she went downhill very 
quick, just didn't even look 

861
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:48,960
like herself. 
And so Sunday I was like, can 

862
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:53,640
Jude go to church with me? 
She's like, yeah, so Jude went 

863
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,920
to church with me. 
We went to lunch and Amelia 

864
00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:01,800
calls me. 
And she said Mama just looked at

865
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:05,920
me straight in my face and said 
she's dying and she needs to get

866
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,800
to Noon, and she don't want to 
die here. 

867
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,880
So am I OK? 
OK. 

868
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:18,400
I head to Mama's. 
The ambulance won't take her to 

869
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:22,320
Noonan because it's too far. 
They'll take her to Perry. 

870
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,920
But she just got out of Perry. 
That it that they can't help 

871
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:26,640
her. 
They can't give her the care she

872
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:28,640
needs for the situation she's 
in. 

873
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:35,280
We load her up. 
I take her to Noonan about 4:00 

874
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,480
that morning. 
That'd be Monday morning. 

875
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:42,560
They finally come in and they 
say she's got a blood clot in 

876
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:49,040
her lung and we're going to go 
ahead and and call her team. 

877
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,520
So when they made rounds, what 
we didn't know was they tried to

878
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:58,240
get her to stay that week before
but there and she was out of it 

879
00:52:58,240 --> 00:53:01,040
about coming home because the 
Hospice and the palliative Dr. 

880
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:04,680
had already come by just pretty 
much set her on to come home on 

881
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:05,840
Hospice. 
There's nothing more they could 

882
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,920
do. 
That she's hard headed. 

883
00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:12,880
Yeah. 
So he comes around and he lets 

884
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:16,720
me know what's going on. 
I called Amelia and Amelia and 

885
00:53:16,720 --> 00:53:19,000
Mia is the same person. 
I Mia's for sure. 

886
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,640
Changing, yeah, just keep me on 
your toes, yeah. 

887
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:27,520
So I call her and I said, Mia, I
really think you need to get up 

888
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,600
here. 
I was like, I don't think she's 

889
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:33,640
coming home. 
And she's like, Are you sure? 

890
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,480
I was like, I'm sure. 
I'm sure. 

891
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:40,680
And so it's Mia gets Angelique 
and and all and all. 

892
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,760
And at this point, I don't even 
her husband don't even know. 

893
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,160
How severe it is? 
How how it's been and see me and

894
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,480
Amelia has been absent since 
July with the doctor. 

895
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:51,680
So if it didn't come straight 
from the doctor's mouth, I don't

896
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,440
believe it. 
Because then usually if she said

897
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,080
the if Mama said the sky was 
blue, you need to go look. 

898
00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:58,520
It's got a pink and purple tint 
to it. 

899
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,440
I'm just being just straight 
real. 

900
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:11,080
So Mia, she gets up there. 
I actually know right before Mia

901
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:15,840
gets up there is when I look 
now, my mom was still coherent 

902
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,720
at this point. 
I mean, she's in a lot of pain, 

903
00:54:18,720 --> 00:54:22,240
severe, severe pain. 
I look at her and I ask her, I 

904
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:24,800
said, Mama, Are you sure you're 
going to go to heaven? 

905
00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:33,280
And she starts crying and she 
nods her head no, I said, 

906
00:54:33,280 --> 00:54:35,360
because we can take care of this
right now. 

907
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,720
And so I LED her through the 
salvation prayer. 

908
00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:44,600
And then I told her, I said, 
Mama, you need to forgive 

909
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:49,160
everybody who hurt you. 
I didn't want no technicalities.

910
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:50,520
We down to the wire, you hear 
me? 

911
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,480
We went through people that she 
need to forgive. 

912
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:56,080
And I said, Mom, you got to 
forgive yourself. 

913
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,200
I said, for all the people 
you've hurt, I said, I already 

914
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:02,440
forgive you. 
I forgive you. 

915
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,480
A long time ago I said I need to
forgive you. 

916
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:15,160
We cried, we prayed. 
And Monday's the day she stopped

917
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:20,360
eating. 
Tuesday she was up for a little 

918
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,760
bit. 
She asked if she was like, do 

919
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:26,240
you have that chosen on your 
iPad? 

920
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,640
They have an iPad with me and 
see when we would go to noon and

921
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:31,200
before. 
Those are the little seeds, you 

922
00:55:31,200 --> 00:55:32,800
know, I was planting and she 
didn't realize this. 

923
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:37,520
I was planting. 
I would watch it and sometimes 

924
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:39,160
she would watch it with me if 
she was in there. 

925
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,920
And so I was like, yeah, I got 
my iPad, It's on here. 

926
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:46,600
She's like, well, is there any 
new episodes? 

927
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:50,280
I say, yeah, so she was. 
I got a video of her sitting 

928
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,600
there watching Chosen. 
And I want to tell you, yeah, 

929
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:59,440
when you don't feel like the 
seeds you are planting are 

930
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,440
working because in those two 
months at me and Amelia, she 

931
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,520
pushed us away and she was being
super hateful. 

932
00:56:04,520 --> 00:56:05,400
I'm talking about to a point, 
y'all. 

933
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,360
She said that we were going to 
be banned from her funeral. 

934
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:11,200
I mean, I'm serious. 
She filled out paperwork. 

935
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:12,280
She was going to have those 
banned. 

936
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,640
God will water what you plant. 
Even when you feel like those 

937
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:23,200
seeds are not going into good 
soul, God will go back and 

938
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,520
water, plant and water what you 
plant. 

939
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,680
While Amelia was up there, she 
stayed with me all week long. 

940
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:32,280
We were in Newnan all the way to
Thursday. 

941
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:39,240
We went through Mama's phone and
she had had the Bible app I 

942
00:56:39,240 --> 00:56:44,280
downloaded on her phone. 
We found where she was doing 

943
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,120
devotionals and they were 
checked. 

944
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:51,600
She was doing them. 
One of them was healing. 

945
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:56,240
Healing from sexual trauma, 
which made so much sense. 

946
00:56:56,720 --> 00:56:59,480
She didn't have control of her 
own body at times, so she felt 

947
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,280
she had to control everything 
else. 

948
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:07,800
There were, there were. 
So many things that like just 

949
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:15,760
made sense once we once we 
realized, you know, but overall,

950
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:17,720
I know that my Mama is in 
heaven. 

951
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:23,560
It was not a pretty wall and she
suffered more than anybody has 

952
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:26,960
that I've ever known of anybody 
suffering. 

953
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:32,360
Thursday we came home on hostas.
I went and done CR and then met 

954
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:40,120
them at the hostas path in 
Vidalia and she passed away 

955
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:44,480
Saturday morning. 
Her last words was on Friday. 

956
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:48,040
They went from being before, 
before then she would wake up 

957
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:52,040
screaming, God, Oh no, please 
God, no to. 

958
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:56,480
On Friday, her last word, she 
said Jesus three times. 

959
00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:59,920
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus and my 
sister. 

960
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:06,120
I think she still has that on 
her phone, but I definitely know

961
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:07,520
she's in heaven. 
Amen. 

962
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,880
That's good. 
Gotta waited till the the last 

963
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:14,960
minute, Yeah, but but I'll tell 
you what I struggled with. 

964
00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:21,720
I've struggled with not having 
the godly Mama, like there ain't

965
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,560
no more chances to have a godly 
Mama on this earth. 

966
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:28,480
So that time's done right now. 
I and I had to remind myself, 

967
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:31,520
God will restore. 
What I didn't get here, God will

968
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:36,480
restore in heaven. 
So I'll get that one day. 

969
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:40,800
Until then, I got Mama Jackie. 
And you get to be that mom to 

970
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:44,440
your son and your daughter and 
just being able to be that light

971
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:46,640
to them. 
Maybe you didn't have it and you

972
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:49,120
only got to see it for a few 
days, you know? 

973
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:53,160
But you get to be that to your 
kids so that they don't have to 

974
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:56,080
deal with the things that you've
dealt with when you went 

975
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:59,600
through. 
So as we begin to close this 

976
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:01,200
episode, this is how I like to 
end it. 

977
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:01,800
OK. 
Yeah. 

978
00:59:01,800 --> 00:59:05,040
Three ways. 
One, maybe you haven't got a 

979
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:07,760
chance to say something that you
really wanted to talk about. 

980
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:12,160
Two, maybe you want to give a 
piece of advice to someone that 

981
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:16,280
is in their walk of life or some
part that maybe overlaps with 

982
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:18,160
yours and you want to speak 
directly to them. 

983
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:22,080
Or three, maybe God's revealed 
something to you more recently 

984
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:24,880
in your reading and your study 
or whatever that you're like, 

985
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:26,800
this is too good for me to hold 
on to. 

986
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:31,800
How would you want to end this 
episode today with? 

987
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:42,120
A word of advice, OK, knowing 
what I know now, it's it's hard 

988
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:45,440
for people to forgive. 
I understand that more than 

989
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:50,200
most. 
But forgiveness is not just for 

990
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:54,120
them, it's for you too. 
Because I would not have been 

991
00:59:54,120 --> 01:00:01,040
able to love my Mama like Jesus 
if I would have not forgave her,

992
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,440
if I would have held on to all 
that heart and trauma. 

993
01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:10,120
I would have not be able to 
bathe her, tend to her, plant 

994
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:13,240
those seeds. 
But when I see it come all full 

995
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:25,360
circle, my mama's salvation is 
more important that I might make

996
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,600
sure I saw her in it. 
And you don't realize that. 

997
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,080
This is so temporary. 
Life is so temporary. 

998
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:36,320
It's a vapor and it is gone 
compared to eternity in heaven. 

999
01:00:37,840 --> 01:00:41,320
And so don't hold on to to 
things. 

1000
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:45,880
Don't hold on to hurt or trauma.
And if you need help, you know, 

1001
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,680
helping to know how to forgive, 
get plugged into a good church, 

1002
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:53,640
a good discipleship, that prayer
partner. 

1003
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,080
Yeah. 
Somebody help keep you 

1004
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:57,680
accountable. 
And when you have to forgive 70 

1005
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:02,240
* 70 and then does 70 sometimes.
I mean, if you break that down, 

1006
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:05,240
that's about 490. 
I'm not. 

1007
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:05,920
I'm not. 
Yeah. 

1008
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,240
I think it's 490. 
OK, sounds about right. 

1009
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,400
Or is it 4900? 
No. 

1010
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:14,800
Maybe 490, yeah, 490, OK. 
Then divide that by how many 

1011
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:16,360
times in a day? 
That's why it's like once every 

1012
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,440
what, 2 minutes or something 
like that. 

1013
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:20,880
So that puts in it. 
Yeah. 

1014
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:24,200
You don't just say, oh, I 
forgive you, and then just leave

1015
01:01:24,200 --> 01:01:25,960
it at that. 
Now, you might have to do it a 

1016
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:29,280
lot, but do it a lot because 
it's so worth it. 

1017
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,680
Because I couldn't imagine my 
Mama dying and doing. 

1018
01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:37,160
She's in hell. 
Her her salvation is worth it. 

1019
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:40,600
And you wouldn't, just like you 
said, you wouldn't be able to 

1020
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:44,200
love her or to have to her or 
have those moments and just be 

1021
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:45,960
able to talk to her if you 
wouldn't have forgave. 

1022
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:49,680
I'll tell you what. 
Helped me forgive because when I

1023
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:58,320
looked at my Mama with my eyes, 
I saw how hateful I saw what 

1024
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:02,600
I've always seen. 
Pray that God helps you see them

1025
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,200
the way He sees them. 
That's good. 

1026
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,960
That's good. 
Because you can't do it the way 

1027
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:11,600
you see it. 
Nope I love this episode. 

1028
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,160
This was so good. 
Girl you did amazing. 

1029
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:19,040
This was such a good testimony 
just to hear about just when you

1030
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:22,720
think that you're too far gone 
and God can't use you and you 

1031
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:26,680
just like you're feel so 
worthless, you know, and just to

1032
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:30,120
turn around and now be able to 
help other women and poor end 

1033
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:34,640
other women and just have this, 
this testimony of his goodness 

1034
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:36,200
and faithfulness. 
It's just so good. 

1035
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:39,240
He is faithful, He is faithful 
and he is good. 

1036
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:44,400
Girl, All right guys, I hope you
enjoyed this as much as I have. 

1037
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:45,840
This has been absolutely 
incredible. 

1038
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:49,120
Please make sure to write, 
share, like, comment, subscribe,

1039
01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:52,120
whatever, whatever a lot of good
stuff is that would be very 

1040
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:55,640
helpful and very appreciated. 
Anyway guys, stay tuned, stay 

1041
01:02:55,640 --> 01:02:56,880
blessed, and we'll see you guys 
later. 

1042
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:57,640
Bye.