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Let's look at John 21 verses 15 
through 25 S This happens 

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immediately after or this is 
what's happening after they are 

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eating breakfast. 
So it says when they had 

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finished breakfast, Jesus said 
to Simon Peter, Simon, son of 

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John, do you love me more than 
these? 

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He said to him, yes, Lord, you 
know that I love you. 

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He said to him, Feed my lambs. 
He said to him a second time, 

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Simon son of John, do you love 
me? 

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And he said to him, Yes, Lord, 
you know that I love you. 

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And he said to him, Tend my 
sheep. 

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And he said to him a third time,
Simon son of John, do you love 

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me? 
Peter was grieved because he had

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said to him a third time, Do you
love me? 

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And Peter said to him, Lord, you
know everything. 

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You know that I love you, Jesus 
said to him, Feed my sheep. 

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Then Jesus says this truly, 
truly. 

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I say to you, when you were 
young you used to dress yourself

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and walk wherever you wanted, 
but when you are old you will 

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stretch out your hands and 
another will dress you and carry

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you where you do not want to go.
And there's a parenthesis and it

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says this. 
He said to show by what kind of 

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death Peter was to glorify God. 
And after saying this, he said 

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to him, follow me. 
So you have this part. 

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And nine times out of 10 when 
this text is used, this is where

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we stop. 
Listen to the rest. 

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Peter turned and saw the 
disciple whom Jesus loved 

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following them, the one who had 
also leaned back against him 

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during the supper and had said, 
Lord, who is it going to betray 

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you? 
And when Peter saw him, he said 

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to Jesus, Lord, what about this 
man? 

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Jesus said to him, If it is my 
will that he remain until I 

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come, what is that to you? 
You follow me. 

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So the sayings spread abroad 
among the brothers that the this

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disciple was not was not to die.
Yet Jesus did say, or did not 

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say to him that he was not to 
die. 

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But if it is my will that he 
remain until I come, what is 

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that to you? 
This, this is the disciple who 

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is bearing witness about these 
things and who has written these

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things. 
And we know that his testimony 

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is true. 
Now there are also many things 

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that Jesus did. 
Were every one of them to be 

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written, I suppose that the 
world itself could not contain 

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the books that would be written.
And this is indeed the word of 

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the Lord. 
Let's pray, Father this morning,

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help us to focus. 
Help us to be. 

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At attention, help us to be wide
eyed as we dive into your word 

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further. 
It's your name we pray. 

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Amen. 
Friendship takes work. 

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Some people are able to make 
friends quickly, some not. 

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Some are able to retain friends 
easily, others not so much. 

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Some seem to have hundreds of 
friends or thousands of 

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followers. 
Others may be one or two close 

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ones. 
Some make time for these things 

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to develop. 
Others are burdened by the 

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tyranny of the urgent. 
Either way, it isn't the easiest

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time to make friends anymore. 
There are so many contributing 

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factors these days as to why or 
why not. 

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So here's a couple of truths 
about friendship. 

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Number one, friendship takes 
time. 

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It's estimated that for someone 
to move from a casual 

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acquaintance into a casual 
friendship, it takes about 40 to

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60 hours. 
Next step. 

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It takes somewhere between 80 
and 100 hours to move from a 

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casual friendship to like the 
reciprocal friendship. 

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And finally, to hit bestie 
status, you need to be about 200

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hours in deep. 
So friendship takes time. 

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Now here's what's interesting. 
Did you know that if you move 

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from one place to another, it 
takes you three to five years to

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become established in that 
place? 

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How many of you have never left 
Pittsburgh? 

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Raise your hand. 
How many of you have come from 

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somewhere else? 
Would you agree with me that it 

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took a while to get acquainted? 
It took a while to get plugged 

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in. 
It took a while to find doctors.

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It took a while to do all those 
things. 

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If you go to a new church, it 
takes the same amount of time. 

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Think about that. 
It takes three to five years to 

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get established in a new church.
But here's the thing, most 

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people don't wait that long. 
Most people, if they go to a new

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church, the clock is ticking 
between 6 and 18 months for them

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to get connected, for them to 
become a part of things, to meet

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new people and all that other 
kinds of stuff. 

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Why do you think that is? 
Because friendship takes time. 

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Next, friendship takes 
investment. 

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I think a lot of us would say 
that we have friends. 

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Even fewer of us would say that 
we have really good friends. 

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And I think a minority of us 
would say that we actually have 

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one really good best friend. 
We might even all have different

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criteria for what that looks 
like or how somebody might fit 

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into those categories. 
But generally, I think it's 

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pretty true. 
You might consider proximity as 

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the number one factor in your 
friendship. 

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That's my friend from work, or 
that's my neighbor, or that's so

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and so you might consider the 
level of friendship, intimacy, 

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how well you know somebody, the 
best indicator of that. 

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Or you might consider a shared 
interest. 

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We play fantasy football. 
Either way, however you slice 

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it, there is a degree of 
investment that is necessary to 

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make it happen and to keep it 
going. 

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Growing up, I never really had a
best friend. 

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I had a lot of people that I 
knew. 

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I knew a lot of people that knew
me, but I never really had a 

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best friend until I met Matthew.
And Matthew was the child of one

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of my dad's work friends. 
And so we did all kinds of stuff

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together, right? 
And then when I was 12, Matthew 

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moved right when I needed a best
friend the most entering middle 

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school because you change 
schools at that point. 

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My best friend goes to Virginia.
And back then we didn't have 

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cell phones and the Internet was
a pipe dream. 

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So the connection and everything
that we had was person to 

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person. 
Or at least at that point you 

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couldn't e-mail, you know, 
what's 12 year old going to do 

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with the e-mail at that point? 
But either way, friendless. 

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And so I go along for a period 
of time and I don't really have 

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a best friend per SE until I go 
to college. 

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And one of the things that you 
might, you might have observed 

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is at college you spend a lot of
time with people and you have a 

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roommate and you have people on 
your floor and all that kind of 

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stuff. 
And over the course of time 

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during like that first semester 
at college, still no, no best 

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friend. 
But then there's a guy named 

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Connor who transferred in from 
Robert Morris, and he was living

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up in the apartments. 
And we ended up being in the 

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same major, became friends. 
And then we decided, hey, next 

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year we'll do roomies and 
that'll be great. 

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And so Connor and I are set up 
to be roommates and probably for

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the first month I annoyed him 
terribly because I would just 

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constantly skip through songs 
and never finish a song on my, 

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on my desktop Win Amp player. 
If you had Win Amp, you know 

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what I'm talking about. 
And I annoyed him. 

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But then somewhere around 
Thanksgiving, I wore him down 

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and we have been best friends 
ever since. 

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And I would say in my life, I 
have a lot of friends. 

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I have a lot of good friends. 
I have only really one best 

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friend. 
And so friendship takes time, it

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takes investment, but it also 
takes risk. 

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Knowing that friendship takes 
time and investment, we are 

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inherently putting ourselves at 
risk. 

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Risk of disappointment, risk of 
vulnerability, risk of denial, 

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risk of betrayal. 
Risk of it all falling apart. 

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But risk is also a good thing. 
Risk also comes with reward. 

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Being understood, being heard, 
being loved, being protected and

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supported. 
Time, investment, risk. 

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It also takes sacrifice. 
There's an understanding that in

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order for us to gain something, 
usually we also have to be 

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willing to lose something else 
or give up something for the 

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benefit of a friendship. 
This is where words and actions 

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are so very important. 
It's one thing for us to say 

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that we would do anything for 
someone, it's a complete other 

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to actually do that anything for
them, even when it costs us. 

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And today we are going to look 
at all of these things wrapped 

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up in the conversation between 
Peter and Jesus, some friends 

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who were out to breakfast. 
Now I personally would never 

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meet anyone to eat a breakfast 
of fish, but that's just me. 

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But let's eavesdrop a little bit
in and hear what they're talking

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about. 
South, back to verse 15. 

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When they had finished 
breakfast, Jesus said to Simon 

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Peter, Simon, son of John, do 
you love me more than these? 

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He said to him, yes, Lord, you 
know that I love you. 

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And that conversation plays out.
Here's a couple of quick 

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observations. 
Number one, Jesus waited to 

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finish after they were done 
eating before he had the DTR. 

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That's called the defining the 
relationship talk. 

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This is pretty courteous of 
Jesus to do so, especially since

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no one's no one likes seeing 
people talk with their mouths 

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full of fish. 
And Jesus addresses Peter as 

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Simon, son of John. 
That's like pulling out the 

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middle name when you're trying 
to get one of your kids 

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attention. 
This would also get the 

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attention of everybody else 
who's sitting there. 

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Which were who? 
A bunch of other disciples, all 

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eyes on Simon Peter now. 
And Jesus asked him, Do you love

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me more than these guys do? 
If I were a disciple, I'd go 

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What? 
What is it, Peter? 

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You love Jesus more than I do? 
Now, before we know that Peter 

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did in fact claim to love Jesus 
more than everyone else did we 

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know that Peter said I would die
for you? 

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Yet Jesus asked him, Jesus uses 
the word agapas twice. 

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Agapas is the kind of is kind of
like the giving unselfish kind 

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of love. 
Peter, however, in his first 

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response, uses the word phileo. 
And that's like saying Jesus, 

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yeah, no, I'm your friend. 
Jesus says, are you my friend? 

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00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:34,240
And, and Peter says, yeah, yeah,
we're buds, we're buds. 

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So Jesus asked, the second time 
being more pointed, removing the

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comparison. 
And Peter gives a similar 

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answer. 
Yeah, we're cool. 

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This sets the stage for the 
final ask, not just for the 

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purpose of reinstating him in 
front of everyone. 

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Because if you remember, how 
many times did Peter dismiss 

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Jesus? 
Thrice. 

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So it's by no stretch of the 
imagination that Jesus is 

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playing on that dismissal with 
this reinstatement. 

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00:15:20,810 --> 00:15:27,080
But we see that Jesus genuinely 
cares for Peter and was trying 

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00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:31,800
to help Peter get to the root of
the matter this third time when 

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Jesus asked Simon, son of John, 
do you love me? 

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Peter becomes noticeably 
grieved. 

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00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:50,200
So imagine at that point Peter 
may have heard a rooster crow in

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his mind. 
Jesus didn't ask Peter, hey, are

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00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,360
you sorry for what you did? 
Hey, you really, you really kind

200
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:05,120
of threw me under the bus or 
hey, will you pinky swear that 

201
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you will never do this again? 
Now Jesus digs in and he leans 

202
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:17,880
in and he says, Peter, do you 
love me? 

203
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:30,480
Luckily, Peter finally gets it. 
And we know that because Peter 

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00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:34,160
answers Jesus with the word that
Jesus uses. 

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00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,120
He doesn't soften it up, He 
doesn't downplay it. 

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He goes one for one. 
Yes, you know all things, you 

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know that I love you. 
But is that all? 

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00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,120
No, it's not. 
There's a couple things I 

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skipped. 
Did you catch them? 

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I'm pulling them out 
specifically because of what 

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they mean. 
So each time Peter answers 

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00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,599
Jesus, Jesus also says something
back. 

213
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,520
And the first time he said feed 
my lambs. 

214
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:24,079
The second time it was tend my 
sheep and the last time it was 

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00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:30,600
feed my sheep. 
These responses from Jesus 

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00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:35,160
should show us that it is not 
mere words that he is looking 

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for. 
Remember, it's one thing to say,

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00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:44,520
it's another thing to do it. 
So Jesus says, if this is true, 

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if you love me, then feed my 
lambs. 

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00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:55,600
If this is true and you really 
love me, then tend my sheep. 

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00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:01,040
And if you are really serious 
about this, Peter, feed my 

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00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:11,310
sheep, because you will show 
your love for me by the way that

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00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:17,800
you care for them. 
And if you say this and you 

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believe this, then you need to 
go and show this. 

225
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,280
And this is where we usually 
stop. 

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Isn't that wonderful? 
Peter is reinstated. 

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It's a beautiful story, but it 
takes a real awkward turn 

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because in just a few moments, 
what Jesus says next, it's 

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actually the purpose of this 
whole reinstatement all 

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together. 
When Jesus says truly, truly, I 

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say to you, when you were young 
you used to dress yourself and 

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went and walked wherever you 
wanted. 

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But when you were old, you will 
stretch out your hands and 

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another will dress you and carry
you where you do not want to go.

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Jesus says if this is true, be 
prepared to suffer. 

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When we are invited into 
relationship with Jesus, it does

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not mean that everything is 
sunshine and rainbows because 

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love takes time, it takes 
investment, it takes risk, and 

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it takes sacrifice. 
If you love me, you will follow 

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me even to the end, just like 
Peter. 

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Peter claimed that he would do 
so we get the promise that he 

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will indeed have to do what he 
claimed. 

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What happens next is even more 
interesting, and I've never 

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heard anyone talk about it when 
we get to when we use this 

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passage. 
So they're now moving and Peter 

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turns around and sees the 
disciple whom Jesus loved, which

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John always likes to flaunt his 
his standing with Jesus. 

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If you didn't realize, this was 
John 21, so you know he's 

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flexing a little bit. 
The disciple whom Jesus loved 

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followed them, the one who had 
also leaned back against him 

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during the supper and had said, 
Lord, who is it that is going to

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betray you? 
And so Peter looks back and sees

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John and goes, Lord, what about 
this guy? 

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If I'm going to suffer, what 
about the one that you really 

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love or that is beloved? 
And this is what Jesus says, If 

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it is my will that he remain 
until I come, What is that to 

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you, Peter? 
Do you love me? 

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Feed my lambs? 
What is that to you? 

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It's like Peter couldn't even 
focus for a minute. 

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No wonder why he started to sink
into the sea. 

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He's worried about what others 
are doing and just when we think

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Peter has this moment of 
clarity, once again he gets 

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caught up on what others are 
doing. 

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Jesus answer here is pretty 
hilarious to me, and it reminds 

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me of times when I'm talking to 
one of my kids and instead of 

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them understanding the 
correction or the consequence 

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that's due to them, they go, 
well hey, what about Emmett? 

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What about, what about Harvey, 
What about Nolan? 

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To which I usually reply, what's
that got to do with it? 

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Channeling the words of Jesus? 
And the funnier part still is 

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that you and I do this all the 
time. 

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What about them? 
They're not serving in kids. 

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What about them? 
I don't see them put anything in

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the offering plate. 
What about them? 

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What about them? 
What about them? 

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So friendship takes time, it 
takes investment, it takes risk,

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it takes sacrifice, and it takes
ownership. 

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As we have just observed in this
conversation with Jesus and 

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Peter, we are ultimately 
responsible for the 

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relationships that we have. 
They are not anyone else's 

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responsibility other than our 
own. 

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I am not responsible for how 
your friendships work, and you 

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are not responsible for mine. 
But often times we are prone, 

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like Peter, to incorrectly 
implicate others in our status 

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of relationships, to potentially
blame others for the 

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expectations and the thoughts 
that we have about how things 

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should be. 
Jesus is very clear to Peter. 

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What is it to you? 
And basically what he's saying 

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is Peter lock in, pay attention,
follow me, do not worry about 

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anyone else. 
Last but not least, friendship 

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requires forgiveness. 
I don't think Peter goes on to 

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do the things that he does. 
If Jesus doesn't forgive him so 

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well. 
And if you will currently have a

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friendship that is on the back 
burner, one that is on the 

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rocks, one that is laying out to
dry, then perhaps it's time for 

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you to feed some sheep. 
If you owe someone an apology, 

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if you've been a ghost, if you 
need to reconcile with someone, 

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00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:23,720
it is perhaps time for you to 
tend some sheep. 

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Perhaps you've been wronged. 
Perhaps you've been betrayed. 

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Perhaps you've been denied. 
Perhaps you need to make the 

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00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:44,480
first move in the reconciliation
process and feed some sheep. 

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00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:51,880
Get on the phone, get in the 
car, get face to face. 

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Do what it takes. 
Invest your time, take the risk,

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00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:09,040
make the sacrifice, own it and 
forgive just as Jesus has 

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00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,520
forgiven us. 
Let's pray. 

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00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,000
Lord, we thank You that you are 
so long-suffering. 

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00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:32,440
We thank You that your 
forgiveness is not based upon 

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00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:41,770
our merits. 
We thank You that not only do 

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00:26:41,770 --> 00:26:46,570
you give us an example of what 
it means to be a true friend, 

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00:26:47,850 --> 00:26:58,400
but also a brother and a father.
Lord, as we go out the out of 

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this place in a little while and
and and go out into the world 

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where we have relationships all 
over the place, help us to take 

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00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:11,440
an inventory. 
Are there any relationships that

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we have that need to be fixed? 
Because it's really hard to 

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00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,760
follow you when we are 
distracted. 

316
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:28,400
It's really hard to follow you 
when we have a grudge. 

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00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:36,080
It's really hard to follow you 
if we are not doing the things 

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00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:43,360
that you first did for us. 
And we pray by the power of Your

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00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:51,480
Holy Spirit that You would give 
us opportunities and soft hearts

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00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:55,840
as we look to live and be your 
children. 

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00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,000
Amen.