1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,280 What's up guys? My name is Alexis, your host 2 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:04,960 with praises in the pod. And I'm so excited to be back 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,800 with the Carlsons. We have already heard their 4 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,280 testimony separate together, all of the above. 5 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,200 It was quite an adventure that first go around that y'all were 6 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,800 in here. But we're going to catch up to 7 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,280 what life looks like today and some of the hardships that 8 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,680 they've been going through and these valleys that they've been 9 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,520 going through. And so we're going to start off 10 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,000 in prayer and then we're going to jump right in. 11 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,560 So here we go. Lord Heavenly Father, just thank 12 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,800 you for today. Lord God, thank you for all of 13 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,920 your many blessings. Thank you for allowing us to 14 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:35,240 come back and share what you're still doing. 15 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,680 Lord God, we have seen miracles already been worked and we're 16 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,040 proclaiming that there's going to be another miracle. 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,840 Lord God, we just know that you are good and we just pray our 18 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,760 lives glorify you. Lord God, we pray that today 19 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:52,000 glorifies you and that we you that you speak to us and through 20 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,440 us. In Jesus name I pray Amen, Amen. 21 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,280 Amen. So last time y'all were on we 22 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:02,520 got down to nitty gritty OK? Like when you left us and you're 23 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,280 texting me and you're like, did I say something bad? 24 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,080 Like you were going through spiritual warfare? 25 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:11,520 Yeah, I just think it's hard to be like super vulnerable and 26 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,800 it's easier in like a one-on-one conversation, but you worry when 27 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,920 others are going to listen. Like, did I say anything that 28 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,120 would hurt anyone or was IA little too real? 29 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,720 Like? But I think it was good and we 30 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,360 did get a lot of people, like, texting us and messaging us that 31 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,120 it helped them. And so it made it all 32 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,680 worthwhile. Like you kind of got to not 33 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,960 worry about what people think and just be honest. 34 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,600 I think it's really important. So well, when I was thinking 35 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,120 about it, I was like, I haven't had many reoccurrence people 36 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,280 come back on, right? And so for you to be able to 37 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,920 come back and share like, hey, I did leave here a little worried, 38 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,840 but I just saw the greater good of it. 39 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,400 Like, maybe I didn't say everything perfectly, maybe I 40 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,760 didn't say everything great, but you saw that God used that 41 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,280 message for other people, so that was good. 42 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:56,920 How did you feel when you left Brandon? 43 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,960 I was good. You were good. 44 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,320 I guess Jess probably thought this time, well, Brandon's going 45 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,080 to do it, so I might as well go with him. 46 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,400 Well and to the nerves are already off this time, like 47 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,720 y'all already know what to expect. 48 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,800 You know it's all right, but I remember. 49 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,200 Just in a different place this time. 50 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,800 Yeah, I'm in a different place, Yeah. 51 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,480 Me, me. I mean, if you're friends with 52 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,960 me on Facebook, you know that it's, it's nothing for me to 53 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:22,120 share my feeling and, and share, you know, I'm, I'm open with, 54 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,080 I'm an open book. I want people to to be able to 55 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,480 hopefully learn from my situations or whatever and learn 56 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,840 what I'm going through and then you know, how to find enjoyment 57 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,320 or peace through hard times. So yeah. 58 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,440 I remember we were actually talking about it because we did 59 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,560 go like so long. I remember the cameras died. 60 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,080 We didn't even have, like, a video on a lot of it. 61 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,800 And for yours, we were talking about like, I think I might have 62 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,840 to take this part out. And you were like, no, this is 63 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,360 so important. And I had people reach out about 64 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,080 the police accident, about the dog, Oh yeah. 65 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,800 And stuff like that. And they were like, Oh my gosh, 66 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,600 like, that is so sad. And just like you knowing how 67 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,600 big of, like, that impacted you, like that impacted other people. 68 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,800 And I'm just so glad that I didn't take it out, you know, 69 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,720 'cause back then I was fighting for my life editing these. 70 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,320 Yeah, I was trying to figure it out. 71 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,920 I bet that's hard. But let's jump into what today 72 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,560 looks like what y'all have. I think it was probably what 73 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,080 like 8 months ago y'all came out. 74 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,600 It was a while, so try to catch us up a little bit. 75 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,600 What's been going on? What it what? 76 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,880 Well, yeah, the first thing that happened that I looked. 77 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,680 Start with Jade first because that that's kind of that's kind 78 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,960 of a continuation from last time. 79 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,680 OK, you're right, you're right. So do you want me to tell about 80 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,080 that? So I know last time we talked 81 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,720 about kind of just some things that were going on in Jade's 82 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,880 life and how her faith was so strong and she was inspiring us 83 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:42,880 and just some hardship she was going through with her 84 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:48,120 biological mom. So we have their sweet news. 85 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,600 I actually am adopting Jade on November 24th almost. 86 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:58,560 So that is just something that I am so honored and so grateful. 87 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:02,120 And she and I are so excited. And we've we've just really 88 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,520 found the joy in that, that it's also sad. 89 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:10,080 Yeah, You know, it's not the ending that we were hoping for, 90 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:15,040 but we still have faith that this is, you know, a new 91 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,720 chapter. But it's not. 92 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,040 We're not closing the book when Jay gets older and she can kind 93 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:24,680 of emotionally handle all the different possibilities that 94 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,280 would come along with that reunification. 95 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,240 I'll hold her hand every step of the way through it. 96 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,120 But we got to a place where it was important to take that step. 97 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:39,880 And really what started that was, well, it kind of, and I'll 98 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,160 jump into where you can kind of tell your stuff, but like, 99 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,600 right, it was kind of going through this after we left the 100 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,240 podcast. He was saying things like, Hey, 101 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,280 I was just looking into it and I think I can up my life insurance 102 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,520 and if I, you know, if we pay this much a month, I can up it 103 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,280 because he's always had like I have pretty good life insurance, 104 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:02,040 but he has not the best because of the cancer history. 105 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,880 And so he was like, if I can just make it to 10 years 106 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,400 remission, then I can up my life insurance and I'm like, what do? 107 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,400 You mean for a decent price? Like, yeah, for a decent price. 108 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,480 I'm like, what do you mean make it to 10 years remission? 109 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,840 Like I'm just like, Oh my gosh. And then he's saying things 110 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:17,600 like, you know, we really need to look into like, because at 111 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,480 that point, we had a full primary custody of Jade. 112 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,280 He did. Technically, I'm stepmom. 113 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,880 Yeah. And even though, you know, 114 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,080 Jade's always been in my life, she's always been one of my 115 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,600 babies. Like, he kind of started to say 116 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,560 things like, should we look into adoption? 117 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,760 Because I mean, just if something ever happened to me 118 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,760 and I'm kind of being like, like letting it go because he's 119 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,920 always like, I mean, he's an insurance, he's always 120 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,760 preparing. But I noticed it was more than 121 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,360 ever before, like just very like trying to get his ducks in a 122 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,240 row. I need to start college funds 123 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,160 for the kids. I need to do this. 124 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:54,040 I need to do that. And, and so that's what started 125 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,400 the process of like, OK, I'm going to try to adopt Jade. 126 00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:01,560 And I had contacted a lawyer about getting that process 127 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,840 started. And another thing that I was 128 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:10,520 going through in the sidelines was feeling this call to get rid 129 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,560 of my salon and Warner Robbins. I'm trying to think whenever I 130 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,440 talk to you. Girl I literally text you. 131 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,040 I'm like what? Oh, see this guy, whenever we 132 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,280 came on the podcast, I was in Warner Robbins and everything 133 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,800 was good. Yeah, I like, I started feeling 134 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,400 this call like this isn't it? This isn't where I'm supposed to 135 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,640 be. Nothing, you know, of course, 136 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,160 like the ebbs and flows of like owning a business and and 137 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,920 dealing with conflict and things like that were difficult, but I 138 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,280 feel like it's not something that I couldn't handle. 139 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,520 But for whatever reason, I was just like, I got to go. 140 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,480 I got to get out here and. You know, sometimes it's 141 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,240 unexplainable like we really don't know because if y'all have 142 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,920 never seen Justice Salon, it was beautiful. 143 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,720 Like you know, you could tell that you put your heart and soul 144 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,160 into that and that's always been a dream of yours to have your 145 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,640 own salon and have just women just come in and being 146 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,720 beautified and just pouring truth into their life. 147 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,920 And so when I did see you put it up, I was like wow, hang on. 148 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,080 But you know when God calls us to things, it doesn't make 149 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,840 sense, but you just felt that calling. 150 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:13,160 I recognized it at that as that at the time, but I definitely 151 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,680 felt a strong desire to like, walk away. 152 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,120 And for a little while, I kind of would joke around with Sydney 153 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,520 about it. Like, hell, what if we just, 154 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,000 like, walked away? And she would be like, no, 155 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,400 seriously. And then I'd be like, no, but 156 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,920 like, actually. And then so one day we started 157 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,480 chatting and she was like, yeah, like, you know, she lives in 158 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,640 downtown Macon. I'm like, what if we like found 159 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,200 somewhere smaller in downtown Macon? 160 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,720 Because I was starting to notice, like with me having the 161 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,440 five kids, like when we ran out of toilet paper, we ran out of 162 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,960 things. Like it was Sydney having to 163 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,320 fill in the gaps. And I'm like, man, she's all the 164 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,040 way in Macon. Or like, if I do it, I got to 165 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,200 bring my 5 kids into the store. It was a lot. 166 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:52,520 And so Sydney was like, you know what, I think you're right. 167 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:56,400 We found the perfect little spot in Macon and everything 168 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,000 transitioned so beautifully. Like we had some hiccups or 169 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,760 whatever, but nothing catastrophic. 170 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,520 We transitioned just beautifully into this place. 171 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,280 In Macon. It was so much less. 172 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,520 We were able to pay off all of our debt with the sale and just 173 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,080 walk into Macon with. Business chair, not personal 174 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,320 debt. Business, business 175 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,720 clarification, we were able to pay off the salon and all the 176 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,360 investment that we had made and just kind of walk away with like 177 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,560 that breath of fresh air. Go into Macon. 178 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:26,240 We've only got 4 chairs, a lot more manageable the day that we 179 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,640 opened. Now mind you, I've contacted the 180 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,039 lawyer about adopting Jade not just because of the things 181 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:34,440 Brandon was saying, but it was becoming more and more clear. 182 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:41,440 Like OK, while we still hold out hope for bio mom to come around 183 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:46,040 in life, at some point, as hard as it is, you almost have to 184 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,840 push down your empathy or sympathy for that person and 185 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:54,320 think about the fact that Jade needs stability and she needs 186 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,160 security. And we can still love and hope 187 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:03,200 and pray for Mom and realize that Jade needs somebody to step 188 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,440 in. I mean, those feelings can 189 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,280 coexist. We talk about that all the time 190 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,720 with Christian waft. Like waft Christian walks like 191 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,560 joy and grief can coexist. Like just praying for her mom 192 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:19,160 but still doing what's best for Jade can still coexist. 193 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,800 Like you can still be praying for her and wanting the best and 194 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,920 trying to do that. But also putting jade 1st and. 195 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,760 That's another thing I can see in retrospect, God working 196 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:31,040 because normally I'm going to be like, well, I know that, you 197 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,480 know, she hasn't called in months, but maybe this or I know 198 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,680 that she has never, you know, I know she hasn't like paid child 199 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,400 support, but maybe this maybe that I'm always looking for like 200 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,480 the good or like an excuse or justifying. 201 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,240 Yeah. But I was able to just recognize 202 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,680 like I can, I can feel this way for this person individually and 203 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,560 know that like Jade needs that security. 204 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,760 And so that was a good thing. The day I opened the salon, I 205 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:59,680 mean, we were seeing some of our most dear clients that we're 206 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,760 super close to. And like I said, Brandon has 207 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,160 been saying all of these kind of cryptic things. 208 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:12,120 And one day, couple days before we opened, he is like I have a 209 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:16,120 rash and he's like I think my cancer is back. 210 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:20,040 It was a couple weeks I had that rash, probably from way on more 211 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:20,920 than that. You're right. 212 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,080 You're right. Well, you got the rash and you 213 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,240 were like worried about it. But I think like he had made an 214 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,200 appointment with his primary care doctor because he was like, 215 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,760 I just feel tired. Like something's not right. 216 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,360 I feel really tired. I feel just not myself and like, 217 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,640 I don't know. And then when the rash came, he 218 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,040 was like, I think my cancer's back. 219 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,640 And I was like, why are you connecting this rash with your 220 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,280 cancer? Like I'm trying to be positive 221 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,680 and he's saying because I had this rash when I was a teenager. 222 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:50,240 Oh, all through, like when I was a kid, like from like 10-11 223 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,000 years old all the way up until the first time I had cancer, had 224 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,200 this rash, but. And. 225 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,400 Hang on, let's pause real quick. So like you're talking and 226 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,440 lining and trying to get these dot ducks lined up. 227 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,960 Like did you already like feel like bad then? 228 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,560 Or what's your POV at this point? 229 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,240 Like, why are you trying so eagerly to like up this stuff 230 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,840 and trying to adopt the adoption thing? 231 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,800 Like, where's your head at through all this? 232 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:21,800 Well, I just for the last, I mean probably last year, I have 233 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:26,760 really just my walk with God has gotten much deeper. 234 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,400 I've gotten closer to God and in several different ways. 235 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,320 And one of the main ways for me was just discipline, 236 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,960 disciplining myself. And then I started reading a 237 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:42,680 book by I cannot remember his name, but it's the warrior poet 238 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,640 society or the warrior poet, I think. 239 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,680 And it's basically talking about a biblical manhood and how a 240 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,760 biblical man are called to be both warrior and poet, meaning 241 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,840 like, you know, at times being emotional, being, you know, for 242 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,040 your, your wife and your kids, but then at other times being 243 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,000 the warrior, the protector, the provider, stuff like that. 244 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:07,280 And I think it's chapter 6 in there, he talks about the death 245 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,480 letter. And he said that in because he's 246 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:14,160 a former armed Ranger and he said that he encourages every 247 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,600 man to write a death letter. And because that's what they do 248 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,960 in the military. They write death letters, not 249 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,040 intending to give it to anybody, but write a death letter in 250 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,880 there and and write it to the people and to those that mean 251 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,320 the most to you. And he said, essentially, if it 252 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,600 doesn't go in that letter, then it's not a priority. 253 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,880 And so that just started. And then I started reading 254 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,040 Ecclesiastes. And Ecclesiastes, Solomon talks 255 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,560 all about like, you know, vanity is vanity. 256 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,680 You know, if you live for this world, you're not going to have 257 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,280 any purpose. You're not going to have the joy 258 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,800 that you do with with God. And so I just started thinking 259 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,880 about these things. And then, you know, I was 260 00:12:55,880 --> 00:13:00,760 thinking about death a lot and, and how I'm living my life, you 261 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,920 know, despite how short it is. And then, yeah. 262 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,440 And then I started, I started feeling tired, which was unusual 263 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,400 for me. And because I'm, I'm just go, 264 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,120 yeah, I'm go, go, go. And I'll tell people, you know, 265 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,480 like, man, I just feel tired. And they're like, well, bro, you 266 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:16,840 got five kids. Of course you do. 267 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,960 And I'm like, no, it's different and it's not the same. 268 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,840 And then so I was already kind of thinking about it, you know, 269 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,320 and then that rash came back. And I was like, OK, yeah, this, 270 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:28,480 this rash has something to do with this. 271 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,920 And it's definitely back. So once the rash came, he 272 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,320 cancelled his primary care appointment and he went ahead 273 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,760 and went straight to the cancer doctor. 274 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:41,440 And so they did blood work. They, it's so crazy. 275 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:45,320 Like, so it's like all the while, OK, you talk about the 276 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,760 story with him being a cop and how deeply meaning that was to 277 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,360 him. I think last time we think I was 278 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,960 working on trying to go. Back and always catch that. 279 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:58,040 So he goes to the doctor, they do some blood work. 280 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,760 He gets, he goes to his follow up appointment, they tell him, 281 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,400 yeah, blood work looks good, you're good. 282 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,960 So he's like, OK, So he comes home, he's like, I guess 283 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,480 everything's OK. I don't know, maybe I just need 284 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,480 to get like some blood work done. 285 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,120 Maybe I got like low vitamin BI don't know. 286 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,480 Something testosterone, something Yeah, that age and. 287 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,800 He's like, I don't know, maybe I just need to take some more 288 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,280 vitamins, whatever. So then he gets a call that 289 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,520 says, congratulations, your certifications have been 290 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,040 renewed. You can go back into law 291 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,240 enforcement. Wow. 292 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,080 And he was so overjoyed. Not 5 minutes later, he gets a 293 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:34,160 call from the doctor's office. Hey, I'm so sorry we overlooked 294 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,280 something in your blood work. We need you to come in for ACT 295 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,880 scan. Your inflammation levels are 296 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:44,040 elevated. And so it was just such a crazy 297 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,880 moment of like this high and then this. 298 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,880 Oh my gosh, like what is happening? 299 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:54,960 So he goes back. They do ACT scan the day we open 300 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,320 the salon, so the end of my work day I'm working on my last 301 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:02,960 client who's a dear friend and. Danielle Lee will shout her out. 302 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,280 She's the best. She leaves and he's like, hey, I 303 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,480 need to talk to you. And I'm like, OK. 304 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,800 And I was joking around. I'm like, oh, we're going to 305 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,280 tell secrets. Like, what is it like? 306 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,600 Not thinking anything of it, not knowing that Sydney, her mind 307 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,640 goes there immediately. So he takes me to the back and 308 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,200 he tells me they found something on my CT scan. 309 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,320 There's a mass in my groin and I'm just devastated. 310 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,720 That's. Where it was last time it was in 311 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,200 my groin. Yeah, well, it was in my groin 312 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,520 and then I'll up my in seven areas, but it originated in my 313 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,200 groin. Yeah. 314 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:43,800 And so I'm just devastated and I'm trying to keep it together 315 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,480 for him. And that was all we knew. 316 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,400 Like we didn't know. And he was like, but it sounds 317 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,320 like it's just in one spot. They'll probably just be able to 318 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,880 do some targeted radiation. Like this isn't going to be as 319 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,480 bad as last time. Like it's going to be OK. 320 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,840 And I called my mom. I'm hysterical like once I get 321 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,600 away from him and I'm just so overwhelmed. 322 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,440 But he had a level head the whole time. 323 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,720 He's like, it's going to be OK. We're going to be OK. 324 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,600 And we've already got the process going of adopting Jade, 325 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,880 and it became more important to me than ever. 326 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,200 My motivation was even stronger because I was like, you know, 327 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,200 with him having cancer last time it was stage 3, it was in seven 328 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,440 places in his body. Unfortunately, my mind went to 329 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,400 the worst place of like, this is back now. 330 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,440 And this is almost 10 years later. 331 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,720 His chances of it coming back after five years of remission 332 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:40,000 were like less than 10%. He made it to 9 years and it was 333 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,760 back. And if I made it 10 years and 334 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,000 it'd been like 99% chance. Almost like someone who's never 335 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,280 had cancer. So he was so close to like, the 336 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:52,800 finish line of like, cancer. And so we don't know anything. 337 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,280 I ended up knowing someone who worked at the doctor's office, 338 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,640 and she kind of explained the CT scan for me. 339 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,080 And it's like, yeah, there's a large mass in his groin. 10 340 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,280 centimeters. Right, that's the. 341 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,079 Thing that's, you know, a woman's dilation when they're 342 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:10,319 having a baby. Yeah, so it was a large mass. 343 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,200 And she's like, I also see some spots in his abdominal cavity. 344 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,160 So that's when I knew it's not just in one spot. 345 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:22,440 And so we're waiting to hear back from the doctors. 346 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:26,800 It's taking a while and. Well, before you get too deep, I 347 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:31,160 want to. Anyway, my mind is just thinking 348 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,320 like I don't know what's going to happen and I was just fearing 349 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,800 the worst. But I'll I was just going to 350 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:42,480 tell about deciding to leave work, but it's but yeah. 351 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,240 Before we get there. So I wanted to share something 352 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,560 with the law enforcement side of it. 353 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:52,160 So, well, that process I had to, I had to feel like like an 18 354 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,120 page application, fingerprints and everything. 355 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,720 And then I had to, had to have a hearing. 356 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,240 I think it was in April. Yeah, the hearing was in April 357 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,480 in Austell, GA. And basically you go up there in 358 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,200 front of the, the post council and you just, they, they 359 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:09,400 question you and you just share kind of, you know, what happened 360 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,680 in the situation that got you fired And it, it, it caused you 361 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,800 to lose your certifications and why you, why you think you 362 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,680 should have them back? And so we went up there and 363 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,600 there was two groups and they each had like I think 7 people 364 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,200 and there, so it was 14 people all together. 365 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,880 And we got up there and, you know, and I was just very 366 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,160 honest. I was very honest. 367 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,600 I look, this is what I was going through. 368 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,760 This is what I did. And you know, and then I was 369 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,080 honest about it from the beginning. 370 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,360 I told my Sergeant immediately and, and that's what led to my 371 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,960 firing and losing my certifications. 372 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,840 And I, and I said I was like, GBI even told me that they would 373 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,560 have never known about this if if you didn't say anything. 374 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,640 And so, so we, we get down that find out, you know, they, they 375 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,640 told us right then that you know, that, you know, we, we 376 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,920 recommend, we recommend recertification for him and. 377 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,920 Mind you, there's 14 people, only person. 378 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,640 Every single other person, they said no. 379 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,880 Yeah, I was the only person that they they recommended approval 380 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,880 from. But I'll also notice that I was 381 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,880 the only one that was honest about what I did. 382 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,680 And so that was a big lesson for me. 383 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,840 It was, you know, immediately told my kids is like, listen, I 384 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,240 don't care how much trouble you think it's going to get you in, 385 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:21,040 be honest, have integrity because that can that can make 386 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,760 the you know, situation so much better if you just. 387 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,160 If it doesn't go your way, just the feeling of honesty and 388 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,760 admitting your mistake. Just the peace that comes with 389 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,440 the honesty for sure. Yeah, and so, and then, then 390 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,920 what happened there is then they they send their recommendation 391 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,560 to the the Higher Post Council and, and they're the ones that 392 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,360 that's make the final determination. 393 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:44,520 But I was told like, and they pretty much always go with the, 394 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,760 you know, the the recommendation. 395 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:52,440 And so, yeah, it was the captain and Byron, his name is, I forget 396 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,960 his name, but right now I do because I'm nervous. 397 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:58,320 But anyway, he's the one that called me and was like on that 398 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,920 day and was like, yeah, you're, you're good to go because he's 399 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,240 on the post council and he said you've been, you've been good, 400 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,080 you're good to go. And I was. 401 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,840 I mean, maybe two to three weeks away from getting a job. 402 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,880 Centerville PD like I was that close to being back in the law 403 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,080 enforcement. And then that's, you know, when 404 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,080 I got the call that that it was, you know, not saying, Hey, it's 405 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:21,160 back, but I knew it was back, you know, and, and so 406 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,440 immediately I was like, well, I'm not I'm not doing law 407 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,440 enforcement. I'm done. 408 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,960 I think this is. God was like, hello, could I not 409 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,880 drag you by your toes out of here? 410 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,240 Yeah, so those days are those days are behind me, but. 411 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,480 Well, I start perfect. Like I'm like, OK, I'm looking 412 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,920 up everything OK, What's going to happen now that he's his 413 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,400 cancer is back and he's going to get chemo? 414 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,320 He's kind of like, OK, all right, I'm looking up. 415 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,280 No, he's going to have to go through salvage chemo. 416 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,520 This is going to be intense. This is going to be five times 417 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,160 stronger than the chemo he had the first time. 418 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,200 Chemo itself is meant to be tolerable for most people. 419 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,880 A relapse chemo is much stronger. 420 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,920 A lot of times you have to be admitted to the hospital. 421 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,520 And so I'm quietly like figuring this out. 422 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,040 So I'm already like talking with Sydney and being like, okay, I'm 423 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,280 going to have to just like I'll just take like two or three 424 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,040 clients in the morning at like 6:00 AM. 425 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,000 I'll get the people in that want to come in before work. 426 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,560 And then like if you can just finish up all the blow dries, 427 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,840 like I'll come in at 6:00 AM and then I'll leave. 428 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,920 And then I can maybe work like one Saturday a month. 429 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,520 But like, I'm trying to figure all this out. 430 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,240 I'm realizing how expensive all the medical bills are going to 431 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,360 be. We're going to have to be 432 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,080 admitted several times. We're going to have to stay in 433 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,600 hotels. So much was going on that I was 434 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,240 like, we just need to sell the house. 435 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,520 And that was God. I was like, we don't need it. 436 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,040 We don't need it was our dream house. 437 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,840 It was everything we wanted. But I just felt this immediate 438 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:49,120 detachment, this immediate like as I want him to be healthy and 439 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,800 I don't need anything else but for my kids to be OK and for him 440 00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,200 to be healthy and whatever we need to do because I'm thinking 441 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,560 I'm going to have to work less. And I was thinking he might not 442 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,480 be able to work at all. And I was like, the last thing I 443 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,080 want him to do when he's trying to get healthy is be like, if I 444 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,880 don't sell this policy, like we're going to be able to pay 445 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,200 our mortgage. So I'm already I text Daniel 446 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,680 Lee, the client that was in my chair. 447 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,800 I said, do you think we'll be able to sell our house? 448 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:16,000 I'm behind the scenes, like figuring that out with her. 449 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,960 And then I bring it to him. And he was at first a little 450 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,600 hesitant. Like this is this is everything 451 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,960 we worked for, Like this is everything we wanted. 452 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,640 And I said, just pray about it, you know, And then he, he ended 453 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,400 up holding me and saying, like, if that's what you think we need 454 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,960 to do, I'm with you. So we listed the house. 455 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,280 We don't even know how bad the cancer was yet, but I just knew 456 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,240 I'm ready. I'm ready to like be in this 457 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,400 with him and get through this. So I start looking at apartments 458 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,520 in downtown Macon because I'm like, for me to be able to work, 459 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,320 I'm going to have to be right by the salon, like walking 460 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,360 distance. We have one vehicle. 461 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,240 We've got five kids. I'm like, I'm going to need to 462 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,880 leave early in the morning so that it'll be when the kids are 463 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,920 still asleep because he may be too sick to take care of them. 464 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,120 And Sydney's telling me like, well, if you live really close 465 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,920 to my apartment, like I'll walk over there in the morning. 466 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,400 I'll help you with the kids, like, and then we can go to work 467 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,520 and then we can be back in time for them to wake up. 468 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,440 I'm figuring all this out. So we find a spot in Macon. 469 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,840 We I went ahead and paid the deposit everything and then for 470 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,240 the apartment, for the apartment. 471 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,720 Oh my gosh. That was again, I was out on 472 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,880 that. He was like, he was like, 473 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,720 whatever, because he was being more like, oh, it's going to be 474 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:23,920 OK. They're just going to be able to 475 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760 do radiation and I'll be all right. 476 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,440 And I'm like, OK, and I wasn't trying to think the worst. 477 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,960 I was just trying to prepare because I was like, this is 478 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,760 going to this is going to make our lives like a lot different. 479 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:39,200 Well, he he ends up being like, you know what, babe, like if 480 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,320 that's what you want to do, like that's fine with me. 481 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,920 So he's like, let's take the kids to the park that's right 482 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:48,240 there by the apartment and we'll go and we'll play, we'll play 483 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,120 with them and see what it's like around the area because we 484 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,760 don't. The only thing in making is the 485 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,280 salon. And I was like, I was torn 486 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,240 because I'm like, it's going to be difficult to live in Macon 487 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,680 and have to drive the kids to their homeschool Co-op, you 488 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,080 know, in Warner Robins and my parents are in Warner Robins. 489 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,960 But in order for me to be able to work, I need to be right 490 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,240 there because I'm going to have to work these odd hours. 491 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:09,640 So we go play at the park close to the apartment. 492 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:14,040 The kids are having fun. We go to go for a walk and the 493 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,400 kids are wanting to go for a walk and then be ends up being 494 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,360 like, I'm just really tired. Like I, I think we need to go. 495 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,640 And again, I know him. This man comes home from working 496 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,120 all day and it's like, I'm going to feed the chickens and cut the 497 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,160 grass and clean the house and do the dishes. 498 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,280 You sit down. Don't worry about it. 499 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,360 I'm going to put all the kids in that. 500 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,000 Like he doesn't run out of energy. 501 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,800 So for him to be like, I'm too tired to go for a walk. 502 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,040 I'm just like, OK, this is, this is serious. 503 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,080 We drive past the apartment and I suddenly felt this. 504 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,600 My heart starts racing and it was God. 505 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,600 It was God telling me this isn't right. 506 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,520 Yeah, this isn't. What you There wasn't a peace 507 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,320 about it at. All and I was I couldn't catch 508 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,680 my breath. I was like, and I'm just over 509 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:54,760 here dealing with this by myself. 510 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,720 So then I close my eyes and I start praying God, if this is 511 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,280 not what you want, I need you to help me Like I don't know what 512 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,720 you want me to do and I'm I just want to be obedient to whatever 513 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,040 you need me to do in this situation because I want to be 514 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,440 the best wife I can be. I don't know what to do. 515 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,080 I didn't like hear an audible voice or he didn't speak to me. 516 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,600 But all of a sudden I said out loud, we don't need to live in 517 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,280 Macon. I need to stop working. 518 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,280 And B was like, yeah, really? And I was like, yeah, I need to 519 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,000 stay home. Which I'm I've always already on 520 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,360 that. We talked about that last time. 521 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,800 I don't know if it was in the recording, but we had talked 522 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,360 about like that was kind of what you wanted to do at some point 523 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:34,240 of just being home more with the kids and stuff like that. 524 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,280 Not that you want to step away, but you did want to be with the. 525 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:38,480 Kids. I wanted to be with the kids as 526 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,240 much as possible, but I was hanging on for a dear life, too. 527 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,840 Yeah, my identity as a hair stylist to some people might 528 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,720 sound silly. Yeah, because it's just. 529 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,800 I'm not saying yeah, like it's silly, but I know. 530 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,400 It was like my identity and it was my constant. 531 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,960 And you know, when I was in high school and going through the 532 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,240 hardest times of my life, like that's what I clung to. 533 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,800 That was who I was. I could do makeup and hair. 534 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,040 And that was that was my connection to a lot of people. 535 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,360 And I didn't want to do hair and makeup for the hair and makeup. 536 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,880 I wanted to be there for people and I wanted to, you know, just 537 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,920 be somebody people to lean on. And so I clung to that as part 538 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,440 of my identity. And I didn't realize. 539 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,080 I think now I made it idle in my life because it was so much of 540 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,120 who I was. And just in that moment, I just 541 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:23,480 knew like, and what's so crazy is that that never really was 542 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,000 something I would be willing to accept. 543 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,600 Like I I kept trying to step away a little bit, like maybe if 544 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,320 I just only work a few days a week or but I never thought I 545 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,480 would just walk away. But when I said out loud, I need 546 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:39,800 to stop working, when I tell you, it was like, oh, and like, 547 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,120 my heart stopped racing. And I, I felt peace. 548 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,560 And Brandon's glad that I'm doing that. 549 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:46,800 But he's also like, thinking everything's going to be fine. 550 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:51,560 So then we end up, it's taking a really long time to get calls 551 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:53,000 back from the doctors and everything. 552 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,280 And his mom tells us about City of Hope in Newnan. 553 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,320 So we go there and they do the PET scan and that's when we find 554 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,160 out that it is a 10 centimeter mass and his groin. 555 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,160 And it's all up his belly, all up his gut. 556 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,800 It's not into the diaphragm yet, but it's touching his pancreas, 557 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,440 it's touching his kidneys. So it's pretty serious. 558 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:17,200 And that's when we found out that he was going to have to do 559 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,360 chemo where it. Was stage 2, stage 2 Hodgkin's 560 00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:26,040 lymphoma? Stage 2 and so he was going to 561 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:31,280 have to do chemo where he would be admitted to the hospital and 562 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,520 do three days straight of chemo. You know, typically when you're 563 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,600 doing chemo, you go, you know, somewhere local, you sit there 564 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,520 for like 5 hours or however long and you get the chemo and then 565 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,480 you come back like 2 weeks later with this chemo. 566 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,640 He was going to have to go and get chemo for three days 567 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,120 straight. So we were going to have to be 568 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,480 admitted to the hospital. A lot of times he would have 569 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,840 appointments the day before, the day after, so we were going to 570 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:56,000 have to spend a lot of time up there and then we found out that 571 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,400 he would have to get a bone marrow transplant. 572 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,800 And so that's that means that when chemo's done, they said 573 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,800 that he would do 2 to 6 rounds so. 574 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,920 We're at 2 right now. We we have a PET scan on 575 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,880 Wednesday. We're praying for good results, 576 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:15,600 but depending on how the cancer responds to the chemo, then he 577 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,120 would go in for a a bunch of testing, bone marrow biopsy, all 578 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,720 of that. In December, he'll have they'll 579 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,000 collect his stem cells. He'll have to get another week 580 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,360 straight of chemo that's five times stronger than the chemo 581 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,920 he's been getting. And then basically for the month 582 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,160 of January, he'll be admitted to the hospital the whole time, 583 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,080 getting the bone marrow transplant, really, really low 584 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,360 immunity, really low white blood cells. 585 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,800 He's going to be very sick and. In that process, so it's there's 586 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,000 two types of bone marrow transplants and that's the one 587 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,720 that we're doing is called autogenous. 588 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,560 I can't remember the name of the other one, but. 589 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,720 I thought it was aloe. Think Aloe is the other one. 590 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,840 Oh, OK, because I've looked. At this one. 591 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:58,160 But so this one is, is a bone marrow transplant option where 592 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:01,320 you don't need a donor. So they, they collect your blood 593 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,280 and they separate your stem cells out of your blood and 594 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,080 they, and they store your stem cells and then they put your 595 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:11,040 blood back into your body. And then for a week I have to do 596 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,120 chemo. It's like 5 times stronger chemo 597 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,200 than what I've already been doing. 598 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,880 It basically just to like wipe your body clean of any of any 599 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:21,960 cancer cells. And then while they're doing 600 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,440 that, they're also cleaning the stem cells that, that they've 601 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,040 collected. And then afterward they, they 602 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,000 reintroduce the stem cells into my body. 603 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,360 And so for then I'll have to be in hospital for three weeks 604 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:32,920 while they're, while they're doing that. 605 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,560 And then that's when they hit, he's like, you know, you're 606 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,000 pretty much have like a newborn baby immune system. 607 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,000 You have to get all your shots again and everything, which some 608 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,840 of my shots, not, not all of them, but but, and so that, 609 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,480 that's the one that I'm doing. And that's, that's the typical 610 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,560 one for the second, like it comes back, you know, the second 611 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,520 time. And then he said it's about a 612 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,640 again, about a 90% chance it doesn't come back. 613 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,840 Now if it does, then that's when they look at doing the, the, the 614 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,480 donor one. But we're going to we're going 615 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,360 to keep praying hard that that God will you know, God will give 616 00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,040 me a break with the with the cancer, but. 617 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,760 Well, during this, like I know for you, you already said you're 618 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,080 breaking down on the inside. You're just distraught. 619 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,120 Like Brandon, how do you feel in this? 620 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:25,640 Like I mean, you've been so positive on social media, like 621 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,560 if people follow you and know you like you have been so 622 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,600 positive, but like how are your true raw emotions with God 623 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,320 during this? Yeah. 624 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,040 I mean, most of it is positivity. 625 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:40,480 I mean, that's intentional. I mean, I can briefly kind of 626 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:43,360 walk you through because it's, it's been kind of a layered 627 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:48,040 process and different emotions Immediately, you know, I was 628 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:53,960 just praying that, you know, God's that, that, that, that God 629 00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,560 will. Well, I'm trying to figure out 630 00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:02,800 just just praying that God's will be done, whether it's, you 631 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:07,760 know, healing me or, or if it's me dying, You know, I just 632 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,480 wanted, I've been, I was just praying like God and I want your 633 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,960 will to be done, whatever it is. And then, you know, I wasn't, 634 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,960 but I wasn't extremely upset. And then that was on a Thursday 635 00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:23,120 and then Saturday, that's when I kind of had AI kind of had a 636 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,280 breakdown a little bit and I, I texted my family and because we 637 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,320 had like a group chat and I was like, Hey, I just, I want to 638 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,040 hang out with y'all. And so we went and hung out with 639 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,600 everybody and, and then, you know, I'm feeling better and 640 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,800 stuff. And but it just, it, it just 641 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,680 went into in different stages. You know, I was praying that for 642 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,200 a while. Just so you know, God just let 643 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,360 your will be done. And I was trying to really, you 644 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,120 know, I was reading, well, I don't know exactly where in the 645 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,200 Bible I was reading, but I was trying to have this kind of like 646 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,360 Pauline aspect to, to my, to how I feel about it. 647 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,400 When what I mean by that is just seeing how Paul writes it, you 648 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:05,080 know, and in several places about boasting in our weaknesses 649 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:10,640 that I think it's in Romans, the other one, you know, where it's 650 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:17,280 talks about where Paul says, you know, normally if I'm not on 651 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,600 podcast, I can spit this stuff. Out I know you can. 652 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,960 But we're, we're just talking about, you know, to live as 653 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:24,760 Christ, but to die as game. Philippians. 654 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:26,560 Is that Yeah, yeah. Philippians. 655 00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:31,520 OK, Jess, come on, Queen. Yeah. 656 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,920 So is so I just replaying these things in my mind, you know, and 657 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:40,960 then just trying to find peace, you know, in regardless of 658 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,880 what's how, what happens to me. And then I was talking to 659 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:47,760 somebody and they were like, no, just like, man, you just need to 660 00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:49,560 pray for a miracle. And so I was like, you know 661 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,480 what, God, I want to pray for a miracle here. 662 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,080 You know, it's God, heal me, heal me, you know, and, and I 663 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:59,160 just kept praying that, But then I, I don't know if you've heard 664 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:04,240 of Josh Howerton. He's got a church in Texas, but 665 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:08,880 I was listening to him one day and, and he's awesome and I love 666 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,080 listening to him. And then he was talking about 667 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,720 how, you know how they pray in church. 668 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,040 So among the elders of the church for people that are that 669 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,600 come to them and, and ask them for a prayer for healing and 670 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,600 stuff, he said they pray in three ways. 671 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,200 They say that God's going to either heal immediately through 672 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:27,000 a miracle eventually, physically or eternally. 673 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,320 And so that's what they pray. They say to God, you know, you 674 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:31,720 know, heal in one of those three ways. 675 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,680 And so then I kind of shifted and started praying more in that 676 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:39,720 way that that, you know, God heal me. 677 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,320 But regardless of how that healing looks like, you know, 678 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,400 through a miracle, that'd be awesome, you know, and in for a 679 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,160 while there when I was praying for a miracle, I thought that 680 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,520 would be awesome. I'm like, man, God, you know, 681 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,480 take what I'm going through and it would just be such a huge 682 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,480 testimony, an amazing testimony to tell people that, you know, 683 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,680 that, that you held me through a miracle, that it was just gone, 684 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,400 you know, but then when it didn't happen, you know, I was 685 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,200 just like, OK, all right, and just try and just reprocess and 686 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,639 I'm praying. And then I started kind of 687 00:34:08,639 --> 00:34:12,639 shifting more towards not praying for a miracle, but just 688 00:34:12,639 --> 00:34:16,520 praying for God's will be done regardless of what that is and 689 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:21,159 me being at peace with that. And then if you know, for a 690 00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:24,000 while now, up until now, I just pray that. 691 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,239 And I was telling Jeff she like, I just want God to use this to 692 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:31,719 glorify him, whether that's in my life or in my death, I want 693 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,920 it to glorify him and I want his will to be done. 694 00:34:35,159 --> 00:34:39,360 And, you know, through it all. And, and so I just, I made a 695 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,719 decision. It was like, I'm not going to 696 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,600 let this tear me down. I'm not going to let this stop 697 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,600 me from, from living as best I can. 698 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,040 I'm not going to let it, you know, slow me down as best I 699 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,360 can. But what I am going to do is I'm 700 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,400 going to change how I'm living and I'm going to use this 701 00:34:54,400 --> 00:35:00,480 opportunity to show other people that we can still find peace and 702 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:04,520 enjoyment or, or not necessarily enjoy, but peace and joy and 703 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,320 happiness in Christ despite our circumstances. 704 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,680 And, and so that's why I'm, I'm so outspoken about it on 705 00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,440 Facebook or social media because I want, I want people to see 706 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,600 Christ in me through, through hard in, in the, in the easy. 707 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,920 And, and honestly, which I may have said this the first time, 708 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,480 you know, for a while I have found myself longing for hard 709 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:30,400 times because, you know, and then again, Paul talks about 710 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:34,240 that, where it's it's like Paul talks about again, I can't 711 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:39,160 recite for now where it's at, but he says if it was up to him, 712 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,400 he essentially he would rather die, you know, you know, it, 713 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:46,360 life is so hard and, and doing what he's doing and preaching 714 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,600 the word and it's just so hard. He would rather die, but it's 715 00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,920 better for those people that he's preaching to and it's 716 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,840 better for the Kingdom that he lives, you know, and that's just 717 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,520 kind of like sometimes it is. I feel the same way. 718 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,680 And I just thought that longing for Christ that long to be with 719 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,680 him forever and not have to worry it not, I'm not being 720 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,840 suicidal here. You know, it's, it's a, it's a 721 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,160 different feeling, honestly. And as Christians, we are called 722 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,440 too long for Christ. That's that's not a bad thing. 723 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:18,320 And so that's kind of how I was saying it. 724 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:22,080 And so sometimes, like when, when things are going good, it's 725 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,960 like that's when I'm not the closest to God and I kind of 726 00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:28,280 pull away and do my own thing, you know, but when the times 727 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:33,280 are, are hard, that's really when I'm, I'm like on fire for, 728 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,320 for God. And, and I don't like that. 729 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,320 I want to be on fire for God regardless of the situations. 730 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,120 And so I've, I've, you know, I've told Jess and I've told 731 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,920 other people. It's like sometimes I just, I 732 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,240 long for those hard times. I, I long for the, the trials 733 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:51,240 because I just, I miss, I miss being, you know, miss God's 734 00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:54,200 presence and I don't feel it the same because I'm, and that's 735 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:57,000 because of me, my own disobedience, my own rebellion, 736 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,200 thinking I don't need him subconsciously. 737 00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,360 I'm not like actively thinking I don't need you God, but it's 738 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,240 like a subconscious things are great. 739 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,200 You know I don't. You know, I don't pray as much 740 00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:10,000 and I'll read my Bible as much. But when, when times are tough, 741 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:12,920 it all changes. I always talk about the 742 00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,120 scripture, you know, he's close to the broken hearted and those 743 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,640 that are Christian spirit and like truly, that's exactly what 744 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:22,720 that verse is talking about is being like in a desperate place 745 00:37:22,720 --> 00:37:26,440 where you're crying out to God just to be in his presence and 746 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,920 like for you to say like no matter what it looks like, even 747 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:34,320 if it's not that miracle, like I just long for healing and 748 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:40,200 longing to be with him like. And I want and I want, I want 749 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,240 people to be saved. So I mean, whether that's, you 750 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:47,360 know, people saved through me and, and through my life and 751 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,560 through him healing me through a miracle, or if that's people 752 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:54,640 being saved through again, my death, regardless of how it 753 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,960 comes, I want it to happen. You know it from the very 754 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:58,280 beginning. I told you this immediately. 755 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:02,320 I look for me, it, it I'm good if I die because then I'm with 756 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,040 my savior. I was like, oh, where I'm good 757 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,200 if I live because I'm with you and my family. 758 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:10,520 I'm good either way. And that is that is the main 759 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,000 thing that God has done in my heart through this is he is, he 760 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,040 has developed that in me. He has given that to me. 761 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:21,880 And so now my aspect or my, my viewpoint of life is I don't 762 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,960 care if I die, you know, because I, I, that's where I want to go. 763 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,040 I want to go, I want to go to heaven. 764 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,720 I want to be with him. And so when you have that 765 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:31,680 mindset, you don't care about anything else in this world. 766 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,880 All I want to do is preach the gospel and I want to tell people 767 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,280 about Jesus and regardless of how it you know, regardless of 768 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,440 what comes about it. I mean, you look at all the in 769 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:44,840 anyway. And I think about all the people 770 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:49,840 throughout history that have fault and have preached the word 771 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,440 and have fought for us today to have the Bible, to be able to 772 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,080 have it on our on our coffee tables and have it in English. 773 00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:01,560 I mean, people have been killed and martyred and, you know, and, 774 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,640 and we go to Grove and Gabe, our pastor one day. 775 00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,360 What's up was telling, you know, was preaching about Peter and 776 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:13,000 his when he denied Jesus three times, you know, and then once 777 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,320 once he, you know, after Pentecost and stuff. 778 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,600 And then he realized or before Pentecost, when he, when he met 779 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,480 Jesus on the beach and Jesus essentially, he said, you know, 780 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:25,200 Peter, will you, will you feed my sheep? 781 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,560 Peter, will you watch, you know, and stuff like that. 782 00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:30,120 He was restoring Peter there from the three times that he he 783 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,720 denied Jesus, he was restoring Peter. 784 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,600 And that's when Peter's life really took off. 785 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:38,920 It was completely different. And Peter was so on fire for 786 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,360 preaching the word because he was full of the Holy Spirit. 787 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,440 And Gabe was telling us about how he died, you know, and how 788 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,880 they, they went to crucify him as like, I don't, I'm not even 789 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,320 worthy of being crucified like my sacred. 790 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:55,040 And so they crucified him upside down and and before they 791 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,640 actually crucified him, it's written by some extra biblical 792 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:05,840 extra biblical authors that they made him watch the people made 793 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:09,520 them watch him crucify his made him watch them crucify his wife 794 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:14,360 1st and he shouted out to his wife while this is going on, 795 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,640 remember, remember our Savior, remember Jesus. 796 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:22,040 And so that really like that tore me apart like I was in two 797 00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,480 years after that and. And just that and then all the 798 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,560 other apostles being martyred and then people being burned at 799 00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,800 the stake because, you know, trying to get us to, you know, 800 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,040 the Bible available for everybody. 801 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,360 I just, I felt a lot of conviction. 802 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:40,240 It's like, I mean, we have so much freedom to read this Bible. 803 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:43,600 We have so much freedom to pray and we take it for granted. 804 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:47,000 And I'm like, I'm not doing that. 805 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,720 I'm not put I'm not taking all that that all these people have 806 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:53,280 done in vain. And so, you know, and I've me 807 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,600 and Jess have talked about a lot like I just want to, I just want 808 00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:01,560 to serve God. I just want to, I just tell 809 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,320 people about him and be on fire for him and yell it from the 810 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:08,000 rooftops because I want people to know what God is doing in my 811 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,080 or what he has done in my life. And I want people to feel the 812 00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:14,000 same thing in their life because it's it's real and it's true. 813 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:18,840 And then I can't tell you which will share your stuff story here 814 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,360 in a minute that it was just a very it was the first time in my 815 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:26,600 life that God has, in my opinion, audibly talked and 816 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:31,360 reminded me that he's with me. But so that that's where I'm at. 817 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,040 And you know, and I told I told Jess because I used to I very 818 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,200 similar with law enforcement. I made that my idol. 819 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:40,360 That was my identity, which they warn you about that when you go 820 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:41,800 in like, look, this is not a job. 821 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,880 This is a lifestyle like you, you will bleed blue for the rest 822 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,880 of your life. And that was true for me. 823 00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:49,760 And I was going to do everything I could to get back to that. 824 00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:51,440 But that's not what God wanted for me. 825 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000 And I used to tell people, like, if I could choose how I would 826 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:59,160 die, it would be in the line of duty helping somebody that that 827 00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,000 would be how I would die. But now I was telling Jesse that 828 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,560 day, like, if I could choose how I would die, I would choose, you 829 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,840 know, as a martyr. Like I doing what I know Christ 830 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,920 wants me to do, spreading the word. 831 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:13,520 And this is a little dark, I get it. 832 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,840 But this is my heart. This is where I'm at. 833 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,560 And I don't care how I have to, how it has to happen. 834 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,720 I just want to tell people regardless of what it brings to 835 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:24,200 me. Yeah, but when we were on the 836 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,960 way home from church yesterday, he was kind of sharing his heart 837 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:32,080 with me about this, and he just was moved to tears, saying like, 838 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,920 I'm just so grateful for everything God said in my life, 839 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,480 and I just know I'm not deserving. 840 00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:40,480 And he's just crying tears of joy and I'm looking at him and 841 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,640 I'm like, you don't care. I'm like, as your life, seeing 842 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,560 what you're going through and seeing you move to tears for 843 00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:51,960 everything that God's doing in your life like that is inspiring 844 00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,640 to me. And you have to think like, we 845 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:58,040 spent a lot of time not knowing how progressed the cancer was. 846 00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,560 And so a lot of your mind goes there. 847 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:06,840 Your mind really does go there. And I mean, I of course I'm 848 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:10,600 praying for the miracle and the whole time because this is my 849 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,680 person and this is not just my person. 850 00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,160 Even if this wasn't my husband, this is the best person I've 851 00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,040 ever met. This is the person that led me 852 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:23,360 to Christ. And this person I've been just 853 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:28,240 has, I've watched him go through so much and just be so positive. 854 00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:34,560 And I'm a different person because of him and I, I thank 855 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:37,960 him for being a willing vessel to, to help bring me to Christ. 856 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:43,320 And I just, I'm thankful for the darkness and the hard times too, 857 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:47,600 because I know for me, before I came to Christ, it was 858 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,560 definitely one of those people like God is real. 859 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:54,640 Why does he allow, you know, cancer and sickness and you 860 00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:57,560 know, all these things that you look on to people, even maybe if 861 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,520 you are a Christian and you just have what I say is like a 862 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:04,600 fragile faith, like how could God allow this to happen? 863 00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:06,120 Which we've grown in that area too. 864 00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,640 I have not felt that way. I that's one thing that shocked 865 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:14,920 me is like from the moment we found out, like I've definitely 866 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:20,680 had some hard times, don't get me wrong, but I have not been 867 00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,760 angry at God. That's what I was going to say. 868 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,920 We we, you know, I know you're like beautiful, like if you've 869 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,640 been angry at God. We haven't been. 870 00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,680 Yeah, we have not been. Now it's we, we have kind of 871 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,680 thought about this because we've, we've actually been going 872 00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:38,760 through Jonah at church, but we've just been going through 873 00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,440 the idea, you know, this and it's debated like, does God 874 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:47,240 allow things to happen to us or does God put storms in our life? 875 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:51,360 You know, and, and people think differently, you know, because 876 00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,640 you look at the life of Job, you know, God allowed those things 877 00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,280 that happened to him. But then you look in, you know, 878 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:02,320 look at Jonah, he, he straight up sent a storm into Jonah's 879 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:07,600 life because of his rebellion. And so kind of how I've grown in 880 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,960 that question, which again, it's hard, if you're not a Christian, 881 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:15,320 understand it, but how I've grown that is, it's, it's all of 882 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,480 them. You know, sometimes he allows 883 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:19,160 things that happen to us for, for his certain purpose. 884 00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,200 Sometimes he he sends storms in our lives to, to discipline us 885 00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:26,040 and correct us. And so I don't know what this 886 00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,560 is. I don't, I don't know if I think 887 00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,600 there's probably an aspect where God put this gave this to me 888 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,680 because I needed to slow down. I needed to reorient the 889 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,320 priorities in my life because I had some priorities where I was 890 00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,560 putting some things as priorities in my life that 891 00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,120 shouldn't have been. And and so it would not surprise 892 00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,000 me, but that's OK. I'm not, I'm not mad at God for 893 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,760 that. You know, God has got, he can do 894 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,640 what he wants. I mean, I, I'm not deserving of 895 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,560 any blessing. So, you know, it that, that, you 896 00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:59,800 know, if he needs to correct me, just like I would my kids, you 897 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,440 know, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm going to discipline my kids to 898 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,600 correct them if they're, if they're doing wrong. 899 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,160 Yeah, that's love. And so that, that's just an area 900 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:12,960 that we've, that I've grown in. But before you jump on, I would 901 00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:18,960 just say the, the to, to sum up my feelings is, is, is, is that 902 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,000 is that I'm, I'm good with whatever happens. 903 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,240 I just want God to be glorified through it. 904 00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:27,240 And I want his will to be done. And I have been really praying, 905 00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,800 reminding myself, God, your purpose is perfect and it is 906 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:35,040 good. And so from that your will is 907 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,280 perfect and good. I was going to say, I think 908 00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:41,360 whenever we first found out and yes, I was like devastated 909 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,880 because I'm picking up like him suffering and I'm picking up 910 00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:47,360 just all these all the like logistics of like, how are we 911 00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,720 going to make this work? And then, but even like, even 912 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:53,600 immediately, I'm like, look at God. 913 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,120 Like if I would have still owned the salon in Warner Robins with 914 00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:02,320 12 chairs and had all of that on my shoulders and Sid would have 915 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,040 had to drive back and forth from Macon every time there was no 916 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:07,440 toilet paper, You know what I mean? 917 00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,960 Like that would have been a lot heavier burden to carry. 918 00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,400 Me selling my agency. Him selling his agency before 919 00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,360 when we had Carlson Insurance Agency, he was a one man show. 920 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:22,480 He wouldn't have been able to step away the way that he has 921 00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,440 been able to. There was just so many ways that 922 00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:29,360 it's like God orchestrated our lives to this moment. 923 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:34,240 And my immediate reaction was like, OK, I'm not feeling angry 924 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,520 at God. Like I'm sad that this is 925 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:39,520 happening, but it feels I still felt that peace. 926 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:44,200 And I think I, at least at first, felt like, OK, God is not 927 00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:47,080 giving Brandon cancer. Like we live in a fallen world 928 00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:52,120 and we are living, we're in the world, may not be other world, 929 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,080 but we're in it. And we're having a worldly 930 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,240 experience. But just like Shadrach, Meshach 931 00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:59,760 and Abednego, there's another person with us. 932 00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:06,200 And so we're not abandoned and I'm we have not lost sight of 933 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:09,960 God. And so it's like that was really 934 00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:11,520 apparent. And then not only that, but 935 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,640 like, he sends people to help us. 936 00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:19,080 And so, I mean, my parents, they were like, move in with us. 937 00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:20,840 Like we were looking at places to rent. 938 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:22,280 Like it never even crossed my mind. 939 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,600 But my parents are like, move in with us. 940 00:48:24,720 --> 00:48:26,520 Like, we'll help you with the kids, We'll help you. 941 00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:31,520 And I am so glad we made that decision because when he went to 942 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,640 chemo the very first time, he still had this mentality of 943 00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,160 like, I got this, like, I've done this before, I got this. 944 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:39,760 And he does got this, but he's human. 945 00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,120 And so after chemo, he was very sick. 946 00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,000 And you, I don't think he was expecting to feel the way he 947 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:47,960 felt. And so we went back to my 948 00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:52,160 parents house to get the kids and we ended up just never going 949 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,480 home. Like we just moved all our stuff 950 00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,440 in and we, we've been living with my parents even though the 951 00:48:56,440 --> 00:49:00,600 house hasn't sold yet. And it's been just so amazing. 952 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,720 And seeing how God is working through my parents, who My 953 00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:07,960 parents are Christians, Yeah, but dad still able to use the 954 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,960 people in our lives to help us and like. 955 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,680 And boy has he, man. I mean, we have been over people 956 00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:17,120 from across the country that we don't even know giving us $500, 957 00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,720 you know, texting us again, don't even know. 958 00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:20,920 I'm praying, praying for you, Brand. 959 00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:22,880 If you need any encouragement, I'll check in on you. 960 00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,200 And just the thoughtfulness people. 961 00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,680 My my friend Kenzie at the salon, she did a meal train for 962 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,280 us. The people that did the meal 963 00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,000 train, I don't know them. Those are her people. 964 00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:37,040 Amazing. Danielle Lee, again, she's the 965 00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:39,720 one selling her house. She came and helped me pack. 966 00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:45,480 She has given us so much help. She took our cats. 967 00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:47,560 It was taking care of them, I mean. 968 00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:50,760 Costly asking, is there anything you need or I mean just? 969 00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,240 And it's taught me like, it's, it's God showing me how I can 970 00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:57,440 show it for people because I'm somebody that like, I'm like, 971 00:49:57,520 --> 00:49:59,760 oh, maybe they don't need that or I'm not sure what they need. 972 00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:01,520 Like, I don't really know how to help. 973 00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:04,440 These people are like, I'm going to help you whether you like it 974 00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:06,800 or not. And so that, you know, that has 975 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:09,600 shown me like we are not abandoned our children. 976 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:16,680 I mean, the way that Jade just naturally moved towards, I knew 977 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,320 that she would be OK with me adopting her because when 978 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:24,400 everything first happened, it was it was a sad thing, but it 979 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:27,920 was amazing to see her trust in US and knowing that we would 980 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,000 never lead her astray and we would do the right thing for 981 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,480 her. So I knew she would understand 982 00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,640 that if we felt like that's what needed to happen, that she would 983 00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,760 be OK with it. But what I didn't expect was her 984 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:41,480 desire for me to adopt her and the way that she again showed me 985 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:47,240 just that she's like, I forgive my mom, but she can't take care 986 00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,360 of me right now. And I I didn't feel safe there 987 00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,800 and I wouldn't feel safe. I'm just a kid. 988 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,600 And you know, she ended up writing a letter to the judge 989 00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:58,720 asking like, please let my stepmom adopt me. 990 00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:00,800 And that was that was all on her own. 991 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,800 You know, I'm just seeing her life and looking at everything 992 00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:08,600 she's going gone through. And that's that's where she came 993 00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,400 to. I didn't have to say, Hey, this 994 00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,040 is what we need to do. Like she was ready for it. 995 00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,160 And she, you know, that meant a lot because that would have been 996 00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,400 another thing, you know, again, we still would have done it 997 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,400 because as parents, you know what's best sometimes. 998 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:25,160 But it was, it eased my burden knowing that she was so willing 999 00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:26,400 to receive that. So. 1000 00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:27,400 Yeah. And it's. 1001 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:31,240 Been amazing and you're her sister also did a GoFundMe for 1002 00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:34,120 us and and we've been blessed a lot through that. 1003 00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,440 But there was just one particular person on there that 1004 00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,680 gave $5. And that made us cry. 1005 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:43,720 Yeah, that made us cry. And it's like we appreciate 1006 00:51:43,720 --> 00:51:46,960 everybody regardless of how much you gave, but that you just 1007 00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:49,840 seeing that $5 that it just, it shows you like this person. 1008 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:51,080 That's probably all they had to give it. 1009 00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:53,480 Reminds me of that story in the Bible where the lady. 1010 00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:56,840 Gave everything she had, yeah. And come to find out like. 1011 00:51:57,840 --> 00:51:59,800 It was my it was my sister's friend. 1012 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,000 She's a single mom. Single mom and she's. 1013 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,720 That's what she had to give. And it's just like to feel like, 1014 00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:06,840 Oh my gosh, it's like you almost have to get rid of that 1015 00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,880 discomfort of like, I don't feel worthy of that people helping 1016 00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:11,920 us. I mean, my sister, the GoFundMe 1017 00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,400 shoot it, I mean, it raised like exactly enough to pay. 1018 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,640 We had to pay out of pocket for his PET scan and that was a few 1019 00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,520 $1000 out of pocket and it covered that exactly. 1020 00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:26,880 I mean, just times it's like, God, math, it doesn't make 1021 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,360 sense. Like you're like, OK, we're 1022 00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:31,240 going to, we're going to fall short this month. 1023 00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:33,560 We're not going to have enough to pay for this, but then 1024 00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,400 somehow. It is all it is all been taken 1025 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:37,480 care of. Because even right now I 1026 00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:39,200 sometimes say like, oh, well, it's because we're living with 1027 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,120 my parents. So we don't, oh, we still own 1028 00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:42,240 the house, We're still paying for it. 1029 00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,520 But like, somehow, I mean, my parents like our grocery 1030 00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,520 shopping. And then like the lady who runs 1031 00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:52,040 the children's church at our church, I know her but not super 1032 00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:55,560 well, but she's an Angel. And she came up to me and she 1033 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,760 gave me grocery gift cards and said, give these to your mom. 1034 00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,640 And that meant the world to me because like she, you know, 1035 00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,760 people forget about the village that you have. 1036 00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,200 And people say, oh, like, I don't know how you do it with 1037 00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:10,000 five kids because I have people in my corner helping me so. 1038 00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:13,400 And it's not just that, like Grove Grove Church has been 1039 00:53:13,560 --> 00:53:15,720 absolutely amazing to us. I mean, we've only been going 1040 00:53:15,720 --> 00:53:18,120 there since April and there's a lot of people we don't know. 1041 00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,960 But I mean, even from the very beginning, we were going to put 1042 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,160 our kids out, the younger kids, and they care there. 1043 00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:27,640 And they were like, hey, we got you don't have to pay for. 1044 00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,120 It I didn't even know the lady. I sent a message and said, hey, 1045 00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,040 I'm so sorry. I was planning on putting my 1046 00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,800 kids in, but we've had some life situations happen so I'm not 1047 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:38,080 going to put them in this year. Maybe next time doesn't know me 1048 00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:42,280 calls me. Hey, you know, you don't have to 1049 00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,560 share if you don't want to, But I'm just wondering, is it 1050 00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:46,960 logistics that's causing you not to bring them or is it a 1051 00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:49,800 financial burden? And then I, I told her I was 1052 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,880 like, well, you know, my husband just got diagnosed with cancer. 1053 00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:55,240 We're going to have some unexpected medical bills and I'm 1054 00:53:55,240 --> 00:53:56,520 going to be stepping away from work. 1055 00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,280 So we're just really having to tighten things in. 1056 00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,800 She's like, OK, well, thank you so much for sharing that with 1057 00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:02,520 me. Next thing you know, she calls 1058 00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:04,760 me. We want to cover all your kids 1059 00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:07,120 tuition for the hour. I mean, and it's like, we've 1060 00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:08,320 only been going there a couple months. 1061 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,440 Ultimately, I wasn't able to send them logistically because 1062 00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,400 we only have one car and we are having to go back and forth to 1063 00:54:13,400 --> 00:54:15,960 appointments. But just the fact of people 1064 00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:20,240 building being such willingness. But it has been so hard to watch 1065 00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:24,160 him suffer for sure. Y'all been talking about the 1066 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,440 Grove and stuff and so Jessica actually just came in. 1067 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:31,880 Jessica Cox came and recorded and she actually was talking 1068 00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:34,960 about Jonah and gave sermons about that. 1069 00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:37,240 So it's cool that both of these are going to go like almost 1070 00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:39,280 back-to-back and they're both going to tie into each other 1071 00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:40,760 because. It's just great. 1072 00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:45,480 I I love our old church. I love Pastor Tim there nothing 1073 00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,160 against our old church. It's just we kind of got brought 1074 00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:51,360 here to and I'm having very bad Vertigo right now. 1075 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:56,680 Just say on that very weird. But but yeah, so we we just one 1076 00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,760 day we're we're going to be late to our old church. 1077 00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:00,720 And I was like, hey, I know a lot of people to go to Grove and 1078 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,720 it's like 5 minutes dollar. Let's just go check it out. 1079 00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:07,080 And we did and our our older kids didn't really like the 1080 00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:09,600 older church. Don't know why could they could 1081 00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:11,760 never really point to why they could. 1082 00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,920 They didn't like it. And but after that first Sunday, 1083 00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,720 man, they were raving. Even Jade, who's shy and raving 1084 00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:21,080 about how much look like I want to go to the summer camp. 1085 00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:22,640 I want to do this. I'm going to do this. 1086 00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:24,880 And I let the gentleman think we got something here. 1087 00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:29,120 And so we just kept going and kid just kept loving it. 1088 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,840 I really enjoyed it. I sat down with lunch and talked 1089 00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:34,920 to Gabe because I'm, I'm, I take that stuff seriously. 1090 00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:38,720 Like, I want to go not just where I'm being fed, but where 1091 00:55:38,720 --> 00:55:40,280 my wife and my kids are being fed. 1092 00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:45,560 And, and so we, we made a decision just to to stay there. 1093 00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,560 And when I tell you that we have not, it has not been a Sunday 1094 00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,640 that we have gone to Grove and we do not feel like that Lord 1095 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,520 has just like, OK. He's like a straight. 1096 00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:55,400 Too. Yeah, like, I mean, it's just. 1097 00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:59,400 Just hold here. I mean conviction and just I 1098 00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,760 mean really and the way that Gabe does it, and I'm not 1099 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:04,400 trying. I'm not trying to endorse Grove 1100 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:06,000 trade yet. You go, go where where you want 1101 00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,000 to go, where the Lord's leading you. 1102 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,560 But just in our lives, just we appreciate how Gabe does it, 1103 00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,200 where he just like takes similar self out of it. 1104 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:13,680 That's what I said. I'm like, I love him as a 1105 00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:18,480 pastor, but also it's like, again, it's just him allowing 1106 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:19,640 the Holy Spirit to move through him. 1107 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:21,520 Like it's so not about him. Yeah. 1108 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:23,600 Yeah. So we, we have just been super 1109 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:28,000 blessed and it's again, God work and just sending us where, where 1110 00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:32,200 we feel like we needed to be. And so far through that church, 1111 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:35,560 I mean, it's just God has really, really done a lot in US. 1112 00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,480 Yeah, that's awesome. And you go ahead. 1113 00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:39,280 There you go. I was just saying, I know you 1114 00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:41,080 mentioned like vulnerability and everything. 1115 00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,960 And I will say, like just in full transparency, while I 1116 00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,400 haven't been angry at God and neither has Brandon, like I've 1117 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:50,960 had some really low times because it is hard. 1118 00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:54,720 I haven't missed working in the salon, which has been 1119 00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:58,160 surprising. But I've kind of, and I think a 1120 00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,080 lot of stay at home moms can relate to this. 1121 00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:02,800 I'd like, wait, like, am I anything? 1122 00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:04,560 But, you know, just a mom or whatever. 1123 00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:07,280 And some of it's not even bad, like he talked about Solomon. 1124 00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:10,280 And some of it's just like you get, I don't know if you've ever 1125 00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:13,200 experienced this in your walk where you just want to live for 1126 00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:16,960 God so badly that it's almost even hard to like in the world. 1127 00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:20,160 Like not in a not in a super dark way, but just in a way of 1128 00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:23,200 like, what's the point? What's the point in going to 1129 00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:26,160 this social event? Like at all they you like, it's, 1130 00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,720 it's hard to connect to worldly things. 1131 00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:34,320 But I still, I, I mean, like the other day I was just slow down. 1132 00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,480 I was just like, I don't even know how to describe it other 1133 00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:44,200 than just kind of just feeling just sad. 1134 00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,080 Just really sad. Yeah, you were pretty depressed 1135 00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,000 the other night. Yeah, that's the worrying I 1136 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:49,880 used. I was like, I just feel 1137 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,600 depressed, but it's not an all the time thing. 1138 00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:56,520 And I know I'm not abandoned. It's just, you know, it's hard 1139 00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:59,400 to be, you know, we're about to be 32. 1140 00:57:59,400 --> 00:58:01,200 Like, we've worked hard, we've done the work. 1141 00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:04,920 We've gotten to this place with our children to be like, OK, now 1142 00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:06,960 we're living with my parents and I'm not working. 1143 00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,200 You know I built this. Is the second time, yeah, we had 1144 00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:10,480 to live with my parents for a little while. 1145 00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:14,240 I mean, it's just. It's like we, you know, I owned 1146 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:17,560 a business hand, but it's it's it's humbling and it's but you 1147 00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:21,960 do realize that it truly like you can't take it with you. 1148 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:26,440 And I see, you know, my kids are thriving and I'm so grateful for 1149 00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,760 how they've really navigated the situation. 1150 00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:32,120 And and like you said, God is close to the broken hearted. 1151 00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:35,040 Yeah. And, and, and after this, I 1152 00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:38,920 mean, again, God is using this opportunity to, or the situation 1153 00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:42,560 to just reveal to us how we were, you know, we're rebelling 1154 00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:45,240 in certain areas, you know, buying 2 houses that we had no 1155 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:49,000 business buying and, you know, not really being careful with 1156 00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,400 our finances and stuff like that. 1157 00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,320 And we're in a place now where it's like after this. 1158 00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,800 So we mean we're just, we're going to buy a modest house, 1159 00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:57,320 nothing crazy because we don't need it. 1160 00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:58,360 Yeah. We don't need it. 1161 00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:02,160 Yeah, like we, we just want to live a simple life with our 1162 00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:06,080 kids, raising them up to be, you know, in, in, in a biblical 1163 00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:09,040 foundation. And we just want to be 1164 00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:11,640 missionaries, you know, wherever, wherever that means, 1165 00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:15,120 you know, wherever, whether it's different country or America, 1166 00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,560 which I'll argue that America needs it more than a lot of 1167 00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:22,560 countries right now. But we just, we just want to, we 1168 00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:25,040 want to do whatever God has for us. 1169 00:59:25,320 --> 00:59:27,960 And, and I'm telling you right now, I'm not going to forget all 1170 00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:31,160 the people that have helped us at giving us because I mean, in 1171 00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:32,480 some way we're going to pay these people back. 1172 00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:39,120 So as we begin to close on this, maybe I like to close it out 1173 00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:41,200 three ways. I don't know if we did this last 1174 00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:45,480 time, but maybe you have a piece of advice, piece of advice for 1175 00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:47,760 somebody. Maybe God's revealed something 1176 00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:50,320 to you more recently that you really do want to share. 1177 00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,200 Or three, maybe you were in the car coming here and you were 1178 00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,120 like, I really want to share about this and I haven't given 1179 00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,600 you the opportunity to do so. So Jess, how about you start it 1180 01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:02,800 out? How would you like to close this 1181 01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:07,080 for your segments? I would. 1182 01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:11,560 Just say, like for me, what has changed in me since the last 1183 01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:15,480 time I was on the podcast was just like really quieting that 1184 01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:19,200 voice of shame and really, really trusting that that is not 1185 01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:23,120 from God. We were, we were talking about 1186 01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:27,400 like how God, you know, God will call you and one day you just 1187 01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:29,560 answer and I'm like, yeah, I don't know. 1188 01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:32,600 And then I look back and realize, wait a minute, he was 1189 01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:36,800 calling me when I was younger. That insecurity and that desire 1190 01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:41,360 to fit in and like just that voice of shame is because the 1191 01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:43,760 enemy did not want God getting close to me. 1192 01:00:44,120 --> 01:00:47,880 And now I'm realizing like, as long as I can recognize that. 1193 01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:51,640 And I would say that to to anyone that's listening is just 1194 01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:55,000 as long as you can recognize that shame is not from God and 1195 01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:58,480 that he does want good for your life, you're on the right track. 1196 01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:00,960 And I thought it was really important the other day at 1197 01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:04,080 church when Gabe talked about there is you can run and run and 1198 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,800 run and run, but there's you cannot run too far. 1199 01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:11,200 You have to come back to God. And so, you know, just that 1200 01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:14,520 shame when, when he was talking to me the the night I got saved 1201 01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:16,640 and he's, and I told him everything I've been through all 1202 01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:20,120 the mistakes I've made. And he said, you know, God knows 1203 01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:23,360 every decision you've ever made and he still chooses to call 1204 01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:26,280 your name. So I would just say that to 1205 01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:28,800 anybody listening that, you know, you don't have to clean up 1206 01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:30,480 your life 1st and then go to God. 1207 01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:33,920 You just pray and you just humble yourself before the Lord 1208 01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:37,480 and you just ask Him to come into your life and He will 1209 01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,240 convict you of the things that need to be convicted. 1210 01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:42,320 Do not let shame keep you from going to God. 1211 01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:47,120 That's good and I just want to say to like just watching your 1212 01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,880 spiritual growth girl is just amazing. 1213 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,520 Just sitting here and like Brandon, like I can't think of 1214 01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:54,400 it. You're like Philippians, 1215 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:58,960 Philippians and I'm like, this is not the same Jess, you know, 1216 01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:04,640 like truly God has just just changed you inside out. 1217 01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:09,560 Like you are just glowing like even in this hard time in this 1218 01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:12,240 hard chapter right now, like you walked up and I'm like, girl, 1219 01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:15,160 you looking good. You know, you just truly are 1220 01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,000 glowing and it's just so beautiful to see you in this 1221 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:21,520 life and just the loving Jesus. And that's exactly how it should 1222 01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:23,320 be. Well, when we come to Christ, 1223 01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,440 there should be a change, yes. And we should not look like the 1224 01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:28,480 same people. And that's exactly how it is, 1225 01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:29,080 yes. Yeah. 1226 01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:30,640 Absolutely. That's what that's what I'm 1227 01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,000 thankful for in this really dark spot. 1228 01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,080 Like I would never choose for Brandon to go through this, but 1229 01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:38,840 I will tell you that him going through this has brought me 1230 01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,520 closer to God. And it was almost like, just 1231 01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:45,480 like, I'm not going to say it was that push I needed, but like 1232 01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:49,600 any walls that I had that were keeping me from just fully being 1233 01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:53,000 like, I just want to, I just want to reveal the fruits of the 1234 01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:55,440 Spirit to everyone around me. Like, come on. 1235 01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:58,120 I don't care anymore. You know, I mean, I don't want 1236 01:02:58,120 --> 01:03:01,600 to offend anyone. But now I realize, like, there 1237 01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:03,760 is no condemnation, condemnation in Christ. 1238 01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:07,400 Like if I'm telling you that the Lord is good. 1239 01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:10,720 Yeah, like hopefully you'll just see that in, in the way that I, 1240 01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,800 that I live my life because absolutely, it's all I care 1241 01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:15,440 about now. That's where me and you were 1242 01:03:15,440 --> 01:03:17,280 different. I, I would choose this again if 1243 01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:18,680 I could. I mean, it's just been an 1244 01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,200 absolute blessing in our lives. And one thing that I didn't 1245 01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:25,680 share earlier is one thing that that God has done in my life is 1246 01:03:26,240 --> 01:03:30,520 he has really helped me find joy in the sufferings of this world. 1247 01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:34,640 And so, you know, I just get to look and like I, I get to share 1248 01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:38,200 in the sufferings of Christ. And that's, that's a big thing 1249 01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:39,960 for me. Are you done? 1250 01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:44,520 OK, It's going to be kind of funny because her, her advice is 1251 01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:46,920 more of like an emotional oriented mind's going to be more 1252 01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:50,200 action oriented. But that's very indicative of 1253 01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:53,680 who we are. But for me, I got two things. 1254 01:03:54,720 --> 01:03:59,360 One, if you're not a Christian or if you're a baby Christian, 1255 01:03:59,960 --> 01:04:03,040 the things of this world are nothing compared to what God has 1256 01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:06,720 in store for you and Paul talks about it again, can't recite 1257 01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:10,840 where it's at, but Paul talks about it and he says very 1258 01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:14,280 similar words and the word that he uses is translate to 1259 01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,880 literally dunk crap. The word the things of this 1260 01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:18,960 world are crap compared to Philippians. 1261 01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:21,600 I don't know the thing that's the Rome is that might be in 1262 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:24,320 Romans or one of the Corinthians, but it's in there. 1263 01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:27,000 The world. The things of this world are 1264 01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:31,040 crap and or nothing compared to what God has a store for you. 1265 01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,160 And so I would, I would, I would lean into that. 1266 01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:41,200 And then two, something that I'm really big on right now is as 1267 01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:45,480 Christians, you know, strong Christians, mature Christians, 1268 01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:50,320 whatever, whatever level you fall on there, specifically in 1269 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:54,880 America, I think that we need to stop being addicted to 1270 01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:59,440 convenience and stop being addicted to comfort and get off 1271 01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:04,520 our butts and tell the world what Christ has done in our 1272 01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:09,680 lives and tell the world that Jesus is king, that he is alive 1273 01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:17,800 and stop worrying so much about our own lives and, you know, 1274 01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:20,800 living our best life. That's not what Christ calls us 1275 01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,640 to. Christ calls us to love those 1276 01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:26,440 around us and to serve those around us. 1277 01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:30,560 And he was the greatest example of servant leadership that we 1278 01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:33,360 will ever find. And so those would be my 2 1279 01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:36,920 pieces of ice. And there, there needs to be, 1280 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:38,440 especially in America, that needs to be a change. 1281 01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:41,400 Absolutely. Well earlier if y'all did see me 1282 01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:46,160 on my phone, I promise I was OK. But so this morning two things I 1283 01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:49,480 read in Joshua this morning and I thought that was so crazy. 1284 01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:52,520 Not because God's crazy or anything, but just because y'all 1285 01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:55,200 are coming on today. And I know that y'all have a son 1286 01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:58,680 that's his name is Joshua and he's also named of of the books 1287 01:05:58,680 --> 01:06:01,200 of the Bible because of that. But then the Joshua tree and 1288 01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:03,920 then y'all got married right? Am I saying this all right? 1289 01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,960 OK, well then I couldn't remember what scripture I was 1290 01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:10,120 reading, but all day I've just continuously been thinking 1291 01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:14,200 Joshua 19 you know, be strong and courageous literally. 1292 01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:18,160 And so I just wanted to kind of say that of have I not commanded 1293 01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:21,400 you be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, do not be 1294 01:06:21,400 --> 01:06:26,280 discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you and so like 1295 01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:30,480 or be with you wherever you go. But you know, I just had that in 1296 01:06:30,480 --> 01:06:34,360 my head all day and I just know that God is with y'all. 1297 01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:38,360 You can see that y'all are both like just pouring out the gospel 1298 01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,360 to anybody and everybody that will listen. 1299 01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:41,560 And it's just so amazing. Well. 1300 01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:42,880 That is one of my favorite verses. 1301 01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:45,320 Yeah, he had the tattooed. On I know, and that's why I was 1302 01:06:45,320 --> 01:06:48,800 like wait. So I was like, I was getting 1303 01:06:48,800 --> 01:06:50,960 coffee and there was like a sticker at the top and it was 1304 01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:53,240 Joshua 19. And when he had cancer the first 1305 01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:56,600 time, that was the verse that was on all the like posters his. 1306 01:06:58,160 --> 01:07:00,600 God is so intentional about everything. 1307 01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:02,200 Oh, we. Didn't share the story? 1308 01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:05,160 What about like when the first time that God has really spoken 1309 01:07:05,160 --> 01:07:07,360 to me? So the last. 1310 01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,120 Time y'all thought we was finished. 1311 01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:12,880 The last time and then I don't know if you can do it, but we 1312 01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:15,320 made a TikTok of it and you and I don't know if you could 1313 01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:17,920 possibly like link it somehow to the end. 1314 01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:21,040 But so we're sitting in I'm sitting in bed, she's beside me 1315 01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:22,640 and she's you know, and I'm sick. 1316 01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:28,960 I'm not doing well and I think it was on Friday night and Jess 1317 01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:33,400 is playing this little TikTok game where she puts a picture or 1318 01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:35,760 she downloads or uploads a picture, whatever, and then it 1319 01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,840 it randomly selects a sound for that picture. 1320 01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:41,040 And we're watching them and they're all hilarious. 1321 01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,800 Yeah, they are all like. Funny and inappropriate and. 1322 01:07:44,520 --> 01:07:46,400 Yeah. And then she was like, I'm going 1323 01:07:46,400 --> 01:07:47,080 to do you. I'm do you. 1324 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:48,840 So she takes a picture of me and puts it on there. 1325 01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:52,880 And immediately it's this pastor just talking about how God is 1326 01:07:52,880 --> 01:07:54,720 with you. God's going to get you through 1327 01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:56,920 this. And and I mean, it's about it's 1328 01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:59,040 about two minutes long. If you could figure out a way to 1329 01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:00,920 put it like make it at the end of it. 1330 01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,600 I mean, yeah, absolutely spot on. 1331 01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:07,160 And I and I was, I was like, there's no way. 1332 01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:08,200 There's no way. That's right. 1333 01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:10,520 And you did that on purpose. She's like, I swear I didn't. 1334 01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:13,720 And so for me, I really think that's like the first time in my 1335 01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:16,120 life that I feel like God has audibly spoken to me. 1336 01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:20,560 And and so right then it's like again, I'm, I'm good. 1337 01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,920 Yep, I'm good. Well, this has been absolutely 1338 01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:26,479 incredible. If you have not heard that 1339 01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:28,399 y'all's first time being on here. 1340 01:08:28,399 --> 01:08:33,680 I did look that up too, and it was episode 22 and 23. 1341 01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:35,640 Let me see what those names are though. 1342 01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:38,399 Comfort in God's presence was Jess. 1343 01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:41,520 And then two was never too late for redemption, and that was 1344 01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:43,479 Brandon's. But then y'all's together too. 1345 01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:46,040 So if you have not listened to those, I'd definitely encourage 1346 01:08:46,040 --> 01:08:49,240 you to go back and listen to y'all's awesome testimonies 1347 01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:50,720 then. And I just want to reiterate 1348 01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:54,760 too, that just because people come on here, your testimony is 1349 01:08:54,880 --> 01:08:57,520 always evolving. You are all God is always 1350 01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:00,560 revealing yourself, himself to us, you know. 1351 01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,760 And so like exactly why I wanted y'all to come back on. 1352 01:09:03,760 --> 01:09:05,319 Because God has just still been working. 1353 01:09:05,520 --> 01:09:07,720 He never stops. And, and I will encourage 1354 01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:12,439 anybody if, if y'all have questions or don't know about 1355 01:09:12,439 --> 01:09:15,880 Jesus or just going through a hard time, please reach out. 1356 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:18,120 Please. You know, I'm I again, I'm an 1357 01:09:18,120 --> 01:09:19,600 open book. I will pray for you. 1358 01:09:19,600 --> 01:09:21,760 I will go to lunch with you. I don't care. 1359 01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:24,479 I'll read a book with you being well, because that's what we're 1360 01:09:24,479 --> 01:09:26,200 we're reading a book together and I've read books with some 1361 01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,680 other people. Just anything I can do to help 1362 01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:33,040 help those help people, you know, help people just find 1363 01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:34,720 Jesus and then get through the things they're going through. 1364 01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:39,279 Well, guys, please reach out and just check out that video. 1365 01:09:39,279 --> 01:09:41,840 We're going to figure out a way to get that in there so you can. 1366 01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:44,760 Yeah, I'm going to figure out the link and I'll post it. 1367 01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:47,600 But thanks guys so much. I hope you enjoyed this as much 1368 01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:49,880 as I have. Stay tuned, stay blessed, and 1369 01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:51,279 we'll see you guys later. Bye.