1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,880 If you've never seen my wife before, where you're about to 2 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:06,000 meet her because it's literally been three years since she's 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,640 come on the channel and I finally convinced her to come 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,920 back on because it's our 10 year wedding anniversary. 5 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,840 So I think you're gonna like what she's going to share with 6 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,000 you right now. This is the story of how God 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,040 changed my life. You often hear the question. 8 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,640 People will say, well, you know you're only a Christian because 9 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,200 you were brought up in a Christian home. 10 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,680 You know, that's the only reason that you believe what you 11 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,400 believe because it's what you, your parents believed and it's 12 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,480 all you've ever known. Well, that couldn't be further 13 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:37,120 from the truth in my story. So I did not grow up in a 14 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,040 Christian home. In fact, there was number 15 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,680 religious influence in our home at all. 16 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,200 We would be what you'd describe as an atheistic family. 17 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,000 So the belief that there is absolutely no afterlife, there 18 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,080 is no chance of there being a God. 19 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,640 So that was our belief system growing up as children. 20 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,920 You know, we wouldn't have Bibles in the home. 21 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:01,080 Interestingly, I went to a so over here in the OK, we have 22 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,160 schools which can be funded by the Church of England. 23 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,600 They're not necessarily evangelical Christian schools, 24 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,560 but they would definitely have Christian morals and Christian 25 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,400 teachings within them. So I went to a Church of 26 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:21,680 England's primary school because my dad's family, they were 27 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,960 Catholic and they wanted us as children to, to have some kind 28 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,960 of religious input because there was absolutely none coming from 29 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,760 the home. And I remember really vividly, I 30 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,320 was six years old and once a month we would have an assembly 31 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,720 with a special visitor who was a Christian evangelist, and he 32 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,000 would come in and he would tell us all a story. 33 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,880 We'd sing some hymns on his guitar and that would be that. 34 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,800 But I remember really vividly this one particular assembly 35 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:55,960 when he told a story and it was very simple about how a boy had 36 00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:00,280 lied to his friend about a bike. And it really, really struck me 37 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,800 because that morning my mum said, Emma, have you eaten your 38 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,280 breakfast? And I was like, yeah, yeah, 39 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,800 yeah, I've eaten it all know in full. 40 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,560 Well, I hadn't eaten all my breakfast. 41 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,360 I'd put it in the bin. And the Christine evangelist, 42 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,840 he, he never mentioned the word hell. 43 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,120 He never mentioned judgment. He never mentioned any skirt 44 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,880 tactics, if you will. I know sometimes people will 45 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,800 say, Oh, well, you know, you were, you were scared into your 46 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,320 faith. There was none of that. 47 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,840 He just said how even as children we do things wrong. 48 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,800 And that really struck me, really struck me to the point 49 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,600 where I was sat in floods of tears in this assembly at six 50 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,640 years old. It was a real deep conviction 51 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,760 that I had lied to my mum. Why did I lie to my mum? 52 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,720 Why did I do that? I didn't, I obviously didn't 53 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,160 want to get into trouble, but why did I feel that need to do 54 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,560 something wrong? And it really, really struck me. 55 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,000 And I remember all my little friends around me were like, I 56 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,680 ever watched the mat. So like, why, why are you upset? 57 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,400 Because let's be honest, most kids at six years old in an 58 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,080 assembly just kind of sit gazing out the window, picking the 59 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,200 nose. But I I can see now looking back 60 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,720 how God had his hand upon me even at that young age. 61 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,200 So I went home that evening and I was like, Mum, we need to go 62 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,800 to church, you know, we need to know more about Jesus. 63 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,480 And she was like, well, absolutely no way. 64 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,480 Because that's not true. It's not real. 65 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,760 That was her viewpoint. So I felt really conflicted 66 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,800 inside because I was thinking, well, you know, why would this 67 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,640 teacher say that Jesus is this wonderful person that gives us 68 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,320 hope? And yet my mum's like, well, he 69 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,840 doesn't even exist. And I just wouldn't let it go to 70 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,480 the point where my mum actually went into the school. 71 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,680 She kicked off a bit of a stink, basically saying that, you know, 72 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,960 I was becoming obsessive with wanting to know more about Jesus 73 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,800 and, and religion. And it got so bad that she 74 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,520 actually pulled me out of that school and she put me into 75 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,680 what's called a community primary school. 76 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,280 So over here, that just basically means that the school 77 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:57,280 is funded by the local council. There is no church influence or 78 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,960 any kind of religious influence going on in that school. 79 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,080 Yes, you would do religious studies, but it was very much 80 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,080 just factual level. So I was put in this Community 81 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:10,760 School and amazingly, a few weeks after I started, the 82 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,960 Christian evangelist got a contract at this Community 83 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,160 School to come and take an assembly once a month. 84 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,839 But I was banned from his assemblies. 85 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:21,040 So I wasn't a allowed to go down and listen to what he had to 86 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,280 say. But I remember really vividly he 87 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,400 would walk past me. I used to have to, I used to 88 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,520 have to sit in like this little library area. 89 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,800 Well, everybody went down and he'd be the last person to go 90 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,080 down. And I remember every time he 91 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,320 passed me, he'd say good morning, Emma, I hope you have a 92 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,600 good day. You know, general chitchat. 93 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,960 He was so friendly to me and I was mortified. 94 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,640 Like, I didn't want to give him eye contact because I knew my 95 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:47,360 mum had gone into the other school and, you know, made him 96 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,680 feel, made him question, you know, had he said things that 97 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,240 were scaring children into, into wanting to believe in God, which 98 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,240 he hadn't. So I was a bit like, Oh no. 99 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:01,680 But it really struck me how he just had such a genuine care and 100 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,480 love for me. Like he would have been within 101 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,160 his rights to just walk on past me and think, oh, there's that, 102 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,200 that girl with the, you know, troublemaking family. 103 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,120 But no, he was so loving towards me. 104 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,320 So that always stuck with me. Like I said, I was just six 105 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,560 years old at this point. So then life kind of happens. 106 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,200 My mum and dad got divorced when I was eight years old. 107 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,200 That was a very messy divorce. There was a lot of violence, a 108 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,720 lot of pain. We actually had to go and live 109 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,560 in what's called, like, safe housing for a year. 110 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,000 So basically, my dad had no contact with us. 111 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,480 He wasn't allowed to know our address where we were living. 112 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,880 And then you kind of think, well, OK, that is, it's 113 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,120 traumatic and it's, it's horrendous as a child to 114 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,640 experience that. But also there was a sense of 115 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,640 relief when the divorce happened because we were like, we're safe 116 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,520 now as a family and we can be happy. 117 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,000 And it was really lovely because my mum used to say when we get 118 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,400 our new house, it's, we're going to call it the happy home. 119 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:57,080 But sadly it was far from the happy home. 120 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,680 So at this point, I think I would have been coming up to 121 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:03,160 about 9-10 years old, probably 10 years old at this point. 122 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:07,680 And my mum, she always sees the best in everybody and she met a 123 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,800 man who had recently just come out of prison. 124 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,560 He had a lot of issues, but he was a bit like a Jekyll and a 125 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,680 Hyde character. He had this really amazing side 126 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,880 to him where he was so gifted. He was an incredible artist, 127 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,400 incredible singer, very caring, loved nature. 128 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,760 And then he had this other side which was really aggressive and 129 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:31,320 angry and violent and bitter. And that side was tied up with a 130 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:36,160 lot of dependency upon alcohol. So that was really difficult. 131 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,960 I think my mum, she just wanted to help him. 132 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,960 She wanted him to become a better man. 133 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,320 And she always felt like she could fix these people. 134 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,320 But yeah, our family home, there was a lot of pain there. 135 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,040 And I, I just wanted to be away from it. 136 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,040 So, you know, life is kind of just going on. 137 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,320 I had a lot of anxiety growing up. 138 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,440 I had a lot of big questions, you know, what is the point to 139 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,800 life? You know, what's the meaning? 140 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,880 Is there any meaning? Could there be something after 141 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,520 death? You know, all these kind of 142 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,040 questions and I just felt like there were no answers to them. 143 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,960 So I just kind of threw myself into my studies, my friendship 144 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,800 groups, doing your typical teenage things, you know, going 145 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,480 out to the clubs and the pubs. And funny enough, I never, I 146 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,400 never actually went down the whole route of drinking alcohol. 147 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,840 I think because I'd seen the damage that it had caused in our 148 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,760 family home. There was already a bit of a 149 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,120 wariness towards it and I genuinely didn't like the taste. 150 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,400 So I was like, why would I spend all that money on something 151 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,120 which tastes like you're drinking acid? 152 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,600 So that was that was just me, but I was very much involved 153 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,600 with the the crowds that were out drinking because it kept me 154 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,360 out of the home. I worked four jobs by the time I 155 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:48,760 turned 16 because I just, yeah, I just wanted to, I guess escape 156 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,400 and keep busy. So that's what I did. 157 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,480 And then speed up a little bit more to when I had just turned 158 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:58,920 18 and I was a few weeks off going to university, one of my 159 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,000 friends had said let's go to this music festival, big, big 160 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,120 music festival called Leeds Fest. 161 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,680 So Leeds is a place in the UK for any everybody watching this 162 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,520 overseas and yeah, they're just this huge, huge, huge farmers 163 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,960 field and there are loads of bands playing music, there's 164 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:19,640 food stalls, you camp there. But there is a lot of immorality 165 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,960 happening there. There's a lot of drinking, 166 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,960 there's a lot of promiscuous behaviour, you name it, it's all 167 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,560 going on at this festival. And here I am stone cold sober 168 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,680 with all these people that are intoxicated. 169 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,720 And it was one particular night, early hours of the morning. 170 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:39,200 And I remember just standing in this sea of young people, like 171 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,000 there were thousands and thousands of teenagers and they 172 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,480 were all just so lost. They all just looked so 173 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,040 incredibly lost, like just so intoxicated. 174 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,680 Just they didn't know who they were, where they were, what they 175 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,120 were doing. There were people hooking up. 176 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,640 And I'm like you, you, you've not even a clue who that person 177 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,560 is. And it was just, I felt so 178 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:02,280 incredibly lost. And I isolated and I felt a real 179 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,200 sense of dread and panic. And it's hard to put into words. 180 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,480 I don't know if anybody watching this has ever suffered with 181 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,400 panic attacks or anxiety, but can't really explain or describe 182 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:16,840 the, the feeling, the sensation. It's just a real sense of dread, 183 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:21,360 panic fight, flight mode. It's just, it's, it's awful. 184 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,280 And I remember just feeling incredibly lost and empty 185 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,840 thinking. I remember the thought going 186 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,760 through my mind was what's the point? 187 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:32,600 What is the point of life, you know, if this is all we live 188 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,000 for, if this is the big high at the end of a working week or you 189 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,920 know, you, you work, work, work in a dead end job or even a 190 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,440 career that you're really happy with. 191 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,400 But why? What's the point just so that 192 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,400 you can have a week getting drunk and sleeping around? 193 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,680 And is this is this what pleasure is? 194 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:52,600 Because it's really empty to me. And I just thought, there's no 195 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,840 point to life if there's nothing more. 196 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,760 If there's nothing greater than this temporary fulfilment, 197 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,320 temporary happiness, then it is absolutely pointless. 198 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,280 So I'm feeling all these feelings, feeling really like 199 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,160 ah. To be honest, I probably looked 200 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,080 the most intoxicated in that moment, ironically. 201 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:16,640 But I looked up from all these people and I saw a tent like 202 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,720 halfway down the field. And this tent was a Salvation 203 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,560 Army tent. At the time I just thought they 204 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:26,080 were volunteers for the Army because you would have different 205 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,360 tents at these festivals, like gazebo style tents. 206 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:34,040 They might be selling hoodies and, and sweatpants and they 207 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,480 might be selling, you know, little key rings or whatever. 208 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,680 But this particular attempt was a Salvation Army. 209 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,760 And there were young people similar age to me and they were 210 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:46,000 offering help and aid to all these intoxicated people. 211 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:50,240 And they had such a joy about them and a peace and it was just 212 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,040 radiating from them. And I was like, how can you 213 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,760 stand here because you're sober? Like I'm sober. 214 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,520 How can you stand here and watch what is happening and not be 215 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,840 troubled by and also not be angry and think, you know, leave 216 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,880 them in the pit of despair because they've done that to 217 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,360 themselves. Why are you carrying them to the 218 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,600 medical tent? Why are you carrying them to a 219 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,760 paramedic? Why are you giving them free 220 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,520 water and wrapping them in thermal blankets? 221 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,080 Why are you doing that? And you're doing that with such 222 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,520 a joy about you. So I just knew in that moment 223 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:24,360 those people had something that I quite clearly didn't have and 224 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,680 I wanted. So I just walked over to this 225 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,760 tent again. Remember, I'm all mixed up with 226 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,320 these feelings and I just didn't know what to say. 227 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:35,560 So I said something along the lines of I want what you have, 228 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,360 how can I have it? And I remember this young guy, 229 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,200 he just looked at me and he probably thought, you know, 230 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,840 she's intoxicated, but he just looked at me and he just said, I 231 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,560 mean, you know, you could, you can buy a wristband, you know, 232 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,480 that would be helpful. That would, that would, that 233 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,520 would support us. So I would just nodded. 234 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,880 And I was like, yeah, OK, I'll buy a wristband because I, I, I, 235 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:57,080 yeah, I just didn't, I didn't know what to say or what to do. 236 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,680 So I bought this wristband and on the wristband it said 237 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,080 salvation. I sadly don't have that 238 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,880 wristband anymore. It just basically disintegrated 239 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:09,560 into nothing because I wore it every day, every single day, 240 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,720 whether I was in the bath, in the shower, and the swimming 241 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,480 pool. I did not take that bracelet 242 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,600 off. I had no idea what salvation 243 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:19,000 meant, but for me, that wristband represented the thing 244 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,600 that I was searching for, that piece, that security, that joy. 245 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,280 So a few weeks after that festival, I think it's gonna be 246 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,960 three weeks after. Four weeks after that festival, 247 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:34,360 I started university and there was a Christian on my course who 248 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,160 sat next to me one particular day. 249 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,480 And this Christian said, oh, are you a believer? 250 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,160 And I was like, what? What a weird question. 251 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,560 A believe a believer in? A believer in what? 252 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,560 And they were like, oh, I'm really sorry. 253 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:49,440 It's just like you're wearing a wristband that says salvation. 254 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,200 That's a Christian term. Like, are you a born again 255 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,040 Christian? And I just laughed in this 256 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,880 person's face. I was, I was quite rude 257 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,760 actually. And I was like, absolutely no 258 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,760 way. Like, no, I'm absolutely not a 259 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,320 Christian. Like everybody knows that. 260 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,680 That's just a made-up fairy tale book to help people cope with 261 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,920 the difficulties of life. Like it's not real. 262 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,840 So then this person was like, well, why are you wearing like a 263 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,280 Christian wristband then if you've no interest? 264 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,960 And I was like, well, you know, and I didn't know what to say. 265 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,880 And they were like, you do know what salvation means, don't you? 266 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,960 And I was like, yes, of course I know what salvation means. 267 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,960 When actually I hadn't a clue what salvation meant. 268 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,560 I still thought the Salvation Army worked for the Army. 269 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:34,080 So that then made me think, OK, I need to go away and Google 270 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,720 what is salvation? So that's exactly what I went 271 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,440 away and did. And that's when the penny 272 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,200 dropped. I was like, oh, OK, so the 273 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:45,760 Salvation Army, they're Christians and salvation. 274 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,080 Wow. I mean, this, this is, this is, 275 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,960 this is like the, the whole message of Christianity. 276 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,120 So then I was faced with almost this dilemma. 277 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,560 Like I felt like I was at a bit of a crossroads because I was 278 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:01,360 like, those people at that festival had what I want, but 279 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,000 they were Christians. And I've spent my whole life 280 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,640 thinking, you know, Christianity is a load of rubbish. 281 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:10,360 It's nonsense. And I've always been very close 282 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:14,320 to my mum and obviously, you know, she wouldn't lie to me. 283 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,800 Why would she tell me Jesus and God isn't real? 284 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,240 Because if it was real, she would have told me it was real. 285 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,120 And if she's telling me it's a lot of rubbish, then it's a lot 286 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,080 of rubbish, right? You know, because you, you trust 287 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,760 the word of your parents. So I was faced this real dilemma 288 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,200 of, well, do I explore Christianity or do I just say, 289 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,360 oh, well, actually it's a lot of rubbish. 290 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:35,880 They were just, you know, it's nonsense. 291 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,480 It's nonsense. It's a false sense of security. 292 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,280 There was people had at the festival and for a little while 293 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:45,760 I battled with this thought in my mind until I came to a place 294 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,040 where I thought, you know what, I'm a hypocrite because I'm 295 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:53,120 saying I'm not willing to to pursue Christianity or 296 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,840 investigate any further because I know it's rubbish. 297 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,920 I know it's nonsense. I know it's not real. 298 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,600 But actually I've never considered it truly for myself. 299 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,800 I've never read a Bible. I don't even own a Bible. 300 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,160 I've never been in an evangelical church, a Bible, 301 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,240 believe in church. I've only who have been to 302 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,400 funerals, christenings, weddings. 303 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,560 I've never, yeah, I've never considered this. 304 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,080 So that makes me a really big hypocrite. 305 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,720 And I think when you're at university, you know, you, you, 306 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,840 you're studying, aren't you? You're in the world of academia, 307 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:28,640 let's say, and you're wanting to debate and discover who you are 308 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,760 and what is this big world we live in. 309 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,040 So there was also that side of it where I was like, I really 310 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,600 actually, I want to explore this. 311 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,400 I want to see what is this Christianity all about? 312 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,480 So that's what I did. So I got myself a Bible. 313 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,760 I started to read the Bible. The Christian who I'd met on the 314 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,600 course that had challenged me, they put me in touch with a 315 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,840 local church to the university that I was at. 316 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,080 And I remember I didn't go for a good few weeks because I was 317 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,880 just, I was so worried about how they would judge me. 318 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,480 How would they view me? Bear in mind, I had no concept 319 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,280 of what a Christian worship service was like. 320 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,160 So I thought, you know, you have to wear like a big funny hat and 321 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,840 you have to wear like floor length clothing. 322 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,320 Not there's anything wrong with that, but I just thought that's 323 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,600 what you have to wear. And you'll be sprinkled with 324 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,440 holy water at the door. And they'll just, they'll just 325 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,040 judge me as like the world's biggest Sinner. 326 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,200 And I was terrified that it was going to be this place of fear 327 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,160 and judgment. But I eventually, again, I got 328 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,960 to a point where I was like, I just need to swallow my pride 329 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,520 and go. So I did. 330 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,560 And let me tell you, it was nothing like the picture I had 331 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,400 conjured up in my mind. Nobody sprinkled me with holy 332 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:38,960 water. You'll be pleased to know I 333 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,640 didn't wear a funny hat or floor length clothing. 334 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:46,280 And I, I couldn't believe what I was seeing to be honest. 335 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,400 Because obviously coming from a broken home, you see a lot of 336 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,280 dysfunction going on and there's a lot of arguments and pain and 337 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,920 nobody seems to get along. To then walk into a building, a 338 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,560 very basic building. There was nothing fancy. 339 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,280 There was number stained glass. It was just a very bog standard 340 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,760 basic building to see people from all different walks of 341 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:11,240 life, different races, different class type. 342 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,560 You had rich, you had poor, you had young, you had old, you had 343 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,319 disabled, you know, you had really intelligent people. 344 00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:21,760 You had people that quite clearly were not in in good 345 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,359 circumstances. To see such a mix of people in 346 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:30,320 the same building with such unity, that really, really 347 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,840 struck, that was the thing that had the biggest impact upon me 348 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,600 because I was I, I just remember thinking, this is what a family 349 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,120 is like. They have such a bond that just 350 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,760 clearly cannot be broken. And humanly speaking, there 351 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,680 should be absolutely nothing that these people have in 352 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,000 common. Like these people should not be 353 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,640 getting on as well as they are. So why are they, what is it that 354 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:55,840 is uniting them to one another? So that spoke volumes to me to 355 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,560 see that love, that family unity. 356 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,360 I was like, wow, this is pretty profound. 357 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:05,160 This is pretty real. So I kept going back to that 358 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,280 church and I kept reading the Bible, and I came to a place 359 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,360 where I felt like for the first time, a lot of my questions were 360 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:14,760 being answered. Because if you truly, truly 361 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,760 study Christianity and the Bible and the historical accounts of 362 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,880 creation, you'll find that that is the most scientific 363 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,880 explanation for how we have ended up here with this 364 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,880 incredible universe. You know, we can't have the 365 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,880 creation without a creator. You know, everything that has 366 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,680 ever been created has intelligent design behind it. 367 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,920 So I felt like all my questions were being answered. 368 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,480 I was like, yes, this makes sense. 369 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,600 Yes, yes, this all makes sense. Life suddenly makes sense. 370 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,320 There is a bigger picture. There is a God in heaven and he 371 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,280 loves me. But I got to a point where I 372 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,080 thought that being a Christian was just about being a good 373 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,640 person, you know, living a good life, doing good things, not 374 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,960 swearing, not lying, you know, being kind to people that you 375 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,600 don't really want to be kind to. So every day I'm remember, I'd 376 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,040 wake up and I'd be like, OK, today's the day that I'm going 377 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,560 to be a Christian. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna 378 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,960 not swear and I'm not gonna do this at work. 379 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,400 And I'm gonna just be really good, wholesome person. 380 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,200 And sure enough, I'd fail miserably. 381 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,040 So then I got quite disillusioned with Christianity. 382 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,280 I started to think they're all hypocrites. 383 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,880 It's a hypocritical religion because you can't keep this 384 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,200 standard of perfection. Nobody can live this way. 385 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,760 I mean, it's, it's impossible. So I felt, I felt like on the 386 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,640 one hand, I wanted to throw the, but on the other hand, I knew 387 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:36,360 that I can't let this go because I found so much truth in the 388 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:39,040 scriptures. So then one particular night I 389 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,400 was actually during my Bible reading for the day. 390 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,120 I used to write out certain passages just to help them stick 391 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:48,520 in my mind because like I said, this is the first time I've ever 392 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,440 picked up a Bible for myself and started to read for myself. 393 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:56,240 So I was writing out Psalm 51, which is the repentance Psalm of 394 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,640 King David. And it's as I was writing out 395 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:03,000 verse 7, which. Wash me and then I'll be whiter 396 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,120 than snow. And I remember as I'm writing 397 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:11,320 it, I'm like, wash me and then then I'm whiter than snow and I 398 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,840 remember putting the pen down and being like, I get it. 399 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,920 How, how could I, how could I miss this? 400 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,360 I get it. It's not about what we do. 401 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,840 It's not about us keeping this perfect standard. 402 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,040 Because if I could get to heaven on my own steam, off my own good 403 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:31,360 works, then Jesus died in vain. No, no, no, no, it is finished. 404 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,680 We trust in the finished work of Christ. 405 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,160 It's all Him. It is all him. 406 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,640 And it was like this real Ding like light bulb moment that 407 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,240 there's nothing I can offer him. There's nothing that I can give 408 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,000 him. There's nothing that I can do. 409 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,040 He has done it all. He is the sinless one that has 410 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:52,240 died for the Sinner and I need to give him my life. 411 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,240 And I remember in that moment just putting my pen down and 412 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,600 just praying to him and just saying, I know that there is 413 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,600 nothing I can do to be saved. You have done it all. 414 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,400 Please save me. Save me from my sins. 415 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,520 I turn from them. Give me the strength daily to 416 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,520 follow you. And it was that moment that I 417 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,320 truly repented of my sin. I think I'd already reached a 418 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,640 point where I believed in God. I believed in Jesus. 419 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,120 There's no way I could have doubted their existence. 420 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:23,320 But I hadn't repented of my sin. I hadn't been born again. 421 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,960 You know, even the the devil believes in God, but it doesn't 422 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,840 mean he's saved. And I think that was the moment 423 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,240 that Jesus saved me. So that Psalm, Psalm 51, is very 424 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,000 precious to me. In fact, really encourage 425 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,840 anybody to go give that a read. You could spend a lifetime alone 426 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,160 meditating on those words. So since then, since that 427 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,080 moment, it's been amazing the the journey that the Lord's 428 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:50,000 taken me on your life doesn't become perfect. 429 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:54,320 In fact, far from it. You face a lot of persecution. 430 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,720 I lost a lot of friends. They were all like, you've gone 431 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,560 crazy. You know, why aren't you coming 432 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,680 into the nightclubs anymore? You know, you never used to 433 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,080 drink, so you're fine to still come in the nightclubs. 434 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:06,600 I wasn't laughing at the same crude jokes they were all 435 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,560 laughing at. I wasn't watching the same 436 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,400 programs they were watching. And so to them it was like, oh, 437 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,920 well, it's like Emma's died. It's like she's no longer here 438 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,040 like that. You're this different person. 439 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,880 And I remember talking to a friend. 440 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,560 We kind of, we drifted apart and, and then and before we were 441 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,400 really close, but we drifted apart. 442 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,240 And I remember we met up for a coffee. 443 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,240 And I think she really appreciated it because I was 444 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:32,280 able to just explain to her how, you know, my life is so 445 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,480 different now. I'm not living for the weekend 446 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,040 anymore. I'm not living for the temporary 447 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,600 pleasure of a night, a nightclub and a dance floor. 448 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,720 I'm living for the king. You know, my whole perspective 449 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,920 has changed. And I think, yeah, because it 450 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,280 was a radical transformation and I had peace and I had joy even 451 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,960 amongst so many difficulties in life. 452 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,360 I just was filled with such a peace and a contentment that I 453 00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:00,280 know where I'm going. And I know, I know that my life 454 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,920 has purpose and meaning. And there's so much more than 455 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,800 this. And I think that's the biggest 456 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,000 thing. I would encourage anybody who's 457 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:13,440 listening, if you don't know Jesus, if you you're not saved, 458 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,880 I would. My challenge to you would be 459 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,640 what have you got to lose? You know you have nothing to 460 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:24,400 lose by going out there and genuinely, seriously with 461 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,720 sincerity, searching the Scriptures for yourself. 462 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,200 So you know that that is God's word to us, that is, that is him 463 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,880 speaking to us. Just consider it for yourself.