1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,640 Hey everyone, welcome to Stepmom side Chats. 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,240 We are your hosts, Alyssa and Rebecca. 2 stepmoms. 3 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,720 Who are done pretending everything's perfect. 4 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,160 This is where we talk boundaries, Co parenting, hard 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,360 truths, healing, and the stuff nobody says out loud. 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,040 If you're ready for real talk, real growth and a little. 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,960 Bit of spice. Let's get into it. 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,480 Happy Thursday. Welcome to the podcast, 9 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,960 everyone. Well. 10 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,200 It will be Tuesday when you guys are listening. 11 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,520 Happy. Tuesday and Transition day to 12 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,560 all that per take. Oh my gosh. 13 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,160 Oh, I forgot to tell you. So my brother-in-law, he listens 14 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,400 to this, which I'm kind of like just don't, but he's going to 15 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,320 laugh when he hears this. But he's like, I didn't even 16 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,920 know what a transition day was. I was like, oh, it's. 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:57,160 Like, OK, just leave it at that. Just never don't worry about it. 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,880 You're in a happy place if you don't know. 19 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,280 No, he's a step dad. Wait, I didn't know that either. 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,320 That your brother was a stepdad. No, my brother-in-law. 21 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:11,040 So my brother is a stepdad but he has like a full time stepdad 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,320 so he doesn't really get transition days. 23 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:16,720 So I don't understand. Right, there's, Well, let's get 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,600 him on because I want to talk to Stepdads and I want to nail it 25 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,720 to them. You do not deal with what we 26 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,480 deal with. Yeah, let's go through that. 27 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:27,600 That's season 2. OK, everyone, this is the final 28 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,400 episode for this quote UN quote season reason. 29 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,280 We're going to take a few weeks off for a little breaky break, 30 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:37,120 but we are going to be live and well in the membership. 31 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,440 So that's when we'll be doing some lives one-on-one. 32 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,960 We're going to be hitting it hard. 33 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,880 So if you're not part of the stepmom community there, please 34 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:51,320 reach out to us join, you know, see what if you have some issues 35 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,520 joining, let us know and we can help you with that. 36 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,080 But if you guys can't tell, we are like energized, caffeinated 37 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,960 and ready to go. This week's episode is just, 38 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,880 it's going to be off the wall like batshit. 39 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:07,080 Becca and Alyssa. And let me start by saying, 40 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:11,640 Becca, I put on some lipstick. This is a lip plumper. 41 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,080 So I'm sitting here. My lips are like on fire. 42 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,240 Really. Is it working? 43 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,360 Let me see is it working? You tell me. 44 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,960 I didn't know. I just wanted something, so I 45 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,720 looked fresh as a Daisy. For instance, we're recording 46 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,320 this one and I'm sitting here. Really. 47 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:31,400 Shows a Daisy for sure. But now it looks really. 48 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,040 These things, you know, I just feel bad. 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,720 You were. Raised in a home. 50 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,320 You were raised in a home that didn't have all these stupid 51 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,600 sayings. Is it like from? 52 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,960 Is it from like your mom, your stepfather for? 53 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,840 Sure, that was Jenny for sure. Jenny, bless Jenny's heart. 54 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,200 Yes, Johnny, we're going to keep it fun for you all today. 55 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,320 Yes, we are. Do you want to let a little bit 56 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,880 of the listeners know what they're going to be experiencing 57 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,760 today? We're going to do a little bit 58 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,840 of Would you rather? This is taking it back to when 59 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,720 Becca and I were in college and we would play Would you rather? 60 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:12,440 This one will be a little less more of like AG rating PG rated 61 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,440 than our college versions, but thought about something fun. 62 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,080 Let's find out more about Becca and Alyssa and play a little. 63 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,440 Did you rat? Would you rather? 64 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:25,000 And we have some that were submitted by listeners, too, so 65 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,800 that's always fun. OK. 66 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,080 Do you want me to ask you the first one you ask? 67 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,640 Go ahead. OK. 68 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,320 All right. This is funny. 69 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:37,160 Would you rather attend every sports practice or every parent 70 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:42,840 teacher conference? I'm have to take a step. 71 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,720 Well, parent teacher conferences aren't as frequent. 72 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,680 Right, but those are a little more like controversial and 73 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,400 stressful. And so everyone's kind of on 74 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,280 edge. But I will say at least it knows 75 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,640 we have chairs that we're supposed to sit in. 76 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,000 So I think I'd rather go to those because at sporting events 77 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,160 it's like you do the shuffle of like, do we sit next to them? 78 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,480 Do we sit right across from them on the field? 79 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,880 Or like, does it look bad if we don't sit next to them? 80 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,160 Does it look bad if we're not Like that is so uncomfortable. 81 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,200 So yeah, I'll take the take the chairs in the principal's office 82 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,640 please, for 200. OK, well, I would rather go to 83 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,640 every sports practice, I think. What? 84 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,160 That's just because you sit next to it by a mom and you're fine? 85 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,600 Well, we don't. Go to practices together though, 86 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,680 like she's not like, oh I'm going to go to practice with you 87 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,960 on your day. I mean she probably would if I 88 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,120 really wanted to, but she'd be like Becca. 89 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,480 No because it's super far from our house. 90 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,240 So we always like kind of make fun of each other. 91 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,800 We're like, but you have 5 practices this week. 92 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,200 Haha. It's not my week. 93 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:48,680 Like, sucks for you, you know? So like last week she was 94 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,760 supposed to have 5 practices that she's took my stepson to 95 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,800 and they got cancelled every single day. 96 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,840 I was like, I hate you. Yeah. 97 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,440 So I was mad. Yeah. 98 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,280 But anyway, that's also true. Are we talking about my older 99 00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,320 step kid or my younger step kid? Because the younger 1 is in the 100 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,280 principal's office more. He's just wild and rambunctious. 101 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,160 So we'd be seeing her a lot more if it's. 102 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,720 Yeah, he's so cute. OK, OK. 103 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,440 I. I already know the answer this 104 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:22,200 one, but would you rather step on Legos or read 1/6 paragraph 105 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,480 text from the X? Step on Lego so I don't want to 106 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,280 read anything. I know which one's pain last 107 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,200 longer, stepping on Legos or the text from the X. 108 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:35,640 The text from the X lingers for me unless you've had our help 109 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:40,200 with our triggers guide in the membership and maybe the pain 110 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:44,120 last longer to step on Legos. Wait, would you rather explain 111 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,960 boundaries to a teenager or to your husband? 112 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,480 Neither. So mean no, neither. 113 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:54,440 Probably my husband, obviously. Teenagers are just so rough. 114 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,240 Well, I needed to be in the teenager episode. 115 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,160 That's funny. Yeah that is really funny. 116 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,800 I can't wait for you to have teenagers haha. 117 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,160 That's true. I don't have teenagers yet, so 118 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,680 that's a totally different. That'll be a whole different 119 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,000 game. Yes, absolutely. 120 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:16,080 So I'll do one more funny one. Then I'm going to get to the 121 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:20,800 like, real relatable spicy ones. OK, Would you rather hear You're 122 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:26,280 not my mom every day or my mom lets me do this? 123 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,640 Neither these are. Option This is multiple choice 124 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,840 question Becca. I guess my mom does it that way. 125 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,280 I don't know. What would you do? 126 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:40,640 Well, I guess it would be You're not my mom because I have a 127 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,160 great response to that and I don't really mind hearing it. 128 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,440 I guess I probably don't hear it enough though. 129 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:50,800 But that's when you say, no, I'm not and that's why I can tell 130 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,840 you to do XYZ. My gosh. 131 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,520 Wait, do they even say that to you though? 132 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,600 Not really, right? No, but I imagine like if I'm 133 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,320 saying, you know, you have to wear this to go to school, like 134 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,720 you have to have a jacket for school or whatever. 135 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,160 And they're like, well, you're not my mom. 136 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,960 You know, if you're laying down the law and they're like, you're 137 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,480 not my mom. I imagine I would just say, 138 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,040 well, exactly. And that's why it's easier to 139 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,520 listen to me do what I say. I'm just listen. 140 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,200 She is. That's, that's funny. 141 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,520 OK. Would you rather be in a group 142 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,200 chat with the ex or have zero communication and be out of the 143 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,680 loop? Wait, would we be able to at 144 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,280 least know like that? Because I'm not in the group 145 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:34,520 chat, but I at least know what's going on through the text 146 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,200 conversations between the ex and my husband. 147 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,000 I guess if I wasn't going to be in the know whatsoever and be 148 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,120 able to tell him like my side, I'd probably want to be in the 149 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,440 group chat. You need to answer this because 150 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,360 you have your both. I don't know. 151 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,640 It really depends on like what we're discussing or talking 152 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,640 about. I don't know. 153 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,040 Yeah, that's really hard. I think I would rather be in the 154 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,400 group chat for the most part. Yeah, that's what I'm going to 155 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,240 go with. I think for now it really 156 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,800 depends on like where we're at or what we're discussing, you 157 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,800 know, like certain things like holidays and stuff. 158 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,720 I don't want to want to be a part of. 159 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:16,440 Like y'all decide that I'm just, I'm just the stepmom back. 160 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,400 If we're just talking about little things, then yeah, I want 161 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,960 to know. It's the multiple choice 162 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:27,000 question that says both A&B or neither A nor B. 163 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,320 Yeah, pretty much. OK. 164 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:35,440 Would you rather be liked by the kids or respected by bio? 165 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,720 Mom, I think liked by the kids. Yeah, absolutely. 166 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,640 Yeah, I think I would probably. Be a ladder, really. 167 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,600 OK, but it's because. Your step kids, but it's because 168 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,040 your step kids already like you, so you don't know like and 169 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,040 you're all mine is emperor. They might not like you all the 170 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,320 time, but they love you. They just are in a loyalty bind. 171 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,560 So if they ever act like that, come on Alyssa, I see like the 172 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,520 pictures and how much you do for those boys. 173 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:07,160 They love you. They just might not be able to 174 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:08,840 verbalize. All the time. 175 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:14,000 Like Instagram is 10% of reality because everyone just puts the 176 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,360 best up there. And if you've noticed, the most 177 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,400 recent pictures have only been my children, not my step kids. 178 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:25,600 Yeah, yeah, no, they love you. So you would rather be respected 179 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,400 by bio mom? OK, interesting. 180 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,920 No, I think I just chose that answer because I want to have a 181 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,560 good relationship with them. I mean, I want to have a good 182 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,680 relationship with everyone. Wouldn't that be, you know, the 183 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,760 dream? But right, I don't know I want 184 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,280 them. To like me, this was my sneaky 185 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:47,440 way of getting both because I think if bio mom respects you, 186 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,480 the kids see that and feed off of that so the kids will respect 187 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,840 you too. And just cuz my step kids, maybe 188 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,320 they like me, it doesn't necessarily mean they respect 189 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,840 me. I think they do a little bit 190 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:02,160 because like I said, last episode or one of the last ones 191 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:07,440 we just recorded, I lay down the law and I follow through on the 192 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,560 console consequences. Like it's not usually a 193 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,720 punishment. It's more of like discipline. 194 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:16,160 And if it's like, you know, then you can't have candy after lunch 195 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,280 or whatever. I follow through with it and I'm 196 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,600 like, no, because it's easier because I'm not so attached. 197 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:24,800 So I think that they respect me on that aspect because I'm good. 198 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,920 At you think it's because you think that you discipline like 199 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,960 that because you're not attached, that's why, yeah. 200 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,560 Well, I'm wondering why my husband doesn't. 201 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,560 My husband can't do it though. He's like, I think that here's 202 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,560 the candy. Thing I think that's a totally 203 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,400 different like conversation though. 204 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,280 I think you've always been like that since I've met you at 205 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,960 least. You're very firm in things that 206 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,760 I think you'd think like when it comes to stuff like that. 207 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,720 So I feel like that's has nothing to do with attachment. 208 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,360 I feel like you'll be like that with your other two bio kits too 209 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,800 because you just like are a good mom and I feel like you care 210 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,280 about how you raise kids up. That's how I I don't know that's 211 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,680 the impression I get from you, but I guess it's because you're 212 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:09,960 not attached to evil stepmother. Evil stepmom party of one. 213 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:16,000 No, I I think that it's I thought I was perceived as like 214 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,440 happy go lucky you go with the flow and I didn't. 215 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,440 Am I really like stern and strict? 216 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,920 No. Well, I definitely wouldn't. 217 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,440 No offense, I love you, but I wouldn't think you're go with 218 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,560 the flow. I don't think I'm go with the 219 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,800 flow either. I feel like every stepmom is 220 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:35,040 like, I feel like God or the universe or whatever you believe 221 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:40,200 in is like, you like structure. OK, I'm going to make you a 222 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,280 stepmom because it's not structured. 223 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,520 It's constantly changing. So I don't think we're go with 224 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,920 the flow. I need to know everything. 225 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:51,640 I want to know what day, what time, everything like, yeah. 226 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,720 But you're type A and I'm type B like so type B because you're 227 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,360 like, yeah, and you are. I'm like, hello, deathline, 228 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,320 deathline. I hate this right now and you're 229 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,760 like, oh, sorry, my phone died. I'm like, your phone died. 230 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,080 I'm like, how can your phone die when we're we're trying to 231 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:15,240 discuss something important like oh, sorry or then not one day 232 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,560 you're like, I lost my phone for five hours. 233 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:19,720 I was. Like what I? 234 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,160 Was like, OK, I was like, yeah, we're just. 235 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,320 So different, even wrong. You're not wrong. 236 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,120 And once y'all I sent her a screenshot of something and 237 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:34,520 she's like all she got from it was like why do you have 3%? 238 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,160 My battery was on the Fritz. I never let my phone die. 239 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:42,200 Everyone please let us know in the comments or wherever. 240 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,400 Do you let your phone die? Or if it's getting low do you 241 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,800 charge it? Like if mine is at 20%? 242 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,520 If it's in the red it's on the charger. 243 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,840 I'm not letting it die. What if something happens? 244 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,480 I'm always with my kids, So what if something happens like I go 245 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,040 take them to the ER? No one has to call me. 246 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,480 Well, that was dramatic, but I was thinking, I was thinking 247 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,840 more like they fell at school. But I guess you're talking about 248 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:11,160 ER, oh gosh. OK, let's get back to these. 249 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:17,840 Would you rather? OK, OK, OK, OK, I got it. 250 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:23,040 Next, would you rather your husband say that's just how she 251 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:31,160 is or let it go about the ex? I mean, my husband does say let 252 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,720 it go all the time to me about everything though, unless it's 253 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,000 like, I don't know, he's like he's a funny guy man. 254 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,040 Like he accepts things. But you know what? 255 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:47,240 Also, and him and I always talk about this, he has had a Co 256 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:51,240 parenting or parallel parenting relationship with the first bio 257 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,040 mom for almost 20 years. That's a long time. 258 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:58,400 Hey, yo. So he always says he's like the 259 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,160 beginning. I wasn't like this. 260 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,400 He's like, I reacted more like you. 261 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,000 He's like, and don't get me wrong, he gets mad sometimes, 262 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,200 but it's very rare, especially with that bio mom. 263 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,120 Like he just, yeah, he just knows how she is. 264 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,080 And you know, he knows how he is too. 265 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,760 But he's like, I've had so much experience. 266 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,880 It's just let it go. Can't control it. 267 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,840 He's like, I had to accept that a long time ago. 268 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,480 So he does tell me all that all the time. 269 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,040 So I guess that one. What about you? 270 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,720 Would you? Rather learning. 271 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:31,880 Let it go over here. Oh, you or him, him. 272 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,560 Let it go, honey. Hey, babe, babe, let it go. 273 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:40,840 Let it go, Let it go, let it go. Yeah. 274 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,360 I mean, heck, my mom even sings that to us sometimes when we're 275 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,440 like ranting on and onto her. And she's like let it go. 276 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,840 Mainly because I live with a three-year old that is like 277 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,480 Princess Land. But yeah, we someone is still in 278 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,480 his feelings and I am teaching him the impact versus 279 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,640 importance. What stuff can we let go? 280 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,600 I feel like I've learned so much as a stepmom and I'm teaching 281 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,200 him how to handle things. It's actually really cool. 282 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,680 But yeah, something else, a shameless plug, something else 283 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,920 we're working on in the membership. 284 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,840 Everyone, I'm telling you it's this is a great safe space. 285 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:17,600 Just join us. It's awesome. 286 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,520 But yeah, I would say the other one because we're still working 287 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,560 on Let It Go. I wish we were at where he told 288 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,320 me to let it. OK, Would you rather Well, this 289 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,280 isn't really going to apply to you, but I'm interested to see 290 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:32,040 what you would say. Would you rather your husband 291 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,680 over share with his ex or under communicate? 292 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,360 This is turning into more of a are you this or are you that? 293 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,520 He he under communicates and I think for like safety reasons, 294 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,520 I've talked about this before. He is like he'll get pages of 295 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:52,560 texts from the ex and he'll send back like 2 words and that's it. 296 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,840 But we learned that from the Co parenting coaches and that's 297 00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:01,200 even what Emily Ray said to do was like making a business 298 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,680 conversation, sticking to just the facts. 299 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,040 When when you stick to just the facts, it really just becomes a 300 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,720 short response like yes, no, If they're saying where is the 301 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,440 jersey? It's like, I have it at my 302 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,960 house. When can I get it? 303 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,320 I'll bring it to the game. Like it's the problem is it's 304 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:18,960 not going like that back and forth at our house. 305 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,480 But that's what he does. He under shares and I'm OK with 306 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,240 that. I think, yeah, keep our keep our 307 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,960 house in our house. You know, let's not share the 308 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,960 nitty gritty of what goes on. But that's also where we don't 309 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,320 get to have that privilege as a stepmom because step kids see 310 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,240 stuff and then they take that to the other house. 311 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,080 So it's like even if you fight with your husband behind closed 312 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,120 door, there's going to be stuff that they see. 313 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,720 Like we went to go pick up a prescription and my step kid was 314 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,520 like, what is that? And I'm like, don't worry about 315 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,280 it. Like you don't even, I'm not 316 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,280 going to explain birth control to you. 317 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,920 So like, I'm not going to explain prescriptions to you. 318 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,520 It's just just don't worry about it. 319 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,200 It's like Tylenol, kiddo. You know why? 320 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,760 Why do you want to know why? It was just going to go over to 321 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:07,040 Mom's house and I saw spiraling, but yeah, that's all that's 322 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,920 funny. Well, let's see. 323 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:13,240 Would you rather be called Bonus Mom or just your first name 324 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,000 forever? I might have mentioned this 325 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,079 before. I liked them Call me Lissa and 326 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,599 that's the name that they gave me. 327 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,119 And honestly, they called me A at the very beginning because 328 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:26,560 the little one was the big one was 4 when I met them, the 329 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,400 little one was one and my husband used to call me with the 330 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,080 boys and he'd be like guess who's on the phone? 331 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,840 And the four year old just saw the 1st letter of my name and 332 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:39,200 he'd say A and it was so cute and endearing and they called me 333 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,760 A until their mom didn't like that. 334 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,560 So they stopped calling me A. Then they started calling me 335 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,040 Alyssa. And I think that that's what 336 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,920 we'll go back to. But right now I told them, like 337 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,960 my daughters started calling me Lisa. 338 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:56,200 So I said, and why that we're not calling me Lisa anymore. 339 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,200 You guys just say hey, you or hey, or over here, like look at 340 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,240 me say mom, Mama, like whatever my daughter calls me or say hey, 341 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,960 you. But there's no like Lisa right 342 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,880 now until she gets out of calling me by my first name in 343 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,880 public. But so they took to calling me 344 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,800 Mama. And it's so sweet. 345 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,160 I never said like, you have to call me mom, but they're saying 346 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,320 Mama and just in front of my daughter and then like in the 347 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:24,400 car is that they just say Lissa. And so I think we'll go back to 348 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,080 Lissa. Long story long, but that's my 349 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,240 little Ted talk. You like call you Becca, right? 350 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,200 Yeah, they yeah, they do. But that's interesting. 351 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:37,960 And I feel like this must be a thing that happens when you have 352 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,640 a younger bio kit and then you have step. 353 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,920 Kids in the house, because I remember that happened to me 354 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,080 too. And to be honest with you, I was 355 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:51,000 deaf. Like I have issues cuz it's not. 356 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,600 Yeah. I mean it's like not a big deal, 357 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,880 but like to moms who have wanted to. 358 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,720 Be my mom, yeah. Yeah, forever. 359 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,640 I remember my stepson that I always talk about that I'm 360 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:07,480 really close with he the 10 year old when he was little, you 361 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:12,800 know, he actually started to call me mommy and I was like, 362 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:17,440 hey buddy, moms are so special that you only get one. 363 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,960 I said, so let's come up with another name for me, you know, 364 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,200 because at that time, we weren't really talking me and his mom. 365 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,960 But I was like, if I were in this situation as a mom, I would 366 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,920 give enough respect to not, like, do that. 367 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,720 So that's just personal. I don't think it's, like, right 368 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,600 or wrong what I did. But that's just my story with 369 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,640 it. So anyways, Fast forward, I was 370 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,200 like, oh, but I can't wait until someone does call me Mommy one 371 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,360 day. Like I was so excited for my son 372 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,720 to start talking so he could call me Mommy naturally. 373 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,920 Yeah, Yeah. That's the best part of being a 374 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:56,360 mom. And so he so anyway, so he 375 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,280 started to talk, but then my stepson calls me Becca. 376 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,160 So he started to call me Becca, same thing. 377 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,280 And I was like, Oh my gosh. And I was like, well, can you 378 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,400 call me something else? You know, did you? 379 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,320 He's like, well, I don't want to call you mom. 380 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,280 And I was like, I know, I know. And you know, like, I agree with 381 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:15,400 him. I wasn't going to make him do 382 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:17,640 that. And I was like, well, can you 383 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:22,880 call me like Becca Ma or mom or something like, I don't know, 384 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:25,120 like can we come up with? And I was like. 385 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,160 It's like, can we come up with, like a nickname? 386 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,960 But it's just not Becca. And so, but I mean, for a while, 387 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,000 yeah, my son was going around being like, Becca, Becca. 388 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,960 And then he saw, like, my son's really smart and he saw that it, 389 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,840 like, made me mad. So then he would, like, do it on 390 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,120 purpose. Now he definitely understands. 391 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:47,640 And my stepson is like, honestly the sweetest human ever. 392 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,400 Like, he's so nice. And so he saw that was getting 393 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,040 me. He he saw that was getting me 394 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,080 upset. And so like in front of my son, 395 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,720 like he would be like mommy said, you know, like he would 396 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,320 use third person like that. But when he's addressing me, he 397 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,200 just calls me Becca. But yeah, it was, it was really 398 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,440 funny because even now, sometimes when my youngest son 399 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,400 gets mad at me, he'll be like Becca, like a little brat. 400 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,320 Yeah, my 3 year old. See, she knows yeah, because she 401 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,440 sees how I respond and she picks up on it. 402 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:22,440 But she like is obsessed with the boys, like obsessed. 403 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:27,240 So when they say that's why I knew they have such a big impact 404 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,480 on her. So if they said Mama or 405 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,880 whatever, just dropping Melissa, then she'd drop it right away 406 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,840 too. And she did. 407 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:37,280 So would you rather, where did they go? 408 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:43,720 Would you rather tend mediation or host Christmas with everyone, 409 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,880 including bio mom? That's easy for me. 410 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,320 Post Christmas, but think about the other bio. 411 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,360 Mom, the one that you're not close with, like all of them in 412 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,000 the same room. We don't. 413 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:57,680 We don't talk a lot. But a very deep person, like I 414 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,600 was actually telling my mother-in-law this the other 415 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,280 day, like she has so much depth to her. 416 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:05,440 And we might not agree on everything like parenting and 417 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,720 things before I even came into the picture, but she just like 418 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,840 has a lot of depths to her as a person. 419 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,760 So we've gotten in like really deep talks before. 420 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,960 We don't talk all the time because she doesn't live in the 421 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,320 same state. But like I could definitely do a 422 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,680 Christmas with her one year. Like we've done graduation 423 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,760 parties for her daughter before together. 424 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,440 And I'm like helping in, you know what, the soda doing all 425 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,560 the things. And she's really nice to me. 426 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,480 It's kind of funny sometimes with my husband. 427 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,640 I'm like, I'll talk to her cuz she doesn't like you or it just 428 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,320 does a joke. Obviously tried to be like that. 429 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,640 I wish. I wish. 430 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,200 Yeah, it might happen one day. It might. 431 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,640 Trust me. Crazy. 432 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,240 I know, Gabriella. Talking about that situation 433 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,280 with that family that it sounds like it was exactly like my 434 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,040 situation and now they're taking the kid to Disneyland together. 435 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,240 I'm like, wow. But the key component there is 436 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,600 that one of the parents lives in a different country. 437 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,880 So seems like it's probably, you know, a little bit easier in 438 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,000 that situation than than mine were. 439 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:07,800 No. And I think. 440 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,480 Too, When kids get older, sometimes it like gets easier. 441 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,000 I don't know. I guess we'll find out. 442 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,280 Yeah, we'll find out. This one someone submitted this 443 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,600 question and I'm a little confused on it, but it says 444 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,560 would you rather be stuck in an elevator with your ex or the bio 445 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,920 mom? I'm guessing it needs like my my 446 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,000 ex because I guess yeah, she the ex is the bio mom. 447 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,520 So well for my situation I'd rather be stuck with my ex any 448 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:42,440 of my exes any day any of my exes then bio mom because my 449 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,760 exes are not high conflict and they just don't. 450 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,480 It's a different situation even that 1X like your. 451 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,960 Ex you're talking about. We have nicknames for everyone. 452 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,360 So you're talking about Richard? Yeah, I think. 453 00:23:56,360 --> 00:24:00,880 It's Richard, I think. Yeah, yeah. 454 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,040 Wow. Yes, you just confirmed with the 455 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,320 name. Yes, that that Richard, but you 456 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,840 would have to be stuck. In the elevator with them so 457 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,040 think about that. That could be hours, Alyssa or 458 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,280 with. Bio mom think about how much she 459 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,680 she can say in one text. I'd be terrified to like be in 460 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,760 an elevator. It's not even good being on the 461 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,280 screen. You would like beat you up or 462 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:27,440 what? Maybe it would be like a healing 463 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:31,520 conversation. Always you all would just sit 464 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,200 there and you would have to talk it out and you can be like, 465 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,560 yeah, what's your problem? Like let's let's hash this out 466 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,480 and it could be good. Let's go back to the very 467 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,840 beginning. The reason I signed up for this 468 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,680 when everything was kosher and copacetic, just like everyone 469 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:45,880 else. I think they get into the 470 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,720 situation because it's fine and dandy. 471 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:52,640 No one's already in court, or if you are, you're probably not 472 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,480 smart to stay in the situation because it only gets worse. 473 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,040 We were not in the court situation. 474 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,120 We actually were all Co parenting well together, all 475 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,080 four of us. She had moved on. 476 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,760 My husband obviously had met me and we were going to sporting 477 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,000 events together. When I say we're going to 478 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,880 sporting events together, I mean we sat on the same side of the 479 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,560 field and we talked. She I remember vividly she was 480 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,720 asking me about our honeymoon in Greece. 481 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,160 This blew my mind. I'm like, you want to know about 482 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,280 my honeymoon honeymoon of all things? 483 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,240 Like you know what happens on a honeymoon, right? 484 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:25,960 My honeymoon with your ex-husband. 485 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,280 Wait. So OK, if you're comfortable 486 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,720 sharing. What was like the catalyst to 487 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,080 all of this conflict then? Because it sounds like you kind 488 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,280 of had a similar situation to me. 489 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:39,520 Yeah. And. 490 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,360 I mean, that's a good question, I will say. 491 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,960 The attorneys have. Asked when they were kind of 492 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,080 trying to take inventory of the situation. 493 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,200 That's always something they asked, like what moved the 494 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,640 needle? And a lot of it has to do with 495 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,480 when I got pregnant with my daughter. 496 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:57,960 So I don't know if that caused some kind of tension that I 497 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,320 wasn't expecting. And we just, we didn't know how 498 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,880 to respond to it. We were really taken off guard 499 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:08,040 of how things flipped. And also, when we got married, I 500 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:13,480 think she maybe thought I was just like playing house and I 501 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,200 just was this girlfriend and I would eventually be gone. 502 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,800 But I think it's like the object of permanence of getting married 503 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,800 is so huge. And I think she tried to 504 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,120 maintain that. And that conversation about my 505 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:28,600 honeymoon was not enjoyable, but we were able to talk and sit 506 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,000 together on the same side of the field. 507 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,320 Like that's what you do so that the kids can see it from the 508 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,880 soccer game, you know, and they can continue their soccer game 509 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,280 and they're not like looking on different sides of the field at 510 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:43,080 the parents stepmoms. How are you coping with 511 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,480 transition day? I'll tell you how I am. 512 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,400 I'm lighting my big ass candles to calm my big ass anxieties and 513 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,920 honestly, it changes the whole mood of the house. 514 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,640 Same chaos, just calmer vibes and way better energy. 515 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,640 We're obsessed with big ass candles from big ass luxuries. 516 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,960 Yep, the ones from Shark Tank. If you want to try one, use code 517 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,120 stepmom at checkout for a discount. 518 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:12,440 That's code stepmom at checkout, big ass candles because stepmom 519 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,480 life comes with big ass feelings. 520 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:24,760 I think it was really just those significant moments that 521 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:32,080 signaled like something locking us in and just triggered her 522 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,440 that like I'm here to stay. And I think she kind of hoped I 523 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:39,480 wasn't because in fairy tale world for bio moms, I think for 524 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,240 the most part, they like to think that they're they're going 525 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,400 to have their cake and eat it too. 526 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,840 Like they can move on and then they'll have their ex all the 527 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,480 time. Their ex will never find anyone 528 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,880 else because for you know, they always think their ex is 529 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,320 garbage. Everyone thinks their ex is 530 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,720 garbage. They're an ex for a reason. 531 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,040 But someone you know is going to find your ex appealing 532 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:03,080 eventually and they'll move on. And we move on. 533 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,600 Would you rather OK, this one's for you? 534 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,640 Would you rather handle toddlers or teenagers? 535 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,720 Step kids. Easy toddlers all day every day 536 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,200 could not pay me. I'm not even looking forward to 537 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,920 the teenagers of my bio son. No teenagers are awful, you 538 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:22,240 know. They're just not fun sounds. 539 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:23,920 Dreadful. I can't. 540 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,720 Well, it's. Like they're already like 541 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,680 struggling with their identity and being independent. 542 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,720 They already don't like their own parents. 543 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:37,120 So then as a step parent, it's just as too many feelings, too 544 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,600 many undercurrents in the household. 545 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,040 I'm like too much influence from both parents. 546 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,440 I'm like, I just, I can't do it. Can't do it. 547 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,720 And then you. Yeah. 548 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,120 It's and then the toddlers are sweet, like especially like when 549 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:53,880 you first meet them, they love you. 550 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:58,920 You're like a fun and like, you know, like my youngest step 551 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,280 someone always be like a Becca. A Becca. 552 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:06,200 Like he was just so cute. He loved me, you know, So yeah. 553 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,160 Yeah. Do we? 554 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:16,160 Want to get into a few listener questions this one says. 555 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:20,200 Any tips on navigating dating a man with a young toddler and 556 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:24,840 then she wrote that the toddlers under 2 and then unplanned baby 557 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,920 with an ex Well you met your. Ex. 558 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,720 Not your ex, your husband. When your youngest stepson was. 559 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:32,640 How old again? Yeah, he was. 560 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,640 About nine months, 10 months. Oh my gosh. 561 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,360 He was a baby. Baby. 562 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:39,520 Yeah. And. 563 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,600 Then the other one was 4. So they're kind of still, I 564 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,880 guess, are they toddlers until they're five? 565 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,480 Like if you think when you're shopping and it says 5 tea, does 566 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,360 that mean toddler? Anyway, I think both of them are 567 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,640 like toddler ish. You know? 568 00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:54,240 They're children, they're little. 569 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:58,280 My experience with dating a man with a toddler, The one great 570 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:02,240 thing I think is that I am so close to that one, the little 571 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,880 one. And what I tell everyone is like 572 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:08,240 this is very normal to him. I think I'm a product of 573 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,640 divorce, my parents, but when I was a teenager though, and I 574 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:16,040 think it has such more like serious impacts on a teenager 575 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:19,040 than a small kid. And although it's unfortunate, 576 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,440 the little one, this is all he's known his whole life going back 577 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,240 and forth between homes. Me and his stepdad, he's known 578 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,400 as both the same amount of time. He's going to stepped out a 579 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:32,240 little bit longer than me. And so he, this is all they know 580 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,360 and it's fairly healthy for a divorce like unhealthy 581 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,040 situation. And he's very close to me 582 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,320 because he, we know, we, you know, he's comfortable and 583 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,120 familiar with me and he's known me for so long. 584 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:47,120 And I think the older 1 is like skeptical and more of like, you 585 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,840 know, really loyal to mom because he was four and he kind 586 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,600 of saw me come in. Whereas the little one was, I 587 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,400 think stepmoming or almost becoming a stepmom with a 588 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,720 toddler is like no big deal in my opinion. 589 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,920 I think it's fine. I think you can easily show that 590 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:09,000 toddler that you're fun and you don't have to discipline as much 591 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,120 right now where the dad can take over the easy toddler discipline 592 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,280 where it's just like, you know, don't climb on the couch, don't 593 00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,720 chew on your shoes. It's like a puppy. 594 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,120 Oh my gosh, no, no, it is not like a puppy. 595 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,480 Like what are you saying? No, I think you. 596 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,880 You made a lot of good points. I think it's like in the 597 00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,920 beginning, you can like bond with a younger kid easier and 598 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,080 then that can continue. Well, and with your other 599 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,840 stepson who was four, it's like, I think that is like the 600 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,680 critical age. And I'm sure you're seeing this 601 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,760 with your daughter now, because I'm seeing it with my son now. 602 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,720 It's like you are so bonded to your mom. 603 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,960 So it probably was really difficult for him to to probably 604 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,760 those emotions. So you said, if you mind sharing 605 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,600 a little tangent, your parents divorced when you were a 606 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:55,760 teenager. How old were you? 607 00:31:55,760 --> 00:32:00,280 I was 13. Ish 14 maybe when it was like 608 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:05,080 finalized yeah and then my mom met my stepdad who she went to 609 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,880 like a singles event, met this guy and she was like, wait, I 610 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,520 know you and she walked up to him and he's a dad of one of the 611 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,200 some of the girls in my high school 2 girls and so and I was 612 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,200 on drill team with them And so my stepdad actually is someone 613 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,920 that I kind of knew growing up. And so my stepdad has been 614 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,680 around for a long time since high school. 615 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:30,080 So I'm that's like my dad now, but I'm kind of torn because I 616 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,520 like I love my stepdad. I relate to him because I'm like 617 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:35,840 I understand how it is to have step kids like these are not 618 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,800 your kids. And he's dealing with that with 619 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:42,520 like the grandkids coming over so little warning for all of us. 620 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,400 We're going to be old one day. We're going to have step 621 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,520 grandkids and it's going to be hard because we're going to have 622 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,800 our bio grandkids and we're going to have our step grandkids 623 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,320 and it's the same. It's just like the difference of 624 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:59,200 love and attraction and affection between a step kid and 625 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,160 a bio kid because you're not. Yes, yeah. 626 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,400 He says it's hard. It's hard because he loves these 627 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,040 babies, but like the ones in Dallas, they come over so much, 628 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,640 like frequently. And he would rather not. 629 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,640 He's like, you know, maybe not. Every day. 630 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,520 Yeah, Bio grandkid. He'd be like, Oh yeah, let me 631 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,360 take you every day. And I'm like, I get that. 632 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,360 That's cool. Though that's cool that your 633 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,000 stepdad like feels so comfortable sharing that with 634 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,320 you though you know like y'all must be pretty close. 635 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,920 We have a good bond and. Then my son was born on his 636 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,720 birthday, which is we're just like tight little family. 637 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:42,880 OK, how this question came from a listener or a viewer? 638 00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,760 This one came from Instagram. OK, how do you handle long 639 00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,080 distance? This one's for Becca because I 640 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,160 don't have a long distance situation. 641 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:54,560 OK, yes, so. Guilty parenting transitions. 642 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,600 Well, it's really hard. It's really, really hard. 643 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:02,880 My stepdaughter lives like across the country from us, and 644 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,120 you know, it's hard. We try our best. 645 00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,320 My husband does a really good job of it. 646 00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,840 You know, luckily we're in the place in our lives where he can 647 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,679 fly out there pretty consistently. 648 00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:16,639 So he'll fly out for sports games. 649 00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:20,360 Obviously he can't like, attend every single one, but he will, 650 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:24,320 you know, do that then. And my stepson that live with us 651 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:28,320 are obsessed with her. Like, she could do no wrong. 652 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:32,760 They call her Sissy. So we FaceTime her a lot and we 653 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:37,120 try to include her, but I'm also like try to be sensitive to her 654 00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,760 and her needs too, because sometimes my son will like want 655 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,120 to FaceTime her when we're doing something like really fun. 656 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:46,280 And I'm like, maybe like, let's not, you know, because I'm like, 657 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,199 I don't want to like hurt her feelings or anything. 658 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,719 And, you know, and make it seem like, oh, we're doing this fun 659 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:56,040 thing and you're not here, so. The transitions are. 660 00:34:56,040 --> 00:35:00,160 Hard, but not because of her necessarily, just because as any 661 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,000 mom knows, like when you add one more kid to the mix, it's crazy. 662 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,560 And you definitely know you have two bile kids, but when your two 663 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,840 stepsons come over, it's like it's not even like probably that 664 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,800 they're necessarily doing something like bad. 665 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:18,040 They're just being kids, right, You know, and it's like once you 666 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,960 get to like 3 kids, I feel like it's a circus. 667 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:24,000 It's like 3 after three it's like it's crazy. 668 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,480 I'm like whoever said. One is like 1-2 is like 20. 669 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:32,160 Then what's 4400? No, 4 is like 21 is like 1-2 is 670 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:36,200 like 2-3 is a lot, 4 is 20, yeah. 671 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,960 No, and that's like how it feels, you know, like and so 672 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:44,200 when her when it was all for it was like, it's just different. 673 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,440 It's like exhausting. And so for me the transitions 674 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:52,160 was really hard just because you know, I would have to do a lot 675 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,880 more, you know, which is fine, you know, cooking breakfast, 676 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,360 doing that. And then she usually comes in 677 00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:58,680 the summer, so there's no school. 678 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,320 So I try to make it really fun, sign up for like a lot of 679 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,920 activities, and I just try to like make her feel super left 680 00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,400 while she's here. But yeah, I think every stepmom 681 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,720 can relate to the guilty parenting part of this. 682 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:16,000 Yes, or. Even 5050 like you and I do with 683 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,840 our other step kids. And I think you kind of just got 684 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:23,160 to let your your partner do that and works through that 685 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,320 themselves unless it's like crossing crazy boundaries that 686 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,640 you've set in place, you know? Yeah, I agree. 687 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,840 Let me get to 1 more before we close out. 688 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:41,000 And this one says do stepmoms who don't have 5050 in the house 689 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,520 with last time exist? How do you support your spouse? 690 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,960 Girl, we're here. We're right here in this chair. 691 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:52,240 Central Standard Time. I now have less than 5050%. 692 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,960 It might not be a less, but it's definitely made a big impact on 693 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:58,840 the relationship I have with the step kids. 694 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,640 For one thing, take it for what it is. 695 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,320 This is a great thing for you and your relationship because 696 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,920 things might change and you might end up with more custody 697 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,040 later on. Enjoy what you have now. 698 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,720 I did enjoy the 5050 that we had and now that it's down to less, 699 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,520 although it was like a really hard pill for us to swallow. 700 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,880 We are saying that this probably is very temporary now. 701 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,600 We're starting to see some things that I'll get into in the 702 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:24,880 membership, but we're we're enjoying it right now, like a 703 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,280 little more time for our babies, a little more time for us to 704 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,520 heal from some of the wounds that have been, you know, 705 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,320 scratched open over the past year through court and stuff. 706 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:38,120 And we're just, you know, it's all about looking at everything 707 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,920 at a different angle in a different perspective. 708 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:45,240 Everything is temporary. Yes, it's hard to exist and have 709 00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:48,160 that relationship, but you have to make the most of that time 710 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:51,560 because it might change too. And it might be less or you 711 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,560 might end up with more custody later on. 712 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,440 And you want to have that solid foundation of that relationship 713 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,480 so that when if you get them more, which you very may well 714 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:04,680 get them more than 5050 or even just 5050, you have to be able 715 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,000 to have that relationship with them. 716 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:10,000 I think so Becca, you have one that you have less than 5050, 717 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,160 right? I can't keep track of your step 718 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,760 kids. I know, I know my husband is 719 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,600 crazy. No, just that my stepdaughter 720 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,880 that doesn't live here. The other ones I've pretty much. 721 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,960 Had full full time full time boys, all boys in my house 722 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,840 except me. That's why I also do like when 723 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:30,640 my stepdaughter comes because we go get our nails done together 724 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:32,480 and we're like. Bye you. 725 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,120 Guys are annoying, you know, so we. 726 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,840 Bond over being girls too. Go over it one more time. 727 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:43,040 So I have a 10 year old step son, A7 year old step son. 728 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,520 My daughter is 3 and my son is 1 and we are done. 729 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:48,440 So we're not like 19 kids and counting. 730 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,560 I promise. That was just like, you know, we 731 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,000 just wanted one more for for kicks and giggles. 732 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,680 But remind everyone, you have three boys in your house and one 733 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,560 girl. But what are the dynamics? 734 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:02,560 OK, I'll go through my kids. So my oldest stepson is almost 735 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:05,200 20, but he doesn't live with us anymore because he's in college. 736 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,440 But he did live with us for five years, all through high school. 737 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:14,840 And then and then, yeah, no, he's, he's maturing a lot, so 738 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,640 it's good. He'll even tell you. 739 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:21,280 And then my stepdaughter is 12 and she doesn't live with us. 740 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,360 She never has. She just comes for summers and 741 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:27,320 other things. And then my youngest stepson, he 742 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,280 lived with us full time for about 3 years I believe it was. 743 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,600 And now we're on a 5050 schedule. 744 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:38,080 And then my bio son is 3 and he is so cute and I will not be 745 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,000 having another bio kid. And now I'm old. 746 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:46,040 I can't too old now, but. Well, this is going to be a 747 00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:49,120 little sad, but it's actually very bittersweet because it's 748 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,240 happy to wrap. I'm happy to wrap this up 749 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:55,720 because we have a lot planned for next season. 750 00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:59,480 Like we already have episodes in the works for y'all and I say 751 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,160 next season, but it's not that far away. 752 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,640 It's just going to be a couple of weeks for us to really focus 753 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,560 in on the membership and dive into that and give our members 754 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,040 everything that we have right now while we're building that. 755 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:14,960 And I do encourage everyone to get involved in that because 756 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:16,960 we're. Giving one-on-one tips and 757 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,560 advice. We're going to have some of our 758 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:23,480 speakers from the podcast come in and do live Q&A's and we're 759 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:27,160 taking insight from the members on what you want the podcast 760 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,880 episodes to look like and stuff. So you really get like a front 761 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,560 row seat to all things stepmom on top of getting to know some 762 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,440 other stepmom friends, you know, and having someone to bounce 763 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:39,960 ideas back on. And you just don't feel so 764 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,800 alone. I'm telling you, I preach that 765 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,520 like we have to find our village. 766 00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:45,960 Your village? Yeah. 767 00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:50,160 So yeah, anything else you want to say before we leave our 768 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,440 viewers for a few weeks or our listeners? 769 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,560 No, no, I think you, you wrapped it up really well. 770 00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:59,320 And I think, you know, even research says that like we need 771 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,320 each other, people need each other. 772 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,960 And so yeah, we do invite you guys in if that's something 773 00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,320 you're interested in, but if not, that's OK too. 774 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,720 If you just want to be a listener for now, we're here 775 00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:11,640 too. And yeah, y'all are kicking ass. 776 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,320 Keep doing it. We got this stepmoms and we will 777 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:19,280 see you on on season 2 We'll. Be back and you can't get rid of 778 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,080 us. We have a lot of really good 779 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,040 speakers lined up. I'm so excited. 780 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,320 I wish, I wish we could kind of maybe we'll give details in the 781 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:27,560 membership. Definitely. 782 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,600 All right. Everybody. 783 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:33,760 Like this podcast? Give it a rating if you love us 784 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,640 and leave us a review. Find us on Instagram while we're 785 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,400 gone. We love y'all. 786 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,200 Thanks for hanging out. Bye. 787 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:42,680 That's it for this week on Stepmom Side Chats. 788 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,840 We're Alyssa and Becca, your stepmom best before you go. 789 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,440 It's something we said hit a little close to home. 790 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,720 Go ahead and hit follow now so you don't miss future episodes 791 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,160 and share with another stepmom to help us grow. 792 00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,600 If you want to connect between. Episodes Follow us on Instagram 793 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,480 at Stepmom Side Chats and send us what you want us to chat 794 00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,520 about next. Keep giving yourself grace. 795 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,800 You're doing better than you think. 796 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:07,320 We'll chat with you all soon.