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What's up guys? 
My name is Alexis Frown. 

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And I'm Abby Gordy. 
And we are your hosts with 

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praises in the pod. 
We are so excited to be back in 

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the studio. 
It's been a few weeks, so we are

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going to jump right in. 
We're going to start with prayer

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and then we're going to jump 
right in. 

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So here we go. 
Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you

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for today. 
Thank you for all your many 

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blessings. 
Dear God, thank you for allowing

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us to come back together and 
just talk about you, talk about 

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your goodness and what you've 
done in our lives. 

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Lord, we just praise you. 
We just pray that the other side

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of this podcast, if they don't 
know you, Lord, that they come 

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to know you. 
We pray that you start stirring 

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in their hearts so that they can
follow you and that they can 

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surrender their life to you. 
Lord, speak to us and through us

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and let this podcast glorify 
you. 

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In Jesus name I pray. 
Amen. 

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Amen. 
Amen. 

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We kind of have been going back 
and forth about what we wanted 

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to talk about this week, and I 
feel like we started talking 

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about it a few weeks ago. 
We're like, what about this? 

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What about this? 
Nothing stuck. 

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And then we talked about 
friendship and forgiveness. 

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Yeah, and then I called you the 
other day and I'm like, I have 

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not really prepped. 
I have so much going on lately, 

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like with Sisters of Faith that 
has we had a gala this past 

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week. 
And Oh my gosh, I feel like you 

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need to talk about that for just
a second. 

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I know because it was amazing. 
It was so good. 

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So anyway, just a Long story 
short, her father-in-law 

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convinced me to have this like 
extravagant event and he thought

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that. 
Wait, wait, wait. 

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He did not convince you to have 
an event, you took it. 

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And ran with it. 
To make an extravagant event, 

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which it was, it was amazing, it
was beautiful. 

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But like, he kind of just like 
planted a seed for me to have 

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this fundraiser for Sisters of 
Faith. 

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And he probably thought I was 
completely joking and like, I 

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wasn't going to do it. 
And I was like, you know what? 

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I am doing it. 
And so that was back in July. 

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And so me and my mom have been 
planning this event for many 

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months. 
And dodges open doors left and 

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right, right for this event. 
Like originally I'm a member of 

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the Country Club down the road 
from my house. 

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And I was thinking about having 
it there and I was like, well, 

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it would be about 75 people, you
know, something more intimate, 

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whatever. 
And then I thought about the 

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Muse, which is a place in Perry 
and I reached out to them and 

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they said we would love for to 
host you and you would just have

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to play the cleaning fee. 
So we didn't even have to pay 

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for. 
Wow, see, I didn't even know 

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that. 
That's amazing. 

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Yeah. 
So that was when I that was 

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probably week one or two of 
trying to plan some stuff. 

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And when that happened, I knew 
for a fact that God wanted this 

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to happen, right? 
And like, he was just going to 

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make all of it happen. 
But yeah, it just all came 

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together. 
It was amazing. 

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But I am so tired. 
It took a lot of time, a lot of 

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effort on y'all's end, a lot of 
planning and help volunteering. 

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We had a lot of. 
Volunteers. 

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We had so many good helpers. 
And that's like where another 

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thing like because we have the 
Potter's House where we take 

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girls from and then like being 
so plugged in and working at 

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Southside, like we had so many 
people volunteer from Southside 

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to help us and like to truly the
night wouldn't have happened 

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without our volunteers. 
Like, there's no way. 

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So it was just amazing. 
But then the next night we had 

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the volunteer Christmas party at
Southside. 

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Girl, you didn't even come now 
that I'm thinking about it. 

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I know what. 
Are we all doing? 

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We totally, I think it just 
totally slipped our minds. 

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I think the guy that works at 
our church, he had said 

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something to us and we were 
like, Oh my goodness, I think we

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had something going on or Dexter
had something going on and it 

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just, it didn't work out. 
But yeah, I know we should have 

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been there. 
I'm not. 

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Well, it was a good time, but it
was like back-to-back. 

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So it was just like this week 
next year. 

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I'm not planning our gala or. 
Near the Christmas party. 

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Because I was on that committee,
like planning all of it and it 

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was just, it was just too much. 
Well, one of the things that I 

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was thinking of too, when I was 
thinking about friends, because 

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I know that we haven't really 
like sat down and tried to get a

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game plan. 
We're just kind of going to talk

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today, but I was. 
Just like winging. 

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We're winging it, yes, But you 
know what? 

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If the Holy Spirit, if you are 
aligned with the Holy Spirit 

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regardless and you're in your 
word and you are obedient, then 

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He's going to speak to you. 
Speaking is like it's always 

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going to point back to Jesus. 
Yes, no matter what. 

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And, and that was one of the 
things about the gala. 

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And then I'm going to move. 
But it was like, even if we like

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we had a goal of what we wanted 
to raise in mind and we pretty 

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much hit that goal. 
But even if we didn't hit that 

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goal, we still spent the night 
worshipping and talking about 

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Jesus and just making it all 
about him to glorify him. 

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And that was the most important.
Thing to us. 

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If we wouldn't have raised 
$1.00, we still were. 

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We're trying to glorify Him and 
show His goodness and what He 

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can do if you surrender your 
life. 

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But this is one thing that I 
just thought about. 

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I always jump on here and I 
always say speak to me and 

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through me, right, or speak to 
to us and through us. 

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And I have said that for years 
because I've heard other people.

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But I was thinking of this is 
one of the things that God's 

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revealed to me and I'm like all 
over the place right now, but 

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it's not speak to me and through
me, OK. 

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It is speak to me and through me
because he already dwells inside

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of us. 
I never have got that until this

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past Sunday. 
And Pastor Jerry was given a 

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message and he was just saying 
something about the Holy Spirit.

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And it was not in that context 
at all. 

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Like it wasn't talking about 
speaking to and like, but all of

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a sudden something about what he
said awakens me inside to know, 

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speak to me from the inside of 
me and through me, right? 

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Not speak to me coming down and 
out. 

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Like that was just something 
like God had just revealed to me

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this past week, right? 
I was like, that is so crazy. 

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I've never thought about that. 
Yeah. 

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Never once. 
Yeah. 

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Anyway. 
It's almost like the thought of 

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his spirit like because his 
spirit resides in it, it's like 

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what you just said, but like 
awaken that spirit even more 

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because I feel like there's so 
many different parts of 

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ourselves that like he 
consistently changes over time. 

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Does that, if that makes sense. 
Like, you know, work, he works 

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on me on this area and then you 
feel the spirit working on you 

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in another area. 
Like it's just constant change. 

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You know and. 
Constant change to be more like 

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him. 
Yes exactly. 

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Meaning have you seen that video
on TikTok where it's like Holy 

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Spirit activate? 
No. 

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Oh my gosh, this was like, I 
don't know if it was like last 

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year or something, but this 
woman's like Holy Spirit 

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activate, activate. 
And that's what I thought of 

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like when when it clicked, I'm 
like, truly, when we're in 

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prayer and we're saying, you 
know, speak to us and through 

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US, like basically we're like, 
all right, Holy Spirit activate 

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right here, you know, like. 
Turn on. 

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Come on, come on, come alive. 
You know, like, and I don't 

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know, I just thought that was so
funny. 

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Just because the longer that you
walk with him, the the more he 

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reveals to you, right. 
And it's so crazy because, like,

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I feel like light bulbs go off 
all the time now. 

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Like stuff that like I've 
learned as a kid and then it 

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comes around full circle and I'm
like, oh, it's like the 

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parables, you know, because she 
always talks in parables. 

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And sometimes, you know, you 
take it in a certain season that

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you're in and you can reread 
that parable and it's a 

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completely different meaning. 
And that's what I think of now 

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is like, oh wow, it finally 
clicked where I completely 100% 

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understand. 
Right, right. 

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Yeah, I was kind of listening to
this thing, and I think you 

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might have listened to it too, 
but it was talking about, you 

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know, friendships. 
And that's what we kind of 

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wanted to hit on. 
And we've been friends for as 

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long as I can remember. 
Like I, well, if you think about

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it, you have been in my life 
more than I've been without you 

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at this point, Right? 
Yeah. 

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Yeah. 
Like we've been friends longer 

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with one another than we have. 
Because we were only what, like 

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12 were we 1212? 
Probably 12 years without, 17 

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with. 
Yeah, So like, we have literally

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been friends longer than we've 
ever been without each other. 

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And like, that's weird. 
It is when you think about it 

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that way, it's like, oh. 
OK. 

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Right, put it reverse. 
Think about it. 

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Reverse, reverse. 
But yeah, like one of the things

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that is so cool to think about 
is like, we went from worldly 

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friends. 
Oh, yeah. 

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Like if you think about our 
friendship throughout those 

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years, probably the first, what,
15? 

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Yeah. 15 for sure, you know for.
Sure. 99% of that is worldly 

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friends. 
Yes, yes. 

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But there was, yeah. 
And there were some moments, 

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though, that we were like 
learning together and some 

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things that like, to me, still 
point back to Jesus and point 

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back to, you know, kind of what 
he had planned for us all. 

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Along Yeah, like I do remember, 
like, even growing up, we'd go 

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to church here and there. 
We we would literally get on 

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fire and start going and doing 
all the stuff. 

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And then it was like, just the 
world would suck us back in. 

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And we're like, we got to go 
down to George Robs. 

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And yeah, but it's like, truly, 
we started as worldly friends. 

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And 100%. 
And as time went on, we both 

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evolved into like, this is now a
Kingdom friendship where we both

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are praying for one another. 
We're both trying to, you know, 

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lead each other. 
Like, I call you all the time 

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and I'm like trying to vent or 
something. 

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And you really will really move 
in really quick. 

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And I'm like I called the wrong 
person. 

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I'm just kidding. 
Some seasons I'd be like, she 

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ain't calling me. 
Should I know why? 

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Because she got a bit to 
somebody else. 

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Yes, because, you know, and 
that's what we should be looking

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for in friendship, right? 
We shouldn't be, you know, 

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trying to jump on the phone with
somebody and just gossip 24/7 

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like or if we start. 
Nothing. 

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That's something that you've had
a lot of growth in, yeah. 

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And I see that in you in that 
area is just when you want to 

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vent or just the Lord telling 
you like, okay, Alexis, this is 

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a part that I'm working on you 
on. 

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And I see that and you know, you
handling these situations so 

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much more differently than 
before. 

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So it's just really cool to see,
like, the complete difference. 

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Yeah. 
You know what I mean? 

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Are we still, are we perfect? 
No. 

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Are we there yet? 
No. 

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And that's what we're still 
striving to do is to get there. 

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And we're doing that together 
now. 

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And that's what's so cool. 
Yeah, because I mean, back in 

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the day, I'm calling, we gonna 
stay on the phone for about 3 

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hours on that one topic and 
we're gonna go. 

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Back just. 
Grind it on down in the ground, 

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but like, now you know and. 
Still get off the phone and 

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never feel like you accomplished
what you wanted to accomplish. 

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No. 
In the conversation and still 

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carrying it with you. 
Yeah. 

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And that's such a good. 
That just leads me to some notes

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that I did take on what we were 
going to talk about, like 

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friendship and forgiveness and 
certain things, you know, since 

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we're kind of talking about how 
our friendship started and it 

225
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,120
started so worldly. 
But what I wrote down was 

226
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,240
basically, if we look back, our 
friendship, it began during the 

227
00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:48,720
time that we felt less than we 
had been hurt by those who were 

228
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,400
supposed to love and protect us.
And I think that's what kind of 

229
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,120
started off our friendship, Like
how it started off so strong 

230
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,240
was, you know, the situation 
with our dads and our family and

231
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,320
just kind of feeling like, I 
don't know if you felt this way,

232
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,280
but I felt this way that I could
just be myself. 

233
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,880
Yeah, like, you know. 
How sometimes whenever you like,

234
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,920
you're young and you meet a 
friend and you just feel like, 

235
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,600
oh, I can't let them know that 
about me because they might 

236
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,360
think differently of me or judge
me. 

237
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:17,760
But I think when our friendship 
started, it just had like this, 

238
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,280
like all the walls were kind of 
down. 

239
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,280
I've been reading a book, it's 
called Glory in the Highest by 

240
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:26,520
Pam Jenkins and I just wrote. 
It's so crazy because most of us

241
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:30,640
feel so unimportant, especially 
after being hurt by someone that

242
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:34,480
lied to us or put us down. 
We feel lowly and uncommon. 

243
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,240
But here's the truth that she 
wrote and this stuck out to me, 

244
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,960
this saying and it just hit me 
like a ton of bricks. 

245
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:48,040
But she said glory reaches its 
highest point only when it has 

246
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:52,560
descended to the lowest. 
It's talking about the time that

247
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:57,840
Jesus, when he was being born, 
angels came to the shepherds in 

248
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,520
the field. 
The shepherds, I mean, if you 

249
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,800
think about who a shepherd is, I
mean, they had care of the sheep

250
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,640
in the field. 
They weren't like high priests. 

251
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,000
They weren't somebody that was 
commonly known, right? 

252
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,960
And so that's kind of what she's
referring to is it came down to 

253
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,840
the lowest point. 
They were the first to know 

254
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:17,560
about the birth of Jesus. 
And I just put, you know, that's

255
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,760
exactly what happened that night
when the angels came and spoke 

256
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,400
to the lowly uncommon shepherds 
and ushered heaven down unto 

257
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,200
them to make known the Lord, a 
Savior, had been born. 

258
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,520
And I just say that because if 
we look back, like I said, in 

259
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,440
the 1st place, that's kind of 
where our friendship started, 

260
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,120
you know, in that lowly uncommon
place. 

261
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,800
But since then, since that first
time that we met, there's been a

262
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,680
plan. 
Yeah. 

263
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,640
And it just, it just makes you 
feel like no matter where you 

264
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,400
were or where you are in your 
life or how our friendship 

265
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:53,240
started, he came down for us in 
that situation. 

266
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,760
So that was just really cool to 
kind of reference that. 

267
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,080
That is true. 
And you know, like, that is one 

268
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,040
of the things that I think about
with friendships, especially 

269
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,160
when you're younger, because I 
did have another childhood 

270
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,720
friend. 
And like, when we first started 

271
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,200
being friends, it's not like I 
was very vocal about my home 

272
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,320
life situation, right? 
And I knew her parents knew 

273
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,520
about the situation because like
my Nana had told them or 

274
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,800
whatever, but I wasn't vocal 
about it to other people. 

275
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,080
I'm sure people started 
questioning, but with you, it 

276
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,840
was like right off the RIP. 
Like we just were like, girl, 

277
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:32,880
our families are jacked up. 
Like we, we got some jacked up 

278
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,880
families like our parents are 
struggling with the same things,

279
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,360
like all the stuff. 
But you know, that is something 

280
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,000
when you find common ground like
that and you can be vulnerable 

281
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,240
with one another, you know, 
that's when true friendship a 

282
00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,640
good foundation because even 
though it was a worldly 

283
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:51,200
foundation that we had because 
we weren't following Jesus at 

284
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,960
that time. 
We weren't walking with him like

285
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:57,080
we really grew a good foundation
because we can confide in one 

286
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,560
another about very personal 
things that we were going 

287
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:00,920
through. 
Right, and I think that's so 

288
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:04,480
important in a friendship is to 
be able to confide in each other

289
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,320
and know, you know their true 
hurts and true pains and what 

290
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:11,600
causes their tics, what makes 
them do certain things so you 

291
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,600
can try to like really each 
other back in. 

292
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,960
And just being open with each 
other and vulnerable makes you 

293
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,880
know that friendship that much 
stronger and allows you to help 

294
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:24,720
push each other into the 
direction that God has for you. 

295
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,160
We're, I mean, we obviously 
weren't able to do that. 

296
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,800
No, not. 
At. 1st But now, you know, it 

297
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,040
just helps it that much more. 
Yeah. 

298
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,640
All right. 
If you think about like, women 

299
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,520
and friendships, yeah, it's so 
different than like men and 

300
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:39,920
their girlfriends. 
It is. 

301
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:43,760
I think it's so hard for women 
to, you know, have those true 

302
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,600
lifelong friendships like some 
men do. 

303
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,240
And so I just, I'm really 
honestly curious of your 

304
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,200
thoughts on that. 
You know, I mean, I obviously 

305
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,200
have some of my thoughts, but. 
I definitely think because like 

306
00:15:56,240 --> 00:16:00,200
it is a lot harder for girls 
because like I have went 

307
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,240
through, I mean, you're the most
stable thing to be honest. 

308
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,200
And if we look back at. 
All the friendships because we 

309
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,440
have shared, yes, like it's 
always been me and Abby and then

310
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,840
like other people come into to 
our life and we become best 

311
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,200
friends with too. 
But like those people have come 

312
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:22,000
and gone and not really by 
choice on my end. 

313
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,040
I'll start crying this episode 
for real. 

314
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:30,080
But you know, like we had a trio
at one point and some stuff 

315
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,840
happened with that. 
And like I, I don't, I don't 

316
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,560
know, it was just harder because
like we all evolved and we all 

317
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:42,480
go our separate ways and we all 
like go down different paths and

318
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,680
our feelings get hurt. 
Yes. 

319
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,120
And it's really hard. 
It's really hard for women, 

320
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,720
forgiveness to go and forgive 
too. 

321
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,840
When we get hurt, sometimes we 
get hurt so badly that we like 

322
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,480
call it quits. 
Like we're like, we're done. 

323
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,480
You've hurt me too many times. 
Like that was my like the straw 

324
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,440
that broke the camel's back. 
Basically. 

325
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,680
With men, it's a little 
different because like, they 

326
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,400
don't get as offended as easily.
They don't hold grudges. 

327
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,000
No, I can say something like 
about somebody, like something 

328
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,119
has happened with my husband and
he's like, huh. 

329
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,319
Like he doesn't. 
It's like completely like God. 

330
00:17:21,319 --> 00:17:23,680
He forgot about it. 
And me that is one thing that 

331
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,920
God has worked on me is I used 
to hold grudges so bad. 

332
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,280
Like I genuinely if someone 
hurts somebody that I cared 

333
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:37,680
about, like I would mad ago and 
like our trio, the third of our 

334
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,040
trio, I would get mad about 
things that she would be like, 

335
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,280
what are you talking about? 
Like let it go. 

336
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,080
And I'm like, no, she hurt you. 
She was mean to you. 

337
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,680
But you know, like, I think that
is one thing, is it? 

338
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,960
That's what it comes down to 
you. 

339
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,400
Know that's a good point to 
make, that you were holding on 

340
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,760
to something and she wasn't even
worried about it. 

341
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,080
And that happened so many times,
like in friendships and just 

342
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:02,720
relationships in life is we can 
hold on to something for so long

343
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,840
and it's affecting us and the 
other person is totally 

344
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,280
unaffected by it, has let it go.
It's not even in their memory 

345
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,760
bank. 
But yet we're struggling, 

346
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,240
struggling like why? 
And it had has nothing to do 

347
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,720
with us. 
Nothing but that had happened. 

348
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,400
I think it did comes down to, 
and it is biblical, I mean, 

349
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:24,320
women are more emotional or more
emotionally driven. 

350
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,920
And so it is, you know, easier 
for us to hold on to those 

351
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:29,440
things. 
And so I think that's something 

352
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,360
that I constantly stay in prayer
about, not just in my 

353
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:36,000
relationship with friends, but 
my marriage, my relationship 

354
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:41,720
with my parents, just not to be 
so emotionally driven or so, you

355
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:47,240
know, this hurt me or this is 
aggravating me and I can't let 

356
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,360
it go. 
And, and just trying to work on 

357
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:53,560
that as far as holding on to 
things or letting it drive me to

358
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,960
do certain things or act a 
certain way because they are 

359
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,800
totally unaffected. 
And I'm sitting over here 

360
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,600
struggling every day with it, 
you know? 

361
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,400
It's just another part of like 
another bag of baggage that 

362
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,440
you're carrying. 
Yes. 

363
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,680
And that is one thing that I've 
been trying to think about too, 

364
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:14,920
is like the thought process of 
is it really going to matter in 

365
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,240
24 hours or is it really going 
to matter in next week or next 

366
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,280
year? 
Like something like that. 

367
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:24,320
I've really been thinking about 
that more because am I really 

368
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,960
going to hold on to something 
that really doesn't have any 

369
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,760
effect in life, You know, like 
it's not going to affect my 

370
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,800
life. 
Why am I so mad about it? 

371
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:36,040
Like let it go and, but used to 
before the Holy Spirit was 

372
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,960
activated. 
I'm mad, I'm going to stay mad. 

373
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,520
I'm going to be like bitter 
towards people. 

374
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:45,520
I wish. 
And stir the pot and. 

375
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,040
Start and start. 
I'm calling everybody in my 

376
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:52,280
phone list and telling about it.
OK, I've got like group chat on 

377
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,840
top of group chat. 
And then I'm gonna jump from 

378
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,160
this group chat to this one. 
I'm gonna take that person out 

379
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,720
of that group chat. 
Like it is just, it's a toxic 

380
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,160
cycle. 
It is when I look back at myself

381
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,000
like. 
I mean, like two years ago, a 

382
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:11,040
year ago, like, I was so toxic 
in friendships. 

383
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,000
Like, yeah. 
And then I wondered, you know, 

384
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,520
like. 
But I think too, you know, and 

385
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,920
this is something I heard that's
so true, is sometimes we look at

386
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:24,200
we look for certain things to 
feel those avoidances in our 

387
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:29,120
life within those friendships. 
And when it don't happen, it 

388
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:32,720
kind of drives you down a cycle,
like a vicious cycle. 

389
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,800
So meaning, you know, I'm 
looking for, I'm looking in this

390
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,960
friendship. 
I need to feel, you know, wanted

391
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,840
or loved or appreciated for 
everything that I've ever done. 

392
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,320
And I've got to, they are the 
ones that's going to feel that. 

393
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,760
And it's not how that works, you
know, And so whenever you go 

394
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,440
into it or you feel like you're 
supposed to get that out of that

395
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,920
friendship, it's going to leave 
you stranded every time. 

396
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,800
And you're just going to go down
a vicious cycle like how we 

397
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,040
constantly would do. 
And, you know, I'm aggravated 

398
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,400
with her. 
So I'm going to this friend or 

399
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,880
I'm calling this person and now 
I'm calling my mom and getting 

400
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,240
them involved. 
And it's going to make it 

401
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:09,280
better. 
And it never does. 

402
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,960
You know what I mean? 
It's just, it's just a vicious 

403
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,640
cycle because no one can fill 
that void. 

404
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:19,320
No, and it's not friends 
responsibility to even be 

405
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,840
catering to you in any certain 
sense. 

406
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:27,400
Like, like the thought of, you 
know, a friend's getting mad 

407
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,960
that you have other friends and 
stuff like that, you know? 

408
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,560
Like which happens. 
It does happen. 

409
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,560
And and that comes like a 
jealousy. 

410
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,240
A jealousy. 
Yeah, Like, Oh my gosh, what if 

411
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,280
she's having more fun with her 
Or like, what's their 

412
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,840
conversations like, You know, 
And now I've gotten to the point

413
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,800
in life where I'm like, no, you 
should have other friends 

414
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,120
because I can only do so much 
for, like, not so much for you, 

415
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,880
but I, like, I can only, like, 
pour into you so much without, 

416
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,520
you know, draining myself. 
Like you need to be getting 

417
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,120
poured in through other people 
again. 

418
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:04,840
Lifting up, Yes, building up and
you know, instead of tearing 

419
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,480
down because you are jealous 
because you do see that 

420
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,440
friendship thriving because 
there's been plenty of times 

421
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,160
that I've seen you and a friend 
that you're like, man, they 

422
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,560
click on this and they're so 
good at this together and you're

423
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,520
like, why are we not? 
But then you start comparing and

424
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:22,120
doing all these things that's so
toxic instead of building that 

425
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:27,040
up and, you know, being more 
Christ like for that friendship 

426
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,080
because you're really looking to
fill a void in your own self and

427
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,880
it's not going to happen. 
So those are things that like 

428
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,600
the Lord has to reveal to you in
your life. 

429
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,360
So then you can kind of work on 
and change. 

430
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,840
But you know, I just all of that
just kind of comes down to kind 

431
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,000
of what we wanted to talk about 
too, which is forgiveness, which

432
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,480
is a really hard topic. 
You know, carrying a grudge, 

433
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,680
women carrying grudges and 
forgiveness is so, so hard. 

434
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:57,720
But you know, because there's 
like times where we have had to 

435
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,520
give each other. 
I mean, if we had to count, I 

436
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,160
truly don't even know. 
Now I can count Biggins, you 

437
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,400
know what I'm saying? 
Like them Biggins, I can count a

438
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,680
few of those. 
But like truly like even just 

439
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,680
smaller ones where we went a 
while because like there have 

440
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:20,800
been times like where we have 
went maybe like months close to 

441
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:26,360
probably a year or more without 
talking or something like and it

442
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,320
I don't even know how we came 
back like. 

443
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,800
I do feel like we need to touch 
on that because we always have 

444
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:38,040
forgiven and OK, this is 
something, this is a subject 

445
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:42,720
that I want to talk, touch on 
with us, forgiven each other and

446
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,960
it's OK. 
I listened to something the 

447
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,280
other day and this is what she 
said. 

448
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,560
Every trauma has two parts, the 
fact and the impact. 

449
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:57,640
OK, so we can for cuz I always 
used to think something was 

450
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,160
wrong with me like I really 
couldn't forgive that person. 

451
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,160
Yeah, because I would still. 
Still, hold on. 

452
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,240
Yeah, yeah. 
I mean, I would say, Lord, I 

453
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,480
forgive them. 
I mean, even now and today, and 

454
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,160
this is something I'm still 
learning and this is something 

455
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,840
God's revealing to me, but I 
would forgive somebody. 

456
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:13,920
And I really meant it. 
But an hour later, something 

457
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,520
would happen. 
And I'm thinking about it and 

458
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,720
I'm thinking about it and I am 
holding on to it and I'm going, 

459
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,280
but I really did forgive them. 
I really mean it, Lord. 

460
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,880
Like, why is this still coming 
up? 

461
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,680
Why do I still feel this way? 
Am I not able to forgive? 

462
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,720
Like is something wrong with me?
And it was just like a constant 

463
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,520
cycle until I heard this other 
day. 

464
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,560
And it just, it is so good. 
And she says healing, the 

465
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:37,920
healing process comes from the 
impact. 

466
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,480
That takes time. 
I can forgive the fact of what 

467
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,160
happened. 
I can forgive the fact of you 

468
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:49,240
hurt me or you said this to me. 
But the way it impacted me is 

469
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,720
what takes time to heal from. 
And that is something that only 

470
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,520
the blood of Christ can cover 
up. 

471
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,280
And that is something that 
doesn't happen overnight. 

472
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,560
And so to me that is just so, so
good. 

473
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,640
And she said, I can forgive the 
fact. 

474
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,600
We can forgive the fact because 
that's commanded by God for us 

475
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,400
to do right. 
But to heal from the impact 

476
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,440
takes time. 
And it's something that I can't 

477
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,080
do on my own. 
So I'm just like hearing that. 

478
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:17,080
I just feel like God was saying 
to me things that you've had to 

479
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:22,280
forgive other people from or how
I had to forgive my dad all 

480
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,720
those years ago. 
Do I still struggle from the 

481
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,520
impact and is that taking time 
to heal from and things that 

482
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,320
I've had to learn over my life? 
Yes. 

483
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,440
But I do I have completely 
forgiven the fact of what 

484
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,000
happened and and so thankful for
it now. 

485
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:40,440
But I just think that is 
something good for us to learn 

486
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:45,000
going forward with our 
friendships is even if like just

487
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,880
recently not, I mean really not 
long ago, you know, something 

488
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:54,000
happened with Dexter and I and 
it took a lot of forgiveness and

489
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:59,840
I really had to like ask on to 
help me forgive or, you know, 

490
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,920
really mean it and not hold on 
to it and bring it up. 

491
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:08,040
But I really do did forgive him 
or forgive the situation of what

492
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,160
happened. 
But every now and then it's like

493
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,480
something would trigger me. 
Does that make sense? 

494
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,520
Like you have triggers and then 
those thoughts just come right 

495
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,120
back up in your mind and they're
rampant. 

496
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,160
And it's like, OK, well, what am
I going to do with this thought?

497
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,200
Am I going to hold on to it and 
act on it? 

498
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,640
And that's what I'm learning now
is I've got to give that 

499
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,920
thought. 
It's got to be captive, taken by

500
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,360
the Lord, given to him and let 
the blood of Christ cover it up.

501
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:37,080
Because if I take it and run 
with it, I'm going to, I'm going

502
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,280
to mess this up. 
And I'm not really truly 

503
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:44,160
learning how to act on the 
process of, of forgiveness. 

504
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,200
Yeah. 
Does that make sense? 

505
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,440
And I mean, I've done the same 
thing where like I do forgive 

506
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,560
instances and I'm so glad, like 
for things that I've prayed for 

507
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,680
in my life basically that 
haven't came into fruition yet 

508
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,040
or you know, like God hasn't. 
He's I'm still in that waiting 

509
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,600
season of it or something like 
sometimes I har I harbor that 

510
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:08,200
bitterness kinda about it and 
like I for like, it's not that I

511
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,280
had to forgive anybody for it, 
but then I hold that bitterness,

512
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,520
you know, towards it, and then 
that will come in my brain too. 

513
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,720
And it's like, but I'm glad it 
didn't happen when it happened. 

514
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,920
I'm glad that's that I'm still 
in this waiting season because 

515
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:23,520
it's brought me to where I am 
today. 

516
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,840
But it's the same thing with, 
you know, forgiveness and true, 

517
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,640
like letting it go, basically 
and giving it to God. 

518
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,760
But like this to like bitterness
towards someone like I can get 

519
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,480
rid of the bitterness and then 
something will trigger comes 

520
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,800
back and I'm like, and then I 
and then I do have to catch 

521
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,120
myself and I throw it in 
people's face and I say, and I'm

522
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:48,160
very like the tongue is truly 
like it can make or break 

523
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,160
someone. 
It either speaks life or it 

524
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,240
speaks death. 
And you know, I want to 

525
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,480
constantly speak life. 
That's what we should be 

526
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,960
aspiring to do as Christians and
followers of Jesus is life, 

527
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,480
life, life, life, life. 
And then I catch myself in these

528
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,240
situations and I'm speaking 
death, death, death, like I am 

529
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,000
terrible, like I need to let 
things. 

530
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,440
Happen isn't so funny. 
It shows you like how human we 

531
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,400
are, yes. 
Yes, because you can know all of

532
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,520
this like you. 
Can bring it backwards and 

533
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,560
forwards. 
Backwards, forward, line by 

534
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,120
line. 
You can know what God says 

535
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:20,360
about. 
You can know everything. 

536
00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,040
But I'm a millisecond from you 
and something. 

537
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,120
But your flesh, your flesh don't
want none of that. 

538
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,320
Your flesh wants nothing to do 
with that. 

539
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,240
But your heart and your soul is 
desires it. 

540
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,800
Is. 
Desiring a relationship with God

541
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,800
that change in your life change,
yes. 

542
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,480
And once that change, I think my
devotion this morning was just 

543
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,480
talking about like healing and 
stuff. 

544
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:47,160
And you know, he is the healer. 
You know, he's the ultimate 

545
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,200
healer. 
We all need healing. 

546
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,880
It doesn't matter if your 
parents were drug addicts or you

547
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,880
lived a great life. 
They had two sources of income 

548
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,200
or your mom was a stay at home 
go to church your whole life, 

549
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,280
whole life. 
Alexa talked about that last 

550
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:00,720
week. 
She grew up going to church 

551
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,080
every Sunday. 
Like all this stuff, Dexter, to 

552
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,120
you still need healing. 
Yeah. 

553
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,480
Things have happened to you. 
People have hurt you. 

554
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,640
Yeah. 
And. 

555
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:12,160
I love, like, and maybe I've 
said this before, but like me 

556
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:17,000
and Dexter and we always joke 
about it, but because when Pat 

557
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,120
said it one time, it's just 
stuck with us. 

558
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:24,600
And just when we see people that
you know, we know need Jesus and

559
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,840
we see people that you think 
know Jesus, but they do still 

560
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,120
need Jesus. 
And we just come back to we're 

561
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,040
all born 7 LB sinners. 
Well, some of us is 8. 

562
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:34,160
Well. 
I was seven. 

563
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,560
I'm just kidding. 
I was 7. 

564
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,760
Girls, I was 10 lbs. 
Jeez. 

565
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:39,880
Louise, 24 inches long. 
He. 

566
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:44,280
Was 2 feet long. 
So but we're all born 7 LB 

567
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,720
sinners. 
I've, it doesn't matter who you 

568
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,800
are, where you're from, you are 
born without Christ in your 

569
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,920
life, in your heart. 
And that's just something that 

570
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,640
we all have to have. 
So yes, that's good. 

571
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,200
But you know, I just, OK, let's 
kind of touch on too. 

572
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:03,160
Like we have friendships we're 
working on, you know, learning 

573
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,880
how to forgive and let things 
go. 

574
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,760
But like what happens when the 
other person can't or doesn't? 

575
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,640
You know. 
It's that hard. 

576
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,560
That one's. 
Hard, that one's hard. 

577
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:20,160
And two, they don't have to, you
know, like if they're not in the

578
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:24,360
same walk with you, you know, 
like, yes, God does call us to 

579
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,960
forgive and to give it command 
and move on and everything, but 

580
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,240
everybody's not on the spiritual
walk issue. 

581
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,280
And you know, they're not going 
to forgive you right off the 

582
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,960
RIP, but you are called to do 
that. 

583
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:40,160
So you need to do that and give 
them space, give them time, but 

584
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,000
still love them out as a 
distance. 

585
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:50,880
Pray for them like just continue
to be a light without forcing it

586
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,640
in their life. 
Like, you know, I think. 

587
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:57,040
A lot of people, too, think that
if I forgive and let it go, one,

588
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,640
it makes it OK, and two, 
reconciliation has to happen. 

589
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,640
Yeah, but that's not always the 
case. 

590
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,000
There's not a command. 
And this is another thing I 

591
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,400
learned from Lisa that was 
preaching on this because she 

592
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,920
just, you know, studied 
forgiveness throughout the whole

593
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,320
Bible was, you know, because she
was struggling with it so bad. 

594
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,240
So she was like, do I have to 
reconcile law? 

595
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,400
Yeah. 
Because she was, you know, 

596
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,880
totally against it, didn't 
really want to. 

597
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,480
And it really isn't a 
commandment for reconciliation, 

598
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,720
especially for certain 
situations where somebody was 

599
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,160
hurt. 
And I mean, I'm talking about 

600
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,280
situations, sexual abuse, yeah, 
sexual abuse, things like that. 

601
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,080
Reconciliation is not a command 
by him, but forgiveness is. 

602
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,000
And so I think sometimes 
whenever people can't let 

603
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,400
something go and we can't 
forgive somebody is because we 

604
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,960
think it's going to make it OK 
what they did and because we 

605
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,800
think that reconciliation has to
happen. 

606
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,960
And I think that's so good that 
we're talking about this, that 

607
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,200
if a friendship breaks off and 
you know, we're trying to 

608
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,800
forgive them and give them 
distance, that's OK. 

609
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:58,680
You don't have to reconcile and 
and be BFFS and friends right 

610
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,480
away. 
Maybe the Lord is working on 

611
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,920
them in a certain way 
especially, and it doesn't work 

612
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,720
on us. 
Never going to happen. 

613
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,720
You know, like, you could 
reconcile down the road, but you

614
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,280
don't have to force it right 
now. 

615
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,680
Like, if that person is meant to
come back in your life, God's 

616
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,040
going to put them back in your 
life. 

617
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:19,560
But you know, that is one thing 
that I've had to learn with some

618
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,480
friendships that I've lost along
the way that I have been like so

619
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,520
hurt by. 
And I didn't realize that I was 

620
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,480
so hurt by them. 
Yeah. 

621
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,880
I'm so crazy right now. 
I didn't realize that I was so 

622
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,040
hurt by them until I got my 12 
step class. 

623
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,840
Yeah. 
And I mean, we've talked about 

624
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,040
it just because. 
I mean, I cry about this all the

625
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,080
time. 
Yeah, I feel like. 

626
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:44,760
But like those friendships that 
you lose and that you think that

627
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,480
like soul sisters, Yeah, you 
know, like that is that is some 

628
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:53,080
of hurt, you know. 
But we both on my end, we have 

629
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,720
both spoke and we forgave each 
other for things that have 

630
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,440
happened, but we haven't 
reconciled. 

631
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:02,000
But I'm not letting the thought 
go of that God can bring that 

632
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,680
person back into my life and we 
can be friends again. 

633
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,280
Like, because I still think 
about her constantly. 

634
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,800
I still pray for her like I want
the best for her, you know so. 

635
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,200
And it might not even be the 
type of friendship. 

636
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,040
That it was. 
Desire that it was, but it would

637
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,480
be the type of friendship that 
God would have for you in your 

638
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:23,200
life for sure, because it is 
possible. 

639
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,760
But you know what we desire and 
what we want is not always 

640
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,680
obviously what's best for our 
life. 

641
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:33,840
But yes, he can 100% do that and
reconcile that relationship if 

642
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,840
it's meant to be, yes, you know,
if there is supposed to be 

643
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,160
reconciliation, that's supposed 
to happen, but that's going to 

644
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,120
be on his time. 
And I think that's what's so 

645
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,040
hard is everything being on his.
Yeah. 

646
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,760
And the the unknown, like you 
just don't know. 

647
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,640
Yeah. 
Like is this the last time? 

648
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,000
And this can this is, you know. 
That's so good. 

649
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:57,600
I just read that in my devotion 
this morning was people stepping

650
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,880
out on faith. 
And it's like you can go read 

651
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:05,520
author Hebrews and so many of 
those stories, every single one 

652
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,800
of them just, they just had to 
step out on faith. 

653
00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:12,480
They had nothing else to go by. 
And that is so hard to do. 

654
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:14,199
Yeah. 
I mean, it's so easy to read 

655
00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:18,880
about and see and, you know, see
other people do it, but then it 

656
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,920
happens to you and you're just 
like, oh, I don't know if I can 

657
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,440
do this. 
You know, I got to see 

658
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:24,679
something. 
I got to have an answer. 

659
00:34:24,679 --> 00:34:27,800
I got to have, you know, instead
of just, OK, I'm just moving 

660
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,920
forward strictly on faith. 
Yes. 

661
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,800
Like that is really really hard 
to do. 

662
00:34:32,199 --> 00:34:36,120
Sometimes I think about like, 
what if we wouldn't have, you 

663
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,800
know, put our pride to the side?
I think that's another big 

664
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,400
thing, actually, before I move 
on. 

665
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,440
Like forgiveness really 
sometimes, most of the time 

666
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,520
really comes down to your pride.
Oh, for sure. 

667
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:50,400
Like you don't want to forgive 
that person because that is 

668
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,080
going to make me look like I'm 
weak. 

669
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,320
I like I was in the wrong. 
All this stuff and. 

670
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,280
Right. 
Like it makes it OK. 

671
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,880
Yeah, that way and they. 
Did yes, and you're like no, 

672
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,120
it's not. 
OK, it's not OK, and I'm not 

673
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:06,000
going to show you or make you 
think that I'm the lesser one or

674
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:07,880
whatever. 
And that's something I've had to

675
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,640
learn because I didn't realize 
how bad my pride was until I got

676
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,920
on this faith walk and I started
walking so diligently with 

677
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:21,920
Christ that I was like, I am 
prideful. 

678
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,760
Like I thought I was better than
everybody. 

679
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,280
Like when this is one thing, 
this is like very transparent 

680
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,480
and raw because. 
That's good. 

681
00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:33,320
Yeah, I know, but I hate, like 
sometimes I hate saying out loud

682
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,360
because it's so bad. 
But you know, like people are 

683
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,840
like God, OK, This was my 
mindset when I first started. 

684
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:44,360
I'm like, I continuously thought
God can do this for me, God can 

685
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:45,880
do this for me, God can do this 
for me. 

686
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,760
But I lacked self like awareness
about other people. 

687
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:54,320
Like yeah, God can do this for 
me, but hang on, is he doing 

688
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,680
like I never once thought that 
he was doing it for other 

689
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,040
people. 
I thought that it was a 

690
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,360
self-centered God, like between 
just me and him, and I wasn't 

691
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:05,040
thinking of other people like He
loves them just as much as He 

692
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,080
loves me you. 
You can become cynical, Yeah, in

693
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,840
a sense. 
Yeah, I'm gonna have to Google 

694
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,600
that word, Abby, but that sounds
good. 

695
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:18,160
Hold. 
On give you the definition but. 

696
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:19,720
I am while you're looking that 
up. 

697
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:23,400
But yeah, like I constantly was 
thinking about me, me, me, me 

698
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,520
and God, me and God, me and God.
And I wasn't thinking about 

699
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,080
others and God, others and God. 
I was always thinking about, I 

700
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,600
know God can do this for me, but
I never once thought about it 

701
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,400
for him and others. 
And that's when I really 

702
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,320
realized like, oh. 
OK. 

703
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,040
I'm going to give you the 
definition, OK. 

704
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:40,960
Concerned only with one's own 
interest and typically 

705
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,880
disregarding accepted or 
appropriate appropriate 

706
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:45,760
standards in order to achieve 
them. 

707
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,840
So we're believing that people 
are motivated purely by 

708
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,800
self-interest, distrustful or 
human sincerity or integrity. 

709
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,680
So you disregarded everybody 
else. 

710
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:57,400
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

711
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,880
And what they were capable of 
and their interests and things 

712
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,440
that they might be good at or it
it was just you. 

713
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,520
Yes. 
And that is, it took me all the 

714
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:11,640
way up until probably like April
of this year to really realize 

715
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,880
that that was one of my biggest 
sense. 

716
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,480
It wasn't even necessarily the 
drinking. 

717
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,200
It wasn't the smoking. 
That's so good. 

718
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,760
Smoking weed, none of that. 
It was none of the physical 

719
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:23,920
scent. 
It was my pride. 

720
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,800
And that comes from the heart 
and that is so good to talk 

721
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:30,160
about because, you know, I man, 
I just love that. 

722
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,040
I always know like when we're in
church, especially like CR and 

723
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,480
we're talking about, you know, 
and I think Pat does so well at 

724
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,400
this, but talking about the 
drugs and the drinking and 

725
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:42,720
that's so small. 
Let's talk about your heart. 

726
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,800
Yes. 
What do you care around in your 

727
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,760
heart and treating others And 
you know, the pridefulness and 

728
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:53,520
the hatred and the anger and to 
me those things the Lord and, 

729
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,800
and what Jesus spoke on was more
related to that than the 

730
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,560
exterior stuff because you've 
got that going on in your heart.

731
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:01,920
The exterior stuff is just be a 
mess. 

732
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,920
And if you change the inside, 
that exterior ain't gonna matter

733
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,440
anyway, because he's gonna 
change those things as it goes, 

734
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,840
right? 
So once you change that inside, 

735
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,440
the outside will start falling. 
Yeah, that all. 

736
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,640
That that pridefulness and like 
what you're talking about that 

737
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,320
was revealed to you. 
Just keep touching on that 

738
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:21,600
because that is so good to. 
Me and I mean, that's one of the

739
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:26,240
reasons that probably 90% of my 
friendships have failed is 

740
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:31,440
because like we live in a in a, 
in a generation. 

741
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,920
We live in a generation that is 
constantly offended, right? 

742
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:39,280
We get our feelings hurt. 
We, we have to walk on thin ice 

743
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,280
all the time. 
And like back then, if my, if 

744
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,560
that ice was broken with me, I'm
done. 

745
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,000
Like I'm, I'm, I'm wiping it, 
I'm done. 

746
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,920
And I'm not reaching out because
of my pride. 

747
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,800
Yeah. 
And so, so many times that's why

748
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,320
my relationships have failed 
because I just have never 

749
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:56,520
reached back out. 
I've never tried. 

750
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,280
And I know it's a two way 
friendships are two way street, 

751
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,280
but at the same time, if I'm 
trying to be like Christ, Christ

752
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:05,280
is reaching out first. 
Yeah, he's, he's gonna, you 

753
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:08,560
know, go ahead and he's gonna 
not hold on, extend that olive 

754
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:09,560
branch. 
Yes. 

755
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:14,600
And then let things go. 
And so, you know, working on 

756
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:21,240
myself the past year is really 
trying to rewire my mind and to 

757
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:25,120
think of being people more than 
myself. 

758
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:30,040
Like I want to be selfless 
instead of selfish. 

759
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,960
And I just like, what is Christ 
doing? 

760
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,240
He's loving others. 
He's not thinking about himself.

761
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:37,600
Like he doesn't talk about 
himself. 

762
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:41,640
He's talking about how to become
more like him, you know, and 

763
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,000
just do all this stuff. 
So that's basically. 

764
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:46,360
That's really good. 
That's really, really good to 

765
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,240
think. 
And I will say this, I said most

766
00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:52,240
of my relationships have failed 
because of my pride. 

767
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,920
And one of the things that I've 
tried to start going into this 

768
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,640
season, and this is something 
that I heard more recently, is 

769
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,000
we need to be friends that we 
expect others to be like. 

770
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:06,040
I need to be a friend to others 
that I want them to be to me. 

771
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:07,400
And that's good. 
And. 

772
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:08,920
That's something I need to work 
on. 

773
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,240
Yeah, no, I'm not saying yeah, 
like that. 

774
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:13,080
Like I need to work on it too. 
Yeah, yeah. 

775
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,680
And. 
Or have that thought process 

776
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:19,320
more because we're so quick do 
what are they doing for me? 

777
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,880
Yeah, well, they didn't. 
Do you know, they I've done so 

778
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,880
much for them and they haven't 
done this for me. 

779
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,840
And it always me, me, me, me, 
me. 

780
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,760
And we're so good at that. 
So just learning to put that 

781
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,680
down. 
I'm going to put that down. 

782
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,560
And now I'm going to be more of 
serving, having a servant's 

783
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,840
heart. 
And what can I do for them? 

784
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,680
What more do they need? 
And I think that it just comes 

785
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,760
back whenever you have that 
attitude and treating others and

786
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:50,560
that way you get more 
fulfillment out of that than the

787
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:54,280
me, me, me, me, me 100% you're 
going to get more fulfillment 

788
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,920
that way. 
And I mean, I've learned that 

789
00:40:55,920 --> 00:41:01,240
more recently, if I am focusing 
on others more than what they're

790
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:04,800
doing for me, then I do feel way
more fulfilled. 

791
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:09,560
Like I feel like I'm being such 
a good friend to people that I 

792
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,760
love it. 
Like I want to be a good friend.

793
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:16,160
I want people to say that I'm a 
good friend, so why would I not 

794
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,840
be the same way to them as what 
I expect them to be to me? 

795
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,800
And I think that works in so 
many relationships. 

796
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,160
Yeah, not just friendship. 
So I read a book by Andy Stanley

797
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,240
and the name of it is Become the
person the person you're looking

798
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:33,160
for is looking for. 
That's a title. 

799
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,720
Right there, that is a title. 
Say a warm time. 

800
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:39,200
Say a warm time. 
Become the person the person you

801
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:42,280
are looking for is looking for. 
Oh yeah, that's good. 

802
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:47,640
So in, in the sense that, OK, if
I am looking for somebody that 

803
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:52,680
is trustworthy, a hard worker, a
good friend that would be a good

804
00:41:52,680 --> 00:42:00,040
parent, that would be selfless, 
that I've got to be that, yeah, 

805
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:05,400
I've got to become the person or
the type of friend that I want 

806
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,960
to be that I'm that I want out 
of them. 

807
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:08,800
Yes. 
Does that make sense? 

808
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,840
That goes completely across 
everywhere for anything. 

809
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:16,120
Relationships, dating or 
relationships and dating is the 

810
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:20,000
same thing, but friendships, Co 
workers, parents, everything. 

811
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,960
One of the things that I was 
thinking of this morning that 

812
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,840
kind of crossed my mind is just 
like I was trying to think of 

813
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,360
like just instances throughout 
the years that really just stand

814
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,560
out to. 
And one of the things that stand

815
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:35,480
out to me the most is I was in a
terrible, terrible headspace. 

816
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:39,880
I think it I was around 21 or we
were around 21 and. 

817
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,080
Yeah, I think about that. 
And I, I think it was like 

818
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,520
Thanksgiving time. 
I don't know what it is about 

819
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:51,440
Thanksgiving, but I have some 
traumatic experiences around 

820
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:53,560
Thanksgiving live. 
November is not your. 

821
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:57,400
Life changing, life changing 
honestly, because this this was 

822
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:01,880
a pivotal moment at 21, but I 
remember I was going through a 

823
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,080
breakup and I was not in a good 
headspace. 

824
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,640
And me and you went out. 
Oh, this was Thanksgiving with 

825
00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:08,400
my family. 
Yeah. 

826
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,200
Oh, OK. 
I remember this. 

827
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:16,320
And and I was belligerent 
blackout drunk and I remember 

828
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,360
like throwing up and I was 
screaming and crying and tell 

829
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,640
basically telling you like I 
like, I don't even know what I'm

830
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:26,680
living for at this point. 
Like I was like, not that I was 

831
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,960
like really suicidal. 
It probably was a little bit of 

832
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:33,440
attention plus the drunk and 
plus just just everything. 

833
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:37,760
But like I remember, like you 
said something to me that really

834
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:40,600
like changed a lot and it was 
just. 

835
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,640
Like I don't remember that. 
It was just saying like you need

836
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,920
to, I think it's time for you to
like stop drinking so much. 

837
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,560
I think you're drinking too much
and I think you maybe need to go

838
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,400
see a doctor and get on some 
medication. 

839
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:57,680
And like, honestly, I did, I 
did, I did. 

840
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,080
I know I'm not on medication 
anymore. 

841
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:04,080
But at that point, like that was
something that really, you know,

842
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,760
been benefited me because like 
you were very open and honest, 

843
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,400
like you're drinking a lot. 
Even though you were with me 

844
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,640
that night, like you'd never 
turned up the way that I was 

845
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:16,920
turning up. 
But you know, like, you just 

846
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,200
poured truth into me, like 
you're drinking too much. 

847
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,760
And I think you need to make a 
change. 

848
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,760
And like, I'm just think of like
all the times that stuff like 

849
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:28,920
that has happened and like, 
where I was not in a good 

850
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:32,160
headspace and like, if you have 
friends that even if we're not 

851
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:35,640
walking with Christ at the time,
you were still wanting the best 

852
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,680
for me. 
And it wasn't ever a competition

853
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:42,080
between me and you, really. 
Like there was times obviously 

854
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:45,440
throughout life where I was 
jealous, you know, like things 

855
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,720
were happening. 
You were buying houses or like, 

856
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:49,200
you know, doing this or doing 
that. 

857
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,680
And I'm like, I want that you 
know it not. 

858
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,040
That happens. 
It does happen, but you can't, 

859
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,320
you know, let that. 
Dwell on that. 

860
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:59,440
Dwell on that, but you know, 
just certain things throughout 

861
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,120
your life when you have these 
lifelong friendships. 

862
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,880
Yeah. 
There are such like lows, there 

863
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,000
are so many lows where we can't 
even talk about them lows. 

864
00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:12,240
But then there's like these 
highs where like we've had the 

865
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,600
best time with one another. 
And then there's those in 

866
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,800
between moments that are pivotal
where we're where we're changing

867
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,560
and we we evolve. 
And like that, that was just 

868
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,200
something that stood out to me 
this morning. 

869
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,000
Just always speaking, trying. 
To speak truth that you always 

870
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:30,480
have like you, you more than me,
because I'll never. 

871
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,640
For sure, I'm more of like the 
the mothering type, yes. 

872
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:38,480
You're a very good nurturer. 
Nurturing friend and gonna be 

873
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:42,400
like you don't need to be doing 
that like what are you doing 

874
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:46,240
even though I'm not living 
right, I'm gonna tell you I'm. 

875
00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:47,840
Gonna tell you what you need to 
be doing right? 

876
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,480
But you know, you have always 
been good about that. 

877
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:54,000
Yeah, just trying to, I don't 
know, maybe it's in a sense that

878
00:45:55,000 --> 00:46:00,000
I felt the need to like pour 
into that to you because I knew 

879
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,920
where it was lacking in your 
life. 

880
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,880
You know what I mean? 
Like I've just always felt like 

881
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,400
that protective sense, like, OK,
what's Alexis doing with her 

882
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,440
life? 
Like, OK, let me help her or 

883
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,880
tell her this. 
Or even if I wasn't helping you,

884
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,760
I just wanted to, yeah, you know
what I mean? 

885
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,640
Or tell you the truth about 
something or try to guide you in

886
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:19,240
the right way. 
So that's just something like 

887
00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:21,640
I've always wanted to be. 
And I think, but it's kind of a 

888
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:25,040
part of my personality too. 
And personalities are so big. 

889
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,040
I've talked about personalities 
multiple times on that. 

890
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,320
I've I've had you and Dexter 
take a test. 

891
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:31,080
I can send that. 
Hey, no. 

892
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:36,560
We get a test that we got to 
take about every like four 

893
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:37,920
months. 
It's quarterly, OK? 

894
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,040
It's called like quarterly 
personality test. 

895
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,400
Just in case something has 
changed, something, you know, 

896
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:47,400
like, I just want to know, like 
how people are. 

897
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,160
And I think that's one of the 
things that I've I've learned is

898
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,600
about my pride. 
Not everybody can take me the 

899
00:46:53,600 --> 00:46:54,760
exact same way. 
Yeah. 

900
00:46:55,400 --> 00:47:01,160
Because my personality is a very
hard personality because I am so

901
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,960
like dominant about everything. 
I want to control everything. 

902
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:08,960
But then I'm also like outgoing.
So like 2 personalities collide 

903
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:13,560
and it's just, it's just a lot. 
But I try to, you know, bring 

904
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:17,360
other that I'm lacking to my 
friendships to, you know, 

905
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,120
working relationships to all 
that. 

906
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:23,040
Like I want to be, you know, 
what others need me to be. 

907
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:25,640
And like, if you're a nurturer 
and you like that type of thing,

908
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,640
I mean, I guess I'll give you a 
hug from time to time. 

909
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,560
I hugged one of my friends the 
other day, Caitlin, and she was 

910
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:34,800
like, are you OK? 
And I was like, I was like, 

911
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,280
yeah, we'll come to find out. 
I'm talking to Kristen. 

912
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,600
And Kristen says Caitlin told me
you hugged her the other day. 

913
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,400
And I'm like, that's. 
A really big deal It's it's. 

914
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:47,560
Kind of sad in a sense because 
it's like she thought that was 

915
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:51,480
so big of me to do that, that 
she's telling others that I'm 

916
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,000
hugging. 
And so like, you know, I just 

917
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,600
want to evolve, you know, nobody
should be staying the same. 

918
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,240
You should not be consistent no 
matter what. 

919
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:02,520
The same person that I was 
yesterday. 

920
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,200
I want to be better than that. 
Right, Just going back to 

921
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:09,440
friendships, how to be the 
ultimate friend is by doing that

922
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,080
and constantly working on 
yourself. 

923
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,720
Because the more you're working 
on yourself and trying to be the

924
00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:18,320
better person, the better 
friend, the less likely you are 

925
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,200
to be so focused on what they 
are doing well. 

926
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,880
You know what? 
The Holy Spirit, the Trinity, 

927
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,920
they are the ultimate friend. 
They're the best friend you'll 

928
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,880
ever have, you know. 
And so if you have the Holy 

929
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:33,000
Spirit dwelling inside of you, 
you have the opportunity, you 

930
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:38,120
have the means to be an ultimate
friend to somebody, but you have

931
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:39,600
to let that Holy Spirit lead to 
you. 

932
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,720
You have to yield to the Holy 
Spirit and let them lead and let

933
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:46,640
them shine. 
And you know, that's the only 

934
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,600
way. 
God is the only way that you're 

935
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,800
going to be able to be a friend,
be a good friend, be a good, 

936
00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:55,280
period, period. 
Because nothing in this world is

937
00:48:55,280 --> 00:49:00,240
good without God. 
So yeah, I just, that's how that

938
00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:03,360
is our ways of becoming an 
ultimate friend. 

939
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,840
That's the. 
That's the how. 

940
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,120
You're doing it. 
I think that's the. 

941
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:09,400
Only way to do it. 
All right, well, this has been 

942
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,320
fun. 
I hope that you had some notes, 

943
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,600
maybe taking some things away 
from this that you want to apply

944
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:18,680
into your own life. 
Don't forget that we also do 

945
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,080
have an e-mail praises in the 
pod@gmail.com. 

946
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,920
So send some stuff in. 
Maybe you want to be in, maybe 

947
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,640
you want to be on praises in the
pod, maybe you want to talk 

948
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:29,840
about your testimony, maybe 
whatever. 

949
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:34,000
Like, just hit us up, you know? 
Honestly, I love more than 

950
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,560
anything getting feedback. 
Yeah, just send us some feedback

951
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,640
if you, you know, if there's 
something different that we 

952
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,360
could do or something that 
you're looking for or want us to

953
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,440
talk about. 
Yeah, hit us up because Abby did

954
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,680
just want to do a question and 
answer kind of series. 

955
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,880
She brought that up and I was 
like, girl, I tried to do that 

956
00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:53,080
week too and I feel like it was 
a bust. 

957
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:57,440
But I do feel like this is like 
episode 15 at this point and I'm

958
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:01,040
like, oh, we could probably do 
AQ and a now. 

959
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:03,760
Yeah, so definitely send some 
stuff in like let's. 

960
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,640
Just do you want to know more 
about us? 

961
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,880
Because I mean. 
I feel like, you know, we talk 

962
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,400
about stuff and we hit surface 
level stuff and then people are 

963
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,240
probably like, wait, they were 
friends here and this happened 

964
00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:18,600
and what really happened And, 
you know, how old were you? 

965
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:20,760
Yeah. 
So I mean like it can kind of 

966
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,600
get confusing and jumbled up 
and. 

967
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,520
And our minds too. 
And our minds too, for sure. 

968
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,360
All right. 
So all right, guys, thank you so

969
00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:31,520
much. 
Stay tuned, Stay blessed, and 

970
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:33,000
we'll see you next week. 
Bye.