Previously on Lost Ship. We're in the sweet Milky Way,
are we? What just happened, Turov?
I want answers. According to a NAV system we are
currently flying through in Romano Galaxy.
Because your top priority right now is getting us home.
How do we rejoin the fleet, Sir? We can't.
We are stuck here forever. All of you, crew and refugees
alike, are under my protection and I promise you, I will bring
us back. Proximity alert Proximity alert
I'm. Detecting engines, Captain, That
is a vessel. Look at its shape.
You. Can see.
Even from here. Like some big.
Bug that he's not the human sheep, Sir.
Or or. Hydrian bet these I need
something else. Captain, it is heading right to
us. If you sense an incoming attack
Ledbetter, you don't wait for my approval, you raise those
Shields right away. Raising Shields.
Ledbetter, looks like you found your aliens to fight.
You are listening to Lost Ship, a weekly podcast written and
published by Daniel Aronson, performed and produced by Bobbi
Garrison, Episode 2 Under Attack.
We are under attack. Red alert, we are under attack.
We took a hit, Shields down to 50%.
Fire at will. Ah, finally a battle firing prow
proton cannon. You don't realize, gentlemen,
that battles suck up a lot of energy and we're already low on
energy. A retreat would be much wiser.
And. A warrior of gaming need never
retreat from battle firing again.
We hit, we hit them. Ah, this is more like it.
I've been craving this. Warning enemy opening fire.
We're hit Shields down to 30%. Captain, we can't take much more
of this. Your pit barbarian will kill us
all. We must retreat.
I am no pet, but yes, I am a barbarian.
We will continue to fight, and if we die, our deaths will be
glorious. Ledbetter, tone down the death
wish, please. Turov, try to contact the alien
ship, see if we can parlay. What are you talking fine?
I'll try Captain, but we don't share any communication
protocols. And Rama, the Galaxy aliens
would not know any of the Milky Way translation matrices.
I could, I suppose, begin with some universal common ground.
Say we could establish the symbols of hydrogen and helium
as one and two and then using binary language we could expand
the more. Common.
I don't care how you do it Turob, just get it done.
We hit the enemy, we hit it twice, but we're barely even
denting it's hole. The cannons of the Odysseus are
unacceptably weak. If this were a true warship, we
would. Incoming enemy torpedo.
Shields down to 15%. Captain, the moment is upon us.
Our deaths in battle are near, so we will dine with my
ancestors in the halls of Dalgar Rock.
Hey, yo, Bridge, this is Frankie, you know, Frankie
Cacciatore from engineering. Hey, listen, I'm down in the
stern, you know, working on the ship and stuff like that.
And well, I, I got to ask you guys one thing real quick.
What are you doing to my Starship?
Lieutenant Commander Cacciatore, you keep my ship in one piece.
We've got a battle on our hands. Okie, Dokie, Captain, But I'm
telling you is if we take one more shot like that to the
choppers, we're going down Cap. Don't forget, this ain't no
battleship. She's a science tub.
She ain't built for this kind of beating.
I told you, Captain, that this ship is unacceptably weak.
If we were in a Ganny destroyer, we.
Would get that LED commander Turov Any luck?
OK, I'm ready. Let's see here.
Let's let's give it try. I am pitching call through to
aliens now, Sir. And here we go.
Their phone is ringing. Pick up the phone, people.
Captain, the enemy has stopped firing.
A chance to destroy them. Hold your fire, Ledbetter.
They're not answering Captain Keep.
Calling, they might need time to react.
They're considering what to do. That they are foolish creatures.
The answer is obvious. We continue to fight.
I hope not. You heard Frankie.
We can't take another hit. My stars.
Look at her. Men.
Look at that ship. I've never seen one like her.
It's indeed a formidable vessel, truly a machine of war.
The alien ship almost resembles a spider, a huge spider with red
eyes and each leg is a cannon. It is beautiful.
Beautiful babe is a monster. A monster.
They just tried to kill us. Yes, it is my foe, yet it is
beautiful. If I can destroy such a ship
this day or another, it would be the honor of my life.
And if one destroyed me, it would be even more honorable.
Ah, the Guineas. A day without death is a day
without honor, yes. The aliens are watching us.
Those red portholes really do look like eyes.
Hey guys up on the bridge. Hey, it's Frankie again.
It didn't mean to drop. No ease on ya.
But if you do get a chance to talk with them aliens, hey, ask
him if we can borrow one of those quantum phase inverters,
would ya? Ours is a bit fried down here
and it's only being held together by duct tape and.
Prayer. Well, Frankie, you might be
disappointed they're not answering.
Maybe they don't know how to. Theo.
Call accepted streaming to main screen.
It's wait, what is that? Is that a Caterpillar?
Yeah, Captain, caterpillars are small, cute, even colorful
creatures. That is giant grey and
definitely not cute. She.
Is beautiful. Look at it, Barbarian.
The alien is sitting on the pile of bones.
Those are her trophies. This is a Warriors.
Turav, any way you can translate what it's saying?
Give me a moment. This.
Alien Ship is sending a translation for the call.
Over. I will install it.
Here I am. Translation protocol installed.
And you will join my pile of bones.
Yes indeed, my ears. I will crack open your heads.
Feast. Upon your brains.
And I lay my eggs inside your stalls.
Yes indeed, my sweet meats. No force of this Galaxy can
defeat them all by the Empire. No Sedesi sugar bugs, no force
at all, especially. Not any friend.
If you'll forgive my interruption, I'd like to
introduce myself. I'm Jack Thorne, captain of the
Odysseus. We seem to have gotten off on
the wrong foot and I'd like to travelling.
Will not help you, Captain Thorne.
No sedation problems. It will not help at all.
Only naughty honey bunches Gravel, my deities.
Why is it talking like that? Something must be off with its
translation protocol. We didn't have much time to fine
tune things. My protocol is flawless, Garys.
Yes, indeed, I am being Keska. Brooding.
Mother of the. Silk transactor, guardian of the
Mogul Empire. You have dared enter my
territory. Oh, you're naughty dumplings.
And the sentence for your crime? Well, dear.
Then we fight. No, we must run.
You must die. Hold your horses, everyone.
Calm down, Kezga. What do you need?
What can we give you? We have things to trade.
Water, food, oxygen, energy. Captain, we can't trade too much
of those things. Kezga, instead of fighting,
let's trade. Not as honorable as fighting,
but it would be acceptable. Nobody asked you, Ledbetter.
He's talking to the giant Caterpillar.
Well, Kezga, what do you need? How can we help you?
I require only your skulls, dears.
Oh, your skulls. I will lay my eggs in them.
Yes indeed, sugar plums. So you just need egg storage
solution? We humans usually use great
cardboard boxes. Would you like some of those?
Perov. What you said we should trade.
My eggs need no cardboard boxes, no nests.
No muddy. Pools.
Enough the dizzy sweetness. OK, OK, My species must lay eggs
inside the skulls of our enemies, otherwise our larva is
born weak and cowardly. Such offspring are quickly done.
Our word. Yes, indeed.
And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?
Need. Lings.
We can offer you one big Gani skull and that's about it.
Turov Oh man, Kezga In our culture, we greatly value
skulls. We can't trade them.
Then I will take them by 4 stickle toes.
Oh, glorious battle. Oh, please don't call us Tiggle
Toes. Incoming enemy torpedo.
Hold your fire. Hold your fire, everyone.
Kaiska, wait a minute. You need skulls to lay eggs in?
But do your rules specify which skulls?
Which species? The silk skulls are clear, yes
indeedy as clear as the flesh of the glass worms of terrible.
We must lay our eggs in the skulls of enemies.
But not all enemies have skulls. Some species have carapis,
right? And some species are mollusks
and don't have skulls at all. What about those enemies, Kezga?
Don't they count? Oh do.
Not worry your precious head, Captain Thorn, your skull will.
Suffice for my. Purposes.
But I won't give it up without a fight.
A fight you might lose. I haven't shown you the full
might of the ship yet. I'd rather keep it that way.
But I will give you skulls. Not human, not made of bone.
But I think you'll find them acceptable.
What skulls? Hold on, big boy.
I think I know what he's doing. Hand over your skulls cutlies,
you may blast them out of your airlock.
You have 10 minutes. My love lies or you die.
Transmission ended. Well, isn't she lovely?
Charming personality. Reminds me of an old lady who
lived down the street from me, Miss Garibaldi.
She was 80 years old when they dragged her to prison.
I guess she was poisoning dogs in the park.
The alien hung up on us. In my culture, we kill you for
less. It might still come to that, but
I hope she'll take the deal. What skulls will you offer her,
captain? No, not the skulls of the
refugees aboard, Sir. We are sworn to protect them.
Play. Better 5 minutes ago you were
willing to let them bang in battle.
A death in battle is glorious, but to just RIP off their heads
and toss them out the airlock like.
Nobody's ripping off any heads. I was talking about the
cantaloupes, Ledbetter. Remember the big shipment of
cantaloupes we got last week? The ones taking up all that room
in the galley. Yes, I was looking forward to
eating them. They are my favorite food.
I mean after a rare steak, raw steak.
But how would you pass off cantaloupes as skulls?
Well, they're living things. Or at least the fruit of living
things. They've got hard, round shells.
They're countless types of skulls in the Milky Way Galaxy,
not all of them bones. And I bet it's the same here in
Andromeda. And I bet that a species like
the Mulgroth have a broad definition of skulls.
Living creatures. Round hard shell came from
vanquished enemies. Well, that's good for egg
laying, I bet you. Let's see if she accepts them.
Vanquished enemy. Relax, Ledbetter.
They're only vanquishing the cantaloupes, not you.
Unless you just really love cantaloupes so much that you
can't handle it. I only eat raw meat, I I will be
fine without my cantaloupe. Computer, open a call to the
galley, please. Line open on the beep.
Galley, this is Captain Thorn from the bridge.
You know that big batch of cantaloupes you've been saving
for us? Well, we've got a very hungry
Caterpillar to feed. So load those melons into the
nearest airlock, man, and blast them out into space.
Yes, that's an order, Captain. Out.
Hey yo guys, it's Frankie again calling from engineering.
Hey, I got the whole convo. Any chance you can offer them
baked beans instead 'cause as me and Ledbetter, we've been
waiting on those cantaloupes all week.
We've been eating dried rations for months now.
You know, do not listen to them, Captain.
I actually favor the baked beans.
Well, no wonder why you're so full of hot air.
Launching cantaloupes now. Look at them, gentlemen.
Lean back and take a look. It's not every day you see
hundreds of cantaloupes floating across space, A rarer sight than
any eclipse or supernova. Captain, it is absolutely
magnificent. Look at how the alien ship is
reaching out its claws. Look at how it's pulling the
cantaloupes into its airlock. It looks just like a crab
feeding. I told you it was beautiful.
Incoming call streaming to main screen.
Your sacrifice has been accepted.
These skulls will make fine guests for my brood.
Yes indeed. Very.
Fine now. Leave this sector and pray you
didn't stumble across the mall gruff again.
I salute you, noble foe. Your speech is strange, but you
fight bravely. It has been an honor to cross
swords. If we meet again table toes, I
look forward to killing you. I told you, do not call me.
Transmission over. Well, there she goes, gentlemen.
The most hideous alien I've ever seen.
And I've seen the Hydrians. May we never meet the Mulgrass
again. Oh, we will meet them again,
Captain. I have a feeling we will.
Well, this has been an absolutely dreadful day.
The Hydrans conquered Earth, we are separated from the fleet, a
space-time anomaly hurled us into the Andromeda Galaxy, and
now we're on the backside of a giant murderous Caterpillar.
We're all exhausted. I say we get some sleep.
And morning. Morning security situation in
refugee quarters. What?
Situation streaming a video. Camera feeds streaming to main
viewport. Oh, they do not look happy,
Captain. No, they do not.
Boy, they're tossing out all blooming dinner, they are.
We're lost out here, millions of our years from Earth running low
on everything. So why is he chucking out
perfectly good Tucker? Come with me lads, to the
bridge. Gentlemen, Roy, should this
thorn stay in charge, he's the one who got us into this blowing
mess. That's right.
The world's gone, lads. Earth fell.
But we make our own rules. Now.
To the bridge mates. Captain, they are marching here.
And they're bringing Peach forks and torches.
Well, add one more problem to the list.
We've got an angry mob on our hands.
Oh, I missed the caterpillars already.
You have been listening to Lost Ship, a weekly podcast.
This has been Episode 2 under A tag written and published by
Daniel Aronson, performed and produced by Bobbi Garrison.
Please give a like or a thumbs up to this episode and follow or
subscribe to the channel Sounds for this episode done by
Epidemic Sounds and Bixby and tonight's music brought to you
by Howard Harper Barnes and Amber Globe.
We'll see everybody next week. Hey all you listeners.
This is Bobby Garrison, performer and producer of
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