1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,920 What's up, guys? My name's Alexis. 2 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,560 And I'm Abby, and we are your. Host with praises in the pod. 3 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,560 We are absolutely soaked for today. 4 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,680 We got Pat and Paige Chastain, y'all already heard Paige's 5 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,480 testimony, but we thought it would be awesome if we bring her 6 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:29,160 husband in and actually go deeper into their testimony 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,680 together and then him by himself. 8 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,759 So we're going to start off in prayer and then we're going to 9 00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:33,920 jump right in. So here we go. 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,560 Lord Heavenly Father, just thank you. 11 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,600 Thank you for the space Lord God, where we can come and talk 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,240 about your goodness and your faithfulness and what all you 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,400 have done in our lives. We are just so thankful that we 14 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:50,000 have Paige and Pat to look to and just be able to confide in 15 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,600 but also just grow together in a community. 16 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,720 Lord God, we are just so thankful for all that you have 17 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,920 done in our lives, all that you are doing and all that you're 18 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,880 going to do that we have no idea about. 19 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,640 We're just so thankful. Lord God, we just pray that you 20 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,040 speak to us today and let you speak through US. 21 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,720 Let this episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray. 22 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,800 Amen. Amen. 23 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,120 Let's get it poppin. Did he hit record? 24 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,600 Girl, yes, I hit record. I just got real. 25 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,480 Nervous. And sometimes we got to redo the 26 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,600 intro so she was just like, you know. 27 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,480 Yeah, we got a little nervous, all right. 28 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,360 All right. Yes. 29 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,120 So Paige, we talked to last week and we just kind of gave 30 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,920 everybody a rundown. And I mean, it was amazing. 31 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,880 You did so good. But I know that you actually 32 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,120 experienced experienced some spiritual warfare when you left. 33 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,800 So do you want to maybe open up and tell us a little bit about 34 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:42,800 that? Yes. 35 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:48,960 I didn't have time to really go very deep in in advance prior to 36 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,600 us getting together and talking about it. 37 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,320 All I had done was pray about it and I just asked the Lord just 38 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:57,160 to give me the words to share the story that hadn't I 39 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:01,520 experienced in our life and just ask that He get the glory. 40 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,400 And so after we did it, of course, it was a little 41 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,840 unnerving because I've never done anything like this before, 42 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,440 but I felt really good afterwards until I got home and 43 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,880 had some quiet time and the shots just started firing at me 44 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:20,080 left and right. You know, Satan telling me that 45 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:25,720 I shouldn't have said this or I overshared that, or I didn't 46 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,480 give recognition to this person or that person and that my story 47 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,920 was irrelevant. And what I had to say was not, 48 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,320 you know, all the ways that he could have come at me and attack 49 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:41,000 me personally and then made me think that everything was awful. 50 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,440 And I just the tears just started flooding. 51 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,760 I was sitting on my couch. He was out walking around the 52 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:50,040 block exercising. And I had made my dinner and I 53 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,080 just had to push my food back and just, I just cried. 54 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,480 And I just asked the Lord just to help me because I knew what 55 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,520 was going on. I knew that the Lord was getting 56 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,480 glory and in that hopefully people would be able to take 57 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,560 something away from something. I shared one of the struggles 58 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,480 that we experienced and maybe realize and recognize that 59 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,800 there's hope maybe from what they're experiencing right now. 60 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,600 And it was just rough. And for several days I was just 61 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,200 caught up in and just some negative. 62 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,880 Mindspace Yeah, Yeah. I'm glad you opened up about 63 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:27,760 that. Yeah. 64 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,120 I mean, I went through the same exact thing. 65 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,120 Oh, yeah. After my testimony. 66 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,960 I mean, I just almost went into straight panic mode, but I just 67 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,440 kept praying over and over. Lord, if this just touches one 68 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,320 person, like, I know you did something in that room today. 69 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,120 And so I'm glad you kind of brought that up. 70 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:48,160 And so others might not feel alone or be hesitant to share 71 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,400 their story or, you know, or even feel a certain type of way 72 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,560 about themselves when they do experience those feelings. 73 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,080 Because either way, I think God's going to get in the glory. 74 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,240 And we've seen that over these past few months. 75 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,720 Really over a year now. Yeah, when I reached. 76 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,000 Out to Alexis and I just shared my heart and I said, look, yeah, 77 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:11,160 look at how you know, Satan is really trying to steal and kill 78 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,040 and destroy through this experience. 79 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,080 It's crazy. Because as soon as you left, I 80 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,120 texted Pat and I was like, so good in all caps. 81 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,760 You know, like I was just like, so I just know that it was going 82 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,400 to be, it's going to be used in a big way. 83 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,080 I'm not kind of telling you the truth. 84 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,200 But I'm excited to have both of you here today, but I'll jump 85 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,600 in. You know, I know how your story 86 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,560 is going to touch so many people, but I was thinking on 87 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,560 the way over here. I'm like, I cannot wait until 88 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,880 somebody hears y'all's story. And and you know the specific 89 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,920 things y'all went through in your marriage during those dark 90 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,440 times. But where it's at now and how 91 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,280 God used that in the reconciliation process behind 92 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,920 it. Because I see everyday so many 93 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,760 marriages that still struggle, that are struggling. 94 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,680 And just for somebody, I know there's somebody out there that 95 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,160 needs to hear this. And so I'm really excited just 96 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,760 to for somebody to see it. God really and truly can wholly 97 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,640 restore a marriage that was once broken. 98 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:12,040 Yeah, let's jump right in. Tell us a little bit about your 99 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,560 childhood and like how you grew up and stuff like that. 100 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:22,360 Well, we were mom and daddy in the house, three boys and it was 101 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,880 always three boys. And that's a lot for any family, 102 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:31,000 especially a mom. We were, I wouldn't even call 103 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,800 us. We were barely middle class. 104 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,280 Barely. We were in the lower, you know, 105 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,640 higher poor and I wouldn't call it middle. 106 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:45,200 We were higher poor and it was that we were close knit and but 107 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,440 we were, I know we were a handful, all three of us. 108 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,760 I had a brother who's a year and a half under and me and I had a 109 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:56,960 younger brother probably 7-8 years below me and it, it was 110 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,320 all good. We went to church, you know, It 111 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,920 was just the cliche way of living. 112 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,440 Yeah. So you grew up in like the 113 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,960 church? Yeah, man, we Green Acres 114 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,640 Baptist Church on that bus. Wow on them Sundays so. 115 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,560 Funny Page said the exact same thing about that US. 116 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,960 We haven't talked about what if we rode together and we didn't 117 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:14,680 even. Know it. 118 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,160 Wow, No, you probably would have been trying to talk to me if I 119 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:17,680 was. He had been. 120 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,080 I was from the South side of town. 121 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,000 No, I'm kind of I'm kind. Of I literally early, we went to 122 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,840 Camp Snowbird last week and we drove the Green Acres van and I 123 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,480 thought about you because you told me. 124 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,520 Well, you got that bubble gum and then there was kite and hot 125 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,480 dog day. Remember kite and Hot Dog Sunday 126 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,400 when you rolled up in there on that Sunday, they gave that, 127 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,600 they gave that kite and that hot dog and I, I went, I was there. 128 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,040 I want to get that kite. But we, we were raised in Green 129 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,280 Acres. Terry Taylor, He called you out 130 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,640 in church. I mean, he did not play, but 131 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:50,480 that's what we grew up on. And you know, it was so we, we 132 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,880 were grew up, right? You know, mom and daddy, it was 133 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,560 the cliche. Yes, ma'am, No, ma'am. 134 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,240 What we doing here stays in here, Dah dah, dah, all that. 135 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,840 So we were just like most families. 136 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,520 If you're in mid 50s like I am, that's how we were raised. 137 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:07,040 So we were raised right. So then we do know that later on 138 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,520 you get a little older and things start getting a little 139 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,760 sideways. So when does stuff kind of get a 140 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,000 little chaotic I guess? Well, 7th grade bathroom, I 141 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,040 spoke to Joy. That's right. 142 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,560 I was about we had just right off throughout the for real and 143 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,240 I was, we were, I was very athletic. 144 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:25,080 My younger brother, a young 1 1/2 years younger, he was not. 145 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,400 He went the other way and there was a lot of there. 146 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,040 OK, I had this world. He had that. 147 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:34,440 So in the 7th grade, I, I, I try to join and it does something to 148 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,640 me. But I after that it was, I was 149 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:44,040 done and I never touched another drug until the probably 9th 150 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:49,240 grade, 10th grade summer. And then the wheels come off and 151 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,840 I, I got a taste of that way of living and I was. 152 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:00,520 So when I say the wheels come off, let me back up. 153 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,400 I don't think the wheels all the way come off. 154 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:07,680 I tried to get in the 10th grade and then by the time somewhere 155 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:12,560 in that 861986871112 it just it was all. 156 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,360 About had your friend kind of group changed anything? 157 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,960 That's what maybe led to that or. 158 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,000 Well, I hit it. I hit everything behind 159 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,280 athletics. We get high and again they 160 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,880 really didn't get bad till senior in high school, that's 161 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,200 what. Did y'all start dating? 162 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,760 How old were y'all? See. 163 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,680 Like his senior year, was it junior? 164 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:31,840 Yeah, OK. Wow. 165 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,280 So in pages she says, you know, like she wasn't aware really of 166 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,480 any of this, right? Because she wasn't. 167 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,360 She didn't know about this until y'all got married. 168 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:42,000 And the honeymoon, The cigarettes. 169 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,840 I heard talk around. Town, but no, not my man. 170 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,040 That's. Yeah, well. 171 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,360 You know, I never experienced it. 172 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,120 I never saw that side of him. Whenever he was around me, he 173 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:55,000 was clean, sober. I didn't smell cigarettes or 174 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,480 yeah, skunk or what, you know, any of those things. 175 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,120 They say that's. What made She's got weeds, but 176 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:04,320 she never found a part. She we like to we like to cut 177 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,120 up. We're gonna have we're gonna 178 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,760 have a good time. We're gonna we're laugh. 179 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,000 But she didn't know. She's so naive and she's so pure 180 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,000 and just sweet, kind. I mean, you could you could lie 181 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,600 to her. She just saw the good in 182 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,160 everybody. And you are still kind of 183 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,400 playing both fields though too. I mean, you know, the football 184 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,040 player good and then still kind of have that in the back. 185 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,880 It's a stretch, happy. It's a stretch. 186 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,440 Yeah, between good and yeah good. 187 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,720 We got we had Ted football. Yeah. 188 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,200 OK, not that good. Yeah. 189 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,840 OK. I thought she was knocking my 190 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,400 game, football game. I said hold on, we'll do an 191 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,840 intermission anyway. So you could. 192 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:41,280 What was that? Well, she she's she didn't. 193 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,840 She believed the best in you. You could you mean I'm not proud 194 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,320 of this, but anybody you could lie to Paige because Paige was 195 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,000 just that that good. It's not good at all. 196 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,160 But she's that's how good a person she is. 197 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,880 She choose to believe you. So, yeah, she saw the good. 198 00:09:54,880 --> 00:10:00,280 And so that's, you know, we, we met and I went over to where I 199 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,880 was high school. I was just, I was taking a class 200 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,720 or something. Yeah, drafting class. 201 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,320 And we kissed in the hall one time and, and and she was 202 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,000 supposed to do that. It was kind of You stole a kiss 203 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,480 I. Just I mean, you taste too you. 204 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,160 Started stealing her one. Person can't kiss the other one 205 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,680 by the cell. That's just wrong. 206 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,280 You didn't do that. But anyway, that was our little 207 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:24,680 thing and. How long until so y'all started 208 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,400 dating, you know, your senior year and then, you know, 209 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,000 graduated high school? How long I guess did y'all date 210 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,960 and were y'all together before things got really serious? 211 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,760 And I was older than she was by a year maybe. 212 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,240 And I went to Georgia Southern for that time. 213 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,520 And when I left, it was probably we kind of like broke it off a 214 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,960 little bit. We, we, we joke about who broke 215 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,720 up with who, but we know the truth. 216 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,040 But anyway, so no, we cut up it. We anyway, we quit, we quit 217 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,960 dating and for a brief, yeah, brief. 218 00:10:55,960 --> 00:11:01,400 And then something happened. You want to take over from 219 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,360 there. Anyway, she ended up getting 220 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:08,240 pregnant and so and she went out well. 221 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,520 We were on the break. No, no we weren't. 222 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,920 But we we end up getting. Kind of got back together, yeah, 223 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,080 yes. Like I, I failed out a year. 224 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,640 Yeah, I failed out of college and had to come back. 225 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,520 So it was one year of just a waste. 226 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,360 But then came back and like I said, found out she was 227 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,440 pregnant. And that's kind of when our life 228 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,000 jailed or it changed. Yeah. 229 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,480 But that was probably, that was probably it. 230 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,320 So I know that like when we talked, you know, you were 231 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:43,120 saying how it was hard because he is starting to like go out 232 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,560 and do all these things and you have a baby at home. 233 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:49,160 So like for you, what, what does that look like? 234 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:52,160 What is that chapter? Because she's your new parents, 235 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,840 young. Parents and had y'all how? 236 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,880 Old were y'all when y'all had Ashton, yeah. 237 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,840 He. Was. 21. 238 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,800 But I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm pretty much full blown, OK. 239 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:07,960 I'm smoking weed everyday, drinking. 240 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:12,040 It's just still wild as a buck. And she and she's trying to 241 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,160 figure it out, like, what have I done? 242 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,320 What have I gotten into? And then the goodness of her 243 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,720 like he's going to change and he can do this. 244 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,480 So I I'm just probably speaking for her. 245 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,160 But I would think, yeah, that was the hope. 246 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,080 And it it it didn't. It never tapered off. 247 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:30,920 And then then I lost my brother in an automobile accident 248 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:34,000 somewhere. And when that happened, I can't, 249 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,920 I become unhinged. And it was it was it was game 250 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,280 over there. And and just. 251 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,080 That was two years after we it was been married a little over 2 252 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,640 years. OK, OK, so y'all had gotten 253 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,360 married and been married two years and that kind of happened 254 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,280 and then from there it just kind of really spiraled bad. 255 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,960 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that daughter was 11 256 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:55,160 months old. Yeah, but death the way the way 257 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,880 it does you, you there's no concept of time if you there's, 258 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,200 there's no concept of time when you lose somebody close. 259 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,440 Now for most part, you can ask me how long have they been gone? 260 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:09,040 I can just tell you 20 plus it's it just does it bends your brain 261 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,760 and it. Takes you through it. 262 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,280 Oh, it takes you through it and it it did something to me. 263 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:18,320 So you use the drugs, the alcohol, the just that type of 264 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,840 lifestyle to numb that. Yeah, yeah. 265 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,120 And when you're, you're angry, you're angry. 266 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,880 So at this point you're I'm glad you said that. 267 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,560 So you're angry at God? Well, I just the world, you 268 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,480 don't have relationship, you know, we don't have, I don't 269 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,520 have relationship with Jesus Christ. 270 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,800 And you want to tell yourself every night before I go to bed, 271 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,360 I said, Lord forgive me, I love you. 272 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,320 And then I'd probably be up for six days. 273 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,760 But I said it every single night. 274 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,960 There was almost like this false sense of connection with him 275 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,200 that may you know how we do we got to justify we're still good. 276 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,000 I I can still know him and you're lost his goose and 277 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:56,120 hailstorm. But you need something to 278 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,200 connect you to the father and you know I mean we're using 279 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,840 terms like father now, but that meant nothing back then. 280 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,800 But that will you forgive me every single night just about an 281 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,720 active addiction for 22 years that meant something to me, but 282 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,000 he. Wouldn't stay that way. 283 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:15,960 There would be days when he would do what you would think 284 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,040 would be normal. He would be grounded in the 285 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,200 concepts and the the foundational teachings that his 286 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,280 parents raised him in. And he would be good. 287 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,880 And he would be there for me and for. 288 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,520 Our so I think you need to and, and again, we're still learning, 289 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,080 but we're in the and I think we will tie this in somewhere 290 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,560 because now remember now, no matter what you hear us say 291 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,400 today, we were always one because you can't change that. 292 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,080 God's word says we were married, we were always one. 293 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,640 I still again, I was lost, but the days she would see me as 294 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,560 what she just described, those are the days that I would make 295 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,640 sure I had my Xanax and I had in the pot and then I could buy the 296 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,520 alcohol. She knew nothing about that. 297 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,440 She probably still can't grab the concept. 298 00:14:55,800 --> 00:15:00,240 I only felt normal once I could take the Xanax while I was on 299 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,760 the meth. You see what I'm saying? 300 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,560 And it's it's insanity. And you would chase that every 301 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,360 day so I could be what she needed me to be. 302 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,480 And to this day. And through my eyes it was he 303 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,280 was doing well and we'd have a couple of days that way and then 304 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:21,840 he would slip and we was back to the missing or late night hours. 305 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,080 And he's searching for it again to. 306 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,080 What she saw Hope I'm over here scrambling. 307 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,240 I'm trying to find the Xanax to bring me down 'cause I can't 308 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,920 sleep and that. She's seeing the. 309 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,720 Yeah, and ultimately it took over 'cause you're staying up 310 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:40,360 four 5-6 days, the Max 11121314, no sleep insanity. 311 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,000 So just to be normal, I would try to find those Xanaxes and 312 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,960 then you mix alcohol with it to intensify. 313 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,840 And so I could be normal. There was no better feeling in 314 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:53,040 an active addiction for a a meth user like myself to than to have 315 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,720 your Xanax. And then I could just really be 316 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,800 calm and be what she needed. But. 317 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,120 That meth wasn't involved in the early days though. 318 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,240 No, no, the meth was the last six or seven years, OK. 319 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,600 Yeah, from 2005, back six years. We job a little bit, yeah, 320 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,640 still, still that whole. Time frame was the same, yeah. 321 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,880 Process, but still, yeah. Same cycle. 322 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,040 You still wanted the meth. I mean, you still wanted the 323 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,480 Xanax. And the pot, I'm telling you, is 324 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,000 a substance. It's it's a nightmare. 325 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,480 I mean, so I mean, yeah. I'm like, she's holding on to 326 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,240 the hope you're searching and you she gets that little relief. 327 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,840 And I think, and maybe you can answer this, but in those times 328 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:34,080 where you even though he might, he wasn't sober, you have, you 329 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,840 know, that little inkling of this is the pat that I want. 330 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,440 Is that kind of what held you in place and gave you all of that 331 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,040 hope? I mean, is that kind of what 332 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,920 kept you where you were? So I think. 333 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:49,360 To a large part. Just, you know, when you can see 334 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,400 a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel, you feel like you 335 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,240 can get there or you can hold on that much longer. 336 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:59,120 You can dig your heels in. It's just like bread crumbs, you 337 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,680 know, just helping you find your way. 338 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,160 Earlier you said something along the lines of like when he was 339 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:09,280 missing and so y'all didn't have phones back then so you had no 340 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,240 idea. My goodness. 341 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,319 Torture, man, the torture of him not you know, he's saying that 342 00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,280 he's going to go to the store and get a pack of cigarettes, 343 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,680 which I despised and was highly allergic and all those things. 344 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,560 But you know, he still, I loved his cigarettes, but so he would 345 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,960 go to the store. You thought he'd come right 346 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,960 back. Yes, like normal people be gone. 347 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,760 That would be like 6:00 at night. 348 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,120 I wouldn't see him till he's trying to get in at two or three 349 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,600 in the morning. In the meantime, I'm frantic, 350 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:40,880 worried where he is, calling his friends, calling around, even at 351 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,000 times putting the kids in the car, riding to the pool hall, 352 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,240 riding by rivalries, all the crazy places that I think he 353 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,200 could be. You know, I there were even 354 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:55,240 nights when I could sense that something was majorly awry, like 355 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,720 discernment. And I'd be calling the ERS and 356 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,440 asking them, do you have a John Doe? 357 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,440 Do you have, I mean, which is horrible because your mind takes 358 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,280 you to the worst place and all of the what if games that you 359 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:13,200 play. It was chaos that we are living 360 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,640 in. It really was. 361 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:19,080 And he had no idea all the effects of his choices were on 362 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,720 me and the kids and those kind of things. 363 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:26,640 And I had no idea how to manage all that just to keep. 364 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,280 I mean, I knew that wasn't probably the healthiest thing to 365 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:33,280 do, but. So I guess as far as time frame, 366 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,640 are we like what 10 years in six years in marriage or where are 367 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,040 we at right now? Well. 368 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,680 Here's the inside line. Here's the craziness about it. 369 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:43,440 You could put that timeline anywhere. 370 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,760 Yeah, that was the. Pattern for 17 years. 371 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,080 For OK for 17. Years for me. 372 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,640 I guess my question would be and like, listen, if this is wrong 373 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,800 to ask what's going through your mind in all of this? 374 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,400 Like do you want it? Like do you want to get out or 375 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,760 like you're so content in your lifestyle? 376 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,480 Like what's? Yeah, I think, I think for 377 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,600 addicts, we want it both. We want it all. 378 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,000 I wanted her. I wanted my lifestyle. 379 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,560 I wanted to turn it off. I wanted to learn how to manage 380 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,960 it. And I think that's what you 381 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,520 ultimately try to do. You try to figure out how to 382 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,920 manage what ultimately we know now is sin. 383 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,080 But I'm trying to manage a lifestyle. 384 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:24,280 How could I be what she needed me to be and do what I wanted to 385 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,960 do and then everybody be happy. And so for a lot of people and 386 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,800 people that get high and use, they'll understand this, you 387 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,880 start trying to have a set goals. 388 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,840 And that way, if you set the goals and it's OK if I continue 389 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,280 to do what I want to do. So if I had a job and I brought 390 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,640 home X amount of money and I and I and I went and did this with 391 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,520 the kids and I was there that Friday. 392 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,920 So you start checking boxes and then you start going, well, I 393 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,560 did this right. And that right, it should, I'm a 394 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,400 grown man, I can do. And then you start doing your 395 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,760 other things. So you try to manage that. 396 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,480 Lifestyle, gosh, I think that goes for somebody that's not 397 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,200 even an addict. I mean, they could go, yeah. 398 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,480 When you're in your selfish desires and your own life and 399 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,040 trying to fulfill those, that's number one instead of the Lord, 400 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,720 then that's what you're doing. We'll try to figure out a script 401 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,680 that works and everybody should be happy, and then you say 402 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,440 you're ultimately trying to control it and. 403 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,840 And you justify your choices, Yeah. 404 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,080 You need justice. You're not in there. 405 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,880 So it was bad enough that you knew what I was, but if I 406 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,360 couldn't bring home money, then I was sorry. 407 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,000 All right. So isn't that crazy, though? 408 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,080 I, I'm not sorry because I'm getting high every day. 409 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,120 I'm just sorry if I can't take care of my family. 410 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,320 And that was that's insanity. And that's what went on from 411 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,480 almost 22 years. So do you have something that 412 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,040 goes along with this chapter or Are you ready? 413 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,240 What, what? Where are you at? 414 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,600 No, I'm good. Yeah, I'm. 415 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,280 So one of the things that I would like to go into is like 416 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:53,080 the last year, what is of addiction? 417 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,680 What's going through your mind at this point? 418 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,720 Where? How do you get to that dirt 419 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,760 road? And then talk about the dirt Rd. 420 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,400 too, like how all this transpired? 421 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,840 Well, I'm spiraling and. I in the middle of those, you 422 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,720 also lost your dad. Yeah. 423 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,360 So he lost his brother, 10 years later lost his dad. 424 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,880 So it here we go down another. Spot. 425 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,920 But then they have the hopes getting worse. 426 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,680 Yeah, so it got really. Then seven years later, we have 427 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,920 our third child. We had our second child in the 428 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,440 middle. They're all three seven years 429 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,080 apart. Then the third child, and then 430 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:29,960 after she, she was 11 months old when he finally came to the end 431 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,720 of himself. So we have 311 months, the death 432 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,640 of his father or the death of his brother when our oldest was 433 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,320 11 months old, on death of his dad when our son was 11 months 434 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:47,200 older middle child, and then he died to himself and his flesh 435 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,880 when our youngest was 11 months. Old so I come home one day and 436 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:56,600 and by this time it's just is is meth addiction is bad. 437 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,800 I mean, it's bad as it can get so and I'm still trying to 438 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,160 figure it all out, you know, and I put that key in that lock and 439 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,240 that joker don't work and to a meth. 440 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,120 Yeah, my house. I messed you up right there. 441 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,760 Now what's going on? So you got to turn the thing 442 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,480 harder. And we got to we got to get in 443 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,480 there. We got to get the screwdriver. 444 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,920 I got to take the lock off. Something's wrong. 445 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,360 And I'm thinking all the things while the lock shouldn't be 446 00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,880 working or is it working? And and then he hit me. 447 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,760 I said my head jerk and then change the locks and I knew 448 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,560 right then I'm telling my my heart dropped because I knew 449 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:29,560 right then and I don't know why it was that moment, that second. 450 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:36,240 I said it's all real. She's serious and and so she 451 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,360 said you're out. And I said, well, I, I can go 452 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,400 change and I will never forgive that. 453 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,800 She I couldn't get it back in the house and I didn't leave 454 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,320 immediately. It was like I couldn't come back 455 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,400 to the house and and she took out maybe some kind of order or 456 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,560 something. You didn't you do that. 457 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,800 She took out like a restraining. I couldn't even get in my own 458 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,800 house. So there's a few weeks before I 459 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,160 ended up getting on down there where I need to be and I will 460 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,640 never forget. It wasn't back in the house. 461 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,040 Oh, but I but I was so. We were there. 462 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,760 This is where and I, she knows this, but she would be gone 463 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,240 today. And I climbed through the window 464 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,760 working, working. I'm working too. 465 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,000 Now I'm working on the 2nd. I'm going to try to get in the 466 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,280 house because I'm on math. I'm trying to go through the 467 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,320 trash cans trying to figure out what's going on and the 468 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,880 paperwork and what I'm trying to track and trace. 469 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,280 And you got that mindset and you think everybody, oh, it was 470 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,280 terrible. How to get you? 471 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,240 Yeah, and all. And she was gone, and that's all 472 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,960 I knew, and I won't. But I knew he would get him 473 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,080 because he's messy as he can be. He would, yeah. 474 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,240 Little things. But I've been trying to clean 475 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:38,560 up, you know, I'm trying to clean up. 476 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,520 Trying. Can't do it, can't do it. 477 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,120 I can't mob. It's a mess. 478 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,560 But anyway, so it's bad and there's a restraining order and 479 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,040 I knew. And then your daddy pulled up 480 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,800 one day your daddy was out there and buddy was trying to sell me 481 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,920 a canoe and I'm like, I'm trying, you know, I got morals 482 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,400 and I got scruples to my Mike. I can't, I can't do it, man. 483 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,720 I got I got change. I'm changing, bro. 484 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,000 I said, by the way, what you think So I'm going down to 485 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,320 Florida. I said you are. 486 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,120 He said, yeah. And you know, he's and again, 487 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:09,920 I'm not glorifying anything. It's just what it was. 488 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,120 He was running stuff down there that he shouldn't be running. 489 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,160 But I just said I'll catch a ride with him, which is a 490 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,840 terrible, it's a terrible concept. 491 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,160 You know, catch a ride with the drug dealer. 492 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:19,440 We'll go like Florida. Anyway, I catch a ride. 493 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,280 But the whole time when I would go home, I'd play around with 494 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,120 the computer or wherever I'd be. I play around the computer and I 495 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,080 was trying to find a place that would take me. 496 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:29,760 And there's this place called 12 Oaks. 497 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,920 And it, you know, meth heads the way we think we go for the best. 498 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,560 And it was the top. It was 5 star brands. 499 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,800 I had also printed out and stapled a list of all of the 500 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,800 facilities that my insurance would cover. 501 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,440 That mean that I didn't know anything about that. 502 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,520 But anyway, I'm looking for this place and this place called 12 503 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,000 Oaks. I said that's where I'm going 504 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,160 and come to find out Mike Mays where he was doing some business 505 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,440 with some guy. He was like 45 minutes where I 506 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,400 said, so that's when I also said, perfect, I'll just catch a 507 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,920 ride with you, Mike, and then we'll see and we'll just see how 508 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,320 this thing works out, isn't? It funny how you were like 509 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:06,640 trying to get in the mindset that I've got to start getting 510 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:10,440 doing right and get back in my house and then the drug dealer 511 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,880 shows up yeah, I do want to hear this trying to walk away from it 512 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,200 you made. Me think, Abby. 513 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,800 So that day when I put that key in that lock, I'll tell you this 514 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,000 right here, it hit me. I was done, and I'm telling you 515 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,280 and I, I've told the story 100 times, but I was done. 516 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,720 I said that's it. I was done. 517 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,400 Now, I would probably still get high that night, probably still 518 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,160 get high the next morning, got high the next whatever, until I 519 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,000 was down there with Mike. But I knew I was done. 520 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,160 Ain't that crazy? You know you're done. 521 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:38,720 I'm going to tell you something else. 522 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,480 I knew I was going to serve him. I knew it. 523 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,120 Yeah, I already knew it. And I didn't know to what 524 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,360 capacity. I just. 525 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,360 And all you know then is God. You don't know relationship. 526 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,120 You don't know Trinity, you don't know that crazy. 527 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,320 You don't know none of that. You just knew God that I said 528 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:54,760 that. That's the answer. 529 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,640 I just the one. Yeah, let's just say it like 530 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,480 that. I knew God was the answer. 531 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,160 So I stopped. Still doing what I'm doing. 532 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,820 I get in that truck and I go down there and we're in this pop 533 00:26:02,820 --> 00:26:06,000 up camp or whatever. Anyway, So I'm I'm down there, 534 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:10,480 whatever the first night we land, when we get down there, 535 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,560 it's at night and we're all up jacked up and just and the sun 536 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,360 comes up now. I'll I'll I'll I'll lose it. 537 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:23,040 That sun come up and he told me. He said it wasn't SUN, it was 538 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,560 SON. And I didn't even know what that 539 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,840 meant, but I just knew that it was. 540 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:31,240 And brother, when that dadgum son lit up and I looked down 541 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,840 that road, it was a dead in dirt road. 542 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,640 And I said, ain't this something? 543 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,760 I said, I ain't got nowhere to go. 544 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,200 I'm in a pop up camper and I'm on the dead in dirt road. 545 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,600 And he says, well, this is it and it was in God. 546 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,520 And this is a crazy thing. You know, I don't think 547 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,480 anybody's going to get this, but I'm just going to tell you how 548 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,280 it is. I didn't know he said this until 549 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,400 years later. But this is what in that and 550 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,960 that's crazy. Now you go hear it and goes that 551 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,880 don't make no sense. Well, whatever, you'll figure 552 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,360 that one day. It took years for me to remember 553 00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,120 and understand what He told me that day. 554 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,280 He says if you're not done, I'm taking you out. 555 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:12,360 And isn't that crazy for you to hear years later to comprehend 556 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,600 what God was trying to tell you? And I knew I was near death and 557 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,240 I didn't know it two years later, but I knew it then. 558 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,960 I couldn't tell you. I just learned this more 559 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,360 recently in one of Mystery from the Potter's House. 560 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:28,360 Found her. She said that OK, so like a 561 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:32,240 shepherd has all the lambs, but when they run around, run off, 562 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:33,840 he'll go and get that at one, right? 563 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,480 Like he'll leave the 99 to go up for one. 564 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,240 Once he gets the one, he breaks the legs of the lamb and wears 565 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:45,280 the lamb around his shoulders. And as that, you know that the 566 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,320 healing process starts. They learned the shepherd the 567 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,880 the lamb. But if he runs again, he takes 568 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:54,240 them out like he kills them. And I've always heard addicts or 569 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,880 like people on the other side of recovery and stuff like that 570 00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,840 say, I knew that if I went back out, I'm dead. 571 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,800 Like he's taking me home or he's taking me or he I'm I'm leaving 572 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,160 the earth. And so like when you just said 573 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,080 that, I just think about that and I'm like, there's so many 574 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,960 people that don't understand the 99 and the one and the like. 575 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,880 What that truly means you. Don't realize it's going gone 576 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,000 way it's happening till like years later on down the road. 577 00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,680 But I guess I have a question for Paige and all of this and 578 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,080 this is like the biggest thing that I've been wanting to ask 579 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,960 you guys. Are you specifically during all 580 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,680 of this was when did you know like divorce was never an option 581 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,600 because like. You changed the lock, was that? 582 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,920 Or no, had you kind of gotten there or had, were you always 583 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:42,640 kind of on the divorce? I just, I, I don't know if I 584 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,480 could ever get there because like even you said, when y'all 585 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,640 were married, no matter what was going on, it was like y'all were 586 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:49,680 still anointed. Because I just think that's so 587 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,720 beautiful and you don't see that nowadays. 588 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,040 Yeah, we had friends who got married not long after we did 589 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:01,120 around the same time and none of our friendships were still 590 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,160 intact, right. As far as them being married 591 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,120 couples, but I come from, I came from a divorced family a couple 592 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,760 of times over. So I experienced divorce myself. 593 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:15,200 I watched my parents at the age of 18 divorce that was. 594 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:21,720 So I saw what and I felt what it could do My, my dad and my mom 595 00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,840 divorced when I was 5. Then my mom and my stepdad 596 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:30,560 divorced when I was 18. So no matter what age, the pain 597 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,800 is real and you it affects you differently. 598 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:37,640 And I just remember saying to myself that that was not what I 599 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,800 wanted. That was not what the plan was. 600 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:46,600 I felt like we were brought together for all of time and I 601 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,600 did not want divorce to be part of my story. 602 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,920 And so I hung in there. I loved him even though he was a 603 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,400 Turkey and was not always the best that he could be. 604 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:04,800 And I saw who he could be and when he was good, he was good as 605 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,520 gold. And, and my heart grew and I 606 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:14,200 loved the time that we had. And I tried to focus on those 607 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:18,000 positive times to get me through when the things were rough and 608 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,760 we were in the valley until the next positive time. 609 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,240 So I could just sponge and hold on to that. 610 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:29,880 Although at the end of his right, at the end, before I 611 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,880 changed the locks, we'd had to end set the night before. 612 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:38,120 And for the first time, I mean, people had always, I had asked 613 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,360 like my mom or even other people, how do you know when 614 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,960 it's time? And they just said, you know. 615 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,640 Well, I knew. I didn't know I wanted to 616 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:51,960 divorce him, but I knew that I had to draw a line in concrete 617 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,120 this time, not the sand. I couldn't allow it to be 618 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,720 brushed back over. And because sometimes we would 619 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,720 have that happen. You left a couple times during 620 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,160 the 1st 17 years and you would come back and we would work 621 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,480 things out or whatever. But this time it was different 622 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,280 and I realized for the first time that it wasn't just about 623 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:16,000 me. I could handle things myself, 624 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,760 but what I was allowing my children to be subjected to 625 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:24,120 through that could have possibly been worse than divorce as far 626 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:29,200 as the pain that they suffered. And so that was it for me as far 627 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,040 as I was just like you. Get help. 628 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,720 Right or we can't It wasn't necessarily you went straight to 629 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,160 the voice. I was like I had to go straight 630 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,320 how to boundaries out of lines. See, I did go talk to an 631 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,480 attorney just because I wanted to find out as far as. 632 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,520 Protective order of custody and things like that, just because 633 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:51,560 he was not in a good place mentally, physically and I just 634 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,760 didn't know. I didn't know what tomorrow was 635 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,920 going to bring. And so I wanted to put some 636 00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,200 protective measures there in case. 637 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,760 And I just had the locks changed. 638 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:07,920 And for me, that was the step in the direction of surrendering my 639 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:11,440 control because for so long I had no control of anything. 640 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,520 But I thought I did. I lived in chaos. 641 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,880 But the little things that I could control, I micromanaged 642 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,680 and I worried and I stressed and I felt like I had to check all 643 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,680 these boxes. But for the first time, I was 644 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:27,520 like, I'm done controlling it. I have got to surrender this. 645 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:33,440 And, and if, if it's going to work out, he's going to, he's 646 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,840 going to make the change. Not for me while our three kids, 647 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,520 not for his mom, but for himself and for his future. 648 00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:46,080 And I think, and at the craziest thing, I had peace about it 649 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:50,760 while I was not sitting in the corner rocking like I thought I 650 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240 would be. Because every other time that's 651 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:57,000 how I handled situations. Just neurotic and so upset and 652 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,360 devastated and. And almost at the same time of 653 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:05,040 you having peace, he's kind of, you know, and route as well of, 654 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,280 of finding Christ and and coming to the end of himself. 655 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,480 Yeah, he was crazy because y'all don't even know it. 656 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,560 Y'all ain't got to follow all this. 657 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,600 You're in two different states. Like that's just so crazy. 658 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,920 So did you end up OK, so you're in Florida, right? 659 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,320 Did you end up going to the place in Florida to get the 660 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,400 help? OK, so start from there I guess. 661 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,520 So we're we're down in that camper. 662 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:28,880 I don't know how long we're there a week or two. 663 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,080 I don't even know. I mean, the days are I'm going 664 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,440 to say a couple weeks is what I would say a few days. 665 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,520 It was in a few days and we've down there a long time anyway. 666 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,560 And she said different. I know you got me, but I don't 667 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,040 know my. Mom was clear, I. 668 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,680 I'll tell you one thing, Mike Mays don't stay nowhere for 669 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:44,680 long. So where? 670 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:46,400 He went. Mike was back and forth. 671 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,440 Here's the thing. Now Mike's back and forth. 672 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,440 So we're wondering, hey, what's going on? 673 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:54,200 Mike, you say you're gone again and he come back. 674 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,360 So I know we're down there a few days. 675 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,640 I mean few days. No, I mean like I'm, I'm a few 676 00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,960 days for me, 7 to 10. But anyway, that's the way 677 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:02,760 that's the way it was. But that's in my mind. 678 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,000 So I'm in, I'm down there. And here's the crazy thing. 679 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,679 So the guy that's in there with me is there's another guy named 680 00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:14,400 Jeff and Wade Edmondson. He he had come down there. 681 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:20,159 He was popping in and out. And anyway, so the the wild and 682 00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:23,960 the crazy thing was it was, it was dwindling down. 683 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,800 I will never forget, I said. And and there was that night, 684 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,159 whatever day it was, and another guy named Jeff was in, was 685 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:32,880 around that area and he was in that camper with us. 686 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,880 And I said, tomorrow I said, I'm going to check myself in. 687 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,080 I got check. I changed the way I'm living. 688 00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:39,719 I need a ride and I will never forget. 689 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,480 He started laughing. And I remember all my life, you 690 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,840 know, you try to get people to laugh and you cut up and blah, 691 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,400 blah, blah. But for the first time it wasn't 692 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:51,440 funny and he self humor and I didn't crack a smile and I said 693 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:52,920 no. I said I'm for real bro. 694 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,199 I said matter of fact and I gave him my boots and there was some 695 00:34:56,199 --> 00:34:58,360 Xanaxes in the boots so I said you can have them too. 696 00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,160 So would you take me down there? And he took me down there for 697 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,280 some Xanax and some boots which he probably took me anyway. 698 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,760 But he dropped me off and I went to the front desk and said I'm 699 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,200 here to check in. She was let me see your 700 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:09,720 paperwork. I said I ain't got none. 701 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,760 She said, all right, let me see your registration. 702 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,920 You got something to see your request for. 703 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:16,480 I said I ain't got let me see your insurance. 704 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,240 I said I ain't, I ain't ain't got anything. 705 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,120 I said, ma'am. I said what you probably need to 706 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,960 do is you need to get your balls because I don't know if you're 707 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,880 going to be able to to do this intake. 708 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,920 I said, but I know I'm supposed to be here anyway. 709 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:29,560 So long. Is this a Christian place? 710 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,400 No, Jesus ain't within 5 miles that place. 711 00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,160 All right, so it's right there. It's called 12 Oaks. 712 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,960 It's right there on the sea. It's right there on the ocean. 713 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,560 We called it cirrhosis by the sea. 714 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,880 It was all the but now this was what the top at that time, the 715 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,800 top in the country. They said our military was 716 00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:47,800 sending their generals or Colonel. 717 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,640 This is where I mean, it was good stuff. 718 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,840 And I had found this place and I knew. 719 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:58,000 And So what they did, God just they let me in. 720 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,800 They said we're going to call your insurance in the morning. 721 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,880 And if they let we get that with it, we'll let you stay. 722 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,040 So they call in the morning, they give them three or four 723 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,440 day, let him stay for three or four, We'll call again. 724 00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:11,880 They did that for three. Every three to four days they 725 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,760 would call the insurance company to get clearance for letting me 726 00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,880 stay a little. Now I think I was down there for 727 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:22,880 30-40 days. 21. 21, she said. But anyway, bless your heart. 728 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,840 And I always thought my girl could count, but I just don't 729 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,840 know how long. I don't know how long I was down 730 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:29,920 there, but. It felt like that long. 731 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:34,680 Well, I think it was AB but anyway, so I'm, I'm down there 732 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,680 and I, I for whatever days it is. 733 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:43,160 And they, they say your time's up here and that whole entire 734 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,560 time. I will never forget I I just 735 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:51,600 will never forget God for me showing up. 736 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,280 It was not a religion. You get cussed out, but these 737 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:55,880 were top. I mean that's how they talk to 738 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,360 you. They had a way to try. 739 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:00,840 I will never forget this guy and he's real now. 740 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,840 His name, his name, his name is Rick doctor Rick Beach. 741 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,680 He was the doctor down there. I will never forget him saying 742 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,240 hey bro, the the problem that you got is addiction is a 743 00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:12,160 disease. You just got disease son. 744 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:16,040 We can help you and I went that is so great to know that I had a 745 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,840 disease addiction. I know what's wrong with me and 746 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,000 come to find out God said, partner, that ain't the disease. 747 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,360 The disease is sin. Now I don't have you. 748 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:28,000 There's been really crazy in the last six or seven days. 749 00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:30,840 Do you know there's a guy at the rescue mission where I'm at now, 750 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,960 he knows Doctor Rick Beach, he's very close with him. 751 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,880 Wade Edmondson's sister I got to talk to at a wedding this 752 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,880 weekend and we connected. So some things in that past. 753 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:46,200 But anyway, we're down there. I mean, it's just crazy. 754 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:47,840 And then got we're doing this now. 755 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:53,160 And so it was just crazy how that all evolved at 12 Oaks. 756 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:57,360 And I did my time and I came back, I turned myself in and and 757 00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,800 I had to stay in facility for a little bit because they wanted 758 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,040 to talk, you know, just I got locked up. 759 00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:06,840 I got locked up and I had to stay there for a while. 760 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,320 And so I knew that I was going to have to do. 761 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,520 I knew I was going to go to prison because I had been to 762 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,520 jail so many times. And they had told me the next 763 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,040 time in house Academy, come, you're gone. 764 00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:19,920 And I knew I was probably going to do, they would give me two or 765 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,760 three years and I had to do 12 to 18 months, get out on good. 766 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,120 And I just I was ready. I was prepared. 767 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:29,320 And Luke Meyer was the judge and he was very strict. 768 00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:33,320 He loved his job. And I went into court and the 769 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:37,400 day, that morning, the day of court, he got pulled off the 770 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:42,080 case and they put McConnell in which he's just the coolest. 771 00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,320 And he, me, him, and I had to. Be a football coach when he was 772 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,040 a little. Boy. 773 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:50,840 So he's kicked back with his feet on the desk and his hands 774 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,800 behind his head. And when I walked into court, he 775 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,040 wanted to ask about a fight that was like a year old. 776 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,440 He started, that's how he starts tripping out, cutting up and and 777 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,360 I knew then and he suspended my sentence and my yeah. 778 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,080 And my and I didn't get any prison time and my wife and my 779 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,840 mom were the only two there in my that I remember. 780 00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:14,000 And I got to go home with my wife and and I'm telling you 781 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:19,240 something that's been 20 years ago and my life has not been the 782 00:39:19,240 --> 00:39:21,880 same since. God do a number on me 783 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,160 immediately spiritually changed. You know, they, and that's the 784 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,320 little hazy part. Did you get saved? 785 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,760 Did you walk out? I was in court. 786 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,760 I was in, I was in the courtroom and I got out there and I was in 787 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,720 church the following Sunday. I think I walked denial in at 788 00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:41,560 Centerville that Sunday. But I got to tell you something. 789 00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,160 My life changed the day those locks got changed. 790 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,040 Isn't that crazy though? Spiritually, something happened 791 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:51,520 in my life the day those locks were changed, but the the 792 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:55,640 evolving of the transformation or however you want to say it, 793 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,920 of a human being when he knows Jesus Christ needs to be Lord. 794 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,920 It was that day going out of that courtroom. 795 00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:06,560 My life was forever changed. I knew that I would never touch 796 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,880 a drug again and I'll tell you something else I could start 797 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,640 back using tonight or tomorrow. He'd Take Me Out of here. 798 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,400 He would not let me live. The same thing still applies 799 00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:19,080 that he told me on that dirt Rd. Either you're ready and you're 800 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,600 going to change or I'm taking you out. 801 00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,320 It still applies today. Either you're going to live for 802 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,880 me or I'll just like you said, he'll just call you home. 803 00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,760 You know, you tell that little that Mama says, hey boy, stop to 804 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,760 that little 3 year old. And they don't. 805 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,280 They say, I'm going to tell you again, stop now. 806 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,760 And by the third time they say, all right, if you do it, then 807 00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:38,320 I'm going to tear your tail up. And then they say, hey, you do 808 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,080 it again, I'm taking you home. Yeah. 809 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,800 And I think that was the the, the way it played out. 810 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,760 So that's where I'm at. Yeah, well, I mean, a lot of the 811 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,440 times we hear like you got to go to like a rehab for like a year, 812 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,680 but for you it was like 3 weeks in this facility in your world 813 00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:54,720 changed. Yeah. 814 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:59,360 Well, really the day. But I'm saying like when you 815 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:03,280 spiritually encounter Jesus and you have that encounter with 816 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,200 him, that sanctification process started immediately for you. 817 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,320 You didn't need more time. You knew without a shadow of a 818 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,760 doubt it was over for you. And and I think it's I think 819 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:17,000 it's good that you say that latest because when he calls you 820 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,200 OK, and this ain't biblical, I'm just telling you how it played 821 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,440 out. He called me that day, OK, 822 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,360 without a lot. He called me and I heard him and 823 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:31,320 I said Yep, but it didn't happen that day. 824 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,840 He called me. Now something had to happen. 825 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:36,160 That was like right after Christmas. 826 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:40,800 OK, well, it was still December, I think, I think. 827 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,360 But anyway, when he calls, you need to, you need to, you need 828 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:49,760 to acknowledge that that what you hear ain't human and it 829 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,600 ain't natural. It's spiritual and it's 830 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,960 supernatural. So when you get that call to 831 00:41:55,960 --> 00:42:00,880 change your life forever because of him, just stay there. 832 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,400 Now you need to acknowledge it and you need to press into it, 833 00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,160 and you need to see what that's about. 834 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,680 Because I promise you right now, you'll never be the same again. 835 00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:10,200 That's so. Good. 836 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,960 And that's three weeks that he was down there. 837 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,840 Even though it wasn't a Christian facility, God was 838 00:42:18,040 --> 00:42:20,600 talking to him, having conversations with him. 839 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:22,400 He would occasionally get to use the phone. 840 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:24,560 He would call me. And you know, I was at, I was at 841 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,920 peace. I was like, OK, I'm not. 842 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,480 I'm not falling for it again. I'm not taking him back. 843 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,840 He has to prove himself, so to speak. 844 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:37,600 He has to earn his spot back in his way back in and a key to the 845 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:38,800 door. You know what I mean? 846 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,240 But I could tell in him, in the phone, occasional phone calls. 847 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,920 He started writing me letters and in the letters just the 848 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:55,240 conviction that God allowed him to feel for the first time 849 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:58,920 because the numbness was finally gone and he wasn't self 850 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:02,200 medicating. And he was able to face some 851 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,880 things head on for the first time with clarity. 852 00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:11,240 And I was beginning to see, you know, his light start to shine. 853 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,120 And so he was there for three weeks and then he spent two 854 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,520 weeks in the detention center. And that was due to the fact 855 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,840 that part of me changing the locks. 856 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:26,680 I also call his PO and I said, hey, here's the thing. 857 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,720 He's been, you know, in under your care for many years and you 858 00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:34,520 have done nothing to assist in this process. 859 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:42,320 So I need, I need you to help with that and I need you to do a 860 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,520 test or something. He's need, he's needing to get 861 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,360 some help. And I said, and if you don't, 862 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,000 I'm going to have to call higher up. 863 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,760 So I kind of did a little, little Trump thing there. 864 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:57,320 And so that was how that played out. 865 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,360 When he ended up leaving town without whatever, without 866 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:02,960 permission, he was like contempt. 867 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,360 So that worked out to our benefit and they were able and 868 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,880 he was able to turn himself in and that gave us two extra 869 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,040 weeks. Yeah, insurance pushed past. 870 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:16,080 Usually they just do three to seven days back then for like 871 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,360 detox and yeah, you know, facility, but they extended it 872 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,160 or the Lord extended it. That's right, One day, three 873 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,360 full weeks, and then an additional, and then he got an 874 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:30,120 additional 2 weeks for the Lord to have that time to talk to him 875 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:33,080 one-on-one, for him to be still because this man was never 876 00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,240 still. And these were really hard 877 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,800 times. Now that's what I was. 878 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,400 Going to ask I'm telling you now and you and I don't know if a 879 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,640 lot of your listeners are going to get this, but some people 880 00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,880 will and I've never some of these things I've never 881 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:52,720 discussed with her. There was one individual thing I 882 00:44:52,720 --> 00:44:55,200 could have done while at 12 Oaks and I think that it would have 883 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,280 wrecked everything. Yeah, OK, we did wrecked it and 884 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,480 I mean wrecked it and I chose not. 885 00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:03,920 I'm just telling you. And that was the Lord in me. 886 00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,360 But I, I really don't think I I just again, I'm answering a 887 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,360 call. I'm not really sure, but I knew 888 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:15,480 if I did that, which would have been way wrong and I didn't I 889 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:18,800 didn't Said Nah, I'm not. And then when I got back and I 890 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:22,840 got turned, I turned myself in. What happened in that jail? 891 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,880 It was, it was tough. I mean, it was tough. 892 00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:28,160 Matter of fact, there's a guy named Steve Head and he was 893 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,440 above, he was a bunk above me. Well, he saw it all. 894 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,280 And it was it was, it was tough. It was tough. 895 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,320 You got to make a decision and we made their decision. 896 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,960 I made a decision. So I had some really, really, 897 00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,800 you know, some people say there's no heel to heel for the 898 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,000 climber. OK, I had some heels and I had, 899 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:53,400 I had to, yeah, I had to go over and some things had happened. 900 00:45:53,400 --> 00:46:01,200 But I'm just telling you that after, after that, it was my, my 901 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:02,920 life. It might happen overnight. 902 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:08,280 I'm just, and I know that's not probably normal. 903 00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,760 And but some people always ask, this is what they ask. 904 00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:15,760 How do you know that you're saved and the best answer and I 905 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,960 and this this just came to me in the last couple days. 906 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,720 I was listening to Billy Graham the last the the best way, the 907 00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:24,440 only way that you can tell if you're if you're say, has your 908 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,880 life been transformed? I mean, radically. 909 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,800 I don't care if you smoke meth or you're an accountant for 910 00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:34,040 freaking Raymond James. I don't know. 911 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,160 I don't. It doesn't matter. 912 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:40,080 Has your life. You can work as ACEO of a of a 913 00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:43,000 major company in California. You can whatever you're whatever 914 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,040 you want to give me. The only way that you know that 915 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:49,120 you're saved. Has your life been transformed. 916 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:54,320 I think we water it down when that Bible says all the old 917 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,440 passes away and you become a new creation. 918 00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,560 We try to make that cute, warm and fuzzy. 919 00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:02,200 We try to say my life has just been turned upside down. 920 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:04,680 No, it's not really like that. Oh, yes, it is. 921 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:08,040 It's why most people will not be, will not get saved. 922 00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:11,840 So the Bible says most people do not do what we're talking about 923 00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:15,160 right now. And that's why you got. 924 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:19,000 They're going to miss it until your life has been completely 925 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,840 transformed. OK? 926 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,200 That's how you know you're saved. 927 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,720 I know during that whole time out, my biggest prayer all of 928 00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:31,840 the years through addiction was that my biggest prayer was that 929 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:36,280 Lord, would you allow him to be freed from bondage and for us to 930 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:40,720 have, you know, just security? Yeah, I didn't pray for anything 931 00:47:40,720 --> 00:47:45,320 bigger than that because to me that was a huge, a huge prayer. 932 00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,240 That was everything. That was everything. 933 00:47:47,240 --> 00:47:48,480 But we didn't know it was everything. 934 00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:50,960 No, but that was, that was all I could. 935 00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:52,720 I think that's a good point, you know? 936 00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:56,520 To to know that we didn't know it was everything, but it was 937 00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,920 all we had. That's the beauty in Christ. 938 00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,080 When you just don't know the details of it, but you know, 939 00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:03,440 that's all. You got that. 940 00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:07,920 To me, that's what makes any of this go or we're doing right now 941 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:12,240 is when all I know is it's him because everything 'cause I look 942 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:17,480 behind me and I look at the, the, the devastation when you 943 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:21,080 could turn back around and see what your life used to be after 944 00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,040 you gave your life to crush, then you understand what we're 945 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,440 talking about. And that to me, that's the 946 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,400 transformation. And if you can't step back and 947 00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,600 take a look what has been transformed, then I don't think 948 00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:36,400 you met him. And that's not judgmental. 949 00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,880 That's our story. OK, sure. 950 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,000 Here's the thing. Now she got saved, OK? 951 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,560 So she knows what it means for all the old to pass away. 952 00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,080 That's the final woman as you'll meet. 953 00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,440 She ain't never done no dope. She ain't never drink. 954 00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,360 She ain't know that. But her life got transformed 955 00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:54,240 through a relationship with Jesus Christ. 956 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:57,720 She's good as they come. She can look back and see. 957 00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:59,920 It's like a tornado. You can see. 958 00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:01,280 You can see how you used to live. 959 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,160 God carried me through, right? Yeah, he carried you through. 960 00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,600 He got you through. But her old way of living would 961 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:11,040 have cost her hell, right? And she's a good a woman as I 962 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,760 ever met, never touched a drug. So they people say I always want 963 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:17,080 your story, not mine. Or that's what they say about I 964 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,480 want their story. Now you got your own story. 965 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,120 You were the one born lost just like the rest of us. 966 00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:24,480 You just chose to do something different with your time. 967 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:28,240 Lost is lost transformed. It's transformed. 968 00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:32,440 Yeah, I really relate to that because when I heard from God 969 00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,240 for the first time, like it was radical. 970 00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:37,120 And that's hard. Like people are like, what in 971 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:41,640 the world is going on? But like, it's hard when you do 972 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,640 radically change, especially for y'all, because now you're having 973 00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:46,880 to come together. Like, I mean, y'all were one 974 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:50,240 flesh already, but now you're having to learn to truly walk it 975 00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:53,280 out together. And So what does those early 976 00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:58,120 stages look like once you come to Christ and you go home and 977 00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,600 now you have three kids, the wife, the job, the the normal 978 00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:06,200 simplistic life? It was so beautiful, wasn't it? 979 00:50:06,360 --> 00:50:08,160 Yeah, well, it was it. No, it was. 980 00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,960 Rainbows and lollies you. Said you said walk it out. 981 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:17,080 When we had to go to answer that question, we came back together. 982 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,760 We won't never forget that first year we had to walk things back 983 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:22,960 and I walk them out. You had to walk them back. 984 00:50:23,240 --> 00:50:25,000 So I'm coming in there and that kid with you. 985 00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:28,040 This is the craziest thing to me of the whole testimony. 986 00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:31,640 We're in the kitchen somewhere in the first year of me out of 987 00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:37,800 jail, living for Jesus. I am hard, radical and not easy 988 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:39,320 to put up with this. I am. 989 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,280 What is the word? Just a bowl of fun. 990 00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,240 Just yeah, not a bowl of fun, but I'm but I'm like, give me 991 00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:47,880 the checkbook. We got a tithe. 992 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,720 We got a are you in your word? How much you give it girl? 993 00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:53,760 We got to get and I won't. I was beating over the head with 994 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:54,440 the Bible. It was like. 995 00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,320 Fire and brimstone. It was terrible. 996 00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:57,920 It was beyond that. It was beyond. 997 00:50:58,120 --> 00:50:59,480 It was bad. It was bad, it was bad. 998 00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:04,840 She turns around, she goes, I'm out and walks out the kitchen 999 00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:09,720 and I looked up at God and I said you brought a cyst for her. 1000 00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:13,960 And she takes a leave. I didn't get it. 1001 00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:16,080 I'm telling you now, they wrecked me. 1002 00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:20,800 They wrecked me. A year is almost gone. 1003 00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:27,240 And it's supposed to be right. And she says I'm out and she's, 1004 00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:28,480 I'll never forget what she told me. 1005 00:51:28,720 --> 00:51:32,680 She says I wanted you to change. I want you to change this much. 1006 00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:36,000 And I'm telling you she ought to tell you the rest, because it 1007 00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:39,120 was just. Yeah, well, I I mean my fault. 1008 00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:42,320 So it was just a huge it was. A process to bring asylation. 1009 00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,880 Yeah, I had been basically a single mom and independent, 1010 00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,040 making all decisions for the family and taking care of 1011 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,720 everything. And he came in and wanted to be 1012 00:51:52,720 --> 00:51:56,040 the spiritual leader and the decision maker and for me to 1013 00:51:56,560 --> 00:52:00,560 fall back, but yet cosign on, you know, on the way that we ran 1014 00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:04,080 things, our home. And I was like, hold up, where 1015 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,000 have you been for 17 years? You know, it's almost like you 1016 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,840 have to earn this position, which is completely wrong. 1017 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:15,960 We're not supposed to hold people to an earning status. 1018 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:21,800 The Lord, if that was the case, we will never be able to be who 1019 00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:26,480 he wants us to be because we can never earn his love and his 1020 00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,120 grace and all of those things that he's gifted us with. 1021 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:33,280 So it was, I mean, I and I had these certain boundaries and 1022 00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:37,680 expectations that I wanted for him in these hoops for him to 1023 00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:42,400 jump through to be able to earn that placement in our family. 1024 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,600 And like I said, this was a whole new situation. 1025 00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:49,600 We had not ever been equally yoked before. 1026 00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:54,360 And so, you know, his yoke and my yoke, we're not wow. 1027 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,680 We're not matching. Up I've never said this and and 1028 00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:04,920 this may be Bumble say it. I think we both had our own race 1029 00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:10,560 to run. OK, I think again, I believe I 1030 00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:14,840 was overbearing way too hard and I that that I was me. 1031 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,480 But I still think she had to clean up her own race. 1032 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:21,560 Oh, yeah, I didn't even know that I needed to clean up 1033 00:53:21,560 --> 00:53:23,200 anything. You know what I mean? 1034 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:29,000 I, I was so oblivious to the sin that I had in my own personal 1035 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:35,000 life because his sin was so on a marquee sign and so neon and 1036 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:39,520 flashing and getting all the attention that my pocket sins 1037 00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:43,400 were not of destruction mode in my opinion. 1038 00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:45,120 You know what I mean? If you're like equaling them up 1039 00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:49,120 on the building block levels. I was like, no, Boo, it's it's 1040 00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:50,000 you. It's all you. 1041 00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:53,120 Let's work on forgetting you. But it absolutely not. 1042 00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:57,320 The Lord revealed to me that there were so many things that I 1043 00:53:57,320 --> 00:54:01,680 needed to work on, so many things that I was not doing 1044 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:07,760 right and we're not in his will. And so that kind of knocked me 1045 00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:09,520 down and kind of put me in my place. 1046 00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:15,680 And when I, you know, was repositioned by the Lord, we got 1047 00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,080 to a better place. Pat kind of was a little bit 1048 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,920 muted down and the Lord put me in my place. 1049 00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,880 And then we started to mesh for the first time, but it took 1050 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:27,560 probably close to a year and a half. 1051 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,960 That's so good. And we got closer to divorce 1052 00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,160 then then we did the 1st 17 years. 1053 00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,360 Wow, no joke. Because Satan was coming hard 1054 00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,560 for us. Yeah, it could. 1055 00:54:37,560 --> 00:54:39,440 It could have been saved. I mean, I think sometimes we 1056 00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,400 give him too much credit. Well, that's true too. 1057 00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:45,880 The best when you said we both had our own race to really it's 1058 00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:48,480 like and me and Dexter and I think it's so good for any 1059 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:51,480 marriage to hear this, whether it's, you know, somebody that 1060 00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,680 hasn't had the struggles y'all have regardless. 1061 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,920 But you know what we've been talking about. 1062 00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,640 Obviously there's things in our marriage that we want to work 1063 00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:03,160 on, but we had this conversation because we just started that new 1064 00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:08,280 Bible study and I was like, well if we're just focused on him, 1065 00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:13,840 that's it and he's the number one in me and I'm rightly right 1066 00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:15,920 there with him and he's showing everything about me. 1067 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,560 That's what's going to healed anything that's broken in our 1068 00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,040 marriage. I'm running my race, you're 1069 00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:23,560 running your race. And, and in turn, that's what's 1070 00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,480 going to bring us together. And that's like what it seemed 1071 00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:28,600 like you just said was after that happened and and you were 1072 00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,080 doing your part and he's doing his part. 1073 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:33,920 It's almost then y'all came together and y'all felt more 1074 00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,320 closer than y'all had ever felt through the helm. 1075 00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,040 And then it became almost like we were newlyweds. 1076 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:39,880 Right. I mean we. 1077 00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:43,400 Like almost 20 years at that point or right no. 1078 00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,800 Probably more than that just started getting fine. 1079 00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:50,280 Yeah, well, it was like, it was so neat and it was so we were so 1080 00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,320 giddy and wings doing things together and we didn't realize. 1081 00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:57,760 We always said we were opposites in every possible way, and we 1082 00:55:57,760 --> 00:56:02,000 still have a lot of opposite traits naturally, but we began 1083 00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:08,000 to do things together and make memories and try different 1084 00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:12,160 hobbies and things together for the first time and it was really 1085 00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,720 special. And church became so very 1086 00:56:15,720 --> 00:56:20,800 important to our family. We started recognizing it wasn't 1087 00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:24,760 just going to church, it was being rightly related with Jesus 1088 00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,680 and that trumped everything else. 1089 00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:31,760 And we weren't going to do sports on Wednesday nights and, 1090 00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,720 and Sundays. And we were going to make sure 1091 00:56:34,720 --> 00:56:37,840 that we were praying and we were doing Bible studies, reading the 1092 00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:42,280 Bible in the living room. Our youngest was just becoming a 1093 00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:44,280 higher level reader. I think she was like second 1094 00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,120 grade and she was reading the Bible in the living room and we 1095 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,680 were watching what remember the passion of Christ and on TV with 1096 00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:52,400 her. And, you know, it's just. 1097 00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:55,880 And she got saved right there at the house with her daddy leading 1098 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,520 her through the Centers for her. And it was just good stuff. 1099 00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:03,320 Yeah, but it took a minute. There's still a level of and, 1100 00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:08,040 and this is, this has been the past probably 6-7 months that 1101 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:14,040 this is the term, it's a secular term, but, and then for me, but 1102 00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,080 I, I, I try to express it the best way I could. 1103 00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:19,920 We, I, we, I buried the hatchet because your mind is still 1104 00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:23,320 messed with you now. OK, we still got stuff in a 1105 00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:26,160 closet that or some of us got to revolve in door. 1106 00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:29,200 OK, it ain't no open and shut and some of some of the doors 1107 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:35,040 are just off the hinge. But I I've I've I've moved on in 1108 00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:39,480 in a lot of things. And now for me, you have to move 1109 00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:40,720 in. You have to move on for yourself 1110 00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:43,080 from yourself. OK, at some point in time. 1111 00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:44,120 Oh. That's good. 1112 00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,800 OK, and you have to understand, OK, my identities in Christ and 1113 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,760 that's who I am, but I also got to move in from move on from 1114 00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,920 what I thought, you know, because again, you know, when 1115 00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:57,200 you're on meth, stuff gets in your head and you can't tell the 1116 00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:59,560 truth from a lie. And you have to carry that 1117 00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:03,040 stuff. And and if you find out one 1118 00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:07,680 thing that you had any crazy thought about is true, then that 1119 00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:11,960 makes everything else possibly true and that will consume you. 1120 00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:15,720 So that six months ago I just said, you know what, I love you 1121 00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:19,760 and I love God and whatever I thought I'm done. 1122 00:58:19,760 --> 00:58:22,480 I checked out and I'll be honest with you, I don't think I've 1123 00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:27,280 thought about her in a negative simple. 1124 00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,600 And I buried it and it did take me 20 years. 1125 00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:34,680 So if you're out there just trying to figure out all I got 1126 00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:40,240 the stuff in my head, if you really love Jesus, then you 1127 00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:44,600 really love her. And that sometimes we try to 1128 00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:48,080 reverse that. I want to love them and that 1129 00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:49,520 ain't it. I don't know if I've ever said 1130 00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:53,080 it like that, but if you really love Jesus, then you love the 1131 00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:54,760 one. You love your your spouse. 1132 00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,440 And I buried it. I've said that about Dexter 1133 00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,040 where I've had, you have to get to a point where we've had this 1134 00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:04,920 conversation where I love you as Jesus loves you. 1135 00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:07,840 That's the only way I can love you the right way. 1136 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,040 And that's, and I feel like that's exactly what you're 1137 00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:14,280 saying is that whatever thoughts or things that I had, they're 1138 00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:17,280 not mine anymore. I'm, I'm, I'm having the Lord's 1139 00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,000 thoughts about you now going forward. 1140 00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:21,360 I'm letting it all go. We have to lay it down. 1141 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:24,280 Yeah, you have to lay it down and you don't hold on to it. 1142 00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:28,160 That's the thing. Because if you hold on to it, 1143 00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:33,360 your mind will be manipulated by all of the past herbs, hang ups, 1144 00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:37,040 habits, sins. The things. 1145 00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,440 That the things that the pain that you've gone through and 1146 00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:43,240 experienced and we don't, we don't live there anymore. 1147 00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,800 That's why, you know, we, we some pastor said something one 1148 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,360 time about the rearview mirror being small. 1149 00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,840 There's a reason why what we've overcome and what's in the past, 1150 00:59:53,120 --> 00:59:56,680 we only have a small area to look at versus the windshield. 1151 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,560 What's in front of us is huge. But you have to learn this now. 1152 00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:02,880 I mean, this is not. And you could try. 1153 01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:07,120 Yeah, you can hear this. All you we want, but until you 1154 01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,520 put it into practice, yeah. And I think there's a level of 1155 01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,320 having to go through this stuff. This ain't easy, y'all. 1156 01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,320 And this is there's nothing easy about this. 1157 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:21,200 But we got a second chance, and you can do this, but it's only 1158 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,720 by way of Christ you can't. Yep. 1159 01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:24,680 Yep, can't pull it off on your own. 1160 01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:28,360 With all of that, I kind of want to go ahead and start making our 1161 01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:30,840 way to close, but we don't have to close like in the next like 1162 01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,360 5. But I do want to hit on what 1163 01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:37,720 life looks like today with you all together today, like you 1164 01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,240 people who don't even really realize you will pass them. 1165 01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,320 Yeah. Well, I I let's, let's say, 1166 01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:47,280 let's, let's say there's not and because we're going to bring 1167 01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:50,120 each other along with each other, that's what we do. 1168 01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:56,560 So we're in the ministry and I think we right that we're in the 1169 01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,200 ministry and we want to try to win people for the cause of 1170 01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:05,000 Christ. We we love seeing life change 1171 01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:10,480 her nor I can change anybody. So we know the one that does the 1172 01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:15,280 changing. We, we work, I think we work 1173 01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:19,040 pretty hard, not at that. We, we, we get up early, we work 1174 01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:22,000 late. There's a calling on our life. 1175 01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:26,280 We are still learning how to submit and surrender and make 1176 01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:30,120 him first and everything. I think we do strengthen one 1177 01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,840 another. I, I can still be a little bit 1178 01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,480 overbearing. She can be a little bit super 1179 01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,280 cautious. But the funny joke that we make 1180 01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:43,080 is we have switched roles now I kind of want to plan. 1181 01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:44,280 I don't know if she gives a Dang. 1182 01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:49,720 So so she, and that's our joke. She's I've become her a little 1183 01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:53,280 bit and she's become me. And that's funny to watch. 1184 01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,360 But we have grandkids. We're empty nesters. 1185 01:01:57,360 --> 01:02:04,160 We got one kid left in college. We we're just right now it's, 1186 01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:08,320 you know, we're in our mid 50s and we're just trying to figure 1187 01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:12,480 out how I love Jesus more. And I still I, I, I need to 1188 01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:15,080 learn how to treat her the way she's called. 1189 01:02:15,280 --> 01:02:18,320 Hey, the beautiful thing about Christianity to me is how'd you, 1190 01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:24,200 how'd you, how'd you fix it? All right, when you mess it up, 1191 01:02:24,360 --> 01:02:27,640 how, how, how do you fix it? And to me, it's the number one 1192 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:30,800 sign of Jesus. And just what do you do when it 1193 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:36,280 doesn't go your way? And that's what, you know, I 1194 01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:38,280 think is it really, really important. 1195 01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:42,800 Still grabbing us and teaching us about each other too, you 1196 01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:46,120 know, even though we've been married 37 years. 1197 01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:48,920 Wow. You know, he's still teaching me 1198 01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:53,880 to pay attention to certain things with him and to help him 1199 01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:56,560 find balance when things get too heavy. 1200 01:02:56,840 --> 01:03:01,360 And, you know, in the ministry role that he serves in, it's in 1201 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:06,040 several capacities. And so it can be very heavy. 1202 01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:10,880 And some of those things are are not for him to share with me. 1203 01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:14,040 They're private and they're things that people have, you 1204 01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,760 know, in confidence share with him. 1205 01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:21,960 But to help him with that load and to help relieve some of the 1206 01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:25,600 pressure that he feels and recognize when I see those 1207 01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:29,160 stressors pop up in him and say, Hey, we need to, we need to get 1208 01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:33,000 away or we need to, or you need to take some time and, you know, 1209 01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:38,400 fish or let's go out into the woods and hunt or, you know, 1210 01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:41,160 those kind of things. And whereas we used to call them 1211 01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,080 kitchen passes, we would give in kitchen passes. 1212 01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:44,760 I would give in kitchen passes here and there. 1213 01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:47,560 But now we just, we do things so much together. 1214 01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:49,120 And he cuts up about that all the time. 1215 01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:54,600 He was like, for years we rarely did anything together because we 1216 01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,600 were on different cycles and sessions. 1217 01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:58,640 Yeah. And now we do everything. 1218 01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:00,480 And now we do so much they get I. 1219 01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,000 Would say, you know, I mean, it's close to everything. 1220 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,560 I mean, I just, it really is. I mean, we're always together. 1221 01:04:05,560 --> 01:04:07,640 We hunt together, we fish together, we go together, we 1222 01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:10,280 play together. We do everything just about 1223 01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:12,600 together. Very rarely are we apart. 1224 01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,760 That's true. Yeah, yeah, work, I mean that, 1225 01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:19,880 but. Your hobbies. 1226 01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:22,240 It's not like you're living your own life and she's still living 1227 01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:23,560 her own life. Y'all are. 1228 01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:24,920 Y'all are doing everything together. 1229 01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:26,360 Everything is meshed together now. 1230 01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:27,680 I say. Beautiful. 1231 01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:33,200 The prayer that I once thought was too big to even submit to 1232 01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:34,040 the Lord. Wow. 1233 01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:38,640 God just blew the roof off of it and abundantly blessed us. 1234 01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:42,480 And we've mentioned this before. We call this our bonus time. 1235 01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,760 It's like we're in the bonus. So if you're you know anything 1236 01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,360 about basketball, these are just the extra. 1237 01:04:47,880 --> 01:04:52,120 These are things we never even dreamed of, we never even prayed 1238 01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:55,080 for. I like how you said, you know, 1239 01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:58,440 this is far more than what you could have ever imagined. 1240 01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:00,800 That was just a such a simple prayer and it's turned into 1241 01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:03,880 something so beautiful, like so big how God is using y'all's 1242 01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:06,840 relationship and y'all's story, you know, to help some of the 1243 01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:09,160 other people. But it's like we do put God in a 1244 01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:11,000 box. Like we think we're just praying 1245 01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:13,400 for this one. Like we just need him to get 1246 01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:14,520 sober. That's all. 1247 01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:16,840 You were really praying for the stability. 1248 01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:20,680 But then it's come to where y'all are truly walking it out 1249 01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:22,680 now. Not running it back, but walking 1250 01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:26,280 it out and living life like what God has called y'all to do. 1251 01:05:26,760 --> 01:05:29,080 And that's just so like, that's one of the reasons why I wanted 1252 01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:32,080 to have both of you on is because there's so many women 1253 01:05:32,080 --> 01:05:34,640 that have been struggling in the same place. 1254 01:05:34,640 --> 01:05:37,280 I mean, I used to confide in you all the time about my marriage 1255 01:05:37,280 --> 01:05:39,680 and stuff. And like how we were struggling 1256 01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,840 because we were unequally yoked and our lifestyles had changed. 1257 01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:46,480 And so it's just so beautiful to see what God can do when you 1258 01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:50,800 truly surrender to him and his will and like hear the call and 1259 01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:54,360 surrender to that call. So I guess as we do begin to 1260 01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:57,640 close, I do want to open it up to say, how would y'all like to 1261 01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,240 close it close this? I know we just did this, but 1262 01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:04,520 like maybe he revealed something more to you or maybe you have a 1263 01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:09,560 piece of advice for somebody or maybe you came in wanting to say 1264 01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:12,920 one specific thing and I haven't given given you the opportunity 1265 01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:15,360 to do so. So how what would y'all like to 1266 01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:20,400 close it out as? In all of this, when we get 1267 01:06:20,400 --> 01:06:24,960 through and we're done, I just want people to know that the 1268 01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:30,240 only way any anything that you heard today worked is because we 1269 01:06:30,240 --> 01:06:34,280 were counting on Jesus and we met Him there. 1270 01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:39,960 We learned from the Bible that the reason men and women were 1271 01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:44,280 created was to worship Him. That is the greatest truth. 1272 01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:48,280 It's the greatest truth. If you want to know why you're 1273 01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:54,600 made, that's it. So and it's I just anything 1274 01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:57,600 short of total surrender is failure. 1275 01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:02,760 And and that's probably harsh because somebody may be, you 1276 01:07:02,760 --> 01:07:07,000 know, walking this thing out and maybe just taking baby steps. 1277 01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,280 And if that's what you're doing, then that's great. 1278 01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:14,680 But the day that you say that he's lured and you haven't given 1279 01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:19,680 him everything, he's not Lord. And that's that's a hard for a 1280 01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:22,040 lot of people because a lot of people that that's what this is 1281 01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:23,000 what they're going to tell you next. 1282 01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:25,240 I'm running my own race. That's great. 1283 01:07:25,560 --> 01:07:30,520 But when you get through running your race, if he's not Lord over 1284 01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,760 everything because you surrendered it all, he's that's 1285 01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:37,320 not lordship. And that's what we had to learn. 1286 01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:41,800 We had to, we had to learn that our marriage had to be 1287 01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:45,040 completely given to him. And I'm telling you something, 1288 01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:48,840 man, it'll do a number on you. It's it's and it's very 1289 01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:52,520 difficult, but if you could pull it off and the and the Bible 1290 01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,960 says you can, if you pull it off, you will learn how to love 1291 01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,000 your wife and you'll learn how to love your husband. 1292 01:07:59,360 --> 01:08:03,400 Yeah, I would just to add to that, I would just say being 1293 01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:08,400 able to worship and love people well with your best friend 1294 01:08:10,600 --> 01:08:14,000 changes it all. You know, it's it gives you a 1295 01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:20,080 joy that is immeasurable. It's a priceless gift that we 1296 01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,399 never knew we needed. That's good. 1297 01:08:22,880 --> 01:08:24,560 Yeah, that's so good. Maybe what you got? 1298 01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:28,399 That's it, I'm just meditating and what y'all are saying over 1299 01:08:28,399 --> 01:08:31,560 there because that's so good. I know I feel like I just want 1300 01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:34,399 to ask so much more, but I'm like, I don't know. 1301 01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:36,479 We'll we'll just see. I think this is good. 1302 01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:39,479 I think this is going to do like this is just going to be so 1303 01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:42,000 powerful that people are going to really take a lot away from 1304 01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:44,000 this. And I mean, that's my biggest 1305 01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:47,200 prayer that that's what the prayer is for every episode. 1306 01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:51,880 But I just know that y'all story has impacted my life so much and 1307 01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:53,240 my marriage so much. I'm just. 1308 01:08:53,399 --> 01:08:59,160 So thankful for both of you. And just the the the path in the 1309 01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:02,760 road me and Greg are on right now like I just look up to y'all 1310 01:09:02,760 --> 01:09:06,160 and I know he does too and it's just so beautiful to just see 1311 01:09:06,319 --> 01:09:10,840 what God can do truly like it's just so good Anyway, y'all y'all 1312 01:09:10,840 --> 01:09:16,399 know I cry anyway, I think we're going to end it there thank you 1313 01:09:16,399 --> 01:09:19,160 guys so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this as much 1314 01:09:19,160 --> 01:09:22,200 as we did. Make sure to like, share, rate, 1315 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:25,520 all of the above. Stay tuned, stay blessed, and 1316 01:09:25,520 --> 01:09:27,040 we'll see you guys next week. Bye.