Let's look at John 21 verses 15 through 25 S This happens
immediately after or this is what's happening after they are
eating breakfast. So it says when they had
finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of
John, do you love me more than these?
He said to him, yes, Lord, you know that I love you.
He said to him, Feed my lambs. He said to him a second time,
Simon son of John, do you love me?
And he said to him, Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.
And he said to him, Tend my sheep.
And he said to him a third time, Simon son of John, do you love
me? Peter was grieved because he had
said to him a third time, Do you love me?
And Peter said to him, Lord, you know everything.
You know that I love you, Jesus said to him, Feed my sheep.
Then Jesus says this truly, truly.
I say to you, when you were young you used to dress yourself
and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old you will
stretch out your hands and another will dress you and carry
you where you do not want to go. And there's a parenthesis and it
says this. He said to show by what kind of
death Peter was to glorify God. And after saying this, he said
to him, follow me. So you have this part.
And nine times out of 10 when this text is used, this is where
we stop. Listen to the rest.
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved
following them, the one who had also leaned back against him
during the supper and had said, Lord, who is it going to betray
you? And when Peter saw him, he said
to Jesus, Lord, what about this man?
Jesus said to him, If it is my will that he remain until I
come, what is that to you? You follow me.
So the sayings spread abroad among the brothers that the this
disciple was not was not to die. Yet Jesus did say, or did not
say to him that he was not to die.
But if it is my will that he remain until I come, what is
that to you? This, this is the disciple who
is bearing witness about these things and who has written these
things. And we know that his testimony
is true. Now there are also many things
that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be
written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain
the books that would be written. And this is indeed the word of
the Lord. Let's pray, Father this morning,
help us to focus. Help us to be.
At attention, help us to be wide eyed as we dive into your word
further. It's your name we pray.
Amen. Friendship takes work.
Some people are able to make friends quickly, some not.
Some are able to retain friends easily, others not so much.
Some seem to have hundreds of friends or thousands of
followers. Others may be one or two close
ones. Some make time for these things
to develop. Others are burdened by the
tyranny of the urgent. Either way, it isn't the easiest
time to make friends anymore. There are so many contributing
factors these days as to why or why not.
So here's a couple of truths about friendship.
Number one, friendship takes time.
It's estimated that for someone to move from a casual
acquaintance into a casual friendship, it takes about 40 to
60 hours. Next step.
It takes somewhere between 80 and 100 hours to move from a
casual friendship to like the reciprocal friendship.
And finally, to hit bestie status, you need to be about 200
hours in deep. So friendship takes time.
Now here's what's interesting. Did you know that if you move
from one place to another, it takes you three to five years to
become established in that place?
How many of you have never left Pittsburgh?
Raise your hand. How many of you have come from
somewhere else? Would you agree with me that it
took a while to get acquainted? It took a while to get plugged
in. It took a while to find doctors.
It took a while to do all those things.
If you go to a new church, it takes the same amount of time.
Think about that. It takes three to five years to
get established in a new church. But here's the thing, most
people don't wait that long. Most people, if they go to a new
church, the clock is ticking between 6 and 18 months for them
to get connected, for them to become a part of things, to meet
new people and all that other kinds of stuff.
Why do you think that is? Because friendship takes time.
Next, friendship takes investment.
I think a lot of us would say that we have friends.
Even fewer of us would say that we have really good friends.
And I think a minority of us would say that we actually have
one really good best friend. We might even all have different
criteria for what that looks like or how somebody might fit
into those categories. But generally, I think it's
pretty true. You might consider proximity as
the number one factor in your friendship.
That's my friend from work, or that's my neighbor, or that's so
and so you might consider the level of friendship, intimacy,
how well you know somebody, the best indicator of that.
Or you might consider a shared interest.
We play fantasy football. Either way, however you slice
it, there is a degree of investment that is necessary to
make it happen and to keep it going.
Growing up, I never really had a best friend.
I had a lot of people that I knew.
I knew a lot of people that knew me, but I never really had a
best friend until I met Matthew. And Matthew was the child of one
of my dad's work friends. And so we did all kinds of stuff
together, right? And then when I was 12, Matthew
moved right when I needed a best friend the most entering middle
school because you change schools at that point.
My best friend goes to Virginia. And back then we didn't have
cell phones and the Internet was a pipe dream.
So the connection and everything that we had was person to
person. Or at least at that point you
couldn't e-mail, you know, what's 12 year old going to do
with the e-mail at that point? But either way, friendless.
And so I go along for a period of time and I don't really have
a best friend per SE until I go to college.
And one of the things that you might, you might have observed
is at college you spend a lot of time with people and you have a
roommate and you have people on your floor and all that kind of
stuff. And over the course of time
during like that first semester at college, still no, no best
friend. But then there's a guy named
Connor who transferred in from Robert Morris, and he was living
up in the apartments. And we ended up being in the
same major, became friends. And then we decided, hey, next
year we'll do roomies and that'll be great.
And so Connor and I are set up to be roommates and probably for
the first month I annoyed him terribly because I would just
constantly skip through songs and never finish a song on my,
on my desktop Win Amp player. If you had Win Amp, you know
what I'm talking about. And I annoyed him.
But then somewhere around Thanksgiving, I wore him down
and we have been best friends ever since.
And I would say in my life, I have a lot of friends.
I have a lot of good friends. I have only really one best
friend. And so friendship takes time, it
takes investment, but it also takes risk.
Knowing that friendship takes time and investment, we are
inherently putting ourselves at risk.
Risk of disappointment, risk of vulnerability, risk of denial,
risk of betrayal. Risk of it all falling apart.
But risk is also a good thing. Risk also comes with reward.
Being understood, being heard, being loved, being protected and
supported. Time, investment, risk.
It also takes sacrifice. There's an understanding that in
order for us to gain something, usually we also have to be
willing to lose something else or give up something for the
benefit of a friendship. This is where words and actions
are so very important. It's one thing for us to say
that we would do anything for someone, it's a complete other
to actually do that anything for them, even when it costs us.
And today we are going to look at all of these things wrapped
up in the conversation between Peter and Jesus, some friends
who were out to breakfast. Now I personally would never
meet anyone to eat a breakfast of fish, but that's just me.
But let's eavesdrop a little bit in and hear what they're talking
about. South, back to verse 15.
When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon
Peter, Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?
He said to him, yes, Lord, you know that I love you.
And that conversation plays out. Here's a couple of quick
observations. Number one, Jesus waited to
finish after they were done eating before he had the DTR.
That's called the defining the relationship talk.
This is pretty courteous of Jesus to do so, especially since
no one's no one likes seeing people talk with their mouths
full of fish. And Jesus addresses Peter as
Simon, son of John. That's like pulling out the
middle name when you're trying to get one of your kids
attention. This would also get the
attention of everybody else who's sitting there.
Which were who? A bunch of other disciples, all
eyes on Simon Peter now. And Jesus asked him, Do you love
me more than these guys do? If I were a disciple, I'd go
What? What is it, Peter?
You love Jesus more than I do? Now, before we know that Peter
did in fact claim to love Jesus more than everyone else did we
know that Peter said I would die for you?
Yet Jesus asked him, Jesus uses the word agapas twice.
Agapas is the kind of is kind of like the giving unselfish kind
of love. Peter, however, in his first
response, uses the word phileo. And that's like saying Jesus,
yeah, no, I'm your friend. Jesus says, are you my friend?
And, and Peter says, yeah, yeah, we're buds, we're buds.
So Jesus asked, the second time being more pointed, removing the
comparison. And Peter gives a similar
answer. Yeah, we're cool.
This sets the stage for the final ask, not just for the
purpose of reinstating him in front of everyone.
Because if you remember, how many times did Peter dismiss
Jesus? Thrice.
So it's by no stretch of the imagination that Jesus is
playing on that dismissal with this reinstatement.
But we see that Jesus genuinely cares for Peter and was trying
to help Peter get to the root of the matter this third time when
Jesus asked Simon, son of John, do you love me?
Peter becomes noticeably grieved.
So imagine at that point Peter may have heard a rooster crow in
his mind. Jesus didn't ask Peter, hey, are
you sorry for what you did? Hey, you really, you really kind
of threw me under the bus or hey, will you pinky swear that
you will never do this again? Now Jesus digs in and he leans
in and he says, Peter, do you love me?
Luckily, Peter finally gets it. And we know that because Peter
answers Jesus with the word that Jesus uses.
He doesn't soften it up, He doesn't downplay it.
He goes one for one. Yes, you know all things, you
know that I love you. But is that all?
No, it's not. There's a couple things I
skipped. Did you catch them?
I'm pulling them out specifically because of what
they mean. So each time Peter answers
Jesus, Jesus also says something back.
And the first time he said feed my lambs.
The second time it was tend my sheep and the last time it was
feed my sheep. These responses from Jesus
should show us that it is not mere words that he is looking
for. Remember, it's one thing to say,
it's another thing to do it. So Jesus says, if this is true,
if you love me, then feed my lambs.
If this is true and you really love me, then tend my sheep.
And if you are really serious about this, Peter, feed my
sheep, because you will show your love for me by the way that
you care for them. And if you say this and you
believe this, then you need to go and show this.
And this is where we usually stop.
Isn't that wonderful? Peter is reinstated.
It's a beautiful story, but it takes a real awkward turn
because in just a few moments, what Jesus says next, it's
actually the purpose of this whole reinstatement all
together. When Jesus says truly, truly, I
say to you, when you were young you used to dress yourself and
went and walked wherever you wanted.
But when you were old, you will stretch out your hands and
another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.
Jesus says if this is true, be prepared to suffer.
When we are invited into relationship with Jesus, it does
not mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows because
love takes time, it takes investment, it takes risk, and
it takes sacrifice. If you love me, you will follow
me even to the end, just like Peter.
Peter claimed that he would do so we get the promise that he
will indeed have to do what he claimed.
What happens next is even more interesting, and I've never
heard anyone talk about it when we get to when we use this
passage. So they're now moving and Peter
turns around and sees the disciple whom Jesus loved, which
John always likes to flaunt his his standing with Jesus.
If you didn't realize, this was John 21, so you know he's
flexing a little bit. The disciple whom Jesus loved
followed them, the one who had also leaned back against him
during the supper and had said, Lord, who is it that is going to
betray you? And so Peter looks back and sees
John and goes, Lord, what about this guy?
If I'm going to suffer, what about the one that you really
love or that is beloved? And this is what Jesus says, If
it is my will that he remain until I come, What is that to
you, Peter? Do you love me?
Feed my lambs? What is that to you?
It's like Peter couldn't even focus for a minute.
No wonder why he started to sink into the sea.
He's worried about what others are doing and just when we think
Peter has this moment of clarity, once again he gets
caught up on what others are doing.
Jesus answer here is pretty hilarious to me, and it reminds
me of times when I'm talking to one of my kids and instead of
them understanding the correction or the consequence
that's due to them, they go, well hey, what about Emmett?
What about, what about Harvey, What about Nolan?
To which I usually reply, what's that got to do with it?
Channeling the words of Jesus? And the funnier part still is
that you and I do this all the time.
What about them? They're not serving in kids.
What about them? I don't see them put anything in
the offering plate. What about them?
What about them?
So friendship takes time, it takes investment, it takes risk,
it takes sacrifice, and it takes ownership.
As we have just observed in this conversation with Jesus and
Peter, we are ultimately responsible for the
relationships that we have. They are not anyone else's
responsibility other than our own.
I am not responsible for how your friendships work, and you
are not responsible for mine. But often times we are prone,
like Peter, to incorrectly implicate others in our status
of relationships, to potentially blame others for the
expectations and the thoughts that we have about how things
should be. Jesus is very clear to Peter.
What is it to you? And basically what he's saying
is Peter lock in, pay attention, follow me, do not worry about
anyone else. Last but not least, friendship
requires forgiveness. I don't think Peter goes on to
do the things that he does. If Jesus doesn't forgive him so
well. And if you will currently have a
friendship that is on the back burner, one that is on the
rocks, one that is laying out to dry, then perhaps it's time for
you to feed some sheep. If you owe someone an apology,
if you've been a ghost, if you need to reconcile with someone,
it is perhaps time for you to tend some sheep.
Perhaps you've been wronged. Perhaps you've been betrayed.
Perhaps you've been denied. Perhaps you need to make the
first move in the reconciliation process and feed some sheep.
Get on the phone, get in the car, get face to face.
Do what it takes. Invest your time, take the risk,
make the sacrifice, own it and forgive just as Jesus has
forgiven us. Let's pray.
Lord, we thank You that you are so long-suffering.
We thank You that your forgiveness is not based upon
our merits. We thank You that not only do
you give us an example of what it means to be a true friend,
but also a brother and a father. Lord, as we go out the out of
this place in a little while and and and go out into the world
where we have relationships all over the place, help us to take
an inventory. Are there any relationships that
we have that need to be fixed? Because it's really hard to
follow you when we are distracted.
It's really hard to follow you when we have a grudge.
It's really hard to follow you if we are not doing the things
that you first did for us. And we pray by the power of Your
Holy Spirit that You would give us opportunities and soft hearts
as we look to live and be your children.
Amen.