Imagine that you're talking with a friend and sharing that you've
had a really, really tough day. You're opening up about how
overwhelmed and sad you feel, and they respond with just look
on the bright side. Or it could be worse.
Now they probably mean well, but how does that response make you
feel? It might leave you feeling
dismissed or like your emotions aren't valid.
This is what we call toxic positivity.
While positivity can be and is a powerful tool for resilience,
there's a line where it becomes harmful.
Today, we're exploring that line in the potential dangers of
toxic positivity, how it can silence our feelings, harm our
relationships, and even stall our mental health growth.
But don't worry, we'll also talk about how to strike a healthy
balance, where positivity lifts us up instead of tearing us
down. My name is Ethan Jewell and
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
Before we start, I want to remind you I'm not a doctor.
I'm not a professional in the mental health industry.
I'm just a guy with some big, big feelings who has talked to a
lot of other people with big feelings.
And I just want to start the conversation on mental health
awareness. So thank you so much for being
here. Let's start with the basics.
Toxic positivity is the belief that we should focus on positive
emotions and reject or suppress anything negative, no matter the
circumstances. Think of slogans like good vibes
only or advice like just be happy.
On the surface, it seems harmless, even encouraging.
But here's the thing. It creates a culture or idea
where sadness, fear, and frustration are treated as bad
or wrong. The thing is, all emotions,
positive or negative, do serve a purpose.
They're signals, like Rd. signs, guiding us through life.
By dismissing negative emotions, toxic positivity teaches us to
ignore those signals. And when we ignore our feelings,
we lose the opportunity to process them, understand them,
and ultimately grow from them. Sometimes these signals are
telling us when something is wrong.
Maybe when we're being treated poorly.
Maybe when we're treating ourselves poorly.
They can sometimes be a sign of the fact that we need to look
inward and maybe do some more work.
They can help us grow in this way by understanding that side
of us. Losing this opportunity to grow
can become incredibly harmful. When we hear this motto of just
smile, get outside more, talk to others and you'll be happy, it
dismisses the real devastating impacts of mental illness.
Someone fighting with depression cannot just smile.
It's almost impossible to just get outside more.
There's literally an imbalance within their brain chemistry.
Their brain is attacking them and this toxic positivity is an
impossible remedy. When someone who is struggling
with depression is faced with this advice and it then doesn't
work, they may begin to question what's so wrong with them.
Shame sets in as they wonder if everyone else can be happy off
of this advice. Why can't I be?
This is so isolating within a mental illness already plagued
with isolation. We then may bottle up our
emotions, which of course can lead to further harm and
isolation. Studies show that bottle up
emotions lead to more mental harm like increased anxiety,
stress, depression and other mental illness related feelings.
But what a lot of people don't know is it can also lead to
physical harm. The chronic stress from having
all of these emotions pent up inside can literally increase
your risk of cardiovascular disease.
Like this is serious stuff. So this toxic positivity is not
so harmless after all. Telling depressed people to just
be happy, to just smile, is not helpful advice.
It can lead someone to feeling abnormal and isolated.
Also, at the root of it, negative emotions are teachers.
We need to experience them to learn more about ourselves and
grow these emotions once again. They tell us what's not working
in our lives. They warn us of toxic
relationships with others. They can be regulators and
warning signs. Denying that part of you is like
denying a red light telling you to stop and slow down.
Now, after all of that, I want to make something very, very
clear to you. Positivity is not a bad thing at
its core, Quite the opposite. I know I've spent this whole
episode seemingly ragging on it, but in reality, positivity is
amazing. When done correctly, positivity
can help your mindset day-to-day.
It can boost dopamine when approaching problems from a
positive mindset. It can inspire and encourage
you. It can help you lead a more
optimistic life. But it's just important to know
the difference between using positivity as a tool to inspire
growth versus using it as a mask to cover up pain.
The key to walking that line is timing and intention.
Is your intent to force away what you're feeling with the
positivity or to encourage yourself?
Are you making yourself feel guilty for not being positive?
Or are you acknowledging that some days are just too hard to
adopt that optimistic mindset? Positivity works best when it's
paired with empathy and understanding.
For example, instead of saying just be happy to yourself, you
might say I know this is hard and I believe I'll get through
it. The intention and the way in
which we phrase our self talk is so important.
Talking to others in this way is also important.
So we should all practice emotional validation.
When you or someone else is experiencing negative emotions,
take a moment to acknowledge them.
Instead of saying to yourself or to someone else don't feel that
way, try saying it's OK to feel this, let's talk about it.
Give yourself permission to feel.
Have a bad day, sit with those feelings, wallow with them for a
bit, and then give yourself a helping hand of positivity.
Know that it will work out and these feelings are temporary and
they will pass. It takes time to shift your
mindset and to be kinder to yourself and to practice helpful
positivity. But if you take that time and
engage in kind, positive self talk instead of shaming yourself
with toxic positivity, you will see a difference.
At its heart, positivity is a beautiful thing.
It can inspire us, keep us going through tough times, remind us
of life's beauty. But when it's misused, when it's
wielded as a way to dismiss or silence emotions, it can do more
harm than good. So let's aim for a balanced
approach. Let's make room for sadness,
anger and fear alongside joy and hope.
Because healing isn't about feeling good all the time.
It's about feeling everything and learning from it.
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
Thank you so much for joining me.
If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
my music on all platforms. Under the name of Ethan Jewell,
I make mental health spoken word poetry that I think you might
find really impactful. Also, you should shoot me a
message on my Instagram at Jewel Boy under score with an I and
let me know what you thought about today's episode.
So thank you so much for joining me.
Thank you for helping me find the line between toxic and
helpful positivity. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.