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show. You are listening to Lost Ship,
a weekly podcast written and published by Daniel Aronson,
performed and produced by Bobby Garrison.
Episode 12. Schrodinger's Catastrophe.
Captain's Log We've been lost in the Andromeda Galaxy for a while
now, cut off from the rest of humanity.
During our sojourn here, we've met quite a few aliens.
Mean ones too. Giant, hungry caterpillars who
lay their eggs in the skulls of their victims, bureaucratic
armadillos who live in floating fortresses, giant bipedal crabs
with a hunger for human legs, and an insane telescope fish
who's convinced he's the emperor of the Galaxy.
We've faced them all and defeated them all.
Well, we had to run away most of the time, but we still live to
tell the tale. All those aliens we faced, and
yet our worst threat comes from a simple house cat.
Oh, Schrodinger, I'm so glad you're alive.
I'm sorry I left you on the ship while we were fumigating.
Hello. Oh, Schrodinger and all the
chaos, the infestation, the escape from the Odysseus.
I guess I just forgot you aboard the fumigation killed thousands
of pushkins. How did you survive?
I nearly did not. Schrodinger, you can talk.
You asked me a question, then act surprised when I answered.
Lieutenant Ledbetter, care to explain why your cat is talking?
I don't know, Captain. He's never done it before.
Well, Captain, if you don't need me, he'd be used to return to my
quarters. You know, the famous doctor
Pavel Turov always has scientific papers to work on.
So goodbye for now. Doctor Turov, there you are.
I must thank you for making me a genius.
Soon, with your gift of sentience, I shall take over the
Galaxy. Well, anyway, as I was saying,
TA TA. Stop right there, Doctor Turov.
You're not going anywhere, scientist.
What did you do to my cat? Nothing, nothing.
I just took some notes, fed him few snakes and turned them into
an evil genius bent on galactic dumb domination.
Anyways, same tweets goodbye. Stay where you are.
Well, As for me, I I shall return to my quarters where I
shall plan my next move of this grand cosmic game of chess.
You're not going anywhere either, cat.
I want to know exactly what happened.
Turov Schroenger. Both of you, get back here, sit
down and talk to me. I'm actually interrogating a
cat, so it's come to this. OK, I will tell you everything I
know. I will say nothing.
Huh. If only.
Enough bantering, everyone. This is serious.
I've always let you keep pets aboard the ship Ledbetter, but
Moki multiplied a million times and nearly drowned the ship and
fur Kermit, your dinosaur bit off our shuttle's wing.
Now your cat learned how to talk and has been sabotaging our
Starship. Exactly.
Lead be there is to blame. Case closed.
Now only if you'll excuse. Me.
Sit right back down. Turov, you're still in the hot
seat. What exactly did you do to the
cat? A scientific experiment,
Captain. Quite brilliant one too, if I
may say so myself. Have you ever heard of the
thought experiment of Schrodinger's cat?
Refresh my memory. It's an old classic story from
centuries ago. Erwin Schrodinger wanted to
demonstrate the concept from quantum mechanics called
superposition. When scientists ran the double
slicked experiment, they realized that they particles
such as an electron can be in two locations at same time.
Only when scientists observed the particle did it appear in
one location or the other. Well, I'll tell you what, that
sounds like magic to me, being in two places at the same time.
It's quite counterintuitive, I do admit.
As a thought experiment. Aaron Schrodinger.
Imagined this. Cat inside box.
A flask, poison and a radioactive source are placed in
box with cat. That's monstrous.
Calm down big boy, it was only a thought experiment half the
time. Radioactive source is dormant,
nothing happens. The cat is fine the other half
time the radioactive source triggers a Geiger counter.
The flask of poison shatters. The cat dies.
I will kill this scientist. Calm down, late Bidder thought
the experiment. Remember?
Anyway, goodness, where was I? Ah yes, the gist of it is half
the time Cat dies, half the time he lives completely random.
Now here is interesting part. When the scientist opens box, he
will find either a leaving cat or a dead 1.
But. Until he opens box, until he
observes animal, that cat is both alive and dead at the same.
Time impossible? Well.
That exact scenario happens at quantum level.
You can do similar experiment with electrons.
Of. Course, cats are far too big for
such experiments to work. At least so we always thought.
What do you mean? Well, I ran the experiment for
real. What, you poisoned my cat?
You're the one who left him on ship while we were fumigating.
That was an accident. Which makes it completely
pointlessly better. At least when I did it, I did it
for science. Wait a minute.
Wait right here, Turav, you said that Schrodinger's experiment
results in a live cat and a dead.
Cat, a live cat and dead cat, so long as.
Boxes closed. Once it's opened, it becomes
live cat or dead cat. But not a genius cat who keeps
sabotaging our ship and trying to take over the universe.
Yes, that's the confusing part, I must admit.
I believe I can explain humans. Erwin Schroedinger, Maya
namesake, believed there are only two states the cat could
take, dead or alive, existing in superposition.
It turns out there are more than two possibilities for that cat.
Infinite possibilities, in fact. One possibility, a cat claws
through the box. Another, an earthquake knocks
over the box and the cat escapes.
Another possibility, Oh, say Schrodinger dies of a heart
attack. Meet the experiment.
The cat is driven mad by hunger, bites his way through the box.
And eats the. Remains.
Thank you for that lovely image. You see, quantum mechanics is
about possibilities, however remote.
And here is where things get interesting.
Each possibility branches off into another universe.
An actual entire universe where that possibility becomes
reality. It's called the many words
interpretation, and Dr. Trump and I have proven it's true.
We did. I mean we did.
I Did I see Nobel Prize in my future?
So let me get this straight. You're telling me that when you
run the experiment, one possibility is that the cat
becomes a genius, and that's the universe we ended up in?
You got the captain. There's one thing I still don't
understand. The barbarian not understanding
something. Why am I not surprised?
Schrodinger, genius or no genius, you still live on this
ship. Why did you scramble our NAV
systems to send us to Andromeda? Why did you RIP open our hole
and release our air? Why did you RIP out our engine?
Because I am a cat and cats are jerks.
Well, we can't argue with that logic, Ledbetter.
Do you still have that cage of yours?
Of course, Captain, every Gany warrior keeps a cage, usually
full of prisoners of war. Put your cat in there and throw
away the key. You think a simple cage can stop
me? You haven't seen even a hint of
my powers. I will continue to torment you
until I achieve my goal, complete galactic domination.
Yeah, but by destroying our ship, the very ship you live on.
Yes. Dare to explain how that makes
sense. No.
Toss them in the cage, Ledbetter.
Schrodinger, come here. You will never cage me.
Goodbye for now, humans, until next time.
Schrodinger, get out of that vent.
I want somebody to crawl into those air ducts and get them
out. Who's small enough?
Well, certainly not me, Sir. Captain, this isn't like movies.
A full-sized human can't possibly fit into air ducts.
We need something smaller to hunt the cat.
Much, much smaller. We could go back and get more
pooskins. No.
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We got a cat on the loose. The bridge says he's super
intelligence or something. And yeah, well, maybe compared
to them, eh? But we, we used the engineering
department and there ain't no cat in this world that's going
to outsmart us boys. So right now, the cat's in the
ducks, and we're looking for anyone here skinny enough to
enter a vent. Huh.
Not me mine either. Not after the holidays.
Yeah, it's like I figured we're all a bit too heavy in the waste
department. Nobody on this ship is going to
squeeze in anything tight anytime soon, huh?
Speak for yourself, Frankie, I'm still thin.
Vicky, babe, you know I love you.
But darling, stick to cut and air, huh?
This is this is an engineering meeting.
I'm telling you, Frankie, I'm thin enough to enter.
Sure you are, babe, Sure you are.
But I don't want to see you in danger, you know?
Oh, that's. Real sweetie you.
Frankie, it's. 'Cause I'm a sweetheart, you
know, babe, but I'm going to need you to get out of here.
You're such a jerk, Frankie Cacciatore.
Hey. What I do?
Anyways, boys, we got to build them robots and real quick now
say we got to build them about yay big, We got to give them
some weapons and so they can go shoot that cat over there.
Nobody is shooting my cat. You may capture him humanely but
do not harm him. Hey.
Buddy, you can't try to kill us all multiple times.
As have I. They're both creatures of fiery
tempers. If anyone harms a strand of a
Schrodinger's fur, I will crush their bones.
Yikes. OK Hey everybody here here.
That giant bone crushing barbarian.
It's a law. Nobody hurts the cat.
We're going to catch some real humane like so we'll build some
non lethal robots. With.
Tranquilizers and Nets. Does that.
Meet your approval LED. It does.
Meanwhile I'll go through the ship map every bend and block it
just in case Schrodinger tries to escape into another part of
the Odysseus. I don't want him to get hurt.
LED that cat's a menace. If anything, he'll be the one
hurting us. He would never harm a family.
He ripped down my engine LED. He did the wait.
A. Second, you hear?
That. That was him.
Schrodinger. Schrodinger.
Where are you? Here Schrodinger.
I'm over here. And now I'm over here.
And now I'm. Everywhere you.
Can't escape me. You will worship me as your God.
Schrodinger, I have a can of tuna for you tonight if you come
out. Leave the.
Tuna at the. Edge of the.
Vent as an offering. To appease my wrath.
Here you go. I'll hold it up for you.
Ah. Kitten's Choice, my favorite
brand, let me reach my path through.
The Vent Del. Oh, you scratched me.
The prize? Is mine now.
To. Feast in the safety of the.
Ducts. Farewell, humans.
We better get started on them robots, boys.
Don't you worries? I'll get them.
Vicki, no, wait. I told you I could fit in here.
Vicki, come back. I'm telling you's it's
dangerous. Don't worry about me, Frankie.
I'm tougher than I look. Hey, Kitty Kitty, Kitty, Kitty,
Kitty. Oh.
Sweet Mother Mary. My girl's in there and them
ducks and there's an insane fiend line in there with her.
I'm coming for you, Vicky. Oh, my.
I can't get fit in there. Come on.
Oh, I can't. Seems to fit.
Oh, here, let me suck in my gut a bit.
Oh. No, no, still can't do it.
All right, everyone stop gaping around like nincompoops.
Get to build me some robots. We got to catch that cat before
he shreds my girl apart. Come to play.
Human, You've been listening to Lost Ship, a weekly podcast.
This has been episode 12, Schrodinger's Catastrophe,
written and published by Daniel Aronson, performed and produced
by Bobby Garrison. Please like or thumbs up this
episode and subscribe and follow the channel.
The sounds for this episode done by Epidemic Sound and tonight's
music performed by Howard Harper Barnes, Daniela Legendsberg, Jay
Varton and Amber Glo. Come back next week for another
episode. And if you want more amazing
stories written by Daniel Aronson, please check out Daniel
Aronson at danielaronson.com. And if you want more
performances narrated by Bobby Garrison, please check out the
sounds of stories.com. Hey all you listeners, this is
Bobby Garrison, performer and producer of everyone's new
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