1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,560 What's up guys? My name is Alexis Brown, your 2 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,880 host with praises in the pod, and I'm so excited to have my 3 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,400 bestie, Catherine Reeves, with us today. 4 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,280 We are going to just talk about all kinds of stuff. 5 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,760 So we're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:29,960 jump right in. So here we go. 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,440 Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you for today. 8 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,000 Thank you for all your many blessings. 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,160 Dear God, thank you for allowing us to come together. 10 00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:41,080 Thank you for sending me Catherine in my life. 11 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,800 Lord, I needed a friend like her. 12 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,400 I needed someone that's going to continuously pour into me and 13 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,400 just pray for me and just be a godly friend that I've always 14 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,800 desired. Lord, Lord, I just pray that you 15 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,800 speak to us and through us and let this podcast glorify you. 16 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,000 In Jesus name I pray Amen, Amen, Amen. 17 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:02,120 Girl, I'm so excited and I'm sure people are like, oh, that's 18 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,760 Catherine. That's the girl. 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,120 That's Catherine. Because I always talk about you 20 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,080 always talk. And then people are probably 21 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,320 like, who is she? You know, there you are. 22 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,680 Finally making my appearance, yes. 23 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,520 All right, so let's just kind of like go ahead and jump right 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,080 into your life and then along the way, I'm sure like we'll 25 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,000 talk about other things that like we have talked about, you 26 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,320 know, or whatever. So let's just talk about you. 27 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,920 Tell us about your childhood. So I'll start. 28 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,640 I've lived in Warner Robins my whole life. 29 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,120 So I'm 24. I've lived here forever. 30 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,720 I wasn't 4 in here. I was born in Americas. 31 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,760 But I don't claim that wow, like because I'm a four 7-8 girl, 32 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,440 like through and through. So I don't claim that like 33 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,040 you're. Truly, for the four 7. 34 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:45,840 I am like I am to be here. So I'm raised here. 35 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,280 I've lived here my whole life. I have two great parents. 36 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,640 They were both teachers. My dad was a football coach, so 37 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,400 we are a football family because my mom's a teacher. 38 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,480 I was always a very good kid in class. 39 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,920 I had to have my best behavior because there's a standard 40 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,960 teachers talk. I had to represent my parents 41 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,280 well. I have four siblings. 1 is not 42 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,720 biological, but if you know me, like I always say I have two 43 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:14,480 older sisters and two little brothers, like because she's I 44 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,800 mean, everyone like you're 13 now. 45 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,480 Wow. Saying that. 46 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,480 So like she is like our family. But yeah, so I'm like that 47 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,040 middle child, like kind of forgotten about sometimes. 48 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,000 Like I think of in my head like growing up and stuff like and. 49 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,000 You and your mom are literally best friends but different. 50 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,840 Yeah, growing up. Yeah, growing up, though, like, 51 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,400 because when you do have so many different people and parts and 52 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,920 everything's playing like, you sometimes do feel like kind of 53 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,080 like the forgotten child when there's so many of you. 54 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:45,320 But yeah, I grew up in a very, like, good home. 55 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,520 Like I have great parents, very attentive, but I grew up in like 56 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,000 a chaotic home. It's like, I guess the best way 57 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,040 to put it, because like at a young age, probably about third 58 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,600 grade, like I realized like my parents don't love each other. 59 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,760 Like I remember in 4th grade, like just being like, I wish 60 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,800 they would divorce. Like, I wish they would just 61 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,680 separate so badly just because they were always fighting and 62 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,440 they were after each other. And I don't know, it was just 63 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:13,120 like the thought of like, like somebody in my ministry, even 64 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,280 the middle schooler. Oh, I guess I'm jumping ahead a 65 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,040 little bit. It's OK, It's OK, but like. 66 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,080 The thought of like one of my middle schoolers telling me like 67 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,160 they want their parents to be divorced, it's just so 68 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,760 heartbreaking. So it really is sad, like 69 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,520 looking back. And at a young age too, because 70 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,520 you're saying like third grade. I mean, that's really young to 71 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,400 like audibly, like, remember arguing and all that stuff. 72 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,280 Like that's hard. And like they had things in 73 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,040 their life, like they had a lot of things happen, like death, 74 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,160 emotional things. I had two little twin brothers 75 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,960 that passed away and that just kind of snowballed. 76 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,560 I don't want to like share much about them. 77 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,440 Like they have an amazing testimony, like their story's 78 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,600 amazing. I'm just kind of sharing from 79 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,360 like my point of view and like how I saw things. 80 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,960 Third grade or 4th grade, somewhere in there we start 81 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,320 going, I like I knew God, like I knew who he was. 82 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,040 Like my dad had like a he went to church all the time. 83 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,880 My mom, not so much like growing up, she didn't really know. 84 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,080 So like we would go to church every now and then, like we 85 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,040 would church hop a little bit, try to figure out a place. 86 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,680 We finally land at a church in Perry, but it's a church that 87 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:12,960 all of my mom's and dad's friends go to. 88 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,640 First of all, you're not at church for the right reason. 89 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,760 Like you're going to church to be with your friends, which 90 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,079 community is great. Yes, there is so much power in 91 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,800 going to church to your friends, but that can't be the cause the. 92 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,040 Reason you're going. It can't be like, oh, I'm going 93 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,760 to church to hang out with my bestie. 94 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,920 Like, well, you're kind of missing the point there. 95 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:32,520 But I met this lady named Lindsay, and Lindsay became like 96 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,800 a huge part of my life. Like, I looked up to Lindsay. 97 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,760 I thought she was sunshine in human form. 98 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,600 Like she had the most extroverted bubble personality. 99 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,080 I loved her to death. I still keep up with her today. 100 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,520 She really is one of the reasons why I did pursue ministry in the 101 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,240 future. Just we're looking up to her so 102 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,960 much. But I'm not okay. 103 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,240 So I'm saved is what I tell people. 104 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:59,480 But I don't really know God, like I'm not actively pursuing 105 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,160 him, but Lindsay made a huge difference in my life. 106 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:08,320 Kind of go to 5th grade and my parents are finally splitting 107 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,520 like and you're like and yes, literally like I, I'm. 108 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,320 High. That's heartbreaking, but at the 109 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,280 same time, yes. Yeah, because I'm just like, I 110 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,120 mean, it's hard to be in a household like where people, 111 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,560 like, they don't like each other. 112 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,360 Like, nobody wants to live like that. 113 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,480 Me and my mom and all of us other kids, we moved into my 114 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,040 grandparents parents home in Macon. 115 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,120 That was tough. I didn't have my own room or 116 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:34,000 anything like like driving 30 minutes to school every like 117 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,480 things like that. And then I found out Lindsay had 118 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,840 been dating this guy. They got engaged and Lindsay 119 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,760 told all of us that she would be moving because her and her 120 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,040 husband were going to start a new church because she. 121 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,240 Was like can I? I didn't. 122 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:48,240 Even say this, she was the children's director at the 123 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,200 church. So that's another thing like 124 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,680 because she made such a huge impact because she was with me 125 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,760 every Sunday. And so she left and went to this 126 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:59,000 new church. And so I was just like, Oh my 127 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,960 goodness. So that kind of like crushed me 128 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,680 and just made me like, well, I don't really want to go to 129 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,520 church anymore, which shows like I didn't have a relationship 130 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,760 with Jesus. I was going because my parents 131 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,680 were making me. And because I want to see 132 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,560 Lindsay, the person I look up to so much. 133 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,040 Like that's who I wanted to be with and be around going into 134 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,880 middle school. I really don't know where I 135 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,680 stand because I have two parents that don't love each other. 136 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,960 Like I'm very like questionable. Like I question if anybody loves 137 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,040 me. I question like, like who can I 138 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,680 trust kind of thing. I'm kind of that middle child. 139 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,360 My youngest brother's autistic. I love him to death, but when he 140 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,360 was younger, we have seven years age gap. 141 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,520 So me in middle school, he's like a little kid and he was a 142 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,120 lot to handle. So he took all of my mom's 143 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,480 attention. So like I kind of like get this 144 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,680 in like my head, like I'm not worthy. 145 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,640 Like I wanted to be just like Lindsay because I wanted to be 146 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,600 that person. Like everybody liked every like 147 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,480 buddy saw so much sunshine and joy from her. 148 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,480 But like I, I didn't see myself worthy. 149 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:58,960 I didn't see myself as good enough. 150 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,640 Like I wanted Lindsay's job too. When I was younger. 151 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,320 I was like, I literally want that. 152 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,960 And I was like, I would never be good enough to work at a church. 153 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,440 Like I, I could never be worthy enough. 154 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,960 Like look at where I come from, Like look at my parents, like 155 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,280 they would never want me to work in a church. 156 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:17,000 Like stuff like that. Like which is so crazy right now 157 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,800 but anyways. Well, a few weeks ago, me and 158 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,400 Abby actually jumped on here and talked about like how the enemy 159 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,680 comes after your identity. And even like at a young age, 160 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,920 she's already attacking your identity because you're trying 161 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,160 to put your identity in being. You know, my parents are 162 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,400 divorced. I'm not worthy enough to work at 163 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,280 a church. I'm not like he's already trying 164 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:37,600 to put those negative core beliefs about yourself in your 165 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,760 mind at such a young age. And I don't even fully 166 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,640 understand who Satan is. Yeah, like, I'm not even really 167 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,680 aware. Like I'm just like, Oh my gosh, 168 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,200 why am I talking to myself like this? 169 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,400 Like I'm thinking it's me. Well, no, that ain't me. 170 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:53,720 Like I mean, anyways, so my dad is in an apartment now and like 171 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,840 I wanted to spend time with my dad as much as possible because 172 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,520 like if I could go be with him, it's like I'm not the forgotten 173 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,360 child. Like I'm if I'm just with my 174 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,560 dad, then it's just me and him. And like he'll pay attention to 175 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,320 me. Like he'll see me like I'm there 176 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,440 kind of thing. So I did love that. 177 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,160 So like like I said, you know, most people don't want their 178 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,800 parents get divorced, but I'm like, this is kind of nice. 179 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,920 Like 2 Christmases too. Like this is awesome kind of 180 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,600 thing. But I really enjoyed spending 181 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,160 time with my dad. This people that know me now are 182 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,680 gonna think like this is not true at all. 183 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:28,360 But I hated my mom. I hated my mom so bad. 184 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,240 Like we fought all the time. Like I couldn't stand her. 185 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,760 I didn't wanna be around her. Like I just did not like her at 186 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,120 all. And I didn't want any kind of 187 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,200 relationship that was like close with her. 188 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,280 Like I would be there and like talk to her, but not really like 189 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:41,400 it would just be like, oh, whatever. 190 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,960 Like we just live together kind of thing. 191 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:44,840 Because I'm doing that. Do you feel like that kind of 192 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,000 stem from like just feeling like you're forgotten? 193 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,680 Yes, definitely. And middle school emotional 194 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,520 because I mean, our middle schoolers, they're like, I hate 195 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,680 my mom and I'm like, you won't one day you want to make best, 196 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,520 one day you'll love your mom. And then so when they say that, 197 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,160 I'm like, oh, you just wait on it. 198 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,280 Yeah. But, well, it's hard to because 199 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,400 like you said, Alexander, your younger brother is autistic, so 200 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:11,040 he does take a lot more time and, you know, just more 201 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,160 attention. Yeah. 202 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,880 And then there's five or four. Well, five. 203 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:18,920 I don't know when Sharanda comes in. 204 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,120 Sharanda. Comes in about 2013. 205 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:24,160 Oh my gosh. No, like 2011. 206 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,640 OK Oh my gosh. Yeah, like 20. 11 OK, so like 207 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,440 middle school Sharanda at this point? 208 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,280 OK. And like, Sharanda and my other 209 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,120 sisters, Elizabeth, they would, like, gang up together and, 210 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,320 like, they would, like, torment me and like, you know, like, 211 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,520 you're the middle child, like you're the one everybody's going 212 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,520 after kind of thing. And then me and Nicholas would 213 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,640 literally fight it out. Like, we would literally 214 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,720 fistfight. Like, it was just one of those 215 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,200 things. And then Alexander, he's just 216 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:46,960 there. Yeah. 217 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,600 Going into 8th grade, I did move school some somehow. 218 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,880 I don't know how this happened, actually. 219 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:56,120 I should ask my parents now, but my dad ended up moving back into 220 00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:00,400 our house and my mom and all the kids, we all moved to Ellicott 221 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,520 and like now, now I'm like, well, what happened there? 222 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,160 Why did we? But you know, 8th grade me 223 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,920 didn't ask like why are we moving? 224 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,760 Like it was just like whatever. I had the best 8th grade year 225 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,640 ever. 8th grade was such a fun. Year for me, that was going to 226 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,160 be like a totally different thing. 227 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,360 I thought you were going to be like, it was horrible. 228 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,680 No, it was awesome. Like my 8th grade year, the 229 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,160 Ellicott house was the party house, like my mom was. 230 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,000 Me and my mom become better friends. 231 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,480 She starts saying yes to me. So maybe I was a brat. 232 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,960 Actually, she's like, yeah, you can have people over. 233 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,880 Yeah, you could have a I have four parties that year, 234 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,480 probably. Wow, just from we're gonna have 235 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,560 fun. And so 8th grade is when my 236 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,920 personality came out. I've always been very 237 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,400 introverted, shy, and in 8th grade I don't know what 238 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,640 happened, but I, I guess I became who I'm supposed to be 239 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,880 and I like got a personality and I became very extroverted, 240 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,760 talked to everybody kind of thing. 241 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,760 Christmas break of 8th grade year, I don't know what it was 242 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,240 like. I obviously know now like God 243 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,560 was moving in some kind of way, like he was pushing and 244 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,840 pressing, but like I was just like, I want to be a better 245 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,600 person. So I didn't like curse or 246 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,440 anything. Like I wasn't a bad person. 247 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,480 I really wanted to be like somebody people could look up 248 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,360 to. I don't know if that was me 249 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,640 growing and like my age or whatever. 250 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,240 Like just being like I want people to look up to me and 251 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,280 think highly of me. But also I've struggled with 252 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,680 myself work. So I do want people to see me a 253 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,360 certain way also. OK, I didn't even mention this. 254 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,840 I know about prayer, I know about God. 255 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:32,080 I have somewhat of a foundation. It is not super strong because 256 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,680 like so when my parents did split, my dad got like heavily 257 00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:40,240 involved in a church. We moved to South side and I 258 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,080 don't know, I guess Jerry was just really awesome to me in 259 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,280 middle school, but I started listening. 260 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,880 I didn't never went to the ignition service and everyone to 261 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,280 middle school. I always sat in big church and I 262 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,600 look back at my story and I can just see there were so many 263 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,120 times where God was chasing after me and I would just be 264 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,240 running and running and running. Like I can think of so many 265 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,680 times I would go to like AVBS and I would pray the prayer and 266 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,400 like, but like they would be like, all right, if you come up 267 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,040 like tell somebody and I'd be like, no, I'm not doing that. 268 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,400 Like I, I don't want that. Like I like it was just me 269 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,720 saying it. Like just to say it. 270 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,560 Like there's so many times in my life where I could see where God 271 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,880 really wanted me and he was after me. 272 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,240 But free will, like it has to be my choice to do it. 273 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,680 And like I was just never there. Like I like I said, I have, I 274 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,960 still have really bad commitment issues to this day. 275 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,480 Like I don't trust it's really hard for me. 276 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,680 Like there's just a lot of things, like when you do 277 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:33,040 experience things like it does stick with you, like you don't 278 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,400 just let it go. Well, I got two things from that 279 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,440 little segment that you were talking about, but it's like you 280 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,080 were talking about how you wanted to do better. 281 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:42,560 You wanted to be a better person. 282 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,040 And I think a lot of times people get a little confused 283 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,560 with just because they're a good person, you know, that they're 284 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,760 going to heaven, you know, that they actually have a 285 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,720 relationship with Jesus Christ like all this. 286 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,360 But in reality, just because you're a good person, that 287 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,480 doesn't mean that you are right with the Lord. 288 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,520 Yeah. And then two, like you say and 289 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,960 how you prayed the prayer many of times and you know, they 290 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,120 always say come forward. And I feel like that's really 291 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,800 the biggest thing is, yeah, you can say that prayer, but did you 292 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,240 mean it with your whole heart and you're willing to walk down 293 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,760 no matter what that looks like, no matter what your pride 294 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,640 saying, no matter all these negative thoughts, you know, cuz 295 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:22,520 he wants you to say here I am like I'm ready. 296 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,800 And that's a big step because so many people can say the prayer, 297 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,800 but walking down you don't have to. 298 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,440 But I mean at the same time step out. 299 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,600 If you already said it and you fully mean it, go. 300 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,960 Yeah, I mean, the judgement of man, like cannot be more than 301 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,800 what God calls you to in like obedience. 302 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,040 I mean, I said that to you last night like First Corinthians 15. 303 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,200 It's like talking about like what is the worst that happens 304 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,720 when you are aligned with God and you you're obedient? 305 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,520 Like if the worst like thing that happens is death, I get to 306 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,600 be in heaven with God. Like, so what's what is walking 307 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:59,680 in front of people which is not going to cause you death to say 308 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,800 like, I surrender. I give it all like. 309 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,880 Yeah. And like even at like CR on 310 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,840 Thursday nights, I mean, people are standing ovation, clapping 311 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,480 for these people walking down. But then something still is 312 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,600 holding people back because like we'll hear Pat say, like, I see 313 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,960 you, I see you, I see you. And he sees hands all over and 314 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,280 then two people may walk down. And it's just like, I know 315 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,200 that's spiritual warfare. That is because the enemy's 316 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,760 like, trying to get in their heads and make them believe 317 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,360 like, no, you don't want to go down, you know, And they're 318 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:31,440 like. Come on. 319 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:38,040 Yeah, yeah, so but so me being a better person is going like and 320 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,800 thinking back like what I've learned and stuff. 321 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:45,160 And so like I knew to pray. So I begin just praying for 322 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,040 peace, honestly. Like I wanted to like resolve 323 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,760 any kind of problems I had. So I'm just praying for like 324 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,240 reconciliation kind of thing. Like I just wanted like I was 325 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,280 just asking God, which I'm not even saved. 326 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,280 So it's like that shows God's love that he listened and 327 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,480 answered my prayers. But I just wanted peace. 328 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,560 I wanted reconciliation. I wanted to feel joy. 329 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,760 Like that was my biggest thing. Like I just wanted to feel joy 330 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:11,520 and be seen by like my family by others and me and Bethany start 331 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,160 noticing some things. My parents we're like, what is 332 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,840 going on? Like they're like get like my 333 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,680 parents could not get along. Like it was, it's so 334 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,120 embarrassing. Like looking back, I'm like, Oh 335 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,400 my gosh, y'all are so childish anyways. 336 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:24,960 But like they could not get along. 337 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,160 And then they're like hanging out. 338 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,520 I'm like, what is going on? So I'm very proud to know this. 339 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,480 But like I'm the first one that found out they were getting back 340 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,560 together. Yeah, I just kept on. 341 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,120 I had to like keep on watching. I was like, I know something is 342 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,680 happening. So not necessarily praying that 343 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,960 my parents would get back together, but praying for 344 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,800 reconciliation and like peace in my life no matter. 345 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,800 What that looked like, you just wanted that. 346 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,920 I just wanted that like I just wanted to have a happy home kind 347 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,240 of thing like and my parents end up getting back together. 348 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,400 So my 9th grade year starting, I am high on life. 349 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,440 Life is great, feeling good. Yes, I feel so good, like I'm a 350 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,920 great person. I have all these awesome 351 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,120 friends. I'm going in high school, I'm 352 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,840 going to see all these people I went to Mossy Creek with. 353 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,440 I'm going to make so many new friends. 354 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,360 I have this personality now. Like I'm very fun and outgoing. 355 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,240 My. Girl is calm. 356 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:21,080 Yes, like my home life is great. Like I feel amazing to the 357 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,160 house. Well, we're not there, OK. 358 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:27,840 We're still in Ellicott, OK, OK. But we are prepping our house 359 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,520 like so the 128 house, we still have it. 360 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,280 My mom and dad said, you know what, if we're going to get back 361 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,120 together, we got to start over. So they redo our whole house, 362 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,040 new floors, new paint, everything. 363 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,560 Like it was like a very like symbolic thing. 364 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,160 I guess you could say like fresh, like we need a fresh 365 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,200 start. Like we need to start over. 366 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,320 I get this awesome friend group in high school and these girls 367 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,240 are literally so godly. Like I'm doing Bible study with 368 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:53,600 them. I'm not even saved really at 369 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,840 this point. Like I, like I said in my, I 370 00:16:55,840 --> 00:17:00,640 really do think I thought I was because of my lack of, of 371 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,480 biblical knowledge because I wasn't in my work. 372 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,000 So I really didn't know much except for what I'd learned at 373 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,160 church. Like I said, I'm going to 374 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,400 Southside now my mom is going to Southside with us too. 375 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,839 Like we're all going to church together, which makes a huge 376 00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:14,560 difference in their life too. Because of my dad getting back 377 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,480 into church. Like that really was the biggest 378 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,800 thing is like the fact that my dad committed to God and like my 379 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,960 mom could see that and my mom decided to commit to God. 380 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,400 Like that really is what got the ball rolling for everything to 381 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,680 happen. And because God loves marriage, 382 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,640 like he wants that to happen, I go, go to fields of faith in 383 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,080 October. I have a really godly friend 384 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,200 group. I go to fields of faith with 385 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,040 them. Like I said, God is always 386 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,120 pushing and pressing. Like there are so many times I 387 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,120 look back and I'm like, Oh my gosh, God, why did you keep on 388 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,040 with me? Like I like I would have given 389 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:44,880 up on me so, so long ago, like 8 years prior, I would have given 390 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,480 up, but he just kept on. Something was said that night 391 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,840 that really stirred like that. The next week, like the next 392 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,680 week, I'm just going through it. I'm like really questioning 393 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,680 everything like like I'm this is what I'm like at the point where 394 00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,360 I'm like, I am not saved like it finally, because I was like 395 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,520 being a good person does not mean you're a Christian. 396 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,080 Like because I'm a good person does not mean I'm going to 397 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,680 heaven. Like this was a really tough 398 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:13,760 reality for me to like hit like and I keep on and so I I 399 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,760 literally get saved like I don't even know, I guess in my room 400 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,080 like a week later. Wow. 401 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,600 Kind of thing. Was it kind of like by yourself? 402 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,760 Yeah, like I'm alone, like, and like just kind of giving it to 403 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,040 God. Like I know like I'm not, I'm 404 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,600 not saved. So that is when like I guess you 405 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:30,840 could officially say I get saved. 406 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,040 But like that is not the start of like my journey with God. 407 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,600 Like that my journey with God began a long time ago because 408 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,960 like I said, I could always feel him running after me. 409 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,680 But you know, my life didn't become perfect there. 410 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,960 Like it it's I still struggle. I mean, Fast forward, like I 411 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,960 start serving in church like I do kids ministry. 412 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,280 I love it, absolutely adore it. I do it with all my friends too. 413 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:55,240 So that makes it even better. My dad and mom like serve with 414 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,720 me. We all serve second hour and 415 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,520 kids ministry together. It was so good for me to see in 416 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,720 high school like what that means, like what that like what 417 00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,160 you should be doing. And I have like really great 418 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,960 examples to look forward to like in my parents. 419 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,160 So skip forward a little bit to my junior year. 420 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,880 My junior year, I start making a couple mistakes. 421 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,760 I start making some bad decisions. 422 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,960 I said that I was interested in a mission trip and Drew Cook, 423 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,320 like approached me one day and was like, what do you think 424 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,840 about going to Argentina? And I was like, that sounds 425 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,240 awesome. Literally, I did not know if I 426 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,720 was going to say this or not, but I guess I am. 427 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,280 The week before I went to Argentina, I was drinking with 428 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,360 my friends. I'm 17. 429 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,000 I'm not allowed to drink. That is not allowed. 430 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,080 And literally the night before I leave, all my friends are at my 431 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,320 house. Like we're doing a sleepover 432 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,800 before I leave. And it comes out that I was 433 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,440 drinking because I was drinking with a different group of 434 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,040 people. And like it was one at like at 435 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,800 that time it was the worst night of my life just because I was 436 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,320 like, Oh my gosh, like everybody knows. 437 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,400 Like I made this huge mistake and now all my friends know and 438 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,240 I'm going on a mission trip. Like I am so fake. 439 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,880 Like how fake can you be kind of thing. 440 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,880 So like that just put me in such a bad headspace. 441 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,080 Then I have like a 12 hour flight and I just have to think 442 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,560 about what I've done kind of thing. 443 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,400 And so that was miserable but once. 444 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:18,040 Again, it's always worse, like immediately after. 445 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,280 And so like, this is the night before it comes out. 446 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,720 Like your anxieties probably throw the roof about it. 447 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,520 Like other people are about to find out. 448 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,800 Probably thinking Drew's about to find out. 449 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,640 Yeah, I was just. Like, Oh my gosh, like I was in 450 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,840 such a bad spot. But once I got there, I just 451 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,840 kind of like, I'm very good at compartmentalizing. 452 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,800 Like I'm just like, OK, that's in America. 453 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,960 I'm in South America now. So I'm done with that. 454 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,640 Like I'm not thinking about that anymore. 455 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,040 And so I have a great trip. Like we, this is my first time 456 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,280 really like sharing the gospel. Like we were in parks, like you 457 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,840 just got to go up and start talking to somebody. 458 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,520 But also I don't speak Spanish, so it was like a translator 459 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,120 thing. But I had an A great trip like 460 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:56,400 this. This was a life changing trip 461 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,360 for me in the sense that I was like, maybe I want to do 462 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,520 ministry. Like it's, it's definitely what 463 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,320 got the ball rolling for me. Like I love ministry. 464 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,240 Like maybe that's something I would want to do. 465 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,040 But I get home and I and I then, you know, I'm back in America. 466 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,680 So now I got to open up the America box. 467 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:16,920 Like, well, now I got to talk to all my friends that like, think 468 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,000 I'm like so godly and like I make such great decisions, which 469 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,280 you can be godly and make bad decisions. 470 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,240 It happens. God Forgives you, but you also, 471 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,360 I also do have to like say like, OK, I made a mistake and like 472 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,400 move forward and you have to like tell God that you have to 473 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,760 confess your sin. That is probably the best part 474 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,040 about this is that I didn't, there has been times in past 475 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,960 where I have sinned and I've decided to like, I can't talk to 476 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,360 God, like I've made too much mistake. 477 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,200 Like God can't see me right now. Well, God sees me anyways and he 478 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,600 knows what I'm thinking and everything. 479 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,320 But in that moment, I'd still like stayed close to God. 480 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:47,880 Like I was like, OK, I'm really sorry for what I did. 481 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,400 And I kept moving and that's probably what really helped the 482 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,760 most with that. And then I came home and I just 483 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,000 told all my friends like I was like, I just need some 484 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,760 accountability. Like I need people to be there 485 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,160 for me. Like I should have done that. 486 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,680 Like it's just I was with a different group and I thought, 487 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,440 oh, that would be so fun, like kind of thing and just did it 488 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,320 like, so if you guys would like hold me accountable, that'd be 489 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,760 awesome. And so that like started like a 490 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,920 really great thing for me. Like, you know, you stumble, you 491 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,240 get back up kind of thing, you have people that lift you up and 492 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,320 help you. And so I had really great 493 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,560 friends my senior year. Well, that's great too, that 494 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,600 your friends also were like, yes, you know, like let's move 495 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,400 forward because some, you know, they could have just been very 496 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,920 judgmental about it was like, no, go hang out with your other 497 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,880 friends. Definitely, you know, so that is 498 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,240 good that they were like aligned with God to know like we need to 499 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,320 forgive her and lift her up instead of beating her down 500 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:36,720 worse. So they were so good in that 501 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,280 time. Like I really needed support. 502 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,200 I have been in 252 with the same class for the past three years. 503 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,400 And then now they're moving up to middle school. 504 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:48,120 So I go talk to Jim. I had never met Jim before. 505 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,880 I didn't really know him because I didn't go to middle school 506 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,520 when I was going to church in middle school. 507 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,800 And I just kind of asked like what he thought about me 508 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,840 serving. It was kind of awkward too, 509 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,000 because it was my first time meeting him. 510 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,240 And I'm like hi. Yeah, and Jim's like, not very 511 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,760 like big and bold. So you you got to learn how to 512 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,600 read, Jim. I mean, I walked out of there. 513 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,240 My, I'm, I'm 17 at this point. I walked out and I'm like, I 514 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:13,240 don't even know if he likes me, like to be honest, but he said 515 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,720 yes, I could start serving over there. 516 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,320 I really wanted to be with that group, but I really enjoy middle 517 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:19,960 school. I'm like, there is a lot of 518 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,560 potential here. I really like this age group. 519 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,360 I do better in my decision making. 520 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,720 I still hang out with people that go to parties and stuff, 521 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,600 but I'm just like, oh, I'm just driving. 522 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,600 I'm just driving them. Like I'm not involved. 523 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,200 I'm just driving kind of thing like. 524 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,840 But you're basically walking a fine line. 525 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,960 Yes, I am. And it's like you've already 526 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,240 made this mistake once, like don't do it again kind of thing. 527 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:44,560 I'm at this point, I'm great. Now I have to figure out what's 528 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,680 next for me. Like I don't know what I'm going 529 00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,160 to do. My parents are very like, you 530 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,400 have to get a degree. I'm like going back and forth. 531 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,560 I went to Argentina, so I knew about a program down there 532 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,000 called the Bilingual Bible Program where I would stay in 533 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,120 Argentina for a year and learn how to speak Spanish and I would 534 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,480 learn more about the Bible. And then I thought about going 535 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:03,160 to Georgia college because I thought Milledgeville would be 536 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,360 like the perfect distance. Like I'm not too far away from 537 00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:06,600 home. I'm not too close. 538 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,960 I didn't really like, I'm in this beautiful, happy home where 539 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,600 my parents love each other. I love my little brothers, like 540 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,800 I just love where I live. And I was like, I really kind of 541 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,880 got jibbed. I don't really want to live. 542 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,560 I want to stay in this happy home. 543 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,520 Like I don't want to leave kind of thing. 544 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:28,200 Matt, actually, she approaches me, our pastor, and he says 545 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,880 something about LDP and I'm like, what the heck is LDP? 546 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,600 It's leadership development program that they started. 547 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,600 Wait a minute. That's perfect. 548 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,640 Because I have been praying, like asking God for some kind of 549 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,080 sign, Like I just need you to tell me what to do at this 550 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,440 point. Like I just need to know what I 551 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,320 I just need to push, like tell me where. 552 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,040 But yeah, so I was like, well, I'll just stay here for a year 553 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,680 and then I'll be gone. Well, look at me now. 554 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,000 So. Still. 555 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,400 There, Yep. So I really did like starting 556 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,880 it. I was like, I will not be here 557 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,600 long and I thought I would go visit all my friends at college, 558 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,840 like all the time and stuff, but I just kind of started and I 559 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,120 loved ministry. Like I loved working at the 560 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,880 church. I loved the people I worked 561 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,800 with. I've worked with all like some 562 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,000 of my closest friends and so I just really enjoyed it. 563 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,640 I was not like the perfect Christian. 564 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,640 It definitely pushed me in my walk with God, but I really 565 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,280 battled that self-image thing and like how I like talk to 566 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,560 myself, which now I do know like that was Satan. 567 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,080 But because in high school I had small group leaders, I had one 568 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,840 small group leader specifically that always would say like, 569 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,840 don't let Satan talk to you like that. 570 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,920 Or she would be like, Satan is interfering and I would be like, 571 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,080 she's crazy. What are? 572 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,240 You talking about Satan's interfering? 573 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,760 It's real. Like Satan is so real and he 574 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,720 interferes in so many ways. Yes, I'm so glad you said that 575 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:53,040 about just like you know when it working at the church pushed you 576 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,240 really because it holds you more accountable. 577 00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,040 A lot like when I first started working at the church, I was not 578 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,960 in it like I was not in a good place like and the reason I 579 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,200 started working at the church is because my mom is the 580 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,200 maintenance director and so y'all had lost like two or three 581 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,520 people. That's like on like the 582 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,400 operations team of like cleaning the church and getting it ready 583 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,080 for like different things. And she was like, can you please 584 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:19,800 just come and help throughout, you know, the busy season, but. 585 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,400 The holiday. Christmas time, Yeah. 586 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,520 Like it was like Thanksgiving, the Christmas season, like all 587 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,800 that. And I'm like, I guess I mean, I 588 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,480 wanna make some extra money, but am I going to church on Sundays? 589 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,000 No. Am I doing anything church 590 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,960 related? No. 591 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,280 But I was like, yeah, I'll go. But immediately like I felt held 592 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,240 more accountable. And then as I walked, I'm like, 593 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:45,360 oh, I want to do better too. Like everybody's so happy around 594 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:46,400 here. There's so much joy. 595 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,600 Everybody's loving everybody, you know? 596 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,160 And so yeah, I just love that. Cuz you even like felt that, you 597 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,280 know, your first year. But at the same time, you're 598 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,200 still fighting that spiritual warfare of I, I'm not even 599 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,960 worthy to work here. I don't. 600 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,360 Shouldn't be here, you know. So that's really, and honestly, 601 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:06,040 I still do like I do now like now I have of like my scripture 602 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,680 on me. Like I know what I'm going to 603 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,480 fight Satan with and what I'm going to say to him. 604 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:14,120 But I mean, I still fight that like because Satan is real and 605 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,520 he is interfering in our lives and he wants me. 606 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,240 He wants me to walk away from ministry. 607 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,000 Like he wants me to do anything that he can like do to take away 608 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,760 glory from God or to mess up the Kingdom. 609 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,200 Like that's what he wants. So he wants me to walk away from 610 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,880 ministry because there is no impact from me if I. 611 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,680 Do so like, did you know then that you're wanting to go into 612 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:37,760 ministry like full time or like, are you still on the fence? 613 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,800 What? What are you doing? 614 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:43,560 OK, so it is so crazy how God works sometimes in the way He 615 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,320 does things. I never went to CR. 616 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,520 Like one of the girls I work with, Mackenzie, she loved CR, 617 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,640 She went all the time and I never went. 618 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,080 And then just one night in November, I went and like I sat 619 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,680 by myself. I sat in the balcony. 620 00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,640 Like I like I said, I, I don't know why. 621 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,840 Like obviously was God, he was pushing me towards this. 622 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,600 Like I don't even remember the message but I remember they 623 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:09,680 played Defender as the last song and I fell to my knees and I 624 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,360 don't like this has never happened before. 625 00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:15,280 So I was like and I'm crying and I don't cry about like anything. 626 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,280 So I was like what is happening? And I could like literally like 627 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:23,160 hear God like telling me like you are made for a ministry like 628 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:26,480 you are supposed to do ministry. And like, that was the moment I 629 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,360 was like, well, I guess I'm not going to college after this. 630 00:28:30,360 --> 00:28:31,960 Like, I guess I'm going to stay here. 631 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:35,680 And so even like a few like times after that, I was like, 632 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,440 did I make that up? Like like trying to talk myself 633 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:40,960 like out of God's will kind of thing. 634 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,800 Like I didn't want to work at the church because I'm worldly, 635 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,520 I can admit it. And I like money. 636 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,480 I like buying my self nice things. 637 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,960 So I was like, I do not want to work at the church and be broke 638 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,600 the rest of my life. Like that sucks. 639 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,800 But you know, I'm just being honest here. 640 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,920 So true. That was really my biggest hold 641 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,680 up. Like like I was like, I do not 642 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,320 want this for myself. Like I want more like, but 643 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,800 gluttony like come on. Which is, I don't know. 644 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,960 It's just so embarrassing to look back now and be like, oh, 645 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,520 she was such a brat and is it's gonna. 646 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:15,360 Be like girl, you still complain about that still. 647 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,400 Is. You still struggle with 648 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,200 sometimes. God just gotta like hit me with 649 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,840 it. Like girl, be quiet. 650 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:23,720 You, yeah. So you kind of like talked 651 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,160 about, you know, growing up all the way up until the point that 652 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,880 you are right now. So like, what's life like for 653 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:33,640 you right now? Yeah, so now like my, like I, I 654 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,920 sent a text to. So I'm in Core 4. 655 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,040 You know how? You know, core. 4 but not every 656 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,040 does. Core 4 is our friend group. 657 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:44,080 We have two other friends in our group but I sit in core 4 the 658 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,800 other day. Like every day with Jesus just 659 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,400 gets better and better. Like I just can't even imagine 660 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,520 because if you'd asked me three years ago, like post COVID, I, I 661 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,560 thought I was in the best relationship with Jesus that I 662 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,520 would ever have. Like I was like, how can it get 663 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,520 better than this? Now I'm like, how can it get 664 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,200 better than this? And I'm like, imagine in 10 665 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,120 years, imagine when I'm like 60, like how can it be better than 666 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,120 this? And truly every day with Jesus 667 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,920 just get gets better and better. Like I don't even know how to 668 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,960 describe it, but like I could read the same verse like every 669 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,120 day of the week and like something new will come from it. 670 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,600 And like I'll see God, like show me different things. 671 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,640 Like show me how much he loves me in so many different ways. 672 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,960 I'm just like, how does it get better than this? 673 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,720 But I know it will because I've seen how he moves in my life and 674 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,840 how it has. But this week when I've done 675 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,560 like other recordings and stuff, it's just so crazy, you know, 676 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,640 even sitting down with like a 70 year old woman that's been 677 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:42,600 walking faithfully for 50 years and like she still is, like I 678 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,920 learned something new every day. God reveals something else to me 679 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,120 every day. Like and to a baby Christian 680 00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,680 that's only been walking this life for two years, like it's 681 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,480 just such an inspiration to see those people that have been 682 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,640 walking so faithfully and they continuously say that life just 683 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,320 gets better with Jesus it. Really does it really does. 684 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,360 Like I mean, I'm only at 10 years of of being saved. 685 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,440 Like I said, like this is like my whole like story, like God 686 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,600 chasing after me, like me telling myself Satan telling me 687 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,400 like all these things like about I'm not good enough. 688 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,640 And I'm like, dude, I've only been saved for 10 years and I've 689 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,480 been working at the church. For six years now like. 690 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,440 What in the world like if you would have told 9 year old 691 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,360 Catherine like this, like she would have never believed you 692 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,520 like she would have said like you're not good enough Like 693 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,240 there's no they would way they would ever want you like that 694 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,160 anybody would ever want you to work at a church like you are 695 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,400 not good enough. But my my quiet time is awesome. 696 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,880 It's not consistent like every well it's consistent every day. 697 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,680 It happens every day. Let me rephrase. 698 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,840 Even if I am slap dead tired, I'm going to make time for 699 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,040 Jesus. Like it's just something you 700 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:54,360 have to prioritize because it's so easy to get out of this. 701 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,560 Like, and I mean, he gave up everything for me. 702 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,720 I can't give up 1530 minutes for him. 703 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,160 Like it's literally nothing in the grand scheme of things. 704 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,880 You have 24 hours a day you can hang out with Jesus for 30. 705 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,600 Yeah, I want to be with God. Like I want to see what's up 706 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,760 kind of thing. So that's what I love to think 707 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,680 of it as. Like, I crave to be in his 708 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,920 presence. Like once you've truly sat in 709 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,600 his presence, like you crave that. 710 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,200 Like you want to talk to him, you want to hear from him. 711 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,840 Like I just love that. And that's one of the things 712 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,640 that you just keep going because you just love being with your 713 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:28,800 friends. Yeah. 714 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,160 You love being with your friends. 715 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,040 You love being with him. Like he's the ultimate friend. 716 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,760 And then when your friends love being with him and you all have 717 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,640 together. Exactly. 718 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:39,280 Exactly. Yeah. 719 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,480 You get it. Yeah, so I'm gonna really good 720 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,800 spot. There are things I struggle 721 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,440 with. Like I said, I do still have a 722 00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,600 lot of trust issues. I have a lot of commitment 723 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,240 issues. Like I don't let people in like 724 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,720 I I struggle, but I do have a lot of peace knowing that like I 725 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,240 do can trust God and like I even texted you guys like I had a 726 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:00,720 huge breakthrough with God the other night, like and that 727 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:05,280 sounds so crazy to say, but like I just pray that like I have 728 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,480 those for the rest of my life. Yeah, that is like a moment I 729 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,840 can keep on having, like a moment where I'm like, OK, I got 730 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:13,160 to, I got to give this to God. Like I cannot carry this 731 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:14,880 anymore. Like I just, I can't do it. 732 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,160 Like it's causing me too much stress. 733 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:20,240 Like I just can't. You know, like Speaking of 734 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,040 breakthroughs, like my whole life, when I look back at my 735 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,600 life, like I knew God was always knocking at my door. 736 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,400 He was always trying to, you know, get my attention and stuff 737 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,800 like that. But I guess like the starting 738 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,800 with the fall, like in that November when I busted my lip 739 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:39,480 open, that was, you know, a turning point for me to become a 740 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,680 yes person. I remember like one of the first 741 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:43,800 conversations we had, I'm like, I just want to say yes to 742 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,240 everything. Like someone asked me to do 743 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,000 something. Yes. 744 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,440 Dance on stage. Dance on stage like I'm just 745 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,520 going to do whatever. And then that's when you like 746 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,320 brought that up and that was my breakthrough, you know, like 747 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,760 truly to get seen in a different light than I've ever been seen 748 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,560 before. You like saw that in me and it's 749 00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,040 just so crazy to think like you struggle with like am I'm not 750 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:06,240 good enough to work at the church. 751 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,159 Like you're you're saying that and I'm like, she thought that I 752 00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:14,199 could go on, you know, like to camp with them, like I'm not 753 00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:16,920 worthy of that. But like when we take chances on 754 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:21,080 people, you know, and we see people in the light that God 755 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,600 sees people, that's when the world really begins to change 756 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,120 because if you. Wouldn't have done. 757 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,719 That like I would have never truly had my breakthrough, you 758 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:32,040 know, like I could have just been continuing list continuing. 759 00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,400 I would have continuously. Can I would. 760 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:41,480 Continuously. I would have continuously ran 761 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,000 from God. Like I would have just kept 762 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:47,840 running, but because you saw a light and you were like, let's 763 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,480 give her a chance. You know, like that changed my 764 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:51,760 life. Truly. 765 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,880 We would not be sitting here today if I wouldn't have been 766 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,199 invited to camp. And then when you're saying 767 00:34:56,199 --> 00:35:00,600 that, like about you fighting this like self-image of yourself 768 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,880 and your identity with since a young girl, I'm like, Oh my 769 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:09,160 gosh, like it just sucks, you know, like that we face stuff 770 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,680 like that because in my eyes, like you are so worthy. 771 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,160 Like I look up to you. You're such an inspiration to 772 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:19,520 me. I don't have to cry, but you are 773 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:24,200 just because you know, like I just owe so much to you and I 774 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:26,760 know that God, you know, God used you. 775 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,880 It's just being obedient. To God being obedient, yes. 776 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,800 And it really is crazy because like, it's so funny, like, that 777 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,920 moment of like, asking you to go to camp, it changed. 778 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:38,480 It means so much. And like, it was nothing for, 779 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,440 like, I was like, yeah, you should go to camp with us just 780 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,440 because I saw you had this great personality and I knew you could 781 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,640 pass a background check. And you know what? 782 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,080 You can always use more people helping camp and I was like you 783 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,560 know what you should go to. Camp and Jim's like, do you know 784 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,120 her? And I'm like, she would be 785 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,680 great. And then, you know, look at us 786 00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:59,360 now. Kind of thing it is. 787 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,120 It's just so crazy and like I talk about it all the time, but 788 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,680 just like you know how everything works together for 789 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,560 his good. If you if you surrender to his 790 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:11,760 will and like truly me saying yes took us like both on 791 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,680 completely different paths. Now that kind of got us together 792 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:18,960 and in his will, because now we're we do ministry together, 793 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,160 like we're best friends. We talk in a group text every 794 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,080 day. We got two more gal pals, you 795 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,920 know, like, and it's just like you just feel like you're really 796 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:32,040 at peace with life knowing that we're doing what God has called 797 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,680 us to do. So I've talked about like how 798 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,120 I've struggled with self worth and stuff and like how I view 799 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:41,480 myself and like I was very lonely as a kid. 800 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:45,160 Like I didn't like there's this thing called like a glass child. 801 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,920 And it's like more known like the special needs community, 802 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,760 like the siblings of a child with special needs, like being 803 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,600 the glass child because like you're just looked through. 804 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,560 And so I've kind of always felt that like about myself. 805 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,120 And so like that didn't just disappear because I surrendered 806 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,640 to God. Like I still struggle with that, 807 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:05,120 but because I have surrendered to God, like I trust in him and 808 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,600 I go to him, like to affirm things about who I am. 809 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,880 Like I lean into what he says about me instead of letting 810 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,040 Satan talk to me. And I just know there are times 811 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,120 where I probably blamed God instead of recognizing. 812 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,120 And like seeing that with Satan, godly community is so important. 813 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,320 Like, I mean, that goes back to like me being in high school. 814 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:26,360 Like I don't know what I would do without Core 4, like other 815 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,040 best friends or even like the guys I work with. 816 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,400 Like they give me such great godly community because it's 817 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,440 really easy to sit around and talk badly about people or just 818 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,600 be very worldly. But when people are moving in 819 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,320 the same direction, like you're not doing those things. 820 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,440 Yeah. And I mean, we, we struggle with 821 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,920 that in our group text. Like sometimes we'll start 822 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,800 talking about something, but then all of a sudden, like, it's 823 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,160 like, oh. Really bad really like Holy 824 00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,880 Spirit is working. I guess I relate so much to 825 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:57,560 Jonah. Like Jonah wanted to run from 826 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:01,320 God so bad. Like I relate so much to that. 827 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:04,720 Like I just didn't want it. Like like sometimes during 828 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:07,480 worship I will just cry. Like I'm not a crier. 829 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:11,160 I don't cry, but like the goodness of God just like 830 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,280 absolutely destroys me in the best way possible because like 831 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,880 I'm just like I said, I would never expect my life to be like 832 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:21,360 this. I would never think that I would 833 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,920 be worthy enough to work at a church or like get to do 834 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:28,120 ministry full time. I'm like, what an honor. 835 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,400 Like God chose me to do that and he saw that in me. 836 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,120 Like, and I wish like it wasn't supposed to happen. 837 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,000 This like this is exactly how it's supposed to happen. 838 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,040 But I wish so badly I would have like stopped running and stopped 839 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,960 being so stubborn like so much earlier. 840 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,760 But I'm very thankful for the way my life has gone And like 841 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,520 I'm super excited to see how God's going to continue to use 842 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,920 me and work in my life. Like I said, every day with 843 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,760 Jesus just keeps getting better and better. 844 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,360 Like it's so hard for somebody that's not living this life. 845 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:01,040 Like even if you're lukewarm, like you really don't understand 846 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,240 like what I'm saying, Like every day is better. 847 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,400 So much better like and nobody ever understands that until they 848 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,240 actually experience it for themselves. 849 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:11,320 And it's like, why? Why wouldn't you like? 850 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,840 And it's so hard to explain that people don't get it. 851 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:17,840 Like if you would just surrender and give him all and be every 852 00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,520 day all in with Jesus like your life would be so. 853 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,240 Good. Like, what about your life right 854 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:26,640 now makes you think that life is just, this is the best life has 855 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,880 to offer, you know? Like, if you knew without a 856 00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:34,200 shadow of a doubt that there's a better life on this side, why 857 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,080 not just give it a try, you know? 858 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,600 Like the joy, the joy I feel it goes crazy. 859 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,600 It goes crazy. Yeah, yeah. 860 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,920 I do want to say this though. I do want to say this because 861 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,160 you do talk about like me a lot and like how I've impacted your 862 00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,320 story and I've told you this before, but like I, when I asked 863 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,320 you to go to camp, you know, we became really good friends at 864 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:55,440 camp. Like me, you and Chloe just 865 00:39:55,440 --> 00:40:00,040 really hit it off. But I came home from camp and 866 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,480 like I was kind of like really just worn out, like really 867 00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,040 spiritually tired because I just planned this camp And like it 868 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,240 took a lot out of me. And in my head, I thought I was 869 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,720 spending so much time with God because I was planning camp. 870 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,200 That's not spending time with God just because you're planning 871 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,520 something for his glory. That's not it. 872 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,840 So you being so on fire for God when we got home. 873 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:23,440 It just it's on them for me. Wow. 874 00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,320 I became on fire for God because I saw you on fire for God. 875 00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,760 And I was like, dude, she's new to this. 876 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,960 She's literally a baby Christian on fire for God. 877 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,760 What am I doing kind of thing. So you impacted me just as much 878 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,640 as I might have impacted you. Thank you. 879 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,800 I appreciate that. Well, this has been awesome. 880 00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,680 I, I have just enjoyed all of it. 881 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,360 It's always nice like when you get 2 personalities that are 882 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,960 very similar on something like this and we just bounce off one 883 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,680 another, you know so it's been great. 884 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,320 I hope that you have enjoyed this as much as we have. 885 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:58,760 It has just been such an awesome experience to have my bestie on 886 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,000 here and just be able to talk to you guys. 887 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,880 So stay tuned stay blessed and we'll see you guys later. 888 00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:05,600 Bye.