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What's up guys? 
My name is Alexis, your host 

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with praises in the pod, and I 
am so excited to be here with 

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Allie Berman. 
We are going to be talking about

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her testimony and just 
everything that God has done in 

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her life. 
We are going to start off in 

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prayer and we're going to jump 
right in. 

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So here we go, Lord Heavenly 
Father, just thank you for today

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and you're just many blessings. 
Lord God, thank you for just 

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leading and guiding us and 
bringing us to this moment. 

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Lord God, You knew that we were 
going to come together and just 

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be able to talk about your 
goodness and your faithfulness 

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one day. 
And maybe we didn't know it, 

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maybe we didn't see it, but you 
always knew. 

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We just thank you for all that 
you are doing, all that you have

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done, and all that you're going 
to do that we have no idea 

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about. 
Lord God, we just pray that you 

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speak to us and through us and 
let this episode glorify you. 

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In Jesus name I pray, Amen, 
Amen. 

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You know, girl, so I told you I 
just got this brand new 

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furniture writer and one of the 
reasons why I did not want to 

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get this swivel chair is because
I was going to be swiveling. 

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If you get a swivel, you're 
going to swivel. 

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And here I am. 
I like it. 

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As I was praying though, I'm 
like, I'm swiveling. 

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I'm doing exactly what I said I 
did not want this chair for. 

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But it's cutie. 
They're great chairs though. 

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Just. 
Look at all the room. 

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I mean, I could sit, Chris. 
You could. 

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Make that swivel work for you. 
Too. 

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You know what? 
As you get used to it, you're 

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going to light up a swivel. 
Absolutely. 

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And then if someone sitting over
here. 

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And swizzle to other swim we 
swivel towards you swivel back 

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I. 
Just got back, so here we are 

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Anyway, fun fact for our 
listeners and Hallie go back to 

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high school, which we were 
actually just talking about like

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we weren't friends, we weren't 
frenemies, but we just. 

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There was a coexistent. 
You know, a few conversations 

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here and there, like whatever. 
And then this is actually 

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something that I've been sitting
on since, you know, like we 

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talked the other day. 
You were a person that watered a

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seed in my life. 
Yes. 

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And I didn't even tell you this 
when we've been talking for so 

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long, but you really were, 
because I remember young adults.

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You were part of the young adult
director at your church, your 

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parents church, and you worked 
there and you kept inviting me 

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to come and. 
One of those pesky people. 

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Girl. 
Sliding into your DM saying hey 

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come here. 
Do you want to get coffee? 

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Like, what do you want to do? 
And so like, you were one of 

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those people and you invited me 
to come a few times and I 

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remember like, a fire igniting 
in me a few times that I came 

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and like, I was yearning to want
to be involved. 

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I loved, you know, just going 
somewhere and people knew who 

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you were like I only came like 3
times but like it was just like 

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nice. 
It was like you already told 

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people, hey, I got a friend 
coming. 

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Yeah talked every nice to her. 
You better say hey. 

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Should have. 
She sits by herself. 

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I'm going to be mad at some 
money. 

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I even invited Abby. 
To come one way and I think. 

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It was when you were given a 
message and we were like, man, 

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she's on fire for the Lord. 
She's on so good, like whatever.

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So just to know, like we always 
talk about you don't plant the 

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seed, water the seed and harvest
the seed like you're a certain, 

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you know, point in someone's 
walk with the Lord and for you, 

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like for me, you watered it like
you invited me and you were just

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that person that you know well. 
Praise God, Amen. 

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Well, praise God and I'm a 
teacher now, which Alexis is. 

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I teach Bible 10th grade and 
11th grade students. 

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And that's something I actually,
that's language I use all the 

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time. 
A a lot of times I'm talking to 

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students, but most often when 
I'm talking to myself about 

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students, Yeah. 
Of like, I am not the Holy 

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Spirit. 
I am. 

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I do it. 
I, I can't do it. 

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And it's actually not mine to 
do. 

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I'm not in the business of 
transforming hearts. 

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I don't have that capacity. 
And it's also just not my role. 

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So it's like, OK, Lord in in 
your mercy, let me know my role 

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for this student. 
Is there a way that I can plant 

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a seed, water a seed, nourish a 
soil, do some pruning. 

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What is it that you want to do? 
And let me be relieved of this 

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burden to be Jesus, to be Holy 
Spirit because that I'm not. 

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And what a sweet freedom of 
Christian community of Kingdom 

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to be like. 
I'm not excluded from this work.

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I'm so invited to this work, but
I just get to be faithful with 

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this, Yeah. 
And let Holy Spirit actually do 

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a Holy Spirit does, and not try 
to take that back. 

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Because it's so hard because you
invite someone to church and 

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you're like praying that the 
message is going to be so for 

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them, like, and there's so much 
weight to that. 

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And it's like, just let the Holy
Spirit take it. 

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OK, Sure. 
You know, Yeah. 

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Anyway, let's jump into you, 
girl. 

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OK, So tell us a little bit. 
We always start every episode 

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about your childhood more. 
So tell us a little about about 

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that and how you grow grew up. 
Ministries, what comes to mind? 

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Both my parents are pastors, so 
my dad, I was born while my dad 

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was finishing seminary and then 
immediately took an appointment 

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to be an associate pastor at a 
United Methodist Church in 

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Dublin, GA. 
So my dad was associate 

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pastoring. 
My mom was the student director 

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there until I was five years 
old. 

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My little brother was born there
and then we moved to Warner 

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Robins for my parents to plant a
church, a United Methodist 

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Church, which is a big deal, is 
a very all hands on deck. 

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The whole family is involved, 
even if you were five years old 

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as a role. 
Yeah. 

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So really what I think of not 
even just my childhood with my 

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whole life, I kind of jokingly 
say I have this third, have this

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other sibling that is the church
'cause my parents have spent so 

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much of in their adult life and 
their ministry planting and then

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parenting, pastoring. 
But it's a lot like parenting 

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this congregation that I've 
gotten to be a part of. 

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So, yeah. 
So my dad is the founding and 

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lead pastor of a church here in 
town. 

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My mom has worked on that staff 
in like a pastoral role. 

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She's not, she's not clergy, but
doing, you know, pastoral work 

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my whole life. 
And then I have gotten to be on 

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staff at Harvest. 
My little brother is currently 

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on staff at Harvest. 
When we were, I think it was 

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like a a ripe old age of like 
third grade or something when my

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parents were like, OK, it's time
for you to join a ministry team.

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Like you got to start pulling 
your weight around here. 

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But what a gift to be like, OK, 
I at however, at nine years old,

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I have gifts to bring, you know,
to the Kingdom of God that 

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people, other adult people who 
love Jesus are going to call out

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and help develop in me and 
encourage me around and all of 

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this so, so, so much positive 
stuff. 

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I feel so grateful to the Lord 
that I have a ministry family 

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where my parents still love each
other. 

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Amazing. 
My my family still loves each 

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other and me and my brother both
still love the local church 

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because church people are 
people. 

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Church people are still people, 
and church people can hurt. 

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And so sometimes, you know, 
Pastor PKS get a reputation of 

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kind of going one way or the 
other. 

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And I don't think I ever felt 
like I needed to be one way or 

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the other. 
I think I felt like I could 

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really be who I was and had 
this, you know, family of origin

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that was so integrated into 
ministry. 

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Really positive, just so much 
thanks to God in the what I 

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won't even call negative side of
it, but it is like a complicated

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side of it. 
You asked me right before we 

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started the pod and then said 
wait, maybe we should start 

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recording this. 
So this is. 

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Fresh brand were there? 
Were there like hard parts about

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this? 
And I was actually thinking 

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about it the other day before 
you asked me about it, but 

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actually, 'cause I was sharing 
my testimony with one of my 

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students and was like, you know,
it in a way, growing up the way 

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I did. 
Well, there's definitely many 

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ways that it was such a 
blessing. 

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One of the ways it was such a 
blessing is Christian identity 

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was always there and just kind 
of natural to assume. 

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Where that's complicated is that
doesn't mean it's easy to like, 

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internalize my faith. 
For a long time, I did not know 

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how to make it my own. 
It's it felt more like a label 

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than it did like an identity 
that I had really internalized. 

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I never went so far as I would 
say, even now looking back, that

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I was like rebellious toward it 
or like wished my parents 

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weren't in ministry. 
But there were absolutely 

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moments where just like, 
soberly, I could identify like, 

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man, I feel like people have 
pretty, I don't know, pretty 

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like weird expectations of me 
because they know this about my 

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family. 
And then even as an adult, 

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unpacking with a spiritual 
director of like, oh, I also 

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have to make sure that when I'm 
thinking back to, like, my 

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younger self, that I know that, 
like, God is God and that, like,

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my dad is not God. 
Yeah. 

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And like my mom, my mom is, is 
not God because faith was so 

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closely tied to my family of 
origin. 

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Yeah. 
Which, again, net positive. 

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Yeah, such a blessing in so many
ways. 

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But just like we all have to do 
at some point in time, that did 

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not disqualify me from the 
experience of having to make my 

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faith my own. 
And if anything, it made it like

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a little bit murkier water 
'cause it felt like it had been 

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a label that I've always worn my
whole life, but that was kind of

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given to me. 
And then the actual working out 

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your own salvation, coming to 
realize, you know, Scripture 

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does not talk about any 
grandkids of God in the Kingdom.

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You have to be a child to 
yourself. 

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That's good. 
You know I'm not getting there 

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for my parents. 
A man, when do you think or not 

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think? 
But when did you step out? 

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Like how old were you when you 
made your faith your own? 

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When I was five years old, I 
asked Jesus to be my friend 

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forever. 
OK. 

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And I think that was real. 
Mm Hmm, in as much as it could 

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be, in as much as a 5 year old 
heart can can carry that, you 

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know, in the capacity that I had
to understand who Jesus is. 

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I don't I can't identify another
moment actually until much 

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later. 
So did my best, did not do it 

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perfectly or even well. 
For a lot of my life. 

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I think of high school and 
college and I'm not mad at that 

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version of myself. 
I don't have contempt for that 

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version of myself. 
But I'm also so grateful that 

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we're not there anymore. 
But almost embarrassing to admit

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or just feels vulnerable. 
After I'd been working in full 

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time ministry, vocational 
ministry, after I'd started 

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seminary is when I can. 
So early 20s, we're talking 

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early 20s is when I really felt 
like, OK, I've been justified. 

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I have a faith that is real. 
And not only that, like I've, 

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I'm being sanctified. 
You know, there's fruit. 

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It's not like there's it. 
We're not looking at a bald 

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tree. 
There's there's something here 

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that the Lord has been 
developing, but there is a 

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shift. 
There was an encounter with the 

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Lord at this point, unmarried. 
This is something Drew and I 

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really experienced together 
where there is just like a 

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everything so far has been 
valid, but I am awake in a way 

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that I've not been awake before.
And theologically I've kind of 

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had to struggle with that. 
I mean, I've been a student of 

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theology for a long time and 
going to seminary. 

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I'm now a teacher of theology. 
I like to put labels on things, 

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not to put words in God's mouth,
but to help my human brain 

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understand and be able to 
articulate what I'm 

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experiencing. 
And there's a little bit of this

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experience where it's hard to 
articulate because I don't want 

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to invalidate, you know, the 
justification in the sanctifying

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work that the Lord had already 
been doing in my life. 

224
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,040
But I still, I really can't get 
away from. 

225
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,040
But then something happened, 
Yeah, when I was 25 or so. 

226
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,280
Would you say that in that 
instance, like it was just 

227
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,080
another scale that had been 
removed, like you just were, 

228
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,520
like you saw God's glory a 
little bit more than what you 

229
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,480
had ever seen? 
Like, is that what you're trying

230
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,880
to like, say like a little bit 
more? 

231
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:05,280
Honestly, OK, it was so my I 
grew up in a Methodist Church, 

232
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,880
which is a Wesleyan tradition. 
If that doesn't mean anything to

233
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,360
you, don't worry. 
That's OK, you don't have to do 

234
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,160
a deep dive. 
You do not have to do a deep 

235
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,800
dive on this. 
The founder of the Wesleyan 

236
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:22,880
movement, this guy named John 
Wesley and he, because I grew 

237
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,640
up, you know, in that 
circumstance and went to a 

238
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,440
Wesleyan seminary, I know a 
little bit about him. 

239
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:32,080
And he had actually a kind of 
similar experience, had grown up

240
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:35,680
actually with a preaching father
and a very devout mother and 

241
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,920
lots of siblings and had been a 
missionary. 

242
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,760
He moved from England to the 
United States to Georgia, 

243
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:46,000
actually to be a missionary in 
the colonies and was and failed 

244
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,840
miserably and was a very 
discouraged and depressed in his

245
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:54,480
faith. 
Went back to England and he's in

246
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,440
a on a street outside of London 
that still exists. 

247
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:02,520
It's called Aldersgate. 
I actually went there this 

248
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,480
summer and had a really sweet 
moment with the Lord. 

249
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,600
Nice. 
But he writes in his journal, he

250
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,840
turned the corner on Aldersgate 
St. 

251
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,760
And there was a strange warming 
of his heart. 

252
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,280
And he says in that moment, the 
Holy Spirit testified with my 

253
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:22,320
spirit, I am a child of God. 
And this is coming on the heels 

254
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:26,320
of not only a life spent seeking
Lord, serving Lord, but I mean, 

255
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,040
of vocational ministry, 
specifically vocational ministry

256
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,760
where he feels like he has 
failed and he's still showing 

257
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,640
up. 
He's still going to this prayer 

258
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,960
meeting. 
And I just relate to it, Yeah, 

259
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,520
so much. 
When I look at my story of, you 

260
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,720
know, that's kind of where the 
Lord encountered me when I was 

261
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,480
in seminaries. 
Like, I've really been trying to

262
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,360
know you, God, my whole life. 
And I don't think that that's 

263
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,360
turned out void. 
I think I have known you. 

264
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,000
I think you have revealed 
yourself to me in a really real 

265
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,280
way. 
I think I am in relationship 

266
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,080
with you. 
I think I've heard your voice 

267
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,080
correctly in calling me to 
ministry, in practicing 

268
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,440
ministry. 
I don't feel like I'm killing 

269
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,480
it. 
I do not. 

270
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,680
There's some really real way. 
It's where it's like I feel like

271
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,200
I failed at that. 
I feel like I'm not who I'm 

272
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,560
supposed to be. 
I'm not doing the thing I'm 

273
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:18,080
supposed to do. 
And then I had this moment of 

274
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,800
encounter that was a moment that
that was also a season of 

275
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,920
encounter really, where it felt 
a total excess a few minutes 

276
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,680
ago. 
It felt like a personal revival.

277
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,800
And what's even better than 
that? 

278
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,080
It felt like a household revival
because it was happening to my 

279
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,440
husband at the exact same time. 
That's beautiful. 

280
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:40,200
Of just the Holy Spirit is 
testifying with my spirit that I

281
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,000
am a child of God. 
I have this strange warming of 

282
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,160
the heart. 
I have this new confidence in my

283
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,200
identity. 
And with that, I think a fresh 

284
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:54,040
anointing of the Holy Spirit. 
That's just doesn't mean I 

285
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,240
wasn't indwelled by the Holy 
Spirit before, Doesn't mean my 

286
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,520
justification wasn't real. 
Doesn't mean salvation wasn't 

287
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:04,280
there, but means, Lord, I think 
you were doing a new thing or 

288
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,160
whatever it is that you want to 
do. 

289
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,000
Yeah. 
Would you open my hands? 

290
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:09,960
Would you open my hands? 
Would you open my heart? 

291
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,320
Because I want to say yes. 
I want to know you in this way 

292
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,200
that you're allowing yourself to
be known and that is a like 

293
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,280
that's a, that's a rock in my 
life. 

294
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:24,200
Like it's a, it's a season, not 
a day, but it's a season. 

295
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,920
I will even when I don't feel 
like I have the words to explain

296
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,360
it really well. 
I knew the Lord, but the way 

297
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,320
that I knew him drastically 
changed during that. 

298
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,240
Maybe four to five, Yeah. 
Month period. 

299
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,760
That is so beautiful girl 'cause
I mean, there are so many people

300
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,960
that could probably resonate 
with that. 

301
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,520
Like, you know, of God, you had 
a relationship with God, but 

302
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,680
just in maybe a sense of 
marriage to like, you're dating,

303
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,040
right? 
And then, but once you get 

304
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,640
married, it's a whole new like 
relationship. 

305
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,240
Like it's a whole new more 
commitment. 

306
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,080
And it's just like eye opening, 
like, wow, you're my person. 

307
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,839
But for, in the sense of this, 
it's like, wait, God, we're on a

308
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:09,400
different level now. 
Like I'm seeking you harder and 

309
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,839
more and just, you just have 
peeled that scale off. 

310
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,400
I'm, I'm seeing you in a whole 
different light. 

311
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:20,599
That's so beautiful, girl. 
So that's around what, 25? 

312
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:24,240
Yeah, I think 25 ish so. 
Like what? 

313
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,359
What's been going on maybe since
then? 

314
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:27,560
Like, where were you? 
Hang on. 

315
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,200
So you were in seminary? 
So Allie's moved quite a few 

316
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,960
times. 
She did ABC and then BAI. 

317
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,040
Love when you said that earlier.
So literally, Marietta. 

318
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,400
So Drew and I are in high school
sweethearts. 

319
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:47,400
Yes, which is only explainable 
through the mercy of God because

320
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:53,440
we are so different than we were
when we met and when we fell in 

321
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,200
love. 
It sounds a little, I don't 

322
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,560
know, it sounds a little gushy 
or even like cliche to talk 

323
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,320
about your teenage self being so
in love. 

324
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,560
But I was, yeah. 
I mean, it really was. 

325
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,280
And it stuck. 
So I mean, you know. 

326
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,440
And you know what, we're talking
about this earlier, 'cause 

327
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,880
sometimes when I see like people
dating in high school, I'm like,

328
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,760
Oh my gosh, like, whatever. 
But you got to remember, like in

329
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,560
your circumstances like this 
could be their partner. 

330
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,040
You know, I teach 10th grade in 
in 11th grade Bible today. 

331
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,440
And in some ways it's really fun
when it comes up to tell them 

332
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,480
like, yeah, my, you know, I'm, 
I'm married. 

333
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,160
I made my ear. 
Did y'all start dating in 9th 

334
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,280
grade? 
Wow all the way through. 

335
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,920
Y'all don't see it through? 
All the way through, but it 

336
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,400
really but but I don't love 
telling it to teenagers because 

337
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,160
it makes it sound almost 
aspirational. 

338
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,720
And I'm like, this is just my 
story. 

339
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,160
You do not have to marry that 
loser, but you're dating. 

340
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:53,480
But also, I mean, I look back at
my younger self and the reasons 

341
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,800
why I loved Drew. 
We're not holy. 

342
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,800
We never together or 
individually ran from the Lord, 

343
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,920
but we weren't running to him. 
If anything, I was kind of 

344
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,960
holding this line of like, this 
is a big part of my identity. 

345
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,920
If you're going to fit into my 
family, you have to at least, 

346
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,280
you know, meet me here. 
But Drew's, you know, background

347
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,160
is so different and almost 
opposite to mine. 

348
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:25,640
And it's not what I would 
suggest to a young woman who I'm

349
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,000
trying to mentor disciple to 
say, you know, we were Drew was 

350
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,120
actually telling the story 
because he he is a youth group 

351
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,880
leader now. 
And I was at youth with him 

352
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,840
recently and he was actually 
telling to a group of young men.

353
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,040
It was like, yeah, Ali, you 
know, over here, she, she 

354
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,960
missionary dated me, which we do
not recommend. 

355
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,000
But for us it did work out 
because I did come to know the 

356
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,880
Lord. 
But it really is like, the Lord 

357
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:55,080
is so kind to me because that 
story could have ended. 

358
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,120
Yeah. 
And so differently, with so much

359
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:01,440
heartbreak, with so much regret 
and. 

360
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,480
Golly, man, that is that's a 
tough story girl, because most 

361
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,280
of the time we are like choose 
someone that's equally yoked, 

362
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,000
that's going to push you and 
grow you and y'all are going to 

363
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,880
grow together, but in your case 
you're like can't. 

364
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,440
Use me and I wasn't doing it on 
purpose because my 14 year old 

365
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:23,640
self who had been not sheltered 
but had you only know what you 

366
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,760
know, had kind of been like, 
well, everyone who goes to my 

367
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,480
school is a Christian. 
No one really is a Christian, 

368
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,080
but everyone kind of is a 
Christian. 

369
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,400
So kind of you can date whoever 
you want unless they're like 

370
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,560
real bad. 
What that I mean that was that 

371
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:45,040
sounds so dumb and worse like 
naive at this, but it really is 

372
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,640
kind of how I saw the world of 
like we live in. 

373
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,560
Yeah. 
We live in a place where you can

374
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,200
throw a rock and hit a church. 
Like everybody goes to church. 

375
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,080
He didn't. 
But I'm still telling myself 

376
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,720
everybody goes to church. 
Everybody is like kind of a 

377
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,280
Christian. 
You're not something else, 

378
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,080
right? 
So so then you're you're a 

379
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:06,840
Christian, not a mature, not a 
correct biblical worldview. 

380
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,720
But again, I don't look back at 
my 14 year old self and like 

381
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:14,200
grieve not only the decision 
because obviously we know how it

382
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,480
has worked out, but I don't even
grieve the thinking because I'm 

383
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:22,480
like that was a 14 year old 
acting with a 14 year old brain 

384
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,640
with with just I knew what I 
knew. 

385
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,960
But the Lord just in his 
graciousness has done such a 

386
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,320
transforming work in me, but 
also in Drew and that has been 

387
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,240
together, but that has also been
separate. 

388
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,840
It has not only been it's 
actually not at all been me 

389
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,000
saying, hey, if you're going to 
be if you're going to be with 

390
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,760
me, you have to do this or, you 
know, if we're going to get 

391
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,320
married, you have to do this. 
If you. 

392
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,840
It is really been like in a way 
I did not know how to pray for 

393
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:58,520
and so didn't pray for the Lord 
slowly and yet in ways that feel

394
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,440
like all at once transforming 
him into this man who is my 

395
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,000
spiritual leader, who I'm so 
thankful to be under his 

396
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,160
headship. 
Who's the this great example of 

397
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,880
Christ to me and to our son and 
not like to our daughter. 

398
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,320
And I could not have seen that 
coming at 14. 

399
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,160
But that's just the Lord's grace
and and goodness to me. 

400
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,760
And this kind of like season of 
revival. 

401
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,800
I like knew I needed it and Drew
was like doing pretty good 

402
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:36,520
perception as we perceive it. 
And this was a really big 

403
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,640
learning for me of what does it 
mean like for the Lord to bless 

404
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,000
me as someone who is who is 
married, what does it mean that 

405
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,520
we are one? 
Because I was really seeking a 

406
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,560
personal revival during that 
season. 

407
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,320
And so I was doing the things 
that you do when you seek 

408
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,520
personal revival. 
I was spending a lot of time in 

409
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,320
the world. 
I was spending a lot of time not

410
00:22:56,320 --> 00:23:02,800
just in one like community, but 
in like deep and rich and 

411
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,680
diverse communities of believers
who were seeking the Lord. 

412
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:10,840
I had a very regular practice of
fasting, a very regular practice

413
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,520
of banding, which is kind of 
like a discipleship group. 

414
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,440
It was just, it was seeing so 
much of the Lord in new ways 

415
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,360
because of this. 
But during this time, something 

416
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:25,680
I was really praying for was 
that I would see signs and 

417
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,720
wonders and that I would have 
dreams and visions and that I 

418
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,280
would experience the Lord in a 
way like quote, UN quote, 

419
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,080
charismatically, that I'd never 
experienced Him before. 

420
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,720
But that people who I really 
trusted had people who are 

421
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,040
really respected and trusted and
knew that their faith was really

422
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,760
authentic. 
You know, they would make 

423
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,520
references to these types of 
experiences. 

424
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,440
And I would say, you know, I 
think that that stuff is real. 

425
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,320
I have faith to believe that 
that is real. 

426
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,360
I don't feel like I've 
experienced that side of God, 

427
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,600
that side of relationship with 
him. 

428
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,120
And I want it not because I want
to be spiritually greedy, not 

429
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,960
because I'm want to chase after 
an experience, but if if there's

430
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,960
more revelation of God than what
I've seen, I want to see it. 

431
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,480
Yeah. 
We litter all over my ear. 

432
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,160
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

433
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,960
So I'm, I'm praying about this, 
but not just praying, I'm really

434
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,320
seeking it earnestly and 
believing for it. 

435
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,640
You know, if you, if you keep 
knocking on that door that he's 

436
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:21,000
going to answer. 
And you know what happened? 

437
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,280
Drew started having dreams and 
visions. 

438
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:29,680
Oh my gosh. 
And Drew started seeing and 

439
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:36,840
participating in signs and 
wonders of prophecy and healing 

440
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,280
and all of this stuff. 
And at first I was like. 

441
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,360
What heck. 
Just so mad. 

442
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:51,440
I was like, this feels not only 
unfair, this feels offensive. 

443
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:57,440
Like I have been so seeking and 
I'm in this discipleship group 

444
00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:03,160
that is called a band and one of
these women who is just so wise 

445
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,040
through my frustration is like, 
but don't you feel like all of 

446
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,600
that is for you because you're 
1? 

447
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,600
And I, I genuinely had not 
thought about it that way. 

448
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:24,600
And it was such a helpful and 
meaningful reframing of how I 

449
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:30,680
think the Lord relates to me and
Drew together is that there is a

450
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:34,000
uniqueness to our faith, to our 
relationship with God. 

451
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,960
But there is a witness, there is
a togetherness. 

452
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,520
When I bless him, I'm blessing 
you. 

453
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,720
Yeah, when I speak to him, I'm 
speaking to you. 

454
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,560
That's so good, girl, because 
there is so many times where 

455
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:52,120
like we did like we know that 
our partner and our our husband 

456
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:56,360
is our husband is our what am I 
trying to say? 

457
00:25:56,360 --> 00:26:00,720
1 flesh, We're one flesh, but 
like we forget that so many 

458
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,320
times. 
So in that instance, you're 

459
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,520
probably like, you know, just 
mad. 

460
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:09,840
At every I'm comparing myself 
because I'm seeing him and his 

461
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,760
walk as something that is so 
different than mine in a way 

462
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,000
that I feel a little 
competitive, a little jealous 

463
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,960
about. 
And so for my friend, for 

464
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,720
someone with skin on to be able 
to really be Jesus to me in that

465
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,840
moment and say, I think, I think
he's answering your. 

466
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,560
Prayer, Yeah. 
I, I think he's doing the thing 

467
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,360
you're asking him to do and he's
doing it and Drew, and now I 

468
00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:34,640
look back at that and I'm, I'm 
not only like, wow, what an 

469
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,080
like, what a wisdom, what an 
inspiration of Holy Spirit for, 

470
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:42,480
for you to tell me that, but 
it's also just more correct and 

471
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,600
more of a blessing than what I 
was actually praying for. 

472
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,840
Because if it had come only to 
me, it would have stayed only 

473
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,280
with me. 
But we had a household. 

474
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,240
The household is just me and 
Drew at the time, but it we had 

475
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:58,080
a, a household of revival 
because God did it this way, 

476
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:02,000
because God was like we, we're 
not leaving him on the fringes 

477
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,240
again. 
I didn't even know how to pray 

478
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:08,000
this. 
I wasn't, I was on my knees a 

479
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,520
lot. 
I was praying a lot. 

480
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,440
I was fasting a lot, but it was,
it was so personal to me. 

481
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,920
I wasn't asking God, will you 
make Drew the spiritual leader? 

482
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,600
Will you heal his wounds? 
Maybe I'd throw some of that in 

483
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,160
there, sprinkle it on on top of 
a prayer, but it was not what I 

484
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,400
was leading with. 
But because that is how the Lord

485
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,920
answered me, the answer to the 
prayer was so much more abundant

486
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,080
than if he had just outright 
said, OK, here's here's the 

487
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:38,320
revelation, or here's the 
encounter that you're asking 

488
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,960
for. 
It's so it's been so much more 

489
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:47,040
transformational to my life and 
to our family, but the Lord did 

490
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,160
it this way. 
I love that just because it 

491
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,960
makes me think of how many times
we've been praying certain 

492
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,320
things and they didn't go 
exactly how we planned them to. 

493
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,920
But looking at the bigger 
picture, it's like, man, thank 

494
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,960
God it didn't happen the way 
that I wanted it to happen. 

495
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,440
Like thank God he didn't just 
say. 

496
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,880
Here you go. 
Like, Yep, this is it. 

497
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,120
Yes. 
Like, I think about that even in

498
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:12,640
my own story so many times where
I'm like, because of that, no, 

499
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,040
because of that weight I've 
grown in my relationship. 

500
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:17,600
Yeah. 
Because I was so broken. 

501
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:23,400
I was so hurting and need and 
wanted, needed and desired, you 

502
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,960
know, more of him. 
And that's what brought me to 

503
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,440
him. 
But if he would have answered it

504
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,280
the way that I wanted, maybe it 
wasn't going to go that. 

505
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,520
Way, maybe that would have been 
the thing that I was praying it 

506
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:39,440
wouldn't be an experience. 
Yeah, a mountaintop, like, OK, 

507
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:40,880
what? 
You got to come down to stop, 

508
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:41,840
stop. 
It would have just. 

509
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,240
It would have been a moment if 
the Lord had given me what I 

510
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,960
would have want, and it would 
have been a precious moment. 

511
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,520
But now it is a new life because
he did it the way. 

512
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:55,240
How you said the fresh like a 
fresh experience or a fresh, 

513
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,440
fresh encounter encounter fresh 
encounter because it makes me 

514
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,000
think of the song new thing 
coming and I love that song and 

515
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,400
it's just like there is a new 
thing coming. 

516
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,600
There is a new thing on a 
horizon and for you, you 

517
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:09,800
experience him in such a big way
that it like jerks you into a 

518
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:14,160
whole new relationship with him.
So it's really a new thing. 

519
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,600
I always think of when I think 
of that season, I think of that 

520
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:22,000
scripture, it says Waco sleeper,
rise from the grave and Christ 

521
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,280
will shine on you. 
And again, already saved already

522
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,600
in the Kingdom, already 
vocationally involved in 

523
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:32,840
ministry, a Master of Divinity 
student and seminary. 

524
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,840
On paper, it's like you should 
already know this. 

525
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,480
And there's, there's just this 
room for this like fresh 

526
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,280
revelation of God, this heart 
connection to be made that I 

527
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,320
didn't have before. 
And I'm just so thankful like 

528
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,960
that was me. 
I was, I was not in the wrong 

529
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,680
place. 
It was not, it was not like this

530
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,040
massive sin. 
It was not whatever, but it was 

531
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,560
just this nominalism that it 
creeped in. 

532
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:58,440
And it was like in this season, 
there was just this gentle and 

533
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:04,400
kind, not reprimanding or harsh 
invitation to wake up to be, to 

534
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,120
be awake and alive in the spirit
in a way that I didn't I had not

535
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:09,720
experienced before. 
That's good. 

536
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:13,080
Girl. 
Were y'all in Kentucky at this 

537
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,720
time or we're all in Barcelona? 
We're in Kentucky. 

538
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,280
OK, so did y'all. 
Already move back or y'all are 

539
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,480
about them. 
This is our first season in 

540
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,520
Kentucky. 
OK, first season this is. 

541
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,960
You're right in biblical in 
biblical studies, you didn't ask

542
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,280
this, but I'll tell you this for
your fun factoid of the day. 

543
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:36,160
It's called a chiasm, OK, when 
we go like ABCBA and so we 

544
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:37,840
always. 
This is a legit thing. 

545
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,680
Yeah, it's a thing because it's 
a pattern that we often see in 

546
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,280
Scripture. 
So if you ever do something 

547
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,040
called inductive Bible study, 
this is a pattern that we can 

548
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,320
see. 
Is this right now? 

549
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,280
Yeah, that it's got a name for 
it and everything. 

550
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,000
People study this, people find 
it. 

551
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,640
When I was when I was in these 
type of classes, I would have to

552
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,960
say OK, like in this, this is a 
chaosm for this reason. 

553
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:01,520
And it's a yeah, we can put this
intellectual language to it, but

554
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:05,360
it's just a fun pattern to 
notice and especially because I 

555
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,600
see it in my life. 
So Drew and I both went to 

556
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:12,160
school in or around Atlanta. 
So that's kind of our A we moved

557
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:16,120
to Kentucky for me to go to 
seminary with Asbury Theological

558
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,960
Seminary and had such a 
wonderful. 

559
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,520
That's just where I felt this 
outpouring. 

560
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,840
So if you ever heard of the 
Asbury outpouring, that is 

561
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,400
something that has happened 
there. 

562
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,400
But that was in our second 
season. 

563
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,560
My first season I had an 
outpouring. 

564
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,480
It was is actually what was much
more meaningful to me and Drew. 

565
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,880
So I'm still working on my 
Master of Divinity. 

566
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,920
I did not finish in that season,
but Drew got the opportunity to 

567
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,200
do a really amazing Business 
School opportunity in 

568
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,000
international Business School in
Barcelona. 

569
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,200
So we moved from Wilmore, 
Kentucky, which has legitimately

570
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:55,040
not facetiously 3 traffic lights
and and it's just the sweetest, 

571
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,280
most wonder. 
It's such a soft landing place. 

572
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:03,480
I love Wilmore, but we moved 
from Wilmore to Barcelona, Spain

573
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,440
for two years, and then when 
Drew graduated, I'd not finished

574
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,560
my Master of Divinity. 
I'd been working on it online 

575
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,120
through this time, but we moved 
back to Kentucky and then back 

576
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,400
to Atlanta. 
So there's that pattern. 

577
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:21,120
ABCDA that chiasm. 
I literally never knew that, and

578
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:22,800
I'm going to dive into it 
because I would. 

579
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,000
Yeah, give. 
That a Google later, maybe 

580
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,560
you'll find some grump in the 
hinders. 

581
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,520
You've got it going on OK. 
I don't, but thanks. 

582
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,600
That is so crazy that you do 
bring up the Asbury thing, 

583
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,360
because I remember when that was
going on a few years ago, I was 

584
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,920
like, I want to drive, like I 
want to go experience. 

585
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,680
Yes. 
And my mom was like, that's 

586
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,920
crazy. 
And then it went on literally, 

587
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,400
yeah, for like a week, I think, 
or. 16 days. 16 days. 

588
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,440
I was like, Oh my gosh, I told 
you mom, I should have went. 

589
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,200
But you know, that is the way 
that we need to be trying to 

590
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,240
have revivals everywhere, not 
just there. 

591
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,880
You know, like when the Holy 
Spirit moves like he moves. 

592
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:05,240
Gosh. 
Yeah, so, all right, so let's 

593
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:09,880
try to maybe since then, what 
does life look like now? 

594
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:14,000
Like what does this season of 
maybe, you know, being a mother 

595
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:17,920
and expecting another one and 
just what all God is doing 

596
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,640
basically. 
In some ways, I'm in a really 

597
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:24,520
fun and sweet season of life 
because in some ways I feel like

598
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,480
I am harvesting what has been 
like preparing. 

599
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:35,320
I'm teaching theology, which is 
so, so fun and in a way what I 

600
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:36,600
feel like I've been preparing 
for. 

601
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,720
So I went to seminary for a 
reason. 

602
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,800
I was working in in full time 
ministry already and was just 

603
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:46,400
like I do not know enough things
to be doing this job. 

604
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,920
I need to learn more things from
people who are smarter than me 

605
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,120
so that I can more responsibly 
handle the gospel. 

606
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:59,160
But basically, and then really 
felt through my seminary time, 

607
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,920
which was a long time because I,
I never took time off, but I 

608
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,120
would have full time and then I 
would have part time, either 

609
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,920
because I was working in full 
time ministry or when we were 

610
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,199
living in Spain, I went part 
time because we were online. 

611
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,600
So this was a long season of, of
life that I was in seminary, but

612
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:18,040
really felt like, OK, I don't 
feel like this is preparing me 

613
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,040
for just one thing. 
I think the lawyer is going to 

614
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,440
do a lot of things in my 
lifetime with the preparation 

615
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:30,000
that he does during this season.
And by preparation, I absolutely

616
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:35,480
include education, but I 
absolutely do not limit it to 

617
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:40,280
education because the Lord 
prepared and healed and equipped

618
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:45,360
me, Andrew, in so many ways 
outside of the classroom in 

619
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,480
being tethered to that seminary 
community that have been 

620
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,280
extremely profound and feel very
preparatory. 

621
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:56,480
So, yeah, I've just had a sense 
of, OK, there's a lot, a lot of 

622
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,400
things. 
And the way that that is looking

623
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:03,040
right now, kind of like what is 
that fruit on the vine is OK. 

624
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:07,000
I'm teaching theology and 
spiritual formation at a private

625
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,000
Christian School in Atlanta and 
I love it. 

626
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:13,880
I love being able to put I was, 
what I was about to say is put 

627
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,080
that education to use. 
But the way I think it's better 

628
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:21,720
to describe is to maybe model 
and practice with students what 

629
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:24,840
it means to seek the Lord our 
God with all of our hearts and 

630
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,880
with all of our mind. 
Because the Lord has so met me 

631
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,760
and encountered me in the 
pursuit of Him academically as 

632
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,120
well as as in these other ways. 
I just really believe in it. 

633
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,360
I just really think that there 
is so much good for us in 

634
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,920
seeking him with our hard work, 
with our effort, with our 

635
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,240
wrestling. 
Being able to tell a 10th grader

636
00:35:44,240 --> 00:35:47,080
like this assignment that is 
frustrating you. 

637
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,800
This is part of, like, what it 
means to wrestle with God. 

638
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,040
And yeah, inviting them into 
that. 

639
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,440
Another huge thing is 
motherhood. 

640
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,000
So we had Jordy when we were 
living in Spain. 

641
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:03,040
That's why he has a cool name. 
He has a Catalan, he's Jordy 

642
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,800
James, he's got a Catalan name. 
He was born on Festa de San 

643
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,720
Jordi, which is the festival of 
Saint Jordy in Barcelona, which 

644
00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:14,760
is kind of like their 
Valentine's Day we already. 

645
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:18,640
Really liked it. 
So there's a joke it it's 

646
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,720
catchier in Spanish, but I'll 
tell you it in English. 

647
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:25,280
But if you're if you're ever in 
trouble in the streets of 

648
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:29,400
Barcelona, run to the street and
cry out to Saint Jordy. 

649
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,800
And either the Saint will help 
you or some guy named Jordy will

650
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,800
because it's a really common 
name. 

651
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,320
It's like St. 
Geordie. 

652
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,560
I'm Protestant, but you know, I,
I have some familiarity with the

653
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,640
Catholic Church indefinitely 
with the church in Spain from 

654
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,760
living there for a little while.
Saint Geordie's the patron St. 

655
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:52,000
of Barcelona. 
It is not uncommon for the Super

656
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,880
Mercot's to say the Geordie 
Super Mercot. 

657
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,480
San Geordie. 
St. 

658
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:59,120
Geordie's festival is the 
biggest festival in the city. 

659
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:04,640
So we had already experienced 
one full year of being 

660
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:08,200
indoctrinated by. 
Hi, nice to meet you. 

661
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,760
You're Jordy. 
Oh, you're also Jordy. 

662
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,520
OK, cool. 
But to us, it sounds kind of 

663
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:16,520
unique but easy to pronounce, 
you know, living next to a super

664
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,520
mercot that is Saint Jordy's 
super mercot. 

665
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:23,040
Going to our first festive 
decent Jordy and having this 

666
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,160
great celebration. 
The women give their basically 

667
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:30,480
Valentine's books and the men 
give their Valentine's roses. 

668
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,960
And it's just this sweet 
festival where there's dolls of 

669
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:37,120
like, book vendors, like all in 
the streets and like, flower 

670
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,640
vendors everywhere. 
And it's just a really fun 

671
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,120
celebration. 
And so Drew had already been 

672
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:46,840
saying, I really like Jordy. 
And I was like, is this cultural

673
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:48,680
appropriation? 
Are we going to be cancelled for

674
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:50,360
this? 
Are people going to be mad at us

675
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:51,520
for taking? 
And you know what? 

676
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,240
We're taking a. 
Bottle on name. 

677
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:59,320
In today's world, you cut. 
We knew with some certainty that

678
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,240
we were not going to stay living
in Barcelona. 

679
00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:04,160
We moved their first season, but
we don't know that we'll never 

680
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,440
go back. 
Exactly. 

681
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,600
And so we, I really was trying 
to think through like, is this, 

682
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,560
is this harmful to anyone for us
to take this name? 

683
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,480
And so we actually asked a lot 
of people, a drummer, I was on 

684
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,440
the worship team at our church 
in Barcelona. 

685
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,880
And the drummer's name was 
Geordie. 

686
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,960
And so I asked him about it and 
he was like, no, it's an awesome

687
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,160
name. 
And I was like, it is an awesome

688
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:27,640
name. 
Like, it is. 

689
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:28,440
It is. 
I want to. 

690
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:29,720
Yeah, I think we're going to do 
it. 

691
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,800
And so we had already liked it. 
Drew loves it because he's like,

692
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,600
it's a football player's name. 
Drew love soccer. 

693
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,440
He's like Geordie James Berman, 
like that's that's an athlete 

694
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,800
right there. 
And I was like, OK, and and if 

695
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,680
he's not, we're going to be on 
that first row of whatever it is

696
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:50,400
he's doing with the same sign in
banner, which Drew is all about 

697
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,200
that. 
So he had already liked it. 

698
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,000
I was a little bit more 
hesitant, but I went into labor 

699
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:59,760
a week early and he was born on 
Saint Geordie's day, and it felt

700
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:05,200
just like this fun confirmation 
of, OK, he's a Geordie. 

701
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:13,360
All that to say, motherhood is 
the hardest, sweetest, most 

702
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,480
important ministry that I'm 
called to. 

703
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:21,600
And so there is such a real 
sense in this seminary 

704
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,280
experience and not just the 
education, like I said, but just

705
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,560
in all the new revelation, the 
new anointing, the new 

706
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:31,080
encounter, the communities of 
wisdom that I got to seep in all

707
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,840
of this. 
It's made me a better wife. 

708
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,200
It's made me a better mom, and 
then prepared me for other 

709
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,120
ministry settings outside of the
home too, like teaching. 

710
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,800
And we'll see as our family 
grows, I think that that role or

711
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,440
just this idea of what does it 
mean to be in ministry? 

712
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:50,480
What does it mean to be 
partnering with Holy Spirit to 

713
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,040
bring the Kingdom to keep the 
Kingdom coming? 

714
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,520
Is is dynamic and it's meant to 
be. 

715
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,160
One of the things that I was 
just thinking about when we were

716
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:03,600
talking about, you know, just 
motherhood, because I know a lot

717
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:07,800
of people, even my me included 
without, you know, kids of just 

718
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,920
saying like it's hard. 
Ministering to your family, like

719
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,400
truly, what advice maybe would 
you give to that? 

720
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,720
I always closeout with advice, 
so this is not that portion, but

721
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,800
like what? 
What advice would you give to 

722
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:25,880
that mother that is struggling 
to radiate Jesus and stuff like 

723
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,280
that in their home? 
Sorry I put you on the spot. 

724
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:36,080
No, that's OK. 
It's more of these did not 

725
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:39,320
originate with me, but things 
that I've heard that I've really

726
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:44,600
latched onto that are becoming 
like mantras or rocks or 

727
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:46,680
Ebenezers or reminders or 
whatever. 

728
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,240
Your family is your first 
ministry. 

729
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:55,240
Someone like me, I really like 
being out. 

730
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,480
Yeah. 
I really like being in ministry.

731
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:03,640
I, if I'm honest and I want to 
be with you, I really like 

732
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:07,240
feeling successful at it. 
I really like hearing people 

733
00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:08,920
tell me, Hey, you did awesome at
that. 

734
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:12,560
I really hear people. 
I love it when people are like 

735
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,120
that was a great whatever. 
A lot of people like that. 

736
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,600
What can be sin for me is I love
it. 

737
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,040
I agree girl, I realized it 
becomes your. 

738
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:26,240
Toddler doesn't do it. 
It can so be an idol. 

739
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,920
What you mean to be an altar can
become an idol so quickly. 

740
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,640
I, I say it because because I'm 
so aware of it myself, because 

741
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:40,360
I'm not preaching to you. 
I'm so reminding my own heart 

742
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,080
because I have had to take 
inventory of this time and time 

743
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,960
again, whether it's my marriage,
whether it's my education, 

744
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,920
because when I'm, you know, when
I'm in seminary, I don't just 

745
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,000
want to get through it. 
I want to thrive in it. 

746
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,800
I want to be my, the top student
when I'm in ministry. 

747
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,000
Now that I'm a teacher, I want 
to be the best and I can, I can 

748
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,440
be. 
And some of that is holy. 

749
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:03,600
I want to be I want to do this 
with you, Lord, in a way that 

750
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,640
glorifies you. 
And then some of it there's 

751
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:10,240
just, oh, he's crouching, he's 
prowling, he's trying to get me 

752
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,640
with pride. 
He's trying to to bring me to 

753
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,160
sin. 
The enemy of that. 

754
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,000
This is about me. 
When that is such a delusion. 

755
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,640
It is such a delusion that 
steals joy, but also steals all,

756
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:26,480
all the fruit, all the fruit of 
of what is God's glory. 

757
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,600
And so often I've had to remind 
myself this thing that I feel 

758
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,240
like I'm building, it is an 
altar. 

759
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,000
This desk that I'm working on, 
it is an altar to the Lord. 

760
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,600
It is not an idol unto myself, 
unto my own glory. 

761
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,960
Lord, would you remind my heart 
of of this truth. 

762
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:47,680
And motherhood in a way is so 
humbling because your toddler or

763
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,680
your infant or your 
kindergartner or whatever 

764
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,560
they're, they're not giving you 
that feedback. 

765
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:58,680
If you get feedback, it's 
probably negative. 

766
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,840
But Geordie, who's 2 1/2 now, is
not telling me. 

767
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,320
Like, at the end of the day, 
like, Mom, you were really 

768
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:10,880
patient with me in Kroger today.
Like, that was really showing 

769
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,080
Jesus to me. 
Yeah. 

770
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:15,920
But, you know, if I'm doing 
something outside the home, 

771
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,720
maybe I'm getting this external,
you know, that little dopamine 

772
00:43:19,720 --> 00:43:22,280
push of someone being like, oh, 
that was a great lesson today, 

773
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:23,920
Miss Berman. 
Or, like, I really got a lot out

774
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,160
of that. 
And it's such a hard check of 

775
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,280
like, Lord, would you remind me 
of the difference between an 

776
00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,640
ultra and an idol? 
Would you remind me that this is

777
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:34,360
your story that I'm 
participating in? 

778
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,160
That's good. 
Not You asked me to follow you. 

779
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,840
Not. 
Not that you're going to follow 

780
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,560
me. 
You're in charge of this. 

781
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:43,960
I'm not. 
Would you keep me humble? 

782
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,640
Would you keep me reminded? 
Yeah. 

783
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:53,680
That even even though it's not 
always, sometimes it is giving 

784
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:58,440
me that dopamine rush what You 
have called me to 1st, it's to 

785
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:03,720
my family, it's to it's to wife 
and to mom in a way that brings 

786
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,560
you glory. 
And there are going to be so 

787
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:09,000
many other things I know that 
the Lord also lets me do as part

788
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,680
of his story, but that this is 
the main thing for this season. 

789
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:16,280
Seeing it in my parents. 
I really, they did not get 

790
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,720
everything perfect that you 
know, they're not perfect. 

791
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,000
They didn't. 
They never, they never 

792
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:26,840
sacrificed me and Josh or our 
family on the altar of their 

793
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:30,000
ministry, even though their 
ministry was important. 

794
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:33,360
Yeah. 
And that is something I've also 

795
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:39,400
really internalized of let me 
never be willing and let me 

796
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:43,720
never fall into accidentally 
sacrificing Drew or Jordy or 

797
00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:46,640
this little girl on the altar of
what I'm doing that I feel like 

798
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,600
is so important for the Lord. 
Because that would never be 

799
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,280
something that the Lord asks of 
me. 

800
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,640
We see that literally in 
Scripture, the sacrificing of 

801
00:44:54,640 --> 00:45:01,600
our children, but we also see it
in more metaphorical ways all 

802
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:07,000
the time, where whether it's 
mother or father or whatever of 

803
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,120
saying I've got something really
important, I can't, I need to do

804
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:12,680
so I'm not going to. 
I'm going to abdicate that 

805
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:17,280
parental responsibility for now,
whether that's like really 

806
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,160
stepping away or if it's just 
not being present or if it's 

807
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:23,000
just not showing up with your 
first energy, your best self. 

808
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:25,000
And that's something in this 
season. 

809
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:29,600
I'm just so asking the Lord to 
make me submissive into that. 

810
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:33,800
I would give that. 
I would give him my best energy 

811
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,960
and I think for me right now 
that means to Drew into Jordy, 

812
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,360
that's my best energy. 
I love it, girl. 

813
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,280
I knew when we started this 
conversation this was going to 

814
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:44,720
be a question for you because 
you. 

815
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,120
You. 
No, that was it. 

816
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:46,760
Oh, this? 
Was it? 

817
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:51,640
That was like another one, OK. 
Another one, no, but like why as

818
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:53,240
we're talking, you brought up 
motherhood. 

819
00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:56,280
Like I mean, you just did a 
phenomenal job just explaining 

820
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,800
that. 
I mean, to me even like just 

821
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:03,720
being able to hear your heart 
behind why, why your family is 

822
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:06,400
your number one ministry. 
And we don't always get it 

823
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,600
right. 
We don't always do great, but 

824
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:12,960
when we know that we're doing it
to glorify God, like that's just

825
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,880
so good. 
Anyway, I'm glad I asked you 

826
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:17,920
that girl. 
You were just so like I'm just 

827
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:21,720
flown away by like how 
intellectual is that the right 

828
00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:23,600
thing? 
I don't know girl, y'all know 

829
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:25,720
this is not? 
Me, bro, you don't have to make 

830
00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:27,360
me something that I'm not. 
I'm just, Oh my. 

831
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,160
Gosh, I just love it. 
Anyway, All right, so as we 

832
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,640
begin to wind down, yeah, I'll 
leave you with three things that

833
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,560
you can pick. 
One, or maybe they all kind of 

834
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:40,040
correlate. 1, you can tell us 
maybe a little bit of what God 

835
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:41,800
has revealed to you more 
recently. 

836
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:47,840
OK, two, you can give a piece of
advice or three, maybe I haven't

837
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:51,560
gave you an opportunity to talk 
about something that was really 

838
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,400
heavy on your heart to talk 
about and you just wanted to and

839
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,560
maybe you were on the ride here 
and you're like, Yep, I'm going 

840
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,480
to say that. 
And and it just hasn't panned 

841
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:00,400
out that way. 
So how would you like to close 

842
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,440
this today? 
I, I do think I know how to, how

843
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,560
to answer it because we just 
didn't get to it. 

844
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:08,480
But I think it's important. 
And I think it's really 

845
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,800
important on the back end of 
what I shared about that first 

846
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,520
Kentucky season, because if I 
was listening to someone else 

847
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:20,600
tell that story, I, I know how I
would respond. 

848
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:26,080
And so I think it is necessary 
to tell the next chapter of that

849
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,440
story. 
So we moved from Kentucky where 

850
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:33,720
there is just this household 
outpouring, we'll call it this 

851
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:37,000
fresh encounter, whatever it is,
we feel a weight to the spirit 

852
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,920
in a way we've never been, 
etcetera. 

853
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:43,160
We moved to Barcelona with a lot
of intentionality like we talked

854
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,920
about. 
We're going to find Christian 

855
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,520
people. 
We are going to invest in 

856
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:49,080
community. 
We're going to find ways to to 

857
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,640
be on mission with God. 
Had the best intentions. 

858
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:59,800
Those two years were so fun. 
They were the hardest two years 

859
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:04,720
of my life spiritually that I've
experienced so far. 

860
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:13,040
On the removed side of that 
cause we've been back for for 

861
00:48:13,040 --> 00:48:17,760
almost 2 years now. 
But I really needed someone to 

862
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:21,880
help me process why was the 
season so hard. 

863
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,920
So I started seeing a spiritual 
director, which I cannot 

864
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:33,280
recommend enough, someone with 
skin on to not be a therapist, 

865
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:38,520
not solve your your mental 
health journey, but to walk to, 

866
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,840
to bring you into spiritual 
health. 

867
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:44,760
And my spiritual director, Elena
did that for for me a lot. 

868
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,440
And as far as diagnosis, she 
helped me put language to kind 

869
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:53,000
of a diagnosis of this season, 
which church history has named a

870
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:58,000
dark night of the soul. 
And it's it resonates with me 

871
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:05,680
because I went from this rich, 
like saturated with the spirit 

872
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:11,040
season to change of location 
only not change of heart 

873
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,640
posture, not, you know, not 
change of theology, change of 

874
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:19,000
location to what felt like a 
spiritual desert. 

875
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:24,960
And it felt really dramatic. 
It felt like a really dramatic 

876
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:27,880
whiplash. 
I felt like Jesus. 

877
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:29,760
I felt like Jesus. 
Don't say that. 

878
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,760
I don't say that very often. 
Let me finish that sentence to 

879
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,320
make it makes sense. 
I felt like when Jesus goes from

880
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:40,560
the waters of his baptism 
immediately to the wilderness 

881
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:49,600
where he is tested and tried and
tormented and was just like, why

882
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,240
is this happening? 
Why am I experiencing this? 

883
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,520
My theology, goddess, that you 
were everywhere. 

884
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,760
My theology is that you were 
already at work in the city and 

885
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,960
that you've actually invited me 
to participate in that. 

886
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:02,400
So why does it feel like you are
not here? 

887
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,560
Why does it feel like my, my 
prayer life is not the same? 

888
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:12,040
Why does it feel like my, my 
time in the word is like not 

889
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,520
really producing anything in me?
Why does it? 

890
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,480
Why do I feel like I can't 
worship? 

891
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:24,320
Like what is going on? 
And this was almost that entire 

892
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:27,800
two years. 
This was a solid year and a half

893
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,640
that I felt this way and I did 
not. 

894
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,800
I did not do it alone, praise 
God. 

895
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:37,800
But Drew was so busy in this 
time that it was just really 

896
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,400
lonely. 
Like moving to a new place, not 

897
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,640
only like a new place, but new 
culture, like where you 

898
00:50:42,640 --> 00:50:45,520
literally know no one. 
You are very much starting from 

899
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:49,360
scratch. 
It was, it was the hardest 

900
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:51,760
season spiritually that I've 
ever gone through. 

901
00:50:52,000 --> 00:51:00,840
And currently, I would say I'm 
through or still in a season of 

902
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:04,800
reconciling my theology and my 
experience of my dark night of 

903
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:10,000
the soul of now that I no longer
feel spiritually dry. 

904
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,720
Now that I feel like the Lord 
has reinvigorated me, that he 

905
00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:17,640
has met me, that he has been, 
you know, providing for me. 

906
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:20,080
He's been sending me. 
OK, well, here's the water that 

907
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:23,880
has just quenched me in a way 
that I prayed for for so long. 

908
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,200
I feel like there are learnings 
that were for me. 

909
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:34,320
I do not think that God causes 
all of our struggles. 

910
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:40,200
You will not hear me preach that
I do not preach or or proclaim 

911
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:43,360
or hold to myself a prosperity 
spirituality. 

912
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,320
I also don't think that God owes
me anything. 

913
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:49,640
Wait, ma'am? 
Yep. 

914
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:55,240
The blood is the blood, whether 
you're feeling spiritually dry 

915
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:59,000
or revival is happening in your 
life. 

916
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:02,360
And that is something that I 
clung to during the season of 

917
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:06,040
Like Jesus, you have already 
done it all, whether I feel you 

918
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:09,480
or not. 
Also, I would really like to 

919
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:12,600
feel you again. 
I would really like to feel near

920
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:14,280
you again. 
You know, all this stuff. 

921
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:18,960
But on the other side of it, I 
do, I do just see. 

922
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:23,640
And I wouldn't want to go back. 
And it's even hard to say I'm 

923
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:28,640
thankful for it. 
But there's that scripture that 

924
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,720
says, you know, the Lord 
restores the years that the 

925
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:35,280
locusts ate away. 
And I'm just seeing the 

926
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:41,720
restoration and I'm seeing the 
way that the Lord is gently 

927
00:52:41,720 --> 00:52:46,920
corrected my perception to say I
never left you. 

928
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:55,680
Also you needed you needed to 
choose me when it wasn't easy. 

929
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,680
And this was the first 
opportunity maybe in my life. 

930
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:03,160
To to do that wasn't easy. 
No one knew my parents were 

931
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:05,520
pastors. 
Nobody knew I'm in, you know, 

932
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:08,600
it's such an external label that
I've worn all of my life where 

933
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:11,440
it's the first thing that comes 
up when I'm a kid because my 

934
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:15,480
parents were pastors when I, you
know, graduated from college, 

935
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,360
because I, I work at a church 
when I wasn't working at a 

936
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,240
church while I'm in seminary, 
it's always the first. 

937
00:53:20,240 --> 00:53:22,640
Now I'm a Bible teacher out of, 
out of high school. 

938
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:26,280
It's always the first thing you 
know, And now it is not an 

939
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,440
external, a public facing part 
of my identity. 

940
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:35,920
And So what is my identity? 
And there is a grittiness to my 

941
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,200
faith that I have now that I 
didn't have before. 

942
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:43,080
And really, when we think about 
Jesus's journey from the water 

943
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,760
to the wilderness, where does he
go next? 

944
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:49,080
He goes to ministry. 
He has not started his public 

945
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,480
ministry before this. 
Both of these things were 

946
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,760
necessary, that confirmation of 
his identity. 

947
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:56,760
This is my son with whom I'm 
well pleased. 

948
00:53:56,760 --> 00:54:00,560
Listen to him gosh, Can you 
imagine like what that moment 

949
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:04,240
must have been like that was 
kind of my will more that was 

950
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:07,080
the Lord kind of saying you are 
my daughter who I have chosen 

951
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:08,840
who I have anointed. 
You are set apart. 

952
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,840
This is my spirit like you know 
just this fresh this oh, I feel 

953
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:14,200
clean. 
I feel healed. 

954
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:21,200
I feel and then in a way that 
probably felt like whiplash to 

955
00:54:21,240 --> 00:54:24,560
Jesus, like going into what felt
just like this dry season. 

956
00:54:25,240 --> 00:54:28,840
But Jesus didn't say there and I
didn't say there either. 

957
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:31,320
And there's this ministry that 
comes to it now. 

958
00:54:31,840 --> 00:54:36,760
And the girls in this community 
that we call a band have been so

959
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,040
helpful in giving me language 
for this too, in addition to my 

960
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:41,520
spiritual director. 
Of like one thing you do love is

961
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:43,600
language to articulate what 
you're feeling. 

962
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,000
Love it girl. 
You know, it makes me almost 

963
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,480
want to dive into it more to 
figure out how to articulate 

964
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:53,040
what I'm feeling or like what 
the word is for this because 

965
00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:58,480
man, like you just know. 
Something I believe we have to 

966
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:00,840
wrestle with this stuff because 
otherwise how can we be 

967
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,040
transformed? 
By it, yeah. 

968
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:07,800
There's there's more. 
We have to be able to articulate

969
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:09,640
it. 
Otherwise that transformation 

970
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,560
stops with us. 
If I experienced this, but I 

971
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:16,880
never learn how to talk about 
it, it does not do anything for 

972
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:20,120
you. 
Wow, and this was hard enough. 

973
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,200
I will. 
I'm trusting that God will do 

974
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,360
something for you. 
Wow, that's good girl. 

975
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:30,720
That is so good that and this 
is, this is not the day we moved

976
00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,760
back, everything cleared up. 
And it's not like that at all. 

977
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:36,680
In fact, the Lord brought it 
into this dry season when we 

978
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:39,760
were still in Barcelona, which 
is I'm really thankful for that 

979
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:43,640
too, because it theologically 
it, it, it helps me to 

980
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:45,080
reconcile. 
OK, this was not about 

981
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:46,880
geography. 
What is this? 

982
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,320
What is this about then? 
But this is a conviction that 

983
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:54,520
I've come to of I would never 
choose for that struggle to be 

984
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:56,880
part of my story. 
It is part of my story. 

985
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:58,840
Also. 
There's fruit from it. 

986
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:00,480
It was chilling. 
It was pretty. 

987
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:04,720
It was doing something 
productive in my spirit. 

988
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,680
And I want that to be for me. 
I want to wrestle with it so 

989
00:56:08,680 --> 00:56:12,560
that I can know God correctly, 
so that I can because our 

990
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,840
rightly ordered knowledge 
directs our our rightly ordered 

991
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:18,400
love. 
How do we love what we do not 

992
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,760
know? 
I want to know God so that I can

993
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,480
love him. 
I want to know him correctly so 

994
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:24,360
that I can love. 
So I want to wrestle with this 

995
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:27,040
experience so that I'm 
transformed by it. 

996
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:29,440
But if I don't get these words 
to talk about it, it doesn't do 

997
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,960
anything for anyone else. 
So that's something I pray to. 

998
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:35,520
It's like, Lord, bring me to the
other side of this, not just so 

999
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:39,080
I feel better, not just so that 
those wounds heal, even though I

1000
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:42,960
want all of those things, not 
just so that I'm wiser or like 

1001
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:44,720
can talk about this to Geordie 
one day. 

1002
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:49,680
I want this to be a part of my 
story that it helps somebody 

1003
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,880
else. 
I mean, we're, that's what the 

1004
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:56,040
Kingdom is like. 
Our, our faith is personal. 

1005
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:59,400
It's not supposed to be private.
The good part, I don't want to 

1006
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,000
be private. 
I want to tell you guys how 

1007
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:06,000
great God is in Wilmore. 
He's just as good in Barcelona 

1008
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:10,160
and he's just as good here and 
just as good to me. 

1009
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:14,320
That's good, girl. 
And I don't have the, I'm not 

1010
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:15,880
there. 
I'm not arrived at the perfect 

1011
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:17,360
understanding or the perfect 
words. 

1012
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:20,760
But yeah, I'm I'm convinced of 
the importance of wrestling it 

1013
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:23,000
out. 
Until I love how you said he 

1014
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:26,520
produces it arrived part that 
has been a common denominator in

1015
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,520
the last like 3 requires like I 
usually am the one to say it. 

1016
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,840
I'm like man, and now I'm like, 
yes, I don't have to say it this

1017
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,280
time because you did. 
I never arrived. 

1018
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,200
We're constantly learning, we're
constantly growing until our 

1019
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,120
last day here. 
We will never arrive. 

1020
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:41,960
So there's always room for 
improvement. 

1021
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:43,880
There's always room to grow 
closer. 

1022
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,120
This is so good girl. 
I love this love. 

1023
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,080
It love it. 
All right guys, I hope y'all 

1024
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:52,520
have enjoyed this as much as we 
have. 

1025
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,000
This has been absolutely 
incredible and I love how you 

1026
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,440
pick #3 no one ever picks #3 
they usually change it up. 

1027
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:00,040
But yes, I'm like. 
I asked. 

1028
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,080
For a reason. 
OK, good. 

1029
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:03,480
Yes. 
All right, guys. 

1030
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:07,560
Well, make sure that you like 
comment, rate, share, whatever 

1031
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:09,680
you want to do, just just shout 
it out. 

1032
00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:14,320
We pray that this ultimately 
grows you closer to the Lord, 

1033
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:18,080
that you are inspired and you 
also seek the Lord and all that 

1034
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:20,600
you do and just be pushed closer
to him. 

1035
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,760
That's what it's all about. 
So thank you guys so much. 

1036
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,400
Stay tuned, stay blessed, and 
we'll see you guys later. 

1037
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:27,160
Bye.