1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,640 Hey everyone, welcome to Stepmom Side Chats. 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,480 We are your hosts, Alyssa and Rebecca, 2. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,720 Stepmoms who are done pretending everything's perfect. 4 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,160 This is where we talk boundaries, Co parenting, hard 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,360 truths, healing, and the stuff nobody says out loud. 6 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,040 If you're ready for real talk, real growth and a little. 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,960 Bit of spice. Let's get into it. 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,400 Hey, hey, hey. How you doing? 9 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:33,200 Welcome back to another episode of Stepmom Side Chats. 10 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,040 I'm good. How are you doing? 11 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,240 Good, good, good. Happy Transition Day to all that 12 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,760 celebrate. Cheers. 13 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:49,120 I need everyone to know right now that I'm looking at sit up a 14 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:56,400 little bit Becca Amazing Spider man stepmom T-shirt she's 15 00:00:56,480 --> 00:01:00,720 wearing. The Amazing Spider man all boy 16 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,960 stepmoms. Well little boys, they get it. 17 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,640 Spider Man is my son's favorite. I literally am so sick of 18 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:12,960 freaking watching Spider Man every single day. 19 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,480 I want to watch Spidey. You're such a better mom than 20 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,600 me. I wouldn't wear that stuff just 21 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,720 for my kid, but maybe I should. I guess I will. 22 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,080 Don't. No, don't worry. 23 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,600 I only wear it around the house, but one time I actually wore it 24 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,960 out in public and my husband was like, Becca, can you like 25 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,360 change? I was like, what? 26 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:38,800 I was like, you don't like it? It doesn't, I mean anyway. 27 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,680 How was your week or weekend? You know what, by time this 28 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:47,360 episode airs, it will be Tuesday, our new and improved 29 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,040 transition day. So I will be working through 30 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,240 those emotions, I should just say that. 31 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,880 Are they leaving or coming? Leaving. 32 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,200 Leaving. Oh, mines coming tomorrow. 33 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,480 We flip. Cheers. 34 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:02,880 We did flip flop. Yeah. 35 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,600 Cheers. Well, OK, so this week we're all 36 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:12,040 about Mythbusters. Yes, yes. 37 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,840 So many different stepmom myths out there that just people 38 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,280 create and it's so wild. It's so wild. 39 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,640 I can't wait. And everyone went crazy when we 40 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,360 were asking what are some stepmom myths? 41 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,520 Oh my gosh, there's so many that I didn't even think about. 42 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:31,040 And then so many repeat ones that were like obvious that we 43 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,240 just hear all the time. That's super annoying, so let's 44 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,320 get started. We're just going to RIP through 45 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,480 these myths like nobody's business. 46 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,280 OK, what's the first one? I mean, we have to go with the 47 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,480 obvious, right? The most annoying and the most 48 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,000 redundant is that stepmoms knew what they signed up for. 49 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,080 I need it. Can I get a pole? 50 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,680 Let's raise our hand. If you knew what you signed up 51 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,240 for, you signed up for this. You signed up for these court 52 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,240 appointed, you know, people in your life. 53 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,920 You signed up to pay thousands and thousands and thousands of 54 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,120 dollars. You knew what you signed up for. 55 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,480 You knew that it would turn out to be like this. 56 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,760 Are you kidding? Would any of us be here if we 57 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,280 knew I was? Going to say, I know. 58 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:23,600 I see no hands raised, so zero hands in the audience. 59 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,640 Yeah. No, for real. 60 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:30,560 I oh, my gosh, if someone told me that again, I think I would 61 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,440 just cry. Everyone says that. 62 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,560 You know what? I've heard it from even my own 63 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,200 family members. Have you heard it from your own 64 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,960 family members? Yeah, yeah. 65 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,200 And you know, I feel like I used to say, you know, I should have 66 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,120 known better because I came from a family of divorced parents and 67 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,120 I saw the court system and how it works. 68 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,360 But to be honest, it's just it wasn't like that when I signed 69 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,920 up for this. And so I wouldn't have thought, 70 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,600 you know, I'm even more of that glass half empty kind of gal. 71 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:06,600 And I didn't think, oh, they're just going to, you know, go at 72 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,240 each other and she's just going to try to RIP us apart. 73 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,080 And like I try to think the best in people's. 74 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,120 So, so sorry guys. Yeah, no, I, I remember when I 75 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,360 first like started dating my husband, you know, the kids were 76 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,160 so little and they were so fun. And two of them, he only had 4 77 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,440 summers and then one of them came and lived with us full 78 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,040 time. And I was like, wait, I didn't 79 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,320 sign up to be a mom right? Right now, Not right now. 80 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,840 Couldn't you give me a couple of years? 81 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:41,000 Yeah, it all happened so fast. I was like, what is going on? 82 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,520 I just like thought it was going to be like the movies to be 83 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,960 honest with you. Have you ever seen that movie 84 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,040 Stepmom? No, I haven't. 85 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,400 You've never seen it. She's a good stepmom, right? 86 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,320 She's not the evil villain. No, she's great. 87 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,320 It's Julia Roberts. Shameless plug. 88 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,280 Everyone go watch it. No, I'm so serious. 89 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,520 It's so good. You'll have to watch it and then 90 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,840 we can talk about it next episode. 91 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,280 But anyways, I kind of, I mean, it's definitely realistic. 92 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:05,920 It shows like the hardships of it. 93 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,960 But I thought like, you know, just how it is at the end, that 94 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,200 that's how it would end up for me. 95 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,160 And you know, here we are. No, just getting kind of you 96 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,760 would hope. I just have a husband that is so 97 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:24,560 like civil where he just he doesn't poke fun and try and 98 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,840 start drama. And she was being very civil 99 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:33,320 when we met and we were all going to sports together and 100 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,760 there was no, I was never worried about her having any 101 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,600 judgement on me because I wasn't like the other woman or 102 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,520 anything. So this came out of left field 103 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:48,920 for me because she was engaged, you know, to her, someone that 104 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:54,000 she knew for a while, so and she's still with them. 105 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,840 So you would think that they'd be happy forever. 106 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,280 You just, you would never guess that this would be happening. 107 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:01,720 And you can't predict any of these situations and your 108 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,720 wildest imagination? Yeah, no, I never, because like 109 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:09,400 I've kind of talked about my relationship with them has gone 110 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:14,440 like through ups and flows and I wouldn't think sometimes that 111 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,080 we'd be in the places that we are. 112 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,240 So yeah, I. Completely understand. 113 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,800 And it's a warning to people that are, you know, I see 114 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,440 messages of moms that are saying, well, I am a stepmom, 115 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,240 but we're not married yet, you know, or we're getting married 116 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:33,880 and it's just kind of like I'm sending out a yellow flag and 117 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,760 I'm just, you know, be careful because it really could get bad. 118 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,840 And if it's bad now, it could get worse. 119 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:46,760 So that's, that's my little two cents on this Ted Talk for 120 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,440 today. That one is just a no, no, no, 121 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,920 no, no, no, no, we didn't know what we signed up for it. 122 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,400 No, we couldn't have predicted this. 123 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,640 No, you couldn't have created any of these ideas. 124 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,320 My wildest dreams. Yeah, Or just like the feelings 125 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,080 that we experience with it in general. 126 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,680 Like, oh, I, I never thought some of the feelings that I've 127 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,560 experienced as a stepmom I would experience. 128 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,600 I was like, yeah, it just threw me for a loop. 129 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:16,480 Anyways, I'm what's another myth that we hear a lot or that some 130 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:20,200 of our listeners wrote in? So this one I saw multiple times 131 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:26,520 which we both have experience with stepmoms are trying to 132 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,720 replace bio mom or that we're trying to be the mom. 133 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:36,360 No, no, no, no, we just want to be here to support. 134 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,360 Trust me, I, I don't want to do all of that stuff. 135 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:43,280 Being a mom is hard in general. You know, Alyssa and I are both, 136 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:48,600 you know, bio moms to our kids and it's already so freaking 137 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,440 hard. No offense to my step kids, love 138 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,600 them dearly. But no, I don't want to do some 139 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,720 of those responsibilities all the time. 140 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,360 So I promise you, I'm not trying to replace anyone. 141 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,000 I'm just here to support my husband the best way that I know 142 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,400 possible. And yeah, I agree. 143 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:07,120 And it's like, excuse me for making your kids lunches for 144 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,280 schools if that looks like a mom duty. 145 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,720 I mean, I, I'm, I'm confused here. 146 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:15,240 I, I thought I was supposed to make their lunch and make them 147 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,000 dinner. Should I not make them food? 148 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,760 Should I not clean their laundry? 149 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:23,520 I don't want to clean their two stinky boys like bins full of 150 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,960 dirty underwear and stuff, but like, what am I going to do? 151 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,280 Just let them rot and sit in these stinky clothes all week at 152 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,440 my house? So it goes in line with that 153 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:37,720 whole step up and take care of these kids but don't act like 154 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:43,159 their mom thing, you know? But I will say in the early 155 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:48,000 stages when we were not married yet and my husband and I were 156 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:54,120 dating, he would get remarks that she would say to him like 157 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:59,000 she's she talk about me and be saying she's just playing house. 158 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:04,400 And I love that one because I was like, I'm sorry that it 159 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,480 looks like I'm playing house when I'm taking care of your 160 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,280 children. Because no matter what, a dad is 161 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,080 not a mom, he's not going to be able to make Christmas a 162 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,720 special. And you know, like I do every 163 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,000 holiday, I decorate the kitchen. Valentine's Day, I love making 164 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,680 the kitchen so cute and pink and purple and white and hearts. 165 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,520 And then Halloween, I put cobwebs all over the kitchen 166 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,320 from like corner to ceiling, the floor to corner to corner, 167 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,680 corner. So, and it's just something I 168 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,720 like to do, but I'm not trying to be the mom, but I'm making 169 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,280 the experience fun for the kids. And just damned if you do, 170 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,240 damned if you don't. But some of these things are 171 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,560 necessary. These are necessities. 172 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,600 And I'm going to do it so that I don't have like, CPS showing at 173 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,320 my door saying these kids haven't eaten or showered. 174 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:57,240 Well, I can assure you, Alyssa, that if you don't put cobwebs 175 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:01,640 from corner to corner and CPS is not going to get on you. 176 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,880 I'm just kidding. No. 177 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,360 Wow, that's crazy that you do all that. 178 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,720 That's really sweet, though. No. 179 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,560 And I think another thing that you and I have talked about too 180 00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:13,560 is like, OK, we do this for our own biological children. 181 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,200 So do you really think I'm that evil of a stepmom that I'm going 182 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,360 to leave my step kids out if I get an Easter basket for them 183 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,400 and go all out? I always make sure everything is 184 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,960 even in my house. If one of my kids has something, 185 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,880 then the other kid has it. Everything is even. 186 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,920 Even like up to little things. Like when my son was a toddler, 187 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:40,160 I got him this blanket, you know one of these bougie like bamboo 188 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,440 blankets. It was so expensive guys, which 189 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,520 was wild that I did that anyways. 190 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,040 Crazy. Yeah, but. 191 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,880 And he loves it. He's obsessed. 192 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:54,280 He sleeps with it every night. Well, anyways, my stepson, I was 193 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,880 like, well, Becca, can I get one? 194 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,280 And you know what? I didn't want to do it because I 195 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,960 didn't want to spend the money, but I did it because I'm going 196 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,080 to be fair. And so like you said, it's like, 197 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,960 no, we just try to do the best we can. 198 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,480 We're not trying to replace anyone. 199 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:12,080 We're just trying to treat everyone in our homes equally as 200 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:17,280 best as we know how. And Can you imagine, like what 201 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,120 you'd hear from the other house if he went home and he didn't 202 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,760 get the blanket and he was like, she bought it for her son and 203 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:28,280 not for me? Like, I'm sorry that's we have 204 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,960 to do these things to like, protect our sanity too. 205 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:34,600 Yeah, no, absolutely, absolutely. 206 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,680 OK. I like this one. 207 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,960 Stepmoms don't have real parental responsibility. 208 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:46,200 Can we please talk about this? What is your take on this? 209 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:50,200 Again, with the like, we shouldn't be doing things. 210 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,960 So yeah, that that's something that triggered that response 211 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:59,000 from bio mom is that I was scheduling dentist appointments 212 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:03,800 for the baby, which he was two or three at the time, not baby, 213 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:08,440 but he was little and I was scheduling his first dentist 214 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,920 appointment. So it must have been that he was 215 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,560 turning 3 because I was like, it's a little overdue for that. 216 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,280 And of course my husband had mentioned it first and nothing 217 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,600 happened. So we just said, OK, we'll, 218 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,160 we'll just take him and then she can take him to the next one. 219 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,960 It did not go over well. Let's just can I just put it 220 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,400 that way. Obviously like stepmom and at 221 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,080 the time my husband went into the office, this was pre COVID. 222 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:37,360 He went into an office to work and I was in outside sales. 223 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,240 So I had a flexible job. So it only made sense that I 224 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,880 took him to the dentist appointment. 225 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:47,520 But Oh my gosh, why would the stepmom insert herself like that 226 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,840 and take the kid to a dentist appointment? 227 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:54,280 God forbid this woman take care, take care of this child and get 228 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,880 him in before it's too late. Wow. 229 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,000 Yeah, No, I would be happy if you did that. 230 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,560 You can take my son to the dentist. 231 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:08,440 Please, please do that. No, that's yeah. 232 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,160 It's wild. It's it's all just so wild. 233 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,720 How does that work for y'all if you have the kiddo and you have 234 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:19,920 to take them to the doctor? So you take them to the doctor 235 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:25,400 and then who tells mom what happened or about the bills or 236 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,080 saying, hey, we're going to the doctor because you're not under 237 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,520 a court order. So you don't have like strict 238 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,760 boundaries and guidelines there. So what's what do y'all do in 239 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,200 those situations? Yeah, I guess we haven't really 240 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,320 talked about that before. So when my stepson that lives 241 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,760 with us 5050, when he did live with us full time for a few 242 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,040 years, this is actually an interesting story. 243 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,800 So I was like, you know what, you need your annual doctor's 244 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,440 appointment. And so his mom has had a doctor 245 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:58,040 for him since he was a baby. And so I was like, we'll just go 246 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,600 to that one, keep it simple, you know, whatever. 247 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,480 So I make the appointment, you know, his mom doesn't live here 248 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:06,840 at that time. We go to the appointment. 249 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,640 Me and my husband are married at this time, so I'm legally his 250 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,480 stepmom. We go there, I pick him up from 251 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:18,680 school, guys early, rearrange my work schedule, all the things we 252 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,120 get there. Oh, I'm sorry, he cannot be seen 253 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:23,440 with you, I said. I'm sorry. 254 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,600 What? What? 255 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:31,520 I was so pissed and like it wasn't because of bio mom or 256 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,680 anything like she she was mad too. 257 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,320 She was like what you know. But they wouldn't let me go in 258 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,400 with him so I couldn't do it. I was so upset. 259 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:47,120 So you know, he ended up going to my son's doctor with me and 260 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,640 my doctor had no problem with it. 261 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,320 I don't think he knew that I was the stepmom, but the other 262 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,560 doctor knew because bio mom had taken him previously before. 263 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,840 She wasn't living here for a little bit, but yeah, that was 264 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,400 crazy. And then, yeah, I mean, we're 265 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,960 pretty like chill on it. Like, even the other day I was 266 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,120 like, I need to make my son an A dentist appointment. 267 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,680 And so I texted my stepson's mom. 268 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,080 I said, hey, do you want me to just take him at the same time? 269 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,600 She's like, sure. And, you know, and and I mean, 270 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,520 she's probably happy. She you know I would be happy 271 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,680 so. That's that's what I would have 272 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,840 thought too. I knew that bio mom had an 273 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,400 office job as well. She went in like 9 to 5 or 274 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,720 whatever. So I kind of just wrote it off 275 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:34,520 as like, you know, she's got a tough go at this. 276 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,520 And so because things were not bad yet. 277 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,960 But yeah, it was that was pretty ridiculous. 278 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,080 And this is what I think we're seeing consistently is that not 279 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,160 just bio moms, but the general public, they have these 280 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,600 assumptions and these narratives for us of what we should and 281 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,680 shouldn't do and what we can and can't do. 282 00:15:54,000 --> 00:16:01,000 But imagine how bad that is then if bio mom went in saying that 283 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,240 is not allowed to be in a room alone with the kids. 284 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:12,920 Unprecedented and so wild just so that your kids aren't going 285 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:16,440 to the doctor's or dentist with dad. 286 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,560 Like it just it blows my mind when it comes to healthcare, 287 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,160 mental health, mental health, any of this. 288 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,440 We shouldn't put any limits. If someone can take these kids 289 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,360 take up, who cares who's taking them? 290 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:33,000 And at the end of the day, the one making just get decisions is 291 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,440 that professional. So it's not like if I take the 292 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,400 kid to the doctor that I'm diagnosing them with something 293 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:43,120 and I'm medicating them. So well, and it's not like 294 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,840 either of us would ever make like a serious medical decision 295 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,880 without their input. You know what I'm saying? 296 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,800 Like, we're not going to be like, oh, he needs surgery. 297 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,080 Let's just do it. You know, come on. 298 00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:01,320 We would obviously consult the other party this. 299 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,920 Is partly a topic for another day, though. 300 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,200 Yes. No, absolutely. 301 00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,000 Let's move on. What's the next one? 302 00:17:10,079 --> 00:17:16,240 Let's see the myth someone wrote that we are not involved in kids 303 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:20,599 sports. Honey, if I could show you, 304 00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:24,440 don't get me started my bank statement. 305 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:29,200 Let's talk about summer sports. Whoa, these kids are little 306 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,520 still. We're not even in middle school 307 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,800 yet. So the fact that we're having to 308 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:37,280 pay these outrageous summer camps and summer sports, and let 309 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,280 me just tell you, the 10 year old right now, he's into 310 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,760 cooking, cooking classes, super fun, super notchy. 311 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,720 A little Anthony Bourdain on our hands, OK. 312 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,200 We are so involved besides paying the big fat bills or 313 00:17:54,200 --> 00:18:00,040 splitting the bills we are going and if we're not there then 314 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:04,640 maybe we have a bio baby at home and ours baby that's napping 315 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,640 like me. Exactly, exactly. 316 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,400 No, I don't miss one of my stepsons games. 317 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,360 I love going to them. In fact, sometimes I think I'm a 318 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,720 little louder than bio mom and she like laughs at me, but she 319 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,480 she like, she likes it, you know, it's just, it's just 320 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:20,000 funny. Yeah. 321 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,600 No, we're really involved. I I drive to practices, I drive 322 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,280 back and forth. Yes, you do it all. 323 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:32,160 And you see Instagram and it has a soccer field. 324 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,440 That's Becca. I'm. 325 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:38,520 Not the soccer. I'm not the soccer stepmom at 326 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:39,960 all. Yes. 327 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:44,280 No, both of you know, my stepson and then my bio son, that's all 328 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,520 we do soccer, soccer, soccer. So no, I, I love it. 329 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,160 That's that's funny though. Why wouldn't we be involved in 330 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,880 kids sports? Like it's fun and I think also a 331 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,520 lot of things too. I just thought about this. 332 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,720 It shows an example to our ours babies too, like those are their 333 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,880 siblings. They love them so much. 334 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,720 So of course I'm going to do that because I would do it for 335 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,080 my own son. So why wouldn't I do it for him? 336 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,480 You know, And I think it shows something if I was just like, 337 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,200 no, it's just my stepson's game, I'm going to stay home. 338 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:20,600 Like, you know, his brother, my son would be like, wait, what? 339 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,520 You know, it's confusing. Yeah, I definitely, I encourage 340 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,920 the kids to go to my daughter's ballet practice and watch her. 341 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,960 Not all the time because that is definitely not like a sport to 342 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,920 watch. That's fun. 343 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,600 But I encourage them to go and so my husband can come too. 344 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:40,280 So we'll all go and sit and watch ballet sometimes and in 345 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,920 reverse, I like my daughter to go to watch the boys, whatever 346 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,120 sport they're doing, which is changing all the time. 347 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,880 But it's setting a lesson, setting an example for sure. 348 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:56,080 And you know, showing up for our step kids says a lot. 349 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:59,480 And I think that deep down, they really appreciate that we're 350 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,000 there, whether they say it or show it or feel like they can 351 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,480 say it or show it. Because no, definitely more 352 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,160 people in the crowd is more exciting. 353 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,080 More names being, more people calling your name. 354 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,680 That's just like more Christmases, more presents. 355 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,120 Exactly. Yeah, I know. 356 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:20,600 I'm my stepson recently. Was student of the month and he 357 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,960 came home the other day and he was like, hey Becca, I got 358 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,800 student of the month. There's this thing at school I 359 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,200 really want you and dad to be there. 360 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,680 I was I was like, OK, and I like don't hear him correctly or 361 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,200 clearly. And I was like, wait, you want 362 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,960 us to come like I said, do you want just your dad to come like 363 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,760 because him and I are like very open and we're pretty close like 364 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,880 I've mentioned. So he would like tell me he has 365 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,160 no problem hurting my feelings. And honestly, I have really 366 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,800 tough skin when it comes to it now after all these years. 367 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,720 And he's like, no, I want, I want you to come too. 368 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,880 And, you know, all three of us went and we all sat together and 369 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,880 we did it. And, you know, sometimes things 370 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,680 might be a little awkward, but, you know, we all went so. 371 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,840 Last thing on this myth that I want to debunk for the moms or 372 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:11,240 the stepmoms on the other side of this is that I have pulled 373 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,560 back a little bit from going to school functions and school 374 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,160 events simply because two things. 375 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,000 I have my own kids now. So their schedule is still is 376 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,920 still, you know, relevant and it's very demanding with babies 377 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,000 and their nap schedule. And then my daughter being taken 378 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,440 to her Mother's Day out program. So a lot of things I have to 379 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:37,320 miss like the seven-year old, he's getting some school award 380 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,880 on Wednesday at and it's 8:00 AM, but this is a 15 minute 381 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,200 thing. The school is 2530 minutes away 382 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,840 and it's right after morning drop off. 383 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:49,880 So my husband will be dropping off anyway. 384 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:54,760 So he's certainly going to be there and I just am not going to 385 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,120 make that one because a, I'd have to get my sleeping baby out 386 00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:02,640 of bed, which I don't believe in and my toddler will be getting 387 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:07,640 ready for her school drop off. So some things I can't do like 388 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,200 physically I can't make happen because I'm not I can't be in 389 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,400 three places at once. But then I also have started to 390 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,560 pull back on events where bio mom is there because it's better 391 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:20,040 for me mentally, it helps my sanity, so it helps my household 392 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,800 and it helps my kids because I can show up more for my kids 393 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,040 when I'm only doing as much as I can handle. 394 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,840 The school functions to me, if I'm writing like which ones I'm 395 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,360 going to remove, some of those over sports would be the ones to 396 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:33,840 remove. But so any moms are getting 397 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,880 backlash or stepmoms that are getting backlash that they're 398 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,960 not at school functions or sporting events. 399 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,600 I think, you know, the general public needs to look at maybe 400 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,880 why maybe she's not allowed to be there because bio mom went 401 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,600 crazy. Maybe she's choosing not to be 402 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,200 there to protect her sanity and to protect her children. 403 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,440 Maybe she's choosing not to be there because her kids lives 404 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,560 will be too affected if she goes to every event. 405 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,240 So that's my Ted Talk on that one. 406 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,200 Yeah, and I just want to add something really quick to that. 407 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:12,480 So also think about like normal nuclear families, moms can't go 408 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:16,160 to everything. Even in normal families, you 409 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,000 know, you might not be able to go to every function. 410 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,880 You know, like my bio son during Christmas, I was the only one 411 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,360 out of me and my husband that was able to go to his school 412 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,840 function and he didn't go. And vice versa. 413 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,680 That come, you know, happens sometimes. 414 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,480 But you know, bio moms never get backlash for that. 415 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,040 But stepmoms, you know, it's such a double standard there. 416 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,320 But no I. Agree. 417 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,000 Yeah, let's look at it. Go ahead. 418 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,840 No, I was going to say it's just like I was saying is it is OK to 419 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,840 pull back like you were saying because sometimes it is just too 420 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:54,480 contentious and sometimes I'm like, no, I'd just rather not 421 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,960 for today. But in the beginning I made sure 422 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,520 to be at everything because I felt like obligated to. 423 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,080 I don't know why no one put that obligation on me. 424 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,920 I guess I just put it on myself. Oh, man, yes, we've got a little 425 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:11,800 hot and heated on that one. OK, I have another one. 426 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,320 Are you ready for this? This is like more of a 427 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:18,640 judgmental myth. OK, this is a good one. 428 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,240 Stepmoms are mean. The evil stepmom. 429 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,880 Here we go. Go Becca. 430 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,440 I mean, I feel like growing up, didn't you think like stepmoms 431 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:30,960 were mean? I don't know. 432 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,280 It's just like. I did, but I didn't like, 433 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,760 believe everything I heard in like, Cinderella or whatever. 434 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,760 Yeah, I don't know. I just always had like a 435 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,680 negative perspective on stepmoms in general. 436 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,880 And I'm not really sure where like I got that from, but I 437 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,840 definitely just thought. Stepmoms were mean and it's not 438 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:53,880 true. Well, and I think that people, 439 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,960 you know, it's kind of like the other myth that we were going to 440 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,920 talk about too. Stepmom shouldn't complain. 441 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,600 It's like, okay, well, we put boundaries. 442 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,600 So then, you know, we're seeing as we're complaining or that 443 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:10,480 we're cruel, you know, And it's like, no, honey, I have 444 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,400 boundaries with my own son, you know, and I don't feel mean. 445 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,520 In fact, you know, he told me their day. 446 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,200 He's like, mommy, you're being mean. 447 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,560 I said that means I'm doing a good job, you know? 448 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,840 But if I set the same boundary with my stepson, sometimes it is 449 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,000 received differently. And it doesn't mean I mean I'm 450 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,680 just trying to parent the same way. 451 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,680 Yeah, I want to dig into that one that you mentioned too. 452 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:40,800 But real quick, I was writing something with another stepmom 453 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:45,840 the other day and I was like, you know, what would happen if 454 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:50,600 the stepmom villain, the evil stepmom narrative didn't exist? 455 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,600 What would people do? Like they would lose their 456 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,040 minds. They would. 457 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,720 They would have no one to blame. They would have no one to blame. 458 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,480 Right. Yep, exactly. 459 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:04,400 And so it couldn't like we are the mirror for bio moms because 460 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,520 whether they left or they were left or they lost custody for 461 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:13,320 some reason, we are what they can't be 50% of the time, 25% 462 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,160 whenever they're not seeing their kids, we are the only 463 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,000 replacement option. And not that we're a 464 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:23,560 replacement, but we are the only other female mother age figure 465 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,120 in that household doing the same kind of daily duties and 466 00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:30,000 household chores. Like whether you want to say or 467 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,240 not, we are a mother figure in this house. 468 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:35,000 There, I said it. No, it's so true. 469 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,560 And remember the other day I texted you about what my son 470 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,520 said? This like is a perfect segue. 471 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,440 No, no, no go. I don't remember too many texts. 472 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,560 So you know, my son, he's like 3 1/2. 473 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:50,520 So he's starting to get confused because now my stepson is going 474 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,880 back and forth and he has to live with us full time. 475 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,040 The other day we're driving and he goes, I was, I think I was 476 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,480 talking to you. And he goes, mommy, what's a 477 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,320 stepmom? Why do you keep saying that? 478 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,320 Because I was voice texting you. Yeah. 479 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,920 And I go, well, a stepmom is who I am to, you know, your brother. 480 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,680 And I said his name and he was like, wait, what? 481 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,200 He's like, I thought you were his mommy. 482 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,960 I was like, no, I'm his stepmomy. 483 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,440 He goes, well, what's a stepmom? And I said, well, it's kind of 484 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,400 like a fake mom that does all the mom stuff. 485 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,240 He was like, he goes, that's weird. 486 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,200 They said, I know it is weird, you know, And then we moved on. 487 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:34,960 But I thought it was so. Funny, yeah, that was, I mean, I 488 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,760 mean it's true. It's true. 489 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,280 And it's just bio moms, you know, they're going to hate to 490 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,000 hear it because we are a mirror for them. 491 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,440 And that sucks for them to look at and it sucks for them to see. 492 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,960 It sucks for them to feel. What was the other myth? 493 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,000 You were saying that like, we can't, you know, discipline or 494 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,120 something or? Oh, this one, this one is just 495 00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:59,320 we all we'll have to have a whole episode for this one. 496 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:04,680 But the discipline that we can't discipline them the same way. 497 00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:08,720 And it's just, and I think and that's why we'll have to have a 498 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:13,080 whole episode on it. I think our partners are a large 499 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:17,080 part of this too, you know? It's just, I don't know. 500 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,000 I discipline my son however I want. 501 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,200 I don't think twice about it. I don't look at anyone in my 502 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,200 home for reassurance. I just do what feels natural. 503 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,600 Now if I did that to my step kids, I'm questioning myself. 504 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:35,160 I'm questioning my parenting skills, if it's the right 505 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:40,080 verbiage that I'm using. If the delivery is nice enough, 506 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,360 my son, I'm like go do this now. You know, I don't even think 507 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:45,520 twice about it. Yeah. 508 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,680 And you have to pick and choose with your step kids on what 509 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,720 you're going to discipline and what you're going to, you know, 510 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,480 acknowledge or what you're going to. 511 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:58,520 Like half the time stepmoming and disciplining is pretending 512 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,560 that you didn't hear or see something so that you don't have 513 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:06,400 to choose to ignore it and make the step kid think it was OK or 514 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,960 you don't have to discipline them and make them hate you or 515 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,240 make bio mom say like she's terrible for punishing you. 516 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,960 In our home, we obviously have this really dark cloud that 517 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:23,400 looms over us all the time called CPS and it's so tragic. 518 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,600 It's horrible. But you know, CPS, every time 519 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,920 they come, they're like, no, you know, this happens a lot. 520 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:32,840 We see this happen all the time. And at the end of the day, you 521 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,600 know, you can't not discipline a child. 522 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,280 And like, that would be actual means for CPS to be there. 523 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,720 Like, if you didn't discipline a kid and you just let them do 524 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,520 whatever they want, hatching the trouble they get into, the 525 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,560 danger, the they would hurt themselves all the time. 526 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:54,640 Yeah, I think like one thing being like the little 1, you 527 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,440 know, when he was taking baths and then when he transitioned to 528 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,040 like a shower, of course they have shower curtains and they 529 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,960 actually have like 3 shower curtains because I do like the 530 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,000 cute curtains that look like curtains I drape in front of 531 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,560 them. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. 532 00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,640 No, I know you're talking about. So nobody's playing peekaboo. 533 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:20,040 But yeah, it ended up being like a desperate cry for custody and 534 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,040 social work with CPS was just like, we've seen this complaint 535 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,360 before, too. We've heard this narrative of 536 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,960 like, you know, stepmom and stepdad are sorry. 537 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:35,120 The parents in this home, like bio dad and stepmom, they are 538 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,400 watching the kids in the bath or shower. 539 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:41,200 And she looked at me and she said this little boy is 2 1/2. 540 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:46,360 She was like, I hope you watch him or I will have to come to 541 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,920 your house. If you do not watch this little 542 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,680 boy standing in a bathtub standing in a shower, I. 543 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,560 Was like great, thanks see you later. 544 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,080 It's great visit. Nice talk with you. 545 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,400 Oh my gosh. See. 546 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,080 And it's like, that's like so sad to me because it's like 547 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:05,200 you're just trying to like be a good stepmom and like, make sure 548 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,640 he's safe. How dare I? 549 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,960 You know, it's like, what? Why are you trying to make me 550 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,200 out to be some creep? You're the creep for even 551 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,480 thinking it like you weirdo. You know, like it's just, that's 552 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,600 just sad to me. What a weirdo. 553 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:24,360 So true. All right, what's another one? 554 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:30,360 Let's go through these that stepmoms shouldn't complain. 555 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:38,720 Welcome to stepmom side chats the complaint corner Submit the 556 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,880 complaint sound of the town. Yeah. 557 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,600 And it's like, though, that's why I think you and I like are 558 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,960 so happy that we have each other is because if I talk to one of 559 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,840 my other friends about being a stepmom who is not a stepmom, 560 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:58,000 which really don't have any stepmoms friends, they don't 561 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,400 understand. They try to, but like they're 562 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,920 just like, oh, I feel bad they didn't choose this. 563 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,320 And it's like, yes, I know they didn't choose this. 564 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:12,040 I'm not saying they chose this, but what about me? 565 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:16,440 It's like, OK, I'm still human, you know, like, I still want to 566 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,520 be happy in my life. Just because they didn't choose 567 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:24,040 this doesn't mean that I shouldn't, you know, get upset 568 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:28,080 or annoyed if they leave their shoes in the middle of the 569 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,200 floor. I get annoyed of my own son, you 570 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,840 know, and I complain. Like I'll tell my husband 571 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:38,680 sometimes I'm like, you know, I need a break from, you know, my 572 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,200 son, you know, and I'll say his name, obviously. 573 00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:42,480 And so, you know, we'll tag team. 574 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,880 But if I said that about my stepson, evil, evil, evil, evil, 575 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:51,160 evil, I'm the devil. Even even like complaining, if 576 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,640 I've complained to my friends about it, who are moms but 577 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:57,720 aren't stepmoms, like they don't say it like come out right and 578 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,200 say it, but they'll like kind of look at me and I can feel the 579 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,600 judgement. They're just like, oh, OK. 580 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,520 And I'm like, I'm like, OK, well, guess I can't talk to you 581 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:07,920 about this. I'll text Alyssa. 582 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,640 That's why we're here. Yeah, we definitely are making 583 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,760 that a podcast episode in the near future too. 584 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,920 So don't DM us saying talk to us about friendships with being a 585 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,160 stepmom. You know, we have that coming 586 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:27,080 and we want to dive deep into that realm of like what it's 587 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,240 like having friendships with other people that are not 588 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,200 stepmoms. How do you find stepmoms to be 589 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,280 friends with? And you know, that's a, this is 590 00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,560 a whole Rd. We have lengthy stories about 591 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,720 what's gone on in our friendships with friends that we 592 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,440 had before we came a stepmom and how they watched our lives 593 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:49,000 evolve and change. The crazy thing is that that 594 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,400 doesn't know yet. You know, Becca and I, we were 595 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,080 in college together freshman year. 596 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,560 So this is, Oh my gosh, I don't want to age ourselves. 597 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:59,600 We're not that old. But like, is this 15 years ago? 598 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,880 Yes, I was doing the math last night and I was like, Oh my 599 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,040 gosh, this is crazy. I was like, how wild is it that 600 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:12,440 like, you know, the universe or God or whatever you believe in 601 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,960 was like, oh. These two girls in college that 602 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,480 used to party together are going to be stepmoms one day. 603 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,360 Like that's just so wild to me, so wild. 604 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,560 Well, and I truly believe that we were both put at that college 605 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,320 for this greater purpose down the road because two things, My 606 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:34,040 gosh, I would be dying the past five years if I didn't have you. 607 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,760 I seriously, this world, the stepmom community is so small. 608 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:41,080 We do not have a village and it takes a village, it takes an 609 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,520 army, but we don't have that. But bio moms, you know, they 610 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,280 have those left, right and up and down. 611 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,880 You know, it's, it's impossible to survive this without someone. 612 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,600 But it just shows because we both went to this university 613 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:59,240 where neither one of us belong whatsoever is in a city that's 614 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,920 literally tagged the armpit of Texas. 615 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,840 I didn't know that. That's so funny. 616 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,760 Yeah, we were bored there, y'all. 617 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:12,000 We were bored. So we both bolted and bailed. 618 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,720 We're from big cities. We went back to big cities, we 619 00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:18,920 went to big colleges, we got big girl degrees, and we moved on 620 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:20,880 with our life. But The thing is, we were there 621 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:25,080 for one year and I think that we were brought there for this 622 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,880 greater purpose because we kept in touch here and there. 623 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,280 But we really, really got closer and closer and closer as we 624 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,840 started having, you know, these relationships with a man that 625 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,160 had kids. So I would say go fishing and go 626 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,440 find yourself a mommy friend that has go fishing. 627 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,120 No, that's a no. And I think that's the perfect 628 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:51,840 segue because I feel like if I don't have you, I might be 629 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:54,440 divorced. And I know that's a really raw 630 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,080 statement. Oh yes. 631 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:00,840 But I think that is that's another myth that we hear all 632 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:03,000 the time. If you're unhappy, you should 633 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,280 just leave like. Oh, OK, I'll just pack up my 634 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,120 suitcase and zip up my tent and I'll see you later. 635 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:10,680 Yeah, OK. Bye. 636 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,000 Yeah. Are you crazy? 637 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,760 Yeah. Like, oh, getting into divorce 638 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,720 is just so easy. Like, let me just sign the 639 00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:19,280 papers and, you know, be on my merry way. 640 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:23,960 Like, sorry for real. Like, no, we both know also 641 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:28,160 having step kids is that marriage is hard. 642 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,320 Families are hard. And in no way, shape or form 643 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,800 should you just give up that easily when things get hard. 644 00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:41,280 I'm a huge believer in keeping families together. 645 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,880 You know, of course, if there's some things like abuse going on, 646 00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:50,880 you know, we don't want that. But, you know, it's hard. 647 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,080 And yeah, people say, oh, well, just leave. 648 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,480 And I think that they forget, like, these families and 649 00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,920 marriages, they're not disposable. 650 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,240 And honestly, you know, I've thought about this in the past. 651 00:37:02,240 --> 00:37:06,080 And the early days of being a stepmom is my step kids. 652 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,000 I think, you know, I'm not always their favorite person, 653 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,240 but I really do think that they would be devastated and that 654 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:14,520 their lives would look completely different. 655 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,200 And I think you could say the same too, because I know those 656 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:21,160 boys love you, you know? So I hear, but some days it's 657 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,440 hard to believe, it's hard to feel loved. 658 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:31,240 But yeah, my, my two cents on this topic is that I just, I 659 00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:35,760 love the idea of sure, you can leave whenever you want, but we 660 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,160 really can't. I mean, if you were in a 661 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,360 terrible toxic relationship, that's what I would say to that 662 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,200 kind of person. You can leave whenever you want. 663 00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:46,760 But The thing is, we're one step removed from this situation 664 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:52,840 because bio mom is not our ex. So we can step away whenever we 665 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,360 want. We can go take a trip whenever 666 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:58,480 we want. We can step out of the courtroom 667 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,200 whenever we want because this is not directly our problem. 668 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:06,880 But The thing is, since we love our spouse and we care for these 669 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:11,920 children and we don't want anyone to hurt, we take all 670 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,400 these measures upon ourselves. And so we put ourselves into 671 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,200 this. But we can remove ourselves as 672 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:18,840 much as we want, as much as we can. 673 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,040 And that's another whole episode on like self-care and 674 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,400 disengaging, stepping away, taking time for yourself. 675 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:30,640 I want to dive real quick into some listener questions before 676 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,960 we run out of time. I have. 677 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,320 Do you have one, Becca? I have one here. 678 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:36,760 It says. Yeah, you go first. 679 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:42,640 Says How do you stay calm when bio mom is constantly trying to 680 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:49,400 provoke you? Step back, I guess, like Alyssa 681 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:54,280 said earlier in this episode is maybe not go to those shared 682 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,280 sporting events or school events and try to, you know, protect 683 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,080 your own peace and your own mental health as best as you 684 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:05,800 can, regardless of maybe it might make your step kids sad if 685 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,760 you don't go to something like you have to do what you got to 686 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,440 do and limit communication would be my number one thing. 687 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,800 Have that be between, you know your partner and her and just 688 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,520 try to stay out of it as much as you possibly can and just be 689 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:24,640 more of a support role is what I would. 690 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:31,280 Say, OK, I'm going to do one more because this one, how do 691 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,640 you deal with constant schedule changes? 692 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,760 I'm interestingly enough, I've been seeing these questions a 693 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,880 lot or these comments, and this wasn't anything that ever 694 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,120 affected me back. I think this might have affected 695 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,600 you more because my family, as everyone knows, we're under the 696 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:51,040 court agreement and the 5050 whatever. 697 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,600 But we've had our first big change, which came from 698 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,120 mediation. And I don't want to get into 699 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:03,240 details about it, but you know, custody did change a little bit. 700 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:11,800 And for how minor it changed like 2% from 5050, it was 2% It 701 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,200 is. Alarming how much it affected 702 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,720 me. And it's really affected, like, 703 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,920 you know, our flow and just trying to get things back in 704 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,560 order. And I think everyone's feeling a 705 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,400 little bit. I've seen it on the kids, I've 706 00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,040 seen it on my husband. And it's affecting me for sure. 707 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,360 But yeah. Wait, wait. 708 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,000 Sorry. Yeah, I'm going to talk about 709 00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,560 that. But wait, 2%. 710 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,480 What was it like 2 hours that you gave the other party? 711 00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:42,480 I know you can't talk too much about it, but 2%? 712 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,400 Oh my Jesus. The legal legal matters are the 713 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,400 only things I want to bulge here. 714 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,600 No, no, no, you don't have to go into it, but I'm just like kind 715 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,680 of laughing because it's like the way, you know, when it gets 716 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,800 to the court system, it's like we're really fighting over 2%. 717 00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,040 Oh, OK. What our attorney said was he 718 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:05,280 said, I know that the mediator will probably agree with me, but 719 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,600 the worst day in court is fighting for standard custody 720 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,440 order and standard custody order, which is not what we have 721 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,680 either. But to give you an example, 722 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:18,840 standard is the whole, at least here in Texas, it's every other 723 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,720 weekend for dad and then the opposite Thursdays. 724 00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,560 So like, we obviously didn't do that because who wants the kid 725 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,840 for one day in the middle of the week, like to mess up their 726 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,720 whole week and like mess up their whole, like, mental state 727 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:34,080 routine? Yeah, yeah, it's not good for 728 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:40,520 anyone, not good for me. But the way we kind of came to 729 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,600 an agreement to avoid, avoid court and, you know, deal with 730 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,040 this and mediation was the mediator said you have to get 731 00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:50,120 creative. So it was certain things like we 732 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,240 would throw around like we want every spring break. 733 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,160 Well, that didn't happen. But we started saying like, 734 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,000 let's adjust our Christmas breaks. 735 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:02,040 Let's adjust, you know, Easter because one household celebrates 736 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:03,680 and is religious and the other is not. 737 00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:09,800 And so like in legal court systems, Easter is actually not 738 00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,680 considered a holiday that you would like switch. 739 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:14,920 So the ones that you know, you're usually granted every 740 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:19,040 other year would be Christmas and Thanksgiving. 741 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,800 And then we adjusted like kids birthday stuff. 742 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,720 They were just ways that we tweaked it. 743 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:31,120 But the way that we presented it was where she would feel like we 744 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,640 gave up some time so that she could walk away and be happy. 745 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:40,120 But in the end, if you really dig into like what we traded, it 746 00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:46,720 only ended up being a 2% shift. So but that was still so big 747 00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:50,080 because now we switch on a different day, which throws me 748 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,160 for a loop because it used to be Friday to Friday. 749 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,760 And so it was like, we get them and it's weekend, but now it's 750 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,640 like a school night and we get them here and they'd go to bed 751 00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,400 and they wake up first in the morning to go to school. 752 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,760 And it's like, Oh my gosh, I'm going to forget to make a lunch. 753 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:07,520 And I think like from our partners point of view, it's 754 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:11,920 like, OK, yeah, 2% to stepmoms were like like whatever, it's 755 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,120 not a big deal. But if we put ourselves in our 756 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:18,520 partners shoes and those were our bio kids that we had to 757 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,760 share time with, that's still 2% of their lives and that would 758 00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,520 suck. So no, I can empathize. 759 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:27,760 Back to schedule changes. So for a schedule changes for 760 00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,120 me, yeah, I'm still not dealing with it very well. 761 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:34,440 I think like over time I've started to deal with it a little 762 00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:38,120 bit better, but plans are constantly changing. 763 00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:41,600 And you know, that's just kind of how my husband is in general. 764 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,600 He's kind of just like a go with the flow, like, oh whatever, you 765 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,480 know me. They are. 766 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,080 Why is that? I don't know. 767 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,240 I don't know. I like to plan things like in 768 00:43:51,240 --> 00:43:56,080 advance, like I have my calendar for two months planned out like 769 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,200 I am psycho. I mean, Alyssa probably even 770 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,240 knows a little bit now since we started this podcast. 771 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,840 I'm like, here's your To Do List. 772 00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,640 You know this is what you have to do. 773 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:08,080 It's your anagram number again, and whoever commented an anagram 774 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,040 specialist on our last podcast, I completely appreciate you and 775 00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,720 we're reaching out, so thank you for that. 776 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,320 But yeah, yeah, I can't wait to talk about that more. 777 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:21,040 Your type A, I'm not so, but I'm not organized. 778 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:23,720 So where does what's that like? Where do I fit in there? 779 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,240 We're going to have to figure it out, but yeah, I know. 780 00:44:27,240 --> 00:44:31,120 So it like makes me so mad when schedules changes and especially 781 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,240 because it's like a stepmoms, it affects us like everyone's like 782 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,160 Oh well, it's just you know, it's about the kid. 783 00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:41,960 It's like, OK, once again, I get that, but it's like I had this 784 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,760 scheduled with my own kid at that time, or I thought I was 785 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:49,800 going to do this, or the biggest part is not being mentally 786 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,200 prepared. I have to be mentally prepared. 787 00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,320 And something that I do think has helped me over the years 788 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,760 that I will say to this listener question is my husband knows 789 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,000 this about me now. So he prepares me better and 790 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:06,400 prepares all of the visits a lot better and more in advance. 791 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,880 And he will ask me now, hey, does this day and time work for 792 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,200 you? Whereas before it's just like 793 00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,760 it's just was what it was. So I kind of set a boundary 794 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,520 there, which we'll get into next episode. 795 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:22,200 Yeah. Before we wrap up though, I 796 00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,160 wanted to thank everyone for participating in the Sunday 797 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:30,960 Stepmom Scary's. I have loved reading these 798 00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:35,600 because they're so natural, so raw and I will tell y'all I'm 799 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,360 always trying to repost and share them but they keep growing 800 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,920 and I like a post a full page and then we have a whole new 801 00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:46,120 page and I put mine in there so y'all will never know. 802 00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,840 But mine is mixed in there too. And I will never chat about it 803 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:55,080 on the podcast because I am, you know, going to keep that tidbit 804 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,000 to myself. But that's, you know, we're 805 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,360 welcoming y'all into this, the side chats. 806 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,880 And we hope you feel included and like, you know, this is an 807 00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:05,840 inclusive place. It's not exclusive. 808 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:08,320 It is exclusive though. 2 stepmoms. 809 00:46:09,080 --> 00:46:12,120 So yeah, we're hoping to help your community grow, make you 810 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,200 feel like, you know, you're loved and supported as well. 811 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:16,720 So keep the questions coming. Keep the stepmoms. 812 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:22,920 Scary's poppin, but I guess that's all we have time for 813 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:28,160 today. Yes, yes we'll see everyone next 814 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,320 week. We are so excited for next 815 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,600 week's episode. Stay tuned we are going to have 816 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,000 a guest with us. And yeah, we hope you all have a 817 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,480 good week and get some self-care and see y'all 2 dolls. 818 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,840 That's it for this week on Stepmom Side Chats. 819 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,840 We're Alyssa and Becca, your stepmom besties. 820 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:51,240 Before you go, it's something we said. 821 00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:55,440 Hit a little close to home. Go ahead and hit follow now so 822 00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,560 you don't miss future episodes and share with another stepmom 823 00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,000 to help us grow. If you want to connect between 824 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,640 episodes, follow us on Instagram at Stepmom Side Chats and send 825 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:06,080 us what you want us to chat about next. 826 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,600 Keep giving yourself grace. You're doing better than you 827 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,520 think. We'll chat with you all soon.