1 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,520 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host with 2 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:19,240 praises in the pod, and I'm so excited to be in the studio with 3 00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,880 Carrie Jackson. We actually work together and 4 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,400 I've heard bits and pieces of her story over the last year, 5 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,200 two years or so, but I'm super excited to sit down and dig more 6 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,320 into your story and hear what God's done. 7 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,400 We're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,960 jump right in. So here we go, Lord Heavenly 9 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,600 Father, just thank you for today. 10 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,400 Thank you for all your many blessings. 11 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,600 Thank you for putting Carrie in my life where I get to look up 12 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,600 to her and I get to get advice and just have these 13 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,480 conversations, Lord God, that push us closer together. 14 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,200 Lord, you say that iron sharpens iron and that's what we're here 15 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,080 to do. We're here to sharpen each 16 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,360 other. We're here to hold each other 17 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,080 accountable and to talk about your goodness and your 18 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:01,080 faithfulness. We pray that our story and her 19 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,160 story today impacts people, that encourages people and pushes 20 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,280 people closer to you. We pray that you speak to us and 21 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,160 through US today and let us always glorify you. 22 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,640 Let this episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen, 23 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,560 Amen, Amen. So I'm super excited just 24 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:21,800 because I have heard bits and pieces and so to hear more today 25 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,960 I'm really excited about. You appreciate that. 26 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,480 OK. So go ahead and let's start a 27 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,680 little bit at your childhood. Go ahead and tell us a little 28 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,360 bit about that and we'll work our way up. 29 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,600 So. Yeah, so I I had a good 30 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,880 childhood, wasn't always the easiest childhood. 31 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,920 I did have a sibling. I was the youngest of three. 32 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,200 So I had a sibling that at a early age began to struggle with 33 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,480 substance abuse. So that was something that 34 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,600 impacted me as a child, but I would also say that I had a good 35 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,320 childhood. My, my parents, they love the 36 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,720 Lord. They made sure we were in 37 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,640 church. They loved us. 38 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,840 Faith for us was probably not something that we talked about 39 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,160 on a regular basis at the house. Just I think times are 40 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,520 different. Like we are way more equipped in 41 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,960 today's world to do that then back then. 42 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,720 But they were faithful and they showed me what it looks like to 43 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:25,360 walk through suffering or hardship and stay true to what 44 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,840 you believe. So, yeah. 45 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,880 So no matter what, I would say it was your great childhood 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,480 loving parents. They showed me Christ and really 47 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,920 built for me a foundation of truth. 48 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,880 I didn't come to know Christ like for myself until older, but 49 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,400 that foundation, it was there from from an early age. 50 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,520 Last night me and the sisters shared our testimony at CR and 51 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:52,600 that was one of the things that I said is like I didn't have 52 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,600 anyone at a young age showing me what it looked like to be a 53 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,080 Christ follower. Like I had people that went to 54 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,120 church, you know, when maybe where it was in a Sunday school 55 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,240 group or whatever, but like to truly be a disciple of Jesus 56 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,040 that was pouring truth and building that foundation. 57 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,800 Like I didn't have that. And so for you to be able to 58 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:15,000 say, like I saw my parents love the Lord, like I saw my parents 59 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,120 build this foundation. I didn't come to know the Lord 60 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:21,160 until later, later, but you still got to see that. 61 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,600 So that's just so beautiful to me. 62 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,360 And I think it's such a testimony of just a faithful lie 63 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,280 because like I said, I do think it's important to use your 64 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,960 words. But my parents, I'm not sure if 65 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,240 they felt secure enough in that all the time coming to know 66 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:39,480 Christ later in their life. And it was the small things I 67 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,880 had to see that they never, they never quit going to church when 68 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,160 they were going through heartache or suffering. 69 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,440 They continue to prioritize worship. 70 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,040 I have those memories of waking up and seeing them reading their 71 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:58,360 Bible and just the way they carried themselves servants. 72 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,240 So yeah, definitely thankful for the the the foundation that they 73 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,560 built for me. When do you come to Christ? 74 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,680 Like how old were you when you like truly meet the Lord? 75 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:12,600 So I, when I was in high school, I would say is when I first 76 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,600 realized that I, you know, that had knowledge like that can be 77 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,800 such a great thing because it builds foundation, but at the 78 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,000 same time you can have that false security. 79 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,720 And I think that's what I had. And it was in high school that I 80 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,840 realized I really am a Sinner. Like, all these things that I've 81 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:32,600 done to keep the rules and to follow, obey, they're nothing 82 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,880 Like I have to have Christ in his righteousness. 83 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:40,240 And so that was in high school. But I would say I didn't even 84 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:45,840 grow from there and really begin to understand things until 85 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,560 probably, like, early in my marriage. 86 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,000 Oh, wow. Yeah. 87 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:55,760 So much, much later, I had a good head knowledge, but I 88 00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:00,520 didn't even realize how much I took from this mindset I had as 89 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:05,200 a child, which is, you know, as my, my sibling was going through 90 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,480 addiction and there was a lot of hard, hard things and hard times 91 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:14,040 in her home. One of the things that I always 92 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:19,880 be, I began to struggle with was just this feeling of not really 93 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,000 being loved unless I could earn it. 94 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:31,600 And so performance became huge for me and I realized how much 95 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,000 of that I'm brought into my spiritual life. 96 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,080 So I love the Lord. I believe that he saved me just 97 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:41,640 based off of, you know, we confess with our mouth and our 98 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,680 hearts that Christ is the Messiah, that he is the Son of 99 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,400 God and he saved us. But I also brought with it this 100 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:53,240 mentality that I would have never shared with anybody, but 101 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:58,000 this mentality that was almost on the fringe of always 102 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:03,200 disappointing him. And so I had recently been 103 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:07,560 married and I was doing my, my quiet time, my Bible study. 104 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,920 And the Lord brought me to Hebrews 4 where it was talking 105 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,040 about rest. And it said that, you know, you 106 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:19,000 can sit under the preaching of the word, but there was no rest 107 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,680 because it was not united in faith. 108 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:26,960 And it just made me realize that it's not Jesus plus anything 109 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:31,840 like I was bringing nothing to that relationship in order to 110 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:35,320 earn his salvation or his love. It was going to have to just be 111 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,520 Jesus. And so that was kind of like 112 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:42,960 where I think I went from just this, it's very simple. 113 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:47,680 I love the Lord, but I I didn't experience the power that He had 114 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:53,080 in my life until it was genuinely united in faith. 115 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,640 I love. That when you're saying that, 116 00:06:55,840 --> 00:07:00,480 was that something that like he revealed to you just like in the 117 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,760 moment, or was that something that you were kind of praying? 118 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:07,520 Like were you praying for him to open your eyes more? 119 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,400 Or like how did he reveal that to you? 120 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,840 And like, did you instantly connect the dots in that moment? 121 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,320 Or did you like kind of have to sit on that for like maybe a few 122 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,240 weeks, a few days or whatever and then really discern what he 123 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,080 was saying in that scripture to you? 124 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,280 Like, because I feel like so many times we hear from God, but 125 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,800 then we can't discern what that means in our own life. 126 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,320 How do we applicate that in our exact word? 127 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,560 I don't know. How do we put that into our own 128 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:35,360 lives? Like, because that's a turning 129 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,800 moment for you. Oh, absolutely. 130 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,680 So how? How was that moment like? 131 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,400 I guess? That's a great question. 132 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,920 I think so. I came to know Christ in high 133 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:49,080 school, but the assurance of my salvation we have never 134 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,840 something I felt real confident in. 135 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,800 It was something I would base. I'd go back to the word of God 136 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,600 and say I don't trust my feelings. 137 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,280 I trust the word of God, but there was no peace. 138 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,280 It was just this constant. It kind of came and you know, 139 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,880 came and went, but there my life was full of doubts. 140 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,640 I just struggle with so many doubts and mainly regarding his 141 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:16,840 love for me and but by the grace of God, like he did keep me in 142 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:21,760 the word. And so I think it was like years 143 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:25,320 of struggle, years of doubt, years of asking God like, why, 144 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:30,200 why can I not feel secure in your love even though you tell 145 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:34,400 me I'm reading the words, but why does it seem like it can't 146 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:40,720 bring peace to my heart? And so that day I just, I was 147 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,000 reading, I was sitting outside and I just remember in that 148 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:48,560 moment it was abundantly clear that the Lord was saying like he 149 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:53,800 was allowing me to stop striving for that love and to finally see 150 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,080 that faith meant surrendering, that that's good. 151 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,280 And that it was just going to be, it's just Jesus. 152 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,760 It's all about Jesus. That's good. 153 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,920 So I mean, just you saying that it was something that you were 154 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,640 struggling with for years praying about. 155 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,200 And like, I think that's just so like important to pinpoint that 156 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,320 just because we're praying for God to reveal things to us or 157 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,160 like show us things. It might take a long period of 158 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,600 time for him to do that, but there's a time and a place like 159 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,320 you sitting outside and just being in that moment. 160 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,480 And then the trajectory of your relationship with him completely 161 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,040 changes. So like, maybe you weren't ready 162 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,080 before then and maybe he's like, this is the time that I got to 163 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,360 tell you this is this is when I got to get your attention. 164 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,800 You know? So everybody has these moments, 165 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,200 but it's important to know so that it doesn't just come 166 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,840 because I always talk about how my surrender, like I was 167 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,880 praying. I instantly open the Bible and 168 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:50,360 he answers, you know, And so like I've heard people say I've 169 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,600 done it and I hear nothing. Like I they, he hasn't come to 170 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,960 me, Like he hasn't revealed himself. 171 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,880 And I'm like, everybody's timeline looks different, like 172 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,760 everybody does. But just keep seeking the Lord, 173 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,400 seeking him. Keep opening that Bible, even if 174 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,560 you don't understand it, if, you know, if you don't. 175 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:10,440 And Carrie actually has a great tool that I have yet to jump 176 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,040 into because it was more difficult than what I thought it 177 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,760 was going to be anyway. Anyway, anyway. 178 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,840 But yeah, so go ahead, go from there. 179 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,600 When do you and Chris get married? 180 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:23,400 Yeah, so, so I'd have to back up then. 181 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:27,480 So in college, I met Chris my last year in college. 182 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,120 And we'll get there at some point, I'm sure. 183 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,960 But funny story, we kind of met on a blind day, like we had not 184 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:40,200 really known each other. And so we went to dinner and at 185 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,360 this point I was about to finish school. 186 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,560 I had gone through some not so good relationships. 187 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,720 I was done. Like I just could care less. 188 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,160 Like I've got my wife in front of me. 189 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,600 I'll go to dinner, but I'm not looking for. 190 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:58,040 So I was very confident at that point my life that God had 191 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:05,040 called me to be involved with foster care and adoption and so 192 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:09,080 On this date with my soon to one day to be husband. 193 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,240 We laugh about this now, but I don't think he thought it was 194 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,240 very funny in the moment we sat down and I, I literally just 195 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,320 said, Hey, I'm going to be honest. 196 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:22,840 Like I feel like God has called me to adopt and adopt A lot of 197 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:25,560 kids. And if you're not in on board 198 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:29,240 with like, let's not waste my time, your time like this is not 199 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,640 going to work. And so that is not in my nature. 200 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,080 I normally would not have done that. 201 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,080 But at that point in my life, I was just like, God has called me 202 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,400 to this. Anything on the outside, it's 203 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,440 got to go. Like I just, I was very 204 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,080 confident in that. And so took him by surprise, 205 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,280 obviously. And he, he was a good sport, he 206 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,920 said. I've never thought about it, but 207 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:55,560 I'll consider that one day. And we finished our meal and 208 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,400 started dating and I got married just probably about 8 months or 209 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,800 so later. Wow. 210 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:05,040 OK, so this is a bit of piece of information that I already knew 211 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,120 prior, but I want you to kind of discuss it a little bit because 212 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:12,560 you already knew like something had already been placed and went 213 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,600 on in your life. So tell us a little bit about 214 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,680 how you came to know that Christ was already calling you to 215 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:23,000 Foster. So I laugh about it sometimes 216 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,440 and say I was a weird child, but I honestly think it was the 217 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,320 sovereignty of God. Because when I was a little 218 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:35,520 girl, I remember my heart just being broken with the 219 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,480 realization that there were things in our world, like 220 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:45,480 orphanages or children who didn't have what I had. 221 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,560 And the Lord just had that on my heart. 222 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,920 And I, I, it was nothing of me. I can, it was just genuinely 223 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,600 something the Lord had placed on my heart. 224 00:12:54,600 --> 00:13:00,400 I had no idea what that would look like, but I think I think 225 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:05,400 back to like Nehemiah and the Bible where the Lord allowed him 226 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,680 to experience a burden. And he sat on that for a while 227 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,760 and he fasted and prayed and asked the Lord like, what what 228 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:16,080 do I do with this burden? But he allowed him to see it and 229 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:20,280 his heart to be broken over it. And then one day told him his 230 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,720 role in that. And so that's kind of where I 231 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,400 was for a long time. My heart, just, you couldn't 232 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,600 mention it without tears coming to my eyes because I just knew, 233 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,160 like, this isn't right, that this is not God's plan. 234 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:38,040 These are children. And, and it would be many, many 235 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,200 years later until the Lord showed me what that would look 236 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,320 like, but it was something that He placed in my heart as a young 237 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:49,640 child. So I mean, I don't want to move 238 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,040 too fast because that was just like, it's so crazy how God 239 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,120 really does place things in your life like as a young and you 240 00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:00,160 don't understand it, like you don't understand it at all until 241 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:05,960 one day it all makes sense. But I love how you knew this and 242 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,240 you go on your first date with Chris and it's a crazy as you 243 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,080 probably. Look like. 244 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,000 It doesn't matter to you because you're not swaying from God's 245 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,680 plan. Like you knew that this was 246 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:18,640 something that he wanted from you. 247 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,800 You knew that you wanted to walk with him through this and you 248 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,640 weren't going to just settle if like Chris were to say, no, I'm 249 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,760 not open to that or whatever. But God had already ordained 250 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,560 that relationship anyway and know that this was going to 251 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,320 come. So tell us a little bit about 252 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,800 how y'all get into it. And I think there was something 253 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,120 else also correct that really happened when you were younger 254 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,440 about fostering. Is that correct? 255 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,720 Like you weren't able to maybe have children? 256 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,680 Yes, that is a huge part of it. And that's where I go back to 257 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,040 thinking it's the sovereignty of God, right? 258 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:56,280 So from my limited knowledge at the time, I'm looking at it, 259 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,360 thinking God's just burdened my heart for this. 260 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:03,400 And so in some way I'll be involved, but I still had my own 261 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:08,720 plans to. I really thought really with all 262 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,280 of my heart, I was like, God, I will answer your call and I will 263 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,880 say yes, because I feel like this is something you've placed 264 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:19,880 on my heart to do. But I genuinely believed, going 265 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:23,600 back to scripture, I genuinely believed that God was writing 266 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:27,240 for me a story like Hannah. That was the one person that I 267 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:33,280 constantly went back to and you know, it was Chris and I. 268 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,560 We did start because that was something that was on my heart. 269 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:43,560 Chris and I did start the journey to become Foster and 270 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,960 adoptive parents just right. I mean, maybe a year after we 271 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:53,200 had been married. Interestingly enough, that did 272 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,320 not is like a little God shot. That was a long journey. 273 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:01,840 It took over a year for us to get certified, but the neat 274 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,960 thing in that was our letter of approval came on Valentine's 275 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,280 Day. And so it was like one of those 276 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:13,000 little moments where I just felt like the Lord saw me in that. 277 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,960 At the time, though, I still did believe that we would have our 278 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:22,640 own biological children. And it was probably, I don't 279 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,840 know, maybe a year after we started fostering that I 280 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:28,600 realized that that wasn't happening for us. 281 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:33,920 Is quickly as I had hoped and we started seeing doctors and 282 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:39,440 realized that I was actually in a struggle of infertility and 283 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:43,160 that this the option of having biological children may not be 284 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,800 something that I ever get to experience. 285 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:53,120 And but at that time that I still, I truly, truly, truly 286 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:59,760 believed that Hannah, I'm mentioning Hannah, that that was 287 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,400 the story that God was writing me. 288 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:07,800 I was like, I believe with all of my heart that he is going to 289 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,280 do for me what he did for her. You know, yes, this may be a 290 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,520 waiting season and there may be some time in that waiting 291 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,560 season, obviously, where my heart is broken and it's 292 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,720 hurting. I was OK with that because I 293 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,160 genuinely believe that on the other side, I would one day hold 294 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,720 this child that I could say this is a child and whom I prayed 295 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:38,720 for. But and you know, as as that 296 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:45,200 infertility during continued, you know, I battled that for 818 297 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,720 years or so, like and I remember the timeline exactly. 298 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:55,400 And I began to realize this isn't happening and still held 299 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,280 out hope. I was still praying, you know, 300 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,600 for anyone who walks through infantile, you know, it's a very 301 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:06,040 quiet suffering. It's not something that you can 302 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,680 talk about with many people. And so it was just like a broken 303 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,040 heart that I was walking around with constantly. 304 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,440 When you're in the season, I'm sorry. 305 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,320 No, when? When you're in the season that 306 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,360 that 810 years, that's a long time. 307 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:27,600 Are you like any way mad with God, maybe resentful because 308 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,560 it's a it's a hard thing when you have friends, especially in 309 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,680 your early 20s. So right, like everyone around 310 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,240 you is having kids. Everybody around you is 311 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,920 announcing they're pregnant and like you can be happy for them, 312 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,520 but at the same time your heart breaks, right? 313 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:52,680 And so, so if you can just maybe talk a little bit about that, 314 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,160 like that season for you. Sorry, y'all. 315 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,440 I hate crying and getting so emotional in here. 316 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,040 But like people know that like this is something that people go 317 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,760 through. I mean, I go through, there's so 318 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:08,480 many people around me and like I'm so happy for them. 319 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,920 But then at the same time, it's something that you want so bad. 320 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,800 So tell us a little bit about how that felt for you and how 321 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:20,480 you got through that. And yeah, oh man, that, you 322 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:24,200 know, sometimes I ask the Lord to lie to not allow me to forget 323 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,400 the pain of that season and to ever because it's hard as it 324 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,120 was. There are people still walking 325 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,720 through that and you want to have that compassion and that 326 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:40,120 grace to be able to relate. But it was it was incredibly, 327 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,680 incredibly difficult. You know, you would think that 328 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,280 my home at this point, we had children in the home we were 329 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,080 fostering, but it didn't take away the pain. 330 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,080 It did not take away the pain at all. 331 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,560 And it was a, like I said, a very silent suffering because 332 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,880 sometimes you don't even know if your husband could understand 333 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,720 because it's something I think that God has given us to that 334 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,120 sacred role of being a mom that we desire and, and just ache 335 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,120 for. And so there are many, many 336 00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,240 nights where I would just lay in bed and ask the Lord, like, do 337 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,400 you see me? Do you hear my cries? 338 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:24,880 But I, I don't think I ever developed a bitterness because 339 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:29,920 like I said, I genuinely believed that I was in a waiting 340 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,320 season and I was waiting for this answer that God was going 341 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:39,640 to bring me through a child. The harder moment for me came. 342 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:46,200 I think it was probably closer to 10 years that I, I was being 343 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,280 told by a doctor that I was needing to have a hysterectomy 344 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,240 and I felt, and it was scheduled within just a week time period 345 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,200 where I felt completely backed into a corner. 346 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,320 And I wanted to tell the doctors, no, like you can't, we 347 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,160 can't do this because I'm still waiting for the Lord to answer 348 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,480 my prayer. And if we do this, then there's 349 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:13,520 no option. And we went through that surgery 350 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,320 and it just, that's when I felt like the, the biggest moment of 351 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,160 grief came for me is when I realized that for all of these 352 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:26,400 years, I had prayed and trusted and truly believed the Lord was 353 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,280 going to answer in this way and give me that child I prayed for 354 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:33,280 biologically. And then it was over. 355 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,200 The reason that it was just, it was just done. 356 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,800 That season was was over and not by my choosing. 357 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:45,560 And that was, that was probably the most difficult thing I will 358 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:50,640 say like that was a huge faith crisis for me, probably one of 359 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:57,320 the biggest ones I've ever had in my life because my mind 360 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:03,600 immediately went to this place of just doubt of Lord, where 361 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,840 were you? Where did you see me? 362 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:11,280 Did you hear my prayer? I know your heart is good. 363 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,120 I know you're kind, but like I just could not understand the 364 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,640 why behind it. And again, that wasn't something 365 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:22,360 I felt like I had a lot of places to go talk to you about 366 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,880 with people. So it's a very silent against 367 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,640 like a silent suffering where I just wrestle with the Lord for a 368 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:34,640 long time about that. And I will say the one thing I 369 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:39,840 felt like he, well, he showed me some things later in scripture 370 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:44,800 about how I really was holding to the Scripture in a way that 371 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,840 was very dangerous. I treated it a lot like a 372 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:51,080 formula, like even the story of Hannah, it was like she brought 373 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:55,000 her request to you, she prayed, she trusted you and you 374 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,320 answered. And I felt like Lord, I did the 375 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,440 same. I trusted you, I pray, I brought 376 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,760 my request to you. So you, that means you'll answer 377 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,800 in this way. And that is not at all what he 378 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:11,840 has to do for us. And as I've continued to study 379 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,920 Scripture, I realized like really the the greater picture 380 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,440 in all of that book of first Samuel was not ever Hannah. 381 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,760 It was what God was doing for redeeming mankind. 382 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:29,800 And when I saw it as a formula, there's a lot of room for doubt. 383 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:34,520 But when I saw it as redemption of mankind, there's a lot of 384 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,520 reason to just marvel at the majesty of God. 385 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,720 And so when I begin to see that even in my own life, I'm like 386 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:46,760 Lord, then I I can trust you to be sovereign over the situation. 387 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,160 And yes, I prayed. I brought my request to you. 388 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,040 If you don't answer in the way I that I had hoped, which he 389 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:58,720 didn't, then I know I can stand more confidently knowing that 390 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,640 there's a redemptive purpose behind all of that. 391 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:06,320 And so that helped me. The other thing that that really 392 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:11,520 helped a lot during that wrestling with the Lord, He 393 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:17,000 spoke very clearly to my spirit and I remember 1 morning I was 394 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,800 like I was in my kitchen and just crying like as I did a lot. 395 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,840 But then I was just wrestling with the Lord and I felt him 396 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,560 speak so clearly and say, do you call me good because of what I 397 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:32,760 do or because of who I am? And it broke me because I think 398 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,960 up until that point, I had treated it like a formula. 399 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:41,880 I had also tied his goodness to the things that he did for us 400 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:46,240 instead of to the character and nature of who he of who he is. 401 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,760 And, and so I, I carried that for a long time of just 402 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:54,560 reminding myself like, no, I refuse to, to bow at this. 403 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,520 You are good because it's who? You are. 404 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,840 And in your mercy and your kindness, yes, you are good to 405 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,480 us, but it doesn't change who you are. 406 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:07,240 You were just good. When you're going through all 407 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:11,200 this, you do have you are fostering at this point. 408 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:16,320 And so like, when does I mean, how many? 409 00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:19,880 Because you have lots of kids now. 410 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,760 So like, did you Foster and like some of these were, you know, 411 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,720 restoration stories where they went back or like because didn't 412 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:34,200 you do a period where like you were the in between or OK, yeah. 413 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,120 What's that called? Respite. 414 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:38,680 OK. And so tell us a little bit 415 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:43,920 about this foster care journey to how you start adopting. 416 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,000 Tell us a little bit about that. Yes. 417 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,320 So our very first, I, I mean, mentioned that our letter of 418 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,120 approval came on Valentine's Day, which I thought was very 419 00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:55,880 special. A month later, we got our call 420 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,440 for our first placement. It was 3 little girls. 421 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:02,680 And those are the girls that we've have since adopted. 422 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:06,560 Those are my three oldest, but we have bounced around. 423 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,920 So that became a, that was one where we fostered and then 424 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,280 adopted. There are times where we just 425 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,480 strictly fostered because that was the greatest need at the 426 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,840 time. And yeah, so those stories were 427 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:23,240 ones where they were restored and reunited back with their 428 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:28,520 parents and which is ultimately the goal to have healthy 429 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:33,920 families. And then there are some that we 430 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,600 just for because of the circumstances, we were able to 431 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,400 just adopt. So we've kind of bounced all 432 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,920 around on that spectrum. It's a little, yeah, that one 433 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,680 where you talking about the quick respite, We went to 434 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,920 defects and we said, you know, what's your greatest need? 435 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:55,000 And they said respite care because at that point when 436 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,200 children come into the care or come into foster care, they do 437 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:02,920 have to have a 72 hour hearing. And so for those two or three 438 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,840 days that they're kind of waiting for their hearing to 439 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:11,080 take place, homes are needed. And we didn't have homes that 440 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,920 would serve on such a short term basis at the time. 441 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,920 And so we said, oh, we'll be at home. 442 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:21,960 And that was very, is the word presumptuous of us? 443 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,440 I don't know if that's the right word or not, but it's a we were 444 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,520 gung ho and probably a little naive because we're like, we can 445 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,520 do this. While we had oh, man. 446 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,960 And I think it ended up being like 30 kids come in and out of 447 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,800 our home within the course of a month because they're coming for 448 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,560 two days. And some of them were sibling 449 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,680 groups of four kids or so. And it was a lot. 450 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,560 So we have a pizza place in our area that does pizza like the 451 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,760 side of your table. And we were there almost every 452 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,920 night. Got to because I was like, we 453 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,720 have a lot of kids and I don't know what's happening in my life 454 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,000 right now. So we just show up and yeah, so. 455 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:07,160 All of like, all of that. One of the things that Mallory 456 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:12,040 Lance's wife, said on her episode was it had to hit her 457 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,840 like with respite care. I know me and you've had this 458 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,840 conversation and it's like, Oh my gosh, like, you know, they're 459 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,160 going back. Like it's not even like this is 460 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,440 a long term thing. Or maybe sometimes they are long 461 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,200 term and they go back and you're like, I can't, my heart's going 462 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,280 to break, you know, like me. But Mallory said like it's not 463 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,680 about you. It's about the kids. 464 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,480 It's about restoration with their families. 465 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,760 It's about doing whatever that needs to be done for them. 466 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,560 Like we have a lady in our church that it's had her baby 467 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,880 for six months and she just went back to to grandma and like 468 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,320 that's the only person she ever known. 469 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:50,200 So how does those heart breaks? Because I know they come. 470 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,760 But they come. But how do you work through 471 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,680 that? Like, how do you navigate that 472 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,920 season of like, knowing that they're probably going to leave, 473 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,960 you know, so. Tell us a little bit. 474 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,440 Yeah. So two things. 475 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:07,480 One, it has to be relying on the Holy Spirit. 476 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,960 You know, I think it's such a great thing that once you do 477 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,840 like I love setting the word of God and as I do and I see the 478 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,240 his, the whole thing is 1 big story of of redemption. 479 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,080 Even in foster care, This is an opportunity for you to partner 480 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,960 in redemption and getting things back restored the way they were 481 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,880 intended to be. And so I mean, what an honor to 482 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:38,000 get to partner with God in that. But the second thing is somebody 483 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,040 once told me they're like, if you don't break when that child 484 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,720 leaves your home, you didn't love hard enough and you didn't 485 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,920 love well enough. And every child that came, not 486 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:51,880 every child very honestly, like some, you're just struggling 487 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:56,160 with difficult behavior. And so that's hard and you know, 488 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,640 you experience the lack of peace in your home, but you love them. 489 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,840 It's hard and you need a nap when they leave. 490 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:08,600 But for the most part, the goal I felt like was to remember that 491 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:13,440 this is an image bearer of God. They deserve every ounce of 492 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:15,600 love. They deserve from the moment 493 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:23,440 they walk in to be known to be loved, to be shown grace and and 494 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:28,600 if for me to protect my own heart and withhold that from 495 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,880 them for my own protection and safety is wrong. 496 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:37,160 Like I will sacrifice myself so that they know that in that home 497 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:43,080 I was loved and so that a lot of times that's just the mindset I 498 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:48,240 have was you deserve this. It's who God created you to be 499 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,120 an just to be an extension of his hands. 500 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,400 And that's what the lady that I was just talking about kind of 501 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,160 discussed in one of our groups because we had brought it up 502 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,720 before, like, you know, about adoption and Foster and all 503 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,760 this. And she was like, that's what 504 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:07,480 God is all about. Like he's all about this. 505 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:12,560 So why wouldn't we all somehow find a heart to foster or 506 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:16,360 partner or figure out a way to get included in this? 507 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,960 Because this is what God, this is what the Bible is, this is 508 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:24,120 what the gospel is, is leading and caring for others and being 509 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,520 that person, you know, tell us a little bit about your kids. 510 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:32,520 So tell us you I don't need you to tell the story or anything 511 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,800 like that, like too much detail, but tell us a little bit about 512 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,400 how you came to adopt your three and then the two and then the 513 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,240 just all of it. Tell us a little bit about that. 514 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,760 Yeah, so I told you about the three oldest ones. 515 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:48,360 They came to us first. They were special because they 516 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,520 we're in different foster homes and so we got to bring them back 517 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:57,440 together so that they could be a family as well and then foster a 518 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,360 little bit. And then we actually had been 519 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:06,440 fostering a baby and which I was so excited about because this 520 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:12,080 was my first baby like from the hospital and still grieving and 521 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,120 desiring to have a biological child. 522 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:18,840 This was the closest I felt and I an infant and but we got a 523 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,640 call that there was a little boy who had been abandoned at the 524 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:31,440 hospital and they called and asked if we would consider 525 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,480 adopting him. And we knew our answer was yes, 526 00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:36,640 that of course we would adopt him. 527 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:43,160 But so we, you know, we went and tried to get everything ready 528 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,400 and prepare for that. And then he didn't come. 529 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:52,160 And so for it was actually 8 months, we still had this other 530 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:56,680 baby, but I had already given my yes to adopt another baby that I 531 00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:01,760 have no idea where he's at or like what's going on with him. 532 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,960 D facts was good. They're they are very good to 533 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:06,280 us. And they did tell us that they 534 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,880 were trying to see, they kind of jumped the gun and they should 535 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,520 have, you know, looked to see if there was any family 1st. 536 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,040 And so that's what they were doing. 537 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,200 But all I knew is that I had given our yes. 538 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,400 So we had given our yes to to make this little boy our son. 539 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,680 We have no idea where he's at or how he's doing. 540 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:31,520 And and so I used to that was the craziest time period because 541 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:35,400 I felt very confident, my spirit that God said this is your son. 542 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,800 Then I felt like there was an ocean between us, like I 543 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,440 couldn't get to him. And eight months later, they 544 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:47,080 called us again and said that, you know, the family could not 545 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:51,640 be was not available to be able to take him for adoption. 546 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,760 And So what we're going to do is kind of do a swap. 547 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,120 The little boy we have been fostering would go to that home 548 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:01,040 and this little 8 month old baby would come to be our son. 549 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,280 And that was hard too, because at this point I've had this 550 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,120 other little boy since he was two days old. 551 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,960 And and that was an act of faith because I was like, how this is, 552 00:34:12,679 --> 00:34:14,760 you know, I think you see this in scripture to you where we 553 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,000 just hold on to that thing that makes us comfortable. 554 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,239 And you're like, but this, this could be the answer to your my 555 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,040 prayer, Laura and to release that to something that's 556 00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:27,639 unknown. We didn't know if our little boy 557 00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:31,719 that we have now adopted, if he would have any kind of special 558 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,239 needs. We didn't know anything. 559 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,960 And so I'm releasing what was comfortable, what was known, 560 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,719 what had been established just purely out of faith. 561 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:44,800 But we we went through with that and we were able to adopt that 562 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,400 little boy. That was the only one that we 563 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:51,120 were able to name, which was very special to me because 564 00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,800 because of his circumstances, he didn't have a name by someone 565 00:34:55,800 --> 00:35:01,680 who genuinely loved him. And I did not want his life to 566 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:07,680 start out with the enemy having any ounce of ability to fill in 567 00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:14,000 that gap and to say, you know, to label him unwanted, unknown, 568 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,720 any of those things. And so Defects had given him, 569 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,640 you know, there was a name on his, on his birth certificate, 570 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,840 but that was the only one that we changed. 571 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,320 And we named him after two missionaries so that he would 572 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,680 have a very purposeful name and know that from the very moment 573 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,920 that he was conceived, that he was on purpose and was created 574 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,960 to have a life to glorify God. Now, had you already? 575 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,560 Were the girls already adopted at this time or? 576 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:50,000 Yeah, they were already adopted. OK, so he made #4 and then I 577 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,880 think we fostered again for a little while. 578 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:58,880 And then then we got a call about another little baby that 579 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,200 we got to bring home from the hospital at two days old. 580 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:06,480 And it was a little girl. It ended up being a little girl 581 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:10,920 that we've now adopted as well. But her story was special too, 582 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:15,240 because at this point in our foster care journey, the Lord 583 00:36:15,240 --> 00:36:18,760 had really art at the beginning. It was all about the children. 584 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,840 Let's love the children. Let's, you know, remind the 585 00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:22,240 children what they were created for. 586 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:26,360 Like all of those things. But over the course of time, God 587 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,320 really began to break my heart for the birth families, 588 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:34,400 specifically for the birth mom. I think because of what I did 589 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:39,240 grow up with, seeing the results of addiction and suffering in 590 00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:44,200 that way with substance abuse. My heart was soft towards that 591 00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:50,000 instead of judgmental or bitter. And so I really just broken. 592 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,400 And I was like, what an opportunity as I care for this 593 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,400 child and they trust me to be able to speak life into this mom 594 00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:00,320 and really fight for her too, and not just for the children. 595 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:06,160 And and so with my, my youngest child, that's one of the first 596 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:11,960 mothers I became really close to, and my heart was to see her 597 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:16,400 restored and to come to know Christ, to be set free and to 598 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:20,240 have her baby back. Even though I saw this little 599 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:23,400 girl that I've been raising, we, we had her for almost a year 600 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,680 before we did give her back to her mom. 601 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,320 But even there, like it was just the Lord preparing my heart for 602 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,240 that. And she did well for a while, 603 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,840 and our little girl got to go back with her, went back to her 604 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:46,520 for about 10 months or so until she began to struggle again. 605 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,640 And then our little girl came back in the care. 606 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,560 And when she did, she came back to us. 607 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,360 And that time it would be for the sake of adoption and not 608 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,360 just for fostering. Wow, see, I didn't know that. 609 00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:01,080 Part about her story and so like, I think it's just so 610 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:05,480 beautiful to know that like y'all, even as much as you loved 611 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:09,480 her and as much as like you wanted her, like you were 612 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,160 willing to just partner with this birth mom and be like, 613 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,320 look, as long as it takes to get you back like we're going to 614 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,400 work on that And then you know it, it sucks, you know that. 615 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,600 Didn't but then. That she gets to come back to 616 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,800 you though, like you know that was just such a but God meant 617 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,200 for her to be in your home. She absolutely yes and I. 618 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:33,040 It was, it's kind of crazy, but this was another one where I 619 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,920 felt like God just made it null in a heart that she was our 620 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,720 little girl. And so people would ask like, 621 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:42,360 how many kids do you have? And I was like, well, we have 622 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:46,000 4:00 and then there's one more. She doesn't live with us. 623 00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,040 But I felt like she was mine. Like I just felt like she was 624 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,480 our little girl. I never wanted to dishonor her 625 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:57,080 mother though, like I wanted her to, to be healthy and to do what 626 00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:00,320 was right. And I knew that that is, you 627 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,520 know, that's God's plan for families to be together. 628 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,760 But in my heart, I genuinely did feel like she was our little 629 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,360 girl. Now, does any of your kids have? 630 00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,880 Like talked to their birth parents at all? 631 00:39:12,240 --> 00:39:14,480 No. Did they know them at all? 632 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:15,640 Did y'all have any? OK. 633 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,360 So going through defects. There is different rules 634 00:39:19,360 --> 00:39:22,800 depending on if it's a private agency or what it may be. 635 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,560 But with going through the state, going through defects, 636 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,440 that is one of the laws to protect the children is that 637 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,600 they are not allowed to have contact until they're 18 years 638 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,680 old. OK, yeah, I didn't know that. 639 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,920 Because I know, like with Gwen's story, Gwen's been on here, but 640 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,680 they did go through like a organization she went through, 641 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,040 yeah. And she was able to select the 642 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:44,560 family that her child would go to. 643 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,440 So with the state in foster care, it's a little different. 644 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,080 All right, so. With all of that, I want to 645 00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,880 start to begin to close conda. Conda. 646 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:59,400 OK, I'll say that lightly because this can go into another 647 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,480 segment. But as I begin to close, I 648 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,800 usually ask three questions. OK, usually that may be. 649 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,560 Maybe something that you wanted to talk about that we haven't 650 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:11,760 been able to talk about today. Like I haven't gave you the 651 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,880 opportunity to talk about this specific thing. 652 00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:18,520 Two, maybe a word of advice or three, maybe something that God 653 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:21,440 has revealed to you more recently or taught you about 654 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,320 himself or the Bible where something like the light bulb 655 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:26,920 went off. How would you want to end this 656 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,000 today? That's a great question. 657 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:35,240 I would say Lord has told me a lot about when I was saying with 658 00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:39,440 Hannah and just not treating the word of God as a formula. 659 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,560 I think that holds us in a place where surrender comes a lot more 660 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,960 easy when we can see that there's actually a redemptive 661 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:52,480 plan taking place. But specifically for foster 662 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:56,440 care, I think the one thing that I, you know, foster care is hard 663 00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:03,120 it, it sounds like so heroic. But as I was thinking through 664 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,120 that a little bit more, I was reminded back to Nehemiah just 665 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,520 how he took time to pray and fast. 666 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,680 And I think that for me, the Lord has shown me recently how 667 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,240 quickly I can run ahead of his plans. 668 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,040 Like he breaks my heart over something And I immediately 669 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,760 think then that means I should go do this. 670 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,520 And I just run off and I do it. And that's awful. 671 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,320 Like it doesn't hardly ever work out the way that I hoped that it 672 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:30,600 would because that may not have been what God had planned for me 673 00:41:30,720 --> 00:41:33,320 and revealing that it may have been something completely 674 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:37,000 different. And so just that idea of walking 675 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:41,120 and step with the Spirit, you know, so just as he being 676 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,200 sensitive, as he breaks our hearts, I do think that he calls 677 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:50,960 us to care for the widow and the orphan, the marginalized, but 678 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,880 also being sensitive to what does that look like in my life? 679 00:41:55,480 --> 00:42:00,360 And being patient enough to to pray through it, to truly seek 680 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:04,320 to fast, to pray, to ask that the Lord prevent us from running 681 00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,840 ahead of him and that he allows us to just live in a rhythm with 682 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,400 him on a daily basis. Just walking step by step. 683 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,280 That's good. Yeah, 'cause like. 684 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:16,280 As a women, most of the time like we see a need, we do the 685 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,440 need, we get upset, we want to fix it. 686 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,680 We're we what? Why are we going to need to talk 687 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,000 to the Holy Spirit about it? Well, I'll just go do it real 688 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,480 quick. You know if it's a good thing 689 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,280 you. Want to just you're like it's 690 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,200 good. It must be God's plan and that's 691 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,960 not always the case. But like that is what I'm. 692 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:34,120 Trying that is literally the season that I'm in right now 693 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,400 because I was like, I had this idea more recently. 694 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,560 It was another like branch of praises basically. 695 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,560 And I'm like, but it's good. Like this is, yeah, this makes 696 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,360 sense. Why do I need to like continue 697 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,600 to talk to God about it? You know, like if I know it's 698 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,880 good, I can just go do it. Things must be God. 699 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:54,640 And that's not. The case that is not the case 700 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:58,120 like you, this is where you need to be still and yield to that 701 00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:02,000 Holy Spirit and let him lead and guide you because in that I 702 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:07,240 began to pray and I began to read and I literally read. 703 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,160 I'm so embarrassed because I told one of my friends about 704 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:14,520 that Kim Butler about this and she's like, you twisted that so 705 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:18,200 bad. Like it said, I know so 706 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:22,360 literally I'm reading where Jesus turned water to wine right 707 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,320 at the wedding and he looks to his mother because his mother's 708 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:31,040 like, do it, you know, do it. And he's like or woman, my time 709 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,760 is yet has not yet come. And I'm like, but he did it 710 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,320 anyway. So surely that was him telling 711 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,640 me it's not really your time to do it, but you can go ahead. 712 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:44,960 And she literally heard me say that and she was like, that says 713 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:50,040 that is not so in that I go to say that is just like I've 714 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,760 talked to you about this and I might have mentioned this before 715 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,080 in the podcast. Like I just feel like I have a 716 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,240 heart that I want to adopt. I don't know about the foster, 717 00:43:58,240 --> 00:43:59,960 but like it hasn't got there yet. 718 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,320 But at the same time, I'm yielding. 719 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:06,480 I'm trying to be still because I got like God placed that on my 720 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,000 heart probably almost a year ago at this point. 721 00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:11,040 And have I like moved towards it? 722 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:14,520 No, but the time hasn't come, like for me, and I've 723 00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,720 acknowledged that and I know that if it's God's will, he's 724 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,560 going to open every door that needs to be open regardless. 725 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,320 Like he's going to make it so well known. 726 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:26,080 Just like with your baby girl that left and had to come back. 727 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,960 Like it's going to happen. You don't have to force anything 728 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,400 that's from God. No. 729 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,200 So just be still healed. Absolutely. 730 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,840 And I, you know, anything that is from the Lord, like it's not 731 00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,000 always going to be easy. Most likely it is going to have 732 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,480 suffering. It's going to require endurance, 733 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,400 you know, So apart from his spirit, we're not going to do it 734 00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,080 well. So we don't want to grieve the 735 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,440 spirit. We want it to be in step with 736 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,920 the spirit we need. We're going to need him for 737 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,200 whatever it is he calls us into. That's good. 738 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,960 I've loved this I. Literally have cried almost the 739 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,440 whole entire time. Like this has just been so good 740 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:02,960 and you're just so just a ray of sunshine. 741 00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:04,880 But didn't you present the sunshine a lot? 742 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,440 I did, yeah. I'm like hang. 743 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:11,120 On you are the Sunshine Award. But yeah, it's just been so 744 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,920 good. And I just pray that somebody 745 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,960 has taken something from this. I know they have, but and just 746 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,360 encourage them in some capacity to be closer to Christ. 747 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,600 They run closer to Christ. So thank you so much for sharing 748 00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:23,840 your story. Appreciate it. 749 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,280 All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have 750 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,040 because this has just been so good. 751 00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,480 If you have any questions or concerns or comments or just 752 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,520 want to chat, like reach out, maybe like Carrie could even 753 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,480 talk to you about some stuff. I know that this is her heart, 754 00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,640 this is her ministry, this is her passion. 755 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,480 So she is here to help and just give a word, encouragement. 756 00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,720 So anyway, make sure you're like share, comment on just the video 757 00:45:47,720 --> 00:45:49,600 itself or whatever, all that good stuff. 758 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,360 It doesn't even matter, but it does help. 759 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,320 So stay tuned, stay blessed and we'll see you guys later. 760 00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:54,920 Bye.