It's time for let's get some ground strokes baseline.
It's top spin. That's LGBT.
Have a listen. Make some noise with the ball
boys. Hey everybody, and welcome to
the latest episode of The Ball Boys.
We are the tennis podcast that puts the rock hard in Hard Rock
Stadium. I'm your host, Paul Monkle, and
bring you the insights, outbursts, giggles and wiggles
of the ATP and WTA tours. And in honor of college
basketball and the swampy conditions that kicked off
Miami, today's show is called Marsh Madness.
And let's be honest, there was a lot of madness coming out of
Miami. We had a historic breakdown of
form on the men's side. We had breakups and breakdowns
with the ladies. We had $100 hot dog, a flooded
center court, and record-breaking finals.
March Madness. And yeah, the world's also
pretty batshit too. Yes, we're still at war, and no,
I don't just mean between Daniel Collins and apparently everyone.
But anyway, it's the annual NCAA March Madness right now, and I
go in and out of being a basketball fan.
But just like with any other sport, when it comes to the
playoffs, to the World Series, to the Super Bowl, I am locked
in. And so on today's show we are
breaking down the tennis action basketball style.
Now bear with me folks. We're going to be talking Final
Four. Yes, that's the winners and the
finals for the men and women. We have to have the Elite 8,
which yes is our Bay TP Top 8 hottest players on and off the
court. Plus we have the Sweet 16, all
the stories we loved and the actual teens grabbing headlines
in Miami. Plus of course we have
Cinderella stories of the all the great tournament runs.
And my dad jokes will mostly be layups as always, but hopefully
we have a slam dunk here and there.
And now finally, Speaking of other balls listeners, I'm
launching ball boys for other sports and looking for America's
next top Ball Boy. If you are or you happen to know
a die hard fan of football or basketball, reach out to me over
on Instagram. You can find the Ball boys as
always at TBB Tennis. That's at TBB Tennis.
The TBB stands for the Ball Boys.
And that's over at Instagram. Shoot me a note if you are a die
hard fan of either of those sports or another one because it
is time for the Ball Boys media empire to grow.
Now to get to the action. I am so happy to have her back
on the show. She is the Michael Jordan to my
Scottie Pippen, or maybe the Larry Bird to my Kevin McHale,
or maybe the Caitlin Clark to my Angel Reese.
I'm not sure, but it's former squash pro sports writer,
acclaimed author, all around Batty.
It's Ivy Pakoda. Hey, Ivy.
Hey, Paul. Thanks for coming back to the.
Show, Oh my God, I can't wait to be here.
I mean, I'm already here. I couldn't wait to be here and
now it is happening. And now you are here, so catch
us up. So you you did the New Year show
with us. And so, besides being on the
nude beach in Zippolite, what have been your highlights of the
year? I mean, being on the nude beach
in Zippolite was a highlight. I I hear you get your shows
flagged as explicit these days, so I'm not going to go into some
of the details. Paint a picture though.
Was it everything you'd hoped it would be?
If I was a gay man, sure. It was definitely everything I'd
hoped it would be. There was a lot of ball boys on
the beaches of Zippolite. I know I I I don't need to make
requests on the show, I just need to go to Zippolite and find
a ball boy or 20. God, you can't throw a ball
without hitting a ball, boy Zippolite.
In fact, it's really easy to get hit by a ball down there.
Balls flying at my face, Yeah. It's like it's like Yelena
Ostefenko playing double S. And we're all Laura Siegman
getting hit in. Totally, Yeah.
But how's your year? So what are you working on these
days? So as everyone may know, Ivy is
an acclaimed author. Loved your last book, Ecstasy.
What are you working on now? I am finishing up a short story
for Amazon about sort of a cat and mouse story about a female
hacker who runs afoul of an old sort of hippie doomsday prepper
in New Hampshire or Vermont, and I'm working on another novel set
in New Hampshire. My dad lives in New Hampshire,
so I wanted to write something set up there, so I'm toggling
back and forth between those projects.
Speaking of Hackers, did you ever see that movie Hackers?
It was Angelina Jolie's first movie.
Angelina Jolie and Johnny Lee Miller, and that's where they
met. Yeah.
And yeah, they were married, I think.
Or at. Least they were married, yeah.
That movie though, like that was like one of the first cyberpunk
movies that just like I was like this is the future.
If only that was the future. I know he was so hot.
It was so unfair. Yeah, I mean.
I've met him. Turned me gay.
Oh, you've met him? How is he?
How is he in person? Hot.
Yeah. I met him at the Trainspotting
premiere in New York when I was an intern at Miramax.
Wow. Oh, Miramax, now that's a
throwback. I need, I need, I need your next
horror book to be what you saw it.
Was the crumbs in Harvey Weinstein's beard.
Yeah, those weren't crumbs. Oh God, oh God.
OK, marked as explicit. Well, also Speaking of movies, I
I don't know if you saw that podcast horror movie that just
came out undertone. Oh my God, I mean listeners look
it was not great. It was it was very concept
driven, but like execution poor. But like Ivy, now that I have
you on here and as a podcaster, I want to write a tennis podcast
Horror Story. Like I don't know if like
there's like the ghost of Yelena Ostapenko behind you or
something. There's something is cursed.
Something is terrible is going to happen to the podcasters of a
tennis show. We'll figure it out.
The rest write us a check. I'm haunted by Yelena
Ostapenko's cooking. By her second, everything she
sells on her second hand store is haunted.
It's cursed. The vacuum cleaner.
Yes, the vacuum cleaner of death I.
Populated Osteopenko's youth vacuum cleaner and now I can't
sleep. Can't stop cleaning.
Oh OK, so the tennis, we're already more than 1/4 of the way
through the freaking year. Like what the hell?
But on a scale of 1 to 10 balls, how many balls are you giving
this year? I don't know, like a six or
seven. I mean, I feel like, again, this
is maybe the thousandth time I've said this on this podcast,
but because we didn't get a break between the seasons, I
feel like we're just doing it again.
And I feel like there's a problem there for someone like
Anna Samova, who had like a really big year.
You need time to digest and prepare for the next year.
But then she's rolling into the next year and not playing quite
as well. And that gets under your head
and then you're playing from behind the whole time.
You need to learn how to play the full season.
It takes a lot of energy to learn how to be playing in
finals or playing in the second week.
And she did that this year, made the Grand Prix final, the the
WTA final. I'm sorry.
And then is rolling into the season with no breaks.
So she's not informed. She didn't have offseason
training the way that she's probably used to.
And so she's now falling off. And you see this happening, you
know, So the tennis is fine. Nothing's really like lit me on
fire so far. I feel like I just saw it last
year. Yeah, no, I agree.
I, I think we have this sort of collective amnesia where it's
like, well, it was 2025, that was last season.
But when there's no break, it's really like the season has not
ended. And I think it, it's taken its
toll. It's taken its toll on ego, it's
taken its toll on Lorenzo Moussetti.
I think that there are people who are just like they've got
sort of collateral burnout and we are seeing it.
And I think that's why you might see someone like Medvedev, who's
really used to this kind of stuff succeeding.
He but he he's been out there, he's a veteran.
I think these conditions really favor people who've been doing
this a long time. I think it's harder for younger
players to get. I mean, no joke.
Why Sinner had such a great year last year is he had all that
time off from the tour. I know he's gonna get banned for
doping and then you're you're good to go.
I mean, look at him now. Oof he's gotten so strong.
Like physically his chest is like 2-2 sinners.
Well, and I mean also like that gigantic ass on that bean pole
of A. It's like Medvedev having a BBL.
It's crazy. It's just.
Crazy. Yeah, like Sinner.
What is? What are you doing?
Got junk in the trunk? I love it.
Well, we're gonna be talking about all that and more today.
We're gonna be talking most about Miami, which just wrapped
up yesterday. We are maybe a day behind
releasing this show just because there was rain delays.
And, you know, the Miami infrastructure is what it is.
It is a tropical rainy climate, but there is no roof.
And so when the rains calm, the rains calm and there's nothing
to do. But first, we're gonna start
with our Lobspians. And again, the Lobspians are
just the things that made us a little gayer for tennis since
the last show. I'll go first.
There were just some very stylish, chic moments in Miami.
Look, love him or hate him, I was going to say, but actually
love him or love him, Tommy Paul and his kit.
His shorts are back to the correct length.
He'd accidentally gone too long in.
Anyone else. They're back up.
And the camo hat. And the camo sneakers.
I know some of you are thinking oh that's Republican coded but
honestly I'm pretty sure he just went to the merch table at
chaperone a couple years ago. He's our Midwest Princess.
I love it and he looked great in Miami.
I think he wins best in show for best dressed man male tennis
player. I mean, there is a sort of Bass
Pro Shops element to that hat, but like he makes it work.
Like we say, this is a man who can make catching a Marlin look.
You know, like something that should be an only fans.
Like catch me next. Yeah, yeah, totally.
You know, I think when men's tennis clothes tend not to be
able to be playful unless you get like the Andre Agassi danger
zone of, you know, what the hell was that?
And I want to Unsee it, even though now it's kind of cool.
That's as playful as men's tennis clothes can and should
get. And it felt really fun.
And it's very on brand for him. Like there in Sanders clothes
match his personality. Tommy Paul's clothes match his
personality, for better or for worse than the doll's clothes
matched his personality. Ditto Federer.
Federer. But Tommy Paul's found his
nation like it's Han, and he's so fine.
Yeah. And that, that, that is a great
point because I think there was a link to it all.
Because yeah, it's freaking camo sneakers.
And and the mesh camo hat, I mean that for me is just like
Cabela's calling. Exactly.
But we had some other amazing moments too.
We'll talk about Venus maybe a little bit more in depth if we
have time. But her walk on coat, it was a
special made Lacoste coat and it was this silvery white like
Naomi Osaka needs to take notes like this is a walk on statement
piece. Blew my mind.
Of course she lost in the first round, but.
I mean, I thought it was great. I I always try to like wrap my
head around the Venus Williams having her own clothing line but
also wearing a Lacoste to like, somehow that doesn't compute.
And I've looked it up online a couple times and I can never
remember how this works. But anyway, that's not the
point. That coat was awesome.
I like the cut. It was very 80s.
It felt like some kind of like cross colors jacket.
They're pretty. Out, yes, Yeah.
I liked it a lot. It was it was playful too.
It wasn't overbearing. Exactly.
Yeah. And I think that that's the
thing about Miami is like Indian Wells might take itself very
seriously. Miami is just like, no, girl,
we're going to have some fun. We're going to play around and
like party. Well, we are gonna have some fun
because we're doing the Ball Boys takeover of Miami.
Yes, yeah. So Ivy and I were talking and
look, as much as it gets dogged and ragged on, like there was
something about Miami this year that I found very appealing.
I think I want to get in those bucket chairs with you, those
cast off chairs from whatever JetBlue retired airline that now
covers around with stadium core. They're so weird, but they also
look comfortable. It's like that's like AMC IMAX
seating. I do worry that the humidity and
we're just going to be like stuck to that, like pleather
seating. It's going to be like, imagine
getting in that after someone's gotten out of it.
Oh God, I'm going to need a a wipe.
Oh, you're sure? Right.
We're going to need those big wipes, those like Lysol, like,
you know, you know, paper size. Catch something?
OK, OK. We're going to have to yeah,
we're going to have to really, like, wipe it.
We're going to need a full hazmat moment.
Have we learned nothing from COVID?
I mean, come. On Yeah, I got a communicable
disease at the Hard Rock Stadium in the like, teal bark, a
lounger. That's the new merch.
That is it. A few more fashion moments,
though, just to to wrap up the looks.
Coco's rally cap. So she famously hates wearing
caps. I would, I didn't know that
until actually this tournament, but she's like, I hate wearing
caps. But she didn't feel like doing
her hair on for her first match and she won and she's like,
well, now I have to do it the rest of the tournament.
So she wore that hat, that New Balance hat up through the final
and she's not going to do it again.
But I just was like, wow, that type of superstition is really
interesting. And then I noticed something.
Francisco Sarundalo, one of my favorites, he's on the Bay TP
this week. He was unshaven for his run up
to the quarters. Then he shaved for the
quarterfinals and got trounced by Zverev.
So these superstitions, you know, Nadal was on to something.
And so Coco, she's like, I'm wearing my hat.
Oh, I do all that all the time. Even when my daughter plays.
Like I have the rituals that I, if I like, do something a
certain way and she wins that match, I do it the next way.
I did it when I was playing too. You know, like the same bathroom
stall, the same shower stall. The same bucket lounger on the
Miami court. OK, totally.
OK. No, I mean, I think a lot of
people do it. Big shout out to my friend
Stewart Vise. I'll tell him to listen to this
podcast because he wrote a book on superstition and sports
superstition. A very short introduction and
it's really great. He talks about players like
famously Wade Boggs and like all that crazy superstition.
Oh, I was thinking of Bill Buckner, not we.
OK, Yeah. You know, Bill Buckner did not
have the superstitions that Ball went through his legs.
That's why it went through his legs.
Yeah. Well, I, I, yeah, I kind of want
to talk to him because I, I already had one author on a
couple of weeks ago. You on like, I'm kind of
starting the Ball Boys Book Club.
And so like a superstition book. I'm very into that.
But moving on, a couple of other Lobsvians.
Well, first we just got to talk about Danielle Medvedev's
traveling woes. Diva.
OK, he's been going through it and he's evacuated from Dubai
because, you know, the war that we started gets to Indian Wells,
makes the final, then he flies to Miami.
His luggage is lost on the way. He's like tweeting at United
Airlines just for like, that's the state of customer service in
the AI generation where it's like, well, I can't get him on
the phone, so I'm going to tweet at you.
And now like, he lost early. I'm worried he's still somewhere
stuck in like ATSA line on his way to Monte Carlo, like
Danielle. It's the state of the TSA.
There's been a a strike. So if you're in line, stay in
line. But also, if you see Danielle
Medvedev, maybe take a different flight because he's a little
cursed right now. Speaking of curses.
I mean, I love him. I feel like these things are
exactly what he needs to play his best tennis, you know?
But, you know, just he's had some insane record this year.
Like he's got some. He might have the winningest
record on the ATP, or he did going into Andy and Wells.
He had all those tournament victories at the start of the
year. And so, yeah, he was like the
best player on the ATP. It's like, gotta love this man.
Love this man. Maybe he thrives on chaos, like
he's a bit of a chaos creator. He's our favorite dad on tour,
remember? I mean, he's my favorite.
A lot of things on tour. I mean, look, I know, I know, I
get it. There's issues there.
But I, I think I said I love Daniel Medvedev maybe 15 times
in the last show. So I'm going to, I'm going to
get off of his jock for a minute because there's a lot of other
guys that I loved, including Yannick, the last Lobsvian.
The Karate boys have become the Karate girls.
There were these girls dressed in these carrot hats.
You know how they just cancelled The Bachelorette?
It's like they wanted to do the Bachelor live or was just like,
pick me, give me a carrot. And like, actually that didn't
sound right. Give me your carrot anyway.
But I just thought it was funny because the Karate boys have
gone on, I don't know, maybe they're stuck in ATSA line, but
they're not really around anymore.
But like the Karate girls, I was into them.
I have a question about the Karata boys and the Karata
girls. People form their own factions
of that. Or is it like a buy invite only?
Like could you and I go to a tournament dressed as carrots
and would they be like, you are not Karata boys and girls?
Like, are those girls official or they like, we're going to do
this for this tournament? Oh, like, are they like groupies
kind of like almost famous and they go tournament to tournament
or? I'm just saying like the corona
boys seems like the same people. Over.
They were locked. Yeah, they were.
Locked in the tournament, but I'm wondering what would happen
if you also got three people like and we dress as carrots and
when. You and Matt just show up.
Yeah, yeah, we'll show up, dress as carrots.
And are those people going to say to us?
No. Take that off right now, yeah.
You're not. Carrots, that's a really good
question. Does someone own that?
I'm going to say no, I think. I think it would actually be
amazing if there was actually a tournament where maybe 90% of
the people were dressed like carrots just 'cause I think that
would be bonkers to see, like a crowd doing that.
But yeah, maybe they're territorial.
I don't know. Carrot boys, if you're out there
and you're listening, like let us know.
Like it's and also, where'd you go?
Is it the economy? Did you have to get a job?
Where are the carrot boys? I mean, they should fill that
stadium in Miami with anybody, let alone people dressed as
carrots. Literally any vegetable.
Like, just like potatoes, there's your seat.
Eggplants. Yeah, egg Peaches.
Pulling up for certain matches. There was a lot of Peaches that
were on display this tournament. So Speaking of that, let's get
into twit, though Twit is this week in tennis.
It's the news, it's the dudes, it's the feuds of the tour, just
the highlights and the low lights.
Just as a reminder though, with so much action, we can't
possibly cover everything. So if you're coming here for all
the scores, you're going to be more disappointed than I was
that I couldn't get $100 Wagyu Caviar hot dog at my local 711.
So Miami just wrapped up kind of a rocky start.
The stadium court was literally flooded which is never a good
sign. I've never seen it that bad.
Have you ever seen the courts get flooded like that before?
Or is that? Just not, I mean, I was
expecting like an alligator to like crawl out in there like
true Florida style. Yeah.
Do they know what's in the water?
I mean, come on, it's an alligator.
Yeah, literally. At least they washed those
seats. You know, it's, it's like a FEMA
meets the CDC and you know, it all worked out in the end.
I got to say, I really enjoyed this year's Miami Open.
I always kind of hate on it. Oh, it's the like the second
part of the Sunshine Double and it's like the facilities are
weird, which they are weird, but for some reason I really enjoyed
it. What is your overall take on
Miami this year? I'm I'm exactly on the same page
as you. I I feel it's like being in
California and like our local tournament is Indian Wells.
Over the last few years, I feel like a little less compelled to
go. I didn't even go this year.
I stood you up. I feel bad but.
Which by the way, just got to say there were some very
disappointed people at the tennis and tea dance that Ivy
was not there. So next time, if you miss next
year's, I don't know, I'm I'm bumping you into a Strava.
I'm coming. Jesus.
I just think that like Indian Wells has become so much of A
again, like the US Open, a cultural imperative for like a
certain social class in LA, like everyone has to go to Indian
Wells. People I know don't watch tennis
or it used to be so easy to go and walk around court to court,
and now it's a complete zoo. And so and I think although that
doesn't affect the tennis players if it sort of affects me
wanting to watch it related. And so I get kind of excited to
watch Miami this year and the tournament delivered.
I've always found that stadium so weird like like where they're
sitting at that desk for the Tennis Channel with a Prakash
Armatrage. Well, actually, it's not
Danielle Collins and everyone like and you can see them
warming up behind on the stadium, the football stadium.
It looks real low rent like they ordered a set up bar stools or
something for a party outdoors, like outdoor like bar setup.
And it doesn't feel official, but I've kind of like that
because Indian Wells has gotten so jumped up and Miami just
weird. And I think Miami is where it's
at now. I agree.
Indian Wells, like I said before, it kind of takes itself
so seriously. Like the parties in Miami look
actually fun. Like there was a Lacoste party
on the beach starring Arthur Fees and they were like dancing
and having like they they actually looked like they were
having fun versus like a a windy desert sandstorm.
Yeah, yeah, Miami is great. And I feel like there wasn't
that weird drop off between the tournaments.
In fact, I think it was Miami really delivered solid tennis
straight to the last matches. The the finals latch goes kind
of an unexpected finalist, but we got finals level tennis all
the way through and we got a real sunshine double.
We really, we got, we got a double, double.
Let's get to the results. We're going to debate maybe a
little bit because I loved the quality of the matches and I
love the storylines up until the quarters and then the quarters
in the semis, especially the semis.
He was like Kokogov destroyed Mukova, you know, Sabalenka and
Rabacana. We were like all ready for
Chapter 3 of their like 2026 rivalry.
We got a blurb. It was like nothing.
It was like, it was like pretty straightforward, you know,
Leshka destroyed Feast cause Feast had nothing left in the
tank. You know, it's just kind of
like, well, but you're totally right.
Round of 16, I was like locked in great matches, three setters
on both sides, big stories, unexpected stories.
Yeah, totally. I will say, however, those semi
final line UPS were great matches on paper.
I mean, the matches didn't pan out, but like for a tournament,
especially on the women's side, to deliver those four in the
semi finals. And for some reason Mahova never
shows up against golf. I don't quite understand what
that's about. Or she's worked so hard to get
there she's tired. That could have been a barn
burner match. Get that expression and Ribach
and Sabalenka at any could go could have been so like you buy
tickets to those matches. There's no like a. 100.
Percent there's no like weirdo Lulu son getting there and you
know she's going to just. Wow Lulu, I'm so sorry.
Flip and destroy. You know, we all know what's
going to happen when Lulu son type player makes the semi
finals. They're going to get flattened.
Exactly. No, you're right, you're right.
It is funny though. So Coco owns Mukova and it's not
just this time? I think she's like 6 and O
against her now. Yeah, and they're all terrible
matches. And Mukova is great against
literally everyone else. What?
Like I don't get it 'cause they're both jocks, Lukova's
generally more consistent. I would imagine it would be a
much more even rivalry. Like why is?
People just have your number, you know?
Yeah, it was weird, though, the unforced errors coming off of
Mukava. It was like, wait, that didn't
happen the entire tournament. Maybe she was gassed like you
said, and that's fine. It's just it's just a little
weird when she's having such a great year.
She wants to buy. She finally seems not injured.
And it was like 6161 double breadsticks.
Also, I love, I loved this whole run for Coco.
She's never done this great in Miami.
Makes the final Love it. I think it's really important
for her. I know a lot of people say
negative things about her tennis and like, I, I totally
understand where that's coming from.
But like, there's a lot of, yeah, but I think there's a lot
of pressure on her with a Boko and Anna Simova and Eva Jovic.
And who's the other one? Andreva coming up?
So like, she's no longer a young phenom anymore.
And so she's going to have to put in some solid years so that
doesn't slip away. And I think she's working.
I mean, she's pretty solidly always in the top two, 3-4.
And that's hard to do. But I see the younger players
coming up and you and you feel like there are holes in her game
and there's fewer holes in a Boko in Andreva's game, you
know, except there's a hole in Andreva's head.
In her head. Great minds, folks.
Yeah, she looks so unpleasant out there.
Oh, I know. She's completely lost all of her
like, PR goodwill as last year's kind of shining star starlet,
no. I remember when she was 15 or 16
and playing in the US Open. I remember sitting in my mom's
house, sitting in that room and watching her first interview,
you know, after she got to the round of 16.
It was like a big deal. And I was like, Coco better
watch out. Like, this is the real deal.
I mean, Coco is the real deal in many ways.
This person is a you. You know, she's coming for you.
And she's so charming and funny. And she's making jokes in
English and Spanish and German, Russian.
And I was like, she's amazing. And then she was getting this
sour creature. Yeah, I mean, we all saw how she
just completely mortified that middle-aged woman when she was
yelling at the entire stadium to, you know, F off she.
Cursed. She like cursed out 8000 people
at once. It was insane.
I don't think she did that this time but she still had a few
tantrums and didn't perform well.
I hope she writes this ship. But anyway, I I was afraid of
the final between Sabalenka and Goff because Sabalenka was so
strong. But we had a decent match 3
setter. This is only, I think it was the
3rd or 4th set. Sabalenka's lost all year,
including the two that she lost to Rebecca when she lost to the
Australian Open. So it's hard to take a set off
Sabalenka right now. Sabalenka, she is literally like
head and shoulders above the rest.
And look, I don't love her game. I don't love her personality
right now. I didn't love that photo op that
she took with Donald Trump's granddaughter down in in Miami.
I don't know if you saw that, but it's just like, girl, why,
why? Why are you like taking a Trump
photo right now? Just.
Because she's from Belarus. She's Belarusian.
Yeah, exactly. And they're, like, on the wrong
side of the war in Ukraine. So, yeah, I mean, I have to
agree with everything you said, although I didn't let you
finish. Yeah.
She's head and shoulders above everybody.
She her personality, which I found so charming and so
endearing at the start. And I loved her brashness.
I mean, I it's wearing on me, but she's got such an impressive
game and she deserves to win everything.
And what I hate is if she loses, she's playing badly.
But I'm a little bit OK. I want someone to catch up and
match her. Yes, exactly.
Ego used to be that, but she's fallen down.
Yeah, and. Bakana might be that.
But Sabalink has also gotten a lot better.
Like Sabalink would beat herself against ego a lot of the time or
she just didn't have that power reined in.
She never she's done so much work to rein everything in.
Like I think she could win double digit grand slams pretty
soon. She's playing a lot smarter than
she used to. She used to just be like, hit it
and if doesn't work, hit it harder.
Yeah, kind of like Andreva, but I think she's really put a lot
more sort of guile in her game. And, you know, she's smart out
there. Coco really impressed me with
her grit. She was playing from behind the
entire time. You just knew that Sabalenka, if
Sabalenka didn't stumble, it was hers.
But Coco, you know, pushed her to three sets and did not have
nearly as many errors as we've seen from her some some recent
matches, which is hard to watch. Right.
I got to say, though, the thing that pissed me off the most was
the crowd was so not cool to to both players.
And I think maybe they were just one too many of those like love
all froze drinks maybe. But like right before Coco would
get into her service motion, people yelling out.
It's like that's going to spook somebody there.
There was that one point where someone yelled out out to stop
playing his ball. It was not out and Sabalenka got
a violation for cursing out that woman for doing that.
And I was like, she's right, like.
Oh totally. I mean, Naomi Osaka wouldn't
have lasted 5 minutes. Oh my sure crumbled poor.
Girl, like I do have to say, like Sabalenka did such a good
job with the home crowd against her.
I want to say one thing about Sabalenka that I really admire.
I know she's trying to do a little bit more of what like off
court like endorsements and stuff.
And I read that New York Times article about building up her
brand and stuff. But I think that's really worked
in her favor because she's not distracted.
She's not off doing like a fashion line.
She's that jewelry line, which, let me tell you, is so, so bad.
And she's got the husband or the fiance and the dog.
But for the most part, she seems pretty keyed into.
She doesn't dress stupid on court.
Nike makes her a special dress, but it's very plain, you know,
it's sporty. She is a fancy, flashy kind of
extra person, but she leaves that for really far off the
court and I think that that really has helped her 'cause you
see so many of these players get distracted by that side of it.
I totally agree. And I think also what I'm seeing
in her that I'm not seeing in a lot of other top players right
now is an insatiable hunger to win.
She's very much like Novak was when he was like 5 or 6 slams
into the career where it's like he wanted every single title
every single time he steps on and like she hates losing.
Like when I look at Iga Robachna or Anna Somova, like they're not
really showing that hunger that she has.
Well, I mean, who knows what Robachna is thinking?
I mean, is she even human? No idea.
Yeah, exactly. She's like that robot that
Melania Trump walked out with. She's going to keep all of our
children. Yeah, totally.
Yeah.
Weird. Like really bad AI.
Yeah, exactly like there's a bug in that code.
Yeah, totally puts an empathy in it, or like, emotion.
But her strokes are so gorgeous. When I watch Herbach and it's
very similar to like when I'm watching Imboco, like I'm not
stressed, I just know it's going to be a beautiful shot.
And it's. It feels like I gotta tingle,
yeah. I mean, I feel Imboco is going
to be the one who comes to threaten Sabalinka.
I think there's a chance. I think that, look, I, you know,
we don't want to hype up these younger kids too fast like we do
with Andreva. I think Imboco's got the goods.
I just want her to stay the course because then it's
interesting because then it's like Mukova has beaten her the
last two times they've played. And it's like, so does like
Mukova, just like Goth owns Mukova?
Does Mukova own Imboco? I don't know.
It's like, I think Imboco's just young and like you're not going
to win everything when you're coming up, but eventually she
will be beating her. Yeah, well, look, I still love
my mooks. But oh, I love her too, but
she's quite a bit older. How dare you?
Isn't she like 29? She's 27.
Oh, really? I don't know, yeah.
She's not. I don't know.
All right, enough, Elise. We got to switch over to the
men's. The Menzies also had some semis
that we talked about. Look, Leheska destroyed fees,
Zverev lost to Sinner. No shocker.
So we end up with Leheska and Sinner in the final and I was
scared for Lashka. I was like, gosh, is this going
to be over in like 40 minutes? Because the thing about Lashka,
he's he played lights out. He didn't get broken the entire
tournament, but it was his first Masters 1000 level final.
And I think that there's a huge advantage to experience.
And I didn't know if he was going to come with the nerves,
but he didn't. He just got broke.
He got broke like immediately. Yeah, it was like.
I mean, it was solid tennis. You know, you got what you paid
for. Sinner, you always knew he was
going to win. I mean, the only X Factor was
that he'd lost to Mencic, who I get confused with La Hetchka.
And you're like, is he going to lose to another Czech player
just because this is what's going to happen?
But Sinner, Sinner serve was a thing of beauty.
It was insane. I mean that that love 40 game
where where La Hetchka had three break points, Sinner does 5
incredible first serves in a row.
I mean, Sinner his, his power is back because there was a minute
where you know that Sinner boom was gone off the forehand, but
now it's like whoa, like that was like straight up pure
Sinner. That serve is.
Huge, huge, yeah. I'm excited for him.
And they were even saying like it looked like he was putting
some more spin on the ball to get ready for clay court.
Like I think he's ready to make a move because he doesn't, I
mean he doesn't have many points to defend because he was on
vacation, a paid leave last this time last year until Rome.
So there's 2 masters coming up where he might, you know, he
could overtake Carlos for #1. It's going to be interesting to
see how Carlos comes out in Rome and Madrid.
Yeah, but you know, shout out to Leska.
These Czech guys, they love Miami last year Mencic, this
year Leska making deep runs. And I got to say like Leska, he
does it his own way. Everyone else is choosing
glutes. He's like no, I'm quads.
Everyone else has got the BBL. But his legs are like Holger
Rune has never done a squat in his life compared to Leska like
3 trunks. Those were insane.
So Laheska is a very welcome new member of the Bay TP this week,
but. Welcome, Laheska.
Welcome, How do you so? I've heard his name pronounced
so is it Yiji, Yiri or Jiri? Yiri.
Yiri OK Yiri welcome to the Bay TP cause someone I feel like
someone announcer was like Yiji like there was like.
AI kept hearing that, I mean. What?
Is it my Czech friend? The name Yidi is Yidi.
Yeah, that's what I thought you mean.
They kept saying Yeeji. I heard that too, and then I
looked it up like what is his name?
Gigi. Do.
I even know who this guy is. Gigi Fernandez is back.
What? I missed her.
Oh my God. Wait, have you seen the episode
of Below Deck featuring Gigi Fernandez?
No what? Gigi Fernandez.
Wait, she's a lesbian, right? Yeah.
Gigi Fernandez and her girlfriend or wife book a
lesbian cruise on Below Deck. Oh my God.
I was on an airplane and I used to be afraid of flying until I
discovered a certain medicine called gabapentin.
And I would watch, I watched things like Below Deck to just
sort of chill out. And I'm watching the this
episode of Below Deck and it's like this.
There's like this tennis player, she's taking cruise.
I'm like, it's not famous. And it was Gigi Fernandez and
this posse of lesbians going on a lesbian cruise on Below Deck.
It was amazing. So chic it was the.
Crossover nobody knew they needed.
I'm literally starring it as something to watch after we
record this. So that was our final four and
now we are going to get into the rest of the things on the tour
for Hot and Bothered. So the hot things, we're going
to start with some Cinderella stories.
Again, it's Marsh Madness. So there's a Cinderella in every
March Madness with basketball. There were some great Cinderella
stories, some great runs. Got to start with Arthur Fees
talked about him a little bit and I just feel like this
tournament, more than any tournament to date, was his
coming out ball. He's been getting great results
since coming back from an injury.
Again, it's so great. He took the time to heal from
that injury instead of being like I'm almost better.
He's back. He makes a semi final run.
He's a badass. He plays Bay TP member.
After Bay TP, he takes out Vash Row, he takes out Tommy Paul.
That Tommy Paul match was a heartbreaker.
It was like Mariah Carey. I was so upset.
I know. You know what, I've moved on
though. Like that was the match of the
tournament, a monumental comeback and a third set tie
break. And I love that he's kept
signing the camera. Gabos game ain't based on
sympathy. I was like, this is a bad bitch.
Like I love that so. I got a lot of listeners out
there who are big Arthur Feast fans, a lot of the ball boys
listeners. He did take out my 2 hotties
back-to-back, Bash Row and Tommy Paul.
I know, I know, a certain Michael McKenzie will be
obsessed with the feasts moving on through it.
Was an embarrassment of riches for the they.
Really was. They were.
So I was like. Oof, oof.
Welcome to Miami. Yeah, they do it right.
Yeah. I think that one of the things I
worry about with Feast is like, and I think he might have
overcome it in this tournament. We do see this pattern of like a
Fonseca, A Feast breakthrough, fall back breakthrough and then
fritter away. And I I feel like we need some
new blood up there in the top, like Rune, who's a a great
player but injured. And then what's his face?
Draper again, we said breakthrough fall back,
breakthrough fall back. Who knows what he's doing now.
I think he'll probably make it back in the top 10.
But I think Feast is at an inflection point right here.
If he doesn't do it in the next two years, we're going to have
that pattern again. He's going to be the go on bear
or like, you know what I'm talking.
Wow. Biggest diss Diss of the day.
These like stray bullets for him and Lulu's son.
You're just like damn. OK no you're right though I
totally I agree. We need some consistent
challengers in the top 10, not just a flash in the pan.
Lorenzo Luseti is still ranked 5th in the world somehow, and
you know he's falling off. I just feel like Feast he's this
is the season where he's got to make quarterfinals of a few
slams majors, you know, a. 100% A few more Cinderellas to
mention. Just real quick.
Talia Gibson follows up her quarterfinal Indian Wells with
round of 16 in Miami. Never heard of her before this
and she still had to qualify for Miami because her rankings
weren't high enough. I'm curious, is she this year's
Jasmine Paolini? Well, Paolini is usually this
year's Jasmine Paolini. There.
It turned out last year Paolini was this year, last year's, last
year's Jasmine Paolini. Yeah, for sure.
Well, I mean, Jasmine Paolini did make it to top 4.
Yeah, no, exactly. But like that, that sort of
surprise on Janu because I was thinking her or Baptiste.
Baptiste is definitely this year's Paolini because the the
you have to be around for a while to be the Paolini.
Yeah, you're going to have. To think Gibson newer or is she
old? Gibson is like 21 I believe
right? But very new is older than that
or has been around for three or four years.
Ellini had been around like a decade before she.
Oh yeah, Paolini was like toiling for three or four years
in the like, the low 40s and then just boom, shut.
Up before she became that year's Paolini.
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I feel like Baptiste
is on track to be this year's Paolini.
Gibson's more like. Like if she wins a major like
this year's Andrescue. Like someone who's young, has a
good start to the season, then wins the US Open.
And then is playing challengers with her mom, the side and her
jewels and Dior. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thalia Gibson, your future has been written.
I know you're at the bulk wise. So sorry.
Here's a small dog in like a like a swap meet Gucci running
jacket. So, you know, honestly, if my
entire career was winning one major and then kind of going
away, that's $3,000,000, you know, whatever.
I'm sure the Andrescu's are just fine.
Whatever tournament Andrescu's playing, I think it's in Austin
or somewhere right now. I was I because I would have so
much tennis on my phone. It Instagram.
It was like, welcome the Grand Slam queen in the house.
I'm like, that moniker is getting a bit.
Little Dusty, Yeah, one more Cinderella who didn't actually
have the deepest run, but I just have to mention him is
Quarantine Mutae. So he lost.
He he won a match. But two things I found it kind
of crazy that he was playing a challenger after kind of
bottoming out early in Wells, but he comes to Miami ranked
30th. I feel like Challengers have
gone insane where it's like Challengers used to be.
You're outside the top 100. I mean, I love it because it was
like him and Garone and Corda, but like, whoa.
No, I don't think that's good for him.
Did the challenger give him enough points for him to get his
ranking up? Well, so it was, it was a 175.
It's that weird in between phase between like 125 and 250.
Like they're really slicing and dicing the points these days.
Because I don't know if he'd get enough points to make his
ranking jump up by winning that. I think they enter the
challengers for practice, not for points, because he's not
getting points that are commensurate with his average
for that. But I guess my question is,
should he be there as a Top 40 player?
I'm going to say no. I think it's just a little weird
when all these top 50 players are entering Challengers and I'm
just like, do we need to start another like level of the tour
for people outside the top 100 because they need a shot?
Too play a practice match. Yeah, they're just, they're just
little fucking points, piggies. But anyway, but I did love.
So here's what I do love about Mute, though, is that he fired
back at Danielle Collins when she called him out for sliding
into his DMS and all that. Like, OK, I need to rant about
Daniel Collins real quick. I'm not sure what the hell is
going on over there. And I don't know if people at
Tennis Channel are kind of encouraging her to be a little
like brash and brazen and kind of like inject new blood into
the whole thing. But her story times are not
coming off, I think as well as maybe she thinks that they are
like, they are coming off as unhinged.
That story about her dog taking a dump in front of a a player's
locker, even if you hate that player.
And we all know she's talking about Eega.
That is a like ridiculously childish, but B, disgusting.
If I was at Equinox and someone's dog had taken a dump,
I don't care how mean that person is who whose locker it's
in front of, I might step in that.
Because you know what? I don't think Daniel Collins is
a very conscientious cleaner of dog poop.
So like, someone had to clean up that dog poop.
Disgusting story. It's also a locker room, which
is a place where people are barefoot.
They're changing. It's a clean thing.
You shouldn't have a dog in a locker room.
No, that's gross. And I love dogs.
This is just sensible. And I feel like if you took
those story times out of context, it's like when Britney
Spears was on meth telling stories that Kevin Federline was
was, you know, recording. And you feel bad for her because
you think she thinks she's being funny, but she looks deranged.
They sort of remind me of that. Like, she looks really kooky and
like it looks scary and weird and all those sound effects.
This is a flip in sport. I know they want to make it fun
and whatever, but I think it's I think it's kind of demeaning to
her career and it feels like like starting time.
It's like I'm not a tough woman. I'm telling a cutesy story and
shut the F up. And it's all about me being a
bitch. And it's like this.
Is really cool. Yeah.
I mean, she really should have retired when she said she was
going to retire. Yeah, it's too much.
And like the Moute thing, he actually tweeted back, like
Tennis Channel, I can't believe you're allowing these stories on
here that are lies because he like had never followed her.
And honestly, I don't know. And I don't really care who's
telling the truth. I think just airing dirty
laundry like that, they're trying to be like cutesy, but
it's just like bad. It's just bad.
And. Yeah, it's not cute.
Called him out for being short, which I find just like, it's
like, that's just not professional, you know?
And like, there's a lot of short kings out there who are like, I
mean, like what, Like why, why? She just, she's coming off like
you, like you said, like kind of a deranged, unhinged.
And I, I, I hope that someone is going to maybe from her PR team,
take a little tilt in strategy and kind of like, cuz she like,
I love her in a lot of ways, but I hated everything that she did
in Miami so. Yeah, no, I'm just over it.
I I just feel like a pretty creative person in general.
But like when it comes to sports, I don't need my sports
dumbed down and I don't need like cuteness or like romance or
whatever injected into them. I think the narrative should be
on the court. And like, if people want to, you
know, like we, we're, we have an interesting slant on it where
we're talking like fake sexy talk about like hot asses or
whatever, but fake. I mean no, but you know, I.
Don't, ma'am. Yeah, yeah.
But we're not the Tennis Channel too, you know?
Exactly. And I feel like the the sport
should sell itself. And like, if there's no drama in
the sport Tennis Channel, you're doing something really wrong
because there is so much drama in the sport.
There was so much to talk about that wasn't her story times so
much. And there are fights that and
that on the courts that you can talk about like, you know,
between the players. There isn't enough drama there.
We don't need, we don't need people concocting like fake
bullshitty narratives. I just feel that's really
doesn't disservice to the sport. And I hate it and I'm done.
Done love it Well agreed. Yay.
So the last sort of hot thing, though, is the Sweet 16.
So Sweet 16 is basketball is, you know, the final sixteen, of
course, but this is just like the teenagers that came out of
nowhere for this Miami. So you know, I know we're always
hungry for the next Gen. and then we had the next next Gen.
and then we had the next, next next gen's of like the learner
TNS. Well, now guys, we got the next,
next, next, next Gen. 'cause we had a record five
teenagers reaching the second round of Miami Open.
On the men's side, we had 17 year old Kame.
We had Darwin Blanche, we had Fonseca, who's not really new,
Sakamoto and Jodar. It's crazy.
We are getting closer and closer to having someone born in 2010
who's on the ATP. And my little brain can't.
As someone who's in their mid to late 30s and 40s, I cannot
comprehend someone that young being a professional tennis
player. But it is also, I love those
stories. I love these kids getting this
moment because look, they're not going to win the tournament.
But to the point earlier about Lashka maybe being nervous in
the finals of the 1000, it's like you get these moments, you
get in front of people, you get the nerves out and some of them
are really talented kids. Like it's, it's great for the
sport. Well on the women's side, I
think there is a 16 year old, depending what year she was
born, she what when she turned 16, she would have been born in
2010. Disgusting.
I mean, congratulations, lady. Yeah, I know.
And you're right. Like there's.
Yeah, I mean, and we still have, I mean Andreva and Imboco and
there were a few other teens in the mix and like, yeah, I mean,
it's just like Jovic, I don't know.
I'm I'm kind of knocking. On her, but you neither mine
whatever, whatever. Whatever, Jovic and another
Sweet 16. We also had a huge number of
Americans going deep, which, you know, depending on what's going
on politically is maybe a good or a bad thing or who gives a
crap. But we had five men and four
women in the round of 16. Pretty great showing and I was
texting with a friend of mine, Michael and I was like, well, I
think we're going to go like maybe like one for five for the
American men in the round of 16. I think we went 2 for five, so
you know, but we made it we. Yeah, Tiafo and Paul.
Yeah, Tiafo and Paul, exactly. Yeah, So those were that that's
what was hot in the Miami Open. And there's, you know, of
course, some more things we could talk forever about this,
but this all leads us up to the very important Elite 8, which is
our Bay TP rankings. So head on over to our Instagram
that's at TBB tennis to see all of them spoilert.
Our MVP, which is moist valuable player is Arthur fees just
because every single shot of him was just dripping in sweat.
And look, if you're going to wear black underwear and white
shorts and dripping sweat Miami, we're going to see things.
So you know what you're doing Arthur fees and and I'm going to
say thank you. So so going over check that out,
but we are going to close out the show talking about bothered
and some things that were just kind of not so great.
So just got to talk real quick about Carlos skidding out.
So I don't want to put any shock waves out there.
But guys, he's now lost 66% of his last three matches.
We called it on the show. Like I don't think he's got the
team that's going to discipline him.
He's already coming out in messages to the media talking
about how he's already feeling a little bored.
He needs to be motivated. And like, I don't love this
trajectory. I'm worried about the future.
I'm also maybe catastrophizing. Am I overblowing Carlos?
Am I? No, I mean I, I think there's
going to be I what? I don't know.
Are you overblowing, Carlos? Overblowing him?
Yes. The answer's no.
Yeah, I don't think you're overblowing, Carlos.
I think. The limit does not exist.
I've underblown him and I think, you know, everything comes in
waves. He's oh, he's going to be top 2
all year. You know, we all know there's no
one's catching him. I think he's got a huge cushion.
He won the Australian Open like no one else won the Australian
Open. So like that's a pretty big
deal. I have heard that he really
likes to enjoy himself in Miami, as I told you before.
So I think that this is not going to be his best outing, But
I hear a little bit of the vocabulary he's using in the
messaging. He's like, well, there's a big
target on my back. And like, you know, I'm not
like, people are coming after me like you're fucking #1 excuse me
#1 in the world. Yeah, that's who has the target
on your back. What do you think was going to
happen? People are like, oh, man, I
guess I'm just not going to try because he's number one.
No, that's the whole point. That's the point I.
Think he doesn't get that is like weird and the fact that
he's saying things like that makes me I think there's a
little bit something wrong. Yeah, I agree.
And I don't think his team is prepping him the way that Juan
Carlos used to prep him. And maybe he's just like a
little less well because he's got a butt load of points to
defend in on the clay season, like starting right away in
Monte Carlo. We'll see what happens.
I also, I couldn't help but notice and again, I don't want
to like pile on Carlos. I totally want to pile on him,
but his? 'Cause he was, 'cause he was
overblown, 'cause he was. Overblown.
And so he gets a tattoo for every Grand Slam that he wins.
And so like he got, yes, so an open one.
And I'm sorry. Like it's a red flag for me
because it's a kangaroo holding the trophy over the outline of
the country and the depth of cultural appreciation that that
shows. It's the same as getting a
tattoo of the Eiffel Tower, which, oh, wait, that's what he
got when he won the French Open. Like his frontal lobe is not
fully developed. Like that's what you're going to
get like, oh, Australia, I'm it's a kangaroo.
You know, it's just like he's still like this kid.
And I think he needs some some parental supervision that he got
from Juan Carlos. Right.
I mean, I could talk endlessly about how athletes aren't
allowed to grow up, so that'll be another show and another
topic. But yeah, I mean.
But you also know tattoos. Would you ever get a freaking
kangaroo tattoo if you were like, I love Australia?
Like, no, but I would get the wombat on a cheese board trophy
from that tournament in New Zealand or Australia.
There you go. Yeah, that's wombat on a cheese
board trophy, One of my favorite objects in existence in the
entire world. There's a story there.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
So I don't know, Carlos. We'll see real quick.
Some coaches getting benched was another thing.
So keeping in line with the NCAA, so ego, she loses early.
And again, she was talking about the long season last year and
just because it's a new year, like it's cumulative because she
had like 2 weeks off and she's back out there and it's taking
her a toll on her. She's been on the top for five
years. And so now she has split with
Wim Fassett, who helped her get back on track last year, winning
Wimbledon, famously double bageling and a Simova.
But IGA is just tired. She's out there now just paddle
boarding and riding bicycle. Yeah, like, I, you know, good
for her. I think she needs a break.
I I actually think that she should do what Anna Samova did a
few years ago and just take three months off, forget the
ranking points because she can. She could beat anybody on any
given day. She just says she's burnt out.
So agreed. Agreed totally.
And Speaking of Anna Samova, she's also getting rid of her
coach after having some less than ideal results at the
beginning of this year. I don't know, is it good to kind
of just switch like when you're losing to switching coaches?
Is that the answer? I don't think so.
I mean, not in the middle of the season.
Like, what are they going to do? Or they just play tournaments.
Like I, I I don't think so. In her case, I think she just
needs to rest and like, she needs just to resettle because
she had a great year last year and that coach really helped her
with that. And I I I just don't quite get
it. But you know what?
Yeah, ask Emerado Kanu. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, those results, Yeah. And then the last thing that was
just a little bit bothered. So one of the highlights for me
of the Indian Wells tournament was the superstar Double S
teams. You know, we're talking Sinner
Palka, we're talking the cousins Monsaro and Aruna Konnak.
We had Novak was playing with who's Novak?
Sitsipas. Sitsipas.
Yeah, crazy, but I loved it. It was.
Like me too double. S is getting it so good.
They're all gone in Miami. Not a single super.
Where? Where did they go?
Were they all just like nod rather party?
Yeah, I think so. Oh, OK.
Well, we know Novak just wasn't there.
Novak is out of Juan Carlo. I'm worried about Novak right
now. Is is this his last season
because he's not playing? Why worry?
Because I look, when I see
someone like that retiring, then I have to get I have to confront
the cult specter of death for myself.
Oh, I see. Yeah.
For for personal reasons.
Yeah, totally. I'm very.
I'm very worried myself. Yeah.
OK, great.
Well, we we're both worried about that.
Yeah. OK.
Well, Ivy, that's our show. Thank you so much for coming on.
I always love having you on. You'll be back in the not too
distant future. We've got some plans coming up
in the summer. And yes, we're going to be
taking ball boys on tour, but in the meantime, we are going to be
back in a few weeks as we kick off the clay season.
We're going to be covered in mud.
We're going to be getting dirty. Until then, our balls are going
back in the can and we will see you real soon.