1 00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:12,230 What's up guys? My name is Alexis and I'm Abby 2 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,230 and we're your host with praises in the pod. 3 00:00:14,230 --> 00:00:17,950 We are super excited to be back and record something for y'all. 4 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:19,870 We're also going to be announcing a little something 5 00:00:19,870 --> 00:00:22,230 something, but we're going to start off in prayer and we're 6 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,640 going to jump right in. So here we go Lord Heavenly 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,600 Father, just thank you for all that you continue to do in our 8 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,400 lives. Lord God, thank you for bringing 9 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:33,280 us to this moment in time right here with your hand on top of us 10 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,120 and just being able to lead and guide us always. 11 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,000 Lord God, we just pray that you speak to us and through US today 12 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,920 and let this episode glorify you. 13 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,560 In Jesus name I pray. Amen. 14 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,240 Amen, girl. Yeah. 15 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,360 So you want to jump off or no? You jump it off. 16 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,080 Sometimes like I jump so far in like really quick and I'm like, 17 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,280 I kind of like, you know, he's into it, filled it up a little 18 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:58,600 bit. I was recording. 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,720 I didn't want to just throw it out there yet. 20 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,240 When was all recording Wednesday. 21 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:05,480 I was recording on Wednesday and literally I said, Amen. 22 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,440 All right, girl, go ahead and tell us about yourself. 23 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:11,280 And I'm like, why do I do that? Like like we can have a little 24 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,080 conversation before. Gee, you're going to build it up 25 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,360 just a little bit, and where they're like, wait, what is she 26 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,040 going to say? Why? 27 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,440 Is it? Yeah. 28 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:21,800 Was that one news? And remember when we did or I 29 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,480 posted the one video with the suitcase and I was like 5 days 30 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,080 until I announced something big and it was you coming on to be a 31 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,680 cohort on podcast. Everybody starts like sending me 32 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,400 all this stuff and it's like, what is it? 33 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,160 I'm like before like you're going on tour. 34 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,800 I'm like, oh. I do remember them saying you're 35 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,400 going overseas going. Overseas, going on a miss 36 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,520 mission trip, all kinds of stuff. 37 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,760 I'm like, Abby's coming on the podcast. 38 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,520 They were so let down. It's like, Dang, OK, Anyway, 39 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,560 well, we have talked about a few things I think here and there, 40 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:58,560 kind of like maybe voiced a little bit of something but 41 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,360 never really said. So anyway, it's your business to 42 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,440 tell. So you, you go ahead, girl. 43 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:09,800 Yeah, so amazing news. We, me and Dexter are bringing 44 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:15,800 another life into this world. I am pregnant due in January. 45 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,840 You. Did just find out the gender 46 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,960 after a long debacle? Actually, yeah, it was. 47 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,520 It was a long debacle. But I didn't. 48 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,280 We just found out we're having another little girl. 49 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,400 So we already have another little girl. 50 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,040 I'm sure you've heard us talk about her, but if not, her name 51 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:36,040 is Sutton Sutton Joe. She will be 3 in August and now 52 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,600 we're going to have another little girl to add to our posse. 53 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:44,160 So total girl parents. Dexter is a total girl dad. 54 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,280 Yeah, so it's going to be fun. I can't wait to see Sutton as an 55 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,160 older sister because she's going to do so good. 56 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,320 I know she is. She's going to be great. 57 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:56,080 I just hope that our next one has a voice because that girl 58 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,960 likes to talk. Oh, I'm like, girl, are you 59 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,880 saying because Sutton's quiet? I'm like where? 60 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,880 When No, because she's not. Oh yeah, yeah. 61 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,520 You might need a quiet one then though. 62 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,720 That would be nice. That would be nice because, you 63 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:12,640 know, so if you get 2 chatty Kathy's, gosh, like there ain't 64 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,360 no quiet time around the house. None. 65 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,800 None. But. 66 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,080 I know that, like, y'all had been trying for a while. 67 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,240 Yeah. And so like, you kind of went 68 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,480 into a season of waiting, right? And so maybe tell us a little 69 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:30,080 bit about that and like, how hard probably that was. 70 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,720 Because I know like with Sutton, it was like, y'all kind of 71 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,480 decided like, oh, let's start and then boom. 72 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,200 So with this one, this pregnancy like it's taken a while. 73 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,520 Yeah, it was totally, totally different. 74 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:46,280 My first pregnancy, like you said, with Dexter, was super 75 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,840 quick. You know, it happened really 76 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:52,840 fast and kind of unexpected. And we were just super excited. 77 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,200 And I was so shocked that it happened so fast. 78 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,680 I was like, Oh my gosh, how am I? 79 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,400 Is this really happening and you're so nervous? 80 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:03,360 It's your first time and then the second time and some people 81 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,640 might have heard of it. We really struggled to get 82 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,960 pregnant. It took a really long time and 83 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,000 it. Like it's called like secondary. 84 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:17,240 2nd infertility, yeah, like where you just struggle your 85 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,600 second time around. A lot of people struggle with 86 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:25,720 pregnancy or pregnancy loss, which thankfully, you know, I 87 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,000 didn't have to go through that season of any type of loss or 88 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,520 anything, but it just took a really long time. 89 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,120 And so it was heavy. There was one point time where 90 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:40,720 it got really heavy where, you know, you think, oh, she's a 91 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,200 Christian. She's so close to the Lord, You 92 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,360 know, she's so in his word and this and that, which I am and 93 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:50,160 I'm so covered by his grace. But it doesn't take away some of 94 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,680 the emotions and things you go through in life, right? 95 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,680 To continue to build your faith and continue to build that 96 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,640 closeness and, and knowing who God is in your life. 97 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,280 And so we'll kind of get into that more, but that's kind of 98 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,560 what happened was it took me to a different place. 99 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:11,400 And even though I was still here recording with you and doing all 100 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,040 of the things and staying, you know, obedient, staying in His 101 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,480 word and continuing to push forward, I was still going 102 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,000 through that season and still had some hurts and still had 103 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,760 some questions and still had some things. 104 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:26,320 But it didn't deter me from what really mattered. 105 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,280 Didn't deter me from who really mattered, you know what I mean? 106 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,400 I was going to say because you know, like it really didn't 107 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,680 because I mean I knew but I never knew that you were 108 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,360 actually really struggling with it until the other night when 109 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,600 you're telling me like you were having all these like crazy 110 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,200 thoughts like and just being like so like consumed with it at 111 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,000 one point. And like I didn't know that. 112 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,360 So like people from the outside wouldn't have known that you 113 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,200 were struggling or anything like that. 114 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,120 But like I knew that we have had conversations where you said 115 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,720 that y'all were trying so I mean. 116 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,880 Well, it, you know, a lot of people start asking when are 117 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,040 y'all going to have the next one? 118 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:09,280 And nobody doesn't intentionally to try to harm you or make you 119 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,320 upset. Nobody intentionally ever did 120 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,360 that. But you know, when it came to 121 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,720 that six month period, that's whatever got really hard. 122 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,040 After about six months you start thinking, OK, what's really 123 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,760 going on? Like, you know, something hasn't 124 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,320 happened and now people are asking and then time continues 125 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,640 to go on each month continues to go on. 126 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,720 And you finally, I finally did kind of get to a point where I 127 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,240 let everyone know, you know, when we're trying, it just 128 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,480 hasn't happened yet. Like his own God's timing. 129 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,840 But it still was really hard. It got harder the longer time 130 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:44,920 went on. So and I, you know, want to talk 131 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:49,200 about some things with that and hopefully provide hope to women 132 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,240 out there or somebody that is struggling with it. 133 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:56,000 And just kind of the mindset I had to get in the mindset, not 134 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:00,960 God helped me to be in to really understand what was going on and 135 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,920 where my heart and mind needed to be during those times of 136 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,360 waiting and navigating that pain. 137 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,960 Because there was times of pain and like I was telling you, 138 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:15,960 there were times where the enemy knew my weaknesses in those 139 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:20,640 times and He was coming after me mentally and with my thoughts. 140 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,960 And that's what's the hardest. It's not even the physical 141 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,840 aspect, it's the mental aspect behind it that's so hard. 142 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,840 And the Lord put a lot of my heart in that time and a lot 143 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:36,040 that He helped me to see and understand with His plan that 144 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,560 hopefully, you know, we can share and talk about today. 145 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,560 Yeah, I love how you said like no one intentionally, right? 146 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,800 Like no one intentionally asked that to try to like do something 147 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,000 like it's just a conversation. But sometimes like people are 148 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,720 just asking, you know? But then like, it does bring up 149 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,360 heavy things because it's like, do I tell them like, hey, we 150 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,400 have been we've we we would love one right now. 151 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,920 Or do I say like, oh, you know, soon or when the time's right? 152 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,480 Like, you know, like all the stuff, like there's just such a 153 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,520 hard. It was hard to line a balance 154 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,400 that was like, you know, do I say? 155 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,800 And I did kind of start saying that, especially to those closer 156 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,200 around us. Me and Dexter are trying just 157 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,560 pray, please pray about it. That's what I would say, 158 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,680 especially to his family and stuff like just pray for us. 159 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,360 Just pray about it because we are trying. 160 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,720 We would, we do want Satin to have a brother, sister, sibling. 161 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,679 I don't want her to go through this life alone. 162 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,480 And that's what kind of was really heavy on my heart was 163 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,720 she's not going to have us forever, you know, but she would 164 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,600 have her sibling for her lifetime. 165 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,880 I grew up as an only child. Like, I do not have siblings, 166 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:53,760 like whatever. And so I didn't realize the 167 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,640 impact of being an only child, really until this stage of my 168 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:02,160 life where I'm like, man, when my parents do pass away or like 169 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:06,400 anything, like, I don't have anybody around me like Greg, you 170 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:10,040 know, like his brother and sister, they're older, like, 171 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,920 stuff like that. So like, I don't really have 172 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,160 siblings. And I'm like, man, this stinks, 173 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,000 you know? Yeah. 174 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,720 But I didn't think of that when I was younger. 175 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,800 I never even it never even crossed my mind. 176 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,360 So yeah, yeah, that's and and that's something that I felt 177 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,520 like God did put on my heart was I I do want her to have that 178 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,680 throughout her lifetime because she's not going to have us 179 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,880 forever. But in in two regardless, like 180 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,840 even in your situation, God is going to put people in your life 181 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:35,960 that are family. You know what I mean? 182 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,560 That's going to be there with you forever. 183 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,240 But. You're a lot, man. 184 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,960 I mean, yeah, you're a little longest standing 1. 185 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,880 So you're you got to girl. Yeah. 186 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:50,400 I guess that's going to be me. So no, but I just, I wanted her 187 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,520 to have that really bad. And you go through that time 188 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:56,920 where it's just not happening and you start questioning like, 189 00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,880 maybe this is God's plan. Maybe she's not meant to have a 190 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,560 sibling, but you just have so many different things going 191 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:08,560 through your mind and your mind starts to take over, right? 192 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:11,160 And so that's the navigation processes. 193 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,680 What do I do with all of these thoughts that's coming in my 194 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,480 mind? And that's when I had to really 195 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,040 learn to hand them over to the Lord and work through them with 196 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,400 Him and what He was going to tell me. 197 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:29,400 So, you know, I kind of want to talk about what I had to do or 198 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:35,280 what mind shift He put me in. And it really, let me kind of 199 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:40,280 just say the verse in in what Jesus was doing in this verse 200 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,760 that kind of led to my mindset process, if that makes sense. 201 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:50,400 So the verse is it is written, man shall not live on bread 202 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,720 alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. 203 00:10:53,920 --> 00:11:00,280 So in that time Jesus was in, was it the Garden of Gethsemane? 204 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,800 Yeah, and he was being tempted from the devil to just turn the 205 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,200 rocks into bread at that point in time, because this was right 206 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,560 before his crucifixion to satisfy his hunger. 207 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:14,040 And I wrote down, how often do we pray to God to give us things 208 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:19,200 to satisfy our temporary needs? And I felt like I was praying to 209 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:24,080 God a lot during that time. But it was for my need of owning 210 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,480 a child, right? And there's nothing wrong with 211 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,240 that. But it was still just what Abby 212 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:33,120 wanted, so I had to get to a point where my earthly needs 213 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:37,000 didn't over shadow my desire for the one who provides those 214 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:37,840 needs. Yeah. 215 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,840 And that's the mindset I had to get to was who is the provider 216 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,160 of this that I'm praying to? My desire for him has to 217 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:51,120 outshadow any of those things. Yeah, which going off of that is 218 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:56,160 like we're given that desire to be mothers. 219 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,920 Like that is something that we've created, he says. 220 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,840 Be fruitful and multiply. Like we have that desire, but 221 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,760 you have to want His will and His timing above your own. 222 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,520 Yeah, that's why I put in these moments. 223 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,040 We can almost realize, have I just been a fan of Jesus or am I 224 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,400 being a true follower of Jesus? Come on. 225 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,840 Well, I surrender my plans to the foot of the cross so that I 226 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,920 can live a life of faith and trust in Kim. 227 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:25,240 So and that's powerful, that's strong, but that's the mindset 228 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,760 you got to be in when those times get tough, when those 229 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:33,120 times are you're not getting those desires of your heart. 230 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,920 OK, well, let me ask the question. 231 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,040 Am I only desiring the things that I won't? 232 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,480 Or am I taking this to the foot of the cross and desiring just 233 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,680 him? Who's the one on the cross? 234 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,400 You know what I mean? And, and it really kind of, it 235 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,240 makes you sit back and think and makes you sit back and, and 236 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,480 realize what's the true desires of my heart. 237 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,920 You know, just like Tucker talked about this past weekend, 238 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:00,720 like our true only desire should be loving God. 239 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,720 That should be #1 and, but sometimes obviously the things, 240 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,120 you know, earth side that we want for our family, for our 241 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:13,000 kids, those desires can take over and, and kind of it gets 242 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,800 overshadowed. It does, and it's like one of 243 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:22,120 those things where it's going to happen at some point you will 244 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:26,440 start like, honestly, not maybe putting God #1 and stuff like 245 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,440 that. That's when you have to come to 246 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:33,320 yourself and deny your flesh and say, no, God, you're #1 like, 247 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,920 because I catch myself, like, idolizing certain things and I'm 248 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,880 like, oh, got this wrong. Yeah, this backwards, you know, 249 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,360 like, and that's full transparency. 250 00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,960 Like sometimes our phones can be idols to like us waking up in 251 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,160 the morning and it's sling on to our phone instead of going to 252 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,760 God. We were talking about that the 253 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,440 other night, you know, just running out the door. 254 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,440 So it's like those things are going to happen and that's just 255 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,000 our flesh like. But we have to be able to not 256 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,960 deny those things to make sure that God is #1. 257 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:04,800 Yeah, for sure, 100%. And that's why I put, you know, 258 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,800 Jesus knew what he ultimately needed in that moment when he 259 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:13,840 said, you know, I have to live on every word that comes from 260 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:18,920 God only, nothing else, right? And to ultimately fulfill his 261 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:22,560 calling that God had put on his life, like he knew his calling 262 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,400 had to be fulfilled for you and I ultimately. 263 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:32,520 And it's in, it's that word will provide us all that we need. 264 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,240 The joy, the hope, the things that we think we're desiring, 265 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,720 the things I thought the child would bring me, his word brings 266 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,560 me. It should be the sustenance of 267 00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:47,680 my life. Only, you know, and it's hard 268 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,280 to, it's easy to say that. It's hard to live that out. 269 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,280 It's really easy to sit here and say that. 270 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:58,840 But when you do take that leap, like here's the thing, our faith 271 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,440 is going to be tested at some point in time in our life. 272 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,480 And don't try to dismiss it. Sit in it because when you do 273 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,320 and you decide, OK, I'm either going all in on Jesus or I'm 274 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,560 going to start questioning things. 275 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,680 When you go all in and you truly do and His word becomes the 276 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:20,440 sustenance of your life is all that you are living off of, then 277 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,560 you experience a type of peace that you're never going to have 278 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,920 ever again. So even in those times when 279 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,760 things were getting really tough with me and Dexter and I really 280 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,280 was struggling mentally and I focused on that and focused on 281 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:36,200 Him, I had peace. That's why I really and truly 282 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,080 did. I had more peace about the 283 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,200 situation than anything else that I ever had peace about. 284 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,200 And I knew that like everything was going to be on his timing. 285 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,840 Everything was his plan. Everything was according to his 286 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,120 will in my life. And so at that point in time, it 287 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,240 took all of the worry and everything away from me. 288 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,360 Yeah, which I mean, I totally agree with that because when God 289 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,800 spoke to me two years ago, I had peace. 290 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:04,400 Like I, yeah, because there was so much chaos around me and Greg 291 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,480 trying to conceive, like it was just like an argument almost 292 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,400 like it became very task full, you know, stuff like that. 293 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,640 And it's like this mental war. It is like so tough. 294 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,000 But then when God spoke and he's like, it's all my time, not 295 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,520 yours. Like no matter what. 296 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:25,640 And it was so clear, I had so much peace about it. 297 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,160 Like I'm like, wow. And then I even talked about 298 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,800 this in my testimony the other night is like, I'm so thankful 299 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,760 for that. No, in that season because truly 300 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,640 me and Greg did not need A to bring a child into the 301 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,680 environment. And the way that we have been 302 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,640 living for the past two years, like I've tried to be a little 303 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,840 bit more open about that. Like we were really struggling. 304 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,280 Like we're on the brink of divorce. 305 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,320 And like, if I would have had a baby two years ago, I wouldn't 306 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,040 have been where I am with Christ. 307 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,600 Greg probably wouldn't have met Christ, you know, like all this 308 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,960 stuff. And it was like we're, that was 309 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,520 just a fleshly desire. That was a worldly desire. 310 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,600 We just wanted a kid so bad that I was like, I don't care if 311 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,240 we're not living right. I don't care if we're not doing 312 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,960 this to glorify God like I wasn't. 313 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,079 Thinking about anything or anyone but yourself. 314 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:15,400 Exam that moment so now I'm like, man, now we're at the 315 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:20,079 stage where I'm like, OK, you know I'm I'm ready to know more 316 00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:24,880 like XYZ like so I don't know. And I wrote this down. 317 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,160 I said, you know, have you ever been broken and never felt more 318 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,360 whole? Because that was me in that 319 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,200 moment. I felt broken about the 320 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:37,480 situation, but I felt complete. And it's like God is so close to 321 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,440 the broken hearted. It's it's the worst and best 322 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,840 feeling in the world because you're overwhelmed with his 323 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:46,920 presence. And it's like painful or pain 324 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,240 and peace at the same time. They coexist together and it's 325 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:54,920 really hard to explain, but in that moment, you, you and I were 326 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,680 probably experiencing that pain, but we had peace and they 327 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,600 coexisted together at the same time. 328 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,240 And only God can do that. I'm so glad you said that 329 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,840 because I have been getting this coexist thing a good bit 330 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:11,200 recently. Like grief and joy can coexist. 331 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,760 Like we can be grieving how we're not having that child at 332 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,400 that moment. We can be grieving, but we can 333 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,040 be so joyful about the life that God has given us. 334 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,800 And I know that's what you're saying, but like, I just really 335 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,160 have understood that more recently. 336 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,400 Like I think Pat even said it a few minutes ago. 337 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,160 It is something that God put on my heart during that time. 338 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:35,080 Exactly what you're saying. I was grieving, not being able 339 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,520 to conceive. I was hurting. 340 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:44,520 But God told me to start praying and being joyful for the women 341 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,280 that are conceiving and that He did bless in that time. 342 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,880 Or not just blessed, but that their will is being done for 343 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,160 them in that time. Because my time too will come no 344 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,520 matter what that picture looks like. 345 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,400 And start praying for them and being thankful for them and 346 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,400 thankful for what God is doing in their life. 347 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,440 And boy, did it do something to me. 348 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:08,520 I mean, it really did to pray and be thankful for somebody 349 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,320 else's pregnancy. Even though let's just be 350 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,640 honest, sometimes you're like, that hurts to know that they 351 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,000 just announced their pregnancy. And you see that and you see 352 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,120 that and you see that and you wish it upon yourself. 353 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,520 But Nope, I'm going to take my mindset and change it and be 354 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,360 like, thank you God for doing that. 355 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,440 I don't know what your plan is for their life, but I'm going to 356 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,840 pray for that child and thank you for who you are because you 357 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,720 are the the ultimate provider. You are you hold the ultimate 358 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,320 plans for everything that surrounds us in this life. 359 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,960 And thank you for that. And, and you're holding that 360 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,040 grief, but you have that joy for what you see in other people's 361 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,400 lives and what he's doing. And it's at the same time 362 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,640 they're coexisting together. That's good. 363 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,800 That's good. While we're talking about all 364 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,320 that, I did make a video the other day saying that God 365 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,080 revealed himself to me in a mighty way again, like he did 366 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,640 two years ago. And since we're talking about 367 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,160 that, we're talking about kids and we're talking about all 368 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,720 this, I was like, you know what? Let me go ahead and like kind of 369 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,720 voice it. So more so I said that I've 370 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,960 gotten to the point where like I want to know more. 371 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,040 Like God already said that I was going to be a mother, but now 372 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,040 like, how is that? How's that going to come about? 373 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,160 And so I started seeking God about that. 374 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,880 And while I was at Passion, I wrote that in my journal and I'm 375 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:25,320 like God, you know, like, are we going to adopt and foster? 376 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,080 Because I had been heavy on my heart like for the past like 2 377 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,560 months, probably longer actually, Mallory's episode, 378 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,760 something was kind of like stirring in me and there, that's 379 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,960 why I'm crying so much in Mallory's episode. 380 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,560 But something starts about 5-6 months ago and then it's kind of 381 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,560 gotten heavier the past two months and so on. 382 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,200 Anyway, Well, while we're at Passion, I wrote that in my 383 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,160 journal. Adopt and foster or have a baby. 384 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,280 Naturally, I open up my devotion and it instantly is talking 385 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,480 about Abraham and the promised job. 386 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,120 And I'm like, what? OK, God, like your promise still 387 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,240 stands. Like I got it. 388 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,080 I got it. Well, then the next night at the 389 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,000 camp, they're talking about Exodus 3. 390 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,360 They're reading out Exodus 3 and it's talking about holy ground. 391 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,720 Well, like I have for real lost it because earlier in the week I 392 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,560 found this piece of paper and it said holy ground and it was 393 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,760 underlined and it was my mom's. Let let me just say that like I 394 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,920 found this notebook at my mom's and I was using that for the 395 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,240 week. And so in in his sermon, he's 396 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,320 talking about holy ground and I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's so 397 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:29,520 crazy. I just found a piece of paper 398 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,480 that said holy ground on it. Then he goes and says, what's 399 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:34,960 what do we do when we're writing? 400 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,920 Is it like and something's important? 401 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,800 Do we maybe bold it, we italicize it, maybe we underline 402 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,400 it And I'm like, what? Like I have a piece of paper 403 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,640 that literally says holy ground underline. 404 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:52,040 And then he goes to follow it up with God's so big he has the 405 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:53,240 rival. He has no eagle. 406 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,800 Well, babe, that's my favorite worship song. 407 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,280 Like we're talking about a beautiful name. 408 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,800 So now we got another thing going. 409 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,920 So I get the girls Bible beside you're like, let me listen. 410 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,760 Yeah, I'm like, hang on, I'm, I'm, I'm Pete. 411 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,000 I'm in there. So I get the girls Bible beside 412 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,320 me and I'm just talking about like, or ask her. 413 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,680 And I'm reading in Exodus 3 and nothing's really clicking. 414 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,360 Like I see where it says under holy ground, I see where it says 415 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:20,720 all this stuff. But I genuinely did not know 416 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,400 what it was trying to say to me. But it was talking about Moses 417 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,280 in the burning Bush. I'm like, OK, there's another 418 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,880 sign, but where is it? So then I'll start reading the 419 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,680 context on the side like it had. What's it called? 420 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,480 Commentary, Commentary on the side. 421 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,600 And so this is what it said. It said like the ark that 422 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,000 protected Noah, this small basket sustained Moses until 423 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,080 Pharaohs daughter found him. The daughter was ill equipped to 424 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,600 nurse a baby, so she called a Hebrew woman, the mother of 425 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,080 Moses, to nurse the child. Miraculously, God provided 426 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,320 deliverance for the baby, but he did so through the very one who 427 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,520 tried to destroy him. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's 428 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,400 daughter and was raised in Pharaoh's house. 429 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,920 Moses, Egyptian name means is born, which sounds like the 430 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,760 Hebrew name for drawn out. And so like, maybe if I'm 431 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:10,400 reading that to somebody like you or anybody else, like you're 432 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,880 like, oh, OK, but that spoke to my soul, that spoke to my 433 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,680 spirit. Like I knew just the day before, 434 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,120 girl, like I'm not even lying the day before I wrote in my 435 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,960 journal and I'm like, are we going to have a baby naturally? 436 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:26,160 Are we going to adopt in foster? And then literally all of this 437 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,280 intentional stuff that's been going on because God's so 438 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,440 intentional. The girl beside me had that that 439 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,240 Bible that had that commentary in it. 440 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,840 I found this piece of paper that says holy ground underlined and 441 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,520 he's talking about underlined and holy ground. 442 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,840 Like what? And then all of this. 443 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:48,760 So it's just like, you know, for me, that's the same thing as 444 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,120 like you were in that waiting season. 445 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,040 I've been in this waiting season for like 2 years. 446 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,520 But like I've been so content. Like I have been so happy for 447 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,120 those around me. Just like you said, like 448 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,640 sometimes you get a little upset because you're like man, like 449 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,920 that, like our kids for me and you like we've talked about 450 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,160 having kids and I'm like, well, your kids going to growled, you 451 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,880 know, but now I'm like I could be adopting a child. 452 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,280 That's literally something Joe's. 453 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,720 Age. You know what? 454 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,360 God's planning. You really don't. 455 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,720 You're just at peace about it. Yeah. 456 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,320 Like I have been just so at peace. 457 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,640 And so now do I know what this next chapter looks like? 458 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,160 I have an idea. God does say that I'm going to 459 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,480 adopt A child and I'm going to do all this stuff. 460 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,760 So like I'm moving in peace again. 461 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:38,360 Like I'm truly fine with his timeline not being mine because 462 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:42,160 I've seen what all he does When it's a no or it's a wait. 463 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,640 I see the fruit from waiting. Well, I think it's this too. 464 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:51,480 All right, Our soul, and you'll know what I'm saying, our soul 465 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,360 desires nothing more than to be full of His spirit, right? 466 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:59,240 And to be full of Him. And when we are getting that and 467 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:04,080 we're full of Him, we feel so blessed no matter what because 468 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,200 we know we are with him, we're sitting with him. 469 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,280 We have him forever, right? Eternity. 470 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,880 And that's just our soul's desire. 471 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:17,480 So when you're full of that, you're like, everything else is 472 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,440 going to be good. He's got this, we're good. 473 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:25,400 You know, hey, no matter what, if I have his spirit in me and I 474 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:30,440 feel more full than I've ever felt in my life and better than 475 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,560 I've ever felt in my life, I feel like I could go run a 476 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,680 marathon right now. I feel like I could jump on top 477 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,240 of a mountain right now. Like when he you are full of him 478 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,240 because that's literally the only thing your soul desires. 479 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,520 All of like what you're saying, everything else, the child, the 480 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,280 adoption, you're just like, Oh yeah, we're good. 481 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:48,560 We got he's got it. We're good. 482 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,920 I'm good over here. This is like a left turn. 483 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:54,080 But I've also realized life ain't as serious as I've been 484 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,800 making it. You know what I'm saying? 485 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,440 Like I'm just, I'm just out here living. 486 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,840 Yeah, I just want to do the Lord's work and like those 487 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,640 little inconveniences, life and stuff like that. 488 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,240 I'm like, forget about it. Just forget about it. 489 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,600 Because I just realized that when I truly am in line with God 490 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,720 and I'm seeking Him and I'm trying to live in His will and 491 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,160 just try to have Him lead and guide me and be my line leader, 492 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:25,160 it ain't that serious. He Yeah, my my little puny asked 493 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:29,560 of Lord, I just want a child. He's like, girl, do you know 494 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:30,760 what else I got going on, you know? 495 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,560 Like yes there. Are some heavy stuff in this 496 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,800 girl. There are some people that need 497 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,120 my world that need my word, that need my spirit in them. 498 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,400 There are some evil things. There are some things happening 499 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,240 to children that we need to be praying about. 500 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:52,000 There are things going on in this world that we need revival 501 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,320 in this world. Do you know what's really going 502 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,080 on? And it makes me feel like my ask 503 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,680 is so small, like Lord, I'm, I'm in the wrong line. 504 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,440 I'm in the wrong lane. Like I need to be in the lane of 505 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,640 bringing more people to you or I need to be in the lane of 506 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,480 helping, you know, the darkness of this world and and seeing 507 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,800 your name more and seeing you more. 508 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,680 And those are what that's what really matters because when you 509 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,760 have the the mindset of we're going to inherit the Kingdom of 510 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,760 heaven one day and be face to face with God one day and you 511 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,240 have that and you hold on to that and you really know that is 512 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:29,240 true in your life. That little ask of the baby or 513 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:34,560 whatever it is, nothing compared to knowing you're going to see 514 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,760 his face one day and I'm saying his plan for your life. 515 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,640 And to me, that's that's all that matters. 516 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:44,360 Well, go like saying that and you're saying no in the plan and 517 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,520 stuff. That's why I kind of went to say 518 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:51,400 my story about this is because when you seek God wholeheartedly 519 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,760 and you truly are trying to get in line with him and like you're 520 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,360 focusing on that and you're asking him, he will show you the 521 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,440 steps. Now is it going to be as quick 522 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,600 as you know, you know, the next day? 523 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:06,320 Because I mean, now listen, I did pray that for a long time, 524 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,360 like I have been praying that, but I specifically had wrote it 525 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:15,120 down and like was looking and like in there in my notebook. 526 00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,400 I'm just saying like God, I'm ready to know what's next. 527 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,760 I haven't asked in two years. I have just been trying to be 528 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,000 faithful to you in this life that you've given me. 529 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,400 But like I encourage you, if you're going through that 530 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,040 season, you know, and just trying to figure out what God 531 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,920 has for you. What's that next step? 532 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:37,160 Ask him because. People and ask on for gold and 533 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,800 and. But you got to seek diligently. 534 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:44,200 Like you can't just ask and like not read your Bible or like or 535 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:47,240 not look for the signs like God's on a wavelength that we 536 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,360 need to get on. So if you want to hear from him, 537 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,720 you need to get in line with Him. 538 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:56,080 And so I would say be bold, ask, look for, look for what he's 539 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,400 trying to say to you. Look for that plan so. 540 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,200 Yeah, and mine came a little bit different. 541 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,400 You know, there's been things in my life where he's shown me more 542 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,440 directly, like what he did for you. 543 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,760 Now, in this situation, in season, in my life, I didn't get 544 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:11,280 a direct answer. I got an indirect answer. 545 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,680 And sometimes we get those too. But it still helped to my 546 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,520 mindset be where it needed to be. 547 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:18,720 And I did get another indirect answer. 548 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,680 And this hit me so hard and I hope that I can explain it in a 549 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,720 way where it makes sense. But it was. 550 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,240 And I had to ask myself this, what is my spiritual condition? 551 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,760 Where is that at? And I looked at Matthew and the 552 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,400 Beatitudes and I'm going to read the verse. 553 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,000 It's Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the 554 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,000 Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for 555 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,440 they will be comforted. Blessed are those who hunger and 556 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,240 thirst for righteousness, righteousness. 557 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:51,240 So when we read that and you read blessed are the poor in 558 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,480 spirit. All of my life I've always 559 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,720 talked about they're so blessed they had a child, they're so 560 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:04,000 blessed they bought a house or they're they can afford a house 561 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:08,120 and their children are doing XYZ and man, God's pouring blessings 562 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:12,440 on them. Boy, did he change my mindset on 563 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,920 what a blessing truly is from this verse. 564 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:24,400 And now I see it that those who recognize putting down their 565 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,240 free will for their life and realizing what their spirit 566 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,320 truly needs. And that's only him, that's 567 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,240 who's blessed. Yeah, that's the person who's 568 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,360 really living that blessed out life, not the person that's 569 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,160 getting all of these earthly things. 570 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,760 And I used to look at it so differently, or I used to be 571 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,200 like, Oh my gosh, I feel so blessed. 572 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,600 I mean, how many times have we said that? 573 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,360 And I still will. It's not like I'm saying it's 574 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,240 not a blessing. Oh my gosh, you know, you're so 575 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:56,800 blessed the Lord provided this for you because I mean, it still 576 00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,520 is a blessing. But that true blessed are those 577 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,640 that's poor in spirit because they're going to inherit the 578 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,880 Kingdom of heaven. Like that's a totally different 579 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,360 mindset. Well, the brokenness, we need to 580 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,400 be broken, because when life's going, great. 581 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,480 I'm so glad you just said that we. 582 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,880 Ain't calling on God like we are when we're broken. 583 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:21,080 That's just like straight up, like if life's going too good, 584 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:23,720 you know, and you're not calling on him and you're not dependent 585 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,200 on him. Like why? 586 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:28,880 You know, like, and I think blessings come when we're 587 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,280 broken. But I think there's been a 588 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,960 misconception of you're poor in spirit or you're broken. 589 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,120 OK, because I'm so glad you just brought this up because I'm 590 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:41,520 reading the best book. Ever Kristen, if you're 591 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,920 listening, she's added another book to the list. 592 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,000 And have you finished one of them girl? 593 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:48,480 Yes. OK, good. 594 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,440 OK, Yes, OK. There's only been like one that 595 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,160 I couldn't. Right now I got four in a 596 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,640 rotation. You have 4 books. 597 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,600 In a rotation I can't finish one of them. 598 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,000 Dang, that's that's pretty impressive, though I don't read 599 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,520 all four. Of them they all make they all 600 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,800 go together, OK. All right, let's let me kind of 601 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,520 explain like what I'm saying and learning from this book about 602 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,120 brokenness. I used to think brokenness. 603 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,080 I tied it to the emotion of being sad. 604 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,960 I that's only, I was thinking if somebody's broken, they're 605 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:16,720 crying, they're weeping, they're sad. 606 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:22,600 And, and what God has shown me through this is you can be 607 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:26,840 crying and sad and upset and have that emotion, but not be 608 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,480 broken of your will in handing that over to God. 609 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,200 You can completely surrender your will and your life to God 610 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,600 and not be crying. And that's true brokenness. 611 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,680 When you go, I don't want my life anymore, I don't want the 612 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,880 will of my life, I don't control it anymore. 613 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,760 I'm surrendering it to you. And I know we've talked about 614 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,600 this before and I brought up the horse analogy, but it is very 615 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,520 true. When that horse completely 616 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:55,360 surrenders his direction and it's you're the one controlling 617 00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,040 that direction. That is true brokenness. 618 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,360 That is true. I'm broken to everything in my 619 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:06,240 life and it's yours and that and you don't have to be crying and 620 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:10,080 sad and set to be broken. It is just that true surrender. 621 00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,240 That's true brokenness. We talked about that at Life 622 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,200 Group A few weeks ago. When it's like you get tired of 623 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,200 being sick and tired and then you, you run to God because 624 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:23,600 you're like, I've tried everything myself and like, how 625 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:27,720 long are you going to continue to keep trying before you're 626 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,440 like, OK, I'm ready. Like, are you going to keep on 627 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,400 like, like that horse, like just keep on bucking and keep on 628 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,600 doing what you do? Are you finally going to be 629 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,440 like, look, I've done enough. Like I'm tired of living this 630 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,680 life. I'm tired of living the stress 631 00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:47,440 and just grief all the time and just being broken in a whole 632 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,280 different way. Like you just don't feel life 633 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,120 fulfilling. You don't feel like you have a 634 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,280 purpose. You don't have all these things. 635 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:57,040 Run to God. Yeah, and and really that 636 00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,440 brokenness principle is a thread, if you look at it all 637 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,520 throughout the Bible, like it through all the disciples, 638 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:08,639 everyone we've read about, Luke, Paul, all of them. 639 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,800 I mean, it's that brokenness thread and it's not even just 640 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:17,040 broken in, in that they were hurting or just sad or going 641 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,080 through pain. It was that brokenness that they 642 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,080 did left everything behind and followed him. 643 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:26,120 That was their brokenness. And I wrote, you know, it's the 644 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:32,080 only way really that brokenness, that surrendering is the only 645 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,120 way that you and I can truly be close to a holy God. 646 00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,560 It really is the only calling that or thing that we can do. 647 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,760 So I'm really grudge you brought up that point so I could kind of 648 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,480 talk about what he's got on my heart. 649 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,360 Well, I guess, I mean, we've been doing pretty good. 650 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,719 You got some other stuff in there you want to talk about. 651 00:34:49,679 --> 00:34:54,840 I like some little notes. Yeah, well, I mean, I just, 652 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:56,840 there were so much. There was so much. 653 00:34:57,720 --> 00:35:01,560 My mindset shifted in this season and it was so cool to see 654 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:05,280 God doing that, even though it was hurting so bad. 655 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:11,320 He was doing so much inside of my mind, in my spirit. 656 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,080 I really think it's more my spirit. 657 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:17,120 And it was like a challenge to have a whole new way of 658 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,400 thinking. Like I put it so 659 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:23,080 counterintuitive to the world, what he was putting on my heart 660 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,840 and putting on my mind. Everything that we've talked 661 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,240 about today is so counterintuitive to what the 662 00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:28,600 world would say. Like, yeah. 663 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:33,960 Oh, you know, God's going to, you know, bless you when your 664 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,840 time is right. Well, maybe he's not. 665 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,520 Yeah, Oh. Maybe he's not. 666 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,920 Maybe he just wants you to want him the most. 667 00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:46,160 Maybe he's not. So let's just, let's keep him #1 668 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:50,160 no matter what. And I want really to completely 669 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,560 change your way of thinking about this situation. 670 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,920 Like, whatever the world might tell you, that's not what I'm 671 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,600 telling you. And it was like, you know, 672 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,400 everything that you could think of that's opposite death 673 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,320 bringing you life pain. Bringing your life. 674 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,440 I literally wore that hat today, girl. 675 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,640 I have a hat that literally says Kingdom upside down. 676 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,000 And I have people ask me all the time. 677 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,800 They're like, what does that hat mean? 678 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:20,320 And I'm like, everything that you think the world is telling 679 00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,240 you is the exact opposite Kingdom. 680 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:25,040 Like it's the exact opposite of what you would think the Kingdom 681 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,720 would be like. You have to die to live. 682 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,960 Yeah, so I wrote that you have to death bringing you life 683 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,200 brokenness, what we're talking about bringing you complete 684 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:37,280 wholeness, everything counter intuitive to this world. 685 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,400 He shifted my mindset on. And so now I'm thankful for 686 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,920 looking back and like, yes, it's it. 687 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,080 It was hard like and you know, let's just be transparent. 688 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:53,240 There were times when the devil came after me so much so that I 689 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:55,720 think we were in church one day and I'll never forget this. 690 00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:57,880 I think Pat came up to me. He said, are you OK? 691 00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,560 I'm like just out of nowhere. And I'm like, yeah, you know, I 692 00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:07,520 almost couldn't hide it, but and I did then I kind of was like, 693 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,800 no, no, I'm not. Just pray for me. 694 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,440 Like the devil is in my mind. That's all. 695 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:16,040 I said the devil's in my mind because he literally was at a 696 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:21,160 point time he was telling me things like, you know, well, if 697 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,200 you can't give Dexter another child, you know, Dexter might 698 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,480 want to find somebody else or what you did to somebody might 699 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,360 come back in and get you. And there were just things going 700 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,880 on in my mind that were constant battle. 701 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,240 And so I had to battle it harder by doing all of this. 702 00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:40,000 You know, I had to wake up and then just be like, Nope, not 703 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,800 today. Like this is what's true in 704 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:44,920 whole. And it's everything opposite of 705 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,840 what's really in my mind and opposite of what the world is 706 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,520 telling me. So I don't want to focus on what 707 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,760 he's telling me. Yeah, I'm, I'm really glad that 708 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,800 we did this episode because when we were talking about the other 709 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,400 day, you like wanted to preface. You were like, I just, I know 710 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,920 that people have had such a longer waiting period or they've 711 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,680 had it so much harder than me and stuff like that. 712 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,560 And it's like, OK, you humble queen. 713 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:12,440 But also, but also like we do want to preface, like just 714 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,520 because it looks like this doesn't mean it looks like this 715 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,280 for everybody. And we know that. 716 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:21,120 And we're like, we really want to be sensitive to this topic 717 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,200 because there are so many people that have been trying for years 718 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,760 and years and years. Like I remember Heather saying 719 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,360 like, or maybe it was Heather. Yeah, there was they like tried 720 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,960 for years and years. Like it was like 1215 years and 721 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,400 so like, you know, we know that this is a very heavy topic for 722 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,400 many people. So and I don't have the best 723 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,520 personality when it comes to heavy topics. 724 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,080 Like I do make light of a lot and I'm really sorry. 725 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:47,680 So I hope I've done a good job today. 726 00:38:47,720 --> 00:38:50,400 Really good, OK. It feels heavy to talk about 727 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:54,840 this when I know there's so many other suffering and, and that's 728 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:57,920 why when we're talking about grief and joy coexisting and in 729 00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:01,440 me praying for those that are being, you know, they're having 730 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,000 that successfulness and pregnancy and that's happening 731 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,840 in their life and really being joyful for them. 732 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,640 And I'm still praying for those that aren't right and still 733 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,920 praying for the Lord to bring them that comfort and peace and 734 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,960 fill them with their spirit more than they've ever had and then 735 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,000 lean on him more than they ever have leaned on him during those 736 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,720 seasons. And do a work in their family's 737 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,240 life like I pray strongly for that. 738 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:28,280 So I don't want anyone to ever feel like what we're saying 739 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,680 today that our hearts don't go out to you and our hearts aren't 740 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,160 praying for you because mine is. I know I've been there. 741 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,240 I've been in that season I struggled. 742 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,760 I'm praying for you, Lord, please hear their prayers. 743 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,200 Lord, please do a work in their life like I am coming after a 744 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,000 strong stronger than I ever have before because I went through 745 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,080 it. And so don't feel like you are 746 00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,040 alone and don't feel like, you know, you're pain and stuff 747 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:56,240 doesn't matter or nobody hears it because you know, we do. 748 00:39:56,240 --> 00:39:58,600 And and he put that on my heart. I do hear it. 749 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,960 I'm praying, you know, ferociously every day about it. 750 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,600 So I'm glad you brought that part up about it. 751 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,200 Do you got anything else before we close, girl? 752 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,040 I don't think so. I think we've hit a good bit of 753 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,800 it. I think this was really good. 754 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,920 I really enjoyed this episode. All right, guys. 755 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,560 Well, I love when you say you've enjoyed the episode, like you 756 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,360 remember or, you know, everything that we talked about. 757 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,320 And it's so funny because when I leave here, I'm like, I don't 758 00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,600 remember one word that I said or yeah. 759 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:29,160 Most of the time I don't actually. 760 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,960 I recorded on Wednesday, like I've already said, and there was 761 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:35,200 one line that just keeps running back over and over in my head. 762 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,240 And I literally had to make a note of it in the files that I 763 00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:40,200 sent to Isaiah. And I'm like and you can leave 764 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:44,280 this in there I don't care. But I'm literally like if this 765 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:48,280 doesn't sound right please take it out because I don't know how 766 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,000 I worded something and can't Remember Me alive. 767 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,760 So I get what you're saying. I did enjoy this episode as I'm 768 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,640 sitting in it and I'm dwelling in it right now. 769 00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,120 But later on when I leave I'm be like I can't remember. 770 00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,680 Yeah, it's been, it's been nice to talk about. 771 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,160 Yeah, it has. I feel like the Lord has said 772 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:09,920 some good things that someone I hope hears and they feel sane 773 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,400 and they feel like they're prayed for. 774 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,840 Absolutely 100. All right guys, Well, thank you 775 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:19,120 so much for tuning in today. Make sure you like rate comment, 776 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:24,040 just, you know, shout it out. We absolutely love seeing it all 777 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,360 over social media and you just rating us. 778 00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:30,120 It's just been awesome to watch and to grow with each and 779 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,440 everyone of you. So stay tuned, stay blessed, and 780 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:33,760 we'll see you guys later. Bye.