1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,640 Hey everyone, welcome to stepmom side chats. 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,960 We are your hosts. Alyssa and Rebecca. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,720 Two stepmoms who are done pretending everything's perfect. 4 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,160 This is where we talk. Boundaries, Co parenting, hard 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,680 truths, healing and the stuff. Nobody. 6 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,960 Says out loud. If you're ready for real talk, 7 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,240 real growth. And a little bit of. 8 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,960 Spice. Let's get into it. 9 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:29,960 Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode of Stepmom. 10 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,480 How are you doing today? Hi, I'm good welcome, I'm 11 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,240 currently drinking my breakfast so. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,840 We're dealing. What's your breakfast? 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,920 Iced coffee. This is my go to. 14 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,680 Need and thrive off coffee. Oh my gosh, you don't eat like. 15 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,240 A real breakfast. No, Send all the haters my way. 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:50,640 I don't eat breakfast. I'm too. 17 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,880 Busy like every other week I have. 18 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,520 Four children to get out the door. 19 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,600 I'm lucky if I get comfy. No, I know it's like a 20 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,080 necessity. To at least have the. 21 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,000 Coffee. But yeah, no, I'm so busy I feel 22 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,160 like I'm. Just so stressed all the. 23 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,440 Time. But you know, what can you do? 24 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,200 What can you do? Anything new with you? 25 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,160 This week. It's transition day again. 26 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,840 People are going to start. Learning my new pattern, but 27 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,120 this is another new transition. Day, so we're dealing with all 28 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,080 the fields. Again, we have our transition 29 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,760 days are more frequent now, if you can't tell. 30 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:26,320 So that's what kind of bugging me, but I want to get into the. 31 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,000 Source of all of our issues. Yes. 32 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:32,640 Who is the culprit? No it's not bio mom. 33 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,760 But actually, that's the real culprit. 34 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:40,240 No, no, no, no, guys. It's our husbands, the spouses. 35 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,120 And. Partners. 36 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,360 You know, fiance's, whatever. You call it. 37 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,320 We are. Digging into those relationships 38 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:51,160 that are just driving us crazy. Yes, why are? 39 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:54,720 We in this situation to begin with, you know. 40 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,280 Yeah, that the typical, you know. 41 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,280 Why? Why did you guys? 42 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,280 Complain. Why are you complaining? 43 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:04,280 You know what? You signed up. 44 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,560 For you chose this life. I'm so sick of seeing those 45 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,759 comments and hearing that I can't even. 46 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:12,240 So no, we didn't sign up for this. 47 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,000 We didn't know we. Got ourselves into, but let's 48 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,880 talk about our spouses. And when our spouses. 49 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:20,240 Really get it? And. 50 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,800 When they really don't get it. We this week did have. 51 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,040 Some bio dads. Reach out to us. 52 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,720 Which I love and asking, you know, how they can support their 53 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,240 wives and I'm like, well, you can direct her our way, but this 54 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,320 one is. Really for this episode's for 55 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,800 the husbands too, so wives or. Stepmoms, you know, Share this 56 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,680 with your partner. Share this with your spouse. 57 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,600 This is directed towards them. Yeah. 58 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,560 No, definitely, definitely. Well, let's start with talking 59 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,680 about, I guess times when we've been really feeling supported by 60 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,320 our husbands and then times when we feel alone because I think 61 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,840 it's going to probably look maybe similar or different for 62 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:58,880 both of us. I don't know. 63 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,000 You go first. OK, so I will say. 64 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,000 I've talked on this before. We have a lot of issues. 65 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:09,920 On transition day, the days. Usually it's the day before so. 66 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:12,360 You know, in the side chats, Becca, I'm always texting you 67 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,720 saying guess what today is? And she's like the day before 68 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,400 transition day, like godspeed, sending wine, you know, all the 69 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,200 things. So we do have. 70 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,960 Issues the day before transition day where, you know, my husband, 71 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,920 he goes through the things and it's totally understandable and 72 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,560 totally normal. But I'm going through all the 73 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,400 things too, and that's when I'm feeling less supportive, and I 74 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,360 know a lot of stepmoms can. Relate to this because the bio 75 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,240 dads don't. Understand the gravity of how we 76 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:43,600 are carrying these burdens. And they think, you know, maybe 77 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,720 it's not their kids. They don't feel the same like 78 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,760 attachment and the same excitement when they come. 79 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,280 And it might be. True, but. 80 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:53,280 You have to understand that we also didn't sign up for this and 81 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,480 so this drama is also not our own, but we take it on for. 82 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,080 Ourselves. So where I lose? 83 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,480 That sense of. Support is the parts of the 84 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,520 weeks where he's in his fields. And I'm also in my fields 85 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:09,600 because we're in different feelings and I think he expects 86 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,160 me to feel the same way he does and I just don't. 87 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,480 And so that's when we kind of butt heads and. 88 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:18,040 No, I think that's pretty similar for me as well. 89 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,920 It's like, not that there's not any part of me that's. 90 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,160 Excited. It's just like we've talked 91 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:28,360 about before, it's just the whole vibe of the home changes, 92 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,040 just like. If you know when you had, you 93 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,640 know your son recently and that's your bio son, your vibe 94 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,920 of your home changed once he was born. 95 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,960 However, from a stepmom perspective, these aren't our 96 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,600 bio kids, so we don't have that like unconditional love all the 97 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,520 time. I thought we. 98 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,680 Do for our step kid or for our bio? 99 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,840 Kids and so I don't know, it's just harder because I think 100 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,040 with. Our bio kids, it's like. 101 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,400 You make it work no matter what, and I mean. 102 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,360 We do for our step kids too. But when they come into the 103 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,720 home, it changes the family dynamic. 104 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,360 You know when my stepson comes. He's the. 105 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:10,200 Older brother to my youngest, so my youngest, he's not an only 106 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,720 child anymore and so he has to share all of a sudden. 107 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,040 He has to share the. Attention between me and my 108 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:16,720 husband. He. 109 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,880 Has to share his toys. And so the dynamic just shifts. 110 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,800 And so like you. Said I sometimes will get like. 111 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,400 Anxious or just? I don't know, just feel. 112 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,240 Stressed before, whereas the opposite. 113 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:32,120 It's like he. Feels more excited, you know, 114 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,760 and. We butt heads like that. 115 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,040 Too sometimes. I think it's gotten better over 116 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,360 the years, but yeah. Yeah, and I. 117 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,520 Will say we both said that we butt heads. 118 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,680 I think the deep. Root of it is. 119 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,280 And we both kind of come to terms with. 120 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,840 This over a few years is that it's a deep set. 121 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,960 In resentment, and not in the bitter, angry way, but it's like 122 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,000 a resentment of, you know, so. So let's just put this. 123 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,920 Resentment is an unmet. Need that stays stays quiet. 124 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:02,320 Too long. So what I see? 125 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,880 In my relationship is that if one issue keeps popping up if 126 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,120 it's something around the kids or something around you know the 127 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,280 pickup date or location or something around bio mom and her 128 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,760 communication with us. If we keep. 129 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,400 Hounding, you know, the same topic over and over and I'm 130 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,880 trying to get my point across and he is maybe not acting on it 131 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,440 or, you know, doing what I've asked them. 132 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:31,840 That builds A resentment to me. And I then kind of resent the 133 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:38,240 whole situation because he isn't fixing in my eyes, the one thing 134 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,560 that I'm asking him to work on or like help me fix. 135 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,960 And that happens a lot because we have so many issues and it's 136 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,840 just like that one, just. Gets. 137 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,920 Rushed under the rug when the next thing happens because. 138 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,320 If the step kids are. Here all of a sudden and they're 139 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,960 talking about something bio mom said. 140 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,440 And then there's a new issue arising in the house and it's 141 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,160 like, oh. My gosh. 142 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,800 If it's not one thing, it's another, and it's one after 143 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,160 another after another where? You could put these. 144 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,640 Down in your notes, in your phone, then you really will have 145 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,360 resentment because then later you look at these to bring up to 146 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,600 your spouse and you're like, I have so many issues and they're 147 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,040 all because of. Like your ex and your kids. 148 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,920 And so that's like a really bad way to. 149 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,240 Get into a low pit of resentment, do you? 150 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,480 Deal with a lot of. Resentment to or like that 151 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,120 underlying like need that is unmet. 152 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,720 Yeah, and I think you and I can both. 153 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,200 Agree that we dealt. With it more heavily in the 154 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,800 beginning and then it goes and ebbs and flows right? 155 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,480 Like sometimes you'll feel more resentful and sometimes I'll 156 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,560 feel more resentful depending on. 157 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,080 Where we're at? But yeah, no, it's definitely 158 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,200 in. In the beginning I would feel so 159 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,320 much resentment and I'm sure a lot of stepmoms can relate to 160 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,480 this. Because of. 161 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:58,720 Scheduling, like you know, we did a lot of summers with some 162 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:00,120 of the step. Kids. 163 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,920 And then there was, you know, our stepson lived with, well, my 164 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,360 stepson lived with us, you know, full time for a few years there. 165 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,040 And not that it was like anyone's fault necessarily. 166 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,320 It's just like as a. Stepmom, you feel so powerless. 167 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,440 Like it just. I feel like I was constantly 168 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,480 being told. Like, oh, this is what's. 169 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:20,240 Happening. This is when they're coming. 170 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,000 This is how long they're staying. 171 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,360 And it's like in that. Outsider field where we feel. 172 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,320 Like we're an outsider in our home because we're just 173 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:29,000 expected. To go with the flow, I 174 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,920 completely get that. Continue. 175 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,320 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like. 176 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,720 Oh well, they're my. Kids so like, why? 177 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,760 Would you need to know when they're coming and when they're 178 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,960 not? But it's like, no, that's. 179 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,160 What you're not understanding is it's different and they don't 180 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,200 understand that, which I can be more empathetic with now than I 181 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,120 used to be. But. 182 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,440 I I needed to know. Because like you said. 183 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:57,040 Transition days, for example, or transition times in the summer. 184 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,760 We have one of our. Step kids all. 185 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,720 Summer I need to know because I need to mentally prepare myself. 186 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,120 Because like we were just. Talking about the dynamic of the 187 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,760 whole house changes. We need to go grocery shopping 188 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,520 more. This kid likes this. 189 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,520 This kid doesn't like. This I like to. 190 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:15,520 Sign up my kids for a lot of sports, you know, So I want my 191 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,400 step kid who lives in a different state. 192 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,040 When they come here for the summer, I want to make sure that 193 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,080 they feel included. But that takes time, that takes 194 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,400 scheduling. It takes all of these things 195 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,920 that moms already do. And while we're doing that and 196 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,520 we're making sure they're included in that. 197 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,640 Their lives wrap around their. Schedule so that they don't lose 198 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,920 their normalcy and then. While our spouse is also. 199 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,720 Protecting, you know, the kids life and their perspective. 200 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,200 Then all of a sudden we start feeling like the. 201 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,600 Least Protected. Person in the house. 202 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,320 And that's really hard. And so resentment isn't about 203 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,080 what happened, it's about what really never changed. 204 00:09:55,800 --> 00:10:00,080 And so, yeah, I think. First spouses out there in. 205 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:04,000 General for the stepmoms and the husbands or the partners or 206 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,440 fiance's you. Have got to get to the root of 207 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,880 the. Issue and change it. 208 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,920 Before it reoccurs. And before it shows it's ugly 209 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,080 head again because then it's going to snowball and it's 210 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,440 stepmom life there's it's going to be 1 issue after another. 211 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,920 So it's about getting down. To that issue and quickly. 212 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,280 And getting it figured out and moving on to the next problem. 213 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,920 Stepmoms, How are you coping with transition? 214 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,280 Day. I'll tell you how. 215 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:37,440 I am, I'm lighting my big ass candles to calm my big ass 216 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,800 anxieties and honestly it changes the whole mood of the 217 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,600 house. Same chaos, just calmer vibes 218 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,400 and way better energy. We're obsessed with. 219 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,960 Big ass candles from big. Ass luxuries? 220 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,080 Yep. The ones from Shark Tank. 221 00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,840 If you want to try one, use code stepmom at checkout for a 222 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,240 discount. That's code stepmom at. 223 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:00,320 Checkout Big Ass Candles because. 224 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,760 Stepmom life comes with big ass feelings. 225 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:12,800 Yes, and I think like women and especially moms. 226 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,880 By default it's like we. Just want everyone to get along. 227 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,760 So sometimes we won't like, say what's bothering us. 228 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,680 And that's when it turns into a resentment and it starts to 229 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,080 fester and it starts to snowball. 230 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,600 And you know, there's a resentment that I'm dealing with 231 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,680 right now and it's snowballed because I didn't communicate. 232 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,480 About it first would. You like to share with the class 233 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,120 Becca? No, not yet. 234 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:38,480 Maybe one day. That's for. 235 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,160 Our private space, that's coming, yes. 236 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,920 Stay tuned. But yeah, I think you know what 237 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:49,160 having your back actually means as a stepmom is when you're 238 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,760 communicating what that. Looks like to your. 239 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,880 Husband or to your partner, you know, like, hey, having my back 240 00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:00,200 means I need to know what day they're coming, what day they're 241 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:04,400 leaving, how long they're staying, or whatever it may be 242 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,880 for you. That's just, you know, one 243 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,040 example of many. Yeah, I think communication and 244 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,920 we can dive into that one next, because communication is. 245 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,040 Seriously. Obviously. 246 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,960 That's so important in every relationship, you know? 247 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,200 Your your coworkers. Relationships, your family 248 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:23,480 relationships and your spouse beyond your Co, your 249 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,680 communication relationship with your spouse is your 250 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,960 communication relationship with your step parent partner because 251 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,880 that's a completely different communication. 252 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,440 This one's like, hey, no, here's the check in. 253 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,840 This is how I'm doing. This is how I'm not doing. 254 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,240 So our husbands and. You know, partners, They're only 255 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,880 as good as the information you've given. 256 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,280 I don't know if anyone's heard of. 257 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,160 The book this is so. Old men are like waffles and 258 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,320 women are like spaghetti. Do you know that 10? 259 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,720 My gosh. OK, this is something with like 260 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:53,960 your stepmom movie plug. Let's add this one in there. 261 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,960 Now everyone has a movie night and a book to read. 262 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,680 Oh my gosh. So I'll have to get. 263 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:02,200 Professional on here to kind of discuss it but in a nutshell 264 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,680 it's like men are like waffles and if you explain this to a man 265 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,680 they do not like it because it sounds so narrow minded but they 266 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,080 imagine the syrup. They get stuck. 267 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,600 In one little square at a time and they can only think about 268 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,560 one thing or do 1 task at a time. 269 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,440 I can never tell my husband. To go listen to his favorite 270 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,320 podcast. While he's mowing the yard, do 271 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,680 you know what my yard would? Look like. 272 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,200 Yeah, yeah. But women, we. 273 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,920 Listen to this podcast while we're. 274 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:37,760 Facetiming our best friend while we're doing the laundry and, you 275 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,760 know, multitasking left and right like it's nobody's 276 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,080 business and each job gets done. So we are like if you pour syrup 277 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,320 or spaghetti sauce. Onto spaghetti noodles. 278 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,960 We're kind of just all over the place and we can do all the 279 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,680 things at once, but in the same way our mind is going everywhere 280 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,160 at once. So if you look at that in the 281 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,800 ways of how we all think about our step. 282 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,120 Family dynamics and the issues. We have our husbands are. 283 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,200 Thinking about and they're compartmentalizing the issues at 284 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,960 hand. So for instance, I'm totally 285 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,480 going to make this up. Let's see some. 286 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,400 Issue, let's say or just. Transition day, my husband's 287 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,000 just thinking about getting the kids back. 288 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,400 Me, I'm thinking about how is my daughter going to be when the 289 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,440 kids come back? What should I have planned for 290 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,360 the kids when they come back? What should I be doing? 291 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,600 What's my husband going to be like? 292 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,840 How are we going to, you know, what are we going to do for 293 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,680 dinner? I am looking at a million things 294 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,120 at once and I'm kind of spiraling but my husband doesn't 295 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,720 know that because he's stuck in his nice. 296 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,200 Little waffle shell. And he's stuck in this. 297 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,280 Little cube of it's like I just we get the kids back today, 298 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,040 period, end of. Sentence. 299 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,280 End of brain power. Literally. 300 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,800 They're not stupid, but they can go deep into that one hole. 301 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:53,440 Of the thought process so. Men out there like I am not 302 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,400 trying to say that y'all are narrow minded you know you can't 303 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,040 think are multitask. It sounds like that, but like 304 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,080 literally that's how you're wired. 305 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,920 Women, we're all. Can see the good. 306 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,440 The bad and the ugly on one subject at all times. 307 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:09,040 So even if something great is happening, we're also thinking 308 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,280 about what's going to happen when bio mom finds out about 309 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,320 this or, you know, so if the. Husbands and spouses. 310 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,600 Can understand that the women can communicate their feelings, 311 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,560 but we're only going to be giving you like 20% of all the 312 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,680 thoughts we're diving into then and you can like dig some more 313 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:25,720 and say. Like, wow. 314 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:30,000 How does that make you you feel? Or how did you take transition 315 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,680 day today? Did you feel like? 316 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,160 Anything was different or better. 317 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,120 Like ask us a question so. That's my Ted Talk on 318 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,040 conversations and communication with your spouse, and not that 319 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,680 our communication is great by any. 320 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,800 Means, but we're working. On it and this is what I'm 321 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,760 working on. Yeah, yeah. 322 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,400 No. And I think that's. 323 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,520 Good that like we're. Transparent about it like no 324 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,920 one's marriage is. Perfect. 325 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,960 Ours aren't perfect, but we have learned a lot. 326 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,520 And you know, we have, you know, 5 plus years under our belt. 327 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:01,880 So, you know, we're starting, we're starting to get into, you 328 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,600 know. A better place for sure. 329 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,880 OK. Let's talk about. 330 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:10,840 The silent expectations that our partners place on us, but they 331 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,520 don't really realize they're placing on us. 332 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:17,200 So I think a lot of times that there's just different rules, 333 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,640 right, that moms and dads take on. 334 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,000 Just biologically, just subconsciously, like. 335 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,920 For example, my husband does all the sports things, you know. 336 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,760 That's his job, that's his role. He does all the. 337 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,880 Stuff in the backyard, for example, all those things and 338 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,520 moms, we usually, you know, we take care of the school 339 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,880 communication, you know, signing up for things, little things 340 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,600 like that. I think that sometimes partners 341 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:46,920 will place the expectation on stepmoms that we're going to be 342 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,600 handling all of that for our step kids when we already are 343 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,320 struggling like. Do I do this? 344 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,400 Do I not do this? So we're like, well. 345 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,680 Well, I don't know. And I know that definitely in 346 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,520 the beginning for me, sometimes it was just. 347 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,440 Expected that I would take care of some, especially before I had 348 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,040 kids. I was like I. 349 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,760 Don't even know how. To do that like I. 350 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,640 Didn't know how to sign up for school by this time or I didn't 351 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,200 even think about getting in school supplies because I'm not 352 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,000 a mom yet. Before. 353 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,720 I didn't know if bio mom was going to do that so I didn't 354 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:18,760 want to step on. Toes. 355 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,000 So it's just like. I don't know this tug and pull. 356 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,760 I don't know what you've experienced in that realm. 357 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,040 Yet. And the whole idea of. 358 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,960 People thinking, you know, again, we knew what you signed 359 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,160 up for. So there's these sign on 360 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,920 expectations from the general. Public, but also our. 361 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:38,400 Partners kind of think that too. Like I know I wrote personal 362 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,840 vows for my stepsons and read them to them at our ceremony 363 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,480 when we got married. Wait, wait, sidebar, you did. 364 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,240 That's really cute, This is. That's really cute. 365 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,960 Tell me about it this. Is so cute all of. 366 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,440 Our friends are learning about me with you. 367 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,760 Yes. No, that's cute. 368 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,920 Yeah, I wrote vows to like. I read vows to my husband and 369 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,280 then we had one of the boys come up and he held. 370 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,600 The big boy while I. Read him vows and then the 371 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,000 little boy came up and I held him and I read him about and 372 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,240 that one was. Like he is a wild. 373 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,400 Christian lunatic. And he was too at the time. 374 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,960 So I was like, I promise to encourage your crazy. 375 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,960 Capabilities, you know, we're like but. 376 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,600 In those vows, and this is something I love to. 377 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,040 Say to people like. In these vows, I never said I 378 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:30,640 promise to handle the intense amounts of stress and insane 379 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,400 comments that come from your other. 380 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,760 House or. Whatever, you know, I never. 381 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,600 Vowed to like, take on all of those gracefully because that 382 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,560 wasn't something. That I had on my radar. 383 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,000 Yeah, we didn't even think about it. 384 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,080 No, the comments and I don't think. 385 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,960 That step kids always do it. Intentionally. 386 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,280 Now with that being said, I think just being a. 387 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:56,680 Child that has two different. Homes, sometimes they do things 388 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,240 subconsciously, but yes, the comments and they're hurting the 389 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,920 feelings. I did like not sign up. 390 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,360 For or realize. And I think it's different than 391 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,840 when your own bio kit says a comment to you then when your 392 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:08,880 step kids. Say it to you. 393 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,480 You take it so much more personally and I think the 394 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:13,960 silent expectation that the partner has. 395 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,840 Is that we'll just. Ignore it or. 396 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,640 It's not a big deal and it's like. 397 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,680 No, that really hurt my feelings because I'm doing XY and Z for 398 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:26,480 this child and then they say like a mean comment to me and it 399 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,920 really hurts my feelings, you know, and that that that one's 400 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,160 been really hard for me. Like even though I seem like I'm 401 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,720 really like tough and. Whatever have a thick. 402 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,720 Skin like and I think you do too. 403 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,560 Like we're like, we're strong. Women, you know, like we. 404 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,080 Both have like careers. And you know, we have strong 405 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,920 work. Ethics, both of us, but. 406 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,920 We do get our feelings hurt, you know. 407 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,520 It's like just because we're. Like that doesn't mean that 408 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,800 we're not human and that things don't hurt our feelings. 409 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,640 Yeah, that's a message to the spouses. 410 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:57,040 Again, like understanding. That the facade is just. 411 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,960 Something that we put on so that, you know, we don't want 412 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,000 our children and our stepchildren to see us hurting 413 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,640 and sad and we want them, you know, to grow. 414 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:10,240 Up to look for. Women like us, you know, that 415 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,640 you know, can just handle the turmoil and the stress and the 416 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,640 daily grind and the grit. Of it all. 417 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,360 But behind closed doors, we're going to break down and I think 418 00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,080 that the men have to see again, like the women are like 419 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,000 spaghetti. We're so different. 420 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,040 We are just different, the way we process for a different way 421 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,720 we internally accept everything or the way we communicate is 422 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,680 also different. And when I talk about marriage 423 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,640 after blending, blending the families, of course I didn't 424 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,480 have neither one of us. You and I both didn't have bio. 425 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:40,800 Kids. So we were just. 426 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:45,880 Blending, bringing the step kids into our home and yeah, I think 427 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,600 marriage, really. Takes a toll. 428 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,120 It's hard. It challenges you just the same 429 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:54,800 with like having your own kids. But imagine the way I. 430 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,680 Always like to say it is that. Having step kids is like having 431 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,360 your niece and nephew. At your house all the time 432 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,720 because it's. A bond and a relationship. 433 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:09,120 More loving than like your best friend's kids, but it's not 434 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,720 quite like your own kids. So. 435 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,160 No, that's a perfect, perfect analogy. 436 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,560 It's just like having someone. That you love to have. 437 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,000 Around but then they're kind of there too long, you know, and 438 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,760 it's like like if your in laws come. 439 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,400 You're welcome to stay here. As long as you want. 440 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,560 Like, this is your son's house too, you know? 441 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:31,320 Yeah, like we love you. Get out but but yeah. 442 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,240 Your time's up, you know, like it's time to go. 443 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,400 Want to like I? To be able to. 444 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,680 Take off my pants again. Or no. 445 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,400 Like, not like we're putting it on a show. 446 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,800 But like you guys get it like. I want to take this mask. 447 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,560 Off like because I do like. You know, act a little different 448 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,560 than I do with with my own son. It's. 449 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,280 Just the reality of it. So yeah, I think that that's 450 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,480 perfect. Because it's like you are bonded 451 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:58,360 like how you are to your niece and nephew. 452 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,920 But it is. Different than how you are to 453 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,720 your own biological children. Yes. 454 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,640 And so we also. Had a trauma bond with. 455 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,000 Our spouse because it well. And I don't know if you 456 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,960 necessarily have one because you invented court and let me just. 457 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,360 Say that's like the. Epitome of trauma for stepmoms. 458 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,160 It doesn't get much more traumatizing than like law 459 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,240 enforcement, CPS, court, any of that kind of. 460 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:26,600 Heavyweight at your door? Not like impending doom. 461 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:31,520 So when your spouse and you are trauma bonded and the trauma is 462 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,480 linked to people that come to your house. 463 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,720 Every other week or whatever. Every weekend. 464 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,560 Or just Thursdays, or maybe. They live there full time. 465 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:43,480 If you see. That child, you might love them, 466 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,040 but you'll also be triggered by them and triggered by their 467 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,120 name. Or triggered by like. 468 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,360 If one of them. Looks just like their. 469 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,440 Mom, Oh my gosh. A. 470 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,760 Trigger when you see. Them it's horrible and these 471 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,000 children shouldn't be triggers. But they are. 472 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,320 And that's something we have to heal within ourselves. 473 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,760 Yeah, and it's like, and you feel bad for feeling that way. 474 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,720 Like, you know, you're like. Why do I feel like? 475 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,360 This and I feel like that's why you and I got so close when we 476 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,920 both realized that we had become stepmoms around the same time 477 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,320 because we're like. Why do I feel like this? 478 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,680 Like I feel so. Bad, you know. 479 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,840 But I. Can't make the feeling go. 480 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,680 Away which I think. You and I have gotten better at. 481 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,440 Throughout the years, but. Even now still I can totally 482 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,240 relate to that statement because it's like. 483 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,640 Well, you. Caused the situation we're in. 484 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,560 Feel like that even though they are kids. 485 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,560 But still, it's like they'll say. 486 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,080 Things and go back to the other home and then that parent will 487 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,360 interpretate it a certain way and then it's like, jeez, you 488 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,080 know, it's just so much. And I think I also wanted to 489 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,400 bring out something, I think. That when you have a high. 490 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,320 Conflict bio mom which one of us in this case definitely does and 491 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,400 and you know one of us has had where they are high conflict at 492 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,000 times. Is that is. 493 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:03,080 So much more difficult on a marriage than a bio mom that you 494 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,480 get along with for the most part. 495 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,440 You know, with one of my bio moms, we do get along for the 496 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,200 most part. You know, we've had our times 497 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:12,360 like I've discussed, but that is going to be different on my 498 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:16,880 marriage versus a high conflict bio mom who's might have CPS 499 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,960 coming to the house. Like I'm sorry. 500 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,160 And that stepmom is going to feel different. 501 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,120 They're going to feel way more intense feelings than I would 502 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,160 because when? CPS is coming to your. 503 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:30,360 House and they might be messing with your own biological 504 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,960 children. That is just different. 505 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,720 I'm sorry, like that's when the Mama bear comes out and and 506 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,240 those triggers can come. Yeah, you don't mess with the 507 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:44,520 internal family and. So who else are we going to? 508 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,080 Like we're not going to get on to the kids and be like, oh, I'm 509 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:48,920 annoyed with you because of your mom. 510 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:50,040 We're. Going to go to our. 511 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,520 Spouse, I'm annoyed with you. Because of your ex. 512 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,200 And so a lot of these don't. Need to be directed at the X. 513 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,320 Although we don't have another outlet and we don't want to vent 514 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,080 to our friends who are not stepmoms. 515 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,520 That is a big. Lesson that Becca and I are 516 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:07,480 going to get into in another. Episode so everyone just. 517 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,720 Hang and bear with us, because that's coming. 518 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,800 That's just a. Deep, deep episode that. 519 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,280 We want to be. Well, prepared for, but yeah, 520 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,720 there's got to be. A place where you can unload as 521 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,720 a stepmom, unpack the trauma that you're carrying. 522 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,760 Every day. Because every day. 523 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:29,080 There's going to be new trauma with you hear from bio mom or if 524 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:31,000 you. Are triggered by see your step 525 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,040 kids or your step. Kids has something or. 526 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,560 You have to wear pants today because your step. 527 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,400 Kids are home. That's traumatizing. 528 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,280 OK, so there has to be a. Space. 529 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,560 It's not your spouse all the time, and it certainly is not 530 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:44,800 your friends that are not stepmoms. 531 00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,320 That's an easy. Plug that we are for sure. 532 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,480 Working on a space for stepmoms to come together and have these 533 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,760 moments. But you have us. 534 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,840 Come here, vent, unload, send us questions. 535 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,040 We're here for y'all. That's all I have on that. 536 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:01,040 No, definitely I wanted to get into and we kind of did talk 537 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,160 about this in the. Last episode with Kristen but. 538 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,800 I wanted to dive a little bit. Deeper into it, what is? 539 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:13,440 The partner's job. Versus what is our job as the? 540 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,600 Stepmom in the house. So like what do? 541 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,480 You think should be handled by your partner and not the 542 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:20,960 stepmom. Like at all. 543 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:26,360 OK, a few things here. I work in Hospice, so something 544 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:29,480 we preach on daily is called caregiver burnout. 545 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,800 And this is. Where the caregiver of the. 546 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,360 Sick 1 is usually like a. Spouse. 547 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:38,680 Or a son or daughter. And they are. 548 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,800 Caring for this sick person for SO. 549 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,560 Long and trying to take. Care of their needs. 550 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,680 Emotionally and physically and mentally and you know. 551 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,520 Like literally their future needs. 552 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:54,160 So they burn out so quick that they are the next patient on 553 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,880 Hospice because once that patient passes. 554 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,720 The spouse or the loved? One becomes initially all this 555 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,200 sickness grows in their endocrine system and 556 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,480 materializes into their brain and it just breaks down their 557 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:12,120 body so much because stress is the most toxic sickness that we 558 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:14,560 can have so. There's also something called 559 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,000 Caregiver. Burnout with stepmoms and 560 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,640 caregiver burnout is, you know, similar. 561 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,680 Whereas like set, moms are the first to burnout. 562 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,800 Typically because a these. Are not our children, so 563 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:30,080 unfortunately all this work. We're doing is for. 564 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,920 Someone that isn't our own, so it doesn't come natural and it's 565 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,440 not innate, so it's a heavier. Load of work. 566 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,760 Even doing the laundry, these are not our children's laundry, 567 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,440 so it's not just like a second thought and we're just doing it 568 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,120 while we're watching TV. This is like we see. 569 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:46,800 A memory when we're folding their shirts like, oh, they came 570 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:47,960 over from. Like. 571 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:52,560 Everything is heavy, so stepmoms have this burnout that happened. 572 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,240 So fast. And we don't have an outlet. 573 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,000 There is no. Outlet for us, you can go for a 574 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,640 jog. You know you can take a nap. 575 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,000 You can drink some wine. Whatever your your sources, 576 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,080 light a candle. And palm down but. 577 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,880 Yeah, we have to protect ourselves, take care of 578 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,160 ourselves because. If we burn out. 579 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,040 What are we for our children? What are we for the step kids? 580 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,320 What are we for? Our house we're not taking care 581 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,520 of our house and our step kids if we're not taking care of. 582 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,200 Ourselves. What does that look like? 583 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,080 How do we do that? It's. 584 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,920 Easier said than done. But also like the spouses can 585 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,720 step up without picking sides. That being said, this is a. 586 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,240 Conversation you have to have with your own spouse, you know 587 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,880 that. Doesn't just work everywhere 588 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,000 where? You can say, hey, this is going 589 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,280 to be your job, this is my job. And like when the step kids 590 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,680 come, it's uneven or you get more. 591 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,400 Jobs because they're your kids. So it's kind of a. 592 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,480 House by house situation. But you do. 593 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,360 Have to. Really dive into that. 594 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,440 Yeah, and I think it's important because not obviously when 595 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,240 you're married to someone, you guys are not going to agree on 596 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,760 everything. You're just not. 597 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,560 And and if you do, then I guess you married yourself. 598 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:02,120 I don't know, but you're going to have disagreements about 599 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:04,240 everything. But when it comes to 600 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,320 disagreements? About your step kids I. 601 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:11,560 Think it is a lot more of a sensitive topic and you know, 602 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:15,720 you know, our partners can get a lot more defensive about things 603 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:17,680 and it's really difficult at times. 604 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:22,640 So I think how partners can step up without taking sides is. 605 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:27,080 To always show a. United Front and my husband and 606 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,560 I have gotten so much. Better at this is. 607 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,640 We don't agree on some things, but in front of the. 608 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,840 Kids, our bio kids or our step kids? 609 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,840 We try our hardest. We're not perfect. 610 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,920 We do not discuss disagreements we might have about something, 611 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,240 whether it's a simple I think he should have taken out the trash, 612 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,760 or it's something more serious about something, Bio Mom said. 613 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,960 Whatever you know. Is the case we show. 614 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:55,040 United front and then we shut it down and then later. 615 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,080 You're able to discuss that with your. 616 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:00,200 Partner in a way that. Is just for adults. 617 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,280 To hear and then and you can talk. 618 00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,000 About it, but that's how. For me at. 619 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,920 Least how I receive. It best is when my partner, you 620 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,680 know, might stick up for me or might shut down the conversation 621 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,240 in front of others, but then we can talk in. 622 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,880 Private like hey. I don't agree with you on this. 623 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,800 I think that you handled this actually incorrectly with bio 624 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,000 mom. You know what? 625 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:24,040 Like I think you were not nice or I think that. 626 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,280 She was right. But I would never say that in 627 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:32,000 front of my children or anyone else because marriage is very 628 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,880 sacred. And me and Alyssa, we don't want 629 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,040 to get divorced. We're not trying to have our 630 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,960 kids have a stepmom. Right. 631 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,400 We are working our. Butts off, so we're. 632 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,520 Trying to do this as best as we know how. 633 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,960 Wait, we love stepmoms support. All of y'all. 634 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,160 But we don't want any of you to be our stepmoms to our kids. 635 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:51,280 Just kidding. OK, well. 636 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,960 Some of you guys are really, really great. 637 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,920 I'm like, wow, you sound like a. Better mom than I know. 638 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:57,480 I know and I. We would be those. 639 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,840 Bio moms that are friends with the stepmoms because we 640 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:01,400 understand. Like those people? 641 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,800 That are like reposting or are shit and they're like. 642 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,840 I feel really bad for these people. 643 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,840 I. Love the stepmom to my children 644 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,000 or I love the bio mom. I'm like, great. 645 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,240 I felt like that at first. Too, But things changed I. 646 00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,800 Literally that's. You think we want this? 647 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,440 Conflict. I'm sorry that you think that I 648 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,640 woke. Up one day and was like I don't 649 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,600 like a happy. Household, I would love to just. 650 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,520 Be up all night, be picking fights with my husband. 651 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,440 Just because of his ex? What? 652 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,800 Yeah, no, definitely. And I think for my situation, 653 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,320 because I have two bio moms involved, the second one is the 654 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,240 one that I am cool with but she understands. 655 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,240 Because she dealt with the. First one. 656 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,880 Listen, stepmoms, listen So. She understands and is nicer. 657 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:52,000 Becca was at a sports. Event last night texting me and 658 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,840 she was like I'm sitting next to bio mom right now. 659 00:31:55,880 --> 00:32:00,080 I was like, what? What were you forced to or there 660 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,880 no other seats available? How did that happen? 661 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,560 Like? Why didn't you just leave and go 662 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,360 home like. I this is I. 663 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,560 Can't wrap my head around this. Because this is like a. 664 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,520 Dream set, mom world, perfect vision and I bet 90% of our 665 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,240 listeners just don't have that and anyone that has it. 666 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,200 We love to hear the success stories. 667 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,160 We love to hear it. Don't judge us because we want 668 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:22,520 to be you. Yeah, I know. 669 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,440 And I think and I. Love that for the most part we 670 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,800 do have that relationship but. It's taken a lot sort of 671 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:33,840 invisible boundaries that I've set just for myself and with. 672 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,800 That. Relationship, but I mean I've. 673 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,440 Told her this, I'll tell. Everyone and people might think 674 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:43,080 I'm crazy for saying this, but she's my family at the end of 675 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,960 the day, you know? And if she needs something? 676 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:48,760 I got her back and. You know, I might not always. 677 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,720 Feel like that with the. Other one, even though there's a 678 00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:53,320 lot. Of things I like about her too, 679 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,000 but. But this one, like we are 680 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,480 family. And you know what? 681 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,880 Families don't always like each other and so we know that and 682 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,080 we've. Had talks like that. 683 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,640 Hey, I did not. Like you did that? 684 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,720 It's not perfect by any means, so don't. 685 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,400 Don't get it twisted guys, but yeah, we do usually sit by each 686 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,720 other at. Sporting events and and we talk 687 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,120 about my stepson, how he's doing and, and that's. 688 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,200 Cool, because yeah, we love. Watching him play that just. 689 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,040 Sounds so cool to me. I wish and it can. 690 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,520 Happen one day. She is proof, everyone. 691 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,000 Becca is proof. That it's not stepmoms. 692 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:25,560 Because guess what? She's. 693 00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:29,440 Dealing with two bio moms and one the relationship is shitty 694 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,360 and the other one the relationship is fine. 695 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,960 So guess what? It's not stepmoms, every bio mom 696 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,240 is different and that's how the each one. 697 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,160 Goes All right, I digress. Back to spouses. 698 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:46,480 I have some like write it down with a pen kind of key points to 699 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,080 hit on for spouses here just to kind of wrap. 700 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,600 It up a little bit. Something. 701 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,920 To that we are asked. Constantly. 702 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,480 Stepmoms need their spouses to understand this. 703 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,720 Here's one We are not too sensitive. 704 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,760 We are just overexposed. We are retired or overexposed. 705 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:08,880 To trauma overexposed to drama overexposed to negativity more 706 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,120 than the normal. Body is allowed. 707 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,920 And supposed to be and sensitivity isn't the problem. 708 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,400 It's a lack of protection. Women need to feel emotionally 709 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,719 safe in order to open up. We can't open up to our. 710 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,280 Spouses. If we don't feel emotionally 711 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,639 safe and if the. Spouse is the reason. 712 00:34:25,639 --> 00:34:28,639 That we're not emotionally safe and maybe it's not him. 713 00:34:28,639 --> 00:34:34,159 Directly, but it's his ex. You know, and coming into our 714 00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:37,719 house through attorneys. Or through the step kids or. 715 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:42,880 That one person that posted like that stepmom sent a drone over. 716 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,760 To their house with a. Camera on it or something that's 717 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,760 a violation and that's. That's. 718 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,040 Crazy. I read that and I was like, 719 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,280 that's so wild. So that stepmom. 720 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,280 Is feeling unsafe. And it has. 721 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,600 To do with the spouse, it has to do with that so. 722 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:02,080 We walk into emotionally charged situations without any history. 723 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,840 Or authority. And what looks like small to you 724 00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:09,040 husbands, it lands heavy on us because it's constant and it's 725 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:09,920 forever. And. 726 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,320 We don't see an end. Insight. 727 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,720 So it's this. Never ending. 728 00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:15,360 Pit and so just so. Husbands can lose this 729 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,320 delusional like that. We're sensitive women. 730 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,560 We're just overexposed. Overstimulated. 731 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,440 Over. We're done. 732 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,800 We're over it. Another one is that love doesn't 733 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:27,160 cancel. Discomfort like yes, we love 734 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:28,120 you. We can. 735 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,920 Still love you and care about the kids and we can struggle 736 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:32,560 these. Truths. 737 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,920 All can exist at the same time. If you say they're just. 738 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:39,240 Kids or they don't mean it, you know, or you're misdirecting 739 00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:41,760 your anger. It's not the kids. 740 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,320 It just makes our feelings feel like they're not as important 741 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,080 and they're less. And then. 742 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,440 Or makes it more intense for me. If someone says that to me 743 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,200 right, I get mad. I'm like, I'm sorry, what? 744 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,480 Like. Because we feel less important 745 00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:58,920 to me. Yeah, We feel like our our 746 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,520 feelings are not important. So our feelings get heightened. 747 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,920 Yeah, exactly. And then I really spiral. 748 00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,720 No, I think the most important thing I want. 749 00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:11,320 Bio dats to hear, is that validate? 750 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:14,400 Our feelings Even if you don't understand and you don't feel 751 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,760 the same way, you can. Still be respectful of your. 752 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,040 Partner and listen to them. And validate what they're. 753 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,840 Feeling, even if you don't understand and you're like, I 754 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:26,080 don't know, this lady is crazy. I don't know why she thinks 755 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:27,960 this, but don't say that. Yeah. 756 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,760 Neutral is still a choice. That was exactly what I. 757 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,400 Was going to come at next silence. 758 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,760 It feels like agreement, but hesitation feels like 759 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,320 abandonment. So let me repeat that silence 760 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,640 feels like agreement. The hesitation feels like 761 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:44,680 abandonment. So we don't need you to attack 762 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,920 anyone, but we need you to lead. You know, we need you to handle 763 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:51,160 the hard stuff. And and another thing is that 764 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:54,160 just we are adjusting every day. You have to know that we take 765 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,280 these ebbs and flows and we're taking these hits and we're 766 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,400 realigning ourselves with the situation, and that's a constant 767 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:00,640 work. For us, it's like a. 768 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:05,200 Workout 24/7. So. 769 00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:08,680 Do we have a listener? Question to wrap this up. 770 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,200 Yes, I have a couple. So this kind of goes along with 771 00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,480 what we're talking about and kind of went along with 772 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,800 boundaries. Last week, but how? 773 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,160 Can I get my partner to not over share? 774 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,320 Our life with. Bio mom call him, Yeah. 775 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,120 Let's go back to communication. Go back to the part. 776 00:37:27,240 --> 00:37:28,920 On your podcast. Episode where you. 777 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,720 See, it says communication talk. Through that with your stuff. 778 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,840 And I promise if you have more issues come message. 779 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:36,200 Us because we'll talk you through it we'll. 780 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,680 Talk to you and we're building a private space for that so we can 781 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,400 really talk you. Through it with your 782 00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,400 relationship. Yeah. 783 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,240 And I think. Like if this is. 784 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:45,920 Like a newer relationship. For you that. 785 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:50,680 Sometimes I think bio dads want to like and just men in general 786 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,160 want to be like. Yeah, we're good over here. 787 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,240 We're we're doing this for doing that. 788 00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:59,240 And so maybe it's not like from a perspective of oversharing 789 00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:03,400 necessarily as like, I love my wife and this is what we're 790 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:07,280 doing and but I completely understand why you wouldn't want 791 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:10,920 that. OK, another one and for another 792 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,400 one. We do. 793 00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:13,960 Do you have it or do you want me to do it? 794 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,360 OK, let's see. There's so many good ones. 795 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:20,840 OK, All right, I like. This one OK this stepmom asks 796 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:25,400 how can I deal with the constant need that bio mom has to text my 797 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:31,920 husband to Co parent their son and the stepmom says in my 798 00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:33,680 opinion it's. Just so that. 799 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,520 She can stay connected to my husband. 800 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,240 Oh, this one's so gross. We don't deal with this. 801 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:40,960 Unfortunately. But this is where the. 802 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,720 Community will come in handy girl. 803 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,800 So many people do. So this is. 804 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,160 About control. It's about micromanaging and 805 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,200 control. And she's trying to. 806 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,760 Control what happens at your. House control your relationship 807 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,600 and how it succeeds. And yeah, this is just gross. 808 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,960 In my opinion, what you have. To do is have a. 809 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,880 Conversation with your partner. I'm sorry, I'm not saying she's 810 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,000 gross. Maybe I'm saying that this is a. 811 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,880 Gross. This is a sick part to deal 812 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,800 with. And this is exactly what we 813 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,120 were. Talking about, it's very hard 814 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:10,920 for us to. Have to deal with this kind of 815 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,040 stuff. This is insane. 816 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,720 Any other normal married family they don't have to deal. 817 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:17,680 With this outsider. Coming into their marriage. 818 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,240 So anyways, you need to talk. Because an ex isn't? 819 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,320 Yeah. Because an X is an X. 820 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,640 So if you don't share. Kids like this won't even. 821 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,920 Be a situation so yeah, no, we. Get it? 822 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,960 This is This is hard but but. Yeah. 823 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,760 And then I would say keep it from 8:00 to 5:00, the 824 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,600 communication back and forth. Tell him he can tell her I'm 825 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,200 only going to respond 8 to 5 member. 826 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,680 It's a business transaction. We talked. 827 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:44,080 About this a few episodes ago. And this is he can say unless 828 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,400 it's an emergency, then I, you know, nights and weekends, you 829 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:50,720 can have my full attention, but and then tell him to keep it 830 00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:52,680 short. She won't get the hint. 831 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,520 Keep it short. Keep it 1 to 2 words. 832 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,840 Got it. OK, got it. 833 00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,800 And if she's talking about you, he needs to keep her name out of 834 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:01,920 your mouth. That's it. 835 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:03,840 Put like end of story. Yes. 836 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:06,360 No, definitely, definitely. Well, I think that's all we 837 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:10,120 have. Time for today, but we are so 838 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,080 excited. For next week and send us your 839 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,760 questions and. We hope you guys. 840 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,040 Have an emotionally regulated week. 841 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,560 Happy transition. Day. 842 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:22,920 Happy D-Day. Oh, bye. 843 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:24,560 Bye. That's it for this. 844 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,440 Week on stepmom side chats We're Alyssa and Becca, your stepmom 845 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,960 besties before you go if something. 846 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,760 We said hit a little. Close to home. 847 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,440 Go ahead and hit Follow. Now so you don't miss future 848 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,480 episodes and share with another stepmom to help us grow. 849 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,880 If you want to connect between episodes, follow us on Instagram 850 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,000 at Stepmomsidechats and send us what you want us to chat about 851 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:47,840 next. Keep giving yourself grace. 852 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:49,120 You're doing better than you think. 853 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:50,640 We'll chat with you all soon.