1 00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,220 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host with 2 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,900 praises in the pot, and I'm so excited to have Marianne Kaufman 3 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:19,140 here today. We are in for a treat, guys. 4 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:21,860 I promise. I heard her story a few months 5 00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:26,300 back at a women's event and it just blew me away about God's 6 00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,540 goodness and all that He has done in her lives. 7 00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:30,980 So we are going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 8 00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:33,960 jump right in. So Lord, thank you for today. 9 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,960 Thank you for this place that we can come and talk about your 10 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,480 goodness and your faithfulness and what all you've done in our 11 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,400 lives. Lord God, even through the grief 12 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,560 and the loss, you have always been there. 13 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:48,520 Your presence has always been there and we thank you for that. 14 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,800 We just pray that you speak to us and through us and let this 15 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,560 episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray. 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,240 Amen. Amen girl. 17 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,200 So let's jump right in. First of all, thank you so much 18 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,480 for having me here. I'm very honored and excited. 19 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,920 I am so excited. So I was thinking about it 20 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,320 earlier, like you're the first person I've had that I really 21 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:12,080 have never had a connection to. Like I heard her story and that 22 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,840 was like, I heard your story and that was it. 23 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:18,240 So I'm super excited to actually sit down and learn more about 24 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,520 you and be friends from here on out. 25 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,160 Yes. So start a little. 26 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,600 Bit maybe of your upbringing and talk. 27 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,200 Tell us a little bit about yourself. 28 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:31,960 All right, so I grew up in Montezuma, GA area 29 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,880 Marshallville. I was raised in a Christian 30 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,680 family. My dad was a pastor from the 31 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:42,320 time I was 2 years old and he he had such a strong faith. 32 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:47,120 That's something that like I never doubted that my dad loved 33 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:52,600 God and was faithful and he, he ingrained that in me. 34 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,920 He was also his in my mom's marriage was beautiful and a 35 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,080 beautiful example of just faithfulness. 36 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,120 And so I'm so thankful for that foundation. 37 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,720 I had two sisters, have two sisters and three brothers. 38 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:11,440 Wow, big family, Yes. Grew up down the dirt Rd. so 39 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:16,880 many great times on the farm. And anyway, so I lived there 40 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,280 until I was well up until I got married. 41 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,760 But I I became a Christian when I was nine years old. 42 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,400 I became very passionate from the moment I got saved and was 43 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,400 like going to we were staying at a campground and I was going 44 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,640 around to different campers at nine years old, handing them 45 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:39,040 gospel tracts. Already just out there doing 46 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,680 Kingdom work ready to go at nine years old. 47 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,120 Wow. And I'm just so thankful. 48 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,560 Like I look back and I just see God just put a hunger in me for 49 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:54,480 him at a young age. And so just knowing the gift 50 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,400 that that is even just the gift of faith. 51 00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:03,200 And I'm just so thankful. But so as I grew older, I, I 52 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:07,200 always wanted a family, wanted kids and but I didn't want a 53 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,960 relationship that was just, he's a great guy. 54 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,040 I love him. I'm just, yeah. 55 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,920 I wanted something that God just clearly led me into. 56 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,240 I wanted to be in his will and I had many great friends. 57 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:26,320 There were great guys around, but I just, I wanted one that 58 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,880 had a sincere passion for God. I could see his heart was turned 59 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,280 toward God. Truly yelly, yo yes. 60 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,800 So at even a young age, that was very important to me. 61 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:44,200 So I, I had this friend named David that I had met when I was 62 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,080 probably 13 or 14. He was a cousin of one of my 63 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:52,800 best friends. And he always had such a heart 64 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,600 for God. And we could really connect on 65 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,400 spiritual things. And most of the time it was just 66 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,240 like messaging and stuff. But I could just see a depth in 67 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,560 him and it kind of helped set a standard for me of what I 68 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,600 wanted. Like there are guys with that 69 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,360 kind of heart for God, but we never had any kind of 70 00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:16,079 relationship and but there is a foundation of a great friendship 71 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:18,760 there. Don't understand why I bring 72 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:26,400 this up later, but so when I was 17, I, David actually invited me 73 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:30,040 to a youth conference that was in South Carolina and I met 74 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:36,000 someone there just briefly. Marcus Kaufman and I, we barely 75 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:43,440 talked and but I went home from that and me thinking we had like 76 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,800 I knew nothing of him and he went home to his family and told 77 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,480 them I found the one. Wow, just by a brief like 78 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,720 moment, yeah. And I don't know if that was 79 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,680 like he felt that from God or if it was just like feeling pretty 80 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,240 confident that he can make this happen. 81 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:03,480 But he first started, I think he sent me a message. 82 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,400 Yes, I had shared the one Sunday morning at the youth conference 83 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,920 and I shared a song I wrote and anyway, he sent me a message 84 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,600 about that just blessing me and what I shared and how it 85 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:17,960 impacted him. And then we just started right 86 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,000 away talking about the youth conference and what God had done 87 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,040 in our hearts there. And so in my mind right away, 88 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,640 this is just a that kind of conversation. 89 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,360 I had 0 expectations for it to be anything else. 90 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,720 And as time went on and we were messaging a lot and my parents 91 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,480 were like, I'm thinking maybe he's a little interested. 92 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:42,600 And I was like, there's no way. Well, yeah, he, he was. 93 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:48,080 And yes. So we, I was 17 at the time. 94 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,200 My dad wanted me to wait until I was 18 to date. 95 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:55,680 So we had some communication for about 8 months, but dad wanted 96 00:05:55,680 --> 00:06:00,400 us to kind of hold back on that and then he came to visit and to 97 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,400 go on our first date. Us never having really hung out 98 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,440 much, it was a bit scary. I remember like watching out the 99 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,800 window for him to show up and being like what am I doing? 100 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,520 And then when it. Gets there you're like, Oh my 101 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,360 gosh, what's going on like freaking out in. 102 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,840 The culture I grew up in, you don't date. 103 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,160 Like it's not a light hearted thing at all. 104 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,200 Like I know a lot of people date 13/14/15. 105 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,000 They have a boyfriend and girlfriend. 106 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,720 This was like felt a lot more serious. 107 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,880 Yeah. And I wanted it to be, but so 108 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,120 yeah, we hit it off right away. Like where was he from? 109 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,760 He was from North Carolina. He was from North. 110 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,480 Carolina. OK, so he travelled from North 111 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,440 Carolina to come visit you. He'd take you out on this. 112 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,720 Is that bro? Wow. 113 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,120 And he was 23 and I was just turning 18. 114 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:44,840 If. He wanted to. 115 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:50,800 He would, yes. So, yeah, we, that first weekend 116 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:55,720 he told me he loved me. He, he was just all in. 117 00:06:55,720 --> 00:07:00,320 He just knew. And yeah, our connection 118 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,840 spiritually and everything, it was just amazing. 119 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:06,080 It felt like everything I had hoped for, dreamed of. 120 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,560 So we, that was in October. We started dating in March. 121 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,600 We got engaged, got married in September. 122 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:20,280 Yes, we know. Yes, and I moved to North 123 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,840 Carolina. We had a fantastic marriage. 124 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,720 He was a quality that I appreciate in someone is 125 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,160 weirdness, like the best kind of artist. 126 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,080 Yeah, it quirks. We just like got each other's 127 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:37,480 humor and laughed so much and just had a great time. 128 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:45,720 But so I was I wanted kids but I wasn't sure if I was ready like 129 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,960 I was a little scared pregnancy and all of that. 130 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,160 But about 8 months in I found out I was pregnant. 131 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,280 Then when we found that out, he tells me that he's been praying 132 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,120 I would be pregnant. And I'm like you could have. 133 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,240 Insulted me. He was like, I'm just going to 134 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:02,760 go ahead. And start praying for this. 135 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,240 Exactly. So yeah. 136 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:10,280 So I was pregnant at. It was 8 months after we were 137 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:14,400 married. And right away Marcus is just 138 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,200 like, this is going to be a healthy pregnancy. 139 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,880 You're going to be so healthy. And he's just. 140 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:22,600 Right away we go straight to the grocery store and start buying 141 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,560 all the healthy things that maybe we don't even normally 142 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,880 eat. And it's just like, this is 143 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,120 going to be great. Yeah. 144 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,720 Before the nausea hit and I couldn't eat anything healthy. 145 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,840 But there's one story that just cracks me up because it's. 146 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:38,960 So it's so Marcus. We went to a grocery store and 147 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:43,120 so we're going through the aisle that had his favorite things, 148 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,320 like his weaknesses were like Doctor Pepper and sweet chili 149 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,720 Doritos. Well, so we go through that line 150 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,720 and he gets his Doctor Pepper, his sweet chili Doritos. 151 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,560 We go over to the eggs and I start to reach for just the 152 00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:01,600 normal eggs and he's like, we should get organic and like, 153 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,000 look at him. Like clearly he's not seeing the 154 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,880 irony in this. Yet like you just got junk food 155 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,520 and now we have to get organic. Where? 156 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,200 Do you like, he looked at me very seriously. 157 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,400 He's like, you cannot put a price on good health. 158 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,320 And I was just like. Then I pointed out the cart and 159 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:18,920 it was. I had a great laugh over that. 160 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:20,720 That's a sweet. Memory. 161 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:25,920 Yeah. So he was so excited about the 162 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,560 pregnancy. He like, went to all of the 163 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:31,120 appointments with me. He had a countdown app on his 164 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,920 phone and he was just so excited to be a daddy. 165 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:38,680 We found out it was a boy and we could see already in the 16 week 166 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,000 it was a 40 ultrasound. We could see that he had some of 167 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,800 Marcus's features, which is crazy. 168 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,440 Like when he was born. It was so much like like we 169 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,000 could tell the ultrasound, but so that was special. 170 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:55,600 Anyway, we were Thanksgiving, so I would have been seven months 171 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,040 pregnant. We spent the weekend, 172 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,320 Thanksgiving weekend with my family, had a great weekend with 173 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,080 them, lots of special memories there. 174 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,200 And then came back late late one night. 175 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,960 The next morning went to brunch with his family and on the way 176 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,840 back, like he was going to have off work that day. 177 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,400 We were just kind of planning out our week and we were 178 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,960 actually going to be leaving, I think the next day maybe to go 179 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,040 sing at a prison crusade. We were in the singing group 180 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,760 that would go to prison crusades and sing. 181 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:29,920 And anyway, we were just showing up at our home and coming down 182 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,440 the road toward our house, we saw a guy was standing out in 183 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,520 front of our house, like right out by the road, but directly in 184 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,040 front of our house. And just down the road, we could 185 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:44,640 see a car with its hood popped. And so it looked like maybe this 186 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,360 guy needed help. So Marcus just pulled over, 187 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,800 rolled down the window and asked, do you need help? 188 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,360 Can we help you? And like, I can still so clearly 189 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,640 see this guy. He just looked at us and didn't 190 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,200 say a thing. He just looked into the car and 191 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,800 said nothing. And so we were a bit puzzled. 192 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,040 And our dog was there kind of jumping on him. 193 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,560 We thought maybe, or I thought maybe he's just kind of freaked 194 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,880 out at the dog and just like kind of frozen Marcus just right 195 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,400 away rolls up the window and starts driving away. 196 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,160 And so I'm like, hey, he needs help. 197 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,800 Like, you know, anyway, Marcus had sense like something didn't 198 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,960 feel right to him. And so we had some close friends 199 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,080 that were our neighbors and he just wanted to take me down 200 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,400 there and drop me off at their house. 201 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,080 And I like, I've always just, I believe the best in people. 202 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,600 I just think, I mean, I, I felt bad that we were just leaving 203 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,480 this guy there. I look back and I'm like, if we 204 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,360 had done just what I felt, there's no telling what would 205 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,320 have happened. But so he took me and dropped me 206 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,760 off at a friend's house. They they were gone at the time. 207 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,680 So I just sat on their back porch. 208 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:59,560 I remember he like walked me to up to the porch and like I look 209 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,360 back at that and I'm like, what? Like that? 210 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,000 There was no need for him to do that. 211 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,000 And he as he was leaving, I was like, be careful. 212 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,600 And he was like, I will be right back. 213 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:14,320 He left and I was waiting there, maybe a tad grumpy in the cold. 214 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:20,080 And it started getting longer than I thought it would have. 215 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,000 But. And then all of a sudden, it was 216 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:25,000 just strange because the car that had looked broken down 217 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:29,600 comes toward the house that I was in really fast. 218 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,160 And then I was on the back porch. 219 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,360 I could hear on the other side of the house the car turning 220 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,520 around and squealing tires and going back toward our house. 221 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,240 And I like stood up. I was trying to see you can 222 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:45,160 almost see our house from there. And like 30 seconds later I 223 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:51,480 heard a bunch of gunshots and I was like trying to speak reason 224 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,080 to myself, like don't panic about nothing. 225 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,160 I start trying to call Marcus and it just was going straight 226 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,680 to voicemail. And I tried several times and 227 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,480 then I really was freaking out. I called his dad and they lived 228 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,840 about 5 or 10 minutes away and he said that they're coming. 229 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,360 So then I just like, I couldn't just stay there. 230 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,200 I don't know what I was thinking I would do or how I would help 231 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,480 anything. But I just took off running with 232 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:23,000 my seven month pregnant belly down the road crying. 233 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,000 And, and in that moment, I just wanted to call my mom. 234 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,160 And I called her and I was trying to tell her what's going 235 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,200 on. And she's like Marianne, if 236 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,640 something happened, they could come back, get off the road. 237 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,840 So I got off the road. There were some hay bales 238 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,440 nearby. I just hid behind there and 239 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,000 Marcus's parents came and got me. 240 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,160 I can't imagine what your mom feels like in this moment, you 241 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,560 know, like, hurt because you're in North Carolina. 242 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,360 Yes, you know, and she's in Georgia. 243 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,080 And like as a mom, you would just feel so helpless. 244 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,280 And she had a panic. The closest mom, most caring, 245 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:00,160 like yeah, help with everything. And she was so far away. 246 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,440 But it was smart for her to be like, get off the ride. 247 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,600 Like I look back and I'm not sure what my intentions were or 248 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,200 yeah, but so they picked me up behind the hay Bale. 249 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,960 We go up to our house and Marcus's car is gone. 250 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,800 And so me and Marcus's mom stayed out in the car. 251 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,120 His dad went in and he came out and said the house is ransacked. 252 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,840 So we knew right away. OK, something weird is going on. 253 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,080 We start calling for Marcus. We're like, where would he have 254 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,400 gone? His car is gone. 255 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,520 And about that time, a cop comes driving past the house. 256 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:38,120 And we noticed him just as he had passed. 257 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,160 And so we ran out to the road and we're motioning for him. 258 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:45,600 And so he turned around and came back and he said they got a 911 259 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,400 call, that a house is being robbed. 260 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,000 And so then we were like, OK, Marcus must have called. 261 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,720 And then he motioned for us to come over. 262 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,280 And he wanted to show us that back in the field on the other 263 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,960 side of our house, like there was a hedgerow and then an open 264 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,880 field. And he pointed back to the back 265 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,480 of the field and said, is that your car? 266 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:10,040 And there was our car, like up against a tree back in the 267 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,480 field. And then it was just even more 268 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,400 puzzling, like, what is even happening? 269 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,760 Yeah, we were just like, what is even happening? 270 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:22,200 But then a bunch of other cops were showing up and so they go 271 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,200 back to the car and we're just supposed to wait there. 272 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,400 All this time you're like imagining all the different 273 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,600 scenarios that could be going on. 274 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,000 And then after going back, they come out and just start putting 275 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,200 up the yellow tape and didn't tell us what was going on. 276 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,800 Instantly I thought he was dead. This is a crime scene because 277 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:43,000 he's dead and did. They go check out the car or did 278 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:43,680 I OK? Yes. 279 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,520 So we were supposed they hadn't told you the house? 280 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,240 No. And it was like no one knew what 281 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,480 they should tell me or it was just finally someone came and 282 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:58,240 just was like, I can't tell you much, but he was shot and he's 283 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:03,320 alive, but he's not doing good. And right away this like hope 284 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,440 was just came all over me. He's alive. 285 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,520 And oh, I had forgotten to mention Marcus and I had like 286 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:14,000 multiple times had prophesied over us something that God had 287 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,080 for us, that he was going to use us in a big way. 288 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:21,760 And I remember there being such a feeling of anticipation in 289 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,600 both of us because we fully believed this. 290 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,880 But our lives looked pretty typical. 291 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,960 There wasn't anything. So it always felt like we were 292 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,920 on the brink of something. But like, what's God going to 293 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:35,120 do? So in this moment, he's alive. 294 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,440 And I'm like, yes, like God can even use this. 295 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,520 And so we just start praying. And friends and family were 296 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,120 gathered around and we were praying there. 297 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,200 Anyway, they take him away. Life flighted him. 298 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:52,120 And I had to stay there and talk to the detectives and give them 299 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,160 all the information I could. I still wasn't hearing any more 300 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,720 information about like how he was doing or even where he was 301 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,560 shot. I was on the way to the hospital 302 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,359 in the car when I read an article online saying he was 303 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,400 shot in the head. That was how I found out it was 304 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:10,800 in the head. That has got to be so like, it's 305 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,560 crazy. Yeah. 306 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,400 Yeah. Like all the reporters gathered 307 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,400 around there and the fact that they can get information before 308 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,480 and you're the wife came, you know, like, that is so sad. 309 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,520 And I have like I've recently seen something like on social 310 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,760 media where like a mom may have lost, like they just kept saying 311 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,200 may have lost their daughter, may have lost her son. 312 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,360 And I'm like, well, why are we even putting that out there if 313 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:35,120 we don't even know for sure? And like just the respect of 314 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,720 privacy, like, oh, they. Just want to jump on the story. 315 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,840 Yeah. So, yeah, we get there to the 316 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,680 hospital and they came out to get the report and it was very 317 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,720 bleak. They said this type of thing, 318 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:51,880 just the the brain injury from the gunshot wound itself, like 319 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:56,240 95% mortality rate. Not to mention he crashed into a 320 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,240 tree. So what they think happened was 321 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,000 he was in the car when he was shot and his foot mashed the 322 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,880 pedal down and he was driven back and hit the tree. 323 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:12,760 So that started, there were 18 days spent in the hospital, many 324 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,880 ups and downs. It was just like, I think two 325 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:18,560 days after he was in the hospital that they told us that 326 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,600 they think they can safely say he's going to pull through. 327 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:26,440 I'll never forget that day. Like, it had been so just sad 328 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,520 and solemn. And I remember like when we go 329 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,600 to the cafeteria, just very serious. 330 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,800 And I remember just this, like, cafeteria celebration with my 331 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,720 family, like, he's going to pull through. 332 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:41,880 I knew it. And so, yeah, there are many 333 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:47,320 times of like, many hard times through it and times where 334 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:52,280 obviously I would fear, but there was just this, like, 335 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,120 overall faith. And I just knew, especially as 336 00:18:56,120 --> 00:19:00,480 the Facebook page built and it was on the news, like we were 337 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,040 seeing ourselves on TV and stuff, it just felt more and 338 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:07,800 more like God is just building up this audience and he is going 339 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,480 to display his glory. He's going to show that 95% 340 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,160 mortality rate. That's got nothing on him. 341 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:13,800 He can't. Yeah. 342 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,320 Like, that was what I just knew God was doing. 343 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,880 And it made sense. Like with all the the things 344 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:24,080 that we have been told about the ways God was going to use this, 345 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,120 I'm picturing like Marcus pulling through this and going 346 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:32,840 around and sharing his story. And so I wrote a journal to him. 347 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,360 Actually, I I brought the journal along. 348 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:44,000 I just started writing to him in there and because I wanted to 349 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,440 not forget all the different things happening and to be able 350 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:52,560 to talk to him about it then. And so let me see. 351 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:58,480 What does these days, the 18 days in the hospital look like? 352 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,440 Like I know you all had a Facebook page of of. 353 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,680 We looked at it or I looked at it earlier, but And so you're 354 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,240 already getting these people that are praying, but like, is 355 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,720 all of y'all's family up there and you're just constantly 356 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:12,960 hanging over him? Yeah. 357 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,160 Like, yes. The waiting room was so full of 358 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,960 people and food that people were bringing that they actually had 359 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,480 to like. Tell us to That has to be 360 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,640 limited because we were like filling up. 361 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,560 I mean, there were people there. Praying yeah constantly yes. 362 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,400 I think I saw a picture of like one of the waiting rooms and 363 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,440 like it's just slam people slam packed with people on their 364 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,840 knees just praying and like, wow, what a like beautiful 365 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:38,440 picture of, you know, what it looks like when we're in need 366 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,000 and people are interceding for us. 367 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,840 Like that was just so beautiful. Beautiful. 368 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,960 Like just yeah, yeah. It really meant a lot. 369 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,840 And so, yeah, I think that was another thing that it was just 370 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,080 like I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know everything 371 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,080 going on. And but the hot, the days at the 372 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,280 hospital, I was just there by his bed. 373 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,280 Like most of the time I'd come out and see people out there in 374 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,080 the waiting room, but I just stayed in there. 375 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,800 Was very hard for me to leave for any amount of time but. 376 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,960 You're not mad at God right now. Like you just leave the the 377 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,760 goodness in it like this is this is going to be good. 378 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:16,880 This is from a far out view. Seeing his hand, it's amazing. 379 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:25,160 But yeah, so he was about what was the date, I think when he 380 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,680 started really declining was the 17th of December. 381 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:36,360 And yeah, I reached a point where I all of a sudden, it felt 382 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,080 like he wasn't in the room anymore. 383 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,040 Like before, I would go in there and it felt like maybe he's 384 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,680 hearing and I don't know, something just changed. 385 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,280 He, there were like, so many ups and downs. 386 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,760 They would think that maybe they're about to be able to 387 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,600 remove the sedation and see if he responds. 388 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,560 But then something would go wrong, like, and they would need 389 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,000 to keep it out. Like his swelling would get 390 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,960 really high. They had to immediately, like 391 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,680 the night he was taken in, do a surgery to remove part of his 392 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,920 skull to give room for the swelling. 393 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,760 So a lot of what we were battling with in there was 394 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:13,800 watching his ICP brain pressure and like just praying for that 395 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,800 not to get too high, giving him medication for that, that kind 396 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:19,240 of thing. But then things would look 397 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,560 really good and then all of a sudden get worse again. 398 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:27,360 But yeah, those last two days, day and a half, I all of a 399 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,720 sudden just like about couldn't make myself go in the room. 400 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,280 And like I've looked back at that and been like. 401 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,960 I wish I had just stayed in there, but it was like suddenly 402 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,160 I couldn't, I couldn't handle it anymore. 403 00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:47,440 And actually in this journal, interesting thing about this 404 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:51,160 journal, I have like gone back and looked at all the different 405 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,080 things that could bring back memories. 406 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,560 And I've cried through so many different things. 407 00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:01,680 This journal, I didn't pull this out until last year, so like 10 408 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,280 years in and I just couldn't, I don't know. 409 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:09,680 I couldn't make myself and like I would every now and then I 410 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,240 know I like would come across it, maybe look at a few pages. 411 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,640 But last year before sharing at the Grove, I just felt like I 412 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:23,240 was supposed to get it and read it and it I realized that the 413 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:28,520 reason that I couldn't before was just knowing how much it was 414 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:33,120 written in so much faith. And I think because of how much 415 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:37,920 I'd wrestled with that, like trying to understand why God 416 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:45,360 would give me that faith and make me feel like he's going to 417 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,920 heal him. I don't know. 418 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,760 It was just I was so confused. I wasn't mad at God or anything, 419 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,720 but I was just, it didn't make sense. 420 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:58,240 And so this this part I just kind of wanted to not face. 421 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,000 But like, all through this, there's just like so many, like 422 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,960 I give up maybe a bad report that the doctor said. 423 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,600 And I'm just like, but you're in God's hands and I, I know 424 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,680 that's, you know, so much of that. 425 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:19,320 And the last, the last thing I wrote was on the 17th. 426 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,320 And it's like after a bit of a bad report. 427 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:26,760 And I just kind of. Said what the doctors had. 428 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:33,760 Said and then I, I said, so yeah, that's what today is 429 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:35,720 looking like. He plans to do the surgery this 430 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,200 afternoon. And we'll all be praying our 431 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:38,840 hearts out while he does. You'll be fine. 432 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,680 God's got this. And then I said last night 433 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,480 someone brought a lot of mail that you had been sent to that 434 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:45,840 had been sent to the church for me. 435 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,280 And I was so overwhelmed. There are so many people that 436 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,960 have never met me or you but are sending money, gift cards, 437 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,760 packages and cards. I can't wait till me and you can 438 00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,800 go through them together. If you could just see all the 439 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,040 people that are praying for you it's amazing. 440 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,680 Seriously I miss you so much. Please wake up soon. 441 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,440 Me and Pedro need you. Pedro was a nickname that his 442 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:09,840 dad had given Landon so. And it just stops there. 443 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:15,200 And so, yeah, those next couple days, he just declined really 444 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,200 fast. And it was just kind of like, 445 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,600 this thing just got thrown to the side. 446 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,400 And there was so much just, like, it was just so hard to 447 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,840 understand. Yeah. 448 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:30,160 So he died on the 20th. The doctors let us know there 449 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,920 was not brain activity and it's time to remove the life support. 450 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:39,880 And for a while, there was a feeling of betrayal. 451 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,200 I couldn't. I wasn't mad at God, but I was 452 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:48,000 just like, God you like you've been writing the story and it 453 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:52,600 felt like you were so in our marriage and like this was going 454 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,760 somewhere and it was just like what is even happening? 455 00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,160 You know the desires of my heart and you were able to heal him 456 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:05,200 and I was just so confused. Well, I mean, you're also seven 457 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,880 months pregnant also, like that's got to be so 458 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:13,480 heartbreaking as well as like, not just you losing, you know, 459 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,960 your husband, but also your child has now lost their father 460 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,000 that he'll never get to me and just all of this. 461 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:26,320 So not the anger at God, but you do just feel like this was being 462 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,360 written. You were writing our story. 463 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,480 It did. It wasn't supposed to end here. 464 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,120 I had faith. I had all the things I've been 465 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,680 praying, we've been rallying and just praying on all of this. 466 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:44,880 And so not just that's so hard. Yeah, so Christmas, five days 467 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,800 after he died and all that just feels like a whirlwind. 468 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:55,000 Landon was due on February 22nd and one thing I wanted to say. 469 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,800 So like initially there was that feeling of almost betrayal, just 470 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,280 confusion and all of that. But the reason I couldn't be 471 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:10,520 mad, I couldn't feel abandoned, is he was so present like and 472 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:12,720 there's no. Other time in my life that I've 473 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:17,840 felt him so real and so they're like he was holding me and the 474 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:22,120 things that he would send along to like just like that were 475 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:25,200 clearly touches from him through other people or like. 476 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,440 This one time mom and I were getting to the mall. 477 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,960 We were just getting out of the car, like starting to open the 478 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,320 doors. And a song came on the radio. 479 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,200 And it was just the first couple notes of that, like no words 480 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,680 were saying or anything. And I just felt, God tell me you 481 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,400 need to listen to this song. And I was like, mom, I think I'm 482 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,560 supposed to stay and listen this song. 483 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:46,080 So we get back in the car and it was broken. 484 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,000 Hallelujah by The Afters. I've never heard it before and 485 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,040 it said over the first lyrics, everything is crashing down. 486 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,280 I can barely stand right now. Everything is crashing down and 487 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,400 I wonder where you are. Then it goes on to say, I don't 488 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:00,920 know. Even though I don't know what 489 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,280 your plan is, I know you'll make beauty from these ashes. 490 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,760 So just so many different scenarios like that where it was 491 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,240 like clearly God speaking into it. 492 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:10,760 And like, I'm here, I'm holding you. 493 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,840 And the amount of people that we're sending, I'm talking like 494 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:19,840 every single day, loads of letters, money, gift cards and 495 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,640 like long letters of like he was reaching out through his body 496 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,320 around the whole United States. And so I was, I was just seeing 497 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,920 him and all of it. But yeah. 498 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:35,240 So Landon was due on February 22nd and people started saying 499 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,400 like I heard a couple people mention it'd be cool if he'd be 500 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,800 born on Valentine's Day because obviously Valentine's Day would 501 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:44,240 be hard and but that would have been 8 days early. 502 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,200 First babies. Typically that doesn't happen. 503 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,560 But what do you know? I went into labor Friday, I mean 504 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,960 February 13th, and he was born like early in the morning on 505 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,040 February 14th. Wow. 506 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,760 That was salad and gift, baby. That is sweet. 507 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:06,400 And like the mixture of emotions with him being born, like, like 508 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,520 on one hand, this is the moment that the day that we've been 509 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:14,120 counting down for, like, and Marcus is supposed to be there 510 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,840 with me, like delivering. And then just those first 511 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:21,000 moments, like the excitement and all of that experiencing that 512 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,760 feeling, the excitement and the joy, but without him. 513 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,960 And he looked so much like Marcus. 514 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,440 And so it was such a mixture of emotions there. 515 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:37,840 But he was so healing. Oh my goodness, he so him. 516 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,320 And I stayed in North Carolina until he was, I think maybe like 517 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:45,040 6 weeks old. I had moved back in right before 518 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:46,920 he was born. I moved back into mine and 519 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,320 Marcus's house. We had been living with Marcus's 520 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,320 parents. But I wanted to make some last 521 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,680 good memories at our house because they've been such a 522 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:57,720 happy house and I loved it. And I didn't want to just leave 523 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:00,800 the house on that note like at what with what had happened 524 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,000 there. So, yeah, Landon's first couple 525 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,560 weeks we lived there and my mom had moved up to to North 526 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,440 Carolina to stay with me over that time. 527 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:15,720 So I moved back to Georgia to live with my parents and and 528 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,240 then they just tried to find my place. 529 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,000 I've been gone for only 15 months. 530 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,880 So I still had a lot of single friends. 531 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,440 You know, they were in that stage of life. 532 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:29,560 I was still young, 20. And so and I did a. 533 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:34,120 Girl, I forgot you're so young. Yeah, Oh my gosh, I completely 534 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,360 forgot that. Like you're fresh out of like 535 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,080 high school. Yeah, Oh, my. 536 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,600 We're leading youth right now in our church. 537 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,680 We've been doing that for four years. 538 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,520 And what it hit me the other night, like when I was talking 539 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,160 to the one of the girls and she said she's 20. 540 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,240 And I was like, I was your age. Like I, I don't know, it's 541 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,880 crazy. But yeah, trying to find my 542 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,720 place. Like I was young, I was single, 543 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,040 but and all my friends were single, but also I had this 544 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,040 little baby who was very strongly opinionated and he 545 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,600 didn't just like, you know, who silently come along, did they? 546 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:14,920 So just trying to find my place with that feeling just very 547 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:19,000 alone in raising him and all the challenges that brings. 548 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,520 But he was just my he was my joy. 549 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:30,520 I mean that boy. And then so David, the one that 550 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,080 I mentioned earlier, he was living in South Carolina and he 551 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:38,880 got offered a job in our area when Landon was about nine 552 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,600 months old. And he took it. 553 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:48,280 And right away, like Landon just really liked David and David 554 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,800 because of our friendship and he had really cared about me and it 555 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,480 had been really hard for him to know what I was going through. 556 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,040 Well, he comes and starts hanging out with my friends and 557 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,520 stuff. And he would just take like he'd 558 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,280 come to the groups that I was hanging out with and he would 559 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,120 just take off with Landon and go hang out with him somewhere and 560 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,160 I could just hang out. And anyway, Landon got really 561 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,320 attached to him. And I love that they built that 562 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,920 relationship when Landon was so young. 563 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,960 And then so that was in November that he moved here. 564 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:22,240 By the end of January, we were having a conversation about like 565 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:28,400 where this is going. We weren't in a rush, obviously, 566 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,880 because it had just been a little over a year since Marcus 567 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,000 had died. And and there's like Marcus's 568 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,800 family to consider my own, like working through healing things 569 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:41,320 and stuff that I think it was in March then that we started 570 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,600 dating and got married in June, Engaged in no, not June. 571 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,640 Engaged in June, got married in July. 572 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,240 So. Anne, my girl knows, very 573 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,120 confident. She's like, this is it. 574 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:59,680 I know that is so sweet because David invited you to the party 575 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,320 where you met Marcus and all of this. 576 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,160 Wow. Like, look at just how it's 577 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,320 like. When I look back and I see, 578 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,880 yeah, even the way that God allowed me to have this 579 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,680 relationship, like friendship with David that felt he just 580 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:17,600 felt very safe and trustworthy and like, I just know he's a 581 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,920 good guy. And so then when he comes back 582 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,520 into the picture, I think it would have been really hard for 583 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:26,640 me to just trust just anywhere. But he comes back into the 584 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,480 picture and there's that base of friendship and safety. 585 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,040 And so, yeah, I look back and I just see God all over it. 586 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,080 And there were points in the story where it felt like God it, 587 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,880 it could have looked like God lost control or his his plan was 588 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:44,960 not turning out like. And but looking back, I just see 589 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:49,080 so clearly him working through it and just the, the way that he 590 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:55,960 works so differently than we imagine he will like right away, 591 00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,120 all my, my big dreams of even after Marcus was shot, like I, I 592 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:01,600 thought, I know what God is doing. 593 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,560 And it was something completely different. 594 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:09,280 And the ways that he has used it, despite it seeming like it 595 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,960 didn't turn out in the way that would glorify him most, he has 596 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:17,639 used our story to touch many people's lives in a different 597 00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:19,880 way. And even to to bring hope to 598 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,760 people who are going through hard things. 599 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:25,840 Because the fact is, hard things do come and God allows those 600 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:30,199 things and uses them. And so just to be able to be a 601 00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:32,920 testimony for that and his faithfulness through it. 602 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:39,600 I, one thing I want to speak into is just like fear of that 603 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,040 kind of thing happening because that's something that I like 604 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,840 battled a lot when I was younger. 605 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,600 Just fear of losing someone I love and feeling like I 606 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:53,880 couldn't, I couldn't handle it. But just seeing how present God 607 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:57,200 is and how faithful he is in those things and now being able 608 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:02,120 to just see like there is nothing to fear because he is 609 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,880 there and he is he is raining and all of it. 610 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:09,680 I think of Peter walking on the water and I, I always like 611 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:14,240 correlated with this because there are storms and there are 612 00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:17,760 waves that will come and they'll be crashing around. 613 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,640 But Peter was rising above that and walking on the water when he 614 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,320 had his eyes on Jesus. And when you can have that 615 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,600 eternal perspective and have your eyes set on him and the 616 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:31,000 good that he's doing through it, that kind of thing, you can go 617 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,320 through any of those things. And there's a, there's a piece 618 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,960 that doesn't even make sense. Like in those times, the way 619 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:40,720 that I was being comforted and even the way I could feel joy 620 00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:45,040 even made no sense other than him carrying me and me just 621 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,480 having my eyes on him. And but as soon as Peter took 622 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,680 his eyes off of Jesus, that's when he started to sink. 623 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,400 And I just think that's a beautiful picture of of us. 624 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,040 Like the fact is those things will come, that if we keep our 625 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,800 eyes on him, there is nothing to fear. 626 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:03,600 Amen. Amen. 627 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,520 Girl, that is so good. I you know, when you're saying 628 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:12,080 that I just thought of the same thing like it's the peace that 629 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,440 what is it? The peace passes all 630 00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,320 understanding and like in that you're talking about like how 631 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,920 you're starting to see the good and all of it like you're you're 632 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,560 trying to stay on the seeing the light. 633 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,120 And just like if you were without God in those situations, 634 00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,320 like there, you would not have been at peace. 635 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,760 You would have been not knowing what down and up and side to 636 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,320 side, like you would have just been in pure chaos. 637 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,720 But because you knew the Lord, because you had a firm 638 00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:42,440 foundation in Him, you were able to continue to. 639 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,240 Have peace and see the light and be able to get through that. 640 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:49,320 The thing of just knowing that this is in someone's hand, 641 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,880 that's over it all. It's not just out of control. 642 00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:57,920 It's not like he is ordaining things and there is a purpose in 643 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,720 all of it. And just knowing that can get 644 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:02,120 you through anything. Absolutely. 645 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,000 Yeah. Let me see. 646 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,720 So, yeah, I, I, David and I got married in July. 647 00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:15,840 The first year was wonderful and and there were just complicated 648 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:21,280 things as well with just processing like like loving 649 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:28,120 again and starting a marriage. And while like it all being just 650 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:33,640 not long ago with someone else. David is the most incredible 651 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,680 man. He stepped into it so 652 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:42,200 courageously. He was like, I look back at his 653 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,240 selflessness and it blows my mind because there were so many 654 00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:48,400 things that he could have felt like this just isn't fair. 655 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:54,480 Like, yeah, but he just was so courageous even in like, 656 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,000 stepping in and being a daddy to Landon and loving him so well 657 00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:02,600 and helping parent him and. And just like while I was 658 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:06,560 grieving, David just was there and he didn't, he didn't feel 659 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,480 threatened by it. He didn't he just let me process 660 00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:13,760 and loved me through it. He was truly the hands and feet 661 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:18,000 of Jesus to me and just like showed me Jesus love in such a 662 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,160 beautiful way. That would be a very hard role, 663 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,640 you know, like having to. I would have a hard time. 664 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,320 Yeah, I, like, I didn't know if I could say this, but I was 665 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,480 like, that would be very hard to, like, watch you having to 666 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,720 mourn and be in grief about another man. 667 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:36,200 You know it. We're just recently married and 668 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,920 now you're crying, you know, like that would be so hard. 669 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,200 Like so, so hard. So for him to be so 670 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,520 compassionate and patient and just like truly the hands and 671 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,600 feet of Jesus, like just being there because sometimes like we 672 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,560 do get in situations and we don't know what to say and do 673 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:54,080 and then we act out or whatever. But you're saying like in his 674 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,120 case, like he was just there, he just understood it was? 675 00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:00,680 Like I just gave him this ability to just shut down any 676 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,600 selfishness that could rise up, like about what he deserves or 677 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,480 how and and just simply be there for me. 678 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:13,200 Yeah, it's incredible. What so first year marriage just 679 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,400 kind of like up and down for you on. 680 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:21,120 Yeah, it's always, we've always had an incredible marriage. 681 00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,040 Like I God has been so good and so gracious. 682 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,520 We we mesh and work together very well. 683 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:31,880 Like we, I feel like some of the complications that people have 684 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,840 with not understanding each other and things like, I feel 685 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:40,800 like, I mean, obviously that comes up, but I feel like we, we 686 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,840 understand each other very well. And it's been, we work together 687 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:45,920 very well. I'm so thankful for that. 688 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,400 And yeah, we've been blessed with three more children since 2 689 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:50,560 little girls. And a little boy. 690 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,760 And we lead youth at our church. We've been doing that for four 691 00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,640 years. We've been leading worship at 692 00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:59,520 our church together for six years. 693 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,480 And yeah, like ministering together is, it's such a, it 694 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:08,720 really deepens our relationship being able to be used. 695 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,680 By God together I love that the ministries we've been called to 696 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:17,040 you have been us together and now like the latest things is 697 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:20,800 that God just about a year ago started laying foster. 698 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,720 Foster care and adoption on our hearts. 699 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,880 You know what's crazy is the first episode of yours, I just 700 00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,040 kind of scrolled and went to one and like it was right over a 701 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:30,920 time that God was really moving in. 702 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:32,800 Like, do we need to start signing papers? 703 00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:36,640 I just did last week, signed some of the first papers, but I 704 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,520 the first one I listened to was Mallory Smith. 705 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,880 And I didn't realize gonna have anything about that. 706 00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,040 And as I was listening through it and I got to that part, I was 707 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,160 like, are you kidding me? Her story made me cry. 708 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,840 Wow girl yeah that is absolutely amazing. 709 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,080 I literally got chill bumps in this hot room. 710 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:56,960 It keeps a lot. Wow, just just the way God 711 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,840 speaks us. And even in your story where 712 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,560 you're saying like he sent people and the song played and 713 00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,560 stuff like that, God speaks to us constantly. 714 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,880 He's always speaking to us, but you have to be in line with him. 715 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:12,520 You have to be seeking him and knowing who he is and knowing 716 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:15,640 warehouse presence. Yes, to hear from him because 717 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,000 there's so many times people do say like, oh, I don't hear from 718 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:18,880 God. Like how do you know? 719 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,840 Like whatever, if you're seeking him, you'll know. 720 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,800 And like you're expecting it. Exactly. 721 00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,160 If you have a heart of expectancy, you will. 722 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:29,920 You will hear from him that's. So true, while so y'all kind of 723 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,000 started foster care, like the paperwork and stuff like that. 724 00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,080 Yes, it where it just in the very beginning stages and it all 725 00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,920 looks a little scary, but also like our hearts are so in it. 726 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:46,680 Like there's not much that makes me cry like thinking of children 727 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,920 in need, neglected, abused, like that kind of thing. 728 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:55,720 I just my heart breaks and like it's scary not knowing. 729 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:57,880 Like I mean, I know that they've gone through hard things. 730 00:41:57,880 --> 00:41:59,760 So there's always trauma stuff to deal with and stuff. 731 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:04,640 But then like we're called to be the hands of feet of Jesus. 732 00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:08,080 And if if we can't, as the his people with his spirit inside of 733 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:13,320 this, we are, we can bring hope to them that not many people can 734 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:14,160 offer. So. 735 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:18,560 I love it. I do have a quick question. 736 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:22,440 I don't know if this is going to stay or not, so just just 737 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:25,560 whatever. But OK, so Marcus's last name 738 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,840 was Kaufman, Yes. And your name still Kaufman so. 739 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:33,160 Yeah, I think I forget how weird that is. 740 00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,480 So David and Marcus are not related, OK? 741 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,560 They have the same last name spelled the exact same way. 742 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:46,520 Oh yeah. And so Landon's name didn't need 743 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,560 to be changed, which we wouldn't have. 744 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,960 We wouldn't have changed it. Yeah, but it's just really cool 745 00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:56,680 that he can carry Marcus's name and David's name and that there 746 00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,360 didn't need to be any changing my name or anything. 747 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,840 It's really, really. Cruel because when we first 748 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,280 started and you said it and I was like, hang on, wait a 749 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,960 minute, that's your last name. And I was like, well, maybe like 750 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,240 it was something like really sweet, like he took your last 751 00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:11,640 name or you know, like, Oh my gosh, wow. 752 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,760 Just another like spider web and this like so crazy. 753 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:20,120 So I guess as we begin to close, is there something maybe you 754 00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:24,280 haven't hit, maybe something God has recently revealed to you? 755 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,680 Or maybe just some piece of advice that you have for someone 756 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,640 like how would you like to close this? 757 00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:33,960 I just, I know I touched on this already, but I feel like my 758 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,240 whole heart coming here and just what I wanted to leave with 759 00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:41,840 people was just that you can trust the one who's holding your 760 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,320 life and, and you can trust his plans. 761 00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:52,920 And if you're feeling fear about what the future may hold or 762 00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:56,440 you're facing something really difficult, there are these 763 00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,480 questions that I ask myself. And I like, I've done this so 764 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:04,040 many times and it's like these questions that I know the answer 765 00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:07,080 to, but I have to remind myself what I believe and it just like 766 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:12,080 settles my heart. So it's do I believe that God is 767 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:15,200 actually sovereign? Do I believe he's in control of 768 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,280 everything going on, that I'm not out of his hand? 769 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,760 OK, so then do I believe that he's good? 770 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:27,960 Do I believe in his character? And do I believe that he loves 771 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,640 me? And do I believe that he's with 772 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,200 me? So if this God that is 773 00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:39,800 completely, that loves you so much and is with you in every 774 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:44,720 moment, if He is also completely sovereign, then what is there to 775 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:49,560 fear? He is with you and He has a plan 776 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,280 and just rest in that. And the peace. 777 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,520 I'm just so thankful for the peace that can come from Him 778 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,800 because there's so much turmoil in this world and there's so 779 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:03,000 much that can bring fear. And if we can just rest in our 780 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,640 Father and that he's good and He's holding us in His hand. 781 00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:10,560 I love the verse that says He holds our tears in a bottle and 782 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,960 just that nearness of him and him truly caring yet being so 783 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:19,360 powerful and overall, yeah, it just puts my heart at rest. 784 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:22,640 Those are great, great questions to ask ourself when we do feel 785 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:25,360 that anxiety and that worry. Like if we know that all of 786 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:28,520 those are to be true, why worry? Why fear? 787 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,760 Like he, he's sovereign, so he already knows. 788 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,600 He's already orchestrating this beautiful plan for our lives. 789 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,640 This has been absolutely amazing, girl. 790 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,360 I know that this is going to be used in a mighty way. 791 00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,440 Ever since I heard it the first night, like I have thought about 792 00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:46,280 you so often and just like told so many people about the story 793 00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:50,120 or your story. And so it's like, now I don't 794 00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:54,040 have to say anything else. I'm like, Bo, listen, yes, she's 795 00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,680 going to tell you herself. So this has been absolutely 796 00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,240 incredible. I hope you guys have enjoyed it 797 00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:02,080 as much as I have. This is just been such a 798 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,240 pleasure meeting her and talking to her. 799 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,400 So yeah. It has been an honor. 800 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:11,480 Thank you so much for coming. All right, guys, make sure that 801 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,360 you just stay tuned. Stay blessed. 802 00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:14,880 And we'll see you guys later. Bye.