1 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,200 So while Grahams just doing the furniture rearranging, I will. 2 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:19,080 Just I will. Explain why I'm like this 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,320 briefly. Basically, 2 1/2 weeks ago I had 4 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:28,000 a disagreement with the pavement and the pavement 1 Yeah. 5 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,280 Which is why I can't stand, I can't walk. 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,160 But for now I'm just, yeah, going a bit carefully. 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,640 So I wanted to explain that 'cause I don't want you to think 8 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:40,280 that me sitting down here a few inches below where Graham is 9 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:45,640 standing, is any statement on our position of men and women in 10 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:52,040 the church. Yeah, normally I would be. 11 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:56,240 She asked JJ for a higher one. But this this is the best one. 12 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:01,160 They didn't have a higher one. It's so good to be here. 13 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,160 We love coming to Blackpool. We love being with you guys. 14 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:08,840 Can we first of all, just ascertain when we were here? 15 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,080 About a year ago. It was last April. 16 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,520 Doing a marriage course. Put your hands up if you were 17 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,120 here. Right. 18 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,640 I think it You were here. Oh, yeah, I was here. 19 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,840 OK. Hands down. 20 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,880 I know this sounds silly. Put your hands up if you weren't 21 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,080 here. So it's about 5050. 22 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:30,080 OK, So what we're going to do this morning, we're going to 23 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,360 have a lot of fun. I want you to know that there's 24 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,080 some serious stuff here. But don't pull her leg. 25 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:42,200 Don't pull my leg. He has, hasn't he? 26 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,200 It's his only joke. He's proud of it. 27 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,520 Let him have it. So yeah, we're going to have a 28 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,640 lot of fun. We're going to hear some 29 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,240 hopefully good meaty stuff as well. 30 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,440 There will be quite a bit of overlap with what was said last 31 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,920 time. It never does any harm to hear 32 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,000 some things for a second time, but there will be some new stuff 33 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,800 as well. So it's a bit of a blend of the 34 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:13,600 old and the new. What we're also going to do is 35 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,680 ask that if you have any questions at all, and we would 36 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,080 encourage that. Can you bring your questions to 37 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,720 Jen? Is it during the break, lunch 38 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:29,160 break, whatever. And then we will, Jen will sort 39 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,400 of feel those. And if there are 50,000 40 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,400 questions, she'll pick out 4000, you know, that she thinks are 41 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,760 appropriate or whatever, she will feel them and maybe even 42 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,960 combine some of them, whatever. And she will. 43 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,480 We will then hopefully address those. 44 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:49,680 Yeah. So the first thing I want to say 45 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:54,400 is that as you know, all of you who you're all married. 46 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,640 Marriage is the gift that keeps on disappointing. 47 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,800 And it is. That's not what the Bible says. 48 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,600 That's not. What the Bible says No. 49 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:14,520 But let's face it, we want to honour marriage today. 50 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,920 And I love what Scott was saying. 51 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,520 Yeah, Ditto to all that. We want to honour marriage. 52 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,680 But marriage is flipping hard, isn't it? 53 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,440 Marriage is a struggle. Marriage can be incredibly 54 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:35,280 disappointing at times and when you get married you think it's 55 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,400 all going to be rosy and wonderful and perfect and that 56 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,880 you will not fall into the same trap that your mum and dad fell 57 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:46,000 into. But then the years go by and you 58 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,000 think, oh, this isn't quite what I thought it was. 59 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,520 Well, we want to give you some tools this morning to help you 60 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:59,280 be able to move forward. It does not mean that everything 61 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,160 is going to be perfect. Nothing in this life, this side 62 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:08,680 of eternity is perfect. And I want to stress that the 63 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:14,000 fact that Graham and I do these marriage seminars, days, 64 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:18,399 whatever, does not mean that we have got all the answers, does 65 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:20,800 not mean that we have got the perfect marriage. 66 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,360 Far from it. Far, far from it. 67 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:32,320 Far, far, far, far from it. Julie is saying, yeah, we've 68 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,200 stayed in her house. She knows what we're like. 69 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,480 But it, it, it's true. We want to come today from a 70 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,680 position of saying, yeah, it's a struggle, there are battles. 71 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,400 But we also want to come from a place of saying, but there is 72 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,840 hope. There is hope. 73 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,000 There is a way forward. And that's what we're going to 74 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:00,640 look at today are. We OK, I so we will try to 75 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:05,520 answer lots of questions. Probably not 5000, but do do 76 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,280 come to Jen during the coffee break and she'll let us have 77 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:14,520 those questions. We've been married 35 years as 78 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:20,240 of this weekend, so we've got plenty of material. 79 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,280 Much of it is funny. If you had even recorded our 80 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:29,680 journey from Liverpool to here, you'd be like, I am not going to 81 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,800 this marriage because these people should not be teaching us 82 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,400 anything. I love the worship. 83 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,240 I thought you just set us up so brilliantly. 84 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:44,840 Thank you so much. Because I, God was giving me 85 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:50,120 pictures and I, I had to go to JJ and say JJI need the headset 86 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,880 because I had a hand illustration that wouldn't work 87 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,800 withholding the the mic that Charlotte's got that she won't 88 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:05,600 relinquish now. But yeah, in worship, I just saw 89 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,840 kind of just you as an individual, me as an individual 90 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:14,520 with the Lord. And the Lord takes us and I, I 91 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:19,320 just was reminded how screwed up we're, we all are. 92 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:23,160 He isn't, he's perfect, but he takes us. 93 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:30,680 And then he just starts to unfold your screwed up life. 94 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:36,120 He transformed you, so you are made new, but there's still so 95 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:40,760 much old because we still live in this body, This body, not 96 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:45,760 just because I'm old, but this body is not the body I'm going 97 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,080 to end up with. I'm going to get this body 98 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,160 remade, a new creation. It's. 99 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,720 Not the body. I'm married either. 100 00:06:51,760 --> 00:07:00,960 No, but pretty much so. The amazing thing is Jesus takes 101 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:07,040 us and starts to unfold us, I would say, but then adding to my 102 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,120 relationship with God, my relationship with Charlotte, 103 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:19,080 which isn't as important by far, but I see her more, spend more 104 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,160 time with her than I do with the Lord. 105 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,920 And So what happens is this screwed up thing that was 106 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,680 getting unfolded as as Jesus is taking hold of me, he's also 107 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,720 taken hold of her. And then she comes into my life 108 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,600 and I start to realise that I'm getting screwed up again here 109 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,480 because I can't quite work. Just me and God. 110 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:44,800 I'm just about getting the hang of it because he's so different 111 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,960 from me. Jesus came from heaven. 112 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,520 We love the book and would recommend it. 113 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,080 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. 114 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,680 If you haven't read it, get a hold of it. 115 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:01,920 But it basically says we're so different as men and women and 116 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,120 we are. We'll give you some 117 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,520 illustrations in a minute about the car journey today. 118 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,000 So this is a 35 year old material. 119 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:15,360 But as Jesus is unfolding us and and we then get married, he 120 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:19,760 starts to learn, we start to knit together as well as 121 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,480 knitting together with him. So it should look like that 122 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:28,360 eventually perfectly. Me and Jesus and Charlotte, 123 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,920 we're one, but actually we're too. 124 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,960 We're Mars and Venus, we're very different. 125 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:39,520 We speak different languages, we come from different planets, and 126 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:44,280 we think very differently. And so I'm going to just teach a 127 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,320 little bit into how do we handle these differences? 128 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:55,160 So Jesus says it this way. Why do you look at the speck of 129 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:59,240 sawdust in your brother's eye or your husband's eye should say 130 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:05,200 here and pay no attention to the plank in your own. 131 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:11,680 How can you say to your husband, let me take that speck out of 132 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:16,360 your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 133 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,800 And the word plank there is interesting. 134 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,720 It's it's a reinforced wooden beam. 135 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,760 So before Rs JS, is it RSJ reinforced steel. 136 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,840 Before reinforced steel, they used to have wooden beams that 137 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,840 held up houses. And that's the word that's being 138 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,840 used here. So it's a big, it's not just a 139 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:44,520 little pank, it's huge. Jesus is making a hyperbole 140 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,720 statement. You've got this huge problem and 141 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,840 you're trying. This is in your eyes. 142 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,280 You won't be able to see very well. 143 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,200 And you're trying to get rid of a little speck in your wife's 144 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,800 eye. I'm going to apply it to 145 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:03,160 husbands and wives here. How can you say to your husband, 146 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,600 let me take the speck up and all the time the plank is in your 147 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,920 own, you hypocrite. First take the plank out of your 148 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,400 own eye. Then you will see clearly how to 149 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:18,320 remove the speck from your lovely husband's eye. 150 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,280 So anything. Yeah. 151 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,640 So what? What happens is when you you get 152 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:27,840 married and you start to see each other's faults that you 153 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:33,400 probably haven't really noticed or appreciated beforehand, and 154 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,240 you think, hmm, yeah, that needs changing. 155 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,960 Yeah, OK, we need to deal with that. 156 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:46,720 And you draw up an invisible list in your head at the things 157 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,920 that are beginning to annoy you, irritate you, infuriate you, 158 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,600 wind you up, whether they're tiny little things or whether 159 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,360 they're big issues. And I think that the point we're 160 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,200 trying to make in this session, as Graham has said, is that 161 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:09,600 actually as believers, what God requires us to do is to look 162 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:14,680 first at ourselves. We actually on the journey here, 163 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,160 we're talking about this. And we were asking each other 164 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:24,120 what our planks were. And I mean, you know, I, I could 165 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:28,080 have gone on forever about, you know, what Graham's faults are. 166 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,440 He could go on you. Did you did go on forever the 167 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,160 whole journey? An hour and a half. 168 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:38,600 He you know equally could say several things that you know 169 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,000 equally. That is what? 170 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,560 Sorry. Yeah. 171 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,160 Well, on one finger, really. Yeah. 172 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,200 So, but we have learned and are still learning. 173 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:57,000 Still after 35 years, we are learning that actually just 174 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,600 trying to change the things in your partner, your spouse that 175 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:07,160 you want to change, you are going to largely end up banging 176 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:13,000 your head against a brick wall. And the reason for this is that 177 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,120 if we have a wrong focus in our lives and we look to get all our 178 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:23,360 affirmation from our spouse, we are going to be disappointed. 179 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:30,160 Our identity comes first and foremost from our relationship 180 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:35,080 with Jesus. So the very, very first thing I 181 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,680 really want to emphasise and if there's one thing that I want 182 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:44,840 you to remember about today, your take home thing, it's this. 183 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:51,560 Who are you in Jesus and who did Jesus say you are? 184 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:58,160 Because until you get that in place, you will not be able to 185 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:03,040 move forward fully in marriage. Don't mishear me. 186 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,320 Don't think that what I'm saying is soon as you get your 187 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,280 relationship with God sorted out, your marriage will be 188 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,800 perfect. That is not what I'm saying at 189 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:16,200 all. We are still fleshly beings and 190 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:21,600 we still need to keep coming daily to God and saying you need 191 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,320 to help me, you need to help me. I'm struggling with this. 192 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:31,040 But when you know who you are in Christ, when you deep down 193 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:36,760 understand that you are adopted into his family and that you can 194 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:44,200 do nothing to take that away and that you are His, then it is 195 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:50,120 utterly, utterly releasing. It is so releasing because you 196 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,600 think I don't have to prove anything. 197 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:59,360 I don't have to prove anything to myself, to my spouse, or to 198 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,880 all the other friends and family I know and the rest of the 199 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,320 church. I don't have to be labelled as 200 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,360 the person who can do this, achieve this, manage this, is 201 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:13,400 capable of this. I am who I am in Jesus. 202 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,640 End of. When you come to that place, 203 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:22,880 then it actually changes your marriage because you think I 204 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,920 don't have to win every argument, although it helps if 205 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,560 you can win some. I don't have to win every 206 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,320 argument. I don't always have to prove 207 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,960 myself right. If he is or she is having an off 208 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:43,040 day and is being a right pain in the backside, so be it. 209 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:49,040 So be it. You can still be the person God 210 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:53,120 intended you to be. And if both of you are living 211 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:58,680 like that, if both of you are living knowing who you are in 212 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:02,360 Christ and knowing that you are secure in your relationship with 213 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:07,520 Him, then that is the best foundation for your marriage. 214 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,840 Graham alluded to men are from Mars, women are from Venus. 215 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,880 We were given that book when we first got married. 216 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:20,200 We were also given another book which I thought had a really 217 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,840 weird title and I thought was very stupid, a Christian 218 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,200 marriage book. And it was called Love is a 219 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,520 Decision. And I thought, what on earth is 220 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,760 this? It was Americans. 221 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,760 They have to excuse them. Love is a decision. 222 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,560 And I thought love isn't a decision. 223 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:41,800 Love is about feelings and romance and excitement and et 224 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,480 cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I had a completely wrong view of 225 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:49,160 it. And what they mean essentially 226 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:55,360 when they say love is a decision is that you may fall in love. 227 00:15:55,440 --> 00:16:00,640 At first you fall in love and it's all wonderful and your 228 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,000 heart's beating and it's roses round the door and everything. 229 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,000 But when the rubber hits the road and you have those 230 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,760 disagreements, you have a decision to make. 231 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,760 You either say, well this isn't what I thought it was going to 232 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:21,400 be, goodbye and walk away, or you say, no, I, I have decided. 233 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,800 I have decided to choose to love this person. 234 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,960 I have chosen to be in this marriage. 235 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,400 I am deciding to put work and effort into this marriage, even 236 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,760 if there being an absolute pain in the backside. 237 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:42,400 It's a decision. So knowing that really helps us 238 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:49,200 to move forward so. Sometimes when it's tough in 239 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,600 marriage, I, I think it's quite like the whole Kingdom of God, 240 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:59,160 the Kingdom of God advances, but as you think, wow, that's trying 241 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:04,359 to, you get opposition as you take steps forward with the 242 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:08,400 Kingdom. That happens to every Christian. 243 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,200 We, we move forward with God, but we feel like wow, we're 244 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,599 getting opposition sometimes. We were with some people the 245 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:18,760 other day and they were saying we're a bit worried because it's 246 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,079 going so well at the moment, because they're, they're 247 00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:25,359 expecting, just enjoy it. The opposition will come again 248 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:30,680 soon enough. Just enjoy the blessing of not 249 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,280 having opposition. But the married life's like 250 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,240 that. It started 35 years ago for us 251 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,640 with Charlotte coming down the aisle and she, she was saying 252 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,640 she knew she had three things to do, walk down the aisle. 253 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:48,320 So she's going, oh, and then she had to kneel at the altar and 254 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,320 then we were going to sing a hymn together. 255 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:54,840 And so she's walking down the aisle saying I'll alter him. 256 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,880 Oh, to him. And even today, 35 years later. 257 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,800 Not true my. Driving's excellent, by the way, 258 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:10,040 and I set the cruise control at 75. 259 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:19,720 My finger slipped 75 and I have this lovely person trying to 260 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:25,200 alter me and saying you try to go right up to the edge of what 261 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:29,360 you think you might get away with, whereas you used to preach 262 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,880 that you should be on the other side, not right at the edge of 263 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,000 the mountain. You should be near the mountain 264 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:39,360 so you don't go over the edge. So we had this thing this this 265 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:43,000 morning. Now I think we both do it 266 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,280 actually. So when Charlotte's driving, I 267 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,160 don't like it that she stops at the roundabout and looks and 268 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:55,920 she, she even gets out and washes the windscreen before she 269 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,760 I I'm like, you're meant to flow on, then flow off. 270 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:05,160 Oh no, stop, look both ways. It's unbelievable. 271 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:11,000 So we have a different way of thinking even about how we 272 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,680 should drive. And I don't like the way she 273 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,600 drives, she doesn't like the way I drive, and we both try to 274 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:22,760 alter each other. But that isn't ultimately what 275 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:27,040 God wants for us. He wants me to just chill, which 276 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:31,080 is the only way I found that works for me is I have to sleep 277 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:35,200 when she's driving. If I sleep, I'm OK. 278 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:40,080 I, I can I wake up, I'm there and I haven't moaned and said, 279 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:45,760 you know, go a bit quicker. So yeah, she won't even drive 70 280 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,160 on the motor. So I'm like, do we have to go 281 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,360 55? We're not, we're not in, we're 282 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:56,000 not in 80s America. So we are so different that even 283 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,440 little things of 35 years of us driving each other does 284 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,080 actually. Still make us go. 285 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,120 Let me get rid of the speck in your eye. 286 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,720 So we were talking about what are specks in our eyes? 287 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,760 What are planks in our eyes? We'll probably get to that. 288 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:20,000 But if life's going tough in your marriage, you could think, 289 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,920 I bet he's lovely. I wish I was married to him 290 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,280 because the grass is always greener. 291 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,280 I was listening to a marriage talk this week that said the 292 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,160 grass is greener where you water it. 293 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:42,400 So if you put time into your marriage, your marriage will be 294 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:46,160 greener. That's the idea of a day like 295 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,040 today and you're doing that. Just being here today, you're 296 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:54,280 putting time into your relationship and I think it's 297 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,000 very helpful. You can't talk non-stop about 298 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,600 all your differences because it's just annoying because we're 299 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,680 so different. But it is lovely to little by 300 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,360 little understand each other a bit better. 301 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:12,440 And no, actually, this really blesses Charlotte and this 302 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,360 route. But we still do things that 303 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,600 don't bless each other, like the way we drive. 304 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:21,320 I think probably till our dying day, I don't know. 305 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,760 I haven't got a conviction from the Lord that I need to change 306 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,480 my driving Charlotte. Two driving tickets in the last 307 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,960 few years. The the the police helped me a 308 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:37,040 little but it was on my Rd. I live on a a main road in 309 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,120 Liverpool. We live on a main road in 310 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:42,200 Liverpool and they changed and I think they should have warned 311 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,520 us. They changed a red light camera 312 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,560 that had a thingy on it so I always stopped if it if it goes 313 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,920 yellow usually I speed up but I don't have the red light camera. 314 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,760 And anyway they changed the red light camera to a red light 315 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,280 camera and a speed camera. No one told me. 316 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:08,200 So about two weeks later I get 2 tickets come through 2 tickets 317 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,000 and I think my my friends go it's OK you can get rid of one 318 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,640 of them. Do a speed awareness course. 319 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,920 So I ring up the police say can I do a speed awareness course? 320 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,040 They said we only allow a certain leeway. 321 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,960 You were over the leeway. You have to take your six 322 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,360 points. That was 100 years ago. 323 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:29,000 My points are off my licence. But Charlotte won't forget it 324 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:36,120 And we actually you probably already can get this. 325 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:40,200 We have a lot of fun together. Well, a lot of the fun is just 326 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,560 that we're so different and we think differently and but we 327 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:48,200 also do loads of things the same and have a lot of laughter in 328 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,240 our house. Yeah. 329 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:54,040 So we are different in most ways. 330 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,080 We agree on many things. We disagree on the number of 331 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,200 things. And also, there's a big 332 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:04,240 difference, broadly speaking, between the way men process and 333 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,840 think things through and the way women think and process things. 334 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:15,040 Men are motivated when they feel needed and respected. 335 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:21,560 That's what a man likes to feel to, to know that he is loved. 336 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,760 Women, however, are motivated when they feel cherished. 337 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:32,360 So over this last 2 1/2 weeks, while I've been, although I'm 338 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:35,640 mobile now, for the first couple of weeks I was basically 339 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:40,240 immobile and I would come down the stairs on my backside every 340 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,240 day, sit on the sofa with my foot up because there was 341 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,800 nothing I could do. And Graham is has been very, 342 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:50,160 very good at looking after me. He's had to do cooking, which he 343 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,840 hates doing. He's had to water my plant from 344 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,280 the garden, a number of things which he really, really doesn't 345 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:04,520 like doing, and I know that that is his love language. 346 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:10,240 I want to talk briefly about the love languages which we did 347 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:15,520 mention last time, but I feel this is something very key that 348 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,760 helps us get some tools and understanding about moving 349 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:24,720 forward. There are 5 love languages and 350 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:30,240 you will have one or possibly 2 which are your personal key 351 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,160 ones. These five love languages are 352 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:39,720 words of affirmation, quality time, I always forget one, 353 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,480 physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts. 354 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:48,920 So broadly speaking, words of affirmation is about expressing 355 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:53,440 affection through spoken words, praise, encouragement, building 356 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:58,720 somebody up by what you say and how you say it as well. 357 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:06,120 You can feel very complimented, you can feel very honoured and 358 00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:09,760 it cherishes you and it does you good when you hear words of 359 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,160 affirmation. Quality time I like. 360 00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:14,520 The way you wear your glasses on your head. 361 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,520 That didn't work. OK, I, I I'll take it out the 362 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,360 notes. And quality time speaks for 363 00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:26,800 itself when the other, you know, when you value somebody's 364 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:31,840 presence, I mean presence as in them being there with you, when 365 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:36,080 you know they have time for you, when they sit down and talk and 366 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,640 engage with you in meaningful interactive ways. 367 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,440 Physical touch, again, speaks for itself. 368 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,960 Some people, that's their key one and they really need to feel 369 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,560 physical touch from their spouse. 370 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:01,120 Acts of service, this is very much Graham's one, is doing 371 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:05,080 things that you know will serve and help and bless your partner. 372 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,360 Even the sort of grim things like taking out the bins and 373 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,640 unloading the dishwasher and watering the plants, all that 374 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,760 kind of stuff. And Graham is really good at 375 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,680 doing that. And we have a number of times in 376 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:21,960 the past come a cropper when I have said to Graham, but you're 377 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,920 not valuing me, you're not cherishing me, You're not being, 378 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,160 you know, attentive. He said, But look what I've 379 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,000 done. I've done this and this and this 380 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,720 and this and this. And I have to think, Oh yeah, 381 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,840 that's his language. It's not necessarily my 382 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,600 language. The chances are you will both 383 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:46,440 have different love languages. And if you can work through the 384 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,800 five love languages and look at them, they're all online, 385 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,120 they're fairly readily available, and work out which 386 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,280 your love language is, then this is what will happen. 387 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:04,200 You will know that if your love language is quality time and 388 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,720 your spouse's is acts of service. 389 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:15,080 You will know that he sorry if yours is quality time, you need 390 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,320 that from your partner. It doesn't necessarily mean that 391 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,160 your partner needs it from you and vice versa. 392 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:27,200 So you need to know not only your own love language, but it's 393 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:31,240 essential that you know your spouse's love language so that 394 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:37,240 you can honour and respect and love them in the way that they 395 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:43,440 feel is important to them, even if it wouldn't particularly mean 396 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,160 anything to you. I haven't mentioned receiving 397 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,000 gifts. That's another one that speaks 398 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:53,280 for itself. If we were to say what are our 399 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,880 love languages, Graham, what are yours, I would. 400 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,560 Well, I think I speak acts of service, but I think I want 401 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:08,880 physical touch, yeah. I want all 5 basically, but 402 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,120 yeah, my main one I would say is words of affirmation. 403 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:17,760 So one of the things you can do when you go away this evening is 404 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,640 look at these and work out which is yours and which is your 405 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:26,680 spouse's, and then talk about it and say, hey, you know, when you 406 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,160 do that, what does that make you feel? 407 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:30,720 You know, when I do that, how does that make you feel? 408 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,400 So ask each other questions about them. 409 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,840 And then even though one of you speaking Esperanto and one of 410 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:42,120 you speaking Chinese, you will start to be able to relate 411 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,600 better. Yeah, so. 412 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:49,120 You'll often meet people and they say, well, he never gets me 413 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,640 any gifts. She gives him lots of gifts 414 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:59,480 because her love language is giving presents, giving gifts 415 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,720 and he doesn't particularly love them because he doesn't need 416 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,200 that. So somehow you've got to learn 417 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,680 each other's strengths, weaknesses, each other's, the 418 00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:14,520 way, the way you're blessed. So we we didn't do it today, but 419 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,720 most days we start the day together. 420 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:24,760 Our kids have left home. They're 28 and 31 now, and we 421 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:30,320 start the day with breakfast and four games of cards, and that is 422 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,520 joyful for us. Four different games of cards, 423 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,720 Monopoly deal. It's probably my strength. 424 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:41,320 Hers is called golf, rummy, blackjack, doesn't matter, It's 425 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,600 spending time together. We enjoy doing it. 426 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,560 We often can't even remember who won and who lost, although we 427 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:52,120 have a lot of banter about who won and who lost during the 20 428 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,200 minutes we're playing cards and eating breakfast. 429 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,080 We never did that when our kids were little. 430 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,360 It's a different season. We haven't got kids that running 431 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,200 around going Daddy, mummy, so don't think why don't you play 432 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,520 cards with me because I've got a little child hanging on my leg. 433 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:14,200 Look, I can't even move it. Different seasons make a huge 434 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:19,200 difference in your marriage, and it's just one thing that we can 435 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,800 do now. However, we don't tend to play 436 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:25,400 cards when our grandson comes over every Tuesday, which is a 437 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,320 joy. But we're both exhausted by the 438 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,560 end of the day because we're 30 years older than when we had 439 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,520 little kids and we why did we find it so easy? 440 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,880 Life moves on and changes and you've got to learn your 441 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:46,040 strengths, your weaknesses. This this week we did really 442 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:47,720 well. On Tuesday, Charlotte still 443 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,880 couldn't actually walk. She had a foot in a boot. 444 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,560 So I was doing everything for Charlotte. 445 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,840 Reuben hits 2 1/2 came round, did everything for Reuben, which 446 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,560 is a joy. But I woke up Wednesday 447 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:06,480 exhausted and I said to Charlotte, I just need to be on 448 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,320 my own. I I no. 449 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,040 You didn't, you said. Don't talk to me. 450 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,800 Don't talk to me alone. I said it nicely, I'm sure. 451 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:21,640 So I, I had run out of any energy left and I, I felt a 452 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:26,520 little bit depressed probably is the word I was, I felt like I 453 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:31,720 was on the edge. Now you need to know that about 454 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,080 yourself. Actually. 455 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,360 I just feel a bit weird. I feel exhausted or it's very 456 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:42,920 important to kind of not only know yourself but also share 457 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,960 with the wife. So Charlotte, she was brilliant, 458 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:50,680 left me pretty much on my own and I felt really recovered 459 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:56,440 after a Wednesday watching Channel 4 drama. 460 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:03,400 And I was sewing my tracksuit that I, I wanted to do for 461 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,640 probably a year. And I spent ages doing this 462 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,720 sewing. And I really, I don't normally 463 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:12,080 sew, it's not very manly. I realise that, I, I realise you 464 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:16,320 suddenly all look down at me now I'm emasculated, it's OK. 465 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,120 But because actually it was what I needed on Wednesday. 466 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:25,360 And then by Wednesday evening I was able to cook tea again and 467 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:30,000 Charlotte had done quite well, pushing herself to try and walk 468 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,400 on her. But she's been told by the 469 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,240 physios try and walk on it, so yeah. 470 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:40,560 Yeah, so one of the things that will set you up for a fail is if 471 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:44,720 you look at another couple in church or elsewhere and think we 472 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:52,080 need to be like them. I can also tell you that couples 473 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:58,320 that you see in church who seem to be wonderful and perfect, 474 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:03,640 they will have their shoes too. They just are good at masking 475 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,000 it, dealing with it. I'm not saying that there aren't 476 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,960 people out there with excellent marriages. 477 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,560 I'm sure there are and there are. 478 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:17,920 But don't set yourself up for a fail by finding somebody and 479 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,360 thinking that's what we need to be like. 480 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,080 Like Graham said, there are different seasons in life. 481 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,800 So it what's great about being in this room is we've got 482 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,840 everything by the looks of it, from people with little tiny 483 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:36,800 ones to those of us that are grandparents and you know, all 484 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:41,840 ranges in between. You need to find what works for 485 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:46,120 you. You need to find whether it's a 486 00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:51,720 lunchtime together when the kids are at school or or nursery or 487 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,960 wherever and you, you know, have lunch together or go out for a 488 00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:59,000 walk together. You need to find whether it's 489 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:03,400 when the kids are down at 8:00 at night and you decide, right, 490 00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,160 let's have popcorn and film night. 491 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:10,800 Whatever it is, there is no perfect right answer. 492 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:16,320 And part of the joy of whatever it is comes from you discussing 493 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,719 it together because it unites you and it bonds you. 494 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,199 And you need to be able to make time in your marriages to 495 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:28,560 actually say, well, is there anything about me that's upset 496 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:34,440 you recently? Oh no, I tell you on the car 497 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,560 journey back, I've got. A long listen, is there anything 498 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,600 that's upset you and then that well, actually, and then listen 499 00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:45,760 and respond and reflect back. Don't fight back. 500 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,840 Reflect back. That's different fighting back. 501 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,880 Is it me if you're going, no, that wasn't me, it was my fault, 502 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,480 that was your fault. That's fighting back. 503 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,080 Reflecting back is repeating it and say, oh, I see. 504 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,280 So you're saying that you felt upset because I didn't write. 505 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:04,360 OK, I I hear what you're saying. So learn the difference between 506 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,360 fighting back and reflecting back. 507 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:13,440 You also would find it beneficial in those times to 508 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,960 talk about your loved languages and how you're both doing in 509 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:23,800 those and seeing where you want to move forward. 510 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,600 Well, I'm going to try and be a bit more like this or I will try 511 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:31,960 and be a bit less like this. Whatever it is, talk to each 512 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:35,520 other, but also listen to each other. 513 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:40,360 It's an awful lot easier to talk than to listen, isn't it? 514 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,160 If you think about the number of people that you come across in 515 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:50,640 your daily life, at work, at school, in the home, place, 516 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:57,520 church events, wherever, if you think about it, we probably 517 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,360 mostly do talking and much less listening. 518 00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:08,800 Listening is an incredibly hard skill, a very, very hard skill. 519 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,320 And it's not just looking at somebody blankly and waiting 520 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,360 till they've finished. All right, you've finished now. 521 00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:16,960 OK, Right. Well, I want to tell you about 522 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,520 what happened to me. That's not listening, that is 523 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:24,600 just waiting. It's a real skill. 524 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:30,000 So learn the art of listening, learn the art of reflecting back 525 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,200 and make a bit of time for each other. 526 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:38,720 It may not be that you can do it every day, every week, or you've 527 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:41,240 got to work out well. It may be every second Tuesday. 528 00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:44,200 Whatever it is, there's no right or wrong. 529 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:49,400 We'll go for a break. We'll pick it up in quarter of 530 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:53,480 an hour, but please see Jen, if you've got any questions you 531 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,920 want us. We're very flexible, very happy 532 00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,920 to talk into what questions you'd like answered. 533 00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:05,960 We'll pick up on the the five love languages. 534 00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,800 I would say we all have a bit of all of them. 535 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,360 I don't particularly like gifts, but when I get a gift, I think, 536 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:19,040 oh, that's nice, but I was so bad at the gift thing that it 537 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,760 would be Christmas Eve And I think, Oh my word, I haven't got 538 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,440 Charlotte a Christmas present. And and I rushed to the shops 539 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,280 that there's no nothing on the shelves Christmas Eve. 540 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,320 Except for the one year when you even didn't do that. 541 00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,840 You gave our daughter your credit card. 542 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:36,000 Well. That was wisdom. 543 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:39,120 She. She's good at finding. 544 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:40,840 You. Not that I'm bitter about it. 545 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:41,760 Not. Bitter at all. 546 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:47,360 She's forgiven me but but actually we all have a bit of 547 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:52,000 all these different things and we'll talk into things that have 548 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:56,240 been really good in different seasons of our life when we come 549 00:37:56,240 --> 00:37:58,480 back. But any questions to Jim, 550 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,840 please. And we'll be back in quarter of 551 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:01,880 an hour, OK.