1 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,760 What's up guys? My name is Alexis Brown, your 2 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,760 host with praises in the pod, and I am so excited to have 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,880 Heather Marsh here with us today. 4 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:13,920 Hey guys, I'm really excited to be here. 5 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,200 So we are going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 6 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:23,240 jump right in. Lord Heavenly Father, thank you 7 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,880 for today. Thank you for all your many 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,880 blessings. Dear God, thank you for allowing 9 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,320 us to come together and talk about your goodness and your 10 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,680 faithfulness and all that you have done in our lives. 11 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,640 Lord, we just pray that you speak to us and through us and 12 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,320 that this episode resonates with our listeners and they just want 13 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,600 to grow closer with you. God, they want to strengthen 14 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,400 their walk with you. And we just pray that over all 15 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,880 this just glorifies your name. In Jesus name we pray. 16 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,800 Amen. OK, let's get it started girl. 17 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,680 So the other day I sent you some questions of what we're going to 18 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,360 go over or whatever. So First off, let's talk about 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,800 little bit of your upbringing maybe and your childhood and 20 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,280 just tell us a little bit about yourself. 21 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,840 Yeah, so I had. Now that I look back as I was 22 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,480 thinking about this, I feel like I had a pretty unique childhood. 23 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:16,000 I grew up with, my dad was a DARE officer for most of my 24 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,440 childhood. He was a police officer for in 25 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:22,600 Perry and my mom worked for the Board of Education and she 26 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,840 retired from there. And so all of my friends knew my 27 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,520 parents and then all the kids in town knew my parents. 28 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,720 And so we were just kind of well known. 29 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,480 So we had a lot of friends. And so that was kind of neat, 30 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,800 like just having that community of people. 31 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,480 And not only that, I had an older brother, so we had people 32 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,160 over at the house all the time. Our neighborhood was the 33 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,840 neighborhood that all the kids got dropped off. 34 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:55,000 Yes. I mean, like all the time. 35 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,520 People would just drop their kids off at the sign. 36 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,360 Devin would sign. And Perry, I'm serious. 37 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:05,120 And I just have great memories. I mean, there'd be like 30 kids 38 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:07,200 in our neighborhood. That's just how I grew up. 39 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:12,600 That started, gosh, 3rd grade on up until high school and we 40 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,600 traveled a lot. I just had a really cool 41 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,040 childhood. That's awesome. 42 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:21,440 My parents are very musical. They've been in the same band 43 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:27,240 for like 30 something years and so I can remember growing up and 44 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:31,240 going like, you know, going to their, going to parties and 45 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,000 stuff like that where they played and I grew up just 46 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,480 musically, you know, just going around and and listening to them 47 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,800 play music. So it's just very unique. 48 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,280 Just kind of, I guess you would say like well-rounded, like just 49 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,760 doing a bunch of fun things, so. That's awesome. 50 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,040 Yeah. So do you sing yourself? 51 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,840 You do. I've seen some videos. 52 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:53,680 You. Can sing? 53 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,520 I sing with my husband. Yeah. 54 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,320 I don't sing on stage or anything like that. 55 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,600 I do it for fun. Yeah. 56 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,640 Would you not want to sing on stage, like stage right 57 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,480 instantly? Yes, yes. 58 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,720 Nope, I'll be, I'll be in the behind the scenes. 59 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,920 I'm good with that. It feels a choir. 60 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,240 Yes, definitely. Definitely. 61 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,240 I wish they would bring choirs back honestly because I would 62 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:22,120 love to be in a choir. OK, So what are exactly are some 63 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,480 of the struggles that maybe you dealt with prior to encountering 64 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,840 God for the first time? Yeah, so right out of high 65 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,440 school is kind of where my faith story starts. 66 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:38,040 And I was kind of directionless. I didn't, I kind of dropped out 67 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,760 of college, didn't really know what I wanted to do. 68 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:45,000 I got out of a long term relationship, just didn't have 69 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,760 much to drive. I wouldn't say I was like 70 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,240 depressed or anything like that. It wasn't like a dark season in 71 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:51,880 my life. It's just, I was just kind of 72 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,640 like, I don't know, just wandering. 73 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,680 Nowhere to go. I was. 74 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,760 Just wandering and I feel like that's kind of typical for that 75 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,440 age. And I think that especially I 76 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:08,080 guess in in anyone's faith journey, that age is kind of 77 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:13,600 like the dry season too. But for me, I I really had not 78 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,440 even started that faith journey yet did. 79 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,160 Did I meant to ask you this earlier? 80 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,360 Did y'all go to church or anything when you were growing 81 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,960 up? Or yes, so we did. 82 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:27,360 And actually, I was very involved growing up at First 83 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,000 Baptist Church in Perry. And I had wonderful godly adults 84 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:36,800 who poured into me and I believed in God like, but you 85 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,520 know, looking back now that I do have a relationship with Jesus 86 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,240 like I, I did, I just did not understand. 87 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,520 So it just wasn't real back then. 88 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,000 It wasn't real until it became real to me. 89 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,680 You know, about 19 years old, I had gone with some friends to, I 90 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,120 don't know if anybody's even going to remember this place, 91 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,240 but it was in Byron. It was called the Blue Tomato. 92 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:04,560 OK, How old are you? 29 I did not know this. 93 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:09,480 So I'm 37, so I don't know who remembers this place. 94 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,280 They had good food, but it was like a bar slash. 95 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:16,360 Like I don't know why, but they allowed like teens to come in 96 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,760 and like play music. I don't know. 97 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,400 It was, I think they ended up. But it was a restaurant. 98 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:25,720 It No, it's just a bar. I don't know really what it was. 99 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,880 I think they got shut down for really bad reasons, so I don't 100 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,880 know really what it was. Looking back, I'm like we 101 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,040 probably shouldn't have been there. 102 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,160 So I don't know. I was young. 103 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,400 OK, OK. But anyways, so I went with some 104 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:41,000 friends and they were allowing some like teenage bands to play. 105 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,680 And I mean, it was slam pack that night. 106 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,520 There was tons of teenagers there. 107 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,360 Well, one of the bands that was playing there was a Christian 108 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,840 band, but they were like, it was like rock, you know, you, you 109 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,880 couldn't really tell unless you like really listen to their 110 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,360 lyrics. And well, one of the guys in the 111 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:04,200 band kind of was explaining one of the songs and before he was 112 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,360 about to sing it and it was a song he had written and he was 113 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,720 kind of telling his story. And I don't, I don't know what 114 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,960 it was, but it just, I don't know. 115 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,600 It just really meant something to me. 116 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:19,440 And it's not even that I was really, you know, I wasn't going 117 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,840 through like a dark, dark time or anything like that. 118 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,760 It's just like, I feel like the Spirit of the Lord was just 119 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,840 moving that night. And I just answered. 120 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:33,840 And I can remember leaving and going home that night and, and I 121 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,680 can remember praying, you know, to the Lord, like, give me some 122 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,760 direction, like send me some godly friends, like show me what 123 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,160 I need to do, Like what's my next step? 124 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:49,040 And you know, it wasn't immediately, but I would say 125 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,600 pretty pretty quickly I got involved, actually started 126 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,880 dating one of the guys in that band that was speaking that 127 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,120 night. And that was, he was giving his 128 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,000 testimony that night at the Blue Tomato. 129 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:04,920 And we started going to a college ministry that Southside 130 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,800 had. They had a wonderful college 131 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,200 ministry back in the day. Like, I mean, it was amazing. 132 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,040 Oh, it was booming. It was a place to. 133 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,640 Be it was a place. I mean, now all those like 134 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,040 literally 90% of everybody in that group is like married to 135 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,800 each other. And I'm just like, it was, it 136 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,960 was amazing. And it really, if I would say 137 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:29,920 the season of my life, then that is really when the Lord like 138 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,880 activated my faith. Like that was the season. 139 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,600 So I started going to that ministry. 140 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,840 You know, I started going to church on Sunday. 141 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:43,760 I just started doing things and I started feeling uncomfortable 142 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:50,240 in the old places. And so I just, I don't know, 143 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,640 like things just really started changing for me. 144 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,480 I got a job, something I never thought I would do. 145 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,320 Like I started working at a pharmacy. 146 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,240 I had no interest in it before, but it's just where I found 147 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,400 myself and I enjoyed it and I did it for like 9 years after 148 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,640 that. Like, and it put me in the 149 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,400 medical field like it was just like. 150 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,600 You just sort of started lining. Started lining things up. 151 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,000 You know, I ended up marrying my husband Jeremy. 152 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,240 I was OK. Is he the one? 153 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,560 Yeah, he's. Oh, my gosh. 154 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,000 Now that's crazy. Girl, that's. 155 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,920 All the one getting crazy, he's the one giving his testimony and 156 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,320 we ended up getting married. I was gonna ask that and I was 157 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,520 like, no, surely it's not. She would have said it. 158 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,000 But girl, that's. Crazy. 159 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:34,200 Yeah. So, you know, it was just it was 160 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:39,559 just really neat how God like just worked all that out and you 161 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:43,840 know, I just met so many just amazing people at that time in 162 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,200 my life and I really needed that. 163 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:50,080 I needed some some pushing, yeah, because I wasn't going to 164 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:51,680 budget. I really wasn't. 165 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,040 Well, you're saying like you were so lost, you didn't know 166 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,120 where to go, like you didn't really want to be in school. 167 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,680 And you said you dropped out of school. 168 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,360 I did. And so you're just you're lost. 169 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,640 You're trying to find your way. And then that one night, I mean 170 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,400 at this blue tomato girl. Blue tomato. 171 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:11,480 That is a crazy night though. But like just that night set all 172 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:16,080 this emotion that is amazing just to be able to find that 173 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,280 sense of direction because right after that you start seeing 174 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,120 these changes. You want different. 175 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,240 Like all of that. Wow. 176 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,480 And your husband was the one giving his. 177 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,080 That's the one. Girl I know. 178 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,680 That is powerful. So that is at 19. 179 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,200 Yep. And then you and Jeremy got 180 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,960 married when we. Got married two years later. 181 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,560 Two years. OK so y'all like how did that? 182 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,160 Start. That was 2006 and then we got 183 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,720 married 2008. OK, so how did that start? 184 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,720 Like you got his number that night or he got yours? 185 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,320 Yeah, he asked. He asked one of my friends for 186 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,800 my number. OK, cool. 187 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,880 Dang. OK, so in that two year time 188 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,920 span, like what? What did y'all's relationship 189 00:09:55,920 --> 00:10:00,080 look like? So I mean, it, it was good. 190 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:05,080 It was good. So it's kind of difficult. 191 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:07,240 I, I wasn't really going to go into this, but I will go into 192 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,600 this because it'll kind of set precedence for like later. 193 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,240 But I like, and I've talked to Laura about this last night. 194 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:22,680 I just feel like it was so long ago and it almost like I know 195 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:28,440 it's part of my story, but it's I feel so disconnected with it 196 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,080 now because he's take, I mean, he's literally disconnected it 197 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:37,120 from me because I've let it go. And it's hard when you when 198 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,040 you've let something go like that, it's really hard to tell 199 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,680 that story. Because yeah, it doesn't even. 200 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,120 It's like a fever dream, honestly. 201 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,480 Yeah, and it, it's hard, but like, I know people need to hear 202 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,880 about it because I mean, I think about, you know, families that 203 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,560 have gone through like really bad divorces and stuff like that 204 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,160 because we were headed that way, you know? 205 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,960 And I think about they, they feel like it's never going to be 206 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,920 OK. And like, and then I think about 207 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,880 like where we are now. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like. 208 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,120 What if you would have gave up? Yeah. 209 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:16,400 But I also think about there was a time when I was like, this is 210 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:20,480 going to be like this forever. And it's just not true. 211 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,600 For some maybe, but we don't know that, you know, like we 212 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,760 don't know that and I don't know. 213 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,400 So y'all get married, OK, No, y'all meet at 19, you're married 214 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,360 around 21. And then like what's that next 215 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,080 season of life right after marriage, right after y'all are 216 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,800 really starting your family. Like what? 217 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,080 What does that look like for y'all? 218 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,360 Yeah. So that was a season of growth 219 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,000 in my faith. It was difficult, which I don't 220 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,560 think it's ever easy in that season of marriage because 221 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:55,920 everything's so new. But addiction crept in our 222 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:01,320 family, and the consequences of addiction really is an added 223 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,160 burden on our marriage. And we had two young kids at 224 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:10,840 this time, and so our family was actually separated for a couple 225 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,960 years. It was just really hard, you 226 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,800 know, I lost a lot. There was people that walked out 227 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,680 of my life for a little while, even even family. 228 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:26,440 And I say it was a season of growth because I was forced into 229 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,760 isolation and said that was like alone time with God. 230 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,480 And so I was going to church literally Monday nights, 231 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:40,000 Wednesday nights. OK, so Southside used to have 232 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,040 Wednesday night church, Saturday night church and Sunday. 233 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:47,280 So I was going to 12 step on Monday, Wednesday night church. 234 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:52,400 I was going to small group too and because they used to have 235 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,240 Sunday night small. Group they still do were open. 236 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,600 You were there. Yeah, I was there. 237 00:12:56,760 --> 00:13:02,600 I was there and I I put myself in a small group with like, 238 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,520 older people. I mean, you would think I would 239 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,160 like be in like a small group with like 20 year olds, but I 240 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,560 was just in a different season in life than I felt like anybody 241 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:17,280 else my age. And So what I needed was like 242 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,760 wisdom. I needed older people who had 243 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:26,560 possibly been through what I had been through already and could 244 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:32,960 just speak godly wisdom to me. And so I had about 30 adults and 245 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,000 I was in their small group and they poured into me. 246 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,560 I mean, I can't even tell you like they bought our Christmas 247 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:43,600 like they were precious. Like I'll never, I'll never 248 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,280 forget. But I did last night when I was 249 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,880 I was really praying about talking to you today. 250 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:53,560 One of the things I felt really led to share was there was a 251 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:57,240 turning point for me in that time. 252 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:02,440 There was a study that we did in our small group and it was 253 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:08,200 Francis Chan Crazy love. And aside from the night that I 254 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:14,360 would say my faith journey started that study to me, it 255 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:19,720 stands out to me because you know, you, you hear people say 256 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:23,320 that they love God. There's no way that I could ever 257 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,920 fathom what that what loving God really is like. 258 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,880 I can't fathom that type of love. 259 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,200 I don't even know how to accept it. 260 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,240 I can't even accept that from him. 261 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,040 I don't even know how to love him that way because it's just 262 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,960 bigger than I could ever imagine. 263 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:47,880 And that study for me opened my eyes because I can remember at 264 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:53,000 that time in my life, I thought that I could, oh God, have a 265 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,240 relationship with him, but still hold on to things, still do 266 00:14:56,240 --> 00:15:01,960 things, still still maybe smoke, still maybe have a drink and 267 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,720 stuff like that. There was like this section 268 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:08,120 about section in the book about, you know, being lukewarm. 269 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:12,640 I mean, we hear that a lot. And but I wasn't, I was a baby 270 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,600 Christian, you know, And the way that he explained it, it just 271 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,320 opened my eyes and I was just like, I really can't, I really 272 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,520 can't ever know. But loving God is and hold on to 273 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,720 those things. Like it's either I'm going to be 274 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,560 on this side of the fence or I'm going to be on this like I've 275 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,080 got to choose. And if that means being isolated 276 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:39,400 and being alone, like I'm OK with it and I chose like I 277 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,720 chose. Was that was that study 278 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,680 recommended or that's what y'all did as a group? 279 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,160 Yeah, we did that as a group. That was I was in pet chest. 280 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:48,680 Pains. Oh my gosh, girl. 281 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:53,840 OK, and my and my days. OK, so this it's so crazy that 282 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,920 you say that because I feel the same way about joining a small 283 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,200 group. I have been doing a 12 step for 284 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,560 the past, like we just finished last month. 285 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,840 And so I was like, I don't want to add another night a week. 286 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,320 And so I want to finish my 12 step and then I want to jump 287 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,520 into a small group. And then I've been asked and 288 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,480 I've talked to people or whatever and I'm just like, I 289 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,800 just feel like I'm in a different season than, you know, 290 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,880 the people that you know, the same age with or hang out with 291 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,320 and all the stuff. Like I'm just in a different 292 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,040 season. I just have a different demo, 293 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,200 not demographic, but you know, I'm just in a different space. 294 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,440 And so I'm like, what am I going to do? 295 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,520 I'm trying to figure it out. And someone recommended, why 296 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,480 don't you just join a ladies group? 297 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:40,080 And I was like, yeah, but you know, down the road, I would 298 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,720 love to just already be in a Coed or something like that. 299 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,680 And Pat's name came up and they were like, why don't you talk 300 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,240 about Pat Chastain's group? Like, why don't you try to join 301 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,400 that one? And then Abby and Dexter joined 302 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,640 that one. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's 303 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,640 perfect. That means like the best of both 304 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,600 worlds. And so you just said that. 305 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,240 And I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's a sign I'm. 306 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:00,760 I got to be in Pat's group. That's. 307 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,359 Actually, how me and my best friend became best friends. 308 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,520 I mean, that was years ago when I was in that group. 309 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,200 But I mean, it's just full circle. 310 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:16,440 Yeah, he's so good, this girl. But that that book, I mean it in 311 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,960 in watching Francis Chan, like talk about the love he has for 312 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:26,240 for God. Like it makes you want that. 313 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:31,440 Like, I mean, you desire that. It's just it was really good. 314 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,480 Dang, that's awesome. I love. 315 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,240 And just to be able to speak about it this many years later 316 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,920 and be like that was such a turning moment in my faith walk, 317 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,440 you know, and just be that powerful. 318 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,320 It's got to be good. You don't have to send me them 319 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:50,400 details. OK, so that was in your early 320 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,000 years of marriage. How long would you say that you 321 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,600 felt like you were in that season? 322 00:17:56,320 --> 00:18:01,320 Almost three years that time that our family was separated 323 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:07,120 and I say separated our we were not like separated as in a 324 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,680 marriage separation. My husband was in rehab. 325 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,400 And so you know, that's really difficult. 326 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:18,680 And you have kids that are young, Thank God they were young 327 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,160 because they don't remember. They don't remember. 328 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:27,520 They really don't remember it, but we we actually like, I 329 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:31,520 picked up and moved away to where he was and started over. 330 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:36,240 So which was like Athens area. And that was difficult in 331 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,880 itself. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't 332 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,360 perfect or anything like that. There was, you know, I had been 333 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,360 independent for quite some time. And then you come back together 334 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,960 and you have to relearn each other again. 335 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:56,200 I mean, you know, there's still like old habits that you both 336 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,120 like, you're just still working through stuff like it. 337 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,400 You don't, you don't just, I don't know, come together and 338 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,360 everything is great. It doesn't matter where I was, 339 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,960 even with my relationship with the Lord, like even though I 340 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,200 felt so strong, it was still so difficult. 341 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,200 Yeah, because it's not like you're starting. 342 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,280 It's not like when you first start dating and you don't 343 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,040 really know things and you're having to learn like, y'all have 344 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,000 a foundation that y'all had already built. 345 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,920 And so now you're having to create a whole new foundation 346 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,440 that's more, you know, healthy and biblical and stuff like 347 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,520 this. So yeah, girl, I can imagine 348 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:35,200 that's hard. And so we, we ended up moving 349 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,080 again. We moved a couple times and my 350 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,800 husband went into ministry, which that, I mean, just is, is 351 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,160 amazing in itself. He went into ministry as a 352 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,400 worship leader. And that's kind of how what 353 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,440 brought us back to Warner Robins. 354 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,200 I'll, I'll just say this. God restored our family prior to 355 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,880 us moving back here. We're just trying to like live 356 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,440 life normally, like whatever that looks like because we don't 357 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,320 even know because we haven't had a normal life for years. 358 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:12,200 Yeah. And just relearning each other, 359 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:16,560 which took for forever, you know, trying to figure out. 360 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,960 OK, God like. We want to be settled down at a 361 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,560 church and we really thought that Griffin was like where 362 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,480 where we were going to like that was it. 363 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,520 I mean, we started Celebrate Recovery there. 364 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,840 Like, I mean, and then God was like Nope. 365 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,560 Yeah. Nope. 366 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,000 It's so crazy because sometimes we think things are so right, 367 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,080 like this is 100% what God's calling us to do We're good. 368 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,960 And then God's like, no, that was just a stepping stall. 369 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,640 I felt so. Comfortable there, You know, 370 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:48,840 like, so comfortable, comfortable. 371 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,440 Like, I mean, I really thought we're going to retire there. 372 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:56,560 And like, I had good friends there and I did not want to move 373 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,480 back here. Because it's just, it's not. 374 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,480 Great. It's not great memories, you 375 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,160 know, there's just not great memories here. 376 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,520 I did not want to move back, but there was no way around it. 377 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:10,520 I mean, I God made it very evident in so many ways that we 378 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,440 were supposed to be back. Here. 379 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,240 Wow. Yeah. 380 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:18,120 And so we we moved back, bought a house, which we had never done 381 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:21,360 before, had never bought a house because we were never in one 382 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,480 place long enough to buy a house. 383 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:29,520 Then the surprise of a lifetime. This is where God gets comical. 384 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,280 And I really thought he was playing a joke on us. 385 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:38,400 But at age 36, I never thought that I would get pregnant. 386 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,200 Actually, we have talked about this many times. 387 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,920 My husband did not want anymore kids and he would be OK with me 388 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:53,040 sharing this one because he missed quite a bit of Presley 389 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:57,720 and Vans, the beginning of their life and he did not feel like it 390 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,720 would be fair to them. You know, he did. 391 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:05,160 He did not feel he wanted to, to just concentrate on them. 392 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,600 And I get that. And I'll be honest with you, 393 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,360 there was a time when there was, I felt resentment towards that 394 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:16,360 because I wanted another baby. There was a time when I would, I 395 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:21,600 strongly wanted another baby. But eleven years went by and I 396 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,920 never got pregnant. And I, I won't go into detail, 397 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,040 but I'll just tell you, I do not know how I never got pregnant. 398 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,120 Wow. So I, we actually thought I 399 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:34,560 could not get pregnant. It was, it was scary. 400 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:39,640 It was a little bit scary, you know, it's just when I really 401 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:44,560 sat down and thought about it, I was like, OK, this is really 402 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:51,640 happening and, and now looking back now, it's like, wow, God. 403 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,400 You find out that you're pregnant and then what? 404 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,960 How does how does everybody? I know they respond well but 405 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:03,440 like how was that transition? It was pretty easy transition. 406 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:07,760 There was like towards the end of my pregnancy, Jeremy 407 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:13,120 actually, he had this. He wasn't in any pain really. 408 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:17,240 He started to feel like he had broken a rib. 409 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,000 It just it kind of got worse and worse. 410 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:24,680 And so we had Hemming, which was wonderful experience, all that. 411 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:31,280 And then a couple months went by and that big, that rib just got 412 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:36,560 worse and then something started to grow out of it and it had 413 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,720 gotten so large. It was like the size of a like a 414 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:41,920 volleyball. I mean, it was. 415 00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,560 Huge and it's like protruding. Yeah, it's protruding out and at 416 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:50,840 that time, I mean, my husband at that time was a lot was much 417 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,920 smaller, could see it even outside of his shirt. 418 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,200 I mean, it was, it was pretty large. 419 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,840 He he ended up going to the ER, They did a scan. 420 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:02,480 He found out that a cancer that he's, he's known he's had since 421 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,000 2019. That's not life threatening. 422 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,640 They treat it more like a chronic disease, but it's 423 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:12,040 follicular lymphoma. It had actually and transformed 424 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:16,240 into another type of cancer, a more aggressive cancer. 425 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,560 Now, did they know that was a possibility that that could? 426 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,280 Happen. We've known, but I mean, I don't 427 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,120 know the statistics of it. It's just been. 428 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,800 Low. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't happen 429 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:29,240 to everybody. And you know, when it's you, you 430 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,280 don't think it's going to be, you know, you don't think it 431 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,320 could be you to, you know, for it to happen too. 432 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:39,240 So it just wasn't in our mind that it especially us having a 433 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,120 new baby, you know, we were like so focused on him, which is just 434 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,320 so neat. You know, he had brought our 435 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:53,040 family so much joy and really God used Himming to kind of keep 436 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:58,560 our mind focused off of that. This time that we've gone 437 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,120 through with Jeremy, he ended up having chemo. 438 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:08,920 So where I found myself was caring for a new baby, caring 439 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,200 for my husband, caring for the teenagers. 440 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:16,840 I, I have help, but I just kind of found myself neglecting 441 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,400 myself and just kind of losing myself. 442 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:26,920 So I really feel like this past year has been a season of 443 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:33,000 maturing in my faith. Even like emotionally, I feel 444 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,960 like just being able to care for everybody and care for myself. 445 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,600 It was really hard and I didn't do it well. 446 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:49,560 I did not do it well and so I found myself lost my work ethic, 447 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,520 like I started to isolate. I started to lose interest and 448 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,720 things that I love. One of my pride and joys is my 449 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,560 small group. UMM. 450 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,040 Girl and that thing. Booed I've I've been in the same 451 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:05,680 small group for almost just been about two years now, and I love 452 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,720 it like I it. It would be hard for me to let 453 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,400 that go because unless God really told me to let that go 454 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,400 because I just love it so much. I love being with those women. 455 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:18,640 I mean, they're some of my best friends. 456 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,360 They pour into me, I pour into them. 457 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:23,400 I just love it. It was one of the IT was this WG 458 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,440 right, The WG OK, so you start that at your home, right? 459 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,080 That was in your home, just a small group of girls, whatever. 460 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,600 And then y'all got so big you had to move it to your. 461 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,840 Church I. Did and it became like a church 462 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,320 wide women's group. Yep. 463 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:40,000 Yeah, Yep, we did move it, but I ended up switching days and 464 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,560 after I had Hemming from my because I was having it on 465 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,880 Sunday nights and. That's a long day. 466 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:50,240 I'm like, I need my weekends. So I switched it to Thursday 467 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,920 nights now and we have it back at my home. 468 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:58,000 But but I, I almost just like even lost interest in that. 469 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,440 Like I was just losing interest in everything. 470 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:05,560 And then as then people started noticing things, you know, and, 471 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,480 and I don't like that. I don't like when people are 472 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:13,160 noticing that I'm struggling. And like, I didn't want to pray. 473 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,360 There was this weekend and I spent all weekend and I kept 474 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,080 praying the same thing over and over. 475 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:22,000 And I said, Lord, I need to win. I need your help. 476 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,200 I need you to give me some wins because I feel like I'm just 477 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:31,280 losing everything. I'm not being a good mom, not a 478 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,000 Good Wife. I'm not being a good employee 479 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,840 like I'm not being a good friend. 480 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,680 I'm I'm not doing good at anything. 481 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,000 And I just meant so much time praying that weekend. 482 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,720 And I was really struggling too with my husband's sickness 483 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,680 because he just wasn't feeling good. 484 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,800 It was just hard because you know something that people don't 485 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:57,080 talk about when your, when your family's going through the chemo 486 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,160 process, they're not feeling like great. 487 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:02,920 And, and everybody knows that about that situation. 488 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,120 But behind the scenes you're not thinking they're not really 489 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,640 doing much. Like they don't want to go out 490 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,920 to eat with you. They don't want to do anything 491 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,800 fun because they don't feel good. 492 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,560 And so they miss out, like they're missing out on stuff. 493 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:23,160 And, and so that that hurts, you know, and it's not their fault. 494 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,560 I'm very thankful that we're like past that. 495 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,200 He's been done with chemo for four months and and he's doing 496 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,360 good. We have a lot of praises going 497 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:36,240 on right now about him. So but back to that moment, I 498 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,600 think that defining moment for me when I said, OK, enough is 499 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,880 enough. I need something to change. 500 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:47,200 And so that weekend when I was praying, God was like, go see 501 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,520 somebody, go talk to somebody. So I reached out to a counselor 502 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,680 and I went to my doctor. I ended up going and I, I 503 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,200 started medicine. I talked to a counselor and I 504 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,680 also started a health journey because I had gained a lot of 505 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,840 weight too, you know, after having him, which I've always 506 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,320 kind of been a bigger girl anyways, but you know, I really 507 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:09,840 wanted to. I just want to feel good. 508 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,040 All the way around, yes. I just want to feel good for. 509 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,800 Everything, I mean, I mean mind, body, everything, you know. 510 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,240 So yeah, it's been about almost seven months now. 511 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,040 Everything's different. Like everything's different. 512 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:25,720 And it took me like saying OK, enough is enough like and me 513 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,400 seeking God in that moment. That would be really tough 514 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:34,920 because you're you postpartum and then your husband's sick and 515 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,920 then you have two teenage boys. You just are like you're caring 516 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,400 about everyone else. You're losing yourself basically 517 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,320 because you're pouring in everybody else's cup here, here, 518 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,520 here, here, here. And you're, you're not feeling 519 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,560 your own. And then you just get to a point 520 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,960 where you're just crying out to God for a change. 521 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,680 And so you made those appointments. 522 00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:01,200 And so that was seven months ago when when you asked him for that 523 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,000 win, did he answer you or like you just felt like a piece and 524 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,240 he led you in the direction of this is what you need to do? 525 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:13,280 No, I think I felt a piece and I knew I knew what to do. 526 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,840 I really did. When you're going through stuff, 527 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,840 you know you're not sharing everything with you. 528 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,280 You may be sharing bits and pieces. 529 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,720 This is kind of for everybody because they're just like, for 530 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:28,000 you to like, not everybody knows everything about you, so they 531 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,360 may know something that you're going through, but I promise 532 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,560 you, you're going through so much more than what you're 533 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,080 saying. It's a struggle to be 534 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:36,920 transparent and honest with people. 535 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,440 But I'll tell you something that the Lord told me. 536 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,880 He told me that I don't have to do that. 537 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,040 I don't have to pretend because he's enough. 538 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,960 Oh yeah. You know, people like I always 539 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,680 hear that saying like I am enough, like I'm not enough. 540 00:30:54,720 --> 00:31:01,680 If I was, I wouldn't need him. I don't have to pretend I choose 541 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:02,720 to. That's me. 542 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:04,760 That's Jesus doesn't want me to pretend. 543 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:09,960 He wants me to be transparent so others can see him glorified 544 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,320 through it. I need to be transparent because 545 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,400 others need to see that I struggle too and that I need a 546 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:22,640 savior and that I know my savior and I'm learning that. 547 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:27,280 And I think that that is that's where he's maturing me in this 548 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:30,720 season. He's maturing me in this season. 549 00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,760 He is enough. That's good. 550 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,080 And I think that that that if, if I could share that with 551 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:42,360 anybody, I think it would be with the like, with everybody 552 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,600 listening like you don't, you don't have to pretend like I 553 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,920 don't care if you're in ministry. 554 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,000 I don't care. I don't care what you do for a 555 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:54,920 living. Like just be transparent, be 556 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:59,360 honest about what you're going through because he's enough. 557 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:02,560 Like he's enough. That is something that has 558 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,560 actually been weighing on me to talk about on here. 559 00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,960 And I think I'm talking about it next week. 560 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,440 Actually, I can't remember my schedule, but I think I am 561 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,680 talking about it next week because on social media 562 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,040 specifically, everybody highlights them. 563 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,760 Great points, right? And even me being on this 564 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,840 podcast and starting this podcast, like it always seems 565 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:29,560 like, you know, my life doesn't have those down moments and all 566 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,840 this stuff now. And I really want to get on here 567 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,840 and talk about some seasons that I or things that I've been going 568 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,800 through that nobody knows about. And it's just to be transparent 569 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,360 that even when you follow God and even when your faith is so 570 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:47,120 strong, like you will have those hard times, you will deal with 571 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:48,880 those things. I mean, just like y'all, like, 572 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,400 you know, with Jeremy being a worship pastor and everything 573 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:56,080 else, he got, you know, dealt with card of cancer and had to 574 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,000 fight, you know, and do all this stuff. 575 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,280 And so even though we are walking strong and we still will 576 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:05,280 go through hard times and that's when he's really glorified that 577 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,880 we are still walking so strong. Yeah. 578 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:14,880 I don't ever want anybody to to feel like I'm not approachable. 579 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,240 I don't know, like I want people to know that I'm on the same 580 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:20,440 level as them. Yes. 581 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:24,200 And the only way that that's going to happen is if I'm honest 582 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,760 about the things that I go through, if I'm honest about who 583 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,720 I truly AM. And do I want who I am at home 584 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,920 to match who I am at Turk? I want, yes, I want all those 585 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:40,760 things to match, but I also have a flesh and I also make mistakes 586 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:45,560 and I'm not always right. And Oh my gosh, I mean, I wish I 587 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,120 was. I love how you said I want to be 588 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,840 approachable, and by being approachable is being 589 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:52,680 transparent. To kind of just sum up 590 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,120 everything that we talked about. Is there one thing that really 591 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,800 stands out that you would hope that someone really takes away 592 00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,440 from this? Or maybe it's something you 593 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:01,960 haven't even spoke about at all? That's just a piece of advice. 594 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:03,760 Like do you have something that you would like to say? 595 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:08,520 I feel like this season that God has me in of maturing in my 596 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,920 faith. He's teaching me to be more 597 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:16,840 honest with others and about what I'm going through and that 598 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:23,440 it's OK to not be OK and to kind of share that not publicly like 599 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,639 on Facebook and stuff like that. Because I, I know it's tempting 600 00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:33,040 to do that, but when you're wanting to be encouraging, 601 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,880 that's good. But also to have somebody to 602 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,679 help you be accountable and somebody you can talk to that 603 00:34:39,679 --> 00:34:43,239 you trust, whether it be just a couple of friends, maybe a small 604 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:48,040 group, but it's OK to not be OK. And just like I said earlier, he 605 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,440 is enough. He is, you know, we're not, 606 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,320 we're not enough without him. Like, if we were, we wouldn't 607 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,320 need him. That's really what I wanted to 608 00:34:58,320 --> 00:34:59,680 close out with. Awesome. 609 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,280 All right, guys. So thank you so much for tuning 610 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,400 in today. We have had such a great time 611 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,120 with Heather and we just pray that this resonates with you. 612 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,000 We pray that you take something away from this and make sure 613 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,680 that you stay tuned and stay blessed and we'll catch you next 614 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,400 week. Bye, guys.