1 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,520 What's up guys? My name's Alexis, your host of 2 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,400 Praises in the Pod and I am so excited to be in the studio with 3 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,320 Felicia Richardson. We are going to be talking about 4 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,840 her testimony and honestly, I'm in the same boat as y'all. 5 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,320 I don't know a whole lot, so we are going to just be talking and 6 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,640 getting to know each other. I'm super excited for it. 7 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:30,960 Thank you. Thank you for having me. 8 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Absolutely. So we're going to start off in 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,400 prayer and then we're going to jump right in. 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,000 So here we go. Lord, Heavenly Father, thank you 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,760 for today. Thank you for all your many 12 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,520 blessings. Dear God, thank you for this 13 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,960 space where we can come and talk about your goodness and your 14 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,760 faithfulness and all that you've done in our lives. 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,960 We just pray that you calm our nerves, Lord God, that you calm 16 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,160 everything about this and just let your presence be known in 17 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,680 this episode. We just pray that you go before 18 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,120 us, Lord God, that you speak to us and through US and let this 19 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,960 episode glorify you. In Jesus name I pray. 20 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:02,720 Amen. Amen. 21 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,200 Amen. Felicia So like I said, I don't 22 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,080 know a whole lot. So this is a good time. 23 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:09,280 I'm get to know you a little bit. 24 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,520 All right. All right, so let's start out a 25 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:15,200 little bit in your childhood and work our way up, OK? 26 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:22,400 I was born in Omaha, NE, and my parents instilled in US at an 27 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,240 early age the importance of relationships with the lore. 28 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:32,120 They both came from a Christian family as well. 29 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,400 So we just grew up in it, you know? 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,080 Sunday night we were at church. Sunday morning we were at church 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,560 Tuesday night we were at church Wednesday night. 32 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,640 Was at church, y'all were at church. 33 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,360 And, you know, just very thankful for that, that 34 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,600 foundation. That is good because there's so 35 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:53,680 many times where I, I shared this Thursday night, I did a 36 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,760 little mini money at Southside and one of the things that I 37 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,600 shared is I didn't have that growing up. 38 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,920 Like I knew people that went to church, but like I didn't have 39 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:05,320 someone to look up to that truly was walking with the Lord. 40 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,320 So for you, I mean, you got to see it first hand. 41 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:12,280 We did. And one of the things that, you 42 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,240 know, you can't appreciate it until I think you're, you're 43 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,640 much older. And so, you know, when they were 44 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,080 dragging us to church, we were, you know, rolling our eyes 45 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,640 secretly, 'cause we couldn't roll our eyes publicly. 46 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:31,520 And you know, just you don't, you don't understand the 47 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:36,680 importance of that of, of taking your children to church and 48 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:41,920 exposing them to the word. Because there's Times Now where 49 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:46,000 I will read something and it will take me back to when I was 50 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,080 a kid. And I heard it then and I didn't 51 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,040 quite understand it, but I understand it now. 52 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,880 That light bulb, yes. Absolutely. 53 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,480 I love light bulb moments where I'm like, I've read it so many 54 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,400 times. Or maybe I only read it once and 55 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,800 it didn't make sense, and then all of a sudden it does and 56 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:05,200 you're like, wait, wow. OK, so growing up, I mean, so 57 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,480 you come to the Lord at a young age and so you walk faithfully 58 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,800 with Him. OK, come on. 59 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:19,600 You know, we, I, I did for a little while, but you know, life 60 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:25,600 got in the way and I made some some decisions and I always came 61 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:30,000 back to it, you know, after being out in the club all night 62 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,080 and then coming to church Sunday morning, like, OK, I know I need 63 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:38,680 to be here. So as far as straying, I never 64 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,880 turned my back on the Lord. Never. 65 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,040 Was I walking like I was supposed to? 66 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,360 No, but I just knew that he loved me. 67 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,080 Yeah. I just knew that if I knew 68 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,080 nothing else, I knew that he loved me. 69 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,400 Yeah. That's good, you and Joe have 70 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,880 been together for many years now, so y'all meet probably in 71 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,080 your teens right? Well, actually, no. 72 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:06,800 SO I had Ryan when I was 20 years old and when Ryan was 2 73 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,880 1/2, Joe and I met. Oh wow. 74 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:15,120 So we met at a good friend. We were having a going away for 75 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:19,160 a friend of ours from church and we were playing Bible 76 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,440 Pictionary. And it, it was a bunch of, you 77 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,440 know, 20 and 30 year olds. And it was the girls against the 78 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,240 guys. I was the captain of the girls 79 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,160 team. We were cheating 'cause it's 80 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,400 Bible Pictionary and you know, it's like the word is sepulchre 81 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,920 and I'm like I don't know how to draw sepulchre but y'all guess 82 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,440 it. So which I'm guessing that's 83 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,440 where Joe, I mean, not Joe, Nate gets it from 'cause he's real 84 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,120 competitive too. So her son, this is How I Met 85 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,600 Felicia. So her son is at Southside with 86 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,280 us, you know, serving in our student ministries. 87 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,320 And so we've been on teams together and he's competitive 88 00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,800 and how. Hilarious. 89 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:03,480 Yes, absolutely, absolutely. But so you and Joe meet, you 90 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,960 know, at an early age though still, and you know, you already 91 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,680 have a son. So when y'all are, you know, 92 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,240 getting together and trying to figure out like if y'all are 93 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,280 going to date or whatever, how does he take this? 94 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,600 You already had a son. He did really well. 95 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:22,280 He was, he said that he was impressed at the mother that I 96 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,960 was and and that's what he saw in me. 97 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,200 And you know, it there were a lot of challenges. 98 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,080 There were times where we did break up and, you know, even 99 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:36,840 after we were engaged and we got back together and, you know, 100 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,720 have have been together ever since the 30. 101 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,560 Years. Wow. 102 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,080 Congratulations. I think that is amazing. 103 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,280 Thank you. So how do you 'cause you said 104 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,320 you're from Nebraska, so how did you get here? 105 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:52,200 So Joe was military and we met in 92. 106 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:59,880 We got married in 95 and yeah, I'll remember we had Lindsay in 107 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:04,800 96, our daughter in 96. And in 97 he came home and said, 108 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,600 hey, you know, we've got non voluntarily assigned to Robbins 109 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,280 Air Force Base in Georgia. And I said, oh, I said, well, 110 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,760 just, you know, just tell them that, you know, we're married. 111 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,440 We have a kid. And you know that they they 112 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,200 don't know that. And he said, no, that's not how 113 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,000 it works. I said, well, yeah, we have a 114 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,560 home. And they don't, they don't 115 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,280 understand that we have a home, so we're established, so we 116 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,440 can't move. And he said, no, it's not like 117 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,160 that. And although he was military, I 118 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,720 still had my core friends and church and everything there. 119 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,760 And so when he said, well, we've got to move, I, I was not 120 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:43,880 prepared for that. I mean, 'cause this is out of 121 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,040 the blue. Like you had no idea. 122 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:50,480 You said involuntary. And so it's like, what? 123 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,400 What do you mean? Yeah, Like we didn't have no 124 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,720 lead. Way or nothing. 125 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,720 No. And so in December of 97, we 126 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:02,440 packed up and I cried for three straight hours on the way here 127 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,040 because I just didn't know, you know, anything that's unfamiliar 128 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:10,520 and scary. I was very comfortable in Omaha. 129 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:15,120 I still love Omaha except for the winter months, but you know, 130 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:19,120 so it was very scary. It was and, and I had to kind of 131 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:23,560 stand on my own, even though I, I was very independent in, in 132 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:28,040 Omaha, I had to stand on my own not knowing anyone, not knowing 133 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:33,200 the lay of the land, not knowing where the best areas are and 134 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:38,320 where the worst areas are. So it was, it was a challenge 135 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:45,400 to, to get here in 97. We moved on base and then we 136 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:49,320 started going to South Side and I believe it was 2000. 137 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,160 You know, I was just about to say that because one of my 138 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,840 girlfriends, she's currently doing that. 139 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,480 Her husband is in Hawaii. She came here to be with her 140 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,160 family for the next like 2 months and then they're moving 141 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,880 to Virginia. And so like, this is a difficult 142 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,040 time for them too because like one, they're not in the same 143 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,720 place trying to look for where to go. 144 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,600 But then just like what you said, they don't know where to 145 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:15,160 move and all this. Even in 2026, you can look on 146 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,720 social media and like Google things, but back we. 147 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,520 Didn't have that. No, I had no idea. 148 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,360 You were going in blinds, you know, like you really did it. 149 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,440 So you go start going to Southside and So what made you 150 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,920 like did y'all try out a lot of different places We. 151 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,800 Did we, you know, we because Joe, you know, is a Christian as 152 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,480 well. And so we knew that we needed to 153 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:38,760 get plugged in somewhere and we would go wherever anyone invited 154 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,000 us. So we went to several churches 155 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:44,680 here in Warner Robins. And, you know, some churches, we 156 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,440 showed up and you can tell they've never had brown people 157 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:54,680 in their lobby at all. And they're like, hi, hello, hi. 158 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,800 How are you? Do you know this person? 159 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,720 And we're like, OK, this, you know, bless their hearts. 160 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,280 This isn't it. This isn't it. 161 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,360 And we went on base to the Chapel for a while. 162 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:13,520 And someone that Joe knew invited us to Southside when 163 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,200 they were just coming into the new building. 164 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,760 I call it the new building on old new, the old new builds on 165 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:24,120 Houston on Houston Lake. And it was like for the the 166 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,560 grand opening or the celebration and we couldn't come that 167 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,560 weekend, but we came a couple of weekends after. 168 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:35,520 And when we walked in there, we knew, OK, this is it. 169 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,080 This is it. My husband asked me yesterday, 170 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,200 he said, how do you know them? And I was like, well, I don't 171 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,120 they I just a meeting Felicia through, you know, text and I 172 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:48,560 have Joe do a few things for me, but I was like she, he said so 173 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,240 how long have they been going? So, so I said as long as it's 174 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,880 been open, I think, you know, because I'm new, like I, well, I 175 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,200 started coming when I was like in middle school. 176 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,880 Me and my mom didn't really stay, but we've been at the 177 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,040 church, you know, for at least 5-6 years now. 178 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,240 But for me, walking faithfully through. 179 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,280 So like I've always heard of y'all, if anybody's talking in 180 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,560 the hallway, somehow the Richardsons are getting brought 181 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,720 up and I'm like, they are a part of this foundation. 182 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,640 Oh, yeah, yeah. So tell us a little bit about 183 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:20,480 those early years of being here, what that looks like, what y'all 184 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,560 spiritual walks look like and stuff like that. 185 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,120 We were Southside was great for us. 186 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,960 We plugged in and experienced things, you know, that we hadn't 187 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,240 in other churches. And we, I mean, we were plugged 188 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,000 in. We were, we were doing the 189 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,880 thing. We had Sunday school. 190 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,960 We had the kids in Awanas and and everything was just really, 191 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,800 really good. So we were really growing 192 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,480 spiritually. Yeah, did you? 193 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,280 So I know that y'all moved here, did you? 194 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,960 And you had this group of friends there. 195 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:56,080 And so like the Lord provided obviously new friends and new 196 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,760 groups and stuff like that, but you had to step out, like, you 197 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,440 know, you have to step out of your comfort zone and try to 198 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,000 meet people and talk and stuff like that. 199 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,800 Was it difficult to find your your group or? 200 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,120 No, no. But y'all also have the 201 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,760 personalities where y'all are going to step out, you know, 202 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,160 y'all are going to, y'all are going to meet some people and 203 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,520 stuff like that. So it's just so good and it's 204 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,400 always so scary when you move to new places. 205 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,840 But the Lord, if you're doing what you need to do when you're 206 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,520 getting plugged in, He provided. Gods, Yeah. 207 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,360 So y'all have three kids. That's correct. 208 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,560 So go ahead and tell us about raising them. 209 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:34,800 So they were great kids. They were wonderful children. 210 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,640 They still are. You know, Lindsay's almost 30. 211 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,320 She's 29. She'll be 30 in June and Nate 212 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:46,360 the Great is plugging along. He's going to graduate in May 213 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:50,080 from Kennesaw. And Lindsay has a masters in 214 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,320 education. So, you know, she's both of them 215 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:57,200 are just brilliant. They are talented and you know, 216 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:01,200 I don't know how if Nate shows you his talent, but he's got 217 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,760 some. Talent for sure. 218 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,600 Like one of the things that I was telling you about about 219 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,960 Ignition Camp, I had him do a music thing because I've heard 220 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,000 some of his work and I said, do you think you could come up with 221 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,000 us a theme song? And he did. 222 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,680 And the kids loved it. We danced all week. 223 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:21,000 It was like a Irish jig. So like I'm over here like 224 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,680 acting like I'm doing a jig. The holy talk time. 225 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:25,480 It was great so. But he's so talented other than 226 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:30,120 that too. Joe does voice over work and all 227 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,720 of that and so Nate also can do stuff and he does a great 228 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,520 impression. The best impressions. 229 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,080 I laugh so hard. Ever. 230 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,920 He gets that from his Mama. Oh, you can. 231 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,240 Oh, yeah, you do have a voice too. 232 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,040 Like as you're sitting here, I'm like, you should too. 233 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,680 What voiceovers as well. I'll. 234 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:50,200 Leave it for the boy. Yeah, but you know, they were, 235 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,600 they're very, they're brilliant children. 236 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:56,680 They were good children. We never had a problem from 237 00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:01,320 them. Ryan was, you know, Nate and 238 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,240 Lindsay are, like I said, brilliant. 239 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:08,080 Ryan was like his Mama. Ryan had the personality of 240 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:12,520 school, whatever. And you know, we, we had the 241 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,360 personality of, you know, we'll make it on our personality. 242 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,280 It'll be all right. We don't, we don't need that 243 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:21,560 schooling. And but you know, he was, he 244 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,840 was, he's the one that kept me on my toes. 245 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:29,560 Ryan was, he was, he was good, but he would get in trouble and 246 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,400 but he would flash that smile and it would never get him out 247 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,240 of it. But. 248 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,600 It's smooth. Oh my gosh, yeah, he could. 249 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,680 He could charm anybody. I love that. 250 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:44,440 Tell us a little bit about because I know later on 251 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,400 something tragic happened, so tell us a little bit about that 252 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,840 tragedy and what all transpired to that. 253 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,600 All right, so Brian had graduated from Warner Robins in 254 00:13:54,600 --> 00:14:00,640 2008 and he was working a couple different places at Old Navy and 255 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:05,520 and different places like that. And I just kept asking him, you 256 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,080 know, what's your plan? What's you got to have a plan 257 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,440 for the future? What's your plan? 258 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,520 And he said, I don't know, Mama, you know, and he wanted to go 259 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,800 into the military, but he had some medical things that 260 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,560 prevented him from, you know, going into the military. 261 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,960 And he we finally said, OK, well, you know what, what's 262 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,920 another option? And so he said maybe Border 263 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,480 Patrol. And I said, OK, cool. 264 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,560 So we started the process of him applying for Border Patrol. 265 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:38,240 And one particular day, it was like the weekend before 266 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:44,440 Presidents Day weekend. So I had that Friday off and the 267 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,640 kids were in school. Lindsay and Nate were in school 268 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,640 still, but Ryan was out and I had kept getting on him like, 269 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,240 look, you got to start applying for some jobs until this Border 270 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,920 Patrol thing comes in and he, you know, kind of was like, 271 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,720 yeah, mom, yeah, mom. OK, sure. 272 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:06,560 So we were having two of my Co workers, my good friends, we 273 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,800 were having a breakfast at Tiffany's day. 274 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,160 So we were having brunch and we were getting it all set up and 275 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,440 we're taking picture. You know, we're foodies and, and 276 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,120 we're girls and so we're taking pictures of the food and Ryan 277 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,400 walks in and he's like, what are y'all doing? 278 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,080 And kind of jokes around with us. 279 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:27,360 And I said, UK, you need to go put some applications in. 280 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,960 And he said OK, so he goes and he changes, but he has his 281 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,600 hunting boots on. And I said you cannot go get 282 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,440 applications with your hunting boots on. 283 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,400 He's like, well mom, no, you know, I don't have any shoes 284 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,160 that fit. And I'm like, no, you and Joe 285 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,840 wear the same size. Go get some shoes and oh, these 286 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,400 are too tight. And finally I said, OK, look, 287 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:53,040 just go do some applications. Go to the post office for me 288 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,600 and, you know, just check in a little bit later. 289 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,000 He said OK. And and because my friends were 290 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,760 there, you know, he had this personality that's bigger than 291 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,280 life. He starts goofing around. 292 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,640 And I said, no, I'm trying to be serious, you know, go do these 293 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:09,720 things. And he's like, OK. 294 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,240 He says, I love you. And I said I love you too, Ryan. 295 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,680 He says well kiss me. I said OK so I give him a kiss 296 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,840 on the cheek and grabs me and kisses my cheek real fast and we 297 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,320 just we start laughing. Then he did something that he 298 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,960 had never done before. He said he looked at me. 299 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:30,960 He said dance with me and I said Ryan no I'm not going to dance 300 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,400 with you. He said no come on dance with me 301 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,280 like like you like dancing with the stars. 302 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,080 Come on pretend we're on dancing with the stars. 303 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:41,080 So we're in the kitchen and he spins me and tries to dip me and 304 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:46,040 I almost fall and we just crack up and we just start laughing. 305 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,520 And I said all right kid, I'll see you later. 306 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,680 And he says I love you. And I said I love you too. 307 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,280 Be careful. And he walks out the door. 308 00:16:53,400 --> 00:17:00,840 And unbeknownst to me at that time, within 5 minutes, he was 309 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,720 in a car accident. He was driving my Suburban 310 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:07,800 because his we had taken his car to, you know, to get something 311 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:14,200 fixed that morning. And we were driving back past 312 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,240 Warner Robins. And I said, OK, this is this is 313 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:19,800 going to be a sorry, this is going to be a good time for me 314 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,160 to just have that, you know, conversation about what you're 315 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,319 going to do with your life. And so the windows were rolled 316 00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:26,560 down. We both liked music. 317 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,760 We had music on. And I turned the music down to, 318 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,040 to talk to him and he looks out the window and he sees someone 319 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,400 he knows. And he never met a stranger. 320 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,200 So he's hollering out the window at somebody. 321 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,920 And I'm just said, OK, this, this isn't the time. 322 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:47,480 So, so he was driving my Suburban and he was actually on 323 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,000 Old Perry before they straightened it for Veterans 324 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,600 High School. And it was very curvy. 325 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:59,200 And he was driving too fast, and he lost control of the vehicle, 326 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,880 and the vehicle flipped and he was ejected. 327 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,400 And he passed away at the hospital. 328 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:12,160 And so there was a delay in getting the information to me. 329 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,720 And so, you know, I was at home with my friends, and we were 330 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,880 watching the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's, and we were eating. 331 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,520 And then my phone, my phone rang. 332 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,160 My house phone rang. And it was Jay Ray. 333 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,360 And, you know, every time Jay Ray would call, you know, 334 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,720 because Ryan would do some work, you know, with him. 335 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:35,040 And every time Jay Ray would call, I'd just start off say, 336 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,400 OK, where, where was Ryan supposed to be that he's not, 337 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,760 you know? And Jay Ray said, no. 338 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,760 He said, hey, some of the kids are saying that, you know, 339 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,480 Ryan's been in an accident and he died. 340 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,880 I said, OK. I said, you know, And so it was 341 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:57,400 just a little bit of chaos, but I always appreciate that it was 342 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:03,640 Jay Ray that that called me because he loved Ryan and he 343 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:08,240 knew Ryan. And I think if it had come from 344 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:14,600 someone else, it would have been cold or, or it wouldn't have, I 345 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,120 don't know. It was. 346 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:21,680 I just really appreciate that it was Jay Ray that called me after 347 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,000 talking to him. I called some of Ryan's friends 348 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,960 and I said, hey, you know, what have y'all heard? 349 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,480 And, you know, Facebook wasn't as huge as it was, but some of 350 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,440 the kids were posting stuff on Facebook and, you know, I was 351 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,920 chaotic. So I told my friends, I said, 352 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,040 let's just go. Let's just go to the S curves 353 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:42,080 and see if we can find out if this is true, if what has 354 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,520 happened. And so as we were driving, a 355 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:49,280 friend of mine from the courthouse called and said, hey, 356 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,480 the Sheriff's Department is trying to get in touch with you. 357 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,320 I said, OK, I she said, well, why don't you go over to the 358 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,800 Sheriff's Department? And I knew that it was true 359 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,120 because if he was an accident and he was still alive, they 360 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,880 would have said go to the hospital. 361 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:12,560 So I still didn't know details, but I called Joe, he was at 362 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:13,840 work. And I said, hey, meet me at the 363 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,000 Sheriff's Department. Ryan's been in an accident. 364 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:21,960 He says OK, so walk into the Sheriff's Department and one of 365 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,680 the deputies. Says, you know, ma'am, there's 366 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,920 an accident and your son didn't make it. 367 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,960 And I looked at him and I said, is my son dead? 368 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:37,160 Because I for some reason I, I just wanted to, I didn't want it 369 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:41,040 to be misunderstood. I wanted to know. 370 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,480 And I said, is my son dead? And he said yes. 371 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:49,320 And I said OK. And I and I said I got to handle 372 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,400 this. And that was kind of my the mode 373 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,320 that I went in. OK, what do I do now? 374 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,760 Because you don't get that manual when you become a parent 375 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:03,480 that says OK, and then when your son dies, this is what you do. 376 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:12,160 So just the support of Southside was incredible, the support of 377 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:17,120 my family and my friends. My best friend Regan drove all 378 00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:23,640 night and and came down and, you know, we were supported. 379 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,640 We were supported and, and I am so thankful for that. 380 00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:34,080 It's. You didn't have any idea? 381 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:38,680 No, I mean it was just a normal day and but what a special. 382 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:39,960 Memory. Oh my God. 383 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:44,760 That you have of that morning, I mean just to actually know 384 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,560 because there's so many times where you know, you hear of 385 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,720 people passing unexpectedly and you regret those last 386 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,040 conversations. You feel like you didn't say 387 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,360 enough. You didn't say I love you, you 388 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,200 didn't. And then for you, I mean, y'all 389 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,520 had just such a special morning. It was. 390 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:06,480 So it's the the gifts through the pain that I can, you know, 391 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,080 although I'm still sad that he's not here with me and I still 392 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,680 have to not only grieve his loss, but I have to grieve the 393 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:19,240 future of him not being married, him not having children. 394 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:24,520 I still agree that, but I'm so thankful for the 19 years that I 395 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:28,960 had him because he was a special kid and he knew the Lord. 396 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:34,520 And that alone, that peace, is what allows me to get through 397 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,280 every day. That he knew the Lord, that he 398 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,920 had a relationship. When you know all of this 399 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,640 happens, what then does life look like for you, your 400 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,360 spiritual walk look like for you? 401 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:50,320 Because I know sometimes some of this happens and people get 402 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,040 bitter, they get resentful, they're mad at God. 403 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:58,120 What does those next? How it today all the way up 404 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:02,200 until today, because it could be today's a feeling tomorrow and 405 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,280 so forth. So tell us about what that grief 406 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:09,160 look like. So when you're going through 407 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:17,160 those situations, I say this all the time, I don't know how you 408 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:22,200 lose a child and are able to function if you don't have a 409 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,400 relationship with the Lord because that's been the only 410 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:31,960 thing that has sustained me. I know that God is good. 411 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:38,720 I knew that God was good in 2009, in February of 2009. 412 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:46,920 I know that God is good today and I don't understand why my 413 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,880 child is not here. I don't like it. 414 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:55,360 I get angry with God. I question God, but that's OK 415 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,200 because I have a relationship with him. 416 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:02,400 I can question him and he's not going to cower in a corner and 417 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,400 say, Oh no, I don't have the answers. 418 00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:11,640 And so, you know, I'm so thankful that I had that 419 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:16,800 foundation that I still believe that God is good, that he still 420 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:22,240 sustains me and still carries me even when I cry out, when even 421 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,000 when I don't understand. And, you know, I, I thought, OK, 422 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,720 losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to you. 423 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,840 And I found out later, but there's some other worse things 424 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,840 that can happen that that I still have to deal with. 425 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:45,400 And God is still good. And I think the key is having a 426 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:50,480 relationship and, and what that relationship looks like is it is 427 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:56,960 personal. I think about growing up, my 428 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,360 mother was the disciplinarian. She was very strict. 429 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:05,560 And my sister and I were 18 months apart, and my mother was 430 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:10,800 very cautious of, you know, who could, who we could be around 431 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,080 and the extracurricular activities. 432 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,800 And so we really didn't get to do a lot. 433 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,760 But when we wanted to ask our mother for something, my sister 434 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,280 and I would go in our room and we'd rehearse it and we'd say, 435 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,720 OK, you know, I'm going to ask, OK, can we? 436 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,680 No, we can't say. Can we have to say may we? 437 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,440 Because that's more, you know, we got to be correct about this 438 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,320 and OK, I can't be too, too excited about it. 439 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:38,520 And I we would rehearse how we would come to our mother to ask 440 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:44,640 her for something. And sometimes we wouldn't get an 441 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,520 answer. Sometimes the answer is no, 442 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:54,960 sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes there was just silence 443 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:58,880 and we knew, OK, that meant you can't ask her again for that. 444 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:06,120 And so I liken that on the opposite side of when you have a 445 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:10,160 relationship with the Lord and you know that you can go to him 446 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:14,240 and you know that you can ask him any question and you don't 447 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,120 have to prepare and you don't have to watch how you word it. 448 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:27,000 And you can be honest and raw and cry out and be angry and you 449 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,800 know it. I think about that. 450 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:32,040 I don't, I don't have to practice going to him. 451 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:37,080 I don't have to worry about how I come across because He loves 452 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:42,280 me and He knows me. So though that's what has has 453 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,760 carried me, you know, through these moments. 454 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:50,080 There are times where I still cry all day long when I think 455 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:56,280 about my boy. I still have to raise the other 456 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,640 two children and be there for them. 457 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:03,240 And I hope that I that I have been for them and, and just 458 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,160 trying to have that balance, you know. 459 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:12,120 With Lindsay and Knight, they're young at this when this happens. 460 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:18,200 And so how does navigating that like that's a whole because you 461 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,280 know, you lose a child, you still have to do everyday life, 462 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,120 you still have to pour into your other kids. 463 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:29,440 So how hard is it to, you know, navigate that season with them 464 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,640 and how did they take it and now? 465 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,640 You know, you don't, like I said earlier, you don't know what to 466 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:41,360 do. And you know, I think because 467 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:48,080 Lindsay was 13 at the time, about 13 at the time, she knew 468 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:52,800 Ryan. Ryan was her Big Brother and he 469 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:58,920 would annoy her and he hog tied her one time and called her a 470 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,760 sow. And she, you know, he was 471 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:06,080 pretending that he was on his own hunting documentary. 472 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:12,480 It's hilarious video. And, and I, and I think it, it 473 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:17,720 hit her the hardest because she had that relationship with him 474 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:21,680 and he loved her and she loved him and she was a good little 475 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,320 sister to him. Ryan, I'm sorry. 476 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:29,000 Nathan was, I'm trying to think they're all six years apart. 477 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,520 So Nathan was, yeah, 7:00 at the time. 478 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:36,480 So he was he was young and he does have some memories of him 479 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:45,920 and and Nate is very literal. And I think sometimes when he, 480 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,640 I, I believe sometimes when he was really kind of looked at us 481 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,600 like, OK, when are y'all going to stop all this crime? 482 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:58,640 When we going, keep going. You know, and, but I, I think, 483 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:06,200 you know, it's hard to balance, OK, we, we got to keep going. 484 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:11,080 And I think we all just threw ourselves into Lindsay threw 485 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,520 herself into school. I threw myself into work. 486 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:18,400 Joe threw his self into work and just made sure that, you know, 487 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,440 they were OK. You know, we provided, if they 488 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,440 wanted to do counseling and you know, they chose not to. 489 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:30,680 But, you know, you still just don't know what to do. 490 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:35,240 You know, there were, you know, I talked about the church family 491 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:40,800 and how helpful everyone was. And there are times when well 492 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,520 meaning people say some of the ridiculous things that. 493 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,200 You're like. OK, you know someone, and when 494 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,000 someone's grieving, I can tell you what not to say to me. 495 00:29:54,480 --> 00:30:00,200 Please don't say, don't say. Well, God needed him. 496 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:05,880 OK, You don't know what God needs and you can't answer why 497 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,880 this has happened. I know it's well meaning, but 498 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:13,800 sometimes those things just make you feel like, OK, am I not 499 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:18,560 spiritual enough to know, OK, that OK, God needed him And. 500 00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:20,840 And. But then, OK, well, why did he 501 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,400 need him? He's a creator of the universe. 502 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,600 Why did he need him? There are people that are 503 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,920 selling drugs or, you know, shooting people. 504 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,280 Take them. Yeah, but why did he need my 505 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,520 boy? And so those are the things 506 00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,840 that, you know, well meaning people. 507 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:41,160 Some woman said, well, now you must know how Mary felt. 508 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,560 And I said no, no, because no, lady, I don't. 509 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:52,200 Yeah, I said that's a whole. And again, well meaning, but no. 510 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,880 So, you know, just trying to navigate that, you know, it's, 511 00:30:55,880 --> 00:31:01,400 it's been challenging trying to keep Ryan's memory alive, but 512 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:08,400 also appreciating the other two, you know, has has has been a. 513 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,400 Challenge, absolutely. That's one of the things that I 514 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:16,120 was thinking about every time that I'm I'm not great. 515 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,960 I don't think anybody is like great except your Randall Nash. 516 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,880 Randall Nash can go talk to people and like, he's there for 517 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,600 people and says the things. And I'm like, if I what? 518 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,320 OK. But for me, like I'm just not 519 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,960 great with conversations in those settings. 520 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,880 And so I always, you know, ask people if they're comfortable. 521 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,840 I'm like, what are things that people did do or people did say 522 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,400 or something that brought you some comfort? 523 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:41,520 Right. Yeah. 524 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:46,720 A lot of there's my Mama P, she is at church. 525 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:54,440 Paula and I check and, you know, for years we became friends and 526 00:31:54,440 --> 00:32:01,320 she had lost a child years ago, a daughter, and she was very 527 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,400 close to our family. She loved Ryan and there when 528 00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:10,080 this happened, she was one of the first ones there that in all 529 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:16,040 of the chaos of that day, she came over, sat on my couch, I 530 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,360 laid my head in her lap and I rested. 531 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:25,480 So you know, someone who has been through that that can help 532 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,880 you. And you know, she gave me such 533 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,720 good advice, things that I wouldn't even think of practical 534 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:37,160 things like at at the funeral, you know, and the visitation was 535 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,160 about 3 1/2 hours long because everybody loved my boy. 536 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:45,440 And so, you know, she, there were things that she said to me 537 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,880 and, and told me to do that were just so personal that helped me 538 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,000 through. And we text this morning and I, 539 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:56,720 I love her. And she stepped in when my 540 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,640 mother didn't. And so I'm, I'm so thankful for 541 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,480 her. And I think people just 542 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:10,400 encouraging me and saying we love you and we loved him and 543 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,040 telling me stories about him. You know, years after he passed, 544 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:18,120 there was a a young lady that told me a story about them 545 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:23,040 working together at Old Navy. And you know, when she tells it, 546 00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,280 I'm like, Oh my gosh, that is so Ryan. 547 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:30,480 So, yeah, there is, you know, so many times where just sitting 548 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,960 down with someone and being there, I'm guessing is a lot 549 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:38,480 more than just, you know, the words like with Miss Paula, like 550 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,400 he's saying her just coming and being there and just. 551 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:46,080 But that's also why it's important to find those people 552 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,400 that have been through things that you are similar. 553 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,720 I mean, our testimonies, we're speaking to people that are 554 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,440 going through the same season and giving them hope and stuff 555 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,000 like that. So with Miss Paula, she's like 556 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,160 telling you, you know, like it's hard. 557 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,200 There's going to be days that correct. 558 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,200 You're the breaths knocked out of you can't even catch up. 559 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,680 It feels like you're drowning. But there's going to be brighter 560 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,159 days. There's going to be better days 561 00:34:09,159 --> 00:34:13,159 ahead, and not that you'll ever forget, but you'll just. 562 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,560 I think the the importance of being real and authentic and 563 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,760 sitting in the mud puddle. And I had people sitting in the 564 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:25,400 mud puddle with me, you know, over at the house where I didn't 565 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:29,679 know what to do. And, you know, I start putting 566 00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:32,920 the the pads at the bottom of the chair so they wouldn't 567 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,520 scrape the floor. And my best friend looked at me 568 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,840 and was like, OK, that's what we're doing now. 569 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:41,000 And I'm like, I, I don't know what else to do but letting me 570 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,320 be in that mud puddle and, and my sister and, you know, being 571 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:50,040 real and authentic with me and letting me cry and telling me, 572 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,679 you know, this isn't OK. We hurt too. 573 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,080 You know, so many times some people say, yeah, gosh, I didn't 574 00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,280 want to say anything because I felt like I was going to fall 575 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,800 apart, you know? And I'm like, hey, fall apart 576 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,000 with me. Let's let's fall apart. 577 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,360 Together, I love somebody. Sometimes it's better than by by 578 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,360 myself. So as we begin to close, we 579 00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,240 don't have to close up right away or anything. 580 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:15,600 But as we begin to close, I want to leave you with three 581 00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,320 questions you can answer whichever 1 you feel like you 582 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,720 want to close it as one. You can say maybe you were 583 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:24,400 driving here today and you're like, I want to talk about this 584 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,200 or I want to bring this up, but I haven't gave you the 585 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,480 opportunity to do so. You can talk about that. 586 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,000 A word of advice, maybe something that you've learned or 587 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:34,880 something that God has revealed to you more recently. 588 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,480 And what I mean by that is like, you know, that light bulb moment 589 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,680 where it's like you've read something in the past or 590 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,160 something. How would you want to close this 591 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,080 today? I would say, you know, we 592 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,520 started talking about how I had the foundation and, and 593 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:51,760 scriptures and, and things that were said back then and now it 594 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:55,800 just has sometimes a different meaning or, or I can appreciate 595 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,800 it now. As a matter of fact, this 596 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:03,240 morning I was doing my quiet time and doing my prayer and one 597 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,040 of the scriptures was the 23rd Psalm. 598 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:11,440 And the thing that I feel that was revealed to me this morning 599 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,480 is in reading that, you know, that was something that as a kid 600 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:18,760 it was wrote memory. And you know, we, we recited it 601 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:25,280 all the time reading it this morning, it was different from 602 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,960 the last time I read it. Reading it this morning, the 603 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,520 thing that that really spoke to me that I feel like the Lord 604 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:39,320 revealed to me was the being in the present with that scripture. 605 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,920 Cause the scripture says, you know, the Lord is my shepherd. 606 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:48,040 I shall not want or in some versions, it's the Lord's my 607 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,840 shepherd. I lack nothing. 608 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:55,920 And when I read the the whole passage this morning, it was 609 00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:00,120 very present. It is happening now. 610 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:04,280 He is my shepherd. I lack nothing right now. 611 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:08,600 Even though I have pain, even though I walk through the valley 612 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,840 of the shadow of death. I'll fear no evil right now. 613 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,200 I'll fear no evil. This, it's not something to 614 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,080 come. And I think reading that 615 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:22,680 scripture and putting myself in the presence present is, is so 616 00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,400 important. And, and I feel like so many 617 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:31,680 times with, with life and things chaotic and, you know, I, 618 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,400 there's storms that we continue to go through. 619 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,400 You know, losing Ryan was a storm. 620 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:45,160 I've been going through a storm. As a matter of fact, the day you 621 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:50,200 text me about this, I had just gotten some really horrible news 622 00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:54,200 about a decision that I was going to make in the future. 623 00:37:54,600 --> 00:38:02,240 And, you know, I just feel like you just never know what's going 624 00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:05,240 to happen. And so staying present, knowing 625 00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:09,960 that God has me having that relationship, that personal 626 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:15,480 relationship, and it being authentic and real is is very, 627 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,600 very. Important that is, you know, and 628 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,760 that's one of the things that people always say is like the 629 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,320 word is alive. Very alive. 630 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,760 The IT doesn't mean that it's changing. 631 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,720 The word is the same that it was today, tomorrow, and forever, 632 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:31,400 right? The word is alive, meaning 633 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:35,360 Scripture comes alive. There's words that jump up off 634 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,360 of the page that never even you just read over it. 635 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:43,320 You know, like for instance, one of the times that God spoke to 636 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,480 me so clearly, it was actually my surrender. 637 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,560 You know, I read it probably before, like I had seen 638 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:54,640 highlights above it and below it, but that scripture didn't 639 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,160 never Click to anything. And then it just that day it 640 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,280 popped up and I'm like, it was an answered prayer that I had 641 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,240 been praying. And so just for you too, like 642 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:07,360 you can read a scripture, memorize a script for your whole 643 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,920 life, but sometimes it just clicks at a different time. 644 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:12,760 Yeah, definitely. So keep reading. 645 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,160 That's right. If it don't make sense today, it 646 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,000 don't mean that it won't make sense tomorrow. 647 00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:18,040 That's right. Yeah. 648 00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,440 So this has been so good. Thank you so much for coming to 649 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,440 share. This was amazing. 650 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,720 This was so good. Great meeting. 651 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,520 Yes, All right guys, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have. 652 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:31,040 This has just been such a great testimony of God's faithfulness 653 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,640 and his goodness and he's. Still good, even. 654 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,920 When we're in the middle of storms and tragedies in our 655 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,880 life, he is still good. Still good, yeah. 656 00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,240 Alright guys, stay tuned, stay blessed and we'll see you guys 657 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:42,720 next week.