1 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,000 What's up guys? My name is Alexis Brown, your 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,960 host, with praises and the plot, and I'm super excited to have 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:15,440 Alexa hewing with us today. Hey, I'm so excited to be here. 4 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,440 Yes. So we are going to start off in 5 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,280 prayer and then we're going to jump right in so. 6 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,760 Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you for today, Thank you for all 7 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,760 your many blessings. Dear God, thank you for pulling 8 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,760 us out of the darkness Lord, and just wrapping your arms around 9 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:39,320 us and keeping us safe all these years when we genuinely had no 10 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,880 idea where we were in life, what we were doing or where we were 11 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,760 going, Lord, but you always knew where we would end up. 12 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,440 Lord, we are so grateful for you and for what you've done. 13 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,240 Lord, we just pray that you speak to us and through us and 14 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,000 that this podcast glorifies you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 15 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,320 I kind of told you a little bit earlier about how I heard your 16 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,400 testimony at Elevate, which is our high school ministry and 17 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,600 middle school ministry come together and we just have a 18 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,400 night full of worship and testimonies and all this good 19 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,000 stuff. And I heard you back in February 20 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,800 and your testimony rocked my world. 21 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,920 It was just so you just really saw the goodness of God through 22 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,520 your testimony. So when I started praising the 23 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,720 pod, you were like one of the first people I thought about 24 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:26,120 because it was so powerful of what things you've talked about. 25 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,480 And you were one of the first people that talked about this 26 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,640 that openly that I had heard of. So I was like, let's get Alexa 27 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,760 on here. So I was super excited when you 28 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,680 said yes. So I sent you some questions and 29 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,360 just wanted to like get to know you a little bit more. 30 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,360 And so, yeah, start out with your childhood and maybe tell us 31 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:47,560 a little bit about yourself. Yeah, so born and raised not too 32 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:51,600 far from here, lived in the same town, same house my whole life. 33 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,920 I had a great childhood. I will say we were probably like 34 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,840 the typical Southern family, Southern Baptist where you go to 35 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:06,200 church most Sundays. I was in Sunday school, I would 36 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:11,640 say through like the 5th grade pretty regularly, but it wasn't 37 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,000 like when I'm raising my kids how I want them to be in that 38 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:19,560 good godly community, but had great parents. 39 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:25,480 I have a brother who's a goob but I love him and we and we had 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,000 fun. I mean they instilled good 41 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,680 values in me. I decided to get baptized at 42 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:38,960 like age 7. So I will say I remember having 43 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:44,720 this like big love for Jesus. But I, I think looking back, my 44 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:50,120 church didn't do the best job of explaining like what it means to 45 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:56,160 be fully repentant and to live with a relationship with Christ 46 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,880 versus, you know, praying the sinner's prayer. 47 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,280 You know, you don't want to go to hell. 48 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:06,280 And if you believe that Jesus rose from the dead, then it's 49 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,320 time to get baptized. And you know, all that's great. 50 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,440 But you know, I really missed the key intricate heart. 51 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,480 You know, like I said, my parents were great, but like 52 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,800 there wasn't that at home. You know, it's it's not, it 53 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,080 can't just be at church. It's got to be at home too. 54 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,080 So that's probably a long winded answer, but. 55 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,040 You're good, girl. So basically, you know, y'all 56 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,920 were always at church, y'all went to Sunday school, y'all 57 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,360 were at the church, y'all were involved. 58 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:38,960 But at home, you know, during the week, it wasn't a big huge 59 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,320 thing to revolve your life around your faith. 60 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,200 Right. Yeah. 61 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,480 And I wouldn't even say like super involved. 62 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,720 I'd say we we showed up. I remember sometimes even like, 63 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,280 OK, if we go to Sunday school, we don't go to big church. 64 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,880 If we go to big church, we don't go to Sunday schools. 65 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,800 Well, you know one thing too. Is like it's a lot different 66 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,920 because I remember as a child going to church like you, most 67 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,080 kids did have to sit in main church. 68 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,440 Like it wasn't like there was this big huge kid ministry as 69 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,560 there are now. They really pour into kids and 70 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,440 every church I've I've went and visited and looked at and 71 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,880 everything like they have a good poppin kids ministry, you know, 72 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,360 so it makes kids, you know, church fun for kids to learn 73 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,080 about God. But I remember when I was 74 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,880 younger, it wasn't really like that, you know, Awana was a 75 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,320 Awana's was a thing and you know that Wednesday night and Sunday 76 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,200 nights and stuff like that. But it wasn't like very, it was 77 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,720 just another check the box kind of thing. 78 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,920 It wasn't something that I love. To do yes. 79 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,720 So I agree. It was like we called it Big 80 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:42,800 Church. We had big church. 81 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,360 I still call it that. I do too. 82 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,120 That's from us, from grown-ups, but yeah. 83 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,880 So what? What's going on? 84 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,640 You're in elementary school around this? 85 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,880 Yeah. Elementary school, when I was 86 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:03,120 five, I was introduced to basically sex through sexual 87 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:07,320 abuse, and it's hard to come to terms with that as something 88 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,480 that I actually didn't even like. 89 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,080 It was it didn't happen. It didn't happen in my brain. 90 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:19,680 It's very ashamed of that. And it wasn't just until 91 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:24,400 recently that I actually, cuz I could tell it was coming up. 92 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:29,040 It was coming up in my spirit and I was like, I gotta, I got 93 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,680 to get this on my chest. So I actually confessed it to 94 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,360 the Lord, even though, you know, that's not something where I was 95 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,160 sinning, but just saying that out loud to the Lord. 96 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:45,000 I told my husband about it. I had never told anybody and so. 97 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,320 So did you. You didn't really remember it 98 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,040 all the way up until now, or like it was something that you 99 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,720 compressed and you just never spoke. 100 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,680 Correct. Yeah. 101 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:57,480 So yes, the second one, I just, I don't know how to explain it. 102 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:02,480 I mean, there's a lot of just like, I mean, I was really young 103 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,760 when that happened. I mean, I think of five year 104 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,480 olds that I know and I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, like I 105 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,520 just, I don't know, I have no words for it. 106 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:16,120 I'm still processing that. But I still, you know, that 107 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,160 didn't doesn't take away from my childhood. 108 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,960 It was something that, you know, it didn't happen often. 109 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:29,000 It happened a couple times, but I think as a kid I what I just 110 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,920 didn't really. I mean, I didn't know what was 111 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,200 happening. I just knew that it was 112 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:38,680 something shameful. And then when I was probably 8 113 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:43,680 years old, that's when I was introduced to pornography for 114 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:50,720 the first time at 8, At 8, I believe, you know, I will go 115 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,440 back. And I know my addiction really 116 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,520 took off when I was in the 4th grade. 117 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,480 So that's when I was nine. Wow. 118 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:04,600 So somewhere between 7:00 and 9:00, I would say, was when I 119 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,040 first saw it. I don't have to say where I was. 120 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,400 I guess that doesn't matter, but. 121 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,880 A little bit. I mean, obviously if you don't 122 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:17,200 want to, but like, what did you just accidentally run across of 123 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,960 it or like were you with people or like was it just on the TV or 124 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,840 like, OK, you don't have to, you know, but. 125 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:30,000 OK, I can answer this. So I was it was it was with a a 126 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:34,320 group of kids. So it's like, and they were my 127 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,360 family members, my cousins. So it's like one of them pulled 128 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:43,960 it up and we were all just kind of standing there like what is 129 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,920 this? They're like, ha, ha, ha, Oh my 130 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,280 gosh. But me, you know, I've never 131 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,960 seen anything like that. I mean, I'm pretty, pretty 132 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:56,320 sheltered. And my mom and dad, they did let 133 00:07:56,320 --> 00:08:01,160 me watch like the chick flicks and the ROM coms and stuff. 134 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:07,400 So I had seen a little bit, but again, because of that encounter 135 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:12,640 at 5:00 that I had, I recognized that immediately. 136 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,760 I was like, this is what, you know, that is. 137 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,840 And so I almost felt like I was being hypnotized. 138 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,840 That's kind of a good word to use. 139 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:27,280 I mean, it's very enticing, you know, especially at that young 140 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:30,480 age. But I did pageants at the time 141 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,320 and my mom and I were, we went dress shopping and we saw a 142 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,720 dress like a little pageant dress that we liked. 143 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,799 And we saw the brand name. And I'm not going to say what 144 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:42,919 the brand name was. It wasn't bad. 145 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:47,680 But we were trying to find the dress online and my mom typed in 146 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,080 the brand name this, this is how you use the Internet. 147 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,640 Back then, we didn't really, she didn't know how to use Google, 148 00:08:54,640 --> 00:09:00,320 so she just typed in the brand name.com and it was a porn site 149 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,080 and my mom. So I was sitting there with my 150 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,680 mom. And so again, it was that like, 151 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,360 yeah, that moment of like, gosh, like this is in front of my 152 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,160 face, but. Then that showed you how to. 153 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,360 Get how to get there. And my mom, obviously she 154 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,200 freaked out. She was like, Oh my gosh, don't 155 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,840 look, don't look, don't look. And she immediately exited out. 156 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,960 Little does she know I had already been exposed to that. 157 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:27,560 And so that was another little seed there. 158 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:31,600 And then somewhere along the way, I eventually figured out 159 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,640 how to repeatedly go and look that up. 160 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,240 And then it that's when it became an addiction. 161 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,880 At the time when I was in 4th grade, you know, I nobody was 162 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:46,960 home when I got home, I got out before, like my brother did from 163 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,160 school, saying I rode the bus. So I was able to like come home 164 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:55,200 and I would just watch that. So somebody got home and then I 165 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,600 would just wipe it, like wipe it in it like nothing happened. 166 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,000 So elementary school, go into a little bit of middle school 167 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,920 maybe. Middle school, you know, I'm 168 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:08,560 probably about 2 1/2 years into addiction once I start middle 169 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:13,320 school, so I'm just really mixed up in the darkness now. 170 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:19,120 This was a time that my family, my parents particular, started 171 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,400 going through a really hard time in their marriage. 172 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:28,040 I know my dad was really struggling personally with some 173 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:32,360 stuff and I literally thought I thought they were going to get a 174 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,040 divorce. All the while that this is going 175 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,240 on, this is when I'm, I'm not in church. 176 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:43,600 My dad, he's, he's a farmer. So this was a time in my life 177 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:48,400 where it's very common that my brother and my dad were farming 178 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,840 and working. They're very hard workers. 179 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,080 They both farm, but this left me and my mom at home. 180 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,520 I mean, they were working around the clock. 181 00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:03,760 They were building like a little bitty plot of acreage into what 182 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,360 they have now. So they were, I mean, they've 183 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,320 got, I'm probably going to mess this up, Michael, if you're 184 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,000 listening, I'm sorry, but they got a lot of stuff. 185 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,480 They got a lot of tractors. They got they, really. 186 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,040 Built this little acreage up to a farm. 187 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:23,480 Yes, and very proud of them. But you know, when in middle 188 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:27,320 school, this was hard on me and my mom because they were absent 189 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,320 a lot. You know, while I know they're 190 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,160 absent, I'm kind of going through the season of atheism. 191 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:38,000 Like I would have never come out and said, yeah, I mean, I had 192 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,080 been baptized at this point. I know about hell. 193 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,680 So I wasn't going to come out and say it because like I still 194 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,320 the back of my mind was like, but I ain't trying to go to 195 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,760 hell. But in middle school when I was 196 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,440 struggling, so struggling with atheism, struggling with my dad 197 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,320 not being in the house, parents borderline, I thought they were 198 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,000 going to get a divorce. I would have bet money on it. 199 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:04,480 Extremely sad situation to be in as a kid. 200 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:09,760 I remember my mom, she just started going too bad in prayer 201 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,520 for her marriage. Like I thought it was so dumb. 202 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,280 I was like, my Mama is crazy. Like she's crazy. 203 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:22,440 The Lord answered all those prayers like my dad did a 180. 204 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,880 Their marriage was fully like restored. 205 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:32,440 And so that was the first time in my life where I was like, OK, 206 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:38,080 you know, like maybe just maybe like this is the real. 207 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,560 That was a big in middle school. Those years were kind of 208 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,880 pivotal. Yeah, for my faith. 209 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,960 Just seeing that that was. Like, well, you get to see it 210 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:47,920 first hand. Yeah. 211 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,680 Like you get to witness your mom, you know, crying out to the 212 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:57,760 Lord begging for, you know, him to restore this marriage and 213 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,200 y'all's family and all this stuff. 214 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,920 And so like you get to watch God actually answer these prayers. 215 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:07,560 So that is so big. Like I mean, I've witnessed, 216 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,960 that's one of the things that really kick started. 217 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,360 You know, my actual personal relationship with Jesus is 218 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,200 watching him move through my mom's ministry and answer those 219 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,800 prayers and like actually see miracles in front of your face. 220 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,120 And it's like, wow, he is still the same God that he was in the 221 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,880 Old Testament for. He still does those type of 222 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,360 miracles, you know? Absolutely. 223 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,320 Umm, so going into high school now, what does that look like 224 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,760 for you? So, umm, early high school, I 225 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,960 still had a good bit of innocence to me, you know, like 226 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,240 I was still planning to save myself for marriage. 227 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,840 So like by that point I'm obviously out of my little 228 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:51,280 atheism stage because I really in my brain is like, OK, I'm 229 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,960 baptized, I'm saved, I'm gonna save myself for marriage. 230 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,760 But I still wasn't, you know, like I had a porn addiction. 231 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,680 I was just, I needed to be discipled or something. 232 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,760 I, I know the first time I got drunk was in the 7th grade, but 233 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,920 that's just because I was able to steal alcohol once I hit 234 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:15,080 ninth grade, you know, I had an older brother and we had fun. 235 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,760 You know, it was my older brother. 236 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:22,200 He met his now wife and she had a younger sister and we had fun 237 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:26,320 together. We like to party and do all the 238 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,080 things, but you know, it wasn't good for me. 239 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,880 You know, it's not good for nobody to be getting into that 240 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,440 that young and that wasn't their fault that I would knew what I 241 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,720 was doing. My parents didn't drink growing 242 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,320 up like they big, huge, huge, huge. 243 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,200 I'm not drinking. Wow. 244 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,800 We were preached that. And so growing up, I had an 245 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,200 aunt, she lived at the lake and they did drink. 246 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,080 Not bad. Just like that was their 247 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,480 lifestyle. Like they lived on the lake and 248 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,480 they had fun and they had, I had drinks. 249 00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,520 And so I grew up seeing that being. 250 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:03,080 Like man idolizing it, Yeah. I can't wait to be old enough to 251 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,160 to do this like my parents are lying on the ladder. 252 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,880 End of high school is when I started getting into the boys 253 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,960 got into my first little relationship and it wasn't long 254 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:21,640 before, you know, we started to have sex and we were just, you 255 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:26,280 know, so it's just like bound to be a train wreck. 256 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:31,600 So that just like porn, a porn addiction again, OK, high 257 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:39,400 school, this is getting close to like 6789 years in so deep, deep 258 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:44,480 rooted porn addiction. It really hyper sexualizes you. 259 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:48,480 I did for me, and nobody had taught me about sex. 260 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,640 So everything I knew from sex was from porn. 261 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:55,040 And it's distorted. It's, you know, it's evil, but 262 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:59,040 you don't think that like, you're just like, this is this 263 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,600 is it. Like, this is the cool thing and 264 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,760 it makes you insecure. So that's high school. 265 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:10,800 I think when it really started to derail, when I started to 266 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,800 derail was college. Really. 267 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:14,720 Yeah. Yeah. 268 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,360 So I will say, too, in high school I had a good friend 269 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,120 commit suicide. So I didn't mention that. 270 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,880 But that was another little thing that, and I can mention it 271 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,040 earlier, like this is more common now, but it just didn't 272 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:32,600 really happen back then. I had never known anybody to do 273 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,400 that at that point. That became an option in my 274 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,640 brain that like wasn't there before. 275 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:44,000 Like if push comes to shove, yeah, you can do that was hard. 276 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,920 That was a hard time. But yeah, when it definitely 277 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,400 went on to struggle with with that, like really college is 278 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,560 when, you know, it started with the porn, right? 279 00:16:54,560 --> 00:17:01,000 But then it's like a spider web, you know, bulimia, immodesty, 280 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,840 hyper sexualization, suicidal thoughts. 281 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:08,280 Like that's when all these things are just like snowballing 282 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,599 from the the core. And I didn't even realize that 283 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:16,319 that's what what's causing it and just, you know, straight out 284 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:22,520 disobedience from the Lord. But yeah, I got into another 285 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,920 relationship pretty soon. And that relationship was like 286 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:31,800 very, very, very, very, very toxic. 287 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,680 Like had no business being in that relationship. 288 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:41,480 And so I was in that relationship for about two years 289 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,400 before we broke up while I was in college. 290 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:50,520 So those first two years where, you know, I have a boyfriend, 291 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:56,080 I'm a little more grounded just because I have a, a boyfriend. 292 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,920 But like, we, we would, you know, we would drink, we would 293 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:04,880 party. We very, very hyper sexualized 294 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,600 relationship. So yeah, that was the first two 295 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,040 years of college. But really when we when we broke 296 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,480 up, that's when things took a turn for the worse. 297 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,760 Like I start because here's the thing too. 298 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,440 Like we didn't just break up and never talk again. 299 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:26,880 We were in this like toxic cycle of, you know, puts it on thick 300 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,480 and you're like, OK, It's like. It's that toxic. 301 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,160 Cycle. It's the toxic cycle. 302 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,080 I really think like all of us have been in that type at some 303 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,720 point and I wish I could tell myself just cut it off. 304 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,600 If I could tell myself one thing, just cut it off. 305 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,680 Cut it off. Because it there is so much 306 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:49,160 wasted time in those years, like if it's not like working and 307 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:53,160 we're forcing it that much. Yeah, just got it. 308 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:58,600 Now I have seen some work like I genuinely have, but not many. 309 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,680 Not any. I would 100% just gone and gone. 310 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,520 Girl like. Yes. 311 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,680 You don't want to talk to me about relationships. 312 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,920 I'm like, if it ain't that going perfect. 313 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,880 And I and I full on preach that now to like even my small group 314 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:20,240 girls, everything like set your expectations high, high. 315 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:25,040 Don't just start like letting your guard down like, Oh well, 316 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,600 this is isn't great, but this is good. 317 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,440 Like set your expectations expectations high and never drop 318 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,600 them for anything. Yes, like I had like a one night 319 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:39,560 stand one time and well, let me tell you what too, that's the 320 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,280 probably one of the lowest points of my entire life. 321 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,840 I had had that happen. And then I had like I was a 322 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:51,200 victim of the diminished capacity rape, which means, you 323 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,280 know, like I was out. I put myself in a situation 324 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:59,680 where I was out drinking too much, a situation where I was 325 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:04,720 able, you know, this guy brought me home and was able to take 326 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,280 advantage of me. I, I remember saying no, like 327 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,360 no, but I couldn't do anything because I was so drunk. 328 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:17,320 And so these are the little things that's like I'm viraling. 329 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,360 And I felt like there was literally no way out. 330 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:25,400 Like I'm I would, I could make myself throw up like. 331 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,400 I was getting to the point where I was like, all right, I'm about 332 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,280 ready to end it. Like I was just a train wreck. 333 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,320 So that's latter end of my college years. 334 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,200 One of the things that you mentioned was like, you know, 335 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,920 you portrayed yourself a certain way, like especially on social 336 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:45,160 media, like you were posting, you know, provocative, basically 337 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,600 photos showing, showing your body, all this stuff. 338 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,360 And like I've known of you and I grew up somewhat with your 339 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:55,360 brother. And so like I knew of you then 340 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,720 and I, I just, I never knew any of that. 341 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,600 I guess I just didn't see a whole lot of your social media 342 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,400 or anything because when I heard you were coming to CR to give 343 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,280 your testimony and then elevate, I'm like Alexa Bennett, like 344 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,680 what did she? And then when I heard it, I was 345 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,600 blown away because like, you really don't know what people 346 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,640 are going through. You really don't know what 347 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,920 they're struggling with, what has happened in their life. 348 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:26,960 Like, and you know, it's just so great to see how you really have 349 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,840 like you started telling your testimony and I've seen you like 350 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,840 give it other places and do stuff like you really are trying 351 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:37,040 to like glorify God's name and show his goodness of what he 352 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,280 brought you out of. And I just absolutely love that. 353 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:44,840 Like, I love that, but OK, going into you're you're spiraling. 354 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,600 You're not in a good place, but you meet your husband, Levi. 355 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,600 Yes, meet my husband, Levi, sweet Levi. 356 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:57,120 And he was in the fraternity, which, you know, surprisingly, 357 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,560 like, I really wasn't into that. Like I didn't that put up red 358 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:05,000 flags for me because just, you know, I talked to a lot of boys 359 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,040 in college. Usually the frat boys were like, 360 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,520 you know, kind of rude, kind of gross. 361 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,280 And now I'm thinking I was like, I was portraying myself as 362 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,480 gross, but like, I didn't want to grow sky. 363 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,760 It's kind of a double standard. But, you know, that's just where 364 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,640 I was. But I meant Levi. 365 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:23,680 Yeah. We started. 366 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:30,160 We he would took me on a date and pretty quickly a couple 367 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:35,960 dates in really I knew that I really liked his character and 368 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,840 he really liked mine and all of this and I still have always 369 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:47,000 been like very sweet like to people very like loving giving. 370 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:52,120 You know, when I'm healthy, you know, we kind of hate Levi's not 371 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:56,240 my savior and I'm not his savior by any means, but by the point 372 00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:01,080 that I had met Levi, this was about a year after that I got 373 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,920 plugged in at South side Pleasant Hill. 374 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,440 My friend Mackenzie Pellegrino shout out to her. 375 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,960 She told me about South side Pleasant Hill and I started 376 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:16,640 going and the first day I went Jay Ray and Danielle are like 377 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,480 come on girl, come over for lunch and they just really 378 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,520 quickly like got to know me. They, they brought me in. 379 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:30,040 They never once like judged me. I mean, I'm sure they did in 380 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,400 their brain maybe. I don't know. 381 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,360 I mean, it'd be hard not to, but they never showed that. 382 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:40,040 I mean, they just really took me in and started to start that 383 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,280 discipleship process. I started going to their small 384 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,240 groups. So I'm still being somewhat 385 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,640 crazy, not as crazy, but still provocative, reeling it back. 386 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,320 But like, you know, I was still provocative and I was still 387 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,360 struggling with the porn addiction. 388 00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:00,560 This was the time though, you know where I am getting closer 389 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,560 to the Lord say that conviction started to get heavier, like 390 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,240 heavier and heavier. We both, you know, we start 391 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:11,400 going to church together now we, you know, we living together 392 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:16,560 like this is not good. We were not, we just we really 393 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,720 abused God's grace on mine and Levi's one year dating 394 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:25,000 anniversary. We had gone on a date, we had 395 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:31,760 come back home and we we got like high together. 396 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:40,600 We took the D8 gummies and I remember in that moment where I 397 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:47,080 just kind of looked at him and the the Lord clear as day spoke 398 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:51,400 to me in this moment and was like, this is this is not your 399 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,360 husband. You're looking at like this is 400 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:57,160 not your husband. And if you don't cut this out, 401 00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,240 like you know what you're doing, if you don't cut this out, like 402 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:05,920 you're done. And so I got really freaked out 403 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,800 because at that moment, I, I really, it's just like when you 404 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:17,600 know, you know, and I, I knew that he was the one, but I also 405 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,800 knew that I wasn't going to do nothing that the Lord didn't 406 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:25,760 want me to do. And so like I said, I was, I was 407 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,000 like, I was inebriated, like I was high. 408 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,440 And so was he. And I remember I was almost 409 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,080 having a full blown panic attack, anxiety attack, and I 410 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,520 tried to wake him up and he I couldn't wake him up. 411 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,720 I could have, I could have hit him in the head with a bat. 412 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,720 He just was not waking up. And I look back and I'm so glad 413 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:52,080 that he didn't because it was just this moment where like I 414 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,200 didn't have anywhere to run. Like I didn't have anybody else 415 00:25:55,200 --> 00:26:00,760 to talk to except for the Lord. And I was just like praying for 416 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,800 the first time with just this like gut level honesty. 417 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:09,720 This was the first time where my chain started to lit. 418 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:13,840 Like they lifted off of me. Like I for the first time in my 419 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,520 life, I had no desire to watch porn. 420 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,680 None at all. Like I could not do this in my 421 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,280 own strength. There were several times in my 422 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:23,960 life where I tried to give up porn. 423 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,120 I would go one 2-3 months without it and I would always 424 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:31,840 fall back into it. But until like the like by the 425 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,560 power of the Holy Spirit, I was like I'm done. 426 00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,360 I don't want it. I don't want nothing to do with 427 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:39,680 it. I don't even want to listen to 428 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,280 the music. I don't want to watch Love 429 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,680 Island no more or whatever all them stupid shows are like. 430 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,760 I can't be watching those. Like I just, I had that for the 431 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:53,320 first time in my life. I had this desire for like 432 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,920 righteousness, for holiness, like, just to like be fully 433 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:03,360 aligned like with the Lord and what he wanted me to do. 434 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,720 Because I was praying like crazy. 435 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,400 I couldn't even talk to Levi. I let him know that I was real 436 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,560 anxious and I was having a hard time and I was like, my brain's 437 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,520 going crazy. But that's about all he knew. 438 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,440 He didn't know, like, why I was praying. 439 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:24,760 I was talking to mom, people in my life who I knew were closely 440 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:29,000 aligned with the Lord. And so I very quickly got the 441 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:34,800 confirmation from the Lord and through the people, because if 442 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,200 you're getting advice from people who aren't aligned with 443 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,480 the Holy Spirit, you gonna get bad advice. 444 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:46,280 But just a lot of people in my life knew they were like Levi's 445 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,200 your husband, like Levi, You're supposed to marry Levi. 446 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:54,240 And so, and I got then to, you know, the Lord revealed to me 447 00:27:54,240 --> 00:28:00,000 that like you and Levi have got to follow me. 448 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:03,840 You have got to obey my word. And you've got to do this the 449 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,400 right way. If you're going to be married. 450 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,240 You can't, you can't take porn addictions into marriage. 451 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,520 You can't take alcoholism into marriage. 452 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,200 You can't take partying into marriage. 453 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,880 You going to have kids. You're going, you know, you're 454 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:20,720 drunk on follow me and be my servant and we're going to do 455 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:25,280 this my way. And so I finally got a piece 456 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,960 about that. And so we, you know, we change 457 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,280 things up and, you know, we still made mistakes along the 458 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:37,800 way, but that was the moment when we really both kind of at 459 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:43,000 the same time, me first, but him very shortly after. 460 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,480 We both really just surrendered it all. 461 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,600 Yeah. That was my like, come to Jesus 462 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:55,800 moment where I like it just eradicated any sort of desire I 463 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,960 had to do bad things, like to sin. 464 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,600 You know, that was my moment where I was like, I don't want 465 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,520 no part in it so. That is amazing. 466 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:08,240 So ever since of June 2023, I basically have seen y'all at 467 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,960 church. I mean, y'all are really plugged 468 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,680 in. And it just goes to show you 469 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,240 like when you get plugged in places and people are pouring 470 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:18,600 into you and like you really start to surrender those like 471 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,320 hurts, habits and hang ups that you have and all this stuff like 472 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,840 God will start working on you. Because like I even texted you a 473 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,960 few months ago and I was like, hey girl, like would you like to 474 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,440 join our photography team? And you're like, this is crazy 475 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,200 because yes, I've been thinking about it. 476 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,760 I've been praying about like all this stuff and you know, like 477 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:41,640 y'all have just really jumped in and Pleasant Hill, Southside 478 00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,640 Pleasant Hill. I love the community up 479 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,480 Southside, Pleasant Hill, because it's still that that 480 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:50,080 that that that feel of all of our campuses because we have it 481 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,440 across the board. But it's just so more family 482 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,360 like because it's so much smaller and it's just awesome. 483 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:59,720 But you know, with y'all serving and stuff, we are opening a new 484 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,640 campus. So are y'all. 485 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:06,520 What's y'all's plans for that? So yes, I, so Levi and I, we've 486 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:11,640 been going to Pleasant Hill for 4 1/2 years now. 487 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,880 We absolutely love it. I've been gone for 5 1/2 years. 488 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,240 Like only a few months after they opened, I started to go. 489 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:25,240 When I tell you I literally in my entire life would I have been 490 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:29,160 leaving this church, I would have said heck naw to the naw, 491 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,920 naw. Like I just love it. 492 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,040 I love my pastors. I love Josh, I love Pat, I love 493 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:40,920 the congregation, like just the body of believers are small 494 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:43,080 group like I'm so in love with it. 495 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:47,680 And so I just knew this past New Year's, we had our little church 496 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:52,480 meeting, you know, the projections for the for the next 497 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,800 year. And you know, they're they're 498 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,520 talking about their plans and then they're like, oh, we're 499 00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,760 going to launch a New South side campus and we're like, what? 500 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:06,000 Like, Oh my gosh, so cool. Like where is it going to be? 501 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:12,200 And Southside Hawkinsville pops on the screen and my entire body 502 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:18,200 just like lights up on fire. Like that feeling of like heat 503 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,040 just rises from my toes to my head. 504 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:26,760 Because behind the scenes, like my my parents, my brother, my 505 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,720 dad, they farm in Hawkinsville. Like I grew up going to some 506 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,480 churches in Hawkinsville, like a lot of them. 507 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:38,120 And so I immediately at that moment felt a calling. 508 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,840 We were going to be going and I was like, ain't no way. 509 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,720 Ain't no daggone way. I'm suppressing that. 510 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,960 I don't know if you've ever like felt called to do something and 511 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,360 you're like, I'm just hearing things. 512 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:50,560 That wasn't the Lord. The Lord. 513 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:51,960 Was trying to talk yourself. Out of it, yeah. 514 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,920 I'm like, that was not. So we get in the truck and. 515 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,240 And I asked Levi, I was like, well, what did you think about 516 00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,800 that? That's all I said was what did 517 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,920 you think about that? And he was like, yeah, just. 518 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,680 I've always had this feeling that S, S is going to expand 519 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,080 southward and we'd be called to go there and I was alive. 520 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,080 Well. Crap. 521 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,920 This confirmation is confirmation. 522 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:20,840 So we decided to move. So we just moved to 523 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,640 Hawkinsville. I'm not going to lie. 524 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:31,200 Like obedience is hard. Like, I am literally, I still 525 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,680 have probably a year to go before we make the transition, 526 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:42,240 but I am almost mourning, Yeah, the loss of going to South Side 527 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,960 Pleasant Hill because I love it. And in a sense, you know, like I 528 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,480 said, Levi's not my savior in Pleasant Hill, is not my savior. 529 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:53,040 Josh Ray's not my savior. Pat Chastain at my savior. 530 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,280 But that gum, I love them. Yeah, I love them so. 531 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,880 It is very exciting, you know, but just that close in that 532 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,680 chapter, which it will never fully be closed because you'll 533 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:07,160 always be a part of pleasant heel and all of our campuses are 534 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:12,480 close knit, but just doing something new is always scary. 535 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:13,240 I. Think too. 536 00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,840 Just like thinking in my brain, like I'm gonna go here forever. 537 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,040 I don't know. I guess in my brain I told Josh 538 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,480 the other day I wanted him to do my funeral. 539 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,640 And he was like, girl, I'm gonna be like, I hope I'm not around 540 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,000 for your funeral. Looks like you think, yeah, it's 541 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,680 gonna be the same forever, but and it's not again, it's not 542 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,960 about just my pastors, but I just, I love it. 543 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,280 I love it so much. I love the people there so. 544 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,480 So basically just to sum up and just maybe go ahead and start 545 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:47,120 closing out, what would be something that you hope that a 546 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:50,720 listener on here maybe takes or maybe something that you didn't 547 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,960 hit at all, or maybe just whatever God's leading you to 548 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,960 say at this point, How would you like to close out this podcast? 549 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:04,840 I would like to just say if they're are any listeners who do 550 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:11,520 struggle with pornography or really anything just to 551 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,199 encourage you. I mean, obviously you're 552 00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:19,280 listening to this podcast for a reason, whether it's just that 553 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:25,120 you've been following along with Alexis or maybe the the title 554 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,159 kind of intrigued you or what have you. 555 00:34:28,159 --> 00:34:32,480 But just to encourage you, because I remember just in that 556 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:36,560 darkness in that season, like I like I said, I would try to give 557 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,400 it up. I would try to give it up, but 558 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:43,239 it's like by the power of the Holy Spirit is the only way that 559 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,120 you can give it up. And so I just encourage anybody 560 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,320 who's struggling. It could be with porn, with 561 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:54,159 anything, with, with lust, with, I don't know, you know, just 562 00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:57,200 anything, anything. Any hurt having or hang up 563 00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:01,040 that's? Right, Just keep, keep, keep 564 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,960 getting up and going back to the Lord. 565 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,480 He knows you anyways. He knows you're messing up 566 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:10,080 anyways. And every single time you mess 567 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:15,000 up, I'm not saying, I'm not saying to abuse God's grace, but 568 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:20,320 I remember that feeling like stuck in like you can still run 569 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:25,120 to God with that, like, and he, he has a redemption for you. 570 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:30,240 So I I always just say like, it can't be done in your own 571 00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:33,080 strength. Like we're supposed to be holy, 572 00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,080 We're supposed to pursue righteousness, but until it's 573 00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:41,840 like you have that come to Jesus moment where you're on your face 574 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:47,800 ready to to change it up and and the Lord allows that to happen 575 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,920 really like that's that's going to be the only way. 576 00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:56,680 Seek Him like at at gut level and you will overcome it by His 577 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,160 grace. Yes thank you Jesus for his 578 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:04,520 grace yes so this has been an awesome episode. 579 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,840 I hope you all enjoyed it as much as we did because I know 580 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,840 like his presence has just been in this room. 581 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:16,080 It has just flowed so well and I'm just so excited for y'all to 582 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,000 hear this. So and y'all already heard this 583 00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:21,280 but you know it's fun now. Y'all already listened to the 584 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:22,720 whole episode but it's been great. 585 00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:24,600 So thank you so much for tuning in. 586 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,800 Stay tuned, stay blessed and we'll see you next week. 587 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:28,760 Bye, guys.