1 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,560 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host with 2 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,920 praises in the pot, and I'm so excited to be here with Amy 3 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,240 Gaylor. We are going to be talking about 4 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,680 her testimony and what God has done in her life. 5 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,560 And I'm just so excited to sit down and learn more about you 6 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:29,720 and just get deeper into what God's done in your life. 7 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,800 So we're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,440 jump right in. So here we go, Lord Heavenly 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,520 Father, just thank you for today. 10 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,120 Thank you for all of these many blessings. 11 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,760 Dear God, Even if it's raining outside, it's a beautiful day 12 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,400 that we get to sit down and talk about your goodness and your 13 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,440 faithfulness and what you've done in our lives. 14 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:49,000 Lord God, we were in the middle of the storms and we didn't know 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,960 what life was going to look like today. 16 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,720 You were providing. You are leading and guiding Lord 17 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,240 God, and we just praise you and we thank you for that. 18 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:02,280 We pray that you use this to glorify your name, that you use 19 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,680 this and that you speak to us and through US. 20 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,920 Take away our words and fill them with you. 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,440 Lord God, let us talk about exactly what you want us to talk 22 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:16,120 about and just be able to show how far you can take us when we 23 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,440 just take our hands off the steering wheel and let you lead 24 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,840 us. Thank you for all that you're 25 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,920 doing in our lives. Speak to us and through US. 26 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,360 In Jesus name I pray. Amen. 27 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,680 Amen. All right, Amy. 28 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,400 So fun fact, me and Amy, we met at Windfire. 29 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,000 We do the weekend that my life changed. 30 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:36,000 Did you know that? OK, OK, I was like, wait, do you 31 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,520 know that? OK, so if you have been 32 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,040 listening for a while, you heard me go to the spiritual 33 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:45,000 conference or spiritual weekend retreat and I talked to this 34 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,600 doctor and this doctor is telling me about infertility. 35 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,440 And just something just stood out about that conversation. 36 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,080 And the very next day I come home and the Lord reveals 37 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,320 Himself to me and then Boo, here we are. 38 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,960 So that was almost three years ago now. 39 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,600 So me and Amy's been rocking and rolling since then. 40 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,760 Was it just three years? I thought it was going to be 4 41 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:04,800 years. No, it was 3. 42 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:11,600 OK. 2023. 23, yeah. I don't know, talk like that, 43 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,400 OK. Anyway, I do remember it though, 44 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,200 yes. Yes. 45 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,360 All right, so let's talk a little bit about you. 46 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,840 Let's start a little bit at your childhood and work our way up. 47 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,200 So just tell us a little bit about like how you're raised. 48 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,120 Did you go to church? Did you know of the Lord? 49 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,720 Like what did that look like for you? 50 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,040 What was that foundation at home? 51 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,440 OK, it was me and my sister. We're two years apart. 52 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,160 My parents divorced when I was. Are you the oldest? 53 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,200 I am. I am, but most people think 54 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,000 she's the oldest. But anyway, we, my parents 55 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,440 divorced when I was 5. So it was me and my mom and my 56 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,080 sister. We went to see my dad every 57 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,840 other weekend. We did. 58 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,800 I did grow up in church, but it was kind of like we're at a 59 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,320 different church every other Sunday. 60 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:58,640 So to build bonds and everything like you, you're supposed to or 61 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,840 you need to have. We didn't really have that. 62 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,320 My parents were, you know, they were Christians, but I didn't 63 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,360 really know a relationship with the Lord. 64 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:12,280 I mean, God was like this far out, you know, it's not, not 65 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,000 real. I mean real, but not real. 66 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:19,560 You know, I, I don't, it's like a, I'm 53 now, so I don't 67 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,760 remember a whole lot. I don't have a whole lot of 68 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:29,360 memories. I remember being very shy, very 69 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,200 not comfortable. I don't know why. 70 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:41,720 I remember being very angry. Do you think that a lot of that 71 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,960 kind of like, stems from your parents getting divorced at a 72 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,280 young age? So I know you're 5, so that's 73 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,800 like kind of hard. Yes, yeah, I guess so. 74 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:57,080 My mother was was very, she was very hurt. 75 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:04,280 It was times where I could tell she was in a lot of pain and so 76 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:09,800 I didn't didn't really have a we didn't have a close, close 77 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,040 relationship. Me and my sister were always 78 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,160 very, very close. But I just remember as getting 79 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:21,839 older, never feeling very comfortable. 80 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,760 I can't say it was, I mean, I'm sure the divorce, yes. 81 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,800 I mean, I, I didn't have a mother and a dad there all the 82 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,360 time. We didn't have like gang night 83 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,720 and stuff like that. We were, my parents were 17 when 84 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,400 I was born. So they did the best they could. 85 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,720 You know, I remember getting older. 86 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,560 I remember my mother was very much of A you don't break the 87 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:47,560 rules very straight and narrow. And I wanted to be the opposite. 88 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:55,960 So I can remember when I started getting high, you know, smoking 89 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,400 pot. How old is that? 90 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,320 16 Wow, didn't really think a whole lot about that. 91 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:08,200 I can remember when I when I first drank something and the 92 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,360 very first time I drank, I got drunk and I remember I very much 93 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,320 enjoyed that. But, you know, I was still 94 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,200 young, so here and there I'm probably thinking 17. 95 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:26,240 You know, life got unmanageable. Meaning I didn't really care 96 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,960 about stuff. I wasn't really pushed as far as 97 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,200 to make good grades. Like I said, you know, my 98 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,800 parents did the best they could. They were young. 99 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:39,480 I can't imagine I can remember. I did graduate from high school, 100 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:43,040 but I did visit my very first rehab them as a senior. 101 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:49,880 I was there for 30 days. Was life just like it was 102 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,000 coming? But a lot of the time you were 103 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,360 just drinking and smoking already. 104 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,480 Like for you to already have to go to rehab your senior year of 105 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,440 high school, it's already starting to get bad. 106 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:04,720 So your parents know well. I can remember it was my senior 107 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:12,080 year and I was barely passing, barely passing, and I knew that 108 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,920 I really didn't care about anything. 109 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:20,920 I didn't really know. I I think it was a way of going 110 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:25,560 in, escaping life and not even knowing what to expect. 111 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,440 And that's what I did. And you kind of go in there and 112 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,520 they had like a school. So when I left there, I had all 113 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,440 these really good grades. So they mixed in with my bad 114 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,160 grades back at school. So that's pretty much how I 115 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,480 graduated. I don't know if I've ever said 116 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,960 that out loud. I think I just remembered that 117 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:44,640 now, but that's pretty triggered that memory. 118 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,080 Yeah, how I graduated. I graduated from high school. 119 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:53,360 I went to Florida that weekend and I literally met a man who 120 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:58,600 became my first husband. I remember we I came back from 121 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:02,000 Florida, I tried cocaine for the first time. 122 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:07,760 And when I tried that, the feeling that it gave me, I 123 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,440 literally remember where I was at, who I was with, what I was 124 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,080 wearing. I remember thinking, this is the 125 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,160 feeling I've searched for my entire life. 126 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:22,560 I was 18 at that time. I moved in with the man and we 127 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,520 lived together for five years and then we married. 128 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:31,840 Now that relationship was was based on drugs and alcohol, but 129 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:34,960 we were too. We lived together for five 130 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,840 years, got married, stayed together, married for eight 131 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,520 years. By the time that divorce 132 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:47,200 happened or by the time I I left, I was so addicted to 133 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,600 cocaine, crack. I had done anything and 134 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,520 everything. I had done it all. 135 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,840 I loved. I loved getting high. 136 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,760 I loved not feeling. Now I was saved. 137 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,600 I know that. And a lot of people will be 138 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,200 like, well, if you were saved, how did you do that? 139 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,560 And I know I was saved because the conviction would eat me 140 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,240 alive. It would eat me alive. 141 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,400 I can remember my dad telling me he prayed. 142 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,640 I pray for you to be absolutely miserable. 143 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,080 I very much stayed away from my family. 144 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,840 But I did leave. I leave him because I was trying 145 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,440 to get sober. And I, I did leave, I divorced 146 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,400 him. I and I got sober for about two 147 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,320 years. Did you go to like a rehab? 148 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,440 Or no. I did A, A and NA meetings. 149 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:43,640 I was part of like a clubhouse and I did it every single day. 150 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:50,200 And the 12 steps was introduced to my life and taught me a lot, 151 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,920 Taught me a lot. Still didn't have a relationship 152 00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:59,760 with the Lord, but yeah, I did. I stayed sober for two years. 153 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:07,040 I moved back to where my family was, Henry County, and I didn't 154 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:14,680 get involved in meetings again. So going stir crazy a lot and I 155 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,760 ended up going back for drugs and. 156 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,520 Alcohol. So you're what, like in your 157 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:23,920 30s? I was 2000. 158 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,120 Let's see. Yeah. 159 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,160 Thirties, 32, probably, yeah. So I went back to drugs and 160 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,240 alcohol. And then that just began the for 161 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:39,000 the next four or five years, I was in and out of rehabs. 162 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,880 I became very comfortable with going to rehab. 163 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,200 It was my way of escape. I knew what to expect. 164 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:51,680 I clearly could not. I couldn't get it. 165 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:52,640 I don't. I don't know. 166 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:57,560 I don't know what it was that I wasn't scared of anything. 167 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:02,840 I put myself in some awful situations, awful situations. 168 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,240 I don't, I don't know why I'm not here. 169 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,120 I mean, I don't know why I'm here. 170 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:11,160 When you're going through all this like and you said you're, 171 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,200 you're having these convictions, but you just don't have a 172 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,560 relationship with the Lord at this point, you're not seeking 173 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,240 him like it. Probably, you know, when you 174 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,600 don't feel good hanging over a toilet, you might be saying I'll 175 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,520 never do this again, praying to the Lord in them moments, but 176 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,880 other than that, that's about it. 177 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:25,840 Right. Yeah. 178 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:30,000 And I got very. I knew that I was AI knew I had 179 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,520 a problem. There was no doubt about that. 180 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:37,760 But I truly believed that there was something wrong with me. 181 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,520 And then I just couldn't get it. I couldn't get it. 182 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:47,920 My family, they did not get it at all. 183 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,120 Mom and dad were kind of already done. 184 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,080 My sister hung she, she was, she cleaned up my mess all the time, 185 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,440 took me in and out, both in and out, in and out. 186 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:03,440 I went to I went to a place called the Potter's House. 187 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,960 Oh no, the Potter's house. We talk about it all the time. 188 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:11,240 Yes, yes, now there. How did you get there? 189 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,560 How did you find out this? Because this is like, it's not 190 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,880 top secret information, but they don't advertise, they don't like 191 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,200 do anything. It's truly the word of mouth 192 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,120 with the Potter's house, right? So like, how do you find the 193 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:27,040 Potter's house? OK, let's see, I had AI had a 194 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,240 friend that went there or she wasn't even a friend. 195 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,240 It was all a God thing. It was an acquaintance. 196 00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,240 She was there. I, they long time ago, they used 197 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,360 to have new newsletters that they actually sent out in the 198 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:39,200 mail. Well, I had seen a newsletter 199 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,960 and I seen that my, a friend of mine was there and it was, I 200 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,080 don't know, I'm just curious. So I just called them and they 201 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,120 said that they have a Wednesday night service and you can come 202 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,440 and this now this is when they're actually in Jackson. 203 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,760 They're not worth the house about now. 204 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,200 So I go there and I see this girl that I used to hang out 205 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,240 with and she was like sold out for the Lord. 206 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,080 And let me tell you this, this girl was as crazy as I was. 207 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,920 So I knew something was she had something that I had didn't that 208 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,440 I did not have or that I was not aware of. 209 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,280 But but we had a great, you know, we listen to some music. 210 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,000 Somebody, I think somebody gave a message. 211 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,200 I don't know, but it was awesome. 212 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,480 But when so when I left there, it was just like a visit I did 213 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,920 on a Wednesday night. So that's kind of how it was 214 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,160 introduced to me. And I remember them telling me 215 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:33,000 and I shared with them kind of where I had been and that I was 216 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,600 struggling and they said that they thought I need to come 217 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,280 there, but, you know, wasn't really really talked about. 218 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:45,560 So when I did hit another bottom, which was always a big 219 00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,440 catastrophe, my sister took me there. 220 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,440 Now, OK, so they're in Jackson, so they're not in their in the 221 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,880 house. OK, so you I wonder, because 222 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,840 it's so crazy how God really did like orchestrate this all. 223 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,520 Like, why would you go and check it out if you weren't really 224 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,520 planning on trying to go like you? 225 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,320 I I really have. I I don't even know. 226 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,600 I don't even know it was all God. 227 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,320 But I do love how you said like you walk in and you see this 228 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,320 girl that you knew prior. So I call it my BC. 229 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:24,680 So you knew this girl BC and she's like glowing like she has 230 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,600 like, she's radiating the Lord through her like, and it's so 231 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,200 crazy because people always are like there's something different 232 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,840 about you. Yes, there was definitely 233 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,800 something different and I knew I knew something was different. 234 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:39,320 So when when I hit that bottom again, my sister took me there. 235 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:45,720 Now I was that time that I was taken there, it was bad. 236 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:51,160 I mean, I'm like I'm drinking mouthwash at this point, but I, 237 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:59,040 I walked in there and I can see their faces right now or who the 238 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:03,720 girls that were there. But it was there that I got a 239 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:10,440 relationship with the Lord. I was taught a relationship with 240 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,200 the Lord. I got a relationship with the 241 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,760 Lord and I stayed there for a year and a half. 242 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:25,960 Now there were things that I was still holding on to and you know 243 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:31,200 for me, but usually those things that you hold on to is usually 244 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,160 what takes you back out there, right? 245 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,840 So there was things that the God wanted me to release. 246 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,240 It was a relationship with somebody I had no business 247 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,360 having a relationship with. But and I wouldn't release it. 248 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,360 I would then I wouldn't. I would then I wouldn't, but you 249 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:50,080 know, so I stayed there for a year and a half and I was kind 250 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:55,240 of sneaking around seeing seeing him when I was going passes and 251 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,960 stuff and the conviction again eat me alive. 252 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:03,360 And it was like, and and this is so crazy to think, but I 253 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:10,200 remember thinking, OK, you either get sold out or be done 254 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:14,880 with him. But with me, nothing makes me 255 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,000 change until I'm in so much excruciating pain. 256 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,640 I don't know why that is, but so it was like I knew I had to go 257 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,520 out and get beat up again to surrender. 258 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,240 I don't that that sounds crazy, but so that's what I did. 259 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,800 I left her after a year and a half. 260 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,040 I got my own place. You know, I never had children. 261 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,920 So I got my own place and I stayed there, out there for 262 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:41,800 about 6 months and it did, it beat me up. 263 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:48,160 It took me down, I mean to a place dark, dark, dark. 264 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:55,560 Now on July 11th, 2008, one of my dear, dear friends, Lisa 265 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,600 Hensley, she was at the Potter's house. 266 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,840 She was the house moment, the time she came and got me and 267 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,200 brought me back to the Potter's house. 268 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,080 I went in the prayer room and I remember hitting my knees and I 269 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:11,480 remember saying, OK, I, I give it all to you. 270 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,160 I give it all to you. I know like I know the Lord told 271 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,400 me plain as day, this is it. Yeah, this is it. 272 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,480 This is it. And I knew that I was scared to 273 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,080 death. I was scared to death of me. 274 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,160 I was scared to death of you. I was scared to do death of what 275 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,080 I was capable of. I was no longer scared of dying. 276 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,760 I was very OK with dying because it was like, now what the. 277 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,080 Yeah, so I'm 36 at that point. Well. 278 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,720 You know, you keep saying like you didn't keep saying, but you 279 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,800 said, you know, I hit rock bottom again. 280 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,440 I hit another rock bottom like whatever. 281 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,880 And mom says this all the time is like in the flesh. 282 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,240 We can always just keep hitting a deeper and a deeper bottom. 283 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,680 Like you think that you can't get worse than what you are and 284 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,720 you can surely keep going, like you can just keep digging. 285 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,440 But there's something about like a spiritual rock bottom where 286 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,000 like, you're OK with that? Like you're like, yes, I don't 287 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,680 even care to live anymore. I don't care to do this life 288 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,400 anymore. Lord, I don't feel you. 289 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,640 I don't see you. I'm just, yeah, I have 290 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,760 convictions here. But like, I don't even, I'm not 291 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,640 getting anything. And that's when you'll really 292 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,800 surrender your life is when you hit that. 293 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,720 Well, I knew. I knew from being at the 294 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:25,599 Potter's house before that there was a relationship with the 295 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:29,400 Lord, but but you had to be sold out in order for me to get 296 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,960 clean. I mean truly clean. 297 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:35,280 And when I mean clean sober, putting no toxins, no, no 298 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:39,200 chemicals in my body. But I wasn't willing and I knew 299 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,720 that. And when I say hit a rock 300 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:46,560 bottom, each time I went into a rehab or wherever, I'd get there 301 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,400 and I'd be like, well, I haven't done that well. 302 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:53,600 I haven't done that. Well, there was nothing that I 303 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:58,200 had not done or heard. So it was it was ugly. 304 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:02,200 It was ugly. But but yeah. 305 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:09,080 So when I went in there on my knees and just said, OK, I, I 306 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,280 don't know what is going to happen. 307 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:15,760 I don't know what I mean. Here I am again, OK. 308 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:24,480 And it was then that I, I did everything the opposite of what 309 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:28,800 I would usually do if it wasn't about it was, it's always very 310 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,400 black and white for me. So if it wasn't about him, it 311 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,000 was about Satan. So I, I changed. 312 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,080 I changed everything. I mean everything. 313 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,480 Yeah, I think a lot of people probably can relate to that. 314 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,360 Like I have that personality too that like I can't, I talk about 315 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:52,160 the simplest things as in music, like if it's not worship music, 316 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,840 it's not glorifying the Lord. Like I can't really be listening 317 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:59,240 to that because like it takes me back to whatever I was doing 318 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:03,440 years ago or it just opens these doors where it just starts 319 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,840 snowballing. Yes. 320 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,720 So I just got to the point where I'm like, Lord, if this ain't 321 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,520 glorifying you, I don't want it. I don't want to entertain it. 322 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,360 I don't want it to have a space in my life. 323 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:17,240 And I think specifically, like at the beginning of you walking 324 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,040 it out with the Lord, it's so important so really be black and 325 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,000 white about things because you need to build a foundation. 326 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,720 You need to be able to grow so close to Him that you know what 327 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,400 is present. It feels like you know how to 328 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,840 hear from Him. You can discern things because 329 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,280 you're so close with Him. Yes, yes, yes. 330 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,120 But and, you know, and he's so good and he doesn't expect you 331 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,680 to change everything immediately. 332 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:45,400 I can remember I the music, I would listen to it, you know, I 333 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,480 took out all the hard stuff, all the you know, but I would listen 334 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,480 to like country music. Well, then it seems like every 335 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,040 time I turn to my radio, it was talking about a beer at the 336 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:57,520 beach. So it's like, OK, so then when I 337 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,840 went, when I, when I went back to the Potter's house, it's kind 338 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:04,320 of like a kind of stayed there isolated with them for like 60 339 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,800 days. And then I was able to get a 340 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,040 job. Well, at this point it's like I 341 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,560 done got approval from mystery, OK, I'm never leaving again 342 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,000 because evidently I can't live out in that world. 343 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,040 So this is my permanent residence. 344 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,600 This is what I'm going to do. And she was like, OK, thank you, 345 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,200 Lord, but I can remember. I even had to. 346 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,720 I had, I had to protect myself. So every single radio, you know, 347 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,040 used to when you press the buttons, well, every single 348 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:34,440 button it, it was, it was like, yeah, yeah, every single one of 349 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,920 them were Christian. So it's not like I would click 350 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,840 on one and it would be like a different song, but it would all 351 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,040 be Christian music, so. Which me and my friend, we have 352 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,120 an episode and it was caught is that the early beginning it was 353 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,680 like the importance of guardrails and like that's a 354 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,920 guardrail. The his, his and her episode was 355 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,920 all about, you know, sexual purity. 356 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,520 Like they dated for a long period of time. 357 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,800 They were young, all the stuff they waited for the each other 358 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,680 and they set up these guardrails so that if they even got close 359 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,800 to CN or anything that would lead them to CN, they already 360 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,920 had this buffer because of those guardrails. 361 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,200 And that was what you. Did yes. 362 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,040 Well, I knew I had to keep the the door slam shut for Satan 363 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,440 together, and when I would allow something in it in my life, it 364 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,280 would be cracked. Well, it's a lot easier to open 365 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,680 the door when it's already cracked. 366 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,120 So for me, I had to keep a slam shut. 367 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:29,920 So I mean, that's July 11th. What was 2008, 2008? 368 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,480 And so that sign sealed delivered. 369 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,920 Yes, I've never used against Amen and. 370 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:39,280 So tell let's walk through your life after Christ because 371 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,400 there's so many times that we think we get it together. 372 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:46,480 We're sober, we're living for the Lord, life is good, and we 373 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,880 know that there are going to be trials. 374 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,880 So let's talk a little bit about what that looked like and the 375 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,280 trials that you've went through since. 376 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,800 OK, well, so I'm living at the Potter's house. 377 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,120 I started working at Chick-fil-A, which was I, it was 378 00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,480 like, and I've always worked in like a corporate so, but I was 379 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,000 afraid of the world. I was afraid of corporate. 380 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,240 So when I think about working up with Chick-fil-A, it's like, OK, 381 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,960 that's a Christian company. So I'm just going to work at 382 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,520 Chick-fil-A, which was very humbling because it was like, 383 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,440 what am I doing? I'm working with all these kids. 384 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:18,720 And but the Lord used it to humble me because he'd say I was 385 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,080 a servant. Are you that good? 386 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,240 Yeah. And then, you know, I I worked 387 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,960 at one of them where you're like a waitress. 388 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,520 Well, in order to be a waitress, you got to be friendly with 389 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,600 people and have conversation with people. 390 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,640 So that taught me how to start being able to communicate. 391 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,960 I didn't know how to communicate with people if I went high. 392 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,840 So if you want to make good tips. 393 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,000 So I learned how to communicate. Yes, It was a lot of people that 394 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,400 came in there that went to my church. 395 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,680 So I was able to start building relationships with people at 396 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:54,480 church it and I'll be honest, I worked there for the first seven 397 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,240 years of my sobriety. It's a joke that they said they 398 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,160 had to close the place down in order for me to leave. 399 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:04,320 But anyway, so I stayed at the Potter's house, I guess for like 400 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,560 I said, my plan was to stay forever because I was no good by 401 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,120 myself. I couldn't be trusted. 402 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:18,880 But so I'm seeking the Lord. I met somebody at church and he 403 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:23,480 was on fire for the Lord and he could we could be in church and 404 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,720 he could yell for the Lord like we're at a concert. 405 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,440 And I just thought that was the coolest thing. 406 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,840 I was like to be able to do that. 407 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:38,720 That was it was very but anyway, so I was introduced to him and 408 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,680 we, I was allowed to start dating while I was there. 409 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,200 So Long story short, we, we, we dated, we got married a year 410 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,680 later. I moved out of there and, and I 411 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:59,680 had met the husband that God sent me. 412 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:05,560 You know, we prayed together. We did, we had 12 step meetings 413 00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,720 at church. We were very faithful into that. 414 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,760 We are very faithful in our in our church. 415 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,720 So you meet this guy at church, you get to know him. 416 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,920 Y'all get married within a year. You're in recovery. 417 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,400 So does is he also in recovery? No. 418 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,520 OK, Yeah. So do you feel like that's some 419 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,480 type of accountability to like a safe place? 420 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,440 Because he knows how it is, you know? 421 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,480 He was very solid in his recovery and he was very 422 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:40,040 comfortable in his skin. He he, he did stuff. 423 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,760 He told me how to laugh. He did stuff that people usually 424 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,320 do when they're drunk. He had a lot of fun, but could 425 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,600 do it sober. And that was. 426 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,200 I love that. Yeah, I love that. 427 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:53,840 Which? Because there's a lot of times 428 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,480 when you come to this side of Christ like you're having and 429 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,080 get sober, specifically get sober. 430 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,000 You have to learn how to live. You have to learn how to have 431 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,320 fun. You have to learn about the 432 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,320 things that you like and you don't like because. 433 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,280 You don't have a clue. You don't know I know. 434 00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,480 You know. Me and Greg, we're just now like 435 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,920 both sober together and we're having to learn and how it's 436 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,240 like to be sober together. Well, and to even know who you 437 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,480 are, I didn't, I mean, it was like, it's like you're being 438 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,280 it's you're, it's a whole new world that you didn't even know 439 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,280 about. But so, yeah, so I'm we got 440 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:32,280 married and, you know, again, we were so I mean, I think I had 441 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,600 two years sobriety. He had three something like 442 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,360 that. But still, I mean, you can say 443 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,880 that's a long time, which it is for somebody that hasn't, but 444 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:45,080 you're still so young in your walk with the Lord and your, 445 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,440 your recovery. But it was, you know, he had 446 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,360 three kids from a previous. And so that was an adjustment. 447 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:57,000 Learning how to be a stepmom. That was hard. 448 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,240 Blended families are tough. That's 'cause it's not how it's 449 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:07,440 supposed to be. But you know, so let's see we, 450 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,680 we're, we're doing, we're doing life. 451 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,000 We first, our first home was a little bitty trailer, a little 452 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,880 big hole in the wall. I mean, it was, I mean, it was, 453 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,400 it was in bad shape. But you know, our finances, my 454 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,960 finances were in bad shape. You know, we still had 455 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,040 consequences to pay from our past, but we did it. 456 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,360 And then we got us a foreclosure. 457 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:33,280 You know, when I left the Potter's house, I always told 458 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,280 myself I never want to live 10 miles away from this place 459 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,160 because it was, it was my safe place. 460 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,800 I needed to know if I could needed to run there, I could get 461 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,640 there really fast. So I always have. 462 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:56,720 But let's see life, life kids coming every other weekend. 463 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,400 I guess it was about four years sober. 464 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,760 I I smoked cigarettes. We both smoked cigarettes a lot. 465 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,440 If four years sober, the Lord wanted to take a want to deliver 466 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,440 me from them. He wanted me to take it away. 467 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,600 Now again I don't give anything up unless it's in a lot of pain 468 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:15,600 and I told God that he knows that. 469 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:19,120 So it was it got to a point where every time I would light 470 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,200 one up this before vapes even happened, I would get an 471 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,040 excruciating headache. Excruciating headache. 472 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:28,440 So I quit. I guess was I was about 3 or 4 473 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:35,520 years sober and I remember it being somewhat I don't I don't 474 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,080 remember it being a struggle, but I do remember a couple times 475 00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:43,800 after that kids would be over some kind of drama going on. 476 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,680 I mean, he had two ex wives. I mean, so you know, Oh my 477 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:47,920 goodness. But he. 478 00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,480 They've been all the wives that have ex wives. 479 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,560 Yes, you bring them all in, bring them all in. 480 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,720 But I can remember walking outside now, I looked at those 481 00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,120 cigarettes and I wanted to pick it up. 482 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,560 And immediately the Lord said, OK, you can, you can pick that 483 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,040 up and smoke it, but what are you going to smoke next? 484 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:12,560 And I thought, whoa, so I knew for me, if I fired just the 485 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,720 innocent cigarette up, I'm cracking the door. 486 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:20,600 He had an older daughter and when I met her, I think she was 487 00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:28,840 13. And I did not know. 488 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,720 Now I have been a stepdaughter before. 489 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:36,520 So I knew everything not to do. I knew I've been, I've been on 490 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,480 both sides, but I really, really, really, really struggled 491 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:45,600 with her and not necessarily with her, but just I looked at, 492 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:50,520 I looked at them like he was a product of his past, which I was 493 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,800 very insecure. I was very jealous, I'll admit 494 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:58,960 that I was, but I also knew that because I struggled with her, 495 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:04,000 that meant God had something for us and bless her heart, she 496 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,160 would just listen to whatever I'd say and I'd say God's got a 497 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,640 plan for us. That's why I struggle with you. 498 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,960 And she would just accept what's just so sweet. 499 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,280 But we prayed together a lot. We prayed together a lot. 500 00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:22,080 Years down the road she gets she gets married, her and her 501 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,880 husband and their what? My grandbaby, they move in with 502 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,160 us. When that happened, it was the 503 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,200 first time I ever lived with a a baby. 504 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,920 God opened up a piece of me that had never been opened. 505 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:44,960 I fell in love with that child. He's 12, he's 12. 506 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,640 The LOL, that's still my grandmaby. 507 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,600 Oh my goodness. But yeah, God opened up a piece 508 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:58,240 of me and Brianna loved the way I loved her, her son. 509 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,640 So I know we're going down the road. 510 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:10,000 But anyway, so after seven years, I started to try to get 511 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:14,560 my, I remember my pastor saying, so I'm like, OK, what am I going 512 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,360 to do now? I mean, I got to do something 513 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,680 different in my life. Been sober for seven years. 514 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:26,000 The Lord had told me in his word that I was no longer was it. 515 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,280 He said, He told me, He said because I always had a fear of 516 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,680 going back because I messed up so much. 517 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:34,080 He said you're not going back, you're not that you're not an 518 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,760 addict anymore, You're delivered. 519 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,360 Hey, ma'am. So I kind of pulled away from 520 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,080 doing meetings at that point. I still loved them, but I didn't 521 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,280 want to be confusing for anybody to say that I'm delivered and 522 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,160 stuff like that. For me, relationship with the 523 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,600 Lord, the 12 steps, you put them together, it takes off. 524 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,000 That's what I love. So at that point I'm jumping 525 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,760 into to Bible studies and I'm doing Bible studies just 526 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:03,120 dissecting the the word. But so it's seven years. 527 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,920 That was that was big. That was big. 528 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,840 Started trying to get my certification to get my license 529 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:15,520 to be an addiction counselor because my pastor said find out 530 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,760 what your passion is, then find out how to get paid for it. 531 00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,800 And I knew my passion was recur. I knew it was because when I see 532 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:26,720 the eyes, eyes of a lady open up and she has hope. 533 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,800 I love that. Yeah, I love that because I know 534 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:34,600 what it's like not to have hope. So I started going down that 535 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,720 road. I was never a good student. 536 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,200 It takes me a lot to learn stuff. 537 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,400 They have a saying, my pastor says you're slow but you're 538 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,840 worth right now and I'm so grateful for that. 539 00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,960 That's good. But anyway, I failed that test a 540 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,640 couple of times. So I just, it was like, you know 541 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,880 what, whatever it is, what it is. 542 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,240 So then I got some other couple of certifications and I was OK. 543 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:04,320 But so living life by this point, me and the husband, I 544 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,320 don't really want to say his name. 545 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,600 Yeah, yeah, we, we bought a huge house. 546 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,360 We had property, we had everything we ever dreamed of. 547 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:15,560 The kids are coming in and going. 548 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,880 And I mean, they're, they're growing up. 549 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:23,320 And we were really at the point of the, I think at the point 550 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,040 where in my mind I had been waiting for, because it was like 551 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,800 they were kind of all grown. And because it was really, 552 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,360 really, I'm skipping over a lot of stuff. 553 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,480 Growing up within kids was hard. Let me tell you what. 554 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:41,480 Oh my goodness. But so we have everything we 555 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,800 ever wanted. I'm noticing at this point some 556 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:51,400 red flags with him. We're kind of starting to. 557 00:32:51,720 --> 00:33:06,120 Whereas I always clung to him for security for as long as he 558 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,280 was very much of A words of affirmation. 559 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,200 He would keep my cup filled with that and. 560 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,200 And I needed that. Yeah. 561 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,920 But then somehow down the road, I didn't need that anymore 562 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:19,160 because I was getting it from him. 563 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,120 And I think that was kind of threatening for him. 564 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:23,040 Maybe. I don't know. 565 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:26,480 I don't know. But I'm noticing red flags, 566 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,520 noticed them for a long time, I think, now that I think about 567 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:38,280 it, but I was always one of them ones that nag, nag, nag, nag, 568 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:39,200 nag. That's all I ever heard. 569 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,760 So I can remember being in my prayer room because I always had 570 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,800 a prayer room. And I remember thinking, I 571 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,720 remember thinking one time looking at my word and I could 572 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,480 hear him in the bedroom behind me. 573 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,520 And I remember thinking something's not right. 574 00:33:55,800 --> 00:34:00,840 But at the same Time, Lord, I'm only responsible for me. 575 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,160 I can't make myself crazy trying to figure out what it is. 576 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,679 So I left it alone. I you know, Satan likes to find 577 00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:17,440 places to come in and sneak in when your guard is down or you 578 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:23,520 know, I don't know, but COVID had came out. 579 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:31,320 So we're doing church at home and remember that my stepmom, 580 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:37,400 who had been my stepmom since I was about six years old, she got 581 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:44,639 COVID and was gone within about 30 days that that shook my 582 00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:47,639 family. That was that came out of, I 583 00:34:47,639 --> 00:34:53,280 mean, the blue me and my stepmom struggled for many, many years. 584 00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:59,880 But when I became a stepmom, I realized a lot of her fears. 585 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,800 I realized a lot of her struggles and I understood. 586 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:08,280 So I understood a lot. But we, those last, those last 587 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,400 10 years were, were good. We're good. 588 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:14,920 And I'm very grateful. I'm very grateful so. 589 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:20,440 So that's a big, you know, shook Shawn in that moment cuz it kind 590 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,320 of happened so fast. Not expecting it, nothing. 591 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,720 And I'm sure that starts to take a toll in other parts of your 592 00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:31,800 life. Yes, yeah, my dad was shook. 593 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,880 I never seen my dad shook like that. 594 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,800 Always been kind of a dad, a daddy's girl. 595 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:44,680 So to see him in pieces was, was I, I didn't know how to, to deal 596 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:50,320 with that. They lived, they lived, they 597 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,040 were, they were traveling a lot. They had retired on an RV. 598 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:57,880 They were traveling a lot. And so when that happened, 599 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:01,760 things just got, I was scared to death from my dad. 600 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:08,080 I very much became my dad's. I took on more than I should 601 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:12,920 have taken on. I, I, I don't do anything 602 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,400 halfway. I needed, I needed him to be OK, 603 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:20,600 so I could be OK. So I can remember, I can see now 604 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,040 where I took my focus off the Lord, took my focus off my 605 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,960 husband and I was, I needed my dad to be OK. 606 00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:31,120 Well, by now I'm, I'm not, I'm not even sure what's going on in 607 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:32,880 my husband's life. I just knew things were 608 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:41,160 different and but I I can see a lot of my my part in it because 609 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,960 I wasn't concerned about what was going on with him. 610 00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,480 I was concerned about what was going on with my husband. 611 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,360 And like I said, Satan comes in, but I don't really know what 612 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,880 happened and and I really don't, but I think something happened 613 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,800 in the conviction ate him alive. And it was easier to just know 614 00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:04,520 yeah, because I was presented to separation papers. 615 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:14,000 And when I say I like blacked out to receive them as I did, it 616 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:20,120 was like I don't it's I still those there's a few years right 617 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:23,720 there are are kind of a blur, but I refused to sign them. 618 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,640 I knew, like I knew that something was going on. 619 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,560 So I I prayed, I stayed in my prayer room and I prayed and I 620 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,960 prayed and I prayed. Now, should I been praying for 621 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:36,080 my marriage before it got to that point? 622 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:42,320 Yes, I had no idea that it was at that point, but but anyway, 623 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,640 so the Lord was stand your ground, stand your ground and I 624 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:51,720 did and I did and I don't know what all they got into, but I 625 00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:54,960 knew I knew something wasn't right. 626 00:37:55,040 --> 00:38:00,680 It my biggest fear was if he was using I don't know. 627 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:02,560 I don't know what was going on. I know it was sin. 628 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:08,200 It was sin and in the back of my mind is, is he using, is that 629 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:09,640 going to make me use What's going to happen? 630 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:13,440 So I was very much, but after a few weeks of that, the Lord told 631 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,320 me plainest day and there was a lot of signs. 632 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,400 We were sleeping in two different bedrooms. 633 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,640 It was the person that was living in the house was not my 634 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,520 husband. Without a shadow of a doubt. 635 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,080 Lots of things have come out since then, but the Lord told 636 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:35,280 me, plainest day, you got to let him go because he's going to 637 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,560 take, he's going down a path and he's going to take you with him. 638 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:48,480 That scared me to death because one thing I knew is I could not 639 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,600 go back to using drugs and alcohol. 640 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,800 If I did, I was going to die and I couldn't go back there again. 641 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:59,000 And I refused. So I signed the papers. 642 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:04,960 It was a very, we didn't have children and he made it very 643 00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,280 easy. You take this, I'll take that. 644 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,200 First person who came in, looked at our house, paid cash for it. 645 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:20,600 So we both walked away the day we we signed the closing papers 646 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:25,080 and the divorce was final two days later. 647 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:32,760 And I've never seen him again, even though I signed the papers 648 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,120 and I got me a home, me and my dad got a home we rented. 649 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:41,760 And even though I'd signed the papers, in the back of my mind, 650 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:47,360 he was going to realize what had happened and he was going to get 651 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:48,800 together and come back. Yeah. 652 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:51,840 And it held on to that. I held on to that. 653 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,360 And. But I tell you, I can remember. 654 00:39:55,760 --> 00:40:00,960 I can remember being on my knees in my what was my new bedroom 655 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:06,920 because. You know, the husband at home, 656 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:12,680 everything I knew was gone. At this point, I'm, I'm 50 years 657 00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,520 old and it's like, what in the world? 658 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:24,040 But I can remember getting on my knees and just balling up and 659 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:30,880 thinking, God, what the world? What what has happened what 660 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,760 what's kind of what's going to happen scared to death, but and 661 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:39,920 scared to death of use my security. 662 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:52,640 You know it's OK, but I hung on to the Lord I God, at that point 663 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:59,080 I was desperate. I knew if I did not cling to the 664 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,000 Lord, I mean like cling like I've never clung before. 665 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:04,440 Satan wanted to take me back. I knew we did. 666 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:11,920 I knew we did, you know, and God, he, he put things in my 667 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:14,520 life. He put people in my life at that 668 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,640 time. And it's funny because the time 669 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:20,760 that I met you, I think it had been just like maybe six months. 670 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:30,320 And it as it went on, I would find more stuff out and find 671 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:36,280 more stuff out. And so came to a point where I 672 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:45,120 knew it was, I had some things that happened, some things were 673 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:48,120 said. And I thought that I, I knew it 674 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,080 was over. I knew it was done, but I clung 675 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,520 to the Lord. I clung to him. 676 00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:53,200 He put thing different things in my life. 677 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,320 He gave me running. I started running and I would 678 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:59,680 take out that anger and that aggression on the pavement I 679 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,720 got, you know, like I don't do anything halfway. 680 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:05,120 So I could barely run then. So I just start walking and it's 681 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,880 like I was just running. I was running like crazy, 682 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,480 running like crazy. And I loved it. 683 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:16,480 It was like an adrenal flow. I did 10 miles at one time. 684 00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,120 But it was he helped me for that. 685 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,800 He helped me with that. I had a couple girlfriends in my 686 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:30,120 life that clung to me. They would cry with me. 687 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:36,760 They would help me, listen to me while I think about hunting him 688 00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,000 down and what I'm going to do to him, you know, and then then 689 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,160 talk me out of it. But it was, it was a journey. 690 00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,080 It was a journey and it's still very much of A blur, but it was 691 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:46,560 a journey. And I just kept putting one in 692 00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,360 front, in front of the next. I knew God was going to take 693 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:52,480 care of me. I knew he had a plan, but I had 694 00:42:52,480 --> 00:43:00,200 no idea what it was. His oldest daughter, she I 695 00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:06,680 learned through her about loyalty that she's, she's going 696 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:11,640 to be 30 this year. But that one in my mind, I 697 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:15,240 didn't want to, I couldn't, I mean, they were part of my life. 698 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:21,280 So I didn't know how to do that. So she gave me my space, but she 699 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:25,320 was loyal to me. She and then she told him, you 700 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,400 know, that's, that's they called me Mimi. 701 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:29,680 That's our Mimi and that will always be our Mimi. 702 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:36,760 And the only reason that I mean, she's seen Jesus and me, she's 703 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,520 seen Jesus and my family and she wanted that. 704 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,400 She wanted her kids to have that. 705 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,000 I still talk to her about twice a week. 706 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:48,800 They live in Oklahoma. I visit them, they visit me. 707 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,440 It took a while for me to separate the 2 because every 708 00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,720 time I would see them, but but God did that. 709 00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:59,120 We've created, we've create, we have our own memories now. 710 00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:03,520 We've created memories for these last couple years that that 711 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,280 don't include him. So that's good. 712 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,200 They came to my house for Christmas, so that was good. 713 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:12,440 But I'm, so I'm, I'm going, I'm not sure what I'm doing, but 714 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,600 I'm, I'm going putting 1 foot in for the next. 715 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,680 The Lord told me, he said, let's, let's get ready for this 716 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,760 test, this big test again. And I started doing it. 717 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,360 And now when I think back, it's like, why in the world would I 718 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,720 start studying for a test that I had failed? 719 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:29,880 But, you know, he does things for us and doesn't allow us to 720 00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,280 even think about it. But I did think about it. 721 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,440 When I'm headed to Macon one Saturday morning, I'm going to 722 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,080 take that test. I think it was like for the 723 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:39,280 fifth time. And I thought of this time when 724 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,160 you fail it, now you're divorced. 725 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:45,600 And it's like, who's going to make you tell you everything is 726 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:47,640 going to be OK? And I'm like, what in the world 727 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:48,840 am I? What have I done? 728 00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,920 So I go down there and I take the test and you immediately 729 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,760 find out afterwards. And I took the test and then it 730 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,040 came up and it said, you've passed. 731 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:58,760 And I just sat there and I just cried that life. 732 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,800 He came to me and she said, ma'am, you pass. 733 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,920 I'm like, you have no idea what I have been through. 734 00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,840 And I know. But when I left that parking lot 735 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:11,840 is when things started changing. Yeah, God. 736 00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,520 And I remember praying on the way down there. 737 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:17,520 God, I need this. I need this. 738 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,680 And he let me have it, Ma'am. He let me have that. 739 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,640 It's just one time, you know, it wouldn't tell him, praise the 740 00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:25,800 Lord. But I called everybody. 741 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:27,080 I had all these people praying for me. 742 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,400 And on my way back from Macon, I'm calling everybody and, and 743 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,480 you know, and everybody's hooting and hollering and and 744 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,200 everything. And so it was, it was, it was 745 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,880 cool. I think I went to Lisa's house 746 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,240 that day and I think y'all were there. 747 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:43,600 Yes, that was yeah, good it was. So I mean, now you do your your 748 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:48,600 counseling stuff. What tell us all about what your 749 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,520 certifications are, what you're doing now. 750 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,000 And you know what's been going on. 751 00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,400 He's blowing me away. Yeah, he's blowing me away. 752 00:45:55,720 --> 00:46:03,040 I got that the CAC and then let's see, then I had somebody 753 00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:07,480 call me, wanted me to come and teach MRT at, at a men's rehab 754 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:12,840 Moral recognition therapy. And so he paid for me to get 755 00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,360 that. So I, I got that and I teach 756 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:20,080 them every Friday. And then I got my well, I had my 757 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:23,800 prime solutions certification and the peer support specialist 758 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,920 certification. I've got the anger management 759 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:32,840 just loaded down. I mean, it's like what the world 760 00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,800 and. Then this is a spot where I want 761 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:41,600 to say that I remember years ago you said I want to live right 762 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,400 down the road from the Potters House. 763 00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:46,120 Like I want to be there right in the vicinity. 764 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,040 Your sister lives right there like all this. 765 00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,640 Your mom lives right there too. So my nephew. 766 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,120 Across the street. Just say everything. 767 00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:58,160 And I remember you were talking so like boldly like this is what 768 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,960 I want. And God delivered that because 769 00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,800 you live literally live like 5 houses down from the Potter's 770 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,120 house right next to your sister. Like all of these things. 771 00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,720 And it's like only God can write this story. 772 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,680 Only God can do these things. Like nobody could ever dream up 773 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,120 that you would have all these certifications. 774 00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:17,720 You'd have all these things like you're counseling women. 775 00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:20,600 You're do it like, you know, doing all this stuff with your 776 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:25,040 life 10-15 years ago, never would have dreamed it. 777 00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:30,880 No, my life, yeah, but you. And it's like I, I hate to say 778 00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:36,520 this, but it's like I'm, I'm living the, I'm living my best 779 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:37,920 life now. Yeah, you know. 780 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,720 Yeah. But with the house, the 781 00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:41,880 property, I knew where I wanted to live. 782 00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,040 I didn't know how I was going to do it. 783 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:46,560 And I and my sister found the three acres that was actually 784 00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:48,000 beside her. We didn't know who had it. 785 00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,800 And I kept calling her, harassing this guy. 786 00:47:50,240 --> 00:47:52,160 He wouldn't sell it to me. And finally he did. 787 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,360 I remember when we went to close and I'm like, it was the first 788 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:55,920 time I ever met him. And I was like, So what do you 789 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,400 do besides sell land? He's like, no, I don't sell 790 00:47:58,400 --> 00:47:59,760 land. I don't even know how this has 791 00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,240 happened. And I'm like the Lord, the Lord 792 00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:04,720 Lord. But yeah. 793 00:48:04,720 --> 00:48:07,600 And I what I'm having a house built. 794 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:14,040 How do I do by myself? I mean, but it was like by now 795 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:18,760 it's like God gave me words. I mean, I can, I can sit down 796 00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:23,160 with people and I don't have to. I'm OK with who I am. 797 00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,160 You know, I remember sitting down with the builder and he's 798 00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:26,680 like, what kind of floor do you want? 799 00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:28,480 I don't know. Floor what? 800 00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,160 So we, you know, and it's, it's one step at the time, I didn't 801 00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:33,680 have to have all the answer to everything. 802 00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,920 I just took one step at a time. And he started building the 803 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:39,080 house. We had the Potter's House girls 804 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:42,840 and a bunch of different people come over and pray for the 805 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,200 property and then wrote scriptures all over the walls, 806 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,000 had somebody out there singing, had my Trey Varner, my pastor 807 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,480 out there preaching. And I mean, it's just those 808 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:58,040 walls. They are covered in the word of 809 00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,480 God. Yes, they are covered. 810 00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:05,560 And, and I do, I have my own farmhouse and it's, it's 811 00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,120 beautiful. It is, it is so beautiful so 812 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:13,200 you, it's so you to see how it's just so God breathe like it is. 813 00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:17,880 Your life is just like nobody's ever too far gone. 814 00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:20,360 When you think that you've hit rock bottom. 815 00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:24,280 There is so much life ahead of you that if you just give it up 816 00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,600 to God, if you just give him control of your life and stop 817 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:32,680 trying to do it yourself. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. 818 00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:36,240 And it's just I don't have to have all the answers. 819 00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:40,680 No, you know, yes. I mean the Satan can say you 820 00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,680 just signed a mortgage for 30 years, how are you going to be 821 00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,000 able to pay? You know what, God's got this. 822 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:50,120 There ain't nothing that that he can't do or that he want to do. 823 00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,840 You know what? I'm his daughter and he takes 824 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:53,600 care of me. And you know what? 825 00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,720 Also today, because people are always like, well, you're going 826 00:49:56,720 --> 00:50:01,600 to meet somebody else. And I really, really chasing a 827 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:07,120 man to make me feel OK, to make me feel secure is I didn't 828 00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,160 realize it, but it was a part of my old life. 829 00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:13,600 Today I am, I have the best husband in the world, Lord Jesus 830 00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:14,680 Christ. Hey ma'am. 831 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:20,960 And he takes care of me and he knows everything about me. 832 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:24,440 And we just do it one thing at a time, from from cutting the 833 00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:27,720 grass to putting a bed together. I mean, I've learned how to do 834 00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:30,760 so much stuff that I was scared to death of. 835 00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:32,600 Amen. All right. 836 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,320 Sounds good. As we begin to close just the 837 00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,960 last few minutes, I usually end with one of three things. 838 00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,400 OK, so she's like, you did not tell me this part. 839 00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:46,640 You did not. OK, So 1, you get to maybe you 840 00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:48,360 were driving down here, you had an hour drive. 841 00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,800 So you obviously was in a lot of prayer and a lot of thought on 842 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,360 the way here and you maybe wanted to talk about something 843 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,800 very specific, say something very specific. 844 00:50:55,800 --> 00:51:00,040 And you just haven't really got the opportunity to say that 2A 845 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,840 word of advice to anybody that you want to say something to. 846 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:08,520 Or three, what is something that God has revealed to you or 847 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,240 taught to you more recently where maybe you were reading 848 00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:13,520 something and the light bulb went off and it made sense for 849 00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,160 the first time? How do you want to end it today? 850 00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:22,080 Wow, OK, I read a scripture this morning and I do not know where 851 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,800 it's at and I can find it and tell you later if you want. 852 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:30,480 But the scripture said, you know, God wins at the end. 853 00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,440 OK, He wins at the end. And I'm not going to quote the 854 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:35,760 scripture, but I'm just going to tell you what it meant to mean. 855 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,920 He wins at the end. But we got to saddle up. 856 00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,880 We got to do our part, you know, we got to do our part. 857 00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:45,400 If we don't do our part, then he can't do he can't do his. 858 00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:47,840 Amen. You know, and for those of you 859 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,840 that are out there that are still struggling with drugs and 860 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:54,320 alcohol, you got to do the Lord like you did your drugs and 861 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:55,680 alcohol. You got to seek it. 862 00:51:56,240 --> 00:51:57,520 Come. I'm going to see Kim like you 863 00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:58,920 seek that. Come on. 864 00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:01,920 You know, on the way before I got here, it was pouring down 865 00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:03,640 rain. And I thought it's pouring down 866 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:06,720 rain and I need to reschedule. Lord said you sure would have 867 00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:08,200 chased drugs in the pouring down high. 868 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,240 That's right. So you better get down there. 869 00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:12,680 And I'm like, that's OK. Yeah, we got. 870 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,800 You that is good. He's had to clock me about stuff 871 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,040 like that. So like when you're tired or 872 00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,080 don't want to go, maybe 1 morning you want to sleep in to 873 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:23,040 go to church, Well I would have been at brunch getting drunk 874 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:27,320 that morning instead. So get up, go do your thing. 875 00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,440 How willing are you to love me, Amy? 876 00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,840 Yep, that's good. This is so good. 877 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,720 Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. 878 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,240 Yes, all right, guys, I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I 879 00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,560 have. Make sure you like, share, 880 00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,320 comment, all that's good stuff. I appreciate each and every one 881 00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:45,040 of you that listens. And I just keep praying that God 882 00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:48,320 pushes you, like pushes you into this new season where you're 883 00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,920 growing closer to him and that you find encouragement through 884 00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:53,400 each and every one of these testimonies. 885 00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:55,960 Thank you guys so much. Stay tuned, stay blessed, and 886 00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:57,600 we'll see you guys later. Bye. 887 00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:58,080 Bye.