1 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,760 What's up guys, my name is Alexis Brown, your host with 2 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,680 praises in the pod, and I am so excited to have my best friend 3 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:19,560 since 2006 on today, Abby Gordy. I'm so excited to be here. 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,560 Girl, we finna get into it today. 5 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,640 We are all right. So what we're gonna do is we're 6 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,560 gonna start out in prayer and then we're gonna jump right in. 7 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:33,560 So here we go. Lord, thank you for this day and 8 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,280 all your many blessings. Dear God, thank you for allowing 9 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,560 us to come on and share what you have done in our lives. 10 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,080 Lord, thank you for sending me Abby all those years ago. 11 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,760 Lord, thank you for allowing us to walk together in every part 12 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,720 of life, not just the good, but all the way through so we know 13 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,480 each other's stories, that we can hold each other accountable 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,800 and that we can grow together with you. 15 00:00:55,800 --> 00:01:00,120 Lord, we just pray that our story and her story and all of 16 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,280 our stories that come on to this podcast. 17 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:06,200 Lord, they just glorify you and that they just touch each and 18 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,400 every one of our listeners in their own way. 19 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,960 Lord, I just pray that you continue to move and you speak 20 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:15,240 to us and through US. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. 21 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,680 Amen. Whoa. 22 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,760 So right when I started the podcast, you were one of the 23 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,120 first people I thought about. I was like, you know, you have 24 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:28,040 really watched me since when we were kids all the way up until 25 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,760 now. And I was like, that is such 26 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,160 like because we've had similar lives, we've had similar things 27 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,960 go on in our life. And so I was like, I want to get 28 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,680 you on here. And I personally did not think 29 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,800 you was going to come on here, girl. 30 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,240 No, I was like, she's going to say no. 31 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:47,640 That's why when I texted you, I was like, girl, I promise it's 32 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,320 not as bad as you think. And you're like, OK, when and 33 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:50,800 what? Huh. 34 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,800 So. Bored was like, you better do. 35 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:54,840 It you better. Do it. 36 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:59,240 I find that very funny that you wanted to bring me on to this 37 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,960 podcast because I was like, honestly, the last person she's 38 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:06,760 going to want to ask is me because I just, why would you 39 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,160 think that? I have no idea because I'm just 40 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,000 not good at this kind of stuff and we've been friends forever 41 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,640 and. That's why I would want you to. 42 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,120 That's why I would want you to is because like you have just 43 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,680 been walking so strong in your faith and stuff. 44 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:26,480 And so like, I'm like, this is a great way to start, you know, 45 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,960 and you know, really get your foot out there cuz you have such 46 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,360 a powerful story and it needs to be shared. 47 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:35,880 So I was like, girl, if you say yes, you finna, you finna pop 48 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,800 off, you finna pop off. So here we go. 49 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,200 I'm not but. Yeah, God is yes, yes. 50 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,560 So I guess I just want to start off by saying with my story, you 51 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:51,560 will see that I grew up in a broken home, a broken family, 52 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,440 and ended up in a broken marriage myself. 53 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:58,000 But if there's one thing that I pray that people take away from 54 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:02,960 this story is that we serve a God that can completely restore 55 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,440 your life. And. 56 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,440 Restore your story and you will see that that's how this story 57 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,240 truly ends. So when I was two years old, my 58 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,080 parents ended up getting divorced, my dad ended up 59 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,920 leaving my family, my mom and ended up marrying. 60 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,360 The lifestyle of partying and drugs. 61 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,800 So he essentially left my us, all of us, my brothers. 62 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,320 I have two older brothers and then myself. 63 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,200 So my mom was kind of left stranded to take care of three 64 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,080 kids by herself. At the time I was two. 65 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:37,200 I think she was young. She was only like 24. 66 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,600 Whenever she had had by the time she had had all three of us. 67 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:46,360 So yes, I cannot even imagine. So really right off the RIP, 68 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:50,920 just kind of grew up in a very untraditional broken home. 69 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:57,320 You know, me and my brothers, I guess because of all of that, my 70 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,160 parents went through it really just strengthened our bond 71 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,200 together. We really leaned on each other a 72 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:08,040 lot during those times because, you know, my mom was really just 73 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,680 out there trying to do that the best that she could to take care 74 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,680 of us. And so I have, my oldest brother 75 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:19,680 is Taylor, and then Garrett is the middle brother and then 76 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,760 myself. But I think that's why we're so 77 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:27,080 close, all three of us. And growing up, like you even 78 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:31,400 remember coming over, you know, it was always me and my brothers 79 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,680 and us all kind of hanging out with each other. 80 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,040 And we just have always been really close ever since that 81 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:39,280 that happened. Well too, like I've been like 82 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,960 looking at these videos or whatever and I was talking about 83 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,120 siblings and like they're the only ones that really experience 84 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,080 the same life as you have, right? 85 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,960 Like no one else in the world understands what your home life 86 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,000 is like unless it's your siblings most of the time 87 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,120 because they're living in the same roof, they see your 88 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,400 parents, they seen all this stuff. 89 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:02,520 So like y'all do feel like have a better bond than anybody else 90 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,600 because they're living the same thing, you know? 91 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,320 Right. No, that's so true. 92 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:10,360 I mean, we experienced these same things together, and it 93 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,120 might have been at different times in our life, but we all 94 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,080 saw the same things and experience those feelings. 95 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,560 And it affects everyone differently. 96 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,680 You know, it affected Taylor differently than it affected 97 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:26,080 Garrett and then myself. But All in all, you know, even 98 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:31,240 through a lot of that tragedy, my mom was 100% our rock. 99 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,360 Like she stood strong. I don't know how she did it to 100 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:39,160 take care of all of us. She did the best that she could, 101 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:44,040 but she was there like from day one, no matter what, never left 102 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,880 our side. I do vividly remember a time in 103 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:52,080 my life as a child. I was really young, I think I 104 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,960 was only like 4 or five at the time. 105 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:59,280 But my mom had found somebody that was really good to us and 106 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:03,040 really kind of took us in as his own children and treated her 107 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:08,480 very well. And I kind of remember starting 108 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:12,480 to feel like that family again, or I was so young. 109 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,040 So, you know, I couldn't like, conceptualize, like, oh, you 110 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,000 know, we're happy. We're family again. 111 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,720 But, you know, it was just that feeling of kind of wholeness 112 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,200 coming back into our life after my dad had left. 113 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:28,200 But shortly after they were together, he ended up committing 114 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:34,760 suicide. And I just remember, I just 115 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:40,280 remember walking into our house one day and seeing my mom and 116 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,080 there was police there. I mean, it was a mess because 117 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,720 there was so much going on that they were having to kind of 118 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,440 figure out and ask questions and stuff. 119 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,840 But it's just like that fear. I just still remember that 120 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,520 feeling of just like, Oh my gosh, what's really going on? 121 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,400 And just seeing people around her. 122 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:01,720 And that was like a huge turning point for our family. 123 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:07,760 When you were writing, because I do a shared collab notes or 124 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,400 whatever. And so I've been looking over 125 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,960 your notes of what you've been saying. 126 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,280 And so like even though we have been friends for like 17 years 127 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,920 or whatever, like when I read that, like I remember I was like 128 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,200 in shock because like, I guess like that's just something that 129 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,800 we hadn't really spoke about. And so when I read it, I was 130 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,000 just like, like, it doesn't matter. 131 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,920 Like how close you are with somebody. 132 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,080 Like you still don't know every single thing, you know? 133 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,000 So it was just like, Oh my gosh, like, I don't know what people 134 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,680 go through even when you talk to them every single day, have 135 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,000 grown up together and everything. 136 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,080 Like, you still don't know. Yeah, I can only imagine because 137 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,920 how old were you like? When? 138 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,560 Gosh, I would have been probably 55, but it's just a feeling that 139 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,760 stays with you that you kind of grow up with and then it kind of 140 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:58,000 just stays in your conscience. And you don't realize that what 141 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,000 has affected you as a kid, you carry for life. 142 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,920 And it can affect the actions and things, decisions that you 143 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,920 make whenever you're older. And you know, whenever you're 144 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,600 that young, you don't realize that whenever you're older than 145 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,800 those things do have a huge impact on your life. 146 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:20,320 So for me, it's like as I got older and when the Lord didn't 147 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,760 come into my life, I started to remember those things and kind 148 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:27,280 of go back to, well, I went through this and it could, you 149 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:31,240 know, it could have affected me this way and this might be why I 150 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,440 act this way or made these choices or did this, you know, 151 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,280 with my life kind of going forward. 152 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,559 But it's hard to realize that whenever you're so young. 153 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,880 So after that happened, we actually went and had to stay 154 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,520 with my grandma for a little while just for my mom to kind of 155 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,560 take some time to get back on her feet, of course. 156 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,120 Yeah. So she really needed a lot of 157 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,200 help after all of that, especially, you know, from just 158 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,280 going from my dad leaving to then that happening. 159 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,200 She blamed herself for a lot of things. 160 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,920 So we didn't stay with my grandma for a little while for 161 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:09,120 her to kind of take care of us. It's actually my I call her my 162 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,920 grandma, but she was my great grandma, Fifi grandma. 163 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,080 Fifi, Grandma. Yes. 164 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:21,480 So she helped raise us a lot. She she has a huge impact on my 165 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,280 life as well. So, so there was a huge shift in 166 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,160 our family at that time from just trying to be a family and 167 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,560 making it the best that we could to going straight into survival 168 00:09:30,560 --> 00:09:33,440 mode. We moved around a lot and my mom 169 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:37,400 married a few other times and it never really worked out each 170 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,480 time. So even as a little girl there 171 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:45,840 was always that feeling of instability, just never feeling 172 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:54,040 stable or feeling put somewhere. So to me all during that time it 173 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,600 was really nonexistent. I never really got very attached 174 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,880 to anything or got very attached to where we were just cuz I knew 175 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,760 or I always had in the back of my mind like this could change 176 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:11,120 any minute. And so really after that, my dad 177 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,720 still, you know, marrying that party life and and kind of doing 178 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,800 that, he was in and out of jail a lot. 179 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:22,000 So up until the time I was 16 or 17, he was in and out of jail. 180 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:28,320 I just remember every single year, like on my birthday, I 181 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,920 don't know what it was. It was this time like October. 182 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,640 It's crazy that we're recording in October. 183 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:37,680 But he would get arrested every time I wanted him to be there, 184 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:42,080 like for my birthday to see him. And I just remember every year I 185 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:47,320 got a letter from him every single year, like, got a letter 186 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,280 saying, you know, I love you, I want to do better, I want to 187 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,640 change. But he just couldn't. 188 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,080 He was just so trapped in standing in that life. 189 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:07,720 So it just continued to break me down even more as a little girl, 190 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,240 you know, just wanting somebody to be there. 191 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:15,680 So my dad was, you know, in and out of jail, but my mom never. 192 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,160 And this is, you know what I admire so much about her, but 193 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:24,280 she never kept him from us. She always kind of gave us the 194 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:29,560 choice to decide if we wanted to try to get to know him or have a 195 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,880 relationship with him. I literally remember she drove 196 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,680 us to the jail like, a few times because we did want to see him 197 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,640 and talk to him through the phone, you know, like through 198 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,680 the glass, just so we could try to still get to see him or get 199 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,920 to know him or I guess we wouldn't ask her, like, to go 200 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,480 see him and she would take us. Yeah, like. 201 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,080 Yeah, she, I mean, she wasn't going to keep you from them. 202 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,120 It was getting really bad. He was at his rock bottom and 203 00:11:55,120 --> 00:12:00,040 that's when in 2008 he had his surrender moment and completely 204 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:04,320 just threw his hands up and gave his life to Christ because he 205 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,800 was about to go to prison probably for a really long time. 206 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,320 And so that's probably when I started talking about him a 207 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:15,600 little bit more because, you know, he was trying to reach out 208 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,440 to us and, and trying to build that relationship back. 209 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,200 And I know it's because God was putting it on His heart at that 210 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,320 time. Well, even in the letters and 211 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,360 stuff, he always told you, like, I want to be a dad. 212 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,200 I want to be there for you. Like I But, you know, when 213 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,600 you're in bondage, I mean, you can want something so bad, but 214 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,360 until you're ready to surrender and you want better for your 215 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,360 life and you give it over to Jesus, I mean, you're like, you 216 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,560 feel stuck. There's nothing you can do. 217 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,240 So. Yeah. 218 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,160 You know, I always say that because you know, I see people 219 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,000 and I'm like, gosh, how you know, how can you not do that 220 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,640 for your kids? Like, you know, and you know, 221 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,960 they love their kids. You know, they love them more 222 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,720 than anything. But when you are so caught up in 223 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:02,560 sin and in that life, it doesn't matter how much you love 224 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:06,560 something until you get freed from it, it's going to keep 225 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,040 because. The enemies got you. 226 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,080 I mean, the enemies got you in a chokehold. 227 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,920 There's nothing you can do. Yeah. 228 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:17,760 For me, you know, when I got saved and really started to 229 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:22,800 notice a difference between, you know, the world and God's word, 230 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,720 it really, this verse really stuck out to me of what happened 231 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,760 to my family. And then I just see it, it 232 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:33,120 happens to other families too, you know, but it's John 1010. 233 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:38,520 The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy, and in 234 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:44,960 this moment he truly did kill, steal and destroy my family, and 235 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,520 I felt that wholeheartedly. I see that too, looking back, 236 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:54,080 that the enemy had a foothold not just on my dad but now our 237 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,880 whole family was affected by it. Yes, and you know, I speak on 238 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:05,640 generational curses so like regularly because I have seen a 239 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:09,880 generational curse lifted off of me and my my mom and my family 240 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,960 like things that I would I'm not taking in to me having my own 241 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,240 children. Oh, I just shared this thing on 242 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,680 Facebook the other day and it was like, OK, the grandfather. 243 00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:23,120 Yes, yes, the grandfather, he goes to church every single 244 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,720 Sunday. He's always there when the doors 245 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:29,800 are open, you know, whatever. And then the son he starts or 246 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,400 the dad, the dad starts going to church, right. 247 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,200 Occasionally he doesn't think it's a priority, It's whatever. 248 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:41,200 But then his son, it's like, well, it's not, no, we don't 249 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,680 have to go, you know. So then once it gets to the 250 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,680 great grandson, it's like they don't even know all the life 251 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,520 with Jesus. They don't even see it. 252 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,400 They don't go to church. They don't do these things 253 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,680 because it just slowly and slowly starts disappearing from 254 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,520 your family. So when those generational 255 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,160 curses are lifted and you are walking strong with God, you 256 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,160 know, like you're bringing a whole new generation to Jesus. 257 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,040 Yes, and it, you know, hopefully, and that's what my 258 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,440 prayer is now that I do to have a family is to just keep that, 259 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,480 you know, I've read it before, but that gospel genealogy, like 260 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,440 that's so important to me. You know what you were just 261 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:24,080 talking about kind of the grandfather to the son to the 262 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,440 grandson. You know, I just see so much now 263 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,480 that I'm a mom and have a family, how important that 264 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:36,920 really is, you know, because you see grandparents, you know, come 265 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,360 in and, and take over for mom sometimes and help out with the 266 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,280 grandchildren and, and mom step up and, and take care of their 267 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,360 children with the father gone. And, you know, I was thinking 268 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:51,160 about it the other day and it's like you always remember certain 269 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,520 things like about your grandparents from growing up and 270 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,240 especially about your mom. And it's kind of like what kind 271 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,640 of legacy did they leave behind? You know, like, what do you 272 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,680 specifically remember about them? 273 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,120 And I think for me, like, really sitting down and thinking about 274 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:12,960 that now as a mom is like, gosh, the only thing I want to leave 275 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:17,720 my daughter with is it's just the knowledge of the gospel. 276 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,880 Yes, that's all. Yes, I actually did just think 277 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,480 about this. And honestly the other night 278 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,160 when I was thinking about it, I was like, I really hope this 279 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,760 gets brought up because I was like, I saw this video or 280 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,720 caption or whatever and it was like, you can't take belongings, 281 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,120 you can't take money, you can't take anything with you when you 282 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,760 go to heaven, but you can be able to take your children. 283 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,400 Yes. Like if you're raising them to 284 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,400 follow Jesus and they know Jesus and you're doing everything that 285 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,200 you can, I mean, you can bring your children with you to 286 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,000 heaven, right? So yeah, I'm so glad you said 287 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,200 that because I did think and I forgot about it too. 288 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,200 So that was good. Yeah, that's super important to 289 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,920 me. I don't really want to leave 290 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:57,160 behind anything other than that. She can say that about her mom. 291 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,640 So what were some of like your struggles and everything before 292 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,360 you experienced God and gave it up? 293 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,800 So a lot of struggles, to be honest. 294 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,599 You know, looking back, I was the youngest sibling. 295 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,880 So I grew up with older siblings. 296 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,319 And what happens there is, you know, you see them having fun 297 00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:21,040 partying with their friends. And at the time we kind of lived 298 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:25,599 at a party house. So, you know, that was just kind 299 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:28,560 of evident in my life. I just started drinking at a 300 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,240 really young age, just with my older siblings. 301 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,320 I think I was like 10 whenever I first tried alcohol, you know, 302 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,800 smoking cigarettes, just doing things like that. 303 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,200 People were smoking weed around me. 304 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,280 So, you know, you just kind of get in the middle of all of that 305 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:49,960 or you want to feel accepted and which was, you know, from 306 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,360 growing up, that's all I wanted was to feel accepted. 307 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:57,360 So I just hung around them, did that just to kind of fit in and, 308 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,560 and just because it was who I was close to too and they were 309 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,360 doing it. And you just kind of get wrapped 310 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,280 up in the middle of it. So obvious, you know, drinking 311 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,840 and partying just became a big part of my life. 312 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,360 And I mean, if that's what you're seeing constantly, you 313 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,360 know, like, that's what you're going to mimic that because as a 314 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:18,600 child, we do mimic people that we see, the good, the bad, the 315 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,040 ugly. If you're around stuff like 316 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,160 that, you're going to start to be like, oh, well, that's 317 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,120 normal. That's what normal people would 318 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,800 do. You know, that's what the world 319 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,800 is showing us that we should be doing. 320 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,800 Right. And I think too, like, it was 321 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,000 almost like something that I leaned on. 322 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,480 Like they were having fun. You know, we were all smiling, 323 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,240 laughing. And in a way, you just kind of 324 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:45,080 shove those feelings down that hurt or just really what's going 325 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,520 on around you. Yeah. 326 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,480 You just kind of put them to the side. 327 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,960 And that's just a good way to choose, like an avoidance 328 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,000 tactic. Yeah. 329 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,240 You know, you just, well, this is fun. 330 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,520 I'm going here and I don't have to think about anything else 331 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,560 going on in my life. But another huge struggle God 332 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,720 revealed to me once I truly gave my heart to him was that I had 333 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:08,360 no self worth. That was when I look back, that 334 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:13,200 was my biggest struggle. Like I was saying, the partying, 335 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,920 the drinking, drugs, whatever else you're doing, sexual thing. 336 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:21,440 So it was all just a symptom of my true pain that I had. 337 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,440 And that was just having zero self worth. 338 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,560 I didn't feel worthy of love. I didn't feel worthy of really 339 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:31,240 anything just because I didn't feel like anybody wanted us. 340 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:32,800 I didn't feel like anybody loved us. 341 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,440 I didn't feel like we were wanted anywhere, you know. 342 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:43,520 And so to me, having no self self worth, that in all the 343 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,080 other things that I was doing was just a symptom of that. 344 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,200 You know, I don't, I didn't really struggle with alcoholism 345 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,960 per SE. I didn't really struggle with 346 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,800 being super addicted to something. 347 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,000 I was just in that life because I just wanted to be accepted and 348 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,640 I had no self worth. That makes sense. 349 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,960 Now that I'm looking back, I'm like, I start thinking about 350 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,280 stuff like that and I'm like, that is so true. 351 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,800 Like for me too, like always wanting to hang out with the 352 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,240 older kids and wanting to hang out with like the popular people 353 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,360 and, you know, always being in those scenes just so I can be 354 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,000 accepted, just so I can be looked at as oh, she's one of 355 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,160 the cool people or whatever. So wow. 356 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,280 That just really enlightens me for real. 357 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:30,000 So, yeah, because like for me, I never wanted to just be. 358 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,440 Yeah, with me, that's hard to do. 359 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,000 You got to. Love yourself enough to be with 360 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,520 yourself. And that was a huge struggle for 361 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,720 me, you know. So I did not see myself as God 362 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:50,720 sees me, you know, And when you have no self worth, you'll allow 363 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,680 anything and everything into your life. 364 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,400 There's no boundaries. It was just an internal battle. 365 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,880 It doesn't mean that the ones around me were actually doing 366 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,920 that. Yeah, because there were so many 367 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,440 people that loved me and didn't leave me and didn't forsake me. 368 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,000 So for me, that led me to me. My greatest downfall in sin was 369 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:14,000 I felt trapped in that lust for love at a long young age. 370 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,120 You know, the less for a man to desire me. 371 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,640 I always wanted a boyfriend. I always wanted somebody there. 372 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:26,600 That was just a huge desire of mine, which leads to just all 373 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,080 kinds of sexual sin and just other things that you'll let in 374 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,920 your life. And for me, I ended up getting 375 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:37,280 married at a super young age. I think I was 22 at a time. 376 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:41,160 I was just kind of going through the flow and I just thought that 377 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,880 that was just going to make me whole. 378 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,320 Because that's The thing is, you know, we all have a hole in our 379 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,440 heart and we're just trying to fill it with so much stuff to 380 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,440 feel whole. And the only thing that can do 381 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:58,200 that is the Lord. And so I just thought, like, 382 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:03,080 getting married and having that family was a huge desire of mine 383 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:08,720 at a very young age almost to fix what had happened to us 384 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,040 maybe. Well, to have something that you 385 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:17,120 didn't have growing up, like start young and build, you know, 386 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,880 that family and all this stuff that you didn't have like that 387 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,760 was such a like a idol, honestly in your life that you were, you 388 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,920 were like, let's go ahead, let's get married, let's do this, 389 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,680 let's do this because I didn't have it. 390 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,080 And I want to make sure that I have it for my kids. 391 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,840 And 100% I was trying to be in control of my own life and and 392 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:39,760 that fulfilling that. And so, you know, being young 393 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,280 and that being my greatest downfall, my greatest sin, it 394 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,640 actually led me into a sexual affair on my husband. 395 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,640 So this completely destroyed my marriage. 396 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:59,520 But not only that, it destroyed my family, like my mom and my, 397 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,240 you know, my parents and his family. 398 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:10,640 It really still hurts to talk about, you know, and I've 399 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:14,080 completely taken accountability for all of my actions. 400 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:20,240 And you know, I had to cry out to the Lord, forgive me for 401 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:28,320 those actions, but it led me to my my darkest Divas Valley I've 402 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,960 ever been in after that happened. 403 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,480 And so, you know, I always hear my pastor say it now. 404 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,640 And it's such a good saying to live by or just see what can 405 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:45,120 happen in somebody's life, because sin doesn't start big, 406 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,480 it starts small. Yeah. 407 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,000 And he always says sin will take you further than you want to go 408 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,840 and cost you more than you want to pay. 409 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,040 And it couldn't be more true because if I would have told you 410 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,960 that's where I would have been at in my life, I would have 100% 411 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,800 told you. There's no way, and you can end 412 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,320 up there faster than you ever thought. 413 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,760 Yeah. And I mean, that was something 414 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,800 that I kind of talked about last week's episode on the holy 415 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:17,160 habits or whatever about like, even just music for me. 416 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:22,680 Like, it can start that small and then it snowballs and it 417 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,920 continues to snowball. And then you end up in a place 418 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,680 that you're like, how did I get here? 419 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:33,600 And then you feel too like, how how do I get back? 420 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,120 Like, where, where do I go? Like, how do I even fix this 421 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:41,480 mess that I put myself in? And, you know, you just, that's 422 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,240 when you feel stuck again. You're like, well, what do I do? 423 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,440 Like, God, you know, yeah. Can I go? 424 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,960 You know, So it's just. No, I mean, that's so true. 425 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,640 You, you don't really know where it's going to take you. 426 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,680 You know, like I said, and so many people have probably said 427 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,200 it before, like, oh, I would never do something like that. 428 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:03,400 Yeah, don't underestimate the enemy for real, because he sure 429 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,720 can take you there. I think one thing I try to do 430 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:14,320 now is really fight all of my inner battles with the word. 431 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,600 And so, you know, I just feel like if anybody is out there 432 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,480 struggling with self worth or just negative things about 433 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:26,280 themselves, like I just always reference back to this verse and 434 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:31,040 it's Psalm 13913 through 16. And it's what God's Word says 435 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,640 about you. But you made all the delicate 436 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,560 inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. 437 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,600 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. 438 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,080 Your workmanship is marvelous. How well I know it. 439 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,960 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I 440 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,280 was woven together in the dark of the womb. 441 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,560 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was 442 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,040 recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before 443 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:02,480 a single day had passed. If that doesn't show you that 444 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:08,080 the God of the universe created you and and knows you, knows 445 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:12,880 every hair on your head to know that you are loved and you are 446 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,200 worthy of that love. So that's just something I 447 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,360 really hold on to now to try to help me whenever I'm in those, 448 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,280 you know, just feelings of or just negative thoughts of just 449 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:27,440 yourself and your life or things that you've done. 450 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:32,880 And I mean, all of us will have those thoughts and we will 451 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,560 struggle with stuff like that. So that's the importance of 452 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,200 knowing the Word and knowing and talking to God and all this 453 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,120 stuff. So we are equipped with that 454 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:44,480 knowledge, you know, Because if we don't know that, then we're 455 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,240 just like, we allow the enemy to stay in our head, stay in our 456 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,720 head. But when we know the Word, 457 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,360 that's how you fight that. Spiritual warfare is knowing 458 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,120 that. Yeah, it's 100%. 459 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,800 I was just talking to somebody, you know, about God's will for 460 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:03,720 our life and, you know, somebody would say, well, you know, why 461 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,800 does God let all of these bad things happen or does he make 462 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,720 these bad things happen? And to me, like, absolutely not. 463 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,200 That's not what God's will for our lives were. 464 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:18,360 You know, sin entered our life and he had to send a Savior to 465 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:23,440 save us from those sins and to make it where we're no longer 466 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:28,800 separated from God because ultimately his will for our life 467 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,040 is not things of harm, you know, things of peace. 468 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,960 We serve a good God, not a God of destruction. 469 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:41,800 So you know, that's just how for me, having that relationship 470 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:46,680 with the Lord and knowing his word helps us to be equipped to 471 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:50,840 fight the enemy and and be able to stay more on path with His 472 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,520 will for our life. The other night I was actually 473 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,040 at a church service and it was one of my favorite pastors, 474 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:02,320 Pastor Benny from Rock Springs. And he was preaching out of 475 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,440 Romans 8 to start off. And then it just, he told three 476 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:11,120 different stories and then one of them was the 4th man in the 477 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,720 fire. And he was saying, you know, 478 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,800 those three men didn't see that 4th man, but they got thrown 479 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:22,160 into that fire so other people would see the 4th man. 480 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,680 And I thought I was like, Oh my gosh, that's so good. 481 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,440 Like I wrote it down. And I'm like, we do go through 482 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,800 those things so other people can see how God can bring us out of 483 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:36,200 that and he can bring us into the, you know, the, the promised 484 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,080 land. I mean, he's going to pull us 485 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,800 out of that desert in that wilderness and all of these 486 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,800 valleys that we are in. But other people are watching 487 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,440 and you know that. No, but those three men, 488 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:52,640 Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego Indigo, they didn't see that 4th 489 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,040 man. The other people in the king saw 490 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,880 the 4th man. And I was like, wow, you know, 491 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:01,040 like I hadn't thought about, you know, our struggles and all that 492 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:01,960 like that. Yeah. 493 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,840 So that was just really cool. Yeah, I know a lot of times, 494 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,120 like when I am going through something really difficult or my 495 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,080 family and I are, Dexter and I are really going through a 496 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,200 struggle. You know, I don't really think 497 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,160 it's like God's punishing me. I'm like, what's he preparing 498 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,480 us? For Oh, that's good. 499 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:24,080 So, you know, He's preparing us, our hearts for something always. 500 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,200 Because I know I don't serve a God that's trying to destroy us. 501 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,960 If anything, the enemy is. And if one thing I'm going to 502 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,080 walk away from this is how to fight him better. 503 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,120 Yeah, that's good. Because I mean, even last night 504 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,040 I was going through something and like, I'm like, I feel like 505 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,760 I'm being punished. Like in this stage, like, like I 506 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,480 just felt like I was being punished. 507 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,120 And I'm like, yeah, I'm doing what you asked me to do. 508 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,480 I stepped out. I'm trying to do all this stuff, 509 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,760 but like, why is this happening? And then I'm like, it's, it's 510 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,520 not like it's not for punishment. 511 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,360 It's not for anything. Like he's preparing me for what 512 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,040 he has for me. And you know, I've been saying 513 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,440 this for the last like four days now, like John 13, seven. 514 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,840 You don't understand what I have what, what's going on right now. 515 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,880 But soon you will or later you will. 516 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,400 And I'm just like, I'm, I'm, I've told multiple people like 517 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,280 I'm really holding on to that right now because I do feel like 518 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:22,120 I don't know what's going on, but I know that he's preparing 519 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,320 me for something, you know, and like he has brought me so far, 520 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,800 you know, and I mean, he's not just going to be like, Oh well, 521 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,960 all right, you're good, you know, cuz when he's done with 522 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,760 you, you're gone anyway. You know, like he's he, if 523 00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,200 you're on earth, you have a purpose. 524 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,080 If your heart's beating, you have a purpose. 525 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,200 So I know that he's calling me to do it. 526 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,560 So that just spiraled into, I don't think any of that's 527 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,240 written down. But it's not. 528 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:53,440 I don't even know where we are. OK, so you know, after that 529 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,480 happened, I was broken. I mean, Oh my goodness, I was 530 00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,640 more broken than I've ever been in my life. 531 00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,280 And a lot of times when you are broken is the only time that you 532 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:05,480 cry out to God. Unfortunately, it shouldn't be 533 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,240 that way. But that's kind of what happened 534 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,000 to me is in those moments I really was like crying out to 535 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:16,000 him and asking for forgiveness and just feeling lost. 536 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,680 Like, Oh my goodness, I know I need to give my life to him, but 537 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:23,880 I've messed up so bad. I just, you just stay in 538 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,280 darkness because you, it's like you're trapped. 539 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:30,520 And that's kind of what had happened to me. 540 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:36,120 And at that point in time, I really felt unworthy and dirty, 541 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:41,640 like just dirty. And so when you are that way 542 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,960 again, you just allow anything else into your life. 543 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:50,040 And that's kind of what happened with me is, you know, I was in 544 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,920 that dirtiness and I was just like, it's hard to explain, but 545 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:57,640 you're almost in a mindset of just might as well keep going. 546 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,920 Yeah, like, I'm already dirty, so why not just keep being 547 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,760 dirty? You know, like you don't really 548 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,160 see a light of how to get out. So it's like, well, I'll just 549 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,560 keep living. This way I'm, I'm in it and you 550 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,600 know, people are looking at me like with disgust. 551 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,800 So I just kind of was like, I might as well just live it out 552 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,800 or that's all that I'm going to have in my life going forward 553 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,880 anyways, because I'll never get anything better or do anything 554 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,120 better. So you just stay there. 555 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:30,280 And I did, you know, I let other relationships come in quickly 556 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,080 after we got divorced because we ended up getting divorced after 557 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,240 that. Just relationships that I knew 558 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:43,800 I, you know, didn't need to be in and just full of sin because 559 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,280 the enemy had me where he wanted me. 560 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:46,600 Yeah. And. 561 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,960 And I almost knew that, you know, I almost had this 562 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,840 intuition, like, OK, I know, you know, I need to change. 563 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:59,640 Like, I am not living right. But it's like the enemy just had 564 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:03,080 his foothold in my life. And I'm like, but I'm just, I'm 565 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,920 just going to stay here. Or maybe this will fix it or 566 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,960 you're just trying to, like you said, backpedal and you're 567 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,080 trying to do it all yourself. And or I'm going to try to clean 568 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,000 up just a little bit and then maybe start going to church 569 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,800 because I can't go like this. Yeah, but we really just tell 570 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,760 ourselves like the craziest things, right? 571 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:25,040 Like all we have to do is literally seek God and cry out, 572 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,320 just cry out to God, man. And you know, like things can 573 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:33,400 rapidly do a 180 Yes, but no, we're like no, no, no, no, no, 574 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,800 no, no. I gotta I gotta stop doing a 575 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,680 little bit of stuff and then I'll go to church and then I'll. 576 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,960 Go out to the bars as much and I'll try to go to church on 577 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,480 Sunday and it'll help, you know, everything work out a little 578 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,120 bit. No, Yeah, it's not. 579 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,800 That's not going to help you. You know, and in that point too, 580 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:57,000 like I remember like, so this is my perspective of like when you 581 00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:00,200 were in that time is like you started really pushing everybody 582 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,840 away to like you. I mean, I remember like I would 583 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:08,480 try or whatever and you're like, like there was a lot that 584 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,000 happened around that time, but you know, like you just didn't 585 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,360 want to be around people. You didn't want to try to, you 586 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,560 know, to be like consoled or anything. 587 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,719 Like you were just like, no, like I'm good. 588 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:25,120 So like you pushed yourself into like this lonely season to like, 589 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,840 even though you were still doing stuff and partying all this 590 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,840 stuff, like you just pushed yourself into like a lonely 591 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,920 season. Oh 100%, the people that 592 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,880 actually cared about me, I wanted nothing to do with them. 593 00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:40,480 I didn't even feel feel worthy enough to have anybody in my 594 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,360 life or didn't feel like they really cared. 595 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,679 They just are trying to get the tea or, you know, nobody. 596 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:50,560 So I'm just, I just push everyone away and just going to 597 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,840 go go this way, you know? Do my own thing, yeah. 598 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,840 I'm just going my own way. I'm going to try to figure this 599 00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:02,000 thing out by myself. And so for me, you know, that 600 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:07,200 time in my life, I got divorced a few months after getting 601 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,200 divorced. Like you said, I pushed 602 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:14,240 everybody away. I ended up at my rock bottom for 603 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:18,200 sure, you know, and there wasn't like everyone's so different, 604 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,800 but there wasn't like a scripture or anything that just 605 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:25,120 stuck out to me or, you know, just being in church one day and 606 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:29,640 just deciding to change my life. No, I had actually ended up in 607 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,000 such a dark place. And this is like you were saying 608 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,760 I'd pushed you away. I don't even know if you knew 609 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:42,200 about this part of my life, but I was just in a very toxic 610 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,080 relationship. And so I found myself one 611 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:51,840 morning by myself in Atlanta in a hotel, woke up after partying 612 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,480 all night, and it was like super early. 613 00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:58,120 It was literally like between 6:00 and 7:00 in the morning. 614 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,200 And I'm not an early person, so I just knew it was the Lord. 615 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:07,000 But I heard a voice. I truly heard the voice of God. 616 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:12,040 And he strictly said to me, he was like, Abby, you know, you 617 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:16,000 can either come to me now fully with your heart, or I'm not 618 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,720 going to take my hand off of your life. 619 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:23,880 And it freaked me out. I remember I jumped up. 620 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,960 I'm like, Oh my gosh, I got to get out of here. 621 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:30,200 Freaking out, trying to get dressed, crying, sobbing. 622 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,800 Because I knew. It's like He had given me a 623 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:39,160 vision of where I was at in the darkness that I was living in 624 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:45,360 and giving my life to Him and living just in complete peace 625 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:49,560 and living within His will and everything that He could do for 626 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,000 my life. And then it's like I just had 627 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:57,000 this other vision of just living in complete darkness and it was 628 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,120 like without God. And I don't know how to explain 629 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,880 that feeling of seeing your life without God. 630 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,360 But it is empty. It's like there was nothing 631 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:11,120 there but darkness. And for me, it terrified me to 632 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:15,720 think I could live my whole life and never have a relationship 633 00:37:15,720 --> 00:37:19,280 with the Lord. I really, I cried out to God the 634 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:24,200 whole way home and I strictly said over and over and over 635 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:29,400 again, God, please cleanse me, cleanse my heart, save me and 636 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:33,600 change me over and over again. Like I don't know how many times 637 00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:36,880 I repeated it because I thought that would like make it come 638 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,160 more real, but just the genuinity in my heart was what 639 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,760 was going to make it come alive and in my heart. 640 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,520 And so I just really that was my point in time. 641 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:51,160 When I got home, I just remember reaching out to the leader of 642 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:55,960 our church and was like, I want to join 12 step and I strictly 643 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,960 told her. I said I'm tired of being tired 644 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,720 because that's just it. I was tired. 645 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:06,160 I was tired of not just from what I had just been through 646 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:11,040 that divorce and and just living in sin, but everything. 647 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,280 Else like from all the way to from childhood. 648 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:19,080 From just everything I had carried that was really 649 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,200 hindering my life from really beginning, you know, and I, I 650 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:27,160 kind of need to backtrack just a little bit because for me, I had 651 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:31,760 seen when I was 16 or 17, my dad gave his life to Christ. 652 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,960 And I mean, radically, radically changed the man radically. 653 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,360 I saw him one day and I'm like, this isn't even the same person. 654 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:45,960 And so seeing that a few years after he had gotten saved, what 655 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,560 God can do in somebody's life, like I knew it was true. 656 00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,360 I believed it, but I just didn't believe it for myself. 657 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:57,760 Yeah, You know, And so that day that that happened to me and the 658 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:02,320 Lord spoke to me, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I 659 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,400 truly gave him my whole heart, he could do that for me too. 660 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,280 And so that's kind of what helped me to get to that moment, 661 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,160 or not just help me get to that moment, but know that that 662 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:16,240 moment is genuine and it's true that he can change you. 663 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:18,920 He can change your heart and change who you are. 664 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,800 You know, there's so many people out there all the time that say 665 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,120 they'll never change. You know, they'll never change. 666 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,200 And gosh, sometimes I find fault, you know, looking at some 667 00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:32,160 people and I'm like, man, I just don't know if that we cannot 668 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,040 underestimate the Lord and what he can do when somebody puts. 669 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:39,200 Him in a box and make it oh, he can do all that other stuff, but 670 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,680 he can't do it for this, you know and I mean I struggle with 671 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,480 that too because I'm like, I can never imagine that. 672 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:49,040 Well, I could never imagine that he was going to bring me to 673 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:53,600 where I am, right? I mean, I didn't deserve it. 674 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,640 I mean, really like I had like, who am I to say he can't do it 675 00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:01,880 for someone else, you know? And so that's why I'm just so 676 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,640 big on these testimonies because. 677 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,600 Right. I mean, this is how people get 678 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:12,240 in inspired, encouraged and can see the goodness of God and be 679 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,000 like, wow, like she went through all of that. 680 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,560 Like she can do the same thing for me. 681 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,600 And you know, we keep talking about your dad and stuff and 682 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,120 just like he. He's a big topic. 683 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:28,200 He's a big topic, but like he just played such a big role on 684 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,600 my walk too, you know, because I remember like one time we were 685 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,600 at Olive Garden. This is probably, we're around 686 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:37,800 the age of like 1617 and we had just like, this is probably one 687 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,720 of the first times I've been around your dad, right? 688 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:43,960 So like, I didn't know him BC but like, you know, I heard 689 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:48,920 stuff so but like I remember him talking about like what all God 690 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,600 had done for him, you know, and just that one seed, that one 691 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,560 seed was planted right then for me. 692 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,600 And I remember, you know, all the way up until last year, this 693 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:03,440 man keeps telling us he's like Abby Alexis, like you will love 694 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,400 your life if you give it to God. You are going to be living on 695 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:12,400 clouds. He does and like I'm just like 696 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,760 Mike. We having a good old time, OK? 697 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,240 I don't. I'm good. 698 00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:18,440 I wish I would have listened to him sooner. 699 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,320 Oh, I know. Because I'm like, he was telling 700 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,480 the truth. He was really telling the truth. 701 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:29,640 And like, we just thought, oh, no, that seems so lame. 702 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:34,240 Like, but it's so seeking that searching to fill that void 703 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,920 still too. Like we're just out and about 704 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,880 doing all this stuff and yeah, you know, we're just trying to 705 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,000 fill that void. To me, thinking about it now, 706 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,680 and I haven't really thought about it until we sat down was 707 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,480 and talked about this, thinking about how our friendship started 708 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:53,840 in 7th grade because our dads were living that life not 709 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:57,560 knowing that the Lord was going to change my dad's life. 710 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,960 Then you know we're going to end up changing our lives and 711 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,920 leading other people to Christ. And it's like, look at what he. 712 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:07,640 Can do. And just, you know, have planned 713 00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,680 out for people's lives whenever you do truly give your heart and 714 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,480 him like it is just amazing to see what he can do. 715 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:18,200 All the chapters that we've went through, the valleys, the 716 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:22,040 mountaintops, the everything, because there is many of times 717 00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,480 that me and you should have been dead. 718 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:28,480 There is many of times that like we were places where we should 719 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,320 not have been. We were doing things we should 720 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,800 not have been doing, you know, and like, and just seeing how 721 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:37,400 God had His hand and all. Of it for me, there was a lot of 722 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,840 times when God did try to get my attention and there were times 723 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,160 like I really did want to change and live for him. 724 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:50,200 You know, tear between the world looked so good, like it really 725 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:53,360 did and then feeling like I'm going to miss out. 726 00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,000 But there was a point in time in my life where I really did want 727 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,040 to try to do right and live for the Lord. 728 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:03,320 And it was right after I had gotten married and the first 729 00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,800 time. And you know, I just referenced 730 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,240 back to this parable in Matthew because it is so true of what 731 00:43:09,240 --> 00:43:11,520 can happen to so many of us, because there's so many people 732 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,360 out there that they want to give their heart to the Lord. 733 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,520 They want to change, and then the world just picks them back 734 00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,920 up. And I just want to reference 735 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:22,600 this Matthew 1356. Other seeds fell on shallow soil 736 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,200 with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly 737 00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,720 because the soil was shallow, but the plants soon withered 738 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,680 under the hot sun. And since they didn't have deep 739 00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:35,520 roots, they died. And I think back to like when 740 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:40,320 you're, you know, just coming to know Christ and you're a baby 741 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:45,560 Christian, you know, it's hard to be deep rooted in, in the 742 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:49,840 word and in the faith and, and, and just really focus on the 743 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,400 Lord. And it's just so easy for the 744 00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,360 world to just pick you up. And I just say that because I 745 00:43:56,360 --> 00:44:00,120 just feel like so many people, once they get saved and you 746 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,320 can't be perfect because you think like, Oh my goodness, I 747 00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,560 just messed up again. Or Oh my goodness, I did this. 748 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,600 It's like just keep running. Together. 749 00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:09,680 Yes, just. Keep running back. 750 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:16,720 I remember about 7666 years ago or so, like me and my husband, 751 00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:19,400 which we were just dating at the time, we had been going through 752 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:24,320 some things and everything and like like I remember I like my 753 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,280 mom was at the Potter's house at that point. 754 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:30,800 I remember this. And I was like on fire, but I 755 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,720 mean, not a good like I was on fire for Jesus, but not in a 756 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:40,400 joyful loving like I was beating people over the head with the 757 00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,280 Bible. I'm like, if you don't go to 758 00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,800 church, you're going to hell. If you don't, if you don't stop 759 00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,880 drinking and partying and doing all this, you're going to hell. 760 00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:53,160 And like, I was so crazy and I like read a letter that I had 761 00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:56,440 written actually yesterday I read this letter that I had 762 00:44:56,440 --> 00:45:01,280 wrote and like, I see where how I wanted it. 763 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:05,280 I wanted it, but you just got to remember like you can't be 764 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:07,280 perfect. And I remember how bad I wanted 765 00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:11,320 it in that point. But then, like, I fell off and I 766 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:15,760 was like, yes, I can't, you know, be on fire anymore. 767 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:18,040 I felt I didn't do good at that, you know, whatever. 768 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:22,280 And so then the next I spiral the next few years, I mean, 769 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,200 they're gone, you know, and I just barely went to church. 770 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:29,560 I barely did this stuff. So now I know that where I am in 771 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:33,120 my spiritual walk, I know that if I mess up or I'm not where I 772 00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:36,600 want to be, keep going. Keep going. 773 00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:42,840 So for me, right after my surrender moment, I kind of 774 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:47,440 looked I was isolating myself a lot, but not in a bad way like 775 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:49,320 isolating myself. Working on yourself. 776 00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,120 Correct. Working on myself, I'm 777 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,640 surrounding myself with people at the church, really just 778 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:57,960 trying to be in the word and I still wasn't perfect. 779 00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,280 Like you're saying like you're going to, you're not going to be 780 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,040 perfect. We're not sinless and it's hard. 781 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,440 We're never will be. That's why we needed a savior. 782 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,800 But I knew this time God truly had a hold of my heart because 783 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:13,080 it's like there were things trying to creep back into my 784 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:17,600 life and I was starting to really try to realize and 785 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,960 determine like, Nope, you know, I got to cut that off. 786 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:24,800 I got to let that go because I think a lot of times we can 787 00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:32,040 easily start idolizing the promises of God and not him that 788 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:33,200 gives the. Promises. 789 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,240 It wasn't him. It was what he can do for me, 790 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:37,880 you know? Exactly. 791 00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:42,760 So I really taught me in that moment, like as soon as you take 792 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,120 your eyes off of God. Just like Peter. 793 00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:49,320 It's just, yeah, it's so easy to just things get like the boat 794 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:52,800 and rocky. So that's just a huge touching 795 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:57,440 point in my testimony was what kind of help it stick this time 796 00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:01,560 was realizing the difference between the two and really just 797 00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:04,040 keeping my eyes on him and everything that was about him, 798 00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:08,680 not anything else. When I look at my life now and 799 00:47:08,720 --> 00:47:10,880 we go through moments where we're like, God, are you 800 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,760 punishing me or why am I not being blessed in this area or 801 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:18,080 what's going on here, I always remind myself you've already 802 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,240 given me the ultimate blessing. You've given me everything I 803 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:24,120 needed, and that was sending your Son to die on that cross 804 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,680 and not have eternal separation from you. 805 00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,920 Yes. OK, So what were some of the 806 00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,720 first things that you noticed being on this side of Jesus? 807 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,560 For me, it was just starting to see that distinction between the 808 00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:40,520 two that really opened my eyes to just say, like, I want to be 809 00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:42,920 on this side. Yeah, I want to be on this side 810 00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,440 with the Lord, because this side looks it's dark and it ain't 811 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:48,520 somewhere you really want to be nor stay. 812 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,760 You know what, Abby? I think I want to split y'all's 813 00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:53,440 episode into two. You. 814 00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,560 Threw me a curveball. Yeah, I said. 815 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:59,520 I want you to have your own episode and then the next week 816 00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,800 we'll talk with you and Dexter. So I think this would be a great 817 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:08,160 place to end because you're about to start dating Dexter in 818 00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:11,480 in your you're about you're about to start dating. 819 00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:15,160 So yeah, so in your story, you know, you're you're getting 820 00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,720 there. So I figure like this would be a 821 00:48:16,720 --> 00:48:19,680 great place. So with that being said, y'all 822 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,880 make sure to stay tuned, stay blessed and make sure you come 823 00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:27,840 back next week Wednesday at 4:00 to hear the rest of this 824 00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,440 testimony. Because I promise you, this is 825 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:35,400 where you really start seeing how the goodness of God and the 826 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:39,600 plans that he's had for her. And just like how all of it 827 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,680 comes together for his good. And we're just so thankful that 828 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,200 you don't join us today. Like this has been great. 829 00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,960 So let's get Dexter up here and let's film next week, all. 830 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:48,960 Right. I'm ready. 831 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:54,760 Hello. Love. 832 00:48:56,440 --> 00:49:09,280 You Jesus, love you. Jesus, can you say the blessing?