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a weekly podcast written and published by Daniel Aronson,
performed and produced by Bobby Garrison, episode 7 of Beasts
and. Burdens is everyone.
All right, Camp, that was your rough Grish landing, let me tell
you. Oh, back in Jersey, I once drove
a motorbike into a ditch. That hurt less.
Oh. You're certainly not in Jersey
anymore, Frankie. I can, I can tell you that much.
No, we ain't in Jersey, that's for sure.
It looks more like the Lost World out here.
Well, we crash landed on a jungle planet in another Galaxy,
but at least we're still alive. Wait a minute, where's
Ledbetter? Last I saw the big guy was
leaning out the airlock shooting at the pterodactyl, then we
crash landed through the jungle canopy.
Yo LED, where are you? Ledbetter.
I don't know.
The crash must have knocked him out of the airlock.
Frankie Ledbetter. Now we probably should go look
for him, Cap. He can't be far.
Oh, we better grab some gas masks.
Planet Pushkin is full of oxygen, but also a whole lot of
other stuff we don't want to breathe.
Oh geez, Cap, look at the airlocks, Hedge.
See how it's mangled? Yeah, when we crashed down
through the trees it banged us up pretty bad, I guess.
There ain't no trees that done this work, Captain.
Those are tooth marks. Big teeth, alien teeth.
I'm telling you, it's that pterodactyl way.
Oh, you don't suppose it carried Ledbetter back to its etchlings?
I doubt it. That man weighs more than this
shuttle. Nothing is carrying Ledbetter
anywhere. Let's step into the jungle and
look around. Hang on Cap, just a SEC.
This, this right here. This is a historic moment.
You know, a planet and a whole nother Galaxy.
Ain't nobody ever landed on a planet in Andromeda before.
So is when we leaves this shuttle.
Don't you suppose we should say something?
You know, for the history books like that Neil Diamond in his
small. Step for man.
You mean Neil? Armstrong.
Yeah, he was cool too. He wasn't no Sinatra or nothing,
but of course. Who?
Oh. Kemp, you can't be serious.
Best singer in history. I happen to be named after the
guy. In any case, I suspect
Ledbetter. Already set.
Foot on this planet, whatever words he said, they're the ones
for the history books. It's probably just a grunt and a
grown man, maybe with a few choice cuss words tossed in.
Oh well, let's go find the big guy.
Here we go, the second man to step foot on planet Pushkin.
Whoa, whoa. The ground here feels kind of
weird. Gap.
It's all soft and squishy. That's just.
Soil, Frankie, You've never walked on soil before.
Sure I did. Loads of times back in Jersey
when I worked at Uncle Vinny's garage.
Sometimes the floor got so dirty that Nona said you could grow
tomatoes in it. Well, welcome to nature, Frankie
Cacciatore. The ground is squishy, the air
is hot, and oh, there's a bunch of mosquitoes.
Hey yo cab remember what that alien armadillo said?
How planet Pushkin is quarantined because of like an
infestations or something? Well.
I was. Thinking it was the dinosaurs.
But what if it's some disease and those mosquitoes are
carrying it? I don't like it either.
Let's try to smack them before they sting.
Once we find Leadbetter, we're out of here.
Hey yo, lead, where are you grown if you can hear me?
This whole jungle is full of grunting things that'll.
Fit right in then, huh? And Matt sounded like the
creature that attacked our shuttle.
Oh no, it's the pterodactyl. Come on, Frankie, let's follow
those shrieks. It might have Ledbetter in its
claws. I.
Shall tame you beast. Hey, Led.
Hey, Cap, Cap, he's over here. What the Hell's he doing?
Looks like he's. Battling the creature.
Calm down and I will release your neck.
Resist and I will squeeze. Hey LED, get off that thing.
Ah, hello, Frankie. Hello, Captain.
If you'll excuse me, I'm busy taming a dragon.
Yeah, it looks more like a dared act though to me.
Ah, good dragon, they're nice and calm.
I will release your neck now, but if you attack again I will
crush your bones. Lad, that was amazing.
The thing was the size of a draft and and you defeated it.
Our battle was legendary, Captain.
As our shuttle was falling through the sky, I realized that
my bullets could not harm this beast.
His scales are too strong. I leaped from the airlock,
landed on his back and attempted to fly him, but my weight was
too much to bear. Told you, Frankie.
We fell from the sky, locked in an epic duel, his claws and
teeth, my fists and strength. Finally, we crashed to the
ground, where I wrestled this creature into submission.
I've named him Kermit. What Kermit you used guts to be?
Kidding me, Lead. On Dannymead, we tell tales of a
great warrior named Kermit of Milkhart Crater.
It's an honorable name, right? Kermit.
Hey, Captain, look at lead. Hey, lead, you ain't wearing no
gas mask or nothing. You breathing all right there,
big fella? I am a man of Dannymead.
When we're infants, our mothers make us crawl across the
hinterland. Breathing sulfuric acid toughens
us up. Pushkin is a paradise compared
to Ganymede. Aside from these infernal
mosquitoes, they remind me of Doctor Turov.
Small and annoying. Yeah, speaking to Turov.
I wonder how the old guy's doing, you know?
I think. Leaving him in charge of the
Odysseus was kind of a gutsy move.
Gap. Hey, don't get me wrong, the
guy's a genius scientist. I'm just worried he'll be so
focused on solving some equations he'll fly my go right
into a star. Well, right now, Frankie, I
imagine Turov's. Probably struggling to.
Breathe along with everyone else aboard.
We got to bring them this oxygen tank we filled up.
I'll call the mothership and let them know we'll be delayed.
That's odd. I can't seem to get a signal
out. Frankie Lead How are your
communicators? Mine's dead cap well.
Mine is flattened. I fell on it.
Must be some kind of interference field.
I bet it's coming from them quarantine satellites we saw in
Orbitz. I am liking this planet less and
less. Let's hike back to the shuttle
guys. Let's see if we can repair it
and get back to the mothership before they all suffocate.
Ah, there she is, my sweet little girl Persephone, lying
there on the, what did you call it, Cap?
Soil. Yeah, soil.
That's it. Poor little girl Kermit.
Bitter wing right off. Do not blame Kermit, he was only
protecting his habitat. LED Must you really take that
dinosaur with us? Kermit is not a dinosaur
captain, he is an alien life form, a beautiful and a savage
beast. He's not coming back to the
Odysseus with us. But Captain, I guess you're
right. Kermit belongs here with his
people. Oh, there's more.
Dinosaurs now. Indeed, from the air I beheld
entire flocks. We better fix Persephone
quickly. Before those flocks decide we're
lunch. Frankie, can you repair?
Her sure thing cap. Maybe if I have my welding tools
and extra wing. And how about my hogs gas
station 76 ounce bladder Buster coffee refill?
But I could probably jigger a new wing from the interior
bulkheads. But Kemp, I'm telling you, is it
it won't be sturdy or nothing. We don't have a.
Choice Our. Crew needs air, and they need it
now. Do what you can.
Once we're back aboard Odysseus, you'll have your spare wing,
your welding tools, and your coffee.
We just need Persephone patched up enough to make the trip back.
Yeah, I could probably use one of Kermit's wings.
Do not dare. Just getting big boy.
Yeesh. All right.
Let's get to work, gentlemen. Frankie, you figure out how to
repair the shuttle. Let an aisle.
Help do. The heavy lifting.
Especially me. No offense captain, but those
bulkheads are heavy. All right, boys, let's get to
work. We'll get Persephone flying in.
No. Time, hopefully, before the
flock arrives. Warning Oxygen levels aboard the
Starship Odysseus are down to 7%.
Please refill your oxygen tanks. Warning Oxygen levels aboard the
OG. Computer, shut up.
We know. Horsey, horsey.
I can't breathe in this ship. Where are they?
Where's the captain and his crew?
Why aren't they back with the hire?
He'll be back with air. I built that air vac myself.
It'll work. But Aussie, what if they don't
come back? They'll be back.
Listen to me, Mike. Don't you think it's a little
suspicious? You built the air vac, right?
Frankie and I built it together. Yeah, and Frankie, he got to go
on that little trip down to the surface.
Honey, ain't that peculiar, Ozzy.
Frankie being a uniformed crew member, Hay gets to go You.
Being a. Refugee.
They leave you here. What are you saying?
Ozzy, they duped us, mate. They abandoned us.
All 500 of us refugees abandoned us here to suffocate while they
start a new life down in the planet.
Frankie wouldn't do that. We welded metal together.
That's a bond more solid than spitting into a handshake.
Frankie. Cacciatore, he's a good man.
But what about Captain Thorne and that big barbarian?
You trust them? They probably set this whole
thing up. How they left the Russian
aboard. He's on the bridge playing chess
with the computer. Yeah, and you noticed how the
Russian is constantly bickering with the barbarian?
They probably screwed him over too.
What you say does make sense. I don't trust Captain Thorne or
the Barbarian. Warning, only one hour of oxygen
left. Aussie you here?
Then we'll suffocate here. If they're not back within 15
minutes, we'll take over the bridge.
We'll fly away and find another planet.
We'll never make it in time. It could take days, even weeks,
to find another planet with air. Then we'll crash land this
entire Starship onto that planet.
What's his name? It's Pushkin.
Starship will never fly again, but we'll have air to breathe
and a new world to conquer. It's more like it.
We'll be ready, Aussie, me and the boys, so the captain's got
15 minutes. And then we'll bring this bird
down. All right, boys, I'll be done
driving in the screws in no time, and our new little wing
will be whoa. Hey.
Yo-yo, whoa, Kermit, Kermit, stop on a Kermit, don't.
It tickles. Bled hold the wing in place.
I I can't hold it on my. Own Boys.
The Wing's Dilton. Kermit, stop tickling me.
Get your snout out of my belly. Bled better.
Whoops, this is your fault, Kermit, but I can't stay mad at
you. Here, let me tickle you.
Now give me your snout. I think you gave me a hernia
lead guys, you're. Killing me over here.
I almost did that new wing. Screwed.
In but now the holes are cracked, the screws are stripped
in Whoa hey, hey, lead, get your dinosaur away from me.
It's it's sticking, it's snout in all sorts of places that it
shouldn't be Lead you. Really do need to get rid of
that thing. Looks like it's families looking
for. It.
Let's try attaching that wing again and this time lead.
You should tie your dinosaur to a tree.
He is a proud hunter of Pushkin though.
No, he's a pain in the rear. Tie him to the tree.
Or at least. Teach him to sit.
Sit boy, sit, good monster. Come on, hurry up boys.
I ain't going to wait on this land forever.
The crew needs some. Air the.
Flock's coming and oh man, I got to go so bad.
It's about to come. Out my ears.
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one hour until death by suffocation.
Shut up and make move. It's.
Your turn. You'll either have to sacrifice
Rook or Bishop. Make choice.
Brooke to E1 check. Interesting move.
Let me think. No time to think.
Play quickly, only one hour until you die.
And no pressure, eh? All right, computer white knight
to F1. There you are, public.
Ah, my. Beautiful Ludmila, what are you
doing on Odysseus Bridge? I tried calling from our
quarters. The comms aren't working, the
quarantine said the lights around Pushkin are affecting
them. I can't get a hold of Captain
Thorne either. Public we only have an hour left
together and you are playing chess with Computer A.
Distraction, Ludmila. I wait to keep myself sane until
Captain. Comes back.
We both saw shuttle crash. He's not coming back public.
Come hold me. If we must die, let us die
embraced. What on earth?
Ozzy, what are you? Doing all right, Doctor Turov, I
must ask you to vacate the command chair.
I demand to know what is going on.
We're bringing this ship down, Doctor.
We're we're landing. Yeah.
We're landing on our new. Home.
You're insane. This.
Is storeship you? Cannot land there.
You can once out of my way. Let go of me.
This is mutiny. Oh, you don't.
Sigh. Let my husband go.
Tie him up, boys, and his wife, because she wears a uniform too.
The ship now belongs to US refugees.
Let me be very clear what is happening Ozzy.
When Captain gets back, he will send Lidbeth after you and your
head will end up cracked like coconut.
The. Captain ain't coming back.
Your own wife says so. If that is case then let me and.
Her die together. With dignity, not kind up like
animals. We deserve that much at least.
Nobody's dying to date, Doc. Not under my watch.
Your captain left us here to suffocate, so that means I'm
bringing us down to. Taste pepper spray lowlife.
Oh, that Tom White's pepper sprayed me.
I'm blind. Stand back all of you.
If anyone else tries anything funny, I will spray you right in
the eyeball. What a woman I married.
Whoa, whoa, lady, stay back with that thing.
All of you leave Bridge now. Lady when I get.
Out of there, so I'm going home. No.
Oh, she got me again. Oh, Mile, the captain.
Better get back quickly. All right, boys, we're back in
business. Our girl Persephone is wearing a
big, beautiful new ring, courtesy of her interior.
Bulkhead Now let's fly off this world.
Oh, and hey. Just be careful.
With the new walls, boys. Hey, don't touch none of them,
exposed cables or not, and you'll, you'll regret it.
Let's move, man. Goodbye, old Kermit.
Led We got to go. Just, Captain, but one moment,
please. I must.
I must say goodbye, Kermit. You have been a worthy adversary
and a good friend. Farewell.
All right. Buckle up boys, I'm firing up
the engine. And here we.
The flock, they're flying our way.
We're out of here. Kermit No let go of our new
wing. I told you to tie him to a tree.
Not again. Kermit let go.
Juan. Kermit's Big Brothers are.
Seconds away from us. Once they get here, they'll RIP
our shuttle. Apart, Kermit, you must let me
go. It's all right, Kermit.
You have a new life here. A flock.
I must return to mine. Hey, let us go.
Hey, good job, Lead. Hold on boys, I'm gunning it.
Oh that was close. Well, looks like the new wings
holding up we're. Gaining altitude.
Good work boys. Farewell proud Kermits, you are
a fine monster and a fine friend.
You know, lead better. Sometimes I think you care more
about animals than people. But Captain, that is not true.
I care about my wife more than I care about animals or than I
care about anything. I know lead.
I miss Darsa too. She was a good woman and a
proud. Warrior, She.
Gave her life so I may. Live, it's a.
Gift, yet not an easy one to bear.
Sometimes it feels more like a burden.
There it is, look through the porthole boys.
Look down below. Looks like Kermit is reunited
with his family and soon. We'll be reunited with our
mothership. There she is, boys.
Look above the Starship. Odysseus, isn't she?
Beautiful. She's weaker than a Gany worship
though, Sir, Much weaker, but I suppose she's home.
Hey, I just hope everyone's OK up there.
We didn't leave them with much air left.
I bet they're. Really looking forward to this.
Tank, we filled up. Oh no, captain, look at her.
Look at Odysseus. Wait, what's happening?
I don't know. She's sinking in space.
What are they? Doing to my.
Beautiful. Girl.
She's falling out of orbits. The Odysseus is falling from the
sky. Not if I have anything to do
with it. We are flying this shuttle into
that. Starship.
And we're taking control. You have been listening to Lost
Ship, a weekly podcast. This has been episode 7 of
Beasts and Burdens, written and published by Daniel Aronson,
performed and produced by Bobby Garrison.
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