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What's up guys, my name's 
Alexis, your host with praises 

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in the pod and y'all are in for 
a treat. 

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Today we got Gwen Andrews and 
she is going to be jumping into 

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her testimony and what all God 
has done in her life. 

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So we're going to start off in 
prayer and then we're going to 

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jump right in. 
So here we go. 

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Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you
for today and all of your many 

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blessings. 
Dear God, you just continue to 

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bless us and just you walk 
beside us, You lead us, You've 

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got us, and we just are so 
appreciative of that. 

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Lord God, we pray that you speak
to us and through US today and 

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let this episode glorify you. 
In Jesus Christ's name, I pray 

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Amen, Amen. 
Amen, girl. 

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So let's jump in. 
So let's talk a little bit about

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your childhood and your 
upbringing. 

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Yeah, so I grew up in a 
Christian household. 

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My dad's a pastor ever since I 
was born until present day, and 

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I knew from an early start that 
I was athletic. 

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I sought out competition in 
every corner of my life. 

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My parents put me in softball, 
track, basketball, soccer, 

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anything that required 
athleticism. 

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I was a part of. 
Even gymnastics first period. 

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That's exactly right. 
Yeah. 

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So I grew up playing sports and 
going to church and that was 

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pretty much my entire life. 
Your whole family is like, super

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like, competitive, so I bet 
every little thing in your life 

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y'all made it a competition. 
Yes, very much so. 

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Yeah. 
And then you have an older 

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brother too, and y'all are 
pretty, right? 

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No, he's younger. 
He's young. 

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Yeah but y'all are still really 
close in age. 

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Yes, about two years. 
Yes. 

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So I bet that was like something
like, you know, always having a 

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brother right there and just 
like he's competitive too. 

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So you just grew up in that. 
So like in high school, you 

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you're playing basketball. 
And so tell us a little bit 

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about that. 
Tell us about high school. 

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Like what does that look like 
for you? 

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Yeah. 
So I started, I guess high 

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school would start with a you 
basketball, which is a travel 

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basketball for people that 
aren't familiar. 

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I started that in 6th grade and 
then played that all throughout 

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until my senior year. 
But my sophomore year of high 

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school, I transferred from 
Veterans High School to Central 

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Fellowship to play basketball. 
My dad became the coach at 

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Central Fellowship. 
And so when I walked into high 

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school, I was, I don't want to 
be talking, but the IT girl, 

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because private schools didn't 
have new people show up. 

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So it was like, oh, there's new 
fresh blood. 

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So I showed up. 
I would I. 

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Was athletic and that became my 
identity in high school. 

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Was just the athleticism. 
I was the athletic girl and 

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that's what I did from sophomore
year through senior year. 

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Was every, every sports league, 
every competition, every game I 

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could play and I was going to do
it to the best of my ability for

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me. 
Wow, Like I relate to that. 

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But in middle school, like 
because in my testimony I talk 

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about how I got to high school 
and I wasn't the best anymore. 

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Like that took such a toll on me
because you know, you grow up 

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and you're like, Oh my gosh, 
you're the best on the team. 

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You got all this going for you. 
And then it's like, boom. 

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So for you, you're like, you get
there and you're like, that's 

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your identity. 
Yeah, that's and it was put on 

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me. 
I I would say that I, I loved it

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at the time, but I definitely 
think that I was kind of put 

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into a box where that was like a
Gwen's the Athletic girl and I, 

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I went with it and I ran with it
so. 

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So your dream probably is to go 
off to the college and play. 

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So tell us a little bit about 
that. 

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How do you like, how's scouting 
work? 

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Like did you already know where 
you wanted to go or like what? 

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Just go into it. 
Yeah. 

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So going back to AAU, that would
be where specifically scouts 

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look for you. 
So every summer, my entire 

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summer from 6th grade on looked 
like going to Kentucky or 

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Atlanta or Chicago and playing 
in travel games. 

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Waking up at 6:00 AM and you 
have a game 7:00 AM, ten AM, 

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12:00 PM. 
Is that night 12:00 PM or is 

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that afternoon? 
I don't even. 

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Know No, that's right, the. 
Lunchtime game, you would just 

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play that all day every day. 
And at these competitions, 

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coaches from colleges would 
come, you would invite them, 

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you'd e-mail them, they would 
come scout out your ability. 

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So that was a very high 
pressure, high intensity 

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environment to be a put put in. 
That along with obviously the 

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high school aspect of getting 
your highlight reels, getting 

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your stats all together, having 
a YouTube channel that is just 

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the best moments of your career.
You take those, you e-mail them 

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to whatever coach or college 
you're interested in, and then 

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hopefully they reciprocate. 
You go to a camp. 

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If you show up and show out at 
the camp, you continue the 

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conversation until they offer 
you a position on the team. 

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So that's what happened with 
you. 

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So where where do you end up 
going and what does that look 

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like? 
Like that's I'm no, that's a 

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dream come true. 
So. 

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Yeah. 
So at the time I was doing, I 

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was excelling in not only 
basketball but track. 

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So I wanted to find a college, 
whether that was small or big, 

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that would allow me in the fall 
and spring to participate in 

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basketball as well as track. 
That ultimately led me with a 

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Hope scholarship and all the 
benefits of being staying in 

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Georgia. 
That led me to sign with True 

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McConnell in Cleveland. 
Georgia, nice. 

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And so like when you go there, 
that's a new environment, like 

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you've never been there before. 
Did you have friends that went 

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there? 
No, I knew nothing about the 

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college. 
The craziest thing was to when I

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went to A lot of times you as a 
recruit are invited to watch the

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team play because it's also 
you're going into a new 

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environment, you want to make 
sure the teammates you're 

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walking in with are going to be 
people that you're going to 

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drive with. 
So when I went to a game with my

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parents, after we sat down with 
the coach and I had 0 intention 

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of committing to a position on 
the team and we were just 

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sitting there and I was like 
coach, I think I want to be on 

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your team. 
And my parents were like. 

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I know Billy was like Glenn. 
We did not. 

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We did it. 
Just something just came over me

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and I at the time I wouldn't 
have told you this is the Holy 

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Spirit, but I think it was. 
And I just said, coach, I want 

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to be on the team. 
I'm ready. 

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Let's do this. 
And we left that meeting like, 

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well, I guess I'm going to true 
it. 

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Like, wow. 
Yeah, Oh my gosh, girl. 

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Like that does seem like a 
little crazy because usually I 

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feel like y'all would go home. 
Y'all run statistics about 

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things just how your dad. 
Is I know. 

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For sure, because if Webb didn't
say this like he is a pastor at 

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our church. 
So I know that Billy's very 

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analytical about things and 
going to run it through. 

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Wow. 
But you're like I. 

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Know I was like, let's hear, 
let's do it. 

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Yep, if I'm going to make a 
decision, it's going to be this 

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one. 
You're awesome. 

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So you move and tell jump us 
into that. 

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Like, what does that look like 
for you? 

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Do you make friends right off 
the bat? 

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What's the situation with 
basketball on track like? 

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Go into it, girl. 
I think I had a 

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misinterpretation of what 
college looked like. 

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I mean growing up watching 
Disney and my favorite movie was

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Monsters University, I thought 
it was going to be this like 

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just rallying. 
You make friends right off the 

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bat. 
Lifetime clubs, sororities, 

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fraternities, all this fun 
stuff. 

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The college I was at had 4000 
students, about 1000 of them I 

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would say were maybe online. 
I could be wrong. 

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Very small environment, I 
thought initially. 

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Oh, I'm coming from a small 
private school. 

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High school, small private 
school. 

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College won't be any different. 
Right off the bat, I realized 

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that I had always told myself I 
was an extrovert, but it was 

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only because I was ever 
surrounded by people that wanted

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to get to know me. 
Whether that was within the 

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Church of being the pastor's 
daughter or being the athletic 

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girl in high school. 
Something about whatever 

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position I was in attracted 
people to be my friend. 

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Whereas showing up to an 
environment where nobody knows 

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who I am, nobody cares who my 
dad is, nobody cares about my 

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last name. 
It was like I had to actually 

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figure out how to make friends. 
And that was a very, very hard 

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wake up call for me because I 
had nothing to run on other 

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than, oh, I played basketball. 
Well, half the school played a 

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sport because it was so small. 
So it's like that meant nothing 

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for me. 
So it was, it was hard to make 

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friends initially. 
I mean, my roommate became a 

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really good friend of mine at 
the time. 

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And I would say I became close 
with my teammates, as close as I

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would allow myself to get to 
them. 

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But as far as sports, aside from
that, I didn't have any fruitful

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relationships while I was there.
Oh, that's tough, girl. 

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Especially going from a hometown
where like you're so loved, you 

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have so many friends, like all 
this. 

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And then you go and it feels 
probably like isolation. 

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You go into a season of 
isolation where you're not sure 

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like, what's going on? 
Am I the problem exactly? 

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Like, wow. 
So do you like act out like in 

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this, like trying to find 
attention somewhere or you know 

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how? 
How does that work? 

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I remember the, the first night 
they did a good job of creating 

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spaces for freshmen to get to 
know each other. 

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And there was this boy who ended
up being a good friend of ours 

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in our friend group. 
He came over and I introduced 

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myself to him and he was like, 
what's your testimony? 

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Like? 
Tell me about your life. 

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And that was the first time I 
had ever heard the phrase 

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testimony in a Christian 
environment where I 

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acknowledged, oh, this is where 
I tell somebody how I got saved 

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or what God has done in my life.
And I had nothing to give him 

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because I was still actively 
living in my sin. 

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And so I remember making up 
something, I couldn't even tell 

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you what I said. 
And after that I was like, oh, 

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this kid's really cool. 
I'll be friends with him. 

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And it just, it felt like I was 
being a shell of myself because 

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I was surrounded by Christian, 
good Christian people in my 

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environment. 
I didn't feel good enough to be 

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their friend. 
But then the bad people, I 

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wasn't bad enough to be their 
friend. 

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So I was stuck in this spot 
where I was still want these 

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people that are good to think 
that I'm good, but I also 

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identify with these people that 
are bad. 

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And so I didn't have any good 
friendships. 

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I didn't have any. 
I wouldn't allow myself to let 

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people see who I actually was on
the inside as a pastor's 

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daughter, as somebody who claims
to be following Christ while 

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still trying to keep up this 
good image around me. 

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Would you say that you're like 
living a double life? 

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Like when you're hanging out 
with these people versus. 

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OK, for sure it was irrelasible 
lives because at home I was 

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somebody at at my high school 
with my high school friends, I 

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was somebody, at my team I'm 
somebody and then my supposed 

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friends outside of basketball, 
I'm somebody so. 

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Blend it in where you can 
exactly Dang. 

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So does anything like transpire 
with this boy or is like or is 

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that something else come? 
No So this guy was just strictly

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a friend? 
Yes, very much so Yeah, he's a 

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great guy. 
He's actually gone off to be 

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pastor now. 
So he's yeah, he's doing some 

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amazing things. 
So around I walking into 

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college, my parents met in high 
school, I got married in 

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college. 
I had always heard the fictional

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stories of, you know, meeting 
your husband in high school. 

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So I thought, this is it. 
This is where I'm going to meet 

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my husband. 
Relationships had always been a 

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struggle for me growing up in 
high school just looking for 

227
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:44,600
that male attention because I 
identified that with worth and I

228
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,520
walked in thinking this is where
I'm going to meet my husband. 

229
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,720
So every guy I met that I was 
remotely attracted to or 

230
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,160
remotely could bring something 
to the tables like this could be

231
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,040
him. 
So that in in and of self 

232
00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:01,960
manifested into an unhealthy 
desire to look for male 

233
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,200
attention. 
And so I met this one guy. 

234
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:08,440
He didn't really show me much 
attention, but off RIP I knew 

235
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,880
that there was physical 
attraction and so we kind of 

236
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,320
kept in contact and the very 
first night that we spent 

237
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:21,280
together was in sexual sin. 
And after that, I woke up the 

238
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,920
next morning, went back to my 
dorm room and thought to myself,

239
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,320
I've never, I had, I had 
indulged in sexual sin prior in 

240
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,840
high school, but I had never 
done it in a situation where I 

241
00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,960
wasn't dating the guy. 
And so to me, that was very 

242
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,920
abnormal. 
And it was something I could 

243
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,840
either turn away from and repent
or something I could completely 

244
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,000
indulge in. 
And I decided to completely 

245
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000
indulge in it. 
So it became a game for me. 

246
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,320
The next morning, we went to the
Cafe, me and some of the team 

247
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,840
mates and I saw the guy and I 
tried to say hi to him and he 

248
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,120
completely walked past me. 
And I was, I had never in my 

249
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,720
life experienced something like 
that. 

250
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,520
And so in my head, I, I thought 
it was a game at this point. 

251
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,440
I was like, OK, you're not going
to win this battle. 

252
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,080
Like you're not going to win 
this. 

253
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,920
You don't get to, we're not 
going to do this at night and 

254
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,320
then you not acknowledge me in 
the morning. 

255
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,440
So that became a competition for
me. 

256
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,600
Like I said, I sought out 
competition, every aspect of my 

257
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,760
life. 
And I was like, you're not going

258
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,960
to win this. 
So we continue to stay in touch.

259
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:20,120
We continued to fraternized for 
lack of a better word. 

260
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,520
And then the third time that we 
hooked up, the condom broke. 

261
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,160
And so that was a big wake up 
call for both of us. 

262
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,960
We never pursued an actual 
relationship. 

263
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,840
We knew surface level, we cared 
about each other, but it wasn't 

264
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,080
something that we both wanted to
make public. 

265
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,320
And for me, it fit the narrative
in my head that I was getting 

266
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,920
attention without anybody having
to know. 

267
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,640
It was satisfying this desire I 
had. 

268
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:47,600
I felt wanted and I felt worthy.
And he was a foreign exchange 

269
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,280
student, so a lot of people 
weren't familiar with him. 

270
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,600
He was playing soccer. 
And so it was this sneaky little

271
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,960
decisive thing I had on the side
where I get to do this, nobody 

272
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,120
gets to know about it. 
Another secret life that I had 

273
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,360
developed while being on campus.
And then in front of everybody, 

274
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,160
I get to be this fun, cool 
basketball player, Christ loving

275
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,360
girl. 
So the condom broke. 

276
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,080
We immediately ran and told some
of our other friends. 

277
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,600
Another girl had been dating a 
guy on the basketball team. 

278
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,880
And so we told them and they 
decided that we should go get a 

279
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,360
Plan B. 
And at the time I didn't really 

280
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,360
know what that was. 
I was like, whatever will keep 

281
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,040
me from getting pregnant, let's 
do it. 

282
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:29,280
So the dad or the the guy that I
had been hooking up with, he 

283
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:33,520
went and bought a Plan B and I 
took it within 12 hours on the 

284
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,720
label. 
It'll tell you within 72 hours 

285
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,080
you're good. 
You won't get pregnant. 

286
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,360
So I took the Plan B and then 
that was the last time I've ever

287
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,840
seen him. 
So that next morning, I went 

288
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,720
back to my dorm room. 
We both decided we don't need to

289
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,240
see each other anymore. 
Let's call it this is not 

290
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,000
something that's benefiting us. 
We had a scare for both college 

291
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,280
athletes. 
This is not going to be a good 

292
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,200
situation if we continue. 
And so that night we called it. 

293
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,240
He went back to soccer and then 
I went back to basketball. 

294
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,120
Wow. 
Wow, girl. 

295
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:08,160
Like so the condom breaking is 
basically like a moment where 

296
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,280
you're both scared and then 
you're like, I'm done. 

297
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,120
Like we're we're done and you 
just think that you're about to 

298
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,920
go on with your life. 
Yeah, exactly. 

299
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,480
You just thought that this was 
just like a thing that we're 

300
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,600
just going to move on from, but 
that was not the case. 

301
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,360
So go into a little bit of that.
Yeah, so my whole life, I think 

302
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,040
I like to use the phrase. 
The Lord was clocking me like 

303
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,880
he's on dirty. 
He's like, Gwen, wake up and 

304
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,760
wake up. 
Come on, let's go like you're 

305
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,680
you keep you keep claiming me in
public and denying me in 

306
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,400
private. 
What's going on here? 

307
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,400
This can't be the case. 
So to me at that moment in my 

308
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,080
life, the condom breaking was 
the Lord clocking me like, hey, 

309
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,320
you're, you're fooling around 
and you need to get out of it. 

310
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,000
I've blessed you with all these 
things. 

311
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,840
Go back to the things that 
you've been blessed with. 

312
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,600
So I continued to wake up every 
morning. 

313
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,880
Go play basketball. 
At this point, a lot of it's 

314
00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:01,000
fuzzy for me, but I think I was 
very numb at this moment. 

315
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,840
I remember I had two really good
friends who I had been calling 

316
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:08,360
and I was updating them about 
this relationship and the things

317
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,480
that have happened since the 
condom breaking. 

318
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:14,480
And I remember waiting for my 
period. 

319
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,040
Like every single time I would 
go to the bathroom, I was just 

320
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,480
like waiting for my period. 
That's all that I cared about in

321
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,120
those moments. 
That's my only memory of the 

322
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,360
next month or so. 
So that was around November 19th

323
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,720
ish and then eventually I had 
one of my best friends come up 

324
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,120
to see me at Truett and spend 
the weekend there and she said 

325
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,000
you know you need to take a 
pregnancy test like you need to.

326
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,640
Let's just go ahead and put this
to rest because if you are 

327
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,200
pregnant, taking the test won't 
change anything. 

328
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:46,480
If you aren't, this will satisfy
that scarcity that you have 

329
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,800
about being pregnant. 
So I make her go into the CVS 

330
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,520
because I'm too. 
Scared because y'all ain't going

331
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:52,560
to catch meth, Yeah. 
Right in there. 

332
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,880
The town is so small. 
I'm like, somebody's going to 

333
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,640
know somebody. 
I'm not walking in their mind, a

334
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,240
pregnancy test. 
So she walks in, she buys it for

335
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,160
me. 
We go to Wendy's, we go to a 

336
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,640
bathroom, and I take the 
pregnancy test. 

337
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,200
Well, we're looking at it and 
we're like, this says it's 

338
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,760
pregnant. 
But also we have no clue how to 

339
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,480
read this. 
Girl, hang on, time out. 

340
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,520
Why don't we go to Wendy's? 
But. 

341
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,920
OK, I'll I'm a good, I'm a 
burger lover. 

342
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,480
I OK, Wendy's is just where we 
went. 

343
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,760
So I got Wendy's and we're like,
we can't go back to my dorm 

344
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,360
because I had a roommate. 
We're not doing it in a public 

345
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,320
communal bathroom. 
Like that's not where I'm about 

346
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,320
to find out I'm pregnant. 
Wendy's is a public. 

347
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,240
Well, yeah, that's true. 
OK, OK. 

348
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,520
You know, I never actually. 
I'll have to ponder on that 

349
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,600
later. 
OK, so we take. 

350
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,800
It out. 
So we take it at Wendy's and she

351
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,280
is like, I think Gwen, I think 
this is pregnant because it 

352
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,160
showed up really quick and on 
the instructions it'll be like 

353
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,680
give it 5 to 10 minutes or 
however that works. 

354
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,720
And we were like, no, no, no, 
it's wrong. 

355
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,400
It's wrong, it's wrong. 
So I'm sitting, I'm like 

356
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,640
crouched. 
She has a video of me. 

357
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,280
I'm like crouched down on the 
bathroom. 

358
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:59,240
Like with this giant manual, 
like reading how in the world 

359
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,800
like what does a which it's 
either it is or it is. 

360
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,400
It's not. 
It's not that difficult. 

361
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,440
At the time I thought it was. 
But you know, we, we want to 

362
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,000
believe like, no, this thing's 
wrong. 

363
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,680
Surely I'm fully sure, I 
convinced myself. 

364
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,839
I do think it's a little comical
that we live in this age where 

365
00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:17,200
we're recording these moments. 
You know what I'm saying? 

366
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,480
And now we're looking at it, 
we're like, that was such. 

367
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,280
A serious moment and we're like 
so laughable, like we're 

368
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,560
laughing at this. 
I mean, I remember laughing 

369
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:30,240
because I was in I was at the 
point in in my mentality where I

370
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,920
I was just like, oh, of course, 
of course this would happen to 

371
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,840
me pastor's daughter, like I've 
got my whole life set up for me.

372
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,520
Of course I'm going to go be 
foolish and get pregnant. 

373
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,800
And I also had that it won't 
happen to me that that was my 

374
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,360
continuous it'll it won't happen
to me. 

375
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,400
How cut it? 
Like the Lord wouldn't do that. 

376
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,520
As if the Lord made me go, 
right? 

377
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,840
Yeah, you would think so. 
We go back to my college dorm. 

378
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,480
I laid my head on my pillow. 
Pillow. 

379
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,920
I go. 
I'm sound asleep. 

380
00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,280
I don't even think about it. 
She ends up going home or No. 

381
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,480
Excuse me? 
She doesn't go home yet. 

382
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,640
The next day, I wake up. 
I go tell some of the teammate 

383
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,320
that I had talked to the night 
the condom broke. 

384
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,680
I tell her and another girl and 
then I had my other friends so 

385
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,000
we've got 3 girls and me and so 
they say we've got to go. 

386
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,040
You've got to go take another 
pregnancy test like we let let 

387
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,720
let us look at it and we'll 
confirm or deny this for you 

388
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,320
because apparently I couldn't. 
They're in my search. 

389
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,360
Yeah, they've done it many of 
times. 

390
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,040
Unfortunately, I'm sure they 
have. 

391
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,680
That's no knock on them though. 
I mean joking. 

392
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,800
No, I mean, seriously, though, 
most girls our age have taken a 

393
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,960
pregnancy test. 
So we drive. 

394
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,240
We, I go to pick them up. 
Well, they both get in. 

395
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,960
So there's four of us. 
This other girl gets in the car 

396
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,960
and I'm like, are you kidding 
me? 

397
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:45,640
I'm trying to keep a lid on 
this. 

398
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,040
This is mortifying. 
I don't even know what's going 

399
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,040
on. 
And this random girl gets in who

400
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,360
I've seen maybe twice around 
campus, which is rare 

401
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:56,240
considering how small it is. 
So I'm like, hey, I'm Gwen. 

402
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,600
Like, do you want to come take 
some pregnancy tests with us? 

403
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,200
And she kind of giggles. 
Her name was Zoe. 

404
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,240
So we go to Walmart, we are 
buying. 

405
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,240
We buy like 5 or 6. 
We decide we know for a fact 

406
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,520
that two of these girls are most
likely not pregnant. 

407
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,400
So we're like everybody's going 
to take a test. 

408
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,960
We'll compare our test as like 
pregnancy roulette, like who is 

409
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,280
the, who's the pregnant 1 here? 
So we all go back to the dorm. 

410
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,320
Everybody's kind of like joking 
around and like just having a 

411
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,520
good time. 
And I'm sitting there like, I 

412
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,440
know that this is funny, but 
it's not funny. 

413
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,160
Like it didn't, it felt like 
nobody was really taking 

414
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,720
serious. 
And that may have been a coping 

415
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,960
mechanism, you know, but it, it 
genuinely felt like nobody 

416
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,160
cared. 
Nobody was taking this 

417
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,120
seriously. 
So everybody takes a test. 

418
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:44,120
Mine shows up immediately, very 
visibly positive pregnancy test.

419
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,600
And I'm like, well, crap, what 
do I do now? 

420
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,240
But at the time I still in my 
head was like, it's not. 

421
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,760
I was looking and like Google 
says if you're dehydrated, it'll

422
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,640
show up positive if you're this,
that and the other. 

423
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,200
And I was like, it is anything 
but. 

424
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,840
It is anything but. 
So I go. 

425
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,680
And I immediately tell the dad, 
I send him a picture of the 

426
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,800
pregnancy test. 
And I'm like, hey, I took some 

427
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,080
tests and they're showing up 
positive. 

428
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,800
Well, at this point, he had 
been, he was staying in Georgia 

429
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,040
for soccer. 
He had flown back to Kansas for 

430
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,080
Christmas break. 
So we're on the verge of like 

431
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,880
school ending fall semester. 
He's back in Argentina where he 

432
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,560
lived. 
And I'm telling him, and he's 

433
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,560
like, you've got to get an 
abortion immediately offer it. 

434
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:28,120
That was his response. 
And so I I share with the girls 

435
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,040
this is all happening the same 
night I share with the girls. 

436
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,720
Like this is his response. 
I don't, I don't even know what 

437
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,480
that means. 
I mean, I knew abortion was bad 

438
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,880
the same way I knew sex and 
drugs were bad, like you just 

439
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,280
don't do them. 
But I didn't know truly what it 

440
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,640
entailed. 
So I tell him abortion is not an

441
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,960
option for me. 
And I wish that I could say I 

442
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,800
said it wasn't an option for me 
because of my beliefs around it,

443
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,000
but it wasn't an option for me 
because of the length I would 

444
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,560
have to go to and the money it 
would cost. 

445
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,920
So I'm like on the phone. 
I'm, I'm calling every single 

446
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,000
clinic and hospital in the area 
asking them, do you provide 

447
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,520
abortions? 
Do you do abortions? 

448
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:08,280
Because even after telling him 
no, I'm still like, this might 

449
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,760
be my only viable option. 
Well, eventually me and the 

450
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,640
girls, we do a bunch of research
and we discovered the abortion 

451
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,040
pill. 
And so in my mind, I was like, 

452
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:20,960
the abortion pill is drastically
different from the procedure. 

453
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,400
The baby's about four weeks at 
this point. 

454
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,720
She doesn't have a heartbeat. 
She doesn't really even know 

455
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,800
what's going on. 
I had just taken a Plan B. 

456
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,880
So what's the harm in taking 
another pill? 

457
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,520
It's basically just a second. 
It's like a plan C, like it's 

458
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,720
fine. 
So I'm calling all these 

459
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,840
clinics, all these hospitals, 
nobody will provide me an 

460
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,560
abortion pill because of the 
heartbeat bill in Georgia. 

461
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,240
And so I look up Planned 
Parenthood. 

462
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,400
There's a Planned Parenthood in 
Atlanta that will give you 

463
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:53,320
abortion pill before six weeks. 
So I make an appointment at this

464
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,000
Planned Parenthood and I'm it's 
going to be like $600.00. 

465
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,840
So I'm like asking the girls, 
where do I get this money? 

466
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
The dad said that he would 
transfer me money. 

467
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,160
All the girls are like, it's OK.
Like one of the girls offered to

468
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,080
drive me because I didn't know 
what kind of medical state I 

469
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,000
would be in after taking this 
pill. 

470
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,240
So I had this whole plan. 
I was going to play my last 

471
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,000
basketball game on December 
16th. 

472
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,120
I was going to tell my parents I
had to stay an extra day for 

473
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,200
basketball. 
One of my team mates was going 

474
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,120
to drive me to get the abortion 
pill. 

475
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,800
I would take it, come home for 
Christmas break, act like 

476
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,760
nothing ever happened. 
I was going to go back to 

477
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,720
basketball. 
My life was going to stay the 

478
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,480
same. 
I would use this as a form of 

479
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,080
the word clocking me. 
I would stop hooking up with 

480
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,640
people and be done. 
Well, that's not what happened 

481
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,480
obviously, because our plans are
not the Lord's plans. 

482
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,880
So that night, again, like I 
mentioned, it felt like a lot of

483
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,400
people weren't taking it 
seriously. 

484
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,480
The 2 girls that were my 
teammates left. 

485
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,920
My friend had left my home 
friend. 

486
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,480
So it's just me and Zoe, the 
girl that I'd met who I'd never,

487
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:59,200
I didn't know, just this 
literally that's how lonely I 

488
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,920
was. 
I don't think I put enough 

489
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,960
emphasis on the fact that that's
how lonely I was at that moment 

490
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,000
that I was. 
I didn't want to go back to my 

491
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,960
dorm, so I stayed in the dorm 
room with a girl that I didn't 

492
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,080
know. 
And so me and her are just 

493
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,640
sitting there and she kind of 
starts the whole process of the 

494
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,640
abortion and the pregnancy. 
She was quiet. 

495
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,320
She was the only one in the room
aside from my hometown best 

496
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,480
friend. 
But she was trying to grapple 

497
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,200
with all of this. 
She was the only one that was 

498
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,360
very quiet, like she something 
was bothering her, her spirit, I

499
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,720
think. 
So she sits me down and she's 

500
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,120
like, hey, you know, I'm a 
pastor's daughter, too. 

501
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,440
I can't imagine what you're 
going through right now. 

502
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,720
This is, you know, this is 
crazy. 

503
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,600
She's sharing with me stories 
about women that she knows that 

504
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,200
have had abortions. 
She's telling me about other 

505
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,960
options and I'm just in complete
denial. 

506
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,360
I'm like, I appreciate your 
help, but this is the only 

507
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,320
option for me. 
This is the only route that gets

508
00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:00,400
me back to my scholarship. 
And in the back of my mind was I

509
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,640
had always been so excited to be
a mom. 

510
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,040
I mean, every girl I think at 
some point in their life 

511
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,480
envisions themself being a mom. 
So I was excited. 

512
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,600
Part of me was excited, part of 
me wasn't accepting the fact 

513
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,920
that I was pregnant. 
And then the other part of me is

514
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:19,600
thinking about my parents and 
how my my mom as well, but 

515
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:24,160
specifically my dad has given up
so much to get me to this point 

516
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,520
of playing basketball. 
And I threw it all away for a 

517
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,560
secret that nobody knew I was 
living. 

518
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,000
So I'm getting ready. 
I'm packing up my stuff. 

519
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,200
And Zoe is like, hey, can you 
sit down for a second? 

520
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:40,320
And I'm like, yeah, sure. 
And she says, I know that you 

521
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,880
don't think that there's a way 
out, and I know that there's a 

522
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,920
lot of pressure surrounding the 
decisions that you're trying to 

523
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,080
make right now. 
But you need to know that 

524
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,640
whether you get this abortion or
not, that you will always be a 

525
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:56,160
mom and that the Lord has placed
this baby for such a time as 

526
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,480
this. 
And this baby is made and the 

527
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:03,000
likeness and image of Christ. 
And you will never be able to 

528
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,520
escape that. 
Even if you get this abortion, 

529
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,280
you will forever be this baby's 
mother. 

530
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,400
And the Lord has chosen you to 
be this baby's mother. 

531
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:17,880
And I was so angry at this girl.
I mean, I, I was furious because

532
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,600
I was like, how dare you, You 
don't know me. 

533
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:24,440
How dare you sit here and try to
hold Christ over my head when I 

534
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,680
am internally trying to grapple 
with this discernment and 

535
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,640
conviction of this, these 
decisions that I'm making. 

536
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,480
I've got all these people around
me who are hyping me up, telling

537
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,320
me like, you know, this is, this
is a decision. 

538
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,160
It's OK. 
This is what women have to do 

539
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,280
sometimes. 
And then I've got this girl who 

540
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,560
doesn't know me telling me what 
to do with my body at the time. 

541
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,280
So I go back to my dorm room. 
I lay my head on my pillow and 

542
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,920
I'm just like my. 
I remember my dad told me later 

543
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,240
on that that night my parents 
had called me, that my dad had 

544
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,960
Facetimed me and he, you know, 
it's just filling me out. 

545
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,120
Like, how are you doing? 
What's how's, how's basketball 

546
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,600
going? 
Very excited for your game. 

547
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,400
And after a while back, we had 
had this conversation. 

548
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,080
He told me that he knew 
something was wrong, but he 

549
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,040
couldn't put his finger on what 
it was. 

550
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,640
So everybody around me knew 
something was going on with me. 

551
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,000
So again, for the probably 
second or third night in a row, 

552
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,400
I put my head on my pillow. 
I grappled with my decisions and

553
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,680
I decided I was still going to 
go through with the abortion. 

554
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,680
Well, the next day we had 
practice before our game and 

555
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,040
there there was one girl that I 
had become really good friends 

556
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,600
with. 
Her name is Millie. 

557
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:33,120
She's amazing. 
She was married at the time, so 

558
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:35,440
she was a little bit older, 5th 
year senior on the team. 

559
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:38,560
And I pulled her aside because I
was like, well, if Zoe knows and

560
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,200
all these random people know, 
might as. 

561
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,280
Well, tell Millie. 
Who knows who the dad is 

562
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,080
telling? 
Yeah, I might as well tell 

563
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,200
Millie. 
And I felt this like pool to 

564
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,440
tell Millie. 
Well, she was like, she kind of 

565
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,240
giggled, like she didn't believe
me because, again, nobody would 

566
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,080
have thought that I was going to
be doing this. 

567
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,960
And she said, can I take you 
back to your dorm room for a 

568
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,040
little bit after practice? 
And I was like, yeah, sure. 

569
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:05,600
So I get in my dorm room and she
just starts crying and I'm like,

570
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:07,800
what's going on? 
Like what do you what's? 

571
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,720
What's wrong? 
I'm the one that's yeah, I'm the

572
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:15,040
one that's under the cry. 
So she said that about three 

573
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,960
months before the season had 
started, she was pregnant and 

574
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,400
that she ended up having a 
miscarriage before the season. 

575
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:27,680
And I remember sitting there 
mourning her miscarriage as if 

576
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:32,040
she was still a mother and she 
had lost a baby and looking back

577
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,440
at that and being like, I was 
about to make the same decision 

578
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,480
in a different form. 
Yeah. 

579
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,440
And I'm, I'm mourning this 
mother who lost her baby while 

580
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,680
I'm about to get rid of my baby.
How does that make sense? 

581
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:47,000
So I'm sitting there and she's 
like, why? 

582
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,960
Like, tell me what is the root 
of your, your fear in your 

583
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,600
Because I told her I was excited
to be a mom. 

584
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:55,040
She said, what is the root of 
your fear in this? 

585
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:59,640
And I said, I can't go home and 
tell my parents I can't go home.

586
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,720
And a part of it was selfishness
of giving up a life that I had 

587
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,200
worked so hard for. 
And part of it was the 

588
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,200
disappointment that my parents, 
I knew they would be feeling. 

589
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:11,880
And I just said, I can't do it. 
And she said, Gwen, everything 

590
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,280
that you have told me about your
parents, I promise you if you go

591
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,560
home and tell them, it will not 
turn out the way that you think.

592
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:22,800
And I was like, OK. 
And so again, I was, like, angry

593
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:27,280
at this girl who I confided in 
for giving me good advice. 

594
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:30,560
And I played my last basketball 
game. 

595
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,280
I don't remember going home. 
I think a lot of this is 

596
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:37,960
compartmentalizing in my brain 
of, like, fuzziness. 

597
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:43,240
I don't remember driving home. 
I don't remember anybody else 

598
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,480
that I had talked to. 
But I remember going home. 

599
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,120
And I had started getting 
morning sickness, which I was 

600
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,400
unaware was a symptom of 
pregnancy. 

601
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,240
So, girl, I didn't when I tell 
you I didn't know Jack squat. 

602
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,800
Like I don't know if I just 
didn't pay attention in health 

603
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,880
class or I don't know what it 
was. 

604
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,640
I didn't know any of those, eh? 
So I'm starting to get morning 

605
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,400
sickness and my mom and dad are 
like, what's going on? 

606
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,720
Like, are you good? 
And I'm like, yeah, I just got 

607
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,160
the stomach bug. 
Well, stomach bug turned into 

608
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,520
food poisoning turned into, oh, 
we might have just kept. 

609
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:15,640
I just kept going. 
I could not hold my food. 

610
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,200
Like it was, it was probably for
a week and a half I was just, 

611
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,880
and I was trying to throw up in 
private, like against it, 

612
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,320
realizing this is a symptom of 
being pregnant. 

613
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,480
I literally thought I might have
the stomach bug like it was. 

614
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,360
So I was, I don't even know what
was going on. 

615
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,360
Well, I remember praying it, it 
was coming close to where I had 

616
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,920
to make that decision, that 
window time of if I'm going back

617
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,960
to school or not. 
And I remember praying to the 

618
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:41,040
Lord and saying, Lord, I, I 
cannot muster up the strength to

619
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,960
tell my parents. 
I need you to tell them. 

620
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,720
I literally said I need you to 
tell them Lord, because I can't 

621
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,600
do it. 
So we go, me and my mom get in 

622
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,520
the car. 
We take Emery to one of her 

623
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,240
friends houses, which Emery's my
my little sister. 

624
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,320
And as we're driving back, I'm 
like, mom, I feel like I'm about

625
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,160
to throw up again. 
I need you to like get home 

626
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,080
quick. 
And she turns and looks at me 

627
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:05,480
and she goes, are you pregnant? 
And I was like. 

628
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,560
What? 
And she was like, are you 

629
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,200
pregnant? 
And I was like, no, I'm not 

630
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,280
pregnant. 
The opportunity was. 

631
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:15,320
Right. 
You, yeah. 

632
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,640
But you know, in, I mean, in a, 
in a pinch like that, I'm saying

633
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,000
no too. 
I'm scared. 

634
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,880
I mean, I'm, I'm literally like,
Lord, do it. 

635
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:25,120
Yeah, doesn't I'm like, no, no, 
this ain't it. 

636
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,960
System pattern in my life. 
So we get home and I just start 

637
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,720
crying and I said I am pregnant.
And she thought I was joking. 

638
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,160
Yeah, she's she's like, what? 
No, you're not. 

639
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,280
And I was like, I'm pregnant. 
Yes, I am. 

640
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,240
So it's just me and my mom. 
And she said, well, who's the 

641
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:41,920
dad? 
And I told her his name and she 

642
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,080
said what's his last name? 
And I said I don't know. 

643
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:51,640
And so my dad comes in there and
he is furious, as one would be. 

644
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,360
I mean, he like they, they 
literally cannot. 

645
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,240
They didn't know I was having 
sex, much less at a point now 

646
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,520
where I'd be willing to do it 
with somebody I'm not even in a 

647
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,240
relationship with. 
Not that that makes it OK, but 

648
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:07,560
that also shows you how deep 
you're. 

649
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,160
In. 
Yeah, yeah, exactly. 

650
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,720
And so a lot of that as well as 
Fuzzy, but I remember my dad 

651
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,480
obviously was extremely 
frustrated. 

652
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,040
My mom is trying to grapple with
what's going on. 

653
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:20,600
They don't even believe me. 
I can't even give them the last 

654
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:23,440
name of the dad. 
Like, it is just this crazy 

655
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,120
situation. 
Well, they sit me down and I 

656
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,680
just spill my guts out. 
Like I'm just telling them from 

657
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,560
high school on everything that I
had been indulging in, 

658
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:36,080
everything that I had been a 
part of that led me to getting 

659
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:41,240
to this moment. 
And so to my surprise, everybody

660
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:43,320
told me this would happen. 
I didn't think it was true. 

661
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,080
I wasn't kicked out. 
I wasn't condemned. 

662
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:49,560
I wasn't. 
I wasn't, I mean, voices were 

663
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,880
raised, but I wasn't screamed 
at. 

664
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,440
I wasn't, you know, they 
absolutely covered me in mercy 

665
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:59,280
and grues. 
And I think that that time 

666
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,480
really was a healing moment for 
me. 

667
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,920
My mom, because my mom and me 
have polar opposite 

668
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,200
personalities. 
She's emotional, I'm stone cold.

669
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,920
I'm very much like my dad in a 
lot of ways, very analytical. 

670
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,200
My mom's all about feelings and 
let's like dissect people and 

671
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,440
learn how they do what they do. 
And I'm like, what they what, 

672
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,320
who cares? 
So that time I think really gave

673
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:25,800
me an opportunity to sit with my
mom and learn and develop a 

674
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:30,160
relationship with her. 
But my dad had a hard time for 

675
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,480
about two weeks. 
There was a kind of a gap period

676
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,360
where we didn't really speak to 
each other a lot. 

677
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:38,480
And I feel, I know a lot of it 
was disappointment and I don't 

678
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,320
have any resentment or fault my 
dad for that because I truly 

679
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:46,520
cannot imagine like every, like 
I said at the beginning, 

680
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,680
everything that he had given up 
and sacrificed for. 

681
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,960
He didn't even have a father 
growing up doing these things, 

682
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,960
and I did, and I basically threw
it all in their face. 

683
00:32:54,960 --> 00:33:00,600
So, you know too, we want so 
much more for our kids. 

684
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,600
And so when you're hurt, 
obviously there's going to be 

685
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,160
emotions and everything else 
like our flesh is going to take 

686
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,560
over in those moments. 
But you know, for the most part,

687
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,400
you said like you weren't 
condemned. 

688
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,520
You weren't, I mean, you weren't
kicked out of your house. 

689
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,320
You know, they showed you that 
grace and mercy and just like 

690
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,440
because they are Christ 
followers and they're so 

691
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,920
obedient and they're just have 
been moving with Christ for so 

692
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,640
long. 
Like how would they have reacted

693
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,160
if they wouldn't have known 
Christ Like, you know, and it's 

694
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,600
just like God, let's hang on. 
Go back for just a second too, 

695
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,200
because I'm like so in the 
story, but I have so much hang 

696
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,520
on. 
God is so intentional about the 

697
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,360
people that he sends in our 
lives. 

698
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:44,400
Because I just think about Zoe, 
like you don't even know her. 

699
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:49,360
And that day she's somebody that
pours into you and reminds you 

700
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,200
like of all that Christ is and 
how he's still going to love you

701
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:57,120
and how that baby is so 
wonderfully made in his, you 

702
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,880
know, in his likeness. 
So then you get Millie saying 

703
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,880
the same stuff, like trying to 
open your eyes even more. 

704
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,240
And it's just so beautiful that 
God sent those people literally 

705
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,199
so that you didn't continue with
that appointment that you did go

706
00:34:10,199 --> 00:34:12,239
home. 
I just like that. 

707
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,239
Just blows me away how he's just
so intentional about people in 

708
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:15,719
our. 
Lives. 

709
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,040
Yeah. 
I mean, even in looking back at 

710
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,560
what little friendships and 
relationships I had while 

711
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,480
spending my time at Troop 
McConnell, those were the two 

712
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,840
people that I went to for advice
or counseling. 

713
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,840
And those were the two people 
that led me along with the Holy 

714
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:36,800
Spirit, to keep my baby. 
And so it's just, it truly is, I

715
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,320
mean, looking back, the Lord is 
just like, yes, it it's 

716
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,040
fascinating to be on like 
there's no other explanation for

717
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,199
it. 
It baffles me that if anybody 

718
00:34:46,199 --> 00:34:48,520
could ever have another 
explanation for something like 

719
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:54,679
that. 
So Fast forward if, yeah, we had

720
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,920
my parents. 
So we had come up with this 

721
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,680
solution. 
We were going to send me back to

722
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:00,920
Truett. 
I was going to finish out my 

723
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,320
basketball season. 
We were hoping I'd be skinny 

724
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,800
enough to just nobody would like
we're fingers crossed you'll be 

725
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,520
skinny enough. 
Nobody will know I'd finish out 

726
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,080
my year at Truett, start just 
wearing bigger clothes when I 

727
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,960
got cold and come home have the 
baby. 

728
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,120
And we didn't know what we were 
going to do from then on. 

729
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,720
And this whole time I'm in 
communication with the father as

730
00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:23,280
well. 
And he is at the time very 

731
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,800
frustrated with me for not 
getting the abortion because now

732
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:30,400
he's got to go home and tell his
parents that he's hooking up 

733
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,440
with a girl in America and then 
he got her pregnant. 

734
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,320
I can't even imagine what his 
parents thought, you know, And 

735
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,520
so he's he's frustrated. 
I'm frustrated. 

736
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,080
We don't, my parents, we 
literally don't know what to do.

737
00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:48,200
And the night before it was time
for me to come back because I 

738
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,640
had to report back early for 
practice. 

739
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:53,560
We were like, we can't, like, 
this doesn't make sense. 

740
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,400
We can't do this. 
If what if I have a complication

741
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,640
while I'm at school and I'm, you
know, something's going wrong 

742
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,840
and nobody even knows I'm 
pregnant and they have to get me

743
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,440
the hospital. 
There's a lot of what ifs. 

744
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,520
What if I lose the baby through 
a basketball game? 

745
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:11,440
And yeah, you know, there's just
a lot of things that wouldn't 

746
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,480
have been suffice for the 
situation. 

747
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:17,000
So my mom, we get in the car 
that morning, we drive up to 

748
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,200
Troot McConnell, 3 hour drive 
whole time. 

749
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,320
I'm still like throwing up. 
It's just a nightmare of a car 

750
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,720
ride on these windy back roads 
in Georgia. 

751
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:30,600
I get to practice and I pull my 
coach aside before practice. 

752
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,480
And I said, I sat him down. 
I said, coach, I knew a big 

753
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,760
thing for him was like, you need
to show up and be intentional 

754
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,280
about your your take. 
If you aren't going to be 

755
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,080
intentional about this spot, 
somebody else will take it. 

756
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,760
So you have to be intentional 
about showing up to practice and

757
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,200
being diligent with your time. 
So I sat him down and I kind of 

758
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,680
use that and I said, coach, I 
don't think that this spring 

759
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,120
semester I'm going to be 
intentional with my time on this

760
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:59,520
team and I think it would be 
better suited for somebody else.

761
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:02,600
I think that you would have a 
better outcome. 

762
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:07,040
There would be more benefit to 
the team if you replaced me and 

763
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:09,560
I I will not be returning to the
basketball team. 

764
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:14,000
Obviously he's like, what in the
world didn't even expect this. 

765
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,560
And he said, are you well, you 
know, I'll I'll see you around. 

766
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,320
I said, no, coach, I'm not 
returning to true. 

767
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,760
I'm going home. 
And he kind of just accepted it.

768
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,040
There wasn't a lot of questions 
and I went down to the locker 

769
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:27,320
room. 
I didn't say goodbye to any of 

770
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,120
my teammates. 
I walked in. 

771
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,160
They're all in there getting 
ready for practice. 

772
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:32,960
I packed up my stuff and I 
walked out. 

773
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,960
I will say that you are very 
level headed, right? 

774
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,320
Like you're just a more like 
stable like that type of person.

775
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:40,680
What are your emotions like 
girl? 

776
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,560
Like are you like all over the 
place, like you're crying or 

777
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,840
like you still kind of had that 
same? 

778
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,120
In yeah, in the conversation 
with my coach, I started to tear

779
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:55,520
up because IA lot of the 
self-image, the fear of having a

780
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:57,520
bad self-image is letting people
down. 

781
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:01,360
And so even in this, I'm still 
relying on my own strength of my

782
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,760
coach is going to think 
something bad of me now. 

783
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:08,960
So I am trying to, I almost 
tried to make it seem like I was

784
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,440
doing him a favor by removing 
myself because even then I'm 

785
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,720
still helping. 
So I'm, I'm just, I've started 

786
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,560
tearing up a smidge and then I 
collected myself. 

787
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,200
I went downstairs again. 
I still don't want anybody to 

788
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,800
know anything's going on. 
Millie knew she knew what was 

789
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,320
going on, but she didn't say 
anything. 

790
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,800
I go and I pack up my stuff. 
I'm just stone cold, like not 

791
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,000
acknowledging any of my 
teammates, not looking them in 

792
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,720
the eyes, which they also, I 
don't want to say they didn't 

793
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:37,000
care, but they, they didn't know
what I was doing. 

794
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,360
I didn't think I was packing up 
my stuff to never return, you 

795
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:41,000
know? 
Yeah. 

796
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,120
So I leave, and I don't say 
anything to anybody. 

797
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:48,960
My mom and me attempt to pack up
my dorm room, and we drive home,

798
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,320
and I start after practice 
getting texts from my teammates.

799
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,480
Like, you'll be missed. 
And it wasn't uncommon for 

800
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,640
people to leave because people 
graduated early. 

801
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,120
We had a lot of injuries that 
year. 

802
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,240
So I was just one of the many 
that just weren't returning. 

803
00:39:00,240 --> 00:39:03,920
So it wasn't uncommon. 
And so I got a couple texts from

804
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,320
my teammates saying that I'll be
missed and I responded to them. 

805
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,360
I said it's been so great 
meeting you guys. 

806
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:12,680
Thank you. 
And me and my mom went home so. 

807
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:17,040
So wow, yeah, Dang, girl, I bet 
that is just such a 

808
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,080
heartbreaking thing for you 
because that's something that 

809
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,760
you work for your whole life 
basically. 

810
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:28,000
And now you had to give it all 
up for a guy that you hooked up 

811
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,920
with for a few times. 
And like, that is so sad. 

812
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,800
That is so sad. 
Especially like knowing that it 

813
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,800
was just a fleshly desire and 
God never planned like that for 

814
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,600
our lives. 
Like, obviously a blessing, you 

815
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,960
know, your baby was a blessing. 
I'm not saying that, but I'm 

816
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,080
just saying like, he just had so
much more. 

817
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,960
And so like, it's so hard, you 
know? 

818
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:49,960
So let's Fast forward a little 
bit. 

819
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,440
How do you come to the decision 
that y'all did make I guess? 

820
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,360
Yeah, So I initially told my 
parents, I don't want anybody to

821
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,000
know. 
This is still out of self-image.

822
00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,960
I don't want anybody to know 
that I'm pregnant. 

823
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,680
I was mortified. 
Obviously, thousands of people 

824
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,880
around Warner Robins know who we
are because of my dad's, because

825
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,720
of my dad's position on staff. 
And my parents were like, I 

826
00:40:10,720 --> 00:40:13,200
don't know how we're going to do
this, but if you want to keep it

827
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,720
private, that's fine. 
We'll do it. 

828
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,440
So I went from. 
I got pregnant in. 

829
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:23,680
I came home January of 2023. 
From January to April, I went 

830
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:25,000
out and about. 
I acted normal. 

831
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,320
We just told people I didn't 
enjoy the school. 

832
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,320
We didn't. 
I was still looking for another 

833
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,280
school to go play basketball. 
That was going to be it. 

834
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,240
We kind of were light with our 
answers. 

835
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:38,240
Around February is when I told 
Kellen and Emory and then we 

836
00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:41,080
shared with another pastor and 
his wife, Jeremy and Sharon on 

837
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:42,840
staff what we were going 
through. 

838
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:46,760
My mom shared with Joe, Betsy 
and Ed they'll come into play 

839
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,400
later. 
There are important parts of the

840
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:54,000
puzzle, but my parents, I Sunday
of Easter was my last Sunday 

841
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,840
showing up out and about being 
there. 

842
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,400
And I do want to mention that 
while I was home, my dad was 

843
00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,840
forcing me to go to CR. 
I was mortified to go to CR 

844
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,160
because I thought that's where 
stigma. 

845
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,880
That's where broken. 
People go it is and now it's my 

846
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:11,680
favorite, but I was like, what 
do I look like as a pastor's 

847
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,080
daughter walking into CR? 
So I would go sit in the very 

848
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,640
top and Caleb would be like, 
hey, you know, you can come to 

849
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,240
the basement, hang out with us. 
I'm like, Nope, you did not see 

850
00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:20,640
me here. 
I'm not here. 

851
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,320
So April's when I started going 
into what I like to call hiding,

852
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,480
I didn't work. 
I didn't do I did online school.

853
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:32,800
Only two of my friends knew. 
It was very, very quiet. 

854
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,800
I would like to say as it was 
girl it beeping on the other 

855
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,600
side. 
This was like locked tight. 

856
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,840
OK, this was locked tight 
information. 

857
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,600
Even Kelly's girlfriend, which I
can tell this story later if we 

858
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,680
have time. 
She had no clue she would come 

859
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,200
over to the house. 
I told my mom, I said, we need 

860
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,040
to put a bell on her because I'd
walk around the house and a huge

861
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,640
T-shirt just with my belly out. 
And I'm like having a Crouch 

862
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,360
down behind the couch because 
she's in the kitchen. 

863
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,440
I didn't even know. 
She didn't even know. 

864
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,840
And she everybody just thought, 
oh, you stopped playing 

865
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,240
basketball. 
Maybe you're gaining a little 

866
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:04,800
bit of weight because you're 
doing as much. 

867
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,440
Like that was like, that's what 
it was. 

868
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:12,120
So this whole time I'm like 
grappling with what am I going 

869
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,440
to do? 
I'm in communication with the 

870
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,480
father this whole summer or this
whole spring into the summer. 

871
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,600
Am I going to be a single 
parent? 

872
00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,960
What does custody look like with
somebody who lives in another 

873
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:25,720
country? 
Do I have the financial means to

874
00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:28,360
take care of this baby? 
How long are my parents going to

875
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,240
help, if at all? 
Because at this point they were 

876
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:32,760
like, you're making big girl 
decisions, you're going to be a 

877
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,560
big girl now. 
And I had all these things that 

878
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,520
I was trying to figure out. 
Well, Joe Betsy and Ed, I don't 

879
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,520
know if you are familiar with 
them, they are an amazing 

880
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,080
elderly couple at Southside. 
My mom's really good friends 

881
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,560
with Joe Betsy. 
She is on the board of Covenant 

882
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,480
Care Adoptions. 
So Joe Betsy told my mom, you 

883
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,520
know, half go and go see one of 
the birth counselors because 

884
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,960
obviously was not talking to a 
lot of people. 

885
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,240
There's not a lot of counseling 
going on. 

886
00:42:57,240 --> 00:43:01,040
There's not a lot of fruitful 
dialogue figuring out things. 

887
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,960
So I did online counseling with 
my dad, or not with my dad, but 

888
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,800
my dad put me in there. 
And I remember looking at the 

889
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,680
counselor and being like, I just
want you to know my dad's making

890
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,680
me do this so we don't have to 
talk. 

891
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:15,160
We could sit here for 55 minutes
and let the timer out. 

892
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,760
You get paid, but I'm not 
talking to you. 

893
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:21,080
Well, obviously that was false 
and she ended up being such a 

894
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,240
blessing. 
So I'm doing online counseling 

895
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:26,480
through a church in Atlanta. 
I'm going to visit the birth 

896
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:31,160
counselor up in Macon and I sit 
down with her and she says to 

897
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:36,400
me, you know, whether you decide
to parent or do adoption, we're 

898
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:37,760
going to walk with you through 
this. 

899
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,000
We're going to help you 
financially. 

900
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,680
We're going to help you in any 
area that we can. 

901
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,760
So immediately my head, I'm 
like, oh, well, I'll just keep 

902
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:47,360
up this relationship and then 
eventually when I have the baby,

903
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,080
they can financially support me.
Perfect. 

904
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,320
Well, the more that I learn 
about open adoption 

905
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:57,360
specifically, not just adoption,
but open adoption and I did a 

906
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:01,800
lot of reading and the summers 
where I really grew my love for 

907
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,120
knowledge and reading and 
studying the Bible. 

908
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,080
And I truly believe that I did 
have discernment in the Holy 

909
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,120
Spirit and conviction when I was
younger. 

910
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:14,160
But it was almost as if I woke 
up 1 morning and just colors 

911
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,880
were brighter and people were 
happier. 

912
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:21,640
And it was just this ratifying 
experience of I don't, I 

913
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,160
couldn't even, I mean, there's 
no words. 

914
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,160
I, I know you know what I'm 
talking about of the Holy Spirit

915
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,560
just fully being inside of me 
and me fully surrendering, 

916
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:34,280
having to be in the quiet, in 
the solitude when my whole life 

917
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:38,600
I had chased chaos and dopamine.
I mean, there's no other way to 

918
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:42,200
put it. 
So I'm, I'm studying, I'm, I 

919
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,840
ended up reading this book and 
in the book it was specifically 

920
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:48,040
referring to the African 
American community. 

921
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:53,240
But in the book, it talks about 
the the state that America is at

922
00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:56,520
in the single mother households 
and what your child is 

923
00:44:56,520 --> 00:45:02,120
immediately susceptible to 
statistically by being in a 

924
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:05,320
single parent home versus a 
parent home with a mom and a 

925
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,680
dad. 
And the numbers were off the 

926
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,640
charts. 
I mean, I remember initially 

927
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,600
thinking, there's no way that 
just because I'm a single mother

928
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,920
and I choose to parent my 
daughter, that these are 

929
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,880
immediately what she's more 
susceptible to. 

930
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:23,520
So that off RIP was a big like 
indicator for me of there's got 

931
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:26,280
to be another way. 
There's got to be something. 

932
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:30,600
And then with the, there was a 
lot of tension with the dad and 

933
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:34,160
the trying to figure out what 
does custody look like? 

934
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:37,960
He once I introduced the idea of
open adoption to him, he pushed 

935
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,400
back and said if you don't want 
the baby, my parents will take 

936
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:43,440
the baby and we'll raise the 
baby in Argentina. 

937
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:47,040
And that was really hard at the 
moment at at the time because I 

938
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,520
thought you didn't even want 
this baby. 

939
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,480
You wanted me to kill this baby 
and now you're asking me to give

940
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,720
this baby to? 
Yeah. 

941
00:45:53,720 --> 00:45:57,040
How does that make sense? 
And I understand where he was at

942
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,480
in his thought process at that 
time, but that was something 

943
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,160
that we were working through. 
Ultimately, there was a lot of 

944
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,680
indicators to me where the more 
I learned about open adoption, 

945
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:11,240
the more I realized if I choose 
open adoption, I am putting my 

946
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:16,080
baby into a home where there are
two parents who are married and 

947
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,440
at the center of their 
relationship with Christ. 

948
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:21,760
They are ready and equipped to 
have this baby. 

949
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:26,160
They are prepared for this baby 
and I got to completely see 

950
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,240
through a profile which we can 
get into this more as well. 

951
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:33,400
A profile is a book of 
everything that they want you to

952
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,000
know about them and their family
in the adoption agency. 

953
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:40,360
And I read these profiles. 
So I'm learning all about these 

954
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:44,960
families who are just itching to
have a baby because of whether 

955
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,760
they aren't able to or they just
feel called to do adoption. 

956
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:54,000
And I remember looking back at 
my time while being pregnant and

957
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,760
even when I didn't even know 
about open adoption, I didn't 

958
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,440
see myself parenting. 
And it was a very weird fog 

959
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,880
where I knew I was pregnant. 
I knew eventually I would have a

960
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,920
little one year old on my arm at
Southside. 

961
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,560
Everybody would know. 
But what does that look like? 

962
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,360
I couldn't figure it out. 
And it was because the Lord, I 

963
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,200
think, was preparing my mind for
a different decision. 

964
00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:17,840
So the more I learned about open
adoption, the more I learned 

965
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:23,720
about single motherhood and the 
more I learned about how the 

966
00:47:23,720 --> 00:47:26,960
legal process within Georgia and
the pushback I was getting from 

967
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,640
the father. 
I just thought this has to be 

968
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:31,440
the best case scenario for my 
daughter. 

969
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,560
I think this would be the most 
fruitful option. 

970
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:39,200
And there was obviously a lot of
grappling with that decision of 

971
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:44,280
almost ripping the baby from the
mother that she has known for 

972
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,880
nine months and the my my 
parents not getting to be 

973
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,080
grandparents in the way that 
they had envisioned and my 

974
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:53,000
brother and sister not getting 
to be aunt and uncles. 

975
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:58,600
But around June of 2023 is when 
I officially made the commitment

976
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,280
to the agency that I would place
my daughter for adoption. 

977
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:04,920
We got the dad to sign off. 
He had to sign his rights away 

978
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,360
before I could continue since I 
had legally identified him as 

979
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,760
the father. 
And I went through a bunch of 

980
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:15,040
scrapbooks that are basically 
families that are options for me

981
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:16,520
to pick to place my daughter 
with. 

982
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:21,520
And I initially wasn't very 
excited about the options that I

983
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,000
had. 
A lot of them, it's very 

984
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:26,480
superficial things that you can 
kind of pick out. 

985
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:29,160
But one of the families was in 
metro Atlanta and I didn't want 

986
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,680
her to grow up in metro Atlanta.
One of the families had already 

987
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,320
adopted four or five kids and I,
I initially wanted a family that

988
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:37,440
wouldn't have been able to have 
a baby of their own. 

989
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,240
Yeah. 
Well, I come across the very 

990
00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:43,120
last profile of this family and 
it is just the most like 

991
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:47,720
beautiful Southern belle porch. 
They're on their porch. 

992
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:49,320
They've got an American flag in 
the back. 

993
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:51,880
And I'm immediately like, I'll 
let this is great. 

994
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:56,080
So I open it up and the very 
first sentence of the letter 

995
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:59,680
that they write to the birth 
moms is whether you decide to 

996
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:03,200
parent or do an open adoption 
plan, we are so thankful that 

997
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,640
you chose life. 
And I remember thinking, who 

998
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:10,520
would have thought that this 
woman's first sentence on her 

999
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,400
book is immediately speaking to 
me. 

1000
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,120
I know that she wrote this 
almost 10 years ago. 

1001
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,000
I had been waiting almost 12 
years for a baby. 

1002
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:22,360
And this sentence is speaking 
directly to me in the decisions 

1003
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,240
that I have faced. 
So I remember looking through 

1004
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:29,040
the book and I just felt this 
piece beyond measure around me 

1005
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:33,160
that they had three boys on 
initially and they had done 

1006
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,440
foster care for a while. 
They'd had some miscarriages and

1007
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:39,200
they just really wanted to have 
another baby that they could 

1008
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,840
help. 
And I remember looking at my 

1009
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,640
birth counselor and saying this 
is the family, put them on hold,

1010
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:48,960
tell them that I have picked 
them and do not let any other 

1011
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:50,760
birth mom look at them like I 
was uncompetitive. 

1012
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,640
Again, I was like do not because
they are. 

1013
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:59,440
They are my write it down. 
So because of the legality of 

1014
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:03,160
open adoption and 9 out of 10 
birth moms change their mind 

1015
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,600
after they have their baby, the 
adoption agency wasn't able to 

1016
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,200
tell them that I had picked 
them, but they were allowed to 

1017
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,360
put their book away so no other 
birth mom could look at it. 

1018
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,680
So I finish out my last two 
months. 

1019
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,960
I give birth on August 18th of 
2023. 

1020
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:22,160
She's healthy, she's beautiful. 
I get to spend 3 days in the 

1021
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:26,560
hospital with her and then I get
3 days of revocation, which are 

1022
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:31,040
the 72 hours that I'm legally 
allowed to decide if I want to 

1023
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:33,840
redact all the decisions that I 
have made or if I want to 

1024
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:36,920
continue with open adoption. 
So during the 72 hour 

1025
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,000
revocation, I was allowed to see
her during the day and then at 

1026
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,800
night she would be taken to 
interim care, which is a couple 

1027
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:45,480
that their ministry is to keep 
the babies during the mom's 

1028
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,880
revocation. 
So I remember still telling my 

1029
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,880
birth counselor, please tell 
them they have a baby because 

1030
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,800
they would get a call less than 
24 hours and saying, hey, we're 

1031
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,880
bringing a baby to your home. 
Like somebody picked you. 

1032
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:58,160
And I was like, I'm not going to
change my mind. 

1033
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:03,560
Please tell them, well, 48 hours
before the adoption was 

1034
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:08,720
finalized, the mom of the baby 
or I'll let's, we'll call her 

1035
00:51:08,720 --> 00:51:10,200
Sophia. 
That's what I named her at the 

1036
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,920
hospital. 
Sophia's mom called the agency 

1037
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:15,680
and said, hey, we have an 
opportunity to foster a little 

1038
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,120
boy. 
We want to know, has any birth 

1039
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,200
mom even shown interest in our 
book? 

1040
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,960
Because if not, we will take 
this boy into foster care. 

1041
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:27,720
And the, my birth counselor was 
like, I can't tell you anything,

1042
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:32,720
but do not take that boy. 
And so the family was, they knew

1043
00:51:32,720 --> 00:51:35,800
that they had at the very least 
been put as an option. 

1044
00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:43,120
So the 72 hours went by and my 
birthday's on August 21st. 

1045
00:51:43,120 --> 00:51:49,400
So I was able to spend my 2020 
20th birthday with her. 

1046
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,720
We had some close family friends
come over and we celebrated our 

1047
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:57,160
birthdays. 
But I mean, Alexis, those are 

1048
00:51:57,440 --> 00:52:00,200
those are the three hardest days
of my life easily. 

1049
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:04,000
I mean, telling having to tell 
my parents that I was pregnant 

1050
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:07,320
is not even close to how 
difficult those days were. 

1051
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:12,840
And a lot of it goes back to 
what I wanted. 

1052
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:18,480
I I knew I would be a good mom. 
I knew that I could raise her 

1053
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,400
well. 
I knew that she would have a 

1054
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:22,640
good life. 
I knew that my parents would be 

1055
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:26,840
there and it would be so fun to 
have friends get to know her. 

1056
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:31,080
But all the decisions that kept 
me from doing the adoption plan 

1057
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:35,040
had to do with me and what I 
wanted and what I knew was best 

1058
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:39,800
for my daughter was for her to 
be raised around a family that 

1059
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,320
is intact, that has a mother and
a father who are there and 

1060
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,320
present and willing. 
And while me and her father both

1061
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,080
would have been present, it 
wouldn't have been in the way 

1062
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:51,040
that God had imagined a family 
to look like. 

1063
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:56,320
And it was so important for me 
for her to have a dad because I 

1064
00:52:56,320 --> 00:53:01,040
knew the way that my dad had 
grown up with men in and out of 

1065
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:04,560
the house. 
And it was just not something 

1066
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,240
that I had ever thought I would 
be putting my child in a 

1067
00:53:08,240 --> 00:53:14,240
position to potentially have to 
endure or that I would even be 

1068
00:53:14,240 --> 00:53:16,280
in a spot where I'd have to make
that decision. 

1069
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:20,200
But that was that was a really 
big part for me was that she had

1070
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,440
a dad. 
And so I knew without a shadow 

1071
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:27,360
of a doubt that while I am 
suffering and while there's so 

1072
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:32,400
much pain within having to make 
this decision, the greater pain 

1073
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:36,800
would be the not following in 
accordance with what I believe 

1074
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:40,240
the Lord is calling me to do. 
I had lived so much in my life 

1075
00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:44,040
in secrecy and deceitfulness and
rebellion that I thought at the 

1076
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:48,120
very least let me let me follow 
God in this. 

1077
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:53,520
And any way I tried to maneuver 
it, it ended up leading back to 

1078
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:57,080
the Lord asking me, and I 
believe telling me to place my 

1079
00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,400
daughter for open adoption. 
That is so beautiful, girl. 

1080
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:04,440
Like I just started like almost 
crying, like full on bawling 

1081
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,120
because that like just the fact 
that when you opened it up and 

1082
00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:11,000
you read that first line and it 
just spoke to your spirit 

1083
00:54:11,240 --> 00:54:16,360
because sometimes like God sends
signs, it's not just scripture. 

1084
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,280
Like sometimes your spirit just 
connects and it knows. 

1085
00:54:19,720 --> 00:54:23,040
And so for you, you're like, I 
know, but then you're saying 

1086
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,480
those three days too, like you 
know that this is the decision. 

1087
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:29,200
This is what God's calling you 
to do, But you're going back and

1088
00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:32,720
forth like you're being torn. 
Like I can only imagine like how

1089
00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:36,240
hard that was for you, girl. 
Like so it's. 

1090
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:38,000
There's no wrong answer that 
was. 

1091
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,400
The thing is, I can glorify God 
and parent it. 

1092
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:44,800
I can glorify God and placing 
her for open adoption, but it 

1093
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:48,560
ultimately LED down to what is 
the best decision for her. 

1094
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:52,880
And at that time, I believe, and
I still do, that it was to put 

1095
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:56,680
her in an environment where she 
would be, she would have a lot 

1096
00:54:56,680 --> 00:55:02,400
more access to abilities and 
things around her and just a a 

1097
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,640
lot more fruitful life and a 
less hardship so. 

1098
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,440
What does that open adoption 
kind of look? 

1099
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:12,440
Like, yeah, so legally twice a 
year, I can't remember the age, 

1100
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:16,280
it could be 5 or 10, Legally 
twice a year I am able to see 

1101
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:17,840
her. 
And so that communication 

1102
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,600
usually goes from me to the 
agency to the parents. 

1103
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,760
Well, immediately we connected 
after she was placed in August, 

1104
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,120
I met with the family for the 
first time in September because 

1105
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,840
they wanted to meet us. 
And it was a very interesting 

1106
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:33,400
case for the agency because most
of the birth moms, 

1107
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:38,520
unfortunately, have been in 
sexual assault situations or 

1108
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:42,800
have had issues struggling and 
battling with drugs or alcohol. 

1109
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:47,280
So they're not in a position 
emotionally or physically to 

1110
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,240
pursue that relationship with 
the family. 

1111
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:53,040
So a lot of times the agency has
to wait till the babies, maybe 3

1112
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:55,360
or 4 for the mom to see them for
the first time. 

1113
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:57,840
So for us, we were immediately 
like, let's see the baby. 

1114
00:55:57,840 --> 00:56:00,320
We're ready whenever they're 
comfortable, Let's do it. 

1115
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,960
Well, we pretty much removed the
agency if we were like, thanks, 

1116
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:05,000
you guys did your part. 
Hey, connected are good. 

1117
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,760
So now we have consistent 
communication. 

1118
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:10,240
I see her right now for her 
birthday. 

1119
00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:13,160
I'll see her in September. 
We'll share like our little 

1120
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:16,360
birthday together. 
I see her in February and in 

1121
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:20,560
August illegally, then I see her
for our birthdays and then 

1122
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:23,080
Mother's Day and then 
potentially Thanksgiving and 

1123
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:24,920
Christmas. 
But it is the kind of 

1124
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,400
relationship where there's no 
right or wrong. 

1125
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:29,840
You just have to feel it out. 
What is the most comfortable? 

1126
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:33,520
Where are the boundaries? 
Once she's old enough to truly 

1127
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,560
she'll, she'll grow up knowing 
who I am, knowing the decisions 

1128
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:39,680
that mean her father made. 
He also has equal access in the 

1129
00:56:39,720 --> 00:56:42,960
the visitations and the time 
that he gets to spend with her 

1130
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,480
and she'll be able to decide 
whether that's 10/11/12. 

1131
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,640
I do want to see her more or I 
want to see her less. 

1132
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:53,200
And so that's obviously 
something that every single day 

1133
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,000
there's fear and anxiety around 
that. 

1134
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:59,480
But as of right now, she'll be 
two on August 18th. 

1135
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:02,040
I'll see her, you know, in 
September. 

1136
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:05,080
I get to see her periodically. 
I could call them and say, hey, 

1137
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:08,560
I can I come up there for a day 
and hang out with y'all and they

1138
00:57:08,560 --> 00:57:11,120
would say yes. 
So it's just such a beautiful 

1139
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:17,160
example of rewarding not only 
the family and the baby, but 

1140
00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:21,160
also rewarding the mom because a
lot of times I think within the,

1141
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:25,000
for lack of a better word, maybe
church or pro-life movement, we 

1142
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:30,280
forget about the mom. 
And it is, it's a, it's, it's an

1143
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:34,640
opportunity for me to be able to
witness my daughter grow up and 

1144
00:57:34,640 --> 00:57:38,440
have an amazing life and not 
have to just shut that part out 

1145
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:42,160
and act like it never happened 
when that is such a toll on me. 

1146
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:46,360
And then the baby not having to 
look up when they're 18, who is 

1147
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:47,640
my mom? 
What does she look like? 

1148
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,920
You know, there's constant 
communication, there's 

1149
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:54,520
consistent answers to questions.
And there is, it's I say this 

1150
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:57,800
phrase a lot when I speak about 
the situation is I didn't lose 

1151
00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,560
my daughter. 
I gained a whole new family. 

1152
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:04,520
They are now part of our family.
And her grandparents are my 

1153
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:08,640
grandparents and my mom and dad 
are John and Dust's friends. 

1154
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:11,680
That's the parents names. 
And it is just, it's, it's 

1155
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:13,920
almost like an extended family 
situation. 

1156
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:18,400
It's not even a weird stranger 
situation, girl. 

1157
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:22,120
I love that. 
I love that, and I will say that

1158
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:25,520
when she came to your testimony,
that is a beautiful baby girl. 

1159
00:58:25,520 --> 00:58:27,360
You, my beautiful baby. 
Thank you, thank you. 

1160
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,440
Oh my gosh. 
So I wish we could go on because

1161
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:33,200
I really do have so many other 
questions, but we're going to go

1162
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:37,240
ahead and start wrapping it up. 
So I guess let me give you an 

1163
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,000
opportunity to maybe say 
something that you haven't got 

1164
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,120
to say in this. 
Maybe a piece of advice or maybe

1165
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:45,440
something that God's revealed to
you more recently? 

1166
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:47,280
Like how do you want to close 
this? 

1167
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:51,680
Yeah, I would say that I 
obviously want to remind any 

1168
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:56,080
mother out there who's facing an
unexpected pregnancy that, 

1169
00:58:56,080 --> 00:59:00,000
number one, you're not alone. 
There's tons of resources and 

1170
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:04,200
churches and people that want to
help #2 that you do have 

1171
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,280
options. 
Abortion doesn't have to be the 

1172
00:59:06,280 --> 00:59:08,680
only option for you. 
When we when we say the word 

1173
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,000
choice, we should emphasize that
there is a choice, but it's not 

1174
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:15,560
just the choice to kill your 
child. 

1175
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:18,600
There are other options. 
There are other avenues in which

1176
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:20,920
you can still have a fruitful 
life. 

1177
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:24,680
IA lot of the women that I've 
gotten the opportunity to work 

1178
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,880
with will say, I don't want to 
lose my life. 

1179
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:27,960
I don't want to lose what I 
have. 

1180
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:31,240
And not that that was the whole 
goal for me, but I'm exactly 

1181
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,640
back where I was prior to 
getting pregnant. 

1182
00:59:33,640 --> 00:59:36,400
I could go play basketball right
now somewhere if I wanted to. 

1183
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:40,240
And so there is such an 
opportunity for us as a church 

1184
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:44,080
and as a body of believers to 
care for the mother and the 

1185
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:47,360
father in these difficult 
situations and lead them to 

1186
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:50,960
other avenues. 
I also want, I don't want open 

1187
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:54,440
adoption to be normalized 
because it's a broken situation,

1188
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:56,400
finding healing through a 
different avenues. 

1189
00:59:56,400 --> 01:00:00,640
But I do want it to not they're 
not to be such a stigma around 

1190
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,280
adoption. 
I want people to hopefully, 

1191
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:05,760
after this podcast, be able to 
understand. 

1192
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:10,200
The obviously difficult choices 
that come with that, but the 

1193
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:14,360
redemption through open adoption
and the redemption through 

1194
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:18,400
submitting your life to Christ 
and I think lastly, I would just

1195
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:24,520
call on people to have a heart 
for expectant mothers. 

1196
01:00:24,520 --> 01:00:28,400
I think that a lot of times when
we something that came to mind 

1197
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:32,000
this summer for me was why do we
and not when I say the church, I

1198
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:34,840
don't refer to Southside. 
I just mean as like a church, as

1199
01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:38,520
a like America. 
Why do we mourn Mary when she 

1200
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:42,160
was turned away from multiple 
doors looking for somewhere to 

1201
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,720
have Jesus, but when we see a 
young mother walk through the 

1202
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,880
doors on Sunday, we look at her 
and scoff? 

1203
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:52,000
Girl. 
Like it, there's something there

1204
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:56,320
that we as a church are missing 
when we try to make Sunday the 

1205
01:00:56,320 --> 01:01:00,240
one day where we walk in and we 
act as though everything's OK at

1206
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,840
the one place where we should be
the most open and raw. 

1207
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,720
And I would just want to 
encourage believers to not be 

1208
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:11,600
scared to share your sin because
that's what makes our faith so 

1209
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:15,960
beautiful is that the Lord uses 
broken people for His purpose. 

1210
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:20,120
And so I I think that would be 
my ultimate last ending 

1211
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:22,840
treatment is. 
And that was a statement that 

1212
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:27,360
was good girl. 
Wow, like you clocked it for 

1213
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,600
real. 
You clocked that tape. 

1214
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:33,120
All right guys, I hope you 
enjoyed this as much as I have. 

1215
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:34,960
This has been absolutely 
incredible. 

1216
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:38,000
Please reach out if you are 
struggling with something, 

1217
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,320
please reach out. 
I'll put Gwen's a username in 

1218
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:42,080
the bio because I know that she.
Loves. 

1219
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,960
To reach out and talk to people 
and just connect. 

1220
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:48,120
So please stay tuned, stay 
blessed and we'll see you guys 

1221
01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:48,960
later. 
Bye.