1 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,880 What's up guys? My name is Alexis, your host of 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:10,120 Praises in the Pod, and I am stoked to have Rebecca Butler 3 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,560 here today. We are going to talk about a lot 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,760 of things, her testimony and so much more. 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,560 So we're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:21,240 jump right in. Lord Heavenly Father, thank you 7 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:22,840 for today. Thank you for all your many 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,800 blessings. Dear God, thank you for allowing 9 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,680 us to come on here and talk about our experiences and your 10 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,160 goodness and what all you have done in our life, Lord. 11 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,320 And we just pray that you speak to us and through us and let 12 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,160 this episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray. 13 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,040 Amen. Amen. 14 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,400 So we're just going to jump right in girl. 15 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,880 Like tell us a little bit about maybe your childhood and growing 16 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,320 up and stuff. Like that, Yeah. 17 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:50,400 So I was born here in Macon. I was homeschooled until 10th 18 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,560 grade where then I went to CFCA and that was actually where I 19 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:56,760 met Caleb, my husband and we. Graduated, y'all start y'all 20 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,960 started like high school we did. And he will. 21 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,040 He will be the 1st to tell you that I dumped him like a sack of 22 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:09,200 potatoes when I got to college and I and so we we were very 23 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:16,800 young and did not I guess know what we wanted and so I did kind 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,400 of drop him that we go back together after but. 25 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:23,840 This is kind of random, but 11th grade is like very late to start 26 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,840 in A at a school period. So what caused like what? 27 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,440 How did that come about? Yeah, my mom, she went to 28 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,000 school. She has her master's in math. 29 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,400 And so she had always, I guess, decided to home school. 30 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,240 And it was not popular when we were young. 31 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,800 I mean, I'm 34. So when we were homeschooled, 32 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,400 nobody else was doing it. Yeah. 33 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,440 And so she decided to homeschool a lesson. 34 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,360 So she homeschooled my sister all the way through, who's older 35 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,800 than me. And then for me, I, I told her I 36 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,160 was like, hey, I I kind of like, I'm a little bit not bored. 37 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,640 It's not the right word. But I was like, I want to 38 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,920 experience the things that people experience in school. 39 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,280 Like, I wanted to go to prom and I want to do homecoming and, and 40 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,000 that kind of stuff. And so her and my dad talked 41 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,640 about it and they're like, well, we lived in, well, they still 42 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,440 live in Peach County, but we lived in Peach County. 43 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,160 So we went in, toured Peach County High School, which was a 44 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,280 huge shock from home schooling school. 45 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,360 Yeah, Peach County High. And it would have been the same 46 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,720 for Hoko or whatever. So we looked at CFCA and they 47 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,200 decided to let me go there. And then my brother actually 48 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,560 started there, I think maybe the next year or two years later in 49 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,600 8th grade. And then my mom went back to 50 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:26,440 work. Oh, wow. 51 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,600 So she kind of homeschooled until it made sense. 52 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,560 And so. So yeah, that's kind of OK. 53 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,800 Cool. So you just were like, I really 54 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,280 want to get some. Experience I did. 55 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,000 I always like wanted to I always wanted to be in the classroom. 56 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,360 My grandma taught and we would go see her classroom. 57 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,040 He's like, this looks so fun. And my mom's like, you have no 58 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,800 idea how good you have it. Like you're done with school at 59 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,760 like 12 or one and then you get to play all day. 60 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,560 And I'm like, yeah, but you know, you see it on TV and I 61 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,520 want to do all this stuff. And so, I mean, and going to 62 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,160 CFCA was was great. I mean, it was where I met 63 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,440 Caleb. I know that's what I was about 64 00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,680 to be like. Oh thank God he went bro. 65 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,160 I know. And it was great. 66 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,720 And now our kids go there and so which is really cool. 67 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,560 Which Jackson just had homecoming king. 68 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,000 He was little. He was the. 69 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,400 Homecoming king, Yes. He was so cute. 70 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,000 And his little kindergarten. Yeah. 71 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,800 So he's loving it. He is Caleb's kid, thriving 72 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,200 through and through. Nice. 73 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:16,920 Yes. OK. 74 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,080 So you graduate, you and Caleb kind of split. 75 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,040 Yes, we we didn't start dating. We only dated for a couple 76 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,680 months before we went before I went to college. 77 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:30,760 So I went to Nevada State and he stayed here and he was going to 78 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:32,760 do interning for music and that kind of stuff. 79 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,320 He wasn't he didn't plan on going to college. 80 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,000 And so I had every intention of staying together, but then we 81 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,800 were just very immature. And so, you know, being away 82 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:45,480 from each other and then kind of me wanting to go hang out with 83 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,440 friends in college and him wanting to know what I'm doing 84 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,240 all the time. And it just kind of didn't work 85 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,040 out. So I graduated from VSU in 2012 86 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:53,960 and I was like, I'm not moving back to Warner Robins. 87 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,080 I'm headed to Atlanta and I'm going to find a job there. 88 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,480 And that's what I'm going to do. But I came back home for a 89 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,200 little bit and I saw Caleb at he was playing at South Side. 90 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,760 And it had been a while since we had talked or seen each other. 91 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:11,520 And so I texted him and then from there just kind of we just 92 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,920 kind of started back up and it was a little bit of, you know, 93 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:20,320 hurt feelings and unsure if it was going to, but God in all his 94 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,760 wisdom and brought us back together at the right time for 95 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,000 us. And the rest is kind of history. 96 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,800 Thanks. So you said that was around 97 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,200 what, 2012, 2012, 2012? So y'all are dating, you move, 98 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,600 you move back here and then tell us a little bit about your early 99 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,040 years of marriage and what that look like and stuff. 100 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:42,160 Yeah, so we got married in 2015 and it was, I mean, it's pretty 101 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,920 smooth sailing. I can't really, you know, they 102 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,360 say the first year of marriage is really hard. 103 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,000 Ours is pretty chill. Nice. 104 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,040 Yeah, we were. We were blessed with a house 105 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,000 pretty quickly after getting married. 106 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,080 And then then we decided to have our first son and what we didn't 107 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,280 know was going to be a boy, but we had our first kid and he's 6 108 00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:01,800 now. And then a little bit later we 109 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:05,640 decided to have a second. So then we had Rhett and he is 3 110 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,640 1/2. Wow, yes, so they are way too 111 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,320 cute. And that seems like a good like 112 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,680 age gap too. Yes, like 2 1/2. 113 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,200 This is the perfect age gap, yeah. 114 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,480 Yeah. What did you what did you go to 115 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,520 school for? I initially went to school for 116 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,680 education and then changed my mind and now I do. 117 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,880 I went to school for public relations, so I do public 118 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,920 relations, marketing, social media, so. 119 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,920 That's cool. I was just thinking, I was like, 120 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,200 hang on, wait a minute. Like, like, was it always the 121 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,320 plan? Like you wanted to do the social 122 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,200 media marketing aspect? That wasn't always the plan. 123 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,560 My aunt, actually, she owns her own PR firm, so I do a lot of 124 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,160 work with her. So I did an internship with her 125 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,640 out in California right out of school. 126 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:48,000 And so, yeah, it was not what I was expecting to do, but what 127 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,640 God had planned. And it's been really good. 128 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,200 That's. Great. 129 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,480 And there's just a lot of flexibility too, especially with 130 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,040 the kids and stuff like that. Like that's been such a 131 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,880 blessing. That has been such a blessing. 132 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,320 Yeah, I do all my work from home, which is awesome. 133 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,120 That's great. One of the things that like, I 134 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:04,240 was just thinking about, I'm like, when did Caleb, like, step 135 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,680 into a pastor role? You know, he just got ordained 136 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:11,240 as pastor. I wouldn't say it was in 2023. 137 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,120 It might have been last year. Oh, OK. 138 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:19,320 Yeah, He got hired onto staff at South Side the year we got 139 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,920 married. So pretty much our whole 140 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,120 marriage he's been on staff at South Side and so, but the 141 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,400 pastor role is like ordained as a pastor. 142 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,120 It's been pretty. And then like for Caleb, did he 143 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,080 always know that he wanted to be a pastor or was that something 144 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,480 he just wanted to be a music? And then it kind of went into 145 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,160 worship and then he's like, you know what? 146 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,200 I have this calling all my life. Is that kind of what happened? 147 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:43,480 He started with music and I think mostly he wanted to do 148 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,920 producing an electric guitar is his first love, like he would 149 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,280 tell you. That you can tell when he's on 150 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,680 stage and he's playing the electric guitar, he's in it it. 151 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:55,360 Is his first love for sure. So I think that's all he wanted 152 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,280 to do music wise was electric guitar and then he went and 153 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:02,600 interned to learn about producing and and then, you 154 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,600 know, playing at church has always been a part of his life. 155 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,840 And so it was a number brainer to play at church. 156 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,760 And then when the position opened up to be on staff at 157 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,040 Southside, we had just got married. 158 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,880 So like stable income, like sounded good. 159 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,920 And then like, you know, health insurance and stuff. 160 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:19,720 And so that was kind of why he jumped on board with that. 161 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,280 And then also we love Southside. We always have. 162 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,880 So it, it made sense. And then from there he kind of 163 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,360 transitioned like he just kind of stepped into his, I think 164 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,440 what God's given him, his ability to lead people and to 165 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,960 have such a good listening ear like he can, he's a good 166 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,400 counselor and people come to him with all of their questions and 167 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,280 concerns. And so I think stepping into 168 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:44,040 that pastor rule just kind of put a a bow on everything that. 169 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,160 Got y'all started seeing like, oh, This is why that happened 170 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,760 and so forth. Yeah, that's great. 171 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:54,280 You have two boys. And then more recently, y'all 172 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,080 started y'all started trying to have another baby, correct. 173 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,640 Yes. So in 2023, we were back and 174 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:01,760 forth. Do we want a third? 175 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,560 You know, we're already pretty tired. 176 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,880 Yeah. And we're like, yeah, I think we 177 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,520 do. And so we decided to go for 1/3 178 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,840 and I would have been fine either way, boy or girl. 179 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:15,960 And but we did like early genetic testing and came back a 180 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:20,200 girl and I was like pumped. Like I mean those boys stole my 181 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,640 heart. I cannot like I love them. 182 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:26,120 But there's about having a girl, like I was excited about, you 183 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,440 know, prom and wedding dresses and painting fingernails and 184 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,159 stuff like that. So, so yeah, we found out we 185 00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:35,200 were having a girl and I was like, so sick with her. 186 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,559 Like it's not that sick with the boys and with her. 187 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,120 I was so sick. So we went in for our twenty 188 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,520 week anatomy scan in October of 2023 and we have two healthy 189 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:49,480 boys, genetic testing all of that and this on the little 190 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,880 girl. And so we were like, 191 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,320 everything's gonna be fine. Like we haven't had any issues 192 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,360 in pregnancy and this has been smooth sailing. 193 00:08:56,360 --> 00:09:01,160 And so actually on our way to our appointment, we had decided 194 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,080 we're gonna let Jackson come with us because we didn't expect 195 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,680 anything bad, right? And like he was, he was so 196 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,440 excited about a little sister. And so we were like, yeah, you 197 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,800 can come with us. And so we left Rhett with our 198 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,520 mother-in-law or my mother-in-law and we took 199 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,320 Jackson with us and we were driving to the appointment and I 200 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,720 was, I just had this like, really like bad feeling in the 201 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,440 pit of my stomach. I was like, gosh, this pregnancy 202 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,440 anxiety. I mean, that's like every day. 203 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,040 Well, this feels a little different. 204 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,800 I don't know. And then the song Firm 205 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,560 Foundation came on the radio or not on the radio, but on my 206 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:38,200 phone. And I, I was like, like, I just 207 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,760 felt like God was trying to prepare me for something. 208 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,960 And I'm like, I don't want to over spiritualize it. 209 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,960 I'm just, the song came on, you know, so I just could not shake 210 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,720 it. So we got there and everything 211 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,040 was fine. They get us checked in. 212 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,040 So at ROB, I don't know who else does this, but they take you to 213 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,760 a room and then it has this really big TV on the wall so 214 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,520 that you can lay back and see everything. 215 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,920 And the 20 week anatomy stand is like super fun. 216 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,040 You get to see they move around on the ton and stuff. 217 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:10,520 And so our sweet ultrasound tech Kylie, so Caleb is sitting over 218 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,960 here with Jackson on his lap and looking at the TV and Kylie gets 219 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,160 the, the wand out. She puts it on my stomach. 220 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,880 And as soon as she put it there, I could tell there's something 221 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,800 wrong cuz I usually immediately hear like a heartbeat and I 222 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,440 didn't hear anything. And so I looked over at her and 223 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,760 I just like, you hear the words that you just never think you're 224 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,960 going to hear. Like especially, I mean, 225 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,600 especially me, I have two kids already. 226 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,840 And she's like, guys, I'm not seeing a heartbeat. 227 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,640 And she tried to say it like real quietly so Jackson couldn't 228 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,400 hear. And so Jackson's over there 229 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:42,320 going, look, she's so cute, I love her look at my baby sister. 230 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,160 And it took him a minute, but then he could kind of tell there 231 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,040 was something wrong. And Caleb couldn't tell at first 232 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,280 either, until he looked at me. And I just kind of like shook my 233 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,680 head. And I was like, and so then 234 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:55,840 we're just both crying and, and, and Jackson's like, mommy, 235 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,120 what's wrong? What's wrong, What's wrong? 236 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,960 And I was like, it's OK, it's OK. 237 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,840 And the nurses are there. I mean, the office is wonderful, 238 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,880 but the nurse came, shot Jackson and took him out to look at the 239 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:10,360 fish and he didn't want to leave at first, but but then so our 240 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,240 doctor came in and he was like, you know, he goes, well, 241 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,960 sometimes these things just happen and there's no, there's 242 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,280 no explanation in which it's also something you don't ever 243 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,600 want to hear because like, what am I supposed to do with that? 244 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,600 Like. There's not really a closure 245 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,920 with it, like, oh, this happened or whatever. 246 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,200 Like you're just like, Oh my God. 247 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,520 Yeah, it's just like, yeah, this happens. 248 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,480 And and so he's like, you got a couple options. 249 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,800 And anyway, they were like, you can go home, you can wait till 250 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,960 it happens naturally, you can call us, you can go to the 251 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,000 hospital, be induced, you know, just let us know. 252 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,040 And so Caleb and I talked about, I was like, is this weird 253 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,920 mixture of of like, I can't imagine staying pregnant with 254 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:53,880 her if she's no longer here, but also I can't imagine it already 255 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,280 saying goodbye, you know, like, and, but ultimately I was like, 256 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,200 I I don't think I can go home. Like I can't go to home and go 257 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,120 to bed and just pretend like this didn't happen and just kind 258 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,640 of wait, like, and I was like, I'm not doing this by myself, 259 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,800 you know, So, and, and maybe I could have also misheard. 260 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,440 And there's been like totally in shock and they maybe, maybe they 261 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,280 said something different. That was what I heard. 262 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:15,880 And so my brain went not it's not happening. 263 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,560 And, and so we decided to go that night because I was just 264 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:23,080 like, I would rather be where somebody else is watching me 265 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:27,000 than at home. And, and so we went to the 266 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,200 hospital that night to be induced. 267 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:35,840 And we had a great team of nurses and doctors -1 who were 268 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:39,800 super helpful and like our family and friends, Like they 269 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,640 showed up in ways that I would not even be able to go into how 270 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,920 much they did for us. Like they were God's hands and 271 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,800 feet. And, and I, you know, I thought 272 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,720 about this the other day. I'm like, because sometimes I 273 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,240 wonder, am I supposed to like bring them food or am I supposed 274 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,120 to like help them with this? And I think anytime you're 275 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,000 wondering if you should help somebody, the answer is like, 276 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,960 yes. Because it's just the way that 277 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,760 God shows up like, you know, through these other people. 278 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:08,040 And he did, man. He showed up at the hospital. 279 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,000 He showed up, they, our family cleaned our whole house while we 280 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,880 were gone. Like they watched our kids. 281 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,480 It was just, it was, you know, they, they were incredible. 282 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,920 And so we were in the hospital for I don't even remember how 283 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,400 many days. I don't think it was that long, 284 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,120 but it felt like. It felt like forever. 285 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,920 And it felt like forever to have her because, I mean, birth is 286 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,680 horrible. Like, I mean, like, there's no 287 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,720 way to sugarcoat it. Birth is like, it's painful and 288 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,960 it's traumatic and all the stuff that like, oh, so much worse. 289 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,040 Yeah. When you don't get to take a 290 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,080 baby home. Like, so it was, I know it was 291 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,240 the next day that we ended up having her. 292 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,640 I just remember being in so much pain that it felt like it 293 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,520 probably wasn't natural to be in that much pain. 294 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,680 But I think it's also just shock and like, you know, all that 295 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,880 stuff going on too. And so, so we had her and I 296 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:54,520 don't our midwife who actually goes to Southside, Jerry 297 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:59,480 Willoughby was a godsend. And she, she came back and my 298 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,480 sister called her and said that like, I was freaking out and I 299 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,800 didn't want the nurse was there to be the one to deliver her. 300 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,880 And so Jerry came back in the middle of the night and 301 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,280 delivered Adeline. And if, if there was ever 302 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,800 anybody's hands I would want Adeline delivered into, it was 303 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,280 hers. Because as soon as she came out, 304 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,800 she was like, she's perfect. She's beautiful. 305 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,280 She's got 10 fingers and 10 toes. 306 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,480 She's with Jesus like, because you know, Jerry loves the Lord. 307 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,920 And so I like, I just knew she was safe in Jerry's hands. 308 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,640 And so, and our doctor had told us, hey, when you have her, you 309 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,360 need to hold her. It's going to feel weird. 310 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,920 It's going to feel unnatural that you will regret it if you 311 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,400 don't. And so we did. 312 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:42,200 And I was so out of it on pain meds and medicine that I don't 313 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,240 remember much of it. Caleb held her for a couple 314 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,840 hours and she. Oh, wow. 315 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,880 Yeah. She looked just like Jackson. 316 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,800 It was crazy. And she looked perfect. 317 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,280 Like, they look like nothing wrong with her. 318 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,000 She was tiny. She was like, yeah, big. 319 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,080 And. And so. 320 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,920 So then we had to make the decision of do we leave her 321 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:03,640 there at the hospital and they, you know, run tests on her and 322 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,680 they try to figure out what happened or do we have a funeral 323 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,320 for her? And I was like, a funeral feels 324 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,560 like a lot for a 20 week old baby that was never even like on 325 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:18,080 this side of heaven really. But Caleb's like, you got to do 326 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,840 what we have to do. Yeah. 327 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,120 And so we did end up having a small service for her. 328 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,440 And she's actually buried out of my parents farm. 329 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,280 Oh, wow. My dad spent a whole week 330 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,000 preparing a spot for her. And so it's really sweet. 331 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,840 So, you know, anytime we know we can go out and with the 332 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,320 intention of if, you know, once morbid, once we get her own 333 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,320 plots, like she'll move there. She won't stay there forever. 334 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,280 But we didn't want her to be alone somewhere. 335 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,520 So. And I think all that to say is 336 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,160 like, it's a weird, it's a very weird place to be. 337 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:51,960 Like what do I do with this baby that was never here, was here in 338 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,600 my womb, but was never actually never took a breath on this side 339 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,480 of heaven. What do I do with the grief? 340 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,960 But then also like what do I do with her and? 341 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,640 I bet that's a really hard decision to make anyway, because 342 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:08,480 you're having so many emotions in this moment like the just the 343 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:13,120 thought of anything outside of that was probably very heavy 344 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,960 period. So it's like I don't even know 345 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:19,080 like I I don't know right now, but I'm so glad that y'all did, 346 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,880 because I'm sure that like really helped and like not 347 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,160 helped, but you know, like it gave you like some kind of. 348 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,960 Something kind of like some closure and some there was 349 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:34,160 purpose to her life and it wasn't just a wasn't not just a 350 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,360 miscarriage. Because I think that miscarriage 351 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,400 gets such a weird, there's so many weird things around it, 352 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,320 like because you can miscarry at 4 weeks and then you can 353 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,440 miscarry much later on. And you know, the farther along 354 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,320 you get, the more it's like still birth and, and, and stuff. 355 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,320 And I think like women don't want to talk about it because 356 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,600 they're scared that their pain isn't as much as somebody who's 357 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:58,840 lost a baby at 30 weeks. And I think pain is pain and 358 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,200 grief is grief. And it's the worst loss that 359 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,320 you've experienced. Then it's the worst loss. 360 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:08,200 And you don't have to feel bad about how how do you feel? 361 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,640 And that is true because I have heard people talk about like 362 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,599 miscarriage and they're like, oh, well, I was only like 6 363 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,319 weeks or 8 weeks or something. And I'm like, don't say only 364 00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:19,800 like a miscarriage is still a miscarriage, you know? 365 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,079 And that is really hard because some people, you know, struggle 366 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,599 with that and they don't want to talk about it because they're 367 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,440 like, oh, well, it was early or something. 368 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:31,760 It's still is still, you know, a loss of a piece of your heart 369 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:35,920 that you were, you know, yearning, yearning for, you 370 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:38,920 know, like. So yeah, that is really tough. 371 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,000 One of the reasons, you know, I heard your story. 372 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,640 I was at the church at the time, but barely bought in. 373 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,880 And then we had a women's thing with Brittany Tate recently, the 374 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:53,200 Living Truth Collective night. And you get you got up and spoke 375 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,480 and just it was just so impactful and powerful the way 376 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,800 that you spoke. And I was like, I really want to 377 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:03,440 shine some light on you and Adeline's story and, and just 378 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,400 this. And so it's really hard to 379 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:11,080 because your husband is a pastor, you know, and you had a 380 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:15,160 strong upbringing in church. So it's like, did you have 381 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,360 resentment towards God? Right. 382 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,520 Yes, yes. So, and I think, and especially 383 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:24,160 being a pastor's wife, which I never thought I would be, is 384 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:29,000 like there's a lot of pressure to have all the answers and to 385 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,840 trust God no matter what. And I did not, I will be honest, 386 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,800 I in that hospital room, I was like, what are you doing? 387 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,280 Where are you at? And you could have fixed this 388 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:48,480 and you chose not to. And, and I, I know because I was 389 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,840 raised, I was raised as a Christian, Christian home, very 390 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:56,400 strong Christian parents. And I have known Jesus my whole 391 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,720 life and I know all the truths of the Bible. 392 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,200 And, and it didn't help me in that moment. 393 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,520 It did eventually. But in the moment, the enemy was 394 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,160 trying to convince me that all these truths I knew about God 395 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,920 weren't real, because how could they be if you would take my 396 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:15,160 daughter? And, and it has taken, I would 397 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:19,280 say it is still taking, it's been, let's see, a year and a 398 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,520 half, almost maybe a year and four months. 399 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:26,880 And it's been a very dark valley of, you know, all these things 400 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,240 that you know, that you've grown up here and like trust God no 401 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,160 matter what. God is good, God loves you. 402 00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:37,480 God has a purpose and he has a, you know, he has a good plan for 403 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,040 your life. And I did not feel like any of 404 00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:45,320 those things were true. And I questioned, I questioned 405 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:50,400 every day why he would take her away. 406 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,760 And Caleb was he tried to be like, you know, God didn't take 407 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,920 her, you know, send into their world and then bad things happen 408 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,640 and, you know, free will and all those things that you know 409 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,680 about, about God and about Scripture. 410 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,000 But it doesn't help when you're when, when I should be holding a 411 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,760 baby and I'm not, you know, and, and I think I struggled with 412 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,320 struggling because. And Pastor's wife. 413 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,840 I'm supposed to have it all together and I'm supposed to 414 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,280 know the answers and I'm not supposed to doubt God or wonder 415 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:23,040 if he's good or wonder if what he says is true. 416 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,960 But you know it. It took a while. 417 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,200 And I leaned on the faith of those around me for a really 418 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,760 long time because I didn't have it anymore of my own. 419 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:36,800 And, and I leaned on it long enough. 420 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:41,440 I would say I leaned on it as long as God would let me before 421 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,800 he kind of gently nudged me towards, hey, like you have to 422 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,680 make a choice if you want to look for me or not. 423 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,200 And I was kind of, I was like, OK, sure, I can do that. 424 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,720 I can look for you. So I started kind of trying to 425 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,160 look for him in the answers to my problems. 426 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,400 So are the answers to my concerns and my worries and my 427 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,320 sadness. So maybe it was in a book about 428 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:07,600 losing a child, or maybe it was in a devotional about being sad, 429 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,040 or maybe it was in, you know, something else. 430 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:14,040 I very, very clearly. I heard God tell me and not so 431 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,720 many words, but. And it was very gentle. 432 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,240 It was like a hey, you are looking for you. 433 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,200 You're not looking for me. Yeah. 434 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,760 And and it was like, you know, the Bible says like if you seek 435 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,960 me, you will find me. But I wasn't seeking him. 436 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,960 Yeah. I was seeking me in the Bible. 437 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,280 Like where can I find me? Where can I find this answer to 438 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,200 this that I'm looking for? And I've had that happen to me 439 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,600 too, because I was doing a fast once and I was reading, reading, 440 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,880 reading. He's like, you're not trying to 441 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,160 get to know me. You're not trying to really have 442 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,800 a relationship with me. Like you're just looking for 443 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,840 that one answer and that's it. And I'm like, oh. 444 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,240 Oh, oh, OK. You know what? 445 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,960 You're actually right, yeah. So I felt like God telling me, 446 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,960 hey, like, look for me. And you're not looking for like 447 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,640 my attributes, my promises, what's true about me. 448 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,360 You know, God, you're only looking for the answers to your 449 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:07,360 problems. So instead search the Bible or 450 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,320 what is true about me, about God. 451 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,440 And so I got AI got 2 Bible studies, one on the attributes 452 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,280 of God and one on the promises of God because I needed 453 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,600 something that would show me where to look for the promises 454 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,080 of God and stuff. So and the attributes of him. 455 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:24,800 And so I'd started doing that and honestly, I started that 456 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,960 right before the women's event in October. 457 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:33,600 And, and I have to say that it's been like 3 months of searching 458 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,240 the Bible for who God is. And I have not felt this much 459 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,840 peace in my life in a long time. Definitely not since out of 460 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,040 line. And these past like two months 461 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:48,240 of just searching out who is God and and not who is God for me, 462 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,240 but who is God period has brought me so much peace. 463 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,440 Because where there are some things that seem like they don't 464 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,520 go together, like God is just and God is love. 465 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,680 They do go together. And the Bible says like the more 466 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,400 you seek me, the more you will find me. 467 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,000 And I I have found that to be true, especially in these past 468 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,480 few months. And and I think I I was 469 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,920 definitely seeking something after Adeline and it was him in 470 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,320 a in a different way. Yeah, but when you. 471 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,760 Didn't know at that point what you were seeking or what you 472 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,840 were looking for, but now you Spirit, you know your spirit was 473 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,000 yearning for. Exactly. 474 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,440 And I didn't know and God is so patient and so gentle and those 475 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,320 he didn't, I don't think he expected me to be searching for 476 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,560 Him like I have been these past three months right after 477 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,280 Adeline. Because I, if you look at like, 478 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,880 especially the Psalms, like David's groaning and his 479 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,600 lamenting and his sadness over so many bad things in his life, 480 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,160 God didn't like force him out of those lamenting moments. 481 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,280 He kind of let him have them, you know, And I think that he 482 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,280 does that for us too. Like however neat, however long 483 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:59,680 you need to lament and groan and grieve and search for him and 484 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,480 not best way, but still kind of search for him. 485 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,800 I think he lets you do it, you know, and then like he did for 486 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:11,640 me, the gentle nudging of, you know, look for me and, and I, 487 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:16,040 you know, I would say where I felt like the valley was never 488 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,160 ending. It has seemed a little bit like 489 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:24,960 I'm coming up on the other side and but I, you know, I look back 490 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,480 on the valley and I'm like still in it, but kind of kind of 491 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:33,320 getting on the other side. Like I learned a whole lot more 492 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,080 than than I ever thought I would. 493 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,880 Like I know, like you, you, you hear, like you know, God works 494 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,400 all things together for his good and he has a plan and you're 495 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,720 gonna come out of this with some kind of silver lining, like. 496 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,280 OK, there's no. Way right. 497 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,320 You tell me that again and I might punch you like, I mean 498 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,360 like I don't. Care if I'm a pastor's wife or 499 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,400 not? You're gonna be. 500 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,920 Dead. I'm like, you cannot tell me 501 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,600 that right now. Like I don't want to hear that. 502 00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,160 And I, but I looking back right now, I can see where God showed 503 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,360 up and where his mercy was so evident and how much I have 504 00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:07,840 learned about who he is. And, and what's funny is that 505 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,920 while I was searching for who he was for me, I wasn't finding 506 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,760 that. But since I've been searching 507 00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,240 for just him, I have found out who he is also for me. 508 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,600 And, and I think the biggest thing that I learned, and Caleb 509 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:24,400 would say it too, and I mean, this is as much as his story as 510 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,760 mine. And, and he hurt like just as 511 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:34,080 much as just as much as I did. And but that I think the biggest 512 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:39,240 thing I learned was that life is hard and it is not going to 513 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,120 change. Like life is going to be hard 514 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:45,000 until we go to heaven, but life is so much harder if you don't 515 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:49,160 have Jesus and it Jesus having Jesus doesn't guarantee that 516 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,360 your life isn't going to be hard. 517 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,720 And I think in some ways I kind of thought that because grew up 518 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,720 in a Christian house and kind of did everything right, did 519 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,160 everything by the book. So I should have this good life, 520 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,400 right. But I'm not guaranteed that 521 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,840 nobody is. And, and so, you know, and I'm 522 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,280 fooling myself to think that I have control over anything in my 523 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:10,000 life, you know, And so it's just, but it's so much harder if 524 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,600 we don't, if we don't have Jesus, if we choose not to 525 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,960 include him in our life. Yeah, because that's one of the 526 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,280 things that I hear a lot, you know, is like, if I didn't have 527 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,920 Jesus, I don't know how I would have made it through this. 528 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,160 And then with you saying in the last few months where you're 529 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,600 constantly seeking him and actually trying to find out who 530 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,840 he is, you know, as a God and what all he promises us and 531 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:31,920 stuff. And you're like, you have so 532 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,840 much peace now. And that's so many times that 533 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,840 when we're struggling, we, we don't know where to turn. 534 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,200 But if we just start looking for him, he's going to give us 535 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,720 peace. He's the Prince of Peace. 536 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,560 And even when we feel like there's no way out of this 537 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:50,000 valley, like we might still be in the valley, but maybe we're 538 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,640 working, walking a little peacefully, you know, in the 539 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,880 valley. Yeah. 540 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,760 Because there's been many times, you know, in my life where I'm 541 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,840 like, I feel like I'm in a storm. 542 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,480 Like it when is it going to let up? 543 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,480 But at the same time, I'm like, I know it's going to get better 544 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,600 because I have Jesus. Exactly. 545 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:11,280 So that's always just so big. And so when you said, you know, 546 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,040 right after it happens, you're struggling and stuff before the 547 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,360 women's event, that's when you kind of started to seek him and 548 00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,840 stuff like that. So before that, did you have any 549 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,360 quiet time with him at all? Were you praying at all? 550 00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:26,080 Or was it like when you prayed or when you talked to him? 551 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,080 It was just like anger, basically. 552 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:32,280 You know, I think it was a lot of going through the motions of 553 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:37,360 still prayed, prayed with my kids, you know, prayed, said the 554 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:39,960 blessing. And then, you know, when I did 555 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:46,960 pray, it was a lot of questions and a lot of I would never say 556 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,880 that I like yelled towards heaven. 557 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,160 I'm not really a yeller though. So like other people. 558 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,560 Probably just with how like soft spoken and just like easygoing 559 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,080 you are. I'm like, girl, I don't think 560 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,240 you are yelling. I am not, I'm not a yeller, but 561 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,960 so I never really got like vocal, I guess about that, that 562 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:08,120 like in my heart, you know, it was a whole lot of just and I 563 00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:13,280 never hated God because I knew there's that verse it talks 564 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,160 about where else would I go? You have the words of life. 565 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,920 And I knew that like deep down in my soul, I knew there is 566 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,760 nowhere else I could go that's going to give me any answer to 567 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,280 the question. And I know that he has the 568 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,960 answers to these questions. I just was so mad that I even 569 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,640 had to ask them. Like how am I even in this spot 570 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,960 where these are the questions I'm asking you? 571 00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:37,000 Why am I even having to ask you, you know, why do I have to 572 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,440 explain to my 4 year old why his sister didn't have a heartbeat? 573 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,520 Like how many times Jackson asked me, well, why didn't she 574 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,040 have a heartbeat? And why is she in heaven? 575 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,560 Why don't I have a sister, you know, and even just like 2 days 576 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,680 ago, he's like, oh, Adeline didn't have a heartbeat, right? 577 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,520 And like, Yep, just, he just likes to, you know. 578 00:28:55,520 --> 00:29:01,160 And so so I think it was like just in my heart, a feeling of 579 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:07,640 unsettled and where God gave us peace that passes understanding 580 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:12,000 in the hospital for sure. But from there, you know, it was 581 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:16,920 a whole lot of a whole lot of questions and an unsettled 582 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,560 spirit. If that, if I could say it like 583 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:23,000 that without sounding too just feeling like my whole world got 584 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,520 put upside down and and here I was by myself trying to ride it, 585 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,240 you know, and and at no point was I ever by myself. 586 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,920 I just felt like I was and I think the enemy really tries to 587 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,000 make sure you feel alone and. Yeah. 588 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,000 I guess that was another question, like how was it with 589 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,640 you and Caleb? Like did y'all lean on each 590 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,040 other during this time or it kind of at one time it was like 591 00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,760 you're dealing separately? Yes. 592 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:53,800 It was, it was funny because the first thing he thought of in the 593 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:59,000 hospital, you know, after she was born and was he was worried 594 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:02,120 about us. Like he had heard that, you 595 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,080 know, couples that go through this don't make it. 596 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,880 And, and so I said, we're going to be fine. 597 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:08,200 Like, you know, we're going to be fine. 598 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,800 She trust, trust God, we're going to be fine. 599 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,040 Not worried about us. Like, but mostly my brain wasn't 600 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,400 even thinking about that. And so I happened, I went and 601 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:22,080 saw my counselor a couple weeks later and I was talking to her 602 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,400 about Adeline and everything that happened. 603 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,840 And I said, I said, you know, my husband is concerned, you know, 604 00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,400 that we're not going to be OK. She said, well, let me ask you 605 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:33,000 this. She said, what, how did he show 606 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,840 up for you or what were your thoughts about him right after 607 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,320 it happened? And I said, it reminded me why I 608 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,520 married him. And she was like, then that's 609 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,280 all you needed to know. Like if you know, if you came 610 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,520 out of it and you're like, oh, I married him for a reason. 611 00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:51,160 And I did, man. He like we grieved together and 612 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:57,560 and we grieved just as hard and he was there for me, but he also 613 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,520 didn't like pat me on the back and say like, they're there, get 614 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,200 over it. You know, he was just as sad as 615 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,960 I was. And, and then I think in the 616 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,600 months after that, it's been a little bit of grieving 617 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:13,400 separately and figuring out our own issues with the situation 618 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,360 and our own questions to God and his have been different than 619 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,400 mine and his struggles have been different. 620 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:23,000 And, but they've been, you know, both, both having questions. 621 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,480 But in the beginning, we grieved together and. 622 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,560 Which now you're just kind of like you're figuring it out. 623 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,600 Yeah, how to live in a world where this happened to us. 624 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:36,960 And and I say that knowing that. And I mean, you had Jordan on 625 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,080 and I can't imagine her pain, right? 626 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:44,320 Like, I, I, I, I cried. I don't even know Jordan, but I 627 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,680 cried after I found out what happened. 628 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,240 I just can't imagine. And so I say this knowing that 629 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,720 there have been, there are women everywhere who have lost, who 630 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:55,240 have had still bursts and have had lost babies at 38 weeks. 631 00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:00,000 And, and whether you've lost a baby at 38 weeks or 8 weeks or 632 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:03,720 20 weeks like us, you lost a baby and you should talk about 633 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:04,560 it. It helps. 634 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,400 And even though it doesn't feel like it's going to, and there's 635 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,360 some shame, like I did something wrong, you know, like, maybe I 636 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,200 drank too much coffee or maybe I did this and that was what 637 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,440 caused it. And, you know, the doctors tell 638 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,360 you didn't do anything. You could have done anything, 639 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,840 but you still feel bad, like there's something I did. 640 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,480 And so I think it was women who've had a miscarriage. 641 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,960 I mean, my mom had a miscarriage at about 20 weeks as well. 642 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,560 And then my sister lost one of her twin boys the same year 643 00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,960 early in 2023. And so it's, it's very common 644 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,440 and I think people just don't want to talk about it because. 645 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,440 One of the questions that I was kind of thinking of is like when 646 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:43,840 you were in these these moments of confusion and despair and 647 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:48,000 just like didn't know what all was going on and people don't 648 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,320 know what to say a lot of the time you know that you're going 649 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,240 on. Is there something that someone 650 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,680 actually said to you that was actually comforting and that you 651 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,880 maybe you held on to? Or is that just something like 652 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,320 how, how do you say like how do you comfort someone in that? 653 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,800 Basically, it's a good. Question and I and I think 654 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,840 everybody's different, which is what makes it hard, right and 655 00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,000 honestly, I was sitting here trying to think about it For me, 656 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:11,880 I don't really remember what people said. 657 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,800 I remember people that came. I remember the people that 658 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,840 brought me a book about losing a baby, even if I didn't read the 659 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:23,240 whole thing. I remember the people that 660 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,280 brought dinner. I remember the people that came 661 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,840 and played with my kids. If they said something, I don't 662 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,120 remember what it was, you know? It was just being there. 663 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,160 It was it was the being there, honestly. 664 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,960 And because I think, and I definitely have a tendency to 665 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,880 like introvert and like I'm just gonna stay over here. 666 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,160 But the people that showed up and the people that continue to 667 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:49,360 show up months later like that, just that made all the 668 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,320 difference because it kept me from internalizing everything. 669 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:57,480 And I kept, I saw people and it made me realize I'm not alone. 670 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,480 Like these people care. And I'm not saying that they 671 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,520 didn't say nice things and they probably did. 672 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:07,080 And nobody said anything that made me think to myself, I, I, 673 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:08,440 you can't say that, you know what I mean? 674 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:13,719 And because, but it was the people that that were there, you 675 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,440 know, and this just is showing up. 676 00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:18,239 Even if you feel like, if this is going to be weird, I 677 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,120 shouldn't do this. But if you feel like God's 678 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:23,280 telling you to do it, just just do it because there's a reason 679 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:26,639 for it. And I remember my mom 680 00:34:26,639 --> 00:34:30,080 specifically, I was so terrified in the hospital because one of 681 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,480 my doctors said, said he was trying to calm me down, but it 682 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,840 didn't really work. He was like, he's like, you 683 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,760 might just, it's going to be fine. 684 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,840 You might just sneeze and she'll come out. 685 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:44,280 I'm like, I'm sorry, what? And I was like, I looked at my 686 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,400 mom because my mom and my husband were in the hospital 687 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,679 with me and I was like, mom, what did he just say? 688 00:34:49,679 --> 00:34:52,159 And she was like, I don't, I don't, I don't think he meant 689 00:34:52,159 --> 00:34:53,239 it. You know, she's like trying to 690 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,159 calm me down, right? And I was like, I am not going 691 00:34:55,159 --> 00:34:56,880 to be able to sleep because what if something happens in my 692 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,160 sleep, you know, and then your brain, you're just anxiety just 693 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,600 as obstructed. So my mom just stayed up all 694 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,800 night and she she sat next to the bed and she didn't go to 695 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:06,280 sleep that way. She's like, I'm going to be 696 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:07,840 awake just in case something happens. 697 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,360 I'll be the only one here that's wake. 698 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,600 You go to sleep. And so she stayed up with me all 699 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:17,160 night. And I remember in my like my 700 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,000 delusion medicated state laying there. 701 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:23,280 And I knew it was hard for her because she'd been through the 702 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:24,720 same thing, right? She'd had. 703 00:35:24,720 --> 00:35:26,160 And hers was even more traumatic. 704 00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,960 And I remember telling her, I don't want to go to sleep 705 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,120 because I only have a little bit longer with her. 706 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,560 And if I go to sleep, I'm going to miss out on these, on these 707 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,760 moments. But then, but then I remember 708 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,400 falling asleep and I, I remember her holding my hand, but I could 709 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,040 feel her shaking like she was sobbing next to me without 710 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,320 trying to wake me up because I just, I mean, it was so hard for 711 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:50,960 her to because she'd also. And I told her, I said, I knew I 712 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:54,840 could look at you and say she made it through and she's here 713 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,000 and she still loves Jesus. And I was like, if you wondered 714 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,120 whether or not what you went through mattered, if it mattered 715 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,440 for anything, it matters for right now. 716 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:08,040 And so I don't know if you know, any of your listeners have been 717 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,600 through miscarriage. And, and it might, you might 718 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,560 never know if what you went through has any purpose other 719 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,920 than, you know, these things happen, you know, but you'll 720 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:23,120 never know if you touch somebody's life in a way that 721 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,480 was life changing for them. Like my mom. 722 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,800 Yeah, cuz I mean, that's one of the things that you've said on 723 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:35,000 here is talk about it. And because people don't talk 724 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:39,080 about this stuff very much and then the person receiving the 725 00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,360 conversation, they don't really know how to talk about it 726 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,720 either. So it's always just like a do 727 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:46,640 you say something? Do you not, you know, and it 728 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,560 does help people because you just said you, you know that 729 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,920 your mom made it through and still loves Jesus and has walked 730 00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,720 faithfully with him and everything else. 731 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:58,280 And so you see that hope, yes, you have hope because you've 732 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:01,480 seen someone else that dealt dealt with something similar to 733 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,200 you, because no situation is similar. 734 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:06,960 None. But at the same time, you see 735 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,080 that there is light at the end of a tunnel, that when you don't 736 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,000 know where to go, what to do or anything, you do see that 737 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:14,480 there's hope. Yeah, so. 738 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,680 And that has been my mom's whole thing, her for as long as I can 739 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:20,240 remember. Her, her life first was Christ 740 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:23,560 in me, the hope of glory. And that no matter what, you 741 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:28,680 have the hope of Jesus, you know, and like, you know, the 742 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,880 hope of seeing Adeline again in heaven. 743 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,720 And, you know, and that helps. It sometimes doesn't help right 744 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:38,720 now because heaven is so far away, right? 745 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:43,920 But I can't imagine like I asked Jerry Willoughby, the midwife, I 746 00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,280 said how do people do this who don't love Jesus? 747 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,160 She was like, they don't do it well. 748 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,600 She's like, this is hard. So this is the hardest thing 749 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,960 you've ever experienced. She said I have seen people who 750 00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,200 have experienced this and they don't know Jesus. 751 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,760 And she said it is heartbreaking because they have 0 hope of ever 752 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,800 seeing that child. Take a breath, you know, and I 753 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,960 do. And I know that Adeline is safe 754 00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:12,360 in heaven and, and she's with the baby my mom lost and the boy 755 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,600 my sister lost and the countless other babies that women have 756 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:19,680 lost. And, and that is the beauty of 757 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:22,680 Jesus and the hope that he brings. 758 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:27,200 And it doesn't feel, doesn't come as soon as we would like 759 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,400 sometimes, but we know it's there. 760 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:33,040 It does help get through the really, really dark moments. 761 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,600 And I can't imagine doing this life without that hope of Jesus. 762 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,400 I guess one of the last things while we begin to wrap up would 763 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,240 be you. You've gave lots of advice, you 764 00:38:44,240 --> 00:38:47,160 know, talking about it, seeking God, everything else. 765 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,080 Do you have anything else that really that has helped you in 766 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:56,080 this journey or that you would, you know, give advice to, I 767 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:57,520 mean, anything? Yeah. 768 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,360 I think give yourself, if you have been through a miscarriage 769 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:07,600 recently or many years ago, it's going to hurt at the most random 770 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,320 times. Like just you're gonna think 771 00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,000 you're fine and you're just gonna start crying in the car 772 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,400 rider line. And that's fine. 773 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,800 And it's frustrating and it's annoying because you don't want 774 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,840 to be crying in the car rider line, but it's gonna happen. 775 00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,880 Or you're gonna see a little girl walk by and it would have 776 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,520 been the age of your daughter and it's gonna make you cry and 777 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,720 that's fine. Give yourself much grace. 778 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,640 Be patient with people who don't know what they should say or if 779 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,120 they should say anything. And because honestly, I don't 780 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:38,320 ever know what to say either. And so, so just, you know, kind 781 00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,760 of take it day by day and make sure you're around people. 782 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:45,000 And I am, I am speaking to the choir here because I am very 783 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,840 introverted, which is funny because I'm married to Caleb. 784 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,440 It was the. Complete opposite. 785 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:55,640 And so so I would stay home all day and but I think God designs 786 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,280 us for community. And one thing that came out of 787 00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,000 losing Adeline was working with Brittany. 788 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,760 On the living Truth collective on the on the events for women. 789 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,880 She included me in that and it it helped a lot and I didn't 790 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,000 want to do it. I'm going to be honest because 791 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,800 it was outside of my comfort zone too, because I helped with 792 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,200 the first one and I share my testimony. 793 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,600 The second one. I was like outside of my comfort 794 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,560 zone to be anywhere, anywhere near the spotlight. 795 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:28,160 And so, but I felt like God was, was telling me beginning of 2024 796 00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:32,840 when the church did a, they did a song. 797 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,680 I've witnessed it. And they did this whole thing 798 00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:39,200 about what God did in the year past and what they expect God to 799 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,320 do in the future. And I just felt like God had a 800 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:46,520 huge plan for this, for this coming up year. 801 00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,720 And it didn't include a baby, which is what I thought, but it 802 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:53,680 did include big things. And in that year, I helped with 803 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,240 those two women's events and shared my testimony. 804 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:59,800 And whether that's what God meant or not, I it still helped 805 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,720 to be a part of a community. Whether you want to be a part of 806 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,720 a community or not, it's super important to be around people 807 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,160 and help. Let them help you through it. 808 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,520 They want to, you know. And I think that really goes to 809 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:18,520 anybody, you know, because we need to have community and we 810 00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,440 need to be around people that are going to push us closer to 811 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,800 Jesus and not just let us wallow or sit or. 812 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,600 And and I don't mean that, you know, in a ugly way at all. 813 00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,120 I'm just saying like we need someone that's going to push us 814 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,960 out of comfort zones and get us closer to Jesus. 815 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,360 Exactly. You know, because we all go 816 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,520 through hard things. We all go through things that we 817 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,800 will isolate ourself because we don't know where to turn and we 818 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,360 need to be turning to a community that ultimately is 819 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,920 going to push us to Jesus. Exactly. 820 00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,880 Yeah, Yeah. So get out there and do 821 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,400 something even if you don't want to, and then I would say. 822 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,160 Because it could be the best decision you ever made. 823 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:56,520 Yeah, and you could make friends. 824 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,520 Like, you know, I did hang out with Brittany and Lacey before 825 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,560 then, and now I do, and it's great. 826 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,760 And they're both very strong women who love Jesus. 827 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,520 And it's super helpful to see their faith and also their 828 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,080 realness. Like they're very real about 829 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:10,600 life and stuff. So. 830 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,960 So definitely that. And then I would also say like, 831 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:18,840 this is kind of like not in the faith kind of realm, but to like 832 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:22,360 take care of yourself. So, you know, if you haven't 833 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,480 been exercising, start doing something, you know, or try to 834 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,680 eat a little bit better. Do something that helps you feel 835 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:31,080 better, whether like if you like going for walks, then go for a 836 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,400 walk. And it's not bad because I think 837 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,800 as a mom, sometimes you feel guilty doing things for yourself 838 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,440 because you're supposed to be doing things for everybody else. 839 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:39,080 But it's not a bad thing and it's good. 840 00:42:39,080 --> 00:42:42,800 It helps you, you know, stay grounded and, you know, so if 841 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:47,360 you prioritize your health in a way that works for you and don't 842 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,760 try to like go crazy, right? And especially if you just had a 843 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:53,200 miscarriage, like don't. But I mean, in, you know, the 844 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,400 past like nine months or so, I've been working on trying to 845 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:58,760 get a little bit healthier and it's helped a lot on just like, 846 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:03,000 you know. Mentally, spiritually, 847 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,520 physically all. Of them, all the things. 848 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,480 So and then they say like exercise is good for all the 849 00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,240 things and it really is. It's hard to do. 850 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,560 I don't do it perfectly. I'm just saying like if you're 851 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,560 like on the fence but I don't know if I should like just move 852 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,640 your body once a day and you feel better. 853 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:20,920 When I I was really depressed one year, my mom always gave me 854 00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,480 like she's like, I don't care. She cares that I'm depressed, 855 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,280 right, But she was like, I don't care what you do, but just get 856 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,600 up, just get up, put your clothes on, feel good about 857 00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,520 yourself. Like if you feel pretty when you 858 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,240 do your makeup, do that. Like do those little things 859 00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:39,360 right that make you have a little bit more confidence to 860 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,080 you start those little things and it snowballs. 861 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:45,920 I talk about snowballing on here into bigger sin, but it also 862 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,440 snowballs into more positive results, you know, so. 863 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,280 And no, it's true. It's true. 864 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:57,560 And then I think too, like the message at church has been about 865 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,320 anxiety and worry and what you fill your mind with is what you 866 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,960 think about, right? So if you fill your mind with 867 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,720 anxious thoughts that not, then you're going to be anxious. 868 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,080 So it helps to fill your mind with what's true. 869 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,040 So however you like to do that, if you like to listen to the 870 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,520 Bible or if you like to listen to a podcast about the Bible or 871 00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,240 something, it just helps to have that playing and it helps fill 872 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:20,640 your mind when you don't feel like feeling it yourself. 873 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,080 Just let it play in the background so. 874 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:24,600 That's great. That's good. 875 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:26,920 All right. Well, do you have anything else, 876 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,200 girl? Oh, I don't think so. 877 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,120 Thanks for having. Me, yes, this has been great. 878 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:32,680 This has been awesome. I'm so glad that you got to come 879 00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:36,800 Share your story and I I know that it's going to help people 880 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,840 and it's going to be used in a mighty way to glorify him and 881 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,280 that's the most important thing. I hope so, yes. 882 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,760 All right, guys. Well, this has been great. 883 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,200 We just pray that if you're going through anything like this 884 00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:52,720 that you seek him. Ultimately, you seek a community 885 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,160 and you just try to reach out and just keep putting that foot 886 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,120 in front of the other, keep moving forward. 887 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,560 So stay tuned, stay blessed, and we'll see you next week. 888 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:02,320 Bye, guys.