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Maybe this year I'll feel 
better. 

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Maybe this year my brain won't 
feel under the weather. 

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I'll have some problems, but 
I'll find some solutions. 

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Simply being happy is my New 
Year's resolution. 

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So maybe this year I'll get out 
of bed and feel excited for the 

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day. 
And my bones won't be brittle, 

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my skin not made of clay. 
But if I don't feel better, I'll

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just look in the mirror and say,
well, maybe I'll be happy next 

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year. 
This was a poem that I wrote 

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several years ago, just after 
New Year's had passed. 

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And I saw everyone around me 
making resolutions and swearing 

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to be a better version of 
themselves. 

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They set all of these grand 
goals, and many of them went on 

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to achieve them. 
And I was faced with the same 

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mental health problems that I 
had been dealing with for years.

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And I thought to myself, wow, 
it's just going to be another 

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year of feeling bad. 
It's going to be another year of

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struggling while everyone around
me seems to succeed and thrive. 

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It's going to be another year of
being me. 

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And I was so upset. 
I was so deep in my struggle 

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with mental illness that I felt 
like I was broken because I 

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couldn't just set a resolution. 
I couldn't find the energy 

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within me to set a goal to to be
better for the next year. 

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And I felt like a complete 
failure because I'd given up 

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before I'd even started. 
And that is inherently the 

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problem with how you may be 
facing healing your mental 

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health. 
It wasn't until I broke down the

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barrier of needing a place to 
start and instead just started 

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not worrying about anything else
started ridiculously small. 

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That is when I began to see real
progress with my mental health. 

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My name is Ethan Jewell and 
welcome back to Feel Your 

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Feelings. 
It's Tuesday, which means I will

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be dissecting a poem that I 
wrote. 

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I'm still workshopping a name, 
maybe Poetry Tuesdays, maybe 

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Together Tuesdays. 
I'm working on coming up with a 

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name. 
But what matters is today we're 

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going to be talking about the 
new year and we're going to be 

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talking about specifically how 
it pertains to your mental 

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health. 
If you're anything like me, this

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time of year is really hard. 
You are dealing with the grief 

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of another year going by, of 
perhaps feeling like you wasted 

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it, or feeling like you didn't 
hit the goals you wanted to. 

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Maybe you didn't heal as much as
you wanted to. 

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And at the same time, you're 
faced with the overwhelming, 

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crushing, impending feeling of 
the next year coming far too 

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fast. 
I've been dealing with this 

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feeling every single January for
the past six years, and it's a 

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really hard feeling. 
You're letting go of what was 

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and simultaneously trying to set
your sights on what is going to 

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be. 
And there's this pressure to set

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goals. 
There's this pressure to go into

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the new year being the best 
version of yourself. 

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But the problem is when you're 
depressed, when you're 

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struggling with your mental 
health, it is very hard to set 

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realistic goals because of 
course, you want to be the best 

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version of yourself. 
You want to heal. 

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All of us want to heal, but we 
want to already be healed. 

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The process of healing is so 
difficult it can feel almost 

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impossible. 
How can we set a goal for 

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something that we can't even 
understand? 

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How can we set this goal of 
healing when we don't even know 

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what healing looks like? 
So every year we try and we say 

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this year is going to be 
different. 

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This year I'm going to improve. 
And then by the second or third 

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week, we're back to square 1 and
we think, what is wrong with me?

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I can't even commit to healing 
for a year. 

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And that's the problem. 
We're setting our goals far too 

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high. 
I remember many times going into

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the new year saying this is the 
year that I heal. 

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But the problem is I was too 
zoomed out. 

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I was focusing on the entire 
year. 

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I was focusing on these great 
grand, big moments of healing. 

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And in your mental health 
journey, those moments almost 

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never exist. 
There is no one grand moment. 

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00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,440
There's no one moment where 
you're going to be ready to 

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heal. 
There's no one moment where 

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you're going to know exactly 
what you're supposed to do. 

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This is a trap and it is a cruel
one because you keep setting 

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expectations and then inevitably
being disappointed in yourself 

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when you shouldn't be because 
you're trying. 

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So today we're going to talk 
about what this looks like, why 

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we do this to ourselves, how it 
hurts us, and ultimately how we 

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can go into this year to truly 
heal our mental health. 

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So the new year can feel heavy 
because we've been taught from a

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psychological, from a social 
standpoint, that January is a 

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starting point, that if we don't
start in January, well, then 

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that's another year wasted. 
And that is a totally ridiculous

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lie that were sold. 
You know, this idea of New 

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Year's resolutions, I think it's
great to set goals for yourself,

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but at the same time, it puts on
this ridiculous pressure at the 

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start of the year to go into 
another year being the absolute 

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00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,840
best version of yourself. 
And that's just unfair. 

93
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,920
I mean, we're coming off of 
seasonal depression. 

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00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,880
The weather is cold, the days 
are still short, and you just 

95
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,480
expect yourself to jump into the
best version of what you can be.

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00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,880
It is unfair. 
We're sold this belief of if I 

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00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,960
don't change now, I never will. 
We treat January like a doorway 

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00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:31,080
to change, but most of the 
change happens in the hallway 

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00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,240
after that door. 
It happens when you allow 

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yourself to walk through that 
door and keep going no matter 

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what. 
The problem with starting fresh,

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with having this moment where 
everything is supposed to 

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change, where you're supposed to
let go of everything, the 

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00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:52,680
problem with that is that you 
are a person with history. 

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00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,200
You can't just magically flip a 
switch because it's January and 

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00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,960
erase all of the pain and the 
trauma and all of the mental 

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00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,960
health issues you've been 
dealing with for years. 

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That's just not how it works. 
There's this immense pressure to

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be different when in reality you
are the same person. 

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You are the same person with the
same hurt that you have and and 

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the same mental health struggles
that you've been dealing with. 

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00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:21,280
And it's unfair and unrealistic 
to expect yourself to just leave

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00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,200
that all behind. 
And that's not how healing 

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00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,480
works. 
We're not supposed to drop 

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everything or go around it. 
We're supposed to go through it.

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00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,640
We're supposed to carry all of 
our baggage with us until we 

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become strong enough to live 
with it. 

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The pain that you feel all year,
what you've been struggling 

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00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,920
with, it doesn't wait for 
January. 

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So why should the care and 
attentiveness that you give that

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00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:50,040
pain wait for January as well? 
It just doesn't make sense. 

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The mental health issues that we
face are there all year round, 

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00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,880
yet we are putting all this 
pressure on ourselves to try to 

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00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,800
deal with it starting in the new
year. 

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00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:03,840
This whole concept, this whole 
idea of starting fresh in the 

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00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,480
new year of, of really dealing 
with all the issues you've been 

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00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,680
having, especially when it comes
to your mental health, it is 

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00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,040
ridiculous. 
So let's talk about what we can 

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do instead. 
Now, I'm always getting on this 

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podcast and I'm preaching about 
healing not being a linear 

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journey. 
And that especially reigns true 

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when it comes to something like 
this. 

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This idea that we start in 
January and we keep healing 

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00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,480
throughout the entire year and 
everything is totally fine and 

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00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,280
by the end of the year we've 
reached our goal. 

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It's ridiculous. 
It's not realistic because 

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healing is not linear. 
You will have setbacks. 

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And if you have this expectation
that you're going to start 

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00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,840
strong and keep that going 
throughout the entire year, you 

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00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:51,880
will be disappointed because 
inevitably there will be days 

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that feel like day one. 
That will happen. 

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I have had more day ones than I 
can count. 

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00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,480
I have had more days where I 
feel like I'm just starting off.

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00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:08,400
I mean, literally in the past 
two weeks I had a day one. 

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00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,360
I've been working on healing my 
mental health for more than six 

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00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,840
years, and just two weeks ago I 
felt like I was back to square 

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1. 
And that is the cruel nature of 

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healing your mental health. 
It is not some beautiful linear 

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00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,080
journey where you start one day 
and then one day you stop and 

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00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,320
you're healed. 
No, when you struggle with 

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00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,960
mental illness, you are always 
learning and you are always 

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00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,000
trying and you're always 
carrying that weight. 

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And I still carry that same 
weight with me to this day. 

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But what matters is what 
happened in between. 

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You slowly and silently became 
stronger. 

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00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,640
You slowly and silently learned 
the insurance and outs of your 

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00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,280
emotions, how you deal with your
feelings, how to feel them, and 

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00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,240
how to carry them without it 
ruining your life. 

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00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,480
So yes, I can say I keep having 
day ones, but I know how to deal

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00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,040
with them. 
The day one didn't ruin my life,

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00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,240
it just threw me off for a day 
or two. 

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00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:16,160
I was able to shrug that off and
keep going because that's what 

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00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,360
realistic healing looks like. 
We need to stop setting these 

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00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:23,480
big unrealistic goals that will 
inevitably lead us to be 

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00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:26,760
disappointed and instead we need
to zoom in. 

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00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,120
You know, people always tell you
zoom out your perspective, look 

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00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,320
at the big picture. 
But I'm going to tell you, you 

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00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:37,920
should zoom in a little bit. 
Go day by day, go hour by hour. 

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00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,680
Do 1 ridiculously small thing 
for yourself going into this 

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00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,680
year. 
Don't focus on a full reset. 

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00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,800
Don't focus on being the perfect
version of yourself going into 

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00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,040
2026. 
Instead, focus on what small 

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00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:57,440
acts help you every single day. 
Focus on the tiny little actions

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00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,720
that you can take towards 
healing. 

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00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,840
Let today be enough for today. 
Redefine your progress. 

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00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,720
Don't be afraid to show up 
imperfectly, because what 

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00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,640
matters is you're showing up for
yourself. 

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00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,480
When you're hurt, when you're 
sad, when you're dealing with 

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00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,520
your mental health issues, show 
up imperfectly. 

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00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,120
You don't have to get it right 
on the first try. 

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00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,480
You don't have to get it right 
on the 100th try, but what 

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00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,080
matters is you're there for 
yourself and you're showing 

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00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,160
yourself that you matter because
you do. 

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00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:34,560
You are more than your feelings 
and you deserve to heal one day 

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00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,160
at a time. 
So going into this new year, 

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00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,360
don't set yourself up for this 
grand. 

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00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,760
This year, I'll be happy. 
Instead, focus on today. 

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00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:49,640
Focus on one small step that you
can do for yourself today to 

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00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:54,040
slowly work towards healing. 
I believe in you one day at a 

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00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,080
time. 
Thanks so much for being here. 

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00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,240
That's going to wrap it up for 
today's episode. 

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00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,800
If you need help feeling your 
feelings, you should check out 

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00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,720
my music on all platforms under 
the name of Ethan Jewel. 

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00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,400
I almost guarantee it'll make 
you cry. 

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00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,040
Also, if you enjoy this podcast,
the best way that you can 

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00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,200
support me right now is by 
getting some merch. 

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00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,320
I just dropped some merch last 
month and I think it's pretty 

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00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,480
cool. 
You can find a link to it in the

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00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:20,080
description or you can find it 
at ethanjewel.myshopify.com. 

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00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,480
Also, drop me a comment and let 
me know how you are approaching 

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00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,920
your mental health this year and
maybe if there's one small thing

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00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,320
that you're doing for yourself 
every single day. 

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00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,960
So thank you so much for being 
here. 

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00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,240
Thank you for understanding that
sometimes you just need to zoom 

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00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,680
in a little bit and take your 
mental health one step at a 

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00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,280
time. 
And as always, thank you for 

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00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,080
feeling your feelings. 
I'll see you next time.