Hey everyone, welcome to Stepmom Side Chats.
We are your hosts, Alyssa and Rebecca, 2.
Stepmoms who are done pretending everything's perfect.
This is where we talk boundaries, Co parenting, hard
truths, healing, and the stuff nobody says out loud.
If you're ready for real talk, real growth, and a little bit of
spice, let's. Get into it.
Hello, hello Alyssa and all the stepmoms out.
There and all you listeners. You Beautiful people, welcome to
another episode of Stepmom Side chats.
It's just us today, so hopefully we can keep you all's attention.
Excuse me, just. Us, we are the main.
Course true true, true. And how's your week been going?
I really haven't gotten to talk to you like too much and.
OK, yeah, this is actually a good time to tell you.
My husband went to the gym today and that's great and all, but he
didn't have much of A workout because he got called by the
kids school, step kids school, and one of the kiddos was just
acting up all naughty. Long story short, we put it in
our little notes for next time we meet with the attorney, next
time we're in court because to put it on record that they also
act up when they're at bio mom's house.
It's super important to have these things documented and to
document it like in real time so that, you know, six months from
now when you find yourself wrapped up in court, there you
go. You can just say look back at
your notes. You don't have to do all this
searching and fishing and you're like, hey, I have proof that XY
and Z happened. So anyways, that's my end of the
week. So I have a question did the
teacher call him or like? Does he like three-way them like
or like? How does that work?
Yes, that principal called that's how bad it is they are
the principal called him and I was like well does bio mom know
yet? And he said that they left a
message for bio mom. But apparently my step kiddo, he
his excuse to the for being naughty to the teachers was that
he was out sick, quote UN quote on Monday, not sick.
And then last Friday he was away on vacation.
So his excuse was that he hasn't been in school much and I'm
like, who's who kept you out of school?
Wasn't my house, That's all. That's wild.
Yeah, well, I guess you're not the problem.
So interesting. What's going on with you?
Well, last this last weekend we had a birthday party for my
stepson. He turned 11, so that was
interesting by. Interesting.
Tell more. Bio mom planned it this year,
which was honestly really nice because I've planned in the last
couple years and as we all know, I'm just like not a birthday
party party person, but when I am planning a party, I like just
go super psycho and probably spend way too much money.
So it's really nice to, you know, just kind of sit back,
enjoy the show. And it ended up actually being
pretty cool and it was fun. That's good.
She's normal. You know, it's just funny
though, because it's like, so many of the parents came and
like, because he was with us for a little full time.
And then some of them have met her, some of them have met me.
And I think like everyone's confused.
They're like, yeah. Oh.
Is this like a treble? Are we still wives?
No, no, my husband really said that.
He's like, I think they think that I'm like, probably because
we're like. That's why you shouldn't talk to
her. I'm like, hey, I'm.
So and so and then this is his mom and then I'm the stepmom.
But they're like, wait, I thought you were the mom.
I thought she was the step. Who is she?
And then they're like looking at her like, who is Becca?
Like, you know, it was just kind of funny though, because
honestly, me and her thought it was kind of funny though,
because we were like watching everyone's little head spinning.
We're like, you know, like, like, it's so funny how confused
people are. Step mom's minds everywhere
blowing right now. You're blowing our minds.
What? They were in the same room
together. They're at the same place
together. They were talking.
They were both giggling about this together.
You're living in a fantasy world that most of us don't know of.
Never heard of it. Y'all will have to tell me like
do birthday parties exist after elementary school?
Like, I don't know. I don't.
Think so really good question, 'cause you and I are both kind
of coming up on that and my step kiddos turning 11 and this
summer. So I don't know.
Yeah, that's a really. Wait, do you do separate
birthday parties? You betcha.
Or you just don't do any? Do you just not do or do you
just not do any? Yes, so that's exactly the
stepmom problem of the year. I was doing my own always
because I was like, of course she's not going to invite us to
their birthday parties. And then and sometimes I have
them on their birthday. Just that's not one we share.
It just depends on if we actually have them that day.
So if I do, I'm going to throw the party.
But if not, something we've relinquished control of is not
actually throwing the birthday party anymore.
Believe it, my husband. That's good.
No, that was us this year. It was like so weird for me
because I'm just used to doing it by myself and like, she's not
even here. So I don't even like have to
consider her. So I was texting you a lot
because I was like, should I do this?
Should I do that? And it's like, I don't know if
it's just me as a stepmom, but I feel like stepmoms are so
controlling and like, I feel like literally God's like, Hey,
you know what? You like to control everything.
I'm going to make you the stepmom because like I, I can't
control this. Like it wasn't my party, wasn't
my year. Exactly.
But it's like it was. But anywho today I wanted to
talk about something that I know you and I have definitely both
gone through and this is what started make us super close
again and that is friendships while being a stepmom.
Or lack thereof. Y'all for disclaimer real quick,
this is really like touchy subject to me in particular,
both Becca and I, this is something we thought long and
hard about talking about and discussing with everyone.
And it's something that we've talked about together in the
privacy of our own chat between me, Becca and the T-Mobile
carrier. Some of these things haven't
been said to like even our husbands at some point.
They have not been said to most of our friends And you know,
having, I'm just going to put this out there, having friends
that are not stepmoms is a really tough thing to navigate.
I don't think you can do it. You know, lightheartedly is
something that requires a lot of work and a lot of conscious
effort of like what you're going to say, what you're not going to
say. And to be completely
transparent, we're going to talk about situations where we have
lost friendships because of being a stepmom simply by being
a stepmom. So whether this is something
that you guys have dealt with already or it's something that,
you know, you're kind of dipping into and you're starting to see
these things pop up with your friendships or if you're like,
you know, my friends are great. They all understand.
Take a lesson from this because we kind of wish we did some
things different and we learned some things the hard way.
So you can always just learn a lesson from us too, so this
doesn't become you. But with that being said, pass
the disclaimer. Let's start with the fact that
there is this shift that you don't see coming.
So the people that I was talking about that really haven't had
this issue yet. There will be the shift that you
don't see coming because friends are supportive, hopefully,
right? They are curious.
They're invested. They invest time in you.
You invest time in them, your kids, their kids.
You know, you have play dates, you listen to each other's
problems, right? Something that my mom taught me
growing up is that you're an ATM and you don't want to word vomit
too much and give too much without or like take too much
out of someone without putting more into it, right?
At a certain point, the ATM is going to be like, you have to
add more into the machine. We can't just keep giving you
money. So it's same with friendships.
It's so important to equally give as much as you take.
So if you're needing advice from friends all the time, it's going
to drain them and strain your relationship.
If you're needing to vent all the time, where are they going
to see the benefit of the friendship, right?
It's so important to then turn it around, you know, see when
time's up and for that conversation, it's time to be
done and turn around on your friendships.
So over time, the energy does change and it shifts into like a
tiring friendship. They get tired of the stories,
they get tired of the venting, the complaining.
And it's even the same with like our husbands.
That's why I don't go to him, to all of this.
That's why I had to have backup. That's why we have to have a
stepmom support system in a village, as I like to call it
our village, because they understand and they're so
willing to listen because they can also vent with you instead
of just listening to you. So instead of having to be a
constant ATM with a stepmom, it's like having a credit card.
It's like endless funds. Yeah, no, I agree with you.
What? OK, so when you first became a
stepmom, both of us, we both didn't have biological kids yet.
Did any of your friends have kids yet or have step kids when
you became a stepmom? Because mine did not.
Write same. Well no, I didn't have step
kids. I've never had stepmom friends
besides you, but all my friends had kids so yes.
I. Yeah, OK, so interesting.
When we got married, yeah, everyone was kind of older and
just had kids and so, but my husband's a little older.
So they were all his age range, which is not much older, but
they just, they had little kids already, so.
OK, yeah, no, when I first became a stepmom, well, I was
still the girlfriend, so, but I remember they didn't have any
kids. They were still partying really
super hard, going out still and partying and things.
And I had just become a stepmom. And it's it was to my youngest,
the one I always talk about that I'm really close with.
And honestly I just wanted to stay home with him and I
honestly felt guilty for leaving him.
And I know that sounds so strange because I'm like, oh,
you're like, oh, it's just your stepson and I.
Remember sweet, you're so. I remember one of my friends
said to me, they're like, those are his kids, not yours.
Like you don't need to stay home and help him.
And I'm like, and he didn't even ask me to like do that.
I just had started to really develop a bond with them and I
wanted to stay home and I would have rather hung out with him
and the kids, my step kids, then go out and watch everyone drink
when I don't drink anyways. And it's just like my life was
so, you know, changing so rapidly and theirs was kind of
staying the same. Not that their way of life was
wrong or anything like that, but they just don't understand.
And that's kind of like where the fallout kind of started.
There were some other things too, I think just friendships in
general in your life. Like, I feel like there's
seasons and then there's like your forever friends, right?
And I think at that time it was just, we were all going
different ways and it just wasn't aligning anymore.
But then on top of it, like you said, we became a stepmom.
So it was like, Oh my gosh. And they just didn't get it, you
know? Cuz I see it from their point of
view. They're like, oh, those are his
kids, you know? So I see what they mean, but
they don't understand. Sure.
It's it is the theme of the episode is they don't get it.
So it's not a fault of their own.
They just don't get it. They don't experience it, they
don't live it. And it's the same for the
families or the friends that have families or just regular
kids of their own, bio kids. And they kind of fall out of
your friend group because they want to find people that are
similar to them, have similar interests, similar priorities,
similar schedules. So this is just a thing like
there should be 3 realms in this world.
People without kids, people with kids, people with step kids.
It's like it's a whole different beast and it's its own world.
Yeah. And I think that when I started
really getting into like the nitty gritty of everything, I
really felt so isolated. I was like, I have no one to
talk to about these different feelings that I'm having.
I feel like I shouldn't even have these feelings.
Like why am I getting frustrated or annoyed or feeling really
irritable sometimes when my step kids are over?
Why am I feeling like jealous or resentful and all of these
feelings that were coming up for me and I had no one to talk to
and I couldn't talk to them about it because they're not
stepmoms. They weren't even, you know,
real moms yet. So they they really didn't get
it. And that's kind of when you and
I started to really reconnect again.
And I was like, thank God because I really thought I was
crazy. I was like, I am the meanest
person. Like I'm going to hell.
And I cannot believe I'm having these thoughts like.
Nobody will get it and they will make you feel crazy.
They will make you feel like a terrible person to no fault of
their own again because they just don't get it.
You don't understand it until you live it.
What I noticed though is like what really happens is you start
bringing up a situation that's bugging you.
For instance, mine was like the whole court thing in the CPS
thing and my friends were like dumbfounded, shocked, upset for
me, frustrated for me, helping me find resources to here's a
good attorney that my friend used.
You know, they, it was all fine at the beginning.
And so then next time we had another instance or issue like
that, I felt comfortable bringing it up again.
And then they were like, again, you know, blah, blah.
But then it happened again and I wanted to bring it up again.
And these things get repetitive. It gets boring to talk about and
to hear about, especially when you don't live it and you're
like, jeez, lady, OK, we got it the first time.
But it's like, yeah, but it's like, it's our real life.
It's our everyday reality. Like we have to talk about it,
invent and have someone who's supportive, right?
Because I think, and I say it's all the time on social media and
just hear this from friends who might not be a stepmom and just
outside society is like, well, just don't be with him.
Just don't be with him. Oh, he's not doing that just OK,
well, you just need to do this or just don't share money and it
will be so easy. Or just don't do this.
And then the step family dynamic will be so easy.
And it's like like we always talk about there's no
one-size-fits-all. And so when people start to say
that about your marriage, for me at least, I get really
defensive. Like I really believe in the
power of marriage and the sacredness of it.
And it's really important to find friends that you can event
to and discuss things, but that are also really supportive and
can bring you back. And I have found a couple
friends that even though I am a stepmom, they'll bring me back.
Like, no, remember, this is hard, but your marriage is
important. You know, it's like, it's really
important to have friends that you can kind of share with My
husband's being annoying right now, but still have your best
interest and the marriage at heart.
Not like get divorced. Like, Oh yeah, 100%.
I still think we can have friends and we can have friends
that don't have step kids. My whole take on it is that we
need to know how to have these friendships, what to avoid,
Where is the right time to read the room situation, You know,
are you at like a trip and there's all these people in
there? One of your friends nicely asked
like, hey, how's it going with crazy bio mom?
That's where you insert funny joke.
Funny, relatable joke. Leave it at that.
Don't get all into it. This isn't time to word vomit.
Nobody wants to hear like, OK, you're all sitting around
campfire drinking. This was my problem.
We were on a beach trip, everyone.
We were all sitting around the fire on the beach drinking.
The girls were all hanging out. The guys were separate and there
were probably six families there, including us.
And they one of my friends was just like, hey, how is it going?
You know, with crazy bio mom. And then she was like, tell so
and so over here. I'm not going to say her name.
Tell her what happened. So I got into it and sure, we
were drinking. And so it was just like, you
know, it was word vomit completely.
And I finished the story and I kind of saw some faces glaze
over, some of them being like, oh, CPS came and like the
judgement of like, maybe you're a little.
And I was. I just wish so bad I could have
taken it back. And then I find out from my
husband when he's hanging out with all the guys that he also
is word vomiting because they nicely asked, how's it going,
man? I know it's tough.
You have the court stuff and you know, it's hard for someone
that's in it. And that feels so deeply to be
like, oh, it's all right. That just is impossible.
It's so hard to just lie and say that.
And I know we need to train ourselves to a little bit for
the audience sake, like the friends that don't need to hear
the details. But yeah, it's that's instantly
how you just break up friendships and they suddenly
are like, let's not invite that couple because they always talk
about their ex in court and that's like boring.
The judgement is something that you just said that really like
stood out to me is that you start to talk about these things
with people even at like your extended family and like you
just can feel the judgement And it's like, oh, I can't like vent
or tell my truth or what I'm going through because I'm being
judged. And for stepmoms, that's super
hard because we already feel like we're being judged
constantly in our own homes, by our step kids, by bio mom, even
by our husbands. So then when you start to vent
or share some of these things with your friends and family and
you start to feel judged, it feels like you're not safe
anymore. And for me at least, it's felt
like almost like I had to like recluse more and like stuff my
feelings down more, which isn't healthy.
Either no, that's absolutely going to make you sick.
Like, just ask our somatic healer Maggie.
She will tell you that will just eat you alive.
And if you start going through the therapy, I'll be like, it
feels like something grows in my stomach.
Should be like. It's probably something you
didn't let out. So true.
But yeah, I mean, so I know that, you know, it's OK if they
judge only because what else are they going to do?
It's a weird situation. They don't understand.
It's goes back to they don't get it.
We have to, like, give them a little forgiveness here.
We judge. We are so judgy.
It's totally fine. No judge, judge away.
But the stuff is that this is really heavy information that we
give. Everything's very personal to
us. Step moms, how are you coping
with transition day? I'll tell you how I am.
I'm lighting my big ass candles to calm my big ass anxieties and
honestly it changes the whole mood of the house.
Same chaos, just calmer vibes and way better energy.
We're obsessed with big ass candles from big ass luxuries.
Yep, the ones from Shark Tank. If you want to try one, use code
stepmom at checkout for a discount.
That's code stepmom at checkout, big ass candles because stepmom
life comes with big ass feelings.
Not everyone has the capacity to hold this kind of stress long
term. That's going to affect them as
well as us. Like if we hold it in, what is
it going to do to our friends that hear this and don't
understand it? They're going to be thinking it
over and over and it's going to be replaying.
So stress them out and then eventually to them you are just
going to be stressed. So I don't know or they just.
Don't know what to say. They just like look at you and
like they don't know what to say.
And I definitely had that. Like some of my friends are so
sweet. Like I will vent to them
sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but
I'll share things. And like, they try so hard to
get it, but they just don't. And you know, I know they just
like, don't know what to say. They're like, yeah, that's crazy
that that happened. And then they just kind of look
at me like I'm like. So anyways.
Yes, that's exactly like by the fire.
It was just like there was kind of crickets.
It was fire, fire crackles. It was just like, OK, so and how
is your, you don't have stepson, How's your you don't have court?
How is your like? There's nothing you can relate
to. We've got to learn how to have
the conversation, how to answer the question without the drama
around it. And that for me is just so hard.
And there's also something I want to touch on where you know
how we all say we did not sign up for this as stepmoms.
We totally did not sign up for this.
We didn't know what we got ourselves into.
Think about this, your friends or probably your friends first,
or it was someone you met when you didn't have your step kids
physically with you at the time and they liked you for who you
work at the gym or whatever and so they liked you for who you
were. Hey, I met my friend group at
the gym. Those were my best friends.
Some of them still are, but really?
No I like that it's just like it just reminds me of like pre kid
life like. It was I.
Was at the gym like. Pilates, but this you have to
think of it in this way for them this is not what they signed up
for like this they didn't sign up to process ongoing Co
parenting drama. They just didn't.
And I'm not saying this to make excuses for anyone because like
I said, I'm not friends with these these people anymore.
I have removed myself. They also kind of removed me.
But I get it. I see what I did wrong and I'm
trying to prevent everyone else from making this mistake because
it is so hurtful. All we need right now, our
friends, right? And then what are the?
1st I want to say something because you said like, oh, I try
not to do that again. And it's just like, OK, yes,
stepmotherhood. And just like anything in life
that's super hard. There are different times in
your life where you're going to have to be like an 8020 friend.
You might need me a lot more than I need you at this time.
So I might have to listen to you vent 80% of the time and vice
versa. And you know what?
That's OK, because that's what friendship is, at least long
term friendship for me. Like there's a time and place
where we might, you know, carry more of the load for one
another. And then I know that that
friend's going to carry the load when I need it.
And that's what a true friend is.
So even though I think some people can't understand it
fully, I think our true friends are ones that try their best.
And we also learn like what healthy venting is and what
sharing may be too much over sharing all those things.
But we deserve friends that are in it for the long haul.
So that makes me sad because. I know, I think there's a
difference between venting and emotionally unloading every
single time. Like I couldn't there are.
It's just a read the room situation again.
Which friend is it? Is it all six couples?
Are you on vacation? Read the room, Alyssa.
Like there's certain instances I put myself in this situation
completely, but I also I really did trust these friends because
they were really there for me and I trusted their feelings and
their emotions yeah. That being said, I have learned
how to maintain friendships as a stepmom and the boundaries in
like having those discussions. But I want to talk about because
you. Also, because you also don't
want that to be like the only topic of discussion is like, and
sometimes for stepmoms, it consumes us.
Like we will talk about the same situation over and over again
and sometimes and sometimes stepmoms, that's not healthy
either. You know what I'm saying?
You know, find a couple people, not 20, I find 20.
So don't take my advice. But you know, it's like, OK,
well, I've shared the situation over and over again.
Not what? And you kind of just sit there.
So I don't know. Yeah, I don't know about.
I don't know. Gosh, OK.
We already talked about that. OK, so let's go into how does
this leave stepmoms feeling? You know, you come out of it,
your friend group has gone smaller, people are kind of
plucking at you, you're kind of being removed or you're removing
yourself because you're feeling like they're not responding
really well or they seem to be not including me and stuff
anymore. So all this does is it leaves
set Mons feeling isolated. We're in an already isolating
situation. We feel like we're on an island.
Then all of a sudden our friends think it's we're too much.
We feel so alone. Then we feel like we have to
filter our reality, and that is something I don't want anyone to
do. We do not have to filter your
reality. Your reality is real.
This is your real life. This is real drama.
This is real trauma and it's real pain that you have, but
it's so important to figure out where to put that where you have
that discussion. Find your therapist, find your
stepmom friend, find your membership.
We have memberships here, yeah, one that will support.
You, yeah. The one that will support you
and help you process your feelings instead of just, you
know, dismissing them. Like, oh, well, that will be
hard. It will be easier when blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. Because I think even stepmoms,
like, when we get together, like we are, you know, have so much
trauma, we can all be like, oh, yeah.
And I mean, I think that's healthy too to an extent, but
it's right, it's important. It's important to find people
who will support your blended family and wanting it to work
because me and Alyssa always say we don't want our kids to have
stepmoms. So it makes us work on our
families that much harder because we see first hand the
effects of a blended family have on these children.
And it's not their fault. You know, I was even telling to
my husband that this weekend about a situation and I said
it's not this child's fault that his parents aren't together
anymore. And we have to remember that
they didn't choose this either. And although I think step kids
do have a tendency to be manipulative in some capacity,
especially as they get older, they still did not choose this.
And it's not fun. It's not fun for anyone.
So we don't want, we don't want our kids to be in that situation
or us to be in that situation either one day.
Yeah, I think that's true about what Becca's saying is looking
for the correct, the correct spot, you know, for you, if
there's lots of stepmom groups out there or Pages or whatever
podcast. But once you start listening to
something, if you're like, I don't really, that advice
doesn't work for me. That doesn't fit in with my vibe
and my lifestyle and my goals, then that's your second to look
at elsewhere. You know, I did.
She and I both had always heard before from an influencer, you
don't have to stay in this. You don't have to.
You can leave at any time. No, not without thousands of
dollars in divorce, not without major trauma for my children,
not without major trauma, doubled trauma for the step
kids. Like what are we doing to the
step kids that they see a second marriage breakdown?
Like, sure, I'm I don't want anyone to stay with someone if
they're being abused or you know, anything cheated on,
that's like another like, let's talk about that separately.
But if you're just miserable being a stepmom, there are
resources, there are people, there are therapists, Becca and
I are here. There are people that have been
through it and come out on the other side.
There's just so much support out there.
And I feel like, you know, if you hear something that may push
you somewhere that you think is dangerous or you shouldn't be
going when you're already in a dark place, like look to the
light. So I want to talk about the
balance and finding your people. Obviously we talked about this
and obviously everyone would love to just have bunch of
stepmom friends, but that's not the reality because they're hard
to find. So of course, you can find them
within our membership, you know, in our Instagram, you can find
relief in our Instagram, you know, but comments only go so
far. So I think we need to rework our
mindset on how we discuss our lives and our stepmom drama and,
you know, just being able to vent with friends that maybe
don't have step kids. And so something is just also
being mindful of how often and how heavy we vent to the same
friends. We might all just have one
friend group, but it's so important if you have one-on-one
time. I did this a lot because I had
quite a large friend group, you know, there were like 10 couples
at least. And so if I would go work at a
coffee shop with one of my friends, I would remember, OK, I
already talked about this with her.
So I'm going to try not to bring up the court stuff again in
front of her. And then if I was with another
gym group, like there were a couple of girls there and
they're talking about something happened that day that is done.
I, I vented that one. I let it out and move on, right?
And then asking for support instead of just assuming it.
I think if you talk to friends and you ask them for support,
then you're putting into your depositing into the ATM because
they feel like they're helping you and they get something out
of it and then they can turn it on themselves.
Here's what I would do, whether you agree or not.
Let them. Give their input.
And I think you know, creating boundaries both ways, boundaries
for yourself, you know, boundaries for what you talk
about, what you ask advice for, and maybe what you don't.
My advice or suggestion for this is probably not asking too much
input from your friends who aren't stepmoms.
If that's something that you're going through, like maybe in
your marriage it's something blended family related.
I would definitely find another stepmom who gets it because
research is clear. Second marriages end in divorce
like what, 50 or 60% of the time.
So it's just really important to talk to someone who really gets
it. And that means creating
boundaries within yourself to maybe not over share some things
because people don't get it. And people don't forget, you
know, like my mom, always, my mom and I always talk about
this. It's like your friends and
family, they don't forget, you know, like you might forgive the
situation or move on from the situation and have resolved that
in your own mind. But if you tell someone else or
20 other people, they don't forget and they might like, hold
this judgement. So it's really important to keep
your family close and keep those boundaries closed.
But like Alyssa said, if you know you're being abused or
anything of that nature, we obviously don't condone that and
don't want you to keep that close.
Of course. And I'm smiling because are you
like waiting for the shoe to drop?
I another saying just ran through my mind.
I know you love those things, but something my mom says, it's
a joke but they say OK, an elephant never forgets.
It's true though. It's so true.
Calling them an elephant. Yes, yes, definitely.
OK, last thing I want to touch on before we get to the text we
didn't send is how to reframe it.
This helped me heal so much. For any of the listeners here
that did go through this or did feel like they got shut out by
even family or friends, it's not always rejects rejection, it's
capacity. So I'm going to repeat that
again, it is not always rejection.
It's about capacity. There wasn't enough room for you
in their life. There wasn't room for your life
in their world. Like there's so much that goes
into it. I don't want everyone to feel
rejected. I felt healed when I realized
this isn't a me problem. Sure, I'm going to change.
You know how I address stepmom issues with friends that don't
have step kids? And but if you reframe it in
your head, it changes and heals you so much.
And then your experience is valid.
Remember, your experience is your experience.
Not everyone is equipped to carry it.
Maybe they're just not, you know, graceful enough to deal
with the emotions you give them and keep them to themselves.
If they run to other people and talk about it, that's on them.
And they're going to carry that way too long and they're going
to start like it's just going to be bubbling up.
But your experience is valid and it's valid here.
It's valid with other stepmoms and it will be valid with the
correct friends. And the last thing is, maybe
it's not that our friends don't care is that they don't live it
and there's a difference. Eventually though, you will find
friends that live it with you. You know, they ask and they have
follow up questions. That's where you know, OK, I can
feel safe in this friendship and I can give more information and
feel like it's a safe fault. You know, they're not going to
run with it and make fun of, you know, my life and my experience.
And some of those friendships change throughout time.
And my friend who she's probably listening.
I've literally known this girl since 2nd grade.
One of my best best friends and. Shout out friend, hi.
She's just going to be like, Oh my gosh.
But she just recently got into a relationship and now she's a
stepmom and she. Really how the tables have
turned? Yes, and now I can kind of talk
to her a little bit more about this.
You know, we went to lunch a few weeks ago and we just talk,
talk, talk the whole time. It's like it is really cool when
you have a friend who's a stepmom because they just get it
so much and you just don't have to filter or worry about what
they think. So even if that friendship might
be, you know, not in the best time or area of your life right
now, later it could, you know, circle back if if they become a
stepmom, which we wouldn't shot upon anyone.
No, just kidding. Sorry.
Sorry, yeah. We would not, no.
Even my husband says. Though for the record, I know
that was mean. But let me end with this.
Even my husband always says he's like, I would never be a
stepdad. I would never do what you do.
Why stepdads are glorified stepdad?
That's easy. Yeah.
But he is just like he, you know, and I feel like that's
like the validation that he's kind of giving me, like, hey, I
know this shit's hard. So anyways.
All we can say to the friends without stepmoms, with no, all
we can say to the friends without step kids is you don't
understand what it's like to be a stepmom and what a blessing
that is. Honestly, to not understand this
level of hell is a blessing. Oh my gosh.
It doesn't always have to be hell.
It can be. There can be a beauty out of
brokenness. It's just.
There's different levels a while.
Oh my God. Anyways, the text that I didn't
send are so good. You say your favorite one and
then I'll say my favorite one. They're so good.
It says you left. Remember, stop reaching out for
nonsense stuff. So I'm guessing the stepmom.
Yeah, she wanted to send that to buy a mom.
Yeah, so she's saying like, stop reaching out for just to
whatever, like you're the one who left, which that's another
thing. Yeah, hot dog people don't think
that it's the mom. They always think it's the dad.
This one says how ironic you didn't make it to another game
again. Oof, oh how we.
Wish we could be so petty. It's so so petty.
I see this is your safe place. Dump it in our private DMS. We
will read it for you, but we will never mention your name.
This one says IO. Mom dyed 5 year olds hair with
manic panic. What in the world is manic
panic? We don't even.
See what that is? Manic.
Panic manic. I'm looking like.
Manic. Oh OK, it's semi permanent hair
dye. Oh my God.
We sound like we're an ad for Manic Panic.
Sponsor us we kind. Of had a hair hair dye situation
a few months. Ago you did you Manic Panic,
Tim. Oh, this one's good.
OK, she's 8. Is a red lace thong really
appropriate for her to wear to school?
I hope that's not really true. That's sad.
Oh no. Oh no that's the typical bio mom
just wants to be Disney World If this girl well also where did
this girl? How does she seen that at 8:00?
That's so sad. I hate that that's the reality.
I hope that's not. I know.
OK. Do you have one more?
You can't treat your kids like gods and mine like second class
citizens. That's not even right.
I love this saying. Second class citizen so me too.
Yeah, that's so funny. Now this is good.
This was good. Well, you all, that's all we
have time for today. Please send us in your tech
students and all it can be to bio mom, can be to your husband
or even your stepchild. We won't say your name, but let
that vent get out. Let it out into the universe.
Release it, don't hold it in. We appreciate everybody here.
We love you so much. Drop your comments below.
Remember to follow along, tap the little share and spread the
love. See you next week.
Bye.
That's it for this week on Stepmom Side Chats.
We're Alyssa and Becca, your stepmom besties.
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