1 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,360 What's up, guys? My name's Alexis, your host with 2 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,120 praises in the pod, and I am so excited to be doing our very 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,600 first remote recording with Britney Pope. 4 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,960 She is going to be telling us about her life and what God has 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,640 done in and through that. And I'm just really excited for 6 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,159 y'all to hear this story. So we're going to start off in 7 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 prayer and then we're going to jump right in. 8 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,560 So here we go. Lord Heavenly Father, just thank 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,040 you for today and all of your many blessings. 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,000 Dear God, thank you for bringing us to this moment right here 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,600 where we get to talk about what you have done in our lives, Lord 12 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,440 God, so that it can give other people hope. 13 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,840 Maybe they feel like they are in a dark place and they don't see 14 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,200 the light at the end of the tunnel. 15 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,520 But this recording, Lord God can give them that spark, can give 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,560 them that hope and introduce them to you or push them closer 17 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,680 to you. Lord God, we know that you are 18 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,640 in control. We just pray that you are just 19 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:10,720 over this technology and just this podcast as a whole. 20 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,960 Lord God, we pray that it glorifies you. 21 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,440 We pray that you speak to us and through us. 22 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,720 In Jesus name I pray. Amen. 23 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,840 Amen. Amen, girl. 24 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,680 So let's jump right in. OK, so tell us a little bit 25 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,480 about yourself. Let's start at your childhood 26 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,560 and kind of work our way up. Yeah, absolutely. 27 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,160 Well, first, thank you so much just for having me. 28 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,400 I'm so excited. I love listening to your podcast 29 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,760 and so it's really cool to just get to meet you and chat with 30 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,400 you today. But yeah, we can definitely 31 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,640 start back to my childhood. I was raised in a Christian 32 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,840 home. So, so thankful for that. 33 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:52,200 I believe that that foundation that I was raised on helped me 34 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,400 come back later when I was struggling. 35 00:01:55,760 --> 00:02:00,520 And so I had a mom and a dad and a younger brother. 36 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:05,800 He's four years younger than me. And we really were involved in 37 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,080 going to church. My brother and I would go to 38 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,720 Sunday school. We were going to kind of a small 39 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:17,360 town Baptist Church at that time, but things were a little 40 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,520 different with my family dynamic. 41 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,360 And when I talk about this, I think a lot of people when they 42 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,920 talk about different like childhood traumas that they went 43 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:29,320 through, a lot of times it's the fault of someone. 44 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,720 But in my case, it really just wasn't anyone's fault. 45 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,360 It was just a matter of circumstance. 46 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:40,000 My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease when I was 47 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:47,560 6, and so he started to decline and couldn't drive anymore, 48 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,800 really was couldn't work anymore. 49 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:56,000 He was a disabled veteran. And so we're very thankful that 50 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,040 his medical care was taken care of due to his service. 51 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,360 But it was definitely different because my mom really had to 52 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,520 assume the role of leader of the home. 53 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,560 And she did that well. She's one of the strongest, if 54 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:13,960 not the strongest person I know. But even through all of that, 55 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:18,120 through the hospitalizations, through the decline he suffered 56 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,680 for about 10 years before he passed away. 57 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,400 But even through all of that, God was the center of our 58 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,840 family. And we knew that Jesus was 59 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,240 carrying us through. We knew that even in those hard 60 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:34,880 times, that is, that was our focus and so. 61 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:40,320 To be able to, to, to see your parents be so strong in their 62 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,680 faith and such a difficult time, right? 63 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:47,680 Like that is so such a hard, like, I hate when I say 64 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:51,080 something like this, but like hard to be dealt like, but just 65 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,000 to be going through those circumstances. 66 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,280 But you still remember your parents being so strong in their 67 00:03:56,280 --> 00:04:00,680 faith, like such such a thing that you can look back on and be 68 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,040 like, so thankful for. So yeah, that's awesome. 69 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,000 Yes, exactly. Yes, so grateful. 70 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:11,280 Unfortunately though, I kind of started to after my dad's death, 71 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,520 I kind of started to walk away from my faith a little bit. 72 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,160 And at any point in my life, if you would have asked me if I was 73 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:20,880 a Christian, I always would have said yes. 74 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:25,160 So it was never that I thought I was atheist or thought I was 75 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:30,160 agnostic. I believed in Jesus, but I 76 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,960 wasn't walking with him. I started to lie and sneak 77 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:40,400 around and ended up finding myself in a secret relationship 78 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,440 that my mom had really forbidden me from being in. 79 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:49,160 She'd given this boy a chance and he was very much just not 80 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:56,320 respectful of rules or her expectations of my curfew and 81 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,400 those things. And so she had said you cannot 82 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,720 date this boy. You're young, you have plenty of 83 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,520 life left, and he is not who God intends for you to be with. 84 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,720 So I just chose to sneak around and lie and see him and play. 85 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,280 With him that much more, right? Like every time our parents 86 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:18,320 literally say something like that, we're like no, I love this 87 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,200 boy, OK, I want to be with. Him exactly. 88 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,520 I know. And I look back at that because 89 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,720 it's been so many years now, and I'm like, why didn't you just 90 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,240 listen to her? She was writing, but I didn't 91 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,760 want to believe that at that age. 92 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,200 I get it girl, I get it. Yes, yes, yeah. 93 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,640 So I successfully hid that relationship for about a year. 94 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:45,240 And then I started to suspect that I might be pregnant. 95 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:52,400 And I was only 17 and knew that if I was pregnant, well, there 96 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,920 was no hiding this relationship anymore because you can't really 97 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,960 hide A pregnancy for very long. You certainly can't hide a baby. 98 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:06,960 And so I didn't know what to do. And I had been raised in a home 99 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:12,520 where we believed that life was sacred, that every single 100 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,600 person, regardless of the circumstances in which they were 101 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,360 created, they are created in the image of God. 102 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:23,880 And so I was raised pro-life. I was raised with those ideals 103 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:31,520 that we love all people. But in that moment, abortion 104 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,400 entered my mind as a decision that I thought was the best 105 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:40,040 option for me because in my mind, if I was able to do that, 106 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,560 then I could continue living this lie that I had created 107 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,360 without anyone having to know about it. 108 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:52,600 And so, yeah. I mean that in your 17 to, you 109 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,600 know, like I look back at 17 right now and I'm like, those 110 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,400 decisions that I was making are like off the wall, like they are 111 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,600 not who I am today. And just dealing and being in 112 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,960 that situation. I just, it's just so hard to 113 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,560 fathom what you would do. And like, you know, with you, 114 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,680 you're like, I got to do what I got to do. 115 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,440 You know, that's that that's your you went into like this 116 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,840 fight or flight mode as a 17 year old. 117 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:25,400 And did you tell your mom? I did not because I had been 118 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,840 hiding the relationship, and so I did not want her to know. 119 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,760 So I did not tell her. I did tell my boyfriend. 120 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,360 And he, his response was, oh, you know what? 121 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,640 It's OK. We love each other. 122 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,720 We've wanted to get married. That was our plan. 123 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,680 He'd already graduated high school. 124 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:49,160 I was in my senior year of high school and he was working and he 125 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,160 said, oh, you know, we'll, we can just get married. 126 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,920 We'll raise a baby, It'll be fine. 127 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,800 And I just was not willing to entertain that idea at all. 128 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,440 I just was full stop. No, I can't believe you even 129 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,960 think that's an option. We're not doing that. 130 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:08,320 Don't you realize like all of these lies I've been telling for 131 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,800 all of this time will now come to the forefront? 132 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,360 Literally, my mom is going to kill me. 133 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,880 I mean, she wouldn't have, but that was I. 134 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,680 Think it's going to be way worse than what it really is, you 135 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,440 know, like, we just think that it's going to be so bad. 136 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,240 But yeah, it's so keep going, girl. 137 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,000 Yeah. So, yeah. 138 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,840 So I didn't tell her. I ended up finding out that even 139 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:35,440 in the state I live in, so I live in North Dakota, even in 140 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,679 the state I live in, I was able to have an abortion as a minor 141 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:43,840 without her having to know about it through something called 142 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,120 judicial bypass. So even though our state 143 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,880 requires that parents consent or are notified if a minor wants to 144 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:56,000 have an abortion, that judicial bypass law actually negates the 145 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,560 need for that. And so I called the abortion 146 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,840 facility and asked them, you know, what are my next steps? 147 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,560 Do I need to call the courthouse? 148 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,680 How do I get connected with the judge? 149 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,200 And they said, oh, you don't have to do any of that. 150 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,880 We, we'll do all that for you. They gave me a date of an 151 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,840 appointment and just said come early. 152 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,640 Since we have to drive you to the courthouse, we need you to 153 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,880 come early just to make sure we can get everything done in the 154 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,920 same day. And so that's what I did. 155 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,720 I'm didn't even look back. I made that appointment and then 156 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:35,480 I was laser focused on this day, my promise that this will all go 157 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,880 away will come to fruition and I can just continue through life 158 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,840 and nobody will ever have to know. 159 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:47,760 In this time, like you already said that you kind of like went 160 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,880 the opposite direction from God, like you're not seeking him and 161 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,720 is that still how it is right now? 162 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:56,240 Like you don't really have a relationship with him and you're 163 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,160 just like, don't full force your own way, Is that correct? 164 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,960 Yeah, yes, yes. And I I knew what I was doing 165 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:08,320 wasn't what he wanted me to do, but I just was not even 166 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,160 entertaining the thought of changing my mind. 167 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,200 And what what's your boyfriend at this time like? 168 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,600 What's he saying about all of this? 169 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:22,480 So he realized that I was very set in my ways about this and he 170 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:27,520 ended up just becoming resigned to that and said, well, I'm 171 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:33,760 involved too, so I will pay for it and I can drive you there and 172 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,640 be support for you. Did he did he have a 173 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,240 relationship with Christ or like were y'all did did he go to 174 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,400 church at all or believe in God and all this stuff or was it 175 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,560 just no? Yeah, so he also said he was 176 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,280 Christian, but he didn't grow up going to church. 177 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,200 He wasn't involved in going to church. 178 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,760 So I, I guess I can't really speak to like what his personal 179 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,480 relationship with God was, but I do know that his family wasn't 180 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:07,000 super involved in any sort of religious practice, but they did 181 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,120 identify as Christian, yeah. I think that's just like so 182 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,720 important to talk about, especially with like young 183 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,800 listeners like This is why it's so important to find someone 184 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,440 that is devoted to Christ. They are surrendered they 185 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,320 because it would have been probably a different scenario, 186 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,560 which one y'all wouldn't have probably been having sex, you 187 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:31,600 know, But you know, when you're in those situations, if they 188 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,440 have the same beliefs as you and the same things that he could 189 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,000 have spoke truth into your life, he could have said, you know, 190 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,000 yeah, we made a mistake. We've done this. 191 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,520 But you know, this is a precious life. 192 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,720 Like this is we, we don't need to do this. 193 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,000 But because y'all both weren't seeking the Lord, y'all just 194 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,680 were like we're we're, you know, going to go through with 195 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,280 abortion. So yeah, go ahead girl. 196 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,160 Yeah, exactly. I and that's one thing I think 197 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,840 about and I get asked the question, if someone would have 198 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:09,320 been, you know, more wanting to help you choose life, if they 199 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:13,080 would have given you another option and shared the gospel 200 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:16,920 with you more deeply and talked about that with you, would you 201 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,640 change your mind? And that question is hard for me 202 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,760 to answer because I sometimes think, well, maybe if he would 203 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,080 have been a little bit more persistent about us keeping the 204 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,920 baby, maybe I would have. But then sometimes I think 205 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,840 that's unfair to put on him because who knows? 206 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,160 I was so set in my ways. I've always been somebody where 207 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:42,320 I can tend to be stubborn and very much, Nope, this is it and 208 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,440 we're doing it and then look back later and like, oh, I 209 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,320 should have listened to someone else. 210 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:48,920 So. I guess. 211 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,680 Yeah, so he did accompany me that day. 212 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,240 The abortion facility that I went to only did abortions 213 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,160 during the week and one day a week. 214 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,560 And I was a senior in high school. 215 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,760 And so I then had the hurdle of how do I get out of school? 216 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,280 I was never a rule breaker up until the point of me creating 217 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,520 this double life. I didn't break the rules. 218 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:18,400 I would never break the law. I didn't drink. 219 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:21,440 I didn't do drugs. Even at this point, I wasn't 220 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:25,000 drinking or doing drugs, but I was hanging out with people who 221 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,400 did. But I so I wasn't the type of 222 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,520 person to skip school, but I had to that day. 223 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,600 I had to figure out a way how am I going to get out of school and 224 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,400 how am I going to do it without my mom knowing that I'm not at 225 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,800 school. So I enlisted my best friend. 226 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,720 She had an older sister. So I asked her would your older 227 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:53,200 sister call me out of school on Wednesday because I need to go. 228 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,560 She knew I need to go take care of this and I have to get out of 229 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,080 school and I don't know how to do it. 230 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:03,520 So she asked her older sister because her older sister sounded 231 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,280 older so we figured the school might believe that she was my 232 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,520 mom. I went to a big enough school 233 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:14,880 where they wouldn't recognize my mom's voice necessarily and so 234 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,760 her sister called me out of school that day and it worked. 235 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:23,440 So that morning I was waiting outside of the school to here if 236 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,640 I had been successfully called out, and then once I found that 237 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,320 out, my boyfriend picked me up and drove me to the abortion 238 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:36,200 facility so that we can carry out the rest of the appointment. 239 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,920 So after you know this, so this goes on right? 240 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,720 Like you go through, you have an abortion, what does the days 241 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,640 after look like? More so. 242 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:55,920 Yeah, So I was not fully prepared for what to expect when 243 00:14:55,920 --> 00:15:00,360 you do something like this. I I had never been to the doctor 244 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:04,680 without my mom. And so I I didn't know what to 245 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,440 expect. And I don't believe that the 246 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,200 facility really accurately prepared me for how painful it 247 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,280 was, not only during but also after. 248 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:18,560 I now have two living children. And so I know what a woman's 249 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:24,240 body he does after your child is either born or of course, 250 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,760 anytime a pregnancy ends, whether it's unfortunately 251 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:34,440 through miscarriage or abortion or childbirth, your body does 252 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,040 some things. And those things can be painful. 253 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,600 And so I was experiencing that in the couple of weeks 254 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,200 afterwards. And I was scared because I 255 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,440 didn't know what it meant. I didn't know if something had 256 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,400 gotten wrong. I had, I just said I was not a 257 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,760 rule breaker. And so I was so worried that I 258 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:58,720 was going to be found out, that my mom would end up finding out 259 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:03,560 this happened and that it would be because I was going to be the 260 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,520 1% of people that had a medical complication and just all these 261 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,880 things were racing through my mind and I was afraid. 262 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,160 So I actually called the facility and I asked them if I 263 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,200 could please have a follow up appointments because I felt like 264 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,320 something was wrong. I didn't feel like I was OK. 265 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,640 I was experiencing a lot of pain and I was just worried and 266 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,760 wanted them to just tell me I was OK. 267 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,080 And I'll never forget it. The woman asked me. 268 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,800 Well, are you taking any ibuprofen or anything? 269 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,000 And I said yes, and she asked me how much I had taken. 270 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:45,160 And so I told her how much I had taken and she said, Oh well 271 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,400 that's fine, you can take a couple more, take a couple more, 272 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,520 you'll be fine. And then she hung up on me. 273 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,600 And so in that moment, I just felt still alone. 274 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:01,480 You know, you think when I, when I have called my primary care 275 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,599 doctor ever, I'm never hung up on any concern. 276 00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:09,160 I, he could know it's not a concern and he would still say 277 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:12,920 come in not 'cause he just wants me to come in, but because he 278 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:18,599 cares about me as his patient. That was just that was a really 279 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:21,760 pivotal moment for me of realizing I was alone in this. 280 00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:27,520 And so you're you're already. In like this like fragile state, 281 00:17:27,599 --> 00:17:31,520 like you don't you're you're, you're in pain, you feel lonely 282 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,720 because honestly, your mom doesn't know like and even as 283 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,000 adults, younger, like whatever, like you still want your mom 284 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,920 when you don't feel good. You know what I'm saying? 285 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,720 Like you want to, you want to have some type of like nurturing 286 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,600 motherly figure. Maybe you don't have a mom or 287 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,520 something like that, but you want that like someone to take 288 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,320 care of you. And your mom doesn't even know 289 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,880 that you're in this state. So like you're upset and then 290 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,720 you call and you just are like ignored basically. 291 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,200 And they're like, sorry, take some more, you know? 292 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,880 So it's just you're going through a lot of emotions, I'm 293 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,440 sure. Yeah, Yep, Yes, I was. 294 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:13,120 And just like you said, I I've always been really close to my 295 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,960 mom growing up. She was my security, especially 296 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,760 with all of my dad's health issues. 297 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,120 I had a lot of trouble in early elementary school because of all 298 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:28,840 of that and would often cry and be just so emotionally beside 299 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,880 myself as a young child because of all the things going on with 300 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:36,120 my dad's health. But when my mom would be 301 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,840 present, would she'd either come get me or I'd be able to be with 302 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,240 her. You know, I didn't really go to 303 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,200 sleepovers because of it and all that stuff. 304 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:48,120 She was my security. And in that moment, I felt like 305 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,280 I couldn't go to her because she was the one I was trying to hide 306 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,240 all of this from. Yeah, that's hard. 307 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:58,880 That's so hard. So you you're in, you're in the 308 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,640 season now, right? And like, how long does your mom 309 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,760 OK, she has to know now, right? He knows now, yes. 310 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,520 Because I'm like, wait, girl, you have a podcast, You have a 311 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,000 like she knows. OK, so like, how long does it 312 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,680 take for you to tell your mom this or like for you to be open 313 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,040 and honest about this? Yeah. 314 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,040 Before Christ or after Christ or how does that work? 315 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,040 Well, you already knew Christ, but you know what I'm trying to 316 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,000 say? Like before you turn your life 317 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,400 around. Exactly. 318 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,840 Yes, Yeah. It did not take very long. 319 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,640 So she found out about the relationship and that was only 320 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:38,000 two months later. And I actually became a runaway 321 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:44,320 risk because I, I just was like, no, I still want to continue in 322 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,600 this relationship. It was, I look back, I'm like, 323 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,760 why were you? So why? 324 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:54,640 But I was, I just, I wanted to continue in that life. 325 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:59,040 And so she took me to a runaway shelter for a week and we would 326 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,200 go through counseling sessions there. 327 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,800 And finally I was ready to come home. 328 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,360 They didn't believe I was a risk of actually running away 329 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:10,640 anymore. And that night that I came home, 330 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:17,360 it was like the dam needed to break because I she knew about 331 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,040 the relationship. There was no other reason for me 332 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,560 to continue to hide the abortion from her anymore. 333 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,200 And so I ended up confessing it to her and I couldn't even say 334 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,040 the words. So I actually had kept this 335 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,880 paper bag that they had given me. 336 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,160 It had, like, medications and aftercare instructions in it, 337 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,520 and it had their logo printed on it. 338 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:44,600 And I knew she knew what that place was because her office for 339 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,720 work was actually a couple blocks away. 340 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:53,360 And we would go to lunch in a restaurant near that building. 341 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,600 And so we'd walk by the sidewalk advocates that would be outside. 342 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,280 And my mom would educate me. You know, these people are doing 343 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,200 good work. They're trying to help women 344 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,800 choose life. You know, we want to support 345 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,080 them and things like that. So I knew she knew where that 346 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,440 was. And so I couldn't say the words. 347 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:14,320 I just handed her the paper bag and I saw her look at the logo 348 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,080 and then her eyes got wide and she just looked at me and she 349 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:24,800 asked me, are you pregnant? And I just began to just cry and 350 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:30,760 I said not anymore. And the look of just devastation 351 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,440 on her face, like she was completely dumbfounded. 352 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,280 Like she she even describes it now because we're very close 353 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,640 now. I mean, God has redeemed all of 354 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,000 that. And she even shares her story 355 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:47,200 from her perspective as well. And she just was. 356 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,280 That was not something that she ever thought would be on her 357 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:55,040 parenting bingo card, was my child is going to have an 358 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,520 abortion. She never in a million years 359 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,440 thought that that would be something she would have to deal 360 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:04,440 with. Yeah, when so you come home and 361 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,120 when does like God like, get your attention? 362 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:11,240 When when do you make this change now? 363 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,080 Because your mom knows. Like, I'm sure there was 364 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,720 probably some some words that were shared. 365 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,960 There was things that went on for a little bit a period of 366 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,720 time. I'm sure like it was hard. 367 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,840 You were going to have to work back to get, you know, trust and 368 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,800 stuff like that. But like, tell us about that 369 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,600 season leading up to finding Christ again and really 370 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:36,120 surrendering all of this. Yeah, I love that question. 371 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:41,080 I'll condense it because it took me about 10 years before I 372 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,240 actually found healing. I you're right. 373 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,880 Words were shared. She was never angry with me. 374 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:53,160 But I did end up moving out when I graduated high school in in 375 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,960 with my boyfriend. But then I did end up going to 376 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,680 college and I lived in the dorms and things were just kind of 377 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,640 rocky. But my mom was always fervently 378 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:07,120 praying for me, and I believe so much in the power of prayer. 379 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:11,200 I have people in my life that pray for me consistently, and I 380 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,680 can tell because I just can see how things have worked in that 381 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,000 way. But I did eventually leave that 382 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,560 relationship and was still in a wilderness season for a couple 383 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,840 of years, not making the greatest choices. 384 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:30,040 We'll just say that. But I felt this desire to come 385 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,320 back to my faith. It's what I'd always known. 386 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:36,200 I, like I said, never didn't believe. 387 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:41,160 But I wasn't walking in it and didn't really think I could 388 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,440 anymore. I didn't understand that 389 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:48,080 abortion wasn't unforgivable. In my mind, I had taken the life 390 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,720 of somebody and I didn't know how God could forgive me for 391 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,440 that, especially since it was my own child. 392 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,040 That was just a thought process that I had. 393 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,280 I didn't know that God's character meant that He's 394 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:04,040 compassionate and merciful and loving and pours out His grace 395 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,640 upon us. I didn't understand that so mid 396 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:12,800 20s I'm gifted this book called The Circle Maker by Mark 397 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,680 Batterson. Highly recommend that book. 398 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:21,560 It's all about prayer, and that taught me how to pray and that 399 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:27,600 is how my spiritual growth started was I had a tangible way 400 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,640 to talk to God and I was doing that on a regular basis, but I 401 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,880 still felt like there was a little bit of a distance there 402 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,040 that I couldn't breakthrough. Like a brick wall is kind of how 403 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,880 I describe it. I knew God was on the other side 404 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:46,680 of it and that he could hear me, but I felt like he didn't want 405 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,120 to see me and I could get as close to the brick wall as 406 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,600 possible, but I was never going to be able to get over it. 407 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:57,520 But he, of course, had met me in that and after I had some 408 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,680 complications after my husband and I had our daughter. 409 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:05,720 So a few years had passed, we got married, we have our 410 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:09,400 daughter and I had physical complications that I do believe 411 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:15,160 are due to my past abortion. And in all of that guilt and 412 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,440 shame and grief, God was working on my heart to come back to him 413 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,200 because He knew that burden was too heavy for me to keep 414 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,640 carrying and He wanted to carry that for me. 415 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:29,920 So just through different people and different circumstances that 416 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:35,200 he placed in my life, I ended up finally being obedient in that 417 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,960 it took some time. We have two kids, so it wasn't 418 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,080 even until after our son was born four years ago that I 419 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,760 really actually finally stepped out and started healing 420 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,560 alongside other people who'd gone through what I'd gone 421 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,280 through. Other women, a whole group of 422 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,560 women, all of them, we all shared one thing, and that was 423 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:59,040 that we'd all had an abortion in the past and getting to see God 424 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,440 work in their lives. And then recognizing that this, 425 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:06,800 this mode of punishment that I was trying to live in, that I 426 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,120 wanted to punish myself for what I'd done. 427 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,480 That just wasn't his character or his heart for me. 428 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:17,120 And I was preventing myself from accepting His grace and His 429 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:22,600 forgiveness and His love and really His permission to grieve 430 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,440 the loss of my child. Because even though I lost my 431 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,080 child due to a decision I made, I still experienced a loss. 432 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,960 And I had to be able to move through that grief and give my 433 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,920 child an identity. Yes, I love that. 434 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:41,040 Oh my gosh, girl, I absolutely love that because in my mom's 435 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:44,520 episode, this is literally episode 1, he called my name. 436 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:49,640 She talks about where she had abortions and she went to the 437 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,480 Potter's house, which is a discipleship program. 438 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:57,600 And while they're there at the on the speech trip where God 439 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:02,040 revealed himself to her, like she's trying to heal through her 440 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,960 abortions and stuff like that. And Miss Cherie said that your 441 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,200 baby needs an identity, your baby needs a name. 442 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,040 And like every woman that was in in the Potter's house actually 443 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:15,680 had balloons and wrote their name that they named their 444 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,560 babies and that they had abortions. 445 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,080 And they just like cried over them, prayed for them and all 446 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,760 that. And then tried to release that 447 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,880 just to find some type of healing, but give the baby an 448 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,960 identity. So I just love the way that you 449 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:30,800 said that. I'm like, Oh my. 450 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,240 Gosh, that. Is so good, yes. 451 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:39,880 So with that, you know, I just love the way that you just said 452 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:45,800 that it just really just, but anyway, when you start walking 453 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:50,240 through this healing process, what does that look like per SE? 454 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,280 You already said that you joined a community. 455 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,280 And I literally talk about a community about every episode on 456 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,280 here, OK, because people underestimate it. 457 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,240 We're not called to do life alone. 458 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:05,120 We are iron sharpens iron. And basically that's what you're 459 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:06,280 talking about. You joined a group. 460 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,600 So tell us a little bit about that group, how you found this 461 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,560 group, and what that healing process looked like. 462 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,040 A little bit please. Yes, I love that so much because 463 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:20,480 I think sometimes when we don't want to be obedient and stepping 464 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,400 into a community, we'll say things like, well, God can just 465 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,280 do it on his own. Why do I need to do this? 466 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:32,200 And yes he can, but he doesn't want to do it that way because 467 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,520 of what you just said. He literally created us to be in 468 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,720 community with other believers. And when we isolate ourselves, 469 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:44,800 healing doesn't happen because we aren't doing it. 470 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,280 We're not actually. We have no accountability in it. 471 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,720 So yes. I went to a post abortion Bible 472 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,640 study. It was a weekly Bible study at a 473 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:59,760 church near me and it's really cool how I got into that because 474 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:04,240 when I was 17, after I told my mom, she didn't really know what 475 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,920 to do and got connected with the pregnancy center. 476 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,640 Because a lot of people don't know this, but there are many 477 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,080 pregnancy centers that have abortion recovery programs. 478 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,800 So even if the woman leaves a pregnancy center and doesn't 479 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:23,600 choose life but needs help, they have programs to help them heal. 480 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:30,520 So she took me to this center and I met this woman and I was 481 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:34,160 not doing my homework. I was still in that mode of 482 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,480 pretending but her and I stayed in touch. 483 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:41,840 And so when I realized I need help and I need help now, I 484 00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:46,840 reached out to her and in God's timing, she said that they were 485 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,080 actually having this post abortion Bible study. 486 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,320 And it was starting like one to two weeks after I reached out to 487 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,800 her. And so she invited me to join. 488 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,720 I had just had my son. So my son's a little newborn 489 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,360 baby, he's like 2 weeks old. And I'm headed to this Bible 490 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,320 study every night, every week, every Tuesday night. 491 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,680 And that is where the healing really began. 492 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,200 We dug into God's character. That was the first thing we 493 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:17,800 learned about, and then we really focused on our own 494 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,960 stories and moving through the grieving process because a lot 495 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,640 of women don't connect grief with abortion. 496 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,880 They don't think that they are allowed to do that. 497 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,640 And so going through that grieving process really helped 498 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,600 me just be able to actually finally move forward and heal 499 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,960 that 10 years of mental anguish that I'd felt so that I'd never 500 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,760 touched. And at the end of that study, 501 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,600 they, the women who led it, it was led by three women. 502 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,840 They had a memorial service for us. 503 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:55,920 And so we actually had a service for our children. 504 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:59,280 It was led by a pastor. So the pastor of that church, 505 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,600 actually, it was like a real memorial service that you would 506 00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:07,320 have when you lose someone. And I do remember when they told 507 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,480 us that we were going to go through that, I was really 508 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,880 upset. I didn't want to do that. 509 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:16,840 I've always been a private griever and didn't want to show 510 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,560 that emotion in front of anyone else. 511 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:24,760 But after that service was over, it was the best part of that 512 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:31,000 whole 9 weeks survival study because I was able to give my 513 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:35,560 child an identity and honor him and give his life to God and 514 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,120 know where he is and that I will see him again someday. 515 00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,600 And so I just loved that so much. 516 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,720 It was just really special and a way for us to all connect and 517 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,840 understand the grief that we were experiencing, but that 518 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:54,080 there's so much hope in what Jesus offers us. 519 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:59,600 Amen girl, Amen. I just, I've never heard of the 520 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,840 memorial. I mean it's similar to what I 521 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,760 was talking about like on the beach trip and I just love that. 522 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:11,040 So after you, you know, complete this nine week course, y'all 523 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,000 have this. I'm sure you and these ladies 524 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:17,160 had like a serious bond because y'all had probably shared a lot 525 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,560 of grief together and just personal things. 526 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,800 And so after that, you're already a part of a community. 527 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:28,880 What does your walk start to look like? 528 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,320 Like does this pour into your home? 529 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,960 Like cuz you're married, you have your two kids, are y'all 530 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,800 actively going to church now? Are y'all getting plugged in in 531 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:39,800 your church? Besides just this group? 532 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,360 What does that look like? Yeah, yeah. 533 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,840 I love that question. So we were regular church 534 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:51,200 attenders prior to me going to this Bible study, but it was 535 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,840 very much we didn't serve at all. 536 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,920 We didn't really do anything. We would walk in as quickly as 537 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:01,360 we could, go straight to the coffee, go sit down and then 538 00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:04,520 leave before anyone could talk to us after the message was 539 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:09,400 over. And I also would have to hold 540 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:14,360 back tears through during worship and often during the 541 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:19,320 messages because I I believe God was working on my heart through 542 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,240 that. But I just felt so much guilt 543 00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:26,040 and shame and worried what if the pastor knows about this? 544 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,720 He's not going to want me here at this church. 545 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:35,480 But that's just not true. So after this Bible study, one 546 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:40,040 of the women, she is a public speaker and she actually LED 547 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:44,800 this panel of women that travels across the state of North Dakota 548 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:48,000 and even into Minnesota a little bit and shares their stories and 549 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,200 she invited me to join them. So I started doing that and 550 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,560 sharing my story in a little bit more of a public setting and 551 00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:57,080 then also got more involved at church. 552 00:33:57,080 --> 00:34:01,960 So we continued to go to church, but I also started to actually 553 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,640 spend some time there besides just listening to the message 554 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:10,679 and drinking coffee. And that really has been a huge 555 00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:14,920 part of my healing because it doesn't always have to be so 556 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,000 focused on the exact thing that you went through that you are 557 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:22,960 struggling to heal from. Just being with the body of 558 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,600 Christ and spending time with other believers and community is 559 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,679 so healing for your heart. And so that's what it looks like 560 00:34:30,679 --> 00:34:34,360 now, just being able to be there. 561 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:38,639 I serve on the prayer team now, which has been so such a 562 00:34:38,639 --> 00:34:43,840 rewarding experience. And yeah, my family, it's really 563 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,800 had a positive impact on my family. 564 00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:49,719 That is so amazing, girl, I love it. 565 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:54,239 So tell us, OK, so you started traveling and doing stuff with 566 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,200 this panel telling your story and then tell us a little bit 567 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:02,000 about now, like because you have a podcast, you speak places, you 568 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,280 tell this story. How I mean, how does is that how 569 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:10,200 it all opened up for you or like did God places like more of a 570 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,760 thought and you just like figured it out or like it kind 571 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,760 of just like paved its way. You know what I'm saying? 572 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,120 Like I don't know if that made sense, but. 573 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,360 Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. 574 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:23,240 God's just kind of opened the doors and that's kind of how I 575 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:28,400 look at it is I just do what I believe he's asking me to do. 576 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,520 I mean, I'm not saying that I'm the most obedient person ever. 577 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:33,120 I'm certainly not. I'm. 578 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,560 There are definitely times where God's like, I'm telling you to 579 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:40,080 do this and you're not doing it. But he really has orchestrated 580 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,520 everything. He did Place it on my heart to 581 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:48,720 start a podcast when I think he worked on me with that, for a 582 00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:51,680 long time, even before I was healed, I'd always wanted to 583 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,200 start a podcast. I just never knew what it would 584 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,400 be about. And I just kind of left that on 585 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,720 the table. But then after I went through my 586 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:06,520 healing and started speaking with this panel, that desire was 587 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:12,120 more, it was a lot stronger and I it came to me in prayer. 588 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,680 And so I believe God was really leading me to start it. 589 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,840 And so I thought it was just going to be like a Christian 590 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,360 podcast and maybe I'd share a little bit of my story, but we 591 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:27,240 just, you know, talk about Jesus, which is great, But God 592 00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:32,960 said, no, I want this to be a post abortion recovery podcast. 593 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,960 Like full stop. You have to really niche into 594 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,840 this. Women need abortion recovery. 595 00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:44,440 And yes, it's out there, but it can be harder to find just 596 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:46,160 because of, you know, certain things. 597 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,240 And so that's what it ended up being. 598 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:53,280 And it's been a really rewarding experience to connect with other 599 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:58,440 women really across the globe who are silent because they're 600 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,960 afraid. They're afraid for people to 601 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,520 know this about them. They're afraid of what people 602 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,040 might think. And I'm just really, really 603 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:12,400 thankful that God placed that on my heart to be able to even just 604 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,760 help one person. So yes. 605 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,800 And and that's why I wanted to start praises in the pot, right? 606 00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,920 Like because there's so many times that our past life, we 607 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,360 feel so shameful about it. Like if people know this about 608 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,480 me, like I'm just going to be judged, they're not going to 609 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:29,600 love me. Like all this stuff. 610 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:34,640 And we also before Christ, we always think that too, like, oh, 611 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,280 he can't love me because I had an abortion. 612 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,360 He can't love me because when I was an alcoholic and I did all 613 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:44,960 these terrible things. No, like that's those are false 614 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:50,360 beliefs that we have created in our head and we've let society 615 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:52,960 pour that into us. Like we maybe have heard it by 616 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,840 someone and then we believe it. And so it's just so important to 617 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:00,240 beat. Is it a stigma like try to try 618 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:05,200 to prove these stigmas wrong? Like no, that is not what it is. 619 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:09,240 People feel like you're relatable and they realize that 620 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:12,040 you went through the same things as them and they y'all can lean 621 00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,560 on one another. That's what community's about. 622 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:21,280 But then also God sees his sons of blood over us when we are 623 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,360 children of God and we have accepted him into our lives. 624 00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:32,080 Those past hurts, habits, hang ups, all of that stuff he no 625 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,880 longer sees. He just sees the blood of his 626 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,000 son. And I think that's something 627 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:40,960 that I've tried to like really grasp here more recently is 628 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:45,560 like, that's not, that's not who I am today, but that's all. 629 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,720 He's also forgiven us for those things. 630 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:52,880 So he can love us. He can we're redeemed like you. 631 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,040 I mean you opened it up. You know, you're a whole new 632 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,760 creation in Christ because you gave your life to over to 633 00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,640 Christ. I just this has just been so 634 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,040 good when you when I read your e-mail. 635 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,480 I was like. I'm not open. 636 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,920 I'm not ready to do remote recordings yet. 637 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,280 Like, I love my studio. I love being face to face. 638 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,760 But you're a North Dakota girl. Like, I'm in Georgia, OK. 639 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:19,120 Like, that is just not ideal. But your story is just as 640 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,960 powerful as the people that's that come in this room. 641 00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:24,720 And people need to hear that. And when you were talking about 642 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,480 abortion, I just instantly was like, that is something we 643 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:31,680 haven't spent enough time on because women have went through 644 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,680 this before. And they are, they need to, they 645 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,160 need more, they need to see that there is hope and that doesn't 646 00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,560 define them from their past. So thank you so much for 647 00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:44,800 sharing, girl. The same way that I record every 648 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,400 or end every recording, we're going to go ahead and start 649 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,040 closing it up. I give you 3 options. 650 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:54,760 OK, So maybe you really wanted to talk about one specific thing 651 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,760 and or say one specific thing and I haven't gave you the 652 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:03,800 opportunity to do that or a word of advice maybe to people that 653 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,720 are been. In the same shoes as you or 654 00:40:05,720 --> 00:40:09,560 maybe somebody that you just just specifically have came in 655 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:13,800 contact with and had this come up and you want to share it or 656 00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:17,360 what's my third option? What is it? 657 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:23,240 I'm blanking the that, that the advice or oh, what God has 658 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:27,080 revealed to you more recently. So this could be like he taught 659 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:30,440 you something or you read something and that light bulb 660 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:33,320 went off and you've read it 100 times and now you actually 661 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,120 understand it. I love when that happens. 662 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,280 And so how would you like to close this podcast today? 663 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:44,240 Yeah, I think a word of advice or encouragement maybe. 664 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:45,920 Yeah, cool. Go for it. 665 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,360 Yeah. So if you're listening to this 666 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:54,040 and you've struggled with abortion or maybe something else 667 00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:57,720 that is similar that really causes you a lot of shame and 668 00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:01,360 guilt, I just want you to know that there is literally nothing 669 00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,080 that you could do that could separate you from the love that 670 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,640 God has for you. And no, that's not a cliche. 671 00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,280 It's actually true. There is nothing you've done 672 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:13,160 that's unforgivable. And it's not easy to go through 673 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:16,760 healing, but it is so worth it. And all you have to do is give 674 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:17,880 God your best. Yes. 675 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:21,240 So take, just take one small step forward. 676 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,240 The best small step forward that you can take is accountability. 677 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:29,120 So share it with someone that you know is trustworthy and that 678 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:30,960 you know will hold your secret dearly. 679 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:35,400 And just watch God move. Because God does move and He 680 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:39,040 will move. And we're not promised a life 681 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,480 without struggle, but we are promised that He will always be 682 00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,800 with us in it. So don't ever feel like you're 683 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:48,080 unforgivable or unsavable, because you absolutely are. 684 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,960 That is so good. And girl, let me tell you too. 685 00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:54,680 So this morning when I was reading, I read unshakable. 686 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:55,840 Hang on, it's actually right here. 687 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,160 So I read Unshakable by Christine Kane. 688 00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:01,760 I love it. This is probably like my, I've 689 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:04,400 had it for two years and I probably read through it and I 690 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:07,800 like, I just restart it because I'm like, I love it so much. 691 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,920 And today basically that's what it was talking about is about 692 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,000 these trials. Like you're going to go through 693 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,680 certain things and it's just talking about like being on a 694 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:19,800 flight and there's turbulence that comes. 695 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,120 But you know, at the beginning they tell you, you know, grab 696 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,320 your mask first, make sure you're buckled up, all this 697 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,280 stuff. And so when it does happen, when 698 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:30,400 that turbulence comes, you know what to do. 699 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,440 So when you're going through these trials and these these 700 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,720 problems and just things are arising, this turbulence, know 701 00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:41,680 what to do. Like, no, to jump in your word 702 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:45,240 jump to have accountability, be in that community. 703 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,440 Don't just fall back and forget all of what you've learned about 704 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,080 Christ and what you know about Christ. 705 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:52,560 He still loves you. He's still there. 706 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,240 He still has a plan. It says that he's a skilled 707 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,080 pilot and I love that. So yeah, I think this has been 708 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,040 so great. Girl. 709 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:04,240 I'm super excited for this to come out and just be able to 710 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:09,960 have people hear your story and be encouraged by your story. 711 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,120 This has been so good, so thank you so much. 712 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,560 Anything else you want to say? No, that's that's all. 713 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,480 Thank you so much for having me though, and for taking a chance 714 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,880 on doing remote recording. Your studio looks so cute 715 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,400 though, like it looks adorable. Thank you, girl. 716 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,680 I appreciate that so much. All right, guys. 717 00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,160 Well, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have. 718 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,840 Make sure you stay tuned, stay blessed, and we'll see you guys 719 00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,840 later. Bye.