1 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,440 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host with 2 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,000 praises in the pod, and I'm so excited to be remote recording 3 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,000 with Ali Parsons as she has a podcast too. 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,480 So this is going to be really fun. 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,400 We're probably both chatty Cathy's and we're just going to 6 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,040 be talking, but we're going to talk about what God has done in 7 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,920 her life and just talk about his goodness and faithfulness. 8 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,120 We're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,240 jump right in. So here we go. 10 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,960 Lord Heavenly Father, thank you for today and all of your many 11 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,080 blessings. Dear God, thank you for just 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,120 bringing us to this space right here where we get to talk about 13 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,920 your goodness and your faithfulness and what all you've 14 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,800 done. Lord God, we just are so 15 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,960 thankful for our testimonies. But whether they be like some 16 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,720 big radical change, Lord God, or just your provision over the 17 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,440 years that has brought us into ministry to further the Kingdom. 18 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,200 Lord God, we pray that you speak to us and through US today and 19 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,240 that this episode glorifies you. Lord, you take control of all of 20 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,080 this, all the technology and everything that's going on. 21 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,160 And if it's your will, it's your way and we're just thankful for 22 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,360 what you're doing. In Jesus name I pray, Amen, 23 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,760 Amen, Amen. So let's get it popping girl. 24 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,200 Tell us a little bit about yourself because let's start out 25 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,960 with your childhood. And I don't know if I've ever 26 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,720 told my listeners this, but I was texting you last night. 27 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,400 And so I was like, you know what? 28 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:33,000 This is a great opportunity for me to say why I start a podcast 29 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:37,800 the way that I do. And so I started wanting people 30 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,320 to say if you grew up with Christ or if you didn't grow up 31 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:43,520 with Christ, because I feel like everybody can relate at some 32 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,720 point. Like you might say, yeah, I grew 33 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,080 up with Christ. Boom, people relate to you. 34 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,680 Or maybe you didn't grow up with Christ and people relate to you. 35 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:55,760 So either way, I just love to set the foundation of what your 36 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,240 childhood was like. So let's get it started. 37 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,200 Yeah, well, thanks so much for having me. 38 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,720 Yeah, I grew up in a really healthy home. 39 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,680 I have amazing parents. I have two sisters and we grew 40 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,440 up, we live in Jacksonville, FL, Jacksonville Beach, FL and I 41 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,600 grew up just like a town over from here. 42 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:21,840 And I had an amazing childhood. I did grow up in church. 43 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:26,760 When we moved to Florida, I was 4 and I think really soon after 44 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:27,960 that we got plugged into a church. 45 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,960 I would say, and my parents would say that they believed in 46 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:36,400 God, but they didn't have a an active relationship with Jesus. 47 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,360 And that was reflected in our home life. 48 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,560 So like, we went to church, my sister and I were really plugged 49 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:48,320 into youth group, really like I feel like my middle sister who's 50 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,840 three years older than me, I just watched her fall in love 51 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,240 with the Lord. And, you know, little sisters 52 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,640 want to be like their Big Sisters and I just wanted to 53 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:02,120 follow suit, which is so funny. Now I have two daughters now and 54 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,400 it's just, I see it so clearly how much the younger one wants 55 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,560 to be like the older 1. So then I'm like, oh, if I can 56 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,120 just get the older one, if she meets the Lord, like I think the 57 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,640 next one will be OK. I'm sure everyone's like, yeah, 58 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,880 that's what you think. That's what you think girl. 59 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,240 But honestly, that is true though, because also parents 60 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,640 that's like that too. Like I had a recording one time 61 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:27,120 and Dana, she's one of my high school friends and she said that 62 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,280 she watched her mom like love the Lord and stuff and all this. 63 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,960 And so then it made her fall in love with the Lord because you 64 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,680 look up to people. I mean, that's what mentors are 65 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,200 for. But especially with siblings, 66 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,120 you know, you always want to be like your older siblings. 67 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,360 So that's. Yeah, and gosh, that's so 68 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,520 convicting to me now, too. I'm always like, OK, like, I 69 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,440 don't need to force the gospel upon my kids. 70 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,240 I need to show them that I'm living in the gospel. 71 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,000 And because of that, they'll want it, you know, which is 72 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,080 really convicting because a lot of times I think we think we 73 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,520 have to, like, have A-Z planned out for our kids. 74 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,680 And the reality is, like, they just want to see you love the 75 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,560 Lord. Yeah. 76 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,520 Yeah. So we grew up in church. 77 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,680 Our youth group was awesome. I grew up Presbyterian. 78 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,800 I had no idea what that meant at the time, but church was just 79 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,320 kind of something we did. It wasn't like a part of who we 80 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,040 were as a family. It was definitely a part of my 81 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,760 sister and I's lives, but I never saw my parents like 82 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:32,440 growing up read the Bible or and we we didn't have a lot of 83 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,440 conversations about Christianity or the Bible. 84 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,320 I surrendered my life in fifth grade. 85 00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:45,160 I was in like a church youth group leadership class and I 86 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,040 remember surrendering my life there. 87 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,520 And then I got baptized in 7th grade on the beach. 88 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,360 And, and the whole time, like my family was so supportive. 89 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:57,800 And it's really cool to look back on. 90 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,200 I think my sister and I were planting seeds for my parents. 91 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,400 Now my parents have an unbelievable faith. 92 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,440 They are active members of our church. 93 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,520 They love Jesus so much. And it's so fun to see how far 94 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,800 they've come from like when we were just having them show up to 95 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,840 youth group events and take us places and stuff like that. 96 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,600 So yeah, that was pretty much my childhood. 97 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,280 I love that just because too, we always think that like we don't 98 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,560 have an impact on people, but like y'all just being so 99 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,320 involved in your, your church, like also pulled your parents to 100 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,320 come closer and just grow and stuff like that too. 101 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,360 So like they always say, like I've always heard this where 102 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,760 it's like your ministry or your family is like one of your 103 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,000 hardest ministries and like I'm like. 104 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:45,080 Oh, that. Because it is because some so 105 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,720 many times like we just are so close with our family. 106 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:51,120 We're so comfortable and we just don't know the impact that we 107 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,320 have on them. And so I have older 108 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,160 stepchildren. Me and my husband have an age 109 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,600 gap. And so my older step kids I was 110 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,640 like trying to beat them over the head with like when I came 111 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,840 to the Lord, I'm like y'all got to come to church. 112 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,800 I got to get Neil's Bible and now I'm like really trying to 113 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:12,160 step back and I'm like, if I can just show them the love of 114 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,400 Christ and show them what I'm doing, that's going to make the 115 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,440 biggest difference. Not just telling him them 116 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,440 Scripture and try to beat them over the head with it. 117 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,520 So. Yeah, I think it's like, I'm 118 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:27,280 really feeling convicted lately about persistence in invitations 119 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:31,400 but not information. So I want to consistently invite 120 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,160 people in my life to come and hear the good news of the 121 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,280 gospel, but I don't want to consistently beat them over the 122 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:42,120 head with information because I think I swung the other way of 123 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,280 like, well, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. 124 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:48,120 So I'm not even going to extend an invitation for the people 125 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,640 that I'm closest to, friends, family, whoever it is. 126 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,680 And I've really been challenged over the past six months of no, 127 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,680 I think it's just I need to continue. 128 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,240 Like even though I invited them three years ago, they don't know 129 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,400 that that invitation is still fresh and real. 130 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,200 Like I need to continue to invite them no matter what. 131 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,400 That is so good. I love that. 132 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,560 I'm about to start using that. Honestly, when I get off this, I 133 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,880 got to go to work and I'm going to tell everybody that. 134 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:18,800 So invitation, not information. OK, So yeah, tell us a little 135 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:22,760 bit like in high school where you still like actively like in 136 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,120 church and stuff like that too. Like cuz I know in your 20s you 137 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,160 said you wandered a little bit and we'll get there. 138 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,120 But like, what does that season look like going up to that? 139 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,000 I guess yeah, yeah, high school, I feel like I had one foot in 140 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,280 the world. I would always say I had one 141 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,200 foot in the world and 1 foot in following the Lord. 142 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:48,920 Now with a broader understanding of life with Jesus, I know that 143 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,000 that's not really possible. Like you can't really share 144 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,240 yourself. Ultimately you're just then are 145 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,680 fully in the world. And so, yeah, I feel like I have 146 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,120 the normal wanderings of a high schooler. 147 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,800 Like I would say nothing so crazy. 148 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:11,120 And I I, I never hit like a huge rebellion phase. 149 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,480 I would say like later into high school and then definitely 150 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:21,760 college, you know, I dabbled in partying and I don't know, like 151 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:25,400 the the resounding theme was like God just wasn't Lord of my 152 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,480 life. Like I had not I wanted to be so 153 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,720 in control of my life and I had a lot of shame and insecurity 154 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,559 around my body and how I looked. And I think I channelled that 155 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,480 into, like, being the life of the party and being always being 156 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,799 like, in leadership roles. Like, I was equally fun going 157 00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:44,240 out. And I was trying to be the 158 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,600 president of like, 10 clubs at one time. 159 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,960 And it was all, like, I always say, I was just building this 160 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,760 House of Cards because I was afraid if people really saw who 161 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:56,320 I was, if people really could see, like how broken and full of 162 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,440 shame I was, then they wouldn't love me. 163 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:02,680 And so it was like years of building this fragile House of 164 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,000 Cards. If I could just keep all the 165 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:08,400 pieces together, then like, I'll be good to go. 166 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,680 And ultimately, that came crashing down in my early 20s 167 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:15,720 when I graduated college. But the whole time I just had 168 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,680 this tagline of like, I'm a fun Christian. 169 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,760 Like, yeah, I believe in God, but that doesn't mean I can't 170 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,240 have a good time. And ultimately, like that was 171 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:29,480 just a justification for living a life like I wanted to live it. 172 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,360 And over the course of that time, what began to happen is 173 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,720 what what what I was doing is I was eroding the edges of my 174 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,280 heart, like I was giving pieces of my heart away to people that 175 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,640 did not commit to me to being eligible for it. 176 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:49,800 I eroded my self esteem. I became consumed with 177 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,880 achievement and success. And what that meant and what 178 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,520 you're, what you're left with is nothing's irreparable. 179 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:01,640 But the corners were eroded. And I just didn't feel whole 180 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:03,600 throughout those years. But you. 181 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,240 But I didn't notice it when it was happening because this was 182 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,400 such a long process. And like I said, there wasn't 183 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,320 like one season or one act that changed everything. 184 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,240 That was like my pinnacle of rebellion. 185 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:19,200 It was just like over time, like I just was becoming so far from 186 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,040 God. But I thought because of the 187 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,840 words I said and because I was reading Jesus calling for 5 188 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,840 minutes in the morning before I went and like went out with my 189 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:31,280 friends, that that was enough to put me in the category of 190 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,760 Christianity. So a few things, OK, when you 191 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:40,080 said like he wasn't Lord, my Celebrate Recovery pastor, that 192 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,280 he works at our church and he says all the time he's like, you 193 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,520 can know the Lord, but is he Lord? 194 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:50,520 Like is he really Lord of your life where everything falls 195 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,240 underneath him? Because there's so many times we 196 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,560 do get confused, like we're like, oh, put the Lord first, 197 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,520 like, and we think just a blanket covering like, Oh yeah, 198 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,080 the Lord first family, you know, XYZ underneath it. 199 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,320 No, in every category. Let him be Lord. 200 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,560 Let him be first. And just like I, I just love the 201 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:13,200 way that you said that because not many people acknowledge that 202 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,120 aspect of it. Yeah, like they say, Oh yeah, 203 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:21,080 he's Lord, but is he bored? I don't know how to explain that 204 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,240 but. I get yeah, one wing that our 205 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,640 pastor says it is he is not an item on the list of priorities 206 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,520 in your life life. He's the paper in which the list 207 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,840 is written on. So like he is yeah, I know it's 208 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,000 not so good. And like when we baptize people, 209 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,840 we say who is Jesus Christ to you? 210 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,880 And the response is my Lord and Savior. 211 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,800 And The thing is, is I would always say, like now I 212 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:52,960 understand that in order for him to be Savior, he also is Lord. 213 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:58,280 But I would now looking back, it was like I had said yes to the 214 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,520 Savior part. Like I wanted salvation and I 215 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,520 knew I wanted to be in heaven. I believed in all of that, but I 216 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,160 hadn't yet handed over the reins of my life for him to be Lord of 217 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,840 my life. And that's where actual freedom 218 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,520 comes. The point of salvation is your 219 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:17,440 eternity is secured. And you have officially been 220 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,360 written in the eternal Book of Names. 221 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,520 Yes and Amen. Praise God. 222 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,920 But then we have the rest of our life to live before we get 223 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:30,360 there, and that part, the freedom and the healing and the 224 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:34,760 abundance, like that part, only comes when we also submit to Him 225 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,400 as Lord of our life. You're cooking, girl. 226 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:42,480 You cooking this morning OK yes and then another thing you're 227 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,400 talking about how you had one foot in and 1 foot out and like 228 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,200 I do have like my high school girl girlies, they listen to 229 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,960 this and you know just even adults all the way up but it's 230 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,800 like you it's conforming to the world. 231 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,440 So God says we know that you can't be lukewarm. 232 00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,680 He doesn't want you to be lukewarm. 233 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,440 He's, you're all in or you're all out. 234 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,240 And so in this season, that is a trying time because you're in 235 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:09,400 your, you know, late teens, early 20s, you're trying to fit 236 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,440 in your, you're trying to seek this validation from people. 237 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,600 You're trying to find who you are. 238 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,160 And until you make him Lord there, you're not going to find 239 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,480 that. You're, you're going to keep 240 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,680 searching and keep searching because nothing's going to be 241 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,640 fulfilling. And I believe this narrative 242 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,960 that I had to have it all together all the time. 243 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,920 And it's like my heart really breaks for that girl because 244 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,560 nobody put that pressure on me but me. 245 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,080 Like I remember writing this, I got a speeding ticket. 246 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,000 And I remember I was afraid to tell my dad and I wrote him this 247 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,640 letter basically saying, like, I'm so ashamed of myself. 248 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,760 Like it was just, I mean, it was just a, a gunning letter. 249 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,800 And I remember him calling me and, and saying, like, I never 250 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,000 want you to be afraid of, of messing up. 251 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,320 And so my heart breaks for this girl who was so young. 252 00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,160 And for some reason, I thought I needed to have it all together. 253 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,560 And therefore, I I could never admit to people where I was 254 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:07,160 hurting and where I was broken. And what that led to was then 255 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,880 I'm just like covering up shame time and time again with more 256 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,400 brokenness. Like brokenness is compounding. 257 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,840 And it's a cyclical thing. Until you break out of it and 258 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:21,680 and begin healing, you'll just continue to put band aids over 259 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,400 huge gaping wounds that need surgery. 260 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,560 And that's what I was experiencing so much. 261 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,800 And it it. Yeah, I just like now I'm 262 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,800 raising girls and, and honestly, I didn't even fully understand 263 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,080 this whole part of my story until becoming a mom. 264 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,320 And I don't look to my kids to be perfect. 265 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,520 And my parents didn't look at me to be perfect. 266 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:45,320 And yet for some reason, like I put that on myself and then 267 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,080 lived under that, which was bondage for probably 10 years. 268 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:54,000 And so now I'm, I'm challenging like, how can I steward the 269 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,800 girls that are in my Care now to raise and develop so that they 270 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,640 don't put that same burden on themselves? 271 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,600 That's so good when we think about like, you know, the 272 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,560 bondage of just insecurities and stuff. 273 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,360 This is where it's so important to be in your Word and know what 274 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:14,200 God says because these negative core beliefs about ourselves are 275 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:18,120 things that we put on ourselves like nobody put that on us 276 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,800 except for ourselves. Or we just didn't know the Word 277 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,920 and what God says about us and how to live a righteous life 278 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,200 because we're not in the Word. So I mean, it's just so 279 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,120 important to know, like a lot of those insecurities and things is 280 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,720 because we're not actively in a intimate relationship with Him. 281 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,240 Yeah, yeah. I, I wrote a Bible study earlier 282 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:43,560 this year called Daughter, and the premise of it is that the 283 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,920 labels we wear become the lies we believe. 284 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,800 And then I would add another line that I just heard from the 285 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,720 Queen, Lisa Turkers. She took it one step further and 286 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:57,200 said the labels we wear become. The lies we believe become the 287 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:02,800 liabilities we cause because the when we live in labels and lies, 288 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,520 we become, we overflow that to everybody in our life. 289 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,080 And those labels, I do think we create a lot of them for 290 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,640 ourselves. I think some of them have been 291 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,600 put on by other people, particularly if you grew up in 292 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:20,240 like an abusive home or had abandonment, like you definitely 293 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:25,600 had a label put on you like unworthy, not worth it, 294 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,880 unlovable. Like those things were put on 295 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,960 you that then you do make the choice to live in. 296 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:35,880 And the only way, like what this study walks through and what I 297 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:40,480 love teaching women about is the only way for a lie and a label 298 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,360 to actually dissolve is to replace it with something. 299 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:47,440 Because if you tackle a label, so let's say I tackled my body 300 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,040 image and I'm like, I, you know what? 301 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,880 I'm going to overcome this label. 302 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,040 I am not going to think negatively about my body. 303 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,760 Well, then the enemy's just going to find a new label to 304 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,360 give me because I haven't put anything in the place of that 305 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,360 label. So it's like it's not enough to 306 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,200 just dissolve the label table. You also have to fill it with 307 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,760 the truth of who God is and who he says you are. 308 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:06,920 So that's like what you're saying. 309 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:13,040 Like I have to know deep in my soul what the Word of God says 310 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,400 about who I am. That's the only thing that's 311 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,800 going to help me to look in the mirror and love myself in three 312 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,680 months when I can't muscle out self positivity anymore, I'm 313 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,680 looking in the mirror. I'm like, why would God create 314 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,960 me like this? Like why would he create me in 315 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,320 this shape? I don't understand. 316 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,520 And then it's like, no, you know what? 317 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,640 No, Psalm 139, he knitted me together, every piece of me 318 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,720 intention intentionally. That's when I'm going to believe 319 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,160 the truth to that because I can't trust the truth of myself. 320 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,920 Like, that's not, that's nothing. 321 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:47,120 That is so good, girl, that that is impactful for every age 322 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,080 possible. Like, I know, like you're having 323 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:52,640 to learn this, you know, in in your early 20s, like that's what 324 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,600 you're suffering from and like being in bondage about. 325 00:17:55,600 --> 00:18:00,360 And so it's like even in your late 30s, honey, early 40s all 326 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,840 the way up, like people deal with these same things. 327 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,960 And it's so important to know this is how you overcome these 328 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,080 hurts, habits and hang ups. This is how you. 329 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,080 And we got, we got crusty labels. 330 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,600 Listen, I've met women in their 70s, eighties, They have labels 331 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,160 on them. They have been believing since 332 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,600 they were a little girl because they didn't learn the tools in 333 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,320 that generation. They didn't learn the tools on 334 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,520 how to walk through healing and freedom. 335 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,400 And so yeah, this is relevant to everybody. 336 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:31,160 And I will just shameless plug. If you want to go down that path 337 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,000 to just start the process of healing, you can grab one of 338 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,760 those Bible studies. It's called daughter on our 339 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,200 website. Maybe you can link it in the 340 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,280 show notes or something. But it's the neighbors 341 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,960 podcast.com. And yeah, it's a 21 day study 342 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,280 through three different events in the Bible, Genesis 3, John 343 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,360 four and Luke 8. And we just see where time and 344 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,960 time again Jesus deals with shame and how he deals with it. 345 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,400 And yeah, so I'd love for anybody to get that if they want 346 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,480 to or they're interested in kind of going down that path. 347 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,600 Absolutely. That is good girl. 348 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,120 And you said shameless plug. Absolutely every time. 349 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,880 OK. So yeah, so in this season, like 350 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:11,080 leading up to, you know, you recognize the season that you're 351 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,600 in, you know this, but like you said, like in your mid 20s, 352 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,200 right, is when the change starts happening in you. 353 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:24,040 Yeah, when I was 22, yeah. So I graduated college and I 354 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,800 moved to New York City for my job straight out of college and 355 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,240 I moved to New York not knowing a single soul. 356 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,640 I had always dreamed of moving to a big city. 357 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,600 I mean, I'm from like a small town on the coast of Florida. 358 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,480 I went to Clemson and South Carolina, like small town. 359 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:43,680 And so I had never, I had no business being in this big city, 360 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:49,760 but it was my dream. And I am a just textbook 361 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,680 romanticist. Like I will romanticize 362 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,560 anything. I will hype it up. 363 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,880 I am like glass half full to an absolute fault. 364 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,560 Like these are not, this is not necessarily a good trait. 365 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,640 And so I moved to New York thinking I was going to live the 366 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,400 Devil Wears Prada life. Like I was going to have this 367 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:13,040 penthouse office and I was going to walk to my work in my heels, 368 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,960 my driver's going to pick me up like and. 369 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,440 No, I was out there grinding. I'm walking, I'm trekking one 370 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:22,480 mile to my paper cubicle in tennis shoes and changing into 371 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,160 my work shoes when I get there. It was, it was just much 372 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,520 different. Reality really hit me then and I 373 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,440 So I moved there not knowing anyone and I had two random 374 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,440 roommates I found on some random website and. 375 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,440 What a time to be alive, girl. What a time, no? 376 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,680 More. Yeah, and I'm just this young 22 377 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,200 year old again. Like I felt like I had it all 378 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,040 together, but looking back, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I had none of 379 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:51,760 it together. And my whole life, you know, I 380 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,840 grew up in the same place. I lived in the same town since I 381 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,760 was 5. I had the same friends since 382 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,720 elementary school, all growing up. 383 00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,920 When I went to college, I joined a sorority. 384 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:06,560 I had instant friends. I had never not had friends. 385 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,440 And I'm 100 percent, 100% extroverted. 386 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:14,400 Hi, people please people person and people pleasing. 387 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,680 And so all of a sudden, like I'm lonely and I have never 388 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,840 experienced loneliness before. And I'm not talking like I wish 389 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,720 I had someone to hang out with. I'm talking dark soul of the 390 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,200 night loneliness unlike anything I've ever experienced. 391 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,440 I was, and I did everything I could to make friends. 392 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,800 I joined a kickball team. I was a part of a church in 393 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,640 Manhattan. I was on a serve team that the 394 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:44,280 entire job of the volunteer team was to connect people to 395 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,560 community. I was in three small groups, but 396 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,480 I just, I could not find my people. 397 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:54,680 And I so clearly remember coming home from a small Group One 398 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,800 night and I was just sad because I didn't like anybody. 399 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,960 It was like, I love them, God made them and they're great, but 400 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,480 I just didn't like them, you know what I mean? 401 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,600 Like they just weren't my people. 402 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,480 And I remember coming back to my apartment and I just got out my 403 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,280 journal. I got on my knees, I put worship 404 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,000 music on and I just started journaling. 405 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:18,240 And all of a sudden I just started like sobbing, crying, 406 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:24,080 and everything I had done, all that erosion, every small act of 407 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:28,440 my heart erosion, I started to write down and confess to God. 408 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,800 And I felt such a tangible release, such a presence of the 409 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,000 Holy Spirit. I always say like I was saved in 410 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,880 fifth grade, but God captured my heart that night. 411 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,680 Like I just knew something was different about that. 412 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,640 And I just knew I was never going to be the same. 413 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,120 And in the midst of my loneliness, I knew God was 414 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:51,120 saying, your whole life you have filled it with people and it's 415 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,040 time to fill it with me. And once you can learn to fill 416 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,800 it with me, then we can bring people back into the fold. 417 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,880 And so I lived there for almost 2 years and I never really like 418 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:05,240 made close friends. I had a couple friends, a girl I 419 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,840 worked with, but like really I didn't like make friends. 420 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:14,200 And it was awful. Like such a refining, such a 421 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,920 pruning season. I was single. 422 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:21,080 I was sad about being single. I was had an extremely unhealthy 423 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,720 relationship with food. I would even go as far to say 424 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,680 like I probably had a binge eating disorder. 425 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,760 Like I would go into these cycles of going down in our 426 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,760 little bodega in my apartment building and getting an entire 427 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,800 pint of Jimmy Fallon tonight dough and eating the entire 428 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,760 thing and then feeling like the deepest shame about it for the 429 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,000 next 24 hours. And I just, I think my 430 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,840 brokenness was just overflowing out of me. 431 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,000 And it was good. Like so much of it was so 432 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,720 healthy because when we get pruned, when we go through 433 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,720 pruning seasons, the actual act of pruning is a physical cutting 434 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,520 away. Like when I prune a Bush in my 435 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,960 yard, I'm taking really sharp shears and I'm cutting pieces 436 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,040 away from it. And that's what was happening to 437 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,280 my heart. Like God was taking scissors to 438 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:09,120 my heart, cutting away flesh that had grown that was dark and 439 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,160 gross and had attached itself to me. 440 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,840 He was cutting that away. And it was a really painful 441 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,360 process. I remember laying on my bed one 442 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,440 day. It was a Saturday. 443 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,520 It was a beautiful day in New York. 444 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,760 And it's New York. It's full of adventure. 445 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,480 And I remember being on the phone with my mom and I was just 446 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,240 so sad and just in this pit. And she's like, just go for a 447 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,680 walk. And I was like, mom, I literally 448 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,920 cannot go for a walk. Like, I cannot get up and walk 449 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,280 outside of this building. And I had never experienced 450 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,720 depression. I've never experienced anything 451 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,120 like that before. But ultimately by the end of the 452 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:46,920 two years, I was whole again. Like I those eroded parts of my 453 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,840 heart. All of a sudden I could see 454 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,960 like, oh, they were there. They were just covered with some 455 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,200 gross dark stuff that had grown there. 456 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,280 And God was never distant. He's always near. 457 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,000 And he was right there the whole time. 458 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,120 And I really learned what it meant to know God as friend in 459 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:07,480 that season. And I came out of it again, like 460 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,880 I feel like I moved to New York, a House of Cards, which what's 461 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,040 what? What do we know about a House of 462 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,880 Cards? It's fragile, it's a shell. 463 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,960 There's no depth, there's no strong foundation. 464 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:21,000 And I left like a rock solid house with a lot of healing 465 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:27,520 still to do, but a way more bright view and future than what 466 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,240 I had experienced. That is good. 467 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,280 Girl, you kind of weigh with words. 468 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,960 I'm telling you, you know how to explain stuff because I'm like, 469 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,320 man, I struggle being able to put all this together. 470 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:44,040 But you know, it is so important to recognize that these lonely 471 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,240 season God is going to praying you. 472 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,840 God is close to you. Like when I've heard so many 473 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,760 people say like this is just a lonely season And I'm like, 474 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,600 girl, like this is where he's refining you. 475 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,360 Like this is where he's trying to teach you about himself and 476 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:02,240 teach him his character heuristics and like how good he 477 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,280 is. Because when we're busy and when 478 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:06,360 we got all these friends and when we got all this stuff to 479 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:10,280 do, how many times does it get pushed to the back burner? 480 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:11,880 Like we're not learning about God. 481 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:13,520 Maybe we're still reading our Bible. 482 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,120 Maybe we're still reading that devotion running out the door. 483 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,040 But like we're not actively learning about him and letting 484 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,560 him teach us about him. And so it is just so important 485 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,400 and. It sucks sometimes. 486 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,400 Like that's what I feel like when people are in hard seasons, 487 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,520 like we can cover it with like, well, God's going to teach you 488 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,960 something or well, you know, God's good and God has a plan 489 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,120 and those things are true. And I would say like the number 490 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:42,400 one thing about my season in New York, which I feel like New 491 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,200 York, it's such a bad rap in my story. 492 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,960 And I'm like, it's not you New York, it's me. 493 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:50,800 But it just happened to be you. Like I look back and I'm really 494 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:54,240 thankful for that season and 100% I can see how God used it. 495 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,240 But when I, when I was in it like that doesn't mean there 496 00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,360 still weren't moments that were absolutely horrible, like, and I 497 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:02,200 would never want to relive those again. 498 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,600 But it's like, you got to take both. 499 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,560 But I think a lot of times we want to jump to, well, God's 500 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,360 going to use it. And in the moment I'm like how 501 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,640 the heck is God like? This is. 502 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,160 Terrible. And there are parts of it he's 503 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,440 not going to use. Like there are parts of it that 504 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,320 just suck and like that's just what they are. 505 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:24,360 And like, OK, and then but over overarching, like God has used 506 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:28,800 it and I think loneliness it does, it drives you to a 507 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:33,120 desperate place. And what I now have seen now, 508 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:38,360 now I've been in ministry almost 10 years, I can see so clearly 509 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:43,240 that when you are broken wide open and you are desperate, it 510 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:47,000 is the soil in which God can move in a big way. 511 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:50,680 And praise God for that. But it doesn't make it not hard 512 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,920 when it's happening. Yes, girl, I. 513 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,600 Talk about being broken wide open all the time, like 514 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:00,960 literally, because sometimes we, yeah, you can just be broken. 515 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,320 But until you're wide open and you just laying out that when 516 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,880 we're getting being filled, that's when we're able to be 517 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:12,880 transparent and be able to grow. You also brought up about how 518 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,280 you wrote all the all the. Things on the. 519 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,680 Paper, right, and like there's so much healing and just 520 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,640 confessing and like writing that stuff down journal journaling 521 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,640 it. So I told you, you know, like 522 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,160 I'm a part of Celebrate Recovery. 523 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,880 And that's one of our things in 12 step is like you go through 524 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:36,440 from your earliest memory and you start writing down every 525 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:40,080 hurt habit, hang up the person you wrong, the people that 526 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,600 wronged you. And there was so much freeing, 527 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,880 like and healing in that, that of me just being like, you know 528 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,680 what I've been telling these folks that that didn't hurt me, 529 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,320 but I'm be honest, it like that's where some insecurities 530 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,840 came from. Like this is where XYZ happened. 531 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:03,080 And like it's just so like pivotal when in your Christ, 532 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,160 like in your relationship with him to be open and honest. 533 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,520 Like he knows it, but he wants to hear it from you. 534 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,880 He wants you to come to him with that stuff. 535 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:15,640 Yeah, I mean. Confession is as old as time and 536 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:22,040 I think we can take for granted the power of confession and when 537 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:27,560 it comes to disciplines, the power of confession and 538 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:31,520 repentance and the frequency by which we do it that will free 539 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,880 that will. You will see the needle move in 540 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:38,800 your spiritual life likely more than any other practice with 541 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,800 with confession and repentance. Tell us a. 542 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,960 Little bit about, you know, after New York. 543 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,840 So do you just like up and move back or like how does that work? 544 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,520 Yeah, pretty much. My job, I love my job. 545 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,160 I was in sales and of course in hindsight, like I can see that 546 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:59,560 God was wooing me towards ministry, but I still couldn't 547 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,280 see it at the time. Didn't love my job but wanted to 548 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,560 do something more fulfilling and New York really wasn't for me. 549 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,000 As much as like now I have a respect for what New York is. 550 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,280 I am definitely not a big city, bright lights kind of girl. 551 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:17,560 I am a slower paced coastal girl. 552 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:22,600 And so I knew I wanted to do something more fulfilling and 553 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,320 well, that's like what I would say more fulfilling. 554 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,160 Now, I think you can be completely fulfilled in a sales 555 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,560 job. Like that is ministry if you 556 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,560 follow the Lord, like yes and Amen. 557 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,600 It just wasn't for me. And so I decided I was going to 558 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:41,960 become a teacher and I so I moved back to Jacksonville and I 559 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,640 had six months before my teaching job started and I was 560 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,920 going to move to Charlotte, NC. That's where I was going to be a 561 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,640 teacher and I moved back to Jacksonville. 562 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,800 I had six months. And in those six months, I had 563 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,200 like five different jobs. I was a brief at Starbucks, a 564 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:01,440 dog Walker, an Uber driver, a Zumba instructor and an event 565 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,000 planner, OK. And and then I also like 566 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:09,120 interned at our church. And the role that I interned in, 567 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,360 I was like an unofficial intern. I was basically just like a 568 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:15,080 glorified surf staff. The role that I interned in 569 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,280 actually ended up being the role that I took a whole year later 570 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:19,760 after teaching, which is just so crazy. 571 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,680 I couldn't see it at the time. And at the time, everybody on 572 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,160 the team was like, you're going to be on staff here. 573 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,760 And I kept saying, Nope, I kept saying the words I'm called to 574 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,000 the secular world, which for anybody listening, like there is 575 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:33,240 no secular in spiritual world. Like there is just the world and 576 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,720 we're all called to the whole world. 577 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,600 OK, So I don't love the term like, well, I work in the 578 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,400 secular world. Well, no, like we're all in 579 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:46,600 ministry somewhere actually. And so during that time I had 580 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,320 run into like over the past couple years, and this is a long 581 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:53,800 story we don't have to get into, but I had run into this guy Wes, 582 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,640 who's now my husband, but I had run into him a couple times at 583 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,160 church. I had known him in high school. 584 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:01,200 We were friends in youth group, never anything like we didn't 585 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,120 date or anything in high school, but we always thought really 586 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,160 highly of each other. And I always wondered like, 587 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,640 because that was an 8 year gap where we hadn't seen each other, 588 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,600 didn't follow each other on social media, nothing. 589 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,680 I always wondered like what happened to him because he was 590 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,880 always just like so great, loved the Lord. 591 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,200 And I guess likewise, he had thought the same about me. 592 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,760 So we kept kind of running into each other. 593 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,320 And when I moved back to Jacksonville, I knew I wanted to 594 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,360 be friends with him and his group of friends. 595 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,960 He was very plugged into our church, had a great community. 596 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,960 And so we started hanging out and then like one thing led to 597 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,440 another and like we both, it was obvious we're interested in each 598 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:36,880 other. But I was moving to New York and 599 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,760 he had no interest in doing long distance. 600 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:44,960 And at that point in my healing journey, it I felt like nervous 601 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:49,080 about moving to North Carolina because of just like moving to a 602 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,240 new place, like starting over again. 603 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:56,400 I had felt so much peace and joy, honestly so much joy in 604 00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,720 moving back to Jackson. I've lived with my parents. 605 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:03,400 It was incredible. Like it was so fun and I was 606 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,480 starting to second guess if I should move to North Carolina. 607 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,280 And one night Wes was just like, do you have to move there? 608 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,240 And I was like, no, I guess I don't. 609 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,520 I guess I could be a teacher here. 610 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:18,120 So I ended up switching. I know I ended up switching my 611 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,080 teaching set up to Jacksonville. And then Wes and I started 612 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,560 dating right after that. On our first date, we were like, 613 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,040 we're probably getting married at that point. 614 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:28,400 We had known each other for 10 years. 615 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,600 Our families knew each other and so we were dating. 616 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,120 I taught 9th grade English for a year and I loved it. 617 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,360 Like I loved teaching, I loved the kids, but it just didn't. 618 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,080 Again, nothing was wrong with it. 619 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,400 God was just wooing me into ministry. 620 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,600 So towards the end of that year I got a call from the woman I 621 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:52,360 had shadowed the year before and she said I'm moving roles, are 622 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,480 you interested in coming on staff? 623 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,280 And again I'm like no, I'm not interested at all. 624 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,520 We had just closed on a house. I knew they didn't pay much in 625 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,800 ministry, so I was like no, I got to, not that they pay much 626 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,560 in teaching, but more. And so I was like I'll at least 627 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,080 have coffee with the guy I would report to. 628 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,920 And so I had coffee with him and I left that coffee. 629 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,800 I called my fiance at the time and said I think I'm going to go 630 00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,679 work for the church. And so I did. 631 00:34:18,679 --> 00:34:24,320 And so I've been on staff for about just about 8 years, and I 632 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:28,560 started off as an administrative assistant, which is so not in 633 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:30,880 line with my personality or who I am. 634 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:37,040 I was a business major ready to take over companies and be ACEO 635 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,840 and blast through every glass ceiling that existed in 636 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,840 corporate America. And I ended up becoming an 637 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,520 administrative assistant to a pastor. 638 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:48,679 And that role in obscurity for two years changed more about my 639 00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:52,239 life, probably as much as my two years in New York. 640 00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,639 Like it was just another layer that God needed to use to 641 00:34:55,639 --> 00:34:58,640 basically teach me like, you're not that great. 642 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:02,120 Not in like a negative way, like it's just not about you. 643 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:06,000 And like, if you can get behind the bigger move of God and what 644 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,840 I'm doing, then like you'll be off to the races. 645 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,800 But I had to learn that in a, in a position of total obscurity. 646 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,920 And so, yeah, I did that for a couple years. 647 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:17,080 And yeah, now I've just been in ministry and obviously still 648 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,680 healing, still growing, but it's been a really, really beautiful 649 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,600 journey over the past 10 years. The longer we talk, girl. 650 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,200 I'm like, are we the same person? 651 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,280 Because like, literally, I was telling you about my personality 652 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:31,240 earlier and it's like you have this exact same personality. 653 00:35:31,240 --> 00:35:35,560 Like we want success. We want these things and God, 654 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,600 you know, has to like heart shake you a lot probably too, 655 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,440 because I like sometimes I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm 656 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,040 getting it out of sorts. This is me instead of you and. 657 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,440 You know and. It's like, yeah, I wanted the 658 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,320 same things and I went to school to be a teacher. 659 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,040 Oh, really? I did and. 660 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,480 I was like, no, thank you, this isn't for me. 661 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,920 And then I was in sales for years, eight years or six years, 662 00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:01,600 six years. And then I just have to quit my 663 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,880 job to going to ministry. And like I was like also going 664 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:08,080 back to school, like I went back to go get like my logistics and 665 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,800 like supply chain management degree. 666 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:15,000 And I'm like, in those seasons, I'm like, this isn't for me. 667 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,520 Like I could see, I could feel like this is not what God's 668 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:21,800 calling me to do. And you can't explain that to 669 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,080 anyone. Like truly, I told people this 670 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,280 and they're like, Are you sure? Like, do you know how much you 671 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,840 make out of church? And I'm like, yeah. 672 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,040 And they're like, do you know how much you'll make working for 673 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,520 the government on base? Like, I like, it's fine. 674 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,960 Like I'm. And it did scare me at first 675 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,800 because you're like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. 676 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,320 I don't know what I'm going to do, but when God brings you to 677 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,680 something like he, if it's God's will, it's God's bill. 678 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,520 And like he's going to work it all out. 679 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:51,960 We're going to be honest. So work. 680 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,600 It all out for sure he does. That is just so cool. 681 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:55,840 Because really, you've been talking. 682 00:36:55,840 --> 00:37:00,160 I'm like, that's sounds like me. Wait, I love it. 683 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:01,920 Yeah, so you've. Been there. 684 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,240 So how long have you been at your church? 685 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:05,840 Now working full time. I've been a part of the church. 686 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,160 Yeah, I've been a part of the church for a long time, 14 687 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,120 years. Obviously, I didn't live here 688 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,880 for some of that time. I was in New York but always 689 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,880 like was tied to it and then I've been on staff just about 8 690 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:18,600 years. OK, so in that. 691 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,760 Time period, because we already know that you started your 692 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,200 podcast and stuff, so tell us a little bit about how you jump 693 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,880 into podcasting. Yeah. 694 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:32,800 So five years ago, I took a role called service programming 695 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:36,000 director and I helped plan weekend services and sermon 696 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,920 series. And I love my job so much. 697 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,040 I was a marketing major, like I said, and I thought when I came 698 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,840 into ministry, I'm never going to use any of the things that I 699 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,480 learned in marketing. Turns out I use everything I 700 00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,600 learned in marketing like my job is. 701 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:54,400 It's business processes and project management and 702 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:57,840 presentations. It's just with being gospel 703 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,840 centered. So it's a dream and see, I love 704 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,400 my job. So I'm I'm really close to our 705 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,320 lead pastor and planning sermon series and all that. 706 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:11,400 And I also like I do, I've always loved public speaking. 707 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,200 I've always loved even like when I was a teacher, I loved 708 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:16,400 teaching. I just realized like maybe I 709 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:17,680 don't like teaching 9th grade English. 710 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,560 I think I want to like teach the Bible. 711 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,800 And I mean, I have, and one of like the bread crumbs of my life 712 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,760 is when I was in early elementary school, I would just 713 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,960 write speeches, have my dad film them on a camcorder. 714 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:33,360 And then we would go back, review the speech and he would 715 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,800 give me feedback because he he did a lot of public speaking in 716 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,840 his career too. And so like this is just like in 717 00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:44,760 me and but I had no podcast experience or anything. 718 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,160 And we were planning on launching our first podcast at 719 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:52,120 the church for our pastor. And two days before the creative 720 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,800 meeting for it that I was leading, I gave announcements in 721 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,880 a staff meeting. And he, our pastor, was on stage 722 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:01,600 at the time of the announcements. 723 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,880 And while I was giving these announcements, he would kept 724 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,680 like kind of making fun of me. Like we were just like bantering 725 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,640 and I was kind of giving it back to him. 726 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,400 And then two days later we're in this creative meeting. 727 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,680 We're talking like, well, who's going to host this podcast? 728 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:18,280 And he's like, I think Ali should all because of two days 729 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,240 before in that all staff meeting. 730 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:24,280 So all that to say to like, you just have no idea what you think 731 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,760 is something small could actually end up changing your 732 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,280 entire life. Like I didn't think anything of 733 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:33,080 like giving these announcements, you know, and and so I hosted 734 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,080 that. I started hosting his podcast. 735 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,880 I loved it. I knew two things were happening 736 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,200 simultaneously. One, I was like, holy crap, I've 737 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,760 no idea what to say. God, you have to show up or I'm 738 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,400 going to freeze and not know what to say. 739 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,920 And I felt fully alive, like while it was happening, I felt 740 00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:53,480 equally terrified and fully alive, which I now know is like, 741 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:55,560 that's when you know you're walking in a sweet spot of what 742 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,320 God's called you to do is you feel equally terrified like, 743 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,360 God, if you don't show up in this, I don't know if it's going 744 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,760 to go OK. And oh man, I think maybe I was 745 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,640 created to do this. And so I started to feel those 746 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:08,640 things and I loved hosting it for him. 747 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,800 And never had any intention of making my own podcast. 748 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:17,080 I always say I'm an accidental podcaster now, less accidental. 749 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,480 I would choose to do it now, but. 750 00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:25,000 And so I did that for almost 2 years before I launched my own 751 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,720 podcast called Neighbors. And I spent a year, almost a 752 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:33,240 year in prayer and seeking wise counsel because like we said 753 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:38,360 earlier, the way I'm wired is like I see a goal, I achieve a 754 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,280 goal, and I make sure you know about my goal. 755 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,560 OK? So that's how I'm wired. 756 00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:45,960 And the obscurity season that I was in worked a lot of that out 757 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,480 of me. And so I wanted to come at this 758 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,480 for the first time. I wanted to come towards a 759 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,600 project and a goal with me on the back burner. 760 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,680 Like I wanted to do it because I felt I was being obedient, not 761 00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,000 because I wanted my name to be on something, because I just 762 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,440 knew that would be a slippery slope. 763 00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,720 And so I, every week I went to the altar and I asked God to 764 00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:07,640 release me from launching my own podcast. 765 00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:11,120 And at about nine months, I felt the Holy Spirit. 766 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:15,160 So clearly, you know, not audibly, but so clearly say you 767 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:19,760 are using prayer as an excuse to not go and be obedient. 768 00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,840 And that is disobedience. Like even using a godly thing, 769 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,560 I'm like, well, I'm, I'm in a season of prayer about it. 770 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,840 And God was like, I've told you the answer, like go and you know 771 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:34,200 that you're supposed to go and do it mixed with people in my 772 00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:39,880 life wise counsel affirming that this was a step that I was 773 00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,400 supposed to take. And so, yeah, I launched it two 774 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,760 years ago and it exists. I mean, it's similar to this. 775 00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,960 Like we exist to tell stories, whether it's the story of God, 776 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,200 the best story of them all, of course, the story of you, how 777 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:58,160 God you is using you to make much of him and or just funny 778 00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,480 stories. Like, I also like it to be 779 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:03,040 lighthearted and funny and, and we bring on all different kinds 780 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:06,960 of people. And it has been, one, like such 781 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,880 an act of obedience. But two, I've just really seen 782 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,840 how God has wired me for something like this that I just 783 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:19,080 could have never seen even just like five years ago. 784 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:23,600 Yeah. When you were talking about just 785 00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:28,000 being in that season of just prayer, I just kept thinking, 786 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,600 because I say this a lot too, delayed obedience is 787 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,680 disobedience. So like the longer that we think 788 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,440 like, OK, well, we're just, we're praying about it. 789 00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:40,000 We're doing it like, and it's crazy because we ask God for 790 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:43,200 opportunities. We ask God to show us what we 791 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,680 need to do. And then when he shows us we're 792 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:48,640 like, oh, hang on, I need to where I'm going to have to get 793 00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,520 more clarity. And he's like, I've already 794 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:54,320 showed you, like I gave you this opportunity, but like I told you 795 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,880 earlier, you know, like I need to do better about that. 796 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,280 And just sitting more in prayer and waiting for him to tell me 797 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,880 to move forward before I just jump, because that is something 798 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:05,360 that I struggle with. I mean, I'm like, oh, hang on, 799 00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,880 this is a goal. Let's get it done right here, 800 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,720 right now, today. Actually, you know, so I just, 801 00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:14,000 that's awesome. And then lastly, before we start 802 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,880 to close before, before I want you to just kind of talk, talk 803 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,480 about this because I have people reach out to me sometimes and 804 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,080 they're just like talking about, Oh, I've thought about, I prayed 805 00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:25,320 about writing a book or starting a podcast and all this. 806 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:28,400 And so like, one thing that like was one of my goals was like, I 807 00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,240 kind of want to write something, you know, but I, I truly don't 808 00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,400 feel like I'm being called, I'm going to pray some more about it 809 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:37,000 because I don't think so. I think that was just me like 810 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:38,600 being like, I want to try it all. 811 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,400 But for you, like you did already write a devotion. 812 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,920 And so how did you that get placed on your heart and how did 813 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:48,440 you go about doing that? Yeah. 814 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,600 I mean, I've always loved writing, like I've loved 815 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,480 speaking. I always, like, dreamed as a 816 00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,280 little kid, like maybe I'll write a book one day. 817 00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:00,120 But I never actually did any writing. 818 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:04,240 And then I was teaching a breakout at a women's conference 819 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,640 on shame. Of course, you know what 820 00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:12,320 everybody wants to go to at a women's conference and it was an 821 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,120 hour long breakout. And when I was writing it, I 822 00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:20,880 just felt like I'm about to the Holy Spirit through this talk is 823 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,960 about to break these women wide open and the hour's going to end 824 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,760 and I'm going to say, OK, I had to lunch, you know, like, and 825 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,080 something just wasn't sitting right with me. 826 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:33,600 And I was like, I want to give them something that can continue 827 00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:37,640 the conversation, like we're going to intro shame and we're 828 00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:40,360 going to study where it is in the in the scripture, but I want 829 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,320 to give them something that they can go and do after to continue 830 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:47,000 to press into God's word. And so that's when I kind of 831 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,760 thought of like, well, let me do just like a little Bible study. 832 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:53,080 So the first one I did, because that was I thought of that like 833 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,680 a month before this conference that I was speaking at. 834 00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:01,600 And so in that month, I wrote a 14 day Bible study. 835 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:05,560 My husband is a graphic designer, which is a true gift 836 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,600 to the world. My. 837 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,760 World plays. Girl, that is so he. 838 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:15,000 Designed it and we printed it like rush shipping and I sold 839 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,480 out of them at the conference. Like even the women that didn't 840 00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,040 come to the workshop wanted to buy it. 841 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,640 And I was like, oh like and, and it's nothing crazy. 842 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:28,160 Like honestly it is just critical thinking questions to 843 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,280 get you to think about God's word. 844 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:34,760 But like the goal is like you and God's word just kind of go 845 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,080 have fun. I'm just trying to give handles 846 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,600 to do that. And so anyway, so that and then 847 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:42,280 I was like, you know what, I want to make it a little bit 848 00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,240 longer because I did it in such a rush. 849 00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:48,360 There were a couple scriptures I hadn't been able to include in 850 00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:51,000 the original study so that I wrote an expanded version that 851 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,120 was 21 days. And I would say, like when I sat 852 00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,600 down to write, I had no idea what I was going to write. 853 00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:00,720 And the way that God showed up in the writing and like actually 854 00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:04,600 gave me words to say and put questions in my brain, it was so 855 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,600 good for my own heart and my own faith. 856 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,160 And that's what I would say to you, like, or anybody that wants 857 00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:12,120 to write or speak, like just go and do it. 858 00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:15,160 And even if you don't know if anyone's going to read it and 859 00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,280 they might not read some of it someday, I'm sure I'll write 860 00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:18,680 stuff that no one's ever going to read. 861 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,440 But the act of just trusting that God has something to say 862 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,400 through you and going and just sending time apart and just 863 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:28,160 doing it is it'll really stir your faith in a new way. 864 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:29,920 So now I'm working on my next Bible study. 865 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:34,000 This one's going to be 40 days studying the life of Moses. 866 00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:38,120 And once again, like I sat down to write the outline and at 867 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,440 first I'm like, how am I going to, I don't even know how to 868 00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:44,080 like organize a 40 day study. And there I am sitting there and 869 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,240 like, it just like comes out like, and all of a sudden 870 00:46:47,240 --> 00:46:49,360 there's the outline. I'm like, I think the Lord just 871 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,120 did that. Like it's, it's so crazy. 872 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,320 So I definitely encourage you to do it if you have the itch. 873 00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,440 Not that you're necessarily that that will turn into a book 874 00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:00,600 you're selling necessarily, but yeah, just go in like start to 875 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:04,240 do the practice of it again, Not to reference Lisa Turkish again, 876 00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:07,360 but she obviously is a very successful. 877 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,040 And when I say successful, like impactful writer. 878 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,720 And. Speaker Before any of her books 879 00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:15,680 were ever published, she set aside that she was going to 880 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,640 write for two hours every day either before her kids woke up 881 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:22,560 or when her kids went to sleep to practice the art of writing. 882 00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,760 And I really think probably in those years of doing that is 883 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:31,000 what led her to the high high expert that she is in writing 884 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,680 today. That is good. 885 00:47:32,720 --> 00:47:34,720 And, and, and that goes for anything. 886 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:39,680 Like sometimes we do it and we're like, we're, we don't feel 887 00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,200 qualified, we don't feel these ways. 888 00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:44,440 But it's like when God brings you to it, he's go like, just 889 00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,120 like you said, like you didn't know what you're going to write. 890 00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,880 Then all of a sudden there it is and you got like 21 days worth 891 00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:54,320 of writing, you know, just give it a try and don't do it to say, 892 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:56,440 oh, I'm a Polish writer. I'm doing this. 893 00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:59,240 Like it's just to glorify God. Like that is what it was. 894 00:47:59,240 --> 00:48:01,360 Because when I started this, I'm like, I don't care if there's 895 00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:06,920 like 100,000 listeners or one like this was to help me and 896 00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,520 disciple me to grow closer with him. 897 00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:11,480 Because you're not going to jump on and talk about God, you're 898 00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:13,960 not going to talk about all this stuff if you're not doing what 899 00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:15,960 you need to do. So it was holding me accountable 900 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:20,760 too, for me and my growth. So girl, this has been good. 901 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:23,680 So anyway, let's get ready to close. 902 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,800 So I like to end it in three different ways. 903 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:30,440 Do you get to choose your way? Maybe God revealed something to 904 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:32,640 you more recently or taught you something. 905 00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,200 And it's just so important that when we learn something, we tell 906 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,080 someone like so they can learn too. 907 00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:43,480 Two, maybe a word of advice to someone or three, maybe you were 908 00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,120 like, as we're prepping to get ready to do this. 909 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,240 You were like, man, I really want to talk about this or say 910 00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:50,960 this, but I haven't got the opportunity to do that because 911 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,920 Alexis just continues to talk over me and XYZ. 912 00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,560 What? How would you like to close this 913 00:48:57,560 --> 00:48:59,240 today? Yeah, I'd love to talk About 914 00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:01,000 what? God's teaching me and maybe 915 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,240 it'll help someone I love when people. 916 00:49:03,240 --> 00:49:09,880 Answer this one. I am learning about what it 917 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:11,560 looks like to make space for God. 918 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,040 I live a very full life by choice. 919 00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,440 Nobody has put the things on my schedule for me like I choose 920 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:20,040 the things that I do. I work full time. 921 00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,400 I have two small kids, four and two. 922 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,120 I am a wife. I have friends. 923 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,840 I make sourdough. I run, I work out. 924 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:32,360 I'm in Bible study. What else do I do like I've 925 00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:33,680 chosen to? I have a podcast. 926 00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:37,480 Forgot that I teach and speak or teach and write. 927 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:42,160 OK, so like, I've chosen to have this full life and yet I can 928 00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:45,160 find myself easily in a season of overwhelm. 929 00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:46,800 And I'm coming out of one of those. 930 00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:50,960 The fall was just a really big ministry season, both at our 931 00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:55,240 church and in my own life. And I felt like I was running on 932 00:49:55,240 --> 00:49:57,920 empty. And I realized like I have put 933 00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:01,800 so many things on my plate that it's almost like, and a lot of 934 00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:05,600 them are good godly things that it's almost like I have not made 935 00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:10,240 space for God. And in the midst of all that, I 936 00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:15,280 was on a call with a woman on staff at a church out West. 937 00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,840 And I'm going to go and speak at one of their retreats. 938 00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,560 And she was telling me how one of the sessions is going to 939 00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:25,320 launch everybody into a 2 hour time block of silence and 940 00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:26,960 solitude. So she said, if you're if that 941 00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:31,840 morning teaching could be somehow could incorporate what 942 00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,080 it means to spend time in silence and solitude. 943 00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,800 I think that would really set up the session. 944 00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:39,760 Well, I'm like, oh, yeah, immediately, like I had verses, 945 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:42,240 I had content. Like I immediately was like, Oh, 946 00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:43,720 I know exactly what I'll teach on. 947 00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:45,760 I can totally get whatever, hang up the phone. 948 00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,560 And I felt the Holy Spirit just taught me like, do you practice 949 00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,560 silence and solitude? And I was just like, Oh no, 950 00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:59,240 yeah, like that will get you and nothing, nothing will stretch 951 00:50:59,240 --> 00:51:00,880 you. Like whatever content you're 952 00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:05,600 teaching on, you have to do your own journey of like, what's my 953 00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:11,160 relationship with this? And so I am going into the new 954 00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:16,000 year making space for God. I bought 4 books on silence and 955 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,840 solitude for one from Like an Ancient Monk to as recent as 956 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:24,000 Carlos Whitaker released one this year about his journey with 957 00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,760 it and, and then a couple in between. 958 00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:32,000 And I need to have more spaces in my life that are silent that 959 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,760 like I can hear God's voice because sometimes I think I can 960 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:38,800 make up God's voice because I know so much Bible. 961 00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,800 I talk like I'm a professional Christian. 962 00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,360 I do this all day every day. Like I talk about God. 963 00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,480 I know how to talk about God really, really well. 964 00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:50,440 And I need to make sure that I'm also plugged into the source 965 00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:53,600 hearing from God. And so that's what I that's what 966 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,880 I'm learning from him right now. It's really fun because I don't 967 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:58,960 like to slow down and be silent. You know this. 968 00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,320 Yes, girl. Literally I'm like, man, this 969 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,440 has been so good. But I think this recording has 970 00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:10,760 been for me like God, literally like man, this has just been 971 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:14,000 like, because I've been telling everybody recently like I have 972 00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:17,560 been in an overwhelming season. Like I was crying. 973 00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:20,840 The episode hasn't even came out yet, but I was literally crying 974 00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:23,000 and I'm like yo, I'm going through. 975 00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,760 It I'm so sorry, like I just don't feel like I'm. 976 00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,240 Doing what I need to do, but I'm doing what I need to do. 977 00:52:28,240 --> 00:52:30,000 But I, I just felt like so crazy. 978 00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,880 And then here I am like that was just like 2 weeks ago that I 979 00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:36,120 filmed that and I'm, I feel like I'm coming out of it and I'm 980 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:40,880 trying to be like, let's not get into that season again. 981 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,880 You know, like it taught me that I don't want to do that those 982 00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:45,760 things. I don't want to fill it up with 983 00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:48,960 godly things. Like I want to fill my space 984 00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,440 with God, not just godly things. So yeah. 985 00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,400 And I think. That's the biggest thing I feel 986 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:59,040 convicted on is you can be doing a lot of good godly things, but 987 00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:02,200 they aren't the thing that God is calling you to do. 988 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,280 And that's a it's a confusing thing because you think you're 989 00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:08,760 doing it right and, and you really have to wrestle that out 990 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:10,360 with the Lord. And I heard a guy say at a 991 00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,960 conference this fall, and I can't get it out of my head. 992 00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:18,760 He said to avoid overwhelm and burnout, you have to stop giving 993 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:22,600 gold time to bronze tasks. So where in your life are you 994 00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,560 giving gold time to bronze tasks? 995 00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,800 Because you got to give gold tasks gold time and you need to 996 00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:31,640 give bronze tasks bronze time. And when we mess that up is when 997 00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:35,120 we feel the strain and the burnout and the overwhelm that 998 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:36,120 is so good. Yeah. 999 00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:40,840 That is good. Girl all right guys well, I hope 1000 00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,240 y'all thank you so much. This has been so good. 1001 00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:46,200 Like I'm telling you this has been so good and like I was so 1002 00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,160 worried. I told you like I I this is my 1003 00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:51,560 second recording remote and I'm like this is just not but this 1004 00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,000 has just flowed very well so I'm impressed. 1005 00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:57,680 All right guys well I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I 1006 00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:59,920 have. Please check out Neighbors 1007 00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:03,400 podcast and I'm also going to put the daughter's devotion in 1008 00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:05,840 the little bio description thing. 1009 00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,600 And yeah, so make sure you stay tuned, stay blessed, and we'll 1010 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:10,920 see you guys later. Bye.