1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,640 What's up guys? My name is Alexis, your host 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,840 with praises in the pot, and I am so excited to be here with 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,520 Chelsea Brown. We have been talking about this 4 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,720 for a while, yes, going back and forth, but we're here today. 5 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,240 We are going to be talking about her testimony and just 6 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,640 everything in between. So we're going to start off in 7 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:16,880 prayer and then we're going to jump right in. 8 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,560 So here we go. Lord Heavenly Father, just thank 9 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,280 you for letting us gather here today and talk about your 10 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:26,800 goodness and your faithfulness. Lord God, I'm just so thankful 11 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,160 that Chelsea can come in here and talk about what you have 12 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,760 done in her life, Lord God, and just how she has been a light to 13 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,880 others. She's been a light to me and I'm 14 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,800 just so excited for others to hear to her testimony today. 15 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,160 Lord, I pray that you speak to us and through us and let this 16 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:44,920 episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray. 17 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:45,840 Amen. Amen. 18 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,680 Amen girl. So I mean truly first Chelsea is 19 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,560 a worship leader at our church and girl, you have the most 20 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,160 beautiful voice I have ever heard in my life. 21 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,520 I wish you could sing right now so I can put you on the spot 22 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,880 though. But like, really night Naomi 23 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,560 Rain feel when you sang one of her songs a few weeks ago, was 24 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,080 it one name? Yes, I love that song. 25 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,400 I was like, me and my mom were just like, hang on now, is this 26 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,480 Chelsea song or Naomi song right? 27 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:19,840 But yes, it's been such an amazing, like it's been so 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,480 amazing for me to watch you on stage and just hear you even 29 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,280 pray and lead and like you'll bring out scripture sometime and 30 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,640 talk in between and just so beautiful. 31 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,520 And I remember one night you were talking about something, 32 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,920 can't even tell you what you're talking about, but you just 33 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,280 touched my heart and instantly I text you while you're still on 34 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,880 stage. You probably still had your 35 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,160 phone in there. And honestly, and I was like, 36 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,200 hey, girl, do you want to come on? 37 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,120 Yeah. So I'm super excited today, but 38 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,720 let's go ahead and get jump in. Let's go ahead and start maybe 39 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,520 at your childhood. Tell us a little bit about that. 40 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,800 OK, so I'm actually originally from Springfield, MO. 41 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,920 That's where I was born. But I've, I was raised mostly 42 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,760 here in in Georgia. I moved with my grandparents 43 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:01,200 probably around age 4, I believe it may have been a little later. 44 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,320 Like my, my childhood just feels like such a like kind of a blur 45 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,000 those first like few years, which is so crazy because people 46 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,080 will be like, yeah, I remember in kindergarten this and that. 47 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,480 And I'm like, I don't, I don't remember any of that. 48 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,520 But so I do remember when my life picked up in Georgia, I was 49 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,720 raised mostly by my grandparents on my mom's side. 50 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,560 And my dad really wasn't super in my life. 51 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,680 He would pop up every once in a while, but he was kind of in and 52 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,760 out of jail. So we didn't have the best 53 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,920 relationship growing up. We really don't have a 54 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,480 relationship now, but I have that relationship with my mom 55 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:33,000 still because it was her parents. 56 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:37,240 She was more active in my life, but we still had some issues 57 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,040 because from my perspective, it just seemed like she was always 58 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:45,640 choosing men over me, mainly my brother's father at the time. 59 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,000 And so that was really tough as a child. 60 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,200 But I I can still say that I was very blessed because my 61 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,520 grandparents provided everything I needed. 62 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,280 Like, I didn't miss that fatherly love because my grandpa 63 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,080 was my entire world. And I'm really going to try not 64 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,320 to cry when I talk about him 'cause I miss him so much. 65 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,600 And my grandma, like she was just this pillar in our family. 66 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,880 She was such a strong woman. She's probably where I get a lot 67 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,240 of my hard head in his room. And like, and Daniel says that 68 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,280 too. He's like, yeah, you definitely 69 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,360 get that from your grandma. And but I'm, I'm so thankful for 70 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,200 it because she shaped me into the woman that I really am 71 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,840 today. She's probably the reason why I 72 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,440 was able to survive on my own after she passed away suddenly. 73 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,080 And I didn't really like sink too much. 74 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:35,440 I was able to just keep going. But yeah, I didn't grow up in a 75 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,560 household that was really religious. 76 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,760 I mean, I we prayed over like meals and when family was in 77 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,920 town over like holidays and everything, but we didn't really 78 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,880 talk about Christ. The first time I was exposed to 79 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,760 anything to do with church was when a friend of mine from 80 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,160 elementary school invited me to come with her to Awana. 81 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,400 And that was that was great. But I also was a kid and I was 82 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,440 like, I want to do all the fun things and like, you know, I, I 83 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,280 did the Bible scripture memorization so I can get my 84 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,800 little pins on my back when they did the Awana vest. 85 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,120 I don't know if they still do that or not. 86 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:06,760 They do. They had. 87 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,560 The kids running around the other night and I was like Oh my 88 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,880 that's the best. Was stacked. 89 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,680 Yeah, I. Always felt like the cool kid in 90 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:19,160 town when I had like all the but it I will say it, I don't think 91 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,400 it really impacted me. I think I was just memorizing 92 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,040 scripture to check things off 'cause I wanted those pins. 93 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,680 It really wasn't until like middle school, high school that 94 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:34,520 I was really interested in what God had to offer. 95 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,560 I guess more along the lines of who he was. 96 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,480 Like I just wanted to know more about him. 97 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:45,360 And it was so hard because I like had these friends that were 98 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,920 not making the right choices that were they were pretty rough 99 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,280 in middle school, especially like the first year of high 100 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,920 school, they were really rough. But I was still like curious 101 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,400 about God. I just hadn't fully like 102 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,800 surrendered to him. I got saved in 9th grade and I 103 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,920 got baptized actually on Christmas Eve, which was really 104 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,440 cool. And I would like to say that 105 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:05,880 everything was perfect after that. 106 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:10,480 But we know as believers, like it is not all like rainbows and 107 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,120 butterflies. After you get saved and get 108 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,120 baptized and surrender your life, it is still an uphill 109 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,600 battle. But that's because the enemy is 110 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,320 going to come after you harder. Like if he doesn't have a grip 111 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,880 on you, he's going to continue until he does. 112 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:28,440 So I got distracted in high school and I met this guy that I 113 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,160 should not have been with at all. 114 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,320 I was like 15 at the time. He was 21. 115 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,360 I thought that was my first love. 116 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,480 And he completely like shattered my world. 117 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,320 And he probably, he probably doesn't know that. 118 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,240 So if he sees this, I'm sorry, I'm talking about you. 119 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,560 But you know, I just like, I thought I was so in love with 120 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,080 him and it completely distracted me 'cause I met him at church. 121 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,600 So I was like, oh, this who God wants me to be with? 122 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,520 Like he's a Christian. He's, he sings, he does music 123 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,040 and stuff. I was like, oh, this is perfect. 124 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:02,120 But the age gap was a huge deal. And then I got to see another 125 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,040 side of him outside of church 'cause he actually ended up 126 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,160 leaving the church we were currently at. 127 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,800 And he texts me, he's like, hey, you should come with me to this 128 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,440 new church. So I completely dropped to my 129 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,320 other church. And I feel, I still feel so bad 130 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,920 about that. And I, I probably should call 131 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,240 them eventually and apologize. It's been so many years. 132 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,320 But I was part of the worship team. 133 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,680 I was in the youth, I was like really active in that church. 134 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,000 And then I just stopped going because of this man because I 135 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,440 thought I was in love and I followed him. 136 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,120 And from that time on, I just saw this completely different 137 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,080 side of him. It was not good. 138 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:35,600 And he was a partier and just into a lot of stuff that I had 139 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:42,240 no business being a part of, but. 21 and 15 like one that's 140 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:46,920 not good that, you know, you're a kid and so like nothing's 141 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,320 really matching up. So you were probably just like, 142 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,080 such and like, lust over him, you know, Because, I mean, I was 143 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,960 like that too. I always went up for older men. 144 00:06:55,960 --> 00:07:00,080 And then I look back and I'm like, I was a kid at that point. 145 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,280 They shouldn't have even been talking to me. 146 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,000 Yeah, you know. And I know I'm, I might be a 147 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,480 little all over the place with my story, but I, I felt like it 148 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,960 wasn't a big deal because I felt so mature at that point. 149 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,040 Because like, you know, some of my story of how I raised my 150 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,520 brother, I helped raise my brother, my brother and I have a 151 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,480 12 year age gap. So pretty much from the time he 152 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,160 was born, it really felt more that I took over like a motherly 153 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,200 role versus a big sister role because of that such big age 154 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,400 gap. Like I was already helping 155 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,920 change diapers. I was already babysitting him 156 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:34,040 while my mom would work really late at night, like feeding him, 157 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,920 like just helping take care of him. 158 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,280 Like I I feel like I'm so prepared for our baby that's 159 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,640 coming now because that because of those like roles that I 160 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,800 played. But yeah, I just like I felt 161 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,880 more mature and I was like, I don't want to date anyone my own 162 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,120 age. I want this man and he 163 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,640 completely broke my heart, but it's probably for the good 164 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:52,720 'cause I wouldn't have called it off if like if he hadn't. 165 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,240 But yeah, so I just, I don't know. 166 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,520 I had a had a rough time with men back then and I think it was 167 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:04,520 because I was craving, I guess, that attention. 168 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:08,160 I felt a lot of abandonment and resentment towards my mom 169 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,560 because the fact that when I was growing up, she was always with 170 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:16,200 my brother's father. And I won't say it was 171 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,680 necessarily always her fault because I was so used to living 172 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,280 with my grandparents. I didn't want to go back to 173 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,800 Missouri. Like I didn't want to leave them 174 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,680 here. Like they're getting older. 175 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,400 I didn't know how much time I had left with them. 176 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,720 And we had built this like great relationship and they were my 177 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,680 entire world. I was like, I don't want to 178 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,039 leave. And then when my brother was 179 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:35,760 born, she, she had come back to Georgia for a little while, but 180 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,480 then when my brother was born, she decided to go back up and 181 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,720 stay with her, her boyfriend, my brother's father. 182 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,440 And that was hard because I was like, now I'm losing my like 183 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:47,640 sibling that I'm close to. And I have other siblings, but 184 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,320 he was the one that I was closest to because the other 185 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,080 ones are through my dad. And since I don't have really a 186 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,760 relationship with him, I didn't have a relationship with them 187 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,240 either. And so that was hard. 188 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,160 I had to decide like, am I going to stay or am I going to go? 189 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,200 I eventually did go up to Missouri. 190 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,000 That was a very rough time. I think that's probably when my 191 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,400 mom's addiction like picked up. I just remember like I didn't 192 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,360 think it was a big deal that she would come home and like drink 193 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,680 beer every night. But I noticed that it was 194 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,160 starting to get bad when her and her boyfriend would argue and 195 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,280 they'd both be drinking. They'd both be drunk. 196 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,920 And I'm just here with this like baby, my brother. 197 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,520 And I'm just like, I don't know what to do. 198 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,480 Like this is just it's a hard situation. 199 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:29,040 And if my mom is watching this, I'm so sorry. 200 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,800 But I do have to talk about one story that like, really just 201 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:37,760 shaped my whole just view on like, alcoholism. 202 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,000 They had both been drinking one night and it was fine and 203 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,440 everything was like, they were having a good time listening to 204 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,400 like, old R&B music. I went to bed. 205 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,520 Next thing I know, I hear them arguing is it went from like 206 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,000 zero to 10. And I hear my mom screaming. 207 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,960 I go in there and I mean, her face is just covered in blood. 208 00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,160 I wasn't in there to see the incident. 209 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:04,120 But from what she told me, he had, like, gripped her hair and, 210 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,600 like, smashed her head into the table. 211 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:10,800 And being like, 13 at the time, that was terrifying. 212 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,560 And she had been drinking, too. So like, she was losing 213 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,800 consciousness. I had to call the cops. 214 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,600 I had to be with her in the emergency room till like, 3:00 215 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,920 AM the next day. It was just, it was a really, 216 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,640 really rough time. And that was when we ended up 217 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,480 coming back to Georgia because I guess that was like the final 218 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,360 straw for her. Well, I'd like to say that was 219 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,480 the final straw, but she did end up going back. 220 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:37,960 And so just the the whole back and forth, having to witness 221 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,480 that, having to take on responsibility of my brother was 222 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,000 just a lot for me. But it did help me to mature 223 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,280 quicker. And I will say I'm, I am 224 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,680 thankful for that. It did just, it helped me to 225 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,520 mature. Yeah. 226 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,560 So we were back in Georgia for a while. 227 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,680 And then at some point she did decide to go back. 228 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,760 She took Aiden. She went back up to Missouri. 229 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,960 I want to say that was one of my grandpa passed away. 230 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,680 Sorry, because now I'm trying to remember. 231 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:11,280 I think he passed away in 2013. It's been so long. 232 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,720 Like I know it's been over a decade and that's what's so 233 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,960 crazy time just like flies. But he he got sick. 234 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,680 He had like diabetes and stuff. He really wasn't taking care of 235 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,880 himself like he was supposed to. But she she did end up coming 236 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,560 back and living with us right after he passed away. 237 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,200 And I thought everything was going to be good, but that was 238 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,920 when her addiction really like picked up. 239 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,000 Yeah. She did not know how to handle 240 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,800 losing her dad. And I was mad at her too 241 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,160 because. And I know she was in the middle 242 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,120 of her addiction. So like obviously I give her 243 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,520 grace for that now. And let me preface too, me and 244 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,280 my mom have a wonderful relationship now. 245 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:53,520 Like I'm so thankful and is completely, completely a God 246 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,880 thing, the relationship that we have now. 247 00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:01,560 But she just, she couldn't handle a loss of, of her dad. 248 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:05,960 And then her and my brother's father had broken up and it was 249 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,480 just a whole mess. And I was more mad at her 250 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,720 though, because it's like it was only happening to her. 251 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,920 So that's what justified her addiction. 252 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,400 She was, she just seemed like she was like, well, I, she would 253 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,400 always say I lost my dad. OK, I also lost, it feels like I 254 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,200 lost my dad too, 'cause my dad was never in my life and my 255 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,840 grandpa was my everything. He like, I was Paw Paw's girl. 256 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,480 So I was just so angry with her then. 257 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:35,560 And then it's like she was here, but she wasn't present, you 258 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,800 know, And I've always, I just always wanted that relationship 259 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,280 with my mom. I always wanted her to just be 260 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,960 here, to pick me, to just be in my life. 261 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:49,320 And so from pretty much 2013 until two years ago, 'cause I 262 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,760 think she just hit two years of sobriety, which is such a 263 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,880 blessing. I remember when you announced on 264 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,680 stage that she hit one year. Yeah. 265 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,320 I was like, oh, my gosh. Now I still hadn't put the 266 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,800 pieces together that I knew your mom. 267 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,840 Yeah. I was like, what a blessing. 268 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,720 Like, that is so amazing. Like everything. 269 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,520 I think that's when you ended up actually ended up texting me the 270 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,520 first time, like before you had your podcast. 271 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,240 I think that's when you texted me the first time and I was 272 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,720 like, that is so crazy. Like you've pretty much known me 273 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:17,440 since I was like 13. And had no idea really. 274 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,840 Like we just started putting the things together and I'm like, 275 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,800 wait, OK, yeah, So. Yeah, so. 276 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,320 Crazy she she has been two years sober now, which is great, but 277 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,720 pretty much from 2013 till two years ago, like it was just full 278 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,720 blown addiction and it was just a dark, dark, dark time. 279 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,360 And I will say sorry in 2013, that's when we worked together. 280 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,800 Yeah, being your mom and you wouldn't know. 281 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,920 Yeah, I didn't. So like, I just remember, you 282 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,720 know, she was just like a work mother almost to me, like just 283 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,520 always just pouring encouragement or something. 284 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,800 But like I had no idea. Yeah. 285 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,560 And unfortunately, that's another everything that made me 286 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,400 mad is because like, I would be home and I would get to see the 287 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,920 side of it, but then she would be out and like she was a 288 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:03,640 functional alcoholic, I guess is what you would say. 289 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,720 But everything just was kind of spiraling. 290 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,280 She was in and out of like detox. 291 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,640 My grandma would help her get into the detox at at the 292 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,400 hospital and she'd be in there for a few days and I'm like, OK, 293 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,680 maybe this time is going to be different. 294 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:22,400 She come out, she'd be better. But it then it was quick to. 295 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,400 Yeah, it was it was really rough. 296 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,760 And so I was helping to take my brother to school. 297 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:30,600 I was helping my grandma, like take care of him. 298 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,120 And she was still around at the time. 299 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,520 So like, I didn't have that much responsibility. 300 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:40,320 Excuse me, sorry. But then my grandma got sick 301 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:48,080 literally out of nowhere. It feels like in 2017, it was 302 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:49,520 actually on 9/11, which is crazy. 303 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,440 She started having chest pains. I don't remember it because it 304 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,520 was the same day that Hurricane Irma came through and she 305 00:14:56,560 --> 00:15:02,560 started having chest pains early that morning and they called the 306 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,720 ambulance. They took her to the hospital. 307 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,640 I guess after like some chest X-rays and some different scans, 308 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:13,560 they found lesions on her lungs, liver, and on her brain. 309 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,920 She had stage 41 cancer and I was just so blown away because 310 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,080 I'm like, how does someone go all the way to stage 4 and not 311 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,200 know that they're sick? Yeah. 312 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,520 And like, I still don't know to this day. 313 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:28,080 Obviously, I won't know if she already knew she was sick or 314 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:32,000 not, but she didn't end up passing away very quickly. 315 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,800 She was in the hospital from 9:11 and she passed away October 316 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:36,640 21st. So. 317 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,480 And she was in the hospital the whole time. 318 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,120 She came home for a few days. We ended up doing at home 319 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,720 Hospice because she's like, I don't want to, I don't want to 320 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,960 die in this hospital, which I completely understand. 321 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:52,320 Like she stopped doing the chemo because it just was going to 322 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,320 make her sick and she didn't want to live like that. 323 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,400 And so she came home and she did get to die peacefully at home, 324 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,480 but just really crazy because I had to work that day and I felt 325 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,560 sick at work. And so I ended up leaving, and I 326 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,040 came home, and I wish, I still wish to that day that I had gone 327 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,680 and, like, sat by her bedside, but I just felt so sick. 328 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,240 And so I laid in my bed. I took a nap. 329 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,320 And then my aunt woke me up out of my nap and told me that she 330 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,480 was gone. And my grandma and I did not 331 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,280 always get along. She was the tougher one. 332 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,440 She was not the one that would say yes to me all the time. 333 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,320 That was my Papa. My Papa was like, yeah, you can 334 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,400 have whatever you want, baby girl. 335 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,640 Yeah, My grandma was the one that enforced the rules. 336 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,280 And so we butted heads a lot. But looking back on it, I'm so 337 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,280 thankful for that because I probably would have been really 338 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,120 wild in and out. Like I had some years in high 339 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,880 school where I was hanging out with some rough people. 340 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,960 And if it wasn't for the moral she instilled in me, I would 341 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,960 have probably continued to do the things that I wasn't 342 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,400 supposed to be doing. And I would have never turned 343 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:55,520 away from that. But when my grandma passed away, 344 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,080 my mom just went off the deep end. 345 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:03,440 I mean, she was drinking all the time, was not present at all. 346 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,560 I, I fully took on responsibility for Aiden. 347 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,680 I'd have to take him to school. I'd have to cook him dinner. 348 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,520 I'd have to make sure his homework was done with. 349 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,680 Like your grandparents passing away, like where are y'all 350 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,319 living at this point? Like is your mom working and 351 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:21,520 able to pay bills or like are you're really having to fill 352 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,560 that role in too? I'm. 353 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,400 Trying to remember if she had she, I think she was trying to 354 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,360 do some work from home jobs and it just like wasn't working out 355 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,080 for her because like her addiction would take over and 356 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:37,240 she just wouldn't work. We were living in our in our 357 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,920 house at the time because my grandparents owned the house. 358 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,800 But then when my grandma passed away, we all had to move out. 359 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,040 So my aunt was already living with somebody. 360 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:48,080 And she actually ended up taking over with Aiden at that time 361 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,160 because I wasn't fully on my feet just yet because I mean, I 362 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,160 was working at Chick-fil-A making like 1250 an hour or 363 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,560 something. I was like, I can't take care of 364 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,880 it like a little boy like that. My mom had moved into an 365 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:05,040 apartment and I think I'm trying to remember how she oh OK sorry. 366 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,720 From the life insurance. My grandma did leave behind 367 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,520 money for all of us and my mom used in a smart way. 368 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,840 She used it to get an apartment and get herself started. 369 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,640 There was there was a small break in her drinking at that 370 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,600 point. I will say that she it wasn't 371 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,360 like she's drinking all the time. 372 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,240 When my grandma first passed away and during my grandma's 373 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,640 like stay in the hospital, she was drinking. 374 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,400 She could not cope with it, but there was a small window where 375 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,760 she like kind of got it together and she was like, all right, I'm 376 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,480 gonna get an apartment. I'm gonna get all new furniture, 377 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,040 like Aiden's going to have his own room. 378 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,720 And it was good. But then she stopped working. 379 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,440 I don't remember where she was working at the time. 380 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,120 She did stop working. She was just drinking all the 381 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:52,600 time. And I had cosigned on that 382 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,600 apartment with her. I did cosign on that apartment. 383 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,040 And I was so mad because I was like, you're going to get 384 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,280 evicted. And she did. 385 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,280 She got evicted. Luckily, it by the grace of God, 386 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,840 it did not show up on any of my reports, which is amazing 'cause 387 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,720 I need to get my own apartment eventually. 388 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,360 I had moved in with roommates for the time being, but 389 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:10,600 eventually I was going to want my own place. 390 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,040 And I'm like, I don't want this on my record. 391 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,760 So when she got evicted, we told her we were like, you have to go 392 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,600 to rehab. Like you have to. 393 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,160 Otherwise, like I told her, I was like, I'm going to take you 394 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,880 to the court and I'm going to get custody of Aiden if you 395 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,680 don't go to rehab. So she went to rehab the first 396 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,880 time and Aidan was staying with my aunt. 397 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,120 But I was kind of helping back and forth a little bit. 398 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,840 I was still in school. I was working a lot, so I wasn't 399 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,520 able to go as much as I wanted to. 400 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,480 That's a whole whole another thing, but we can get to that. 401 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,960 But yeah, she went to rehab and I was like, OK, maybe this is 402 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,720 going to be good for her. Like I would go visit her. 403 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,320 They would have like family days and stuff like that. 404 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,880 I would go visit her. But then COVID hit and they 405 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,520 completely shut down. Like they weren't allowed to go 406 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,120 to see ours. They weren't allowed to see 407 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,040 their sponsors. So it really was like she just 408 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,880 had somewhere to stay. And it wasn't really a good 409 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,960 program for her. Like, I don't think she really 410 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:10,680 got anything out of it. She had convinced me she said 411 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,920 that because they were shutting the facility down. 412 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,520 And she's like, I don't know when I'm going to be able to see 413 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,920 Aiden again or you again. Can I please come stay with you? 414 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,520 And I should have known. I should have should have just 415 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,560 let her just. Ride it out. 416 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,680 I know COVID was really hard for a lot of people, but I should 417 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,520 have just let her ride it out for those like few months 418 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,120 because everything kind of opened back up after a few 419 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:34,160 months because we have to learn how to live with COVID And I 420 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,440 didn't. So I talked to my roommates at 421 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,800 the time. I said, hey, is it cool if my 422 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:42,040 mom comes to stay and she can come stay in my room and like 423 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,160 I'll pay extra rent. Like I'll take care of 424 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,480 everything. I'll take care of her groceries 425 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,080 and stuff. Can she just come and stay so 426 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,240 that she can be able to see my brother and me and my roommates 427 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,040 were cool with it. And I wish they had said no 428 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,200 because she came to stay with me and immediately started drinking 429 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,200 again. She had gotten into my 430 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,480 roommate's alcohol. She went in my my roommate's 431 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,440 room and drank all of her alcohol. 432 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,840 It was so horrible, so embarrassing. 433 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:11,200 And then after like COVID had died down a little bit, she did 434 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:16,480 go back to the facility. But then she like graduated from 435 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,640 that facility, which I don't. I still don't think she was 436 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,080 getting what she needed to from them. 437 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,360 And by this point I had moved in to my first apartment at 438 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:28,480 Sandpiper and she was leaving the facility. 439 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,040 She had nowhere to stay and apparently I didn't learn my 440 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,680 lesson the first time letting her live with me. 441 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,560 So she came to live with me at Sandpiper, her and my brother. 442 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,760 So we're in this one bedroom apartment, three of us, and 443 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,960 they're living out in my living room. 444 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:44,120 I have my room and it just, it got bad again. 445 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,520 She started drinking. It was even more embarrassing 446 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,360 'cause she would just sit on my back porch and smoke, chain 447 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,640 smoke and drink for like days, for days. 448 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,560 And, and so I was fully taking care of it. 449 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,680 And at that point, like I was cooking him dinner, I was taken 450 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,400 to school. I was buying him school 451 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,720 supplies, buying him clothes, whatever he needed. 452 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,560 And it was getting out of hand. We were getting to the point 453 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,400 where like there was physical confrontation between me and 454 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:16,400 her. She would get in my face and I 455 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:20,960 had a bad temper. I just, I don't know, I just had 456 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,200 a really bad temper. I had no patience with her. 457 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,360 And so if she would get in my face, I would push her to get 458 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,280 her out of my face and it would just get ugly from there. 459 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,400 And so there was eventually a breaking point and I had called 460 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,160 one of her, I think it was one of the counsellors from the old 461 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,000 facility, which I really like this lady. 462 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,960 Even though I didn't like the facility itself, I really liked 463 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,000 her. She came over and we basically 464 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,880 had an intervention with my mom. We're like, you have got to go 465 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,680 back to rehab and you have got to go to a program that actually 466 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,720 like will give you the resources that you need to get the help. 467 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,960 So she ended up going and she ended up going to River's Edge 468 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,560 and she was there for about a year. 469 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,000 And that one was so much better because they actually like, took 470 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,800 her to Celebrate Recovery. And like, she had her sponsor 471 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:10,200 there. We would be able to go visit her 472 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,600 like every weekend, which was nice. 473 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,880 And they had actual like, counselling and coping 474 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,440 mechanisms that they were giving her. 475 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,600 And it was a religious place, so it was nice that she was getting 476 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:27,000 exposed to the gospel as well. And so she was there for a year 477 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:32,000 and then she got out and she's been sober ever since, which is 478 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,840 such a blessing. I would like to say our 479 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,640 relationship has been perfect since then, but it hasn't we 480 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,280 it's been a learning curve because Aiden was living with 481 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,760 me. So I was taking on that mom 482 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,160 role. And because of the fact that she 483 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,760 was in and out of my life when I was little, I didn't, I know 484 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,960 she's my mom, but I didn't have that respect for her like a 485 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,680 normal mom and daughter relationship. 486 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,880 Do you know what I mean? So that was hard for her, 'cause 487 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,240 she's like, I want respect from you and I'm like, you have to 488 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,200 earn your respect for me, 'cause at this point, like, I know 489 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:04,240 you're my mother, but you're basically just another adult to 490 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,240 me. Like, I'm not going to just 491 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,560 blatantly disrespect you out of nowhere, but you're not going to 492 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,960 just get respect for me because you're my mom, you know? 493 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,480 It was, yeah. It was really a rough time to 494 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,920 find that balance. So we definitely butted heads a 495 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,600 lot. But I'm just, I'm so grateful 496 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:23,520 that she's sober now. We are rebuilding our 497 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,320 relationship. Like we call each other a lot 498 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:28,960 during the week, which is something we've never did 499 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,400 before. We text a lot, like she'll go 500 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,200 shopping with me. She's super excited about the 501 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,120 baby coming 'cause it's her first grandbaby. 502 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:39,520 So it's just, it really is just a blessing. 503 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:45,480 And to kind of backtrack. So when I got saved in high 504 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:50,080 school, I said before that like, I wish it was all rainbows and 505 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:51,800 butterflies. And it wasn't like losing both 506 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,480 my grandparents definitely tested my faith. 507 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:58,120 I was so mad at God. I was so mad because like my my 508 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,400 dad's mom, which I still knew a little bit about her, but we 509 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,600 weren't closed. She was a raging alcoholic and 510 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:04,880 she was in and out of the hospital and they were 511 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,920 constantly telling her, if you don't stop drinking, you're 512 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,080 going to die. If you don't stop drinking, 513 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,400 you're going to die. And that woman would just like 514 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,040 bounce up out of the grave like she'd be fine the next day. 515 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,480 And I I just didn't think it was fair. 516 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,000 I'm like, God, I don't understand. 517 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:22,440 I don't understand why bad people like that like that have 518 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,360 like no regard for their health, no regard for their family, no 519 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:27,920 regard for any relationship in their life. 520 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,720 Get to live and people like my grandparents who work so hard 521 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,480 and provide for me don't like I just I still sometimes something 522 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,760 is very like they got taken from me way too soon. 523 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,040 Thankfully, I had people in my life that were believers that 524 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,600 like were able to talk to me about the fact that God has a 525 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,280 plan and he completely did. Because I would not be the 526 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:51,760 person that I was that that I am today if it wasn't for the fact 527 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,240 that I did lose my grandparents that I didn't, that I went 528 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,120 through that loss. Like that loss shaped me. 529 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,480 I love how you said that, like, even when you think that that 530 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,040 would actually wrecked you, like the wills would have came off 531 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,920 and everything else, like you were so broken that you had to 532 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,200 depend on God, like, to get you through that. 533 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,880 Because I, I get that. I was raised by my grandparents, 534 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:17,880 so they are everything to me. Like I'm like, if they weren't 535 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,880 who they are, I wouldn't be anywhere. 536 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,720 Like my mom was an addiction. I didn't have a relationship 537 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:24,760 with my dad. Literally. 538 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,760 Our stories are so much alike. Yeah, So, you know, my 539 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,120 grandparents just poured everything. 540 00:26:30,120 --> 00:26:34,240 So in that moment, I've thought about it, I'm like, I thank God 541 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,320 I'm on this side of Jesus, 'cause if I would have lost my 542 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:41,040 grandparents, like before I came to Christ, I would have like 543 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,440 lost it. Yeah. 544 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:47,240 Like you depended on God in that moment, like during these very 545 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,960 tough seasons, like, and it started to shape you and grow 546 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:54,000 you and prune you and just like teach you more about Christ. 547 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 So you saw the, the bigger picture, I guess. 548 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,720 Yeah. I think my grandpa's death 549 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:03,240 affected me more because of the fact that we were closer and so 550 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,680 I will say when he passed away and I was so mad at God, I did 551 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:13,600 backslide quite a bit back then. I fell into the wrong friend 552 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,840 group. I started smoking weed again. 553 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:20,080 I started partying like I was not supposed to, and it really 554 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:25,560 wasn't until like 2015. I had a friend in high school 555 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,400 and I think he could tell he knew I was a believer, but he 556 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,800 was like, I can tell you're backsliding. 557 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,280 So he had invited me to come start coming to church again 558 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,080 because between the time that that guy had broken my heart in 559 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,960 2015, so that's like a three-year gap, I had stopped 560 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,600 going to church. I was, I was mad. 561 00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:44,960 I didn't want anything to do with the church that he was at. 562 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,080 So I was like, I'm just going to leave. 563 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,160 I felt too ashamed to go back to my old church. 564 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,400 So I just wasn't in church. And so my friend had invited me. 565 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,040 He's like, Hey, do you want to come to church with me? 566 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,160 And I was like, yeah, sure, why not? 567 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,120 You know, like, I enjoyed going to church at the time and maybe 568 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:00,880 going to a new church will be good for me. 569 00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,880 I almost didn't go that day because I was so nervous. 570 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:05,480 And I was like, I don't know anybody at this church. 571 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,200 Like, I'm just going to show up and be there. 572 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:13,800 And so I went like, by the grace of God, I did go and he failed 573 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,200 to tell me that, hey, I have to do sound for church. 574 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:18,560 So I'm actually not going to be sitting with you. 575 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,120 I'm going to be in the sound. Yeah. 576 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,080 So I was straight, just sitting by myself. 577 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,120 And I just remember this older woman walked in and she 578 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,800 immediately saw me. And she was like, you're new 579 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:29,720 here. I don't know you. 580 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,000 Who who are you? And like, was just like 581 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,200 immediately just embracing me, hugging me. 582 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,440 She's like, welcome to the church. 583 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,600 She was like, how old are you? What's your name? 584 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,120 And I introduced myself. And she's like, oh, you have to. 585 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:46,920 You have to meet my son, Daniel. And then I was like, oh, OK. 586 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,160 And then I was thinking that, you know, this lady is trying to 587 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,600 introduce me to her son. He's probably like weird 588 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,440 looking. He's probably a loner, like has 589 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,200 no friends. And I kid you not, when Daniel 590 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,960 walked in the room, it was so dramatic because we used to have 591 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:04,480 these lights, pillar lights in the church that just glowed. 592 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,120 And the way he walked in, he stopped right in front of 1. 593 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,320 So it just looked like light was glowing behind him. 594 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:16,000 And that is where I met my husband and it has been history 595 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,760 since. So God works in some mysterious 596 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,960 ways. 2015 Wow so. You got together a long time. 10 597 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,440 years, yeah. I knew immediately. 598 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,640 I was like, I'm not trying to be this guy's friend like this. 599 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,400 I want him to be my man. That's my man. 600 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:29,920 We lit up. You were like that's. 601 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,640 Him, which is funny because like I knew I knew God had, there was 602 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,400 a reason God had called me to that church that day. 603 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,720 And so like it was, it was hard meeting a cute boy and not being 604 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,640 distracted the whole message, 'cause he, he was like, you 605 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,280 should come sit with me. So I'm sitting with him the 606 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,240 whole time and I'm just like, I was trying to stay focused on 607 00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,200 the message and I'm glad I did because that day the message was 608 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,360 about forgiveness. And I needed to hear that so bad 609 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,720 because I needed to forgive myself for backsliding. 610 00:29:55,720 --> 00:30:01,160 I need to forgive myself for, hey, I was mad at God. 611 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:05,040 I was so mad at God and I needed to like, let go of that shame. 612 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,920 I needed to just surrender it all to him again. 613 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,200 And I also had people in my life I needed to forgive. 614 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,920 And so I ended up messaging the guy that had broken my heart. 615 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,360 And I was like, I know you probably think I'm crazy, but I 616 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,000 just need to tell you that I forgive you. 617 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,240 And he probably like, doesn't think he did anything wrong. 618 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,920 And you know, that's, that's fine, 'cause like we, we learned 619 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,080 that until upset that like when you offer people forgiveness, 620 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,960 it's not for them, it's for yourself, it's for healing. 621 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,960 And so there were so many people that I had messaged that day or 622 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,440 called and I was like, I forgive you or do you, can you forgive 623 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,000 me? Like like just making my amends. 624 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,280 So you already started before you started 12 steps. 625 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,880 Yeah, I had to. And like, I mean, you're going 626 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,520 to be making amends and forgiving people for your entire 627 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,280 life, but, but I had to because I was carrying so much weight 628 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,680 back then and I immediately just felt like 1000 lbs lighter. 629 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,520 And so I actually rededicated my life to Christ that week and 630 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,280 it's been, it's been great. Like I just, I just feel like 631 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,560 since then I have really, really grown in my faith. 632 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:12,040 So my grandma passing away not too long after that, it was 633 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:14,880 hard, but it wasn't as hard as when my grandpa passed away 634 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:17,920 because I had a firmer foundation to stand on. 635 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,600 I was, I was in my word more. I was connecting with God a lot 636 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:24,120 more. I had rejoined the worship team. 637 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,400 I had a community of people that were there to support me. 638 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:30,320 Like my church was amazing. My pastor like came and visited 639 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:31,960 with us whenever she passed away. 640 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,800 And so it was, it was really good. 641 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,120 It felt a lot better to be in that community, which was the 642 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:39,160 difference that I had because when my grandpa passed away, I 643 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,880 hadn't been in church and so I didn't have that type of 644 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,000 community around me. So that definitely helped. 645 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,880 And yeah, it's just, it's just crazy to see how like God works 646 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,600 and throughout my life. And like I said, like it's not 647 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,840 always going to be rainbows and butterflies. 648 00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:58,880 It's it's definitely not. But it's how we deal with those 649 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,520 situations. Do you run to God or do you run 650 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,320 from God and try to take it on yourself? 651 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,400 And these last like 10 years have just been completely like 652 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,320 seeing those situations and surrendering it to him. 653 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,640 And I'm really feeling blessed right now. 654 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,320 Like I cannot complain about where I'm at in life. 655 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,440 And I know trials are going to come. 656 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,160 I mean, we have a whole baby on the way and that's going to be a 657 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:25,000 whole new adventure on its own. But I'm very thankful for where 658 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,680 my faith is at now and the foundation I have and the people 659 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:31,040 I have around me that God has placed in my life, and I really 660 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,040 can't complain. So though, yeah. 661 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:38,360 I was thinking like trying going back a little bit to your mom 662 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,520 and why I wanted to talk about that because there's so many 663 00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:46,600 times that we, we or other people are in these situations 664 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,680 and we just continue like that shaped our life. 665 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,880 Like there's so many times that people are like, oh, I don't 666 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:55,960 want to talk about my parents or I don't want to talk about my 667 00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,720 childhood, but that shaped you like that's a big prominent time 668 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,840 of your life where you're learning and you're growing and 669 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,960 doing these things. And like we just keep giving 670 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,720 chances and we keep giving chances and then we're broken 671 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,320 from it. We struggle with forgiveness. 672 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:16,120 We struggle with you want your mother so bad, like that's your 673 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,160 person, you know, so you want that. 674 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,240 So you're doing whatever, but then you're damaging yourself 675 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:22,920 along the way. Like holding on. 676 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:28,840 Yeah, 'cause I remember like in 2017, my, me and my mom, she 677 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,640 fell off the wagon, was not good at all. 678 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:34,000 Like didn't even me and my husband dated for two years 679 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,760 before at that point we were dating, but we were dating for 680 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,720 two years before my mom even met him. 681 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:43,640 So like it for me, the same thing, like it was just one day 682 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,760 you just come to your breaking point, like you've got to do 683 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,720 something or I'm done. Like I can't keep doing this 684 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,040 with my life. And so I get that girl. 685 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,520 That's why I wanted you to talk about it. 686 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:56,240 And then like, you know, just having to raise your brother. 687 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,320 And that's like, that's really heavy because you're young and 688 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:00,880 you're just having to take on that. 689 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,680 And I love how you said, you know how you didn't want to go 690 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,719 to church that day and you meet Daniel that day. 691 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:11,320 Like I'm jumping all over the place. 692 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:13,000 Like I'm taking notes. I'm like, I'm going to hit this, 693 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,679 I'm going to hit this. But like meeting Daniel in that 694 00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:20,600 uncomfortable situation, like it's just showing us if we're 695 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:24,320 obedient to God, like he has something in store for us. 696 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,880 Like not even just meeting Daniel, but you heard from God 697 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,159 that day with that message of forgiveness. 698 00:34:31,159 --> 00:34:35,159 And you left with a fresh word that, like, encouraged you to 699 00:34:35,159 --> 00:34:38,600 reach out to people and show the love of Christ and just just be 700 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,800 like, look, you didn't even say you're sorry, but I forgive you. 701 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,239 Yeah. Or can you please forgive me? 702 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,520 I just had a heart check, like. And I love how you brought up 12 703 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:49,800 step. I talk about 12 step all the 704 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:53,199 time because take a 12 step. 12 Step. 705 00:34:53,199 --> 00:34:55,520 Yeah. I like, I think 12 Step has a 706 00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,440 stigma that people think it's just for people with addiction. 707 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,600 Oh my goodness, no. I some of my best friendships I 708 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,120 have right now have come out of 12 Step. 709 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,920 It is. Yeah, absolutely. 710 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,360 I mean, you just really reflect on yourself. 711 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:12,760 You reflect on how you got here, who you hurt, not just who's 712 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,680 hurt you and just all this stuff. 713 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,720 It's just it's a great class. Yeah. 714 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:18,680 And there is just such a stigma around it. 715 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,680 Yeah, for sure. And I will say like 12 step is 716 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:25,600 it is a commitment and it does make you dive deep like you 717 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,160 cannot get the healing you need by just skating across the hop 718 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,280 like you are going to have. I, there were things from my 719 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,880 childhood that we're springing up that I was like, huh, I 720 00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,800 didn't realize that bothered me. Like my dad. 721 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,080 I like, I really didn't talk about my dad a lot on this, but 722 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:45,520 it didn't, I really don't think I, it affected me that much as a 723 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,160 child, but looking back, I think it also did because it's where 724 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,480 my issues with like men came up. Like I have like a total issue 725 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,280 with like male authority for some reason. 726 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,440 I don't know, like when I worked at Chick-fil-A, I did not get 727 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,200 along with any of my male managers. 728 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:05,520 Also, like just how I handled my relationship with men too, like 729 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:09,320 I just was always craving for attention and I was always a 730 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,880 bigger girl in school, so the boys didn't really like me back 731 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,920 then. And so I just, I always was just 732 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,600 looking, looking for somebody to give me that love. 733 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,400 And like, like I said, my grandpa was amazing. 734 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,120 He he definitely showed me like a father's love. 735 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,760 But I still, I still think that not having a relationship with 736 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:33,160 my biological dad affected my decisions growing up and 12 step 737 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,400 made me like made that come up. Like, how's your relationship 738 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,960 with your dad? Oh, he's non existent. 739 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:41,000 So I like, I just, it doesn't bother me and I don't say that 740 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,280 in a malicious way. I really don't have any anger or 741 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:45,800 anything or resentment towards my dad. 742 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:51,000 I have forgiven him for myself. But yeah, I just, it just makes 743 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,840 you think of stuff that like you didn't even think really 744 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,200 affected you 'cause you're like, oh, he wasn't around, but like 745 00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,520 my grandpa was. And so I didn't really miss out 746 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:03,360 on anything, but on your life. And so, yeah, well, I guess in 747 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:04,880 this. And we're going to start to wind 748 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,400 down a little bit, but I want you to give an opportunity to 749 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:10,080 say like, what's going on with you and Daniel now? 750 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,160 Like what does life look like now? 751 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,920 What's God's revealing to you? Or actually like if there's 752 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,640 something that you haven't got to say, like go ahead and say it 753 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,680 in this little segment, but like go ahead and tell us a little 754 00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,680 bit about now today. Well, for people that. 755 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,200 Do know us? They know that we're expecting 756 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,360 our first baby. We're having a little boy in 757 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:33,360 January. I'm 22 weeks today actually, 758 00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:35,280 which is so crazy. I feel like time is just 759 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:41,200 completely foam by preparing to be a parent has really opened my 760 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:42,800 eyes. Like I was like, I've always 761 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:45,640 wanted kids and Daniel's always wanted kids. 762 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,600 But now that we actually have a child on the way, I'm like, oh, 763 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,360 we're really going to be responsible for like how this 764 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:56,240 child grows up, how our son perceives the world, how you 765 00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:59,440 know, his first initial relationship with Christ is in 766 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,600 our hands, which is a really big weight to carry. 767 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,840 But it's also such a privilege because I because I didn't grow 768 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,120 up in a household that like was raised in church. 769 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,680 Daniel did, which is great because he knows more of that 770 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:17,440 foundation, but it's just like it's a really a time and we 771 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:20,200 always have to lean on God, but it's really a time where we are 772 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:24,960 fully leaning on Christ right now and just saying, God, please 773 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:29,080 prepare us as we become parents, you know, help us to lead him in 774 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,400 the way he's supposed to go. Because also raising a little 775 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,160 boy is crazy because I didn't think about like, you're going 776 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,280 to be raising a little boy who's going to propose to someone's 777 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:41,560 daughter one day. And that's a big responsibility 778 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,000 because I want my son to be a gentleman. 779 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,040 I want my son to also be the pillar, like of the household 780 00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,640 and lead his family to Christ. And so it's a big 781 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,080 responsibility, but it's also such a privilege to be able to 782 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,160 do that. Let's go. 783 00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:55,280 So that's where we're. At right now. 784 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,240 And just seeing how our marriage is going to shift when we bring 785 00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:00,960 a baby into the world, 'cause right now it's just me and him. 786 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,840 And like, we can kind of do whatever we want, you know, we 787 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:08,960 can stay up till ungodly hours watching TV shows and we can go 788 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,760 out of town. We can do stuff with friends and 789 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,080 like, we can still do that stuff. 790 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:16,000 And it's not, it's not a loss like having a baby, it's such a 791 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,120 blessing to have a baby. It's just things are going to 792 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,440 change. And in this time and going 793 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,840 forward, like it's definitely going to be us leaning into 794 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:30,640 Christ and allowing Him to guide us as parents when before we 795 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,360 started. We kind of talked about, you 796 00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:35,360 know, Charlie Kirk this week and the things that happened. 797 00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,680 And so, I mean, let's talk a little bit about the the 798 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,600 following statements you made about like where you are today 799 00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:44,400 and what you want to move forward doing. 800 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:49,720 Yeah, So not to like Harp. On Charlie Kirk too much 'cause 801 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,800 I know that's been all over social media and what happened 802 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,240 was absolutely horrible. I mean, like I called Daniel and 803 00:39:57,240 --> 00:40:00,320 I was like, why am I crying over someone I've only seen on social 804 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,840 media? Like this is, it's just 805 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,320 horrible. But the one thing that really 806 00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,960 like I admired about Charlie, like besides all the political 807 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,880 stuff, because I, I really don't pay attention to politics like I 808 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,480 probably should, was his faith. Yeah, he wanted to be remembered 809 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,080 for his faith. And I want that so bad. 810 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,080 I want when I pass away one day, I want people to be like. 811 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:24,280 She was a believer. I have full confidence that that 812 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:30,840 she is walking with Christ now. And I guess it has encouraged me 813 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:34,320 to be more bold in my faith 'cause I had shared with you 814 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,240 that sometimes it feels like I do have some friends from my 815 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:40,520 past still. And they know I'm, they know I'm 816 00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,160 a believer and they know that I'm very active in church and I 817 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,080 talk about my faith with them, but I feel like I don't talk 818 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:49,120 about it enough. Tucker Hall had actually said 819 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:52,200 one day at Byron. And it really stuck with me that 820 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,720 some of us are loving people too much, that we're loving them 821 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,880 straight to hell, which has stuck with me. 822 00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,320 I know it has stuck with me because I'm like, I feel like I 823 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,360 have people in my life that I definitely have shared my faith 824 00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,480 with, but I haven't like shared it in the way that it needs to 825 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,360 be shared. Like letting them know that yes, 826 00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,560 you're, you're sinning. I sin too, but Christ has 827 00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,080 forgiveness for that. Christ has grace for that. 828 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,000 And I just don't feel like I've been bold enough. 829 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,440 And so that has really encouraged me to be more bold. 830 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,360 I told my husband that I was like, I want to, I just want to 831 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,680 like scream about my faith at the like top of my lungs. 832 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:35,920 And I know like, I'm sure that's not what Charlie Kirk intended. 833 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,000 He doesn't he, he doesn't want it to be about him. 834 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,640 He he just wants to be about Christ. 835 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,120 He wants people to look at him and look at his story and see 836 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,120 nothing but God in the whole thing. 837 00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,720 And so that's just really encouraged me. 838 00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:50,120 I just want people to look at my life and know that I've been 839 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,400 through some stuff and it is only by God's grace that I am 840 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,640 where I am today. So I just want to be more bold 841 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:58,960 about it. I want to share my story. 842 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,600 And so I was really nervous coming on here, but I'm so glad 843 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,320 that I did because I, I want to share what God is doing in my 844 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,640 life because I want people to know that no matter where you're 845 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,560 sitting in life, no matter if you feel like you're at your 846 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:14,800 very bottom, God still has a place for you and does. 847 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:16,960 That's good, girl. So we're going to end right 848 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,360 there. I think that was great. 849 00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,440 Unless you had anything else that you wanted to hit, I think 850 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:22,440 I'm good. Thank you so much. 851 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,000 For having me, yes this has been amazing. 852 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,520 I absolutely love getting to know you more and just seeing 853 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,000 how many parallels we have. But all right guys, I hope you 854 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,400 enjoyed this as much as we did. Stay tuned, stay blessed, and 855 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:36,880 we'll see you guys later. Bye.