1 00:00:09,850 --> 00:00:12,290 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host of 2 00:00:12,290 --> 00:00:15,890 Praises and the Pot, and I am stoked for today. 3 00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:19,170 We have Paige Chastain, and we are going to be talking about 4 00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:22,650 her testimony and all the things that God has done in her life. 5 00:00:22,970 --> 00:00:25,090 We are going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:26,250 jump right in. So here we go. 7 00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:29,530 Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us here today. 8 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,330 Thank you for giving us this space where we can come and talk 9 00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:35,280 about your goodness and your faithfulness and what all you 10 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,480 have done in our lives. Lord God, we just praise you and 11 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:42,080 thank you for Paige and her being such a light in my life 12 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,760 and just being someone that I've been able to lean on and confide 13 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,000 in and just like just get inspiration from. 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,960 Thank you for sending me her. Lord God, I just pray that this 15 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,960 testimony speaks to other women that have dealt with something 16 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,360 similar. Or maybe, Lord God, they're 17 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,720 going through this right now and they just need just one word of 18 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,160 encouragement. And I pray that this is it for 19 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,680 them. Lord, speak to us and through us 20 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,480 and let this episode glorify you. 21 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,280 In Jesus name, I pray. Amen. 22 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,720 Amen. All right, that's good, that's 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,920 good. All right, Paige, this is just a 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,080 conversation. I just want to know a little bit 25 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,000 about you, your story. And the ladies do too. 26 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,080 OK, So start out at maybe a childhood. 27 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:31,920 Tell us a little bit about that. OK, I was born to young parents. 28 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:36,200 My parents were 17 years old when they had wow very young, 29 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,720 yes just babies themselves and they were so in love. 30 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:44,960 They thought that a baby was going to be the the right mix 31 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,640 for them to just build their perfect life together. 32 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:53,760 Sadly, being that of that age and having the whole world in 33 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,320 front of them, there was so much that they did not know and the 34 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:02,240 struggles became very apparent when my father started having 35 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:09,080 problems with addiction and so my mom and he were able to dig 36 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,200 in and and try to make things work. 37 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,960 Sadly, they were not able to move forward. 38 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,360 After about five years the addiction took over my dad's 39 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:22,440 life. It became too, too obvious to my 40 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,360 mom that it was not a safe environment to raise a child in 41 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,840 for many reasons. And so they divorced. 42 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:35,800 My mom remarried the next year, and I got a stepdad who was 43 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,800 everything that we had. I had dreamed that we would have 44 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,080 in a relationship, and he was very good to me. 45 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,120 He had two children from a previous marriage himself, and 46 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,400 my stepdad became my dad. He adopted me when I was 6. 47 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,120 It just provided a wonderful home for us. 48 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:57,880 And a few years later they had a child together. 49 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,480 So it was yours, mine, and ours. We're all raised under the same 50 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:05,040 roof, four siblings and they're fabulous. 51 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,960 And then we've we've gotten very close over the years. 52 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,720 So as we've been raised together, but sadly, when I got 53 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:17,720 to be a little bit older, probably I think 17, almost 18 54 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:22,000 years old, my parents got a divorce my senior year of high 55 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,120 school. Very challenging, very tough. 56 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:29,320 You know, we have been raised in a home that was full of love and 57 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,920 experiences. We also played sports. 58 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:37,480 We did activities together. We talked about Jesus, we prayed 59 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,360 together, said our blessings and our prayers at night, and we 60 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,560 went to church on Sundays. Most of the time it was mom and 61 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,600 us. We would ride the little white 62 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,680 and green Green Acres bus, you know, to church. 63 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,120 And you know, Mom would follow us in the car because we had to 64 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,760 ride the bus because we wanted a piece of bubble gum. 65 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,080 That was just the best part of it. 66 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,720 You know, they, they did a little ministry back in the day, 67 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,320 those days and Saturdays they came around and talked to you 68 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,920 and anybody do the church. And so anyway, it was a great 69 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,800 experience. We loved going. 70 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:11,600 And so I was raised in church, but Jesus was not part of my 71 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,920 everyday life, if that makes sense. 72 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,279 I knew who he was. I could sing the songs. 73 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,519 I learned the scripture like all the children did in in Bible 74 00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:23,560 school and did vacation Bible school and all those things. 75 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:28,920 But the Lord was not at the forefront of my thoughts, my 76 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:35,160 mind, my prayers, and he didn't he wasn't as integral, integral 77 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,920 as as what I needed him to be or I should have had him to be as a 78 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,320 youth growing up. You know, life kind of gets in 79 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,480 the way and you want to live like you see your friends living 80 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:52,080 and, and do and try things and and hang around people and do 81 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,720 all the things that you think it's fun and the right thing to 82 00:04:55,720 --> 00:05:00,160 do because everyone's doing it. Thankfully I never got involved 83 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,960 in drugs. Was never that was never 84 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,520 something I even tried. Would you think that's probably 85 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,320 too because of your? Biological flow because 86 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,280 throughout my life, my childhood, I only got to see my 87 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,640 dad like on on birthday and Christmas. 88 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:18,880 So he was not really involved in my life until after I graduated 89 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,160 high school and and moved out of the home. 90 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:26,480 But at 18, my mom and my stepdad divorced, and Pat and I have 91 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,520 been dating in high school. I was trying to say. 92 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:33,680 Y'all were together there, some called us Hansel and Gretel. 93 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,880 We were to like just dated throughout high school our last 94 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:40,760 couple years. And then he went off to college 95 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:47,920 and then things change with my within my family unit. 96 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,560 My dad and my older sister was off of college. 97 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,440 My brother went and live with my stepdad when they got a divorce. 98 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,040 And me and my little sister went with my mom. 99 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,440 And things changed and I found myself in a new situation, new 100 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:07,000 environment and just grasping for something to ground me. 101 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,800 And it became my boyfriend. Yeah, pretty much. 102 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:16,480 So at that young age, you know you are caught up in so many 103 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:20,840 things with your mind and how temptation creeps in. 104 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:26,320 And although I knew the Lord and I knew what I needed to do and 105 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:30,160 thought I needed to do as far as the box, checking the boxes, so 106 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:34,520 to speak, temptation gave in. I gave into temptation. 107 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,520 And we did have premarital sex, of course, and I got pregnant 108 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:39,920 immediately. Wow. 109 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,320 And so graduating my senior year of high school, got pregnant at 110 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,560 18, graduated in June, got married in July. 111 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:53,560 Wow, Quick, Yes, very quick, very quick. 18 years old. 112 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,800 So tell us maybe a little bit about being a young mother at 18 113 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,000 and how and maybe you know how that was with you and Pat, 114 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,400 because you know, you're both young, you're having to learn 115 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,680 life just graduated. So tell us a little bit about 116 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,080 that. Well. 117 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:13,680 It was very much of A struggle to for me to have reality. 118 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,440 I had on rose colored glasses is what I call it. 119 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:20,280 I was so in love with this young man. 120 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,600 I had all the dreams in the world, you know, just knew 121 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,320 everything was going to be perfect and. 122 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,160 And really didn't make much plans for the future. 123 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,200 Just knew that everything would work out. 124 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,440 Just had that vision in my mind. Yeah. 125 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,840 Just so smitten. Just thought that, you know, you 126 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,280 had the world by the tail, so to speak. 127 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:42,560 But little did I know that we were going to be hit very hard 128 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,600 with lots of challenges and early on. 129 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,640 So we got married in July, I had my daughter in February the next 130 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:54,480 year and just been a 19 for like 9 days. 131 00:07:54,800 --> 00:08:03,000 And within three months we had an issue with with Pat and and 132 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,560 his addiction falling into legal troubles. 133 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,080 He was in jail on her when she was three months old. 134 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,720 Now when you and Pat were dating like before y'all got married 135 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,000 and stuff, was his addiction already starting or like was 136 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,520 that already something that was dabbling? 137 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:23,120 In Yeah, apparently he, he had been dabbling in that lifestyle 138 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:29,040 unbeknownst to me, seeing that I had never partaked in those 139 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,120 things, I'd really didn't know what to expect or what to think. 140 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,720 And people would tell me, oh, you know this guy because he's 141 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,360 completely opposite side of town, opposite side of the 142 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,280 railroad tracks. Like they would say, you know, 143 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,559 he's bad news. You need to stay away from him. 144 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:47,120 But I did, you know, I didn't see that person. 145 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:52,560 All I saw was the person who adored me and took and took 146 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:57,800 great care with my heart and loved me well and was constant 147 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:02,240 and reliable. And there where is so much of my 148 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,080 life had had changed so drastically that I didn't feel 149 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,040 lost giving you that stability. Yeah, that stability that and 150 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:14,560 and I had struggled with with my biological father, you know, in 151 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,760 the heart abandoning me, so to speak. 152 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:20,400 And the breakup of my mom and my dad's marriage and then the most 153 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,960 recent divorce of my stepdad and my mom. 154 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:28,920 I guess I had like some some needs that were not being met 155 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,600 and a hole in my heart that I felt subconsciously that was 156 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:37,480 like needing to be filled. And so I just forward marched. 157 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:41,600 I was like, I can do this. I know what it's like to be a 158 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,640 kid to experience divorce and the pain that comes from that, 159 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,080 and I'm going to make this marriage work. 160 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:53,240 And so that was my I like Moto. That's a heavy. 161 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,480 That's a yeah. That's heavy to carry heavy at 162 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,480 an 8. Yeah, at a young especially, you 163 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,240 know, you're 19 and you're like, I got to make it work and all 164 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,560 this, but y'all aren't like facing like trouble within 165 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,640 yourselves. Like you seem like you're very 166 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,280 much in love and everything else. 167 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,560 But he's just going down a different. 168 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,120 Path. He was completely going down a 169 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:17,520 different path and it was spiraling out of control very 170 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,360 quickly. I didn't even know that he 171 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,440 smoked cigarettes when we got married. 172 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,880 I think I remember you said that. 173 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,280 Yeah, we were on our honeymoon. Yes, that's okay. 174 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,920 Oh my geez it was so crazy I was on. 175 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,120 We were on our honeymoon and we had just got to the hotel at 176 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,560 this swanky little place in Savannah, GA. 177 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:39,880 My aunt uncle had gifted us 2 nights and we were we had walked 178 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,400 past this little gift shop little store inside the hotel 179 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,240 and they had all these beautiful little trinkets in the window 180 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,160 and I was just owing it on acknowledging them. 181 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,680 As we pass by. We get up to the room and I 182 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,320 start to unpack my suitcase and he said I'm I'll be right back. 183 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,560 I'm going downstairs. And so, you know, in my little 184 00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:00,040 mind, I'm thinking, oh, he's going to get me some little. 185 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,800 So excited, you know, just little hearts everywhere. 186 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,960 He comes back upstairs with a pack of cigarettes and I fell 187 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,960 apart inside because I had no idea that he even smoked 188 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,360 cigarettes. Like, I mean, the man, he did a 189 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,960 once over on me just completely covered up all of those things. 190 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,760 Yeah. So it was, it was. 191 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,440 That's a big shocker. Yeah, that was a big shocker. 192 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,680 I was allergic to cigarette smoke. 193 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,920 Oh my God. You know, he never smoked the 194 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,560 day of my life. So it was just like. 195 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,240 But those were the things that kept revealing themselves, 196 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:34,880 drinking issues, drugs and. And eventually it mounted up 197 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:38,000 more and more, you know, one particular type of, you know, 198 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,320 where is marijuana or something like that, one of those things. 199 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,040 And then eventually that wasn't enough. 200 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,680 And then he would go, yeah, try other things, which all. 201 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:49,600 Like sin, we all, me and Abby talk about it, about being a 202 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,120 snowball. It's like you get it just 203 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,880 continues to grow and grow and grow. 204 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,880 So you might start smoking cigarettes, cuts, but then later 205 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,120 on you'll might try weed or marijuana. 206 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,240 And then you just keep going and the next thing you know, you're 207 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,160 strung out on drugs, lost everything. 208 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,800 So as time goes on, tell us a little bit about. 209 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,040 That yeah, well, it was a struggle from day one, even 210 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,600 though it was not what I thought would happen. 211 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,840 We continued to just go through the motions. 212 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:25,520 My husband had an ability to talk me into whatever he was 213 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,840 saying. He said what he wanted me to 214 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,320 hear. So most of the time, even if we 215 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,920 come off of a bad weekend where he was gone all weekend or out 216 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,960 and about or whatever, he come back in and he would convince me 217 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,400 that that would not happen again. 218 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,000 He would take two steps forward and three steps back. 219 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,320 But when he was good, he was so good and he was so attentive and 220 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,480 he was a good dad to our daughter. 221 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,120 And, but when he was bad, he was rotten to the door. 222 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:56,880 He was full of flesh and life, and you know, often would be 223 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:01,600 gone for, you know, long periods of time, or come home and mill 224 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:06,920 the night and drunk and out of out of his mind and high or 225 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,680 whatever. I feel like that, you know, you 226 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:14,120 saw the glimpse of how good life could because when he's doing 227 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:17,920 well, like it's just like we know we still have problems, but 228 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,800 it's perfect on the outside, you know, like we're doing good and 229 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,280 you see this family that you could have. 230 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,120 So you don't want to give up because you know how good of a 231 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,960 man he is, but he is in bondage already. 232 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,640 Exactly. And as we continued on, about 233 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,880 seven years later, we were at a good place and we just, we 234 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,640 talked about having another baby. 235 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,800 And so that was something we planned. 236 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,480 And sure enough, first month we tried, we got pregnant and that 237 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:52,040 was when we had our son. Two babies did not make, did not 238 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,440 fix the situation. What we was missing in our 239 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,080 marriage was Jesus. I would take the kids to church 240 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,880 and go on the weekends. And his mom and dad were really 241 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:10,480 influential in my life as far as good, honest Christian people 242 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:17,040 that I could look to for how to respond in the, in the strong 243 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,320 manner that reflected the Lord. And I would go to church with 244 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,360 them. And I remember every Sunday 245 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,080 after church, you know, money was tight. 246 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,920 And there were times when we did, I didn't have money, but if 247 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:33,320 we went to church, his mom and daddy would feed me and the 248 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,520 kids. And when I look back at that 249 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,840 now, I'm just like, you know, was that was that me trying to 250 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,920 make sure that the kids and I had food? 251 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,640 Or was it me just trying to grow closer to Jesus? 252 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,400 And sometimes it probably was some of both. 253 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,480 It really honest to goodness was I remember even being in dire 254 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:55,280 straits before and having and going down to his mom's house 255 00:14:55,320 --> 00:15:00,720 and and taking food out of her pantry because I didn't have any 256 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:07,160 money that way to pay for food or taking $20 and making a menu 257 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,200 and going to the store and that all we had for a full week 258 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:17,040 because pets income, yeah, fluctuates or would not come 259 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,040 home. It would be lost or wagered on 260 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:24,800 something or spent. And so all I could rely on was 261 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,720 my own finances and I worked. I started going back to school, 262 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,560 worked on the education because I knew that I had to provide a 263 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:37,240 means of income and source to be able to provide for my children. 264 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:44,160 Well, we kept going on through those same motions of two steps 265 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,080 forward, three steps back. He would do good, then he would 266 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:51,240 fall off the wagon again. And it was a perpetual thing 267 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:56,880 that went through our lives. Couple of tragedies struck our 268 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:03,400 family within that time period. My husband lost his brother due 269 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,760 to a drinking and driving accident, which was very 270 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,360 detrimental and I think played a huge role in the spiral. 271 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,200 Sure. Yeah. 272 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:19,440 This a pet's addiction. And then seven years later, he 273 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:24,640 lost his dad to cancer. We had six weeks after a 274 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,120 diagnosis and it was very traumatic. 275 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,120 Yeah, he was. He was a good man. 276 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:37,080 He was really kind and good to me and my kids. 277 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:52,960 But, you know, that was really hard because I was by his 278 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:58,400 bedside when he when he left and it was indicative of everything 279 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,880 that we had been through. But we couldn't find Pat. 280 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,040 We couldn't get him on the phone. 281 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,480 He wasn't at work. He had checked out of work. 282 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:12,440 And it was just hard. Yeah, it was really hard. 283 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:17,240 And he was really close to my daughter, my oldest daughter. 284 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,839 And so she had a really hard time with that. 285 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,359 And it was just one of those things that, you know, it was 286 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,040 life. Altering. 287 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:24,880 Yeah. When? 288 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,400 Because you said you were there. Pat wasn't. 289 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:32,000 He wasn't there. So when he does find out, you 290 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,520 know, is he carrying a lot of guilt at that time or is it? 291 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,120 Sure. Yeah, I'm sure. 292 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:41,440 He carried a lot of guilt with his brother's accent too, not 293 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,880 because he had anything to do with it, but because he was the 294 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:51,840 older sibling and he felt like his Rd. may have led the way for 295 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,680 his brother to walk down that path. 296 00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:01,760 And so then for his dad to pass, he kind of felt like he didn't. 297 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:08,560 His dad didn't get the seat. Overcome the addiction, you 298 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,120 know? And his dad always believed in 299 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:14,280 him, and he supported him and he loved him, but he also provided 300 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,880 tough love for him, too. Yeah, you know, And so that was 301 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,120 really tough, so. I'm sure after all of that make 302 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,080 Pat spirals more, yeah. Yeah, so we just went through 303 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:32,360 another whole level of chaos, complete chaos. 304 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:39,880 And the one thing that my life had shown me was that I had no 305 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:42,800 control. So the things that I had control 306 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:49,320 of, I became extremely just tight distance, really got lost 307 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:54,480 in worry and fear. And who I was, if that makes 308 00:18:54,480 --> 00:19:01,000 sense, who I was was not who I used to be because life had 309 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,760 changed me. Your circumstances, those 310 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:09,920 circumstances, my husband's addiction, the lack of finances 311 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,200 to be able to pay the water bill and the electric bill in the 312 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,840 same month to being able to have food on the table. 313 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,200 So it was, it was very challenging and not to say that 314 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,440 I didn't have my own struggles and and didn't was the perfect 315 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,880 little wife because I absolutely was not. 316 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:34,360 I struggled to, you know, that I didn't always react well and 317 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:41,280 sometimes would say hateful things and and unkind words and 318 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,800 and even at times I remember cussing like a sailor. 319 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:50,360 Yeah, you know, just because so mad and thinking he doesn't hear 320 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:54,760 anything but that. So maybe I'll try that too. 321 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,200 You know, it's just you just you get caught up, Yeah, in your 322 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,200 emotions and you lash out because you're in pain. 323 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,840 Yeah. Well, and you said you, you're 324 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,840 trying to control everything. So that's like you're not 325 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,680 controlling it. So of course you're like angry 326 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,880 because you haven't surrendered it to God. 327 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,600 You haven't like you don't know that God's going to lead and 328 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,080 guide your steps because you're trying to control it. 329 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,520 So when any little inconvenience happens, probably it's like 330 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:23,920 what? No, Yeah, you know. 331 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,680 Absolutely. And I remember going to his mom 332 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,800 and I went to a a ladies weekend retreat one time. 333 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,120 It was just one night, but it was 2 days or a day and a half. 334 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:39,760 And I remember, I don't remember what was being said, but I just 335 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:44,720 broke down and and just my walls just came down and I was just 336 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:48,680 sharing with the group and just saying I must have done 337 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:53,360 something wrong, you know, why is the Lord punishing me? 338 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,080 You know? And it was just, and they all 339 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,960 assured reassured me that we all fall short of the cross and we 340 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:06,200 all sin and we all but but my life was not a consequence due 341 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,880 to my choices. We all have choices and we all 342 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,320 have consequences. And the Lord allows that, Yeah. 343 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,960 So that he can stretch us and grow us. 344 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,920 But I just remember the that was the time that I just finally 345 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:26,160 felt at my knees and just said, yeah, why about I guess it was 346 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,760 when my oldest daughter was like about two years old. 347 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:37,320 I officially like surrendered to the Lord and gave my wife to 348 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:43,240 Christ, got baptized at the church and, and I just needed 349 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:49,960 somebody or something to help me and, and I for the first time 350 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:53,480 and started relying on him and really trying. 351 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:58,920 And I was trying and was doing everything I knew to do that. 352 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:04,200 Sadly, I did not have, you know, a role model or friend that was 353 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,640 doing it with me or someone that was pouring into me at the time. 354 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,280 So I was kind of searching on my own, other than my inlaws, you 355 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,400 know, I had people in my life who loved the Lord and professed 356 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,600 to be Christians and all that. But I didn't have someone who 357 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:24,560 was saying, this is, this is step one, this is Step 2. 358 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,320 I was, yeah, kind of just free grasping out there. 359 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:34,080 Yeah, wherever I could find a church or in a, in a sweet 360 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,080 friend at work or something like that. 361 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:43,400 But anyway, seven years after my second child was born, we got a 362 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:48,800 surprise and I was pregnant with our third seven. 363 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,680 All three of our kids are 7 years apart. 364 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,200 That's big age gaps. Yeah, huge age gaps. 365 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,160 That was all the Lord. He's got a great. 366 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,200 Sense I am 7 number of. Completion. 367 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,280 I know. And we had. 368 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,040 I had always said I wanted four kids. 369 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:07,680 And then the life that I found myself innocent too is great. 370 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,160 Yeah, I had one of each. And then our sweet little gift 371 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,080 came along. And our youngest is a girl and. 372 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,200 And she came along seven years later. 373 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:25,200 And that year after she was born was probably the hardest because 374 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:30,320 my husband's addiction had gotten so rampant and it had 375 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:35,520 grown so much that everything was just out of sorts. 376 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:40,160 Everything was chaos. Everything a small molehill 377 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,360 would be a mountain. And emotions were high. 378 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:48,280 And I just got to the point where I was like, Lord, you've 379 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,800 got to do something. I can't do this anymore. 380 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,000 We had outgrown the house as we had a little 3 bedroom house and 381 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,120 I had a new baby and I couldn't put the baby and with the 15 382 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,280 year old daughter, yeah, 2 girls in the room together. 383 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,680 I mean I could have, but it wasn't, it was not wise. 384 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:07,480 Good birth control for the 15 year old, but but then my 7 year 385 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,840 old son couldn't get out the baby in there. 386 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,720 So I bought a house in my own name 'cause I was like I got to 387 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:19,600 make sure I can do this on my own because I just felt that it 388 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:24,320 was not going in the direction. I mean, we were 16 years in and 389 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:28,040 we were not any better. We were actually worse in all 390 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,960 facets and so. You and you are a teacher at 391 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:32,920 this point, Yeah, Correct. Yeah. 392 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:37,000 OK, so I know we jumped. From like, yes, we had. $40 that 393 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,120 I just wanted to go ahead and say like you didn't get your. 394 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:42,680 Degree a teacher I kept going to school it took me 9 years OK to 395 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,520 get my for your degree. It did I worked and went to 396 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:51,800 school and and did everything I can to just provided income that 397 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,000 was yeah able to support my family and So what an 398 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,120 accomplishment to be able to buy the house. 399 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,680 Yeah by yourself. That is amazing own name and it 400 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,560 was a four bedroom. We'll try a level house over in 401 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,840 the Shirley Hills area. And within that year like I said 402 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,040 things progressively got worse and worse. 403 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:20,480 One night about 3 AMI woke up to my husband having a paranoid 404 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:26,200 episode which escalated very quickly to the point my safety 405 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:34,440 was at risk and I was able to talk him out of where his mind 406 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:38,160 was. But sadly, in the midst of all 407 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:43,040 that I kept thinking about was I was able to manipulate that 408 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:48,240 situation to my benefit to keep me safe, but my babies may not 409 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:52,400 be able to do that. And right then and there was the 410 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,200 final straw for me. A lot of people throughout the 411 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,280 1st 17 years said why do you stay? 412 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:07,000 And I said because I I see the man he can be and I come from a 413 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,800 divorce family. I didn't want to do that to my 414 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:13,800 kids, but yet they were. They were stacking their own bag 415 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:19,600 of rocks for their own stories. Yeah, 'cause I mean, your 416 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,680 oldest, she's 1617 at this for 16 and she knows and she's 417 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,720 having to see all this. That's Drake or your middle for 418 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,400 saying names, but your middle, you know, he's seeing it now 419 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,240 too. So right. 420 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,560 You're, you're really having to say yeah, is this really worth 421 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:39,000 my kid and the divorce or right, yeah, but or their safety or 422 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,800 whatever So. Yeah, so. 423 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,600 That night I didn't go back to sleep. 424 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:51,120 It was a work night and I stayed up and I made a plan that the 425 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:56,480 next day I was going to do some legal measures to protect me and 426 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:02,600 my children and I was going to take over, take my life back. 427 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,600 And I changed the locks on the doors. 428 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:09,320 That's good. And I had a protective order of 429 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:13,640 custody for me and my kids. And I did everything I needed to 430 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,440 do. I went and talked to an attorney 431 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,360 to find out what my legal rights were about the children in my 432 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:25,000 house and all the everything. And, and I told him no more, no 433 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,400 more. I have given you the benefit of 434 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:31,600 the doubt and I have given you grace, and I have stayed when I 435 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:36,440 probably shouldn't have. But today that stops and you can 436 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,400 get some help. I have insurance. 437 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,120 You can use my insurance, get some help. 438 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,400 And other than that, I can't help you. 439 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:46,400 Yeah. Yeah. 440 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:50,280 So it was hard. After that, I mean, you're 441 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,240 having to learn, you know how to, well, you've kind of been on 442 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,200 your own anyway for the most part. 443 00:27:55,760 --> 00:28:00,040 Now I'm like, OK, let's what, how do you start settling down 444 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,200 with your family? You know, like, how does that 445 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,840 work? And how, how do we grow out of 446 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,240 what we've been used to? You know you're having to learn, 447 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,400 relearn all. That absolutely. 448 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,280 I didn't know what the future was going to hold, what it was 449 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,200 going to look like. All I knew was that I had to 450 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:21,160 make a change. And so I did and thankfully it 451 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:26,800 took a few weeks, but that change was helpful and to the 452 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:33,840 point where my husband finally got to his bottom and he checked 453 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:41,000 himself into a rehab and where he met Jesus and he got saved 454 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,760 and sober. Hallelujah. 455 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:48,040 And life began to change. Was it on the dirt Rd. in the 456 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,360 trailer or was that Mike? No, it went on the dirt Rd. 457 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,840 I get their stories come they were together. 458 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,200 Yeah, yeah, he was in Navarre, FL headed. 459 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,760 That way, yes. So actually a little pause in 460 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:06,240 pages story, but Abby, our Co host is best friend, her dad is 461 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,120 best friends with Pat and Paige and they've grown up together 462 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,960 and everything else. So we're all like, in here 463 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,040 together. But yeah. 464 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:15,280 All right. So wild story. 465 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:18,360 He gets saved, he gets sober. Life looks different. 466 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,040 Do you just like, open your arms and come on home? 467 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:26,000 Yeah, my biggest prayer had always been Lord saving from the 468 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,120 bondage of addiction and allow us to have some security. 469 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,840 Yeah, I just wanted to have security and to be stable. 470 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:41,480 And the Lord just blew that prayer off of the roof. 471 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,440 But it took time to get there and for me to see that because 472 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:51,240 after he got clean and sober and I was in agreement for him to 473 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:57,800 come home the next year and a half was probably the hardest 474 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,680 times of our marriage than they ever were. 475 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:07,520 Because for the first time, he was a decision make. 476 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:11,600 He wanted to be a decision maker in our family and the structure 477 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:17,000 of it. And he wanted to be involved. 478 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:21,880 And I had been doing this by myself like a single mom for so 479 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:27,360 many years. And then he also was just really 480 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:32,400 diving deep into the Lord and the Bible and just, he craved 481 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,040 it. And he was just like beating me 482 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,520 over the head with the Bible. Yeah. 483 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,160 He was like, are you, are you tithing? 484 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,280 Let me see what you're tithing. What are you tithing? 485 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,560 And I was like, I have not been tithing according to the Bible. 486 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,560 You are right. Because remember when you didn't 487 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:55,160 bring home checks? I didn't have money for food. 488 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,560 And so you're right, I didn't. I would give what I had extra, 489 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,880 which I know is not biblical, but in the times the Lord knew I 490 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,840 was doing the best I could. Oh, I just, that was not one 491 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:11,560 area that yeah, I did well on, I just have to say. 492 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,680 But it was it was rough. And he was like, you know, 493 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,280 something would not go good. Like maybe the air conditioner 494 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,320 broke or something. He was like, you must have some 495 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:23,280 uncompressed sin in your life. I was just like, back off. 496 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:28,280 You know, I have here trying to bring you to the Lord and I have 497 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:30,600 been walking with the Lord for all these years. 498 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,720 We have been unequally yoked and here you are. 499 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,520 You just cracked your egg. You, you just saw the yolk for 500 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,440 the first time and you're fixing to try to shove it down my 501 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,000 throat. That's going to be a no for me. 502 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,680 It was really, really hard. We had some of our worst 503 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,120 arguments ever because it was a struggle. 504 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:54,080 It was a power struggle too, because I had been so used to 505 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,920 making every decision. And he wanted to be a part and I 506 00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,600 want him to be a part, but I didn't know how to surrender 507 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,120 some of that. And I didn't know how to allow 508 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:07,600 him to be the lead in our home. So it was rough. 509 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:12,680 It was so rough. But God, but God, because he 510 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,800 brought us to South Side Baptist Church. 511 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:22,120 We had been attending a couple different churches and our 512 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:25,760 oldest was a teenager and 1 to get involved in teen churches. 513 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,240 And I'm, you know, that the teen side of ministry. 514 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,200 And so she we were testing and, you know, trying a couple places 515 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,880 and and then we tried South side. 516 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:42,040 And the first day we ran into Jay Ray and we went to set it 517 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,000 off. We went to church with them when 518 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,000 we were kids over at Green Acres. 519 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,320 I didn't love it. Yes. 520 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,760 Yeah. So Pat knew him, knew his family 521 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:53,880 hit. Jay Ray's dad used to work with 522 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,360 Pat's mom. Oh wow. 523 00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,760 And, you know, so it's just the whole family. 524 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,560 His sister was past age. They grew up in the same grade 525 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,080 together. So, so many commonalities in 526 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,440 that. Jay Ray invited us to lunch 527 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:10,640 after church and it just got started there. 528 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,960 So that was our first moment in Southside. 529 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:18,280 And we all just felt like we were at home in church. 530 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:23,600 The kids enjoyed the ministry for their age groups and Pat and 531 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,480 I enjoyed ours. We got into a a Sunday school 532 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,360 class for couples. OK, I mean, girl, that was. 533 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:30,960 All he was talking about the other Sunday, Yeah. 534 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:35,560 Yes, he blesses lot. Yeah. 535 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:40,880 So we were loving that. And he was just so excited to to 536 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:45,240 be in a group to to learn about Jesus and to talk with fellow 537 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:47,400 Christians. And, you know, he was doing 538 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,080 Bible studies on his own, and he had started going to Celebrate 539 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,920 Recovery. And probably about a year after 540 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,520 he was in Celebrate Recovery, he'd come home and tell me all 541 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,040 about it and all these things. And a couple times he had 542 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,320 invited me, and I was just like, no, you go. 543 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,920 That's for you. Yeah, I'm you. 544 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,680 You're the one with the issue, you know. 545 00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:07,960 Yeah. Yeah. 546 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:10,239 That's Sigma judging. Oh, wow. 547 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,400 Yeah, yeah. I was just like, that's where 548 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,520 you need to go. I'm going to make it to you so 549 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,280 you can go. We'll free up your schedule. 550 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:20,400 I'll have dinner on the table when you get home. 551 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,400 You know that kind of thing. And I was just like you. 552 00:34:22,679 --> 00:34:26,000 And then one day when he was getting ready to go, I said the 553 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:30,040 Lord just put it on my heart to ask him about it and what 554 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,880 exactly do you do there and what? 555 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,040 Because I really didn't inquire ever. 556 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,920 And he started sharing with me and I said I think I'd love to 557 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,159 go. And he said that'd be great. 558 00:34:39,159 --> 00:34:47,440 And so we went and life changing first night I was there, I felt 559 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:56,800 so just seen for not as who I am, but who I desire to be in 560 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,560 Christ. I felt comfortable. 561 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,760 I felt like I did not have to just keep putting a smile on 562 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:09,120 every day, even if it was fake, just to go through the motions 563 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,840 because that's what I had learned to do. 564 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,320 I had learned to just smile and keep putting 1 foot in front of 565 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,800 the other no matter what my circumstances were, because I 566 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,200 felt like I had made the decision to stay. 567 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:27,160 So I had to just deal. So for, I mean, so we're at 568 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,720 recovery. I've never been drunk in my 569 00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:31,400 life. I've drank. 570 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,480 I mean, I didn't, but I've never been. 571 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,720 Yeah, that's awesome. I've never tried drugs. 572 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:40,160 So I didn't really know that it was because what I had always 573 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:43,320 heard him and Charlie talk about was that it was people who 574 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,880 struggle with those things. Not that I mean, I would cut up 575 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,000 with Pat about judging stuff with that, but I really didn't 576 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,040 think it was something that was for me. 577 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,920 And lo and behold, it's for everybody. 578 00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,280 It is for everyone because we all have hurt. 579 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,680 Exactly. We all struggle with something. 580 00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,680 And Pat talks about, you know, we were all born a little 9 LB 581 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:08,160 Sinner, you know, because we were born into this world, Sin 582 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,120 is going to find us. You know, it's just the way that 583 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,280 we are. So I went to see our found a new 584 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,960 home. We started getting involved in 585 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:24,840 church and just loving every bit of it, involved in our Sunday 586 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:29,920 school class, which we loved and just finding new church friends. 587 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:34,600 They had the same common goals. We started really investing in 588 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:38,520 our kids as a as a mom and dad and as a couple who were on the 589 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,320 same page. And that was that was a 590 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:45,200 beautiful thing because for the longest time we, we weren't on 591 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,440 the same page. We were complete opposite in 592 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,200 every way. And so that's why I talk about 593 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:56,560 the Lord just abundantly blessed and blew the roof off my prayers 594 00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:01,800 because I just wanted stability, security, and for Him to be 595 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,520 freed from bondage. And I never knew that life was 596 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:10,680 going to exist for me. Not even just exist, but like 597 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,680 God, just do exceedingly more. I mean, because now you're a 598 00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,520 pastor's wife. Yeah, yeah. 599 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,800 What stuff like that in the world? 600 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,720 Yeah. That's crazy, man, because I'm 601 00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:27,040 just like that. That's that's not me. 602 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,640 That's that's not the cookie cutter of me and I just don't. 603 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:38,400 I never felt like I, you know, had the, the check mark sheet of 604 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,840 what a pastor's wife looked like, you know? 605 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,080 But that's what makes it so much more relatable. 606 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,960 You relate to so many other people like you give so many 607 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:51,320 women hope because of what you've endured over your life. 608 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,920 And so now it. Took me a while to understand 609 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,080 that though. Even like with this situation, I 610 00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:02,240 don't love telling my story because I don't feel like my 611 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:08,640 story is impactful in the way that my husband's is, you know, 612 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:12,200 and, and I had a hard time with that, especially in the 613 00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:13,880 beginning once he got clean and sober. 614 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:21,200 Like it was just hard to find my placement now because at first, 615 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,840 you know, I was just like the one who made every decision. 616 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:29,040 Then we're both in it together. And then where do I fall and who 617 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:33,400 am I now that I'm not in charge or control? 618 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:38,720 And, and all the things that I struggled with as far as the 619 00:38:38,720 --> 00:38:43,480 memories that plagued me of, of the bad times and the terrible 620 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:49,360 things that we endured, God just took a bottle of white out and 621 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,080 he just blotted them away. And I don't even remember so 622 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:56,640 many of them. And he just took it from me. 623 00:38:56,640 --> 00:39:00,720 The worry gone. Yeah, it just, and I don't 624 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:05,840 remember the day that I quit wearing, but it was amazing when 625 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,200 I realized it one day, I was like, wait a minute, I haven't 626 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:14,600 thought about finances. I haven't been concerned about 627 00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:20,200 the kids as far as you know. Yeah, just, you know, regular 628 00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,480 stuff. I don't, I don't have to check 629 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,480 on where he is and if he's going to be back when he says he's 630 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:29,520 going to be back and all of those things that used to, you 631 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,240 know, control me and haunt me and plague me daily. 632 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,800 God just took it. He just took. 633 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,800 And I had been praying and asking him to remove it because 634 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,440 it was heavy. It was so heavy. 635 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,680 But Pat and I joke now because our roles have kind of reversed. 636 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,000 And the fact that I used to worry all the time, it was 637 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,080 plagued by it. Now he finds himself, he'll be 638 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,840 the one to say, well, what about this, this and this and we've 639 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,440 got to do. And I'm like, no, just yeah, The 640 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,760 guy, he was like, who are you and what did you do with my 641 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:05,120 wife? I love that, I know, but so for 642 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,160 life, you know, y'all just started getting a rhythm like 643 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:12,280 y'all learned how to how to be 1 flesh yes, because for so long 644 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,120 y'all too. So now you become one. 645 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,880 And so tell us a little bit about like, what life looks like 646 00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,600 probably now. I know we're jumping, you know, 647 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,840 but tell us a little bit about what life looks like now. 648 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:27,800 So my husband's in the ministry, we talked about how somebody 649 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,000 coined this phrase one day they said they took that was removed 650 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,920 from the ditch and put in the pulpit, so to speak. 651 00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,320 But it's, it was such a radical change. 652 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,880 And the Lord did call him he, he ran for a short period of time, 653 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:45,040 as we all do when we feel like we're cornered with something. 654 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,880 But the Lord just kept calling in and calling him and putting 655 00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:53,200 it in his heart to go into ministry and, and you know, he 656 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,080 equips the call. And so he absolutely did and 657 00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:02,800 pack out his degree in theology and and he is pastor of 658 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:07,120 Celebrate Recovery at Southside and he also pastors and the 659 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:11,440 associate pastor at Pleasant Hill and let him into ministry 660 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:12,920 also with his full time job because. 661 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:17,720 I'm like 1 down. At the rescue mission, he he 662 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:20,120 started there as a chaplain. The Lord called him into that 663 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,000 work. Wow. 664 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:24,840 He was the chaplain is where he was hired to be originally. 665 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:29,640 And then and then circumstances changed after a few years and 666 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:34,640 and he became the the CEO. And so now he he is able to pour 667 00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:40,240 into people's lives that that need Jesus and every single day. 668 00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:44,760 And it's a, it's a place that offers a sanctuary for the 669 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,120 broken. And it doesn't matter what line 670 00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,240 they have found themselves in, whether it's homelessness, 671 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:58,840 addiction, jail, prison for life or domestic violence. 672 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:03,120 He's just, he and his team just pour into people every single 673 00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:08,760 day and let them know that there's a way to live with Jesus 674 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:13,640 and, and that has filled it fills every void. 675 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:19,520 You know, I, I, I struggle with a lack of a father because my 676 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,920 real dad, you know, struggle with drugs and alcohol. 677 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:28,040 My stepdad was there for those years, but then after the 678 00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,200 divorce, it was, he was present in some ways but absent in 679 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,600 others. And the only father that filled 680 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,720 that void for me was Jesus. Amen. 681 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:41,720 You know, and I'm so thankful, I'm so blessed because without 682 00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:46,480 him, I could not have endured anything and would not be where 683 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:50,200 we are today. Now we're, we're so involved in 684 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,320 our church. Like I had mentioned, we have a 685 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,760 life group that we host in our home. 686 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,920 That y'all have been hosting and we just joined. 687 00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,760 This is a life group we're in. But y'all have been having your 688 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,360 own life group for years and years. 689 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,280 I think some time Heather Marsh was in y'all's life group 690 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,560 because she was one of my very first episodes and she came in 691 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,280 and she was like years back I was in paid to that group. 692 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,760 I'm like man, y'all had a life group for a long. 693 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,920 Time has been quite some doubt and it's moved around to 694 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,640 different people's homes and some of the time at the church, 695 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:25,120 but we've been in our home for the last, I don't know, seven or 696 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,400 eight years. Years at least and then more 697 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:31,160 recently I think maybe me and you or Abby, I don't remember 698 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,480 who had this conversation, but like at one point y'all thought 699 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:37,880 about stopping like your group. But mate, this is kind of off. 700 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,720 But tell us a little bit about that decision making and like 701 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:43,760 what played into that and then what y'all came to. 702 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:49,000 Yeah, well, we were just having, we were having a hard time with 703 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:54,560 membership being consistent and our lives have gotten so hectic 704 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:59,640 and, and in the evenings where we were just pulled so many ways 705 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,520 and we were meeting every single week. 706 00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:06,200 And it we had just gotten to the point where like we need to pull 707 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,200 back. Maybe it's time for somebody 708 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:12,320 else to, to lead. And, and so we were like, OK 709 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,000 guys, we just let's cut back to at least 2 * a month. 710 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,760 Let's cut it back to that. And then Pat and I talked more 711 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,080 and we just decided we just need to mentioned to the group that 712 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:24,520 we just need to pull back together. 713 00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:29,240 And within that meeting at my house, we're telling the group 714 00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:34,040 and before the end of the night, we're planning out activities 715 00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:38,000 for the next few months. And the Lord just totally 716 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,840 redirected all of that. He was like, that's going to be 717 00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:45,000 a no, I've got other plans for you and your group, and you're 718 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,560 not done yet. Yeah, that's right. 719 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:51,360 And it's not that we didn't want to continue. 720 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,680 We just felt like, and we weren't burnt out, but it's 721 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,040 just, it's hard. You feel responsible and you 722 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:02,680 feel like, you know, the people that are, are part of your group 723 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:07,080 want, want to be interacting and engaging and you, you just feel 724 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,200 like maybe you're not as effective as you once were. 725 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,680 Or maybe it's time for someone else to take the lead or the, or 726 00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:15,760 the, you know, reigns a little bit. 727 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,680 And then God just shut that down. 728 00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:23,880 So we, we didn't, we never did, thank God, shut our group down. 729 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,520 We just redirected it and perhaps. 730 00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:32,600 We're so thankful for that, but let's go a little bit into you. 731 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:37,160 So you're a teacher, you're retired, and So what about your 732 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:40,120 life as you like? Let's talk a little bit about 733 00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,000 that. Well, I was a school teacher for 734 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,480 30 years. Well, some of the time I was a 735 00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,040 paraprofessional teacher's assistant when I was working on 736 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:52,720 my degree, as I was, you know, raising children and all the 737 00:45:52,720 --> 00:45:56,080 things. But I just completed 30 years 738 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,440 back in 2023. What an accomplishment, Yeah. 739 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:03,280 Amazing it was, it was a good, it was a good run and I loved my 740 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:08,240 job and I love my people and my students were amazing, but I 741 00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:10,160 just felt like it was time to do something else. 742 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,480 I had reached my 30 years, which you're eligible for full 743 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,800 retirement. And I just thought maybe the 744 00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,200 Lord's got something else for me. 745 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:20,680 And so I retired, took my summer off like I always did. 746 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:24,080 And then in the fall, I had planned to, you know, start 747 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,520 something new, even if it was part time. 748 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,760 And I had been praying and praying for like the last year 749 00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:31,720 that I was working as a, as an elementary teacher. 750 00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,920 I've been praying and asking God to show me what I was supposed 751 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,440 to do. I had created a little note on 752 00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:41,920 my iPhone that was just like things of interest after I 753 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,080 retire. And I had listed all that like a 754 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:50,040 travel agent and like like I had my own little like pop up 755 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,000 jewelry store. Can I love me some jewelry? 756 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,360 And I just had all these different little things on there 757 00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:57,440 that were really interesting to me. 758 00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,320 And one of them was real estate. My mother-in-law had been a real 759 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:01,920 estate agent for the longest time. 760 00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:05,840 And so it always sounded interesting to me because of, 761 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:07,920 you know, hearing talk about it and all of that. 762 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:13,360 But so that's kind of where it was and initially, but I have 763 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:17,480 been praying. I got a phone call from my now 764 00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,920 boss Gwen, and she had called me one day and just said, hey, I 765 00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,040 was talking to your mother-in-law and found out you 766 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:25,880 retired. And what are you thinking about 767 00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,320 doing? So she's like come in and talk 768 00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,680 to me. So I did went and talked to her 769 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:34,320 within the week was working at her office part time, look at 770 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,280 God. And then the I went on a trip 771 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,840 with that had been previously planned. 772 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:43,440 I came back and the next thing I knew my job title had switched. 773 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,680 I was then her assistant. And the next week I was signed 774 00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,640 up for real estate classes. So now I am in real estate. 775 00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:55,720 So my ministry has shifted. I was, I felt like my ministry 776 00:47:55,720 --> 00:48:00,760 was my children at my school. But now I get the honor of, you 777 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,840 know, loving people as they're on the search for their new 778 00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:07,200 homes and selling their homes. And it's been such a sweet, 779 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,440 sweet job. It's been challenging because 780 00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:15,800 it's such a new arena for me. And there's so much, there were 781 00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:19,520 so many things I did not know. It was really tough. 782 00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:22,800 I mean I had put myself through college and got 3° but this was 783 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,640 probably the hardest and it might be because my brain is 784 00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,120 older. I feel like there's just a lot 785 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:29,560 to learn. There is a lot I learned. 786 00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,720 There's so much to, really. Learn that in the. 787 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:35,520 Books more so it's after it's after the fact, but I have 788 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,400 thoroughly enjoyed it. I love it. 789 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,200 I love getting to just interact with people and and love them 790 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:45,400 where they're at and and help hopefully guide them through one 791 00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:51,000 of the most challenging but wonderful processes and most 792 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:56,680 expensive processes that they will and, and and half in their 793 00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,560 life, so to speak. But, well, I was. 794 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,040 That's exactly what I was telling you. 795 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:04,800 Like before we started was the day that mom was looking for her 796 00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,080 place now and she called you and she found this one place and she 797 00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,840 was like, let's go look at it. She found out like, I think, you 798 00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:14,040 know, Golden Key was listing it. So she was like, Paige, can you 799 00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,520 take me to look or whatever? And when we walked in, my mom 800 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,680 said that she just felt like she was at home, but like there was 801 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,600 just so much anxiousness about it. 802 00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,120 But like you calm that because instantly you're like, let's 803 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:25,280 pray right here in the middle in the living room. 804 00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:29,000 And that's just so beautiful to me that you get that you get to 805 00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,800 meet all of these people and just be able to have those 806 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,000 little moments in people's lives that are life changing, like 807 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:41,600 buying a house and planning your planning, growing roots or being 808 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:50,800 rooted, being rooted somewhere and just having those moments 809 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:53,160 with people. Like you don't know that light 810 00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,120 that you can be in people's lives. 811 00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:58,120 And you know, you have been such a light to me and I've said that 812 00:49:58,120 --> 00:49:59,760 and you're like, probably whatever. 813 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:03,800 But really like when I was going through that season last year 814 00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,560 with Greg and just feeling like there was no way out. 815 00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,720 And I was like at the end of my like, end of the road, like I'm 816 00:50:09,720 --> 00:50:12,640 like, we're at the fork. They were even getting a divorce 817 00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:15,160 or whatever. And you like would calm me down, 818 00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:17,440 honestly. And just like, reassure me, like 819 00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,120 give it to God, stop trying to control it and stuff like that. 820 00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:22,160 And just so your story's just so powerful. 821 00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,720 And I've loved this. Yeah, this was so I knew it was 822 00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:30,160 going to be good. Well, this is not generally my 823 00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:34,600 Forte, but the Lord nudged me out and said, and with your 824 00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:39,120 encouragement, I agree on to this because it's not my story, 825 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:40,920 it's God's story. Amen. 826 00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,000 And I read something today if a sweet friend of mine at work 827 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,760 shared it with me and I hope I'll get it right, and I 828 00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:49,440 probably won't. I probably need to look it up on 829 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,840 my phone. But it said, let me think for 830 00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,640 just a minute. It says your ministry is found 831 00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:58,320 where you've been broken. Your testimony is found where 832 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,160 you've been restored. Amen. 833 00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:03,000 That's not good and. She shared that with me today 834 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:07,320 and I said send that to me because that's perfect for me 835 00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:11,800 today because I I'm open book. If anybody asks me about my 836 00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:15,360 story, I will have no problem face to face telling you and, 837 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:20,040 and sharing what I, you know, went through and how the Lord 838 00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:23,680 saw me through and helped me and how I had to rely on him just to 839 00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:28,320 put one step and run the other. But share, you know, in a, in a 840 00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,240 live setting, it's a little different. 841 00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:35,280 And I'm, that's not my comfort zone, but I know that it's not 842 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,400 my story. It's God's story. 843 00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:42,400 And if it's intended and meant to be shared so that it can help 844 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:51,320 somebody else have hope and know that they're not alone, and to 845 00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:56,720 realize that Jesus is there, all you have to do is ask. 846 00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:04,040 Then my uncomfortableness is worth it. 847 00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:08,640 And that's why I felt that I needed to follow through and 848 00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:10,720 then come here and and talk with you today. 849 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,920 Because it's not about me and I need to get out of the way and 850 00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:21,400 and just share what he had done because he's been so faithful. 851 00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:29,200 He has been so good to me and and my husband and when I shared 852 00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:34,760 the things of his story with you here, it's not to bring shame to 853 00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:40,440 him or I'm not telling something that he would not want shared. 854 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:45,200 He's he's very open with it. That's not who he is anymore. 855 00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:51,840 That's not who we are anymore. And I'm very proud of him and 856 00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:55,920 what he has overcome and how he has allowed God to change him, 857 00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,120 radically changed him from the core. 858 00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:04,280 And I think that the Lord allowed that to happen so that 859 00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:12,240 we could help people struggle, who struggle with addiction and 860 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:18,280 who can stick, stick it out and stay strong. 861 00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:25,120 And make it to the other side because it's not easy, but it's 862 00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:26,440 so worth it. It is. 863 00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,000 It's so worth it. And although the 1st 17 years of 864 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:34,080 our marriage were a challenge and and nothing I would want 865 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:39,520 anyone to have to endure, I would sign up to do it again. 866 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:44,920 To know what I know now, I mean, and to be where we are now. 867 00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:50,680 Yeah, that's good, because there's nothing like it to walk 868 00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:58,760 with his goodness, to know that I can call on him for anything 869 00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,920 and everything. And sometimes I do for the 870 00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:06,080 silliest of things. But that's what he tells us. 871 00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:11,960 He tells us to to ask. We have not because we'd ask 872 00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:16,400 not. You know, my favorite, the 873 00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,640 Scripture in the Bible is John 1418. 874 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:20,520 This is. I will not leave you 875 00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:23,360 comfortless. I will come to you or I will 876 00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,600 leave you as orphans, depending on which version you read. 877 00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:31,400 But that has been my life first, because no matter what I have 878 00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:36,000 experienced, I know he's there. Yeah, I know you're going to 879 00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:39,520 come to me. He's going to comfort me and he 880 00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:45,320 is going to carry me through. And so I, I just hold on to that 881 00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:50,040 and I am, I praise the Lord for what he's done in our life, in 882 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,280 my personal life, in my marriage, in my children's life 883 00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:57,200 lives. And I'm so thankful and I'm so 884 00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,000 proud of you. Thank you for what you are 885 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,040 doing. Thank you and how you have been 886 00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:04,400 so resilient and you did not give up on your marriage. 887 00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:11,280 And the Lord, you know, is just allowing that fruit to be shown 888 00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,280 and is just blessing you abundantly. 889 00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:17,320 And I'm so proud of you. This has been fun. 890 00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:21,560 Yes, I, you know, usually my very last thing I say I'm like, 891 00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:23,080 how would you like to end it today? 892 00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:24,760 That was perfect. I. 893 00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,080 Don't think I mean, unless you had something else. 894 00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,080 I think that was that was amazing. 895 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,320 I, I love this episode and I know so many women are going to 896 00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:34,280 take away so much from this episode. 897 00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:35,800 So thank you so much for being here today. 898 00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,120 Thank. You for having me? 899 00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,520 Yes. All right guys, really. 900 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:41,520 I know that y'all enjoyed this. I don't have to say. 901 00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,520 I hope y'all enjoyed this. I know you have. 902 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:47,360 So yeah, stay tuned, stay blessed, and we'll see you guys 903 00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:48,320 later. Bye.